Видео

Appreciated your point about consistency and follow through. As well as you sharing your experience of having confidence that you knew your next relationship after your break would be a great one!

Great reminder that people might have more than one attachment style. E.g., secure with close family members but anxious or avoidant in romantic relationships. Love the focus on self-esteem!

Love the puddle and leak analogies. Great model for understanding people pleasing dynamics.

So grateful for this work you're doing to help avoidants. In my experience with avoidants (generalizing here), they often act like they don’t have needs, are unsure of what those needs are, or assume others should just know without them having to express it.

Journal idea: How do you typically handle emotions and needs? Do you notice any patterns? 📖 Download 10 Ways to Build Secure Attachment: For the Avoidant Style www.kaylilarkin.com/avoidant-attachment

It’s extremely uncomfortable talking about my needs. Sometimes I don’t even know what they are. But it’s good to step out of my comfort zone and talk about how I feel, and it’s kinda cool seeing how people respond, like I’m not some scary monster that nobody wants to hear from. People actually care, and it somehow makes me see more value in myself. It’s pretty thrilling really. Thank you for your work, I really enjoy your videos 😊

In the past year I've come from a pizza with secure attachment + a tiny but of anxious. To a pizza with almost entirely anxious toppings for long time. Now, with an intense amount of inner work, I can say that I am more of a kind of half secure half anxious pizza, but I know now that I have the tools to continue pushing towards an entirely secure pizza. Trauma has caused my anxious attachment, so I don't know if it'll ever fully go away, but I know exactly how to manage it now when I used to let it rule my life. Thank you for helping teach me and others how to understand and navigate ourselves and our relationships. Attachment theory probably saved my life in a way.

❤

Thank you! I needed to hear this and I’m trying to remember to stop working so hard to keep the peace! It’s exhausting sometimes

I tried mirroring...went really bad...

www.KayliLarkin.com/courses

I think maybe make one with slower speech and more pauses

📖 Download a free guide: 10 Steps to Secure Attachment & a Fulfilling Relationship (for your particular attachment style): www.KayliLarkin.com/attachment-style

Love your point about internal boundaries, especially in the context of remaining in integrity and not betraying our own needs 💛

💌 Stay in touch and get attachment tips in your inbox: www.kaylilarkin.com/#signup

💌 Stay in touch and get attachment tips in your inbox: www.kaylilarkin.com/#signup

💌 Stay in touch and get attachment tips in your inbox: www.kaylilarkin.com/#signup

💌 Stay in touch and get attachment tips in your inbox: www.kaylilarkin.com/#signup

💌 Stay in touch and get attachment tips in your inbox: www.kaylilarkin.com/#signup

💌 Stay in touch and get attachment tips in your inbox: www.kaylilarkin.com/#signup

💌 Stay in touch and get attachment tips in your inbox: www.kaylilarkin.com/#signup

📖Download 10 Ways to Build Secure Attachment Guide: www.kaylilarkin.com/anxious-attachment

You explained this so well and with compassion 💚

Interesting points there. Having only just discovered I have a new label (Lol !) that is, anxious whatever due to having gotten involved with, then subsequently got uninvoled with. an avoidant type (another new label) it has occurred to me just how hyper-senstive I can be and how deeply I feel stuff. This had nothing to do with demise of my short but rather beautiful relationship, as I am the one who ended it rather abruptly at her first emotional shutdown, it has made me come looking for some answers, mainly so I make sure I don't get involved with another one of these avoidant types. Mostly I have been very secure in relationships but this recent one highlighted how anxious I can get when someone shuts down, but then within 4 days I simply eliminated the main problem anyway. I will watch this video again and reflect on it as I certainly don't want to attract another one of these ones, but also, if there is some growth to be had then I am all in on that too. Thanks very much.

❤

This video was super helpful! Thank you! 🙂

2:30 Ok, but here's what I don't quite get....no one's going to be just as invested as the anxiously attached, because that's the entire issue with anxious attachment, it's not a healthy level of investment, lol! So if you don't have a healthy attachment style, how can you expect somebody to match your energy? Also, severely anxiously attached perceive their partner as doing less than the partner actually is, because anxiety does distort thing a bit. Anxious attachment tends to do objectively TOO much, as in a partner may be putting an an entirely reasonable amount of effort and time for the early dating stages, but the anxious person just never feels like they are getting enough. So how can one tell the difference between a date objectively not doing enough to match one's partner's efforts (solution-stop dating that person) and the anxiously attached person doing too much (solution-slowing your roll and realizing you are the issue)?

Thank you, this is great!

Please note that is in addition to the very common reason for difficult boundary setting for anxious attachment: fear of abandonment

The visual is so comforting.

Helpful video, Kayli!

📖Download a Boundaries Guide for Anxious Attachment Style: ”Common Signs of Boundary Problems & Solutions for the Anxious Attachment Style” www.kaylilarkin.com/boundaries-free-guide

📖Download a Boundaries Guide for Anxious Attachment Style: ”Common Signs of Boundary Problems & Solutions for the Anxious Attachment Style” www.kaylilarkin.com/boundaries-free-guide

How to find my boundary…..i only recognize them when it is violated

I’m really enjoying your videos Kayli! I appreciate the topics and your clarity, warmth and authenticity.

Thank you for this healing information, have a great week

Loved this: "If everyone wanted or needed the same thing, there would be no need for boundaries." So true!

📖 Download a Boundaries Guide for Anxious Attachment Style: 
”Common Signs of Boundary Problems & Solutions for the Anxious Attachment Style” www.kaylilarkin.com/boundaries-free-guide

📖 Download a Boundaries Guide for Anxious Attachment Style: 
”Common Signs of Boundary Problems & Solutions for the Anxious Attachment Style” www.kaylilarkin.com/boundaries-free-guide

📖 Download a Boundaries Guide for Anxious Attachment Style: 
”Common Signs of Boundary Problems & Solutions for the Anxious Attachment Style” www.kaylilarkin.com/boundaries-free-guide

📖 Download a Boundaries Guide for Anxious Attachment Style: 
”Common Signs of Boundary Problems & Solutions for the Anxious Attachment Style” www.kaylilarkin.com/boundaries-free-guide

Very soothing Kayli. Thank you.

Very relaxing and uplifting! ❤🙏🏻

This was lovely! 🙏

Such an important reminder! 🙏

Trauma also results in constant negative storytelling without seeking more information. Trauma makes us think we are mind readers, and everyone else is constantly thinking the worst.

If you want to connect with a dismissive personality, you need to be a helpmate. You are either an asset or a liability. Dismissive personalities have learned or been taught to be self-reliant and not to trust others (various reasons for this). Step one to reaching a dismissive is to work with one. This does not mean generate busy work or create problems for them to solve.

First thing, are you talking about dismissive or fearful? They are different attachments and have different needs and triggers

This is such an interesting topic to think about Kayli! I personally think it’s fun to interact with ChatGPT especially now that the voices sound so much more natural. I still find that my ChatGPT responds with the same type of politeness that I use with it. I also grew up watching lots of shows that involved robots. 🤖

This was especially true with the chat bot therapy services over the pandemic, I tried a free trial but was immediately put off by an AI asking me what's wrong, and me trying to get human empathy out of it, it felt so inherently backwards on every level.