We just discovered you, this song makes me cry every time because I relate so much to it, its beautiful. Thank you so much for making this. Much Love - Halo-System
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius ^_^ awesome, Im so glad. I hope you have found a way either through darkness or a way to live there. Both existences are beautiful beyond measure if we can get them right x x
I've dealt with DID since I was 4 years old and it was only diagnosed when I was 21, it's really difficult not knowing what's wrong with you and even more difficult dealing with it day after day. I can remember almost nothing about what happened in the first 14 years of my life so alot of my backstory is just made up, just hearing this brought tears to my eyes because I understand it all to well, please anyone out there dealing with the same thing please keep fighting.
I have so many things I don't remember and still detach at times. I remember bits and pieces. People have called me by different names and I know some thing's that happened but there's so many gaps. I feel you and I hope that you and everyone inside will find peace amongst yourselves. You're brave for writing this. Thank you for surviving.
heh, i have d.i.d and this was so relatable to me and i don’t really have many people to talk to about this except for my therapist so ig it’s kind of makes me feel happy when i see other people that can relate to this
The line “A pocket full of holes and no memory” really struck me. I don’t know if I have DID or not but I have grown up through a lot of trauma and I feel like my past is a bunch of shattered pieces. I remember little bits and it is often hard to remember what came before what. Even good memories are like this.
The line about the barcode scars really got me, idk if I have DID but I definitely show signs, I act like a whole different person and say/do shit I never remember, but I have memories of SH and laughing at myself, my scars on my arm looked like a whole barcode so it sorta holds a different meaning but still, it really hit me hard, amazing song
Honestly, this is amazing! All I would say to work on is flow and being more fluid with pronuncation without putting so much emphasis on each syllable. Love you and all your alters (The good ones at least)!
Truely beautiful and wholly upsetting for someone who undersstand what it is to be traumatized and dissassociated. My chanell is mainly for Schizophrenia but I also have DID if you need any help :) I've managed to make my DID into a mostly pleasant experience and will be making a video on how I accheived this when I am ready to :3 peace and love
I want to say thank you Thank you so much for you just summed up my whole world and I need to show this to my mom cause I haven't told her yet Thank you so much
Who exactly is the "god that [you] prayed to?" Is it an alter or a religious deity? I ask because in my system one of my alters is a god of my mind and all the alters. There is actually two gods in my mind, but the other hides from us.
By the way, an amazing song. I personally am writing a series of songs that show the world who we all are. To give my alters a voice outside of my mind.
It's an alter called Shius. Thinking back on it she was an idolized version of myself, and essentially perfect being that I felt like I was supposed to be. The first time I realized I had DID, many years after I had forgotten about her, she was the first one to "come out", and switch with me.
I have DID and this captures it pretty perfectly. Thank you for making this. DID is such a stigmatised disorder and it makes me so happy to see people spreading awareness about its existence
I love your work. You don't find many songs quite as moving as yours are. You really know how to paint a picture for those who don't suffer from D.I.D. I bet it's hard suffering from that. I won't pretend that I know what it's like, I don't suffer with D.I.D. but I have several friends who do, and I can't even imagine the struggles. Thank you for sharing in a way that can open my eyes a little more to these struggles.
Hey, thanks man. I really appreciate the comment. This series of songs started out when I couldn't say any of these problems to anyone I knew because they couldn't understand it. I don't blame them, but I needed to say it somewhere. I really appreciate that you can see where I'm coming from, and understand what I'm going through. Thank you.
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius I hope things get better for you. I can't say I know how you feel, but I do hope you keep writing about it. It really helps enlighten us who don't quite understand how it feels to be in your shoes. and you have such a beautiful way of writing that just paints a vivid picture. I've never heard music quite like this before and I love the originality.
I haven’t been to the hospital because I’ve tried to keep it in check multiple times. This describes the feelings I have so much I cannot believe it. I love it
D.I.D. usually develops from sex abuse and severe neglect. You experience so much trauma that your brain compartmentalizes in order to stay sane. Try getting attacked all over again because you finally recalled sexual assault as a child. It's not a 'false memory'.
It made me cry. It's about 6 years ago that a song made me cry. It could be 10 years, too. Dunno. Is this what D.I.D feels like? I an feel that song on SOOOOOO many levels. it just made me cry. It hurts, it hurts so much. THANK YOU FOR THAT SONG- I LOVE IT.
I don't know if i have DID but i think i do. I am diagnosed with Autism but since i was young i had the feeling that is not the case. I believe this song is helping many others because they then see that other people go trough the same, but in their own way and at their own pace. Still I believe everyone wishes for time alone sometimes. Time where others don't try to talk to you.
Hi, I'm new to your wonderful channel! This one and your Depression one are my two favorites. I was curious, though, what does the fork and barcode scar symbolise? Keep up the great work!!
Thanks!! Yeah they're not really symbolism, I literally had a period in time where I would push a fork onto the back of my hand and create bruises that looked like barcodes
Hey mate hope you can get through this and anyone else that feels this. This song is very relatable and This is a amazing song and extremely accurate to thanks for this. - some people’s system (no one is real creative sorry)
Thank you. This song made us feel better about our system, nearly 4 years ago, when we met. We're still struggling. We aren't even diagnosed. But we come back here when we need something to make us feel understood. We feel seen with this song.
I suffer from DID too. I am 53 and didn't find out I had DID until last year. I know now that I developed it the day I was born. I struggled in therapy for 42 years to understand why nothing had improved. Now that I know about my alters, I can set traps to stop them from destroying all my efforts to improve. My life is finally getting better. Never give up on yourselves.
Did hurts me because it hurt everything else. These songs give me a cohesive message for the people I give a crap about. It is a coincidence the "Elizabeth" is my wife who died in front of me and sicks with my other NeRvE.. Still a great thank you.
We were officially diagnosed on paper about a year ago. We plan to do an homage of this song ourselves with subtle lyrical changes to reflect our own life. It's beautifully sad, and of all the songs we've heard to feel and cope with our existence this one certainly hits the hardest. Today in particular we just want to tear ourselves open and let the shadows bleed out. But we'll manage. Thank you for the song.
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius Your encouragement was the push we needed to finally do it. We know the audio is kind of crap, we're very amateur heh. ruclips.net/video/soZg9-xEP3I/видео.html
My partner system showed me this song after showing me a drawing that used this song as lyrics in the background, and I love this so much. It sounds so good and you really help put words and describe things that we really kinda struggle to say. I might loop this for a while hahah
I have DID I have 20 alters if you want to counts the babies and me (host) their names are Zoey Addie Carson Jade Kai Lucinda Aiden Isaac Ruby Izzy Evangeline Aria Amber Milo Noell Octavia And Katelyn Their the only people that I know will be with me forever and it sounds weird but I seriously love them and don’t know what I would do with out them
hi idk if I have DID I always think that I'm taking it but from who I know I also have a Jade and a Ruby. And the host/ me really likes the name Zoey. Thanks
I love this so much. You gained a subscriber, I can't wait to listen to more. I have been trying to find music that I can really relate to and this is so powerful. Thank you for this. Thank you. This is beautiful.
I have a disassociative disorder, but not DID. I relate some of these lyrics, like how all your memories seem to just slip through your fingers. This is really impactful, even if I don't understand all of what you said
Dude I really appreciate this comment - thank you. I don't make music specifically for people with the same stuff as me, but for everyone who wants to listen. It makes me really happy that people with different experiences than me can also find something they relate to and understand in my music :'D
This is amazing!! I would like to use this in my music video. I reached out to you but haven't heard back. I found it very inspiring. I'll link my video back to yours. If there's any issues please let me know, I was just so inspired by your song.
I actually really like this song See I found this when we were still in denial about having did so that parts almost ironic Always related to it so much, more than I'd like to admit honestly Sorry I'm struggling with words a bit right now
I just. I need to rant in your comment section because I really need you to know how much this song means to us as a system. I was desperately searching the internet for any means of comfort and found this video and I quite literally cried for hours just listening to it over and over again. The way you sing, the rhythm, how it sounds almost like slam poetry but more flowy, how it uses metaphors and analogies to perfectly explain the feeling of being so disconnected and separated from yourself and yet *still* it manages to feel so . . . raw, so hopeful - at least to us. Your words have healed some minor fragment of our mind and I just need you to know how wonderful this is. Thank you for sharing your voice and your art, it has helped us in ways you do not understand. The line, "Who knew that "special" could bruise you like a fork on your hand" really spoke to me. A word that's meant to be positive, but especially in a neurodivergent world, it's only a cloud of shame and of falling short. It's a term used to sugar coat what people actually think: that we're and oddity. Others will never understand what it is like to wake up every day and to fear this concept of having a body, of being an existent organism- of never knowing who it is will inhabit our own skin. Of lapsing through time and never knowing if it will be a couple hours, a week, months, *years.* This constant dread that comes with existence all because the brain worked so hard to shield us from the evils of our past. People will just look at us, and they'll see someone who's "different" - who's "strange" - who's "special." This entire chunk, just. All of it. Means so much: "And the music, the memories, the chaos and the silence, Like a fever dream I couldn't tell if what I saw was violence. Or if it happened - did it happen? I don't know if I'll ever see that what my past bestowed me was a pocket full of holes and no memory." Never knowing if what we experienced was *real* or a fragmentation - or never remembering anything at all and being so confused and distraught at this loss of time and loss of *life.* Seeing all the people around us remembering things from when they were in pre-school, or kindergarten, and yet we can barely remember our life up to this point, let alone early childhood. It's all a fog . . as if we never existed prior to today. Having bad triggers to things that make no sense to be triggered by, and having no answers for it because our brain refuses to let us remember- but we're forced to sit through and *feel* it. It's a horribly isolating thing to deal with. "The person who I once was and the trauma that I now hold, it's a part of me. And I'm still "me" " And this part absolutely shattered us. Shattered. I sat on my bed and wept. The trauma we've faced is not our fault, and it may have wounded us deeper than we could ever heal - but it is a *part* of us. We are who we are because of it, and in some minor ways, we are strong because of it. We're resilient. Our trauma is not a weakness, it's a shield we carry like a mighty knight into battle. This line means so much. So much. Thank you. You have done so much for us in just the matter of a few hours, all with your few minutes of beautiful singing and wording. Thank you for posting this. It'll always be such a comfort to us. And please, if you're ever able, put this on spotify. I need to put this in every playlist I own. It means more to us than anything ever could. - Sincerely, The Parthenon (A system)
Hey - I just woke up and ofc drifted to my comment section/youtube analytics, as I do, but I just wanted to let you know that this is THE most heartfelt comment I've ever received for a SINGULAR song of mine. I want to let you know that your words - and the way you UNDERSTAND the song saves me - just as much as my words save you. I believe that music is supposed to be interpreted at a personal level - that every person should have their OWN values, their OWN stories attached to the songs that THEY listen to, and cherish. Nobody will have the same understanding of the same, one song - and that's honestly how I feel it should be. I think what I'm trying to say is - this music is IMPORTANT to you, BECAUSE it's important to your OWN story. And I get it, it's SO fucking important to me, too. It's personal to you - because you understand it through your own lenses of life. I want to say that I really appreciate you sharing your own story with me. The lives we lead are by no means smooth sailing, let alone even 'normal', but - we are NOT without hope. It doesn't matter who you are - EVERY single person can get out of this, alive. EVERY person can be redeemed of the sins forced onto them by others - and by their own actions. I quite LITERALLY just got out of the mental trenches I put myself in for YEARS - and these songs, ESPECIALLY this one - were created out of a desperate NEED to be heard. And even being HEARD wasn't a given - I don't think I ever expected to be UNDERSTOOD. I've said this in my past works, and have chosen to reflect this many times over the course of the years with my own actions - but I WANT to make music about hope. Maybe one day, I want to be able to understand that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I WANT to document this life - because the shape of hope, in my story - isn't something bright, shining, or even clear-cut. For me, the shape of hope has ALWAYS been cruel. Something more akin to desperation. Something that sounds like... insanity. It's painful, because I could NEVER fucking ignore it - and that's why I write the way I do. Everything I do is a DELIBERATE choice. You UNDERSTAND this because you've gone through the Metaphorical Trenches like I have - even while on a different front, while in a different battle - I believe that the pain remains consistent. Most people won't even live to MAKE IT OUT of this kind of trauma - MUCH LESS be able to heal from it in ANY way. Lives like ours are not MEANT to be recovered from - and your understanding of this subject leads me to believe that you know this, just as well as I do. You know this pain to a PERSONAL level - because you are a survivor, yourself. I want to thank you for listening. I want to thank you for understanding - through your OWN lense, and not my own. If you can - stay alive. It's a hard ask, and I understand what I'm saying is IMMENSELY cruel. But... please, try if you are able. Who knows - you might even by surprised by what you see, if you make it to the other side. --- tangent over LMAO - i need to let you know about the streaming stuff. This song specifically cannot be monetized commercially, due to the instrumentals being licensed under Creative Commons (it's composed by Josh Woodward, and I used it for free p much). Also out of my own respect for his works - I'd rather not even be monetized for the music I made with his instrumentals at all. I have ALL of my music (everything i released, even OLD stuff like my vocaloid original songs) up for free on Bandcamp - which is downloadable as an music file. You're free to purchase albums if you'd like to - and if you make even a 1 USD donation on any album, i believe you can use that platform to stream music, as well. Should be the bandcamp player app on your chosen app store. That being said - I'm sorry I can't put this up on streaming. There are other ways you can download/stream if you'd like to do so, and I do have my own music up on Spotify/Apple Music as well, under the artist name "Shius". So... thank you. lmao. Soory I went on a LONG tangent, Im kinda TOO passionate abt this Thank you for listening :')
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius And yet again your words have dug deep within me and carved out more tears than I thought I possibly had left in my body. Thank you so much for responding and for pushing us forward - even though you didn't need to set aside the time to do that. You may just be a stranger aloft within this infinite universe, just as we are, but you have helped us more than even close family ever could. I should have read the description - ha! I'm sorry about that. I totally get it. But maybe in the future I'll be able to invest in your work. I'd like to. But for now, I'll just keep coming back to this, and your other work, when I need that small bit of comfort again. Despite how cruel hope is for people who have been beaten down, bruised, and left to the wolves without any means of shelter, much like we are each day, at least there is a world filled with color and with art to help derive a sort-of bittersweetness from it all. Music like this continues to remind us why we wake up each morning, and why we push through the molasses to reach some means of consistency. Thank you. Again. I hope nothing but peaceful, non-violent and nurturing days for all of you.
What is the lyric "who knew that special could bruise you like a fork on your hand" mean? Also with barcode scars I'm not sure what you mean by that either. I'm assuming that you are referring to the wrist things that they give you when you go to f****** mental hospitals but they don't leave scars so I don't know
Its actually all very literal. I used to put a fork against my hand until it left bruises, and I called those bruises "barcode scars" because of how they looked
I don't have DID but am learning, for a friend, character writings, and general interest Was looking for any songs/playlists that are about DID and came across this. Will be checking out the other songs.
Oh hey, if thats the case, I do have a playlist of music on the front of my channel that showcases other people's experiences with DID. Especially if you are using this content as a source for writing, it would be best for you to get multiple different perspectives and experiences from different people. It's an odd disorder for sure, and people deal with it in a huge variety of different ways. Hope my music helps, even a bit tho
The "Dissociation Songs" playlist right? I am planning on checking it out Multiple experiences would be very helpful. I know not everyone experiences/reacts the same, and the 3 characters I'm adapting deal with their DID pretty differently (and that's not even getting into the various aus I've put them in) So far I've listened to this and I Dream of Violence, which helps me figure out the mentality of one of the above, as well as 2 other characters who don't have DID, but have been through severe child abuse. So yes, your music is helping.
this is the first time I have actually felt like DID isn't a bad thing and I shouldn't be ashamed about it. I have been having hard days and I have been blocking out my alters from helping but then I just break down I don't know what to do now I don't know how much longer I could live but I now realize they are there for me and to help me with traumas and that I need to start letting them help
I'm glad you were able to get to that conclusion. And hey, if my music helped, that's great. I'm still walking to that conclusion myself, but I never know when I'll fully embrace the fact that my alters are here to help me.
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius yeah your music really helps especially since my family says the doctor was wrong when i was diagnosed and that they never abused me when I know they have but I just don't remember how they did it since our gatekeepers blocked those memories from me. So I have no where else to go because all my friends have basically become fake friends to me this past year and I have no one other than the " friends" I have and my system
Wynter Vance I’m sorry, as I don’t own the instrumental, I don’t want to monetize this song. I do have it up for free though. Check the description, the download link should be there.
I am waitin for my psychiatric evaluation for a confirmation(confirmation for myself) that I have DID, maybe under the Autism Spectrum. I know that we're forming a team in my head and I really like my littles, they're so broken... I feel it like an injustice when people don't see it; that I am still the little one that they used to love so much... In EVERY medical situations where I asked for help, they treated me like a ''normal person'' like... ''What do you want from us?'' even if I told them to not trust me, that I would harm myself at home but in a way that they would've not notice the call for help. And Im talking about emergencies psychiatrist. Oh well, I'm french Canadian and I am lacking my fluent wroten english, Sorreeeyy x) Beautiful song.
I get the struggle. Therapy doesn't work for me either, just because I can't articulate how much pain I'm in during the therapy sessions. I find that emergency situations tend to be just that - there's a problem of them not seeing that I'm in "enough" pain. Masking is real. And as a fellow Canadian, welcome to the channel mate
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius That is so awesome! I've watched so much videos about different systems and yet, I don't feel like I belong to the ''DID community''. Maybe a denial symptom? More to now in the next episode of: I don't know WT F is going on! xD Songs, music, is a gateway to a personal journey and we can all appropriate it the way we feel it. It is a very unique experience and I know that when I'll listen back to that song, I'll remember the moment, the emotions attached to the discovery of this song. Well, I hope so! x)
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius Im seeing a addiction specialist and psychologist for the 3rd time in my life on the 15th. I'm super grateful for it and hopefully can be honest this time and get it out about everything that happened to me throughout my life.. which is like I could probably write a book on the amount of traumatic experiences this kid went through. I can feel them inside me and all he does is just constantly cry sometimes I'll be in like autopilot at work and then all of a sudden some I'll get triggered I don't even know what and just instantly go from autopilot to crying like hysterically and I have to push him back away. It's hard not to make trauma dump if I were to though I mean it could be pages and pages. What I'm really I think wanting to vent to you about those that I'm afraid that they're not that the psychologist is not going to either know much about dissociative disorders or that I won't be able to get myself to communicate like last two times I tried dude there's a altar that plays the role of covering up and hiding it and not letting the others out or the truth out is really good deceiver because he's had to do that all his life you know I'm afraid that had to like be too strong and hide everything my whole life because I had that I don't deserve care or love mentality my whole life and had to fake like I was okay or another and that I had you know no thing to to blame except myself for multiple different things. I I really live this way my whole life and only found out and learned anything about trauma and especially the results of chronic childhood molestation traumas, torture, lots of abandonments and when and I'm very bad alcoholic parents who would leave me with my 10 yr old sister to be tortured while they were out drinking until 4:00 a.m. or be home fighting will they're drunk every night. I spent so much time crying in my closet. I'm sorry search for me to stay on track.. Yeah I'm afraid that it's going to either take forever for me to feel comfortable with the psychologist or if if I'll ever be able to show them my alters or that they'll never believe me because I've had to be my protective shell cover like for so long and I still am today it's just that now I know that I definitely had did. Put the after effects are really starting to come out lately and it's never good it's never good and I'm afraid it's going to continue to get worse if I can't get help or someone who will believe me or see or help me in some way other than myself you know understand that self-help is good but I can't do it forever you can't just be your own subjective supporter system. Just really bad it's really really bad and if this doctor doesn't help her getting on these meds doesn't help I am going to be giving in and I'm I was a pretty strong person man I'm a very resilient person and I do have loved ones who I don't want to leave this way but it's always put everyone before myself and we've had enough suicides in the family. Like you though I've been questioning God. Like I spend a lot of time learning about what Christian God wants from us and apparently you know if we make it through our sufferings and we're rewarded but I have a hard time believing that because I have suffered more than Jesus Christ did can guarantee that you know and I continue to suffer psychologically and emotionally just I don't know what to do. I try doing my journal but like they all want they all have so many different opinions all at the same time in my head that I can't I can't even focus once I try it's just like right now when I'm trying to speak on this comment I've had to re-erase and it's taking me forever just to say this stuff. Before I knew I had the idea I used to write journals and when I go and read them they either sounded really insane or I couldn't understand them at all the freaking like the writing is always different you can tell that there's definitely at least like five alters but they're so disorganized and I'm worried that I'm too far gone and there's nothing I can do get better I haven't seizures now all the time. I'm sorry for drama dumping you don't have to reply to this or anything I just don't know what I'm doing
@@mtlbroadcast I don't feel like I belong in the did community either. I didn't even realize I had did until I was like 31 years old because and I only found out because of like a girl who is like one of those chicks who like just finds it dude and will have sex with him to live in mooch off them or whatever but there's actually one of my alters who got her to come over and I got her to get in bed with me she didn't have to stay with me but she I guess it was easier to stay with me than the other people she could have been with and I found out that she's just one of those girls that does that I told her you know what I don't want to be that way I don't want to have sex with really anymore cuz it was just too weird but we end up being friends for a while and she got to know me first like 6 months she told me and she convinced me but she showed me that I had took me almost 2 years to accept it I had to research it all the stuff and like when I seen most of the people are on like RUclips or on the deep Facebook community no I'm maybe I'm not I'm not like these people cuz I don't have like very specific alters and stuff I mean they have characteristics I guess a couple of them have specific like age types and there's one with name Michael and there's when I call the protector and there is one or two like child ones or whatever and I found this out and but I don't I don't relate to most people who talk about their alters and sometimes to be honest I get mad because if these people have the same thing I have then they should be miserable because s*** that I was dealt and I mean it would screw anyone up and you don't live a happy life after that because you're already sure that you're sleep not human in that everything is your fault and that your terrible son and terrible friend and terrible everything you know I don't know how people can be happy but I'm trying my best to get help and if it doesn't work dude I'm f****** leaving this place.
Do either of you guys know band modest mouse? If not you should check out the song edit the sad parts. They actually had a very good video music video with someone had made for it where it was like footage of people on the San Francisco bridge in all different sorts of situations but feel a lot of people who are suicidal and they were jumping off the bridge you know and then it showed a lot of people who are going to attempt it and then some other people would save them or grab them up you know pull them over and it makes real well with the lyrics but then freaking RUclips took it down because it's people committing suicide like take me and that's real life that's that song and that video got me through a lot. But I like this song too I've been trying to find some songs you know to help me if you guys have any more suggestions please share it actually mean a lot to me because I'm not doing well. I had a pretty good playlist on my other cell phone too but I haven't made any very much of a list on my new one yet
Oh, more feels. Lots of feels. This hits so hard. We were just diagnosed with D.I.D. about two months ago after the entire summer in and out of the psych ward. Learning about the system in your head is a crazy experience. "Did it happen?" Yeah, about that. Never can tell can you. The three enigmas of D.I.D. for us as a system; food, time, and sleep. Never know if they happen or when they happen or who did what. Thanks for this song. - The Orchestra System
I don't have D.I.D but my girlfriend does, this feels so weird to hear, I feel like I will never properly understand what they live but in the same time it feels so familliar...
Hey dude, glad you found a diagnosis that finally fits your condition. In the end, diagnoses are labels that just help you know more about yourself better, and I'm trying to cope with that in mind as well. Cheers, to a long Journey.
I just saw it, I'm really glad you guys like it. This was around the time I first realized I had DID, and I've since grown in my knowledge of the whole condition since then. Just one thing, could you please credit me as Shius or Embedded Systems? Thanks so much again
I made a friend online who has D.I.D. and I came here to see what it's like for them because I'm starting to worry for them since it was Liz's (5yo) birthday and jack (27yo) was crying while Karen (32yo) was arguing with him so I just want to know how to comfort my friends. (Not real names)
I’m 13 and this song impacts me and I been having voices in my head they all have name like one of there names is Chris and have holes in my past memory’s like childhood memory’s so I kinda realate to this song so thank you all for making this song
![Headspace [A song about Dissociative Identity Disorder and denial]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/VccM8hLSL0Y/mqdefault.jpg)
![Petals of a Rose (Dissociative Identity Disorder Short Film) [Conference Version]](/img/1.gif)
This is incredible.
I suffer from D.I.D disorder as well. And all I have to say is that this is amazing and I feel exactly the same way. I hope your doing good.
Lucas Eygma same
Same, I hope y'all are good
It's a struggle daily for me. I dont know how to stop it. It scares me.
Same
Having this disorder sucks, But we're living It's what matters
Hang in there. D.I.D is complicated and can be dangerous...trust me.. been dealing with it for 20 out of 26 years of my life... still do..
i have been dealing with 12 for the last 27 years
We just discovered you, this song makes me cry every time because I relate so much to it, its beautiful. Thank you so much for making this.
Much Love
- Halo-System
Your style reminds me of Hollywood Undead's slow songs
Thank you!!! I love that band, so that's a great compliment for me.
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius ^_^ awesome, Im so glad. I hope you have found a way either through darkness or a way to live there. Both existences are beautiful beyond measure if we can get them right x x
I've dealt with DID since I was 4 years old and it was only diagnosed when I was 21, it's really difficult not knowing what's wrong with you and even more difficult dealing with it day after day. I can remember almost nothing about what happened in the first 14 years of my life so alot of my backstory is just made up, just hearing this brought tears to my eyes because I understand it all to well, please anyone out there dealing with the same thing please keep fighting.
Oh, I love this. The flow, the feel, the smart rhymes.
Barcode scars are my fav.
I have so many things I don't remember and still detach at times. I remember bits and pieces. People have called me by different names and I know some thing's that happened but there's so many gaps. I feel you and I hope that you and everyone inside will find peace amongst yourselves. You're brave for writing this. Thank you for surviving.
heh, i have d.i.d and this was so relatable to me and i don’t really have many people to talk to about this except for my therapist so ig it’s kind of makes me feel happy when i see other people that can relate to this
The line “A pocket full of holes and no memory” really struck me. I don’t know if I have DID or not but I have grown up through a lot of trauma and I feel like my past is a bunch of shattered pieces. I remember little bits and it is often hard to remember what came before what. Even good memories are like this.
The line about the barcode scars really got me, idk if I have DID but I definitely show signs, I act like a whole different person and say/do shit I never remember, but I have memories of SH and laughing at myself, my scars on my arm looked like a whole barcode so it sorta holds a different meaning but still, it really hit me hard, amazing song
I can't believe I'm just finding these songs... their so nice and make us feel like we're not alone.
Honestly, this is amazing! All I would say to work on is flow and being more fluid with pronuncation without putting so much emphasis on each syllable. Love you and all your alters (The good ones at least)!
Truely beautiful and wholly upsetting for someone who undersstand what it is to be traumatized and dissassociated. My chanell is mainly for Schizophrenia but I also have DID if you need any help :) I've managed to make my DID into a mostly pleasant experience and will be making a video on how I accheived this when I am ready to :3 peace and love
Need more songs like this one! ❤️
I suffer from D.I.D for 10 years this hits me thank this means so much I hope your doing Oki
I want to say thank you
Thank you so much for you just summed up my whole world and I need to show this to my mom cause I haven't told her yet
Thank you so much
Who exactly is the "god that [you] prayed to?" Is it an alter or a religious deity? I ask because in my system one of my alters is a god of my mind and all the alters. There is actually two gods in my mind, but the other hides from us.
By the way, an amazing song. I personally am writing a series of songs that show the world who we all are. To give my alters a voice outside of my mind.
It's an alter called Shius. Thinking back on it she was an idolized version of myself, and essentially perfect being that I felt like I was supposed to be. The first time I realized I had DID, many years after I had forgotten about her, she was the first one to "come out", and switch with me.
@@elanbus will you be posting videos of these songs on your channel? Sounds like a cool idea
Just diagnosed. 14 years in the mental health system.
this is so beautiful, perfectly illustrates DID. I wish i had your talent, and your voice!
I have DID and this captures it pretty perfectly. Thank you for making this. DID is such a stigmatised disorder and it makes me so happy to see people spreading awareness about its existence
I love your work. You don't find many songs quite as moving as yours are. You really know how to paint a picture for those who don't suffer from D.I.D. I bet it's hard suffering from that. I won't pretend that I know what it's like, I don't suffer with D.I.D. but I have several friends who do, and I can't even imagine the struggles. Thank you for sharing in a way that can open my eyes a little more to these struggles.
Hey, thanks man. I really appreciate the comment. This series of songs started out when I couldn't say any of these problems to anyone I knew because they couldn't understand it. I don't blame them, but I needed to say it somewhere. I really appreciate that you can see where I'm coming from, and understand what I'm going through. Thank you.
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius I hope things get better for you. I can't say I know how you feel, but I do hope you keep writing about it. It really helps enlighten us who don't quite understand how it feels to be in your shoes. and you have such a beautiful way of writing that just paints a vivid picture. I've never heard music quite like this before and I love the originality.
I haven’t been to the hospital because I’ve tried to keep it in check multiple times. This describes the feelings I have so much I cannot believe it. I love it
This song helped me with my D.I.D and put into words what I couldn't and I love your style
D.I.D. usually develops from sex abuse and severe neglect.
You experience so much trauma that your brain compartmentalizes in order to stay sane.
Try getting attacked all over again because you finally recalled sexual assault as a child.
It's not a 'false memory'.
It made me cry. It's about 6 years ago that a song made me cry. It could be 10 years, too. Dunno. Is this what D.I.D feels like? I an feel that song on SOOOOOO many levels. it just made me cry. It hurts, it hurts so much.
THANK YOU FOR THAT SONG- I LOVE IT.
I don't know if i have DID but i think i do. I am diagnosed with Autism but since i was young i had the feeling that is not the case.
I believe this song is helping many others because they then see that other people go trough the same, but in their own way and at their own pace.
Still I believe everyone wishes for time alone sometimes. Time where others don't try to talk to you.
Hi, I'm new to your wonderful channel! This one and your Depression one are my two favorites. I was curious, though, what does the fork and barcode scar symbolise? Keep up the great work!!
Thanks!! Yeah they're not really symbolism, I literally had a period in time where I would push a fork onto the back of my hand and create bruises that looked like barcodes
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius ahhh, I see! Thank you for your awift response! You all have a good day! :)
This is really really good! Thank you for sharing!
waiting for my diagnosis wish me luck
Ngl this song is super cool (Junko)
THANK GOD SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS!!!
This song was there for us when we realised back in 2020.
I really want to understand my friend more they have DID and I want them to feel comfortable around me so in doing everything I can
That's great!! I hope this song helps even a little bit
Hey mate hope you can get through this and anyone else that feels this. This song is very relatable and This is a amazing song and extremely accurate to thanks for this. - some people’s system (no one is real creative sorry)
This song is amazing. This another song that is relatable. Your an inspiration for real..
i resonate with and relate to this song so much, my jaw is literaly gaping. this song is so relatable and i am SO happy i found it. thank you
Thank you.
This song made us feel better about our system, nearly 4 years ago, when we met.
We're still struggling. We aren't even diagnosed. But we come back here when we need something to make us feel understood.
We feel seen with this song.
I suffer from DID too. I am 53 and didn't find out I had DID until last year. I know now that I developed it the day I was born. I struggled in therapy for 42 years to understand why nothing had improved. Now that I know about my alters, I can set traps to stop them from destroying all my efforts to improve. My life is finally getting better. Never give up on yourselves.
Did hurts me because it hurt everything else. These songs give me a cohesive message for the people I give a crap about. It is a coincidence the "Elizabeth" is my wife who died in front of me and sicks with my other NeRvE..
Still a great thank you.
We were officially diagnosed on paper about a year ago. We plan to do an homage of this song ourselves with subtle lyrical changes to reflect our own life. It's beautifully sad, and of all the songs we've heard to feel and cope with our existence this one certainly hits the hardest. Today in particular we just want to tear ourselves open and let the shadows bleed out. But we'll manage. Thank you for the song.
Hey, I'm thankful for the comment and would love to hear the cover when its done. Thanks again, and I wish you all the best
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius Your encouragement was the push we needed to finally do it. We know the audio is kind of crap, we're very amateur heh.
ruclips.net/video/soZg9-xEP3I/видео.html
I completely understand and suffer from the same
My partner system showed me this song after showing me a drawing that used this song as lyrics in the background, and I love this so much. It sounds so good and you really help put words and describe things that we really kinda struggle to say.
I might loop this for a while hahah
This song and the artist deserve better than this
This song was the first one of yours i found while realising i became a we and a girl turned into a they.
jesus this is beautiful
I have DID I have 20 alters if you want to counts the babies and me (host) their names are
Zoey
Addie
Carson
Jade
Kai
Lucinda
Aiden
Isaac
Ruby
Izzy
Evangeline
Aria
Amber
Milo
Noell
Octavia
And Katelyn
Their the only people that I know will be with me forever and it sounds weird but I seriously love them and don’t know what I would do with out them
hi idk if I have DID I always think that I'm taking it but from who I know I also have a Jade and a Ruby. And the host/ me really likes the name Zoey. Thanks
We Also Have DID!
~Alex/Trauma Holder
This is how it feels and I almost cried listening to it.
30 years and we're still here. You've got this. It gets better.
Beyond amazing! You're a Star! Incredible!
Im happy with my DID, do u know why ? Because the real me was ugly and weak
Chills down the spine. Great work, inside out!
Yo no soy siete de sobres sobres son este fue mi año estudiando Life 👏❤️
after a few years, this song is still amazing
This is amazing this deserves so much attention
I suffer from DID and this hits way too hard-
I love this so much. You gained a subscriber, I can't wait to listen to more. I have been trying to find music that I can really relate to and this is so powerful. Thank you for this. Thank you. This is beautiful.
I have DID and this gets me very much...
i suffer from DID and this is how i feel also
I have a disassociative disorder, but not DID. I relate some of these lyrics, like how all your memories seem to just slip through your fingers. This is really impactful, even if I don't understand all of what you said
Dude I really appreciate this comment - thank you. I don't make music specifically for people with the same stuff as me, but for everyone who wants to listen.
It makes me really happy that people with different experiences than me can also find something they relate to and understand in my music :'D
This is understandable as I suffer from it too
I only recently embraced my alters, and its certainly a change
I could imagine, I was disoriented as fuck when it happened to me
This is amazing!! I would like to use this in my music video. I reached out to you but haven't heard back. I found it very inspiring. I'll link my video back to yours. If there's any issues please let me know, I was just so inspired by your song.
You have??? I'm sorry, I probably didn't get the message at all. Sure!! Go ahead and have fun!
I actually really like this song
See I found this when we were still in denial about having did so that parts almost ironic
Always related to it so much, more than I'd like to admit honestly
Sorry I'm struggling with words a bit right now
Noice
We love you 🤲🏻💜🤲🏻
I'm here from Reddit. I genuinely loved this song. I wonder if I can get a copy of it.
Thank you!! I just made an account on clyp to make the songs downloadable - have at it (it's free): clyp.it/hrgkl2f3
Embedded Systems Thank you so much Josh :)
thank you my system to yours
I just. I need to rant in your comment section because I really need you to know how much this song means to us as a system.
I was desperately searching the internet for any means of comfort and found this video and I quite literally cried for hours just listening to it over and over again. The way you sing, the rhythm, how it sounds almost like slam poetry but more flowy, how it uses metaphors and analogies to perfectly explain the feeling of being so disconnected and separated from yourself and yet *still* it manages to feel so . . . raw, so hopeful - at least to us. Your words have healed some minor fragment of our mind and I just need you to know how wonderful this is. Thank you for sharing your voice and your art, it has helped us in ways you do not understand.
The line, "Who knew that "special" could bruise you like a fork on your hand" really spoke to me. A word that's meant to be positive, but especially in a neurodivergent world, it's only a cloud of shame and of falling short. It's a term used to sugar coat what people actually think: that we're and oddity. Others will never understand what it is like to wake up every day and to fear this concept of having a body, of being an existent organism- of never knowing who it is will inhabit our own skin. Of lapsing through time and never knowing if it will be a couple hours, a week, months, *years.* This constant dread that comes with existence all because the brain worked so hard to shield us from the evils of our past. People will just look at us, and they'll see someone who's "different" - who's "strange" - who's "special."
This entire chunk, just. All of it. Means so much:
"And the music, the memories,
the chaos and the silence,
Like a fever dream I couldn't tell if what I saw was violence.
Or if it happened - did it happen?
I don't know if I'll ever see
that what my past bestowed me was a pocket full of holes and no memory."
Never knowing if what we experienced was *real* or a fragmentation - or never remembering anything at all and being so confused and distraught at this loss of time and loss of *life.* Seeing all the people around us remembering things from when they were in pre-school, or kindergarten, and yet we can barely remember our life up to this point, let alone early childhood. It's all a fog . . as if we never existed prior to today. Having bad triggers to things that make no sense to be triggered by, and having no answers for it because our brain refuses to let us remember- but we're forced to sit through and *feel* it. It's a horribly isolating thing to deal with.
"The person who I once was and the trauma that I now hold,
it's a part of me.
And I'm still "me" "
And this part absolutely shattered us. Shattered. I sat on my bed and wept. The trauma we've faced is not our fault, and it may have wounded us deeper than we could ever heal - but it is a *part* of us. We are who we are because of it, and in some minor ways, we are strong because of it. We're resilient. Our trauma is not a weakness, it's a shield we carry like a mighty knight into battle. This line means so much. So much. Thank you.
You have done so much for us in just the matter of a few hours, all with your few minutes of beautiful singing and wording. Thank you for posting this. It'll always be such a comfort to us. And please, if you're ever able, put this on spotify. I need to put this in every playlist I own. It means more to us than anything ever could.
- Sincerely, The Parthenon (A system)
Hey - I just woke up and ofc drifted to my comment section/youtube analytics, as I do, but
I just wanted to let you know that this is THE most heartfelt comment I've ever received for a SINGULAR song of mine. I want to let you know that your words - and the way you UNDERSTAND the song saves me - just as much as my words save you.
I believe that music is supposed to be interpreted at a personal level - that every person should have their OWN values, their OWN stories attached to the songs that THEY listen to, and cherish. Nobody will have the same understanding of the same, one song - and that's honestly how I feel it should be. I think what I'm trying to say is - this music is IMPORTANT to you, BECAUSE it's important to your OWN story. And I get it, it's SO fucking important to me, too. It's personal to you - because you understand it through your own lenses of life.
I want to say that I really appreciate you sharing your own story with me. The lives we lead are by no means smooth sailing, let alone even 'normal', but - we are NOT without hope. It doesn't matter who you are - EVERY single person can get out of this, alive. EVERY person can be redeemed of the sins forced onto them by others - and by their own actions.
I quite LITERALLY just got out of the mental trenches I put myself in for YEARS - and these songs, ESPECIALLY this one - were created out of a desperate NEED to be heard. And even being HEARD wasn't a given - I don't think I ever expected to be UNDERSTOOD. I've said this in my past works, and have chosen to reflect this many times over the course of the years with my own actions - but I WANT to make music about hope. Maybe one day, I want to be able to understand that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I WANT to document this life - because the shape of hope, in my story - isn't something bright, shining, or even clear-cut.
For me, the shape of hope has ALWAYS been cruel. Something more akin to desperation. Something that sounds like... insanity.
It's painful, because I could NEVER fucking ignore it - and that's why I write the way I do. Everything I do is a DELIBERATE choice.
You UNDERSTAND this because you've gone through the Metaphorical Trenches like I have - even while on a different front, while in a different battle - I believe that the pain remains consistent. Most people won't even live to MAKE IT OUT of this kind of trauma - MUCH LESS be able to heal from it in ANY way.
Lives like ours are not MEANT to be recovered from - and your understanding of this subject leads me to believe that you know this, just as well as I do. You know this pain to a PERSONAL level - because you are a survivor, yourself.
I want to thank you for listening. I want to thank you for understanding - through your OWN lense, and not my own.
If you can - stay alive. It's a hard ask, and I understand what I'm saying is IMMENSELY cruel.
But... please, try if you are able.
Who knows - you might even by surprised by what you see, if you make it to the other side.
---
tangent over LMAO - i need to let you know about the streaming stuff. This song specifically cannot be monetized commercially, due to the instrumentals being licensed under Creative Commons (it's composed by Josh Woodward, and I used it for free p much). Also out of my own respect for his works - I'd rather not even be monetized for the music I made with his instrumentals at all.
I have ALL of my music (everything i released, even OLD stuff like my vocaloid original songs) up for free on Bandcamp - which is downloadable as an music file. You're free to purchase albums if you'd like to - and if you make even a 1 USD donation on any album, i believe you can use that platform to stream music, as well. Should be the bandcamp player app on your chosen app store.
That being said - I'm sorry I can't put this up on streaming. There are other ways you can download/stream if you'd like to do so, and I do have my own music up on Spotify/Apple Music as well, under the artist name "Shius".
So... thank you. lmao. Soory I went on a LONG tangent, Im kinda TOO passionate abt this
Thank you for listening :')
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius And yet again your words have dug deep within me and carved out more tears than I thought I possibly had left in my body. Thank you so much for responding and for pushing us forward - even though you didn't need to set aside the time to do that. You may just be a stranger aloft within this infinite universe, just as we are, but you have helped us more than even close family ever could.
I should have read the description - ha! I'm sorry about that. I totally get it. But maybe in the future I'll be able to invest in your work. I'd like to. But for now, I'll just keep coming back to this, and your other work, when I need that small bit of comfort again.
Despite how cruel hope is for people who have been beaten down, bruised, and left to the wolves without any means of shelter, much like we are each day, at least there is a world filled with color and with art to help derive a sort-of bittersweetness from it all. Music like this continues to remind us why we wake up each morning, and why we push through the molasses to reach some means of consistency.
Thank you. Again. I hope nothing but peaceful, non-violent and nurturing days for all of you.
This is beauty in pain
Truly honest work a rembrandt of D.I.D
Subliminal system
your music has to be in the moon knight trailer MARVEL
My music isnt that great but I appreciate the comment man
This helps me get through D. I. D thank you
God. This hit home hard. Wonderful lyrics. I may or may not be crying.
What is the lyric "who knew that special could bruise you like a fork on your hand" mean?
Also with barcode scars I'm not sure what you mean by that either. I'm assuming that you are referring to the wrist things that they give you when you go to f****** mental hospitals but they don't leave scars so I don't know
Its actually all very literal. I used to put a fork against my hand until it left bruises, and I called those bruises "barcode scars" because of how they looked
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius plz forgive my melodrama, but I just thought of this song for some reason...
ruclips.net/video/sgDyHzDNVc4/видео.html
Thank you. Nothing else to say, just thank you..
This is so sad
I don't have DID but am learning, for a friend, character writings, and general interest
Was looking for any songs/playlists that are about DID and came across this. Will be checking out the other songs.
Oh hey, if thats the case, I do have a playlist of music on the front of my channel that showcases other people's experiences with DID.
Especially if you are using this content as a source for writing, it would be best for you to get multiple different perspectives and experiences from different people. It's an odd disorder for sure, and people deal with it in a huge variety of different ways. Hope my music helps, even a bit tho
The "Dissociation Songs" playlist right? I am planning on checking it out
Multiple experiences would be very helpful. I know not everyone experiences/reacts the same, and the 3 characters I'm adapting deal with their DID pretty differently (and that's not even getting into the various aus I've put them in)
So far I've listened to this and I Dream of Violence, which helps me figure out the mentality of one of the above, as well as 2 other characters who don't have DID, but have been through severe child abuse.
So yes, your music is helping.
Good to know!! Thanks :D
this song is amazing..i have been trying to find a song that i can relate to!!
this is the first time I have actually felt like DID isn't a bad thing and I shouldn't be ashamed about it. I have been having hard days and I have been blocking out my alters from helping but then I just break down I don't know what to do now I don't know how much longer I could live but I now realize they are there for me and to help me with traumas and that I need to start letting them help
I'm glad you were able to get to that conclusion. And hey, if my music helped, that's great. I'm still walking to that conclusion myself, but I never know when I'll fully embrace the fact that my alters are here to help me.
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius yeah your music really helps especially since my family says the doctor was wrong when i was diagnosed and that they never abused me when I know they have but I just don't remember how they did it since our gatekeepers blocked those memories from me. So I have no where else to go because all my friends have basically become fake friends to me this past year and I have no one other than the " friends" I have and my system
Wow this song is me over and over again 😭
I loved this! Your so underrated! You got a new sub :)
Absolutely artistic!
This is beautiful.... Do you think you could put it on Apple music?
Wynter Vance I’m sorry, as I don’t own the instrumental, I don’t want to monetize this song. I do have it up for free though. Check the description, the download link should be there.
I am waitin for my psychiatric evaluation for a confirmation(confirmation for myself) that I have DID, maybe under the Autism Spectrum. I know that we're forming a team in my head and I really like my littles, they're so broken... I feel it like an injustice when people don't see it; that I am still the little one that they used to love so much...
In EVERY medical situations where I asked for help, they treated me like a ''normal person'' like... ''What do you want from us?'' even if I told them to not trust me, that I would harm myself at home but in a way that they would've not notice the call for help. And Im talking about emergencies psychiatrist.
Oh well, I'm french Canadian and I am lacking my fluent wroten english, Sorreeeyy x)
Beautiful song.
I get the struggle. Therapy doesn't work for me either, just because I can't articulate how much pain I'm in during the therapy sessions. I find that emergency situations tend to be just that - there's a problem of them not seeing that I'm in "enough" pain. Masking is real.
And as a fellow Canadian, welcome to the channel mate
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius That is so awesome! I've watched so much videos about different systems and yet, I don't feel like I belong to the ''DID community''. Maybe a denial symptom? More to now in the next episode of: I don't know WT F is going on! xD
Songs, music, is a gateway to a personal journey and we can all appropriate it the way we feel it. It is a very unique experience and I know that when I'll listen back to that song, I'll remember the moment, the emotions attached to the discovery of this song. Well, I hope so! x)
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius Im seeing a addiction specialist and psychologist for the 3rd time in my life on the 15th. I'm super grateful for it and hopefully can be honest this time and get it out about everything that happened to me throughout my life.. which is like I could probably write a book on the amount of traumatic experiences this kid went through. I can feel them inside me and all he does is just constantly cry sometimes I'll be in like autopilot at work and then all of a sudden some I'll get triggered I don't even know what and just instantly go from autopilot to crying like hysterically and I have to push him back away.
It's hard not to make trauma dump if I were to though I mean it could be pages and pages. What I'm really I think wanting to vent to you about those that I'm afraid that they're not that the psychologist is not going to either know much about dissociative disorders or that I won't be able to get myself to communicate like last two times I tried dude there's a altar that plays the role of covering up and hiding it and not letting the others out or the truth out is really good deceiver because he's had to do that all his life you know I'm afraid that had to like be too strong and hide everything my whole life because I had that I don't deserve care or love mentality my whole life and had to fake like I was okay or another and that I had you know no thing to to blame except myself for multiple different things. I I really live this way my whole life and only found out and learned anything about trauma and especially the results of chronic childhood molestation traumas, torture, lots of abandonments and when and I'm very bad alcoholic parents who would leave me with my 10 yr old sister to be tortured while they were out drinking until 4:00 a.m. or be home fighting will they're drunk every night. I spent so much time crying in my closet.
I'm sorry search for me to stay on track.. Yeah I'm afraid that it's going to either take forever for me to feel comfortable with the psychologist or if if I'll ever be able to show them my alters or that they'll never believe me because I've had to be my protective shell cover like for so long and I still am today it's just that now I know that I definitely had did. Put the after effects are really starting to come out lately and it's never good it's never good and I'm afraid it's going to continue to get worse if I can't get help or someone who will believe me or see or help me in some way other than myself you know understand that self-help is good but I can't do it forever you can't just be your own subjective supporter system. Just really bad it's really really bad and if this doctor doesn't help her getting on these meds doesn't help I am going to be giving in and I'm I was a pretty strong person man I'm a very resilient person and I do have loved ones who I don't want to leave this way but it's always put everyone before myself and we've had enough suicides in the family.
Like you though I've been questioning God. Like I spend a lot of time learning about what Christian God wants from us and apparently you know if we make it through our sufferings and we're rewarded but I have a hard time believing that because I have suffered more than Jesus Christ did can guarantee that you know and I continue to suffer psychologically and emotionally just I don't know what to do. I try doing my journal but like they all want they all have so many different opinions all at the same time in my head that I can't I can't even focus once I try it's just like right now when I'm trying to speak on this comment I've had to re-erase and it's taking me forever just to say this stuff. Before I knew I had the idea I used to write journals and when I go and read them they either sounded really insane or I couldn't understand them at all the freaking like the writing is always different you can tell that there's definitely at least like five alters but they're so disorganized and I'm worried that I'm too far gone and there's nothing I can do get better I haven't seizures now all the time. I'm sorry for drama dumping you don't have to reply to this or anything I just don't know what I'm doing
@@mtlbroadcast I don't feel like I belong in the did community either. I didn't even realize I had did until I was like 31 years old because and I only found out because of like a girl who is like one of those chicks who like just finds it dude and will have sex with him to live in mooch off them or whatever but there's actually one of my alters who got her to come over and I got her to get in bed with me she didn't have to stay with me but she I guess it was easier to stay with me than the other people she could have been with and I found out that she's just one of those girls that does that I told her you know what I don't want to be that way I don't want to have sex with really anymore cuz it was just too weird but we end up being friends for a while and she got to know me first like 6 months she told me and she convinced me but she showed me that I had took me almost 2 years to accept it I had to research it all the stuff and like when I seen most of the people are on like RUclips or on the deep Facebook community no I'm maybe I'm not I'm not like these people cuz I don't have like very specific alters and stuff I mean they have characteristics I guess a couple of them have specific like age types and there's one with name Michael and there's when I call the protector and there is one or two like child ones or whatever and I found this out and but I don't I don't relate to most people who talk about their alters and sometimes to be honest I get mad because if these people have the same thing I have then they should be miserable because s*** that I was dealt and I mean it would screw anyone up and you don't live a happy life after that because you're already sure that you're sleep not human in that everything is your fault and that your terrible son and terrible friend and terrible everything you know I don't know how people can be happy but I'm trying my best to get help and if it doesn't work dude I'm f****** leaving this place.
Do either of you guys know band modest mouse? If not you should check out the song edit the sad parts. They actually had a very good video music video with someone had made for it where it was like footage of people on the San Francisco bridge in all different sorts of situations but feel a lot of people who are suicidal and they were jumping off the bridge you know and then it showed a lot of people who are going to attempt it and then some other people would save them or grab them up you know pull them over and it makes real well with the lyrics but then freaking RUclips took it down because it's people committing suicide like take me and that's real life that's that song and that video got me through a lot. But I like this song too I've been trying to find some songs you know to help me if you guys have any more suggestions please share it actually mean a lot to me because I'm not doing well. I had a pretty good playlist on my other cell phone too but I haven't made any very much of a list on my new one yet
Oh, more feels. Lots of feels. This hits so hard. We were just diagnosed with D.I.D. about two months ago after the entire summer in and out of the psych ward. Learning about the system in your head is a crazy experience. "Did it happen?" Yeah, about that. Never can tell can you. The three enigmas of D.I.D. for us as a system; food, time, and sleep. Never know if they happen or when they happen or who did what. Thanks for this song. - The Orchestra System
Osdd life
I also have D.I.D
OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH I NEEDED THIS!!! 10 personalities all together thank you so much
I don't have D.I.D but my girlfriend does, this feels so weird to hear, I feel like I will never properly understand what they live but in the same time it feels so familliar...
I'm still not sure if I'm a system, but this song it's just amazing. Congratulations for this awesome work
I relate to this so much you have no idea holy shit...
As someone who is a questioning system, this hits hard. I hope you are doing well.
Thank you.
I have recently found that I have DID after years of various diagnoses, many of which are also trauma related.
Hey dude, glad you found a diagnosis that finally fits your condition. In the end, diagnoses are labels that just help you know more about yourself better, and I'm trying to cope with that in mind as well.
Cheers, to a long Journey.
Hello we have DID and just started a RUclips channel may we play your songs on our channel and do a reaction please
Sure!
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius aww thankyou c
@@EmbeddedSystems_Shius and of course we will credit you and put your channel in our description x
reaction video is now up, hope we did you all proud, we loved it
I just saw it, I'm really glad you guys like it. This was around the time I first realized I had DID, and I've since grown in my knowledge of the whole condition since then.
Just one thing, could you please credit me as Shius or Embedded Systems? Thanks so much again
The song is so good. I domt have did but the whole vibe is still relatable
The more I listen the more I understand how we feel
I made a friend online who has D.I.D. and I came here to see what it's like for them because I'm starting to worry for them since it was Liz's (5yo) birthday and jack (27yo) was crying while Karen (32yo) was arguing with him so I just want to know how to comfort my friends. (Not real names)
this is so good
I’m 13 and this song impacts me and I been having voices in my head they all have name like one of there names is Chris and have holes in my past memory’s like childhood memory’s so I kinda realate to this song so thank you all for making this song
Do you think you could, perhaps, write a song about being nonvocal/selectively mute? Just a suggestion. :)