Trauma caused women to be hyper-independent and in response, men stopped being chivalrous because they get cussed out when they try to help. I use to be this way but now I just allow people to be nice to me. I was the person who always whined that I am always there for people but people are never there for me but didn't realize I rejected people whenever they tried to help me.
Yes, and it leaves you bitter😔🙋I am healing from this one. I have gotten much better. Love it when I just be still, and let people serve me, feels so good.😊
@@Li-Anderson Amen!!! And after a while, you realize *You DESERVE to be treated beautifully!* As the song goes, "Oh, what peace we forfeit." (It Is Well With My Soul)
Our moms and grandmas had to endure a lot of hardships in the past, which made them tough and they passed that down to us. And in many cultures women are raised to be caregivers and tend to put their own needs last. When they needed something or someone, they’d have no one to turn to and when they did turn to someone, they were often dismissed or ridiculed. I believe this is where this hyper-independence comes from.
Completely agree! Women of color such as black, Hispanic, Asian women struggle so much because of sexism and ngl white women kinda have it a little easier.
@@ceterisparibus8966 brotha we aren't dismissing your trials. We are simply speaking from the prospective of woman. We would be blind and dishonest to say life has been easy for you. Trauma is generous and has plenty to spare. But let us be reminded this is one thing nobody needs excess amounts of. Lol
You are 100% right Jeannie. A good friend of mine told me that exact thing when I kept refusing her assistance. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said stop taking away my blessing. You are not allowing my blessing through helping you. That hit me so hard because I never looked at it that way. It’s still a struggle but I do catch myself now
Knowing Jeannie and her background in fashion, she probably styling herself or at least given her stylist tips on the exact looks she wants, but you right, she looks bomb!!!!!!
This is so me. It’s the same with being hyper empathetic. It’s a skill I had no choice to learn being a victim of serious abuse. I had to learn to read the room.
I finally got a good man and I relate sm to this topic bc he says and does things that literally make me go speechless bc it’s so hard to accept even though I know I deserve it
@@missm518 I never thought it would happen, I didn’t even want it I was happily single and focused on making money and moving then I met him and he’s been everything I’ve ever wanted since. It’ll happen when it’s meant to I promise you❤️ I’ve never even had a real relationship and I’m 20 so I understand up until July I didn’t know what it felt like
This hit me hard! Being way too independent gets exhausting. I definitely catch myself now and try to let others do for me. This has taken time to accept. But ladies, you are all so beautiful together ❤ I am loving the energy and relatable topics you are giving us! I feel like im in therapy 😌
I was raised by a single mom who is very hyper independent and I watched her struggle so much before she ever asked for help and I hated that. And I said I would never be like that and I learned from her mistakes. I’m part of a new breed called INDE-Spoiled 😂. I can be independent when necessary but prefer to be spoiled. I love to have my doors opened for me, I love men carrying my bags, I love to be driven around, having my gas pumped etc. And it’s so funny because when I first meet guys they are like you are so independent you don’t need a man…and I’m like NO I don’t need you but I damn sure want you 🥰👏🏾
I was raised by a parent who wasn’t independent and relied on men to do everything and I made sure I was the exact opposite. I moved countries in my own and I haven’t been back since.
Me 💯. Not me having ALL (all, af) 8 tell-tale signs 🙃. Mine definitely manifests from almost losing my single parent (caretaker) in an accident around 8yrs old. I never ask for anything (+ definitely never rides, hello?). It’s taken some real work, which clearly wasn’t working, followed by a near-☠️ stress-related Compound Effect-esque health emergency to begin breaking down the walls and let people help me. And I’m STILL very much working on this. Hyper independent, FOR SURE, (which if anybody feels me, often might be weighted more toward introverts like myself? Hunch). V much a work-in-progress here. Needed this segment, ladies. Tysm ❤️
I am this way as well. I have walked home from work 50 minutes at night instead of asking a co-worker/my family for a ride, I don't borrow money, and I don't expect gifts.
@sea of roses please be safe out there. No disrespect but hopefully family or friends are able to give you a ride home at night, on the daily. Buddy system🌹❤
@@qc4wings thankfully I have a car now 🙏 but In retrospect I should have changed my schedule to get out earlier in the very least. Specially in my second job where I had to walk next to an large street. It wasn’t safe.
I used to get in trouble for this at work. 😭 I very rarely asked for help and if I did, it was always the manager who trained me, and I had to be desperate to ask for his help bc if he did with ease, he’d be disappointed. (And it wasn’t a bad thing, it worked for me.) If I didn’t ask for help, it was forced on me and I only agreed if I got to pick the person who helped otherwise you can keep your help.
That was me... was about to pass out on a bus, but still find it in me to refuse the seat everyone around me was offering "to not be a burden"... Well I ended up passing out for a few seconds, being seated on that same seat I had refused, and now every single person was looking at me anxiously ^^"
I think in some instances especially for women… there are situations that they get put in where they do lean on some people one time out of a zillion or are subconsciously yearning for someone whether friend, family to lend a helping hand or just be there in a sense & yet they always fall flat or end up in disappointment and there’s a saying that goes “ if nobody else gon do it… do it yourself “ and I think it’s hard to get out of that way especially in a relationship where you’re used to doing X,Y & Z & then u push them away and they have to earn ur trust so u don’t feel like u have the world on ur back & they can release some pressure once u have that moment to lean on them ! It can be a lesson for many I’m sure
True but I love being independent regardless that’s why I ain’t in no relationship. 😶 But I see what you’re saying Myronn about getting into a relationship and having to feel as though you still have to be independent when there is literally someone else that can also help you do the heavy lifting. ❤️
Yeah me too....part of the reason my fiancé and I are breaking up is because of my hyper-independence. I'm working on it, but it's very difficult when you continue to get let down.
First of all, these outfits are FIRE! Garcelle looks stunning in that leather with the gold clips and red lips! Jeannie’s outfit is flawless as well! All of you ladies look amazing But yes… I to am a victim of hyper independence 🥴😂
O, how do I relate. I have no partner as an autistic person who got severely bullied. The whole checklist of not asking anyone for help and disliking meeting people is a total me. I'd hate to partner up and have a spouse to erase half of me. Melting into a whole equals compromising which is pretty much identity theft to me.
As the parent of an adult autistic child, I completely get what you are saying. I am constantly worried about their independence. However I feel that when you meet the RIGHT person you'll see that they don't want to diminish you they will appreciate all that you already are and just want to enhance your life. Don't let the hate of others who never had your best interests in mind limit the amount of love you can receive.
Nah, you just need to be around better people dear. It wouldn't be possible for Mankind to live if we had this attitude. We have to help each other, that's the way Allah designed it.
Going through trauma of neglect, abandonment, rejection, and indifference can AND will teach someone to be distant and wary. I have first hand experience. The best advice I have is "Take care of yourself. No one is coming to rescue, nourish, and nurture you!" I learned I don't have humanity to support, comfort, and be kind to me. 🥺 This is why I am like Jeanie as Hyper-Independent!
I’m this way, and been this way for a LONG time. I really don’t have a choice in my life. Like a deceased father and a emotionally neglectful distant mother. Relatives are estranged from me because they’re not good people. I escaped domestic abusive relationships or bad relationships with men. So I am pretty much all I got for now in this world. Through rough times I’m all that I have like that’s it. We going to be alright, blessed, and fabulous.
What jeanni said is what it told my best friend when I wanted to help her during illness, let person who loves you be there for you so they can feel useful and needed too
Yooooo. Girl in the green blazer!!! That's my life! We home girls! I moved out at 15, only kid, responsible for everything, stepped up to care for my grandma full-time at 26. Fully financially independent at like 17. Crazy to hear someone else say that.
As the oldest daughter I've done everything myself since I can remember and when I would let anyone help me( rarely ) they would betray me or put it back in my face that they helped me . So nope never again asking for help lol
when i was in highschool about 14 13 up to when i was 17 i had friends/ colleagues who loved me for what i had to offer, it'd be help from school buying them something(food) and when i found out they were talking about me behind my back i decided to be anti-social i may meet you at an event and talk to you and laugh and joke but when i leave that place i will never even want to greet you on the street because i don't want/ have to offer what you looking for so it made me feel like that and i have 2 friends only plus other colleagues that i meet at school only
I became hyper independent really young. About 15 years old. And it was because i felt alone and ignored by my family. My sister, who is a year older, was born with a syndrome that causes life or death complications. So all the attention always went to her. It caused me to become independent and to be with an abuser for 5 years...
Ended up having a mental breakdown. Also gated door opening or anything of that nature. 5 kids in love them so much but I absolutely suffered from severe sleep deprivation. Was what Jeannie was saying too, the cold. Been accused of being a brick wall. Trying to learn to let someone help me.
You have to be hyper independent in this economy even if ppl wanted to help they cannot this day in age so you don’t give it opportunity for anyone to let you down
It’s true because there’s people who can help you but they’re not always good people. Some people will talk about you or use that sh*t against you. So I’m always not trusting of people like that based off past experiences.
Y'all getting too real! Musician here, always been a hard worker but when I was young I couldn't say no, so I did everything and I worried myself sick so that I didn't disappoint my mentors and because I have always just said I'll handle it, I don't know how to say I need help or I don't know.
I think hyper-independence also comes about as a result of many instances of strings attached, either covert or overt or both ...strings where the cost of that help became incrementally detrimental to the individual over time. Once, twice, three times burned by that, one is like, "No thanks, I got this...".
I can really relate to this in so many ways. I remember one time my guys best friend helped me carry my heavy ass school bag and at first I was a bit like wtf, y iz he doing this and then I understood he was just tryi g to help me with it. I k ow it was a little gesture but is the fact that I thought that he thought I was weak.
Yes she left home after her mom did not believe when she said a family member sexually assaulted her. It took years before she could forgive her mother.
Another reason may be that someones parenting style has affected someone to become independent or hyper independent. A book I read "Adult children of emotionally immature parents" mentions it. It's a really good book.
Yeah but people always help you with an intent, any guy who has been really nice to me did it cos they wanted something with me n that is exhausting. Cos when they didn’t get that from me, they told me I did this that for you blah blah. Even in relationships, everywhere. Hence I don’t want to owe anyone, imma remain hyper independent
I definitely struggle with long-term relationships because I want someone to love me for me and I feel like that is someone say they want to be with me I shouldn't have to wait a long time like a couple of years or anything for them to be with me
Let them open doors and pull out your chair for you (safely and in safe spaces~ it's a way of respecting and honoring the Queen that you are 👑 ❤ (It's when they don't open doors or don't pull out chairs for you or order food before you, and accepting "less than" for ourselves...is 🚩. If someone calls that a pet peeve, adios 🚩🚩. Don't be afraid to ALLOW yourself to be loved, honored and respected ❤).
The size Matters if they don't know how to use the size that there were given. I've had big boys that relied on just that and were horrible and I've had guys that were small and they did some research and rocked it! I mean I was Dickmatized. Jeannie if you can't feel the motion then you need to do some Kegels, get a liberator pillow, or consult your Karma Sutra Book. I've tried that neck trick and it doesn't work if you have hips. What I do is I find a mirror and I hold the pants up against me. If my hips stick out further than the pants it won't fit. I have a small neck, but a large waist, so that doesn't work for me. I remember in Middle school boys asking girls to push their index fingers and thumbs together and depending on how big or small the hole is between those fingers told them if you were tight.
🙋🏽♀️Guilty! Lee, my platonic friend and former co-worker, taught me these lessons. He gave me a compliment and I did the normal girl thing "Oh, no I'm not" or something stupid. His response was to grab my face, got about an inch from me and said loudly, *"Learn to Fucking Say 'THANK YOU!'"* Same guy was traveling a long time, then I was, so we hadn't seen each other in a while. He said he'd pick me up at the airport, but something happened and he couldn't. When me and my kids got to baggage claim, there was a man holding a sign with my name on it. *Lee had sent a town car to pick up me and my kids to make sure we got home safe.* My kids were super happy! I was upset because *HE* didn't come. Needless to say, *he cursed me out later and said I need to stop being ungrateful and reluctant to accept help. **#LessonLearned*
I lost my mom at 14 and even before that, I had to fend for myself. My father kept my mother away from us in the same house she was a victim of domestic violence. He didn’t provide so I had to work so young. I didn’t have a childhood. I got a job after my mom passed. And I been on my own ever since. It’s hard to delegate responsibility or let someone do things even when I do ask for help. But people always say to me you got this, you’re smart, your just like your mother so they don’t have to do anything. In my father household there was no room for error, you got beat or verbally abused no matter what it was. Nobody knows everything. He would get on my mother for not teaching us certain things…. Kind of hard to teach your kids something when you’re locked up in a room with a crazy person.. We knew she was in the house but we weren’t allowed to speak to her, let her know how schooling was, show affection, nothing and this was for 10 years of my life. She would prepare dinner, leave it on the table go back in the room with him, and we’d come and get the food and go back to our rooms. My father didn’t want us to be independent of him, there was no money, he didn’t work for fear my mother would leave and she spent her life trying to get away from and passed at 39. My siblings and I had no choice but to fend for ourselves. He never made sure we had or anything he just didn’t want us to get away and kept finding us just so he can have his government assistance since he never made anything of his life. He went to extreme torturous measures to keep us away from society until we got always from him but then he found us again 5 years later. Two of my siblings passed but we all made a way for ourselves and had to learn everything on our own.
I don’t give a dang how independent I am, if my man wants to assist me with anything then imma let him despite my independence or trauma! My grandma and mom are very successful yet they allowed their husbands to provide , protect, lead, and secure.
This topic made me feel personally attacked! But I compared myself a little to the ladies and though oh I’m not independent because I’m not on their level (success wise). Mind you I need to plan a surgery, my brother told me I could stay with him so he can take care of me during my recovery, and I told him don’t worry I got it …
The list is not accurate and most of us with Pathological Independence don't meet the pointers in the lady's list. This is a very common diagnosis for people who grew up orphans and foster kids. A pathology like this one is not likely to manifest in adults and people with situational trauma.
Unfortunately, in my AA culture, a lot of girls turn women became independent by default. The fatherless homes, single parent culture automatically placed the mothers in positions to have to "Do It All". Young children had to help out and raise their siblings and get jobs forcing them to grow up and mature quicker than some. Then as things shifted and more women began to work full-time, become more educated, and have the independence and freedom to do more for ourselves in response to abuse and/or lack of support, by default we're more independent and it's hard to entrust the heavy loads/responsibilities to someone else. It's like, we have to do it ourselves if we want it done right. It makes us stronger, but a lot of the time we don't want to be strong and carry every load and fix all the problems just because we can. Might I add, the deceased alpha male energy has swapped to having more beta males and more alpha females. It's not getting any better with all the down low this, trans this, and gay that. Not being disrespectful, but so many men finding their "truth" and leaving women to take on the men and women roles by themselves. I say this all the time, most of us are Adults walking around with unresolved childhood issues that have never healed. We have to really be patient with one another and realize there's a reason for why we do everything we do. A lot times we've experienced more disappointments in the actions of others instead of proudness and gratitude. Also we have to re-parent ourselves and teach others throughout our journey and be open to the fact that there are people that care and genuinely want to be there to lighten our load, so let them.
It also comes from a fear of abandonment and rejection. Or past ill wills and intentions from others. Therefore, the defense mechanism kicks in and protects your heart from present or future trauma. Self reflection and healing definitely helps provoke a healthy balance between independence and dependency. Furthermore it allows us to understand that dependency doesn't make one weak. Shoot for many hyper independent women it takes considerable strength lol. Fyi: Unfortunately a lot of these same women are always there for everyone else to a fault!! 😩😩. To all my sister's out there who are struggling with this please work towards healing. It's mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically exhausting. You can't keep drowning being everyone's anchor!!
Trauma caused women to be hyper-independent and in response, men stopped being chivalrous because they get cussed out when they try to help. I use to be this way but now I just allow people to be nice to me. I was the person who always whined that I am always there for people but people are never there for me but didn't realize I rejected people whenever they tried to help me.
I completely relate ❤️
Yes, and it leaves you bitter😔🙋I am healing from this one. I have gotten much better. Love it when I just be still, and let people serve me, feels so good.😊
Preach it, Ms. Ashley, Preach It!!!!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
@@Li-Anderson Amen!!! And after a while, you realize *You DESERVE to be treated beautifully!* As the song goes, "Oh, what peace we forfeit." (It Is Well With My Soul)
This right here 👌
The topics this season has been giving me so much life!!!! 😍
This is why this show is important to the culture and just in general
Our moms and grandmas had to endure a lot of hardships in the past, which made them tough and they passed that down to us. And in many cultures women are raised to be caregivers and tend to put their own needs last. When they needed something or someone, they’d have no one to turn to and when they did turn to someone, they were often dismissed or ridiculed. I believe this is where this hyper-independence comes from.
Completely agree! Women of color such as black, Hispanic, Asian women struggle so much because of sexism and ngl white women kinda have it a little easier.
@@liveyourlife243 How about men of color? Don't they have it easier too?
@@ceterisparibus8966 brotha we aren't dismissing your trials. We are simply speaking from the prospective of woman. We would be blind and dishonest to say life has been easy for you. Trauma is generous and has plenty to spare. But let us be reminded this is one thing nobody needs excess amounts of. Lol
You are 100% right Jeannie. A good friend of mine told me that exact thing when I kept refusing her assistance. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said stop taking away my blessing. You are not allowing my blessing through helping you. That hit me so hard because I never looked at it that way. It’s still a struggle but I do catch myself now
so it's all about her blessing, wow that's a bit selfish to me
I have to say jeannies looks throughout her pregnancy have left me speechless 😍😍😍 the stylist needs a raise!
Yes!!! She is GLOW-ING 👏🏽✨👏🏽
Totally agree this has to be one of my faves.
Knowing Jeannie and her background in fashion, she probably styling herself or at least given her stylist tips on the exact looks she wants, but you right, she looks bomb!!!!!!
her and Adrienne have been ON it! ive been obsessed
😍😍😍💅🏾
"Someone let her down in life so she decided to do it herself"🎯💯❤💋🤲🏾
This is so me. It’s the same with being hyper empathetic. It’s a skill I had no choice to learn being a victim of serious abuse.
I had to learn to read the room.
Yep. Sigh.
I finally got a good man and I relate sm to this topic bc he says and does things that literally make me go speechless bc it’s so hard to accept even though I know I deserve it
I wish I could experience this. Being taken care of for once
@@missm518 I never thought it would happen, I didn’t even want it I was happily single and focused on making money and moving then I met him and he’s been everything I’ve ever wanted since. It’ll happen when it’s meant to I promise you❤️ I’ve never even had a real relationship and I’m 20 so I understand up until July I didn’t know what it felt like
This hit me hard! Being way too independent gets exhausting. I definitely catch myself now and try to let others do for me. This has taken time to accept. But ladies, you are all so beautiful together ❤ I am loving the energy and relatable topics you are giving us! I feel like im in therapy 😌
I was raised by a single mom who is very hyper independent and I watched her struggle so much before she ever asked for help and I hated that. And I said I would never be like that and I learned from her mistakes. I’m part of a new breed called INDE-Spoiled 😂. I can be independent when necessary but prefer to be spoiled. I love to have my doors opened for me, I love men carrying my bags, I love to be driven around, having my gas pumped etc. And it’s so funny because when I first meet guys they are like you are so independent you don’t need a man…and I’m like NO I don’t need you but I damn sure want you 🥰👏🏾
Balance
this..this is it. Hyper spoiled. i like that
THIS!!
Yes!! Same here LOL
“I thought he was trying to tell me I didn’t know how to open my door” 😂 felt that
Can we talk about how GOOD they look ??????? 😍😍😍😍
They’re getting deep this season!!
I was raised by a parent who wasn’t independent and relied on men to do everything and I made sure I was the exact opposite. I moved countries in my own and I haven’t been back since.
Jeanie have illustrated the independent ability since her ex husband treated her badly and her past. I fully admire her
Me 💯. Not me having ALL (all, af) 8 tell-tale signs 🙃. Mine definitely manifests from almost losing my single parent (caretaker) in an accident around 8yrs old. I never ask for anything (+ definitely never rides, hello?). It’s taken some real work, which clearly wasn’t working, followed by a near-☠️ stress-related Compound Effect-esque health emergency to begin breaking down the walls and let people help me. And I’m STILL very much working on this. Hyper independent, FOR SURE, (which if anybody feels me, often might be weighted more toward introverts like myself? Hunch). V much a work-in-progress here. Needed this segment, ladies. Tysm ❤️
I am this way as well. I have walked home from work 50 minutes at night instead of asking a co-worker/my family for a ride, I don't borrow money, and I don't expect gifts.
@sea of roses please be safe out there. No disrespect but hopefully family or friends are able to give you a ride home at night, on the daily. Buddy system🌹❤
💯💯❤❤
@@qc4wings thankfully I have a car now 🙏 but In retrospect I should have changed my schedule to get out earlier in the very least. Specially in my second job where I had to walk next to an large street. It wasn’t safe.
I used to get in trouble for this at work. 😭
I very rarely asked for help and if I did, it was always the manager who trained me, and I had to be desperate to ask for his help bc if he did with ease, he’d be disappointed. (And it wasn’t a bad thing, it worked for me.) If I didn’t ask for help, it was forced on me and I only agreed if I got to pick the person who helped otherwise you can keep your help.
That was me... was about to pass out on a bus, but still find it in me to refuse the seat everyone around me was offering "to not be a burden"... Well I ended up passing out for a few seconds, being seated on that same seat I had refused, and now every single person was looking at me anxiously ^^"
I think in some instances especially for women… there are situations that they get put in where they do lean on some people one time out of a zillion or are subconsciously yearning for someone whether friend, family to lend a helping hand or just be there in a sense & yet they always fall flat or end up in disappointment and there’s a saying that goes “ if nobody else gon do it… do it yourself “ and I think it’s hard to get out of that way especially in a relationship where you’re used to doing X,Y & Z & then u push them away and they have to earn ur trust so u don’t feel like u have the world on ur back & they can release some pressure once u have that moment to lean on them ! It can be a lesson for many I’m sure
Exactly 💛
True but I love being independent regardless that’s why I ain’t in no relationship. 😶 But I see what you’re saying Myronn about getting into a relationship and having to feel as though you still have to be independent when there is literally someone else that can also help you do the heavy lifting. ❤️
Yeah me too....part of the reason my fiancé and I are breaking up is because of my hyper-independence. I'm working on it, but it's very difficult when you continue to get let down.
Great topic, that no one talks about! We need a full hour on this!
First of all, these outfits are FIRE! Garcelle looks stunning in that leather with the gold clips and red lips! Jeannie’s outfit is flawless as well! All of you ladies look amazing
But yes… I to am a victim of hyper independence 🥴😂
O, how do I relate. I have no partner as an autistic person who got severely bullied. The whole checklist of not asking anyone for help and disliking meeting people is a total me. I'd hate to partner up and have a spouse to erase half of me. Melting into a whole equals compromising which is pretty much identity theft to me.
I’m sorry! I hope things get better 💗
I don't get the disliking meeting people bit.
As the parent of an adult autistic child, I completely get what you are saying. I am constantly worried about their independence. However I feel that when you meet the RIGHT person you'll see that they don't want to diminish you they will appreciate all that you already are and just want to enhance your life. Don't let the hate of others who never had your best interests in mind limit the amount of love you can receive.
I felt this, haven’t even watched the video yet but that title and description. It’s real.
I wish Jeannie would’ve spoke more on her experience. I know her story from her RUclips and it’s really endearing.
I've learned it's better to do things on your own because the aftermath of someone "helping" you isn't worth being helped 🤷🏾♀️
Nah, you just need to be around better people dear. It wouldn't be possible for Mankind to live if we had this attitude. We have to help each other, that's the way Allah designed it.
I am definitely that cause everyone depends on me but I been doing better. My trauma was when my mom had a stroke my last month of high school
Going through trauma of neglect, abandonment, rejection, and indifference can AND will teach someone to be distant and wary. I have first hand experience. The best advice I have is "Take care of yourself. No one is coming to rescue, nourish, and nurture you!"
I learned I don't have humanity to support, comfort, and be kind to me. 🥺
This is why I am like Jeanie as Hyper-Independent!
I’m this way, and been this way for a LONG time. I really don’t have a choice in my life. Like a deceased father and a emotionally neglectful distant mother. Relatives are estranged from me because they’re not good people. I escaped domestic abusive relationships or bad relationships with men. So I am pretty much all I got for now in this world. Through rough times I’m all that I have like that’s it.
We going to be alright, blessed, and fabulous.
What jeanni said is what it told my best friend when I wanted to help her during illness, let person who loves you be there for you so they can feel useful and needed too
Yooooo. Girl in the green blazer!!! That's my life! We home girls! I moved out at 15, only kid, responsible for everything, stepped up to care for my grandma full-time at 26. Fully financially independent at like 17.
Crazy to hear someone else say that.
Watching the real is literally my psychology session! I’ve been learning so much about myself this season from these talks 😭
As the oldest daughter I've done everything myself since I can remember and when I would let anyone help me( rarely ) they would betray me or put it back in my face that they helped me . So nope never again asking for help lol
Thank you that’s what I dealt with as well.
Loni looks incredible!!!
Literally. All. Me. I do not like asking for help! Im always like "I SAID I got it!" lol 😅
Wow this is soo me! I'm working on being better but its hard when ppl let you down so often.
My dad has taught me to let my husband do things for me, because it will make him feel good. And it has been great. I believe that was great advice.
After what Freddie did no wonder Jeannie is an independent woman I mean Jeannie is a whole blessing.
I love whenever people help me, I find acts of service as a love language. it’s simple but so sweet. I value other people’s help
when i was in highschool about 14 13 up to when i was 17 i had friends/ colleagues who loved me for what i had to offer, it'd be help from school buying them something(food) and when i found out they were talking about me behind my back i decided to be anti-social i may meet you at an event and talk to you and laugh and joke but when i leave that place i will never even want to greet you on the street because i don't want/ have to offer what you looking for so it made me feel like that and i have 2 friends only plus other colleagues that i meet at school only
Mrs Jenkins has so much wisdom we love to see it!
Yes, that is me 100% but I am a work in progress.
I became hyper independent really young. About 15 years old. And it was because i felt alone and ignored by my family. My sister, who is a year older, was born with a syndrome that causes life or death complications. So all the attention always went to her.
It caused me to become independent and to be with an abuser for 5 years...
I’m sorry you had to go through that. Only the best things are in your future now.
Ended up having a mental breakdown. Also gated door opening or anything of that nature. 5 kids in love them so much but I absolutely suffered from severe sleep deprivation. Was what Jeannie was saying too, the cold. Been accused of being a brick wall. Trying to learn to let someone help me.
You have to be hyper independent in this economy even if ppl wanted to help they cannot this day in age so you don’t give it opportunity for anyone to let you down
It’s true because there’s people who can help you but they’re not always good people. Some people will talk about you or use that sh*t against you. So I’m always not trusting of people like that based off past experiences.
Y'all getting too real! Musician here, always been a hard worker but when I was young I couldn't say no, so I did everything and I worried myself sick so that I didn't disappoint my mentors and because I have always just said I'll handle it, I don't know how to say I need help or I don't know.
Loni looks soo beautiful well all the ladies does but Loni I’m loving this look on you.
These girl chats have been really great!
I think hyper-independence also comes about as a result of many instances of strings attached, either covert or overt or both ...strings where the cost of that help became incrementally detrimental to the individual over time. Once, twice, three times burned by that, one is like, "No thanks, I got this...".
Loni's top is beautiful!!
Such a relatable topic. You do not realize it.
i feel i am longer in touch with my feminine when i am too independent and keeps me from receiving ....
This conversation was WAY TOO SHORT…. I NEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDD MOREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Loni, that color looks gorgeous on you! Que linda!
Yes Jeannie at the end! It is better to give than to receive #bible
I can really relate to this in so many ways. I remember one time my guys best friend helped me carry my heavy ass school bag and at first I was a bit like wtf, y iz he doing this and then I understood he was just tryi g to help me with it. I k ow it was a little gesture but is the fact that I thought that he thought I was weak.
.....and this is why the good ones have a hard time catering and being chivalrous. I'm guilty of this too. We gotta do better
Fascinating 100 percent agree.
Never knew jeannie moved at 15 yrs old. I want a book or a movie about her life. These women have been through it all.
Yes she left home after her mom did not believe when she said a family member sexually assaulted her. It took years before she could forgive her mother.
Yesssssss this is me. Wow
Another reason may be that someones parenting style has affected someone to become independent or hyper independent. A book I read "Adult children of emotionally immature parents" mentions it. It's a really good book.
Yeah but people always help you with an intent, any guy who has been really nice to me did it cos they wanted something with me n that is exhausting. Cos when they didn’t get that from me, they told me I did this that for you blah blah. Even in relationships, everywhere. Hence I don’t want to owe anyone, imma remain hyper independent
Damn...I'm everything on that list LOL 🤦🏾♀️
I love Adrienne’s blazer!
thats weird that she never experience someone opening her door
Yes true ladies my real family 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂👍👍👍👍👍😀😀😀😀😀❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I love Loni's outfit!
This is me but I have had to allow people to help me now. I am limited physically now.But,It’s still difficult.
The only person here who could demonstrate hyper independence was Jeannie.
I've learned to ask for help when I finally understood that everyone needs help
wow I’ve been doing some of the same things!!
I fuckkkking love you Jeanie and Adrienne and lonnni n garcelll the things you say really help me through life 🖤
I definitely struggle with long-term relationships because I want someone to love me for me and I feel like that is someone say they want to be with me I shouldn't have to wait a long time like a couple of years or anything for them to be with me
Let them open doors and pull out your chair for you (safely and in safe spaces~ it's a way of respecting and honoring the Queen that you are 👑 ❤
(It's when they don't open doors or don't pull out chairs for you or order food before you, and accepting "less than" for ourselves...is 🚩. If someone calls that a pet peeve, adios 🚩🚩. Don't be afraid to ALLOW yourself to be loved, honored and respected ❤).
I used to have hyper independence until I got married. It took about a couple years though
The female body can be so ... mesmerizing and hypnotic and glorious. Hope the girls are healthy and well, during these difficult times.
Awesome topic…
The size Matters if they don't know how to use the size that there were given. I've had big boys that relied on just that and were horrible and I've had guys that were small and they did some research and rocked it! I mean I was Dickmatized. Jeannie if you can't feel the motion then you need to do some Kegels, get a liberator pillow, or consult your Karma Sutra Book. I've tried that neck trick and it doesn't work if you have hips. What I do is I find a mirror and I hold the pants up against me. If my hips stick out further than the pants it won't fit. I have a small neck, but a large waist, so that doesn't work for me. I remember in Middle school boys asking girls to push their index fingers and thumbs together and depending on how big or small the hole is between those fingers told them if you were tight.
🙋🏽♀️Guilty!
Lee, my platonic friend and former co-worker, taught me these lessons. He gave me a compliment and I did the normal girl thing "Oh, no I'm not" or something stupid. His response was to grab my face, got about an inch from me and said loudly, *"Learn to Fucking Say 'THANK YOU!'"*
Same guy was traveling a long time, then I was, so we hadn't seen each other in a while. He said he'd pick me up at the airport, but something happened and he couldn't. When me and my kids got to baggage claim, there was a man holding a sign with my name on it. *Lee had sent a town car to pick up me and my kids to make sure we got home safe.* My kids were super happy! I was upset because *HE* didn't come. Needless to say, *he cursed me out later and said I need to stop being ungrateful and reluctant to accept help. **#LessonLearned*
I lost my mom at 14 and even before that, I had to fend for myself. My father kept my mother away from us in the same house she was a victim of domestic violence. He didn’t provide so I had to work so young. I didn’t have a childhood.
I got a job after my mom passed. And I been on my own ever since. It’s hard to delegate responsibility or let someone do things even when I do ask for help. But people always say to me you got this, you’re smart, your just like your mother so they don’t have to do anything.
In my father household there was no room for error, you got beat or verbally abused no matter what it was. Nobody knows everything. He would get on my mother for not teaching us certain things…. Kind of hard to teach your kids something when you’re locked up in a room with a crazy person..
We knew she was in the house but we weren’t allowed to speak to her, let her know how schooling was, show affection, nothing and this was for 10 years of my life. She would prepare dinner, leave it on the table go back in the room with him, and we’d come and get the food and go back to our rooms.
My father didn’t want us to be independent of him, there was no money, he didn’t work for fear my mother would leave and she spent her life trying to get away from and passed at 39. My siblings and I had no choice but to fend for ourselves. He never made sure we had or anything he just didn’t want us to get away and kept finding us just so he can have his government assistance since he never made anything of his life.
He went to extreme torturous measures to keep us away from society until we got always from him but then he found us again 5 years later. Two of my siblings passed but we all made a way for ourselves and had to learn everything on our own.
100%💯❣💪 Me!!
This is me 100%.
Garcelle is so cute here😊🥰🥰 she's just such a cutie aww🥰🥰😍😏
Ladies, be careful being too independent because you’ll become independent from relationships as well
I don’t give a dang how independent I am, if my man wants to assist me with anything then imma let him despite my independence or trauma! My grandma and mom are very successful yet they allowed their husbands to provide , protect, lead, and secure.
This topic made me feel personally attacked! But I compared myself a little to the ladies and though oh I’m not independent because I’m not on their level (success wise). Mind you I need to plan a surgery, my brother told me I could stay with him so he can take care of me during my recovery, and I told him don’t worry I got it …
Everything needs a label now got it
I can relate.. 😭
I think this says a lot about men, too.
OMG I AM THIS AND THIS IS ME WTF SMH... SO SAD.
Loni looks beautiful 😍
I still have it
The list is not accurate and most of us with Pathological Independence don't meet the pointers in the lady's list. This is a very common diagnosis for people who grew up orphans and foster kids. A pathology like this one is not likely to manifest in adults and people with situational trauma.
how can I watch the full episode?
Unfortunately, in my AA culture, a lot of girls turn women became independent by default. The fatherless homes, single parent culture automatically placed the mothers in positions to have to "Do It All". Young children had to help out and raise their siblings and get jobs forcing them to grow up and mature quicker than some. Then as things shifted and more women began to work full-time, become more educated, and have the independence and freedom to do more for ourselves in response to abuse and/or lack of support, by default we're more independent and it's hard to entrust the heavy loads/responsibilities to someone else. It's like, we have to do it ourselves if we want it done right. It makes us stronger, but a lot of the time we don't want to be strong and carry every load and fix all the problems just because we can. Might I add, the deceased alpha male energy has swapped to having more beta males and more alpha females. It's not getting any better with all the down low this, trans this, and gay that. Not being disrespectful, but so many men finding their "truth" and leaving women to take on the men and women roles by themselves.
I say this all the time, most of us are Adults walking around with unresolved childhood issues that have never healed. We have to really be patient with one another and realize there's a reason for why we do everything we do. A lot times we've experienced more disappointments in the actions of others instead of proudness and gratitude. Also we have to re-parent ourselves and teach others throughout our journey and be open to the fact that there are people that care and genuinely want to be there to lighten our load, so let them.
It also comes from a fear of abandonment and rejection. Or past ill wills and intentions from others. Therefore, the defense mechanism kicks in and protects your heart from present or future trauma. Self reflection and healing definitely helps provoke a healthy balance between independence and dependency. Furthermore it allows us to understand that dependency doesn't make one weak. Shoot for many hyper independent women it takes considerable strength lol. Fyi: Unfortunately a lot of these same women are always there for everyone else to a fault!! 😩😩. To all my sister's out there who are struggling with this please work towards healing. It's mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically exhausting. You can't keep drowning being everyone's anchor!!
I am hyper independent
Loving Jeannie pregnancy Style's supper Cute!! 💞💞💞
I need some hyper Independence
Wait...why is everyone just automatically classifying this and assuming only women are suffering with this?