Therapist Reacts RAW to Therapy from a Kid's Perspective
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- Опубликовано: 11 авг 2022
- Therapist Reacts RAW to Therapy from a Kid's Perspective //
Couples therapy from a 7 year old? Let's check out this video as therapist reacts to couples being therapized by a kid.
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• Therapist Reacts RAW f...
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• Therapist Reacts RAW t...
Somehow, 9 year olds all responding with “trust” as what’s needed in a relationship foundation made me tear up. That seems to be a little heavy/deep for someone so young to understand
They’re actually 7, cool right?
They definitely picked well adjusted kids. My at 7 would not have answered like that
7* 🤣
“Hug it out “.-probably me@@nataliedickens1289
Children are actually way smarter than we often give them credit for. They understand way more than we think.
I love "teach her cooking" advise. When we don't understand/know how work goes, we usually tend to belittle it.
Also otherwise she could teach him cleaning, it's also a lot of various activities, he may just not even notice.
They may end up appreciating eachother work and with new skills. Win-win.
I am so impressed with the kid suggesting the couple to share chores. Because the core of the problem (at least in my opinion) wasn't how to devide the work evenly - the problem was both partners weren't able to assess the amount of work done by the other because they only ever do their own part in the first place. So having them both do the work together is really the simplest way to find a common ground. No matter if they will end up sharing 50/50 or 30/70 in the end. Before they even arrive there, they need to get to know the other's work.
Now, I don't think the boy was aware of that, but I'd like to believe the suggestion came from a place where he got the intuition that some information was missing to fully understand the situation and his solution for that was to spend time together. And I think that's generally great advice in a lot of cases.
I think that's a really good point. My partner and I have 2 kids and I can't work at the moment because of a foot injury. (Part of that is also a bit of burnout due to the nature of my work). Credit where Credit is due he works 8-10 hours a day and is very tired...but because of the 'breadwinner' status I think he doesn't realise how much emotional labour and patience it takes to look after the kids and try and keep the house under control. That's not a shot at him...he works hard to he just doesn't realise. We compromised by him taking the boys away while I did some work around the house in peace on weekends and I like being able to do things without being interuppted...or doing work together while the kids go do something dubious or with grandma and grandpa. It's really rough on couples to know exactly what their partners take on and part of it is not them being lazy or deliberately mean....they genuinely just don't realise.
@@teesh871 A lot of truth in that. It takes effort to see beyond one's daily routine and into the life of our loved ones. We're not always aware of that - and that's normal.
I hope you get the chance to rest up and regenrate a bit, maybe together with your partner. Take care
He my friend in school he a great kid and really smart. But sadly he moved:(
3:35 Honestly, I don't even blame him not understanding the issue on him being a kid. She asked if he knew about Instagram, he said no, and then she proceeded to talk to him like he knew what it was. Like, that's not the answer of a child; that's the answer of someone who doesn't use social media.
But I think that after that the child understood the issue very well. I think that the issue about posting on instagram was related to the man's fears and to the woman's desire of feeling important in his life, and so is the marriage's issue
The proposal question SENT ME! Great job, kid! Relationships are like pets and kids: so much commitment must be invested for them to thrive. They aren't decorative accessories like keychains!
It's kind of funny that life lessons you learned as a kid from your parents like compromising, is something you seem to forget as an adult. Most adults know what they should be doing, but that's very different than actually doing it. Most children (unless they are acting out of course) do what they're supposed to do because they respect their parents, and also because they don't want to get in trouble. Being able to cool down before a conversation is very important to any relationship, siblings, parent and child, couples... my mother is not good at this. When I was younger, and we got into an argument, and I wanted to go away and cool down she would force me to stay and it would make things a lot worse. I would tell her I would come back but I needed to get away, and she would say no, and out of respect for her I would stay but then I'd explode because she wasn't allowing me to decompress before continuing. Now I'm older so if I want to leave I just leave, but she seems to think a person leaving before an argument is finished is disrespectful, even when you tell her "I'm too angry to talk. I need to cool down. I'll be back." she doesn't see it that way.
Yes, often times parents behave like absolute brats and think they know better and that kids should just obey them without questioning things simply because they're the adults. But respect is earned, not demanded. If someone disrespects and dehumanises another person repeatedly, the target of their abuse is not only gonna be hurt and traumatised but is gonna end up losing all the love and respect they once had for their abusive, stubborn, immature, cruel or irrational parent/s. As long as you're still economically dependant on your mother, pick your "battles" wisely. Many abusive parents are great at holding grudges, vengeance and at trying to sabotage their kid's development and independence. Good luck, be safe.
@@halloweenallyearround4889 I agree, but not in my case. My mom is not cruel, she has never been verbally or physically abusive to me, and she has earned my respect. She has always been supportive, and loving. She's a good mother, but she has this idea that she knows best, and can be very impatient and stubborn, but then so can I (good guess where I got that from?). She eventually realizes she did wrong and apologizes, usually with something along the lines of "I should have listened to you" more and more these days as she realizes that even though I'm her youngest, at 38 I very much have grown up, and I know what I'm talking about at least half the time 😁.
We haven't really had the kind of arguments I talked about in my original post since I was in my late 20s, but she's still stubborn and opinionated, at 62 I doubt that will change, and I've just learned to accept it because there are many more things about her to love and respect even when she drives me crazy sometimes.
The issue I have is that since I suffer from anxiety, arguments agitate me, specially if people raise their voices, I just freeze up and don't know how to answer, which is not good if someone is trying to argue with you and wants you to answer, and you just can't. I also noticed that the more I (and my family) learned about my disorders; ADHD, and bipolar II, with some nice depression and anxiety sprinkled in, the milder she became towards me, I think she tries really hard, but sometimes she lets her own anxieties and misconceptions get the better of her.
@@snoopygonewilder Sorry for making the wrong assumptions about your mum. I'm glad she's a good parent. I hope you can overcome your anxiety regarding confrontations and heated arguments.
@@halloweenallyearround4889 Thanks, it really is just raised voices, which is weird because my mom wasn't the kind of parent to raise her voice at me as a kid, I think it happened more when I got older because it was when I started to fight back (in a way as most teens and young adults would), I did get spanked, but I have no fears left from that. I think screaming in anger just makes me really anxious, and tends to just make me angrier, which is not what you want to be when you're trying to resolve something.
It's funny how we seem to have had very similar situations growing up but we reacted so differently. My parents were the same way. My parents are the most loving, supportive parents I know, but whenever I was in trouble or we had an argument growing up, I was expected to hash it out right then and there or just take being yelled at. Granted, they have gotten much better about yelling over the years, but all in all the attitude in my family was that you don't run away from problems you face them right there and then, and I was never allowed to leave to cool down and revisit the conversation later. Now as an adult, I have spent years learning how to allow others to walk away during an argument. I always saw it as trying to ignore the problem and it would just make me more upset. Even now I still struggle with it. Even though I know it is usually the healthiest option, when tensions are high and I'm angry it still feels personal.
Personally thought the compromise of being outside and gaming and combining the chores together is great advice. Dont choose sides. Just help one another to see first hand what its like to do those tasks as well as why the other person loves those activities. Well done.
I’m very “most problems are simple” with other people’s problems but my own are VERY complex. 🤣
I kind of appreciate the straightforwardness of this. Problem A, do B. Easy. However, you're correct in that you want the people to solve their own problem and not keep coming back to the trough. A therapist is like a teacher, and the best teacher I ever had said that his purpose is to render himself unnecessary.
I loved the no BS approach of the proposal kid.
And agree or disagree, he also does present good reasoning.
We are trained to do it the other eay around, but I have seen it advised as a valid tactic in coaching, mediation and debate to get attention and get people just enough off balance to open up.
I love that!
Yeah, some of us are chronically mentally ill and will always have to see a therapist or psychiatrist to some extent, so that thought process can be really harmful, especially coming from a mental health professional. Of course, it's great if someone doesn't need therapy anymore, but that shouldn't be the end goal for everyone.
Biggest problem with "Problem A, do B" - is assuming B is actually the correct answer. The therapist will rarely understand the totality of any situation. Giving patients the space, tools, knowledge, and skill to figure out their own solutions is infinitely a better strategy than feeding them apparently easy fixes that are not always appropriate.
a thing ive realized recently is that i was not wrong as a child, i had a certain wisdom that i lost, leaving me with ever greater confusion as i learned more about the world. i think the truth is that the most wise perspective combines that of the child and the adult
Absolutely- maintaining a child's perspective or heart on things is wonderful in life
I think kids have a natural inclination to want to help other people. So they did their honest best job. But obviously, they can't relate to all world situations so if they run their lives from the point that, we should just be fair to each other, I'll take it. We really should just try being more fair and decent as a general rule. :D
When I was about five or six, I was on a roadtrip with my grandparents, and they were arguing over directions. I piped up from the backseat with "You two must put your differences aside, and solve this problem together." They thought it was so funny they completely forgot what they were arguing about.
It might actually help that couples have to explain their problems in simple terms.
It might bring things into focus or show the inherent silliness of some issues. Other issues might benefit from having to boil it down to its simplest base form.
And some kids have an inherent knack for spotting holes.
Or their natural curiosity means they just keep on asking "why". Which, at some point, is an infuriatingly difficult and important question for many emotional issues. And a great diffuser of tension: "I'm not being an asshole, I just honestly don't understand the issue, if you just explain I know what to take into account next time and why you feel like you are owed an apology" is a question that has been used by and against me to great effect.
I think kids have a natural sense of fairness, and that really shows here
I love how the kids gave concrete examples, helps make sure both partners understand the "homework".
Some of the best advise I ever got came from a 16 year old at the time kids understand and know more about things that we give them credit for.
100% agree. I've gotten some really good advice from some very young people. Its about perspective more than age, I think.
I was in charge of kids for years. They helped me as much as I helped them. I truly believe that sometimes society forgets that kids are already fully formed people with full capacity for the human experience.
I agree. People have this idea that adult problems require adult solutions when sometimes all you need is a straightforward, one and done answer. Younger people are great at getting to the point and giving solid advice for them
I love the part where the kid starts explaining how to make scrambled eggs.
People always undermine children's opinions to feel superior. But kids often provide new perspectives that an adult would never even think of.
These kids are so cute! Actually it's funny how they understand so much about relationships even tho they probably never had one themselves.
Come to think of it, it makes sense since all they do before learning anything else in their life is learn how to socialize with their peers and parents and other adults, and many problems that arise between couples have roots in those general relationship problems like trust and showing genuine emotions
Well kids that age have relationships but of different kinds. Don't forget siblings beside friends. Growing up with slibling espcially with more then one teaches them a lot about future relationship and they know each other better and longer then friends.
Great points! We do so often get bogged down by parts of life that are more complex that we miss the (as Mr. Rodgers would say) "deep but simple" wisdom.
Having said that I am glad they didn't have the kids meet with couples dealing with more serious problems. Even on the off-chance that the child could articulate what to do ("just don't cheat") they shouldn't have to. Therefore it's good they kept it light.
Speaking of...you keep shining too!
Having not grown up with him, Rogers philosophy seems to boil down to two things:
- just do good.
- just be good.
Deceptively simple. Easy to forget and simultaneously harder and not as hard as it sounds.
Just being able to explain your problems to a kid is probably already a big step towards helping yourself.
I would just like to note, that just because they don't talk to you doesn't mean they don't like you. For some people, they don't talk to anyone, not just you. Some people find it hard to talk to people, they get extremely nervous and/or anxious. They want to say something, they want to talk, but they can't. The words just won't leave their mouths. With these types of people, you need to be patent with them. What you find to be super easy, they find to be really difficult.
I absolutely love this video for a lot of reasons but I'm going to focus on the way these couples simplify these issues so that a child can provide some feedback. I often tell clients that everything we need to function in a healthy way we learned as kids but then we overcomplicate things as we "mature" into adulthood. By connecting with ours and our partner's inner child, so to speak, we can change the way we engage in otherwise difficult situations. Love this!
Actually, gaming can be a HUGE issue in some relationships! When one partner games for 6+ hours a day after work and you have a small baby and have PND, it can be very serious
kids are amazing. the purest simplest ideas may be the best solutions!
Kids give great advice. I always ask my youngest for his opinions and ideas and I am 69.
My husband and I not only have the same values, but we prioritize our values the same way. One thing that surprised me is how little we have to discuss what the right thing to do is. But he grew up upper class while I grew up "barely middle" class, so we rarely agree on how to get something done. The amazing thing is that we rarely have to agree as long as we agree on who wins when we can't agree. Knowing what criteria determine who defers is important.
Something I learned as a child that I am very careful to remember and practice as an adult is to NOT underestimate children.
Awe, I’ve seen this video before and I’m really glad I got to rewatch it with you! My favorite advice given was to go into separate room when angry, which is how I like to operate. I’m not big into fighting and have had previous badger partners and I just couldn’t deal with that hot pursuit. So, I think it’s awesome advice.
I definitely think cooking is definitely the harder part of chores. My partner cooks all the time, and I hate cooking, but I try to do the other chores and the dishes to make up for it. It’s not that hard to keep the house clean without kids
The Pokemon Go idea was so great! Though, I'm happy with the 50/50.
I was impressed with their solutions and did fairly well for being young.
I "get grumpy and put it on her"
"I dont know how to make him less grumpy"
So healthy....
This was so cute!
oh look one of my internet dads is here, SUBSCRIBED!
The children seem to have pure hearts, and their solutions are grounded in love, which is supposed to be simple, but has been complicated by one or more people's stubborness, pride, arrogance, greed, or lust for sin
Yes!!! More jubliee reactions please 😀
the couples that are better at communicating their issues get better results from the kids :)
I just hope they keep it wholesom for the kid.
Wow they're so emotionally intelligent 😇😇🥰🥰🥰
I always love your video's! You should do a video on the relationship of buffy and spike. I loved them, but I feel the relationship wasn't healthy until the end.
Hi John, would you consider reacting to Bruce Willis’ portrayal of a child psychologist in the Sixth Sense and it’s theme of redemption, grief and moving on?
This is proof to those that needed it, that children are a lot smarter, more capable, and more adaptive than people give them credit for. Their imaginations aren't limited by all of the 'this is reality' bull that we're fed growing up. I think the kids did pretty well. There are seeds of honest wisdom here. They're not burdened with a lifetime of issues and biases that'll impact their thought processes. Sure, some of what they said seems simplistic, but sometimes, maybe the simplicity and purity of child-logic is what might be needed.
I thought you were going to say "If you would like to meet with a trained and experienced child..."
1:05 And they are honest and have simple ideas
Maybe I should try giving a therapist another shot. I had a really bad experience with my last therapist. She heard from my psychatrist that I wasn't happy with the treatment (which I never said, my mother said she wasn't happy with it) and the therapist was pissed. She started berating me and using everything personal and private I told her against me. She knew exactly what my insecurities were so she was like "Yeah you should be insecure about that". She didn't reveal until the end the reason she was going on a tiraid against me. I'm scared to end up in another situation where a therapist uses what I told them against me. I left that situation much worse off because a professional was telling me that all my feelings were invalid and that I was a liar. It really made me doubt my own experiences. She also brought my siblings into it. They both have Autism. She said "You don't want to end up like your siblings do you? You don't want to end up useless like them do you?" I wanted to report her but my mom said it wouldn't be worth it.
I think it’s telling that kids so easily find (obvious?) solutions to issues/frustrations that can break up people if they stay around long enough without (supposed) adults being able to get through to each other.
I know that we don’t always have the privilege of clear-sightedness when we’re in the midst of it, but still. The solutions presented also sound like advice that adults give to kids or use as tools when the kids are in similar situations - advice/tools that we don’t grow out of.
Well John Decker I thought this was deliciously sweet and this was one review I enjoyed reviewing
I thought they did a good job we were honest direct sweet cute adorable and they gave advice that was not only needed but necessary and they didn't come off like they knew everything and they were humble
I forgot where it was, but there was something about the mindset of a child or something was the best, we just had to go through school and stuff to understand why. It's been a while since I've heard it so I can't say the exact line. But since children don't have the muddiness of life, typically, they have a more clear picture of things, but they don't fully understand everything because they don't have that experience.
I think this is brilliant and sheds light on a major issue and fallacy I see in "conventional" therapy. (for less severe issues and more regular relational therapy) is the presumption to assume ppl, will find a way when a path is not set clearly. Ppl won't always understand how they are bing guided. And this can waste more time and create more issues. Sure meaning more sessions more profit (for those who don't really care about patients and I have had my fair share of seeing. ppl like that) but too much beating around the bush instead of straightforwards relational skills solutions. (again not applicable for more severe issues) To assume giving straightforwards suggestions would just be "handing them" a solution instead of "letting them find them" is also faulty on the basis that how can it be certain that such suggestion will even work? Can they not find their own ways by trying new things? is that not the scientifically proven human nature process of how humans actually grow and function by finding ways by trying new things? If so giving suggestions is not bound to just give solutions. You can give wood to ppl but it's up to them what they will carve out of it. Or even burn or do what they will with it. Not everyone has the time to find ways, when suggestions could be just as helpful and this brilliantly shed light on that :). Because it can bring ppl together, get them to know more about themselves and their partners and even what works and what doesn't work for themselves and one another and the relationship. Excellent video!!
This proves it. We're able to figure out stuff easier before we become adults. I blame stress. And I think the root of stress is probably taxes. Thoughts?
Question! (And if there's a better place to ask questions, please let me know!)
But I was just idly wondering, as a Therapist, what is it like to deal with everything you hear? How heavy does this weigh on your shoulders/how easy to leave it at the door? We're all human, it's always easier said than done, right? I reckon every once in a while you might get a story in therapy that might leave you awake at night because you can't stop thinking about it? Or are these the type of things you get trained for when you train/go to school/study to become one?
I have heard that therapists often have their own therapists to help with that, that way they can let out that negative energy in a safe outlet instead of just helping their clients transfer theirs to the therapist.
@@FrancisBonnefoy_AKA_Agretfethr That makes sense! Thank you!
I'm not a therapist, but I did get a degree in psych and talked to a lot of professionals as part of my education. It's basically standard (if not outright required by some therapy businesses) for a therapist to see their own therapist. There are those who specialize in this specific brand of meta therapy. There's also the APA's Code of Ethics which is mandatory to follow if you want to keep your therapy license. The Code of Ethics is very clear and helps keep your head straight when facing really heavy stuff.
@@natkatmac Thank you for taking the time to teach/respond to my question. I appreciate it!
I think they should fight it out like Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
The therapist looks like my crush 🤭😍
Its kinda like the coaching framework therapy
Well I always over thought things for my age. When I was 4-6 I learned myself first aid because my teacher always did it wrong
I feel like that 2nd couple are really hitting that little boy with some heavey issues... Like guys he's still 9
POV: Gavin is in ur class
(HELP ME HE’S ANNOYING)
Please react to Boy Meets World S07E13- The Provider, which shows a newlywed couple's first fight and how they deal with it.
4:29 that’s true
I like I like film therapy but this adult versus kid therapy this was fun to watch and the kids did a very good job but verifying the adults
The first question, i would give bad advice because i had bad experiences 🤠✌️
I don't understand the Instagram thing. I use instagram as my creative outlet, posting photos I took. I really don't like putting daily stuff there.
ig it depends on what he posts
That's a good point, that's a possible source of the conflict. A lot of people use instagram to show off the parts of their lives that they're proud of, but as you say some people use it in an artistic/creative way. If she uses instagram to show off, and he uses it artistically, she might feel that he's not proud of her becuase he's not putting her on his instagram. but really they just use instagram for different purposes and she's hurt because she doesn't understand that.
As simple as I could make this this maybe was cute and sweet
Jono, can you react to All Too Well: The Short Film by Taylor Swift? I think you’d love it.
Are there differing feelings between children and adults, other than hormones?
If one of you wants to go out because you like spending time with your friends and the other likes staying home to play video games, then why not each do what you want? Establish a date night so you don't neglect your together time. But otherwise let the poor man play his game and go have some fun with your friends. You don't have to spend all your time together to be together.
So sweet!
That reminds me you absolutely should react to the netflix series „sex education“ as it involves the teenage son of a therapist „therapizing“ his peers by giving them advice
PS: I don't know if you would EVER consider this, but what about reacting to that "dad gives his daughter advice on bagging a man" song "Modest is Hottest"? I swear, I heard it, and I thought it was a parody, it's THAT funny. And stupid. Can't remember the artist, though.
3:20 But like someone can be very private. Like actors fopr example
Found this video last night. My husband was in the kitchen doing the cooking, and I got up and said, “let me help. Can you teach me”? I didn’t want to help, nor learn. But I knew it was an opportunity for us to connect and spend that time together that we don’t really have due to jobs and kids. He was so happy 🩷🥰
Have you tried watching sex education ? its not really a realistic representation, but sometimes the advice are pretty good.
Even the Bible says out of the mouths of babes it means that because they're innocent that not all messed up doesn't mean they're perfect mind you but to close second
Njah I don't knoow... If it's a couple's instagram then instagram away at each other and of the two of you. Though if it's your own insta, post what YOU want.
I don't use insta, though I can imagine it being like a canvas - And if that is the case for even one person then not having to paint what others wants you to instead of what you yourself feel like seems fair enough to me.
Sorry I just blew past everything I thought was great about the video and only wrote about the 'Ish...but...'-feeling I got.
I love this concept
React to more stranger things!!
Can you do ‘Therapist reacts to Andrew Tate’ and generally talk about the rising issue about misogyny and fragile/toxic masculinity in todays society? Would be great content especially for your younger audience. (you can find lots of his content on tik tok and youtube) Thank you so much for your content! :) have a great weekend!
That would be to see
5:51 I don't think so. Marriage isn't solving relationship problems
Little dude in the T-shirt has seen some shit.
I actually disagree that love is a "rank up" from friendship. I think friendship and love operate on very very similar - if not the same - principles. I have done a lot of reading with The Gottman Institute and their materials, and the Sound Relationship House is just as applicable to my best friend as it is to my husband. Marriage is, to me, a sort of "friendship certificate" with some different physical interactions other than hugs ;) lol
Please! Please! Do Andrew Tate from tik tok? Pleaseee
react to adrew tate