Van Life Is Tough On Our Relationship // Europe Ep 5
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
- Visiting Cinque Terre Italy and opening up about how van life is taking a toll on our relationship.
Submit your questions down below for our Q&A!
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Raya
RUclips // / rayawashere
Twitter // / rayawashere
Instagram // / rayawashere
Louis
RUclips // / louiscole
Twitter // / louiscole
Instagram // / louiscole
MUSIC FOR VIDEOS (Best website for RUclipsrs!) → bit.ly/2Hy3fNI
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Thanks for watching our couple's channel! Join us as we travel through Europe with our van or drive from the U.S. to Costa Rica in our school bus. We can't wait to share the journey of buying land in Costa Rica and building our dream house with you. Subscribe to follow our journey!
"It's about us versus the problem, not us versus each other". Best relationship advice EVER.
💯💯💯
I love that Louis can publicly owned up what he wants to change in his behavior about the relationship
I love how Raya didn’t own up to anything she needs to change.
I can't believe 7 years has passed that quickly, what a decade or so its been!
Something that Raya said I hadn't thought about before, "Working through the issue together, rather than blame the individual", that really clicked, definitely something i'll take away to be more aware of for myself and others.
❤️❤️
and not only that quote from Raya, but remembering how difficult life has become with the Pandemic and all that has followed or not followed. So many things we took for granted, or thought was our future and having to make changes when we don't necessarily want to...
I love that you’ve shared both sides of how van life has been going 🥰 this series has been so beautiful, inside out
Thank you!! ❤️
Happy to see you together. Ups and downs are part of life and we need to adjust and compromise and work things out. Honestly, you both make an adorable couple. So stick together and be happy.
I so agree with comments. There will be arguments if you didn’t I would be worried if you know what I mean. be kind to one another as you guys are doing a great job.
I appreciate your transparency and honesty of what actually happens in RUclipsr's day to day lives. Too many youngsters out there today are viewing the 'perfect' lives that is portrayed by some and more than likely most RUclipsr's which is leading some people into depression, so it has been nice to see and to watch. Thank you.
louis “it did say temporarily closed, but i didn’t believe it” - only louis~! 🤣👏🏻
I’m like that too !!!! LOL
what timestamp?
As a long time subscriber to Louis, I will never get tired of hearing him said “just having a cheeky little coffee😊”
I love it too!!
Me too!! 🤗
Listening to this I can say yep we van lifers have all had the same problems. One of the things we have done to combat the ‘ no personal space’ issue. We learned to not do everything together , some days one of us will not want to do what’s planned and that’s fine! We both go and do our own thing. It’s also great to then meet up after and you both have new experiences to talk about. 🤗✌️💕
I would really love to see you answering questions about not having your own personal washroom. How do you find service stations with clean showers; is there an app you use to find them? Also, a hygiene routine esp for Raya during her menstrual cycle. These are just some questions I think about when contemplating van life. Thanks so much 😊
I would love to know too
The highway rest stations in Europe have showers, but I’ve never tried to use one. Yes! a tour of the facilities like K&N did in the Airport lounges.
When my husband and I were first married we moved to Germany. It was hard because I was away from my family for the first time ever. But it also strengthened our relationship because we only had each other to depend on. Enjoy your travels. You’re making so many wonderful memories!
So refreshing to see the how beautiful and organic your relationship is ! And yes you are human! I don’t know if I could share that! Amazing pictures of Italy! You can capture the moment! Thank you!
Thanks Dawn! ☺️
I came here to say exactly the same thing, Dawn…and we share the same name 😄 All the best, from Dawn.
@@justdawnreborn same name awesome!! I do not hear that very often!!❤️
BEAUTIFUL! we're from NZ & only went to Italy once (Venice, Florence, Tuscany) & LOVED the place soooo much. Can't wait to go again one day. You guys are doing your relationship justice simply bc you see the signs when you need to be present & communicate. When my hubs & I feel tetchy, we'll go to the ocean or somewhere in beautiful nature, & earth... go barefoot & re-connect again. Also, here's some good ways to protect your van when you're not there:
1) make sure it's a happy place, running on high frequency... burn some sage, sage incense, incense you feel connected with, to cleanse & purify area.
2) do a quick meditation to white-light your van (your home) imagining it surrounded by white, protective, light... (or gold or blue) imagine a heart over it, dressing the van in lovely vibes...
3) place this really old threshold blessing somewhere by the doors. folded up in the sun visors etc would be good. As follows:
Who comes to us we keep
Who goes from us we free
Yet against all we stand
Who does not carry our key
4) Black Obsidian, Tigers Eye, Rose Quartz, crystals are personal favourites to embrace protection. Simply sit with them & ask for their radiant protection & love to surround your space.
This beautiful house blessing/protection is from unknown source, explained in a super old spiritual book I had, & it's brought us luck for many MANY years.
The act, from pure hearts, of creating blessings to support ourselves out in the world, loved ones, homes etc, brings a beautiful energy all of itself. Trust it
Love these videos. I agree with Raya Louis has such a beautiful soul. He is so generous with his time and patience of others. A very humble man who puts other peoples needs before his own and it’s lovely to see Raya really appreciating that.
Vanlife really is a great teacher and tests relationships. You guys got this!
You both are one wonderful team together and alway uplifting each other. I'm grateful the life you share with us.
Thank you! ❤️
I really loved the bits of wisdom you mentioned about handling arguments with your partner. Thanks for being open and sharing that! Xo
The ONLY time there is conflict is when expectations aren’t met.
Love your honesty about your relationship. I also like the compassion you exemplify toward people and the world. My question is how do you feel when traveling about Covid19. How do you guys remain safe?
I wish I had some sage advise I can give you both :) All I can share is mine and my husband little mantra " Be kind first and last and do your best in the middle " Be good to each other, love your videos !!
I love that! ❤️
Raya you are such a beautiful person inside and out! I’ve been married for 35 years now and my husband and I have always lived by a few simple rules. Don’t go to bed angry…talk about what we are stressed about…don’t sweat the small stuff and be respectful of each other’s strengths as well as our weaknesses. Louis you are always smiling which makes me smile when I watch your videos. Stay open and loving it’s so worth it!
I used to work with older adults. One of the things I heard often about relationships and marriage is that it’s a commitment. It’s not always perfect or amazing. To love someone is to be able to dislike / hate them / not want to speak to them for months at a time, but.... they then do something which makes you laugh or smile. This makes you angry because you still want to hate them, but instead it reminds you why you love them and want to be with them. I have taken this with me for years and I have shared it with a lot of people. The other key thing is that when you express how you feel, use ‘ I feel this ‘ rather than ‘ you make me feel this’. love to you both
I love that you're being so authentic about your relationship and although it's tough, it doesn't mean you should quit. This is something I struggle with a lot, so thank you !
Thank you for being transparent! You’re right, it’s easy to get caught up in seeing other couples apparent perfect lives online but then you don’t see what happens when the camera is off. You seem to be handing conflict really well together and learning about how to work as a team. In my opinion going through those rough patches is what builds a solid relationship. Would love to see more video is like this!
Beautiful country, lovely episode. Something I have found helpful: "high expectations lead to low serendipity". Love you guys!
You just have to make a point of spending more time for yourself. I remember once a TEDtalk explaining how we expect our partners to be lovers, best friends, partners in crimes, family, confidents... but really, we need to put some of that burden on others. We can't just lean on our partner for everything. Maybe on the trip if you guys have friends in certain areas, split up for the day with a different friend each and stuff like that. Yes the channel and you guys doing stuff tgether is important but not as much as protecting your relationship
I love how you guys are so real! I can’t imagine 24/7 in your face time no matter how much I love someone! What a beautiful area! Can’t wait to see the new dress, everything looks so pretty on You!
Thank you!! ❤️
Love how they show reality of the van life too! ❤️
Welcome to Italy guys!! 🇮🇹👍🏻😉👋🏻
Thank you!! ☺️❤️🚐
This is a amazing series Keep up the good work.
Thank you!! ❤️
Thank you for this beautiful tour of Italy and the straight talk! Relationships always have their ups and downs, but in the end it is about communication, consideration for each other and compromise! You are a lovely couple with beautiful souls!
I really enjoy and appreciate the honesty in the video. I feel like that's really what a YT audience is looking for at the moment, there are many vlogs and videos capturing the 'perfect travel experience', but in reality it is never like that. Thank you :)
On every road trip I take, regardless of with whom, we do a daily debrief called a "start, stop, continue (SSC)." It's very helpful!
In addition to gratefulness meditations, asking yourselves what you should start doing on your days, what you need to stop that's hundering success, and what to continue. Journaling those is great, too!
I love these! Thanks for sharing!
Raya I hope you see this... I freaking love you! You have such a calm beautiful energy that radiates through your videos! Plus you are simply gorgeous! I hope you have as many smiles throughout the day that you inspire in others.
Thank you so so much!! ❤️❤️
Your videos just make me so happy:) Thank you for being so honest about life and relationships. You guys bring joy and significance to this world individually so together, even better.❤️❤️
Thank you so much ❤️❤️
Oh my gosh that walk to the showers at the end😳
Raya saying "I have this as a puzzle "- how freaking cool is that?!
As for q&a, I'm curious, once you build your tree house in Costa Rica will you continue to travel?
Great vlog guys. Love your honesty❤
OK, you posted this a year ago, so I don't know if you'll see this. You guys do everything right, and I did it all wrong! Marriage, expectations, resentment, fear of financial insecurity and drinking to oblivion. Got sober and got some tools I didn't have before. I mentioned on the missed cruise your serenity is in inverse proportion to your expectations. Gratitude every day for the blessings you have. Look to be of service. You guys do ALL OF THAT! Thank you for sharing this beautiful world with us, Louis and Raya. Jim K in Nashville, TN
We would have forgone any shower that required that walk. The 20 minute drive would have been preferable.
You guys are great. Thanks to your videos with Kara & Nate I recently subscribed - I'm almost 75, an avid traveler as is my wife. We are not van-lifers, but in the last year we have been golfing in the Dominican Republic, Ireland and N. Ireland, on safari in Botswana, visits to Zimbabwe, Zambia and South Africa, visited Singapore, Indonesia (including Bali and Komodo Island), and saw friends in Australia.
Traveling as we do, we try to always set some time apart during each week or so. Whether it is an art gallery, a church or a market. I really like many of your offerings of gratitude and thankfulness. That can always improve relationships at any point in your life. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing the reality of traveling in a van because a lot of times we watch RUclips to get out of our reality and be someplace happy but sometimes you forget that this is somebody’s actual life and it’s not all glitz and glam and happy times. Life isn’t easy no matter what you do love watching you two!
I have watched so many You Tube videos of Cinque Terre that I feel I know it really well even though I have not been there, yet :) My heart lifted when you said you were here. Thank you for sharing it with us.
If you feel the need for just a little space but you're unable to in a van, something I recommend that my wife and I used to do when we were in a similar position is to take individual adventure once a week or every other week. You take 1 cay and plan something for just yourself. Take a tour, see a movie, go hike through nature, etc. You wake up and have breakfast and get ready. Say your love you's and goodbye and take 3-12 hours to just have an adventure. Then you meet back up for dinner reconnect and share what you learned or saw or the excitements or fears from your day. It helps you grow closer together.
My husband and I are celebrating 41 years of marriage tomorrow! We’ve been together 46 years altogether, and there have been very tough periods in that time, but I can honestly say we’re still best friends and more in love than ever, even after our frequent travels together AND after being together 24/7 for the last 17 months because of the pandemic. The secret is doing exactly what you two are doing, and that’s talking honestly about your problems. Good marriages take constant effort. Keep it up and you’ll be great!
1st step is to realize there's a problem. 2nd step is to tackle them as a team. You two love each other and will have troubles like every relationship! Keep your love first❣
This was great! 💞 Raw and real. I love you both sharing your gratitude and pointing out the things you love about each other. 👏👏✌ For me, it's like a prayer. I'm a Christian so I express the same things to my Father in Heaven each evening. Thanking him for safety, my health, food, shelter and love from my Family and doggie. I pray for those in need. For nature which he created so perfectly to meet our needs. Funsets are my favorite time of the day to bow my head and give Thanks. You are both lovely people in my opinion. I'm glad I was able to come across your channel! You are truly living a good life. Your way. Peace and Love. Safe travels. P.S. Living in a state of "flow " is easier said than done. But it can be done as you let go of expectations I think. I've learned that along lifes travels. It just gets easier as you keep that in mind. I've read a few book by Susan Jeffers. She was a wonderful person and highly intelligent. She said- I just wear the world like a lose garment. Free and flowing. ✌
I am getting to this video late, and neither of you will probably read this- but I just wanted to say this is the very best video I have seen on this channel so far. I love Raya and when she is in the videos it makes it more interesting and relatable to me ( I am now going to have to go back and catch up)( I seemed to only have seen Louis alone videos) I prefer to see the reality rather than the perfection. I think sometimes people when they are traveling prioritize "the plan" over "the flow" and definitely there should be a need to be flexible somewhere in the middle. And the feelings of the people I am watching on RUclips is much more engaging then the itinerary by far. Love and blessings to you both 💗❤
I love you 2! Good relationship advice! You have figured it out! I have been married for 43 years and my hubby and I have always given 80 20 and it works! Of course we have issues we work through but I will say I’ve enjoyed being with my man all my life!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
is so refreshing to see couples being honest about their challenges, esp in light of recent happenings in the vanlife community. being vulnerable gives others permission to also be vulnerable, and acting on that could save a life one day. kudos to you both!
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for being so authentic and open about your relationship. You guys are so amazing! 🖤 we appreciate you sharing what you feel comfortable with. Your relationship always comes first. Sending so much love! ✨
We travel a lot together and it’s good to align and then be flexible like you say. But also remember to prioritize what is important for each person and for you as a couple (and for the channel in your case). Doing something separately (even an hour tour in different parts of the same town) during the day provides topics for conversation and much needed alone time. The Vatican is a good place to book separate tours.
Thanks for being vulnerable with one another and with all of us. Vulnerability builds stronger, healthier relationships.
I love how you both are so down to earth and open with everyone and each other! You guys are so inspirational!!
I LOVE your honesty about van life. I want you both to know how much it is appreciated.
I don't have any questions. Just a word of thanks for all the amazing videos you guys have made. I've been watching Louis videos ever since I was working in a greenhouse 10+ years ago. I stumbled upon your channel when one of your Food for Louis videos was recommended to me, and I was really intrigued. You posted a video saying that you also have a vlog channel so I hopped over from that. Humans have this amazing thing called mirror neurons, which allow us to experience happiness through other people's eyes and your vlogs together with Ben's pushed my trough a lot of difficult times. Just getting to enjoy you guys experiencing your first safari, paraglide etc transported me into another world for the time I was watching the video, and for that I am really grateful. Nowadays I am a self employed stock trader and I can live from this. In the future I am planning to buy/convert a bus somewhat like yours and travel with it. Your videos bring me a lot of joy, and also remind me to live in the present a bit too. I oftentimes get caught up in the cost of things, wanting to save more money so I can live more adventures in the future with the power of exponential growth that stock trading has brought me, and your videos are keeping me more grounded to enjoying the moment, too. :)
great advice on aligning expectations. Thank you for sharing!
You guys are human leaving room for grace for eachother. Relationships are difficult enough especially if you work and live together. You guys are blending your channel well. I can see the charges and it isn't much of adjustment. It feels like it used to only with two beautiful amazing "humans"
Thank you for being real and open . Love the travel footage blended in with honesty and techniques for overcoming couple obstacles.. Can feel the love ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing how you handle conflicts, I will apply that in my life. Both of you is so lucky to have each other.
Life in general is about the highs and lows, it's part of how we grow. Thanks for sharing the real you and sometimes the best moments when travelling happen in the unplanned moments, so enjoy the journey. We, or rather I follow you because of your personalities so don't focus too much on what content, just take us along on your life journey.
Thank you for being Real with your problems and your Tools! After 30 years it’s still a little hard at times! I wouldn’t change any of it! Safe & Wonderful Travels!
Thank you so much for your transparency and honesty. What a great outlook and way to face your challenges. I totally understand. I definitely need my space! After 28 years of marriage. You guys make a great team! Also,video scenery is gorgeous! Enjoy!
Thank you for keeping it real. Just discovered your channel on my feed today. New fave.
Oh, I LOVE Italy, too!! Never been there, but it is on my "someday" list, for sure!! I totally agree with you when you discussed having some flexibility with expectations. My husband and I have been married almost 35 years. We had this issue the first few years of marriage(I was actually the one who got upset when every expectation/schedule wasn't met), but over time, we both have come to a middle ground. I'm less of a stickler of having everything done as I expect and my husband is willing to work at being more "pro-active" with planning, when it comes to travel. We have a 22 foot travel trailer we pull with a truck. We also don't have a "separate" area in the trailer. Sometimes, I will go spend a little time in the truck or even take a walk by myself, if we are in an area that allows that opportunity. The longest we have been on the road so far has been about 6 weeks, though. We were definitely ready to get back to our home base after that amount of time!
I SOOOOO appreciate the honesty and transparency you guys offer about your relationship. The ups and downs, all of it.
Favorite channel to watch on RUclips ❤️
Thank you Katherine!
You guys are a great influence as a couple! I love that you took the time to say all those things you’re grateful for and for being real but also setting a great example. 😊
I can't wait to see your grandparents garden Raya. I remember from some older vlog when you both showed us your grandmas tomatoes...i could "taste" them in my imagination...its reminds me so much my grandmother's garden back home in Poland....my childhood memories. Thank you guys for sharing your wonderful adventures but mostly for being TRUE. Raya you are such a beautiful woman.and such an inspiration. I have 10yo daughter. I wish for her to have in her life so much passion, positivity, respect for other cultures and traditions and for other people as you have.
Ahh I love that! Cannot wait to share 😍 and thank you so so much ❤️
I can't believe I've been enjoying your journey for all these years now. I am so happy for you. Especially for Raya, because it seems as if she's getting closer to her inner wisdom and true calm spirit. Idk, it's just a feeling.
For the Q&A: Are you planning on meeting some people here in Bulgaria that are your fans, followers, admirers, etc.? I'm not talking about meet & greet but something more of a joint picnic or hike or whatever. What do you think of meet&greet in general?
Enjoy the rest of your trip!
I truly find that having no expectations while traveling is the best way, however, sometimes that’s hard. My partner and I look at the things that didn’t work out as fate and usually we end up finding something that we never expected and it’s better than what we originally had planned. Thanks for sharing this aspect of your relationship, so many people don’t and it’s frustrating because nobody has a perfect life, love, relationship, body, thoughts or behaviors. God Bless and safe travels 🇨🇦🌸🌙
I love what you guys said about it being you vs the problem rather than you vs each other. It can be hard in the moment to remember, but if you're intentional about working towards that it will get easier each time.
Also, how good are fruit trees in the street! ❤️
You guys make such a beautiful couple; ups and downs are part of relationships; so just enjoy your Van Life!!! Just Be greatful !!you guys are so Lucky!!
Appreciating your honesty, helps me to enjoy your videos even more. Great advice, especially about the team vs the problem and changing expectations, to appreciate moments more. Sending you both good vibes
I love so much how open you both are about your emotions and the ups and downs. I have fallen in love with this channel 🥰🥰
That mint green dress looked absolutely beautifulllll on you Raya!!
The whole bit about expectations not being met is a huge life lesson. I learned (and am still learning) that lesson over 20 years ago, when I developed a chronic illness. I found that I could either be miserable because I wasn't having the life I thought I'd have, or I could cultivate an attitude of acceptance and gratitude. And, by the way, that path to the shower looked like something out of a Stephen King movie.
I am truly enjoying all these vlogs. I am a 50 year old that has never travelled outside the US. These places are exceptional. Enjoy your travels and each other. Keep the communication up.
In love with this video and more importantly, you guys. We found your channel last week and we absolutely love your energy. You inspire us with how you travel and explore and the values you have. We see ourselves in you both, our future selves exploring and being free. It's funny, we brought out a video last week talking about exactly what you mention here - coming together and working through the problem as a team. Absolutely loved you guys sharing your gratitude and your love for one another too 💜🧡 your authenticity shines in these videos and we appreciate it and connect to it. Sending you love and prayers 🙏
Thank you!! ✨❤️
Thank you for sharing!! Love this video and so meaningful
Gratefulness and thankfulness. Beautiful. I'm learning this. In everything houve thanks. Nice to see your love for each other
Those villages remind me of old town Mombasa. The small corridors, vintage architecture, so beautiful
I loved Vernazza! Stayed there in 2017.. such a beautiful place! My favorite place in Italy. So many memories ♥️
The view from the sea side cafe omg stellar❣️❣️❣️❣️💙
Weirdly needed this in life right now! Love that you share all parts of your journey with us!
Blessings to you guys, you guys are sharing your trip and life so holistically - thanks for sharing the vulnerable and full reality 🤍🤍🌱🌱
Great video as always, Italy looks breathtaking and thank you for being so honest about your experience!
Question for the Q&A: My partner and I have been vegan for a few years now while all our friends and family are not. How do you two manage the questions about your choice to be vegan with people you are close with while keeping the conversation judgement-free and positive? It's something that is so important for us and we find it difficult sometimes to talk about it without getting too sentimental.
PS: Let us know if you're ever in Ottawa (Canada) we've got some amazing vegan food recommendations!
I love your bus more so than your van. Be strong you two. Thank you for sharing your story, authentically.
Love watching your journey. I feel like I'm travelling with on these vlogs.
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@@RayaandLouis Italy is a magical place. I'll be forever watching 😊 keep up the awesome content!
If you make your relationship adversarial then one person loses and the other wins but what they win is a resentful angry partner so not really a win at all. Being right isn't always a win. I love how you put that it's you both against the problem not against each other. And it's nice to hear how you are struggling and your life isn't as perfect as your portray.
This is such a great series with both of you. Thanks for sharing the lows as well as the highs and all the beautiful places you visit. XX
Wow I remember Louis travelling there in 2014! Feels like another life ago. So much has changed in your life and mine but, I still enjoy and apritiate your videos. Thank you for sharing your feels.
That grapefruit find was the beeeest how good, planting citrus trees down the street for everyone 💛
Louis, l am very impressed with your good manners. I also appreciate that you don’t curse. Your parents have raised a gentleman.
I love this video!
I say the biggest relationship struggle is not having a working AC.....
Heat can make us cranky you know.
The scenery is AMAZING!!!!!!!
I know you are both thrilled with traveling right now and yes so very grateful for going with you both 💗
Stick with it , don’t let the lack of space grind you down!.wow what a beautiful lady!!, don’t let her get away😘
Thanks for showing the beauty of that region of Italy, but also the beauty of your relationship with each other. You’re able to be there for each other when things get tough! 💖 Oh and by the way - I hope those showers were amazing because it was kinda scary how you had to get there! 💦 😉
Awww the flash back to baby Troy!!! Love to see it!
The hardships you have now will bloom into the fruitfulness of you relationship in the future. Just remember...people change, but yall can change together. Its all about choosing love and adapting.
I’m just catching up. I always believe that you can be grateful and have struggles at the same time. 🥰🥰🥰 So amazing adding to my bucket list. Thank for your sharing.
I wish all public transit trains everywhere ran that frequently. And, busses, too.
I love you guys and I love how honest and open you are. Its refreshing and inspiring. I appreciate you!!! xxx
You guys made some great points for couple travelers 👍
WOW!! i can’t wait till i can visit italy 🇮🇹