I really needed this! I still struggle to this day (at 49 years old) with feeling guilty for not rescuing my mother from her horrible decisions. Logically, I know that there is so much codependency & enmeshment & parentifying of the children that goes on in alcoholic homes, but the guilt deep inside for putting my needs first is STILL there! This bs runs so deep that I feel like I’ll never be free of it all. Thank you for all that you do to validate & encourage us!! 🤗💛
Hi friend, your post resonates with me so I will try to help you with two statements: 1. it was never your responsibility to save your parent from themselves. They raised you in that belief, I get that, I really do; but you will get over your guilt once you believe this. 2. We can get over it. I did, mostly; I have done it, it took about 4 years; I am still doing it because whatever coping mechanisms were stifled in us, are definitely broken, so you will find yourself going backwards sometimes. But the new skills we can develop online with the help of Dr Lepera, Dr Carter and Dr Darren F Magee, those skills will stay with us for as long as our mental faculties are unaffected by age or accident. It gets better with time and experience, I am a testament to that truth. Big hug to you 🤗
Oh yes, I was told daily that I was responsible for my 5 younger siblings. Now I am told my responsibility is to care for my 2 emotionally immature and entitled parents. I call them the geriatric toddlers. I am in tears listening to you teaching me how to parent myself….thank you❤
It’s very hard to not live in the past and hold on to the pain they caused when they are still in our lives and still causing the same pain. It’s like getting that same ancient wound sliced open yet again. Your advice really helped me today as I am visiting family and things have gone predictably sour and I am yet again tempted to blame myself while also feeling a burning rage at their behavior with no outlet and no power to change the situation. I needed your impartial voice and reason to remind me that I am not responsible for their immature responses, I can remove myself from this situation even if it’s in a couple of days, and that I am not crazy for feeling this way.
Relatable. I am sorry for your pain. About to not join my father, sister, and niece for lunch. I'm not punishing myself pretending for an hour, and I no longer feel that any reason for not going is both honest and kind. I've been honest; not desired. "I won't be joining today. Hi to all.", is the most honest statement I can make without "causing trouble". My truth and reflection upon the dynamics are simply unimportant, and I've tried, as said herein to communicate this; sometimes quite unskillfuly, but even with more skillful methods (relating is THIS hard?), I'm apparently pushing into shame -triggers with my true thoughts/feelings being shared, and over time, I'm giving up. It's taken a long time to accept, and surely I'm nowhere near done. Best for you.
They make me feel anxious and depressed even after all those years. I feel a lot of resentment. My father acts like a 2 year old and my mother encourages it, they are both most likely narcisists, one is grandiose and the other is playing victim. I don't try for them to do anything, or understand anything, I just want them to stay away and leave me alone.
I feel similar. Just want them to be away from me. That’s how I can be safe, as every interaction with them now seems to end with me feeling sick or starting to cry as I drive away and reflect on the interaction.
I’m 37, I’ve been working on reparenting myself since I was 17 (I moved out of my mothers house) It’s taken me 20 years to finally feel more or less healed from my upbringing. Sad to say, no contact has been the most effective way to deal with my narcissistic parents. “you can grieve the parent you didn’t have” is great advice too. We’ll probably always have the hurt, but it does it get easier.
Was raised by one. I can definitely attest to this. I’ve been reparenting myself for a good year and I’ve gotten a lot better. But one of the hardest things to do is STOP focusing on others. Especially because I can struggle with interoception, I find it hard to move forward in my life. I’m either settling into safe routines or flying into places blind. I feel like my emotions don’t know any middle ground.
Watching because I need to learn how to not be a narcissistic parent before it’s too late. I think that anyone who grew up with narcissistic or absent parents will inevitably carry those traits into their own parenting journey. No one is immune but you can take steps to overcome the default settings.
I have experienced everything you mentioned. I have worked through the most insane flames emotionally. I am me now and I have grown so much - still struggling a tiny bit with some insecurities but I do not get defined by others people opinions about me anymore. I love how you say that no one is the authority of truth about me. That resonates a lot with me. Nobody is but me. Not my partner, not my siblings, not my work relationships nor my friends and not societal beliefs either. No one but me :) thank you for that!
I so appreciate how you talk about such sensitive issues. I want to learn (not judge, punish or condemn.) Your opening is beautiful, and eases the way into a difficult subject. Family is forever, but we have to take time to heal from certain things to be able to get to live a healthy life. All of this is very heartbreaking and I can listen to it only for so long. Sometimes I need to step away for a day or more or listen for short intervals more frequently. It’s a very painful process 🥹 Your presentation concentrates on understanding and solving the problem in a peaceful way. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart 🙏
Gosh I needed to hear this today. I thought my now 82yo Dad had evolved over recent years but then over recent months his narcissism (manifested mainly in outbursts of anger, rage, false accusations) has started to reappear. I'm still trying to recover from one of the worst episodes of verbal & psychological abuse I've experienced in many years. I don't want anything to do with him but in honour of my mum who died a few years ago I don't want to abandon him completely. Your reminder about boundaries was so helpful & timely. ❤
6 дней назад+1
Experienced two malignant narcissists as an only child. Recovery has taken decades.
I'm guessing narcissistic parenting is pretty common too, considering how normalized abusive practices were and still are for so many generations. Culture shifts are very much needed towards protecting human rights, and prioritizing healthy morality and character.
This is a gift you have given me, I at times have gaslit myself and excused it all and just kept going back with forgiveness and unconditional love and continuing to get hurt. I am eternally grateful for this information today as well as many of your other posts you share. Thank you for being here.
Although I've been through all these steps, it's really good to hear this from someone who's experience can make my understanding more profound. Thank you so much this one means a lot to me ❤❤❤
My nmom has pretty much wasted most of my life on her, because she knows I still love her and will blackmail me with hurting herself to make me stay. I really don't have a life, and I feel like it's too late to catch up to my peers. She is very sick too, and has burned out every relationship she has so the one stuck taking care of her is me, outside of me she has nobody. I've been struggling to set boundaries and ultimately leave without something tragic happening.
I grieve with you want you've lost. Life isn't set in stone and waves of change are always coming. You shouldn't have been put through that. Thank you for sharing ❤
I have to remember that my parents are people too, which meant I had to hold them accountable for their wrongs, and have to try and live my life. It's worth it in the end
My Mum is this too. I'm dealing with feelings of rage because she made me deny my anger my whole life. I'm 50 years old and humbly coming to terms with this. Emotional incest. She is a classic paradox going on about toxic masculinity most of my life when she is exhibiting toxic feminism. 😅
Oh man, I feel ya! It's total manipulation to make you stay. Do you love yourself enough to leave though? It's you or her, cause this situation WILL take you down if you stay.
This was so timely!! Thank you so very much for making this available for free. Your knowledge and validation are both invaluable to us who have suffered, and continue to suffer under the iron fist of narcissists.
My parents, 89 and 90 both expect their senior citizen children to cater to, and submit to their controlling ways. We have looked after our parents our entire lives, while none of us were parented much. I was parentified before age 12, kicked out at age 18, and was expected to be at their beck and call our entire lives. Now, with dementia happening the tantrums and demanding behavior has ramped up so badly that it is affecting our health (5 of us). Both have been verbally and physically abusive. How much are we supposed to tolerate? I am 67 and totally exhausted by my lifetime of servitude to my selfish, and demanding parents. When do I and my siblings get to live our own lives? My parents are going to live forever!
They'll probably outlive the lot of you! Put them in a facility and start living your lives. Whatever happens, happens. It's time to choose YOU!
6 дней назад+1
Only the good die young. My heart goes out to you. That situation seems impossible, but it is almost over, and you and your siblings were better children to your parents than they deserved. A testament to your character. I wish you peace.
My mom is 93 and to save my sanity and live my life I found a memory care home for her to go to! I’m going to live my best life from here on free from guilt!! Set your boundaries. If they refuse, get an elder care attorney or social service to take over.
You have helped me so much in my still struggling journey to be free from the shackles I was groomed into and become the parent I needed. From the outbursts and verbal attacks to the blatant visual threat implying (a livid PMDD bipolar menopausal narcissistic mother with psychotic violent meltdowns toting her loaded and chambered shotgun throughout the house searching every room like there's a intruder despite it only being her, her enabling boyfriend and I present). Working on moving out and going no contact soon. I think it's safe to say you've truly failed as a parent if the child believes that you're willing to shoot them dead and for the child ready to do the same should the need arise. Despite what she's put me through I still love her but I cannot be her keeper anymore. I need to live for me because no one else can.
Yes I related to all this. It’s hard to imagine parents who are the exact opposite of what they presented to the world, and forced me and my sibling to live a lie about them. Behind closed doors, the truth could not be denied. Seems to be all falling down on me now as I watch them age. Very sad. And I fear what is to come for them, and so I start learning this all more and setting better boundaries. Especially to focus on me and what I want. Otherwise it feels as if they will pull me down into a very sick place, with them.
Its EXHAUSTING.. my mother is like a dark cloud over my entire life.. she keeps getting offended over the most stupid things.. yet again I made a mistake of inviting her over and again she run away before the time after she was sulking over some silly joke.. next morning barely talking to me.. left me on my own while walking the dog and left after I came back.. thats all after me treating her to nice spa and everything else I can offer.. Absolute joke and Im so sick of it.. I keep repeating same mistakes as I simply feel sorry for her (always the victim) but enough is enough..
I got healthy in my mid-teens, only for my undiagnosed mother to bully me into gaining the weight back and losing my healthy habits. I’ve never yet been able to break free into genuinely chosen habits, both from the guilt of having given in and from the irrational sense of guilt about being healthier than her. But I want to be healthy, to be comfortable in my own skin!! To be free of the memory of all the times she’s confidently asserted her belief that I _can’t_ get healthy again. Any advice?
All of them hit home but the 4th about reparenting… yes, they’ve never asked me how I was feeling or what was I thinking… also “talk to yourself kindly how a pacient parent would” wow so simple yet so foreign,
Hello :) I’m 21 and I think both of my parents are immature in some way and might be narcissistic. It’s just like you said I’ve always been there for my mum when she needed me, wanted to vent or to express her feelings but I don’t remember if she ever asked me how I’m feeling? What I’m interested in, what am I doing? My dad (and also my grandpa) was emotionally unavailable most of the time and he would just try to control and manipulate me using guilt or gaslighting. We were never close on an emotional level and to be honest I was scared of him when I was little. I’m the eldest daughter of four and always felt like I’m responsible for everything that’s happening in the family, that if something’s wrong it’s all my fault. But now I understand that’s it’s not. My siblings, my parents and their welfare is not and never was my responsibility. I still feel guilty when I am not engaging in my mom’s conversations about her life or when I try to set boundaries with my dad and grandpa, but this knowledge that I can be free, that I can help myself is really liberating. Thank you so much for your videos, they give me so much hope that everything is going to be alright ❤️ P.S. English is not my first language I’m sorry if I have some mistakes, sending you love from Kazakhstan :) 🇰🇿
I love point #2, I constantly had my reality denied. It took me until my late 40s to be able to know that I’m not crazy and everything is not my fault like they said it was.
My parents got divorced when I was 16, and I haven’t talked to my mom since. I spent 20 years wondering why my mom could just dump me like a random kitten in the street. But when I learned that my mother is narcissistic, it gave me closure: there’s nothing wrong with me. She’s just doing what she was meant to do. I should move on and live my best life.
Raises hand!! I felt at a very very early age that my temperament and many of my family members were a big mismatch! I am pretty sure my parents have strong NPD and AVPD traits. I spent a long time trying to put the pieces together, and the picture was hideous! My strategy since an early age before I really understood the concept was low contact! Decades later, and over 1,600 miles distance the picture is still ugly and there is little to no responsibility taken for validation seeking, childish bad choices!
I also run as far as I could. They can still get you over the phone, despite the distance. My mother guilts me for years about not calling more, if I was closer, she would guilt me about not visiting🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️You can't escape it....unless you go totally "no contact".😢
I was in denial about the dysfunction. I felt sorry for my parents, conditioned that they came first.. so I kept quiet, as assumed no-one would belive me etc. Eventually in my 50's, I started speaking out, and got called crazy 😐
My narcisistic mother took control over my father completely, and now I need to grieve about how I lost my better parent too...thoughts of how can I maybe do better are there though I know this is just my mind's habbit to think it is my fault. Healing is so important here 😢😢
Sadly, the small child locked inside my mother's body is very angry with everybody... Sadly, she has chiseled away at my childlish desire to get close and I have lost all desire
Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, "You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!" said the straight tree. He said, "I'm tall and I'm straight." And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, "Cut all the straight trees." And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange. From the movie Wristcutters: A Love Story (it’s actually an uplifting movie, in spite of the somewhat harsh title)(well, as I remember it, though it has been a while since I watched it)
Any advice on the best way to support our friends /extended family who are dealing with the same thing? They often are in denial about the problematic nature of such relationships.
Thought things were going okay recently. Then I quietly left the family chat for a while because I wasn't keen on watching them celebrate the election results. Wouldnt believe how quickly my stepmom freaked out and exploded with manipulation and selfishness. It was like Tetsuo losing control of his body in Akira.
I am so emotionally and mentally drained from my mom. I fear for my life because my mom is also a psychopath. She almost beat my sister to death as a child and I had to watch. She broke down a door to stab my uncle. She poisoned an ex boyfriend and broke his jaw. How do go no contact? She lives 400 miles away but I live in fear.
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I really needed this! I still struggle to this day (at 49 years old) with feeling guilty for not rescuing my mother from her horrible decisions. Logically, I know that there is so much codependency & enmeshment & parentifying of the children that goes on in alcoholic homes, but the guilt deep inside for putting my needs first is STILL there! This bs runs so deep that I feel like I’ll never be free of it all. Thank you for all that you do to validate & encourage us!! 🤗💛
❤you can do it!
I don't know if that guilt will ever go away sadly
Hi friend, your post resonates with me so I will try to help you with two statements:
1. it was never your responsibility to save your parent from themselves. They raised you in that belief, I get that, I really do; but you will get over your guilt once you believe this.
2. We can get over it. I did, mostly; I have done it, it took about 4 years; I am still doing it because whatever coping mechanisms were stifled in us, are definitely broken, so you will find yourself going backwards sometimes. But the new skills we can develop online with the help of Dr Lepera, Dr Carter and Dr Darren F Magee, those skills will stay with us for as long as our mental faculties are unaffected by age or accident. It gets better with time and experience, I am a testament to that truth.
Big hug to you 🤗
Grateful to be of support. Thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to share about your mom❤
Oh yes, I was told daily that I was responsible for my 5 younger siblings. Now I am told my responsibility is to care for my 2 emotionally immature and entitled parents. I call them the geriatric toddlers. I am in tears listening to you teaching me how to parent myself….thank you❤
Grateful to be of support. Thank you so much for sharing with me. ❤
Gosh. This video made me cry 😢😭 I feel so guilty all the time & like everyone is angry at me!
It’s very hard to not live in the past and hold on to the pain they caused when they are still in our lives and still causing the same pain. It’s like getting that same ancient wound sliced open yet again. Your advice really helped me today as I am visiting family and things have gone predictably sour and I am yet again tempted to blame myself while also feeling a burning rage at their behavior with no outlet and no power to change the situation. I needed your impartial voice and reason to remind me that I am not responsible for their immature responses, I can remove myself from this situation even if it’s in a couple of days, and that I am not crazy for feeling this way.
Relatable. I am sorry for your pain. About to not join my father, sister, and niece for lunch. I'm not punishing myself pretending for an hour, and I no longer feel that any reason for not going is both honest and kind. I've been honest; not desired. "I won't be joining today. Hi to all.", is the most honest statement I can make without "causing trouble". My truth and reflection upon the dynamics are simply unimportant, and I've tried, as said herein to communicate this; sometimes quite unskillfuly, but even with more skillful methods (relating is THIS hard?), I'm apparently pushing into shame -triggers with my true thoughts/feelings being shared, and over time, I'm giving up. It's taken a long time to accept, and surely I'm nowhere near done. Best for you.
Grateful I could be of support. ❤
They make me feel anxious and depressed even after all those years. I feel a lot of resentment. My father acts like a 2 year old and my mother encourages it, they are both most likely narcisists, one is grandiose and the other is playing victim. I don't try for them to do anything, or understand anything, I just want them to stay away and leave me alone.
Thank you for your vulnerability❤
I feel similar. Just want them to be away from me. That’s how I can be safe, as every interaction with them now seems to end with me feeling sick or starting to cry as I drive away and reflect on the interaction.
I’m 37, I’ve been working on reparenting myself since I was 17 (I moved out of my mothers house) It’s taken me 20 years to finally feel more or less healed from my upbringing. Sad to say, no contact has been the most effective way to deal with my narcissistic parents. “you can grieve the parent you didn’t have” is great advice too.
We’ll probably always have the hurt, but it does it get easier.
Thank you for your willingness to share about your experience in healing. Love that advice as well.
Thank you for sharing. It seems that I'm not alone 🙏
When you say anything they turn victim, oh you have no idea what I'm going through 😢
I appreciate how you say everything witch such convicrion. It helps it to sink in and gives me time to digest each sentence :)
Thank you!
Was raised by one. I can definitely attest to this. I’ve been reparenting myself for a good year and I’ve gotten a lot better. But one of the hardest things to do is STOP focusing on others. Especially because I can struggle with interoception, I find it hard to move forward in my life. I’m either settling into safe routines or flying into places blind. I feel like my emotions don’t know any middle ground.
Thank you so much for sharing your resonance and experience❤
Watching because I need to learn how to not be a narcissistic parent before it’s too late. I think that anyone who grew up with narcissistic or absent parents will inevitably carry those traits into their own parenting journey. No one is immune but you can take steps to overcome the default settings.
Yes, you can absolutely take steps to overcome the default settings. Celebrating your willingness to do this work for yourself! ❤
I have experienced everything you mentioned. I have worked through the most insane flames emotionally. I am me now and I have grown so much - still struggling a tiny bit with some insecurities but I do not get defined by others people opinions about me anymore. I love how you say that no one is the authority of truth about me. That resonates a lot with me. Nobody is but me. Not my partner, not my siblings, not my work relationships nor my friends and not societal beliefs either. No one but me :) thank you for that!
I so appreciate how you talk about such sensitive issues. I want to learn (not judge, punish or condemn.) Your opening is beautiful, and eases the way into a difficult subject.
Family is forever, but we have to take time to heal from certain things to be able to get to live a healthy life.
All of this is very heartbreaking and I can listen to it only for so long. Sometimes I need to step away for a day or more or listen for short intervals more frequently. It’s a very painful process 🥹
Your presentation concentrates on understanding and solving the problem in a peaceful way. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart 🙏
Thank you for your sharing and presence here in the community. ❤
For some reason, the second point REALLY got me.
Thank you for sharing your resonance with me. ❤
Gosh I needed to hear this today. I thought my now 82yo Dad had evolved over recent years but then over recent months his narcissism (manifested mainly in outbursts of anger, rage, false accusations) has started to reappear. I'm still trying to recover from one of the worst episodes of verbal & psychological abuse I've experienced in many years. I don't want anything to do with him but in honour of my mum who died a few years ago I don't want to abandon him completely. Your reminder about boundaries was so helpful & timely. ❤
Experienced two malignant narcissists as an only child. Recovery has taken decades.
I'm guessing narcissistic parenting is pretty common too, considering how normalized abusive practices were and still are for so many generations. Culture shifts are very much needed towards protecting human rights, and prioritizing healthy morality and character.
This is a gift you have given me, I at times have gaslit myself and excused it all and just kept going back with forgiveness and unconditional love and continuing to get hurt. I am eternally grateful for this information today as well as many of your other posts you share. Thank you for being here.
Although I've been through all these steps, it's really good to hear this from someone who's experience can make my understanding more profound. Thank you so much this one means a lot to me ❤❤❤
Grateful to be of support. Thank you for being here.❤
My nmom has pretty much wasted most of my life on her, because she knows I still love her and will blackmail me with hurting herself to make me stay. I really don't have a life, and I feel like it's too late to catch up to my peers. She is very sick too, and has burned out every relationship she has so the one stuck taking care of her is me, outside of me she has nobody. I've been struggling to set boundaries and ultimately leave without something tragic happening.
I grieve with you want you've lost. Life isn't set in stone and waves of change are always coming. You shouldn't have been put through that. Thank you for sharing ❤
I have to remember that my parents are people too, which meant I had to hold them accountable for their wrongs, and have to try and live my life. It's worth it in the end
But something tragic is happening, to you. You count too
My Mum is this too. I'm dealing with feelings of rage because she made me deny my anger my whole life. I'm 50 years old and humbly coming to terms with this. Emotional incest. She is a classic paradox going on about toxic masculinity most of my life when she is exhibiting toxic feminism. 😅
Oh man, I feel ya! It's total manipulation to make you stay. Do you love yourself enough to leave though? It's you or her, cause this situation WILL take you down if you stay.
This was so timely!! Thank you so very much for making this available for free. Your knowledge and validation are both invaluable to us who have suffered, and continue to suffer under the iron fist of narcissists.
Grateful this was timely for you and that I could be of support. Sending much love❤
My parents, 89 and 90 both expect their senior citizen children to cater to, and submit to their controlling ways. We have looked after our parents our entire lives, while none of us were parented much. I was parentified before age 12, kicked out at age 18, and was expected to be at their beck and call our entire lives. Now, with dementia happening the tantrums and demanding behavior has ramped up so badly that it is affecting our health (5 of us). Both have been verbally and physically abusive. How much are we supposed to tolerate? I am 67 and totally exhausted by my lifetime of servitude to my selfish, and demanding parents. When do I and my siblings get to live our own lives? My parents are going to live forever!
They'll probably outlive the lot of you! Put them in a facility and start living your lives. Whatever happens, happens. It's time to choose YOU!
Only the good die young.
My heart goes out to you. That situation seems impossible, but it is almost over, and you and your siblings were better children to your parents than they deserved. A testament to your character. I wish you peace.
My mom is 93 and to save my sanity and live my life I found a memory care home for her to go to! I’m going to live my best life from here on free from guilt!! Set your boundaries. If they refuse, get an elder care attorney or social service to take over.
I understand your pain. Leave them. Forget about what people think. It's time
Thank you❤️
You have helped me so much in my still struggling journey to be free from the shackles I was groomed into and become the parent I needed. From the outbursts and verbal attacks to the blatant visual threat implying (a livid PMDD bipolar menopausal narcissistic mother with psychotic violent meltdowns toting her loaded and chambered shotgun throughout the house searching every room like there's a intruder despite it only being her, her enabling boyfriend and I present). Working on moving out and going no contact soon. I think it's safe to say you've truly failed as a parent if the child believes that you're willing to shoot them dead and for the child ready to do the same should the need arise.
Despite what she's put me through I still love her but I cannot be her keeper anymore. I need to live for me because no one else can.
Helpful thank you for being you ❤
This was VERY GOOD information!!!!!
Yes I related to all this. It’s hard to imagine parents who are the exact opposite of what they presented to the world, and forced me and my sibling to live a lie about them. Behind closed doors, the truth could not be denied. Seems to be all falling down on me now as I watch them age. Very sad. And I fear what is to come for them, and so I start learning this all more and setting better boundaries. Especially to focus on me and what I want. Otherwise it feels as if they will pull me down into a very sick place, with them.
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this. ❤
Thank you for this fabulous video. It resonated so much for me and I find it so helpful.
Its EXHAUSTING.. my mother is like a dark cloud over my entire life.. she keeps getting offended over the most stupid things.. yet again I made a mistake of inviting her over and again she run away before the time after she was sulking over some silly joke.. next morning barely talking to me.. left me on my own while walking the dog and left after I came back.. thats all after me treating her to nice spa and everything else I can offer.. Absolute joke and Im so sick of it.. I keep repeating same mistakes as I simply feel sorry for her (always the victim) but enough is enough..
I got healthy in my mid-teens, only for my undiagnosed mother to bully me into gaining the weight back and losing my healthy habits. I’ve never yet been able to break free into genuinely chosen habits, both from the guilt of having given in and from the irrational sense of guilt about being healthier than her. But I want to be healthy, to be comfortable in my own skin!! To be free of the memory of all the times she’s confidently asserted her belief that I _can’t_ get healthy again. Any advice?
All of them hit home but the 4th about reparenting… yes, they’ve never asked me how I was feeling or what was I thinking… also “talk to yourself kindly how a pacient parent would” wow so simple yet so foreign,
Hello :) I’m 21 and I think both of my parents are immature in some way and might be narcissistic. It’s just like you said I’ve always been there for my mum when she needed me, wanted to vent or to express her feelings but I don’t remember if she ever asked me how I’m feeling? What I’m interested in, what am I doing?
My dad (and also my grandpa) was emotionally unavailable most of the time and he would just try to control and manipulate me using guilt or gaslighting. We were never close on an emotional level and to be honest I was scared of him when I was little.
I’m the eldest daughter of four and always felt like I’m responsible for everything that’s happening in the family, that if something’s wrong it’s all my fault. But now I understand that’s it’s not. My siblings, my parents and their welfare is not and never was my responsibility. I still feel guilty when I am not engaging in my mom’s conversations about her life or when I try to set boundaries with my dad and grandpa, but this knowledge that I can be free, that I can help myself is really liberating.
Thank you so much for your videos, they give me so much hope that everything is going to be alright ❤️
P.S. English is not my first language I’m sorry if I have some mistakes, sending you love from Kazakhstan :) 🇰🇿
Your english is great 😊
I love point #2, I constantly had my reality denied. It took me until my late 40s to be able to know that I’m not crazy and everything is not my fault like they said it was.
Thank you 🙏
alwaysss hitting the nail on head yaani 💖💐. You're such a blessing.
Such a valuable video. Thank you.
Thank you , it was really helpful❤❤
My parents got divorced when I was 16, and I haven’t talked to my mom since. I spent 20 years wondering why my mom could just dump me like a random kitten in the street. But when I learned that my mother is narcissistic, it gave me closure: there’s nothing wrong with me. She’s just doing what she was meant to do. I should move on and live my best life.
Raises hand!! I felt at a very very early age that my temperament and many of my family members were a big mismatch! I am pretty sure my parents have strong NPD and AVPD traits. I spent a long time trying to put the pieces together, and the picture was hideous! My strategy since an early age before I really understood the concept was low contact! Decades later, and over 1,600 miles distance the picture is still ugly and there is little to no responsibility taken for validation seeking, childish bad choices!
I also run as far as I could. They can still get you over the phone, despite the distance. My mother guilts me for years about not calling more, if I was closer, she would guilt me about not visiting🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️You can't escape it....unless you go totally "no contact".😢
I was in denial about the dysfunction. I felt sorry for my parents, conditioned that they came first.. so I kept quiet, as assumed no-one would belive me etc. Eventually in my 50's, I started speaking out, and got called crazy 😐
My narcisistic mother took control over my father completely, and now I need to grieve about how I lost my better parent too...thoughts of how can I maybe do better are there though I know this is just my mind's habbit to think it is my fault. Healing is so important here 😢😢
Sadly, the small child locked inside my mother's body is very angry with everybody...
Sadly, she has chiseled away at my childlish desire to get close and I have lost all desire
How can we be good parents ourselves? It is confusing sometimes knowing what is normal ir appropriate or not esp because it wasnt modeled
Can you do a video on narcissistic siblings?
My inner teenager is angry and i turnes 51 last week
I am your age and I feel exactly the same way.
Wow, this sounds similar to our political figures and systems. 😂
Oh yeah, these fuckers know that can mess with our heads and perception of reality.
Re-parent myself? Dear crooked tree, re-grow yourself straight.
Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, "You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!" said the straight tree. He said, "I'm tall and I'm straight." And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, "Cut all the straight trees." And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange.
From the movie Wristcutters: A Love Story (it’s actually an uplifting movie, in spite of the somewhat harsh title)(well, as I remember it, though it has been a while since I watched it)
@@sunshineeddy6849 Nice share, thank you
Any advice on the best way to support our friends /extended family who are dealing with the same thing? They often are in denial about the problematic nature of such relationships.
Thought things were going okay recently. Then I quietly left the family chat for a while because I wasn't keen on watching them celebrate the election results. Wouldnt believe how quickly my stepmom freaked out and exploded with manipulation and selfishness. It was like Tetsuo losing control of his body in Akira.
I am so emotionally and mentally drained from my mom. I fear for my life because my mom is also a psychopath. She almost beat my sister to death as a child and I had to watch. She broke down a door to stab my uncle. She poisoned an ex boyfriend and broke his jaw. How do go no contact? She lives 400 miles away but I live in fear.
Just move as far as possible.good luck 🍀
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BINGO
Thank you ❤