I was addicted to porn until I realized what it did to my girlfriend when she found out. I gave it up because it brought so much hurt and shame to me and her. She felt like she wasn't worth as much as the girls in the videos were, but PRAISE GOD for Godly girlfriends who forgive and are encouraging and loving. I broke a promise with her that I wouldn't watch porn anymore and instead of breaking up with me and being harsh and unforgiving, she echoed the character of God by forgiving me instantly and letting me know how much it effected her. She trusted me to do the right thing, and that in itself made me ultimately stop. It's just videos. I can choose to press play or search, but I need to rely on God to give me the strength that when I am vulnerable and tired, he will rescue me from falling into the trap. My girlfriend even still prays for me not to fall to porn. I definitely agree with Jeff and Alyssa, if a guy doesn't stop, he doesn't love his girlfriend enough and is not lead by the spirit. Breaking up is the best option.
Brandon Dith-Berry thank you for sharing this story. I’m struggling with this. I forgave him as well and told him I will keep him in my prayers, but after Easter Sunday the same night he watched porn ... and I’m 8 days till my due date with our son. I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone right now ....
Gordon J I just found out that my bf watches a bit too much porn.. but we have a great and active sex life together, he said that he would never cheat on me. He laughed when I told him I was upset and I feel useless if he does this so much, like it's perfectly normal. I would like to understand what’s in his mind even if he tells me that it’s just porn and a moment..
Cool video guys, I've been off the porn for 11 months now and its a big relief to be free of it. It's a great feeling to not have to lie or delete your internet history all the time..! All glory to God!
Alyssa is so gentle and soft spoken but SOOOOO POWERFUL! Totally submitted and being used by God. Thank you for this video, it cleared up a lot of things for me.
1) "Or your girlfriend, 'cause it goes both ways." THANK YOU, very few people acknowledge this! 2) A distinction needs to be made between "We're breaking up because you struggle with porn and I can't deal with that" and "We're breaking up because pornography is destructive and a relationship would be suffocated by it." The struggling person should still know they are loved despite their struggle, while also knowing that their porn struggle is a big, destructive force in their life that they need to be rid of and get help for. I think you answered the question very well.
THANK YOU for saying Thank You about it going both ways. Lust IS NOT limited to men, and definitely NEITHER is PORN ADDICTION!!!!!! I actually came out of that myself the very night I came to the Lord.....dropped that IMMEDIATELY. Great video.
God has saved me from this addiction 5 months ago. I feel so free! This doesn't mean that I don't struggle with the temptation it means the I no longer have to be controlled by it! Thanks to everyone and to God for that change!!
I think humans turn to religion because we need answers, we need to know how it all started, we need to know what will happen when it ends. Well the sad truth is that we can't know everything, and that there are mysteries in this universe so big that would blow anyones mind, maybe there are even other lifeforms in this universe, but no one knows for sure. I think its ridiculous to think that we have all the answers to all the mysteries, al the questions about this mysterious reality we live in, in this book, that other humans wrote a long time ago. Its selfish to think that the whole universe is centred about us humans, that we are the most important in this whole universe, that the divine creator chose us. Even out of all of the animals, micro organisms, fish in the sea, we are the chosen ones?! It is ridiculous and ignorant to think like this, that we are the only ones that can go to heaven or hell, that all other religions are gone and that we are right. We can't know all the answers, thats the wonderful thing about life, its the mystery that surrounds us, we can find out more and more by using science, which is a method that involves actual PROOF, and not some book. You see the bible contradicts all science, it says that the universe was magically created along with the earth 6000 years ago, while there is actual proof that it is a lot older than that, and that the whole universe is even older! The bible says we can't have sex before we marry, why would a divine entity that created even care about us having sex before marriage?! The bible also says everyone born before Jesus would go to hell! How could they have known?! There are hundreds of other examples I could say but I don't have all day. Sure its reassuring to think that when we die we will go to a magical place where we will lived with our loved ones for eternity in eternal bliss, I'd love that, I used to believe that, as I was raised as a Catholic. But you have to use reasoning and how unreal it sounds, how we just use it to comfort our selfs, because the thought of death is scary, but we can't live according to this book. We have to live life to the fullest and not having restrictions from this book, so you can be rewarded with an happy afterlife. I'm trying to help you think straight, we can't have people still believing these lies! Please help spread my message.
Well first I have to come to the realization that i dont want to live like this. i saw how destructive porn was in my friends, family, and my life. and i prayed, "God please set me free from my adductions, i hate this so much." and at that time i had a faithful brother in christ that walked with me. we were each others accountability partner, he came to me and said, "Nhat, i'm struggling with this sin," and i said, " bro, i'm struggling with it too!" and we both found freedom in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus took on our punishment of lust. we are free from condemnation! my desire to resist temptation is understanding that jesus died to sin for me and resurrected, defeating death. i have the hope that i too can overcome this temptation. believing God's truth really changes our hearts. because the truth can set us free!!! (shout out to jefferson! i love you and look up to you! continue in what your doing)
Thanks so much for this, i watched my dad and mom go thru this and always swore I would never have a husband with this issue. Got engaged found out he had an addiction for years, called off the engagement he got some "help"... here we are 3 years into our marriage still same issues. Breaks my heart. Wish I would have stuck to my guns. There was some great thoughts!
Morgan Elpin I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. This is a very tough tough thing to go through. Jesus can still bring total healing and restoration. Pray for the Lord to humble his spirit, to draw the right people to bring him into submission of God's will for his life. Also ask the Lord to grant you love and grace, as he does, so that you can support and love him through his sin. Once I started showing my husband grace and love in all areas including sins that made me uncomfortable our lives started to shift. Because where mercy is there is no condemnation or guilt and the enemy uses those things as a foothold to keep people in an addiction cycle. God bless you. I am praying for you and your marriage.
Morgan Elpin I'm going through the same thing . I feel like it breaks me more and will always disappoint me to know I'm so loyal and respectful towards him and this is the sick stuff that won't ever end unless I leave him .
Ashley Sainz i understand also. It’s super hard. It’s super hard when they won’t admit it and makes me feel like I’m crazy and wrong for getting upset.
This is SO GOOD!!! I especially loved how you explained it at the end -- that it's about seeing forward movement in his life, keeping this issue in the light -- not necessarily about perfection, but that you see he's serious about walking in purity. SO GOOD. Thank you!!
I'm glad you talk about topics like this. You're saying stuff that a lot of people don't want to hear, but they need to hear it. This topic is very relevant in our society. It's nice that you aren't scared to confront it
Absolutely LOVING the discussion that's happening so far on this video. Also having been getting a ton of private messages from people who have mentioned that porn was incredibly destructive in their dating relationship and they wish they would've made the hard decisions early on to save from heartache/pain. Also if you remember anything after watching I hope it's the end part. Jesus knows you and sees you, and heals you. Always with an eye of love. Of grace. Of forgiveness. He washes us clean and we don't have to hide anymore. PS I can't recommend the book 'Meaning of Marriage' enough. It's amazing and mine and Alyssa's favorite. You can get it free on audible at www.audible.com/jeff. Def make sure to check it out.
How do you introduce family/friends who are not believers to God? I'm 15 and love Jesus with all my heart but my family do not and I want them to be able to love and learn about The Lord because let's face it he's amazing and all we need him
Gemz The best thing you can do is pray for them. Always looking for opportunities to share the Gospel. Its important that they see that your life isn't perfect and the only thing that seperates you from an unbeliever is Grace! You have to remember that you can't save them (Only Jesus can) so all you have to do is introduce HIM to them. The Holy Spirit will do the rest. Don't feel like you have to say the Gospel a certain way or sound intellectual. A simple "Jesus loves you and here's how" goes far beyond an intellectual response. Because when we are dealing with salvation...you have to understand that its a matter of the heart not the brain! Stay encouraged Gemz and keep on fighting the good fight and know that your not alone, you have brothers and sisters fighting along side you. God Bless🙋
So needed to hear this! Being a single Christian, it's hard to find guys that fight for purity. Thank you for reaffirming to me that saying, "No" to guys who don't strive for integrity is the right thing!
seems like a lot of us will either be single forever or settle for a porn addict (or ex-addict) because they all be watching porn now.... I have searched high and low for a men who does not, and let me tell you IT DOES NOT EXIST. It makes me so sad
I so wish this video came out sooner. I was in a relationship with someone who pursued me and invested in me for a year before we dated. We dated for almost half a year and by the end of it everything was just crumbling down..... Turns out he was faking being a Christian and he had his mind in the wrong places (watching porn, getting nudes sent to him from his friends, and following/adding girls that were very scandalous/not appropriate). We broke up... And now I am on the journey to just being complete in Jesus before I ever date again. I pray I find a man who loves Jesus as much as I and that he has strong thoughts and beliefs on purity. Thank you for this!
First of all, I love the intro!! It's great to see that you guys have a good sense of humor but also have a serious and meaningful side as well. I appreciate this video series because they are defiantly eye openers and clears up questions that I been having to deal with. Thank you so much! God bless :)
I really love that you end with HOPE. There has been one too many times that I see a teacher or preacher not end their message with hope... which makes no sense to me at all when they end with condemning or fear instead of hope and love. I also really loved being reminded that the devil works best in the dark. There is so much power and freedom when you don't hide things. Ps - I adore your videos with each other! That is all. Carry on ;)
Parisa I agree that there are plenty of places out there where it's hard to find True, Wonderful, Godly Men that don't fight for Truth, Life, Faith, Family, Community and Definitely Purity!!! However, what I will say though is that Wonderful, Awesome Godly Men are out there ... You just need to be in the right place at the right time!!! :) It's also a very, very, very big deal that I can say this because from the time that I was a kid and in elementary school until I graduated from high school I was constantly being bullied and sexually harassed by Men and classmates in my school and my parents didn't do a thing about it!!! :( On Top of that one of my abusers had ended up in jail for drug charges :( ... So growing up I knew that I wasn't safe and in-return had soo many lies that I believed about Men and all those lies even carried on into my early adulthood!!! :( Whenever I was around Men I could never look at a guy in the face and I would always shrug my shoulders and look at the floor whenever I was around Men!!! :( Well, that definitely changed because about 5yrs ago I got invited to a Church near my place by one of my friends and I can tell you right now that, that was the best thing that ever happened to me because everyone in this Church has such a Spirit of Love, Life, Faith, Family, Community and Definitely Purity and I can Definitely Say that the vast majority of people there who have brought such a Spirit of Love, Life, Faith, Family, Community and Definitely Purity into my life are Men and they have just totally and completely removed the scales from my eyes and all the lies that I had been believing about Men for soo many years!!! :) I could tell you soo many stories of all the things that these Men have said and done that have brought soo much healing into my life, in-fact soo much soo that about 2 weeks ago today I was going through my stuff and cleaning things out and as I was doing that I found a really horrible key chain burried in the bottom of my purse and on the key chain it said: "Boys Have 2 Faults Everything They Say and Everything They Do!!!" This key chain wasn't broke and none of the colors on it we're worn out anywhere, but I didn't know I had it and the minute that I saw it my heart, mind and soul just sunk right to the floor and then I didn't even hesitate cause I threw it right in the garage can because I didn't like or agree with the message that was on it ... And with that being said I haven't seen it since!!! :) So as hard as things might be for you, know the truth about Men and the truth will set you free because I've been there!!! If your having a hard time with Men then I would Definitely Say find a really good Church to go to because trust me True, Awesome, Wonderful Godly Men are out there ... You just need to be in the right place at the right time!!! :) Hope This Helps!!! :) Thanks, Rachael N :)
If your boyfriend even looks at porn, dump him. That is so disrespectful. In my 20's, my friends called me old fashioned because I didn't date guys who looked at Playboy and they did. They'll all divorced now.
***** I want to thank you for this video Jeff. It's incredibly challenging, but it's so important! I'm not in a relationship right now, but I've been thinking about this stuff a lot and your video helped me to see it more clearly.. I hope that I won't have to struggle with this when I'm finally in a relationship and I believe God is helping me to get rid of it. Again thank you so much!
***** HiFiBanana local church groups are honesty the best for being held accountable for your sins, and there's a lot more freedom knowing that you're never fighting alone.
'Satan works better in the darkness so bring it into light'. I've never heard that phrase before but it's so true! I inwardly cringed when Alyssa was saying about having those difficult conversations when dating because just imagining how tense it could be is horrible. But I realise you're both so right and I need to treasure the message of this for when I do go into a relationship at some point in the future (hopefully!). Thanks for the video guys :)
i think the perspective of the Bethke's, is for those who are in the early stages of a relationship or looking for a spouse and have been followers of Christ but for those who didn't always follow Christ and are in a long-term relationship/marriage where 1 is addicted to porn, don't give up on the ones you love. Prayer, ask for an intercesor (a pastor or trusted friend who follows God) to pray for relationship. Ask God to soften their hearts, unveil their eyes, and give them the understanding that porn is wrong and hurting the relationship. don't be discourage by the little steps of improvements. perseverance and faith are key.
I want to thank you for allowing your channel to have closed captions. It is nice to be able to read your channel. I am not deaf but a strong support of the deaf community, due to having partial hearing loss. Thank you again and God bless!
Thanks guys. My friend and I were recently talking about how the view of lust for people other than your significant other is so normal in the world, and how that is a big reason it's hard for us as married couples to make friends. I love what you've said here, and I think it's something many aren't willing to talk about, but many also need to hear. God bless!
I have a question! As I'm sure, you find Alyssa the most beautiful woman in the world. But do you also find other woman good looking? Like is it sinful to think someone but your spouse is attractive? I would like Alyssa's view on this too! And how do you deal with the jealousy and insecurity in a relationship? Thanks
Can't believe how timely God works through you guys to reach my situation here in Australia, very helpful video to get some perspective on this situation with a couple I am close to.
I struggle and feel like crap it's eating away at my life cause I feel like I'm letting god down I pray so much and try so hard but I never used to be a christan and used to do it without feeling guilty but ever since I accepted christ I feel the conviction I feel convicted an animal I hate it I pray that gid gives me the power to fight everyday
Sunny Sandhu Sunny, I know that feeling. I feel that pain in me every time I fall in sin. I struggle with porn as well and there is times where I feel like it becomes a routine. Where I fall in this pit of poison, I get out in shamefulness, ask God to forgive me, He forgives me, and a couple days later I am sinking back into that poison. It's not about how hard we fall but it's how God helps us get back up. Keep praying and truly devote your time to Him. Dedicate yourself all to Him. Set aside all encumbrances, read and feed yourself His word. I'll pray for you. I don't know you but I know you alone are not strong enough to get through this, but with God my friend everything is possible. Here is my email, isaiasbermejo03@gmail.com, Instagram: Isaiasbermejo, Kik: isaias_montes, Snapchat: Isaias-montes , Keep in touch, I want to be that accountable person. Ik it's hard to speak of with others and it's embarrassing when the topic comes up at church. But talk to God, tell him all about it. From your heart, repent and ask for forgiveness. Do your part by keeping continuous prayer, reading, praising Him, surrounding yourself with people that have in their hearts, and just live for Him. We can keep talking about it on email or any of my social media, we can even do a web chat, I'll pray for you and we can fast. God is still here. He has not left you.
Sunny Sandhu I struggle with porn as well.....😞 this week and last week was hard for me and yesterdayI fell into porn....it's hard and I just wanna cry because I feel so dirty and feel so guilty I just pray that God helps me and Jesus Christ sets me free!!!!!!
Great advice guys! I would add that I've experienced situations when women who when faced with this issue or other issues, try to "rescue" the guy. I'm myself have played into that (preyed on it) to keep women in toxic relationships with me. I think that your advice of breaking up is really good in this situation because it could motivate the guy to get help. And who knows, maybe someday after his healing you might find yourselves in a position to start dating again! Enjoying the videos! Thank you!
Great video guys! Porn addiction was an issue in a past relationship of mine, and if I could give one sentence of advice, it would be: Take this seriously, porn is truly an addiction and it is so harmful to relationships! When I was with my ex, I tried to brush it off, and pretend his porn problem wasn't affecting me/us. As I get older and look back, my gosh, it was definitely causing emotional damage! Thank you Jeff and Alyssa for speaking the hard truth of this addiction and offering Godly guidance.
I know this video's topic was on addiction to porn, but I kept getting distracted by how awesome it was to see both of you pouring out wisdom! I loved how Alyssa brought up important points and Jeff expanded on them! This gives me so much hope and encouragement 8)
Thank you so much you two, I cried when I watched this because I felt like you guys were actually talking to me and giving me advice. Thank you so much.
Hey man my name is Jacob I just want to say I'm glad there are still people like y'all that want to stand up for what y'all believe in!! I'm a strong Christian myself just throwing out there you guys are doing a great job and God be with ya!
I loved the video Jeff and Alyssa! I'm so glad you're starting this series up again! Your relationship vids are awesome. I just preordered your new book Jeff and I bought Alyssa's book too! Currently loving her book, so let her know! Thanks for all the work you two do! You guys really are a light to this world. :)
HI, we got married 10 yrs ago,and exactly like you said,there needs to be that conversation before deciding to go in a relationship.I have experienced not to talk about this with my ex-boyfriend ,and after 1year and 7 months to hear from him he did have a previous sex relationship with someone else before.It was horrible to know that after so much time together!:( and we split,I wanted to have a pure man,...and God gave it to me after that!With my husband, we discussed all this things before deciding to go in our relationship and I can see how beautiful our relationship is even after 10 yrs together! love the video!love your point of view! God bless your beautiful family!
Awesome video guys! I love that you always recommend a book and even though I'm not even talking to someone i totally plan on reading that book soon. Another thing is i love how Alyssa looks at you in the videp she's not looking at the camera and listening to ypu, she's full on paying deep attention on what you're saying. Have a great day guys
I love these videos and the passion you both have for helping young couples, it is truly such beautiful blessing. I have had this very issue in my last relationship. The whole situation on the surface had so much potential. We were both well liked and he spoken of highly, he was a few years older than me, both strong believers, we met while we were working with elementary at a christian summer camp (yes, camp relationships are a real thing). We started dating fairly quickly and everything was moving so much faster. Emotionally, mentally, and at times physically. I remember never wanting to have uncomfortable conversations and not wanting to challenge him in things. (obviously I learned from that) Later on, after our break up, I found out that he was addicted to porn before and during our relationship. Now, looking back on everything I wished I would have challenged it and been bold enough to talk about our purity. I wished that there would have been the conversations at the beginning. So with all of that, my question is; how do you bring up those hard questions and the ones are kind of "make or break" type topics?
Love this! As hard as it is, it's important we open up and talk about this with our boyfriend/girlfriend before we take that next step and it gets harder to break it off. Thank you!!
Jeff & Alyssa, I have been watching your videos off and on for the last 4-6 years now and this is the number one topic I've been waiting to hear about!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I am so 100% against pornography and I am not quiet about the fact either, I am a huge supporter of Fight The New Drug (I'm sure you have heard of it, it's a big thing on Facebook) I am 2 and a half months out of a serious relationship, we have known each other for 2+ years now and were together between 9 months and a year... My then boyfriend struggled/ struggles with a 10-11 year long addiction to pornography. Early on in the relationship I flat out asked him if he watched porn... hesitantly he admitted to having an ongoing issue with it. Throughout the time that we were together I would ask him about it and he was for the most part honest with me, but not with his other friends and family who tried to keep him accountable. Anyways, you are totally right about needing to end the relationship with someone who is defensive, dishonest, unaccountable and inactive in making changes to live differently. Because of conflicts in my own self esteem, I did not end it...Although he knew that his pornography viewing hurt me deeply, I continued to support and love and give to someone who was selfish and had no desire to walk with the Lord... I continue to care about him greatly, but I am thankful to be free from more detrimental pain from his choices, and possibly an even more hurtful marraige situation... I want all those who struggle with this issue to be free of its control!!! The Lord gives, and He takes away. He answers those who call upon Him for redemption and healing and He is always faithful and loves those unconditionally who obey Him.
Lying to the Lord. Is considered blasphemy. False preaching is considered blasphemy. And one of the worst of all is calling the Lord evil is blasphemous. The unforgivable/unpardonable sin. Blaspheming the Holy Spirit.
Bri Day Pretty much a lie is blasphemy. But blasphemy is the most extreme i.e. saying Jesus is dead and living by that or any evil, untrue claims towards God.
Bri Day ,dont be confused or even be too afraid about it as if your salvation/God's grace toward you may fail because of it. Blasphemying the Holy Spirit is indeed unpardonable in sense that when someone continually rejecting His forgiveness/grace untill death come toward him/her then no more chance for that person to be saved. That's why it is called unpardonable. Indeed any sin we have done toward God is a blasphemy while the case of blasphemy toward the Holy Spirit is quite a special case. The sign that someone is already considered UNFORGIVEN by the Holy Spirit is that person would never turn to God/ask forgiveness from God. For someone to repent and apologize to God is actually the work of the Holy Spirit, so if you feel afraid that you have blasphemied the Lord and want to turn back to Him is actually the sign that you are still forgiven and not considered to be in the state of blasphemying the Holy Spirit
Bri Day Watch out for Jeff, he can't be trusted-, he say tattoos is not a sin, he deceive many to hell. It is a sin, and the bible says that. We are the temple of God and if we defile the temple of God we will go to hell. Ask JESUS instead, but if you havn't repented yet -Repent first or Jesus will NOT answer on your questions. He don't listen to sinners.
Thank you for choosing this topic! As someone who can relate to this, thank you for bringing up this very important topic AND making a point to say that girls can struggle with this too. I think its even MORE taboo when it's a girl...I do not like that and want to see that end.
The worst part is when u ask all the questions, do everything this video says and the other person lies and u find out after already almost getting engaged that they’ve been watching it this entire time. Just happened to me right now. Looks like im gonna be single now.
Funny that I was going through your videos and found this video again; my best friend found out about a month ago that her boyfriend of several years has been looking at porn. He brought it to her as a longstanding struggle. Honestly, they're on a great path to marriage, two great Christians. And I know to most people it makes the most sense to say they need to break up, but I think in the long run, they're not changing their minds on marrying one another, and I didn't see breaking up as a feasible option for them either. Knowing them I think working through this together and bringing it to God and close community will help their relationship in the end. I see it as each of them having to learn to trust Jesus even more and having an even stronger foundation of faith and trust in God first, and each other second. They are asking each other hard questions, and she is holding him accountable to it. They truly have a beautiful strong relationship, and I'm glad it came up now instead of later in marriage. I think if they would have broken up, he may have still been caught up in porn. I'm not saying this is what every couple dealing with porn should do...this is just how they're making it.
Can you do a video on marriage for people who did not save themselves. I lost my virginity during a really dark time when I turned my back on God. I regret it immensely and now, I'm concerned that within Christian culture, I might not be seen as someone who carries a "special gift". You've talked about it before in your sexual healing video but in seeing how connected spiritually you are with your wife, I'm wondering how it was for both of you dealing with each other's past sins and moving on in a way that reflects God's plan. I'm a big fan btw 😊
MsRockstar013 The moment you give your life to God ("Become Born Again" John 3:3) God forgives everything you have done before. All of your wrongdoing and sins are forgiven to you. God loves you so much that He forgives and forgets. You may have lost your virginity but once you surrender your heart to God you become spiritually virgin again. Do not think of anything what have happened as its wiped away but focus on future, on your relationship with God, get to know Him.
Let God bring the healing. I'm a 20 year old male virgin, but I dated someone for three weeks. In the second week, she revealed to me that she wasn't a virgin. I didn't know how to respond in the moment, but I let God take control, and I started singing Freedom Reigns by Jesus Culture to her. There was peace. She asked me how I wasn't upset, and I responded that I'm not the one to judge, and if God wants us to stay together, He'll keep us together. Little did I know a week later it would end. Why was I okay with her not being a virgin? I honestly believe that she loves God and is continually seeking Him. I'd much rather be with someone that loves God and isn't a virgin than one who's kept her virginity and doesn't love God. Ultimately for me, I believe God will lead me to a virgin, but that's not the most important thing to me. One way of thinking that I've found to be very beneficial is that you shouldn't expect more out of your spouse than they should of you. For instance, you shouldn't expect your husband to read his Bible every day if you don't. It's helped for me at various times in my life when I didn't want to put forth the effort. I hope this has in some way impacted your life for the better.
This inspired and convicted me to have this conversation with my boyfriend and it has brought us closer to each other and closer to the Lord. Thank you. :) Love and respect to you both.
Jeff and Alyssa, thank you for this! I really do enjoy your vlogs, but I really enjoy these questionnaire-type videos! And I miss your podcasts! God Bless you all!
This is very good counseling. Also please address the that there are so many lustful thought prompting occurrences going on every where a person may go, which often though unplanned may bring a person under the power of darkness. What I am saying the need, and the how, to be constantly aware of subtle, and not so subtle promptings!
***** yes ma'am! This is so true! Most people are so unaware of worldliness and the pull of sin in our every day life. People may watch a certain movie or see a certain advertisement and be struggling deeply with lustful thoughts and not know why. We need to be highly aware of the things we see and more importantly the types of things we allow in our home to be a temptation. Sometimes seemingly innocent things can draw us into darkness!
Awesome awesome video! Love ittt! Maybe the title should also be "what to do if YOU are addicted to.." And bro! NEVERRRR apologize for making the videos "too long" if anything they're NOT LONG ENOUGH!!! I love every second we spend with you guys. I obtain so much knowledge and nutrition from you guys. Please don't stay awayyy! We love you. PS. MORE SPOKEN WORD POETRY I miss those.
Before you read this whole comment, know that I have followed Jeff and loved his stuff for years. All the way back to when he first hopped on RUclips. I was the guy who went and bought copies of Jesus>Religion and gave them to friends. And know that I am open to opposing opinions opposite to mine on this topic. But I find a major problem with what Jeff and Alyssa are saying. Neither one of them gave a definition of what addiction is. They simply assumed that you, me, and everyone else knows what they mean by addiction. Why is this problematic? Because it creates an unrealistic expectation of healing and progress. Based on what Jeff has said, if the either the boyfriend or girlfriend has looked at porn *recently*, then the other partner should break up with them. This is crazy. I'll fully admit that I've struggled with porn since 11 years old, and have gone through so many scenarios of counseling and professional help, yet I still struggle with porn at times. If there was a time where your boyfriend chose playing video games one night over hanging out with you, does that mean he's addicted and he won't give you healthy attention in the future marriage so you should break up with him? What if I found out every morning that my girlfriend looked at Facebook before reading her Bible. Maybe in a lot of cases you could say that is an idol. But does that mean she's addicted to being satisfied by social media instead of pursing God and that I should break up with her? What is porn addiction? Viewing it 2+ times a week, once a week, once a month, once every 6 months? This is not defined and Jeff gave no room for error. "If you've watched porn recently, you're addicted, go break up with your girlfriend." Again, please try to change my view and convince me. I want to be open to wisdom and advice, but being open doesn't mean I need to be stupid.
Hopeful Elephant I agree with you to some degree. Christians aim to be more like Jesus, and this guy tells us that Jesus forgives, loves and accepts EVERYONE, no matter how broken or messed up they may be. So shouldn't we extend the same sort of grace to our boyfriends/girlfriends as Jesus does to us? I understand that if it is a serious addiction, a daily struggle for the person, maybe they need some space to sort it out on their own. But imagine breaking up with them when their struggle is relatively small. Humans by nature struggle internally, so imagine the guilt the person would be feeling if you broke up with them. They are not defined by their addiction, and breaking up with them over one issue could make them think they are not worthiness of grace and forgiveness, think less of themselves, or even fall deeper into the addiction. I understand the heart behind this guys message, but like he said, it depends on the situation. I would encourage some people in the situation to not give up on their partner.
@ReginaPhalange I agree with you Regina. If the issue in the person's life is small, it should be talked through. The person dealing with pornography should have members of the same sex that they can go to often about it. Yet, if either the boyfriend or girlfriend says something like, "Oh you watched porn once over the past month or two? We're so done", then you might want to rethink the relationship yourself. This person has a very high standard. Who can meet that?
Dude you are so attentive to her! I love the way y'all study everything you say. Everyone take notes, watch how J is intrigued by Alyssa every time she talks.
hatwearinggamer Sin is sin, whether its pornography, sexual immortality, adultery or even some of the older ones( Sabbath Day ) God says the only unforgivable sin is Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. People need Prayer to help with their sins. Nothing against listening to peoples opinions and views, but All sins are forgiven if you walk with God. Albeit we do try to repent, but again Thats between the person and Jehovah God.
hatwearinggamer Just like Rich Conrad said "sin is a sin" indeed. But we need to remember something too. Even a sinner still have the right to come to God. Don't be afraid to ask for forgiveness and pray to change. Maybe it will not be magically 'tadaaa, pooof, I changed'. Maybe it will be a slow process, but it's alright. What important is we want to change. Will it be hard? SUPER HARD. That's why we must ask to God. This is not just about homosexuality. It's hard to change from something we used to do. But keep the heart until someday that same heart tell you to not do something wrong.
Love this video. Such a prevalent issue these days. I had a friend ask me about this recently - she was interested in a guy but he was a porn addict. The things you say in this are pretty much what I told my friend........ Only you said it considerably more eloquently :) thanks for covering this topic. Keep 'em coming! :)
AWESOME!! This was very helpful and I love how you both are so great at communicating and not joking about a topic so serious that does destroy relationships and people. Thank you again, I love watching your videos! :)) blessings!!
I loved watching this and listening to you guys. I have been struggling with the fact that I might have to have that convo with my boyfriend. But, honestly, this video has encouraged me to talk with him and try and get it all out in the open. Thank you for this!
This video changed my life. I told my parents, Girlfriend, and her parents, in a matter of 48 hrs of watching this video. I have been doing really well in this area for a while now, but i needed to confess it to my family and my girlfriend. Seek God first and bring this issue to the light. Satan has NO power when we bring it out in the open!
Thank you both so much for the videos you make! They are always filled with such wisdom and encouragement. I have two questions: 1) How do you overcome mental barriers of engaging in community? (Such as believing that if people knew everything about you they wouldn't love you anymore, or that they cannot handle knowing the worst parts of you) 2) People talk a lot about maintaining physical purity, but what are practical ways to maintain mental purity?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this situation. I can say it's refreshing to hear topics like this from a Christian perspective. I love the vids where you and Alyssa have discussions together. You both are truly a blessing.
Thank you so much Jeff & Alyssa. You approached this topic well & I completely agreed with everything you said. It's hard but there are big questions & big steps you HAVE to take.
Thank you so much for this video! As someone who has been in a relationship with a man who listed after girls, I did settle after having had feelings that it was wrong. Later on he broke up with me, and soon after started dating another girl. I have since forgiven him, and hope that the Lord is working in his heart. Thank you both for your sharing, this got me thinking about future conversation!
Wow thank you so much for this video, you have reminded me of what I'm worth, my priorities and what I deserve! You two are such beautiful people, may god bless you always ❤️
Due to my addiction God took away the one my soul longs for. I may never get her back. God used this video & the break up experience to wake me up. I lost a dearly loved relationship & God has every right to do what he desires. I am thankful. Thank you for this video.
I really thought your response to this question was excellent. I believe it will help many. Thanks for sharing. I really love your videos. I also enjoy your podcast. I have been looking forward to new episodes of the podcast. Your relationship, and family is a beautiful display of God's grace and goodness. Thank you for sharing what God has done, and is doing in your lives, and for also sharing the wisdom you have gained from the journey, and His Word. God bless you guys! Much love. Jenn S.
i stopped watching porn because of my girlfriend, i don't think that given up of your relationship you'll "save" your life and your boyfriend's or girlfriend's life. don't get me wrong, porn is awful and you should stop it but it's also something very hard to stop for some people. so i think that the girlfriend should pray about it and talk to him, something like : "hey i love you, but you can't keep goin' with that kinda habbit. you should stop, we can pray together and i'll be with you on this decision but it's up to you." you know what i mean? i think that something you should talk about it and pray, not just give up and break up because it's a sin... it is... but i think that's the best way you can deal with it. i said that because it was what happened to me and i'm free man now, if my girl break up with me i don't know if i could stop though. so that's my point, but besides of that congrats for the video. God bless. sorry for my bad english, i'm still learning, i'm brazilian. Thanks for sharing this video with us
as a girl who understands this struggle, it's so nice to hear you guys mention that porn isn't just a guy thing. girls in my church and school circles talk about it like its the absolute worst thing GUYS do, but they don't seem to understand that girls can struggle with it too. if you are a woman who deals with this, I am praying for strength and comfort from God in your life😌
I am so thankful that you two took the time to do this video! 😊 It was super good. Another good question that I hear a lot of my Christian friends ask is "What if your Christian boyfriend/girlfriend flirts with others? " This may seem like an easy question,but I know it's prevalent in today's society.
I have struggled about this with my daughters father for 4 years and yes you are so right its so much harder to break up but i have also found so much rejoicing and so much comfort in Jesus that i do not fear to break up cause i have my daughter to set an example for but I have been praying for a sign or something because i have his family trying to tell me he needs his "family" referring to me and his daughter to help him get closer to God and to not leave his side so i need some clearance about this cause im confused. For this month i have asked for forgiveness and to be reborn again because i no longer feel the desire to give into any lust to him anymore. He use to argue that there was nothing wrong because we were eventually going to get married, we already have a daughter together, and because we had already been doing it for those 4 years but ever since i completely seeked Jesus and let him into my heart i no longer want that and i saw a side of him that made me realized it was all wrong no matter what he told me. Now he has changed asking to seek council from a church community but i feel for some reason that he is doing it to just give me what i want to make it all go away and not hear anything anymore and to make me happy which yes i do appreciate but what should i do if he was at once defensive about the topic and still isnt so 100% on the same page as me? I have already gained the courage to break it off but he is still living with me trying to better himself?
So awesome, you guys!! Way to bash the whole "it's no big deal thing"...I hear that so much, and I hear so many girls say that it's "just what guys do," and it breaks my heart that girls settle for that. Thank you for speaking truth in love!
I've been in a 9 year (on again, off again) abusive relationship, to someone I'm discovering has a porn addiction AND I'm starting to think is a compulsive liar and narcissist I'm an empath & I've been through so very very much before we got together, but I feel this man has broken my spirit... I'm feeling so guilty over thoughts of needing to leave... I know he went thru so much as a child BUT now I'm worried all those stories were lies to manipulate me & keep me with him I'm so lost & tired Thank you Alyssa for empowering me with the right to ask questions, because every time I TRY to approach this subject sensitively HE avoids my direct questions & simply goes quiet & never answers me... Like I said, I'm growing so very tired
wow i have been on this journey but decided not to settle and left the relationship. was in it for 6 years...and did want it to work ..and now i met someone more on my journey in life....your do have to know what is right and wrong to be your better version...great advice...i have the same mind set as you all...and enjoy your putting all this out there...wonderful
I'm a christian and I randomly clicked on this video it was very shocking and at the same time refreshing to see people being so open with talking about praying and Jesus on youtube way to go guys
I’m not sure if this is a question or a statement so I will just lay it out. The problem I have with your stance on this topic is somewhat a deep one. We as Christians are called to be like Jesus, (that’s what Christian literally means) and with that being said, we as Christians should always be showing grace. I feel like you’re saying if someone is addicted to porn that you shouldn’t be showing grace and that you should just hit the panic button and run. The problem with this theory is that we are all flawed in some way or another and if you bail at this sin, what sin do you not bail on. Again I get your overall statement but that problem still remains that there is a trend that will be created, even on an unconscious level that will send people ultimately alone. Just as a disclaimer; I’m not defending porn, I myself have a problem with this and I hate that I do but I am flawed. But I guess to the point of my statement is that I feel like you are telling people in this to not show grace. Taking that same mentality and you apply to a glutton, should I automatically run as well. Or do we see where are partner is at and like Alyssa said, ask the hard questions and then in turn show grace. Now if the person is trying to move in the right direction and at that stage in their life they do not see porn as problem but they see these other things are and they are moving to being a better Christian. Shouldn’t be the final goal of an individual be the deciding factor of deciding to hit the bail button or not?
+Johnathan Bobbitt I totally agree. To say you should bail immediately because a guy has an issue isn't good advice. What if they have a different issue, should you bail then? What you should do is help your partner get through it and overcome it and see if they are willing to actually work towards getting free or not. IF they don't want to be free that's one thing, but if they do then why wouldn't you support them in getting free instead of leaving them. Seems like that would be the right thing to do.
+Johnathan Bobbitt I think they're saying you still show grace, you just remove yourself from the relationship. The issue with a porn addiction is that it doesn't just affect the person watching porn, it hurts the person he/she is with. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because of his addiction that wasn't being dealt with and the final straw was when I saw a link he had been on and he lied about it. It was the most painful thing I've ever gone through. I agree with Jeff and Alyssa that the person needs to deal with it in the light. I couldn't control him or change his behavior. He had to make the decision himself and after the breakup he became more proactive. I still pray for him and occasionally check up on him. I don't condemn him at all, but I knew that we had to break up in order for me to not feel rejected and insecure anymore. So I feel like I showed him grace, while also removing myself from a situation that was hurting me. I hope this kind of answers your question. I think we need to do what's best for our well-being while also loving the other person and praying for them.
Its not about the fact of giving or showing grace to someone dealing with this sexual sin, if they aren't trying to be proactive in dealing with this issue they sure as heck aren't ready to be in any relationship. As christians we are trying to date with a purpose and that purpose is to enter into a marriage relationship. Bringing this issue into a marriage would and will be greatly devastating especially if kept secret because at that point you are not being honest in giving the other person a choice in whether or not they would fully accept you knowing everything you are about to bring to the table. That's not fair to anyone! Especially to the person who is going to be hurt in the situation and is being betrayed by these actions. I think it's completely fair to know what you are walking into and be able to decide whether or not you wish to continue in said relationship or walk away before getting married and realize you've made the worst mistake of your life.
I am about to attend bible college in the South, and this video cleared a lot of things up for me in this area. I think struggling with a lustful heart and a desire to watch porn etc. can only be healed God. I love that Alyssa shared how us as woman have a right to bring up that in conversation early on in a relationship if our long term goal would be marriage. Thanks so much again!
Thank you for making this video. I just found out two weeks into a relationship with an amazing man of God that he has an active struggle with porn. He was completely honest and told me on his own, and I knew I had to end things because I couldn’t walk alongside him in this struggle & his recovery. I encouraged him that God wants freedom for him and that he doesn’t have to struggle with this for the rest of his life, and that it is for freedom Christ has set him free. I told him it is the desire of my heart to be with a man who I don’t have to worry about watching porn, and I told him to feel free to reach out in the future if he breaks free. I have been questioning if I made the right decision as I have gone through so much other pain in my personal life with family health issues immediately after the breakup, but this video assured me that I did the right thing for both he and I. Thank you both for making this video when you did and for helping so many people.
Guys this was so good for me. Seriously and very helpful. It was just God telling me trhu you that I'veade the right decision and also the last part of the video gave courage to see the reality of my value at God's eyes. Thank you so much. Keep doing what you're doing. You're whole family is a blessing
I absolutely LOVE these relationship advice videos! Please continue them, they are so helpful! Can you do a video on how to bring up the topic of your relationship with God/ the other person's relationship with God? How do you bring it up in a way that is not awkward? What do you say to get the conversation started so the other person knows where you stand in your faith and to know where they stand in their faith, etc? Thank you! =]
Hi kaylee. I have been in relationships like this in the past. Secrets and lies. Anytime I would bring up what was going on in their phone, or who they were talking to and it always ended in a fight. After two years, in the end, I was pregnant and found out the man I was with all this time had had at least a dozen affairs within the span of our relationship. I really encourage you to pray and decide if the relationship your in is a relationship where you are settling, or making excuses for him. If you are looking to marry this person, ask yourself if it would be worth it to spend your life going through this. I am praying for you and would love to walk with you through this if you need anyone to talk to. Jeff and Alyssa have great advice I this video and I would encourage you to read their books- especially Alyssa's book- check out Jeff's website to find it.
I know you shared this a month ago-but I could totally relate to where you are. Five years ago I was there. Now I am in an amazing marriage held up by accountability and openness. I never knew relationships like this where really available. But I am here to tell you there is more out there for you. Love and blessings!
Wow thank you so much for this - the intro was really funny btw but to the serious stuff, this is so valuable. This must have been so difficult to actually make but thank you - it just wasn't on my radar that those questions should be asked so quick but completely see the logic and appreciate your comments greatly. Thank you for your openness and vulnerability in helping 'the world' with your experiences and insights. What approach would you recommend for married couples with difficulties?
I would love to see you guys do a video on being a young married family with children. My husband and I got married at 20 and 22. We have been married for 3 years now, and recently had our second baby.
wow. I usually steer clear of religious stuff but these two are so in alignment with their values and morals. feeling warmth towards this adorable couple. I need to find some more christian friends.
I just left the person that I loved because of this issue . It has become so normalized and there is so much societal pressure to “be ok” or “cool” about it . He also threw other women in my face, including videos and the video women . At first, i only asked that he just let me stay in ignorant bliss about it . Last Sunday, I went to his house and he still had his browser open . He told me that he was only looking at “petite women” ( “like me”) . I have hope for life at 39, but I have lost all hope of ever finding true love or a life partner. Most men would probably agree that my destination is eternal spinsterhood
I was addicted to porn until I realized what it did to my girlfriend when she found out. I gave it up because it brought so much hurt and shame to me and her. She felt like she wasn't worth as much as the girls in the videos were, but PRAISE GOD for Godly girlfriends who forgive and are encouraging and loving. I broke a promise with her that I wouldn't watch porn anymore and instead of breaking up with me and being harsh and unforgiving, she echoed the character of God by forgiving me instantly and letting me know how much it effected her. She trusted me to do the right thing, and that in itself made me ultimately stop. It's just videos. I can choose to press play or search, but I need to rely on God to give me the strength that when I am vulnerable and tired, he will rescue me from falling into the trap. My girlfriend even still prays for me not to fall to porn. I definitely agree with Jeff and Alyssa, if a guy doesn't stop, he doesn't love his girlfriend enough and is not lead by the spirit. Breaking up is the best option.
Brandon Dith-Berry Good man continue to seek the Lord and walk in your deliverance
😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you stopped watching porn 😂😂😂😂
Brandon Dith-Berry thank you for sharing this story. I’m struggling with this. I forgave him as well and told him I will keep him in my prayers, but after Easter Sunday the same night he watched porn ... and I’m 8 days till my due date with our son. I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone right now ....
Gordon J I just found out that my bf watches a bit too much porn.. but we have a great and active sex life together, he said that he would never cheat on me. He laughed when I told him I was upset and I feel useless if he does this so much, like it's perfectly normal. I would like to understand what’s in his mind even if he tells me that it’s just porn and a moment..
"Don't settle for a guy that doesn't fight for purity."
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🙃🙃🙃 you should try BBC
Sourav Kundu
Stfu
@@booboobunny5655 you missed something in your life you should do something on that particular area ASAP
cringe
I agree with this. I cried when hearing this coz it’s true
Cool video guys, I've been off the porn for 11 months now and its a big relief to be free of it. It's a great feeling to not have to lie or delete your internet history all the time..! All glory to God!
Steve Minto That's awesome man! God bless
Good for you!!
Steve Minto lucky
Steve Minto Awesome man! Praise God! I've been clean thanks to God for the last two years! God has transformed us
Steve Minto thank God!
Alyssa is so gentle and soft spoken but SOOOOO POWERFUL! Totally submitted and being used by God. Thank you for this video, it cleared up a lot of things for me.
Donyale Walton amen to that! I married way up she's amazing :D
+Donyale Walton agreed! definitely on her knees ready to slurp up Jesus's special syrup!
Donyale Walton I think she is submissive in the wrong way--it seems creepy and is uncomfortable to watch.
Ephesus RH you have no respect with such a comment
yeah a woman should be seen but not heard. Praise be.
1) "Or your girlfriend, 'cause it goes both ways." THANK YOU, very few people acknowledge this!
2) A distinction needs to be made between "We're breaking up because you struggle with porn and I can't deal with that" and "We're breaking up because pornography is destructive and a relationship would be suffocated by it." The struggling person should still know they are loved despite their struggle, while also knowing that their porn struggle is a big, destructive force in their life that they need to be rid of and get help for. I think you answered the question very well.
Amen! Such a great way to put that distinction Tessa.
THANK YOU for saying Thank You about it going both ways. Lust IS NOT limited to men, and definitely NEITHER is PORN ADDICTION!!!!!! I actually came out of that myself the very night I came to the Lord.....dropped that IMMEDIATELY. Great video.
**Female btw*
God has saved me from this addiction 5 months ago. I feel so free! This doesn't mean that I don't struggle with the temptation it means the I no longer have to be controlled by it! Thanks to everyone and to God for that change!!
Nhat Tran tell me how please
I think humans turn to religion because we need answers, we need to know how it all started, we need to know what will happen when it ends. Well the sad truth is that we can't know everything, and that there are mysteries in this universe so big that would blow anyones mind, maybe there are even other lifeforms in this universe, but no one knows for sure. I think its ridiculous to think that we have all the answers to all the mysteries, al the questions about this mysterious reality we live in, in this book, that other humans wrote a long time ago. Its selfish to think that the whole universe is centred about us humans, that we are the most important in this whole universe, that the divine creator chose us. Even out of all of the animals, micro organisms, fish in the sea, we are the chosen ones?! It is ridiculous and ignorant to think like this, that we are the only ones that can go to heaven or hell, that all other religions are gone and that we are right. We can't know all the answers, thats the wonderful thing about life, its the mystery that surrounds us, we can find out more and more by using science, which is a method that involves actual PROOF, and not some book. You see the bible contradicts all science, it says that the universe was magically created along with the earth 6000 years ago, while there is actual proof that it is a lot older than that, and that the whole universe is even older! The bible says we can't have sex before we marry, why would a divine entity that created even care about us having sex before marriage?! The bible also says everyone born before Jesus would go to hell! How could they have known?! There are hundreds of other examples I could say but I don't have all day. Sure its reassuring to think that when we die we will go to a magical place where we will lived with our loved ones for eternity in eternal bliss, I'd love that, I used to believe that, as I was raised as a Catholic. But you have to use reasoning and how unreal it sounds, how we just use it to comfort our selfs, because the thought of death is scary, but we can't live according to this book. We have to live life to the fullest and not having restrictions from this book, so you can be rewarded with an happy afterlife. I'm trying to help you think straight, we can't have people still believing these lies! Please help spread my message.
Well first I have to come to the realization that i dont want to live like this. i saw how destructive porn was in my friends, family, and my life. and i prayed, "God please set me free from my adductions, i hate this so much." and at that time i had a faithful brother in christ that walked with me. we were each others accountability partner, he came to me and said, "Nhat, i'm struggling with this sin," and i said, " bro, i'm struggling with it too!" and we both found freedom in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus took on our punishment of lust. we are free from condemnation! my desire to resist temptation is understanding that jesus died to sin for me and resurrected, defeating death. i have the hope that i too can overcome this temptation. believing God's truth really changes our hearts. because the truth can set us free!!!
(shout out to jefferson! i love you and look up to you! continue in what your doing)
Thanks so much for this, i watched my dad and mom go thru this and always swore I would never have a husband with this issue. Got engaged found out he had an addiction for years, called off the engagement he got some "help"... here we are 3 years into our marriage still same issues. Breaks my heart. Wish I would have stuck to my guns. There was some great thoughts!
Omg am so sorry to hear that.can't imagine how hard that might be for you!
I like the great thought, God is merciful and gracious, and we can find great healing in him. Bring it into the light and Satan losses his power.
Morgan Elpin I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. This is a very tough tough thing to go through. Jesus can still bring total healing and restoration. Pray for the Lord to humble his spirit, to draw the right people to bring him into submission of God's will for his life. Also ask the Lord to grant you love and grace, as he does, so that you can support and love him through his sin. Once I started showing my husband grace and love in all areas including sins that made me uncomfortable our lives started to shift. Because where mercy is there is no condemnation or guilt and the enemy uses those things as a foothold to keep people in an addiction cycle. God bless you. I am praying for you and your marriage.
Morgan Elpin I'm going through the same thing . I feel like it breaks me more and will always disappoint me to know I'm so loyal and respectful towards him and this is the sick stuff that won't ever end unless I leave him .
Ashley Sainz i understand also. It’s super hard. It’s super hard when they won’t admit it and makes me feel like I’m crazy and wrong for getting upset.
This video stabbed in the heart, I needed it desperately.
TheIcanntspel hey man ik you said this 4 yrs ago but I’m praying for you
@@jessewilson1330 Thank you for this. The video is still relevant to me unfortunately.
@@TheIcanntspel me too, you are in my prayers and i struggle with it too
This is SO GOOD!!! I especially loved how you explained it at the end -- that it's about seeing forward movement in his life, keeping this issue in the light -- not necessarily about perfection, but that you see he's serious about walking in purity. SO GOOD. Thank you!!
I'm glad you talk about topics like this. You're saying stuff that a lot of people don't want to hear, but they need to hear it. This topic is very relevant in our society. It's nice that you aren't scared to confront it
Absolutely LOVING the discussion that's happening so far on this video. Also having been getting a ton of private messages from people who have mentioned that porn was incredibly destructive in their dating relationship and they wish they would've made the hard decisions early on to save from heartache/pain. Also if you remember anything after watching I hope it's the end part. Jesus knows you and sees you, and heals you. Always with an eye of love. Of grace. Of forgiveness. He washes us clean and we don't have to hide anymore. PS I can't recommend the book 'Meaning of Marriage' enough. It's amazing and mine and Alyssa's favorite. You can get it free on audible at www.audible.com/jeff. Def make sure to check it out.
***** Totally! Currently reading 'Meaning of Marriage'; Super helpful and encouraging and eye opening :) Total favorite as well.
What advice would you have with a man that looks at instagram pictures when he has been married for 10 years?
How do you introduce family/friends who are not believers to God? I'm 15 and love Jesus with all my heart but my family do not and I want them to be able to love and learn about The Lord because let's face it he's amazing and all we need him
Gemz The best thing you can do is pray for them. Always looking for opportunities to share the Gospel. Its important that they see that your life isn't perfect and the only thing that seperates you from an unbeliever is Grace! You have to remember that you can't save them (Only Jesus can) so all you have to do is introduce HIM to them. The Holy Spirit will do the rest. Don't feel like you have to say the Gospel a certain way or sound intellectual. A simple "Jesus loves you and here's how" goes far beyond an intellectual response. Because when we are dealing with salvation...you have to understand that its a matter of the heart not the brain! Stay encouraged Gemz and keep on fighting the good fight and know that your not alone, you have brothers and sisters fighting along side you. God Bless🙋
Shirts dope btw jeff
So needed to hear this! Being a single Christian, it's hard to find guys that fight for purity. Thank you for reaffirming to me that saying, "No" to guys who don't strive for integrity is the right thing!
seems like a lot of us will either be single forever or settle for a porn addict (or ex-addict) because they all be watching porn now.... I have searched high and low for a men who does not, and let me tell you IT DOES NOT EXIST. It makes me so sad
I so wish this video came out sooner. I was in a relationship with someone who pursued me and invested in me for a year before we dated. We dated for almost half a year and by the end of it everything was just crumbling down..... Turns out he was faking being a Christian and he had his mind in the wrong places (watching porn, getting nudes sent to him from his friends, and following/adding girls that were very scandalous/not appropriate). We broke up... And now I am on the journey to just being complete in Jesus before I ever date again. I pray I find a man who loves Jesus as much as I and that he has strong thoughts and beliefs on purity. Thank you for this!
Thats awesome ! :)
First of all, I love the intro!! It's great to see that you guys have a good sense of humor but also have a serious and meaningful side as well. I appreciate this video series because they are defiantly eye openers and clears up questions that I been having to deal with. Thank you so much! God bless :)
Thanks Evelyn!! Means a lot :D
+tophiigh great question! Looking for answers, too!
I really love that you end with HOPE. There has been one too many times that I see a teacher or preacher not end their message with hope... which makes no sense to me at all when they end with condemning or fear instead of hope and love.
I also really loved being reminded that the devil works best in the dark. There is so much power and freedom when you don't hide things.
Ps - I adore your videos with each other!
That is all. Carry on ;)
:( It's hard to find a guy who doesn't watch that.
no its not
@@eribertotorres9478 You'd be surprised.
Parisa I agree that there are plenty of places out there where it's hard to find True, Wonderful, Godly Men that don't fight for Truth, Life, Faith, Family, Community and Definitely Purity!!! However, what I will say though is that Wonderful, Awesome Godly Men are out there ... You just need to be in the right place at the right time!!! :) It's also a very, very, very big deal that I can say this because from the time that I was a kid and in elementary school until I graduated from high school I was constantly being bullied and sexually harassed by Men and classmates in my school and my parents didn't do a thing about it!!! :( On Top of that one of my abusers had ended up in jail for drug charges :( ... So growing up I knew that I wasn't safe and in-return had soo many lies that I believed about Men and all those lies even carried on into my early adulthood!!! :( Whenever I was around Men I could never look at a guy in the face and I would always shrug my shoulders and look at the floor whenever I was around Men!!! :( Well, that definitely changed because about 5yrs ago I got invited to a Church near my place by one of my friends and I can tell you right now that, that was the best thing that ever happened to me because everyone in this Church has such a Spirit of Love, Life, Faith, Family, Community and Definitely Purity and I can Definitely Say that the vast majority of people there who have brought such a Spirit of Love, Life, Faith, Family, Community and Definitely Purity into my life are Men and they have just totally and completely removed the scales from my eyes and all the lies that I had been believing about Men for soo many years!!! :) I could tell you soo many stories of all the things that these Men have said and done that have brought soo much healing into my life, in-fact soo much soo that about 2 weeks ago today I was going through my stuff and cleaning things out and as I was doing that I found a really horrible key chain burried in the bottom of my purse and on the key chain it said: "Boys Have 2 Faults Everything They Say and Everything They Do!!!" This key chain wasn't broke and none of the colors on it we're worn out anywhere, but I didn't know I had it and the minute that I saw it my heart, mind and soul just sunk right to the floor and then I didn't even hesitate cause I threw it right in the garage can because I didn't like or agree with the message that was on it ... And with that being said I haven't seen it since!!! :) So as hard as things might be for you, know the truth about Men and the truth will set you free because I've been there!!! If your having a hard time with Men then I would Definitely Say find a really good Church to go to because trust me True, Awesome, Wonderful Godly Men are out there ... You just need to be in the right place at the right time!!! :)
Hope This Helps!!! :)
Thanks, Rachael N :)
of course you found a guy but he had Lil d****k
@@souravkundu8976 you must be very young and silly.. and creepy..
If your boyfriend even looks at porn, dump him. That is so disrespectful. In my 20's, my friends called me old fashioned because I didn't date guys who looked at Playboy and they did. They'll all divorced now.
Lust is #1 sin. No joke. Leads to death
Jessica Anastasia i mean death in a spiritual sense. Like really messed you up.
I would literally do anything just to sit down and have a cup of coffee with you guys! Such an inspirational couple
***** I want to thank you for this video Jeff. It's incredibly challenging, but it's so important! I'm not in a relationship right now, but I've been thinking about this stuff a lot and your video helped me to see it more clearly.. I hope that I won't have to struggle with this when I'm finally in a relationship and I believe God is helping me to get rid of it. Again thank you so much!
I'm on the same journey too. Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou ***** and Alyssa Bethke
***** HiFiBanana local church groups are honesty the best for being held accountable for your sins, and there's a lot more freedom knowing that you're never fighting alone.
'Satan works better in the darkness so bring it into light'. I've never heard that phrase before but it's so true! I inwardly cringed when Alyssa was saying about having those difficult conversations when dating because just imagining how tense it could be is horrible. But I realise you're both so right and I need to treasure the message of this for when I do go into a relationship at some point in the future (hopefully!). Thanks for the video guys :)
i think the perspective of the Bethke's, is for those who are in the early stages of a relationship or looking for a spouse and have been followers of Christ but for those who didn't always follow Christ and are in a long-term relationship/marriage where 1 is addicted to porn, don't give up on the ones you love. Prayer, ask for an intercesor (a pastor or trusted friend who follows God) to pray for relationship. Ask God to soften their hearts, unveil their eyes, and give them the understanding that porn is wrong and hurting the relationship. don't be discourage by the little steps of improvements. perseverance and faith are key.
I want to thank you for allowing your channel to have closed captions. It is nice to be able to read your channel.
I am not deaf but a strong support of the deaf community, due to having partial hearing loss.
Thank you again and God bless!
Thanks guys. My friend and I were recently talking about how the view of lust for people other than your significant other is so normal in the world, and how that is a big reason it's hard for us as married couples to make friends. I love what you've said here, and I think it's something many aren't willing to talk about, but many also need to hear. God bless!
I have a question! As I'm sure, you find Alyssa the most beautiful woman in the world. But do you also find other woman good looking? Like is it sinful to think someone but your spouse is attractive? I would like Alyssa's view on this too! And how do you deal with the jealousy and insecurity in a relationship? Thanks
Shannon Henderson I would love to hear their thoughts on this!
***** yes, Please do a video on this!!!!!
I would like to see a video over these also
Thats a very good question.! Would love to see a video on that.!
Lustfully looking. It is a sin. But if you look at a woman with eyes that the Lord sees her with. No.
Can't believe how timely God works through you guys to reach my situation here in Australia, very helpful video to get some perspective on this situation with a couple I am close to.
I struggle and feel like crap it's eating away at my life cause I feel like I'm letting god down I pray so much and try so hard but I never used to be a christan and used to do it without feeling guilty but ever since I accepted christ I feel the conviction I feel convicted an animal I hate it I pray that gid gives me the power to fight everyday
Sunny Sandhu Sunny, I know that feeling. I feel that pain in me every time I fall in sin. I struggle with porn as well and there is times where I feel like it becomes a routine. Where I fall in this pit of poison, I get out in shamefulness, ask God to forgive me, He forgives me, and a couple days later I am sinking back into that poison. It's not about how hard we fall but it's how God helps us get back up. Keep praying and truly devote your time to Him. Dedicate yourself all to Him. Set aside all encumbrances, read and feed yourself His word. I'll pray for you. I don't know you but I know you alone are not strong enough to get through this, but with God my friend everything is possible. Here is my email, isaiasbermejo03@gmail.com, Instagram: Isaiasbermejo, Kik: isaias_montes, Snapchat: Isaias-montes , Keep in touch, I want to be that accountable person.
Ik it's hard to speak of with others and it's embarrassing when the topic comes up at church. But talk to God, tell him all about it. From your heart, repent and ask for forgiveness. Do your part by keeping continuous prayer, reading, praising Him, surrounding yourself with people that have in their hearts, and just live for Him.
We can keep talking about it on email or any of my social media, we can even do a web chat, I'll pray for you and we can fast.
God is still here. He has not left you.
IsaiasBermejo thanks
Sunny Sandhu I struggle with porn as well.....😞 this week and last week was hard for me and yesterdayI fell into porn....it's hard and I just wanna cry because I feel so dirty and feel so guilty I just pray that God helps me and Jesus Christ sets me free!!!!!!
Hey guys well I'm sorry but I'm am agnostic know mkay and I believe masturbation isn't really bad
Sunny Sandhu Nehemiah 4:14 Fight club - look it up
Great advice guys! I would add that I've experienced situations when women who when faced with this issue or other issues, try to "rescue" the guy. I'm myself have played into that (preyed on it) to keep women in toxic relationships with me. I think that your advice of breaking up is really good in this situation because it could motivate the guy to get help. And who knows, maybe someday after his healing you might find yourselves in a position to start dating again!
Enjoying the videos! Thank you!
Man, I love this! So encouraging for me to keep pushing in honor of my future wife!!!
i hope you are still keeping that...
By far what rocked me the most was the statement that sexuality is about giving, not getting.
That was a good one
Great video guys! Porn addiction was an issue in a past relationship of mine, and if I could give one sentence of advice, it would be: Take this seriously, porn is truly an addiction and it is so harmful to relationships! When I was with my ex, I tried to brush it off, and pretend his porn problem wasn't affecting me/us. As I get older and look back, my gosh, it was definitely causing emotional damage! Thank you Jeff and Alyssa for speaking the hard truth of this addiction and offering Godly guidance.
I know this video's topic was on addiction to porn, but I kept getting distracted by how awesome it was to see both of you pouring out wisdom! I loved how Alyssa brought up important points and Jeff expanded on them! This gives me so much hope and encouragement 8)
Thank you so much you two, I cried when I watched this because I felt like you guys were actually talking to me and giving me advice. Thank you so much.
Hey man my name is Jacob I just want to say I'm glad there are still people like y'all that want to stand up for what y'all believe in!! I'm a strong Christian myself just throwing out there you guys are doing a great job and God be with ya!
I loved the video Jeff and Alyssa! I'm so glad you're starting this series up again! Your relationship vids are awesome. I just preordered your new book Jeff and I bought Alyssa's book too! Currently loving her book, so let her know! Thanks for all the work you two do! You guys really are a light to this world. :)
Love this series! And the length didn't bother me at all! Keep these coming! Love y'all
Porn has ruined my life at this point.
***** I'm on day 3 of no porn and no fap. It's hard but if I can quit smoking (as of 9 days ago), I can quit porn. I'm trying to make it to 90 days.
***** I'll check that book out. Thanks Sarah
then stop letting it
HI, we got married 10 yrs ago,and exactly like you said,there needs to be that conversation before deciding to go in a relationship.I have experienced not to talk about this with my ex-boyfriend ,and after 1year and 7 months to hear from him he did have a previous sex relationship with someone else before.It was horrible to know that after so much time together!:( and we split,I wanted to have a pure man,...and God gave it to me after that!With my husband, we discussed all this things before deciding to go in our relationship and I can see how beautiful our relationship is even after 10 yrs together! love the video!love your point of view! God bless your beautiful family!
Awesome video guys! I love that you always recommend a book and even though I'm not even talking to someone i totally plan on reading that book soon. Another thing is i love how Alyssa looks at you in the videp she's not looking at the camera and listening to ypu, she's full on paying deep attention on what you're saying. Have a great day guys
I love these videos and the passion you both have for helping young couples, it is truly such beautiful blessing. I have had this very issue in my last relationship. The whole situation on the surface had so much potential. We were both well liked and he spoken of highly, he was a few years older than me, both strong believers, we met while we were working with elementary at a christian summer camp (yes, camp relationships are a real thing). We started dating fairly quickly and everything was moving so much faster. Emotionally, mentally, and at times physically. I remember never wanting to have uncomfortable conversations and not wanting to challenge him in things. (obviously I learned from that) Later on, after our break up, I found out that he was addicted to porn before and during our relationship. Now, looking back on everything I wished I would have challenged it and been bold enough to talk about our purity. I wished that there would have been the conversations at the beginning. So with all of that, my question is; how do you bring up those hard questions and the ones are kind of "make or break" type topics?
Love this! As hard as it is, it's important we open up and talk about this with our boyfriend/girlfriend before we take that next step and it gets harder to break it off. Thank you!!
Don't be sorry it was so long! It was exactly what I needed. God bless you.
Jeff & Alyssa,
I have been watching your videos off and on for the last 4-6 years now and this is the number one topic I've been waiting to hear about!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I am so 100% against pornography and I am not quiet about the fact either, I am a huge supporter of Fight The New Drug (I'm sure you have heard of it, it's a big thing on Facebook)
I am 2 and a half months out of a serious relationship, we have known each other for 2+ years now and were together between 9 months and a year...
My then boyfriend struggled/ struggles with a 10-11 year long addiction to pornography. Early on in the relationship I flat out asked him if he watched porn... hesitantly he admitted to having an ongoing issue with it. Throughout the time that we were together I would ask him about it and he was for the most part honest with me, but not with his other friends and family who tried to keep him accountable.
Anyways, you are totally right about needing to end the relationship with someone who is defensive, dishonest, unaccountable and inactive in making changes to live differently. Because of conflicts in my own self esteem, I did not end it...Although he knew that his pornography viewing hurt me deeply, I continued to support and love and give to someone who was selfish and had no desire to walk with the Lord... I continue to care about him greatly, but I am thankful to be free from more detrimental pain from his choices, and possibly an even more hurtful marraige situation...
I want all those who struggle with this issue to be free of its control!!! The Lord gives, and He takes away. He answers those who call upon Him for redemption and healing and He is always faithful and loves those unconditionally who obey Him.
Can you do a video on blasphemy? I'm so confused on what that is, and when I try to look it up I still am having a hard time understanding
Lying to the Lord. Is considered blasphemy. False preaching is considered blasphemy. And one of the worst of all is calling the Lord evil is blasphemous. The unforgivable/unpardonable sin. Blaspheming the Holy Spirit.
Speaking lies,hate,curses against God or His word
Bri Day Pretty much a lie is blasphemy. But blasphemy is the most extreme i.e. saying Jesus is dead and living by that or any evil, untrue claims towards God.
Bri Day ,dont be confused or even be too afraid about it as if your salvation/God's grace toward you may fail because of it. Blasphemying the Holy Spirit is indeed unpardonable in sense that when someone continually rejecting His forgiveness/grace untill death come toward him/her then no more chance for that person to be saved. That's why it is called unpardonable. Indeed any sin we have done toward God is a blasphemy while the case of blasphemy toward the Holy Spirit is quite a special case. The sign that someone is already considered UNFORGIVEN by the Holy Spirit is that person would never turn to God/ask forgiveness from God. For someone to repent and apologize to God is actually the work of the Holy Spirit, so if you feel afraid that you have blasphemied the Lord and want to turn back to Him is actually the sign that you are still forgiven and not considered to be in the state of blasphemying the Holy Spirit
Bri Day Watch out for Jeff, he can't be trusted-, he say tattoos is not a sin, he deceive many to hell. It is a sin, and the bible says that. We are the temple of God and if we defile the temple of God we will go to hell. Ask JESUS instead, but if you havn't repented yet -Repent first or Jesus will NOT answer on your questions. He don't listen to sinners.
Please keep doing the videos in the dating series! These are some of my favorite ones and so so so helpful!
Thank you for choosing this topic! As someone who can relate to this, thank you for bringing up this very important topic AND making a point to say that girls can struggle with this too. I think its even MORE taboo when it's a girl...I do not like that and want to see that end.
The worst part is when u ask all the questions, do everything this video says and the other person lies and u find out after already almost getting engaged that they’ve been watching it this entire time. Just happened to me right now. Looks like im gonna be single now.
Funny that I was going through your videos and found this video again; my best friend found out about a month ago that her boyfriend of several years has been looking at porn. He brought it to her as a longstanding struggle. Honestly, they're on a great path to marriage, two great Christians. And I know to most people it makes the most sense to say they need to break up, but I think in the long run, they're not changing their minds on marrying one another, and I didn't see breaking up as a feasible option for them either. Knowing them I think working through this together and bringing it to God and close community will help their relationship in the end. I see it as each of them having to learn to trust Jesus even more and having an even stronger foundation of faith and trust in God first, and each other second. They are asking each other hard questions, and she is holding him accountable to it. They truly have a beautiful strong relationship, and I'm glad it came up now instead of later in marriage. I think if they would have broken up, he may have still been caught up in porn.
I'm not saying this is what every couple dealing with porn should do...this is just how they're making it.
Can you do a video on marriage for people who did not save themselves. I lost my virginity during a really dark time when I turned my back on God. I regret it immensely and now, I'm concerned that within Christian culture, I might not be seen as someone who carries a "special gift". You've talked about it before in your sexual healing video but in seeing how connected spiritually you are with your wife, I'm wondering how it was for both of you dealing with each other's past sins and moving on in a way that reflects God's plan. I'm a big fan btw 😊
H
MsRockstar013 The moment you give your life to God ("Become Born Again" John 3:3) God forgives everything you have done before. All of your wrongdoing and sins are forgiven to you. God loves you so much that He forgives and forgets. You may have lost your virginity but once you surrender your heart to God you become spiritually virgin again. Do not think of anything what have happened as its wiped away but focus on future, on your relationship with God, get to know Him.
Let God bring the healing. I'm a 20 year old male virgin, but I dated someone for three weeks. In the second week, she revealed to me that she wasn't a virgin. I didn't know how to respond in the moment, but I let God take control, and I started singing Freedom Reigns by Jesus Culture to her. There was peace. She asked me how I wasn't upset, and I responded that I'm not the one to judge, and if God wants us to stay together, He'll keep us together. Little did I know a week later it would end. Why was I okay with her not being a virgin? I honestly believe that she loves God and is continually seeking Him. I'd much rather be with someone that loves God and isn't a virgin than one who's kept her virginity and doesn't love God. Ultimately for me, I believe God will lead me to a virgin, but that's not the most important thing to me. One way of thinking that I've found to be very beneficial is that you shouldn't expect more out of your spouse than they should of you. For instance, you shouldn't expect your husband to read his Bible every day if you don't. It's helped for me at various times in my life when I didn't want to put forth the effort. I hope this has in some way impacted your life for the better.
+MsRockstar013 Oh, the bible says you must be stoned.
This inspired and convicted me to have this conversation with my boyfriend and it has brought us closer to each other and closer to the Lord. Thank you. :) Love and respect to you both.
Jeff and Alyssa, thank you for this! I really do enjoy your vlogs, but I really enjoy these questionnaire-type videos! And I miss your podcasts!
God Bless you all!
This is very good counseling. Also please address the that there are so many lustful thought prompting occurrences going on every where a person may go, which often though unplanned may bring a person under the power of darkness. What I am saying the need, and the how, to be constantly aware of subtle, and not so subtle promptings!
nail on the head. its a battlefield out here u need to be equipped
***** yes ma'am! This is so true! Most people are so unaware of worldliness and the pull of sin in our every day life. People may watch a certain movie or see a certain advertisement and be struggling deeply with lustful thoughts and not know why. We need to be highly aware of the things we see and more importantly the types of things we allow in our home to be a temptation. Sometimes seemingly innocent things can draw us into darkness!
+Morgan King true stories #100 its a daily battlefield
Awesome awesome video! Love ittt! Maybe the title should also be "what to do if YOU are addicted to.." And bro! NEVERRRR apologize for making the videos "too long" if anything they're NOT LONG ENOUGH!!! I love every second we spend with you guys. I obtain so much knowledge and nutrition from you guys. Please don't stay awayyy! We love you. PS. MORE SPOKEN WORD POETRY I miss those.
What hurts me is the fact that my partner lies to me about it.
Before you read this whole comment, know that I have followed Jeff and loved his stuff for years. All the way back to when he first hopped on RUclips. I was the guy who went and bought copies of Jesus>Religion and gave them to friends. And know that I am open to opposing opinions opposite to mine on this topic.
But I find a major problem with what Jeff and Alyssa are saying. Neither one of them gave a definition of what addiction is. They simply assumed that you, me, and everyone else knows what they mean by addiction. Why is this problematic? Because it creates an unrealistic expectation of healing and progress. Based on what Jeff has said, if the either the boyfriend or girlfriend has looked at porn *recently*, then the other partner should break up with them. This is crazy. I'll fully admit that I've struggled with porn since 11 years old, and have gone through so many scenarios of counseling and professional help, yet I still struggle with porn at times. If there was a time where your boyfriend chose playing video games one night over hanging out with you, does that mean he's addicted and he won't give you healthy attention in the future marriage so you should break up with him?
What if I found out every morning that my girlfriend looked at Facebook before reading her Bible. Maybe in a lot of cases you could say that is an idol. But does that mean she's addicted to being satisfied by social media instead of pursing God and that I should break up with her?
What is porn addiction? Viewing it 2+ times a week, once a week, once a month, once every 6 months? This is not defined and Jeff gave no room for error. "If you've watched porn recently, you're addicted, go break up with your girlfriend."
Again, please try to change my view and convince me. I want to be open to wisdom and advice, but being open doesn't mean I need to be stupid.
Hopeful Elephant I agree with you to some degree. Christians aim to be more like Jesus, and this guy tells us that Jesus forgives, loves and accepts EVERYONE, no matter how broken or messed up they may be. So shouldn't we extend the same sort of grace to our boyfriends/girlfriends as Jesus does to us? I understand that if it is a serious addiction, a daily struggle for the person, maybe they need some space to sort it out on their own. But imagine breaking up with them when their struggle is relatively small. Humans by nature struggle internally, so imagine the guilt the person would be feeling if you broke up with them. They are not defined by their addiction, and breaking up with them over one issue could make them think they are not worthiness of grace and forgiveness, think less of themselves, or even fall deeper into the addiction. I understand the heart behind this guys message, but like he said, it depends on the situation. I would encourage some people in the situation to not give up on their partner.
@ReginaPhalange I agree with you Regina. If the issue in the person's life is small, it should be talked through. The person dealing with pornography should have members of the same sex that they can go to often about it. Yet, if either the boyfriend or girlfriend says something like, "Oh you watched porn once over the past month or two? We're so done", then you might want to rethink the relationship yourself. This person has a very high standard. Who can meet that?
thank you for offering some nuance. i think we really dont allow for nuance enough
"The unexamined life in not worth living." Socrates (Plato)
Hopeful Elephant you know what addicted means since you say it's a struggle...there is your answer...viewing porn is wrong period.
Dude you are so attentive to her! I love the way y'all study everything you say. Everyone take notes, watch how J is intrigued by Alyssa every time she talks.
Can you guys do a video about homosexuality?
hatwearinggamer Sin is sin, whether its pornography, sexual immortality, adultery or even some of the older ones( Sabbath Day ) God says the only unforgivable sin is Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. People need Prayer to help with their sins. Nothing against listening to peoples opinions and views, but All sins are forgiven if you walk with God. Albeit we do try to repent, but again Thats between the person and Jehovah God.
hatwearinggamer Just like Rich Conrad said "sin is a sin" indeed. But we need to remember something too. Even a sinner still have the right to come to God. Don't be afraid to ask for forgiveness and pray to change. Maybe it will not be magically 'tadaaa, pooof, I changed'. Maybe it will be a slow process, but it's alright. What important is we want to change. Will it be hard? SUPER HARD. That's why we must ask to God. This is not just about homosexuality. It's hard to change from something we used to do. But keep the heart until someday that same heart tell you to not do something wrong.
hatwearinggamer Watch more of his videos. He has talked about it already and about the relationship with his mom :)
You ought to buy Jeff's book "Jesus > Religion." He writes about it, with his relationship with his mom.
+SayNoTo Libtards I think he was asking if they could actually make a gay porn video. The whole "do a video" part is what's throwing me off, hmm..
Love this video. Such a prevalent issue these days. I had a friend ask me about this recently - she was interested in a guy but he was a porn addict. The things you say in this are pretty much what I told my friend........ Only you said it considerably more eloquently :) thanks for covering this topic. Keep 'em coming! :)
I'm glad they recognized that if a guy is trying but struggles, then he is worth keeping.
AWESOME!! This was very helpful and I love how you both are so great at communicating and not joking about a topic so serious that does destroy relationships and people. Thank you again, I love watching your videos! :)) blessings!!
I loved watching this and listening to you guys. I have been struggling with the fact that I might have to have that convo with my boyfriend. But, honestly, this video has encouraged me to talk with him and try and get it all out in the open. Thank you for this!
This video changed my life. I told my parents, Girlfriend, and her parents, in a matter of 48 hrs of watching this video. I have been doing really well in this area for a while now, but i needed to confess it to my family and my girlfriend. Seek God first and bring this issue to the light. Satan has NO power when we bring it out in the open!
Thank you both so much for the videos you make! They are always filled with such wisdom and encouragement.
I have two questions:
1) How do you overcome mental barriers of engaging in community? (Such as believing that if people knew everything about you they wouldn't love you anymore, or that they cannot handle knowing the worst parts of you)
2) People talk a lot about maintaining physical purity, but what are practical ways to maintain mental purity?
Loved the video!! So excited for you guys to be back on the scene with another teaching video together ❤️❤️
This is awesome and so not talked about enough! Thank you guys for being so open and honest about this x
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this situation. I can say it's refreshing to hear topics like this from a Christian perspective. I love the vids where you and Alyssa have discussions together. You both are truly a blessing.
Thank you so much Jeff & Alyssa. You approached this topic well & I completely agreed with everything you said. It's hard but there are big questions & big steps you HAVE to take.
Thank you so much for this video! As someone who has been in a relationship with a man who listed after girls, I did settle after having had feelings that it was wrong. Later on he broke up with me, and soon after started dating another girl.
I have since forgiven him, and hope that the Lord is working in his heart.
Thank you both for your sharing, this got me thinking about future conversation!
Please continue this series! :)
What questions should you ask your girl/boyfriend while dating before you get married?
Wow thank you so much for this video, you have reminded me of what I'm worth, my priorities and what I deserve! You two are such beautiful people, may god bless you always ❤️
Due to my addiction God took away the one my soul longs for. I may never get her back. God used this video & the break up experience to wake me up. I lost a dearly loved relationship & God has every right to do what he desires. I am thankful. Thank you for this video.
Also I did purchase the Meaning of Marriage & read it so Thank you also for the book.
Praise God
I really thought your response to this question was excellent. I believe it will help many. Thanks for sharing. I really love your videos. I also enjoy your podcast. I have been looking forward to new episodes of the podcast. Your relationship, and family is a beautiful display of God's grace and goodness. Thank you for sharing what God has done, and is doing in your lives, and for also sharing the wisdom you have gained from the journey, and His Word. God bless you guys! Much love. Jenn S.
i stopped watching porn because of my girlfriend, i don't think that given up of your relationship you'll "save" your life and your boyfriend's or girlfriend's life. don't get me wrong, porn is awful and you should stop it but it's also something very hard to stop for some people. so i think that the girlfriend should pray about it and talk to him, something like : "hey i love you, but you can't keep goin' with that kinda habbit. you should stop, we can pray together and i'll be with you on this decision but it's up to you." you know what i mean? i think that something you should talk about it and pray, not just give up and break up because it's a sin... it is... but i think that's the best way you can deal with it. i said that because it was what happened to me and i'm free man now, if my girl break up with me i don't know if i could stop though. so that's my point, but besides of that congrats for the video. God bless. sorry for my bad english, i'm still learning, i'm brazilian. Thanks for sharing this video with us
as a girl who understands this struggle, it's so nice to hear you guys mention that porn isn't just a guy thing. girls in my church and school circles talk about it like its the absolute worst thing GUYS do, but they don't seem to understand that girls can struggle with it too. if you are a woman who deals with this, I am praying for strength and comfort from God in your life😌
Needed this video so so much. Thank-you! And thank you for talking about the accountability.
Great video! Something that totally needs to be talked about in relationships nowadays. Thanks for this!
I am so thankful that you two took the time to do this video! 😊
It was super good.
Another good question that I hear a lot of my Christian friends ask is "What if your Christian boyfriend/girlfriend flirts with others? "
This may seem like an easy question,but I know it's prevalent in today's society.
Thank you so much for posting this. This was such a solid good biblical answer. God bless you guys. Thanks for posting.
Love this video & love your ministry! Thank you for being an open vessel! :)
I have struggled about this with my daughters father for 4 years and yes you are so right its so much harder to break up but i have also found so much rejoicing and so much comfort in Jesus that i do not fear to break up cause i have my daughter to set an example for but I have been praying for a sign or something because i have his family trying to tell me he needs his "family" referring to me and his daughter to help him get closer to God and to not leave his side so i need some clearance about this cause im confused. For this month i have asked for forgiveness and to be reborn again because i no longer feel the desire to give into any lust to him anymore. He use to argue that there was nothing wrong because we were eventually going to get married, we already have a daughter together, and because we had already been doing it for those 4 years but ever since i completely seeked Jesus and let him into my heart i no longer want that and i saw a side of him that made me realized it was all wrong no matter what he told me. Now he has changed asking to seek council from a church community but i feel for some reason that he is doing it to just give me what i want to make it all go away and not hear anything anymore and to make me happy which yes i do appreciate but what should i do if he was at once defensive about the topic and still isnt so 100% on the same page as me? I have already gained the courage to break it off but he is still living with me trying to better himself?
So awesome, you guys!! Way to bash the whole "it's no big deal thing"...I hear that so much, and I hear so many girls say that it's "just what guys do," and it breaks my heart that girls settle for that. Thank you for speaking truth in love!
I've been in a 9 year (on again, off again) abusive relationship, to someone I'm discovering has a porn addiction AND I'm starting to think is a compulsive liar and narcissist
I'm an empath & I've been through so very very much before we got together, but I feel this man has broken my spirit...
I'm feeling so guilty over thoughts of needing to leave... I know he went thru so much as a child BUT now I'm worried all those stories were lies to manipulate me & keep me with him
I'm so lost & tired
Thank you Alyssa for empowering me with the right to ask questions, because every time I TRY to approach this subject sensitively HE avoids my direct questions & simply goes quiet & never answers me...
Like I said, I'm growing so very tired
LOUD PICKLES pray and ask God to break that soul tie and bondage so you can move on
wow i have been on this journey but decided not to settle and left the relationship. was in it for 6 years...and did want it to work ..and now i met someone more on my journey in life....your do have to know what is right and wrong to be your better version...great advice...i have the same mind set as you all...and enjoy your putting all this out there...wonderful
I'm a christian and I randomly clicked on this video it was very shocking and at the same time refreshing to see people being so open with talking about praying and Jesus on youtube way to go guys
I’m not sure if this is a question or a statement so I will just lay it out. The problem I have with your stance on this topic is somewhat a deep one. We as Christians are called to be like Jesus, (that’s what Christian literally means) and with that being said, we as Christians should always be showing grace. I feel like you’re saying if someone is addicted to porn that you shouldn’t be showing grace and that you should just hit the panic button and run. The problem with this theory is that we are all flawed in some way or another and if you bail at this sin, what sin do you not bail on. Again I get your overall statement but that problem still remains that there is a trend that will be created, even on an unconscious level that will send people ultimately alone. Just as a disclaimer; I’m not defending porn, I myself have a problem with this and I hate that I do but I am flawed. But I guess to the point of my statement is that I feel like you are telling people in this to not show grace. Taking that same mentality and you apply to a glutton, should I automatically run as well. Or do we see where are partner is at and like Alyssa said, ask the hard questions and then in turn show grace. Now if the person is trying to move in the right direction and at that stage in their life they do not see porn as problem but they see these other things are and they are moving to being a better Christian. Shouldn’t be the final goal of an individual be the deciding factor of deciding to hit the bail button or not?
+Johnathan Bobbitt I totally agree. To say you should bail immediately because a guy has an issue isn't good advice. What if they have a different issue, should you bail then? What you should do is help your partner get through it and overcome it and see if they are willing to actually work towards getting free or not. IF they don't want to be free that's one thing, but if they do then why wouldn't you support them in getting free instead of leaving them. Seems like that would be the right thing to do.
+Johnathan Bobbitt I think they're saying you still show grace, you just remove yourself from the relationship. The issue with a porn addiction is that it doesn't just affect the person watching porn, it hurts the person he/she is with. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because of his addiction that wasn't being dealt with and the final straw was when I saw a link he had been on and he lied about it. It was the most painful thing I've ever gone through. I agree with Jeff and Alyssa that the person needs to deal with it in the light. I couldn't control him or change his behavior. He had to make the decision himself and after the breakup he became more proactive. I still pray for him and occasionally check up on him. I don't condemn him at all, but I knew that we had to break up in order for me to not feel rejected and insecure anymore. So I feel like I showed him grace, while also removing myself from a situation that was hurting me. I hope this kind of answers your question. I think we need to do what's best for our well-being while also loving the other person and praying for them.
+Jason Tax i have to agree with you on this christians are saposed to help others in their weakness not bail
Its not about the fact of giving or showing grace to someone dealing with this sexual sin, if they aren't trying to be proactive in dealing with this issue they sure as heck aren't ready to be in any relationship. As christians we are trying to date with a purpose and that purpose is to enter into a marriage relationship. Bringing this issue into a marriage would and will be greatly devastating especially if kept secret because at that point you are not being honest in giving the other person a choice in whether or not they would fully accept you knowing everything you are about to bring to the table. That's not fair to anyone! Especially to the person who is going to be hurt in the situation and is being betrayed by these actions. I think it's completely fair to know what you are walking into and be able to decide whether or not you wish to continue in said relationship or walk away before getting married and realize you've made the worst mistake of your life.
I am about to attend bible college in the South, and this video cleared a lot of things up for me in this area. I think struggling with a lustful heart and a desire to watch porn etc. can only be healed God. I love that Alyssa shared how us as woman have a right to bring up that in conversation early on in a relationship if our long term goal would be marriage. Thanks so much again!
Love the message you guys are spreading!
I really needed this. Its good to know that I'm not alone.
Thank you for making this video. I just found out two weeks into a relationship with an amazing man of God that he has an active struggle with porn. He was completely honest and told me on his own, and I knew I had to end things because I couldn’t walk alongside him in this struggle & his recovery. I encouraged him that God wants freedom for him and that he doesn’t have to struggle with this for the rest of his life, and that it is for freedom Christ has set him free. I told him it is the desire of my heart to be with a man who I don’t have to worry about watching porn, and I told him to feel free to reach out in the future if he breaks free.
I have been questioning if I made the right decision as I have gone through so much other pain in my personal life with family health issues immediately after the breakup, but this video assured me that I did the right thing for both he and I. Thank you both for making this video when you did and for helping so many people.
Guys this was so good for me. Seriously and very helpful. It was just God telling me trhu you that I'veade the right decision and also the last part of the video gave courage to see the reality of my value at God's eyes. Thank you so much. Keep doing what you're doing. You're whole family is a blessing
What if you date someone who struggled years ago, but relapsed for a week during the relationship and confessed it to you?
I absolutely LOVE these relationship advice videos! Please continue them, they are so helpful!
Can you do a video on how to bring up the topic of your relationship with God/ the other person's relationship with God? How do you bring it up in a way that is not awkward? What do you say to get the conversation started so the other person knows where you stand in your faith and to know where they stand in their faith, etc? Thank you! =]
My bf always gets mad at me when i ask him questions about it.. and i know he's watching it i found it in his phone, what do i do?
Hi kaylee. I have been in relationships like this in the past. Secrets and lies. Anytime I would bring up what was going on in their phone, or who they were talking to and it always ended in a fight. After two years, in the end, I was pregnant and found out the man I was with all this time had had at least a dozen affairs within the span of our relationship. I really encourage you to pray and decide if the relationship your in is a relationship where you are settling, or making excuses for him. If you are looking to marry this person, ask yourself if it would be worth it to spend your life going through this. I am praying for you and would love to walk with you through this if you need anyone to talk to. Jeff and Alyssa have great advice I this video and I would encourage you to read their books- especially Alyssa's book- check out Jeff's website to find it.
I know you shared this a month ago-but I could totally relate to where you are. Five years ago I was there. Now I am in an amazing marriage held up by accountability and openness. I never knew relationships like this where really available. But I am here to tell you there is more out there for you. Love and blessings!
Wow thank you so much for this - the intro was really funny btw but to the serious stuff, this is so valuable. This must have been so difficult to actually make but thank you - it just wasn't on my radar that those questions should be asked so quick but completely see the logic and appreciate your comments greatly. Thank you for your openness and vulnerability in helping 'the world' with your experiences and insights. What approach would you recommend for married couples with difficulties?
I would love to see you guys do a video on being a young married family with children. My husband and I got married at 20 and 22. We have been married for 3 years now, and recently had our second baby.
wow. I usually steer clear of religious stuff but these two are so in alignment with their values and morals. feeling warmth towards this adorable couple. I need to find some more christian friends.
What if you are married and your husband does lust over instagram "friends". Alyssa said not to settle but what if you're already married?
I just left the person that I loved because of this issue . It has become so normalized and there is so much societal pressure to “be ok” or “cool” about it . He also threw other women in my face, including videos and the video women . At first, i only asked that he just let me stay in ignorant bliss about it . Last Sunday, I went to his house and he still had his browser open . He told me that he was only looking at “petite women” ( “like me”) . I have hope for life at 39, but I have lost all hope of ever finding true love or a life partner. Most men would probably agree that my destination is eternal spinsterhood
Jeff this is so awesome you guys touching on this topic. Thanks alot. Looking forward to more of this material.