Why You Don't Need To Be Compatible To Marry | Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke
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- Опубликовано: 12 сен 2024
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I love the way Alyssa looks at Jeff, she looks madly in love with him, I could only imagine that how Jesus looks at us, so focus, and so in love with us
I think that look should be how WE look at him!
Jonathan Montiel but do you love Him as much as He loves you? That's the difference maker
Jonathan Montiel jj.mkkll. in 8llzkaiiyh hip p hip o0iaiw
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I am David Nobody can love Jesus as much as He loves us.
Jefferson, you're doing much better with letting her talk and not interrupting her, good job. It shows.
JustinOhio I had the same observation!!!!!
Yeah I had to learn this too
A lot of Christian youtubers that I watch have been uploading videos talking about certain things that I happen to be struggling with as a believer, like the topic of this video. God is trying to tell me something, I know it.
WhiteWolf Yin I feel like you can marry anyone and get along with anyone as long as you have the same values and morals in life and have similar goals. As long as your committed to each other it will turn out good.
WhiteWolf Yin Same. God's talking and working :) He sees the big picture! We just need to trust and be obedient.
WhiteWolf Yin can you please tell me some Christian youtubers?
Camila Bido The only other Christian youtubers I can think of atm are Blimey Cow and Katie Gregoire. Hope that helps!
Camila Bidó yes ! Please do share them 💙
Off topic but jealous of how beautiful Alyssa always looks with no makeup! 😩😍
Alyssa's smile just makes me want to be happy and smile big. Love your Joy, Alyssa!
Amen!
PREACH. IT. Yes you guys!! This is so true, I love how well you talked about this topic, explained it, and illustrated it! So encouraging, and that was great what you said about how God can use a couple's opposite personality traits to help shape one another into becoming more like Him, I can 100% relate to that! :)
I love that balance of - you can make it work with anyone, but be wise about who you marry.
Good balance! Hi Tiffany! Love your channel too :)
"I think we completely over-empathize compatibility and under-empathize commitment." - Jefferson Bethke
During a sermon about marriage, my pastor said that Love is not an emotion but rather an action. In marriage you are constantly choosing to continue to love the person no matter how hard it may get. Emotions and feelings come and go, but when you decide to continue the action of loving another person you can and will be with them forever while they do the same.
I loved the part at the end about how our differences, although like sandpaper rubbing against each other sometimes, can actually help sanctify us, make us holy, and make us more like Jesus. It's all in your perspective of how you view differences and work around them. Thank you for that nugget!
Bridget McCoy I was gonna say the same thing! As a perpetually single, introverted adult, fast-approaching 30, I've always thought one should be compatible. Right? The sand-paper analogy did me in. I'm changing my prayer now. Thanks Jeff and Alyssa!
When people ask me why I'm a virgin and I tell them I'm waiting for marriage they're always like " Your gonna die a virgin " and I'm like I'd rather die a virgin than taking away another mans wife's experience of saying they both waited until marriage ...
Jenna R
Well said.
Jenna R ... Amen
@Benjaminr77880@Gmail.comre Praying for your relationships to be filled with Ephesians 3 love and James 3 wisdom. I am a sinner too...and I know that God has called us all to be fruitful and multiply (within a marriage)...but He also called us to abide in Him and to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Praying this message reaches you well, and that all who read this post will be blessed in knowing that our God is merciful and just to forgive...and we are called to forgive one another in the same way that Christ first forgave us.
I like that.
Knowing Gods Will is the most important. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you"
Put God first, and he will bring the right one for you.
+1
Could you please do a video on college, going to college, tips, relationships, dating, etc! This would be so helpfully!!! Thank you! Love your videos :)
This was incredibly helpful. There is a guy who likes me. I used to like him but it started to were off when I realized we might not be very compatible. Also I've been looking at things all wrong and forgetting my purpose of marriage. I've been selfish and wanted someone who would complete and complement me all the time. When in reality I need to find someone who will seek Jesus with me side by side.
I love this.
My husband and I, just because of how different we are and how different our likes are--it was hard to explain what we had in common to people or what was keeping us together. It's about more than just liking the same things or always getting along. We are growing together and learning to appreciate each other more within and despite our vast differences because we are united in our commitment to each other and our kingdom goals :)
This was great, you two - thanks for sharing it!
I would add that in addition to making sure that you're heading in the same direction, faith-wise, it might be wise to make sure that your rates of speed and/or rates of acceleration are similar. I was in a relationship with someone who told me that her relationship with God was the number one thing in her life, which sounded great to me. However, as we got further into the relationship, it became apparent that she really wasn't comfortable with some of the conferences I was attending in an effort to grow spiritually, and her interest in worship was significantly lower than mine was. So although we both loved God and considered Him to be the most important thing in our lives, these differences put more and more strain on our relationship. That wasn't the only issue in the relationship, of course, but it was a significant one, and we wound up parting ways. So I would encourage people reading this to consider your compatibility in spiritual hunger levels, too.
Love this quote from Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage when he talks about compatibility as marrying someone who is your best friend or capable of becoming your best friend-
"This principle - that your spouse should be capable of becoming your best friend - is a game changer when you address the question of compatibility in a prospective spouse. If you think of marriage largely in terms of erotic love, then compatibility means sexual chemistry and appeal. If you think of marriage largely as a way to move into the kind of social status in life you desire, then compatibility means being part of the desired social class, and perhaps common tastes and aspirations for lifestyle. The problem with these factors is that they are not durable. Physical attractivess will wane, no matter how hard you work to delay its departure. And socio-economic status unfortunately can change almost overnight. When people think they have found compatibility based on these things, they often make the painful discovery that they have built their relationship on unstable ground. A woman "lets herself go" or a man loses his job, and the compatibility foundation falls apart."
Wow when she says your personality differences are like sandpaper making us smoother and better. You hit the nail on the head! Thanks for making this video.
I think the "compatibility" that matters is really just your deal breakers- your CORE values. Your mate should match up with those most important foundational values. So things like religion and other stuff that fundamentally shapes who your are.
What stood out to me the most about this video was how you spoke about personalities. Because we all go through stuff we are inevitably going to have imperfections and traits that aren't that great. When we meet someone who knows how to be patient, gentle, and kind it teaches you to be the same...that whole iron sharpening iron. I think that is what marriage is at the end of it all, like you said - it's staying faithful through the rough patches. I loved this and thank you for making this video. You guys are great ;)
Love how they look at each other, so precious ❤
Solid stuff, guys. It's about the covenant! 🙌🏼
Thank you for a great video ! I don't normally comment but thought I would today . I have recently been thinking a lot about how people are different and how those differences in relationship can be a detriment in relationships. But God has really been challenging my thinking to start celebrating difference and what you bring to the table adding value to someone else's life .Your video today just confirmed this ! Thank you for sharing!
I love you two so much! So grateful for how God uses you both to make the impact the He does through you. This video was different and helpful, and I'm sure it's allowing many to reevaluate the way that they look at someone they consider dating or a future with. A new and fresh perspective for relationships! Thank you! God bless y'all!
Great wisdom about the areas we need to be compatible in Jeff & Alyssa! Essentially following wisdom and not feelings
Such great points made Alyssa and Jeff; truly have not thought about marriage in this light. Thank you both for sharing this!
The topic of friendship really intrigues me. What do you look for in a friend, and especially how do be one yourself?
1:18 "Leaving a relationship due to a loss of the feeling of love is like leaving your car because it ran out of gas." -Jefferson Bethke
Perfect timing, thank you both 💕
i told a friend I was interested in this same exact thing (being I was trying to be intentional towards a relationship) and we are still friends lol but seriously it's really about willing to commit but I also did notice things in her about belief, worldviews, convictions that sometimes conflicted with mines. We talked but we're still friends. Great video Jeff and Alyssa!
I also prayed when I thought I was ready for marriage but the Lord has always been in control. Somewhere in the other side of the state he was praying for me 😌 so the Lord knows who will be your partner its always best to wait on them and Pray .
I absolutely love you too! You guys were some of the first people I started watching once I got out of a really bad relationship that I knew was not in God's will for my life. I love that you guys emphasized spiritual compatibility because though my ex is a believer he believed very different things than what I believe and was extremely traditional to the point that it blocked relationship with Christ. You guys encourage me so much and I pray for you guys always! ❤
We got married September 16th. 1966 and being compatible was paramount to us, when one knows the word means, able to exist together without conflict.. Even the Christian texts speak of being equally yoked so as a team you are pulling the marriage in the same direction and not going in different directions.
Which is why being on the same page when it comes to if and how many children one wants,handling finances, attaining life goals, what religion the child(ren) will be raised in if it's a inter faith marriage, willingness to move for a job, and even how important sex is to both partners are key to success.
And...asking hard questions like, what if my spouse gains weight, gets a serious illness, cannot have children, develops an addiction, gets into debt? Because marriage is a commitment, not something you bail on when times get tough. Makes me sad that many couples put more thought and money into the wedding day, which is ONE day, then they do ALL the days after. Oh...and husbands are NOT a project!!
This is where the traditional vows many Christians have said for centuries stress for richer and for POORER, in SICKNESS and in health, for better and for WORSE, forsaking ALL others until death we do depart need to be reflected on.
re; 1:50 - THANK YOU FOR saying that. because I am one of those rare people who DO fall in that category of "we waited to have sex until AFTER marriage, to find out we're 'sexually incompatible' " it's only been a year and a half but so far were still fumbling and just overall having an awkward sex life. SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR this video I needed to hear this I've learned so much and it blesses me and ministers to me, your marriage encourages me to continue to trust in the Lord with my own marriage. keep up the videos! may God continue to bless your beautiful family 💕
I married my husband 1st because we have the same faith. 2nd because I enjoyed being around him and 3rd he's the opposite of me lol it has helped me as a Christian to grow and vise versa. And We never stop learning ! 😁 ( We have the same dream , YES! ) and yes if you cannot be around that person iT will be a really rocky road. I agree with this beautiful couple . God Bless you!
My world view changes often the more I learn what if you marry someone equally yoked but then as you grow at separate rates or directions you no longer believe the same core things? This is one thing the keeps me from marrying. I know I am not the same as I was a year ago and that if someone had grabbed my arm to walk life with me they would be headed a different direction in a years time.
"Oh, we're not compatible"
God says, "I KNOW, and I wanna use that for you!"
Awesome! :)
Great points and definitely agree. I love the talk about personality types 🤣 I am an INFJ which basically means I’m driven and committed to whatever I choose to be committed to.
hey I am an INFP! and supposedly INFP's are compatible with ENFJ's mostly. lol. just some insight.
I love what Alyssa said. "As a wife you never wanna hold back your husband from what God is calling him to, and as a husband you never wanna shut down what God is doing in your life."
Love your guyses videos. God Bless!
I loved the reference rubbing up on each other. It speaks so much truth. I'm always glad watching your videos because I always learn so much.
A wise person once told me that you should marry someone with similar values, not necessarily similar interests.
Glad to hear you echo that concept!
wow this is a nice way of putting that faith belief and values are more important than just personality. powerful stuff, thank you.
I loved this! It really helped me to chill out and not be psyched out about who is the "best" for me! I definitely can complicate it. But remembering that the commitment part is obviously what is the MOST important!
I was just pondering this idea myself yesterday. I arrived at the same idea, that compatibility is not the end all be all; commitment is. Loved the video, well fonr
I would first like to say God really blessed you two when y'all first met each other. Such a beautiful couple you two make that it warms my heart so much! To Alyssa: I really love the metaphor you used with the sandpaper to describe being in a relationship with someone who has a VERY different personality and set of interests from you actually helps the people in the relationship to have a closer and stronger bond with God. For so long, I thought for a marriage to work the two people had to basically be like twins and share the same interests. This has really opened my eyes on how a marriage or any other relationship should REALLY work. No matter how vastly different you are from the other person, it is with those differences that you can find a way to make it work. God bless you two and prayers on a very joyful marriage!!! Much love and thank you for sharing your valuable wisdom with us all.
Yes..."the one" is the one you marry.
I use the "have to test drive the car before you buy" excuse to see if she could cook though! Oh sweet Jesus my wife can cook so well! LOL
*applauds*
Marry a good cook. Agreed!
fun!
amen. God is using you guys in a powerfull way thanks
So good! Can you guys do a video on physical attraction & its importance in dating/marriage?
love your videos spoken words are my favorite I use them all the time
Loved this! I'm definitely one of those personality people haha so this subject is something I think about a lot. This video set things straight for me thanks. Y'all are such amazing people and an amazing couple.
Completely agree, my wife and I were literally just talking about how our commitment has been what carries a marriage through the other day.
I really enjoyed this, it's such an eye opener. Thank you for this!
you guys rock!! young ppl need to hear these things so much!
Great video! I was thinking about compatibility this morning, what a timing!
Thanks for reminding that personality things aren't more important than believes.
Keep it up, guys! See you soon😁
YEEESS YES YES YES. You guys nailed this so well, thank you both for speaking on it, it was definitely something I needed to hear today. God bless
Haha oh wow. I loved this. INFP is actually a study of temperaments which is a lot different than studying personalities. My Husband and I geeked out on temperaments on our first date. It pretty much went like this "You're an ENFJ, I am an ENFP" followed by laughter and fun. I agree with you both. Compatibility is important, but at the end of the day - you want to find someone who listens to the Lord and is willing to grow WITH you. :)
Thank you so much for this video! Sometimes I get so caught up on the personality differences between my husband and I but I know that God is sovereign and I LOVE that you mentioned that God uses that do make us more like him. (The analogy of sandpaper). Thank you!
aww that last point about how the little issues are there to make us more holy is so good! Thanks guys
Thank you Jeff & Alyssa for those insights.
Your channel is a real blessing! Praise be to God.
LOVE IT GUYS! great advice yet again. bless ya :) :)
What spoke to me in this vlog was that you must be compatible in your belief
Really liked what Alyssa said about your personalities rubbing up against each other making you more like Jesus! It reminded me so much of proverbs 27:17, "as iron sharpens iron, one person sharpens another" 💖 lotta love for you both from Ireland, keep doing what u do xx
What if after you get married you realize that you are not chasing/ desiring/ called to the same goals and destiny as the other?
I watch all of your videos.. thank for blessing my life
this is very true as well because often, you go into a marriage certain ways which may be very "compatible," and then things change, and you're no longer into the same things, and you're no longer the same people you once were. Compatibility changes. It's critical to be committed to be able to work through the changes and to remain Godly compatible - if that makes sense. .. otherwise, as they say, " we drifted apart, we were no longer the same people after the same things, so we got divorced. ............"
Awesome video guys and the analogy about sand paper was really clever. You guys are an inspiration to the young generation including myself 😊
If you're wondering about the personality types, look for: Meyers-Briggs (MBTI) test. It says there are e.g. certain introverted and extraverted personality types, and it's quite interesting!
It can help in understanding yourself better, and help understand how people preferably function or interact with eachother - also in relationships. Take note it's of course to help, not to confine. Bless!
hey guys, this is really off topic but do you think you could make a video on what you think about the whole transgender/nonbinary/same sex marriage conversation that's been happening a lot lately? i'd love to know what you guys think because this topic is starting to invade everywhere, even the church! anyways, love your videos, God bless!
Is it unethical for me to create a bunch of RUclips accounts to like this video multiple times?
Exactly...😂..Marriage is ever stronger with juxtaposes but with an underlying similarity of faith ,hope & jovial attitude in tensed situations ..it works out well till the eternity...
This helped me soooo soooo much! I know everything about the 16 personality types and was a little fixated on The idea that I should find a good match according the Myers Briggs 16 but faith compatibility is SO much more important. Thank you for your wise words.
@WhiteWolf Yin
I'm struggling with this exact thing as well. definitely need to watch this a couple times and think on what I'm struggling with personally. good luck to you! and great video :)
You guys are wonderful! Your marriage honestly from an out wider view just looks so genuine and truly god's best! It's encouraging to see bc I am currently trying to trust god for my own self in that area and jus being okay with being alone right now! Not being in a relationship! But you two are are very inspiring and give me HOPE! Thank You! I love all of your videos!
I like how you included compatability of worldviews and pathways of life. Thanks for making this video. God bless!
Yes you do....Life is like working together......If to people don't get along..... Always agrueing.....What kind of life together would They together
I learn so much from you two, thankyou! I do have this general question. "As a wife you never wanna hold back your husband from what God is calling him to, and as a husband you don't wanna shut down what God is doing in your life." I understand that women are the helpmeet of men, but why is it that so often the ministry of the man is emphasized and the ministry of the women is seen as (just) helping the men in what they are doing for God, like taking care of background stuff?
This is so true. This is coming from a guy who just got married to a beautiful wife after never dating anyone before.
Yes, there are things that will be like... what!??? That is so different from me! But believe me, there are tons of differences and these difference, while might be difficult at first, will round out as you both try to achieve what both of you believe to be the truth, that is the word of God.
Always so encouraged by these !
I am Gali, in the year 1980 I lost all my hopes, I became a thief and club dancer. At that time I heard about Christ, the Lord spoke with me though the Scripture.
JOHN 14:6 “I AM THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE NO MAN COMETH UNTO THE FATHER BUT BY ME.”
I surrendered my life to Lord Jesus and confessed that He is the only Lord and died for my sins to deliver me from all my sins (Karma). When I totally surrendered my life to the Lord He has delivered me from evil spirits, which suffered me about 6 years. I became a new person in Christ. I love Bible so much and started memorizing the scriptures.
By the grace of God I have memorized Five Thousand (5,000) Verses from the Holy Bible. Every week I also remember all the verses. Morning time I remember about 1500 verses for praise, worship and prayer. (Including 100 Psalms). This practice helps me to grow strong in the Lord and also to help others for the glory of the Lord. John 14:6 is my favorite verse; I preach this word to many unsaved people that they may find the peace in Jesus Christ because He is the Lord of all.
ruclips.net/video/GWViryWWch4/видео.html
Yes! My thoughts exactly, I completely agree with this. I wish more people thought like this.
Love you guys 💕 #bringpodcastsback
Spot-on advice about commitment (and I agree that you could succeed in marrying mostly anyone else). Thanx both of you! ...although I think common/identical "interests" gets over-hyped as well as personality. RP 65yrs old (UK)
I'm so happy with this, I liked Jefferson before Alyssa, now it's amazing! It's like everything I'm going through had a video! I get so upset and can't vocalize what I'm feeling so I send him these videos lol! You guys rock TY so much! Alyssa you are a doll!
I say this all the time- "Virtually any two people can make it work if both people are willing to be unselfish".
A person's purpose should complement and align with yours. And we should strive to be whole and healed so that we don't reject God's best for us due to triggers or accept a person who accommodates our destructive patterns instead of challenging us (in love) to be better.
A healthy soul changes what we are attracted to, and marriage is supposed to make us holy (happiness is a byproduct of marriage not the purpose for it).
Alyssa is the best commentator of all TIME... "ooooo"..."hashtag"
So basically just change yourself to be a version of you that's better for the other person. Just lie to them & yourself, instead of being who you are & being patient & waiting for someone that isn't going to make you stop being you to be together.
No more like find a relationship with someone who loves you for you no matter what but also inspires you to want to do more with just as much love and support that you can grow together with.
This video made me really miss your podcasts!
Love your videos! :)
Thank you for this video Jeff. It's such an eye opener and puts a lot of things into perspective.
Thanks soooo much for making a video for your single viewers!!
you can't ever imagine how much i missed you
Whooooaaaa the timing of this! Definitely God breathed!
ABSOLUTEKY AGREE - Also one of the least mentioned verses from 1 Cor ch 12 - God gives the gifts.and He places them where He wlls in the body!!
LOVE THIS thank you guys for continuing to share your wisdom
Great Statement for reflection on this topic. Thanks!
I just love the way Jeff looks at Alyssa too
You guys 🙌🏼
That was an interesting truth nugget about how God can partner you up with someone who you might not be compatible with in certain areas but that could be exactly what he wants you to grow in. That takes such patience I bet but I'm glad you've said that because it is so thought provoking. (: