Thank you Daniela for not just sharing your story but being your authentic self❤ As a fellow neurodivergent person, i appreciate needing to keep your hands busy and love that you don't hide it ❤
So appreciate that you’re busy w/ your hands during the interview. I have ADHD, as do all 3 of my adult kids. Having “fidget” objects or activities can help neurodivergent folks pay attention & absorb information more effectively.
Hold on. Is she knitting at the same time she's giving this interview!? That's absolutely amazing! I can't knit for anything, but I can crochet the same way she can knit! I'm absolutely impressed
She stated in a previous podcast that the knitting is more like a coping mechanism for her, helps her process emotions when discussing difficult topics, so be midful of that please 😌. I even if it wasn"t, I don"t think it is a big deal, you dont really need to watch anyway, I basicaly only listened 😉
I love that showing soothing behaviours is becoming more normal, especially in very stressful situations like this. Daniela is so badass, to survive this hell, get out and now raising awareness like she does
Daniela, Thank you so much for sharing your story. So open, honest and informative. Your analogies are killer and now I can't wait for my next trip to the thrift store ❤
So happy to see someone knitting while doing something like this! As a fellow knitter who uses keeping my hands busy to calm my own anxiety it’s so cool to see this kind of stuff shown more publicly
Yes, as this started I had finished a cowl and hat. I almost panicked! So I grabbed a skein of yarn and started some large granny squares, lol! It's difficult to just sit!
The understanding of the idea that these cults often “program” their boys to become perpetrators just hit me so hard. A whole new generation of perpetrators. So, so sad. How does anyone recover from that? My heart goes out to Daniela. She is so freaking brave.
I see this even in normal life. Parents dont take this seriously. My daughter was sat on by a boy at a playground he was twice her size so she screamed " get off I dont like it" so I run over and make him get off then he tried again and tried to grab her where I taught her is her personal part. So I am so angry I g to the father wh is litterally in ear shot and ask him to stop his son touching the girls and he legit just says "its not a big deal hes still young and doesnt get it" No sir something probably happened to your kid and normalizing it.. it is just so so sad.
@@hamstergal643the whole if a woman doesn't want me, she is a lesbian, sounds like something a boy I wasn't interested in said when I declined a date( ummm he was 13) 😂😮
It's amazing to me that she had such a level of understanding at age 15 that she could confront and challenge her father so she could escape the cult. Courageous! Powerful! Admirable. Best wishes from northern Illinois.
I almost got cought up with children of GOD as a teen I went to a baptist church at the time. When I shared with a friend she looked at liteture strongly descouraged me. I'm so glad u got out and are telling ur story. To keep some out. And prayers that others can leave it also GOD BLESS U
I've been obsessively watching all of these amazing interviews. All of your guests are so awesome and inspirational. Daniella really resonated with me in many ways. I didn't really see the connection until this interview, but I am now convinced that our education system is very cult like. I was an undiagnosed dyslexic who was made to feel that I wasn't learning because I wasn't learning in the approved manner. I actually thought I was faking it. I now have a phd and work for NASA. Thank you for all you do. Bringing these stories to the world is a gift to us all! ❤
Great video! My two favorite "aha" statements in it: 1. I realized I was trying to outrun trauma with perfection 2. Any time someone is trying to tell you what your identity is, you are in danger ❤
She is WONDERFUL. And believe me, I felt the same way about the Duggar BS. I couldn’t believe folks thought this was okay in any way. It predicted the direction of the country and Christian white nationalism.
I'm sitting here in the south of Germany, knitting and listening to your incredible story. You two are wunderful, brave women. I wish you lots of love and all the best for your future. ❤
Big loves, wonderful Daniela! I love hearing you talk. You make disclosure seem easy, but I know it's not, because I do it myself. I present what I've been through, then have to deal with the internal screaming after. But talking about it is a must, for those of us who can, when we can, for those of us who can't or can't yet. You already know you are seen and believed, but let's just say it again. You have a wonderful composure, wit and generally assured delivery, which is helpful for survivors of all kinds, because lifting the curtain this way is the best means of getting fence sitters on board with believing us about abuse dynamics. That wit and deft hand is a healthy coping structure/maneuver. I love it. I'm not from a cult, but I am grateful for those of you who are speaking up because the abuse I come from is unusual and I can't find a lot about it online or elsewhere. The dynamics themselves have a sameness and I am comforted here. Thank you both, as always. I distrust being a fan of things for similar reasons I suspect exited cult members might, but if I was going to be one, this is what I would choose. Def will get the audio book. I have lost concentration to read, which was my hidey-hole as a young person, but love listening to books, can't wat! Mentioning the concentration thing as a reminder to other survivors that stress is cumulative and having been through toxic stress and CPTSD all our lives, it is ok if we can't read for periods of our lives. I mean the loss is not, please grieve that if you need to. But it is normal. And we are still smart. And it is diversity affirming to create audio books, so thank you, thank you!
Ok I have a few thoughts. First, you knitting so quickly made me pick up the scarf I’m working on as a Christmas present, so thank you. Second, being a neurodivergent myself, I understand that feeling of not fitting into the right boxes but just masking and pretending that I’m what is to be expected of me. Third, I find that deconstruction comment really interesting, the one about being uncultured and having to choose your own specific culture, because while I didn’t grow up in a cult or high demand religion, I did grow up with 2 narcissistic parents and I only recently discovered the truth about my second parent. Now the veil has been lifted and I’ve had to fight so hard to accept that I won’t make my parents happy and I don’t need to because I’m on a very different path than them. I’m a creative and neurodivergent mind that doesn’t fit into the stereotypical world around me. It’s just hard sometimes. So thank you for saying that.
Wow I could have written that! It's wild to me how I've never been in a cult, but every part of my life included some form of coercive control, so I relate to cult survivors. The veil was also lifted lately in regards to my family dynamic and it's really hard to come to terms with. Learning I had ADHD was also a turning point for me. I couldn't keep pretending anymore after I realized how I had been masking all my life.
Thank you Daniela for sharing your story. That quote about you know you’re healing when you don’t ask for a do over hit home. My grandmother was a victim of CSA, CA, and SA as well as was my mother. I’m a CA and SA survivor and having to relearn things and how to be as a mom to my own daughter, I can get how that can be hard. In those types of home environments, you are indoctrinated with this shame and silence mentality because “who will believe you anyways”. If you then add in the authoritarian parenting and religious extremes, it compounds all of those issues… reminding me of like both sedimentary and metamorphic rocks ( you have both the layering but also the mixing in metamorphic rocks). I am just so happy that you made it out of that cult and that you are thriving and healing and raising your child in a healthier way. ❤
I guess today is the day I write a bunch here, lol. But yes to the shiny, happy children thing. I just had a funny experience at the eye doctor. As a kid I had crossed eyes and had to get surgery to correct it. The doc who was renewing an eye script was new to me and after he ran tests, he said, "your parents were really good with you about keeping your eye patches on as a kid", going on to explain that most kids pulled them off whenever their parents weren't looking or while at school, esp at school, due to stigma. I've stopped suffering in silence with this stuff, so I calmly and lightly informed him that I would have been absolutely terrified to take my eye patches off anywhere, due to coercive control. I was closely monitored at school because my abuser pulled them into lies about my mental and intellectual abilities. I felt watched anyway, still do, as does anyone who lived under coercive control. My mother was medically abusing me, doing a full mujnchausens both physically and mentally. The eye thing was real, but I did not know or care what was real or not. I lived in terror and if I was told to keep patches on, I would have kept them on. Not that I remember, most of us do not remember all that much. People make so many assumptions about childhood and parenting. It's a minefield for survivors out there because someone will casually reference your childhood from these assumptions at any time, anywhere. I'm glad my parents saved my bad eye. If I lost my good one and they hadn't, I'd be blind. But it wasn't out of love and the amount of medical supports and treatments I now manage is through the roof. All of what I manage is from my abuse. There is so much hidden behind just the everyday assumptions made. So while I am grateful about my eye and it is worth knowing, I am just like damn, that might be one of the reasons CPS sniffed, interrogated me, then abandoned me to a deeply unsafe environment.
A besides religion, abuse and abandonment and instability of environment one cannot possibly get a comprehensive education! I went to 36 schools before I dropped out in 20th grade and auto educated since, passed entrance exam and went on to college. It’s been a JOURNEY AND A HALF!
Wow! Thank you for sharing. I can only imagine what you went through. On a different note, I was so pleased to see you knitting. Knitting is zen for me. When I started, people would think I want paying attention if I was knitting while talking (mom). Now the research says that doing something like knitting helps you focus and learn more, absorb more. So I love it!
I started reading your book last night and then found this today. I can’t believe how much I can relate after leaving my cult 7 years ago. Your stages of recovery broken down made me cry, knowing I’m not alone and recovery takes longer than we want but that’s normal. After 7 years I recently started to question alot and really start to put word to my trauma and I’ve been struggling with that, just thinking I was crazy for just now dealing with it. You’re amazing with words and I can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing for us survivors. I can’t wait to finish your book.
Daniella, 1st off, thank you for sharing your story. I did a lesson on HDRO for our middle/high-school homeschool co-op students, and experiences like yours were vital to them understanding. 2nd. I'm from MD(DMV), and all of the states and countries I've been to, I ended up back home partially due to it's diversity. There's such a rich mix of cultures here that I grew to appreciate as I got older. My husband and I definitely knew this was to place to be, especially since our children are biracial.
Daniella I loved your insight into the stages of leaving a cult, and your thoughts about being "uncultured". I grew up in an Asian country raised by white American parents, and a big struggle for me has been the concept of culture and how to view or define myself. Thank you so much for being willing to share your story.
Just finished the audiobook and I have no words to describe how inspiring and incredible Daniella is. In a way, even though I’ve never been in a cult, I can relate to some things as a result of an abusive childhood and can’t praise enough this woman’s bravery
I so much enjoyed this - Daniella is fantastic - I admire her being able to knit so fast without even looking (I never learned to knit or crochet and wish I would have been able to get it through my head how to do one or the other). I've never been in any cult/high control group for which I'm thankful and watching these kinds of videos is very enlightening as to what others have gone through who were members of these high control groups. The high control groups are damaging in many different ways. Thank you Daniella and Shelise.
@@north40lady98 - I'm 70 years old - I remember my grandmother getting so aggravated with me because she tried many times to teach me to crochet (she didn't do a lot of knitting, she preferred crocheting and then she did a lot of embroidery work - I did learn to do embroidery). Unfortunately, I'm not able to buy the stuff necessary to try to learn to knit or crochet - very little money and never any left after the absolute necessities.
I’m listening to Daniella’s book now. Heartbreaking. I’m so happy for you for escaping and healing. May you continue to heal and have a normal life full of safety and love, Daniella. I really appreciate how you articulate the difficulties of integrating into Life after being raised in the cult. So much wisdom in your story. I’m grateful you are doing this work. *Just heard the last part that you’re in Maryland. Me too! Love it here.
This conversation is so great! Daniella is very wise and oh so lovable. If I had been taking notes to record the highlights I would not have been able to keep up because it’s all highlights! Thank you Daniella and Shelise and Jonathan for creating this for us. It’s a treasure! 💜
Thanks for sharing about the different stages of phases of leaving a cult. It helps me put my own experience in perspective. I think I've been racing ahead too fast. I also appreciate the tips on building new community. I feel the loneliness of not having community, but have not reached a point where I have the trust and emotional bandwidth to start building community.
The whole description of what coming out of a cult is like is amazing. WOW. It's so true. I want to buy that book now. For example, I'm wearing clothes I wouldn't have been caught dead in recently. I got piercings, a tattoo, etc. and it felt so liberating, but we have to pick and choose what it is we believe in the end. That's definition of consciousness. Amazing breakdown of the phenomenon. (And Shelise, that green is amazing.)
Your shows go by so fast because you have very diverse guests who all have something in common. I only just found you a few months ago and try to catch every podcast.
Thank you Daniela for bringing awareness to race in the conversation. It’s such a multi dimensional conversation. You care about everyone and I see that! Wishing you the best
1:13 This is so true! When I was travelling and staying in hostels with people coming from different countries and walks of life (where we basically all outsiders coming together), was when I felt the most connected to others and myself. We'd form a group, share awesome travel moments together and learn eachothers' stories, and eventually become very close. As a neurodivergeant woman, I had never had that sense of belonging before like I did in this context where there is no majority and no norm (as Danielle refers in the video). The friendships I made while travelling are some of the most precious ones I have ❤
*Daniella* SO glad to see you again!!!!! Also, love the knitting during the video (fellow fiber artist! WOOHOO!!) I cannot explain the pedestal my brain has you on, you're SO inspiring!! I aspire to have the self awareness you do and I cannot wait to read your book. I got my mother watching this channel frequently and she bought your book SO quick when she found your interview. Currently waiting on her to finish it so it can be passed to me! Lol! Good luck to all who enter/entered the giveaway 🖤🖤 Much love and support as always!~ :)
Yknow, i think this might be my favourite interview ive seen so far. Im not in a cult, never was, but i like to write stories and i try to research best im able. One character i have was raised in a cult and has only recently left, and so i watch these and other videos to get an understanding of what sort of mindset she would be in and the kind of work she would need to do to heal. This one has been the most illuminating, and honestly cant wait to go read that book
I messaged you suggesting this guest! great choice. I can readily identify with that sense of alienation: my church was so weird, even other atheists that came out of religions still have trouble identifying with my experience.
That's a neat little sauna. I'm Finnish-American and lived in my Finnish grandfather's house after he passed away. He had built a Finnish sauna in the basement by hand. I used it almost every day for 10 years. I moved a few years ago and all I miss is that sauna.
All I miss is the sauna too. I had to move to Tennessee for work and saunas basically don't exist near me. I don't have space for that little sauna right now but I have plans when I upgrade my living situation.
I would go further than you in the issue of well-behaved kids. A kid must have the space and feel safe to say "You are wrong" to his/her parents, teachers, and every other figure of authority. This is a part of the maturation process that starts during adolescence, where each kid stops trying to be a copy of his/her parents and becomes an independent individual. If your kid is never angry and never fights to change things, he/she cannot become a full adult.
Hi Daniella! Thank you so much for sharing your incredible life's journey with us! I'd heard of the Children of God and knew they were a cult, but I had no idea about the prostitution or anything of that nature. Thank you for sharing!
Excellent interview and grand prix knitting...but what is that AMAZING piece of furniture behind her?? looks like a combination of an armoire, a sauna, and the Tardis
I was thinking that too while watching this video. I have a 19-year-old son, who I homeschooled through high school only-during the pandemic mind you, so he didn't get to do a lot of the 'homeschool' things you think about like, "Hey let's learn about this by going to Sea World." or "Let's learn about this by going _____." We couldn't join this or that extracurricular thing because of lockdowns and social distancing. Therefore, he was isolated to an extent though we were a family of 8. He lost the friends that he had before because of the pandemic and he didn't make the non-familial ties that he would've normally during that time because of it. Most of his friends now are online. He is going to college now, but the first semester he did online as well. This fall he will be going on campus for the first time, and I told him that he needs to watch out for cults and culty like religious groups. I raised him as a non-denominational Christian and he should know all of his Bible facts and theoretically shouldn't get wrapped up in anything weird, but he's impressionable and very social. I worry sometimes that the wrong people will get ahold of him as he is very trusting, which is strange because I am so skeptical. LOL I live out of the country right now with his sister and he is staying with his uncle and his older brother lives not too far away, so that should be the first line of defense if something strange starts going on. However, I still mention the concept of being aware and discerning with the new people he starts interacting with as he starts trying to make new friends in the new area that he's moved to. The world is scary!
Currently reading Daniella Mestyanek Young's book. As a GoodReads top reviewer, I give this a five star rating, go get it, Its readable and clear, with a firm sense of plot and how she wanted to tell HER story. Im a fan of memoirs, and this one goes to the top ten of my list. It's engendering so much talk with my spouse about how Feminism was restricted and effected by McCarthyism, to where even in HER training she was taught she had to "think like a Red". The juxtaposition with "Julia" exploring her OSS experience both pre and post McCarthyism is interesting, and if you're watching this, go find it on TV.
Once again, Daniella has captivated my whole attention span. I want to give this lady the birthday party that she never had. I love her audience engagement, and that she is knitting. THAT alone means she is my kind of person.
The books The Explosive Child and Raising Human Beings changed my life and opened by eyes up to a way of valuing children’s needs and treating their opinions and needs as valid. The way our society treats children is extremely screwed up.
Forty-five years after my ex-husband left the COG, the COG NEVER left him. I divorced him eleven years after “rescuing” him, having seeing and experiencing what I suspected from the start- molestation. I was 16, he was 19. Excellent time to kidnap him away and expose him to all the sex he can handle. I tried my best at deprogramming. It wasn’t easy. It took time to eventually become No Contact. He’ll likely always stay deranged in his own special way. His second marriage is lasting longer than all the time I’ve known him. But their kids are all really messed up. I sound judgmental, I’m sorry for that. I just see the contrast with ours, the ones we share. Who also eventually went no contact.
I've read that book that is a really good book everybody should read it❤❤❤❤ the book is wonderful highly recommend I enjoyed it so much Daniela❤ I hope you have a Merry Christmas and keep on growing and growing like you have been like a lovely flower
Thank you for your honesty, as you say you are what your parents brought you up in life, which is until you can see the difference for yourself and understand the need to leave. Cults have been around for centuries & just maybe people like yourself, and others can save some kids, even one is a win, win. I cannot fathom what goes on behind closed doors. Keep on trying, bless you.
I love this episode…she is so well spoken and is quite intelligent…on the spectrum or not she’s an outstanding human in our world! I have never been a part of a cult… just a plain Lutheran LOL but I really had some food for thought at the end of this pod cast. We live in a heavily populated LDS area in our beautiful mountain town in Wyoming and our town is in a HUGE fight where the church is putting a temple up and they have threatened to sue our town until we are broke. Sad. I am also jealous that she can knit without looking lol
I know I’m watching this late. Soo important and I’m so glad she is sharing her story . All I really knew about Children of god was the pedophilia and Ricky Rodriquez and what he did. Soo sad. Im just surprised more don’t lose their sanity. I think people that escape are incredibly strong people.
Danielle you are a wonderful person. What you went through is no joke. And to step outside of it with such a beautiful demeanor and a lovely way to speak. I’m so sorry that you had to experience this and that your life was so traumatic.
Thank you for sharing your story and helping me in the process of deconstructing myself. Definitely love the steps on getting out and it’s very true. Also I love love your linda listen. I wish I would’ve known this when I was younger ❤ Also I’m trying to learn to knit/teach myself to help me as I deconstruct. Do you have any tips I’ve been struggling? Also I’m hoping to look at your book soon it sounds amazing. And thank you Shalise for always being amazing and giving us what we need ❤
CoG started coming to a Christian coffeehouse we had in Fort Lauderdale in 1968. I remember sitting around talking with Berg's daughter Faith. It wasn't long before the pastor who ran the coffeehouse asked them to leave.
Thank you both for this great interview that was so packed with good advice and insight. I was knitting the entire time I was watching! I am making a hat with bears on it. What was Daniella making?
I'm 34 yrs old born and raised in NYC and I never realized that the 9/11 islamaphobia topic maybe when I started to deconstruct "radical" christianity I grew up in. How could we hate radicals but encourage our own radical ideas. The mental gymnastics would give my adhd brain a literal headache. This is why I like watching other people who were in cults because there are so many parallels ... this one realization is WILD to me
I wonder if there will come a point where we can discuss neurodivergence as it pertains to susceptibility to cults (and predisposition to escape & reject cults)
Yes that would be great. I have ADHD and possibly autism and I'm one of the rare person in my dysfunctional family who never got invested in a cult / MLM as an adult. My dad is the other one who never did and I'm pretty sure he's autistic. To me, it seems like neurotypicals value shiny illogical fantasies and community, while neurodivergeants value critical thinking, morals and justice.
LOVE everything about Daniella!!! She is super inspiring. And as a knitter, I think it's extra cool that she is basically making an entire sweater every time she interviews LOL
PS listening to Daniella talk about her husband retiring from the military makes mme want to go back to her military interview to relisten to it because I recall her commenting on the military being a high control group. I think I'd get something new or extra from revisiting that after listening to this interview. So interesting!
PSS as somebody who has been on nude beaches, I think the clothed person might be more than just "uncomfortable." I mean, my first reaction was almost always, "welp, there's another perv."
Not sure how to do the IG thing since it won't let me tag folks, so I'll just post what I wanted to say here. I'm also buying Daniella's book tonight as well so I don't need to enter the drawing. This episode was just as interesting as I expected, but what I didn't expect was for Daniella's words and way of communicating the concepts she discussed here to cause a whole bunch of things to *click* for me about my own trauma - childhood and adult - and what that can mean for me. I did NOT expect to come away from this episode with a better understanding of, and compassion for, myself and how trauma shaped who I am while also causing me to be a bit apart from much of society for lack of shared experiences. Especially something said around the 1hr8min mark - about conversing within a group and everyone sharing 'relatable' (generally positive or funny) stories about growing up and standing there being unable to fully relate much less take part in the sharing because.... You didn't experience the same things (at the same times) as the rest. About having these holes and social blind spots because of the way you grew up. I finally realized why I've been able to understand when guests on this channel discuss those kinds of feelings, even tho I've never been in a cult (so I felt weird being able to relate so hard, like I was claiming something not mine): due to the trauma I faced growing up, I missed a lot of major socialization learning, too, or mine was warped because of my community. I relate because I literally relate; my trauma was different, but still caused the disruptions/warping of socialization that *causes* those feelings. It's something I've been thinking on since watching and will keep thinking on, but it's already showing fruits in more self-compassion and feeling less alone in my lack of socialization and holes in my life where most people have relatively common memories of milestones. Daniella - I am also neurodivergent, and I think the way your brain neurodivergents (yes, it's a verb now) is similar to the way mine does, because the way you explain and phrase things - and your specific brand/type of dry, dark humor - really clicks for me. You helped me realize things I've been struggling to understand and deal with for years. That's huge. Being able to communicate so clearly (esp to other ND folks) big, impactful concepts and truths is a rare skill. Thank you for sharing it with the world! Thank you CtoC and Daniella for sharing this with us! I look forward to reading your book once it arrives, Daniella! ❤
I was good friends with Deborah Davis, one of the daughters of the leader, David. This was after she left the cult. She wrote a book many years ago and was also interviewed on the show 20/20. She was/is a fascinating person and I learned so much about controlling groups from her and her family. All of them, as far as I know are completely out of the cult. I remember something called “Fishy Fishing” ? It’s been awhile since I’ve had any contact with any of them.
The cults I was in as a kid and youth were a homeschooling cult, an Amish cult, and a Mennonite cult. I have learned to not lead with the homeschooling, Mennonite or the Amish bits because people don't know how to react to those and sometimes even react with enthusiasm, which is hurtful and off putting for me (ex., "I wish I had been homeschooled", "Amish? That's so cool", "I love horses!", "I love the Mennonite fry pies"). I get it, but it feels really invalidating when anyone responds that way. Instead, I say I was raised in cults if it comes up. People are generally very sympathetic and supportive then; they intuitively understand you had a bad experience if you're calling it a cult. Then I can add the information later if needed that it was an Amish cult, etc., and it sidesteps the romanticization/fetishization phase.
12:30 totally made me laugh because of a childhood memory. A teen group I swear called shiny happy people or something equally triggering these days (I just remembered it was Up with People) came to my high school in the late 90's perform (and apparently recruiting) I saw the bus pull up they did a hands in the air and happy chat and were smiling...I skipped the performance hahaha BUT a friend did attend and got the application to join. With the tag line of traveling and performing with a buy-in of $10 000. She paid and was so excited to graduate and go off...a few months later the group disappeared and took everyones money and my friend was so devastated. I was sad for her but I knew something was off as soon as I saw them because exactly what Daniela said 😅
Ok so is no one else a little scared that basically being in a cult are probably perfect for how the military is run? Right? No disrespect lots of my family is military, I'm proud of them and I love them.
incredible conversation and i echo everyone in the comments but i am also shook at how she knit without looking at it. Girlllll. It might be a coping mechanism for the conversation but dayum i bet you make such cute stuff lol
Thank you Daniela for not just sharing your story but being your authentic self❤ As a fellow neurodivergent person, i appreciate needing to keep your hands busy and love that you don't hide it ❤
I love that how can I totally agree with her and you on that aspect I'm always doing something with my hands and I am always fiddling with them
Feeling seen! 🥲❤☺️
As someone who watches these videos only while I can do something with my hands, it is cool to see someone with the same issues in the video.
So appreciate that you’re busy w/ your hands during the interview. I have ADHD, as do all 3 of my adult kids. Having “fidget” objects or activities can help neurodivergent folks pay attention & absorb information more effectively.
I can’t watch her and listen to what she’s saying at the same time! Way too distracting. (But I’m listening closely 😉)
Hold on. Is she knitting at the same time she's giving this interview!? That's absolutely amazing! I can't knit for anything, but I can crochet the same way she can knit! I'm absolutely impressed
I was thinking the same thing can't knit or crochet but I'm impressed
See that's what made me have to stop watching and I'll finish it on the podcast, was very distracting for me.
She stated in a previous podcast that the knitting is more like a coping mechanism for her, helps her process emotions when discussing difficult topics, so be midful of that please 😌. I even if it wasn"t, I don"t think it is a big deal, you dont really need to watch anyway, I basicaly only listened 😉
What a badass🤙
Knitting as self soothing.
I love that showing soothing behaviours is becoming more normal, especially in very stressful situations like this. Daniela is so badass, to survive this hell, get out and now raising awareness like she does
Yes! Badass was the word I was searching for! I was so impressed by this lady!! So well spoken and informative.
Daniela, Thank you so much for sharing your story. So open, honest and informative. Your analogies are killer and now I can't wait for my next trip to the thrift store ❤
So happy to see someone knitting while doing something like this! As a fellow knitter who uses keeping my hands busy to calm my own anxiety it’s so cool to see this kind of stuff shown more publicly
Omgee I was thinking the same thing… what CAN’T this woman’s do!?! ♥️♥️
Me too ❤ I usually have a fidget especially when I am nervous
Yes, as this started I had finished a cowl and hat. I almost panicked! So I grabbed a skein of yarn and started some large granny squares, lol! It's difficult to just sit!
I also can't sit still and need to knit !
Agree!! Knitting has my anxiety coping skill for years! Whether I need to or not 😊
The understanding of the idea that these cults often “program” their boys to become perpetrators just hit me so hard. A whole new generation of perpetrators. So, so sad. How does anyone recover from that? My heart goes out to Daniela. She is so freaking brave.
philip seibel
I see this even in normal life. Parents dont take this seriously. My daughter was sat on by a boy at a playground he was twice her size so she screamed " get off I dont like it" so I run over and make him get off then he tried again and tried to grab her where I taught her is her personal part. So I am so angry I g to the father wh is litterally in ear shot and ask him to stop his son touching the girls and he legit just says "its not a big deal hes still young and doesnt get it"
No sir something probably happened to your kid and normalizing it..
it is just so so sad.
I spit out my coffee laughing at "Well hell's gonna suck ..🫤" sounds exactly like my own thought process as a teenage Catholic 😂✨🖤✨
@@hamstergal643the whole if a woman doesn't want me, she is a lesbian, sounds like something a boy I wasn't interested in said when I declined a date( ummm he was 13) 😂😮
It's amazing to me that she had such a level of understanding at age 15 that she could confront and challenge her father so she could escape the cult. Courageous! Powerful! Admirable. Best wishes from northern Illinois.
I almost got cought up with children of GOD as a teen I went to a baptist church at the time. When I shared with a friend she looked at liteture strongly descouraged me. I'm so glad u got out and are telling ur story. To keep some out. And prayers that others can leave it also GOD BLESS U
Daniella is so cool and so smart. I love listening to her speak, she’s so articulate, and the way she communicates is so accessible.
I've been obsessively watching all of these amazing interviews. All of your guests are so awesome and inspirational. Daniella really resonated with me in many ways. I didn't really see the connection until this interview, but I am now convinced that our education system is very cult like. I was an undiagnosed dyslexic who was made to feel that I wasn't learning because I wasn't learning in the approved manner. I actually thought I was faking it. I now have a phd and work for NASA.
Thank you for all you do. Bringing these stories to the world is a gift to us all! ❤
Wow look how far you came despite your circumstances! Well done!
@@CultstoConsciousness thank you so much 💓
Great video! My two favorite "aha" statements in it:
1. I realized I was trying to outrun trauma with perfection
2. Any time someone is trying to tell you what your identity is, you are in danger
❤
She is WONDERFUL. And believe me, I felt the same way about the Duggar BS. I couldn’t believe folks thought this was okay in any way. It predicted the direction of the country and Christian white nationalism.
Wtf? They weren’t Christians.
I'm sitting here in the south of Germany, knitting and listening to your incredible story. You two are wunderful, brave women. I wish you lots of love and all the best for your future. ❤
Daniela is one of my favorite people to listen to!! So excited you had her on again! Thank you for sharing your story!
😁🙌
"You don't understand the basic assumptions of your own culture if your own culture is the only culture you know." Alan Watts
Big loves, wonderful Daniela! I love hearing you talk. You make disclosure seem easy, but I know it's not, because I do it myself. I present what I've been through, then have to deal with the internal screaming after. But talking about it is a must, for those of us who can, when we can, for those of us who can't or can't yet.
You already know you are seen and believed, but let's just say it again. You have a wonderful composure, wit and generally assured delivery, which is helpful for survivors of all kinds, because lifting the curtain this way is the best means of getting fence sitters on board with believing us about abuse dynamics. That wit and deft hand is a healthy coping structure/maneuver. I love it.
I'm not from a cult, but I am grateful for those of you who are speaking up because the abuse I come from is unusual and I can't find a lot about it online or elsewhere. The dynamics themselves have a sameness and I am comforted here. Thank you both, as always. I distrust being a fan of things for similar reasons I suspect exited cult members might, but if I was going to be one, this is what I would choose.
Def will get the audio book. I have lost concentration to read, which was my hidey-hole as a young person, but love listening to books, can't wat! Mentioning the concentration thing as a reminder to other survivors that stress is cumulative and having been through toxic stress and CPTSD all our lives, it is ok if we can't read for periods of our lives. I mean the loss is not, please grieve that if you need to. But it is normal. And we are still smart. And it is diversity affirming to create audio books, so thank you, thank you!
Ok I have a few thoughts. First, you knitting so quickly made me pick up the scarf I’m working on as a Christmas present, so thank you. Second, being a neurodivergent myself, I understand that feeling of not fitting into the right boxes but just masking and pretending that I’m what is to be expected of me. Third, I find that deconstruction comment really interesting, the one about being uncultured and having to choose your own specific culture, because while I didn’t grow up in a cult or high demand religion, I did grow up with 2 narcissistic parents and I only recently discovered the truth about my second parent. Now the veil has been lifted and I’ve had to fight so hard to accept that I won’t make my parents happy and I don’t need to because I’m on a very different path than them. I’m a creative and neurodivergent mind that doesn’t fit into the stereotypical world around me. It’s just hard sometimes. So thank you for saying that.
Wow I could have written that! It's wild to me how I've never been in a cult, but every part of my life included some form of coercive control, so I relate to cult survivors. The veil was also lifted lately in regards to my family dynamic and it's really hard to come to terms with. Learning I had ADHD was also a turning point for me. I couldn't keep pretending anymore after I realized how I had been masking all my life.
yup ❤
The fact that you can talk on other subjects and knit without watching what you are doing is amazing!!
Daniela’s story is what introduced me to this channel! Glad to see her back.
Thank you Daniela for sharing your story. That quote about you know you’re healing when you don’t ask for a do over hit home. My grandmother was a victim of CSA, CA, and SA as well as was my mother. I’m a CA and SA survivor and having to relearn things and how to be as a mom to my own daughter, I can get how that can be hard. In those types of home environments, you are indoctrinated with this shame and silence mentality because “who will believe you anyways”.
If you then add in the authoritarian parenting and religious extremes, it compounds all of those issues… reminding me of like both sedimentary and metamorphic rocks ( you have both the layering but also the mixing in metamorphic rocks).
I am just so happy that you made it out of that cult and that you are thriving and healing and raising your child in a healthier way. ❤
I guess today is the day I write a bunch here, lol. But yes to the shiny, happy children thing.
I just had a funny experience at the eye doctor. As a kid I had crossed eyes and had to get surgery to correct it. The doc who was renewing an eye script was new to me and after he ran tests, he said, "your parents were really good with you about keeping your eye patches on as a kid", going on to explain that most kids pulled them off whenever their parents weren't looking or while at school, esp at school, due to stigma.
I've stopped suffering in silence with this stuff, so I calmly and lightly informed him that I would have been absolutely terrified to take my eye patches off anywhere, due to coercive control. I was closely monitored at school because my abuser pulled them into lies about my mental and intellectual abilities. I felt watched anyway, still do, as does anyone who lived under coercive control.
My mother was medically abusing me, doing a full mujnchausens both physically and mentally. The eye thing was real, but I did not know or care what was real or not. I lived in terror and if I was told to keep patches on, I would have kept them on. Not that I remember, most of us do not remember all that much.
People make so many assumptions about childhood and parenting. It's a minefield for survivors out there because someone will casually reference your childhood from these assumptions at any time, anywhere. I'm glad my parents saved my bad eye. If I lost my good one and they hadn't, I'd be blind. But it wasn't out of love and the amount of medical supports and treatments I now manage is through the roof. All of what I manage is from my abuse.
There is so much hidden behind just the everyday assumptions made. So while I am grateful about my eye and it is worth knowing, I am just like damn, that might be one of the reasons CPS sniffed, interrogated me, then abandoned me to a deeply unsafe environment.
Woah that’s a lot to unpack and I’m so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️
A besides religion, abuse and abandonment and instability of environment one cannot possibly get a comprehensive education! I went to 36 schools before I dropped out in 20th grade and auto educated since, passed entrance exam and went on to college. It’s been a JOURNEY AND A HALF!
Tenth grade (tiny keyboards are a challenge)
Thank you!!!! @@CultstoConsciousness
Wow! Thank you for sharing. I can only imagine what you went through.
On a different note, I was so pleased to see you knitting. Knitting is zen for me. When I started, people would think I want paying attention if I was knitting while talking (mom). Now the research says that doing something like knitting helps you focus and learn more, absorb more. So I love it!
I started reading your book last night and then found this today. I can’t believe how much I can relate after leaving my cult 7 years ago. Your stages of recovery broken down made me cry, knowing I’m not alone and recovery takes longer than we want but that’s normal. After 7 years I recently started to question alot and really start to put word to my trauma and I’ve been struggling with that, just thinking I was crazy for just now dealing with it. You’re amazing with words and I can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing for us survivors. I can’t wait to finish your book.
Daniella, 1st off, thank you for sharing your story. I did a lesson on HDRO for our middle/high-school homeschool co-op students, and experiences like yours were vital to them understanding. 2nd. I'm from MD(DMV), and all of the states and countries I've been to, I ended up back home partially due to it's diversity. There's such a rich mix of cultures here that I grew to appreciate as I got older. My husband and I definitely knew this was to place to be, especially since our children are biracial.
Daniella I loved your insight into the stages of leaving a cult, and your thoughts about being "uncultured". I grew up in an Asian country raised by white American parents, and a big struggle for me has been the concept of culture and how to view or define myself. Thank you so much for being willing to share your story.
Just finished the audiobook and I have no words to describe how inspiring and incredible Daniella is. In a way, even though I’ve never been in a cult, I can relate to some things as a result of an abusive childhood and can’t praise enough this woman’s bravery
I so much enjoyed this - Daniella is fantastic - I admire her being able to knit so fast without even looking (I never learned to knit or crochet and wish I would have been able to get it through my head how to do one or the other). I've never been in any cult/high control group for which I'm thankful and watching these kinds of videos is very enlightening as to what others have gone through who were members of these high control groups. The high control groups are damaging in many different ways. Thank you Daniella and Shelise.
It's never too late to learn. I am just starting to give knitting lessons in my local community and all ages have shown up!
@@north40lady98 - I'm 70 years old - I remember my grandmother getting so aggravated with me because she tried many times to teach me to crochet (she didn't do a lot of knitting, she preferred crocheting and then she did a lot of embroidery work - I did learn to do embroidery). Unfortunately, I'm not able to buy the stuff necessary to try to learn to knit or crochet - very little money and never any left after the absolute necessities.
Love Daniela. Glad she’s back. ❤
I know right she's so wonderful❤❤❤❤
I’m listening to Daniella’s book now. Heartbreaking. I’m so happy for you for escaping and healing. May you continue to heal and have a normal life full of safety and love, Daniella. I really appreciate how you articulate the difficulties of integrating into Life after being raised in the cult. So much wisdom in your story. I’m grateful you are doing this work.
*Just heard the last part that you’re in Maryland. Me too! Love it here.
What’s the name of the book? I forgot to write it down. Thank you
@@123janninha Uncultured: A Memoir
@@ColleenZuntag thank you! I got it on audible and can’t wait to listen to it 😊
This conversation is so great! Daniella is very wise and oh so lovable. If I had been taking notes to record the highlights I would not have been able to keep up because it’s all highlights! Thank you Daniella and Shelise and Jonathan for creating this for us. It’s a treasure! 💜
Keep sharing your story! Break the silence, break the stigma, break the cycle of abuse. Thank you for being strong enough to come forward.
Thanks for sharing about the different stages of phases of leaving a cult. It helps me put my own experience in perspective. I think I've been racing ahead too fast. I also appreciate the tips on building new community. I feel the loneliness of not having community, but have not reached a point where I have the trust and emotional bandwidth to start building community.
The whole description of what coming out of a cult is like is amazing. WOW. It's so true. I want to buy that book now. For example, I'm wearing clothes I wouldn't have been caught dead in recently. I got piercings, a tattoo, etc. and it felt so liberating, but we have to pick and choose what it is we believe in the end. That's definition of consciousness. Amazing breakdown of the phenomenon. (And Shelise, that green is amazing.)
My heart breaks for you Daniela, but your book was so powerful and moving. Thank you for sharing 🤍
Your shows go by so fast because you have very diverse guests who all have something in common. I only just found you a few months ago and try to catch every podcast.
Hi! Welcome to C2C! Glad you’re enjoying it. 😊
I downloaded Daniella's book after hearing her story on here and read it in a day, couldn't put it down. Wood definitely recommend
I love this so much! I want to get over my ADHD stumbling blocks to actually film on Tiktok to join conversation with Daniella. Such a brilliant mind!
Glad she's got lots of tools to get through and process her trauma. I see 2 immediately. Knitting, sauna.
I need my sauna time! It does work.
Thank you for sharing your story with us! I'd love to hear from others who have left the Twelve Tribes communities, the group I used to be a part of.
Thank you Daniela for bringing awareness to race in the conversation. It’s such a multi dimensional conversation. You care about everyone and I see that! Wishing you the best
Thank you both for this conversation. Daniella's 3 phases are particularly relevant and beneficial... and knitting is awesome xx
I listened to her audiobook after the last time you interviewed her, and it was excellent! Highly recommend!!
1:13 This is so true! When I was travelling and staying in hostels with people coming from different countries and walks of life (where we basically all outsiders coming together), was when I felt the most connected to others and myself.
We'd form a group, share awesome travel moments together and learn eachothers' stories, and eventually become very close. As a neurodivergeant woman, I had never had that sense of belonging before like I did in this context where there is no majority and no norm (as Danielle refers in the video).
The friendships I made while travelling are some of the most precious ones I have ❤
*Daniella*
SO glad to see you again!!!!! Also, love the knitting during the video (fellow fiber artist! WOOHOO!!)
I cannot explain the pedestal my brain has you on, you're SO inspiring!! I aspire to have the self awareness you do and I cannot wait to read your book.
I got my mother watching this channel frequently and she bought your book SO quick when she found your interview. Currently waiting on her to finish it so it can be passed to me! Lol!
Good luck to all who enter/entered the giveaway 🖤🖤
Much love and support as always!~ :)
Love that! 😁
Yknow, i think this might be my favourite interview ive seen so far. Im not in a cult, never was, but i like to write stories and i try to research best im able. One character i have was raised in a cult and has only recently left, and so i watch these and other videos to get an understanding of what sort of mindset she would be in and the kind of work she would need to do to heal. This one has been the most illuminating, and honestly cant wait to go read that book
Thanks for sharing that 😁
Thank you Daniela for sharing again....I had a few "aha" moments
What amazes me is how she can knit and look at the camera at the same time. As an avid knitter, that is epic!! And so is her story!
My amazing grandma taught me to knit when I was little. I’ll always be glad for that gift ❤️
I love Daniella. This conversation is so incredibly helpful. I literally could just watch the two of you talk forever. ❤
Finished listening to the audiobook several hours ago. AMAZING. Oh, and I knitted socks and a scarf while listening.
I got her book after listening to the first interview. Glad she is back! Can’t wait for her next book!
I messaged you suggesting this guest! great choice. I can readily identify with that sense of alienation: my church was so weird, even other atheists that came out of religions still have trouble identifying with my experience.
That's a neat little sauna. I'm Finnish-American and lived in my Finnish grandfather's house after he passed away. He had built a Finnish sauna in the basement by hand. I used it almost every day for 10 years. I moved a few years ago and all I miss is that sauna.
All I miss is the sauna too. I had to move to Tennessee for work and saunas basically don't exist near me. I don't have space for that little sauna right now but I have plans when I upgrade my living situation.
I read her book after Daniella's first visit to CTC. Definitely a recommend. My local public library had it.
I would go further than you in the issue of well-behaved kids. A kid must have the space and feel safe to say "You are wrong" to his/her parents, teachers, and every other figure of authority. This is a part of the maturation process that starts during adolescence, where each kid stops trying to be a copy of his/her parents and becomes an independent individual. If your kid is never angry and never fights to change things, he/she cannot become a full adult.
Hi Daniella! Thank you so much for sharing your incredible life's journey with us! I'd heard of the Children of God and knew they were a cult, but I had no idea about the prostitution or anything of that nature. Thank you for sharing!
I remember Children of God guys passing out recruiting pamphlets in downtown Seattle in the early 70s. Scary.
Excellent interview and grand prix knitting...but what is that AMAZING piece of furniture behind her?? looks like a combination of an armoire, a sauna, and the Tardis
I was wondering the same thing the whole time! Definitely must be bigger on the inside. It looks like it has a door with a plaque above it?
I know she has a sauna as part of her self care. But, it appears as an armoire to me. I could be wrong, but it truly is beautiful.
The comment that cults tend to pop up during social unrest makes me think about how we are in such a moment now
I was thinking that too while watching this video. I have a 19-year-old son, who I homeschooled through high school only-during the pandemic mind you, so he didn't get to do a lot of the 'homeschool' things you think about like, "Hey let's learn about this by going to Sea World." or "Let's learn about this by going _____." We couldn't join this or that extracurricular thing because of lockdowns and social distancing. Therefore, he was isolated to an extent though we were a family of 8.
He lost the friends that he had before because of the pandemic and he didn't make the non-familial ties that he would've normally during that time because of it. Most of his friends now are online. He is going to college now, but the first semester he did online as well. This fall he will be going on campus for the first time, and I told him that he needs to watch out for cults and culty like religious groups.
I raised him as a non-denominational Christian and he should know all of his Bible facts and theoretically shouldn't get wrapped up in anything weird, but he's impressionable and very social. I worry sometimes that the wrong people will get ahold of him as he is very trusting, which is strange because I am so skeptical. LOL
I live out of the country right now with his sister and he is staying with his uncle and his older brother lives not too far away, so that should be the first line of defense if something strange starts going on. However, I still mention the concept of being aware and discerning with the new people he starts interacting with as he starts trying to make new friends in the new area that he's moved to. The world is scary!
Currently reading Daniella Mestyanek Young's book. As a GoodReads top reviewer, I give this a five star rating, go get it, Its readable and clear, with a firm sense of plot and how she wanted to tell HER story.
Im a fan of memoirs, and this one goes to the top ten of my list.
It's engendering so much talk with my spouse about how Feminism was restricted and effected by McCarthyism, to where even in HER training she was taught she had to "think like a Red". The juxtaposition with "Julia" exploring her OSS experience both pre and post McCarthyism is interesting, and if you're watching this, go find it on TV.
Yes! That's what I've been saying; if it makes no difference, what difference does it make? You might as well be free🙌🏾
Once again, Daniella has captivated my whole attention span. I want to give this lady the birthday party that she never had. I love her audience engagement, and that she is knitting. THAT alone means she is my kind of person.
I really needed to hear this perfect timing thanks for sharing your story
The books The Explosive Child and Raising Human Beings changed my life and opened by eyes up to a way of valuing children’s needs and treating their opinions and needs as valid. The way our society treats children is extremely screwed up.
Forty-five years after my ex-husband left the COG, the COG NEVER left him. I divorced him eleven years after “rescuing” him, having seeing and experiencing what I suspected from the start- molestation. I was 16, he was 19. Excellent time to kidnap him away and expose him to all the sex he can handle. I tried my best at deprogramming. It wasn’t easy. It took time to eventually become No Contact. He’ll likely always stay deranged in his own special way. His second marriage is lasting longer than all the time I’ve known him. But their kids are all really messed up. I sound judgmental, I’m sorry for that. I just see the contrast with ours, the ones we share. Who also eventually went no contact.
congrats on 150k subs Shelise! So happy to see daniella on here again. I am currently reading her book. Can't wait for her next one.
I've read that book that is a really good book everybody should read it❤❤❤❤ the book is wonderful highly recommend I enjoyed it so much Daniela❤ I hope you have a Merry Christmas and keep on growing and growing like you have been like a lovely flower
Thank you for your honesty, as you say you are what your parents brought you up in life, which is until you can see the difference for yourself and understand the need to leave. Cults have been around for centuries & just maybe people like yourself, and others can save some kids, even one is a win, win. I cannot fathom what goes on behind closed doors. Keep on trying, bless you.
I love this episode…she is so well spoken and is quite intelligent…on the spectrum or not she’s an outstanding human in our world! I have never been a part of a cult… just a plain Lutheran LOL but I really had some food for thought at the end of this pod cast. We live in a heavily populated LDS area in our beautiful mountain town in Wyoming and our town is in a HUGE fight where the church is putting a temple up and they have threatened to sue our town until we are broke. Sad.
I am also jealous that she can knit without looking lol
Love Daniela, she’s one of my favorite TT creators! ❤
She is knitting while the interview 😮😍so cool!
Also ill comment later on the interview, just at the beginning
I know I’m watching this late. Soo important and I’m so glad she is sharing her story . All I really knew about Children of god was the pedophilia and Ricky Rodriquez and what he did. Soo sad. Im just surprised more don’t lose their sanity. I think people that escape are incredibly strong people.
All cults should be banned by law. I feel sorry for these abused women. I think each and everyone are heroes.
Shame on the abusers.
Danielle you are a wonderful person. What you went through is no joke. And to step outside of it with such a beautiful demeanor and a lovely way to speak. I’m so sorry that you had to experience this and that your life was so traumatic.
Doing this interview while knitting...speaks to my soul in some way. Can't describe it.
Thank you for sharing your story and helping me in the process of deconstructing myself. Definitely love the steps on getting out and it’s very true. Also I love love your linda listen. I wish I would’ve known this when I was younger ❤
Also I’m trying to learn to knit/teach myself to help me as I deconstruct. Do you have any tips I’ve been struggling? Also I’m hoping to look at your book soon it sounds amazing. And thank you Shalise for always being amazing and giving us what we need ❤
If you don't have someone to help you out, youtube has literally hundreds of videos. Do a seat of "Learning How to Knit"
Glad to see Daniela back. ❤
Daniela has great multi-tasking skills , knitting and talking about her experiences…Great focus!
CoG started coming to a Christian coffeehouse we had in Fort Lauderdale in 1968. I remember sitting around talking with Berg's daughter Faith. It wasn't long before the pastor who ran the coffeehouse asked them to leave.
Thank you both for this great interview that was so packed with good advice and insight. I was knitting the entire time I was watching! I am making a hat with bears on it. What was Daniella making?
My favorite interviewee yet
My heart breaks for her but she’s very strong for sharing her story ❤
I'm 34 yrs old born and raised in NYC and I never realized that the 9/11 islamaphobia topic maybe when I started to deconstruct "radical" christianity I grew up in. How could we hate radicals but encourage our own radical ideas. The mental gymnastics would give my adhd brain a literal headache. This is why I like watching other people who were in cults because there are so many parallels ... this one realization is WILD to me
Yes, exactly!
She’s so brilliant! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I’m still profoundly touched by her book.
Thank you both.
Thank you both for such an informative interview, it definitely has me self evaluating
Glad you enjoyed it!
I wonder if there will come a point where we can discuss neurodivergence as it pertains to susceptibility to cults (and predisposition to escape & reject cults)
We did do a bit of this on an episode with a late diagnosed autistic woman from Catholicism.
Yes that would be great. I have ADHD and possibly autism and I'm one of the rare person in my dysfunctional family who never got invested in a cult / MLM as an adult. My dad is the other one who never did and I'm pretty sure he's autistic. To me, it seems like neurotypicals value shiny illogical fantasies and community, while neurodivergeants value critical thinking, morals and justice.
LOVE everything about Daniella!!! She is super inspiring.
And as a knitter, I think it's extra cool that she is basically making an entire sweater every time she interviews LOL
PS listening to Daniella talk about her husband retiring from the military makes mme want to go back to her military interview to relisten to it because I recall her commenting on the military being a high control group. I think I'd get something new or extra from revisiting that after listening to this interview. So interesting!
PSS as somebody who has been on nude beaches, I think the clothed person might be more than just "uncomfortable." I mean, my first reaction was almost always, "welp, there's another perv."
Daniella - Thank you for your service from Joint Base McGuire Dix Lakehurst. You are awesome! I'd pick you as "battle buddy" anywhere! Hooah!
wow seeing such a strong smart woman knitting that really brought me joy. I am a knitter too
Not sure how to do the IG thing since it won't let me tag folks, so I'll just post what I wanted to say here. I'm also buying Daniella's book tonight as well so I don't need to enter the drawing.
This episode was just as interesting as I expected, but what I didn't expect was for Daniella's words and way of communicating the concepts she discussed here to cause a whole bunch of things to *click* for me about my own trauma - childhood and adult - and what that can mean for me. I did NOT expect to come away from this episode with a better understanding of, and compassion for, myself and how trauma shaped who I am while also causing me to be a bit apart from much of society for lack of shared experiences. Especially something said around the 1hr8min mark - about conversing within a group and everyone sharing 'relatable' (generally positive or funny) stories about growing up and standing there being unable to fully relate much less take part in the sharing because.... You didn't experience the same things (at the same times) as the rest. About having these holes and social blind spots because of the way you grew up. I finally realized why I've been able to understand when guests on this channel discuss those kinds of feelings, even tho I've never been in a cult (so I felt weird being able to relate so hard, like I was claiming something not mine): due to the trauma I faced growing up, I missed a lot of major socialization learning, too, or mine was warped because of my community. I relate because I literally relate; my trauma was different, but still caused the disruptions/warping of socialization that *causes* those feelings. It's something I've been thinking on since watching and will keep thinking on, but it's already showing fruits in more self-compassion and feeling less alone in my lack of socialization and holes in my life where most people have relatively common memories of milestones.
Daniella - I am also neurodivergent, and I think the way your brain neurodivergents (yes, it's a verb now) is similar to the way mine does, because the way you explain and phrase things - and your specific brand/type of dry, dark humor - really clicks for me. You helped me realize things I've been struggling to understand and deal with for years. That's huge. Being able to communicate so clearly (esp to other ND folks) big, impactful concepts and truths is a rare skill. Thank you for sharing it with the world!
Thank you CtoC and Daniella for sharing this with us! I look forward to reading your book once it arrives, Daniella! ❤
I could have written this word for word
I was good friends with Deborah Davis, one of the daughters of the leader, David. This was after she left the cult. She wrote a book many years ago and was also interviewed on the show 20/20. She was/is a fascinating person and I learned so much about controlling groups from her and her family. All of them, as far as I know are completely out of the cult. I remember something called “Fishy Fishing” ? It’s been awhile since I’ve had any contact with any of them.
Flirty fishing
The cults I was in as a kid and youth were a homeschooling cult, an Amish cult, and a Mennonite cult. I have learned to not lead with the homeschooling, Mennonite or the Amish bits because people don't know how to react to those and sometimes even react with enthusiasm, which is hurtful and off putting for me (ex., "I wish I had been homeschooled", "Amish? That's so cool", "I love horses!", "I love the Mennonite fry pies"). I get it, but it feels really invalidating when anyone responds that way. Instead, I say I was raised in cults if it comes up. People are generally very sympathetic and supportive then; they intuitively understand you had a bad experience if you're calling it a cult. Then I can add the information later if needed that it was an Amish cult, etc., and it sidesteps the romanticization/fetishization phase.
Going to buy her book on audible right now. Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge and experience with us 💖
Daniela is extremely intelligent and I thank her for sharing her story
12:30 totally made me laugh because of a childhood memory. A teen group I swear called shiny happy people or something equally triggering these days (I just remembered it was Up with People) came to my high school in the late 90's perform (and apparently recruiting) I saw the bus pull up they did a hands in the air and happy chat and were smiling...I skipped the performance hahaha BUT a friend did attend and got the application to join. With the tag line of traveling and performing with a buy-in of $10 000. She paid and was so excited to graduate and go off...a few months later the group disappeared and took everyones money and my friend was so devastated. I was sad for her but I knew something was off as soon as I saw them because exactly what Daniela said 😅
Ok so is no one else a little scared that basically being in a cult are probably perfect for how the military is run? Right? No disrespect lots of my family is military, I'm proud of them and I love them.
...is probably...
Ok so now I know exactly why I love thrift stores!!!😂 Lol🤗🫶✨❤✨
Daniela your knitting 🧶 skills are amazing!
I love that Daniella is knitting while she talks and I'm crocheting while I watch. =)
incredible conversation and i echo everyone in the comments but i am also shook at how she knit without looking at it. Girlllll. It might be a coping mechanism for the conversation but dayum i bet you make such cute stuff lol
What year were the children included? Anyone know?
Just got her book on audible! So excited to get into it