How to Negotiate: NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE by Chris Voss | Core Message
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
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Animated core message from Chris Voss's book 'Never Split the Difference.'
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I tried this technique with my landlord and now HE IS PAYING ME to live in his apartment building. Thanks!
Ur fuckin high dude
I tried this with my weed dealer & he gave me $2000 & a free pound!
😂😂😂
You need to turn this into a career, seriously, focus on a skill and let it become it's own job role.
I paid the prostitute to fuck me!
Great video with top tips summarised so nicely. I had come across this book before and seen some of Chris' videos which are amazing but I'm sold with the video, love it!
Good point but it takes a lot more. Leaving the apartment will require staying vacant for a while plus painting it and changing the carpet among other expenses. All that could ammount to exactly the increase in rent over a year if not even more. I suggest a way smaller increase where we both could be happy. Win win.
1- Make them feel heard.
2- Make them say "That's right".
It seem like, It sounds like.
3- How am I supposed to do that.
Thx grt. Short and ro point
This approach assumes there's room for empathy
It's horrific to find business people are trained to exploit people's good will. This is how we end up with no compassion in society because it becomes a weakness that can be exploited rather than a virtue.
My father always told me during negotiations never let their problems become your problems
Very interesting
You've touched on an important message from the book. He says to practice empathy, which is understanding your counterpart, but not sympathy, which would be feeling how your counterpart feels.
Landlord : How ? Thats not my problem
If your landlord says that it means you haven't empathised with him yet. Make sure that feels understood before you try to make yourself understood
@@nobodygh I think that this is a BS tactic, and in the case of landlords, especially in cities that are overpopulated, you are more or less fucked. Its a matter of power, and in this case the landlord has the power and doesn't give a fuck if you cant pay the bills. If there is demand for his flat, he will find a tenant that can pay the bills, and you can go find a place that is cheaper. Empathy is good to show rapport and that you have emotional intelligence, but especially in business, negotiation is a matter of what you can offer, and how this value is appreciated by the other side.
@@thlpapa If you can establish a cooperative relationship with your landlord, you will be able to strike a win-win deal with him. However, it takes empathy to build such a relationship, and it's on you to ensure that you're not just a number to him. If you're just a number, you can forget about any type of negotiation, in which case the video doesn't apply
Hey Landlord, it seems like a steady income of rent, is what you appreciate from your business endeavor. You will clearly understand that when I stop paying and set your place on fire when I leave might course you unnecessary troubles :D
I will be dead if you are my negotiator in a hostage crisis.
"That chocolate bar will be 89 cent please."
"It seems your very passionate about chocolate, but how am I supposed to do that when I've only got 40 cent?" Me, a 28 year old
😂😂😂
The other students have read all the cutting edge negotiation literature, but have not come across this use of empathy? I don't buy it.
Also, if someone is an expert at something, why are they studying it?
Do they do degrees in negotiation?
@@themanfromvolantis likely in sales
wittyahole - Aah ok. Fair enough then. Professionally i am a ruthless negotiator but personally i am hopeless. Professionally, the landlord woulda paid me to live there. Personally i woulda ended up paying him 2000 rather than 1500. Low self esteem most likely.
Tge experiment was set up unfairly. Yea, let's suppose those students studied the latest books and whatnot. That doesn't make one an expert. How would Chris Voss negotiate with seasoned bussiness men with decades of experience?
There's more to negotiating with someone who's not as emotionally intelligent as Chris. He explains pretty well in the book. But I agree that the "How am I supposed to do that?" question wouldn't work on me most of the time I believe. Every time I heard that in the book I'd just think of replying "Not my problem" because it's easy for me to see the boundary.
This book does give great explanations and practical tips on how to practice empathy and listening skills though. Probably the best I've read so far. His first tactic is to practice mirroring someone in a genuine manner. It works like a charm and helps you focus on their words rather than your own thoughts.
Here's how the conversation between Chris Voss and the students went:
Chris: I understand studying in Harvard is difficult.
Student: *That's right*
Chris: Give me all your money.
Student: Here it is.
Yeah, I came here for the conversation between chris and the students... I want to see and hear those negotiations where he took all the money. Not some deductive explaining.WE WANT CHRIS
lol, yeah. something like that.
Hahahaha
Lol
Harvard students are used to spending money they didn't earn (liberalism). Why trouble themselves with true negotiations?
3:37 "you seem very passionate about treating your patients" - possibly the most generic thing a salesperson could say to a Doctor. Next week in things that didn't happen...
PC Principle Remember, it’s not what is said, but how and when. If she spent a whole load of time listening to his concerns and stories, and then said it, it would of course come of well.
@@Ramin233 its in the presentation, its saying it the right way at the right time, with sincerity. It's all in the approach .
Susan: "It seems like you're very passionate about treating your patients"
Doctor: "No I hate them and I hope they die!"
@@wakazuzu yeah actually i just became a doctor because my girlfriend wanted me out of the house more. The planet is over-populated as far as i'm concerned.
Are you for real @ @@pcprinciple3774? Because that's impressive about being a doctor. And the world is over populated. So many hardships.
I would argue that most landlords who request additional rent are fully prepared to have the current tenant walk and is often a tactic to get tenants out in the first place.
Very true...but tenant will stop paying rent..and it will take up to 6 months to get them out in nyc....sad but true and tenants know this game
"...She said that don't confront me
Long as I get my money next Friday" LOL
I don’t know why everyone seems to be missing the core key concept of his negotiation style: *force reciprocate their empathy*. Yes, anyone making an unfavorable offer is likely in a position of power and has already mentally prepared for confrontation/resentment/other options if they walk. It may even be purposely unfair for reasons like you stated or other insult. But gaining their empathy changes all that. You may not get always the optimum outcome you desire but they will certainly be less committed to shafting you, and much more inclined to work something out.
thats not a negotiable scene, so, this doesnt work here.
Belkenator one who has the belief that they can’t what they wants in a negotiation has no self-concept and do no value their own opinion. For lock of better words: it’s call low self-esteem.
"This appartment costs is more than I earn. How am I supposed to pay?"
"You're not. You're supposed to be in an appartment you can afford and I'm supposed to get the fair value for my appartment."
Exactly, I mean Come on. This book is gonzo fiction lol.
okay , I'm moving out sir...lmao
Argument over
Rent increases are different especially since in many places you cant really increase rent until a contract is up for renewal anyway because leases have to be in a form of "tenant will pay X amount for X number of months in order to stay here" its fixed for the term legally.
It helps if youre a good tenant and especially if youre a great tenant and the landlord has had bad ones in the past. It can be pretty easy actually rather than to come and say "how can you do this!!!" to come and say "I understand you probably have reasons like increased tax etc right? but how am I supposed to stay here with the increase that I cant afford?" Knowing that you could find another place for his previous price or cheaper and knowing youre a reliable tenant vs some unknown new tenant who could be crappy the landlord likely will be open to the idea of "ok how do I keep this tenant around?"
Remember the free market is all based on price negotiations risk reward etc. Fair value is all down to what people will agree to pay for a good or service I would say in essence negotiation is what makes a free market system go around.
@Agent J
I was just telling OP about his statement about "fair value" in reality "fair value" is what you can get someone to pay
I see that you’re trying to sell me that book on Amazon for $20.39. I see that you’re passionate about it, but how am I supposed to do that?
Any second now he’s gonna respond out of empathy and offer t to you for free
any second now....
I can give you free book.
@Zen Re: Still waiting... 😂🤣
You might have to check it out of the local library...
What will happen if both sides recently read the book?
Its just BS to waste your time and destroy your character and conscience
You end up splitting each other's difference.
The stronger negotiator splits lips, not the difference. Never split the difference.
What if ... Chuck Norris and Van Damme split the difference
My guess is if opposing strategies cancel each other out, the stronger arguments win.
"hmm.. how about you work a bit overtime or get a second job? Or yeah, go ahead and rent that cheaper appartment nearby, because I've got six parties interested in the appartment for 1500. Glad that is not a problem for you."
I'm willing to bet that is pretty much how things go 9 out of 10 cases, emphasizing or not...
true af
Yeah, everything isn't negotiable. Your landlord may have done his homework and know his price is fair. Your "how am I supposed to" may be an admission that "oh, I guess this place is more expensive than I can afford." Regardless of whether something is really negotiable though, this is still the best card to play. If your landlord is willing to budge, this is your best bet. You never know what is negotiable until you try.
While this is true, I'd still say that, if you want any kind of chance renegotiating that rent, this tactic is your best bet.
there never is a negotiation :D they dont even talk to us we just get a letter that states what the new rent is ^^ unless its outside of legal limits we got 2 options - pay or look for something else^^
@excited box hahaa exaccttllyy Where are you from if i may ask?
i live in the Netherlands and we literally search our apartments via facebook because the agencies we called were all hanging up after less then 1 minute if i wasnt immediately like "I take whatever you have without seeing it for whatever price it is - wherever it is" they were literally unwilling to show us an apartment that they would earn 1400 euro commission for because it would be too much work.
any proof that Chris Voss indeed owned "expert" negotiation students at "harvard" ? This sounds a lot like establishing credibility as advised in many communication books.
Yeah, besides it is not like in this hypothetical scenario they were given the option of 'choice'. And this is also one of the reasons why their rental agreement example is quite an unrealistic one (or at least heavily dependent on having a landlord who personally cares for you rather than a market-driven argument). Because in the option of choice, one can walk away and choose another. If you are against a rental increase, your landlord can just freely pick other people as he has the leverage as there is almost universally a higher demand of people looking for rent than people looking for tenants in developed nations. There is a necessity disbalance, and in the hypothetical example of the negotiation rounds obtaining that good was a necessity while lacking alternatives (and not agreeing on it would most likely mean they failed the negotiation).
All of this is anecdotal and should be taken with a grain of salt. What's important tho is the advice itself, which does seem pretty rational and useful, regardless of the unsubstantiated claims of it's effectiveness.
@@BrokenSymetry I agree but I ưant to make sure the advice too is taken with a grain of salt....before every salesperson tries to meke me feel their plight
This is what wiki says "He spent 24 years working in the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit and was the FBI's chief international hostage and kidnapping negotiator from 2003 to 2007."
Doesn't say if that exact thing happend, but if an FBI chief negotiator with 24 years of experience couldn't manhandle some students in a mock negotiation I'd be very surprised!
he was already a hostage negotiator
I completely disagree with the "Never split the difference" tactic. Negotiation is a balance between gain and loss. If you have a minimum or maximum price in mind for yourself. Don't share that information. That is YOUR reference point. You negotiate from a place that is halfway between your "buffered/adjusted" reference point and the minimum or maximum set by the other negotiator. That way, you can sacrifice a few dollars, and still remain solidly in line with your target price, while also letting the other negotiator feel like they've gained something. This also promotes trust between buyers and sellers. If you hard line your first sale, you risk losing future/repeat sales later on. Never splitting the difference would only be an option with people you never plan to see again. It cripples a negotiation with apathy and frustration, since no one wants to budge. These students need to spend more time in pawn shops, and less time at Harvard for real world experience. This book also doesn't account for the different relationships with cold contacts and pre-qualified customers. Treating all your sales like a hostage negotiation makes no sense.
By far the most reasonable comment
This comment makes complete sense when you consider the video as the sole context. However, the book makes it very explicit that relationships are more important than anything else. All of these tactics are built around establishing trust and rapport, and making sure the other party feels like they got a great deal.
Very good points. Just one thing why not reveal minimum price? If going lower will make me lose money?
@@Davez2023 Minimum price is YOUR base reference. Any lower and you will be losing money. If you reveal your minimum, you lose the ability to negotiate. The other party will hold you to it. As a seller, you can always go down, but you'll almost never be able to raise your selling price in the middle of a negotiation. Thanks for your question. Take care friend.
@@demofactory thank you 👍👍👍
i bet chris voss told the student that if they pay with all their money, chris will share his secrets in real life negotiations based on his extensive experience as fbi negotiator. not just some textbook techniques. when they paid, then chris says, i just showed you.
Exactly. An FBI "negotiator" can lie his ass off to a hostage taker, and any deal that's made will be considered unenforceable as it was made under duress. You do that in a private sector transaction and you're going to be sued for fraud and breach of contract.
Very good point.
@@aramfingal5180 Imagine negotiating with someone who has hostages and thinks that exact thing, that you can just lie your ass off.
How good a negotiator do you have to be to get the hostages free?
This guy is apparently that good.
@@lakshen47 Well good on him if he got some hostages freed (notice he doesn't give his success rate, only that he was a negotiator; for all we know, most of his negotiations still ended with the hostages' brains splattered on the wall). Regardless, the situations he was in bear no resemblance to the situations an ordinary person would be negotiating in. Criminals are usually stupid, and as another commenter said, a surrounded hostage-taker can't walk away from the table.
@@aramfingal5180 He became chief negotiator, so probably a good success rate.
And I'm not gonna argue whether or not hostage negotiation is easier than negotiating rent or business deals.
Dude I just wanted to trick my friends in a card game
Person: How am I supposed to do that?
Landlord: That's your headache. (walks away like a boss)
#Legit stories 🍸
i too was thinking the same..And yes this is more frequently encountered that the landlord angrily says;its none o my business;if u can pay stay else leave !!
It's also very likely the landlord's costs are going up every year, which would even further reduce their "empathy" for a tenant who demands that the rent stay the same forever.
Correct landlord reply: "I don't know."
A savvy landlord won't do anything to jeopardize _your_ empathy and will only negotiate when you directly confirm that you plan to move (if they like you and don't want to roll the dice with a new tenant).
@@aramfingal5180 "It's also very likely the landlord's costs are going up every year"
Which increases the cost of a vacancy or a turn.
"for a tenant who demands that the rent stay the same forever."
He didn't. He negotiated 24 months in the book.
@@wisenber Vacancy isn't going to happen if the landlord is asking market price and has a requirement in the lease that you have to decide whether to renew 60 days in advance, which landlords usually do. "He negotiated 24 months in the book." Negotiated with who? Is he just making up a dialogue and you assume that reflects what happens in the real world?
I imagine the negotiations with the Harvard people were like this
Chris: listen if you give me all your money your parents will finally give you the approval you have been seeking
Student:OMG here is all my money and their bank account
This book has been my favorite read of the year so far. In part, because of I've put many of the suggestions into practice and seen immediate results. Thanks so much for creating this summary!
Great audible too! I love listening to parts of it every so often, and en route to a high stakes meeting too.
That's encouraging. Just bought the audio book. I came here looking for testimonials. Thank you for sharing.
Tactical empathy: the ability to tell the other party to go to hell, in such a way that they look forward to the trip.... But then, you don't take into account that the other party has the power to walk away.... Rule # 1. NEVER enter into negotiations without the power of walking away.
Have your BATNA ready before the negotiation . BATNA=Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement.
Thank you
😊😊@@yvng-juvi7907
99 times out of 100 the landlord would tell you to pay the $1500, or find a new apartment.
These tactics would never work for my wife, she doesn't feel empathy or give a crap about your feelings.
You married well
That just makes you the weakly fool
You picked her.
Husband: It must be hard to get through the day with a face like that
Wife: I will give you the full amount
.
Chris: I already got the full amount ;) ;) ;)
leave
Really, the landlord example is awful. There is a 3rd option: Sorry, but the new rent is $1,500.
The whole premise here is over simplification, which will not work in the real world.
Yep. Negotiation is pretty much pointless in any kind of mass market; supply and demand set the price. It only matters in niche markets or where there's a lot of customization in the product.
Negotiability of rent is definitely a stretch, but as a landlord myself, all tenants are not the same, and appealing to the fact that I like you could absolutely save you some money, if you can make me feel like there's a legitimate reason you will be forced to move, and aren't trying to squeeze a deal out of my presumably already fair market offer.
Agreed. "How am I supposed to pay 1500 when I can only afford 1200?"
Well lets see if I can help you out here, why don't you take on a second job like driving for uber, work overtime at your current job, or cancel your vacations. Or perhaps you can find aother place to live that's more within your budget. Have a nice day.
I was hoping this would help in real estate negotiations. Won't work when your dealing with agents and not the buyer/seller directly in most cases. What do you say? "Well it sounds like your only interested in getting a commission and as soon as possible rather than obtaining the best possible price for your client and basically representing yourself in this transaction instead. Did I get that right"?
@@davidsine4390 Yeah, that's why professional negotiations always utilize middlemen (professional negotiaters).
Renter- "How am I supposed to pay that?"
Landlord- "That's your problem."
It's because you didn't build rapport with him. For me it works 7 times in 10
Next time you need to negotiate, just find a Harvard student who's free to spend someone else's money. Easy! The other party does not give a damn about "how you are supposed to meet their demands", they just care you do. If you can, you've got a deal. If you don't, you haven't got a deal. It's as simple as that. Always has been, always will be.
What I don’t get is the rental agreement. I tried this 2 days ago and when I asked the landlord how am I supposed todo that he just said there are less expensive apartments near by.
I love the philosophy, but I still don’t understand how you can get them to lower the price if they can just find someone else
You can't. There's always a context you can't ignore behind any negotiation. Empathy only goes so far. Negotiating with criminals is different from negotiating with landlords. When you negotiate with criminals you're both agitated and have a lot to lose if negotiation goes south. In the case with landlords, it depends a lot on the market condition (the context) and if you really can find an alternative quickly.
@@samvance40 That makes sense. I feel like Voss has a natural demeanor that makes his tactics much easier. Usually I see vids titled "convince anyone to do anything" and I think it's a bunch of bs. But what Voss says seems to be both obvious and totally unique at the same time.
@wittyahole - Yeah that also makes sense. In my specific case the guy's charging probably $100-150 too much for the area. Normally I wouldn't care except the property managers a dick and I'm the first tenant he's ever handled and I just want to stick it to him if I can. Pursing it with empathy though, sometimes it's easy, if the other person sucks it's a challenge. But all good information non the less. Thanks for the reply
Never hurts to try. You don't know what is negotiable if you don't. All tenants are not the same. A landlord might pay a little bit to keep from rolling the dice on someone new, but they probably won't pay much and not at all if you sound like you're hustling.
I am a landlord. I have never and will never ever negotiate my price. (I will negotiate for more money for a shorter lease but that's not helping this videos argument.)there are more renters at least in my area than thier are units.
LOL this is ridiculous, In Australia and Brazil which I have negotiation experience for decades, people just say "don't have the money? sorry about you, next". In addition, people from India and Asia who love negotiate always loose here (AUS) because we add extra to give what they want, so they just think got a discount. Real life is quite different from a controlled environment
@rod
"LOL this is ridiculous, In Australia and Brazil which I have negotiation experience for decades, people just say "don't have the money? sorry about you, next"."
Sounds like you don't negotiate well.
" In addition, people from India and Asia who love negotiate always loose here (AUS) because we add extra to give what they want, so they just think got a discount. "
Voss' book show how to flush out schemes like that.
I'm a terrible negotiator but on certain things i stand firm. Concerning property I bend but don't break because in the end I always win.
Lol add 20% and take 10% off.. best way to get around indians
@@cmace5 "Lol add 20% and take 10% off.. best way to get around indians"
Or anyone else that doesn't do their research before beginning. After all, your car dealer did that to you last time.
@@wisenber That's car dealing 101, always ask for more than you want then make out it's a big deal giving them discount, then they buy and both parties end up happy.
Yeah so manipulate people by pretending you care. How about caring and make sure both win.
It seems to me that negotiation often boils down to who's the bigger psychopath.
Do you feel the same way?
Anything can be put in the umbrella of manipulative....
There is a huge difference(ethically speaking) between convincing people and straight up lying to them to make them believe into your ideology.
Here(in the negotiation scenario) you just are a good listener.
Indeed. Don't sell. SERVE. If your product is great and everyone loves the service you give, you will have more than enough customers. Maybe not so many as the smart-ass who is always hard-selling his crap product to peopl who don't want it, but why would you want to be like that?
did we all do that ?
spoken like someone who doesn't live a professional live in which high-value deals are negotiated
You: "How am I supposed to do that?"
Most people: "Not my Problem."
Perhaps a pessimistic view... but its been fairly true for my life.
that is true (it will happen every time) because you did not follow the procedure (1- hear counterpart well 2- earn empathy (hear the word 'that's right' 3- use the empathy towards your interest)
it is not a magical stick that can work in every situation, in normal cases, you should have bunch of methods -just like the surgent- and learn when & how to use them with cautious.
I negotiate like a 3yr old.
I say Gimmie Gimmie I want I want and then i cry when i dont get it.
My negotiations usually end with a harassment charge.
😂
6:30 their could be a third respond.
"That's not my problem, that's your problem." How would you counter that?
6:52 when we give such replies of comparing two entities in India the counter party gets offended as they are been looked upon as a alternative.
And sometimes they reply, "Then go buy from them/Rent that apartment"
Always Capone said that. "you can always get more with a gun and a smile, than just a smile alone " ; )
I think that you have the idea spot on, and you are almost there with the application. There is just a little analysis missing of it which I think a lot of people overlook. It is really important to not sound like you're trying to get them to come to you. Appealing to their empathy means making them feel like you aren't trying to make them do something, and also really really really not making their offer seem undervalued. You touched on those, but in your examples you went the opposite way, especially in the case of the apartment. Bringing up the other apartments in the area like that is a good way to make them feel like their pride is being attacked even if you are using the words "I understand" beforehand. I think a better application of this is to say something like, "I think that your property is definitely valuable, and especially with you as the owner. It sounds like you want to find an amount that both you and a tenant can agree is representative of that. My current income is $XXXX, and that means that I have $XXXX available. How can we work together to make sure you are generating profit on this apartment and I am able to afford it? ... My concern is that the local renter's market is $XXXX lower than the cost of renting this apartment. I know you and I know that working with you is part of why you might valuate this apartment at a higher price than an equivalent local apartment. However, perspective new tenants are not going to have the history with you that we have, and so they won't consider that in the price. I'm concerned that this apartment will be vacant for a month at which point, not only would you be losing more rent money than a year of the cost between what I can afford and what you are offering, but you will also be paying utilities in the interim only adding to the cost of having this vacant. I would like to help you avoid that the best I can, and I know you would like to avoid that as well. How can we find a solution to this problem?" Always make him feel like you see the same non-monetary value in his product without talking about what you think it is worth and what your options are. That's more of bullying someone into bending and they will see that.
👏
man thank you for this -- this feels so much more relatable! Have a nice day!
Honestly, goated comment
Thanks for taking effort to present the idea of Non-monetary value! ❤
Oh boy, it needs a lot of thought to get to those specific values, coin it and present it clearly!
This comes across as highly manipulative. If someone asked me "how am I supposed to afford that" I would reply with "I don't know." If they followed up with another one of these manipulative questions, I would probably ask for more money as I would not want to deal with a crazy tenant.
30 day or 60 day notice depending on term of residence.
You’re being manipulated all the time. Get over it.
It’s extremely manipulative, but at least the video shows you how to recognise this strategy
@Mike
"I would probably ask for more money as I would not want to deal with a crazy tenant."
The tenant was one of his students and had already lived there and paid on time for several years. The tenant also did his research prior to the meeting.
@@wisenber Then how am I supposed to pay for 3 months rent just to move in when I can't afford a small increase? Research that.
These books were written before the web. Think about it, isolation behind screens was not obstacle oriented. E books are a good beginning, but we need to be around other humans. That is what is missing these days.
"How am I supposed to do that?"
The most common response I've received to that question is... "That's your business/problem"
IDK... my take away from this video was it demonstrated even Harvard has dumb students. I could commentary on the affect of empathy, but empathy itself isnt the point of this video rather its cynical value.
1. Tactical Empathy - Sincerely Empathize with THEIR situation, then get them to empathize with YOUR situation. Start with "It seems like...", or "It sounds like..." to get a: "That's right" from them - 1:36:00
2. Ask Calibrated Questions - Starting with "How" or "What" to transform a confrontation to a problem-solving session. Ask: "How Am I supposed to do that?" - 5:08:00
The example of the rent - Landlord asks for $1500, up from $1200. I say, "How am I supposed to do that?" Landlord says, "I don't care how you do it, but it's going up to $1500, or you can find another place to live" . So what is the response to that ? You can negotiate a lot of things but there are times when smooth talking and witty ideas aint gonna "pay the rent"
How am I supposed to do that when my trigger happy BF is looking for something to shoot at.
But was Susan's drug better for the patients, or did she just win the deal.
Just goes to prove how low the entrance standards are at Harvard these days.
am interested to know what the Harvard students were trying to acquire that resulted in them looking like chumps when they could've just set out to walk away.
(One of my 'negotiating tactics' is to resolve to simply walk away if the price isn't within a budget I set beforehand.)
The thing is that they weren't chumps. It was stated that they bought the product/service ON budget but at the max. But so what, any budget should already have been calculated for profit or later 'outcome' and the most important thing is to get the deal done to progress. If they'd walked away there would have been no deal, so no profit or subsequent success for what the deal was required for. Win/win instead of a lose/lose.
Perhaps the teacher/professor already set criteria/parameter where students must make the deal, walk away is not an option? It's not like using their entire budget means lose for the student... or at least that's what they thought. Just like you're using your entire planned budget to buy something... If you can spend less, that's good. If you use them all, well, you planned to use them all anyway...
just b/c they are at Harvard doesn't mean they are experienced negotiators
video = what happens in a book
comment section = what happens IRL
What happens when both parties use this technique?
Excellent video - thank you for summarizing so well! "Being heard" is one of the greatest human needs, and by fulfilling that, every difficult conversation - not just negotiation - becomes a bit easier.
If I ask a person "how am i supposed to do that?" they'd tell me to f off then lol
This is really unworkable example. But thanks anyways
Hablarías de un libro mío que publico este mes , saludos ❤
"This Harvard student knew every negotiation technique in the book." As a holder of an Ivy League MBA I can suggest that it is a gross overexaggeration.
P.S. Apologies - I decided to expand a little. It is not Harvard level at all (at least not grad/business school) to perceive negotiation as splitting 100% of some value. That's huggling. Negotiation (and most business casses are build like this) involves finding additional value for your counterpart and addressing it in a way s/he did not think was possible. That is one of the few things that they REALLY make sure you understand.
On the comment of rent, - rent if basically an elastic commodity and its hard to negotiate on commodities unless you take them out into a different category (i.e. i will plow the snow or upgrade it so that the value goes up when i move out like WeWork does).
Also, in most semi-professional environments, the question "how am I supposed to that?" would found to be inappropriate and would end the discussion more often than starting it. If there is a cheaper option for a commodity then why are we talking? If not, then you just tried to play me. There are plenty of great books on negotiation but this one just does not sound like it is. Perhaps, some entry level sales techniques.
@serolog
"Also, in most semi-professional environments, the question "how am I supposed to that?" would found to be inappropriate and would end the discussion more often than starting it."
That's why Voss doesn't rely on that term alone.
"If there is a cheaper option for a commodity then why are we talking?"
As soon as it is allowed to become a commodity, both parties lose negotiating power.
What books would you recommend?
not even entry level sales
"how am I supposed to that?" i use this technique ALL THE TIME and i've worked for the largest investment banks and largest tech companies in the world. it's all in how you say it
Hilarious advice... Showing empathy and trying to make your problem (can't afford the increased rent) their problem (how do you suppose I pay the extra) may work when you are dealing with the average Joe in the street or with hostage takers, but is wishful thinking in a commercial negotiation. The fact that Chris can talk a bunch of students out of notional money that they don't care about and that isn't even real is hardly a recommendation. I wouldn't bother about psych mindgames. Instead, I'd tell the students that my performance was being measured by how much money I'd get from them and if they wer happy to give me all of the notional money, I'd be happy to buy them a few beers after the session. That should do it. No magic there.
the SALESWOMAN said the magical words "I'll go into the supply closet doctor and BLOW you" THATS HOW SHE MADE THE SALE
She let him do a vaginal exam.
@@ItsMeUrDaad AGREED "alright i swear i'll buy honey you just have to SUCK IT AGAIN"
Empathic listening probably can't hurt in a negotiation, but evidence (scientific rather than anecdotal) shows that it doesn't help. What does? Taking the perspective of the other side. See for example: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18399891 Rather than feeling what the other side might (empathy) it's the ability to THINK about the problem through the other person's eyes that leads to more value creation and to claiming more value, as well.
This kind of negotiation works only when dealing with individuals who have a vested interest in a positive outcome AND have the ability/power to make the decisions necessary. The problem with the "Landlord" example is... a lot of people deal with a property manager representing a larger real estate company NOT a "Landlord". An individual "Owner/Landlord" who is dependent on a good tenant for income might be able to make those negotiations. BUT that kind of "Landlord" is becoming less and less common.
@Jonathan
"The problem with the "Landlord" example is... a lot of people deal with a property manager representing a larger real estate company NOT a "Landlord"."
In the book, it was a property manager and not the owner. The book also gives examples of how to identify people that don't have decision making authority.
Even in larger real estate companies, somebody somewhere got to have the power to make a decision, companys are run by people after all, who is likely not the CEO as he have better things to do but a lower ranking employee who could be more empathic to your reasons.
OK, I get it now. The reason the doctor was not very receptive to the pharma sales lady is because her skirt was too long.
This isn't negotiation ... This is understanding how to help other and yourself ... It's mutual benefit with a hint of manipulation :')
People are now dumber for watching this. I pity people who will absorb this terrible info. So many subtle things implied by "harvard student" or "hostage negotiator" which will mislead viewers
Harvard students are overvalued
He got every dime of the price they were willing to pay... of someone else's money. WHOOP-DEE-DOO!
In my experience, in the toughest negotiations I've had, the other side doesn't listen and doesn't care about you or what you want. Take it or leave it sunshine. There is always someone else. By the way, how would Chris Voss know he got all of the budgeted money unless he was told what the budget was upfront. Unlike the rent when you are negotiating for goods or services it would be highly unlikely that you would know what the budget would be.
Hey would you like to share your unique experience of negotiation with me
Negotiating with students? I bet they were just trying to get an A for effort. Regardless if the school is a privileged one, that doesn't make anyone else less smarter. Most students lack real world experience and would most likely have no chance. Its like a student vs a professor in a debate.
This is so flawed... You're missing that little part called competition. Yea, force anyone to sit in front of you and not leave until a deal is done, sure you can play that victim card all day long until you wear them down. Most people in the real world would just leave, many other options out there and they don't need yours that bad. And if you're the only option, then there's no need to negotiate.
In my reality, the landlord responds back to me by saying, “That’s not my problem. If you can’t pay, many others are lined up who can.”
I will take the advice, just see a limit to how far it will take me in the real world. Maybe do a video on how to deal with those who simply will not take your problem as their own.
point a gun
In reality the only possible way to result such a problem is to understand the need of the landlord and create a plan to provide him with enough value until the whole debt is paid, such as maybe freelance work, or repayment cash flow plan with extra interest for their wait
A wise man once told me: when you’re negotiating, you just gotta sniff for the desperate one, that’s where you’ll find the best deal.
That wise man is me btw
So the opening premiss never gets explained or answered. Why not split the difference? As your rent example is all about compromise, it seems to suggest that meeting in the middle is a perfect solution.
Empathy plays a huge role in any relationship irrespective of negotiations. As a student and family counselor, I had heard 1000's hour their problems. Once they feel that they are heard, they start thinking and few sessions later they are more open to change. And the change comes from within.
Also in negotiations, the more we listen and understand, we are basically building the relationship
I dont buy the landlord example most landlords dont give a shit about your problems especially when the units are on demand.
I think this probably really does work in many situations. Though in the classroom example, the person had a fix budget and they went up to their budget. They didn't go over their budget however. There is a big difference between getting someone to pay some thing they were prepared to pay from the very start, and getting someone to do something they weren't prepared to do ahead of time.
I think this video should first start with the number 1 rule of negotiation
1/ are you in a negotiation or a fait a compli
Because if it’s the latter, you’ll likely find the response to how is “that’s not my problem that’s yours”
So for example in the landlord scenario the likely answer to how am I supposed to ... is “that’s not my problem son, that’s yours but if you don’t pay the increase you are in breach of your tenancy agreement and you’ll have to leave by the end of the month”
By the first 10 seconds I realise the mistake is telling the seller your whole budget. You need to cut by half first and grip on it.
Most negotiations end in "I don't give a fuck about your situation". This videos only considers unreal situations. Yes, the kidnapper may kill the hostage, but he may also get a bullet in the head as soon as he does it. It's not that simple. In negotiations, usully the person with the upper hand will get his way anyway. You can pretty much just negotiate the damage. Try getting your boss do to something he doesn't want in the first place. Without using pretty legs and boobs. Even this way one might just get screwed and never see the benefit.
It's easier to spend what isn't yours in the first place.
I'm glad I didn't buy this book. It would have been a waste of time and money.
This isn't empathy, this is manipulation.
It is empathy. You can use empathy to manipulate. The two are not exclusive of each other.
@@tylernorby4939 What you're referring to is cognitive empathy. Cognitive empathy, sometimes referred to as "cold empathy", is the primary form of empathy a sociopathic narcissistic personality (cluster b) has, and it does not affect them emotionally. It is purely a means to an end to avoid jail, embarrassment, scorn, or anything else otherwise detrimental to their goals of serving themselves. If someone is one of those types of people, they're using "empathy" to manipulate someone, they're not really in possession of the ability to truly empathize because they are utilizing subterfuge against a person to acquire something for themselves (not always tangible).This is a behavior which, by it's very nature, is very anti-empathetic.
mikeymike4g63 I think you make a great point but you dug your own grave. It is indeed very “anti-empathetic” in nature for someone to approach negotiations like this but nonetheless it is the skill of empathy they are using.
@@Itachi-xi9sl Giovanni Diaz Empathy isn't a skill, it's an experience. It's something that happens to a person. This is not a contest, I haven't dug any grave. I am sharing a perspective that I believe is a little more accurate. You're welcome to yours as well. Empathy happens to a person, it's not utilized as a tool. "Cold empathy", on the other hand, is employed as a tool by those who do not have empathy. Sometimes to manipulate, sometimes to stay out of social or legal trouble. If someone is employing this to get something they want, it's unempathetic behavior because it's not putting the person they're talking to in the primary position of concern. It's subterfuge. Collaborative negotiations aren't quite the same as what I'm talking about, because both parties are aware of the intent of the other and have mutually agreed to both give and make demands. That mutual awareness is key to defining this interaction. Otherwise, I believe it's subterfuge.
mikeymike4g63 mikeymike4g63 I respect the approach you have with empathy but it is most definitely a skill. Some people are better at empathy than others and you can also practice it. Either way people use it sincerely or the means to get what they desire. Not saying that it isn’t bad however way one can use it but that it is pragmatically a skill. I don’t think subterfuge and empathy are mutually exclusive to your distinction either.
It seems like some good ol' manipulating technique :)
it's called reflecting, reflect the emotion back to the patient even though you don't really feel it.
In London. Fick off . There is a queue waiting to move in
I'm a landlord. That would NEVER work with ANY of my properties. In the example given, even if I experience a one month vacancy, I recoup that loss in 4 months at the new price, and by the end of the year's lease, I'm way ahead by kicking you out. And no, I've never had a vacancy because I list the day the tenant gives notice, and I know the comps.
Yh what about the classic "well thats your problem not mine"
Honestly I'm so Happy I found this channel, it's exactly what I was looking for. I love reading those books, and your summaries are on point. You got another subscriber
First of all, those Harvard students were given a fake budget and they weren't using their own money. So the students didn't care if they gave up all the money. The trick is to never tell the seller how much your budget is, then the seller doesn't know how much they can get from you. Second, for the rent example, if the landlord really wants 1.5k a month, then he will simply tell the tenant to pay up or leave. Any smart landlord would have done their research on their property and local rents and not lower their price just because the buyer empathizes with them, when he knows he can get the rent he wants from another person if the tenant is unwilling to pay.
All they tried is to sell that book.
book ads are getting sneaker, disguising themselves as animations it seems. ok thanks thats your highlight reel to sway me of the wisdom contained, day 1 stuff i hate that i'd pay for it
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Narator says Susan "learned this the hard way"... ummmm...in the example given, she gets the result she wanted - how did she learn "the hard way"? No revelations in this video
It sounds like you're using very old techniques. I empathize with your video.
how long is the "living with yourself after screwing people into unfair deals" chapter?
I tried itMy landlord said, Go To tht 1200 House that u r getting. I m homeless now. Fu productivity bro.
how am I supposed to pay $1500 a month when...
every land lord ever: not my problem
The trick is the negotiating-----WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE AN ENTITLED PRICK...If someone approaches me humbly I'm 100x more likely to help them..
“That’s left”
“Thats right”
Negotiation 😎😎
What do you do when instead of 1 or 2, the person says "Not my problem, figure it out yourself."?
Then you respond with the 'It seems like.....' question. That keeps them engaged and gives you more information.
RL vs FE
Real life vs. Fake environment
6:50. At that moment, my landlord would've simply said "Alright, Off you go then. I got 10 others lined up for this place."
people arranged to show up get seen because you had an appointment is what i suspect they do
The key to negotiation is empathy. Once you've learned to fake that, you've won.
It’s better if your empathy is sincere. It’s also a way to be a better person
@@HeatherHopkinsWritingAsIgo Says the gal who overpaid by $10 on her Camry.
Anyone know what I can do to get a car cheaper😭😂