NO!!! I didn't know if I was too drunk or not drunk enough. I had to watch this twice and I still couldn't make it thru! I tapped out the second time at pirate cats. PIRATE CATS??? what am I hearing?
There is no plot to Cats because it was based on a series of poems about cats that Andrew Lloyd Weber set to music. Once he decided to make it into a musical, he added the VERY thin plot about one of the cats being chosen to go to heaven. That is the entire plot of Cats.
@@BuffytheRealSlayer Let me explain it to you, seeing as how you are NOT a true theater lover: The plot of Cats is that once a year the Jellicle cats meet at a junkyard where the Head Cat- Old Deteronomy (who is MALE in the show) chooses one of them to ascend to Heaven and be reborn into a new life (cause Cats have nine lives) and each cat has a chance to introduce him or herself in the hopes that he or she will be chosen. Get it?
@@colleen4ever I have actually seen Cats (the actual musical) on stage, used to listen to the soundtrack on repeat, and even named my cat Rum Tum Tugger. I also grew up on musical theater, been in the cast of several musicals, as well as sang many of the songs from various musicals in general choir, show choir, and as solos. But please again assume that I am "not a true theater lover". Not to be hostile, but that is kind of a rude assessment just because I didn't spell out the entire plot of Cats act by act but rather gave the Cliff Notes version, because, like it or not, it was still indeed based on Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T. S. Eliot.
@Buffy Cary: YES!! That's the whole of it, and most seem to miss that. Cats, the musical, is just that: Music and dance, not epic story arc with in depth character development with back stories. Music and dance.
@@boikatsapiens499 Exactly. That in no way diminishes what Cats is. I actually love the musical version. It is on my Top 5 list of all time favorite musicals. Yes, there is a plot, but if people go into it expecting an epic, sweeping plot like Phantom, they will walk away confused. But go into it with an open mind and with the knowledge that the dance numbers and songs are amazing, then they will throughly enjoy the whole, visual experience.
Aside from the part about heads floating. I already knew the story so that actually wouldn't have bothered me if it happened, I mean there's literally a cat named ex machina, I mean Mr. Mistoffeles, the magical cat, but I actually was looking for the floating head after watching this video and was kind of disappointed.
I’m looking for tickets now! And as someone who loves musicals, I was NOT going to see this foolishness, now I want to see this foolishness just for the laughs lol
I think Andre invented a new emotion in this video. It's like a mix of hysterical, broken, exhausted, entertained but horrified but entranced, and so so so so confused and incredulous. If the emotion were a beverage, it'd be a fruit punch made with pumpkin puree and beef.
This is the funniest movie review ive ever seen. The fact that none of it is exaggerated and witnessing his descent into madness when going through the "plot" is just *chef's kiss*
Yes! "And then the Pirate cat, like Growl Tiger or whatever his name is, he was eating tuna from a bowl in my Grandma's house?...like, it didn't look like my Grandma's actual house, but in my dream, it was supposed to be her house? How that happens? It kind of looked like my homeroom from tenth grade now that I think of it...and then Judy Dench comes in! And she's a cat!!"
Lol she's playing Grizabella she's supposed to look sad - the character design for the movie was bad but I do love the original musical and I feel like this movie could have been amazing if it just looked better
Also Gus’s real name is Asparagus but he doesn’t want to be a bother so everyone calls him Gus. That’s why he’s the only one with a less weird name. Holy cow now I realize I’m trying to defend the logic of Cats.......
You win the internet today for writing “bated” correctly. Lol. Everyone gets that wrong! I don’t correct grammar online, but I hope complimenting it isn’t obnoxious. :)
In the stage version, the cats find props lying around the junkyard to dress up as the cockroaches and mice to help Jennyanydots tell her story, so its actors pretending to be cats pretending to be mice/bugs.
I am a fan of the 1998 musical movie of Cats. No intention of seeing the CGI version...but watching people critique and tear down this movie gives me hope for humanity.
MAYBE YOU ARE EVERYBODY ELSE LOVED THE MOVIE , BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT LETTING OTHER PEOPLE THINK FOR THEM. ONLY YOU. ADULTS GROW UP WHERE'S YOUR INTEGRITY AS HUMAN BEINGS WE ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TOO LIVE NOT 9. MEOW. PERIOD.
The musical has no plot. It kinda surprised me not knowing what to expect when I saw it. Cats is based on a collection of poems by TS Elliot. What sells the musical are the songs and mostly the choreography which is great. There is some tiny thread that connects them together, but not much else. This was what worried me the most about this movie. I just don't see why Hollywood would adapt a musical without plot.
@@Wandrative yes I've seen it. It's odd but it's still better than this creepy feline/human mutant freakshow. The musical works because it's LIVE theatre.
Charlotte Rawlins I mean some pieces of music in the musical is good I think. I love classical operas, but people dont really watch operas for the storyline or the stageset. Its purely for the music. I think opera stories are crap. Having said that, musicals govthe same way. Its (cats) storyline and plot is stupid as f to begin with. And I already thought “wtf are these people wearing, its so dumb and weird” when I saw the cats musical. I dont really see the difference in the movie.
He’s a very brave but foolish man to watch such a poorly made musical turned movie. Even watching Jem And The Holograms wasn’t enough preparation. At least we’re prepared for that evil if it comes across our screens (even as an ad).
Worst part is they did, the VFX studio worked like double overtime to try to salvage the film, not that you can tell from the still visible wires in certain scenes and the uncanny valley effect of the faces Andre mentions.
Closer to 100 million than 80 and that doesn't include marketing cost which is likely another 50-70 million because the promotion was thru the roof for this film!.
MikiKaoru which makes this the perfect example that not everything translates well to movies, therefore not everything should be turned into a movie, sometimes stories are perfectly fine in their original media.
Somewhere on an asylum: Psychiatryst: "Andre, why are you laughing?" Andre: "I remembered a movie I watched". Psychiatryst: "Could you tell me about it?" Andre: "You wouldn't get it..."
They had bulges in the Broadway version and no one cared. Actually, I'm now wondering if that was why my mom loved her VHS copy so much... Oh God... Mom, why would you force me to watch that?! I ... I gotta go call my therapist and have a long discussion with him.
I've been watching reviews of CATS for 4 hours straight....I have no interest in seeing the film....but am loving the reviews!! But you sir, you have the most entertaining review so far!!!!
Yes! I grew up with the original poem book and it's all just poems about cats. No plot. I love that the musical has very little plot, since I like to think of it as being written by cats, and cats are much more about personality than plot.
@@jessicavaquero6640 The question is would tiger-sized housecats have the motivation to hunt down people? Honestly, I doubt it. Though them pouncing and consuming the slow ones aren't out of the question.
I bet they will hold viewing parties of this movie, like they do with The Room and Rocky Horror Picture Show, it is so bad that it is good and enjoyable.
Taylor Swift was very weak in this film. Her voice has always sucked and the Broadway number she performed was just breathy spoken garbage. Her genre hopping has really become a bore. She’s best with 1/2 note singing as she can’t hold an actual melodic line. Meh.
There is a song that was cut called peaks and the pollicals which is all about two sets of dogs fighting and the great rumpus cat saving the day. I love the musical but in the first 10 minutes I knew this film was going to be a disaster and I really wanted to see how they would do dogs, that could have been trippy
Andre said it best. Cats is an experience. Even in the normal musical theater community, people find this show weird and no story. I personally love the stage show and the music and dancing is what REALLY drives the show. The costumes and choreography are meant to be unsettling and just plain weird. As the show progresses though, for me at least, the costumes kinda are just second nature so by the end I’m crying cause the ending is really nice. Also BRUH AT LEAST GIVE THEM JAZZ SHOES like no one wants to see Cats with human toes
Was this pre-patch Andre? Still can’t believe Universal GreenLit this over a animated version. We need a WHA HAPPUN crossover with Matt McMuscles and Andre.
Hey, they made The Cat In The Hat movie with Mike Myers, that explains it; Universal must have some fetish with humanized cat people, haha, maybe they should be the ones to handle ThunderCats, lol
They pulled a Netflix’s The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance with this movie by having it be live-action instead of animated, except it sounds like it didn’t work with this.
*Me before watching video* "Yes! Finally I'll understand the musical Cats!" *Me after the video* "WHAT. THE. FRICK." The whole plot was explained to me and I still don't understand.😐
There no real plot to the stage musical except each cat presenting their case to be the Jellicle Cat by telling about themselves in a song and dance number. The lyrics are taken from the poems by T.S. Elliot. There is no spoken dialogue. It is all singing and dancing all the time which is what its known for. You go to see the amazing dancing, costumes and experience. The whole musical takes place in the alley. Macavity just has one number sung about him, its implied he kidnapped Old Deuteronomy and there is one dance number where Macavity tries to kidnap another cat (Demeter) and Munkustrap saves her. That's it. There is no milk bar or catnip. All of that Macavity stuff in that movie is made-up for the movie. The opening number is sung to the audience and its understood that the audience is present throughout. Its like a group of humans have been invited to observe this sacred cat ball. I think they made a mistake trying to make a movie with a plot out of it. Its a show that will never translate well to a live-action movie. I love bad movies though so I will be watching it. (Edited for the reminder I got)
@@grayburst Everything has flaws but if it is entertaining that's what matters. Sadly the makers of this movie didn't understand what made Cats entertaining.
@@ayzecknozniksid3126 Thanks! I remembered it was a female cat but I couldn't remember which. I meant its the only thing you see because with Old Deuteronomy its more like "wow no one can find him" and then someone says "it must be Macavity". The kidnapping is the only thing you see Macavity try.
I can't even begin to explain what I felt by reading this comment. The air was knocked out of me. I laughed. I cried. Both silently and simultaneously. I had an out of body experience. The level of your disturbing genius is nothing short of appropriate for the comment section of this fantastic video. I want to thank you, the way I'd thank a celebrity for stepping on me. I wish you, and anyone reading this, an absolutely jellicle day.
If this movie does well, does this mean we'll also get a horrific adaptation of Starlight Express (all the weird goodness of cats but with TRAINS)? Think about it: All the people are still human-train hybrids, but they look like horrific CGI anthro versions of Thomas the Tank Engine. They still wear roller-skates though. The set looks like the little boys bedroom, as is implied in the play, but we never see the kid, so his voice echoing around the room like some kind of God is just unsettling now. The trains are all weirdly sexual about getting "hooked up" to the carts (which was actually a thing in the musical but let's just crank that shit up to 11 to be extra confusing). The musical sequences are more 80's than Duran Duran playing Hungry Hungry Hippos with Jim Henson's entire creative library while they all drink Hi-C Ecto Cooler. The Starlight Express actually appears looking like Jesus if he was a train, it's also played by Meryl Streep for some reason. The races are brutal as hell. I both hate this and need this.
@@manuelalbertoromero9528 I'm worried it'll make it up in the European market. They love cheesy shit like this. I'm worried because I don't think Andre's psyche can handle big-screen Starlight Express.
I legit thought he was gonna put her whole ass foot into his mouth when that happened. And I was legitimately surprised when he didn’t. That’s the energy this film gives off. That’s it’s vibe.
Can this become a regular thing Andre? You explaining crazy movies.
Yes. Yes it can.
@@BlackNerdComedy Yesssssss!!!!
@@BlackNerdComedy what about some throwbacks that have pending remakes like Dune
NO!!! I didn't know if I was too drunk or not drunk enough. I had to watch this twice and I still couldn't make it thru! I tapped out the second time at pirate cats. PIRATE CATS??? what am I hearing?
He already did it with The Mummy, Sausage Party and Jem And The Holograms so yeah we should be expecting this more often. Why not? It’s a good idea.
This video isn't about cats this is about a man's descent into madness
😂😂😂
Pretty much. 😂
😂😂😂😂. Dude that's a fact. I just came from it and I was falling asleep at some points and at others i was like "wtf am i watching"
So... typical Andre video?
@@orvilleredenpiller338 basically
Can you even spoil Cats? You can spoil the whole movie and I still won't understand what the movie is about
There is no plot to Cats because it was based on a series of poems about cats that Andrew Lloyd Weber set to music. Once he decided to make it into a musical, he added the VERY thin plot about one of the cats being chosen to go to heaven. That is the entire plot of Cats.
@@BuffytheRealSlayer Let me explain it to you, seeing as how you are NOT a true theater lover: The plot of Cats is that once a year the Jellicle cats meet at a junkyard where the Head Cat- Old Deteronomy (who is MALE in the show) chooses one of them to ascend to Heaven and be reborn into a new life (cause Cats have nine lives) and each cat has a chance to introduce him or herself in the hopes that he or she will be chosen.
Get it?
@@colleen4ever I have actually seen Cats (the actual musical) on stage, used to listen to the soundtrack on repeat, and even named my cat Rum Tum Tugger. I also grew up on musical theater, been in the cast of several musicals, as well as sang many of the songs from various musicals in general choir, show choir, and as solos. But please again assume that I am "not a true theater lover". Not to be hostile, but that is kind of a rude assessment just because I didn't spell out the entire plot of Cats act by act but rather gave the Cliff Notes version, because, like it or not, it was still indeed based on Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T. S. Eliot.
@Buffy Cary: YES!! That's the whole of it, and most seem to miss that. Cats, the musical, is just that: Music and dance, not epic story arc with in depth character development with back stories. Music and dance.
@@boikatsapiens499 Exactly. That in no way diminishes what Cats is. I actually love the musical version. It is on my Top 5 list of all time favorite musicals. Yes, there is a plot, but if people go into it expecting an epic, sweeping plot like Phantom, they will walk away confused. But go into it with an open mind and with the knowledge that the dance numbers and songs are amazing, then they will throughly enjoy the whole, visual experience.
The laughter of a man who has lost his sanity
My theater went nuts when Rebel Wilson’s character unzipped her skin.
OMG WE DID THAT TOO.
But there was only 14 audiences.....
Are we to understand she was wearing a jumpsuit replica of her naked body????? So strange.
Samuel Ribeiro the unzips her fur, to have like a suit underneath.. with fur underneath that.. 😂 this movie is something else.
Only I went nuts on my local theater, but that was because I was the only person in the room with 200 empty chairs
That's terrifying
My sister and I were literally holding each other for moral support during the rebel Wilson number
Wow. LOL! So It's that horrible huh?
@@krissydoll8213 Rebel Wilson did Jennyanydots dirty! When I say dirty I mean full septic tank dirty!
literally nothing in this video was an exaggeration
Yes. Absolutely nothing was exaggerated. If I had any motivation I would make a video about Cats.
Aside from the part about heads floating. I already knew the story so that actually wouldn't have bothered me if it happened, I mean there's literally a cat named ex machina, I mean Mr. Mistoffeles, the magical cat, but I actually was looking for the floating head after watching this video and was kind of disappointed.
No one thing. It’s all sooooo accurate.
@@jessiesargent7212 they updated the special effects after the movie came out. It's very possible that this was about the unupdated version
Are you .. shi***n me 🤦🏾♀️😭😭🏃🏾♀️ i gotta watch this acid trip 😩🤯💊
Dude, I'm sold. I had no intention of seeing this but I. Am. SOLD. This is the best marketing for this film.
Snowfall Slasher I want to see it 😂. I’m in the mood for a good train wreck
For real!
I’m looking for tickets now! And as someone who loves musicals, I was NOT going to see this foolishness, now I want to see this foolishness just for the laughs lol
Look forward to Rebel Wilson licking herself! 😂
Magical Mr. Mistoffelees ewwww. My gay stomach can’ttttttt lol
Is Andre laughing or crying? At times I'm not sure.
He’s traumatised
Both
yes
@@mightyleo8280 well, he watched this movie and is describing it for us so i guess you're right then...
I’m sure neither is he lol
I think Andre invented a new emotion in this video. It's like a mix of hysterical, broken, exhausted, entertained but horrified but entranced, and so so so so confused and incredulous. If the emotion were a beverage, it'd be a fruit punch made with pumpkin puree and beef.
Why does this comment not have more likes? 😩😩😭😭😭😂😂😂😂
I was fine with the idea of fruit punch and pumpkin puree but lost it after beef. Just audible laughing. XD
If this emotion was a movie, it would be “Cats”
ewww lol XD
@@lucian_m.r.m same lol
“They’re like the rockettes”
He was talking about Cockroaches
*YOU JUST MISSED THE OPPORTUNITY TO CALL THEM THEM ROACHETTES*
She tells the cockroaches "don't be cocky"
Or even the "Cockettes"
SingenStatt Atmen
Cocklings
This is the funniest movie review ive ever seen. The fact that none of it is exaggerated and witnessing his descent into madness when going through the "plot" is just *chef's kiss*
Yep, best review ever
I was thinking of chef kisses before I got to that part
I watched this review because I read your comment first. You definitely set the stage now I’m his subscriber.
I think this one broke Andre.
I think this movie broke him twice.
I agree
😂🤣🤣😂👏🏽😂🤣👏🏽👏🏽
Right about...... here 6:32 is when he breaks
There's got to be at least four times talking about this movie breaks him in this video. It sounds insane.
This movie sounds like the worst acid trip ever
Kelo Meter it is
Haha or the best? 🤔
One journalist actually took psychedelic shrooms before watching this movie. He barely made it an hour
I watched this movie in the theatre the first time I did acid
Have you ever talked to a little kid who is telling you a story they're making up as they go along? By the sounds of it, Cats is just like that.
anny05 😂😂😂
Lol spot on
anny05 Yeah, but that’s endearing. Cats is just a flaming, exploding, train wreck
anny05 Or your friend explaining their first psychedelic experience to you.
@@smoothiecriminal6667 yeah, that's about accurate 😂🤣👌
It sounds like he's discribing a crazy dream he had recently.
Such a good comparison! And fitting username. Solid comment, fellow youtube consumer.
Yes! "And then the Pirate cat, like Growl Tiger or whatever his name is, he was eating tuna from a bowl in my Grandma's house?...like, it didn't look like my Grandma's actual house, but in my dream, it was supposed to be her house? How that happens? It kind of looked like my homeroom from tenth grade now that I think of it...and then Judy Dench comes in! And she's a cat!!"
it does sound like a fever dream doesn't it?
Name checks out.
😂😂😂
This man is BROKEN. I am TERRIFIED of what will happen to me when I watch this movie.
When?
Then I warn you....dont see the movie. Save yourself.
*laughs happily in broken pieces from the ground* loved the movie XD just playing along with this review and your comment lol.
But your going too.
This review has made me want to see if this movie will break me too.
If this wasn’t an actual movie that exists I’d be certain these were the ramblings of a paranoid schizophrenic.
I’m crying😂
Imagine if this movie didn't exist and it's just Andre explaining his pitch for the movie.
Somebody pulled something similar for the stage show.
Crazy, madness...still running.
But the stage show looks amazing by comparison.
Screen rant did a pitch meeting of this movie and yeah, it sounds crazy if it wasn't real
LMAO
this comment cracks me up
@northern_lights jellical jellical jellical...I need you to give me $100jellical million...
He explained this in details and so vividly, you can tell it traumatized him 😂😂
😂😂
It enthralled and cat-tivated him.
@@davec3651 🤣🤣🤣
😆😆😆😆😆
"Poor Jennifer Hudson, she looks sad through this entire movie. I'm sure for various reasons. "
omegalul
LMAO!! Yes, that was hilariously understated! She's probably pondering the trajectory of her career and why she's in this awful movie. LOL
Lol she's playing Grizabella she's supposed to look sad - the character design for the movie was bad but I do love the original musical and I feel like this movie could have been amazing if it just looked better
GG I’m sure the actors thought this film was going to be amazing
Yeah.... but she was sad-mugging so hard, it kept taking me out of it.
I went to see it because of him and... wow... just wow. He didn’t warn me ENOUGH.
Jajaja so is it horrible like I was told???
It’s AMAZINGLY bad
@@eridonstewart9973 jajaha thank you,will save my money....😉😉😉
I did too. Did you like it?
Also Gus’s real name is Asparagus but he doesn’t want to be a bother so everyone calls him Gus. That’s why he’s the only one with a less weird name. Holy cow now I realize I’m trying to defend the logic of Cats.......
Thank you for that! That makes sense ha ha ha!
You good sir have fallen low, please go watch a good movie, like Avatar.
Ok it is just like the play i hav it on vhs
@@marbledgold0605 Avatar was not that good...
Tori C It’s such a fuss to pronounce!
This just sounds like him telling the story about his first lsd trip
😂😂😂 YES and I am so here for it.
Top tier comment.
Or perhaps catnip 🌚
I consider myself pretty open minded, but I draw the line at cockroach/human hybrids and child faced mice with human feet.
I really wish somebody would upload that scene I can’t even picture it lol
@@earthangel90210 I can't wait until someone does.
@@earthangel90210 I know I'm waiting with bated breath, it must be the pinnacle of insanity!
You win the internet today for writing “bated” correctly. Lol. Everyone gets that wrong! I don’t correct grammar online, but I hope complimenting it isn’t obnoxious. :)
@@genli5603 I feel so good right now, thank you for the compliment 😁💁🏻♀️
He sounds like that friend describing a dream
Find someone who cares about you the way Andre cares about Cats
Is that a good thing or a bad thing lol
@@seanieboi1234 it's a GREAT thing. Lol
He need to find someone who cares about him as much as he cares about this movie.
I do! People are just getting biased by critics to make it look bad.
Crickets
*_CGI. Human-Faced. Cockroaches._*
There are no words.
In the stage version, the cats find props lying around the junkyard to dress up as the cockroaches and mice to help Jennyanydots tell her story, so its actors pretending to be cats pretending to be mice/bugs.
I wanna throw up just looking at that combination of words you just wrote out
even better: at least in the version i saw, it was composited weirdly, so the faces, bodies, and environment were all in VASTLY different resolutions
Naaaaaah fam!!! Imma head out.
SamWallace Art I was thinking about seeing it right until he mentioned roaches 😂
Everyone: Do NOT see Cats, it’s the worst
Andre: You HAVE to see Cats, it’s the best
I think I HOPE he is being sarcastic about its greatness.
@@thabaldwookiee1692 you have to see it to understand.
@@visaman
Nope no thank you just no
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's really bad
Who else has no desire to see this movie but still can’t help but binge watch other people’s reactions to this movie? 😂😂
it's my guilty pleasure!
I do that with a LOT of movies.
I am a fan of the 1998 musical movie of Cats. No intention of seeing the CGI version...but watching people critique and tear down this movie gives me hope for humanity.
yuuuuuuuup
🙋🏾♀️
This man has stared into the abyss and the abyss stared back
*meowed back
Ladies and gentlemen, we are witnessing a psychotic break in real time.
MetFanMac 😭😭😭😭😭😭
I'm enjoying it through him so much more than actually seeing it could possibly be
Kairu Hakubi I actually watched the movie it was fun
MAYBE YOU ARE EVERYBODY ELSE LOVED THE MOVIE , BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT LETTING OTHER PEOPLE THINK FOR THEM. ONLY YOU. ADULTS GROW UP WHERE'S YOUR INTEGRITY AS HUMAN BEINGS WE ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TOO LIVE NOT 9. MEOW. PERIOD.
@@jessicabuntz8668 ...you okay? Can i get you some water?
It looks like he had PTSD watching this movie. There is so much pain in those laughter.
“MIIIIILK!”
Jason Derulo 2019
LOL loved that
Let’s see what Rotten Tomatoes has to say about this movie:
“These cats are HORNY as hell” - Andre
Oh dear
@Laura Martin-Falla *internal screaming*
Laura Martin-Falla why tho...
@Laura Martin-FallaHorrific CGI cat people monstrosities + trying to be sexy = me having whatever the opposite of a boner is.
Andre, did this movie actually break your mental stability.
I think he became a furry in the process with cat version of Taylor Swift
@@p.z.arnott2329 nah, these. . . Things. . . Are not furrys, the movie would look so much better it they were
This sounds like you're describing a bad fever dream you had
Manic Pixie Dream Girl that’s cats the first time you see it... theater or movie
😂
It’s like satan’s problematic child is telling a nightmare he had while making shit up as he goes... I’m genuinely disturbed 😦
In the theater, as soon as the movie ended, everyone burst out laughing. It was great
Violet King what was so funny about the movie...
Tigergirrl it’s catshit
I liked it. I really did. I genuinely enjoyed it. It wasn't better than the original, but it was still good.
Tigergirrl Did you not just watch this video review?
@@healerofthewaters6508 hope ur joking
The moment you said army of cockroaches with human faces....
Lately celebrities are taking about cockroaches? What is with that? 🐜🐜🐜
Spoiler: some of the cats eat the cockroaches.
That part legit caught me off guard but I laughed when she started eating them XD because my cats do that lmfao.
@@Stitchxavi protein ^_^ lol
There are mice with human faces too...... my musophobia is coming back to haunt me
you can't spoil a movie that has no plot
Omg! This comment just killed me. Lawd this movie was truly a hot mess. Lol I saw it Christmas night.
Not to mention the original has been out for over twenty years.
El Señor Xan high production value and good dancers , idk I saw this movie and I just went crazy by the end
The musical has no plot. It kinda surprised me not knowing what to expect when I saw it. Cats is based on a collection of poems by TS Elliot. What sells the musical are the songs and mostly the choreography which is great. There is some tiny thread that connects them together, but not much else. This was what worried me the most about this movie. I just don't see why Hollywood would adapt a musical without plot.
Technically speaking the musical itself also has no plot.
I feel embarrassed for actual cats after this movie. They didn't deserve this.
Charlotte Rawlins lmao
The musical itself is weird and boring as f to be honest
@@Wandrative yes I've seen it. It's odd but it's still better than this creepy feline/human mutant freakshow. The musical works because it's LIVE theatre.
Charlotte Rawlins I mean some pieces of music in the musical is good I think.
I love classical operas, but people dont really watch operas for the storyline or the stageset. Its purely for the music. I think opera stories are crap.
Having said that, musicals govthe same way. Its (cats) storyline and plot is stupid as f to begin with. And I already thought “wtf are these people wearing, its so dumb and weird” when I saw the cats musical. I dont really see the difference in the movie.
😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣
Dang Andre you took one for the team lol not all heroes wear capes 🤣🤣🤣
I literally said that today 😄
Yeah but they got him. Now he wants you to join them.
He’s a very brave but foolish man to watch such a poorly made musical turned movie. Even watching Jem And The Holograms wasn’t enough preparation. At least we’re prepared for that evil if it comes across our screens (even as an ad).
Looks like 80 million dollars to make the movie were spent on hiring those A listers, but they forgot to pay the special effects guy.
Yasss!
Worst part is they did, the VFX studio worked like double overtime to try to salvage the film, not that you can tell from the still visible wires in certain scenes and the uncanny valley effect of the faces Andre mentions.
I don't mean to be rude, but it's 100 million dollars. As of today (2\1\20) it has made 19 million. How the hell is that even possible? 😆
Closer to 100 million than 80 and that doesn't include marketing cost which is likely another 50-70 million because the promotion was thru the roof for this film!.
@@rubyredjewel6222 OMG, and bob cat says it's only made 19 million? Is that true? What a colossal BOMB!
Idk what's more disturbing. These cats in general or the fact that a cat is wearing a fur coat.
Movie Maniac Reviews yeh wtf is that all about?! 😂
@@MsMurphster123 Especially since in the Broadway show Old Deteronomy (who is MALE) does NOT wear a fur coat, the deep scraggly coat is his fur!
Or that they have human hands. They don't even cgi the hands. 🤦🏾♀️
I'm gonna be real. The actors are in such an uncanny-valley face/body/appearance-wise that the fur coat somehow works.
@@colleen4ever Grizabella wears a coat in the stage show, but I think it's meant to be her own fur
I was literally laughing my entire ass off during this whole video. Please, Jesus, save me. I love this. You're the best.
PrincessPanFry - Me too!! 😂 Definitely going to watch this again and again
this doesn't sounds like a movie review, this sounds like the description of a fever dream.
Omar Reyes so basically the normal plot of Cats?
Lmfao😂
MikiKaoru which makes this the perfect example that not everything translates well to movies, therefore not everything should be turned into a movie, sometimes stories are perfectly fine in their original media.
It's both
😂
This is basically watching Andre fall into a psychotic break for 30 min lmao
SerinaKuro yeah very true
OmG, iTs nOt 30 mInS iTs 29:30 aRe yOu lIke a dIng DonG
Lonley_gachapotato no one asked you to be precise😂!!
@@jtsilver4648 wElL I wAnNa bE, 😂
Is Andre becoming the Joker?
All it takes is one bad movie.
I thought this was an unofficial recording of the audtion to the Joker movie.
Andre lives in a SOCIETY
Somewhere on an asylum:
Psychiatryst: "Andre, why are you laughing?"
Andre: "I remembered a movie I watched".
Psychiatryst: "Could you tell me about it?"
Andre: "You wouldn't get it..."
RoyFokker93 😂
You see Doctor.... 🎶oh never was there ever a cat so clever as magical Mr Mistofollies 🎶
Somewhere on an asylum lol
RoyFokker93 😂
*CATS 2019:* [exists]
*Cat In The Hat (Mike Myers):* _Finally, a worthy opponent, our battle will be legendary._
You're picture looks like you are watching Cats 🐱 Right now 😭
CITH wins because it shockingly has a plot you can follow
Easy like sunday morning
I like you quoted my boy Tai Lung
better late than never and also because at least you can see mike Meyers is aware of what movies he’s in and so he embraces it.
THEY GAVE THE LADY CATS BREASTS BUT THE MEN HAVE NO BARBED FELINE PHALLUSES!
😂😂😂
the film maker is obviously very pro neuturing 🤔
a travesty
They had bulges in the Broadway version and no one cared.
Actually, I'm now wondering if that was why my mom loved her VHS copy so much... Oh God... Mom, why would you force me to watch that?! I ... I gotta go call my therapist and have a long discussion with him.
L K-L I hope penis removal isn’t how they go about neutering anything. Usually it is its companions that get deflated.
Words: " It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. Its. Soooo. Good."
Face: horrified
Sir, you've just earned yourself a new sub.
That's it my curiosity is peaked time to watch this movie illegally.
Smoosh Goo piqued*
Smoosh Goo you won’t get to finish it anyway
Last night I pirated it and the highpoint was the gambling ads I got it was great to just see a piñata randomly appear during the final song.
Don't pirate. It's so much better in the theater, and you'll be supporting something other than Disney, who is ruining the movie economy.
What's the link 👀
So it was faithful to the musical but in the worst way possible
AND THEY COMPLETELY SKIPPED THE RIGHT BETWEEN MUNKASTRAP AND MACAVITY
It's kinda like they took the good bits of the show and broke them, then tried to patch it up with original stuff that was worse
Mostly, but cut out necessary bits and added unnecessary ones just for gags or smth
It sounds like they didn't even include that gus is short for asparagus... tragic. But I can't wait to see it ngl it sounds like a trip and a half
Jess B. they did include that gus was short for asparagus, I unfortunately saw it
This is basically just Cats performed as a onemanshow
For God's sake, if you take acid or shrooms, please do not watch this movie on those drugs.
I wonder if the entire movie is anti drugs PSA "IF you take drugs, these are what you will see FOREVER".
Deadcrows1981 drugs would make this movie even worse! nightmares for life
I was going to then I decided on just seeing jumanji . Wish star wars was hood this year lol a
Would it loop back around and make it look like a normal movie?
Taking drugs is probably the only way this movie makes sense
Ok I'm only 5 minutes in and I refuse to believe this movie is real. 🤦♀️
It’s real. All of it.
Black Nerd Comedy LOL 😂
This is actual footage of a man's mental breaking point. And I love it.
I watched this film today. After I walked out, I forgot it was New Years Eve. I forgot I was on the planet Earth.
This review is more entertaining than actually watching Cats the movie.
I bet!!
Yup
BEST. CATS. REVIEW. EVER.
I almost want to see the movie
To be honest I wanna watch this movie but I won't watch it sober. That would be all I can promise
Watching your mental breakdown over this movie is more entertaining than the actual movie could ever be.
I've been watching reviews of CATS for 4 hours straight....I have no interest in seeing the film....but am loving the reviews!! But you sir, you have the most entertaining review so far!!!!
THE MUSICAL ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE A PLOT, AND THE FACT THAT THEY TRIED TO GIVE THE MOVIE A PLOT IS KILLING ME XD
Becca L I’m going to read T.S. Eliot’s satanic drivel and see if he had a plot in mind.
Yes! I grew up with the original poem book and it's all just poems about cats. No plot. I love that the musical has very little plot, since I like to think of it as being written by cats, and cats are much more about personality than plot.
I think there’s a very simple plot. Not as complicated as Hamilton or Heathers but nonetheless still a plot.
Zi, yes the put in a very simple plot for the musical, but the original book of poems had no plot.
exactly!!! It’s a concept musical (it does have a very thin plot but that was mostly for marketing purposes, so while it is is very flimsy; it worked)
This movie wasn’t released.
It escaped.
😹😹😹
THIS 😂😂
LOL! Yikes!
It escaped the project it escaped noooooooooooo
Almost literally.
the moment where does nothing but laugh because he’s truly lost it over this film
... subbed bro 😂
Cats sounds like an oddly specific fever dream.
Kennie J.D. described it as that😂
But... Sweet dreams are made of this...
I used to have the the same nightmare over and over where cats became human sized and ate everybody. I was too afraid to watch Cats as a kid.
@@jessicavaquero6640 The question is would tiger-sized housecats have the motivation to hunt down people? Honestly, I doubt it. Though them pouncing and consuming the slow ones aren't out of the question.
It is
This is 30mins of a broken man descended into craziness and madness.
"Jennifer Hudson is just walking around lookin' po'" just took me right tf out 😂😂😂🤣
Can I ask what "lookin' po" means? Forgive my ignorance, but I'm a white fella on a different continent.
@@acrosstheacross677 poor looking. Down on her luck. A bum.
Lmaooo My favorite part 😂😂 I died
I bet they will hold viewing parties of this movie, like they do with The Room and Rocky Horror Picture Show, it is so bad that it is good and enjoyable.
I am afraid the room is better than this
Rocky Horror is good though. It shouldn’t be in this category.
@@AlphaOmegon yup.
@@AlphaOmegon yeah, at least the room doesn't look like an animorphes book
Yes you get it. This is CULT
They promoted Taylor swift so much I thought she was the main character before watching this video
Taylor Swift was very weak in this film. Her voice has always sucked and the Broadway number she performed was just breathy spoken garbage. Her genre hopping has really become a bore. She’s best with 1/2 note singing as she can’t hold an actual melodic line. Meh.
@@orion8835 it doesnt help that they turned a duet number into a solo for her weak ass voice
Same, I thought she was Victoria.
honestly, me too. i was eyeing the trailer being like: that doesn't look like taylor swift
You left out that every time Idris Elba poofed someone away he said "meow" it was magical
I was walking out of the theater dying of laughter thinking about Idris Elba meowing and poofing away. 😂😂
My question......why would Elba agree to this movie? Like why?
Because...it...was...fun?
Once he even said Macavity. I giggled at that.
Sorry but with Genocide Shmenocide Idris had already his comedy career highlight
Sounds like an acid trip. They finally made drugs obsolete.
Miyami Yuki never had a trip this weird😂
I think this movie would be a nightmare watching on any form of drugs
It felt like I was on acid, no lie 😄
Omg and here it goes any curiosity I ever had about drugs. If that’s how is like is a hell no for me!!!!
There is a song that was cut called peaks and the pollicals which is all about two sets of dogs fighting and the great rumpus cat saving the day. I love the musical but in the first 10 minutes I knew this film was going to be a disaster and I really wanted to see how they would do dogs, that could have been trippy
TBF in the musicals it's clearly a cat's idea of dogs that the scene is about. But still could have been interesting to see
They cut out the Peaks and the Pollicals?! Blasphemy! That's one of the best songs!
They cut out a song that was in the original musical but added a new song by Taylor Swift? Wtf
They should’ve given it a Chicago movie musical treatment and gone big and embrace the insanity
@@BIOL6895 the song is written for Victoria and is actually a lovely song. Taylor only has Macavity to sing and she does it really well
My dad unironically liked it. I'm not sure what to do about that.
😂😂😂😂
Gotta throw the whole dad away 😂
😂😂
Find a new dad.
Sleepy Chipmunk 🤣🤣🤣That is amazing!
When sonic said "umm... Meow"
he tried to warn us
I'd see Sonic over this
Pancake TV It was the tide receding before the tsunami
I have poke mon detective Pikachu sonic the hedgehog and Scooby-Doo 5 in the house right now instead of cars films and cats
*sneezes, seamlessly segues* "Sorry, I'm allergic to Cats." 😂😂😂😂😂
Andre said it best. Cats is an experience. Even in the normal musical theater community, people find this show weird and no story. I personally love the stage show and the music and dancing is what REALLY drives the show. The costumes and choreography are meant to be unsettling and just plain weird. As the show progresses though, for me at least, the costumes kinda are just second nature so by the end I’m crying cause the ending is really nice. Also BRUH AT LEAST GIVE THEM JAZZ SHOES like no one wants to see Cats with human toes
I miss Gillian Lynne's choreo.
I hated the toes so much oh my god I can’t unsee them
THANK YOU OMG
YES, you have summarized it nicely. I first watched cats on tape as a kid and it was very surreal at first but by the end you kind of buy into it!
Cats the musical has a storyline? isn't it just the poetry book by TS Elliot sung out?
I’m very concerned you may have developed PTSD or possibly had an aneurysm.
"Hot air balloon Jennifer Hudson cat" was never a sentence I thought I'd ever hear
I don't believe you...u sure u wasn't high...lmao
Lmfao I was thinking that too,sadly I saw this movie and can confirm everything he said
@@lindsaypaige4628 omg lmao
The real question is were the screenwriters high? Was the creator high? Also, who were the people enabling this.
@@carmendelcastillo7724 good point
@@carmendelcastillo7724 Hey! Some of the best stuff gets created when you're high lol...Trolls...all I'm gonna say lmfao.
I'm pretty sure I'm not going to enjoy the movie as much as I enjoyed this video.
Truth😂
him explaining this movie sounds like a mad man speaking nonsense- im here for it 😂
Every bit of it!!!!🤣🤣😂😂
Was this pre-patch Andre? Still can’t believe Universal GreenLit this over a animated version. We need a WHA HAPPUN crossover with Matt McMuscles and Andre.
Hey, they made The Cat In The Hat movie with Mike Myers, that explains it; Universal must have some fetish with humanized cat people, haha, maybe they should be the ones to handle ThunderCats, lol
Manuel David Rendon Acevedo That explains why Warner Bros canned the Thundercats show in 2011
@@BigEOT3 Haha, maybe, but not true, maybe the live-action movie; I just hope Kristen Wiig's Cheetah is better
They pulled a Netflix’s The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance with this movie by having it be live-action instead of animated, except it sounds like it didn’t work with this.
@@TF2Fan101 ...That first part of the sentence made no sense.
*Me before watching video*
"Yes! Finally I'll understand the musical Cats!"
*Me after the video*
"WHAT. THE. FRICK."
The whole plot was explained to me and I still don't understand.😐
@Kayla Mcintyre Sounds about right🤣😂
Charis Petrik
PWP... on catnip.
Holy shit
I’m now so glad this movie was made JUST because of how thoroughly I enjoyed watching your review just now.
I'm sorry, but I feel like anything Rebel Wilson and Jason Derulo is apart of is going to be corny af😂
Thank you.
I literally had to keep reminding myself that you're describing an actual movie and not some insane acid trip. 🤦😭😂
😂😂😂😂😂right😂😂😂😂😂
There no real plot to the stage musical except each cat presenting their case to be the Jellicle Cat by telling about themselves in a song and dance number. The lyrics are taken from the poems by T.S. Elliot. There is no spoken dialogue. It is all singing and dancing all the time which is what its known for. You go to see the amazing dancing, costumes and experience. The whole musical takes place in the alley. Macavity just has one number sung about him, its implied he kidnapped Old Deuteronomy and there is one dance number where Macavity tries to kidnap another cat (Demeter) and Munkustrap saves her. That's it. There is no milk bar or catnip. All of that Macavity stuff in that movie is made-up for the movie. The opening number is sung to the audience and its understood that the audience is present throughout. Its like a group of humans have been invited to observe this sacred cat ball. I think they made a mistake trying to make a movie with a plot out of it. Its a show that will never translate well to a live-action movie. I love bad movies though so I will be watching it. (Edited for the reminder I got)
Good points on the musical. The Wife & I enjoyed it , but it is deeply flawed. There were some good performances in it.
@@grayburst Everything has flaws but if it is entertaining that's what matters. Sadly the makers of this movie didn't understand what made Cats entertaining.
Macavity kidnaps Old Deuteronomy but Mr. Mistoffelees gets him back through his magic.
Demeter is the Cat Macavity tries to kidnap (after he's kidnapped Old Deuteronomy).
@@ayzecknozniksid3126 Thanks! I remembered it was a female cat but I couldn't remember which. I meant its the only thing you see because with Old Deuteronomy its more like "wow no one can find him" and then someone says "it must be Macavity". The kidnapping is the only thing you see Macavity try.
I can't imagine how confusing and hilarious this review must be to someone who has never heard of Cats 😂😭
Pretty sad, huh?
Everyone has heard of Cats.
The expression on your face after describing the eating of the roaches scene was priceless. It really looked like you were traumatized. LOL👩🏾🍳😘
"is this the actual plot of the musical?"
.
.
yes.... yes it is...
Amanda D'Ambrose and that’s the fundamental problem. The musical has no plot
This movie would have been fire as a animation
I'm sure someone will do it at some point ^_^
Thlayli I don’t think even Spielberg can make Cats great
That actually was the plan back in the 90's
I would like to see it like an 2D animation, like the Aristocats
The concept art for the 2D film Spielberg wanted to make was lovely!
The movie wasn't released...
It escaped.
Congrats you copied the top comment
Or you could say somebody let the Cats out of the bag
@@leannehetherington2164 (rimshot)
bahaha
this movie is like a kick in the jellicles
😂😂😂😂😂😂
lol I’m taking that line
I can't even begin to explain what I felt by reading this comment. The air was knocked out of me. I laughed. I cried. Both silently and simultaneously. I had an out of body experience. The level of your disturbing genius is nothing short of appropriate for the comment section of this fantastic video. I want to thank you, the way I'd thank a celebrity for stepping on me. I wish you, and anyone reading this, an absolutely jellicle day.
I felt like he cried a few time while recording this and they had to cut 🤣
If this movie does well, does this mean we'll also get a horrific adaptation of Starlight Express (all the weird goodness of cats but with TRAINS)? Think about it:
All the people are still human-train hybrids, but they look like horrific CGI anthro versions of Thomas the Tank Engine. They still wear roller-skates though.
The set looks like the little boys bedroom, as is implied in the play, but we never see the kid, so his voice echoing around the room like some kind of God is just unsettling now.
The trains are all weirdly sexual about getting "hooked up" to the carts (which was actually a thing in the musical but let's just crank that shit up to 11 to be extra confusing).
The musical sequences are more 80's than Duran Duran playing Hungry Hungry Hippos with Jim Henson's entire creative library while they all drink Hi-C Ecto Cooler.
The Starlight Express actually appears looking like Jesus if he was a train, it's also played by Meryl Streep for some reason.
The races are brutal as hell.
I both hate this and need this.
...It bombed.
@@manuelalbertoromero9528 Awww (but also thank God).
@@manuelalbertoromero9528 I'm worried it'll make it up in the European market. They love cheesy shit like this. I'm worried because I don't think Andre's psyche can handle big-screen Starlight Express.
@kvjc7398 (rimshot)
Starrrrlight Express, starrrrlight Expressssssss
"Singing into her foot..."
That's a thing now.
I legit thought he was gonna put her whole ass foot into his mouth when that happened. And I was legitimately surprised when he didn’t. That’s the energy this film gives off. That’s it’s vibe.
I bet Tarantino loves that part.
It looked like soft foot porn
You sure this movie wasn’t a acid trip fever dream?
Ironically,the writer of cats,i heard was on a LOT of cocaine while writing this lmao
It certainly felt like it
The nutsy patootsie for real? Tht would explain some things....
I have the flu and I feel like I should watch at this time for the experience
This movie is a literal nightmare and that’s the best way I can possibly describe it
It's so creepy you could get your kids to listen. "If you don't behave I'm gonna put that Cats movie on!" Noooooooo!!Lol.🤣