I was always the quiet good girl at school. No one ever realised the turmoil going on inside - how much anxiety and depression i felt, how confused I was, how i was always holding myself together to keep from having an emotional breakdown. It was only at home that i would sometimes have a meltown and start screaming and shouting if my parents upset me. They just didnt understand how overwhelmed i felt and how i struggled but couldnt express it properly. I dont know if i have autism, but certainly relate to many of the traits and feel like i'm not really 'normal.'
I'm the exact same, I'm 13(almost 14) and my mum sent me a video about autism in girls thinking I related to a lot of the things said in the video. I really did and I'm starting to question whether I have autism or not.
Me, too. I was told I am mildly retarded since young. Perhaps this label had been The Label in the 1970's for girls? I am now seeking a diagnosis from my psychiatrist.
It took my therapist three month to realise that I’m not a narcissist. Luckily psychology is my special interest so I could lead her through our therapy sessions 😂👍🏻
Mine is psychiatry. So I would think of the medications that I haven't taken yet and reckon might work and suggest that the doctor prescribes these. Of course double checking for the possible interactions. Basically doing the job for her 😁
The same happened to me (kinda). I'm in the process of getting my ASD diagnosis. When I first was told I might have it by my school counselor, she asked what I knew about it. I was like, "well..." I've always had an interest in Special Education, Autism, Learning difficulties, mental illnesses etc. It's odd I never clicked that I might have ASD when I read so much about it. I always wishes I had a diagnosed "problem." Very odd circumstances...
I felt so validated. I’m seeking a formal diagnosis in the USA and it’s been a nightmare. I’m experiencing some of the similar situations brought up. Personally I think we’re lagging with the resources in the US. Another thing I struggle with is accepting what happened as it happened in the past. What I mean, for example, is if I complained to have a stomachache or something I was told it didn’t happen or I was exaggerating. So when it comes to verbalizing my experience with ASD to specialist in there attempts to counsel me they end up minimizing my difficulties, which leads me to question myself and furthering my mental health problems (in other words I am re-traumatized). And a second thing they blame parents, I am so tired of the psycopathologizing everything into it’s the parents fault. I feel so bad for my mom. She doesn’t know who to believe and she blames herself. She actually thinks it’s her fault.
Horrid for you. Lots of support and advice here on You Tube via these films. I guess your going to have to adapt your life following the advice available here in the UK and in Austrailia. Do look up Prof Tony Attwood whoose English but lives in Australia and is one of the leaders in Autism and how girls have until now been overlooked. He's funny and hugely knowledgeable. Feel for you. Must be very hard for you. I've only just made the link between Autism and myself and I'm 61! The years have been horrendous at times. At least I can adapt my life now. You now have this insight also and I guess much younger than me so you can improve your life, adapt, choose the right work and people despite what the medics say. Good Luck. Take care. Hx PS I'm in the UK.
I’m in California, and there seem to be no resources for ASD diagnoses unless it’s part of a study- which literally happens once every couples YEARS. No wonder so many women depend on masking for their day to day interactions.
Ive never been diagnosed with autism and im a 16 year old girl. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I can relate so much with your videos about girls and autism. I think i probably have autism but i doubt my mom would think so. In school currently idk how/what to talk to about to my friends or how to start a conversation so i talk about parrots alot and sometimes i think they are like in their heads "when is she gonna shut up about birds".
@@valhalla1240 Aspergers is not a real diagnoses, actually it's pretty anti-sematic and ableist to identify with aspergers. Autism is a spectrum, not everyone with autism functions the same.
@@eeka_gymenez4053 it’s an outdated term and the man who its named after was terrible, but if you’re this comfortable spewing important words like that for such minute thing, you’re contributing to a worse problem than they are. next time, you can try educating people on WHY its offensive because your words mean nothing without context. DO BETTER.
@@eeka_gymenez4053 the book was written by someone who was diagnosed with Asperger's and published in 2010. About 10 years later it's no longer a diagnosis, but that doesn't make the contents of the book irrelevant - it's just that today we'd recognise it as describing autism.
Good to see someone acknowledging that males also present with what are seen as female traits. Lots of girls have missed being diagnosed because they didn't present as being typically autistic - the 'male autism traits'. This is thankfully being addressed now due to better understanding of these less noticeable traits. Unfortunately, there have been boys who didn't get diagnosed for the same reason, I.e. what has commonly been referred to as the female autism traits. Fortunately, it's now also understood that the so called male and female traits are found in both males and females. I don't think that autism is a male or female thing. It's a people thing. Some people will present with commonly understood autistic traits, some people will present with traits that aren't quite as obvious and some traits will be very difficult to spot because of various learned coping strategies including masking and camouflaging techniques. A diagnosis can be tough to come to terms with. I've found that the toughest thing is having to deal with other peoples perceptions and preconceived ideas. Lack of knowledge isn't a crime, lack of consideration of autistic peoples feelings and dealing with dismissive and outright rude comments and treatment is, or should be a crime. Autistic people are supposed to be the ones who lack empathy, tact etc. What is sad is that the most unpleasant and callous people I've had to deal with were neurotypical! P.S. Love the t shirt Ella. Live long and prosper! 🖖
It's not actually they thought it's a thing... They just did researches based on male's brain so it's ofc different from girl so it's quite hard to diagnose it from a girl
@@zahrajamil5817 I think I get what you mean. All in all, the more research the better for everyone whatever their gender! I'd forgotten that I'd posted this until your reply, I've learned so much myself in the year since I originally posted!
My Parents seeing me watch nothing but animal planet, never missing an episode of Meerkat Manor, being able to identify the 22 different species of snakes in WV, telling them whether the spider I found was male or female based on their species, size, and shape, and once taming a bobcat that lived in the woods behind our house using bologna and operant conditioning. "... Yeah, that's completely normal. Lots of little girls like animals. Nothing to see here." Me: in the background thrashing around and gasping for air bc my mom forced me to wear a velvet dress and I can't breathe when I touch velvet or felt. Parents: "Yeah, that's a bit odd but she's only throwing a tantrum bc she's a tomboy and doesn't want to wear a dress, she'll grow out of it if we keep pushing her. DEFINITELY no signs of autism here!"
What I experienced myself is that parents are like: well, it is normal, I was just like that, because they really were just like that before learning to mask. There is a genetic component in autism. And maybe parents went through a painful process of adapting to "normal" society and think it normal. This summer I came to the suspicion that I might be autistic. Before, if someone told me my child was unusual I answered: Well, I have or had the same quirks. Everything is fine. Now the picture is different. I think the question is if you see your own and your kids' difficulties as inevitable or if you try to communicate and search for the best environment for you and your maybe also autistic child.
This is so relatable! Meerkat Manor was a special interest of mine as well. Spurred my ongoing deep interest in animal social hierarchies and roles as an adult too 🖤
Eccentricity is definitely not welcome in women. I feel like throughout history women have been suppressed and told to be quiet, so it isn't just an autistic thing, more so a human thing. I feel like being on the spectrum means you suppress more of yourself. After researching aspergers in women I totally think I'm on the spectrum. I was actually a quite violent little child...ironically exhibiting some more boy like symptoms, which were dismissed due to my unstable family life. Special interests, yes!! I spoke to my psychologist about this and asked him why nothing captures my interest like "alien" and he laughed and said because nothing is as interesting as the movie alien. 😂 I was followed by so many various specialists and no one has ever brought up autism. Current wait times are years long for an assessment, so that's disheartening.
I was a very violent child as well. I have thrown chairs at my teacher, used my arm cast as a weapon, and was quite the biter. I had a hard time making friends or understanding why teachers hated me. The only thing I could think to do to be left alone was lash out violently. I'm an extremely empathetic and non-violent person, so until I was diagnosed I was always so confused as to why I was such a little demon child, but it all makes sense now.
I have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD, BiPolar, BPD, OCD, ADHD, NVLD, Generalized Anxiety, and Panic Disorder. I'm just now figuring out that I am autistic and I really appreciate your videos.
Please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m a very frank/blunt person. But, If you’ve been officially diagnosed with all these illnesses than I would be very suspicious of your therapists training. Many of those disorders have overlapping symptoms so they can be challenging to differentiate. A skilled therapist would be able to do this though if taking enough time with you before making their diagnosis. Also C-PTSD is not an official illness in the DSM-5, therefore it would not have been given as a diagnosis. It is a common term within pop psychology and it is being researched but it has not been officially recognized yet. It’s possible your therapist mentioned it because they are a supporter of the idea but they wouldn't have actually diagnosed you. Although dual diagnosis is certainly a thing, many of those diagnosis would cancel out the others. In the DSM-5 a diagnosis cannot be made of a particular disorder if they can be explained by another mental illness. For example, if a person has PTSD and has panic attacks and avoids situations that trigger his PTSD that doesn't mean that that person also has agorophobia. He has just has PTSD.
I was seen as the ''shy'', ''lacking in confidence'' kid. An Ed Psych. wrote on my report age 9 that ''Anna still seems like a little girl both physically and emotionally''. Confidence boosting activities were recommended. I developed OCD. Only diagnosed with Asperger's age 21, after OCD got very bad, due to isolation, misunderstandings, and anxiety. At school, while sometimes being disruptive, I was mainly day-dreamy and passively avoidant.
When I was being assessed for autism as a 51 year old in 2014, I was never asked once about where special interests were as a child and what are my special interests are now. I had to volunteer this information which did not come out in my report. My special interests have always been in astronomy, weather patterns/meteorology as well Ancient Egypt and superheroes.
Thank you lovely ladies. I am struggling with the mental health system for my teen daughter who has anorexia, was self harming prior to this and had depression and anxiety. I can totally relate to what you are saying and explaining. She totally fits the good, quiet child at school and was always sat next to disruptive pupils as she never complains! But she struggles with peers and thinks somethings wrong with her. My friends don’t get it as they think she’s very articulate and really good at talking to them, as do teachers. But she has intense emotions that are almost painful for her. I didn’t realise until recently when we went on a dog walk together and she started panicking “oh no, I don’t have a list. Do you have a list?” I replied I had no idea what she was talking about. It transpired that before every walk she makes a mental list of topics of conversation. And found it very very strange that I didn’t do this. It was then I realised that she puts so much effort into social situations and preparing and then analysing she must be exhausted. Hence the overload of emotions I have always seen from her when she gets home from school. But many thanks for highlighting and helping me and others understand.
You daughter sounds so much like myself, I'm undiagnosed as well, I lost faith in the mental health system during my struggle with anorexia that I've never really gone back for help. High school was so exhausting I used to tell my mom when she'd get upset at me for being cranky that I didn't have the energy left to make my face look like I'm interested even if I was interested in her topic of conversation. I remember my therapist telling me my only issue was that I didn't have enough friends and I needed to make more and crying to her that I couldn't handle friends because it was too confusing to have more because I didn't know how to act with them. The system is broken, but I feel for your daughter and I hope you'll tell her she isn't alone. And it gets better
We absolutely need to have the female presentation of Aspergers or ASD more widely known in the community in general and health care professionals and educators in particular. I started seeking help for my daughter (now 3) almost 18 months ago and resoundingly got a.... Yes her behaviour is extreme but she'll probably grow out of it. I even had a paediatric psychologist tell me that she was a highly sensitive introvert with sensory processing issues (and if that's not an excellent descriptor for an Aspie you tell me!) but not once was ASD mentioned. I myself didn't look at it as a possibility until I had done a huge amount of research and I worked with children with severe and multiple disabilities for over a decade, many of whom had Autism, albeit in a more serious presentation. I have through entirely my own efforts started the process of getting her a diagnosis and felt like screaming in frustration when the lovely lady I spoke to mentioned casually that it was a great pity it wasn't picked up earlier because they take children as young as 2......she could have been, should have been, but was not and now I'm facing huge waiting times to get her the help she should have been receiving all along considering the emphasis they place on early intervention. To me it's robbed her of potentially 2-3 years of support at a critical time in her life because the professionals dropped the ball through lack of awareness about female presentation of Autism. The more I research the more I realise that it's highly likely that I also am on the spectrum and my mother definitely is. I was so isolated and confused by my lack of understanding in social situations that I was suicidal by the time I was 12. I don't want that for my daughter 😢. How are we supposed to help our kids when the professionals aren't even aware?! If it weren't for the Aspie obsessive focus I have driving me to do the research my daughter may never have had even a chance at understanding herself managing her condition in a way that lessens the impact on her mental health. Heaven knows how an NT parent with no training would cope or even know to begin looking for support for their child and themselves! Sorry.... Rant over. Thank you so much for your videos that have helped me on my journey to getting my daughter the help she needs and as a side note I will be seeking my own diagnosis as soon as I can.
I went through that with my child. I've suspected autism since 3 years old. Seen many doctors, and have only been given the oh it's a phase, or my child has sensory issues and anxiety. My child is now 13 and is now also experiencing gender disphoria and now identifies as a male, and is experiencing so many problems with that issue due to the social skills that my child already has an issue with, so now feels even more isolated around alot of people who don't understand gender disphoria or take the sensory and autism symptoms seriously without having that official diagnosis or support. How to navigate this and get a proper diagnosis in California is a nightmare.
@@marieroth777 I just thought I would put it here that I feel for your child. I am 20 years old and only just now suspecting I have autism. I struggled with my friendships and anxiety and I also ended up with gender dysphoria around that age. I mean looking at it years later it makes sense I was confused, I didn't fit in with the girls and I obviously wasn't a boy so I just struggled with my self image feeling like an alien. I ended up doing the research myself trying to figure out what was wrong with me looking at personality disorders one after another. My struggle with communicating and social interactions lead me to believe I was also Aromantic and couldnt feel romantic feelings. I have a better understanding of myself now with my knowledge of autism and adhd. I am glad your child has a loving and supportive mother as I didn't have much support growing up. I wish you two the best of luck with diagnosis as I also live in California and it is hell.
you might be? (not trying to be pedantic but technically Asperger's isn't a term anymore) I guess I'm lucky my teacher realised first. I don't know much about ADD, what is it?
I was misdiagnosed with 10 different mental disorders before finding out I only have two, PTSD and ASD. ADHD, OCD, and anxiety were some of the many misdiagnosed conditions explained entirely by my autism.
This is a great video! The blaming the parents thing made it really difficult for me to get diagnosed too, specially because I did grow up with an emotionally abusive mother. I did copy characters from books and movies , I still do, but most of them are male(guess that explains why I was always surrounded by boys and not girls).I discovered stimming not so long ago, because as a kid I was just told to stop being weird. I also did get misdiagnosed with BPD. Love your videos btw 😊
I was also the quiet kid that was put next to the most disruptive student. Definitely made school that much worse. I stayed home "sick" a lot too and did my work just fine on my own.
Yes I also stress that resources created by individuals w autism are going to be much more accurate. Experiences are more reliable than interpreted observations. Thank you for sharing.
I have never had a formal diagnosis of ASD, but I do have depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I used to have really horrible anger issues and when I get overwhelmed, I become very "meltdown-y" sobbing and hitting myself in the head. I can't remember a time in my life where I haven't just felt estranged like there is something else underlying. I have terrible sensory issues and become overstimulated. I have had numerous friends tell me that I am not autistic and it is incredibly disheartening. I really dislike self diagnosing but I completely relate to almost every point you both made about it.
autism is a spectrum and you know yourself more than anybody else. if you suspect you're autistic then don't give up just bc your friends (who may not know anything about autism) don't think so
You spoke about you have always felt like there is an underlying issue- like the diagnosis you do have sorta fit but feel like there is more to it that really spoke volumes to me. I think there is a good chance you may be autistic due to that. I just realized at age 36 years old that I am on the tip of the Autism spectrum. When I told my bf he laughed at me and thought this was just another thing I have that I really don't have... well I had him take the Autism test (to see the difference between him and I) and sent him a few videos he then thought I wasn't crazy for thinking it but still didn't really believe me. But then my doctor and my therapist confirmed they think I have autism also. The thing is is I mask so well no one knows the real me. I imagine your probably the same way?
I remember being in third grade (nine years old) and our school organizing play groups at recess, because they had noticed that some of us didn't socialize much. As well-intentioned as they were, I wasn't too happy about it, because I enjoyed my solitude. I also didn't like being forced to play according to rules set by other people.
Wow...you have completely described me as a child and as an adult. Quiet introvert, extremely shy and ignored because all the disruptive kids were priority. I have almost every trait, so many diagnosis’ that I’m not convinced of. I’m finally on the path to being assessed but I’ve been fobbed off continually along the way. Reading my report cards from nursery all through primary and high school opened my eyes, there’s no doubt in my mind I’m on the spectrum. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me and helps me make sense of my life from day one. Thanks for the video xx
Before I was given an autism diagnosis, I was once told by a therapist that I displayed all the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, only I seemed to be very "high functioning." I was so relieved later on when I found out I didn't have BPD!
This is SUCH a common misdiagnosis in women. People would rather diagnosis women with a mood or personality disorder than adhd or autism. I know someone who has BPD and it actually presents really quite differently
Excellent video. As an autistic person, father of two autistic boys (now adults), relative to many autistic males and females (alternatives not yet declared) in our wider family, and a CBT therapist working in the NHS I absolutely and totally agree with what you say. I've banged my head for nearly 20 years as a consequence of my interactions with education and health professionals, and county council autism pathway strategy working groups, as our family's journey of discovery of autism has advanced. We are all very comfortable with our autism, whether we have an official diagnosis or not (all my immediate family have official diagnoses, others have chosen differently). For the last 10 years I have been working in the NHS and working to get things improved for autistic people. I have seen some real understanding and improvements amongst my immediate colleagues and I am so pleased this is the case. I am also pleased to say that I think we may well be on the cusp of some genuine change within the NHS. It's not going to happen overnight but, the document published by NHS Improvements in June 2018 makes it quite clear that change has to take place and certain standards will have to be met. It's not a long read but, it's well worth it. I think I may see some genuine change at meaningful level of the hierarchy as a result of this document and I can look forward to a less sore head, with Autistic people finally getting the recognition and support they deserve. improvement.nhs.uk/resources/learning-disability-improvement-standards-nhs-trusts/
Ah, you talking about the quiet shy kids not getting support is hitting close to home. Great video ladies!! Have a great end of the week. Also. I spy with my little eye the purple chewy kitty >^-^
Hello: I've found a very interesting feature you people with autism have. You're very good as English teachers, because your pronounciation is so perfect, so clear,... It's fantastic to learn English with an autistic person. Thank you very much
Thank you so much for this video. It really resonated with me. I've been anxious my whole life and always have been called "weird". Spent a lot of my life trying to be "normal" and I finally had the confidence to ask for a referral to the learning difficulties team in my city. I know it will take a long time due to covid and being on the waiting list but I'm hoping they can help me understand myself.
I suspect I may have ASD, but it’s confusing since many of my symptoms line up while others don’t at all. I DEFINITELY have had extremely thorough interests where I catalog information (like learning about the history of anime as a highschooler without watching that much actual anime, not to mention my deep dive into medieval philosophy that came out of nowhere). Furthermore, socializing has always been MASSIVELY difficult, I feel like imitate those around me, I am something of an anxious picky eater, etc. I didn’t have any close friends from 7th grade until 11th grade. On the other hand I am very high functioning/do not have a learning disability, I never struggled with changing routine, and I can’t remember ever having movement problems (although I like to wiggle around weirdly sometimes when I’m alone and also have chronic tics). When I was a kid my parents/teachers were concerned I may be autistic and I was pulled aside (they told me I was tested to check if I was gifted at the time). The teachers concluded I wasn’t autistic because I was talkative, but I remember feeling excited that I would be considered special or smart and was happy to talk to the teachers. I wonder if it was a misdiagnoses considering so many girls are undiagnosed or show different kinds of symptoms.
I was obsessed with plants and plant history, but I had little interest in having a garden. I don't have the attention span or the focus but I knew the "mythological" use of certain plants and collected books nonstop. Also I did very terribly in school. I passed tests and showed I took in knowledge but ultimately I had no desire to be there because I didn't feel like it was valuable to me. I would skip classes, even knowing it was wrong and that I would get in trouble, because then I would be separated in a quiet room doing individual work. I was more likely to have meltdowns in class. I doubted I would graduate primary just because I had zero desire to be there after so many years.
I was also placed next to the most disruptive student. Not only did I spend months beside the most annoying person I have ever met, I was also bullied because of it. I hate the teacher that did this and basically everyone that didn't do anything about it. Then they act surprised when I stopped going to school smh. Thank you for sharing this. It made me realize that this was probably the moment I started to distrust "adults" and people that pretend to want to help you. I had already pushed the memory away.
I have my assessment on Monday and literally everything you said about sitting on your window sill singing about being an orphan rings through my soul. I did exactly the same thing with Annie! I was obsessed haha.
i find i get more help from younger doctors, i was with my family doctor for 30 years, he retired i had a new doctor who was very young, within 1 meeting he had said all these diagnosis of anxiety and depression are not right, he new from one meeting something was different and sent me on my path to understanding myself and life better. the same with older family, they find it hard to accept my autism, its almost as if they feel like they failed. its strange, but getting help and knowing about autism for the past year has been amazing and life changing, i feel like more women need to speak out about this, thanks for your video x
i have also spent my entire life imitating my favorite fictional characters. Being able to spend a lot of my time online growing up was nice when it came to coping because i could easily pretend to be that person online and no one knew different
Watching this video and I’m almost in tears, I’m pretty sure I’m autistic and am in the process of getting diagnosed and everything you talked about I experienced as a child. This makes me feel so validated
Good video, thank you for mentioning males/men falling through the gaps. I’m 52 and have booked a diagnosis appt. after spending the last month 2-8hrs a day looking at YT and autism, I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum were as before it was a slight suspicion. I had almost fatal depression in my twenties and was treated by professionals but meds didn’t work CBT did for me. Anxiety is still with me. I was a passive shy child. I hope ND gets seen in a better light and more often
As a therapist, this is the best personal-journey video about female-presenting autism I have seen. Very balanced and rooted in polite caveats. It is so easy for folks to say, "autistic boys are getting all the support" or "autistic girls get more mental health diagnoses" without qualifying these. Even my female counterparts are hesitant to diagnose girls who are (to me) loaded with typical autism symptoms. Maybe there's a subconscious fear of the stigma, and people are more likely to try "solving problem boys" than putting such a scary label on an already struggling young woman. Dunno. But thanks!
I live in the US and am trying to get an autism evaluation (the medical system is so confusing lol). I keep going back and forth between "am I, am I not," but the description of a shy passive anxious child fit me to a T as a kid. I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 11 bc clearly something was going on, and I've gone my entire life feeling like that was accurate (and in the process being inadvertently taught how to socialize "correctly" when I would express feeling anxious and out of place in social situations). It blows my mind how all these years I've been incredibly privileged in receiving mental health treatment, but they still missed *so much*- like, is it normal for a child to just have an anxiety disorder? Why would you stop there and not look further into it? It's frustrating, but knowing that others with similar experiences have been clinically diagnosed gives me some hope that I will be too and can develop a stable/ accurate sense of identity on the other side of this
Thank you so much for this! My 9-year-old is in the process of being diagnosed with autism and so much of what you talked about rings true for her. For example, at around 3 she was super into the Disney movie Moana. But to the extent that she WAS Maui for literally months. Everyone had to call her Maui to the point where if an adult called her by her name other children would correct and be like "no that is Maui." Or, her present special interest in dragons. She knows everything about every class of dragons, different dragon universes and how they interact, and has created her own Myth Nation where her dragons live. It is quite elaborate. Other girls are interested in Moana or dragons, but this is just more and different. So, yes, thank you!
I got diagnosed with BPD in my late 20s. It was validating to get a diagnosis because I thought there was something wrong with me. But it didn’t seem to fit. I knew early on but as a kid that something was wrong. I kept blaming myself. I’ve looked into highly sensitive people, empaths. I’ve been seeking out therapy from the age of 20 (first two psychs didn’t seem to understand me and it wasn’t a good fit.) So I gave up for a while but I really struggled with substance use. & finishing my education. Transitioning into the workforce. I got diagnosed with substance use disorder. Before that it was depression, then anxiety, then major depressive disorder. Then social anxiety. I luckily found an amazing psychologist that helped me tremendously. I even told her after knowing more about autism that I identified with some of the characteristics. I actually told her. After meeting an autistic friend, & really hitting it off. That I found it so refreshing how honest & straight forward he was with me. How fascinated I was with the way his mind worked.I could relate to him & felt like we had a bond. How interesting our conversations were & I really attracted to him as a friend. So when I got diagnosed with BPD she transferred me to a specialist DBT therapist. Learning skills to cope with life. But I struggled so long not fitting in anywhere. Not being able to adjust securely to life. And thinking I was bad & wrong because of it.
Just wanted to add... As someone who was diagnosed late in life (age 27, now I'm 36.) I had been your stereotypical autistic girl who had intelligence that did more harm. Than good in that I became something of a behavioural analyst around age 6 (before Criminal Minds had even been thought of) 😝 OK, more seriously now. Yes, my appetite and pickiness was INSANELY Intense as was my obsession with ballet. Throw in major upheaval at age 12 (moved to the US from Dubai) and of course, I didn't immediately realise I was hurting. Long story short, I wound up dancing pre-professionally but the notions re:body line, overall body stuff in dance etc + my not-too-great eating habits (these did not help what came soon after I moved) from autism and, well... It was far easier to fall into the rabbit hole from hell that was 12 years of "chronic" anorexia. Worse, with it, I didn't feel as odd about being picky. Anorexia made the autistic habits just make sense and worse, gave them over inflated egos (I'm more in control/this means I am better /I am closer to perfection). And that validation again rewarded the ED by obsessing more and my goodness, me ND numbers... Love!! But it did not bode well at the time. OK, trying to not babble on, um, I'd say having an autism diagnosis and anorexia are not mutually exclusive. So my ARFID wound up meeting the evil body image issue monster Simply having issues with the food turned to a nastier thing. And since obsessing is one of my better skills (should put it on my CV) did I begin slowly and then exponentially hurdling towards full on anorexia and such intense body image problems my former self was almost forgotten? Yes.
I was diagnosed when i was 20 and the 5 years leading up to that were pretty bad. i was in and out of school, i wad depressed and had extreme anxiety attacks. but i couldn't get my doctor to understand the severity, because i was masking so frequently that i myself started to believe it wasn't that bad. i believed there were always someone suffering more than me, that what i went through was normal. but my mom helped me see the severity of my problems and i began to fight for a diagnosis and i finally got it. now i have had my diagnosis for about a year and Im still struggling with accepting that i have the right to claim i have autism, and Im dealing with Family trouble cause i have always been the "healthy, happy, shy girl" in my family's eyes. so part of my Family cant understand my difficulties. and my father has a negative point of view regarding mental health trouble so he cant understand that sometimes i get anxiety attacks just from having to get on a bus. but Im not giving up Im going to fight until i can relax more with being my beautiful autistic self. but until then if anybody has some advice i would love to hear it .
Your videos have made me positive that I’m on the spectrum. I’m going to a psychologist for the first time in June to hopefully seek an official diagnosis. Thank you.
I suffered a lot of bullying as a child in a catholic infant school which luckily my granda took me out and put in a better school in Ashington. I was happy for a while going to school with my cousin but suddenly I moved with my family down South to London where my life got a lot worse where I ran away from home several times and was then sent to an child guidance clinic which was very upsetting. I also suffered a great deal of bullying at school and at the age of 12 I was taken out of school for two years which great disrupted my education. I was sent to a boarding for a year where I was unhappy and left without any qualifications.
So glad I found your channel. I have some family and friends with aspbergers. Hearing your personal Experiences brings a lot of understanding. Thank you for helping support women with their health and happiness.
I grew up at first being myself, a bit headstrong and creative. Then I won the "Space Cadet of the Year" award in the 8th grade (at what was apparently supposed to be a comedic event where every 8th grader got some "funny" award). At that point, I started becoming extremely quiet and submissive. I also have a manic bipolar ADHD little brother, so I grew up feeling like I had to be the "good kid". Only now at the age of 39 after nearly 2 decades of being married to the most supportive and amazing man I could ever hope to meet, am I just now starting to let go of all the masking. But when I go home to see family and old school friends or meet my hubby's coworkers, I find myself hurled right back into the submissive quiet masking. Now I feel conflicted...stopping short of breaking laws or being disruptive in public places, shouldn't we have the same right to be ourselves that NTs have? I see my youngest son so desperate for friends and acceptance at school, and it's like seeing myself all over again (I even obsessively studied books on how to make friends and be popular). And I don't know how to help him understand that his peers are just as lost and floundering as he is and that it's better for him to be himself and not popular than to hide who he really is just to gain others' approval. It is SUCH a struggle because I still struggle with this too! I want to be myself, but I don't want to have only 3 people at my funeral someday (not to be too morbid here) either!
I hear a lot of "disruptive children" get all the help. I was a disruptive child, but it was really because I was stressed, agitated and had no understanding of social norms. I only ever got negative attention and punishment, and i usually didn't understand why. So I also went through all the same things that Ella mentions, behind closed doors. Although maybe things have changed now! Perhaps it is a case of understanding if one child is abnormally quiet and if another is abnormally disruptive, and above that being able to understand that 'disruptive' kids aren't always asking for attention, sometimes they just don't know any better!
i’m currently trying to document every piece of evidence i can that i show signs of ASD. i’ve been invalidated by nearly every dr in my life and i refuse to let it go unchecked this time. my life has come to a head and it’s all clicking together and i’m so terrified of bringing in my pages of research and quizzes and evidence and still being told im invalid. im diagnosed with 7 co-morbid disorders, including BPD, and i feel very strongly that i fit on the spectrum. i want so badly to understand why i’m so different and why i feel so alienated from others and why all of these things are wrong with me. i need this.
Thank you so much for this video!! I'm a woman in my mid-30s and have my first virtual (due to COVID) assessment next week. I've been feeling like diagnosis could really go either way or somewhere in between because I certainly don't have the stereotypical presentation I knew from male-dominated research and examples, but so many of the things I've struggled with in my life fit the overarching pattern of ASD (and/or ADHD, which I have already been diagnosed with but it doesn't seem to explain all of my struggles) One of the things I know they will be assessing is repetitive behaviours and restricted interests (RRBI), and I thought, I'm not sure how that will go. I do and did get quite intensely obsessed with certain topics, and your examples led me to a lot of 'aha' moments as well - obsessions with Annie, Anne of Green Gables, how when I took ballet I studied all the French terms for body positions and wrote my friend from class letters about ballet over the summer... But actually the biggest lightbulb for me was watching your mannerisms. I wasn't sure about whether I fit the "repetitive behaviours" trait. I thought about the autistic males I knew, one who would always fiddle with a Swiss multi-tool, another with a very unique and salient manner of blinking, and I wasn't sure I had anything like that... And then in this video and saw you smoothing the end of your braid, in EXACTLY the same way I do when I wear a braid. Partway through the video I realised I was unconsciously tugging on and smoothing part of my own hair, being soothed by the sensory feedback. I remembered sitting in class, picking at a split end and running the tiny broken-off hair segment between my finger and thumb, feeling it vibrate across the ridges in my fingerprints. Now I feel like as a kid I kept searching for "mannerisms" or "habits" that my parents and teachers wouldn't stop me from doing, and perhaps eventually I learned that playing with my hair is something that society finds as socially acceptable for girls. People did still notice and tell me to stop sometimes, and I'd get embarrassed when they did, but as hard as I've tried, if I break a habit it just seems to get replaced with another. Anyway, thank you, this is so helpful!
@@ginafield710 Diagnosed as Autistic! There didn't seem to be any doubt in the assessor's mind, which is so strange because my presentation is so covert and really hasn't been picked up by any other mental health or medical professional I've worked with. And I've worked with a fair few over a long period of time! But I suppose after 20 years of seeing the range of presentations and helping to inform the shifts in diagnostic criteria to include a wider range than the male-presentation stereotypes, my assessor knew exactly what to look for.
I cannot believe I am finally understanding my. Whole. life. At 36. It’s intensely eye opening and SO liberating. You ladies have shed a Spot light on recognizing autism in women..just watching your interactions, behaviors, mannerisms and hearing what you both have said. Down to a T, this is me. we even have similar physical features as well. Truly Eye opening! Well, I found a new topic to obsess over. Time to learn everything! 😂 (edited 54 times)
I check what everyone else is eating so I know what is ok. And I had that exact same Anne phase😅. I'm the friend that will look to you when I don't know what to do(which is ALL the time), but if you're more anxious than me, my Mom friend override kicks in until I find someone else to take over.
OMG I said Anne of Green Gables b4 u did! And I still sing "The Sun Will Come Out Tmrw"! And I used to love to write n wanted to b a writer dancer, gymnist, psychologist, etc. I've been diagnosed with BPD LL but ASD explains me n my life to a T!
My 3 year old daughter has just recently been diagnosed with Autism. I feel very fortunate that her NP picked up on it because it never crossed my mind. She comes off as NT if you don’t know much about ASD. So, of course, it had me fall into a rabbit hole. I realized that I am also on the spectrum. I have an assessment in a week I would like a formal diagnosis because I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, GAD, CPTSD...and I feel like with every new Dr I see (military family. We move a lot), I have to, again, go into explaining things. It’s tiring. I feel like I deserve to be understood for once in my life.
no one thought my special interests were weird, i mean a girl who loves bts, the sims, and drawing would never concern anyone, it just seems like average teen girl interests
What a fantastic, educational and important video. I will definitely be sharing this with all of my friends and their partners who work in CAMS and various mental health roles because you are so right Ella! Thank you and thank you Ros for taking the time to make this thoughtful and detailed content for us all. 🔥🔥🔥
15:13 this was/is exactly me and what happend as i also got bullied but in camhs the doctor noticed signs of autism in me and I got a diagnosis and I’m forever greatful for him as nobody knows if I would have ever found out I was autistic or would I have gone on with depression and anxiety
Since I was old enough to actively watch tv I was always obsessed with animals. Animal Planet was on 24/7, I specifically remember telling my family that I don't like cartoons and ONLY want to watch things about animals. I would word-vomit tons and tons of miscellaneous facts about any animal someone brought up. I probably had every type of pet you could possibly have as a kid. My parents thought this was perfectly normal and that I just liked animals, and actively encouraged it. And my interest hasn't changed as I've gotten older. I know so much info about the most random animals I'll never own, but I just love learning about them. I went to school for animal behavior because I adore being able to analyze, understand, and shape animal behavior; it just clicks for me. Currently working towards veterinary school.
I can relate with this so hard. I was obsessed with anything animal related I wouldn't watch anything else from the age of 7ish to 14ish animalplanet, weird channels on tv, gopro videos of people on farms, emergency vet stuff, then when I hit 14 I was the horse girl and I worked on a farm, had and rescued all the animals (I just have a kitty and a bearded dragon know) I would take my break at the farm to watch my programs on animal planet, I would eat the same food everyday (still do kinda) take the break at the same time, uhhhhf it can be exhausting and honestly i didnt even know that someone else experienced this until i read this comment. And when my routine got switched up I went in full blown melt down mode. Sorry for the rant but cheers and so glad you are gonna be a vet one day!!:)
I was obsessed with Phantom of the Opera when I was little. Painfully obsessed with it, to the point where I could sing every song word for word (badly, I'm partially deaf and cannot sing on key to save my life). I knew almost every line of dialouge in between. I would sing each part mimicking the singer, so I would try and deepen my voice to sing the Phantom's parts, and make my voice higher for Christine's. My family never thought that was odd.
I have recently been diagnosed with being on the spectrum and I’m 59. I was that rare child I suppose that caused major trouble each year, to the point I was sent for testing to see if I wasn’t smart. It turned out I had quite a high IQ. What they missed was I was going through abuse at home and was acting out at school. Mostly I would play with the boys at recess. I was definitely a loner most of the time and never felt like I was like the rest of the girls. I have watched women my whole life to see how they behaved. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but in the 60’s, they didn’t check girls for Spectrum disorders. I was also eventually diagnosed with anxiety disorder and anorexia.
Masking makes psychiatrists blind. The one I was at wrote „I saw no repetitive behavior such as flapping hands...“ I just think that he should have looked better. I played nervously with a bracelet and rock my foot. I naturally did what me asked me to do. I learned from my sister and acted like females in my surrounding. I was more forced to learn and hide then others, otherwise I’d not be a live.As a child I was interested in nature very much, and ghost stories. Nowadays Vampires 🧛♀️ joined that.Eating disorder I had, too.Now PTSD and some wrote about depression. So that „psychiatrist wrote hürhat there are issues over the „normal“ line which could mean that I’m in the spectrum but he preferred to put it all to my PTSD.selfinjuty was a big issue. Even when I was a child.I’ll work on my trauma referred issues and then try again. I don’t insist on getting an Autism-Diagnosis, but if my feelings are right, I’m in the spectrum and I can only get help in Autism-stuff with a diagnosis. Otherwise I should plan a bank robbery to pay “Autism therapy” - for life-skills. I’ll download the infos, so that psychiatrists in 🇩🇪 get more awareness.
hey i tend to mask too and live in kaltland! you probably know more about autism that your therapists already, so your feelings are more valid than their assumptions. let's take back autism and neurodiversity in general from the medical system, things won't really change without that anyway...
I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD, and I'm 40... I was originally diagnosed with Anxious Personality Disorder, was investigated for Borderline.
worryworm I was diagnosed with ADHD five years ago but am coming to the realization that it’s more than that. Long story short, after research I strongly believe it’s Autism. I’m not sure if there’s benefit to being officially diagnosed in my middle age.
I thought all girls copied what they see on TV....I can 100% relate with Annie and Anne of Green Gables. I emulated this characters all the time and literally go through my day to day activities acting as if I was them (but still be me) when I’d interact with people. Interesting.
OMG Yes! I HATED being ALWAYS sat next to the disruptive kids. The few times I wanted to be social or at least try to make friends, I couldn't bc the only kids near me were the disruptive kids. I didn't even "keep them quite" like the teacher thought I would magically do. Those boys just threw paper balls over me at each other. Those rediculous seating assignments destroyed what little social skills I could have developed. Who else remembers and HATES when the teacher said "okay find a partner"! How the heck was I ever supposed to "find a partner" when the only children who sat around me were the disruptive boys, who refused to do the work, and would automatically put all the work on me!
I have been diagnosed with bipolar but I believe I'm actually just autistic. I notice that my moods (specifically anxiety and depression) correlate with stressors and exhaustion. It's tricky though bc bp symptoms can be impacted by sleep and stress. But alongside those symptoms, I've noticed that I mask, have (and have always had) pretty debilitating sensory issues that get worse with stress, practice conversations in my head before I have them, experience echolalia, have special interests, and as a kid I would mimic (read: assume the entire identity of) characters from tv shows that I liked. Another complicating factor is that I grew up with severe abuse and I learned to be hyperaware of others' emotional states. This preoccupation with the need to read people's emotional states in order to determine my safety took away my ability to explore my identity and interests as a child. I used to think I lacked an identity because of my abuse, but I've also heard that lacking an identity can be an autistic thing. So it's really perplexing to sort through, but I truly think it's autism. I've also noticed that I have a lot of internalized ablism that causes me to overwork myself to preform like others so I don't ask for help when I need it. The older I get however, the more likely I am to prioritize my mental health and self care bc the consequences of burn out are becoming less easy to recover from -- which is a good and a bad thing I suppose
My father thought I was on the spectrum because he is as well. Unfortunately, I've never had a particularly good experience with mental health professionals and my experience with doctors is only a bit better. He has a massive distrust as well. After a botched ADD diagnosis where the doctor spent less than 30 minutes with us and it turned out that she was diagnosing everyone the same, there were no more interventions.
Ive been Diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, Panic Disorder, and CPTSD. Now Im just like Jeez guys. Guess what else I probably have that effectively emcompasses basically everything else except CPTSD. At this point Im not looking for another diagnosis, especially since I live in the midwest and it can be extremely difficult to get one as a 20yo woman here. I just want to understand myself and figure out some coping strategies.
I was tested for it in the early 80s but it was determined I wasn't. What's come out about autism in girls since then makes it really hard to ignore the possibility they got me wrong.
My special interests are in mycology, botany, medical literature with emphasis on Orthomolecular medicine and immunology. As a child, it was botany, geology, ancient Egypt, LOTR, making audio stories on cassette (starting age 4/5), writing and reading. The LOTR obsession was morbid, Lmfao.
I was referred to mental health services throughout my childhood and early adulthood which honestly wasn’t helpful. I was finally diagnosed with autism (specifically Aspergers) at the age of 21 and everything clicked into place and life has been a lot easier since. I have however been diagnosed with depression which I’m on meds for and have an eating disorder which causes me to binge eat (I do not have Belima).
13:15 OMFG THEY DID THIS TO ME TOO. EXCEPT IT WAS LIKE TEN KIDS NOT JUST ONE. they took me away from my friends and put me, alone, specifically in the bully class. the other one was okay. they were trying to hurt me
Just to address the eating disorder bit... Everyone with a eating disorder will mostly, if not only, think about that and it will consume their lives in many different ways and they will intellectualised and gather facts which is part of the illness. The difference, in my opinion; between someone neurotypical and someone with asd who both have an ED is that for instance my own example is that I had gathered all the documentaries and videos in french and english about ED that I could find and watched them over and over and over again completely obsessing over listening about ED from as many people as possible and from every angle, experience, places etc possible, which is something I haven't really that much seen in my friends with ED that focus more on the avoidance of eating, burning calories, reaching certain goal etc your typical symptoms...I didn't have that at all, but I did create a huge catalogue of all the videos available on youtube on that subject, that intense cataloguing of information is not always present, they all gather some sort of informations but only a few have it an obsession on knowing more and more .. so for me my ED was really my special interest, but for the majority their ED is just their only interest, does that make sense? (I'm not trying to say that I don't believe what you said on that matter, I'm just trying to explain why I think the majority of people with an ED do not have ASD, although it is probably, as you said, more represented than in the general population, that's for sure)
Getting a diagnosis for autism is extremely difficult especially if you are a woman and older. Oftentimes young autistic girls are overlooked and just thought to be a little quirky
yes, thank you, thank you so much.. this is exactly what i needed to hear right now..we are in a terrible situation..the worst possible ..but we have to wait months for any help..it's a complete crisis..borrowed money to get a therapist just for the short term now, have to save for a private assessment..so worried in case that assessment won't show the behaviour and emotions..i don't know how much longer we can last like this.. my heart goes out to those single parents who have no family to help or rely on and getting little or inadequate support at school, it's heartbreaking to see your kids suffer when you know what the issue is but have to wait for interventions.. no one listened to me, until my child actually vomited all over her school uniform from sheer anxiety. should we put kids in this position and then tell them but the local authority and the government want your full attendance at school in the meantime, whilst you wait years for assessment!?..
I’ve started to wonder if purging excessively could also have been a form of stimming because I did that through exercise which is seen as a typical thing to do, but sometimes it was about food most of the time it was an attempt to regulate my emotions. Has anyone ever experienced this before being diagnosed with autism?
Thank you so much for your reply Purple Ella! NAS has excellent resources! I can't seem to find out if the modules in NAS are free of charge or if there is a fee to pay to access the modules. Would you be able to tell me please?
I haven't been diagnosed with a spectrum disorder but I'm currently going through the process. I've struggled for years with this 😂 I literally used to copy youtubers. I used to think they were so cool and I'd want to act just like them and do my makeup like them to the point i was potentially somebody different every few months 😂😂 I always thought my friends didn't like me because I wasn't sure how to act round them at all and would come out in the most awkward ways 🙈 I was totally obsessed with ancient Egypt from about the age of 8 or 9 😂
I was always the quiet good girl at school. No one ever realised the turmoil going on inside - how much anxiety and depression i felt, how confused I was, how i was always holding myself together to keep from having an emotional breakdown. It was only at home that i would sometimes have a meltown and start screaming and shouting if my parents upset me. They just didnt understand how overwhelmed i felt and how i struggled but couldnt express it properly.
I dont know if i have autism, but certainly relate to many of the traits and feel like i'm not really 'normal.'
I'm the exact same, I'm 13(almost 14) and my mum sent me a video about autism in girls thinking I related to a lot of the things said in the video. I really did and I'm starting to question whether I have autism or not.
Me, too. I was told I am mildly retarded since young. Perhaps this label had been The Label in the 1970's for girls? I am now seeking a diagnosis from my psychiatrist.
Is it common to change special interests frequently? Like, go really hard into something for several months and then a new interest taking over?
Absolutely!
Yeah it happens all the time
you CAN have a dual diagnosis adhd/asd too like me, that could do it!!
that's basically my life hahaha
Oh is that common I thought that would be ADHD! This is me with my million projects
It took my therapist three month to realise that I’m not a narcissist. Luckily psychology is my special interest so I could lead her through our therapy sessions 😂👍🏻
Mine is psychiatry. So I would think of the medications that I haven't taken yet and reckon might work and suggest that the doctor prescribes these. Of course double checking for the possible interactions. Basically doing the job for her 😁
The same happened to me (kinda). I'm in the process of getting my ASD diagnosis. When I first was told I might have it by my school counselor, she asked what I knew about it. I was like, "well..." I've always had an interest in Special Education, Autism, Learning difficulties, mental illnesses etc. It's odd I never clicked that I might have ASD when I read so much about it. I always wishes I had a diagnosed "problem." Very odd circumstances...
I’m cackling 😂
@@edlamircoelho5402 I thought my ex was a narcissists now I think he maybe autistic and I think I may be as well!
😂😂
I felt so validated. I’m seeking a formal diagnosis in the USA and it’s been a nightmare. I’m experiencing some of the similar situations brought up. Personally I think we’re lagging with the resources in the US. Another thing I struggle with is accepting what happened as it happened in the past. What I mean, for example, is if I complained to have a stomachache or something I was told it didn’t happen or I was exaggerating. So when it comes to verbalizing my experience with ASD to specialist in there attempts to counsel me they end up minimizing my difficulties, which leads me to question myself and furthering my mental health problems (in other words I am re-traumatized). And a second thing they blame parents, I am so tired of the psycopathologizing everything into it’s the parents fault. I feel so bad for my mom. She doesn’t know who to believe and she blames herself. She actually thinks it’s her fault.
Totally get what you're saying! My mom used to question me constantly, to a point where I would question my reality and sanity.
Horrid for you. Lots of support and advice here on You Tube via these films. I guess your going to have to adapt your life following the advice available here in the UK and in Austrailia. Do look up Prof Tony Attwood whoose English but lives in Australia and is one of the leaders in Autism and how girls have until now been overlooked. He's funny and hugely knowledgeable. Feel for you. Must be very hard for you. I've only just made the link between Autism and myself and I'm 61! The years have been horrendous at times. At least I can adapt my life now. You now have this insight also and I guess much younger than me so you can improve your life, adapt, choose the right work and people despite what the medics say. Good Luck.
Take care. Hx
PS I'm in the UK.
Where, what state did you get diagnosed in??
I know you commented this a long time ago, but did you ever have find proper care? And advice for someone currently going through this?
I’m in California, and there seem to be no resources for ASD diagnoses unless it’s part of a study- which literally happens once every couples YEARS. No wonder so many women depend on masking for their day to day interactions.
Ive never been diagnosed with autism and im a 16 year old girl. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I can relate so much with your videos about girls and autism. I think i probably have autism but i doubt my mom would think so. In school currently idk how/what to talk to about to my friends or how to start a conversation so i talk about parrots alot and sometimes i think they are like in their heads "when is she gonna shut up about birds".
I just read "Aspergirls" written by Rudy Simone and I resonated a lot with her descriptions. Maybe it'll help you figure it out?
The aspie quiz is helpful and so are blogs & books! You very well could be ! Don’t lose faith
@@valhalla1240 Aspergers is not a real diagnoses, actually it's pretty anti-sematic and ableist to identify with aspergers. Autism is a spectrum, not everyone with autism functions the same.
@@eeka_gymenez4053 it’s an outdated term and the man who its named after was terrible, but if you’re this comfortable spewing important words like that for such minute thing, you’re contributing to a worse problem than they are. next time, you can try educating people on WHY its offensive because your words mean nothing without context. DO BETTER.
@@eeka_gymenez4053 the book was written by someone who was diagnosed with Asperger's and published in 2010. About 10 years later it's no longer a diagnosis, but that doesn't make the contents of the book irrelevant - it's just that today we'd recognise it as describing autism.
Also heads up, if you’re wearing headphones there are a few parts where there is bone-crinkling static. It doesn’t last long but OW
Sorry about that - I have improved my audio since this came out.
Yeah I find in some of these videos the static is bad, one was every other second before
Good to see someone acknowledging that males also present with what are seen as female traits.
Lots of girls have missed being diagnosed because they didn't present as being typically autistic - the 'male autism traits'. This is thankfully being addressed now due to better understanding of these less noticeable traits.
Unfortunately, there have been boys who didn't get diagnosed for the same reason, I.e. what has commonly been referred to as the female autism traits.
Fortunately, it's now also understood that the so called male and female traits are found in both males and females.
I don't think that autism is a male or female thing. It's a people thing.
Some people will present with commonly understood autistic traits, some people will present with traits that aren't quite as obvious and some traits will be very difficult to spot because of various learned coping strategies including masking and camouflaging techniques.
A diagnosis can be tough to come to terms with. I've found that the toughest thing is having to deal with other peoples perceptions and preconceived ideas. Lack of knowledge isn't a crime, lack of consideration of autistic peoples feelings and dealing with dismissive and outright rude comments and treatment is, or should be a crime.
Autistic people are supposed to be the ones who lack empathy, tact etc. What is sad is that the most unpleasant and callous people I've had to deal with were neurotypical!
P.S. Love the t shirt Ella. Live long and prosper! 🖖
It's not actually they thought it's a thing... They just did researches based on male's brain so it's ofc different from girl so it's quite hard to diagnose it from a girl
@@zahrajamil5817 I think I get what you mean. All in all, the more research the better for everyone whatever their gender! I'd forgotten that I'd posted this until your reply, I've learned so much myself in the year since I originally posted!
My Parents seeing me watch nothing but animal planet, never missing an episode of Meerkat Manor, being able to identify the 22 different species of snakes in WV, telling them whether the spider I found was male or female based on their species, size, and shape, and once taming a bobcat that lived in the woods behind our house using bologna and operant conditioning.
"... Yeah, that's completely normal. Lots of little girls like animals. Nothing to see here."
Me: in the background thrashing around and gasping for air bc my mom forced me to wear a velvet dress and I can't breathe when I touch velvet or felt.
Parents: "Yeah, that's a bit odd but she's only throwing a tantrum bc she's a tomboy and doesn't want to wear a dress, she'll grow out of it if we keep pushing her. DEFINITELY no signs of autism here!"
Wow
What I experienced myself is that parents are like: well, it is normal, I was just like that, because they really were just like that before learning to mask.
There is a genetic component in autism. And maybe parents went through a painful process of adapting to "normal" society and think it normal. This summer I came to the suspicion that I might be autistic. Before, if someone told me my child was unusual I answered: Well, I have or had the same quirks. Everything is fine. Now the picture is different. I think the question is if you see your own and your kids' difficulties as inevitable or if you try to communicate and search for the best environment for you and your maybe also autistic child.
This is so relatable! Meerkat Manor was a special interest of mine as well. Spurred my ongoing deep interest in animal social hierarchies and roles as an adult too 🖤
Eccentricity is definitely not welcome in women. I feel like throughout history women have been suppressed and told to be quiet, so it isn't just an autistic thing, more so a human thing. I feel like being on the spectrum means you suppress more of yourself. After researching aspergers in women I totally think I'm on the spectrum. I was actually a quite violent little child...ironically exhibiting some more boy like symptoms, which were dismissed due to my unstable family life. Special interests, yes!! I spoke to my psychologist about this and asked him why nothing captures my interest like "alien" and he laughed and said because nothing is as interesting as the movie alien. 😂 I was followed by so many various specialists and no one has ever brought up autism. Current wait times are years long for an assessment, so that's disheartening.
I was a very violent child as well. I have thrown chairs at my teacher, used my arm cast as a weapon, and was quite the biter. I had a hard time making friends or understanding why teachers hated me. The only thing I could think to do to be left alone was lash out violently.
I'm an extremely empathetic and non-violent person, so until I was diagnosed I was always so confused as to why I was such a little demon child, but it all makes sense now.
I have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD, BiPolar, BPD, OCD, ADHD, NVLD, Generalized Anxiety, and Panic Disorder. I'm just now figuring out that I am autistic and I really appreciate your videos.
Please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m a very frank/blunt person. But, If you’ve been officially diagnosed with all these illnesses than I would be very suspicious of your therapists training. Many of those disorders have overlapping symptoms so they can be challenging to differentiate. A skilled therapist would be able to do this though if taking enough time with you before making their diagnosis. Also C-PTSD is not an official illness in the DSM-5, therefore it would not have been given as a diagnosis. It is a common term within pop psychology and it is being researched but it has not been officially recognized yet. It’s possible your therapist mentioned it because they are a supporter of the idea but they wouldn't have actually diagnosed you. Although dual diagnosis is certainly a thing, many of those diagnosis would cancel out the others. In the DSM-5 a diagnosis cannot be made of a particular disorder if they can be explained by another mental illness. For example, if a person has PTSD and has panic attacks and avoids situations that trigger his PTSD that doesn't mean that that person also has agorophobia. He has just has PTSD.
@Jaguar Zew Flow there's no way that stat is true
I was seen as the ''shy'', ''lacking in confidence'' kid. An Ed Psych. wrote on my report age 9 that ''Anna still seems like a little girl both physically and emotionally''. Confidence boosting activities were recommended. I developed OCD. Only diagnosed with Asperger's age 21, after OCD got very bad, due to isolation, misunderstandings, and anxiety. At school, while sometimes being disruptive, I was mainly day-dreamy and passively avoidant.
When I was being assessed for autism as a 51 year old in 2014, I was never asked once about where special interests were as a child and what are my special interests are now. I had to volunteer this information which did not come out in my report. My special interests have always been in astronomy, weather patterns/meteorology as well Ancient Egypt and superheroes.
Thank you lovely ladies. I am struggling with the mental health system for my teen daughter who has anorexia, was self harming prior to this and had depression and anxiety. I can totally relate to what you are saying and explaining. She totally fits the good, quiet child at school and was always sat next to disruptive pupils as she never complains! But she struggles with peers and thinks somethings wrong with her. My friends don’t get it as they think she’s very articulate and really good at talking to them, as do teachers. But she has intense emotions that are almost painful for her. I didn’t realise until recently when we went on a dog walk together and she started panicking “oh no, I don’t have a list. Do you have a list?” I replied I had no idea what she was talking about. It transpired that before every walk she makes a mental list of topics of conversation. And found it very very strange that I didn’t do this. It was then I realised that she puts so much effort into social situations and preparing and then analysing she must be exhausted. Hence the overload of emotions I have always seen from her when she gets home from school.
But many thanks for highlighting and helping me and others understand.
You daughter sounds so much like myself, I'm undiagnosed as well, I lost faith in the mental health system during my struggle with anorexia that I've never really gone back for help. High school was so exhausting I used to tell my mom when she'd get upset at me for being cranky that I didn't have the energy left to make my face look like I'm interested even if I was interested in her topic of conversation.
I remember my therapist telling me my only issue was that I didn't have enough friends and I needed to make more and crying to her that I couldn't handle friends because it was too confusing to have more because I didn't know how to act with them.
The system is broken, but I feel for your daughter and I hope you'll tell her she isn't alone. And it gets better
We absolutely need to have the female presentation of Aspergers or ASD more widely known in the community in general and health care professionals and educators in particular. I started seeking help for my daughter (now 3) almost 18 months ago and resoundingly got a.... Yes her behaviour is extreme but she'll probably grow out of it. I even had a paediatric psychologist tell me that she was a highly sensitive introvert with sensory processing issues (and if that's not an excellent descriptor for an Aspie you tell me!) but not once was ASD mentioned. I myself didn't look at it as a possibility until I had done a huge amount of research and I worked with children with severe and multiple disabilities for over a decade, many of whom had Autism, albeit in a more serious presentation. I have through entirely my own efforts started the process of getting her a diagnosis and felt like screaming in frustration when the lovely lady I spoke to mentioned casually that it was a great pity it wasn't picked up earlier because they take children as young as 2......she could have been, should have been, but was not and now I'm facing huge waiting times to get her the help she should have been receiving all along considering the emphasis they place on early intervention. To me it's robbed her of potentially 2-3 years of support at a critical time in her life because the professionals dropped the ball through lack of awareness about female presentation of Autism. The more I research the more I realise that it's highly likely that I also am on the spectrum and my mother definitely is. I was so isolated and confused by my lack of understanding in social situations that I was suicidal by the time I was 12. I don't want that for my daughter 😢. How are we supposed to help our kids when the professionals aren't even aware?! If it weren't for the Aspie obsessive focus I have driving me to do the research my daughter may never have had even a chance at understanding herself managing her condition in a way that lessens the impact on her mental health. Heaven knows how an NT parent with no training would cope or even know to begin looking for support for their child and themselves! Sorry.... Rant over. Thank you so much for your videos that have helped me on my journey to getting my daughter the help she needs and as a side note I will be seeking my own diagnosis as soon as I can.
I went through that with my child. I've suspected autism since 3 years old. Seen many doctors, and have only been given the oh it's a phase, or my child has sensory issues and anxiety. My child is now 13 and is now also experiencing gender disphoria and now identifies as a male, and is experiencing so many problems with that issue due to the social skills that my child already has an issue with, so now feels even more isolated around alot of people who don't understand gender disphoria or take the sensory and autism symptoms seriously without having that official diagnosis or support. How to navigate this and get a proper diagnosis in California is a nightmare.
@@marieroth777 I just thought I would put it here that I feel for your child. I am 20 years old and only just now suspecting I have autism. I struggled with my friendships and anxiety and I also ended up with gender dysphoria around that age. I mean looking at it years later it makes sense I was confused, I didn't fit in with the girls and I obviously wasn't a boy so I just struggled with my self image feeling like an alien. I ended up doing the research myself trying to figure out what was wrong with me looking at personality disorders one after another. My struggle with communicating and social interactions lead me to believe I was also Aromantic and couldnt feel romantic feelings. I have a better understanding of myself now with my knowledge of autism and adhd. I am glad your child has a loving and supportive mother as I didn't have much support growing up. I wish you two the best of luck with diagnosis as I also live in California and it is hell.
I have ADHD, OCD, and Anxiety. I feel as if I’m on the spectrum as well.
You may well be, lots of women get misdiagnosed so often because we portray of differently to men! Hope you can get a diagnosis if you want one! ☺️
I think I may have ADD and or Asperger's but I haven't gotten diagnosed so IDK
you might be? (not trying to be pedantic but technically Asperger's isn't a term anymore) I guess I'm lucky my teacher realised first. I don't know much about ADD, what is it?
@@jean_the_bean ruclips.net/video/vQRh_VMA7Vc/видео.html
Here's a video explaining what ADD/ADHD is (hopefully that helps)
I was misdiagnosed with 10 different mental disorders before finding out I only have two, PTSD and ASD. ADHD, OCD, and anxiety were some of the many misdiagnosed conditions explained entirely by my autism.
This is a great video! The blaming the parents thing made it really difficult for me to get diagnosed too, specially because I did grow up with an emotionally abusive mother. I did copy characters from books and movies , I still do, but most of them are male(guess that explains why I was always surrounded by boys and not girls).I discovered stimming not so long ago, because as a kid I was just told to stop being weird. I also did get misdiagnosed with BPD.
Love your videos btw 😊
A year ago I was diagnosed with BPD and a year later ASD
I was also the quiet kid that was put next to the most disruptive student. Definitely made school that much worse. I stayed home "sick" a lot too and did my work just fine on my own.
Yes I also stress that resources created by individuals w autism are going to be much more accurate. Experiences are more reliable than interpreted observations. Thank you for sharing.
I have never had a formal diagnosis of ASD, but I do have depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I used to have really horrible anger issues and when I get overwhelmed, I become very "meltdown-y" sobbing and hitting myself in the head.
I can't remember a time in my life where I haven't just felt estranged like there is something else underlying. I have terrible sensory issues and become overstimulated. I have had numerous friends tell me that I am not autistic and it is incredibly disheartening. I really dislike self diagnosing but I completely relate to almost every point you both made about it.
autism is a spectrum and you know yourself more than anybody else. if you suspect you're autistic then don't give up just bc your friends (who may not know anything about autism) don't think so
You spoke about you have always felt like there is an underlying issue- like the diagnosis you do have sorta fit but feel like there is more to it that really spoke volumes to me. I think there is a good chance you may be autistic due to that. I just realized at age 36 years old that I am on the tip of the Autism spectrum. When I told my bf he laughed at me and thought this was just another thing I have that I really don't have... well I had him take the Autism test (to see the difference between him and I) and sent him a few videos he then thought I wasn't crazy for thinking it but still didn't really believe me. But then my doctor and my therapist confirmed they think I have autism also. The thing is is I mask so well no one knows the real me. I imagine your probably the same way?
I remember being in third grade (nine years old) and our school organizing play groups at recess, because they had noticed that some of us didn't socialize much. As well-intentioned as they were, I wasn't too happy about it, because I enjoyed my solitude. I also didn't like being forced to play according to rules set by other people.
I was Pipi Longstockings!!!!!!!!!! My dad remembers it fondly hahaha
Wow...you have completely described me as a child and as an adult. Quiet introvert, extremely shy and ignored because all the disruptive kids were priority. I have almost every trait, so many diagnosis’ that I’m not convinced of. I’m finally on the path to being assessed but I’ve been fobbed off continually along the way. Reading my report cards from nursery all through primary and high school opened my eyes, there’s no doubt in my mind I’m on the spectrum. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me and helps me make sense of my life from day one.
Thanks for the video xx
Before I was given an autism diagnosis, I was once told by a therapist that I displayed all the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, only I seemed to be very "high functioning." I was so relieved later on when I found out I didn't have BPD!
This is SUCH a common misdiagnosis in women. People would rather diagnosis women with a mood or personality
disorder than adhd or autism. I know someone who has BPD and it actually presents really quite differently
Excellent video. As an autistic person, father of two autistic boys (now adults), relative to many autistic males and females (alternatives not yet declared) in our wider family, and a CBT therapist working in the NHS I absolutely and totally agree with what you say. I've banged my head for nearly 20 years as a consequence of my interactions with education and health professionals, and county council autism pathway strategy working groups, as our family's journey of discovery of autism has advanced. We are all very comfortable with our autism, whether we have an official diagnosis or not (all my immediate family have official diagnoses, others have chosen differently). For the last 10 years I have been working in the NHS and working to get things improved for autistic people. I have seen some real understanding and improvements amongst my immediate colleagues and I am so pleased this is the case. I am also pleased to say that I think we may well be on the cusp of some genuine change within the NHS. It's not going to happen overnight but, the document published by NHS Improvements in June 2018 makes it quite clear that change has to take place and certain standards will have to be met. It's not a long read but, it's well worth it. I think I may see some genuine change at meaningful level of the hierarchy as a result of this document and I can look forward to a less sore head, with Autistic people finally getting the recognition and support they deserve.
improvement.nhs.uk/resources/learning-disability-improvement-standards-nhs-trusts/
Ah, you talking about the quiet shy kids not getting support is hitting close to home.
Great video ladies!! Have a great end of the week.
Also. I spy with my little eye the purple chewy kitty >^-^
Thank you, yes I wear this one the most I think.
Hello: I've found a very interesting feature you people with autism have. You're very good as English teachers, because your pronounciation is so perfect, so clear,... It's fantastic to learn English with an autistic person.
Thank you very much
Thank you so much for this video. It really resonated with me. I've been anxious my whole life and always have been called "weird". Spent a lot of my life trying to be "normal" and I finally had the confidence to ask for a referral to the learning difficulties team in my city. I know it will take a long time due to covid and being on the waiting list but I'm hoping they can help me understand myself.
I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but I think I might be on the spectrum, I'm 22 and I don't know how to approach my psychiatrist
I suspect I may have ASD, but it’s confusing since many of my symptoms line up while others don’t at all. I DEFINITELY have had extremely thorough interests where I catalog information (like learning about the history of anime as a highschooler without watching that much actual anime, not to mention my deep dive into medieval philosophy that came out of nowhere). Furthermore, socializing has always been MASSIVELY difficult, I feel like imitate those around me, I am something of an anxious picky eater, etc. I didn’t have any close friends from 7th grade until 11th grade.
On the other hand I am very high functioning/do not have a learning disability, I never struggled with changing routine, and I can’t remember ever having movement problems (although I like to wiggle around weirdly sometimes when I’m alone and also have chronic tics).
When I was a kid my parents/teachers were concerned I may be autistic and I was pulled aside (they told me I was tested to check if I was gifted at the time). The teachers concluded I wasn’t autistic because I was talkative, but I remember feeling excited that I would be considered special or smart and was happy to talk to the teachers. I wonder if it was a misdiagnoses considering so many girls are undiagnosed or show different kinds of symptoms.
I was obsessed with plants and plant history, but I had little interest in having a garden. I don't have the attention span or the focus but I knew the "mythological" use of certain plants and collected books nonstop.
Also I did very terribly in school. I passed tests and showed I took in knowledge but ultimately I had no desire to be there because I didn't feel like it was valuable to me. I would skip classes, even knowing it was wrong and that I would get in trouble, because then I would be separated in a quiet room doing individual work. I was more likely to have meltdowns in class. I doubted I would graduate primary just because I had zero desire to be there after so many years.
It took 7 years to diagnose my autistic daughter, who didnt speak until she was 5, she was dismissed as "shy" by the professionals.
I was also placed next to the most disruptive student. Not only did I spend months beside the most annoying person I have ever met, I was also bullied because of it. I hate the teacher that did this and basically everyone that didn't do anything about it. Then they act surprised when I stopped going to school smh.
Thank you for sharing this. It made me realize that this was probably the moment I started to distrust "adults" and people that pretend to want to help you. I had already pushed the memory away.
I have my assessment on Monday and literally everything you said about sitting on your window sill singing about being an orphan rings through my soul. I did exactly the same thing with Annie! I was obsessed haha.
How did your assessment go? I'm very nervous for mine this week 😬
i find i get more help from younger doctors, i was with my family doctor for 30 years, he retired i had a new doctor who was very young, within 1 meeting he had said all these diagnosis of anxiety and depression are not right, he new from one meeting something was different and sent me on my path to understanding myself and life better. the same with older family, they find it hard to accept my autism, its almost as if they feel like they failed. its strange, but getting help and knowing about autism for the past year has been amazing and life changing, i feel like more women need to speak out about this, thanks for your video x
i have also spent my entire life imitating my favorite fictional characters. Being able to spend a lot of my time online growing up was nice when it came to coping because i could easily pretend to be that person online and no one knew different
Watching this video and I’m almost in tears, I’m pretty sure I’m autistic and am in the process of getting diagnosed and everything you talked about I experienced as a child. This makes me feel so validated
Good video, thank you for mentioning males/men falling through the gaps. I’m 52 and have booked a diagnosis appt. after spending the last month 2-8hrs a day looking at YT and autism, I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum were as before it was a slight suspicion.
I had almost fatal depression in my twenties and was treated by professionals but meds didn’t work CBT did for me. Anxiety is still with me. I was a passive shy child.
I hope ND gets seen in a better light and more often
As a therapist, this is the best personal-journey video about female-presenting autism I have seen. Very balanced and rooted in polite caveats. It is so easy for folks to say, "autistic boys are getting all the support" or "autistic girls get more mental health diagnoses" without qualifying these.
Even my female counterparts are hesitant to diagnose girls who are (to me) loaded with typical autism symptoms. Maybe there's a subconscious fear of the stigma, and people are more likely to try "solving problem boys" than putting such a scary label on an already struggling young woman. Dunno. But thanks!
You are destroying their lives, so they will be getting baby-talked to the rest of their lives.
I live in the US and am trying to get an autism evaluation (the medical system is so confusing lol). I keep going back and forth between "am I, am I not," but the description of a shy passive anxious child fit me to a T as a kid. I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 11 bc clearly something was going on, and I've gone my entire life feeling like that was accurate (and in the process being inadvertently taught how to socialize "correctly" when I would express feeling anxious and out of place in social situations). It blows my mind how all these years I've been incredibly privileged in receiving mental health treatment, but they still missed *so much*- like, is it normal for a child to just have an anxiety disorder? Why would you stop there and not look further into it? It's frustrating, but knowing that others with similar experiences have been clinically diagnosed gives me some hope that I will be too and can develop a stable/ accurate sense of identity on the other side of this
Thank you so much for this! My 9-year-old is in the process of being diagnosed with autism and so much of what you talked about rings true for her. For example, at around 3 she was super into the Disney movie Moana. But to the extent that she WAS Maui for literally months. Everyone had to call her Maui to the point where if an adult called her by her name other children would correct and be like "no that is Maui." Or, her present special interest in dragons. She knows everything about every class of dragons, different dragon universes and how they interact, and has created her own Myth Nation where her dragons live. It is quite elaborate. Other girls are interested in Moana or dragons, but this is just more and different. So, yes, thank you!
I got diagnosed with BPD in my late 20s. It was validating to get a diagnosis because I thought there was something wrong with me. But it didn’t seem to fit. I knew early on but as a kid that something was wrong. I kept blaming myself. I’ve looked into highly sensitive people, empaths. I’ve been seeking out therapy from the age of 20 (first two psychs didn’t seem to understand me and it wasn’t a good fit.) So I gave up for a while but I really struggled with substance use. & finishing my education. Transitioning into the workforce. I got diagnosed with substance use disorder. Before that it was depression, then anxiety, then major depressive disorder. Then social anxiety. I luckily found an amazing psychologist that helped me tremendously. I even told her after knowing more about autism that I identified with some of the characteristics. I actually told her. After meeting an autistic friend, & really hitting it off. That I found it so refreshing how honest & straight forward he was with me. How fascinated I was with the way his mind worked.I could relate to him & felt like we had a bond. How interesting our conversations were & I really attracted to him as a friend. So when I got diagnosed with BPD she transferred me to a specialist DBT therapist. Learning skills to cope with life. But I struggled so long not fitting in anywhere. Not being able to adjust securely to life. And thinking I was bad & wrong because of it.
I was Jo from Little Women. Or I felt like her. I had a highly formal speech to request the repair of my bicycle.
Just wanted to add...
As someone who was diagnosed late in life (age 27, now I'm 36.)
I had been your stereotypical autistic girl who had intelligence that did more harm. Than good in that I became something of a behavioural analyst around age 6 (before Criminal Minds had even been thought of) 😝
OK, more seriously now. Yes, my appetite and pickiness was INSANELY Intense as was my obsession with ballet. Throw in major upheaval at age 12 (moved to the US from Dubai) and of course, I didn't immediately realise I was hurting.
Long story short, I wound up dancing pre-professionally but the notions re:body line, overall body stuff in dance etc + my not-too-great eating habits (these did not help what came soon after I moved) from autism and, well... It was far easier to fall into the rabbit hole from hell that was 12 years of "chronic" anorexia.
Worse, with it, I didn't feel as odd about being picky. Anorexia made the autistic habits just make sense and worse, gave them over inflated egos (I'm more in control/this means I am better /I am closer to perfection). And that validation again rewarded the ED by obsessing more and my goodness, me ND numbers... Love!! But it did not bode well at the time.
OK, trying to not babble on, um, I'd say having an autism diagnosis and anorexia are not mutually exclusive.
So my ARFID wound up meeting the evil body image issue monster
Simply having issues with the food turned to a nastier thing. And since obsessing is one of my better skills (should put it on my CV) did I begin slowly and then exponentially hurdling towards full on anorexia and such intense body image problems my former self was almost forgotten? Yes.
I was diagnosed when i was 20 and the 5 years leading up to that were pretty bad. i was in and out of school, i wad depressed and had extreme anxiety attacks. but i couldn't get my doctor to understand the severity, because i was masking so frequently that i myself started to believe it wasn't that bad. i believed there were always someone suffering more than me, that what i went through was normal. but my mom helped me see the severity of my problems and i began to fight for a diagnosis and i finally got it.
now i have had my diagnosis for about a year and Im still struggling with accepting that i have the right to claim i have autism, and Im dealing with Family trouble cause i have always been the "healthy, happy, shy girl" in my family's eyes. so part of my Family cant understand my difficulties. and my father has a negative point of view regarding mental health trouble so he cant understand that sometimes i get anxiety attacks just from having to get on a bus.
but Im not giving up Im going to fight until i can relax more with being my beautiful autistic self.
but until then if anybody has some advice i would love to hear it
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Purple Ella: I adore your Star Trek shirt so much!! I have lots of Star Wars shirts myself as I’ve only seen A New Hope!! :)
Your videos have made me positive that I’m on the spectrum. I’m going to a psychologist for the first time in June to hopefully seek an official diagnosis. Thank you.
I suffered a lot of bullying as a child in a catholic infant school which luckily my granda took me out and put in a better school in Ashington. I was happy for a while going to school with my cousin but suddenly I moved with my family down South to London where my life got a lot worse where I ran away from home several times and was then sent to an child guidance clinic which was very upsetting. I also suffered a great deal of bullying at school and at the age of 12 I was taken out of school for two years which great disrupted my education. I was sent to a boarding for a year where I was unhappy and left without any qualifications.
I can relate to being sat next to the disruptive children.
So glad I found your channel. I have some family and friends with aspbergers. Hearing your personal
Experiences brings a lot of understanding. Thank you for helping support women with their health and happiness.
I grew up at first being myself, a bit headstrong and creative. Then I won the "Space Cadet of the Year" award in the 8th grade (at what was apparently supposed to be a comedic event where every 8th grader got some "funny" award). At that point, I started becoming extremely quiet and submissive. I also have a manic bipolar ADHD little brother, so I grew up feeling like I had to be the "good kid". Only now at the age of 39 after nearly 2 decades of being married to the most supportive and amazing man I could ever hope to meet, am I just now starting to let go of all the masking. But when I go home to see family and old school friends or meet my hubby's coworkers, I find myself hurled right back into the submissive quiet masking. Now I feel conflicted...stopping short of breaking laws or being disruptive in public places, shouldn't we have the same right to be ourselves that NTs have? I see my youngest son so desperate for friends and acceptance at school, and it's like seeing myself all over again (I even obsessively studied books on how to make friends and be popular). And I don't know how to help him understand that his peers are just as lost and floundering as he is and that it's better for him to be himself and not popular than to hide who he really is just to gain others' approval. It is SUCH a struggle because I still struggle with this too! I want to be myself, but I don't want to have only 3 people at my funeral someday (not to be too morbid here) either!
Would you rather have a few people who truly love you that show up or a lot of people who don't know you there?
I hear a lot of "disruptive children" get all the help. I was a disruptive child, but it was really because I was stressed, agitated and had no understanding of social norms. I only ever got negative attention and punishment, and i usually didn't understand why. So I also went through all the same things that Ella mentions, behind closed doors. Although maybe things have changed now! Perhaps it is a case of understanding if one child is abnormally quiet and if another is abnormally disruptive, and above that being able to understand that 'disruptive' kids aren't always asking for attention, sometimes they just don't know any better!
This makes so much sense, I'm obsessed with Pride and Predudice btw. Going through the diagnosis at 43 🤦♀️
I had the book memorized when I was 10-12. I’m 34 and only just thinking that I might be autistic.
i’m currently trying to document every piece of evidence i can that i show signs of ASD. i’ve been invalidated by nearly every dr in my life and i refuse to let it go unchecked this time. my life has come to a head and it’s all clicking together and i’m so terrified of bringing in my pages of research and quizzes and evidence and still being told im invalid. im diagnosed with 7 co-morbid disorders, including BPD, and i feel very strongly that i fit on the spectrum. i want so badly to understand why i’m so different and why i feel so alienated from others and why all of these things are wrong with me. i need this.
Thank you so much for this video!! I'm a woman in my mid-30s and have my first virtual (due to COVID) assessment next week. I've been feeling like diagnosis could really go either way or somewhere in between because I certainly don't have the stereotypical presentation I knew from male-dominated research and examples, but so many of the things I've struggled with in my life fit the overarching pattern of ASD (and/or ADHD, which I have already been diagnosed with but it doesn't seem to explain all of my struggles)
One of the things I know they will be assessing is repetitive behaviours and restricted interests (RRBI), and I thought, I'm not sure how that will go. I do and did get quite intensely obsessed with certain topics, and your examples led me to a lot of 'aha' moments as well - obsessions with Annie, Anne of Green Gables, how when I took ballet I studied all the French terms for body positions and wrote my friend from class letters about ballet over the summer...
But actually the biggest lightbulb for me was watching your mannerisms. I wasn't sure about whether I fit the "repetitive behaviours" trait. I thought about the autistic males I knew, one who would always fiddle with a Swiss multi-tool, another with a very unique and salient manner of blinking, and I wasn't sure I had anything like that...
And then in this video and saw you smoothing the end of your braid, in EXACTLY the same way I do when I wear a braid. Partway through the video I realised I was unconsciously tugging on and smoothing part of my own hair, being soothed by the sensory feedback. I remembered sitting in class, picking at a split end and running the tiny broken-off hair segment between my finger and thumb, feeling it vibrate across the ridges in my fingerprints. Now I feel like as a kid I kept searching for "mannerisms" or "habits" that my parents and teachers wouldn't stop me from doing, and perhaps eventually I learned that playing with my hair is something that society finds as socially acceptable for girls. People did still notice and tell me to stop sometimes, and I'd get embarrassed when they did, but as hard as I've tried, if I break a habit it just seems to get replaced with another.
Anyway, thank you, this is so helpful!
@@ginafield710 Diagnosed as Autistic! There didn't seem to be any doubt in the assessor's mind, which is so strange because my presentation is so covert and really hasn't been picked up by any other mental health or medical professional I've worked with. And I've worked with a fair few over a long period of time! But I suppose after 20 years of seeing the range of presentations and helping to inform the shifts in diagnostic criteria to include a wider range than the male-presentation stereotypes, my assessor knew exactly what to look for.
I cannot believe I am finally understanding my. Whole. life. At 36. It’s intensely eye opening and SO liberating. You ladies have shed a Spot light on recognizing autism in women..just watching your interactions, behaviors, mannerisms and hearing what you both have said. Down to a T, this is me. we even have similar physical features as well. Truly Eye opening!
Well, I found a new topic to obsess over. Time to learn everything! 😂
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I check what everyone else is eating so I know what is ok. And I had that exact same Anne phase😅. I'm the friend that will look to you when I don't know what to do(which is ALL the time), but if you're more anxious than me, my Mom friend override kicks in until I find someone else to take over.
OMG I said Anne of Green Gables b4 u did! And I still sing "The Sun Will Come Out Tmrw"! And I used to love to write n wanted to b a writer dancer, gymnist, psychologist, etc. I've been diagnosed with BPD LL but ASD explains me n my life to a T!
My 3 year old daughter has just recently been diagnosed with Autism. I feel very fortunate that her NP picked up on it because it never crossed my mind. She comes off as NT if you don’t know much about ASD. So, of course, it had me fall into a rabbit hole. I realized that I am also on the spectrum. I have an assessment in a week I would like a formal diagnosis because I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, GAD, CPTSD...and I feel like with every new Dr I see (military family. We move a lot), I have to, again, go into explaining things. It’s tiring. I feel like I deserve to be understood for once in my life.
no one thought my special interests were weird, i mean a girl who loves bts, the sims, and drawing would never concern anyone, it just seems like average teen girl interests
What a fantastic, educational and important video. I will definitely be sharing this with all of my friends and their partners who work in CAMS and various mental health roles because you are so right Ella! Thank you and thank you Ros for taking the time to make this thoughtful and detailed content for us all. 🔥🔥🔥
15:13 this was/is exactly me and what happend as i also got bullied but in camhs the doctor noticed signs of autism in me and I got a diagnosis and I’m forever greatful for him as nobody knows if I would have ever found out I was autistic or would I have gone on with depression and anxiety
Since I was old enough to actively watch tv I was always obsessed with animals. Animal Planet was on 24/7, I specifically remember telling my family that I don't like cartoons and ONLY want to watch things about animals. I would word-vomit tons and tons of miscellaneous facts about any animal someone brought up. I probably had every type of pet you could possibly have as a kid. My parents thought this was perfectly normal and that I just liked animals, and actively encouraged it.
And my interest hasn't changed as I've gotten older. I know so much info about the most random animals I'll never own, but I just love learning about them. I went to school for animal behavior because I adore being able to analyze, understand, and shape animal behavior; it just clicks for me. Currently working towards veterinary school.
I can relate with this so hard. I was obsessed with anything animal related I wouldn't watch anything else from the age of 7ish to 14ish animalplanet, weird channels on tv, gopro videos of people on farms, emergency vet stuff, then when I hit 14 I was the horse girl and I worked on a farm, had and rescued all the animals (I just have a kitty and a bearded dragon know) I would take my break at the farm to watch my programs on animal planet, I would eat the same food everyday (still do kinda) take the break at the same time, uhhhhf it can be exhausting and honestly i didnt even know that someone else experienced this until i read this comment. And when my routine got switched up I went in full blown melt down mode. Sorry for the rant but cheers and so glad you are gonna be a vet one day!!:)
Could this be a reason why I always get the same thing thing and I’m a afraid of change?
Yep, gotta love routine and consistency
When you talked about singing the music from Annie I just about started crying. I did that every day for about a year in 4th grade.
Doubt you'll read this but I'm 26 and my therapist/psychologist says that I'm definitely on the spectrum and wants me to get tested again
The moment you realize you've played 'what would Katie do' your whole life. o.O
Oh god I had a real jaw drop moment as this was described
I was obsessed with Phantom of the Opera when I was little. Painfully obsessed with it, to the point where I could sing every song word for word (badly, I'm partially deaf and cannot sing on key to save my life). I knew almost every line of dialouge in between. I would sing each part mimicking the singer, so I would try and deepen my voice to sing the Phantom's parts, and make my voice higher for Christine's. My family never thought that was odd.
Ella I love your style of delivery
I have recently been diagnosed with being on the spectrum and I’m 59.
I was that rare child I suppose that caused major trouble each year, to the point I was sent for testing to see if I wasn’t smart. It turned out I had quite a high IQ. What they missed was I was going through abuse at home and was acting out at school. Mostly I would play with the boys at recess.
I was definitely a loner most of the time and never felt like I was like the rest of the girls.
I have watched women my whole life to see how they behaved.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but in the 60’s, they didn’t check girls for Spectrum disorders.
I was also eventually diagnosed with anxiety disorder and anorexia.
My specials interests as a kid were Disney and Green Day. Both pretty normal-- so I understand how it went unnoticed.
Masking makes psychiatrists blind. The one I was at wrote „I saw no repetitive behavior such as flapping hands...“ I just think that he should have looked better. I played nervously with a bracelet and rock my foot. I naturally did what me asked me to do. I learned from my sister and acted like females in my surrounding. I was more forced to learn and hide then others, otherwise I’d not be a live.As a child I was interested in nature very much, and ghost stories. Nowadays Vampires 🧛♀️ joined that.Eating disorder I had, too.Now PTSD and some wrote about depression. So that „psychiatrist wrote hürhat there are issues over the „normal“ line which could mean that I’m in the spectrum but he preferred to put it all to my PTSD.selfinjuty was a big issue. Even when I was a child.I’ll work on my trauma referred issues and then try again. I don’t insist on getting an Autism-Diagnosis, but if my feelings are right, I’m in the spectrum and I can only get help in Autism-stuff with a diagnosis. Otherwise I should plan a bank robbery to pay “Autism therapy” - for life-skills.
I’ll download the infos, so that psychiatrists in 🇩🇪 get more awareness.
hey i tend to mask too and live in kaltland! you probably know more about autism that your therapists already, so your feelings are more valid than their assumptions. let's take back autism and neurodiversity in general from the medical system, things won't really change without that anyway...
I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD, and I'm 40... I was originally diagnosed with Anxious Personality Disorder, was investigated for Borderline.
worryworm I was diagnosed with ADHD five years ago but am coming to the realization that it’s more than that. Long story short, after research I strongly believe it’s Autism. I’m not sure if there’s benefit to being officially diagnosed in my middle age.
I thought all girls copied what they see on TV....I can 100% relate with Annie and Anne of Green Gables. I emulated this characters all the time and literally go through my day to day activities acting as if I was them (but still be me) when I’d interact with people. Interesting.
OMG Yes! I HATED being ALWAYS sat next to the disruptive kids. The few times I wanted to be social or at least try to make friends, I couldn't bc the only kids near me were the disruptive kids. I didn't even "keep them quite" like the teacher thought I would magically do. Those boys just threw paper balls over me at each other. Those rediculous seating assignments destroyed what little social skills I could have developed. Who else remembers and HATES when the teacher said "okay find a partner"! How the heck was I ever supposed to "find a partner" when the only children who sat around me were the disruptive boys, who refused to do the work, and would automatically put all the work on me!
I have been diagnosed with bipolar but I believe I'm actually just autistic. I notice that my moods (specifically anxiety and depression) correlate with stressors and exhaustion. It's tricky though bc bp symptoms can be impacted by sleep and stress. But alongside those symptoms, I've noticed that I mask, have (and have always had) pretty debilitating sensory issues that get worse with stress, practice conversations in my head before I have them, experience echolalia, have special interests, and as a kid I would mimic (read: assume the entire identity of) characters from tv shows that I liked. Another complicating factor is that I grew up with severe abuse and I learned to be hyperaware of others' emotional states. This preoccupation with the need to read people's emotional states in order to determine my safety took away my ability to explore my identity and interests as a child. I used to think I lacked an identity because of my abuse, but I've also heard that lacking an identity can be an autistic thing. So it's really perplexing to sort through, but I truly think it's autism. I've also noticed that I have a lot of internalized ablism that causes me to overwork myself to preform like others so I don't ask for help when I need it. The older I get however, the more likely I am to prioritize my mental health and self care bc the consequences of burn out are becoming less easy to recover from -- which is a good and a bad thing I suppose
The module sounds great!!
My father thought I was on the spectrum because he is as well. Unfortunately, I've never had a particularly good experience with mental health professionals and my experience with doctors is only a bit better. He has a massive distrust as well. After a botched ADD diagnosis where the doctor spent less than 30 minutes with us and it turned out that she was diagnosing everyone the same, there were no more interventions.
Ive been Diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, Panic Disorder, and CPTSD. Now Im just like Jeez guys. Guess what else I probably have that effectively emcompasses basically everything else except CPTSD. At this point Im not looking for another diagnosis, especially since I live in the midwest and it can be extremely difficult to get one as a 20yo woman here. I just want to understand myself and figure out some coping strategies.
I was tested for it in the early 80s but it was determined I wasn't. What's come out about autism in girls since then makes it really hard to ignore the possibility they got me wrong.
Whata gothic vibe! There is a loud clock and a ghost cat/dog in the background! :O
oh... it's a fishtank
I loved Annie and Anne of Green Gables too.
13:36 the squeaky wheel gets the grease, or in Japan the nail that sticks out gets the hammer
My special interests are in mycology, botany, medical literature with emphasis on Orthomolecular medicine and immunology.
As a child, it was botany, geology, ancient Egypt, LOTR, making audio stories on cassette (starting age 4/5), writing and reading. The LOTR obsession was morbid, Lmfao.
I was referred to mental health services throughout my childhood and early adulthood which honestly wasn’t helpful. I was finally diagnosed with autism (specifically Aspergers) at the age of 21 and everything clicked into place and life has been a lot easier since. I have however been diagnosed with depression which I’m on meds for and have an eating disorder which causes me to binge eat (I do not have Belima).
I used to be obsessed with Annie too! 🤣
I can’t wait to see the new module! 😃
Where can I go to get a diagnostic?
What is the usual process for autistic diagnosis as an adult? Is there any tests you take as part of diagnosis? Thank you for this video! :)
13:15 OMFG THEY DID THIS TO ME TOO. EXCEPT IT WAS LIKE TEN KIDS NOT JUST ONE. they took me away from my friends and put me, alone, specifically in the bully class. the other one was okay. they were trying to hurt me
Just to address the eating disorder bit... Everyone with a eating disorder will mostly, if not only, think about that and it will consume their lives in many different ways and they will intellectualised and gather facts which is part of the illness. The difference, in my opinion; between someone neurotypical and someone with asd who both have an ED is that for instance my own example is that I had gathered all the documentaries and videos in french and english about ED that I could find and watched them over and over and over again completely obsessing over listening about ED from as many people as possible and from every angle, experience, places etc possible, which is something I haven't really that much seen in my friends with ED that focus more on the avoidance of eating, burning calories, reaching certain goal etc your typical symptoms...I didn't have that at all, but I did create a huge catalogue of all the videos available on youtube on that subject, that intense cataloguing of information is not always present, they all gather some sort of informations but only a few have it an obsession on knowing more and more .. so for me my ED was really my special interest, but for the majority their ED is just their only interest, does that make sense? (I'm not trying to say that I don't believe what you said on that matter, I'm just trying to explain why I think the majority of people with an ED do not have ASD, although it is probably, as you said, more represented than in the general population, that's for sure)
I agree that not all people with an ED have ASC, but in this video I was discussing autism and eating disorders so focussed on that area.
Getting a diagnosis for autism is extremely difficult especially if you are a woman and older. Oftentimes young autistic girls are overlooked and just thought to be a little quirky
Does Ros have her own channel?
yes, thank you, thank you so much.. this is exactly what i needed to hear right now..we are in a terrible situation..the worst possible ..but we have to wait months for any help..it's a complete crisis..borrowed money to get a therapist just for the short term now, have to save for a private assessment..so worried in case that assessment won't show the behaviour and emotions..i don't know how much longer we can last like this.. my heart goes out to those single parents who have no family to help or rely on and getting little or inadequate support at school, it's heartbreaking to see your kids suffer when you know what the issue is but have to wait for interventions.. no one listened to me, until my child actually vomited all over her school uniform from sheer anxiety. should we put kids in this position and then tell them but the local authority and the government want your full attendance at school in the meantime, whilst you wait years for assessment!?..
Question, if I'm a guy who was mainly friends with girls in my childhood, is it possible that I learned to mask like a girl?
I’ve started to wonder if purging excessively could also have been a form of stimming because I did that through exercise which is seen as a typical thing to do, but sometimes it was about food most of the time it was an attempt to regulate my emotions. Has anyone ever experienced this before being diagnosed with autism?
I still do that ordering after others...waiting and saying I'll have what she/he is having. Used to drive my best friend nuts.
Thank you so much for your reply Purple Ella! NAS has excellent resources! I can't seem to find out if the modules in NAS are free of charge or if there is a fee to pay to access the modules. Would you be able to tell me please?
Oh my Yes that was me I was sat next to all the most disturbing children in school and I also played sick a lot.
I haven't been diagnosed with a spectrum disorder but I'm currently going through the process. I've struggled for years with this 😂 I literally used to copy youtubers. I used to think they were so cool and I'd want to act just like them and do my makeup like them to the point i was potentially somebody different every few months 😂😂 I always thought my friends didn't like me because I wasn't sure how to act round them at all and would come out in the most awkward ways 🙈 I was totally obsessed with ancient Egypt from about the age of 8 or 9 😂
the character I chose to imitate was Tuvok