here i was thinking "wow if a_lilian were to have told this to my 16 year old self, i would have been much happier sooner" and then i started crying for some reason, how weird
It's Grief for your past self. I cry my eyes out thinking how different I would be if my dad wasn't such a piece of shit to me as a child. How I would like to hug that kid. Thing is, I actually can, because it's always there, just masked and hidden from years and years of social conditioning.
if a_lilian had told this to my 16 year old self, that kid wouldn't process a word they said cause she was practically a zombie at that point lol. Like, I was locked-in on that masking grindset
This is an insanely good video. "I'd rather have someone's indifference or contempt than the menace of their conditional tolerance" hit me like a truck
But I'm actually serious, listen to and feel your literal physical heart, it's pretty close to your real identity. (Since your identity literally depends on the oxygen supply it supplies)
I have seen a bunch of your videos and i feel really sad for your condition. I can only Say that i am proud of what you accomplished and if i could i would give you a hug
The more I've lived through life, the more and more I've come to realize that the childhood/adulthood roles are usually reversed. Normally, people think that you're supposed to figure your stuff out while you're a child, fomenting an idea of all your "passions" and "social functioning" to carry into your entire adult life. But... When we're smol we aren't really that aware of us or our surroundings, so in a way, its really hard to figure out what we're actually passionate about, much less what or how social functioning is or works. So, due to the expectations placed upon us, we rush. We quickly scaffold our way into the median average, without much of a clue as to what or even where the scaffolding is. And then we just sort of slowly fill in all the missing gaps, presenting ourselves as some sort of Pavlovian mass hard baked into place by the fires of our trauma. By the time we escaped the child zone... We've usually built ourselves up high enough that we've somehow managed to fit the idea of someone who's figured it out! But, well, we clearly haven't figured it out, its a daunting task to "figure it all out" in our lives, much in just a couple of emotionally vulnerable years! However, as we get older and reach the tax age (adulthood), we start becoming more and more aware of ourselves and the world around us! Most people simply keep on going as they did in childhood, their mask effectively assuming their position. Some people cannot bear the weight of their mask and become crushed under it. However, with new found self awareness, some people start looking inward, reflecting upon their lives and wondering if they are truly satisfied in the moment! So, well, if we look internally for long enough, we will inevitably find light streaming from our cracks in the outer super structure, suggestions that there's something more beyond it. In a way, we were too strong, too bright for even us to defeat ourselves! By using these cracks as the starting point, we can slowly chip away at it, the mask. We can take these chips, analyze and understand them, track down where they were built from the early moments in our lives. Even if we can't understand ourselves, we can definitely understand the labyrinth we've trapped ourselves into! And then... Well... It mostly depends from person to person. Some methodically deconstruct their outer wall brick by brick; Some let the feels media they resonate with slowly erode it away; Some rely on others and slowly learn to open themselves up through mutual understanding; Some even manage to just shatter it through brute force! I myself only managed to tear off some small chunks away from the complex system of self judgment I used to mask myself, only to repurpose them into a Von Neumman probe style backdoor of automatic and systematic mask self deconstruction! It doesn't matter how you reach it or how long it takes you, no matter your circumstances you can do it! Upending all of the intricate locks we've put ourselves into during our childhood is possible! Trust me when I tell you that learning to express the things you truly appreciate is a wonderful thing! So, appreciate the self discovery! Appreciate the self limit breaking! Appreciate punching the inner and outer demons! Appreciate the connections we have and the ones we will have! Thank you lilian, you continue to be an inspiration for me as a enbie and a person! It gets better! Even if our struggles may seem eternal, know this. In the future, one day, we'll figure it all out, and then we'll be ok!
Some extra thoughts I didn’t address that I realized are important (I don’t need sleep I need feels!) While I mostly talked about “Breaking the mask” in my long… Something in between a rant and a speech. Another important thing is that… Well, what we know as the “Mask” simply refers to the sort of mindspace our consciousness inhabits, an interface between our senses and whatever the heck “I” is would be an appropriately autistic way to put it! So… In a way, we do need this mindspace which is normally occupied by our mask in order to understand and react to the world around us, its what grounds us to our understanding of reality! And while the understanding of reality we build up as a child and carry into adulthood is going to be scuffed and form into an idea of our mask. And we do need to break this scuffed understanding of reality up. We also can’t just leave it a broken and wartorn wasteland! That’s why the other important bit I think we have to do is rebuild! Slowly identify the parts of our mindspace we identify with, and use them as tools to reconstruct our understanding! In a way I suppose, its being able to use all of your adult understanding to build a way of interacting with the world that you’re truly comfortable with. Truly feeling yourself within yourself! I hope this extra added bit here was useful, appreciate the struggle to be better than oneself nya! (I’m sorry if I scuffed anything up in this extra bit, sleep deprivation inspires my writing depths but is atrocious for my grammar!)
@@Pydots You might be interested in reading on C.G.Jung's concept of persona (which literally refers to a theatrical mask in Latin), as he described essentially this very concept. Jung also outlines how persona can both disrupt or nourish our psychological development based on how we use it.
"It didn't feel like I was masking, I felt like I was sneaking in to steal horderves" beautiful, I love that framing I was legit talking earlier today about how figuring out how much of what you do is for society and how much of it is just for you is like trying to lay the tracks for the train you are currently riding.
ugh this is genius i've been trying to figure how to describe this feeling as I unmask because I can't tell what's the performative parts and what's authentic... Ive been thinking about the train quote all day
I'm afraid that there is hardly anything underneath my mask anymore. It's been so ingrained into me from all my special education classes and counseling for so long, I no longer know what lies beneath. Everyone I know only knows my mask, because in the past when I let it slip I was hated for it. It seems that love and acceptance are only granted conditionally based on the way I act, so the person underneath who was neither loved nor accepted simply left. Now, only the mask, who is well liked and respected, remains.
If that's the case and you are that at the bottom of the pit, why not trying a lot of different masks until one feels more like you. That includes of course trying things you've never did or thought of doing. Maybe that way you'll find at least one thing or two that makes you feel like you and get you in your own self again. Its just an opinion, and maybe a little too much optimistic but it may work
Here's the issue, the self of self, the ego, is just a story that a person tells themselves, but ultimately isn't real. Any conception of self is not real. The real self is impossible to comprehend as a mortal. The issue with rampant masking is with synchronicity across aspects. I'd wager the masks you have play well with other humans. Ever play well with your own heart beat? The wind? A tree? I play well with the wind and I'm a complete freak for it. Ultimately a mask is an identity, which itself is a story of self. What do you want in your story? What kind of story do you want to hear?
Try to accept that each mask is you, even if they wouldn't act in a way "you would" if you put them on. Ultimately, you created them to, I assume, please others / be tolerable / get by. Try to recognise that when communicating or doing something, caring for yourself and setting boundaries against things that hurt is okay. If you can't because e.g. family or school isn't supportive, try to make / find a place where you can set boundaries for yourself, no matter what mask you use. Alarm bells will probably ring, but that's exactly why you do it in a 100% safe place with 100% safe people. Like a close friend maybe? A therapist?
I honestly had to re-live my whole childhood as an adult and then I suddenly felt the need to let go after getting all the things I wanted, watching/reading things I once loved, remembering my hyperfixations instead of forcing myself to be the person everyone would be proud of,,,, esp my parents
I know this feeling. Even though I'm 31, I've spent most of my life trying to please others. I haven't had much success with it, I don't know what I want to do for a living, and I don't know what kind of people I want to be close to. I often look out the window at the playground across the street at the different groups of people having fun together and wonder what it would be like to fit in and be yourself, without even trying, just like them. I've managed to make at least a few friends a few years ago who I play DnD with online. But even with them, I'm not sure I'm always genuine. It's like just having people around me somehow affects me - I always feel like I'm on stage. But I think we should keep trying to be more authentic. Even if it takes many years, maybe even most of our lives, we owe it to ourselves. And it's worth the pain of life. Sorry for my bad English.
About ten years ago, i was in a support group for fellow peeps with ASD. I really didn't find it super useful since it was just enforcing the notion of slamming a circle into a square hole for jobs sort of deal. There was this one man in his 60s at the time, said similar things as you did in this video. He was like "there will be times were you get mad at others for understanding you, there will be times where you feel like you have to hide your real self all the time, other times were you'll be frustrated at yourself. These are all normal things to feel. And don't let any of these suits tell you how to think and feel. You are your own person." I was glad that I met him that one time. It made me realize that masking isn't always going to be the best way to cope with our need for things to be in control. I've also found as you get older, you tend to find more people that share similar interests as you do and that's the key to making friendships. Commonalities aren't a bad thing to have. It is always funny being called stylish while NB because half the time I am like I R POTATO in a baggy outfit that I stole the concept from by looking at photos from the 1940s work wear lol.
"I learned how to say hello, by saying it in a two-note way and carrying the O" STOP WAIT NO DON'T DO THAT DON'T READ ME TWICE IN A ROW ONCE IN THE INTRO AND ANOTHER HERE AH
the outro was literally poetry "you dug your fingers in so tight that you made cracks you could hold onto" ok shakespeare thanks for describing the neurodivergent experience in a single video🤯
7:53 "Maybe a mask is just a layer of network protocol that is necessary to operate in a social system." I like this way of putting it. That is how I view my mask. It's a bit of a silly dance sometimes, and I refuse to build it up too much - but I've grown to appreciate it, as a tool facilitating easier communication with neurotypicals.
This is a beautiful video. I feel really guilty at work when I mask, but thinking of it as a shield instead of lies; genius. I'm 39 and only just got an autism diagnosis. I've been trying to unmask for over a decade now. It's slow going. I can't stop every time i do something and contemplate "am i doing this to interact more easily?" One kinda distressing thing i noticed is there's like some kind of scrutinizing thought process in my mind that looks at things from an (imagined) NT perspective, even if i'm alone. I used to mask for no one, to no benefit, and at great mental load. I've mostly stopped that i think. But i'd like to mention that for others looking to reduce masking loads swiftly.
your metaphors and editing choices are very strong. I have only just realised that while I thought my mask was rather thin, the real mask has been staying at home when I really would have liked to be there. Brick by brick, the walls of my own home became the place I retreat to, the place where I cannot be rejected because I cannot be seen. At some point in time, I convinced myself that I would rather be alone, when that simply isnt true. I think unmasking is particularly hard in that case, since putting yourself out there is much larger from the zero contact position than removing just one bit of learned protocol to check what would happen. Also, still havent figure out a way to go out in public without kindly old ladies wanting to touch my shoulder or arm. I might go for wearing punky spikes, for the performance and directness if it all, but also its hot as fuck and wearing spikes would mean more clothing to get sweaty underneath.
I’m like 87% sure I’m cis, and I’m not even sure how neurodivergent I am, but I greatly appreciate this video for being supportive of “being yourself” while not watering it down to such a meaningless phrase. Being oneself is difficult for many, many people, albeit for some more so than others (understatement of the decade), and I feel that this video does a wonderful job of presenting an experience in that venture while not being comparative or even giving specific advice that may not be applicable. It seems like every video in this vein tries to be too narrow and ends up alienating some groups in the process. I feel only hope and encouragement from this, as I have in your previous videos, and I think that’s wonderful. I also didn’t know or forgot that we’re almost the same age, and it’s reassuring to hear the experience of someone else just entering their 30s and trying to figure things out.
Masks are so interesting because recently I found that even those parts of me are still me as much as I hate to admit it😅. Personality is very diverse after all!
I love the whimsical wisdoms you've built for yourself it's so kind, nurturing, and freeing and yet realistic the honest dance with your experiences is very inspiring maybe you're not a master of it yet, but i love the ideals you're setting out
I fucking love the graffiti/skateboarding/drag metaphor. Those are indeed things that don't really care about what might be moral for society or "the right thing" to do at one place, and just do their own thing. And it's amazing. For skateboarding: it's moving freely through the roughest paths of a city. For graffitti: it's to manifest artistically no matter the legal implications. And for drag: it's to make your own thing when it comes to gender, no matter what others think of it. I find some points of each of these can apply to eachother. Gotta love stuff that break the box of societal expectations and "rightness". Great video, lilian. Keep on walking y'all. :)
Unmasking is a hard process. I used to be a very kinda "helpful" person. And I still am if all hell breaks loose. Ill jump in the fire if help is 100% needed and no one can help other than me. But the 2 and a half years I now spent in retail plus being on ADHD meds made me change ALOT. Made me a lot more "selfish" or rather concious of how much my willingnes to be of help was used by others. I am still polite. Still trying my best to be of help to customers. But if stuff comes up and I know there are others to help, I aint the first to jump anymore and I say why, when they ask. I no longer care to keep up the appearance of "I wanna be of help" to fit in. To keep the store in check. To make sure everything works out. Cause it lead to me putting everything on my back while everyone else could live a carefree life. And I aint even the fucking manager lmao. Masks have a place. They are like white lies. Present when you need them to be. But you should never let them rule your life. A white lie is used to ensure that someone else doesnt feel pain. So you can ease them into the truth later on. But that later on has to arrive eventually. Same as the mask needing to be dropped. It has to happen. It just has to.
This is an amazing video that cuts deep on this crumbling mask of mine. A mask I donned to shield myself from medical and emotion turmoil. I told myself once my physical health was managed I would remove it and face my problem. However, years past and I only grew more hollow, and yet I desperately clung to the mask telling myself I wasn't ready. Scared to face who I truly was. Finally I have resolved to remove it. Bit by bit I have been chipping away at it, and with it I've taken time to nurturing my self that I left withering behind the mask. Soon I will have the voice to say it, but I will still need the confidence to speak it.
"Masking as graffiti" is a VERY apt description for why I liked social interactions in high school so much. It felt like I knew how to play the game, and play it in a way that expressed me. I fit in, I was weird. I was self-conscious, I was confident. It was fun. I liked the masks I made. I lost that somewhere along the way, opting to hide and play it safe. Your musings remind me of my own internal monologues -- just a lot more hopeful and seeing the forest as well as the trees. Thanks for writing and recording these.
Very good video. Especially the segment "masking as graffiti" I really like. I like how you called societal nonconformity "wrong for your own enjoyment".
I discovered this channel almost a week ago, and not only are the perspectives on autistic masking fantastic, but It's also made me realize that I'm nonbinary. Thank you so much, Lilian
-you're telling me you say hello like the sega jingle?- honestly, i'm barely a quarter through and the puppet metaphor hit way too close to home and, i'm probably gonna get some flack for this, but two of the main ways i began to cut down on masking were attending a furry convention and seeing a fellow friday night funkin' fan on the ride home from my summer job
This video was so good, and I really needed to hear it today. As someone who regularly needs a mask in order to be safe at home, I especially loved the "using a mask as a shield" part. Instead of feeling dragged down by the last remnants of the mask I can't leave behind, it'll instead be the shield that keeps me safe, independent from who I really am. Thanks again for the wonderful video!
I’ve just finished both of your new videos and once the second one ended I found myself sitting still. Like I just woke up from a lovely dream and I didn’t want that dream to end so I sat still trying to hold onto that feeling for as long as possible. I wish I could print your videos out and put them on my walls as reminders that there are other people who feel the same way I do and I’m not the only one going through this journey. I guess thank you for letting me know that I’m doing all right that’s what I needed to hear❤❤
I donlt know how i foudn this channel, but, this cuts deep. the Oxidation part in particular caught me. Sometimes i find myself subconciously judging others, before realizing I probably didn't fit into my own judgements. Then i started which thoughts were my own, and which ones were 'given' to me. It's, a long process, trying to sort between your own thoughts and thoughts you've been taught to follow.
Several times throughout watching this video I found myself disappointed that I have already pressed the like button, because I wanted to press it again.
just yesterday night i realized that i begin to unmask when i'm sleep deprived, and that made me really happy to have figured out since i haven't found another way to unmask yet.
Absolutely amazing video, also I didn’t know the way I said hello was abnormal until you pointed it out and now I have no idea how I didn’t notice it sooner. I do basically the same thing to what you’re describing. Whenever I greet someone I know well I say “well met” or some other antiquarian term instead. You’re videos are the best depiction of autism I’ve ever encountered on the internet. I hope you have an amazing day and life
Well met. Honestly the best greeting possible. To think I thought 'Hail fellow traveller' was good. Certainly a step up from 'I acknowledge your presence, humanoid.' (look, it just came out that way. yes, it was the HR manager. no, it did not help.)
"I'd rather have someone's indifference or contempt than the menace of their conditional tolerance" I needed to hear this and I'm probably going to need to tell it to myself a couple hundred times before I really get it.
Every time, your videos are so incredibly relatable! Identifying masks, unmasking, learning to love what's underneath, and still, learning what to do with those masks, It has been as lonely of an experience as it can get here. But now, every new friendship made where I have the courage to be myself, is one that actually feels like a connection. There's a weird and unknown Future now, where before there was just Stasis.
A_lilian, you silly crow, you moth, you Encouragable Rascal. You nyctophile, you pluviophile. Thanks so much for making this video, it helps people similar to yourself more than you'll ever know :3 Good luck to you and please make more content like this. Great use of VRC for the visuals too, lmk if you need a VRC friend, I'm on often
This whole video is great. The little part at 8:50 really got to me. I've struggled a lot with depression and anxiety and sometimes it feels pointless to keep going sometimes. But hearing from someone else that it can get better does lift my spirits a little, especially when they've felt the things I've felt. Thank you for making this video lilian, it really means a lot to me. Maybe I will find the way forward too. For now I'll just keep walking.
portraying gender as graffiti/art, and the quote of "the only way you could think to paint (the wall) was either all pink or all blue" was a very cool analogy. invisible public infrastructure
This video has done an unfathomably great job at taking complicated thoughts and wordless feelings and bringing them to understandable terms. Thank you.
thank you for making this video and sending your message out to the world! my younger teen self would've loved to hear all this, so I imagine it must be just as good for the current teens out there! this message reminds me of my favorite poem: "I too am not a bit tamed....I too am untranslatable, I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world" - Song of Myself, Leaves of Grass, by Walt Whitman
Holy i think i say Hello in the same way LOL that hit, at least with how you described it idk Also I love your videos so much, they feel so sincere and welcoming. I recently unsubscribed from a ton of youtubers because I went away to college and I didn't want as many distractions, but I kept notifications on for your videos because they feel different somehow, not a distraction but actually valuable
Your videos are always lovely, and moving, and deeply thoughtful, and really help me start processing a lot of stuff (including stuff I thought I'd already figured out more than I actually had). Thank you so much for making them
thank you for the wonderful video!! it’s so comforting to hear someone share their experience like this. the metaphors you use are really insightful, i loved the social infrastructure and shield ones. i also just love your video style in general!
thank you for all that you do lilian. i want my mask to belong to me. right now it feels like its in the hands of other people and its as though my own feelings aren’t a part of the equation. contorting myself for someone else’s approval out of fear of rejection. i do not want to become complacent in doing that. thank you for giving me a sparkle of hope. this video would have made me cry a year ago when i first reentered college after a 3 year gap, but now after learning how the people perceived my real self and laying bricks, through all the bricks it is hard to cry.
this video was very comforting to me. i've slowly been learning to unmask and it's nice to see a video i can empathize with. i really liked the part where you thanked the masks for serving you when you needed them. it was something i never would have thought to acknowledge but it's an important kindness to my past self.
Thank you so much for finishing the video on such a life-affirming note of aspecting your physicality, lilian! I mean, yea you're just expressing your thoughts, but also, as a youtuber with a community of like-minded individuals, you talking about integrating the self and the body will impact people's lives, even if only for a small bunch and just a little. For all the talks about puppets or flesh mechs (or even 'meat suits'), we are not born *into* our bodies, but *with* them; we form as the self-- as the subjects -- inside them, _and_ as an integrated *part* of our unique brains and bodies. They are in a way their own entities that synergize with you, but it is a part of you. It's like riding a horse, in a way. There is no contentment, no happiness in objectifying your horse, downplaying or neglecting its vital needs. You have to understand it to have a better grasp on it. Mind and body are connected, and to flourish emotionally, mentally, and physically, one should embrace that connection -- not distort their own thinking by objectifying their physical aspect. A human body is the continuation of the self as much as the self is its continuation.
Thank you so much for making videos like this, they've helped me alot to understand myself better. “man just like me frfr” But like seriously, they gave me the language/ explanation to the things that's happened in my life and I appreciate it. Take care internet person
I don't usually comment on videos, but just the whole part about using masking as a way to steal hors d'oeuvres got to me man. I remember as a kid sometimes pretending to be a spy or a conman trying to infiltrate enemy lines, maybe I should go back to that, maybe I should start doing kickflips off railings again.
I really appreciate thus video a lot. Especially the final point. Really visually interesting and it feels kind of nice to hear about masking as a shield.
Absolutely excellent video! Top tier advice for individuality that so many need to hear! Thank you dearly for providing your insights and experiences, as this video clearly took a lot of work, time and dedication to not just tell a story, but to tell it with unfolded excellence! Your work does wonders for so many people, please don't forget that!
Ive actually started unmasking myself too since i got in a friend group who accept me for who i am which is really nice. Thank you for your amazing video, ill try to use some of your tactics in my own life :3
That's it! I was already hooked from a while back, but you've done it now Every little minute moment from here on out that I remember this I am sure that I'll be recommending someone else to check this channel. I am considering myself a fan from today onwards!!
"When you stop people-pleasing, people stop being pleased." Ouch. As a neurotypical (as far as I'm aware) person, it feels... wrong in a way to relate to this video, and yet I do. I can't relate to the individual experiences, but I can relate to the general feeling behind it. I can relate to needing to hide parts of me behind a mask, even if not all of me. The experiences I had as a kid in school gave me a horribly skewed concept of what is socially acceptable. It got so bad that even though the last time I was laughed at for it was in second grade and even though my highschool dorm roommates were chatting about the topic, I was afraid to admit that I even merely existed near a girl, lest I be bullied off the face of the earth for daring to allow anything remotely close to a romantic relationship. It got so bad that I was always prepared to beg and plead for forgiveness if I were to make the tiniest mistake, as I was used to _needing_ to do so to not be hurt physically for it. The most ironic part of it all is, this half-mask of sorts, this puppet that I only call to my aid when I sense potential danger, has actually put me in _worse_ situations once I made my way out of that hole. People disliked the puppet more than me, they hated my mask and liked the real face behind it, which I struggled to believe for the longest time. It took me a long time to notice that the way the mask hurt my face as I wore it was not making my friends any happier, and was in fact hurting _them_ as well.
Hahaha hours? What if you couldn't put it off at home? Because your parents would judge you for it. You don't know how friends react (because you don't understand subtleties of socialising and have terrible anxiety) so you don't unmask to them anyways, there is noone who knows you and to even go on career wise you have to keep it on. The only moments where you can pull it off are those precious moments of complete loneliness (My autism experience, it sucks)
This video is so insanely helpful, and it was so nice to hear that someone else struggles with the same thing I struggle with. Often, when I mention these struggles to people around me or my parents, they don’t get it at all. (Although, my other neurodivergent friends understand me, and my sisters too) It was comforting to watch this video! I think maybe from now on, I will try my best to learn who I am deep down. I’ve been discussing with my therapist about masking and also people pleasing and just not knowing who I am anymore other than the persona I put on, and we’ve been trying our best to help me figure out who I am underneath! It is hard especially for me, since I’m an actor. I play these parts a bit too successfully and I get too into them, and I’ve let them consume me. I’ll figure out who I am! I’ll use my masking as a shield that I can wield whenever I need it! I’ll let me express my true self when I can!
In my head whenever I hear you or think about you you're nickname/identifier is miss knight, though to me you're more like a wandering knight protecting their ideals and helping others, breaking away from the traditional knights who serve others and follow the normal path, you're able to go with the other knights though, when you want to, putting on fancy armor rather than your battle worn and comfortable armor, appearing noble and elegant not to hide but to exaggerate only one part of you. Of course this isn't you necessarily more a character I created around your character and your self, I just thought to share cause I loved the video
I'm still relatively young and have been living as a neet for some years now, so I've yet to be forced into a context where I've had to truly confront the necessity for masking, for better or worse. I've been able to get by so far mostly through passive engagement with the outside world, and while that has left me rather detached, the alternative has always been inexplicably frightening. I've always been obsessed with "authenticity", and felt that if I wasn't comfortable with being myself then I may as well not engage at all. I've always been deeply concerned with how others perceive me and feel a compulsion to avoid establishing false preconceptions about myself, though ironically staying silent and passive only comes with its own set of preconceptions. There's a certain paralysis sets in whenever I even so much as think about trying to interface with others, and it feels as if the path forward is drenched in darkness and uncertainty. That said, I think you have beautifully captured what I had been so afraid of while providing a light at the end of the tunnel for how to deal with it. I don't really know what more to say other than that this perspective resonated with me very deeply, and I hope I will be able to put this information into practice in the future. Thank you so much.
The cinematography gets better with every video! Also for those of you struggling with masking, you got this. One day you'll find so much happiness, and you'll know the struggle was worth it.
i love love masking as graffiti. wow. is it like when you walk up to a friend and say “hello good sir!” and they say “top of the morning to you madam!” and you’re both in this stupid silly scene pretending to be humans! i am so much more comfortable doing that than genuinely saying hello
here i was thinking "wow if a_lilian were to have told this to my 16 year old self, i would have been much happier sooner" and then i started crying for some reason, how weird
yeah. weird. probably I totally didn't do that. three times. probably.
It's Grief for your past self. I cry my eyes out thinking how different I would be if my dad wasn't such a piece of shit to me as a child. How I would like to hug that kid. Thing is, I actually can, because it's always there, just masked and hidden from years and years of social conditioning.
o.o i'm my 16 year old self
if a_lilian had told this to my 16 year old self, that kid wouldn't process a word they said cause she was practically a zombie at that point lol. Like, I was locked-in on that masking grindset
@@silloishere same lets be happier sooner
This is an insanely good video. "I'd rather have someone's indifference or contempt than the menace of their conditional tolerance" hit me like a truck
Yeah, I really felt that one
brick by brick
TOCKY BY TICK
NO MATTER HOW THIN
NO MATTER HOW THICK
PAPA TOLD MAMA
AND LAURA TOLD NICK
YOU CAN MOVE A MOUNTAIN
IF YOU DO IT BRICK BY BRICK
tick tock heavy like a brinks truck shining like a wrist watch
@@GibbousTT as a tf2 fan, this is horrifying to read.
The cs188 vid has done irreparable damage to my psyche
Some folks worked on a project to restore the lego island soundtrack uncompressed. Its pretty sick
Why mask for points when you can mask for fun?
why use coins for money when you can do sick tricks with em?
Thanks
But I'm actually serious, listen to and feel your literal physical heart, it's pretty close to your real identity. (Since your identity literally depends on the oxygen supply it supplies)
@@ecotanimate4149 hit game character hatsunemiku from ultrakill coin tricks?!?!?
I have seen a bunch of your videos and i feel really sad for your condition.
I can only Say that i am proud of what you accomplished and if i could i would give you a hug
NOOOOOOO STOP NARRATING MY LIFE IN THE FIRST 15 SECONDS OF THE VIDEO STOPPPPPP
I had to come back to it a few days later after the first 15 seconds hit me like a truck!
The more I've lived through life, the more and more I've come to realize that the childhood/adulthood roles are usually reversed.
Normally, people think that you're supposed to figure your stuff out while you're a child, fomenting an idea of all your "passions" and "social functioning" to carry into your entire adult life.
But... When we're smol we aren't really that aware of us or our surroundings, so in a way, its really hard to figure out what we're actually passionate about, much less what or how social functioning is or works.
So, due to the expectations placed upon us, we rush. We quickly scaffold our way into the median average, without much of a clue as to what or even where the scaffolding is. And then we just sort of slowly fill in all the missing gaps, presenting ourselves as some sort of Pavlovian mass hard baked into place by the fires of our trauma. By the time we escaped the child zone... We've usually built ourselves up high enough that we've somehow managed to fit the idea of someone who's figured it out!
But, well, we clearly haven't figured it out, its a daunting task to "figure it all out" in our lives, much in just a couple of emotionally vulnerable years!
However, as we get older and reach the tax age (adulthood), we start becoming more and more aware of ourselves and the world around us! Most people simply keep on going as they did in childhood, their mask effectively assuming their position. Some people cannot bear the weight of their mask and become crushed under it. However, with new found self awareness, some people start looking inward, reflecting upon their lives and wondering if they are truly satisfied in the moment!
So, well, if we look internally for long enough, we will inevitably find light streaming from our cracks in the outer super structure, suggestions that there's something more beyond it. In a way, we were too strong, too bright for even us to defeat ourselves!
By using these cracks as the starting point, we can slowly chip away at it, the mask. We can take these chips, analyze and understand them, track down where they were built from the early moments in our lives. Even if we can't understand ourselves, we can definitely understand the labyrinth we've trapped ourselves into!
And then... Well... It mostly depends from person to person. Some methodically deconstruct their outer wall brick by brick; Some let the feels media they resonate with slowly erode it away; Some rely on others and slowly learn to open themselves up through mutual understanding; Some even manage to just shatter it through brute force! I myself only managed to tear off some small chunks away from the complex system of self judgment I used to mask myself, only to repurpose them into a Von Neumman probe style backdoor of automatic and systematic mask self deconstruction!
It doesn't matter how you reach it or how long it takes you, no matter your circumstances you can do it! Upending all of the intricate locks we've put ourselves into during our childhood is possible!
Trust me when I tell you that learning to express the things you truly appreciate is a wonderful thing!
So, appreciate the self discovery! Appreciate the self limit breaking! Appreciate punching the inner and outer demons! Appreciate the connections we have and the ones we will have!
Thank you lilian, you continue to be an inspiration for me as a enbie and a person!
It gets better! Even if our struggles may seem eternal, know this. In the future, one day, we'll figure it all out, and then we'll be ok!
Some extra thoughts I didn’t address that I realized are important (I don’t need sleep I need feels!)
While I mostly talked about “Breaking the mask” in my long… Something in between a rant and a speech.
Another important thing is that… Well, what we know as the “Mask” simply refers to the sort of mindspace our consciousness inhabits, an interface between our senses and whatever the heck “I” is would be an appropriately autistic way to put it!
So… In a way, we do need this mindspace which is normally occupied by our mask in order to understand and react to the world around us, its what grounds us to our understanding of reality!
And while the understanding of reality we build up as a child and carry into adulthood is going to be scuffed and form into an idea of our mask. And we do need to break this scuffed understanding of reality up. We also can’t just leave it a broken and wartorn wasteland!
That’s why the other important bit I think we have to do is rebuild! Slowly identify the parts of our mindspace we identify with, and use them as tools to reconstruct our understanding!
In a way I suppose, its being able to use all of your adult understanding to build a way of interacting with the world that you’re truly comfortable with. Truly feeling yourself within yourself!
I hope this extra added bit here was useful, appreciate the struggle to be better than oneself nya! (I’m sorry if I scuffed anything up in this extra bit, sleep deprivation inspires my writing depths but is atrocious for my grammar!)
@@Pydots You might be interested in reading on C.G.Jung's concept of persona (which literally refers to a theatrical mask in Latin), as he described essentially this very concept. Jung also outlines how persona can both disrupt or nourish our psychological development based on how we use it.
"It didn't feel like I was masking, I felt like I was sneaking in to steal horderves" beautiful, I love that framing
I was legit talking earlier today about how figuring out how much of what you do is for society and how much of it is just for you is like trying to lay the tracks for the train you are currently riding.
ugh this is genius i've been trying to figure how to describe this feeling as I unmask because I can't tell what's the performative parts and what's authentic... Ive been thinking about the train quote all day
I'm afraid that there is hardly anything underneath my mask anymore. It's been so ingrained into me from all my special education classes and counseling for so long, I no longer know what lies beneath. Everyone I know only knows my mask, because in the past when I let it slip I was hated for it. It seems that love and acceptance are only granted conditionally based on the way I act, so the person underneath who was neither loved nor accepted simply left. Now, only the mask, who is well liked and respected, remains.
If that's the case and you are that at the bottom of the pit, why not trying a lot of different masks until one feels more like you.
That includes of course trying things you've never did or thought of doing.
Maybe that way you'll find at least one thing or two that makes you feel like you and get you in your own self again.
Its just an opinion, and maybe a little too much optimistic but it may work
Here's the issue, the self of self, the ego, is just a story that a person tells themselves, but ultimately isn't real. Any conception of self is not real. The real self is impossible to comprehend as a mortal. The issue with rampant masking is with synchronicity across aspects. I'd wager the masks you have play well with other humans. Ever play well with your own heart beat? The wind? A tree? I play well with the wind and I'm a complete freak for it. Ultimately a mask is an identity, which itself is a story of self. What do you want in your story? What kind of story do you want to hear?
Try to accept that each mask is you, even if they wouldn't act in a way "you would" if you put them on. Ultimately, you created them to, I assume, please others / be tolerable / get by.
Try to recognise that when communicating or doing something, caring for yourself and setting boundaries against things that hurt is okay.
If you can't because e.g. family or school isn't supportive, try to make / find a place where you can set boundaries for yourself, no matter what mask you use. Alarm bells will probably ring, but that's exactly why you do it in a 100% safe place with 100% safe people. Like a close friend maybe? A therapist?
I honestly had to re-live my whole childhood as an adult and then I suddenly felt the need to let go after getting all the things I wanted, watching/reading things I once loved, remembering my hyperfixations instead of forcing myself to be the person everyone would be proud of,,,, esp my parents
I know this feeling. Even though I'm 31, I've spent most of my life trying to please others. I haven't had much success with it, I don't know what I want to do for a living, and I don't know what kind of people I want to be close to. I often look out the window at the playground across the street at the different groups of people having fun together and wonder what it would be like to fit in and be yourself, without even trying, just like them.
I've managed to make at least a few friends a few years ago who I play DnD with online. But even with them, I'm not sure I'm always genuine. It's like just having people around me somehow affects me - I always feel like I'm on stage.
But I think we should keep trying to be more authentic. Even if it takes many years, maybe even most of our lives, we owe it to ourselves. And it's worth the pain of life. Sorry for my bad English.
About ten years ago, i was in a support group for fellow peeps with ASD. I really didn't find it super useful since it was just enforcing the notion of slamming a circle into a square hole for jobs sort of deal.
There was this one man in his 60s at the time, said similar things as you did in this video. He was like "there will be times were you get mad at others for understanding you, there will be times where you feel like you have to hide your real self all the time, other times were you'll be frustrated at yourself. These are all normal things to feel. And don't let any of these suits tell you how to think and feel. You are your own person."
I was glad that I met him that one time. It made me realize that masking isn't always going to be the best way to cope with our need for things to be in control. I've also found as you get older, you tend to find more people that share similar interests as you do and that's the key to making friendships. Commonalities aren't a bad thing to have.
It is always funny being called stylish while NB because half the time I am like I R POTATO in a baggy outfit that I stole the concept from by looking at photos from the 1940s work wear lol.
As a transfem whos still struggling to accept herself, thank you.
🏳⚧💜
you got this, girl!!
Ur making a good girl i believe in you
you got this, with time anything is possible 💜
rock on sister
2 lillian videos in one day???? WE ARE EATING GOOD TODAY
Please do not eat the video, I would like to watch it, thanks.
ikrrr
@@TauDeltoo bad I already atted it :3
@@Lilac_Guardian NOOO 😭😭😭😭
"I learned how to say hello, by saying it in a two-note way and carrying the O" STOP WAIT NO DON'T DO THAT DON'T READ ME TWICE IN A ROW ONCE IN THE INTRO AND ANOTHER HERE AH
i never thought to acknowledge how my mask protected me instead of hating its existence
the outro was literally poetry "you dug your fingers in so tight that you made cracks you could hold onto" ok shakespeare thanks for describing the neurodivergent experience in a single video🤯
7:53 "Maybe a mask is just a layer of network protocol that is necessary to operate in a social system."
I like this way of putting it. That is how I view my mask. It's a bit of a silly dance sometimes, and I refuse to build it up too much - but I've grown to appreciate it, as a tool facilitating easier communication with neurotypicals.
This is a beautiful video.
I feel really guilty at work when I mask, but thinking of it as a shield instead of lies; genius.
I'm 39 and only just got an autism diagnosis. I've been trying to unmask for over a decade now. It's slow going. I can't stop every time i do something and contemplate "am i doing this to interact more easily?" One kinda distressing thing i noticed is there's like some kind of scrutinizing thought process in my mind that looks at things from an (imagined) NT perspective, even if i'm alone. I used to mask for no one, to no benefit, and at great mental load. I've mostly stopped that i think. But i'd like to mention that for others looking to reduce masking loads swiftly.
your metaphors and editing choices are very strong. I have only just realised that while I thought my mask was rather thin, the real mask has been staying at home when I really would have liked to be there. Brick by brick, the walls of my own home became the place I retreat to, the place where I cannot be rejected because I cannot be seen. At some point in time, I convinced myself that I would rather be alone, when that simply isnt true. I think unmasking is particularly hard in that case, since putting yourself out there is much larger from the zero contact position than removing just one bit of learned protocol to check what would happen. Also, still havent figure out a way to go out in public without kindly old ladies wanting to touch my shoulder or arm. I might go for wearing punky spikes, for the performance and directness if it all, but also its hot as fuck and wearing spikes would mean more clothing to get sweaty underneath.
0:18 YOAHHHHHH MY FAVORITE NICHE INDIE GAME ALTER EGO USED AS THE BACKGROUND FOR THAT SCENE LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
SAME HERE! I was so excited to see that.
what game?
@@techley4322 ALTER EGO, by CaramelColumn. It's on mobile
Who?
ALTER EGOOOO
CARAMEL COLUMN YEEEEAAAAH
The masking a shield section made me feel so valid. Thank you for not just putting the outro there like prime suggested!
Okay, but... The "Song of Healing" being used in the start of a video about unmasking is just genius
7:00 "I'd rather have someone's indifference or content than the menace of their conditional tolerance" 🤯
(contempt*)
I’m like 87% sure I’m cis, and I’m not even sure how neurodivergent I am, but I greatly appreciate this video for being supportive of “being yourself” while not watering it down to such a meaningless phrase. Being oneself is difficult for many, many people, albeit for some more so than others (understatement of the decade), and I feel that this video does a wonderful job of presenting an experience in that venture while not being comparative or even giving specific advice that may not be applicable. It seems like every video in this vein tries to be too narrow and ends up alienating some groups in the process. I feel only hope and encouragement from this, as I have in your previous videos, and I think that’s wonderful.
I also didn’t know or forgot that we’re almost the same age, and it’s reassuring to hear the experience of someone else just entering their 30s and trying to figure things out.
Masks are so interesting because recently I found that even those parts of me are still me as much as I hate to admit it😅. Personality is very diverse after all!
We loose so much by suppressing ourselves, lol I wish people were supportive and non judgemental
I love the whimsical wisdoms you've built for yourself
it's so kind, nurturing, and freeing and yet realistic
the honest dance with your experiences is very inspiring
maybe you're not a master of it yet, but i love the ideals you're setting out
I fucking love the graffiti/skateboarding/drag metaphor. Those are indeed things that don't really care about what might be moral for society or "the right thing" to do at one place, and just do their own thing. And it's amazing.
For skateboarding: it's moving freely through the roughest paths of a city.
For graffitti: it's to manifest artistically no matter the legal implications.
And for drag: it's to make your own thing when it comes to gender, no matter what others think of it.
I find some points of each of these can apply to eachother.
Gotta love stuff that break the box of societal expectations and "rightness".
Great video, lilian. Keep on walking y'all. :)
14:16 That line has no right going so hard, I love it
but 14:16 is the end of the video :0
Unmasking is a hard process. I used to be a very kinda "helpful" person. And I still am if all hell breaks loose. Ill jump in the fire if help is 100% needed and no one can help other than me. But the 2 and a half years I now spent in retail plus being on ADHD meds made me change ALOT. Made me a lot more "selfish" or rather concious of how much my willingnes to be of help was used by others. I am still polite. Still trying my best to be of help to customers. But if stuff comes up and I know there are others to help, I aint the first to jump anymore and I say why, when they ask. I no longer care to keep up the appearance of "I wanna be of help" to fit in. To keep the store in check. To make sure everything works out. Cause it lead to me putting everything on my back while everyone else could live a carefree life. And I aint even the fucking manager lmao.
Masks have a place. They are like white lies. Present when you need them to be. But you should never let them rule your life. A white lie is used to ensure that someone else doesnt feel pain. So you can ease them into the truth later on. But that later on has to arrive eventually. Same as the mask needing to be dropped. It has to happen. It just has to.
i absolutely adore the fear of hbomberguy in the description
is there context im missing? im not that familiar with his videos
@@togepee hbomberguy-is-a-popular-video-essayist-and-he-made-waves-in-the-youtuber-community-by-releasing-a-4-hour-video-essay-about-the-ethics-of-plagiarism-and-discussed-in-great-detail-3-or-4-big-youtubers-who-would-plagiarise-and-not-cite-properly.--Ever-since-then-it's-been-a-running-joke-that-when-you-cite-your-sources-you-express-fear-of-hbomberguy-exposing-you-if-you-didn't--(even-though-the-task-of-citing-sources-often-done-out-of-genuine-care-and-not-external-pressure,-but-that's-the-joke)
also-sorry-my-spacebar-not-working
@@togepeea big creator's channel was found to be like 90% plagiarised after hbomber looked into their sources link
BEST RUclips CHANNEL UPLOAD! THANK YOU! YOUR VIDEOS ARE ALWAYS SO SWEET!
This is an amazing video that cuts deep on this crumbling mask of mine. A mask I donned to shield myself from medical and emotion turmoil. I told myself once my physical health was managed I would remove it and face my problem. However, years past and I only grew more hollow, and yet I desperately clung to the mask telling myself I wasn't ready. Scared to face who I truly was. Finally I have resolved to remove it. Bit by bit I have been chipping away at it, and with it I've taken time to nurturing my self that I left withering behind the mask. Soon I will have the voice to say it, but I will still need the confidence to speak it.
I love the idea of Furina dressing up as Focalors as a sort of supermask defending her true self from being known by the populace
Ohmygod I've never thought about that. That's actually a really cool way of thinking about it
The internet is spying on me 100%, I just broke down yesterday about how I mask a lot, and this video helped me a lot
"Masking as graffiti" is a VERY apt description for why I liked social interactions in high school so much. It felt like I knew how to play the game, and play it in a way that expressed me. I fit in, I was weird. I was self-conscious, I was confident. It was fun. I liked the masks I made.
I lost that somewhere along the way, opting to hide and play it safe. Your musings remind me of my own internal monologues -- just a lot more hopeful and seeing the forest as well as the trees. Thanks for writing and recording these.
Very good video. Especially the segment "masking as graffiti" I really like. I like how you called societal nonconformity "wrong for your own enjoyment".
2:12 you unintentionally perfected dap up distance recognition
I discovered this channel almost a week ago, and not only are the perspectives on autistic masking fantastic, but It's also made me realize that I'm nonbinary. Thank you so much, Lilian
-you're telling me you say hello like the sega jingle?-
honestly, i'm barely a quarter through and the puppet metaphor hit way too close to home
and, i'm probably gonna get some flack for this, but two of the main ways i began to cut down on masking were attending a furry convention and seeing a fellow friday night funkin' fan on the ride home from my summer job
This video was so good, and I really needed to hear it today. As someone who regularly needs a mask in order to be safe at home, I especially loved the "using a mask as a shield" part. Instead of feeling dragged down by the last remnants of the mask I can't leave behind, it'll instead be the shield that keeps me safe, independent from who I really am. Thanks again for the wonderful video!
I’ve just finished both of your new videos and once the second one ended I found myself sitting still. Like I just woke up from a lovely dream and I didn’t want that dream to end so I sat still trying to hold onto that feeling for as long as possible. I wish I could print your videos out and put them on my walls as reminders that there are other people who feel the same way I do and I’m not the only one going through this journey. I guess thank you for letting me know that I’m doing all right that’s what I needed to hear❤❤
This is such a wonderful video, I really enjoy how you choose to empower others with your content!!
I donlt know how i foudn this channel, but, this cuts deep. the Oxidation part in particular caught me. Sometimes i find myself subconciously judging others, before realizing I probably didn't fit into my own judgements. Then i started which thoughts were my own, and which ones were 'given' to me. It's, a long process, trying to sort between your own thoughts and thoughts you've been taught to follow.
Several times throughout watching this video I found myself disappointed that I have already pressed the like button, because I wanted to press it again.
Why is this so relatable to me...
just yesterday night i realized that i begin to unmask when i'm sleep deprived, and that made me really happy to have figured out since i haven't found another way to unmask yet.
Absolutely amazing video, also I didn’t know the way I said hello was abnormal until you pointed it out and now I have no idea how I didn’t notice it sooner. I do basically the same thing to what you’re describing. Whenever I greet someone I know well I say “well met” or some other antiquarian term instead. You’re videos are the best depiction of autism I’ve ever encountered on the internet. I hope you have an amazing day and life
Well met. Honestly the best greeting possible. To think I thought 'Hail fellow traveller' was good. Certainly a step up from 'I acknowledge your presence, humanoid.' (look, it just came out that way. yes, it was the HR manager. no, it did not help.)
Ironically, one of the most hidden people on the Internet connects the deepest and with the most people❤
"I'd rather have someone's indifference or contempt than the menace of their conditional tolerance" I needed to hear this and I'm probably going to need to tell it to myself a couple hundred times before I really get it.
Every time, your videos are so incredibly relatable! Identifying masks, unmasking, learning to love what's underneath, and still, learning what to do with those masks, It has been as lonely of an experience as it can get here. But now, every new friendship made where I have the courage to be myself, is one that actually feels like a connection. There's a weird and unknown Future now, where before there was just Stasis.
A_lilian, you silly crow, you moth, you Encouragable Rascal. You nyctophile, you pluviophile. Thanks so much for making this video, it helps people similar to yourself more than you'll ever know :3 Good luck to you and please make more content like this. Great use of VRC for the visuals too, lmk if you need a VRC friend, I'm on often
Omg this was beautiful. One of the times the algorithm works.
8:35 I love the third impact in the background as they're talking about dissolving the boundaries between people
This whole video is great. The little part at 8:50 really got to me. I've struggled a lot with depression and anxiety and sometimes it feels pointless to keep going sometimes. But hearing from someone else that it can get better does lift my spirits a little, especially when they've felt the things I've felt. Thank you for making this video lilian, it really means a lot to me. Maybe I will find the way forward too. For now I'll just keep walking.
Your videos keep reaching a part of me i hid and forgot since a long time ago. :)
"i'd rather have ones indifference or contempt, than the menace of their conditional tolerance" BARS
Your videos are always a league beyond others, but this one, its really something. Thank you
We've been blessed with not one but TWO uploads!?
portraying gender as graffiti/art, and the quote of "the only way you could think to paint (the wall) was either all pink or all blue" was a very cool analogy. invisible public infrastructure
Conformity is bad! I hate conformity!!!!!!!! :(
omfg - why is this the best channel on the internet? i feel like i just binged an entire season of violet evergarden
😭
This video has done an unfathomably great job at taking complicated thoughts and wordless feelings and bringing them to understandable terms. Thank you.
thank you for making this video and sending your message out to the world! my younger teen self would've loved to hear all this, so I imagine it must be just as good for the current teens out there!
this message reminds me of my favorite poem:
"I too am not a bit tamed....I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world"
- Song of Myself, Leaves of Grass, by Walt Whitman
Holy i think i say Hello in the same way LOL that hit, at least with how you described it idk
Also I love your videos so much, they feel so sincere and welcoming. I recently unsubscribed from a ton of youtubers because I went away to college and I didn't want as many distractions, but I kept notifications on for your videos because they feel different somehow, not a distraction but actually valuable
Your videos are always lovely, and moving, and deeply thoughtful, and really help me start processing a lot of stuff (including stuff I thought I'd already figured out more than I actually had). Thank you so much for making them
this channel is genuinely wonderful, but I keep getting surprised by Raquna sheldon etrian odyssey untold, I won't lie
Watched this video a few times now and "You have to keep walking" has stuck with me something fierce, thank you for that :]
beautifull and incredible, as always
My dad said good night to me while I was watching this video, and I'm pretty sure I said hi.
thank you for the wonderful video!! it’s so comforting to hear someone share their experience like this. the metaphors you use are really insightful, i loved the social infrastructure and shield ones. i also just love your video style in general!
thank you for all that you do lilian. i want my mask to belong to me. right now it feels like its in the hands of other people and its as though my own feelings aren’t a part of the equation. contorting myself for someone else’s approval out of fear of rejection. i do not want to become complacent in doing that.
thank you for giving me a sparkle of hope. this video would have made me cry a year ago when i first reentered college after a 3 year gap, but now after learning how the people perceived my real self and laying bricks, through all the bricks it is hard to cry.
this video was very comforting to me. i've slowly been learning to unmask and it's nice to see a video i can empathize with. i really liked the part where you thanked the masks for serving you when you needed them. it was something i never would have thought to acknowledge but it's an important kindness to my past self.
Thank you so much for finishing the video on such a life-affirming note of aspecting your physicality, lilian! I mean, yea you're just expressing your thoughts, but also, as a youtuber with a community of like-minded individuals, you talking about integrating the self and the body will impact people's lives, even if only for a small bunch and just a little.
For all the talks about puppets or flesh mechs (or even 'meat suits'), we are not born *into* our bodies, but *with* them; we form as the self-- as the subjects -- inside them, _and_ as an integrated *part* of our unique brains and bodies. They are in a way their own entities that synergize with you, but it is a part of you. It's like riding a horse, in a way. There is no contentment, no happiness in objectifying your horse, downplaying or neglecting its vital needs. You have to understand it to have a better grasp on it. Mind and body are connected, and to flourish emotionally, mentally, and physically, one should embrace that connection -- not distort their own thinking by objectifying their physical aspect. A human body is the continuation of the self as much as the self is its continuation.
Thank you so much for making videos like this, they've helped me alot to understand myself better.
“man just like me frfr”
But like seriously, they gave me the language/ explanation to the things that's happened in my life and I appreciate it.
Take care internet person
You're my favorite RUclipsr honestly speaking, your videos speak to my soul
I don't usually comment on videos, but just the whole part about using masking as a way to steal hors d'oeuvres got to me man. I remember as a kid sometimes pretending to be a spy or a conman trying to infiltrate enemy lines, maybe I should go back to that, maybe I should start doing kickflips off railings again.
You are the bravest. Keep walking, Lilian.
that channel is underrated af! keep up the good work i love your videos and your way to touch other people's hearts
I really appreciate thus video a lot. Especially the final point. Really visually interesting and it feels kind of nice to hear about masking as a shield.
why am i crying in the club
but fr thanks for this and the previous video. i have hope!
Absolutely excellent video! Top tier advice for individuality that so many need to hear! Thank you dearly for providing your insights and experiences, as this video clearly took a lot of work, time and dedication to not just tell a story, but to tell it with unfolded excellence!
Your work does wonders for so many people, please don't forget that!
i love you. you are a poet and have touched my soul deeply. this is beautiful, this is art. thank you so much, lilian.
man i actually teared up at this video, thanks for doing what you do :]
Ive actually started unmasking myself too since i got in a friend group who accept me for who i am which is really nice. Thank you for your amazing video, ill try to use some of your tactics in my own life :3
Any day where fillian uploads is a good day.
That's it! I was already hooked from a while back, but you've done it now
Every little minute moment from here on out that I remember this I am sure that I'll be recommending someone else to check this channel.
I am considering myself a fan from today onwards!!
this made me cry. thank you so, so much for making this, and for being you!
the writing here is beautiful and profound. i aspire to make art this compelling.
this is kinda life changing, been crying since the video came out
your videos are mesmerizing pieces of poetry and social commentary that i could never find the words for but have felt my whole life
"When you stop people-pleasing, people stop being pleased." Ouch. As a neurotypical (as far as I'm aware) person, it feels... wrong in a way to relate to this video, and yet I do. I can't relate to the individual experiences, but I can relate to the general feeling behind it. I can relate to needing to hide parts of me behind a mask, even if not all of me.
The experiences I had as a kid in school gave me a horribly skewed concept of what is socially acceptable. It got so bad that even though the last time I was laughed at for it was in second grade and even though my highschool dorm roommates were chatting about the topic, I was afraid to admit that I even merely existed near a girl, lest I be bullied off the face of the earth for daring to allow anything remotely close to a romantic relationship. It got so bad that I was always prepared to beg and plead for forgiveness if I were to make the tiniest mistake, as I was used to _needing_ to do so to not be hurt physically for it.
The most ironic part of it all is, this half-mask of sorts, this puppet that I only call to my aid when I sense potential danger, has actually put me in _worse_ situations once I made my way out of that hole. People disliked the puppet more than me, they hated my mask and liked the real face behind it, which I struggled to believe for the longest time. It took me a long time to notice that the way the mask hurt my face as I wore it was not making my friends any happier, and was in fact hurting _them_ as well.
I wish leanard nemoiy was still around, this would have been worthy of him reading it :)
This was so well written, I'm so proud of you Lillian, you're such an inspiration
I wear a mask with a smile, for hours at a time
Perish
Silence
Hahaha hours? What if you couldn't put it off at home? Because your parents would judge you for it. You don't know how friends react (because you don't understand subtleties of socialising and have terrible anxiety) so you don't unmask to them anyways, there is noone who knows you and to even go on career wise you have to keep it on. The only moments where you can pull it off are those precious moments of complete loneliness
(My autism experience, it sucks)
Begone dream fan
Your videos are really good. They give me insight into myself and others, and they put a lot of thoughts and feelings I've had into words.
This video is so insanely helpful, and it was so nice to hear that someone else struggles with the same thing I struggle with. Often, when I mention these struggles to people around me or my parents, they don’t get it at all. (Although, my other neurodivergent friends understand me, and my sisters too) It was comforting to watch this video! I think maybe from now on, I will try my best to learn who I am deep down. I’ve been discussing with my therapist about masking and also people pleasing and just not knowing who I am anymore other than the persona I put on, and we’ve been trying our best to help me figure out who I am underneath! It is hard especially for me, since I’m an actor. I play these parts a bit too successfully and I get too into them, and I’ve let them consume me. I’ll figure out who I am! I’ll use my masking as a shield that I can wield whenever I need it! I’ll let me express my true self when I can!
In my head whenever I hear you or think about you you're nickname/identifier is miss knight, though to me you're more like a wandering knight protecting their ideals and helping others, breaking away from the traditional knights who serve others and follow the normal path, you're able to go with the other knights though, when you want to, putting on fancy armor rather than your battle worn and comfortable armor, appearing noble and elegant not to hide but to exaggerate only one part of you. Of course this isn't you necessarily more a character I created around your character and your self, I just thought to share cause I loved the video
This video means a lot to me
I'm still relatively young and have been living as a neet for some years now, so I've yet to be forced into a context where I've had to truly confront the necessity for masking, for better or worse. I've been able to get by so far mostly through passive engagement with the outside world, and while that has left me rather detached, the alternative has always been inexplicably frightening. I've always been obsessed with "authenticity", and felt that if I wasn't comfortable with being myself then I may as well not engage at all. I've always been deeply concerned with how others perceive me and feel a compulsion to avoid establishing false preconceptions about myself, though ironically staying silent and passive only comes with its own set of preconceptions. There's a certain paralysis sets in whenever I even so much as think about trying to interface with others, and it feels as if the path forward is drenched in darkness and uncertainty. That said, I think you have beautifully captured what I had been so afraid of while providing a light at the end of the tunnel for how to deal with it. I don't really know what more to say other than that this perspective resonated with me very deeply, and I hope I will be able to put this information into practice in the future. Thank you so much.
The cinematography gets better with every video! Also for those of you struggling with masking, you got this. One day you'll find so much happiness, and you'll know the struggle was worth it.
i love love masking as graffiti. wow. is it like when you walk up to a friend and say “hello good sir!” and they say “top of the morning to you madam!” and you’re both in this stupid silly scene pretending to be humans! i am so much more comfortable doing that than genuinely saying hello
Did not know I needed this but here we are, thank you