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This video has confronted me with a grieving process. At first, I rejected the idea of having "masks." My logic went like this: "I never had friends in school; despite my efforts, I always ended up distancing myself from others and isolating myself. So, I was lucky enough to just be myself... right?" However, I soon realized that the polite way I express myself and my respectful attitude are the result of an attempt to please my teachers. I remembered that, at the time, I didn’t understand the meaning of the phrase “How are you?” and that I had to turn to tutorials to learn how to socialize, control my body language, and even give the proper tone to my voice. I learned to create social situations to be perceived as "normal." I tried to convince myself that I didn’t actually have that many masks. Last night, while talking to a friend, I had a catharsis: I was telling him how I felt watching deep videos, how sometimes I experienced "empathy," but at other times, I literally faked emotions. I was watching a video that was supposed to make me feel pain, so I acted as if I was suffering, even when I was alone. That’s when I realized that more than half of my emotions are just interpretations; if someone tells a joke, I laugh, but not intensely, and in a very specific way, because I’ve been told my laugh is inappropriate. I move my facial muscles to make it look convincing. I’ve internalized these fake emotions so much that they arise without thinking. This is distressing for me because I want to laugh genuinely, I want to feel something real with others. It deeply frustrates me that most of the time I find myself in a state of indifference, as if nothing matters, even when I’m with my only two friends. Right now, I’m searching for my authentic emotions, trying to identify and recognize when I’m acting. However, I still feel bad about myself for not being able to express and experience genuine emotions with the people I care about the most. I feel empty. And I’m only 18 years old... Now I understand how Lilian feels.

i have so many things going on in my head rn so it's a bit hard to get those organized in written format so i'll just say this instead : everything about this video, the editing, the script, and everything you shared here is amazing. thank you for sharing this :D

YOUR AVATAR IS SO CYUUUUUTE

I guess im lucky my mask consists of "just hide in a corner and dont interact with anyone" and i do have people i can unmask around, its gonna be a while before i can actually unmask irl and not be treated like a freak

Im considering to get myself an animal mask of some kind (not furry just animal themed) because i hate people seeing my face or just anything of me in general.. I feel like a lot of my anxiety doesnt come from looking odd but from not looking odd Enough.. like if i look normal people might expect me to act normal kinda thing? And i mean they would find out theyre wrong soon enough.. but still Though i havent really gotten to the point where i might need it yet.. cant go outside enouh For me somehow the clothes thing is the other way around.. like "shirts but in a girl way and skirts but in a boy way" To me skirts are- well- neutral really.. but the type of skirts id like to wear to me match with masculine.. but if i were to wear them others would read it as feminine At the core its no different from the normal way around. But its still a shame.. especially since pretty much only my mother sees me and it could be so easy but anytime anything queer comes up she just claims to not understand it.. and you cant explain queerness to someone who isnt willing to understand it Maybe one day ill have friends who can read me right.. but thats probably a while away

WILL REMEMBER TO BE WEIRD THANKS

“normalcy is the antithesis of creation” is why AI art is terrible, because all it can do is reproduce the most average/generic version of whatever prompt it got

Thing about being a queer amab person who lives in the south US is there's a non-0 chance someone actually would call the cops on me for wearing the clothes I want to overall though I do appreciate the message of this video :) thank you

I’m autistic myself, but I can speak just fine. Tho, i feel like I do remember getting speech therapy, social therapy, and other types of therapy for people on the spectrum. I’ve also been a late bloomer, so I struggled with talking at first, my parents even though be sigh language to communicate, but i pretty much forgot all that. Once i started speaking, I went all out. I was very articulate with my words, and I’ve always been very articulate when it came to speaking. I’ve been told I sounded like an adult with the way I talk, because I sound intelligent. I’m female, so my voice is mostly feminine, but it also sounds kinda tomboyish. I’ve been told i sound like a child, like i sound underaged, even tho I’m an adult. People often mistake me for a teen because of the way I look and sound. Sometimes i feel tired and mentally drained so i just have times where i don’t wanna speak, it can be tiring to talk to people sometimes.

I am a simple man I see cuneiform, I click

this is actually very helpful and informative thank you, Lili!

holy clipping batman maybe find a usable avatar lol

God put this in front of me bc my parents just bought hearing aids for my granddad that he refuses to wear and I have bad misophonia

Your creativity is really special, thank you for sharing it.

I love how detailed your animation is! Excellent video!

great vid! its very interesting to see other peoples' experience in life because personally, i don't know what its like to be overstimulated but after watching this i'm a little more informed on what some people might be goin through. like damn even just existing is uncomfortable because of the senses going overdrive? sounds rough. good thing you are fully geared up like in a video game, +wind resistance +smell resistance +light resistance. i hope you make more vids, way more authentic and original than 90% of yt vids :)

3:07 THEIR FACE BELONGS TO ME, I MUST SEE IT thanks for the vid... i feel alot better now ^ ^

WE'RE GONNA CRASH!!!!

I had a friend of mine send this video around the time it originally came out after they noticed several TTRPG sessions that we were in together where I would be wearing either earplugs or my headset with nothing playing (sometimes even both) and still be telling the group to quiet down several times throughout the session. At the time it was completely eye opening after some self reflection, both with those instances and the fact that I never was able to sit away from the front of a classroom without getting lost. Though, the initial start to getting help was an utter nightmare (which is the main reason why I’m now commenting on this video nearly a year after watching it). It took almost 7 months just to find a doctor willing to write up a referral for me to get a hearing test done, and at the time I feared that nothing would get done since the tests were primarily for those with hearing loss. Despite this, the audiologist actually had a couple tests to work out potential symptoms of Auditory Processing Disorder, even if they were unable to properly diagnose the condition. On top of that, the tests did discover that I had actually developed Hyperacusis, which gave me an in depth explanation as to why nearly every single noise ever felt physically painful for me! (To give a bit of context, my left ear is so sensitive that even the sounds of a library could potentially be too much for me, and my right ear isn’t much better in that regard). Sadly, I still have a ways to go for getting an APD diagnosis, but there is hope even after a recent ENT appointment nearly crushed it to dust… I’m very fortunate to have gotten off the waitlist for an adult autism clinic in my area and have an upcoming appointment next month, though there’s a good chance the wait for this was abnormally short due to the fact that I’ve already gotten 2 official autism diagnoses in my youth. When that day comes, I hope to reach out for proper APD testing in the hopes that one day I’ll be able to listen to Spotify without tweaking the equalizer to amplify vocals and setting the entire app to play songs quieter by default so they don’t hurt my ears as bad 😅 my goal currently is to potentially get myself some low gain hearing aids before the end of the school year to help with both the APD and Hyperacusis (+ some occasional tinnitus I’ve been getting the past few months) [Also, for those wondering, I do have noise canceling headphones for the time being, but whenever I turn it on I can hear whatever sounds they use to suppress outside noise like a white noise machine and get massive pressure headaches along with a touch of nausea due to said “white noise.” So, I never use the noise canceling function on my headphones because of those things messing with me physically.]

Honestly as an weird autistic man I am man enough to say weird people are the most memorable and interesting people and the happiest ones out there

I now have the overwhelming desire to start counting like that. One, two-thirds...... two, three.

The way you overcome being scared of people thinking that you're weird really is to realise, you're weird anyway you can't stop being weird. Hence there is no way you could stop being weird and that's why weird is okay

im about to binge watch your entire youtube channel, thank youuuuuuuu

Salve

Oi

Who says that haircuts are gendered? No one cares or cares enough to tell it to your face.

This is so sane I don't even believe you're real.

2:58 Holy fuck I did not realize how hard I related to her. 4:34 I personally feel like anti-depressants are just like narcotics. They just numb the pain. I think the only true path forward is to drag the feelings out into the sun in a safe environment with support and watch it burn. 4:54 Video-gamifying life. I see. This continues for a hot minute

4:44 Then, why should I care how you present as? Making the point of non-binary meaningless. This gender identity stuff is ALL about presenting. 5:27 Society learned this. That's why no one actually cares, and if they do, they are smart enough to keep their mouth shut.

honestly, same

i just wanna say i love your persona and the voice for them, they're really cute and endearing to me :)

I like your video, I have a similar video channel

This made me cry ngl, I’ve felt like this for a long time. so having someone describe exactly how I feel now and in the past was so strange but amazing. Thank you for making this.

For me, I've found that I need to hide a certain amount of stuff, mainly my intrusive thoughts. I mentioned them to a friend group once, I only have one friend from that group now.

6:08 "WITNESS MY NONBINARY AUTISTIC SPLENDER"

i act rude and alpha male but in the inside i just want to be called good boy lmao Yeh, internet and society, and my parents broke me. i dont know even how to be happy again

good job american, now if only it was like possible to do that anywhere else in the world

"Dont waste space in your head carrying their mean thoguhts for them"

Is this real chat?

Before I had a passable voice I would flat out refuse to speak a lot of the time and that I also become unable to communicate in anyway verbal or otherwise when I'm stressed and apparently neurotypical don't like that

Now I understand why I have friends, I'm just werid in a likeable way, huh.

My life motto is "as long as you don't hurt anyone, you should be yourself without any shame", and I can't recommend it enough. Never understood why people would hate you, or give you a weird look, for enjoying something. People who call others "cringe" are just extremely immature.

omg hi Raquna🥰

one thing i think a lot of people need to understand is that work and school is all transactional forced interaction, Nobody wants to be their authentically, they all just NEED to be there. That creates toxic shitty behavior that lacks empathy because they are venting and projecting their frustrations on each other and usually 1 person is the punching bag (the weird person) My advice for dealing with that is if someone treats you like shit just dissapear, ghost them, leave them on read, poof, and keep poofing until you find your crowd of likeminded people.

good video, thanks. i can relate to a lot of what you said.

weirdly wholesome and wholesomely weird (as it should be)

Thanks Lilian. Now I'm not sure if my anxiety is just autism.

I’m so happy I found your channel❤

this was a nice video

I spent 7 years living with a narcissist, and I ended up being stuck hiding my emotions, being scared to play RUclips videos aloud, to sing, and felt trapped in my home. A year later after they’ve moved, I’m doing my best to start right now. I’m playing this video in my house loudly, because I want to be myself again! Fuck hiding and being scared!