How do you break up with a narcissist?
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- Опубликовано: 28 май 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I felt more heartbreak during my whole relationship with my ex narc, than I did after it ended.
same here it's really hard a person screams as if she is crazy
Most definitely
I feel ya, sister! He thought I was cold/indifferent when I broke it off, but I know I grieved while we were still together, like you.
Word
zeezalo very true , I used to write emails for my self describing my feeling , after breaking up with him
I read them
Oh my god
Best decision I left him
During a silent treatment, I sold my house and moved out of state. He had no notice and no goodbye. I just disappeared. Voila.
Legend!
After i got discarded, i switched apartments and jobs. I didn't see the ex again until the ex showed up at a fall festival that my university threw (a university the ex did not attend). I ignored him, this made him visibly upset. Then two months later i moved to a different city 👍
amen
Boss move 💯
That's what I'm doing!
Don’t tell them your leaving, just do it. Leave and block them. Take back your power
Thats what im plannin to do
Thats what im planning to do
did you feel guilty for ghosting them?
Fay Ceedat i like that .. take back your power
I plan on doing this but I have a child with him and I'm not morally okay taking his child away like that with myself. Any advise
Does anyone feel afraid to even speak on what the person has done to them? It’s like I’m mute.. so much has happened, I don’t feel safe to vent anywhere. And I question myself if those things even happened to me. It’s hard for me to trust any new person I meet... I feel like I’m still in a coma.
Taylor Nicole I totally understand. I was married to one for 30 yrs. I had a good “ material” life and 3 children. The things I traded for that would be crazy in other people’s eyes but I did it because I wanted a family and my dream home. It took me years to leave bc I was terrified of what he would do. I finally did and it was the most horrible psychological experience I could imagine. It’s been 14 yrs and he still antagonizes me and our adult children. I have found it extremely difficult to even try to pursue a healthy relationship. I’m beginning to think I have PSTD. You prob do too. I do know it’s important to be able to talk about it and let it out but you can’t do it with your children or friends or family.. We have to find an expert like Dr Ramani to talk to. I wish I knew more about this when I was going through it but I guess I couldn’t see the forest through the trees.
I completely understand how you feel. Most people in my life don't know what I went through in my 18 year relationship. Most don't even know I'm recently divorced. Its been so hard to talk about it. I plan on making videos and writing it down to help me with the process of healing because its eating me inside to keep it all bottled up.
Yes, because she managed to isolate and silence me from others, and then gaslight me into thinking it was my fault so I defended her.
But there is empowerment in breaking free from the narc and being able to speak freely about what happened instead of holding it all in. Ive been able to heal more after talking about it with my friends and family and labeling it what it was, narc abuse.
Im still trying to untangle the gaslighting and manipulation. But i highly suggest you talk about it with close friend or counselor. Its important to label the behavior as abuse so that youre not tempted to go back.
There is so much emotional abuse that I cant even name it all. Every week it seems its just a little something, he keeps moving " the goalpost" and I'm always so confused after spending time with him. Next comes the ghosting ( disappearing) act whether we have a nice day together or not. Nothing ever makes sense. I cant do this anymore it is draining me. I'm not sure who I am anymore. I am definitely breaking it off, I have to for me.
@@rita87121 you can do this ❤ I wish you the best in reclaiming yourself and your new life. Don't look back. Only forward ❤
It’s crazy how you don’t even realize until it’s over that you experienced this. Tell anyone and you are the crazy one or no one believes you.
MEanME it was a general statement. But it’s true. If you ever experienced being with a narc or even narc abuse. The stories you’ll have to share.. most of the time you’re the dramatic one.
Ms Leo, happy birthday I assume? Unless you've been in a relationship w/ a narc you can't EVEN BEGIN to understand. It's like hoping for sympathy when your animals pass away from a non-animal person. Some have enough empathy to understand loss is loss but this shit is in a whole different level. 💐
Loretta Nericcio-Bohlman thank you! On the 12th lol. I wasn’t in a romantic relationship but I was stuck in an very odd obsessive work relationship with a narc. And I didn’t even know I was going through narc abuse for years until I did a no contact for years after which didn’t last long. Even today I share stories I have and the questions I get is “are you serious? Maybe you’re just being dramatic”.
Hey Twin! I'm 08/12 also!! Leo's!!
I was married to a malignant Narc. It took several years after the break up to finally break completely free, relentless! I hope & pray you have some true friends & family that know the truth an support you. That's what really helped me heal.
@@missleo3184 Oh yeah! Been there. They treat you like a possession when in reality, outside of their little fantasy/delusion, you're barely acquainted. It's bizarre, it's highly uncomfortable & it leaves you feeling guilty for something that you're neither responsible for nor privy to. Though on the upside, once you learn that narcissism is, you can spot telltale signs & realise that it's all on them & nothing to do with you.
One of the most difficult things in narcissistic relationship is admitting that you are in that type of relationship,
I was in hospital due to anxiety and depression because of the relationship and he was out telling people I was emotionally abusing him. I had to be honest with myself...
So true
I call it "impossible"!
Yes
Yes, that's right 😥
You have to break up with them...Over and over and over and over. They don't understand the word no or stop. At least, that has been my experience. It's exhausting however, Worth it.
MICHELLE KELLY, This is YOUR SIGN Oracle Readings that’s me now. I have been breaking up with this men for 13 years. He just refuse to accept it. It’s tiring and is taking so much from me. He lives in my house so does his mom and I don’t want to kick them both out
Yea mine kept stalking me then I guess after awhile she found new supply
I use to break up consistently with my ex and then I missed him and take him back. Each time it got worst mentally and that was my last straw. I honestly felt like I was going to hurt him for hurting me. So happy that I left and now, my peace of mind is being restored.
you have to just block them completely
Not they don't at all gotta get law involved i cut mine off she traveled 4 hours from her house to mine to stalk me had rage almost ran me off road and got me in bad accident chasing me n she did all that to say she wanted me to hold her and feel sorry for a miscarriage she never had and to show how pscyo they are she told me she had a miscarriage 5 am and she was at my house 5 pm what women can possibly have right state of mind to drive 4 hours after a miscarriage unless ur lying about the miscarriage which if u lied about everything else why would u be telling truth about miscarriage smh
Hi everyone im preparing to leave my narcisstic bf tomorrow gathering lots of knowledge and courage from these videos and beautiful community!! im scared, nervous, but also excited to finally love and free myself from this emotional nightmare of a relationship. I love you so much ladies!!! I believe in you, im rooting for you, be strong, and be brave!
How did it go?
I’m in the same boat. The anxiety and nervousness of hurting someone who hurts me daily. I hate it right now but I know it will only get better ❤️🩹
I'm in the same boat with mine
Are you okay
were you able to leave?
I had to leave my ex narc while he was on vacation. I took my stuff and texted him I'm done. It was the only escape plan i had. Glad I left him! Hallelujah.
Good job!
Me too!
I did it the same way. No other option. He told me months before he would never ever give me a permittion to leave him. I even didnt text him cause I was so scared. He realised 2 days after his arrival. Then a real terror started for real, I had to go to police in the end.
U are so lucky he had was gone on vacation the narc in my life has a good job offer he had to be gone for a week and he dint take it.deep down they know they are messed up.
Good for you!!!! Sometimes that's how you have to do it. But it feels amazing like a weight lifted.😊
It’s not always rage it’s emotional blackmail and making you feel like the wrong one. They will tell people bits to make you look like the unreasonable one.
So true
Exactly, which is one of the main reasons to leave in the first place since they have a distorted reality about you anyway. It's mind boggling and and a horrible cycle that never ends!!!
Yes. Then that leaves us more vulnerable to be suffering from narcissistic abuse coming from someone else again who as result sees us as an easier to take advantage of target. Wish I had been made aware of that before experiencing it myself. How I cope with that now is by insisting on remaining only close friends with someone for at least a year before considering to take the next step with them. That way during the year I can see how they are going to react to the smear campaign which is almost always going to reach their ears next again coming from the 2 former narcissists in my life. An immature low class man who is most concerned about his image than anything else is going to then start becoming more rude and critical towards both me and any other female public figure with a past whom I admire too. So what if I end up being single for the rest of my life. Better than becoming victim to another one of their old drinking buddies.
Omggg 😭 everytime i want to leave my husband he would say things like, "if you walk out i'll f$#@ some b&$#@es tonight this this pool of our" also he would say things like "thats it if you leave i'll be smack head forever" and i would be stunt and so afraid to leave, its aoooo hard to leave everytime i want to leave i get sucked back in and another chance (after countless of chances) 😭to him 😭😭😭😭😭
@@itisaisyahhow are you now?
Definitely the hardest part when you break up is when the narcissist starts to say you were the wrong one, how you were toxic and how you are crazy, trying to hurt you as much as they can. But you shouldn't defend yourself, just leave
Going through this exact thing now, he called me a negative person when all I did was ask him about acting different & possibly cheating.
@@537Chr1s You should leave him, that person doesnt deserve you if they manipulate like that
Yea n Insults u dont deserve
Yeah this.. The manipulation into staying
I left my narcissist yesterday. Caught her in a lie. She was having an inappropriate relationship with a coworker. First gave her an opportunity to explain who she had been texting with. Of course denied it even happened, I of course was insane 🙄. I then presented the hard copy of the text conversation and walked out as she then blamed phone company and rejected the truth completely. Her constant gas lighting and verbal abuse finally pushed me to the breaking point.
The psychological abuse from a Narcissist is just beyond anything you could ever experience after a break up. Thank you for this video.
Yes, the crazy, illogical persistence in continuing to make your life hell continues, until they find a supply who take all their attention or the worse case triangulate.
It's beyond comprehension.
And very hard to explain without looking like a complete victim ...and bit of an emotional psycho
Yes my family and friends don't understand what I am going through. I don't have much support.
@@lettya3993
Yes, it's difficult for others to support you when it's not happening to them.
Find strength in you knowledge and remove all contact. Its the only way.
I have two ex narcs, and have a child from each. I haven't spoken to either of them, even though they see my kids. I have to stop them from destroying my mental stability and health.
Stay strong 😊
Yep, and the worst part might be that nobody will believe what you've been through.
Quickly and QUIETLY!! 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️
When you have to means to do so.
@@jazzmelendez4868 Interesting comment. I'm assuming you're speaking in terms of being married to a narcissist that was the sole provider?
And fast.
Raised by a narcissist, married and divorced a narcissist. Now in midlife trying to still pull myself together.
Bless you, I'm in the same boat, not divorced yet....
Bless u ,u got this 👍
God bless you.
Me, too. How are you faring 2 years later?
God bless you
Never take a narc back, they will up the ante when you least expect it and leave you reeling in despair.
Boy, don't I know that. Experiencing that tough situation now.
Mandy Willingham You will get through this ❤️
@@a.goldenone thank you so much for your encouragement. I hope I come out the other side, wiser and stronger and more aware ❤️
True story, and they will use anything and everything to hurt you even years later...
@@nunyabizness199 thank you so much for sharing. I have hope that people who have survived and share their experiences will help me get through.
"Sleeping with the enemy" movie is perfect picture...Julia Roberts.
Bipasha Basu in Jism,Aruna Irani in Beta,Arbaaz Khan in Daraar are some characters of NPD shown on sliver screen
Gone girl
I am ALWAYS thinking about the title of this movie when thinking of my situation
I keep thinking about 'LETS GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT' another julia roberts movie when she poisons him after catching him cheating!!!! Lol
Yessss
I literally just left. That was it. Blocked his number and kept it moving. That was it.
La Original Me too!
zumzy u you mean you were cloning her cell phone and this hacker came along and “helped” you clone it? Did you know that you broke the law or are you that ignorant?
Omg I walked out last year on my bday lol just walked out i felt so crazy yet so free best 5 months of my life but he hoovered me back because of a fight I got with my mom who let me stay until I found a place for me.they are sad ppl.no future.
I would encourage changing your # so they cant call from another #or keep tabs on apps connected to your #
@@Maxumized they're advertising their crap in comments under all of Dr Ramani's videos.
Easy, you send them a final "fuck you and your drama" text, then you block them everywhere and start living your life, you sleep as much as you want, you eat what you want, you watch all the movies you want, you listen to all the music you want etc. just be happy, those sad sacks are only holding you back
(big words, yet I sit here crying bc it's one of those days where everything resurfaced)
You are appreciated. I feel this all too well!
This is great...but if kids are involved ,a house is jointly owned etc it's harder ,easier if there is no kids depending on u and u can both move along to greener pastures...
😂😂😂
If they do move on quickly, remember back to how quickly they latched on at the beginning.
I noticed that narcissists are not capable of laughing from the stomach. They smile and go back to serious very quickly. So far no matter how good the story is, when everybody around is cracking up, they smile and look uncomfortable.
Interesting observation! I also know a narcy person who only seems to cognitively experience humour. I remember once seeing him text hahahaha in whatsapp while not making any laughing sound at all in real life.
YES!!! When my husband started working from home I'd hear clients make jokes and he ignored them. I had to TEACH HIM TO LAUGH. Seriously.
Wow...interesting observation 👍
My bf yells at me to stop if i am laughing too hard around him. he’s like “it’s NOT THAT FUNNY” and makes me feel ashamed
So true
Its not easy, its scary, hard and takes careful planning and sheer motivation to leave. After 18 years, my children and I are FREE! Good luck to everyone who is attempting to make their escape and congratulations to all who have already left. ❤
how would i leave my narc wife when we have had a baby girl??
i dont know if i can last 18yrs with my wife, but i dont want her to take my baby away from me and teach her bad things an potentially emotionally scare her too
:(
what steps did you take to do what you did??
@@MrBluedude33 this needs to be addressed. .women can go to refuges etc and take the kids ,it doesn't happen for men..have u spoken to lawyers or counselors? Is there anyone u can stay with? Maybe make a diary and audio any abuse form her end ..have proof
Don’t ever underestimate a narc.
However the good news is, they always underestimate their target.
M Stafford Agreed but also don’t be in such fear of them that you remain living in terror. Narcissists are given too much power.
Or who'll they'll use and hurt. You the one they supposedly love so much. Your family, your friends, your pets. They suck!
Don't underestimate what you know
I'm Red pilled ,empath , so how do you figure!??🤔😉
I went ghost during the discard phase. Let him think it was his idea and when he started hovering again, I was nowhere to be found. Blocked him on phone social media, stopped communicating with mutual associates. He would use different numbers to contact me. I never respond just block right away. 😂😂
Awesome ‼️
The best way.
I'm letting him think it's his idea too...if you want a second wife you have to divorce me...I have so much evidence that he doesn't want anyone to know....I'm playing nice and mousy right now... when he is at work I'm packing and sorting like crazy!!!! 😈😈😈
GIMME YOUR POWER! NEED IT RIGHT NOW HAHA
Going through that now. Changed my number, deactivated all social media due to her making multiple accounts and contacting me. Now she’s messaging me through the chime bank app and I can’t block her on there
In my case, I went gray rock, although I didn’t know it was actually gray rock. That was only after decades of abuse, and after I had finally had enough of jumping through a never-ending series of hoops with nothing EVER being good enough. She left for her new supply, with whom she had been having an affair (one of several affairs) for months. I finally, at the age of 58 and after 35 years of being with a narcissist, figured out who I was and what I stand for.
Divorce, open the door, run like hell, do not look back. Saved my life.
How did you tell them?
You get less interesting (e.g., become depressed or ill), let them discard and ghost you...then is your chance..
A true narc will take you to the depths of hell, trap you there and leave you to starve, live or die at 'their mercy' and you won't know how you got there or how you can get out... That's how U know you are with a real narc.
They don't want anyone else to have you, which is why they try so hard to destroy and take as much as they can from you.
@@jensbasement3862 Wow.. That's a grear point I had not considered..
Thank you for this. It helped me and TODAY I left him.
Azul de Mendieta,you deserve better
Hell hath no fury than a narcissist scorned. That is why I am convinced that narcissism is demonic and originated from the bowels of hell itself!
Amén 🙏
@@imblessed8222 Blessings to you
Amen
A full blown narc is Satan himself, I know this first hand.
@@marcbee1234 I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through. I hope you're in a good and safe place now! I keep going back and forth in what I think about it being from evil in some way. When I see my sister in action, I lean very much toward agreeing with you about it being actual Satanic evil.
I was living in America. I’m Australian. I had no money but had just left work working for a multi millionaire who really liked me and sad I left. I left due to coming home to the kids nappies not being changed for hours and once he had left the house with a 10 year old nephew in charge of my 2!! He had hidden my passport and we were living with his brother and his family of 5 children. I got so desperate I rang my ex boss to ask for a loan of money so I could buy the airline tickets. Bless him he took it upon himself to buy them and even booked the flights. I had 2 weeks and each day I told him I was spring cleaning our stuff and room so what I was doing was placing anything I wanted to take into 3 drawers close together for quick pack and flee. I needed help and told one really awesome good person from church. Each day I was in such a good mood knowing I was soon to be free. So I didn’t react to the name calling and verbal attacks and I could see it rattled him a bit. He worked at night with his brother and left the house at 5. His brothers wife got home at 6. I had one hour to get 2 suitcases packed and get ready and get the kids out. Phew....my heart is racing telling this story 31 years later! I searched everywhere for my passport and one of his brothers kids who loved me asked me one day what was I looking for. I said my passport had gone missing and that I needed it to have ID for something. He went quiet and said quietly, I know where it is. He led me to a hole in his bedroom wall with a poster covering it and it was in the wall cavity. He begged me not to tell and I put it back in the hole and said I would never tell snd how about we leave it in there. He told me my husband had hid it in there. The day got closer and I had to act so normal. I stressed that he would not go to work or that his shift would get cancelled. The day came and he went off to work. I watched until his car was out of sight. I rang my friend. I packed like a mad woman. Dressed the kids. I snuck into the other room to get my passport. My friend arrived and we were squealing in anxiety to get the bags and kids in his car. I had to double check I had everything. He drive me to Meet another friend at a gas station and she then drove us to LA. I was dry reaching in the car I felt so sick. I wondered if he came home from work early would I get stopped. So into the massive airport, pregnant with a 3rd and having major morning sickness. Kids wondering what was going on and fighting. Me feeling sick about a 14 hour flight ahead of us. Get to boarding gate and someone called out my name. I was rendered stiff like a statue and could not speak thinking I’d been caught. Then the hand of angels gripped my shoulder and said my name again. I turned around to see an old friend from Australia that I had lived with their family years before, saying she could not believe we were in the same flight. I fell into her arms like a wet rag crying from all the pent up emotions and fear and anxiety is been through and to think someone I knew so well was there was like a miracle. She told the attendants the story and we got sat together and she helped me with those 2 little bloody naughty but bewildered children on that flight. My stomach could not rest. I hate flying but I’ve never been so happy to feel the force of that lift off. It was my lift off to freedom. I was so emotionally exhausted and psychologically drained and physically tormented that I never looked back. I never even had a heart flutter over leaving him. He had destroyed me but I had to survive to raise 3 children.
Years later I found out he did in fact come home early and of course the Empath in me left him a 10 page letter explaining away my decision. He rang the FBI and they said they couldn’t do anything as the plane had left and because my children were born in Australia if any custody hearings occurred they would have to be heard in Australia. When we touched down in Sydney, I literally got down on my knees and kissed the ground. My torture was over or so I thought .......................
It's a feeling of ELATION breaking up with a narcissist. The act of blocking them on everything feels so good.
I know, its a mood
Yes it is. I never felt so empowered. I was actually gleeful. I never looked back.
Shout out to this amazing woman who not only knows a lot but also knows when what she has to offer is not adequate for everyone and is not afraid to say so. Such a responsible professional.
I agree, thats good style ❤️
Thanks for this, just ended a relationship a month ago. It looks like I’m going to have to file a protection order. You can study psychology yet you are never prepared, it’s not always obvious how controlling and dangerous someone is from hello
Exactly, how can someone avoid these types of people.
@@victorbeardman1610 I don't think you can until you experience it and then learn from it.
mac1bc now that’s the truth!!!
This is why I am petrified to leave my Narc marriage.
My ex narcissist broke up with me but continued to show up at my apartment they will not let go and refuse to let you be happy two years later and I hope no one ever goes through dealing with a narcissist it changes you as a person
AnaAtlanta Zekaj cos they themselves are lost, they just don't know it. What a pity!
I've been dealing withseveral for over 20 years now. They seem to be common in Sweden.
Asad Zee no I haven’t heard of that I will look into it
AnaAtlanta Zekaj my old me died already, now I can’t even move out of bed.
CD/DVD Dd if you need someone to talk to you can message me on here I used to feel the same way you will be ok that’s a fact!!
Me: you're invalidating my feelings
Him: I'm not invalidating your feelings.
🤯
Spot on
The last time I prepped to leave a narc situation, they had no clue. They had just issued an ultimatum that they thought would break me. It was a blessing in disguise because it started that "timer" in their minds waiting for me to break; instead I understood what was happening, hung laundry to make it look like I was staying, packed, and silently left. And giggled when my phone blew up as they finally realized I was already gone.
Mid-timer they had mutual acquaintances text me to ask "how it was going." I made up vague answers about how I was "working to figure things out" while packing with the other hand, and that kept them hopeful, lol. I look back on that exit with satisfaction. I had to leave a few things behind, but in the big picture, things were not important. I'm so free.
Excellent descriptor of the behavior I hear about in my law practice. I'll be referring this video to clients, as I have others you've published. Many thanks.
Wonderful!!!!!!!
Jordan Allen Um, if you gave him the information he needed to get your wife’s texts and instant messages, why didn’t you just get them yourself? Because if he hacked your wife’s accounts to extract those messages, that’s illegal.
It’s probably even a felony, depending on where you live. I would not recommend other people to do the same. If you cannot trust your wife, you ask her to prove to you that you can trust her (maybe ask her to show you the texts) and she won’t do it, then ypu should save the money you would’ve spent on a PI and maybe hire a divorce attorney to split.
Thanks for learning this it makes you a good lawyer. I let go a attorney after asking do you understand what a narcissist is. She said no.. I right away got a new lawyer that understands this
I wish more attorneys were understanding of these types of people - maybe laws could change. I have a dear male cousin wanting to divorce an emotionally and psychologically (and sometimes physically) abusive wife. I've witnessed her abuse for years. He doesn't want to leave until his youngest child turns 18 (the boy is 16 now and he also has a 17 y.o daughter). My cousin is the sole breadwinner and knows he's probably going to have to pay alimony so he doesn't want to leave now and pay child support on top of that. I see his point, but I also see it affecting his health and his daughter is very troubled with horrible anxiety from the toxicity of her mother. Men are at such a disadvantage because the laws still give much more money and general passes to women. And I'm a woman saying this! It's disgusting to me that my cousin will be nearly bankrupt from this abusive, lazy "wife". Sadly, "No Fault" divorce really screwed the decent people and rewards the evil.
@@npkrn6764 hi do you have an update for your poor cousin?
im in the same boat, i am a farther who has just had a baby with my narc wife, and i can see how she will be a bad influence on my babies life in the long run.
Im not sure if should i stay until my daughter is 18 then leave or leave alot sooner...
You are my therapist and part of my support group, so glad I don’t feel alone in this anymore
heather minor,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news!
It's so hard when this is all I have known since married at 16 now 65 & my life was taken within 6 months of marriage. They portray a kind caring & loving person then within 6mths after my first son all hell broke lose. It was like I woke up to a stranger not the man I married. I pray every day for the strenghth to get out even after 50 yrs of abuse in every way. I.love your talks it's all I have thank you
My prayers are with you.....🌼
Good luck.. I hope you get the courage from somewhere to help you 🙏🏽
🤍🌼🤍
Blessings. It is hell.
I hope you find the strength to get out. I will pray for you.
I did it over a text lmao! And blocked him before he could even contact me lmaoaoaoaoaoooo!
Good job. 😉💪
Mariah’s Little Lamb - I’m living vicariously through you right now. Good job girly!!
Mariah’s Little Lamb love it!
I did the same!! 🤣🤣👋😏
Same x
This is a really great article on how to “leave “a narcissist… But I have found that once you are out you still have not completely left. You have a phobia of people, you go to Walmart or wherever it is you shop and if there’s too many people in the aisle you start to get anxiety, you feel like people are talking about you, you’re not comfortable in your own skin unless you’re burying yourself under the covers playing mindless video games on your iPad after work. When exactly is it that you come completely to life again after leaving a narcissistic abusive relationship? Once you are out for six months and you still feel lonely and afraid of others and afraid to even try again because you know the type of person you attract… What then? Video on that would be really really great for those of us who want to know… For a friend…Once you’ve been in and out of a narcissistic relationship for 25 years… You realize that his summed up a quarter of your life… Then you look back and realize that your parents were narcissist… So you have this empty feeling like not only have you never been understood but you’ve also never truly been loved… How on earth are you supposed to get past all of that?
A key feature of abuse survivors is that they can't imagine the future: only project the past. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Adults" by Lindsay C. Gibson offers great guidance on the path out. It's hard but it can be done. I lived 3/4s of my life with narc parents and abusers. The recovery process was hard but through the grace of Jesus made me strong. I'm determined not to be sad anymore.
20 plus years. I got so sick, mentally, emotionally, physically...till I could not even go out by myself. It was that bad. After I discovered these videos...I picked up my shoes, and ran outside by myself, for an hour...I'm not going to stop till I heal up..I can do this!!! With strength, and all these video helps, thank you,Ms Ramani...I will finally run forever from this demon, along with my four kids!! Yes, we can do this!!!
It’s also worse that narcissists tend to make lots of money since their personalities are sought after in the workplace. You can bet your bottom dollar they will get a strong lawyer to fight you!!
Jenna McCormick trueee my ex THE same he has a verry expensive lawyer its fuckd up but happyness over everything
Jenna McCormick true but it’s also a shallow hold because they are self serving people don’t like them in the long run. They don’t make good leaders or managers because they are self centred.
@@iss3669 they r good at making people love them. N they r good at making money.who won't love them? The world has gone loco
Yup we were long distance and he was flying to ne to stalk and harass me once I broke it off. He did this for 3 years just wouldnt accept it was over. Finally he has left me alone and I’m hoping it stays that way.
I always knew that it was an explanation when people leave for cigarettes and never come back.
😂
Right!
Yesss 😂 Bye! 👋👋👋👋
Especially if They don't smoke
Best comment ever! 😂
I got off so easily. We never got serious and I didn’t understand until 3 months in that he was a narcissist. Once I knew I empowered myself and simply stopped giving him supply, knowing he would discard me. Mission accomplished and I haven’t heard from him again.
Could you tell me how you did that? I am in a similar situation, it's been 3 months and his narcissistic tendencies are showing up full frontal
I'm so glad I found your channel , you saved my life and my mental state. God bless
I wish I had known I was dealing with a covert narcissist when I asked for a divorce. I instinctively knew how he would react after 25 years together, though. Love bombing, total victim playing and then extreme anger and vengeance. Smeared my name at our children’s private school too! It wasn’t until I was actually physically out of his presence that I found all this information on RUclips. I couldn’t believe he fit this personality type to a T! We still have to interact because of children (only one under 18). He’s really good at pretending to be nice and normal but I will never let my gaurd down and trust him. Looking forward to the day I no longer have ANY contact with him!
But you know what's even worse? A SPIRITUAL NARC, who' s also a stalker!!!
He definitely has a rage issue & I'm just so tired 😴 of everything! I'm a Scorpio when I'm done I'm done and put a wall up so they can't hurt me anymore and then I walk away, it's been 11 years and I'm ready!
I recently left a narcissistic friendship of 5 years. As I was planning my escape I watched many videos & article online what to do. I ended up distancing myself & stringing the other person along so they didn’t think anything was wrong. That way chances of a lash out would be minimal. And I stopped picking up the phone & answered text messages vaguely but enough to satisfy. This has worked so far
That’s how I did it too...it really works but you have to say the right things and act like a alternate person to counteract their ghost lighting tactics. In a way you have to act like a person that is just not interested in them anymore...worked for me
I tell my friend and need to leave the narc covertly and friend shames me for stringing him along wtf
I waited until he found somebody else. I figured that he wouldn't care about me if he was with somebody new and that would be my window to go no contact and block him. Well, it is happening now. The window has opened. But it took 3 years for it to happened and somewhere within those 3 years, I became attached to him. So, when he did "leave", I felt heartbroken, even though I had this plan for a long time. I guess, it was stockholm syndrome because he never let me move on within those 3 years and I was a hostage. I couldn't block him on my phone because it was a prepaid phone and I didn't have the money for a "real" phone plan (they are more expensive than prepaid plans) and I also felt afraid of what he would do if I dumped him and blocked him. It was hell. He was such a psycho and I wanted to move on twice and he wouldn't let me. Hostage situation. But for some reason, I feel heartbroken and a sense of loss regardless. It feels odd to me.
This is exactly what I’m doing
@@Maxumized Yeah. I also posses him off sometimes and the last time I pissed him off by just texting him to just talk to him and then he freaked out and said that he is going to date somebody and I just let him because I knew where it was going lol
This is what I always recommend to people who want to leave their partner.
Pack the essentials and hide them and if she/he is violent, then leave when they are away, or it could get messy. Plan everything very carefully and don't get caught (remember your browse history and don't leave any tips of your whereabouts etc).
And if you ever have to go back to the apartment DON'T DO IT ALONE. Always bring somebody who can help you if he/she gets violent. People in rage and desperation are very unpredictable. Even if they are not narcissist.
My narc husband cannot be in a rage after i told him I'm leaving him because we were in the food court in public with lots of people. Lol😂
My narc would not care public or not
I took my first wife to dinner and told her I was leaving her the next day. She could not act out in public! That was 13 years ago!
It makes me happy when my N partner throws his tantrum in public with other people, then all can see his true colors..
It’s escaping, not breaking up. 6 months later and half a works a part and he’s still being nasty to me cause I ended it.
@Kari whoa. That’s intense - “escape, not break up”.
I get it.
I’m so sorry he’s still being nasty, hang in there and try to see it as a reason to celebrate you DID escape!!! (Some people aren’t so lucky, have kids with them, don’t know they’re Narc’s, think it’s them that they’re unlovable, and stay for two decades).
Congrats on escaping!!!!!
I really do believe that they'll always be nasty towards you because you left. They will hold a grudge forever
@@fluffypinkglitterwingz8082 That's just ridiculous.. Ive been with my ex for 9 years and he accused me of abusing him and faking the relationship etc.. while I did everything for him, never cheated or hurt him in any way, did everything for his parents etc.. and now he is telling everyone Im crazy and used him for his money/home..
I just wasnt in love anymore so I really wanted to leave, but was too scared to leave because I knew he was going to cause a scene.. now that I left Im glad Im gone..
The hours before breaking up with my ex narc I was already crying so much, because I new I was going to end the relationship because I had to save myself from this situation, and I still was when he arrived. Even though it was obvious that I had an extremely hard time ending the relationship he tried to guilt trip me by asking how I could do this to him now and not before he had helped me with moving out from my narc dad and into my own apartment. He helped me put together some Ikea stuff and was trying to make me feel guilty for letting him do this for me if I allegedly knew I was going to break up with him. He didn't even acknowledge that it was in fact a reaction of his narcissistic and disrespectful behavior. And this situation was just a minor incident. The whole relationship left me so confused and I still questioned my own perceptions months after the relationship. I got severely depressed and suicidal. I went back to him a month after the breakup which made it so much worth and I was feeling extremely worthless. This breakup was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through even a someone with a dramatic childhood and narcissistic parents. But it taught me to finally stand up for myself and to learn to protect myself from this ever happening again. I owe it to myself.
My husband kept at me for 20 years. I was stalked, went through 3 attorneys before I could get a divorce. I had to move twice. We were married for over 30 years. He ruined my reputation, and damaged me so badly that I will NEVER date again. I’m now 73 and learning so much from these videos, so Thankyou.
Dr. Ramani, you are spot on. My narcissist ex-husband sought revenge regularly after our divorce for an additional 15 years until our child went to college. I could always tell when he was dating, because the revenge was somewhat reduced. It finally settled at a tolerable level (maybe I learned what to expect?) after he remarried. What the new wife went through was far worse than what I endured.
I’ve been back at my own home for ONE DAY after pretty much living with my narc and I can’t stress how freeing having this space without being around that energy feels! Thank you for your insight Dr. Ramani. 🙏🏽
I know of a man who can help you restore your relationship🌸🌸
If you need help text him via WhatsApp.
I broke up with my narc 5 months ago. I didn't understand he was a narcissistic until afterwards when I was doing a post mortum on the relationship.
But I did start taking my things out of his place in advance because I knew once we broke up it might be hard for me to go back for my things.
One day I told him I wanted to end the relationship and I was met with a roller-coaster of emotions as he tried to play all the cards on me. Gas lighting etc flipping everything I said back on to me. Even in ways that didn't make sense, you might know exactly what I am talking about if you have ever been with a narc. I started to feel so confused and started to become manipulated in to feeling bad for wanting to leave. It was such a bizarre moment but I knew in my gut I had to go. I honestly feel like I was being tested by Satan and my gardian angels pulled me out of there. I walked out the door and never looked back since, went no contact.
Still healing from that relationship. I wish all the best to anyone leaving their narc. You deserve so much better and you will get it. Pull the plug!
Well said I went through the same thing I got out after only 2 months even though it was brief it is still traumatic but my ex was physically and emotionally abusive and I have a tween son from a previous relationship who is with his dad who was abusive but never hit me now my son father refuses to return our son to me and has manipulated my son into living with him I'm relived that the relationship is over but it's cost me my son my focus is getting him back.
It all boils down to their carelessness of you. They only NEED you around to terrorize and destabilize to make themselves feel better. Losing you, is like losing a drug that helped them to get an artificial, yet temporary boost. They will never learn how wrong they are, they are too desperately insecure to use other people like sponges to soak up the slime they perpetually produce. I've never seen one change, and they will keep you hooked on the hope that they might change. Thing is, its not that nobody is good enough for them to change, its that they aren't good enough to anybody.
Went through that when me and my ex bf were still together. We are broken up but he texts me often. Sometimes still addressing me as baby, and saying I miss you or I care so much for you, every part of your life, I am busy can’t be with you now but in the future I still want us to be together eg.. the hovering, one day cold and detached and another day warm and caring. It’s mental.
I’m struggling but I can’t bear to block him. I know its no good for me mentally and emotionally I’m the Long run. I’m going crazy and still cry for him almost Everyday.
How do I heal properly when he keeps contacting me? I try not to reply his text messages but each and every time I’m so tempted to and I did. Sometimes I feel shitty after that. I feel you girl. Hang in there. I will try to hang in there And try to make small changes even if it’s painful.
You handled it really well, especially since you weren't aware that he was a narc during the relationship. I found out near the end of my relationship after a friend pointed some things out, if it weren't for her I probably wouldn't have been able to escape when I did. Even when you're aware that you're in a relationship with a narc, they can still do overwhelming damage to you.
You're spot on about the satan part, there is no better way to describe their manipulative ways.
So happy for you! I with one right now and we been together for 2 years now. I try to leave and break up with him, but my stupid heart keeps telling me I love him.😢He such a manipulator, controlling, he lies about everything that he never say that and more to that. I pray every day that I wake up and never see him again. I go to counseling and group support now.😭
it’s CRAAAAZY how accurate this it. On point.
Someone recently called me an Empath, a term that I was never quite aware of. To also identify my own behaviors helped me understand even more how & why I need to firmly set boundaries & not feel bad
Same here
Doing some counselling training, or reading up on empathy and boundaries will help you the most. Untrained empaths will give others everything, every last cent of energy before they realise that they needed that. Some boundaries will help you to stay safe. It’s not your job to single handedly save the world, you can just contribute what is reasonable from you to help this messed up world.
I learned I was an empathy at age 31 from a RUclips comment. we are magnets for narcissists. Very dangerous if you don’t learn to set boundaries
I am the villian... he convinced all his friends. I'm free now so I can be his villain so long as he doesn't find out how to contact me.
LOL! Just leave. Remember, the same right you had to walk in you have to walk out.
im here because after 3 years of finally breaking out of a 15 year narcissistic relationship. im so happy and so sad at the same time. the dinasaur part took me out!! LOOOOL
My god, this sounds terrifying.
Nadia Hristova being with one is even more terrifying
Yes it's very unreal what happens when you are spending time with a Narc (in my case I was not living with him.)
After some months of future faking, lying, stealing.abusing and also his heavy drug addiction I decided I'd had enough..
.I feel so much more relaxed now and that awful feeling of angst has gone.
He has tried to make contact but I have blocked him where possible.
I don't want to know this creature. Where there was once love now I despise him.
Since I think my last comment was lost to YT filter oblivion, all I will say is this: I thank my lucky stars that my narc’s mask fell as quickly as it did, because he did some weird/disturbing stuff that made me think the relationship would become violent (and possibly to the point that I’d fear for my life). Knowledge is power, and Dr. Ramani, your content is truly a godsend.
My ex narc texted me asking for friendship after 2 month had no contact, she said people around her start to leave her. She also told me she failed with her new supply.. Said how much she loves the person, sad its not working bla bla bla..
More I talked to her more i feel sick of it, I decided to stop and move on..
Damn that sounds familiar. I've been nc for going on 3 months. There's been no hoovering (I honestly don't think she ever will), but she's discarded me before and I've heard her tell me something similar. She has nobody, everybody leaves her, she's all alone and I've always been the one to stand firm and never abandon her.. etc... it was all fake. I feel your frustration
@@blaxpoitation8528 yes, that's true.. I don't know why she still alive haha! I feel nothing for her but I only don't like the way she used me. Well I believe in karma, when she get that and text me again I would just congratulations her and I would go out to celebrate!
Don’t take the bait! It’s all bullshit.
They tell you their woes 🙃 and you're like, wtf? Remember me, I was your spouse you idiot
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 Yeah, I married but now I know she never was my spouse. After the honeymoon I started to hear the woes. Mostly about my shortcomings.
He's convinced me I can't do anything right, especially taking care of our kids. It's mind boggling to me because I know I'm a great mother, but I've almost been fully convinced that I can't survive without him. I'll do everything wrong and mess my kids up.
He sure went after my boyfriend and that relationship ended. Thank goodness my narcissist met his new supply. She has no idea what he is capable of. I was in a relationship with him for 17 years and 3 years of legal abuse and harassment. Narcissists are the devil. Thank you Dr. Ramani🙏
LITERALLY moved on in 1 week. This Dr. is on point!!
I couldnt believe it either. I got over the heartbreak in 2 weeks and that relationship went on for a year and a half. So it was a trauma bond all along. Its wasn't real
Who cares. If they moved on. You can now live ur life in peace
I swear i learn far more from these comments than i do the actual video. Love it.
And abuse by proxy! Narcs using third parties like law enforcement for example to abuse an individual. A narc can falsely accuse you of stalking because they themselves are doing it
Happen to me, my narc husband call police for me
I think this might be happening to me...
I just ghosted him.Never picked up the phone.Egnored the stalking on facebook and the hoover attempts.I planned it very well when I caught him cheating in his inbox.3months no contact.Narc free 🙏
Theone Schroeder same here ! Almost 3 months narc free I am so happy and so relieved !! So happy I don’t have to deal with his negativity and being mean to me all the time even tho I did EVERYTHING for him!! He told an old friend of his that he never really loved the girls he’s been with only loved them because he slept with them but not real true love
He told me the same about his ex girlfriend.He evens told his ex he only used her for sex.
At least u got closure that he cheated.. being discarded by a narc is worse especially without closure...
Dr. Ramani, thank you for your video and.... you scared me! but I know you´re right So, this is what is coming soon after my divorce starts... I am REALLY scared. God, please help me.
Keep cool and identify the resources you need and get them lined up. Have a plan and work the plan it will give you confidence.
May God protect you.
quit your job and MOVE AWAY...dont tell ANYONE where u are...change your name...get new phone number and a different car....that what i did...worked well...
You will survive. Just remember what Dr Ramani says and know that you are worth it and in order to get your life back you have to take it back from him. I compare it to jumping through a ring of fire to safety. You have to do it. I hope you have friends or family support but if you don’t get a good therapist. Actually, do that anyway!
You described my ex- husband. Without knowing he was a narcissistic at that time, I recognised he was way too aggressive for no reason, erratic, constantly changing mood, unpredictable in other words and becoming more aggressive . So I planned my way out in detail, put all my stuff in order in the house, bought plastic garden bags to pack my stuff on the flight when the day arrives, asked a friend to collect me when he went to work and left. Never looked back. I also got lawyer, plus due to his crazy behaviour I requested a restriction order to protect even friends. Although took me 5 years to get the divorce it was the best decision ever I could have done. I was relief and not longer walking on eggs shells.
Wow ! 😲 This is incredible information! This is not a emotional decision!! This is a logical I love myself decision!! No contact if possible!
By the time she came back after a few days of silent treating me, I was12,500 miles away on a lovely beach in Asia with my climbing partners again. She never suspected this dog had slipped out of his collar already. Zero contact from day one, a well executed plan in haste. haha.
Dr. Ramani. I am living in the Netherlands. You videos reached me only 2 months ago. I wish it was sooner 😢. Finally after 24 years of violent marriage I have just realized with who I was dealing with. I am preparing silently for departure. Hopefully divorce will ready I one month. Thank you Dr. Ramani you have saved my and my son life. Your videos give me the knowledge. No one couldn’t help me until now. God keeps you safe.🙏
I have 2 kids with narc.husband. I feel like I'm trapped forever in his net and there's no way out of this hell. People don't seem to understand my situation as he is the
" most charming and most lovable person" for them, but when it comes to me he takes off his mask wearing in front of others and starts all his manipulations and tricks. I'm really sick of this marriage
Wishing you light and strength, Star. 💪🏻💐
I understand cause my Narc is nice and charming, fun but not always nice to me. Blows up and try to gaslight me often. I'm pregnant now and feel trapped but God will see me through .
And that is why no one will believe you. Because they are so "charming and lovable'. That how we got dragged into the mess of their lives in the first place. 😰
It will get better for. It is a long hard fight. But you can not be weak! Do not allow them to win. I was once where you are. I am now happily free of that disgusting individual. Our daughter is about to be 13 and she sees him for what he is now also and doesn't want to be around him. They will have to answer to Jehovah God for their actions.!!
My narc husband tries to buy the kids 'trips'. "Oh, let's go here!" They know it's for him and not them. They know he's a narc. I have within the last year just ignored him. If I pay him no attention, he can't 'feed off from me.'. I am in the planning stages now...I will be moving on in 1 year. My youngest will be almost 18. Husband wants to move west, we (kids and I ) are gonna make that happen for him. I feel safe as if he 'doesn't get his fix' he just sits in his lazy boy and pouts. Which we all ignore. He has his political views and gets ugly with that. We say nothing. This is part of 'the plan'. Literally getting all ducks in a row, 't' crossed 'i' dotted. Paperwork secured, Financially prepared, counseling, lawyer Etc. Now that we 'know' what the issue is, we know it is better to plan and be ready and get him where he wants to be and we will be where we want to be, and that is here at OUR home. But we also have a plan B.
Uggg 10yrs and 2 children 😢 I’m finally FREE of my narcissist!!!!! No more abuse ✨🙏🏼✨
Divorced a Sociopathic Narcissist, the divorce was dragged out and he threatened to run me broke if a divorced him? Everything you said about this happed to me. I had no awareness of this issue at the time, I am glad you are making this info available for free. You are helping people.❤️
I’m scared 😱. So abused mentally by my husband and his family. I just want to be on my own. And they will stand together for him. I’ve been through this before. I’ll be ready. I CANT WAIT FOR You’re new book. CONGRATULATIONS
I realized watching these videos . I was a covert narcissists . I was lucky to be self aware and have a bit of empathy that I could change . I had a rage problem and had no tolerance for people . Having Arguments with strangers in shops . These days most people are self important and have big egos . They won't let people act above themselves . Especially strangers they will love to tell you off to get a power trip . It's hard to be a narcissists . People do need to be humble and treat people the way you want to be treated . Because people will enjoy putting you in your place
Marie Williams thank you for being sincere, I've learnt so much too...
I think this society encourages narcisissm and some narcisisstic parents deliberatly make their children narcisissts, because they still think people who care and doesn't do anything to gain something out of this life in the cost of another persons efforts are weak. For them caring and concious people are weak. They think everyone needs to put themselves first and hurt others before others hurt them so they're not the weaker ones. They seem to care too much about how others percieve them in a fake shallow manner.
Marie Williams Are you sure it’s that and not BPD?
@Marie Williams what or who finally helped you to realize you are a covert and what who helped you to seek to change....
@@victorbeardman1610 i think you're right, sadly.
Fresh out of college, I started a business with a 40 y/o covert narc. I did all the operations and he marketed my talent. I kept injecting my personal money with new profitable projects. He kept spending the profits while refusing to reimburse me and racked on even more debt. I had to get out. I offered him the entire company with $60,000 assets and I'd take on all the debt to avoid future harassment. He still blew up, seized all assets, and locked me out of everything. Luckily all the accounts were under my name so I locked him from creating more debt. I'm still going to give him everything to minimize any of his maniac vengeance. Pray for me.
Fragile ego is correct, it was an experience to see the ex narcissist pull out all their cards at once.
The blame shifting, the threats, the sob stories of their daddy being mean to them.
The " You are NOT breaking up with me, I am breaking up with YOU." Speech. 🙄
Finally the insults and the proclamation that I am 'boring anyways'.
Lol
What a show. 🤣
Lucky for me, the ex narcissist is a coward and I never heard from them or saw them again. 😌
Domestic violence escape:
Yes, it took a team! Counsellors, law enforcement, 911, physicians, family services, support groups etc.
You need more than you - resources are out there. Access your informed support team💙
Not for men.
@@Pfsif It could be for me. I'm thinking of going well out of the way when and if I go. I know I can't be in the same town.
That is an extremely sad fact.
DV intervention & safety s/b the same for everyone!!!! I’m so sorry to hear this!
This is exactly how I got out 😊
Pfsif too bad there are no asylums anymore...female narcs a effing crazy
Thank you Dr Ramani once again, you just described my current situation. I wouldn’t say more than that. I thank God I discovered your channel nearly a year ago.
I finally, finally stopped wanting him and I stopped wanting the relationship after almost a year and a half.
He discarded me yet again, but this time I was grateful because I was ready to move on. He keeps trying to come back because he thinks we will get back together like we have in the past. It’s been uncomfortable, and I think he has done some things to the outside of my apartment while I was gone. But I’m just too exhausted from him to want to go back. I know it will be more of the same. The self-centered behaviors became a turn-off. His lying and gaslighting kept me from building trust and I know the relationship stagnated. All that’s left is the cycle of “enticing and pushing away”. Thankfully, I don’t feel enticed anymore because I know he’ll keep pulling crap on me. I realized that I didn’t want him or the relationship as much as I thought I did. He’s so mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive! I am learning to love and respect myself more. Bottom line is; it’s just not worth the hassle and stress. Life in general is stressful enough! I have a life that is valuable too, so I don’t deserve to have the life sucked out of me. I’m going to be positive and take what was good from the experience, but I don’t want to go back because I don’t want to be slowly psychologically beat-down and loose my zest!
I found this type of personality to be spider-like, and that’s a bit of an insult to spiders Lol. But I’m out. I finally lost my desire for him and that’s what saved me. Loosing desire for him allowed me to reclaim my strength and sanity. It was also helpful to remember past behaviors. There was a clear pattern. When the desire faded I could see the relationship for what it was and for what it would bring to my life.
My armchair advice: Have pride in yourself and know your own value. If you start to feel like you are a doting parent putting up with a “bad boy”, or man-child behavior, it should be a huge red-flag. Find your strength in believing in the value of your own path in life and go “No Contact”. No contact is the only way to truly break free because of the intense manipulation that the narcissistic personality has mastered. Just find your strength and your pride an get out anyway you have to. Blessings to all going through this type of relationship. It is really soul-depleting, but there is hope again once you are out and away from them.
Narcissists try to make you look like the narcissist in a break up by trying to harm your physical, emotional and financial health that makes you wonder what happened along with the smear. In my case my ex cost me a total of 20,000 and when I finally spoke out that's when the smear hit.
Because I couldnt work I used all my savings to help my ex with certain expenses.. he always said I would get half of it back (but he would have stupid excuses why he couldnt pay me back) and now that we're broken up I dont think ill ever get that money back.. I only have a little bit of savings left and there are some big bills coming up and Im looking for ways to get some money so I dont go bankrupt.. it's just crazy.. and he called me a leach for living of his money (while we agreed on that he would work and I would do the houshold chores)
So now I dont have a home (luckily I can crash at my parents), my mental health is shit (already was lol), none of my cats, only a few of my stuff (he would blackmail me if I took more) and no money...
35 years that's how long it took to finally finish the break up in my relationship with a narc. I really enjoy your content. Thanks so much.
The hard part is making the withdrawal of all connections without raising suspicions in the narc of what you're doing because they may make counter-moves against you to prevent your exit or at least make it hard. In my case it was easy: no shared house or kids, etc. My plan was to intentionally make myself as boring for the narc as possible: didn't argue, didn't start any conversations, was slow to reply to emails, etc; if she went into a narc rage, I just walked out; if she came over to say 'sorry,' I'd just stand at the door saying very little in response. In her eyes, I was just a waste of time. No narc wound inflicted. She gave ME up, in her mind. It's a kind of 'grey rock' variation that's not baring any contact or challenging the narc's ego. Hope this helps someone?
Wow, So when I first dated my ex, every time I would say, I need to talk to you I could see him physically change, his face would fall, his breathing would get a little rapid and he would say, I knew it , you're going to leave me. And I was just like, no, I just wanted to see what you wanted to do for the weekend, or I needed to tell you what happened at work, etc. So he had a lot of abandonment issues. I broke up with him because I just didn't feel like dealing with it. He is fascinating to study though.
I'm so glad mine discarded me after hearing all that they are capable of.
Thank you again for sharing with us all so freely. If more practitioners had your knowledge then so many people could be protected and aided to transition away from harm. You are genuinely helping many.
When my time to leave came it was sudden. I was initially in a stage of shock and self preservation that gave me clarity enough to know a few key truths. Any words between us could be twisted and only left me vulnerable. The time of talking was over. I had to put walls up and distance. I moved out and cut off access to my location or any leverage she had over my life. I knew if I left any gaps in the armour she would go for them.
With no power to get at me directly the “winged monkey” approach was employed.
Interestingly it was of course about controlling the narrative, but which narrative? Well it depended on who she spoke to. Her friends got a version where I was “unwell” and she didn’t know where I was and was worried.
My friends, (even people she had only met once) got a version where I was the bad guy who had left in the middle of the night, abandoning her and stealing from her.
But I didn’t care what she said, because that was her game. And if I used up all my energy running around putting out fires she had set then I would have had none left to move forward. So I took a stance that anyone who really knew me and cared for me would see beyond this tactic and reach out to me directly. Anyone who didn’t, was not worth the effort anyway. It worked.
I’m a year and a half clear of it now and mercifully free of all entanglements. Every step took courage, lots of courage.
I’m still healing and have a long way to go before I can trust again, but at least they can’t hurt me anymore.
Nobody deserves such treatment. But that’s the sad twisted truth at the core of it. I came into that relationship wounded and somewhere in there believed I deserved it. Now my life is a journey to rewrite that story.
Good luck everyone.
Thanks for sharing. I relate to your saying that it’s not one single moment.U showed up!enough of what you learned gave you the courage to leave.Also for saying your real friends wouldn’t believe what the narcissist said about you and that the rest don’t matter!Bravo!
Before living the narc try to get good sleep and right after u walked out go straight to the gym and work out 👍
My husband has demeaned my appearance and personality since 2001, and now in 2022, I've had it. I have no one close in my family, and I never understood the red flags from the beginning. But I can't take it any more.
Mine lied to me. I caught him in a lie so that made it easy for me to get out. He tried to twist it on me as if it was my fault. That worked a time before but after much history with this person. I am done. He tried calling but nope! Not going to allow his lies to be over looked.
Conce Si same here! let’s never look back :)
Mine is a chronic liar. He can't keep stories straight anymore. I used to call him out but it got to the point he got so flustered, I knew his brain was on overload and wouldn't get anywhere..
Read lots responses and a few things I learned first hand and there is no splitting or breaking up here but just to escape alive. My life belongs to me and I get to live it happy. Big changes and great losses but I am free and think nooo more posion in my life.
Hardest had to be my children but my only way was take the growing abuse and protect My kids until they finished school and ready to go on their own.... Only time will tell if I made the right decisions.
Restraining Orders: Only work for normal rational people and most Narc types fail that test. A piece of paper will not save your body or soul as police hide behind burden of acceptable proof as you fight the obvious until it becomes too late.
So I experienced a narc last year in my life from a three-month relationship. He was a con man that only needed three months to pull off his con. I’m actually grateful that he raged at me the day I left him because that rage caused me to perform an autopsy on the relationship. What I diagnosed was he was after my money all along, didn’t care who he hurt, is sending in the flying monkeys. I must remain silent and ignore him, ghost him, ignore any comment from the flying monkeys. Jesus has been helping me. Thank you, Jesus. 🙏🏻❤️
Amen 🙏
I’m so fortunate that people close to me supported me and believed me in how he treated me.
I had to play the hugest mind game with my narc to get out. Took 2 months just to get most of my belongings, (except what he kept) and left what I felt I could. Restraining order is now in place. His ego allowed me to play him. So always use their ego against them, it works. Never been so scared...but it is OVER. Iam out, and rebuilding. Thank you for your advice thru this process....it has been a God send
And block them...no contact is the ONLY way. He almost sucked me back in a couple of times.