Is an INNER CHILD Necessary For Healing (And Is It Even REAL)?
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
- 🟢 Order My New Book and Attend a Special LIVE Workshop Sept 25: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
Some people use the concept of "reparenting" their inner child as a way to heal the effects of early trauma. Is this useful? Is there really such a thing as an "inner child?" What if, as parents, we also caused CPTSD? In this video I give my real opinion on these concepts, and teach an approach to healing that may help you change self-defeating behaviors in romantic relationships and family life.
***
*Letters*: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
Best Course for Beginners:
Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
How I Recently Lost 25 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
Learn to Heal CPTSD-driven Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
Join LIVE Webinars with Anna Runkle: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com...
NEED BETTER SLEEP? Manta SLEEP MASK Use code CCFAIRY for 10% Off:
bit.ly/43udhog
Even if I don't absorb every word you say, just feeling the vibe of an emotionally regulated person is so helpful. Many of us were / are so lonely, isolated and confused. Keep doing you, Boo. It"s working. 😘🙏
Appreciate you chiming in!
Oooo thats nice I think I had it once
I see the whole ‘inner child’ approach is more about the willingness to look back with a much more compassionate and realistic perspective. As part of healing and moving forward. ❣️
Thanks so much for sharing!
I agree with this; the “Loving Eyes” EMDR technique from Jim Knipe’s book is basically about revisiting traumatic events with compassion for your younger self rather than the criticism that typically accompanies those memories, like “this was my fault,” “I am bad,” “I deserved this.” I see people get better from personality and attachment disorders through this approach.
I agree ...the inner child concept changed my self talk from being aggressive (towards myself) to be being more compassionate as if mentoring a small child.
Great perspective! That’s i like because it hard to understand but I do have an inner child ans inner teen but I don’t know if I can heal her. Because it seems weird but I have been doing much work around it!
Thanks for this. Back in the '80s I was in therapy and we used the "inner child" approach. It was a useful first step toward seeing myself more compassionately. It did help me reduce my habit of self-flagellation, but it wasn't a permanent solution. Your perspective helps me realize I reached a point when it was time for the "child" to grow up. In other words I wanted to be one integrated person. I was much healthier at that point than I previously realized. 😊
Appreciate your insight!
For me, I don’t split my personality, however I have used inner child imagery just to love and connect with myself. It is easier to do if you have a picture of yourself when you were little. extending love and comfort to the inner child who did not receive those things. I just use it as a tool to create compassion for myself. It has helped me so much with healing codependency. Also when I’m upset and anxious, to stop and hold my inner child brings calmness.
Thank you for sharing!
I found Inner Child healing work to be one of the critical components in my healing journey. For me, it got me back in touch with the emotions, feelings and early child programming that needed to be updated from an adult perspective. The Inner Child healing meditation and hypnosis work found triggers and traumatic events long ago forgotten and ones I had struggled to identify through other therapies. I was actually amazed at some of the memories I recalled and then updated my feelings and thinking to tick off that trigger as processed and dealt with.
This is exactly why clinicians find this framework useful, particularly for male patients who struggle to feel their emotions. I ❤ this comment
37:21
"Healing your life is the most exciting project you could ever undertake"
💖👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🙏🏼
Well said :)
For me the parts work helps when I'm already disassociating I can recognize what emotional bucket it is coming from. It's like how Pete Walker talks about flashbacks. They can last week's, where we are transported back to the polyvagal state we were in while our trauma was actively occuring. That trauma happened, a lot of it, when I was young. For me connecting to my "inner child" allows me to meet my needs while in a flashback. It also helps me meet my needs better when I'm not in a flashback, because honestly my needs haven't changed that much since I was 9 years old and just wanted a hug and someone to talk to. Anyway. I hope this helps. The goal for me is to make sure I am as present as possible by meeting my needs. I often don't know what they are when I'm stressed out so this mind framing strategy helps me sort through all the muck, so I can actually be there for myself now. But I understand your standpoint because people do use the distancing language when avoiding accountability in a conflict... But this is not that. It's an embracing mindset and not a distancing mindset. Inner child work requires radical openness. Again that is not the same mindset as someone who is creating a selective reality to avoid dissonance or accountability.
It is also a good strategy to make self compassion easier while going through a rough patch. Visualization of and an ongoingb "relationship" with the "younger me" has vastly increased my emotional intellegence. I've lost some of my resentment toward children as an adult (yeah) and it's allowed me to giveore grace to myself when I am "imperfect"
Thanks so much for sharing! YOur insight is appreciated!
@@cattifyed I agree. It has helped me too. I truly connected with myself when I did visualization and it is how i stay present and comfort myself now
I’m not sure if you’ve heard of schema therapy, but this is the basic idea, learning to meet your own needs as they weren’t met adequately in childhood, and those needs really never change even when we’re adults. They are the need for: secure attachment to others, autonomy and sense of identity, freedom to express needs and emotions, spontaneity and play, and realistic limits and self control :) the idea is to work on meeting those needs that originally were not met enough, in imagery to actually experience the feeling but also in real time in therapy and with friends, etc. it’s a bit more complicated but that’s the basic idea
Having "parts" be kinder to one another, and negotiate with each other, helps me be more gentle with myself.
That's great!
Wow, this video really resonated with me!! The ongoing feeling like I don't belong, and I'm 62, still experiencing this every minute of each day. Just recently I had surgery and had NO ONE to take me to and from the hospital. And as we all know you are required to have someone be there during the procedure as the doctor talks to that person after surgery to let them know how you are doing and how the surgery went. Going through this of having no one to help me was extremely difficult for me to deal with! The feeling of being completely alone was horrific emotional pain!!! I feel so blessed that I came across your channel Ms Fairy!! God bless!!❤️❤️
@ Shelsea . Experienced a similar thing a few years ago when I had a total hysterectomy to address endometrial cancer. Terrible to be scratching around for support and "presence". Sending you best wishes.
I always took it as a metaphor for an emotional flashback. As in, the “inner child” is reacting to my present environment in a heightened, out-of-scale, inappropriate way. When I’m reacting to a situation as an adult, and suddenly feel powerless, and terrified, and am reacting out of that fear- I think of it as acting from my experience as a child. And I use Pete Walker’s steps.
The way I was got perspective on my childhood was by having a daughter. I had always seen my childhood abuse as deserved. But seeing my daughter at 3, or 5, or 7- I couldn’t imagine anything she could possibly do to warrant beating her. Seeing how young and innocent she was, despite intelligent, I’d never confide my grown-up problems in her, or tell her the horrifying things my parents told me. I’m by no means saying I was a perfect parent, and I know some of my decisions have hurt her. But learning the CPTSD diagnosis has helped so much with how I parent, and our relationship.
Great insight and parenting experience, thank you so much for sharing.
-Cara@TeamFairy
That's so wonderful. I drank alot to avoid feeling. And by doing that I neglected my kids for a good while even though I'm trying to make up for it now. I just can't really give back to them the safety and love (as they could have experienced it). I feel really guilty. I'm so glad for you and your children that you chose the good way to go. God bless you.
I agree, take the approach that works for you. I found the IFS type approach very helpful. I once heard someone say "you are every age you've ever been". Meeting the needs today that were missed in my early years has been so healing.
Yes, we all need to do what feels honest for us
I so appreciate how open and honest you are and how much you're willing to share about your own life and journey. As for the inner child, I wouldn't "reparent" the inner child but I would learn to love it in a way it wasn't loved. Yes that's compartmentalizing but sometimes necessary to go back to that time and view that little child with compassion. In my case, that little person was put down, beaten, stomped on, shamed, belittled, etc. and I have tried to reconnect with her and view her in a different light. It is helpful in that sense. Otherwise her beautiful innocent soul is lost to me. It is me loving that little girl, and nothing to do with parenting or parents. Without looking back and seeing that child, I am cut off from her, which causes me to forget that she was innocent and precious.
Appreciate you chiming in, the different experiences are great.
My mother has CPTSD and she never apologized for ignoring me, showing up very late to pick me up, etc. She is still in the defensive mode of "poor me" and doesn't take any accountability for her actions. I have to do all the work of forgiving her for my own good... But I don't want to be around her for this very reason. If she would have said "I'm sorry and I'm trying to do better" it would have repaired my trust in her so much.
The only thing I can wrap my head around with any type of reparenting is when I am triggered my something from my childhood I calm myself with words I would tell a child in a similar situation. It’s very helpful. Your vulnerability is special, It’s comforting to know someone grew up similarly and how you’ve overcome your struggles.
Thanks so much for sharing!
I totally feel my inner child, i hug her and ask her what she really needs,usually the answer is the healthiest way or self regulation, conscious choosing. It feels amazing and it even unlocks my real gifts and heart desires :))
I need to realize that my traumas are all in the past and I no longer have to relive them....
You'll get there
My sexual abuse was so bad, that I suffered physical damage, and was unable to have children because of it. My mom was a horrible mom. I always looked great, kept me clean and fed, but I realize that was for her own self worth. People always complimented her on my appearance. Yet, in private she was emotionally, mentally and emotionally abusive. She then continued to keep me in abusive situations, to protect her family. I was told to keep my mouth shut. It all continued with her, to the day that she died in 2013. Never protected me to the very end. No hugs, no love felt by her. Just one of my abuser's. I was very close to my great grandma and grandparents on my dad's side, but my mom took me away from them.
Thanks so much for being here, we support you :)
I’m so sorry to hear about all you’ve been through. I have a feeling my past abuse is connected to my infertility though I can’t prove it, it sounds like yours clearly is a direct cause and effect. I’m sorry you had to have a crappy childhood, keep going. How strong you are for being here. I’m in awe!!! Xxx
Hopefully things.. are looking up more so now.
Can dance thank you for explaining your situation mine is much the same the damages in my childhood were so severe physically emotionally I couldn’t have children either..
You're in the right place on Anna's channel. We're glad you're here. :)
I'm fractured and compartmentalized. It is a real thing. I admit my truth. Parts of me are attached to certain ideas, memories, experiences, and emotional triggers. You know? It's just true. And accepting it, imo, is why I can now repair those fractured pieces, to experience my identity and reality in a complete sort of way. I personally think most people are fractured in this way. In Japanese culture, they have a word to explain the concept of self repair. It's a wonderful idea... Kintsugi.
Appreciate your insight!
I’m glad for your healing! For the Japanese word, I have friends in Japan who have a trouble finding any sort of help for their psychological problems. It doesn’t seem like in Japan there’s much acknowledgment given to childhood trauma ? Perhaps beatings. But it seems like they are very into keeping your problems to yourself. I have a friend who was in a mental hospital for depression. The good thing is they’ll keep you there for months and months and months, while they try various drugs. You’re not just left to die alone.. But the bad thing is there didn’t seem to be any therapy at all.
@@Raina430 Oh, yes. That's a huge concern in Japan right now. But it didn't used to be so... Kintsugi is more of a "modern" and material manifestation of an ancient philosophy called wabi sabi (Zen Buddhism). Unfortunately, humans are at the new beginning of being (given the vast span of our sentient state, up to now). That means we are at the new beginning of being willing to acknowledge "mental health" is a legitimate phenomenon that deserves our attention and investigation. Some cultures will go through lags or fluctuations, through time, until the ultimate truth of Reality is fully accepted and integrated into the dominant perspective. Such is the nature of our current species state. Many Asian cultures have been in an interesting transition lately, in the sphere of mental health. I think modern western mental health practices are only where they are thanks to the work of ancient Asian spiritualists, philosophers, scientists, healers/doctors, and truth seekers/teachers.
@@silentfriend369
Well said.
I struggled with Inner Child until I read about how trauma "freezes you in time" and about dissociation and parts therapy and internal family systems. Patrick Teahan helped me understand how you can work with your inner child without being too hung up on visualising an actual child and hugging them and all that stuff I found "icky" and which, as you describe "didn't resonate". What I did find really astonishing when I learned about "parts" and dissociation was how these phenomena are recognised in the English language and how we talk about them without even realising it- "part of me thinks this, and part of me thinks that", "I was beside myself with worry" and "you're not yourself today". I agree that integration of parts, not disintegration, should be the aim, but it helped me to think about the warring factions inside as "parts" who could speak in turn and discuss things instead of all yelling at once. I think you are absolutely right in saying that all these ways of thinking about things have pluses and minuses and it's a question of finding what works for you and sticking with it- but being willing to try something different or something again at a later date.
She’s not only real; she’s running the show.
:)
I have found the inner child model helpful. I do “see” her internally and try to include her and spend time with her as I go about my daily life. She’s lonely, I’m trying to give her the companionship she needs.
If it is helping you, it's a great tool :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you, I never resonated with the inner child work. Felt imaginary and make work therapy. Questioning the concept was used against me as I need to believe in myself. Could not relate especially to hug your inner child. One size fits all therapy does not exist.
exactly! I do NOT like hugs or touching. I have beaucoup trust issues. Never have found a friend whom I trust to touch me.
Appreciate you chiming in!
Agree it’s definitely not a one size fits all. So many different approaches work for different people.
Oh god, yes, I went to a thing years and years ago where we were to put our inner child in our pocket. Yikes.
@@Chahlie that would feel creepy. Kind of elf on a shelf vibe. Seriously I do know a few people that this was the break through tool they connected with, while for me not so much.
You said in another video that you didn't really have a childhood and were an adult at a very young age. Maybe our different traumas have different outcomes in the way we look at ourselves. Without being hooked to it, sometimes contacting, cuddling, or soothing the little 6yo in me helps me open my heart when I hate myself, so I can get back to accepting myself. I don't feel it as separating different parts, but as diving in the deepest layers of my evolving personality.
Appreciate your insight!
I love how you expressed it. Yes we have those layers and they are still with us. Inner child can be understood like the most primitive layers or reactions to our experiences stored in our limbic system when our personalities were molded by our circunstances and it doesn't make all of us but the point in time and space our lives started. Thank you.
I agree with this. You make a lot of sense. I feel like "re-parenting" is like learning life skills, but I couldn't absorb anything and all I did was live in emotional dysregulation. It wasn't until I starting saying "I" instead of splitting up into parts that I stopped blaming and started growing. Thank you for the daily practice, it's so wonderful
I'm so glad to hear that you're benefiting from the Daily Practice, thanks for sharing some of your experience with us!
Kelly, The one thing that helped me integrate my inner child with my adult self is my knowledge of the 5 languages of love ❤️ This helped me reparent the lack of the needed words at early age. I made up this technique and use it successfully. For example, “words of encouragement “ is my love language and every time I achieve something that was unpleasant to do, and I did it anyway, I now say out loud to my self how this was such a good job. How good I am etc... I was very surprised to feel how deeply gratifying and loving this felt to me! I no longer need to expect my partner to give me this kind of ❤️ love as I can give it to myself. My “inner child” are actually 3 different ages. It’s the 5 yo that mostly love this speaking technique. Childhood trauma before the age of 2 is not like the trauma at a later age. Works great if truly early early trauma. The baby me, loves cozy blanket and wonderfulsmells ( second language of Touch and the senses)! The other 3 languages are gifts, acts of service and one more that I forgot. I wish you try all that’s available to you! Big hug!
Appreciate you chiming in with your own experience!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you! I forgot to mention how your daily practice also helped me integrate the inner child... if I got far enough with the I have fear..., because... at the 6 th 7 th because I almost always find “ because I have fear I’m not good enough “! Doing this daily in writing is cathartic
Ty so much for sharing this. You gave me new ways of healing. Bless you and much love I wish you much healing 💞
Wow the second letter and response were epic and sooo helpful! Thank you! I struggle with the disregulating affecting my parenting and freak out internally that I may have ruined/be ruining my six year old’s childhood. But hearing you say you sat down and apologized to your kids in the moment and older is giving me hope I’m on the right track. My son is so quick and sweet to forgive. I’m trying so hard not to have to ask for him to forgive me in the first place though! Bless his heart.
You are definitely on the right track!
-Cara@TeamFairy
When my CPSTD took over my life I separated into two people. The "I" today and the little sexually and emotionally abused 6 to 11 year old kid. It helped me to view that kid remotely and understand what had happened to me. It's an interesting psycology subject. Slowly I put that little boy to bed. No longer at harm. I dont know what methods work but if it resonates, then work with it. I think if you stay separated then that is not healthy, its unresolved. We can't change the past but we can shape our future 😁🙏
Thanks so much for sharing!
Same
I agree it helps make the picture clearer.
Thanks again, Anna, for this video. Blaming my parents has helped me in the past when I struggled to get free from them. But as soon as I had kids myself, I understood how big a trigger having children is when you're a victim of cptsd. And only recently did I understand that my parents are trauma victims themselves. It was a trauma therapist who told me during the intake: oh, your parents are war children, there might be some trauma there as well. That really shook me! I have always known, intellectually, but before the concept of cptsd, I didn't understand. They are alcoholics, so I was angry with them about that and blamed them for their lack of self-control.
And I really blamed myself when I lacked self-control with my own kids.
Luckily, I had learned about honesty and making amends with Al-Anon. And I can tell you, even young children get it when you apologize. They even learn to anticipate it when you're unreasonable. My kids told me so: "don't worry, mom, we know you don't mean it because you always come back and apologize." I was a little ashamed when I heard that but also greatly relieved! And I can tell you all, despite everything, my kids turned out fairly happy, friendly and capable. Not perfect, but okay with themselves and other people.
I am very grateful that I got introduced to the concept of cptsd by you, Anna, and I'm grateful to the researchers who developed it, like Bessel van der Kolk. I am presently reading "Transforming the legacy of trauma" by Janina Fisher, which is also very helpful. I am learning to view myself not as a seriously damaged person with some kind of mental disorder, but as someone who reacts to triggers. And this reactions were my manner of surviving and coping and surviving when I was a kid. And I'm starting, just starting, being grateful to my brain that it reacted to those triggers when it needed to in my childhood and helped me survive. Because let's be honest: it was tough being my parents's child!
So glad you found us, thank you for sharing a bit of yourself and your experience with healing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Isn't an "inner child" just your memory of who you were, and what you experienced? That, plus the fact that (excepting depersonalization) we always seem to ourselves like the same person that we were as kids, even though we change? People say that they feel like they are about 12, for life. That isn't uncommon. Who would the "me" I feel like I am, be, other than my inner child?
Well said.
John Bradshaw wrote excellent books on inner child work.
I read it somewhere : the child we used to be got traumatised, so we need to heal and support that child, not the adult we are today .
I strongly belive the child actively live in us as feelings.
As an adult I do try to comfort my little girl, it definitely changed my life.
I do love myself today.
Thanks so much for sharing!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy anytime.☺. It is a subject very close to my heart.
Since doing inner child work my self love and self esteem have escalated. I realise its not for everyone but its very comforting and healing for me personally
@@catherinewholey3630 I'm glad to hear it! ☺
Even if you don't buy the reparenting, Bradshaw analysis of family dynamics will be a revelation for many of us here. Book "toxic parents".
Reparenting is a very personal and long term process. It almost shouldn’t be discussed so often, if at all with others imo because your connecting to a past super vulnerable wounded self/experience that only oneself would truly understand.
Appreciate you chiming in!
I resonate alot with the inner child concept, bc, I could quite literally feel those different parts of self writhing around within me. But I can see how others might not have the same experience. The inner child can grow up. That's the point of therapy.
Great perspective!
First thank you Anna for such a frequent content! I hope you get much more subscribers since you’re doing such an important work! 💚
About inner-child: I personally love this concept and it helps A LOT when you don’t have anybody loving and supporting in your life! There has been many times in my life when I really needed to connect with (good) people and it wasn’t working (they could be just busy, or not interested in my company at the moment or just wrong ppl I shouldn’t have tried to connect to all together ;)). And that’s so triggering - so I’d fall into that abandonment melange (Pete Walker term, right?) and it’s so so so bad place to be (we all here know that!) - I’d start all that shame/guilt thoughts that I’m so unlovable and very broken and nobody loves me etc...
So I’d use that self-parenting thing - and it’d really help! I’d talk to my inner-child, ask what can I do to my inner child right at the moment to make her feel better, that’s I’m here and stay as long as she wants, I’d say lots of encouraging words (whatever I was able not to sound to fake, however faking here is ok as well).
I even started thinking that I am myself is “A Little Real Family”, and that helped me feel more confident and in a way complete (independent?).
Also I always felt jealous of people having supporting and loving family, and I’m like an orphan that nobody (good) would want to adopt. (However I actually have Mother, Father and Brother, but I had to cut pretty much all connection with them since it was so heavily unbearable!)
Also the inner-child work made me less needy, so I see better people are attracting to me now (I even got pretty good friends in the last few years).
It’s quite a sad fact, that being (emotionally) needy mostly attract abusers... but when you’re more independent (emotionally regulated I guess) - then much more chances to have healthy good people in your life.
Just my 5 cents. Thank you! 🧡
Your 5 cents is much appreciated, thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for changing my life Anna! I’ve been following for quite some time but realized I’ve never left a comment expressing my deep gratitude. I am 24 and I have so much to look forward to and for the first time ever I feel hopeful, like it can all change because I can now understand things so much better! All the negative self talk (you’re just lazy, not smart, not capable etc) that I’ve brought with me from adults in my childhood is just that - and I don’t have to carry that with me anymore!!!!! The feeling of not being alone in the world with this couldn’t be bought with any amount of money. Thank you thank you thank you.
Thanks so much for sharing, I appreciate that you've been a long time listener!
I recently showed my mom your videos. They’ve resonated greatly with her childhood in the 60s. I feel she now knows how to better relate to me and has been making a concerted effort to be there for me now, even though she wasn’t there when she was a single mom.
I also have even more empathy for her and how this tiny lady survived so much. “Hurt people, hurt people”, but this is healing! Thank you profoundly for the love you generate through your talent.
Love to you and your mom!
I’m glad the speaker feels like a single person, and this is why I probably haven’t felt this channel is a good fit for me. I found reading “The Haunted Mind” by van der Hart et al an absolute relief, I finally saw myself (in the secondary dissociation chapter) and it cleared up many puzzling things. Knowing the truth about myself and that I wasn’t strange or difficult, made a huge difference. TBH, some of my parts are incredibly useful, and some are fun, and they are all me, so I don’t want them gone. I wish the speaker and her audience well.
Appreciate hearing your experience.
Agreed. Usage of the construct of an inner-child can be of limited usefulness. We really can't "re-parent ourselves". Yet when kids have adverse childhood events, and get their normal development disrupted, they continue to grow, but with gaps, holes, dents, deficits in their life-skills from that developmental stage. We all use a wide variety of coping strategies to try to continue to develop as best we can. But those holes, once the time the developmental stage has passed, often never get filled.
Years back I and a team mate innovated a group psychodrama practice for a residential program based on an enhanced vision of psychological developmental stages. We, in collaboration with our residents, devised psychodramatic tableau's based on what developmental gaps needed work but re-imagined in an age appropriate way. We were taken aback at the results. There was a hunger for the work among the residents, and folks quickly started rolling over the social skills experimented with from psychodrama into their daily life. The results held over time. In retrospect I'd have to say this was high efficacy and high efficiency for sure. And there was no usage of jargon like "inner child".
Like you, maturing from "feral" to poised, we all want to continue to grow, no matter what ACE crap happened.
Awesome insight, thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you Anna, incredible video. I relate to this so much!
Blaming another part of ourselves has us avoid taking responsibility because it’s placing blame to another part.
We are not parts, we are whole… blaming another “part” of ourselves is a lack of boundaries with ourselves.
Lemme take a moment to thank you for what you do. You are doing beautiful work. 💖
Thank you so much!
It was explained to me that the inner child was a trauma we experienced at a certain age that was never resolved. We have a particular understanding in our development or stages where we kind of stay there or a least part of us do. It doesn't have to be child but it could be just an event that was not resolved that is talked through and it is over. Like at 4 years old we wish grandma dead and the next day grandma dies but we feel our wish made it happened. Anyway, that guilt stay with us. Some people like seeing it as a child. The therapist's job either using inner children or talking about development helps the patient work through that shock or trauma so it doesn't effect us in present reality. There are therapist like Albert Ellis who do not see the point of the inner child, however, people like Rchard Bandler does. Personally, whatever works if it does work for you.
Work it if it works, for sure!
I too read a lot still do, and I wanted Charles ingalls to be my father, recently re-watched little house on the prairie. Still loving Charles 💕
Hard to beat Charles Ingalls...:)
I just realized you might be saying “I’ll see you fairy soon” at the end.
That's funny! But I wasn't saying that :)
I like that 😁 see you fairy soon 💕
Fairy clever!
i highly recommend patrick teehan here on youtube for inner child work he is a super guy.
🙂
The inner child thing was hard for me to get on board with at first, but it's really helped me in my journey once I really tried it. I consider myself the 'adult' version, and any of my toxic or upsetting thoughts/feelings are my 'inner child'. I 'reparent' myself by retraining myself to walk through those thoughts and feelings logically, and think of what I needed to hear when I was a little girl. But I totally understand how it wouldn't work for everyone!
I asked my inner child if he is real. He told me to mind my own business.
They get like that :)
This shows he's indeed VERY real :)
I resonate with inner child work in the sense that sometimes my thoughts and feelings do not feel "new" or like they entirely belong to my adult self. I've been learning how to identify this, and it's a sign I'm in a triggered disregulated state. Sometimes my adult, rational self can know logically that I am safe, but there's this part of me that feels that intense dread. I felt it as a child, and me feeling unsafe in that moment is an emotional flashback. It doesn't feel like my present, grown self. It's not that I don't "own" it, but it's a way for me to step back and say "that's the trauma talking" and not permanently identify with it. In those moments I temporarily lose the emotional intelligence and adult social skills I have developed, because I'm not responding as if I'm in the present. I'm responding as if "it's happening again". As if I'm a little one, without a voice or autonomy or the ability to meet my own needs. I find it helpful to combine the tools: self-parenting combined with regulation techniques. Noticing that I'm disregulated and responsibly and compassionately giving myself the tools I need to calm my body IS self parenting. I say to my younger self that is triggered in these moments, 'Hey girl, we got this. Let's take a minute and go write and breathe." Organizing my thoughts and then finding a voice to communicate my needs and boundaries IS self parenting. It teaches my inner child over and over that I am NOT trapped. I am NOT in danger. The trauma is over, so come back to the present. It's what my parents should have done for my little self. It's not about them being "bad" parents or what they did, it's about what I experienced, and what I didn't get that I needed. They couldn't give it because they were also abused and neglected. I often use art and writing to calm my body, and move through anxiety and often times inner child work comes out in that. It works for me, but so does the daily practice :) To each their own.
Thanks for sharing, and absolutely: to each their own :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
The letter from Deborah was so wonderful to hear because I have been wondering this myself and had the same experience in reading books where parents are vilified without acknowledging that if we are parents we are most likely repeating the cycle with our own children without knowing it. Once we know, we want to change and help our children but there isn't much information - well, none really - about this issue.
It's reassuring we aren't the only ones isn't it?
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is so grounding thank you. I just discovered your chanel last week. I love how present, real and integrated this information feels. I love that you make space for other people's experiences to be as valid as yours and also to openly share your perspectives. It really helps me hear this from an older person, whose come through further ahead. Bless
Welcome aboard!
I am one of those people who has resonated with inner child work. It helped me hugely with self esteem using "guided imagery" to imagine me was a small child and holding her on my lap, telling her I loved her and am there for her.(More complicated than that but I wont go into it here). I found a connection and used it to learn to comfort myself during difficult times. Its kind of morphed into self parenting as I talk to myself (in my head) kindly and with compassion now and find that my inner critic is less "active".It also keeps me present and I feel much less alone (I dont have anyone at all in my life) Its worked for me I think because Ive always had a good imagination and could picture "little me" easily. Different things work for different people but it has definately helped me
WOW .... "Forgiveness is a state that falls lightly like snow into your heart when certain conditions have been met, which is you just don't have fear and resentment anymore... you just start to see the full humanity of people". The entire video is excellent but those words spoke directly to me today. I forgave my childhood abuser a long time ago but I have not been able to forgive a family member for her callous attitude & cutting words when I finally broke my silence about it ~8 years ago. She has now swept it under the proverbial carpet as if it never happened but I don't think I can ever stop my resentment of her lack of humanity. I can understand why I haven't been able to let it go now, she has done nothing that even vaguely resembled human kindness or compassion, Thank you so much Anna.
Wow, that's a really powerful connection you made. Whether you want to forgive or not, you seem to be on your way 😉
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hi, Fairy! Thank you so much for your content. Both mindblowing, relieving and extremely sad. Please make a video on CPTSD, depression and suicidal thoughts. Thank you, really thank you.
You are welcome to email 'Ask the Fairy" (put in subject line) at hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com and pose a question you would like to see video of :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Well said! Need to self reparenting my self. Good topic. Getting outside the box mentality. Thanks ann for the daily journal positive practice is helpful. The crappie journal practice negative side is helpful. Every one has a right to a healing journey. Thank once more.
Thanks so much for being here!
I am so an inner child person. I nurture that little girl by parenting my own daughters. Letting them know that I care how they feel and that I'll be there for them going through life. They are not alone. I also ask my Higher Power to come into the situations that caused me so much pain as a child and bring peace and love to it. That brings healing to me. Still lots more to go but I can try to be positive.
Wow. Yes, you've broken the cycle with your kids. That's healing ☀️🙏
Thanks for your insight and experience :)
I broke the cycle of beating up, drowning and doing devastating things to children. I don't even spank my kids for fear of hurting them. I have a history of neglect and being too wrapped up in my own problems to be there for them. But now and sometimes intermittently in the past I try to be there for them, to put myself in their place and see how they might feel. Try to validate their feelings and let them know they are never alone if they don't want to be because I will be there helping/listening to them. Our Higher Power will be too. I have guilt and grief over how they have suffered so much growing up. Glad that at least I can be there now. So see I haven't been healed or anything but ty for the nice comment.
Thank you so much!! I have tried inner child work, but with everything that happened in my childhood; alcoholism, abandonment, physical abuse; I am literally scared if I fracture my soul, I will never get it back. I talk to myself, “ it was wrong what happened, it should not have happened, you are not unworthy “ etc. but, I realize that I can’t repeat the cycle. My father was abusive, his father was abusive, my great grandfather was. I want to break the cycle of being angry, afraid of relationships, distrust etc. Thank you for all that you do. I journal daily and do positive affirmations. I resonate with the second writer. I have generational abuse from my mom and father. I have been verbally abusive to my daughter, guilt tripping and shaming her for doing normal child things ; breaking things, not doing chores, laying out all of the blessings that she has had. I have had to work hard not to lash out, and remain calm. I apologize everyday. I told her of my abuse, not for sympathy, but for understanding. Please be transparent. I take full accountability, and want to heal.
Glad you're here, taking a course such as 'Healing Childhood PTSD' can be a huge boos to healing bit.ly/39NxUBo
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is interesting for me because 2 days ago I got the idea to write my fears and resentments from my 17 year old self (I’m 37). I found it really helpful!
Interesting!
Forgiveness is a state that falls lightly like snow into your heart when certain conditions have been met... Wow, that was so beautifully said! I have to write that quote down. :)
The point about looking at and talking about parts, rather than wholes, is important. Essential self esteem starts with self acceptance.
Thanks so much for sharing!
I understood the heartache of my parents from a very young age and moved through life moving past the hurt, I thought because I understood their pain I had nothing to forgive. BUT understanding is only one part of the puzzle, I was denying myself time to process FOR ME what it meant for me as a child teen adult. Much love as always Anna
Hearing all this gives me encouragement and affirmation.
I'm trying my best mom best dad for myself for a boundary.
Integration makes me into a 40+ woman. Not wanting to divide myself and not understanding strong self agency is I live where my feet plant me I grew up those very hurt aspects of myself. A person moves past parts work.
Keep going!
-Cara@TeamFairy
The solution being offered here is essentially 12 step work condensed and repackaged...and I LOVE IT!! its . Step 4, 5 and 6/7. However, its amazing how eloquently you offer the solution while respecting the 12 traditions, ie: making it unique to CPTSD, offering a significant portion for free, and rearranging it to make it yours (if you simply marketed 12 step work- stigma and other issues would come up undoubtedly). Thank you for this work it has helped me tremendously (despite having already been someone who attends meetings)
You've hit the nail on the head, Carly. It took a lot of thought to find a way forward that honors the tradition but that also accomplishes the education! Thanks for your support.
I think this might be my favorite video you've ever made. Ever. I've been praying about several things you bring up here. Its as if you had my checklist sent by God.Thank you Anna.
I'm so glad to hear that, thank you for being here!
I really like your style. Radical honesty. Radical Responsibility. If we fragment ourselves we could. End up with multiple personality. That is not fun for anybody around. I really think many people with bipolar disorder are in denial and being irresponsible. When growing up we just called them lunatic@s and told them to knock it off. We don't have to be so harsh now but can redirect them to look at themselves and as you said. Their honesty and level of responsibility.
Thanks for your insight!
I think idea of inner child is extremely useful for people like me who have really self hating inner dialogue. Seeing a child photo of myself is the only time I can really access self compassion or empathy, though I can easily find compassion and empathy for others.
I think internal family or parts work is also valuable for some people who have really avoidant issues in relationships for example. Im not sure if extreme fear of intimacy is something emotional regulation can touch. There is a resistance there that feels like real fragmentation of parts for safety that IFS might be helpful at touching. I haven’t tried that therapy yet but I’m going to start the daily practice. And also thank one of your videos for allowing me to set a boundary to a “gentleman” who kept coming in and out of life where I was keeping a fantasy alive that it would develop into something whereas I was just allowing myself in a vulnerable state to be taken advantage of. And still I see his scared side too even after being treated like garbage. But I finally told him and stood up for myself even tho yet another rejection of my humanity feels brutal.
Thanks for you videos
wow, I think I've had some of this myself growing up, an emotionally abusive mother and my father who could have protected us all more, but instead checked out a bit to protect himself. I was the oldest, so I became the mom by proxy. anyway, I think I am reasonably ok as an adult, but I do have an issue that comes up. My mother-in-law who needs to take love and attention from many people, but especially me, the wife of her favorite son, well that pushes buttons in me. Sometimes I can laugh at her, but it is when my husband bends over backwards to please her, at my expense sometimes, I just feel all those old buttons. Wow. Thanks for the insight.
Setting boundaries with certain family members and friends is a way I am taking responsibility for my sanity and my quality of life....
🙂
The "inner child" in me is just all the unmet needs wanting to be fulfilled. It feels good to have someone prepare a meal for me because I feel someone cares that I am fed. In my childhood I was left to my own devices and rummaging around the kitchen stuffing my mouth with any scraps of food I could find.
All I do is experiment with the things that provide a sense of comfort. That's where the healing is for me.
I'm praying that all of the healing work I'm doing now will be all worth it.....
It's worth it!
Cptsd is fragmentation...so the parts already are divided. This is a time when I disagree with you Fairy. IFS and parts work is being used by the most respected therapists in the field of trauma.
Yeah, this video … bothered me. Not because she expressed a different viewpoint. She’s entitled, it’s her channel. But because she said inner child work was valid and then proceeded to invalidate it in rather excruciating detail. For why? Just say it’s not for you and move on, what’s wrong with that?
I have done sooo much healing through IC work. I don’t do parts therapy or IFS. I just connect to the part of myself that was traumatized at a particular age. I have healed chronic pain that I carried for over 30 years by doing IC work. I am getting my second COVID vaccination tomorrow and I’m not a nervous wreck today because of IC work.
I was abandoned by my mother around age 3/4 during a vaccination. I was terrified and she got up and walked away from me. I then had a needle phobia for decades, until I connected to that version of myself and comforted her through my first COVID vaccine. Here I am a month later, 90% improved. That is the power of IC work.
I don’t need validation from Anna on this, I know what’s right for me. But I also don’t come here to be INvalidated, and that’s what this felt like today.
Appreciate your comment.
the one part i may differ with here is starting out on my own inner child work is that in the concept of the inner child there's also the inner adult who takes on responsibilities, essentially like a representation of the adult that was needed in your life to take charge. So often the inner child will be the one acting based on past experience because they're the authority on that or will be wanting to have fun when it's time to be serous about life stuff, the adult comes in to take charge and even let the child know all is well they don't have to resort to past ways to feel safe. Then the adult can indulge the child in things like creative expression and having fun experiences. I think that part of the inner adult is often missed because they provide the solidness the inner child needs such that we're not overrun by them. I agree with you that reparenting basically is teaching yourself the things you didn't learn growing up or getting over your arrested development. Its funny to me that i have always loved that show but until i started doing my own healing journey, i didn't even really think about what the words 'arrested development' mean. I appreciate
your work immensely
I didn’t know about the free zoom calls. Sorry, if I missed the explanation. And thank you Anna for your wisdom and compassion. 🙏🏼🌹
Glad it was helpful!
Love your channel so much Anna!!! I just wanted to let you know as someone who was also woken up by the book, "the body keeps the score". I have been and continue to heal and grow from my past and it's so comforting and inspiring that here you are helping others do the same!! Just so exciting and wonderful 🥰
Thanks for sharing!!
I haven't been able to imagine my inner child, although I do feel I have a core inner person, if that makes sense. I feel more that it is my conscience, an integrated part of me that I can understand as such. I cannot conjure up my imagination to re-parent myself in any way. I enjoy learning from your videos. Thanks ! ❤✌
Thanks for your perspective!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It may be a matter of type and kind of trauma. Abuse was continuous, but one particular day was literal hell. It was violent, it was gross, and as child I hated the imagery in my head, I chose to irradiate that day from my consciousness, I can remember doing it. The problem was the emotional aspect was still there, unattached to the reasons behind these emotional craters. I was terrified as young adult, I became agoraphobic, I had numerous panic attacks daily, I was actively suicidal. I had then and have now a continuous chant to commit suicide, I just no longer listen generally. I also began having pain in various areas, and scans showed numerous severe injuries throughout my body, but to my knowledge I had never been injured. All this made sense once recall returned in my thirties. Three things happened in one hour. Any belief that I was loved or cared for left entirely. That was replaced by an unbelievably intense immersion in pretty much every negative emotion one can experience, and on a level of frenzy. My body was breaking up during this. I’ve spent the last year not running from this, but accepting feelings and embracing that past. What I feel now is my brain recorded every detail, it repeats pretty much a script. It contains the emotions and tears that feel so presently real, but they are in fact the mental impressions of that day. They seem alive and pertinent, but it’s a read only transcript. I gave up on trying to repair a full life movie, with smell-a-vision, and a time warp of heart and weeping. The mind is amazingly adept! At times it tiggers, hits the play button and we dance, but my child is me, for a long time I didn’t believe this, that recording was so real, when I cry, the weeping sounds like a child, my face looks like one, and in that triggered recording I am simply on repeat of day I was young. Hope this helps understanding! Love and blessings Anna. ♥️🕊
Thanks so much for sharing about your own experience, appreciate you being here.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I don't know if I actually would refer to an inner child as a separate being. More like identifying these feelings as feelings from childhood and identifying the gaps in parenting that need to be filled in adulthood so you can "reparent."
Appreciate you chiming in!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much Crappy Childhood Fairy. 💜🧡💛💚💙 🙏
Thank you as well!
This is a poem that I wrote for all of us sufferers of traumatic childhood and I hope that ot will inspire you. Stay strong.
Inner Child
Never forget
my wounded inner child
You have a right
To be healed
There isnt any danger
To hold you anymore
The truth has to be revealed
I want you to feel protected and safe in this world
I want you to finally smile
The pain and the poison are trapped in your soul
I know they ve been there for a while
People that should ve loved you
betrayed you so hard
No matter how much you faught
I want you to know
That you are enough
and it wasnt ever your fault
Release all the past
Take care of your wounds
Accept all your being and self
I' ll always be there
and love you for ever
A message from your future self
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes we can be peaceful beings now. It’s a long journey and although I’ve been did with DID I’m now working by myself as I can’t find a therapist who knows much about disregulation and how to manage and learn new ways
Thanks for commenting!
Hey honestly I completely agree 100%. Thanks for making this video and sharing so honestly. I think it brings one too in the mind.
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I got the same feeling: my therapist is a big believer in the inner child method, always asked me: how does your inner child feels, often I couldnt answer because I could just tell how I feel at the moment; she wanted me to talk to the air besides me I should imagine my younger self sits there, hugging the air etc I just couldnt imagine it (maybe a bit but it seemed so weired and unnatural), then asked again how does your inner child feels now....but the "worst" for me was when she wanted me to say of I said I feel sad "my inner child feels sad"...I didnt liked and like this splitting, I (!) feel my feelings in my body in every moment and I like that I can feel them and I want to own them and say "I feel..." so I agree
Our consciousness fragments if we r traumatized. IFS therapy is very good at helping one integrate all these fragments to make one whole again on the inside.
Thanks for ideas!
What happened to folks like us was not our fault however it *is* our responsibility to get ourselves together. If you have a D.I.D. diagnosis, Internal Family Systems can be profoundly useful towards that aim. I am living proof. As you said, what happened, happened. Can't put toothpaste back in the tube, you know? In IFS we take responsibility for those "parts" as we learn from them.
I totally get how it can sound...off. That means it's not for you. And that's ok. That's what makes us so darn interesting, the many paths to the top of the mountain.
As always, great work Fairy & #TeamCrappyChildhoodFairy!!
This will be very "out there" for many people, but from a shamanic or spiritual viewpoint, people can experience what is called soul loss following a traumatic experience. Many believe that this part or these parts fracture from your true self. In order to heal these fractured parts, soul [part] retrieval can be helpful, i.e. finding that (for example) 3 year old you that was traumatized from the experience of xyz. Nurturing that "part" (that some mistakenly call an inner child which may actually be an external fractured piece of your child self), and merging it with your otherwise whole current self in a loving manner, can be very healing. I totally agree that looking at one's self as multiple pieces can oftentimes be a crutch of sorts. But sometimes we can have lost parts that need to be brought back. Again, out there for many, but I have found it to be extremely beneficial and healing. Hugging and nurturing that little lost me that received no love or affection, "reabsorbing" her, and moving on as one complete whole, healthy being has been huge in my healing.
@ sovereign creek farmstead . Thanks for introducing that approach to the conversation. Very important as an additional inflection. We are all currently in the process of creating a language of meanings and possibilities. There are so many variants - so many routes to self-patterning... Best wishes.
@@ninaromm5491 You're so very welcome. Best wishes to you!
I have cptsd vocal outbursts and non epileptic seizures associating with feeling scared as a child and in fear from my childhood and I uncontrollably vocally shout words associated with those times what scared me and my voice unnaturally changes like a scared child is trying to talk inside of me, it just takes over and that's not even in my imagination, I even uncontrollably shout daddy in an uncontrollable voice so this morning when these things happened for the first time ever I kind of hugged and spoke to my younger self which I never used to do and I said I know, don't worry, everything will be alright and by coincidence you've posted this video up on the same day.
I guess that our symptoms that affect us the most differ from one another depending on the past experiences that we've had as we've not all been through the exact same thing but meeting along similar lines so that we can kind of get an idea about each other. I wish you all well and I value your honest opinion from your personal experience. I just wanted to share mine and there is no right or wrong way but it was great to hear your opinion on it and I think what works for you and if it helps in a healthy way overtime then I guess you are on the right track, at this point I don't know if it is good or bad to self parent as it is quite a new experience that I have come around to do as before I never did that. I guess automatically I'm getting tired of it and trying to be kinder to myself and finding ways to look after myself. I have new cbt psychotherapist appointment next month which I have been waiting for.
Thanks so much for sharing, definitely neither good or bad, right or wrong. You're doing great, glad you're here.
I also hug and speak to my inner child. It may seem "woo" to some but my self esteem and ability to self comfort have really improved since and I am also able to bring myself "back in the moment" more easily
You are right... I can get better from my traumas but they will never completely go away nor will I be completely over them ..
Getting better is enough :)
Your videos are so helpful. What a blessing you are. Thank you. 🪄💕
SO appreciate you saying that :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Agree, agree, agree.. I’m still learning and am agreeing with what you’ve said here. But most of all it feels SOO GOOD that someone is saying it out loud! Much love 💕
Validation can be so reassuring!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, I think the reason “inner child” gained popularity is because it allows some patients (often males in particular) to engage in vulnerability & self-compassion, when these individuals wouldn’t otherwise be able to express such emotions as a result of socialization (eg, toxic masculinity, fear of being pitied or viewed as weak, or childhood trauma where they had to “get tough”). So, most clinicians who use the framework aren’t encouraging the patient to split themselves, but to use the image of one’s self as a child as a way to speak about their own emotions. It’s never weak to express love & compassion for a child, right?
Anyone who counsels men primarily will tell you that some of them simply will not express vulnerability in any other way. Ask about childhood, you’ll get “my parents did their best,” which in my experience tends to confirm childhood neglect, because histrionic/ exaggerating patients will volunteer great detail about their parents’ wrongs. Truly traumatized patients usually cannot/ will not do that, at least initially (Walker encourages verbal ventilation later on as a healing mechanism).
I know I have arrested development in some areas of my personality, mostly from neglect, but also from traumas. these are parts I accept and allow to grow. sometimes I know a growth spurt has taken place. like finding a piece to a puzzle. but it gets lost in the whole as soon as i find it. and that's ok too. the whole does not need to be in control of every little thing in order for all to do their jobs. but if I ask a liver to be a heart, I think that's asking too much of both. so judgment and control like that do not help. some things don't need to be seen in order to work best. wearing your heart on your sleeve is not where it does its best job. boundaries are also good.
Great insight how often have I asked the liver to do the heart's job and then felt discouraged?
-Cara@TeamFairy
Check out the work by Dr. Margaret Paul who created the Inner Bonding Workbook.
Reparenting when done correctly is an ultimate show of self love and self advocacy.
Appreciate you chiming in!
I honestly don't think I would want to go back , I am a big kid at heart , no ones perfect, as long as you do Your Best , that's all anyone can do , we can't keep on blaming our parent, me i say i was a victim of circumstances at the time , those wounds run deep, no doubt we all fear doing the same to our own children . I do have those people but I would prefer to get a taxi myself. Our up bringing brought us to the here and now , I relate at moving at 9 , that blew my mind .
I know now my mum had Trauma but she wont ever face it , she says she doesn't care. I know she does care . She just keeps her guard up . & would never dream of meditation.
No we can't keep angry with our parents , you have to let that go to heal . I was 13 when I met my husband to be , nearly 30 years we had and am grateful, now for that . I feel like we r all in that boat we are older so now we help the youngsters . Very true , CPTSD it took them near on 50 years to Label me but I say a lot of people suffer and everyone lashes out . I now know thanks to Anna and listening for over a year I can recognise Triggers and questions, Why did I act like that , Fight flight , I was stuck for Years in a revolving door..
If we all share how we have managed , everyone can take bits and pieces and build and fix their puzzles that is our life journey, I believe everything happens for a reason good and bad, its how you react to the curve balls , sometimes its like they never stop . That's why we should be mindful of living in the present. Enjoying life is easier said than done when u feel like 🤯 . Stress is the biggest killer of them all , what I am thankful for learning is how to let things go over my head lol, if I didn't I would be in jail , when u feel angry and abused , it's can rear its ugly head especially when you dont want it to ( the hulk ,springs to mjnd)😄 . I use humour, 1 of "" my therapists"" in a room full of people said it was dark humour"(, I thought, really sherlock , no it's me being Sarcastic, which told me she had never been were I've been, that dark humour is what has kept me going on my darkest of days . If I didn't laugh I would ho insane, maybe I was paranoid, but I just thought , laugh woman , she was asking us what we would say if some guy jumped the cue , I said I would say to him have u an emergency outside, like your wife having a baby !? Or some fantastic excuse!?,
If not , get back to the end .. Then depending on the cue jumpers attitude, I might just let him go , I thought what am I supposed to say ?!(nothing lol) just stand quiet , and let him just jump ahead saying nowt ,!? As I say depends on my mood and the attitude, and now I recognize the fight /flight response .
Or I have recognized when its happened , now, back in situations , how or why I reacted how I did . From about 13 we make our own choices, I was baby sitting by 6. Now I'm gonna stfup lol.
Thanks so much for sharing!
I like this. Face it. Childhood was shiddy. And now it's time to do the work. As an adult, a mature adult who can grieve my childhood & move forward.
I have a complicated childhood. I was conceived 11 months after the extremely traumatic death of my middle sister. I don't know how to untangle the hurt from my parents unresolved grief.
Disentanglement is in the cards for you, there is plenty of support at Crappy Childhood Fairy, this free mini course is a great start bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you, it's a great start.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you so much.
An amazing teacher called Tom Monte showed me something about this and I carry it with all the time. I am often so hard on myself and beat myself up. Tom said would you be so hard on the 7 year old you? Of course not, so when I am cruel to myself I think of that 7 year old boy and it helps me be kinder to myself
Hi, you said earlier about waking up dysregulated. I realized it's because of my chaotic dreams. It can set the tone for the whole day if I let it! I really think there is something here to dig deep. Thank you for helping me understand why I always felt so miserable. May you have peace and prosperity.
I'm glad it helped fit the pieces together for you :)
I have a mother who literally wrote and mailed a letter to me when I was 40 years old that she was removing me from her and my dad's life and that my children should find another set of grandparents. She felt I had such distain for them.
Ouch, that person had a lot of fear operating!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Good message.
Thanks!
Hearing the abusive parent get validated is enormously triggering for me.
Good for you, I couldn’t validate her, good job I’m not running a RUclips channel.
I only found out about CPTSD a couple of years ago, (I’m 49) but I ALWAYS knew I never wanted kids - two of the reasons why being:
I knew deep down (without knowing why) that I would damage them, and I never wanted to raise kids as unhappy as I was.
It was triggering or at least annoying for me, too. I can agree with the not having children decision, as well. You're not alone 🧡
I have an inner child that I comfort which helps me a great deal, however breaking myself into pieces or stages seems unhealthy to me.
I understand
Fragmentation is a division or separation into pieces or fragments. For example, fragmentation of thinking (typically termed loosening of associations) is a disturbance in which thoughts become disjointed to such an extent as to no longer be unified, complete, or coherent; fragmentation of personality (typically termed personality disintegration) occurs when an individual no longer presents a unified, predictable set of beliefs, attitudes, traits, and behavioral responses.
I have done this too - described myself as different parts. I resonate more with "I have mixed feelings". It was a necessary - or at least understandable - step for me to dissociate somewhat. But it's a better description of my situation to reverse my direction on that path, because it won't help me reintegrate and heal what I experienced.
Thanks for commenting!