The brain in love | Helen Fisher
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- Опубликовано: 14 июл 2008
- www.ted.com Why do we crave love so much, even to the point that we would die for it? To learn more about our very real, very physical need for romantic love, Helen Fisher and her research team took MRIs of people in love -- and people who had just been dumped.
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Cheers to that person you were thinking about while watching this talk!!
abc song
mac n cheese
None? ._.
how did you know?:)
Noodles
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love. -Neil Gaiman
brilliant words
lmbo
Austin Gharib Deep
So true. I savored the feelings imagining my love
just use hate as fuel
"Love is in us,
It's deeply embedded in the brain,
Our challenge is to understand each other."
This woman speaks with such passion in her work, it's practically poetry
wow.... I survived stage IV metastatic cancer, under the terrible strain of dealing what we were told was a terminal illness for such a long period of time, we broke up. I instantly shifted from continuously focusing on cancer to an obsession with "getting back together." When faced w/ my own mortality & a broken heart I focused almost entirely on my broken heart and it wasn't a choice, it was instinctive & powerful beyond description. I often wonder if that actually contributed to my survival.
Jack Dauphan thank you for sharing this comment, really hit me
Jack thank you so much for sharing your story with me; with us. I really thought I was going crazy in my current heartbroken state.
Thank you, Jack Dauphan. I believe, based on personal experience, that healing one's broken heart is the medicine that cures everything, for you invest in being whole again, in tune with yourself, even if it's at first on an unconscious level. To me, it's choosing life wholeheartedly.
I got dumped from my boyfriend of 6 years. His reason? "I'm not ready for this" and "you love me too much". This was about a year ago. I've been dating a guy for about 6 months now and he just dumped me too, his reason being "he has too much on his plate." I'll make it you guys, and so will you. Even with severe depression and 3 types of anxiety disorders, I've made it. And so will you.
Cassidy Smith same situation here ! Boyfriend of 6 years dumped me for reasons not known to me ! He just said move on and see a doctor if you are having trouble getting over me !
Cassidy Smith See. That's that bullshit. "You love me too much"? That's the dumbest excuse.
you need to quit playing with these chumps and get a real dude like me. lol
how did you do it??? how did you move on from it??
Cassidy Smith you go glen coco!!! :)
Yep! I was TOTALLY in love with my boyfriend of 8 years.
That break up was the worst pain ever! But he did not love me, so I just could not stay with him any more. The pain of staying was as bad as the pain of leaving.
Both pain is horrible- I did not have him either way. So best to move on and at least try to find a partner where love is reciprocated. 💗💗
How are you now?
You go girl. Find something beautiful
How did you know he didn’t love yku
"I did not have him either way"😮 that hits me..
"Romantic love is one of the most addictive substances on earth." ...powerful talk on this impossible subject. Happy Valentines!
"all bad poetry is sincere" -oscar wilde
Somebody's camping in my head...great great talk
Lucia Santillan i used the analogy ‘renting space’
“Fire runs through my body with the pain of loving you.
Pain runs through my body with the fires of my love for you.
Pain like a boil about to burst with my love for you.
Consumed by fire of my love for you.
I remember what you said to me,
I am thinking of your love for me.
I am torn by your love for me.
Pain and more pain.
Where are you going with my love?
I'm told you will go from here.
I'm told you will leave me here.
My body is numb with grief.
Remember what I said My Love
Goodbye My Love, goodbye.”
+Cecilia Cornejo (Cessseeezy) I was scrolling down and as soon as I was reading yours Helen was saying this at the same time amazing!!!
Cessseeezy Gaming я
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Cessseeezy Gaming ы
My grandparents were married for 50 years. My grandpa died 20 years ago. My grandma now 93 has moderate dementia and sometimes doesn't know me, but she knew and repeated for months that for her birthday she wanted to get on a plane and go see her husband's grave. We went earlier this year and she said "This is all I've ever wanted. How did you know?"
How lovely ❤
I’m glad she lived that life to feel that love , I’m crying how sweet grandma 💐
'Almost no one gets out of love alive'...lol..I like that! And that quote from Emily Dickinson says it all too!
I found this really interesting - especially that part on calculating gains and losses and risks.
There is something comforting in knowing the feelings have some physiological base and are 'normal' !! I am glad to hear though that she considers 'there will always be magic to love' :)
Great video - thanks to David Randall Curtis for sharing. Enjoyed this a lot! Sunbeam :)
she makes science sound so romantic
I’m just now realizing, I’m not alone. There are other people going through a heartbreak and have been through one and they are okay so I know for sure I will be okay😇
I love Helen Fisher's work. It's insightful, thoughtful, and supported by sound scientific studies.
I thin understanding each other is really the hardest challenge. When we are first in love, we discard everything else and think everything would be fine as long as there is love. But the worst pain in the end is when you found out after a few years being together, your partner knows just so little about you and never try to know more.
I wish Dr. Helen Fisher was my friend.
ya u want her number < not personal tho>
The results of tests using parent/child relationships would be interesting to see. Are the same parts of the brain/body involved as with romantic love? What about with siblings? Could it be that "love" is simply "love" and we want to qualify it according to experiences? What happens in the brain when a father holds his newborn child?
I can't remember what it's called, but if I recall correctly, I think parents use a different section of the brain when it comes to love for a child.
She says in another talk different parts of brain are involved with romantic vs. platonic love. She points out here too that romantic love is addictive and obsessive.
@@AR-mu4zq I wonder why romantic love is considered more/less "obsessive" and "addictive"
My boyfriend has stopped talking to me so much, he said he is busy which i will not oppose and i understand but he goes to his work colleagues that I cannot go out with him and do the things he wants to do because of my strict parents. He's told them how there has become little to talk about with me etc. And most probably said I am boring which he has done 3 other times when this very same situations has happened. Learning how the brain works just really makes me want to let go of him. The brain is amazing and the way Helen explains everything is so intriguing. Everything is poetical it makes me want to do my own research and learn and understand every bit about the brain.
I always adored our relationship. we were 15 now turning 18, it was a slow love and it was amazing, there is something about just growing up together and exploring love as kids which is fun. But things are becoming harder, and i just miss that once slow and non complex love we once had. I'm praying someday I will get that again
My husband and I are not of the same religious, socio-economic or educational background......but maybe we bridge other commonalities. There's definitely biology/chemistry involved and simply a longing to belong and be understood.
beautiful
the person you thought about while watching this owns you.
roberto franco Yes. He does. And I don't think he comprehends that.
NAH
roberto franco
Yes, he does.
No, he doesn’t. I use the entire remainder of my brain to create a free and happy life for myself. I’m not a slave to my emotion.
周家慶.
Absolutely love these TED talks!
drinking game:
every time she says love, take a shot.
trust me youll be hammered and like four bottles short
If I dye that my brain 🧠 would be on a depressant & not much dopamine.
Hahahajahaha
I've watched her talks many times. She's fascinating!
The comments are so powerful and raw on here guys...very nice...makes you feel alive doesn’t it.
me too
All those quotes in the beginning of Dr Fisher's speech really show us that love = pain. It's just biological that an obsession so strong leads to so much pain and grief. I'm still trying to find that sweet spot of deciding to "settle down" with the one. It was so easy for my parents to make that decision. They had an arranged marriage and just knew they wanted no one else. Why is it so difficult for me, with all the freedom of choice in the world, to get there?
Just came to this video from pthe WIRED one... This lady has all my attention now. Please be my teacher
I love her speech so much~
Hi Madam Helen thanks for this very informative message
I am inspired by watching you and listening to your speech
yea, romantic love is indeed the most powerful drug in the world
This is one the best ted talks of all time
13:36I ask you first a series of questions
13:40to see to what degree you express these chemicals,
13:43and I'm watching who chooses who to love.
13:47And 3.7 million people have taken the questionnaire in America.
13:51About 600,000 people have taken it in 33 other countries.
13:56I'm putting the data together now,
13:57and at some point -- there will always be magic to love,
14:01but I think I will come closer to understanding
14:04why it is you can walk into a room and everybody is from your background,
14:08your same general level of intelligence, good looks,
14:12and you don't feel pulled towards all of them.
14:14I think there's biology to that.
14:16I think we're going to end up, in the next few years,
14:19to understand all kinds of brain mechanisms
14:21that pull us to one person rather than another.
14:24So, I will close with this.
14:27These are my older people.
14:30Faulkner said, "The past is not dead, it's not even past."
14:35Indeed, we carry a lot of luggage from our yesteryear in the human brain.
14:40And so, there's one thing that makes me pursue my understanding of human nature,
14:48and this reminds me of it.
14:50These are two women.
14:51Women tend to get intimacy differently than men do.
14:54Women get intimacy from face-to-face talking.
14:57We swivel towards each other,
14:58we do what we call the "anchoring gaze" and we talk.
15:03This is intimacy to women.
15:04I think it comes from millions of years
15:06of holding that baby in front of your face,
15:08cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words.
15:12Men tend to get intimacy from side-by-side doing.
15:15As soon as one guy looks up, the other guy will look away.
15:19(Laughter)
15:20I think it comes from millions of years sitting behind the bush,
15:25looking straight ahead, trying to hit that buffalo on the head with a rock.
15:30I think, for millions of years, men faced their enemies,
15:33they sat side-by-side with friends.
15:35So my final statement is: love is in us.
15:40It's deeply embedded in the brain.
15:42Our challenge is to understand each other.
15:45Thank you.
15:46(Applause)
Roy Montero that's the main issue, the best P art of this video is hearing 15:42, the moral of it all.
"sitting behind the bush,
looking straight ahead, trying to hit that buffalo on the head with a rock." Means the men had suicidal tendencies? :-D
wow this was so informative and I feel accurately explained for once
What a lovely scientist. Objective and sharp without apology. Sometimes when you are sharp as a knife people get hurt by your words!
Romantic love is your brain addicted to the chemicals produced by your brain when you are in love. How long it takes your brain chemistry to recover from the decrease of major neurotransmitters associated with being in love depends on how long your relationship has been manipulating your own brain chemistry. My own experience has been about one month for every year you have been in a loving relationship. I hope this helps.
Helen, thank you!
Heart has nothing to do with love, it's the evil and passionate brain, LOL!
Love the talk!
Even though love is a complicated response of "stimuli" and experiences. It still feels like a very magical and awesome experience. :)
Bunch of crap
I just happened to find this site. I enjoyed this. I find it facinating.
Yes I just realize that when liking someone so much, the feeling really feel like drugs, the high and the withdrawal systems… eve though I never tried drug…. But that feeling is intense.
so interesting, revealing and inspiring
I like very much how the speaker relates the brain science to 'fuzzier' areas of human activity like poetry.
I'm sure that's not the only thing she studies and I wouldn't say her life is wasted. I certainly find found her findings valuable and interesting. Also, most scientific phenomenons the we know of today were once also un-explainable. The hunt for knowledge is only natural.
Good talk :)
Thanks for sharing the info.
I've Had this girl on my mind for three months. We message each other but the problem is that she rarely messages back to me (worst case was waiting a month for her answer). You would think that she's only responding for courtesy and trying to avoid an open contact with me, but the nature of her letters are kind and she is sharing events of her life without reserve. Also, she is eager to know what is going on with my life; asking a lot of questions.
I feel like my heart is soaking in acid every day I don't hear from her. I try to convince myself to forget her or to think that's she is stupid in some way, so I wouldn't have even a reason to hear from her at all. Yet, still I find myself thinking her at every moment and anything I do has little to no effect to that. She is, like said in the talk, camping in my mind.
I wish I could control this suffering.
I've been there before, you're hung up on her. It sucks but you have to let her go. She is letting you down 'softly' but it can easily be seen as getting led on. It's a painful road, and for myself I didn't accept it until I saw my crush with her bf at a coffee shop. I was devastated but it brought me to reality. When you keep thinking of a girl, you are idolizing her. You cannot allow one girl to be put on a pedastal, no woman is worth that. Especially if they don't like you back. Get her off your mind, meet other women, and don't feel bad for yourself. When you look back at this moment you will realize who she really is, she isn't "the one" you are thinking of right now.
There's a saying that the hardest, most passionate love, is the "what if" love, the love that never happened, the love that lives in your imagination. You'll get over her soon. Perhaps in just about 10 months of so. Three months is nothing. Just eat well, make new friends, and go after activities you enjoy. Dopamine and endorphins will spread in naturally. That's pretty much it.
^ Exactly, and ya us guys take longer to heal if we are really head over heels on a chick. Girls have the benefit of getting over a guy in like 3 months but the initial breakup is the worst for them
J4Jake that's not true. If you want to talk about women's feeling of pining and yearning for a man... it's on a whole other level and too complicated to discuss in this text box.
Are you two still contacting each other?
MUCH ENJOYED... THANKS FOR THE INSIGHT
A really good talk! It surely is an addiction. I always ask these questions: Why that person? Why do they have to NOT love me and Why i still can't stop loving them? I guess Love is a science different to every person. You just can't apply general rules to everyone.
anyone here from her WIRED video?
This was great insight!
Dear Dr. Helen Fisher,
Thank you very much for Your Research,
good luck in new Discoveries!!!
Sincerely, Céline Dior-Libano
Its impossible not to love Helen Fisher
wished I were a psychopath with no feelings
It's not as fun as it seems, hard to find enjoyment in social interaction. I actually wonder what it would be like to feel love for someone :(
SikhsPack literally.. so over having feelings
Psychopaths (and sociopaths) have plenty of emotions. They feel everything we do except empathy and slightly fear.
i hear you guys. but attachment is an illusion, yet everything is connected. sometimes i wonder why i feel the way i do. if my feeling of love is the reptile brain, the mammal brain or the human neocortex? seems like it's all of them.
Are you sure you're not a psychopath who just pretends to have feelings?
Well how about that? I read the poem she quotes - I first read it in a cool book called WHY WE LOVE... and through that made the connection that the author is the speaker. I love her book, and I am excited to hear to this speech which was given to me by autoplay. Happy too that my brain is still working and made this connection :-) Thanks for sharing this speech! Thanks for the book!
If I'd seen this when I was 17, it would have changed my life.
The Inverse
Square Law of Attraction
The strength of the attraction is inversely proportional to the square of the availability of the object.
lol who wore it better? Helen fisher or Steve Jobs?
Neither one's my type
Undoubtedly.... Helen Fisher
Miss Fisher is an Absolutely Brilliant Woman!!!
thank you helen fisher
Fascinating!
Bravo from the EQ Coach who knows this ... I also do Dating Coaching. I hear about this all the time, up-close and personal.
very good talk
Great video.
IMHO, like-minded is great for long lasting love.
I don't believe that opposites attracts for any length of time like
those who are like-minded.
Wow, that was just amazing.
Wonderful!
Someone is camping in my head .
Brilliant
amazing topic and a dull speaker
Helped A lot Thanks
Thanks Prof Abramson from for this awesome link!!!
That was amazing
great stuff!
she didn't tell us how to cure it
This is a good speech, sometimes I like good speeches:)
恋愛心理学を勉強しておりますが、脳科学からの観点で拝見するのも大変面白いですね！
+たかまつななチャンネル No idea what you said not to be mean
Wonderful stuff. I liked the general humanity of Helen's lecture. The quotes from Emily Dickinson and Walt Whitman reminded me that art and science should snuggle up together under the duvet more often. I guess, it's all part of using our wonderful minds, as is falling in love.
Thanks for posting this,
Regards, Peter
Super interesting!
This summarizes it all.
Pure Facts!
There is Love "Level Of Violence" and Love Love, compassionate love, relationship love
Man! Could there be a more important subject to investigate? Thank you Helen, BMW and TED!
The core: Our challenge is understanding each other.
Now fall deeply in love with someone and your brain will give you a constant speedball. What a wonderful world.
So live a life without emotional feeling? For all its madness I would live with the ability to love and be hurt rather than a robot of a system where the only love is money and power and the control that goes hand in hand with it.
I'm in love....Love has taken over my brain.....
Stop. You can do better.
Fantastic!
It took a long time to get there, but her last four to eight sentences really spelled out love.
Excellent
THIS HELPED ME UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING,,,, Just what I was looking for. Amazing job. OUTSTANDING WORK
"At least you can come down from cocaine." I LOLed at that. XD
I've been dumped three times but I never dumped somebody.
I really wish I never found love - it has almost broken me entirely, twice.
Surely I cannot be that stupid to allow this thing in ever again
good luck!
@@patiencehypatience9128 thanks
I thought that but I’d say it’s happened to me 7 times now. 4 were non starters that didn’t take off and 3 were the endings of relationships. There is no pain quite like it
That poem was painful.
So sweet and lovely.
I am patient of this
she got it. we all want what we can't have
I'm a man and at the end of this video, the part where she said men are intimate when they're side by side doing something is because past in our evolution the men needed to hunt and focuse straight ahead with their comrades standing side by side.
That actually got to me more than the women and their intimacy with their babies. Weird huh?
This feeling of comrades showing courage and standing side by side, showing support without words, must be deeply inbedded into men.
hebince44 😝 maybe you boyo..I bet you enjoy the showers 🧼 after any sport 🤔😲✨✨😳😂
Just wanted to say that. Respect.
Amazing & interesting.
awareness does change our perspective in the world.
Gracias 🌻
We had similar studies at our University of the brain.