I have come to terms with the fact that what I thought was romantic attraction is just me thinking people are pretty and me having a crippling fear of being alone.
3:03 dude do you remember in elementary school when everyone would ask you who you had a crush on and nobody believed you when you said you didn't have one? Fun times haha
I just totally lied XD. I thought everyone did. I was also super confused when people actually started dating, I was like wow aren't we a little young to be dating already.
4:01 I asked my friend this the other day and since she knows I'm ace and aro she was like "dude if you have to think about it, it's probably not a crush" 😂
Yes! I can give advices as it is a universal relationship advice. I believe we share the nature of a relationship whether it is romantic or non-romantic 👍🏻
I like to create new meanings for songs that have generic romantic lyrics. "I hate you, I love you, I hate that I want you, you want her, you need her and I'll never be her" is about a transmasc person that loves someone (not necessarily in a romantic way) but that person is a transphobe and wants "her", but there's no way for them to be a woman. This is way more meaningful and relatable for me and makes me think how the hell I didn't notice I was aro before
I honestly listened to a LOT of pop punk and for some reason never thought the lyrics were actually about romance or bad break ups?? I always thought they were more like letters/poems written about and to a personified form of depression or other mental illness lol.
Pro tip: if you’re tired of listening to songs where all the lyrics are about romance, just listen to songs without lyrics. You can project whatever meaning you want to them
As someone who fully accepts myself as aromantic, but still struggles with figuring out what I want/need out of future relationships, it's nice to hear other people talking about the validity of an aro person wanting/having significant others. Sometimes I feel like my thoughts and feelings are in an echo chamber, and it's easy to go down the spiral of "I'll never find a partner" etc.
I recently learned I am demi-romantic when I was complaining to a friend about how almost all movies are so unrealistic because I couldn't imagine being romantically attracted to someone I barely knew. And then I realised apparently not all people need a deep friendship and emotional closeness to feel romantic attraction. The more you know.
I think it’s funny when I, an aromantic asexual, listen to songs about sex and romantic things because people always will think it’s weird that I enjoy listening to songs like that, like I just like the beat I don’t pay attention to the lyrics I just exist with the song and it works. Don’t ask questions
this was great, i've only recently realized im aro-spec but seeing things like this and relating to everything in here and being able to laugh about it is beautiful haha thank u guys!
I'm biromantic grey asexual and somehow I feel so relatable seeing these memes. I don't know if I'm biro or aro anymore. I used to have a crush on someone and I'm in a relationship, but I cannot define what romantic attraction is anymore :((((((
Maybe you are both biromantic and greyromantic/aromantic since the first thing is about who you are attracted to and the second is about how often you experience romantic attraction.
I'm Ace, but ngl, I have no idea what a crush feels like. The only crush I had was in preschool, and that was because the guy had the coolest eyes. They were the widest biggest brighted blue eyes I'd ever seen. I still havnt seen eyes like that since. So strange, but amazing!
Fun fact: some songs are assumed to be about romantic love, but totally aren't. The 2 best examples that come to mind are both by Amy Grant. "Baby baby" is literally about a baby, and "Every Heartbeat" is about Gd (which, I know, doesn't do it for everyone either.) Anyway, thanks for the edutainment! 💐
Oh my god. You just put into words what I have been struggling with for so long. I kind of figured I was somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum but I could never figure it out. I relate so hard to everything you were talking about, like never understanding what the hell a crush is/feels like, and the whole truth or dare thing. Thank you so much! Also, unrelated, but Kaden's (spelling?) hair looks so soft and pretty!
6:22 omg yes, that's also part of why i've always been so interested in romantic stories. it's so foreign to me that i like seeing how people try to explain or represent it
"Songs without sex or romance seem kind of bare at this point" // *points at a few songs in the Missy Higgins Solastagia album that are literally about human struggles against their own nature ... And the natural world*
So um about my past crushes. I never thought of kissing or being with them in any way. But I blushed when I saw them and I had this paralysing and excited feeling when they were close or in my class. But I never talked to them. I just loved the fact that we looked at each other. I liked to search for them and now that I think of it I was obsessed with the people I "crushed". Just seeing them was enough for me.
wait, SAME. I had the realisation the other day that all my "crushes" were just people I thought were really cool/wanted to be friends with/found attractive; I was going down the usual spiral of "but am I REALLY aro?", then I wondered if I'd ever do "couple" things with them and answered "wtf no lol"
🌊Ever since I was a teenager, I've disliked sexual relationships & romance. Now I'm 36 & I still dislike sexual relationships & romance. I don't need a man to love me because I love myself. Don't get me wrong. When I say I don't need a man to love me, I mean I don't need a man to love me sexually or romantically. I want a man who loves me like a sister, not like a girlfriend or wife.
I could just think throughout the whole video "how are you guys so cute????" no romo, though, I'm also aromantic 🤣🤣 about the songs, I like to, sometimes, if the song is very beautiful, imagine myself in a romance, because I love to fantisize about me being in a romance, but only in my head, characters that I have made up... When I think about having it with someone I actually know, yuck hahaha guess I'm a aegoromantic after all... 😂😂 But if a song reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally represents how I actually feel, wow! That hits differently!
I'm a late diagnosed autistic person. So I ask myself: Am I even romantic or am I just masking and playing society's game? How do I know since I've been masking for 39 years?
Have you been working towards unmasking at all? If so, maybe you'll begin to notice whether you are a romantic person or if it takes more energy than is natural to you. You could also watch our videos on Amatonormativity and How Neurodivergence Affects Sexuality & Gender Identity for more related content if it interests you. Good luck in your unmasking (if that's a goal of yours) and identity journey!
We're ALL to some degree playing society's games... I'm not in a relationship just for companionship or to check off the Couplehood box, but also to give my love to someone who appreciates it & returns it... If you're aromantic, you can experience a similar relationship even tho "love" is missing romance or sex (on your part), but you can also have multiple platonic friendships that feel deeper than "just friends" or you can wonder how to find someone who gets you & fits with you, as most singles do - allo or aro. There's NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU ✌
well, i'm a year late so maybe you already got some answers, but in case you or anyone decides to look into the replies here: - research, research, research. if you're on this channel, you're probably doing fine on that front, keep going. try to find out different experiences, aro and ace are spectra, so your personal experience is gonna be one of many different ones, so you gotta find out what fits you. - screw what society tells you. can't identify with amatonormativity? then don't, you're yourself and don't have to model your relationships after what society tells you is "normal". - examine your past thoughts and experiences. especially your feelings about sexuality, romance and love. how do you love the people you love? - figure out what you're comfortable with, especially in terms of sexuality, romance and relationships, including friendships. this tip might really help you, if you consider that we feel most comfortable when we can take the mask off.
I very recently realized/became mostly sure of myself being aro and this video was so much fun, just having those realization moments, thinking back on things from my life and being like, “Ooooooh… yeah lol.”
uh i remember in high school when a girl in the middle of the school year asked me who did i like and i said "no one" (i already suspected i was aro, but i was waiting for the feelings to come and i felt i hadn't had enough time to get to know anyone that well to decide) then she asked who did i think was pretty, so i said a name of some guy because i liked his vibe (personally, i always consider if i think the person is nice before deciding if they're beautiful) and she said "oh, so you have a crush on him" THAT'S SO NOT THE POINT i'm glad that it was already clear in my mind the differences between atractions, but this kind of conversations made me doubt myself
11:22 well isn't that my life over there!!!! I became an expert at this from watching all the people around me but it do get VERY frustrating sometimes because a lot of the things that happen, which is usually often, is very illogical. I can't even fathom the idea of falling in love immediately or after a couple of conversations (I'm a demi so maybe that's why). I also try reaaallllllyyyy hard to be mindful and not just say "leave the person it's not worth !!" because I know that there's a connection, even though I never experienced it
It's not worth it if you (feel you must) sacrifice or change WHO YOU ARE to make them happy or make the relationship work. It's not worth it if they refuse to *listen* to you or *respect* what's important to you or *allow* you to continue enjoying your own friendships, hobbies, career, etc. It's not worth it if you feel lonely/miserable/used/manipulated/terrified or other awful feelings -- THAT'S NOT LOVE. But even if things are great between you, it's OK to feel you're missing something or they're missing something -- & maybe you can be happy enough anyway, or maybe you don't like all the expectations of what a relationship should involve... Better to be honest & real, than to waste time/years wishing you had been... Ace-aro doesn't always mean bring single forever, but being single is totally OK too single that's what you need/prefer. Finding another Ace-aro person doesn't automatically mean you'll make a good couple -- it may be more likely (than with an allo) but humans are so unique, don't force things or sacrifice too much just to "make it work." ✌
In the book Renagades by Melissa Meyer there is a character who is called Ace and also a character called Phobia. It was so weird when I opend the book at a random page before I read it and saw those names 😂
Ah, yes. I recognize the struggle with identifying romantic attraction. Funny memes, I loooove me some good memes every now and then. Have a lovely day! 💜✌️
Taylor Swift has some non-romantic songs: Marjorie (about her grandma). Bigger Than The Whole Sky (miscarriage). Ronan (cancer). Only The Young (a very politically charged song). Innocent (the 2009 VMAs incident with her and Kanye). Never Grow Up (Taylor’s feelings on moving out of her parents’ house in 2010). The Last Great American Dynasty (the life and rumors of Rebekah Harkness). Mean (addressing critics). Look What You Made Me Do & This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things (I’m grouping them together bc they’re both about her feud with Kanye). Shake It Off (staying positive in the face of her haters). Long Live (about her fans). A Place In This World (pretty self explanatory). The Outside (loneliness). Tied Together With A Smile (written for her bulimic friend). Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) (about a neighbor’s love story). I’m Only Me When I’m With You (about her friends). Breathe (losing a friend). The Best Day (for her mom Andrea). Change (about her record label). Eyes Open and Safe & Sound (both for the Hunger Games soundtracks). 22 (a fun night out with friends). The Lucky One (the rise and fall of fame). Starlight (Ethel Kennedy). Sweeter Than Fiction (One Chance Soundtrack). Welcome To New York (again, pretty self explanatory). Bad Blood (Katy Perry feud). New Romantics (the N.R movement of 70s-80s Britain). The Man (sexist double standards). The Archer (anxiety, insecurities, existential crisis). Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince (disillusionment with U.S politics). Soon You’ll Get Better (Andrea’s battle with cancer). You Need To Calm Down (pride and ignoring trolls). My Tears Ricochet (Scott Borchetta). Seven (a child’s innocent view of abuse). This Is Me Trying (this one has a myriad of themes: alcoholism, regret, accountability, existential crisis (again) and low self esteem). Mad Woman (gaslighting women to control their emotions). Epiphany (the Covid-19 pandemic. Comparing modern day doctors and nurses to WWII soldiers). No Body, No Crime (revenge, infidelity, murder). Long Story Short (finding your way out of a dark time in your life). Closure (also Scott Borchetta). Evermore (dealing with hardships symbolized by a harsh winter). It’s Time To Go (removing yourself from toxic situations). Nothing New (adjusting to change). Forever Winter (for a friend who was dealing with addiction and mental illness). Carolina (Where The Crawdads Sing soundtrack). Anti-Hero (self-loathing). You’re On Your Own, Kid (growing up). Vigilante Shit (revenge). Dear Reader (passing on advice). 50 songs not about her own love life.
I also have also been called a vampire despite being ace and maybe aromantic and here's how like look at myself as a vampire. I get a job as at blood bank, I quietly take blood home every few days, then I just drink it whenever I need it and hope no one suspects I'm the one taking the blood.
I don't know if y'all are still going over this comment section, but I highly recommend bands like R.E.M., They Might Be Giants, and Daniel Khan and the Painted Bird. They're more political/absurdist and I don't think have any songs about romance that aren't parodying it.
I’ve been identifying as ace since I was quite young but I always had trouble with romantic attraction… I think I might be greyaro? my “crushes” have always been in reality platonic and or aesthetic. So thank you for this video it kind of cleared that up for me.
I would explain the ‘you just know’ but I don’t even know the difference between platonic and romantic attraction and I’m in a healthy relationship with three other people, so I’m not the best help at explaining, even though you wouldn’t. Feel it anyways. I like explaining things though, like giving information
03:59 my dad has recently said that it's a specific iNsTiNcT and i'll just know what's going on - like, no, i wanna know right now so i can easier identify my feelings for others and orientation lol
9:52 I can relate to this SO MUCH. I’ve had so many platonic crushes over the years, but never new there was an actual term for it until a few months ago. I’m demiromantic/ace so this was a game changer for me. Up until then I just referred to them as “friend-crushes”.
Can really relate to the last one. My close friends tell me I give really good relationship advice??? hhuuuhhhhhuunnhhh?????? Bro I made that s**t up in 2 microseconds TOPS using half-baked ideas I understand jacks**t about of romance I got from le society when i was like 12
I have a thought, and even though this video is older and I have no idea if anyone will see my comment, i'd like to know what other people think: it might be harder to tell if you are aromantic if you are allosexual because you feel sexual attraction, which, in a lot of media, including movies and music, is tied closely with romance. For me at least I've only ever felt sexual attraction for people who I've gotten close too either in a friendship or something similar and so experienced what I initially thought was romantic attraction, but when the object of my attraction reciprocated romance, I became very uncomfortable. I still don't know how I identify, and I'm interested in other people's experiences if they have felt something similar. Am I crazy?
I remember I was playing truth or dare with some of my friends in sixth grade and when they asked me who I liked I said nobody and that was when I realized that I *wasnt lying* and that was when I really realized something was different.
I imagine the lover in the songs is my own soul. It’s very fun for me! There’s a lot of leverage if you feel good with playing with perspectives! You are both wonderful thank you for your video! 🥳
That last one was particularly relatable as I'm the friend everyone goes to for relationship advice and yet I have zero experience in that department. It's like my inexperience is an advantage
I love that last one. I have also given romantic advice, after several failed attempts to do so. They just kept coming back and asking for help 😅 so I did a lot of studying and figured out how to romance, but not how to feel romance. And it seemed to work for them! So, yay books lol
Which is also really iffy and confusing because I think showing romance to my partner is good. But then they get upset because I'm "just going through the motions" and I'm like no.. I thought this made you happy. Like what more goes with it?? 😵 lol. I do not suggest such actions unless your partner knows you likely will not reciprocate any feelings they may get from the kind actions, and is ok with that
"Symptoms of romance" This is the best thing I have read in awhile. Someone should absolutely write a paper on this from an aro perspective to try and logically explain romance and it's aspects if one doesn't exist already.
Seriously, I've been there last week: Maybe I am just romantically attracted to many people I get to know? From "I've never fallen in love, I am aroace" to "Maybe I just fall in love with everyone I feel sympathy for", this is a wide spectrum which makes me very confused! Sometimes I want to know so badly how to "classify" my romantic orientation, it's very confusing. 6:40 > I feel it :/
It's OK to not have your identity figured out. Just don't make a decision (like dating someone) just only to experiment & discover more about yourself, but don't avoid experiment opportunities either. If you make a mistake, #ForgiveYourself - we're all human. ✌
Gray-ro ace here. I have had one crush before, and unfortunately, you do "just know". But what that means is this: if you are experiencing romantic attraction, you will be 100% certain that's what you're experiencing. So if you're not 100% sure, it's not romantic attraction. Hope that helps a little!
Thank you so muchfor this video @Kaden and @Elle! I love you guys so much (platonically) and you both make my day! It's people like you who remind me that in my aroace experience, im not alone, and that there are people like me in the world!
Ah self discovery... It's actually really hard, first i thought i was bisexual then i was unsure if im asexual. Now im questioning if i only like girls and if i only like them in a romantic way or i just don't feel anything like that for anyone. I'm atm just waiting to have a crush so i know if ive ever had them and if i never feel like that then guess i know XD Life is confusing, but garlic bread is indeed forever 😅
im a trans aro/ace and gender envy ruined my life bc i mistook it for romantic love bc its like "oh wow that persons pretty" but its "can i be them" and not "can i @#$% @$#%# @$%# with them" or "i want a romantic relationship w them"
both of your hair styles/textures are so cool!! beautiful people and awesome aro content,, it's really sad how little conversations we have about aromanticism in media and your channel is funny, informative, and just a great time! immediate subscribe, and thank you for making these videos :)
I related to this so much! I've had so many squishes that I thought were crushes. One time when I thought I had a crush, my friend told the guy and my feelings vanished. "poof". Def a sign that I was aro, though back then I didn't know about queer people, lol! Also, meme six. I only recently discovered that I want to be in a relationship, and that's scary. That meme was able to put into words exactly what I wanted in a partnership! I'm now subcribed!
Lmao there was this song and I thought it was talking about them being bestfriends but it was a romantic relationship and my sister had to point it out.
The best misunderstanding of a song I had was 'Point of no return' by Sunrise Avenue. I thought this song was about the first person narrator trying to encourage themselves to start a new, better life and leave the old bad relationships, problems and everything behind. This is the point of no return where they can't bear it any longer and need to look forward and break free. No. This song is sexual/ romantic. The whole time I overheard the line "I like the way you taste".
romanctic attraction is thinking someone is cool, pretty, amazing, etc. and passionately desiring romantic things with said person and having this warm spark in you or butterflies in the stomach when you think about them or hang with them and desiring entering a romantic relationship with them. These feelings persist regardless of comfort level or compatibility. I am grayromantic and I have only experienced romantic attraction a couple times so I know what it feels like. If you don't know, ask yourself, do you passionately want to do romantic acts with said person you're interested in, would that bring you fluffy joy and wonderous thrill or does simply being friends with them (or somewhere in between or any other tertiary attraction level) feel way better of an end goal to your passionate desires?
No help guys bc i just realized when they talked about squishes i have a squish on someone what the fuck. I was so confused the past days holy shit... this cleared up so much
bro I could have found out I was aro so much sooner if only I knew the question "how do you tell if you like someone or not?" was just- not a question allos ask
The last meme is ridiculously relatable In my group of friends I am known as someone who gives relationship advice. It goes like this “what should I …” My response is based on my intense studying of what romantic love is when I was trying to figure out if I was aro
Great video! If you're wanting non romantic songs, Queen: Friends Will Be Friends and Simon & Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water are two excellent platonic love songs celebrating friendship (and both with stunning vocal performances)!
I had squishes but almost never confused them with romantic feelings, except in one case and I still do not know if that was just a squish or an actual romantic feeling. Also, definitely using no romo in the future.
if I may suggest some non-romantic songs: -Two songs that kinda give me platonic or even alterous vibes are Meatball Submarine by Mili (still kinda has some "notice me senpai" vibes, but it doesn't feel super romantic to me, at least) and Whispers in the Dark by Skillet (it's often mistaken as romantic, but the band's vocalist said he wrote it for a friend who was self-harming) -Fantasy music! Just songs telling cool stories! Most of it is either folk or metal, so if you don't like those, it can be hard to find good music. If you do tho, a few good artists and bands are Dragonforce, Twilight Force, and Priscilla Hernandez -And of course, comedy music. Weird Al Yankovic being the prime example of comedic music. And if you have a darker sense of humor, Chop Chop Slide by Insane Clown Posse is always a banger.
😂 as an alloromantic rarely attracted to anyone, I agree about the bizarre marriage bit. Permanent relationship? Ok. Marriage? Um, why? throws bestie rings, tink tink
Remember: If you're ace/aro, the garlic bread will protect you from the attraction vampires.
Ah, true.
And cake will attract the other ace/aros
@@lightrayy It's our way of communication.
What flavour is the strongest again ?
@@lightrayy Not sure, but I like red velvet.
I remember thinking I had crushes, but I realized that they weren't and I was just admiring their faces because I'm an artist
Haha, that’s a mood.
Ah yes aesthetic attraction being confusing
I felt this deep in my soul 😭 “I want to draw them. Oh is this romantic attraction??”
I just found out what aesthetic attraction was like an hour ago and had the same realization as you ha ha
I have come to terms with the fact that what I thought was romantic attraction is just me thinking people are pretty and me having a crippling fear of being alone.
"Squish" and "no romo." Finally adequate vocabulary!
Truly the pinnacle of the asexual lexicon. (Definitely my favourite words and phrases!)
-Kaden
3:03 dude do you remember in elementary school when everyone would ask you who you had a crush on and nobody believed you when you said you didn't have one? Fun times haha
YESS
I just totally lied XD. I thought everyone did. I was also super confused when people actually started dating, I was like wow aren't we a little young to be dating already.
definitely didn’t say the kid whose dad owned a restaurant because I love food, not people..
True
Elementary school? Happened to me in clg bruh
4:01 I asked my friend this the other day and since she knows I'm ace and aro she was like "dude if you have to think about it, it's probably not a crush" 😂
Wait. That makes so much more sense- tell your friend thank you cuz I’ve been confused for years by that 😂
Wow now that I "think about it" (get it? Ik it's cringe I'll stop lol) I'm questioning myself even further NOOOO
we don't give romantic advices, we give logical advices 😌😌
This though.
JUST TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT
Yes! I can give advices as it is a universal relationship advice. I believe we share the nature of a relationship whether it is romantic or non-romantic 👍🏻
I don't "give romantic advice". I'm a human being and I know what human beings usually like
Yes
I like to create new meanings for songs that have generic romantic lyrics. "I hate you, I love you, I hate that I want you, you want her, you need her and I'll never be her" is about a transmasc person that loves someone (not necessarily in a romantic way) but that person is a transphobe and wants "her", but there's no way for them to be a woman. This is way more meaningful and relatable for me and makes me think how the hell I didn't notice I was aro before
I love that! I might employ that as a strategy for when I’m listening to those types of songs.
SAMEEE
THANK YOU
I do a similar thing, but it usually ends up with me interpreting songs in a sexual way.... I'm not ace 😅
I honestly listened to a LOT of pop punk and for some reason never thought the lyrics were actually about romance or bad break ups?? I always thought they were more like letters/poems written about and to a personified form of depression or other mental illness lol.
Pro tip: if you’re tired of listening to songs where all the lyrics are about romance, just listen to songs without lyrics. You can project whatever meaning you want to them
I LOVE CLASSICAL MUSIC SO SO SO MUCH
also jazz is good
and rpg game backing tracks (genshin, zelda etc.)
Or just, listen to songs not about romance? I mean looking over at j-pop, they seem to have many songs that aren’t about romance
This is why my music of choice is typically lyricless. Things like classical and lofi are my personal favs
I WAS THE FRIEND WHO WAS DARED TO MAKE TOAST
Hehe, indeed you were... it was awesome.
A squish? I finally understand all the things I thought were crushes in the past, I feel so validated!
im an asexual and write music
whats the best song ive ever written?
um
so
its called the microwave song 🥲
I mean I'd like to hear it!
I wanna hear it too😃
Ask Eric Castiglia
As someone who fully accepts myself as aromantic, but still struggles with figuring out what I want/need out of future relationships, it's nice to hear other people talking about the validity of an aro person wanting/having significant others. Sometimes I feel like my thoughts and feelings are in an echo chamber, and it's easy to go down the spiral of "I'll never find a partner" etc.
Yes! Hoping to do my best normalizing aromantic significant others. Thanks for commenting.
I recently learned I am demi-romantic when I was complaining to a friend about how almost all movies are so unrealistic because I couldn't imagine being romantically attracted to someone I barely knew. And then I realised apparently not all people need a deep friendship and emotional closeness to feel romantic attraction. The more you know.
I think it’s funny when I, an aromantic asexual, listen to songs about sex and romantic things because people always will think it’s weird that I enjoy listening to songs like that, like I just like the beat I don’t pay attention to the lyrics I just exist with the song and it works. Don’t ask questions
I've had songs ruined because I decided to listen to the lyrics instead of the beat and become unable to ignore what the song is actually about. :/
this was great, i've only recently realized im aro-spec but seeing things like this and relating to everything in here and being able to laugh about it is beautiful haha thank u guys!
I'm biromantic grey asexual and somehow I feel so relatable seeing these memes. I don't know if I'm biro or aro anymore. I used to have a crush on someone and I'm in a relationship, but I cannot define what romantic attraction is anymore :((((((
Maybe you are both biromantic and greyromantic/aromantic since the first thing is about who you are attracted to and the second is about how often you experience romantic attraction.
Both of their hair is on fire 🔥🥰❤️
Thank you!!
Fr
Kaden's hair! 😍 You're both so lively & intelligent & fun. It's so nice how you interact with each other to bring positive energy to the video. 🙏 ✌
Thank you so much!! ❤️
I'm Ace, but ngl, I have no idea what a crush feels like. The only crush I had was in preschool, and that was because the guy had the coolest eyes. They were the widest biggest brighted blue eyes I'd ever seen. I still havnt seen eyes like that since. So strange, but amazing!
Fun fact: some songs are assumed to be about romantic love, but totally aren't. The 2 best examples that come to mind are both by Amy Grant. "Baby baby" is literally about a baby, and "Every Heartbeat" is about Gd (which, I know, doesn't do it for everyone either.)
Anyway, thanks for the edutainment! 💐
Oh my god. You just put into words what I have been struggling with for so long. I kind of figured I was somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum but I could never figure it out. I relate so hard to everything you were talking about, like never understanding what the hell a crush is/feels like, and the whole truth or dare thing. Thank you so much!
Also, unrelated, but Kaden's (spelling?) hair looks so soft and pretty!
6:22 omg yes, that's also part of why i've always been so interested in romantic stories. it's so foreign to me that i like seeing how people try to explain or represent it
"Songs without sex or romance seem kind of bare at this point" // *points at a few songs in the Missy Higgins Solastagia album that are literally about human struggles against their own nature ... And the natural world*
"Ah, ok. Heart fluttering. Noted" oh damn if that isnt the most relatable thing ive heard all day
So um about my past crushes. I never thought of kissing or being with them in any way. But I blushed when I saw them and I had this paralysing and excited feeling when they were close or in my class. But I never talked to them. I just loved the fact that we looked at each other. I liked to search for them and now that I think of it I was obsessed with the people I "crushed". Just seeing them was enough for me.
wait, SAME. I had the realisation the other day that all my "crushes" were just people I thought were really cool/wanted to be friends with/found attractive; I was going down the usual spiral of "but am I REALLY aro?", then I wondered if I'd ever do "couple" things with them and answered "wtf no lol"
yeah, the obsession thing is real. i confused it for romantic attraction as well, when they were closer to squishes in any regard.
🌊Ever since I was a teenager, I've disliked sexual relationships & romance. Now I'm 36 & I still dislike sexual relationships & romance. I don't need a man to love me because I love myself. Don't get me wrong. When I say I don't need a man to love me, I mean I don't need a man to love me sexually or romantically. I want a man who loves me like a sister, not like a girlfriend or wife.
Wooo aro people
Hi!!
I could just think throughout the whole video "how are you guys so cute????"
no romo, though, I'm also aromantic 🤣🤣
about the songs, I like to, sometimes, if the song is very beautiful, imagine myself in a romance, because I love to fantisize about me being in a romance, but only in my head, characters that I have made up... When I think about having it with someone I actually know, yuck hahaha guess I'm a aegoromantic after all... 😂😂
But if a song reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally represents how I actually feel, wow! That hits differently!
I'm a late diagnosed autistic person. So I ask myself: Am I even romantic or am I just masking and playing society's game?
How do I know since I've been masking for 39 years?
Have you been working towards unmasking at all? If so, maybe you'll begin to notice whether you are a romantic person or if it takes more energy than is natural to you. You could also watch our videos on Amatonormativity and How Neurodivergence Affects Sexuality & Gender Identity for more related content if it interests you.
Good luck in your unmasking (if that's a goal of yours) and identity journey!
We're ALL to some degree playing society's games... I'm not in a relationship just for companionship or to check off the Couplehood box, but also to give my love to someone who appreciates it & returns it... If you're aromantic, you can experience a similar relationship even tho "love" is missing romance or sex (on your part), but you can also have multiple platonic friendships that feel deeper than "just friends" or you can wonder how to find someone who gets you & fits with you, as most singles do - allo or aro. There's NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU ✌
well, i'm a year late so maybe you already got some answers, but in case you or anyone decides to look into the replies here:
- research, research, research. if you're on this channel, you're probably doing fine on that front, keep going. try to find out different experiences, aro and ace are spectra, so your personal experience is gonna be one of many different ones, so you gotta find out what fits you.
- screw what society tells you. can't identify with amatonormativity? then don't, you're yourself and don't have to model your relationships after what society tells you is "normal".
- examine your past thoughts and experiences. especially your feelings about sexuality, romance and love. how do you love the people you love?
- figure out what you're comfortable with, especially in terms of sexuality, romance and relationships, including friendships. this tip might really help you, if you consider that we feel most comfortable when we can take the mask off.
I very recently realized/became mostly sure of myself being aro and this video was so much fun, just having those realization moments, thinking back on things from my life and being like, “Ooooooh… yeah lol.”
my friends think I’m a cis homoromantic/sexual girl. I’m an Arro-ace trans boy🏳️⚧️😢
uh i remember in high school when a girl in the middle of the school year asked me who did i like and i said "no one" (i already suspected i was aro, but i was waiting for the feelings to come and i felt i hadn't had enough time to get to know anyone that well to decide)
then she asked who did i think was pretty, so i said a name of some guy because i liked his vibe (personally, i always consider if i think the person is nice before deciding if they're beautiful)
and she said "oh, so you have a crush on him" THAT'S SO NOT THE POINT
i'm glad that it was already clear in my mind the differences between atractions, but this kind of conversations made me doubt myself
Ahaha I would relate so much to a song about Duolingo Owl, he is a daily constant in my life, the nearest thing I had to a relationship 😂😂🥰 🦉
11:22 well isn't that my life over there!!!! I became an expert at this from watching all the people around me but it do get VERY frustrating sometimes because a lot of the things that happen, which is usually often, is very illogical. I can't even fathom the idea of falling in love immediately or after a couple of conversations (I'm a demi so maybe that's why). I also try reaaallllllyyyy hard to be mindful and not just say "leave the person it's not worth !!" because I know that there's a connection, even though I never experienced it
It's not worth it if you (feel you must) sacrifice or change WHO YOU ARE to make them happy or make the relationship work.
It's not worth it if they refuse to *listen* to you or *respect* what's important to you or *allow* you to continue enjoying your own friendships, hobbies, career, etc.
It's not worth it if you feel lonely/miserable/used/manipulated/terrified or other awful feelings -- THAT'S NOT LOVE.
But even if things are great between you, it's OK to feel you're missing something or they're missing something -- & maybe you can be happy enough anyway, or maybe you don't like all the expectations of what a relationship should involve... Better to be honest & real, than to waste time/years wishing you had been...
Ace-aro doesn't always mean bring single forever, but being single is totally OK too single that's what you need/prefer. Finding another Ace-aro person doesn't automatically mean you'll make a good couple -- it may be more likely (than with an allo) but humans are so unique, don't force things or sacrifice too much just to "make it work." ✌
In the book Renagades by Melissa Meyer there is a character who is called Ace and also a character called Phobia. It was so weird when I opend the book at a random page before I read it and saw those names 😂
I love those books!!!!
Ah, yes. I recognize the struggle with identifying romantic attraction. Funny memes, I loooove me some good memes every now and then. Have a lovely day! 💜✌️
Taylor Swift has some non-romantic songs:
Marjorie (about her grandma).
Bigger Than The Whole Sky (miscarriage).
Ronan (cancer).
Only The Young (a very politically charged song).
Innocent (the 2009 VMAs incident with her and Kanye).
Never Grow Up (Taylor’s feelings on moving out of her parents’ house in 2010).
The Last Great American Dynasty (the life and rumors of Rebekah Harkness).
Mean (addressing critics).
Look What You Made Me Do & This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things (I’m grouping them together bc they’re both about her feud with Kanye).
Shake It Off (staying positive in the face of her haters).
Long Live (about her fans).
A Place In This World (pretty self explanatory).
The Outside (loneliness).
Tied Together With A Smile (written for her bulimic friend).
Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) (about a neighbor’s love story).
I’m Only Me When I’m With You (about her friends).
Breathe (losing a friend).
The Best Day (for her mom Andrea).
Change (about her record label).
Eyes Open and Safe & Sound (both for the Hunger Games soundtracks).
22 (a fun night out with friends).
The Lucky One (the rise and fall of fame).
Starlight (Ethel Kennedy).
Sweeter Than Fiction (One Chance Soundtrack).
Welcome To New York (again, pretty self explanatory).
Bad Blood (Katy Perry feud).
New Romantics (the N.R movement of 70s-80s Britain).
The Man (sexist double standards).
The Archer (anxiety, insecurities, existential crisis).
Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince (disillusionment with U.S politics).
Soon You’ll Get Better (Andrea’s battle with cancer).
You Need To Calm Down (pride and ignoring trolls).
My Tears Ricochet (Scott Borchetta).
Seven (a child’s innocent view of abuse).
This Is Me Trying (this one has a myriad of themes: alcoholism, regret, accountability, existential crisis (again) and low self esteem).
Mad Woman (gaslighting women to control their emotions).
Epiphany (the Covid-19 pandemic. Comparing modern day doctors and nurses to WWII soldiers).
No Body, No Crime (revenge, infidelity, murder).
Long Story Short (finding your way out of a dark time in your life).
Closure (also Scott Borchetta).
Evermore (dealing with hardships symbolized by a harsh winter).
It’s Time To Go (removing yourself from toxic situations).
Nothing New (adjusting to change).
Forever Winter (for a friend who was dealing with addiction and mental illness).
Carolina (Where The Crawdads Sing soundtrack).
Anti-Hero (self-loathing).
You’re On Your Own, Kid (growing up).
Vigilante Shit (revenge).
Dear Reader (passing on advice).
50 songs not about her own love life.
I made up a crush once, well not really MADE it up, we were just friends and i was like “i guess i have a crush?”
Speaking on vampires. As a pansexual greyromantic... them being PHYSICALLY SMEXKY is enough to have me following.
I also have also been called a vampire despite being ace and maybe aromantic and here's how like look at myself as a vampire. I get a job as at blood bank, I quietly take blood home every few days, then I just drink it whenever I need it and hope no one suspects I'm the one taking the blood.
I don't know if y'all are still going over this comment section, but I highly recommend bands like R.E.M., They Might Be Giants, and Daniel Khan and the Painted Bird. They're more political/absurdist and I don't think have any songs about romance that aren't parodying it.
I’ve been identifying as ace since I was quite young but I always had trouble with romantic attraction… I think I might be greyaro? my “crushes” have always been in reality platonic and or aesthetic. So thank you for this video it kind of cleared that up for me.
Ps music like Cocteau Twins is great and my fave you can’t even understand the lyrics!
I would explain the ‘you just know’ but I don’t even know the difference between platonic and romantic attraction and I’m in a healthy relationship with three other people, so I’m not the best help at explaining, even though you wouldn’t. Feel it anyways. I like explaining things though, like giving information
I am a cupioromatic lithosexual. Aka: I don’t feel love for the hoomans. I Fall for the chicken nuggets.
The neurodivergent vibes from this video…
I feel so represented 👉🏻👈🏻
Haha, we’ve been discovered…/j Glad to hear you feel represented! /gen
@@SpaceyAces Wooooooooooooooooooooooo :3
03:59 my dad has recently said that it's a specific iNsTiNcT and i'll just know what's going on - like, no, i wanna know right now so i can easier identify my feelings for others and orientation lol
9:52 I can relate to this SO MUCH. I’ve had so many platonic crushes over the years, but never new there was an actual term for it until a few months ago. I’m demiromantic/ace so this was a game changer for me. Up until then I just referred to them as “friend-crushes”.
Can really relate to the last one. My close friends tell me I give really good relationship advice??? hhuuuhhhhhuunnhhh?????? Bro I made that s**t up in 2 microseconds TOPS using half-baked ideas I understand jacks**t about of romance I got from le society when i was like 12
I'm the third friend. How dare you lose your protective pendant? I keep mine on my bag always.
I'm sorryyyyyy.
I keep mine at my bedside indefinitely. I should add it to my bag.
Owl City is a great resource for non romantic songs that are fun to listen to!
I have a thought, and even though this video is older and I have no idea if anyone will see my comment, i'd like to know what other people think:
it might be harder to tell if you are aromantic if you are allosexual because you feel sexual attraction, which, in a lot of media, including movies and music, is tied closely with romance. For me at least I've only ever felt sexual attraction for people who I've gotten close too either in a friendship or something similar and so experienced what I initially thought was romantic attraction, but when the object of my attraction reciprocated romance, I became very uncomfortable. I still don't know how I identify, and I'm interested in other people's experiences if they have felt something similar. Am I crazy?
For everyone who wants some good songs that aren't romantic. Check out Cosmo sheldrake. :)
I would say maybe-romo as a gray romantic but it doesn't quite roll off the tongue
I remember I was playing truth or dare with some of my friends in sixth grade and when they asked me who I liked I said nobody and that was when I realized that I *wasnt lying* and that was when I really realized something was different.
I imagine the lover in the songs is my own soul. It’s very fun for me! There’s a lot of leverage if you feel good with playing with perspectives! You are both wonderful thank you for your video! 🥳
That last one was particularly relatable as I'm the friend everyone goes to for relationship advice and yet I have zero experience in that department. It's like my inexperience is an advantage
I love that last one. I have also given romantic advice, after several failed attempts to do so. They just kept coming back and asking for help 😅 so I did a lot of studying and figured out how to romance, but not how to feel romance. And it seemed to work for them! So, yay books lol
Which is also really iffy and confusing because I think showing romance to my partner is good. But then they get upset because I'm "just going through the motions" and I'm like no.. I thought this made you happy. Like what more goes with it?? 😵 lol. I do not suggest such actions unless your partner knows you likely will not reciprocate any feelings they may get from the kind actions, and is ok with that
Because I don’t understand romantic songs I listen to “broken mental health songs”
I don't need to look at the lyrics of my songs because I purely listen to accordion music😎
Kaden, your hair is beautiful, I- wow, the ringlets are amazing! Mate, what’s your secret? :0
Funnily enough, it's relentless exposure to chlorine and refusing trims... but also Elle's hairstyling talent.
@@SpaceyAces haha, that’s one way to do it! That’s how I get my ringlets going too when I can’t be bothered enough to do it properly!
Omg I feel seen!💕💕💕 but also how dare you perceive me this is Terrifying
Hehe, we're looking at you, 'lil aro...
"Symptoms of romance" diagnosed me please I died of laughter here 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Symptoms of romance"
This is the best thing I have read in awhile. Someone should absolutely write a paper on this from an aro perspective to try and logically explain romance and it's aspects if one doesn't exist already.
I love the significant other meme. I'm aromantic but pretty sure I'm also greysexual, seeing as I'm able to feel some sexual feelings.
Seriously, I've been there last week: Maybe I am just romantically attracted to many people I get to know?
From "I've never fallen in love, I am aroace" to "Maybe I just fall in love with everyone I feel sympathy for", this is a wide spectrum which makes me very confused! Sometimes I want to know so badly how to "classify" my romantic orientation, it's very confusing.
6:40 > I feel it :/
It's OK to not have your identity figured out. Just don't make a decision (like dating someone) just only to experiment & discover more about yourself, but don't avoid experiment opportunities either. If you make a mistake, #ForgiveYourself - we're all human. ✌
Gray-ro ace here. I have had one crush before, and unfortunately, you do "just know". But what that means is this: if you are experiencing romantic attraction, you will be 100% certain that's what you're experiencing. So if you're not 100% sure, it's not romantic attraction. Hope that helps a little!
Thank you so muchfor this video @Kaden and @Elle! I love you guys so much (platonically) and you both make my day! It's people like you who remind me that in my aroace experience, im not alone, and that there are people like me in the world!
6:56
I just had an amazing idea, a dating app for aros, so they can find friends to be their platonic significant other. I'm a genius, I know.
Meme number 6 totally describes me
Okay, meme 8 hit me like a brick to the face because HOLY CRAP that's way too relatable!!!!
Person: romance make use human
Me:It’s tough to be a god
Me, also a aromantic who's name is similar to Kaden. Fun
Ah self discovery...
It's actually really hard, first i thought i was bisexual then i was unsure if im asexual. Now im questioning if i only like girls and if i only like them in a romantic way or i just don't feel anything like that for anyone. I'm atm just waiting to have a crush so i know if ive ever had them and if i never feel like that then guess i know XD
Life is confusing, but garlic bread is indeed forever 😅
im a trans aro/ace and gender envy ruined my life bc i mistook it for romantic love bc its like "oh wow that persons pretty" but its "can i be them" and not "can i @#$% @$#%# @$%# with them" or "i want a romantic relationship w them"
both of your hair styles/textures are so cool!! beautiful people and awesome aro content,, it's really sad how little conversations we have about aromanticism in media and your channel is funny, informative, and just a great time! immediate subscribe, and thank you for making these videos :)
I related to this so much! I've had so many squishes that I thought were crushes. One time when I thought I had a crush, my friend told the guy and my feelings vanished. "poof". Def a sign that I was aro, though back then I didn't know about queer people, lol! Also, meme six. I only recently discovered that I want to be in a relationship, and that's scary. That meme was able to put into words exactly what I wanted in a partnership! I'm now subcribed!
Lmao there was this song and I thought it was talking about them being bestfriends but it was a romantic relationship and my sister had to point it out.
The best misunderstanding of a song I had was 'Point of no return' by Sunrise Avenue. I thought this song was about the first person narrator trying to encourage themselves to start a new, better life and leave the old bad relationships, problems and everything behind. This is the point of no return where they can't bear it any longer and need to look forward and break free.
No. This song is sexual/ romantic. The whole time I overheard the line "I like the way you taste".
romanctic attraction is thinking someone is cool, pretty, amazing, etc. and passionately desiring romantic things with said person and having this warm spark in you or butterflies in the stomach when you think about them or hang with them and desiring entering a romantic relationship with them. These feelings persist regardless of comfort level or compatibility. I am grayromantic and I have only experienced romantic attraction a couple times so I know what it feels like.
If you don't know, ask yourself, do you passionately want to do romantic acts with said person you're interested in, would that bring you fluffy joy and wonderous thrill or does simply being friends with them (or somewhere in between or any other tertiary attraction level) feel way better of an end goal to your passionate desires?
Thank you for this guide!!
@@SpaceyAcesY'all are very welcome! :D glad to help!
As a demi, it do be like that
I want to do everything but NO ROMO what a perfect vocabulary with 100% accuracy
Meme 3 is literally me cus everyone will be like "and you can't say 'no one'!" like tf am I supposed to say??
Say “they are…. (Add suspense) ✨non existent✨
I have carefully curated playlists and, in retrospect, I should have known I was aro ace sooner. There were signs.
No help guys bc i just realized when they talked about squishes i have a squish on someone what the fuck. I was so confused the past days holy shit... this cleared up so much
I love how you guys say "NO ROMO". It satisfies me whenever it is said as it is so accurate describing the way I feel 🤣
I’m Aegoromantic, and I think that might have helped me figure out I’m on the Aro-Spec, since I like the idea of romance and have romantic fantasies.
bro I could have found out I was aro so much sooner if only I knew the question "how do you tell if you like someone or not?" was just- not a question allos ask
The last meme is ridiculously relatable
In my group of friends I am known as someone who gives relationship advice.
It goes like this “what should I …”
My response is based on my intense studying of what romantic love is when I was trying to figure out if I was aro
Great video! If you're wanting non romantic songs, Queen: Friends Will Be Friends and Simon & Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water are two excellent platonic love songs celebrating friendship (and both with stunning vocal performances)!
The trurth and dare question got me thinking for days with no answer well I know why now haha
I screamed at #4 I was asking all my friends what romantic attraction was and I still don't know. Secrets indeed.
I don't listen to song with words, unless it's MLP, but I love Dubstep and Celtic
sometimes I need my friends to give me logical explanations for why they have a crush
Both of y’all’s hair! 😘🤌🏻
Yay I found my ppl :D
Hello!
@@SpaceyAces hi ( ◕▽◕ )✿
I had squishes but almost never confused them with romantic feelings, except in one case and I still do not know if that was just a squish or an actual romantic feeling. Also, definitely using no romo in the future.
if I may suggest some non-romantic songs:
-Two songs that kinda give me platonic or even alterous vibes are Meatball Submarine by Mili (still kinda has some "notice me senpai" vibes, but it doesn't feel super romantic to me, at least) and Whispers in the Dark by Skillet (it's often mistaken as romantic, but the band's vocalist said he wrote it for a friend who was self-harming)
-Fantasy music! Just songs telling cool stories! Most of it is either folk or metal, so if you don't like those, it can be hard to find good music. If you do tho, a few good artists and bands are Dragonforce, Twilight Force, and Priscilla Hernandez
-And of course, comedy music. Weird Al Yankovic being the prime example of comedic music. And if you have a darker sense of humor, Chop Chop Slide by Insane Clown Posse is always a banger.
as i walk through the valley where i harvest my grain
5:40 that's why I listen to Sabaton and their history based lyrics or Two Steps From Hell with their lack of lyrics.
Ok symptoms of romance would be an excellent band name.
You re hair
😂 as an alloromantic rarely attracted to anyone, I agree about the bizarre marriage bit. Permanent relationship? Ok. Marriage? Um, why? throws bestie rings, tink tink
my life is funnier with these memes on internet
Happy pride month 🏳️🌈