The hole that’s left being raised by a narcissistic is so deep. I had an empty feeling in my heart my whole childhood and throughout my teenage years. I developed low self esteem because I thought I wasn’t good enough. The road to healing is long but it’s the only way to end the cycle of trauma.
This is so hard to listen to, I've gone 50 years wondering why my mother treated me so bad. I'm just figuring this out. I don't ever remember getting a hug until she was on her death bed, i was 40 years old. This is where the healing begins....
I can relate to every single thing that was said in this video. I am 17 and still living under her roof. It has been YEARS of trying to talk to her, she just NEVER acknowledges it. She is also the ignoring and neglective type.
Hey Thiago, I'm so sorry you are hurting and dealing with this right now. You already are ahead of the game by learning about it and learning how to heal and now cope. It is not easy. The fact that you are aware already shows you won't be similar. I hope things get better for you
My advice is not settle.in, not even a little bit. The worst times of.my life occurred going "home" after college or in between jobs/relationships. It becomes a pattern that your parents will.vome to rely on, to get their needs met off of shaming you. They'll expect you to fail, and return the cycle all over. Man please listen, if I could get back the decades I spent coming and going out of dysfunctional.family.home, I'd be so blessed. Take it from me. You don't want to end up infantilized by them. They'll never stop.
I have been no contact with my mother and brothers for two years. They are her minions. She always makes one sibling the scape goat and most of the time it's been me. the brother that is a year younger is her favorite. he is so much like her. the holidays just made me feel so lonely and I needed to watch this. she will always be in competition with me. it's so saddening.
This month I learned from my therapist that my mother is narcissistic. You explained my 52 years of trauma by my Narcissistic mother perfectly in 30 minutes and I have watched many videos of coaches yours is spot on the best explanation of narcissistic mothers I have heard. This video needs to be shared and watched by millions you are helping a lot of us victims of narcissistic mothers. Thank you❤🙏🏻
Thank you. Its so hard to live this life when people around you don’t understand or don’t even care what we have been through. Unfortunately if someone has not gone through this they don’t understand. My friends and people around me just don’t understand and I feel so alone
me too ): it’s so hard and isolating… i feel like such an alien i barely talk to anyone since i got deep into healing and unearthing these heavy feelings.
They see their children as a way to get their needs met, regardless of what that need is, that is all any child is there for. They all have to feed her needs, in one capacity or another, or she'll drop them off at a corner somewhere. And that's pretty much any person in their life, or they wouldn't be in her life.
I love when you said its not your fault you couldn't have done anything different and they should've cherished and appreciated you. Thank you for saying these things! Very validating.
I am just now finding out all of this .. looking for the lessons ... This is really eye-opening in a way that I can see how life-changing it could be ...
My mother is in her 80’s and still finding ways to invalidate and keep me in fear of being discarded and turning my family against me. Crazy to be in my 40’s and still coming to terms with her viciousness.
Im 54 and Im just coming to terms with my 78 year old narcissistic mother. Ive gone no contact after she accused me of harming her, triangulation and family fall outs and starting on my boys was the last straw. They definately get worse and more bitter in old age.
@@RachelWilliams-qq3bd Oh Lord , I definitely feel Your pain ! They do get way worse with Age ! Please don’t go back because they will never change , they are just Evil on another Level 👺Your Boys don’t need all that Drama , which is what they live for ! I’ve had such a Wonderful Peace ☮️ in My mind like never before since going no contact 💕I can finally move forward and heal because She can’t hurt Me anymore ! I wish You a lifetime of Good Health and Happiness!
My NM is due to pass sway in the next few months due to a medical condition. It sounds callous to write this, but I cannot wait for the abuse to end once she passes. Love and hugs to you all ❤
My mom was everything you said. I was the scapegoat, because I was born with disabilities, and my brother was born with no disabilities. She always talked to my brother and all I would hear is she wanted him to do certain things in high school for a Job because they paid a lot of money. With me, when she had introduced me to her new friends, the first few words she'd say "this is my oldest son, Zach, and he's got Asperger's and septo optic dysplasia. Then they'd ask me a bunch of questions that I don't know the answers to, because I've been this way since birth. I haven't seen it anyway else. Dealing with having a narcissistic mother is like a grief. Like she's dead because something taken control of her, but she's still alive. She used to have a light that shone from her. Every night I go to sleep and I see her smile, hugging me again, but then I wake up, and it's not there. My brother still thinks she hadn't done anything to me, but that's because he's her golden child. I fear that he's gonna turn narcissistic. He seems to know that mom's got some problems, but I still fear that he's going to be narcissistic. If he does, and becomes a father, and tries to hurt his kids, if I hear anything similar to that, I'm gonna rescue them from that situation. No children should go through the literal hell I've been through. Please make a video of the affects of narcissistic mothers on children with special needs. I've reconnected with my birth father, and he has a wife named christine, and I told her what my heart needed, and she didn't hesitate. She said yes to me calling her mom. Prayers for all the warriors of narcissistic family members.
My narcissistic sister would introduce me as, This is my sister and she has got long covid. Since when do we introduce people by their physical or mental disabilities? Sorry for what you have gone through.
I never understood why I never wanted to run to my mother for comfort, she scared me. Now I don't talk to her. My sister and I called her: "Mother Dearest" from a really young age. Not to her face.
@@bumblebee_ms at the age of 50 my mother left me bleeding out on the bathroom floor... I called her Mommy Dearest to her face as often as I could after that when I was forced to be in her presence. Lucky for her I went no contact. All those years of abuse to try and win her love, prove she could be proud of me! And I was thrown out like yesterday's garbage as soon as I could no longer do her biding. Sad it took me almost dying on that floor for me to see so clearly what damage she had actually done to my life, my health, my soul...
As far as the competitiveness she made me very envious of others when they had things or looks certain ways I didn’t. For damn near my whole life I was looking at other women who looked different than me thinking I was ugly as shit and that was NEVER the case.
Old video but this is the only video that went into complex nuances of how narcissistic mothers behave and act. Other just gloss over simple scenarios which do not apply many times.
My mom is just like this. When it comes to emotions, first she lacks it for me... She is into drama, negativity, nagging, criticizing, projecting... Only thing she gave till now is food. Not even clothing or other stuff... But she expects a lot saying she did EVERYTHING for us. She tells how her childhood was miserable due to her parents and how she is better 5han other parents and how we are not as good as other children.... Basically trying to blame, shame guilt every now and then for small small things ....I survived fromher in childhood because she was out from 7.00 am to 7.00 pm and I was all by myself. God was kind to engage her elsewhere... Butshe was expecting me to do all house chores... That helped me to learn and set free from her early. But we had constant arguments about chores and I used to go angry to bed... I realized its effects when I had many issues later in life... It's best not to Engage with such people than engage and explain them. We engage and explain because we care, best go no contact and free yourself. Your explanation is so true. She makes all good things about her and bad things because of others... My mom is a big liar... In small small things she lies. She lied about her birthdays as well when she was 17 and since then she is carrying wrong birth date every where, she will be forced to retire early now because of birth date than she would have been .
Thank you so much for this video; I needed it a lot. I have two narcisstic parents; I never felt their love and all the words you said in this video are true. I cant go live alone yet so i have to bear their hurtful treatment a couple of more years. It is just that living with them i dont have peace when i try to study i just hear shouting and them screaming most of the day and my neighbors ask me why my parents always shout. And they always say to me that I should be greatful that Iam eating still and that I should work because they are not responsible to feed me anymore. I cant tell anyone or seek help from a professional so i just search on youtube each time I get angry. So your video was helpful.
Amazing content my dear.. And yes once you realise that the hugs are empty and the love is more of an external facade to the outside world you start connecting the dots of the abuse (everything that’s OVER in the relationship). The example of such mother saying how she is worried sick about you and how you made HER feel while you are the one being sick was on point. Everything has to be about her and around HER emotions I use to think I am heartless (well she def made sure to implement that in my sub conscious) because I refused her way of OVER caring and loving the one moment to totally opposite in the next , I found it always bizar and use to blame myself for it not really understanding what I did wrong , expect some minor things that I saw all my friends doing at their homes with their mothers but it was never that huge of an issue or argument at their household as waking up grumpy sometimes . Thanks for also pointing out the stages of grieve I should def look into that because I had my fair share of feeling sad and with more knowledge and AHA moments I became mad and now I am at the stage where I want to collect as much info as possible to continue understanding “the narcissistic mother experience “ and as you also mentioned now that you know you can start to heal and it’s a sign you will not be like her and I feel that stage coming up in near future. Thank you again Im going to listen to this video more than once ❤bless your path always 🙏🏼
This is a fantastic video, one of the best I have listened to in capturing the impact of a narcisistic mother, It is so relatable to my situation. Thank you
The more aware and educated you are, the less likely is to happen. You will have similar things to your mom and things you’ll have to overcome from your trauma as that’s how you survived and all you know but you have self awareness and a drive to be better which is something your mom didn’t
This video made me want to cry. My mum said “look other children take care of their mums but I take care of you” but also, “if you think other parents are better (I never said that), then go and be their children” “you don’t appreciate everything I’ve done for you”.
I did not understand why it was always better for her to make me the most miserably pained child ever lived...I DON'T underdtand it. She was hurting me always and all the time and very intentionally. But the "role" of my father-psychopath I found even worse. I wished I had a good heartful warm father, who would have looked for the best...Thank You!!:))!! You are the eternal Beauty in original, the Nature itself would be really deeply proud of You!!
Really great video and information! Nice orb at 29:46 coming from the lower right corner. Interesting...I would say you have some spirits around you. Perhaps a loved one who has passed letting you know they are still with you.❤❤❤
THANK YOU! I've watched a lot of videos on narcissistic mothers. This is the BEST one I've seen thus far. Really appreciate it. 🙏 First video I've watched where everything you mentioned rang true. Helped me see through the fog. Appreciate you!
Me too. I always knew something was off but I’m starting to realise she is a full blown narcissist and I think she could genuinely be diagnosed and I’m not kidding
My mom is always like “Well don’t make me mad and I won’t get mad” whenever I tell her to stop yelling at me all the time or that it’s a choice to be angry
Girl! Thanks for sharing, I just downloaded the "emotionally unavailable mother" in audible to dig deeper. The weird thing in my case is that my mom actually has grown a lot as she is going through her own healing journey. On my side, I think somewhere down the road I've set boundaries and our relationship is much better too, but I keep reliving this trauma in other areas now. I find myself getting into jobs with narcissistic female bosses and basically putting myself through the whole experience again! 😵💫😵💫😵💫
My mum told me I can starve if I run out of money today. I’m autistic, and have been dealing with chronic health issue and in and out of hospital three times this week. I am recently 23 but she’s been like this since I was young. She said im never allowed back into the family house. All of this stemmed from me admitting im thinking of changing my career path to something creative that aligns with me more and that im unhappy. The empty hugs. Yup. Invalidated. Empty all my life. I was depressed all my childhood and felt so “serious” and sad. I got bullied at school bc of my serious energy and I acted a lot older. She quickly got me in to get diagnosed with Asperger’s so that she could keep the narrative that I’m the problem, I think.
_"I'm sorry, but...."_ That sums up the relationship between our mother and me. She was "Miss Information, the Queen of Envy", who projected the shame and embarrassment of her own failures onto her children, especially her scapegoats. It was insane living with her, then trying to include her in my own children's lives. Confronting her made things much worse. Eventually, it dawned on me that she resented everyone, everything we tried to do for her, every moment we shared. At 46, I finally walked away.
If you have a parent that was overly indulged, never told no and enabled that’s a type of neglect. So for the ones that didn’t deal with emotional or physical abuse they were neglected by being enabled
I think you have a really good handle on the narcissistic mother. I'm 58 and just coming to terms with the fact of what she is and what she'll never be for me.
Thanks this truly is helpful as I've been healing. As well as it being in alignment with my inner healing. Those that may read this hope this helps them. My older brother was physically abused by our father. I experienced narcissistic abuse from my mother. Until I was early thirties. Til I cut off completely. Then learned she had her own traumatic experiences. With her childhood and my father whom I never knew. In that I also endured and suffered trauma within the womb. When she was pregnant with me father killed my sister (age five) as hostage in front of mom. She then was shot and grazed by bullet. Keep in mind I'm in the womb. Then he shot and killed himself. I also learned later she had a stillborn son as well. It's been a good four years in recovery from a multitude facets of healing. I'm also transitioning Male to Female. Accepting who I am as I continue on my healing journey. I am so grateful to be here and able to heal. In order to share so others can heal as well.
Empty hugs maybe better than none? (I mean I got none. Feeling sad :| ) guess not.. perhaps worse being kinda gaslighting . Sucks to have mom like that. Couldn't be greatful to have articulated it with such clarity and for the encouragement to let go, to live life you wish without feeling you owe anything... Thanks a bunch
Yes.. Got harassed in school came home and my mom said " it's your fault' she cooked cleaned but.. Yep. Started at 5... I remember it like yesterday. All fits with my narcissist mom..
@@MissyTheLifeHelper yeah.. But I get it now. It hurt at the time.. And, then I realized she is not capable that's all.. She doesn't know how too. You can't go back in time to fix yourself a mom you wish you had so I'm doing the second best.. I'm accepting she could not love. And that had nothing to do with me because I wasn't born when she learned that.haha.. Impossible. So I accepted it and started to love myself as I always wanted to love myself. And with compassion I let my mother slide on this one. 😉
Great video with many helpful examples as references, however towards the end you said that children of narcissists need to accept that their mother was that way due to "her inability to deal with her trauma" but really it's not her inability but her choice not to deal with her trauma but to rather continue to pass it down another generation and leave the "deal with it" to someone else.
Appreciate your input! That is for parents that have trauma and are not narcissistic that make the choice. Narcissistic parents are so delusional and out of touch with reality that they genuinely can not deal with trauma. They would never be able to heal from lack of taking accountability for their actions as an adult
Well I think my mom is a narcissist and she said my grandma and dad are narcissists and I think I am one too so if you're raised by a bunch of narcissists then I guess I'm one too I'm still trying to figure that out honestly thankfully I didn't have any kids
Don't underestimate the father figure in a little girl's world. He will be her first love, and if she's rejected by him because of narcissism or any other reason, you can trust and believe that's going to be one crushed little girl regardless of mommy issues.
I have a learning disability and my mom is my guardian and my sister is more of the golden child because my sister has a more of a personality like my mom and my brother and I are have personality like my daddy and that is why she treats me and my brother the same way and I know she loves me but I don’t know how to talk to her because she doesn’t listen to me is there any way I can talk to her or is it the way I have been asking the question or . We both are in therapy but by the time she gets out she goes back into the way she does . How can I talk to her to let her know that she is acting this way with out makin her mad I always say the I FEEL statements
This video describes everything spot on. I was the scapegoat child and my sister was the golden child. I was blamed for everything while my sister was given everything. Also my sister is extremely obese (eating disorder) and a narcissist way more severe than anyone. Yeah being raised in this family was abusive on every level.
My mother was raised by an abusive step mother and thus treated me the same way she got treated. I remember calling her " not my real mom" as a child which of course didn't hurt her but made her even angrier. I do understand where she came from but I don't excuse her for not choosing love and healing... She could have let things go but she held on the past and I paid for that... Isn't having kids the best wake-up call to let go of the past ? She just never changed she just never gave love nor support but kept on ghosting criticising abusing me my whole life. I may forgive her but I won't tell her that , she doesn't give a fuck
I’ve had a problem with affection my whole life. I never knew how to process any form of affection. With my mom, it ONLY came after physical abuse. So I didn’t know how to process affection without the abuse.
Is it possible for a Narcissistic Mother to have exhibited a variety of the narcissistic traits? I feel like through time, I have been the golden child, to the escape goat, to the co-dependent.
I have a couple videos that would benefit you on finding yourself but this to start might help! ruclips.net/video/QtqfA9Wi6GQ/видео.htmlsi=zGzWk33zTmvPd2i- It comes down to identifying your likes and dislikes, exploring and letting that inner child come out and figure what feels right and what doesn’t
My mother doesnt give a shit about her image. She isolated us and breaks us mentally to stay home. Believe it or not we are all adults qnd still home with her, she has a way of making you feel guilty leaving the house except for necessary things
I was in a relationship with a man rased like that... :( I soo wanted to help him understand those patterns and I think he did because we both are psychologists... But still he became very deffensive and finally attacked me for taking him away from his mother :( It was such a love/hate relationship, one day he hated her to the bones and the other day worshipped and adored :( It was to much for me :( He did everything with her like a husband and wife and made me feel bad that I don't understand it. He was saying this is cultural because he is half puerto rican... It makes me sad because I still trully love him and I see how hurt little boy he still is. But he doesn't want to change it and instead, changes women to finally find the one who will somehow accept it. And will be very understanding and empathetic towards his mother. But... who's gonna lose own nerves and health to do that? :(
Right off the bat…. My narc mother never experienced child abuse. In fact, her parents, my grandparents, were my only saving grace as a child. I’ve been searching for an answer as to why she is the way she is along with how to heal and not be like my mother to my own child 🤔
Not saying no to a child or overly coddling a child also leads to narcissism. Also the way your grandparents treated you was most likely different to the way they treated their own child. Even so, the whys of why she is the way she is isn’t as important as your goal to break the cycle with your own. When you detect the bad behavior you want to break, you figure an alternative. Good on your for wanting to break the cycle! I’d suggest looking into authoritative parenting and if you haven’t already done so, do some inner healing and trigger work. Good luck!
Found a very good video on a channel called "Resilient Life Therapy". She has a video called The Narcissistic Parent which is very insightful. I Thought you may find it interesting......
@@MissyTheLifeHelper My mother had an unbelievably amazing life and childhood. Even her own mother doesn't understand why she ended up the way she did. She probably was enabled and spoiled too much
Yup 100%. Not being told no or giving boundaries is a type of neglect which is still a type of abuse. Just the opposite end of the abuse spectrum. The parents of the narcissist will claim they had an amazing childhood but really they just let the kid do whatever they wanted which caused them to not respect others, can’t handle being told no, and become overly selfish and entitled aka a narcissist
You’re not explaining how to heal, you’re explaining how to realize something’s wrong and it will never change. Once you realized, you still have your symptoms to live with. Realizing, understanding and mourning your mother doesn’t heal and remove your symptoms as an adult. I’m desperately searching for a video or website that explains what happens with your symptoms when you’re healing. I find nothing !!!
Im sorry to hear you feel you haven’t found what you’re looking for. Im unsure what you mean by symptoms? If you’re talking about trauma that’s a branch of the mother wound but may need different healing. The mother wound is a wound that keeps an empty void for your whole life. It’s the same way when you lose a loved one. A part of you will always long for a mother. But the healing part is where you understand and mourn over the mom you did have and give the little child what they needed. Maybe you’re seeking self parenting and self love
" the hugs felt empty " yess
My mother's never hugged anyone in her life. Her mother was the same. Cold and formal.
I’d get weird side hugs
You even got hugs. Good for you.
my moms face would get contorted with a smile and blank look in her eyes while she would come in for a clammy soulless hug
The hole that’s left being raised by a narcissistic is so deep. I had an empty feeling in my heart my whole childhood and throughout my teenage years. I developed low self esteem because I thought I wasn’t good enough. The road to healing is long but it’s the only way to end the cycle of trauma.
me too…
This is so hard to listen to, I've gone 50 years wondering why my mother treated me so bad. I'm just figuring this out. I don't ever remember getting a hug until she was on her death bed, i was 40 years old. This is where the healing begins....
I can relate to every single thing that was said in this video. I am 17 and still living under her roof. It has been YEARS of trying to talk to her, she just NEVER acknowledges it. She is also the ignoring and neglective type.
I still have a tiny bit of hope in me. I'm probably living with my dad next month. I really don't want to become a narcissistic father in the future
Hey Thiago, I'm so sorry you are hurting and dealing with this right now. You already are ahead of the game by learning about it and learning how to heal and now cope. It is not easy. The fact that you are aware already shows you won't be similar. I hope things get better for you
@@MissyTheLifeHelper Thank you for the kind message. It WILL get help, I have faith! Thank you for posting videos about this subject
I'm glad you have found this out at 17 x I'm 44 and it's taken me that long to figure wat it is x good luck in the healing journey x
Ĺpppĺpĺĺpĺĺppĺppppppppp@@thiagogregory1
This is my exact situation. Coming back home after being free at college is the most devastating, difficult thing to navigate.
My advice is not settle.in, not even a little bit. The worst times of.my life occurred going "home" after college or in between jobs/relationships. It becomes a pattern that your parents will.vome to rely on, to get their needs met off of shaming you. They'll expect you to fail, and return the cycle all over. Man please listen, if I could get back the decades I spent coming and going out of dysfunctional.family.home, I'd be so blessed. Take it from me. You don't want to end up infantilized by them. They'll never stop.
I have been no contact with my mother and brothers for two years. They are her minions. She always makes one sibling the scape goat and most of the time it's been me. the brother that is a year younger is her favorite. he is so much like her. the holidays just made me feel so lonely and I needed to watch this. she will always be in competition with me. it's so saddening.
This month I learned from my therapist that my mother is narcissistic. You explained my 52 years of trauma by my Narcissistic mother perfectly in 30 minutes and I have watched many videos of coaches yours is spot on the best explanation of narcissistic mothers I have heard. This video needs to be shared and watched by millions you are helping a lot of us victims of narcissistic mothers. Thank you❤🙏🏻
Hope you're doing better. You can check sam vaknin he really go deep on this topic
Thank you. Its so hard to live this life when people around you don’t understand or don’t even care what we have been through. Unfortunately if someone has not gone through this they don’t understand. My friends and people around me just don’t understand and I feel so alone
me too ): it’s so hard and isolating… i feel like such an alien i barely talk to anyone since i got deep into healing and unearthing these heavy feelings.
I totally understand. You are not alone…❤️
They see their children as a way to get their needs met, regardless of what that need is, that is all any child is there for. They all have to feed her needs, in one capacity or another, or she'll drop them off at a corner somewhere. And that's pretty much any person in their life, or they wouldn't be in her life.
This.
I love when you said its not your fault you couldn't have done anything different and they should've cherished and appreciated you. Thank you for saying these things! Very validating.
I am just now finding out all of this .. looking for the lessons ... This is really eye-opening in a way that I can see how life-changing it could be ...
It can be shocking but a relief. I'm glad you're here.
Thanks for watching!
My mother is in her 80’s and still finding ways to invalidate and keep me in fear of being discarded and turning my family against me. Crazy to be in my 40’s and still coming to terms with her viciousness.
I understand! I’m 64 and My Momster is 86 and still as Evil as ever ! I’ve finally went no contact and I’ve never been so at peace ☮️ and so happy ❤
Im 54 and Im just coming to terms with my 78 year old narcissistic mother. Ive gone no contact after she accused me of harming her, triangulation and family fall outs and starting on my boys was the last straw. They definately get worse and more bitter in old age.
@@RachelWilliams-qq3bd Oh Lord , I definitely feel Your pain ! They do get way worse with Age ! Please don’t go back because they will never change , they are just Evil on another Level 👺Your Boys don’t need all that Drama , which is what they live for ! I’ve had such a Wonderful Peace ☮️ in My mind like never before since going no contact 💕I can finally move forward and heal because She can’t hurt Me anymore ! I wish You a lifetime of Good Health and Happiness!
My NM is due to pass sway in the next few months due to a medical condition. It sounds callous to write this, but I cannot wait for the abuse to end once she passes. Love and hugs to you all ❤
@@cloellenl8380 I feel exactly the same about My Momster !
To "forgive" narcissistic parents means to recognize them as never existed because it is true!! Thank You!!
wow…. so true.
My mom was everything you said. I was the scapegoat, because I was born with disabilities, and my brother was born with no disabilities. She always talked to my brother and all I would hear is she wanted him to do certain things in high school for a Job because they paid a lot of money. With me, when she had introduced me to her new friends, the first few words she'd say "this is my oldest son, Zach, and he's got Asperger's and septo optic dysplasia. Then they'd ask me a bunch of questions that I don't know the answers to, because I've been this way since birth. I haven't seen it anyway else. Dealing with having a narcissistic mother is like a grief. Like she's dead because something taken control of her, but she's still alive. She used to have a light that shone from her. Every night I go to sleep and I see her smile, hugging me again, but then I wake up, and it's not there. My brother still thinks she hadn't done anything to me, but that's because he's her golden child. I fear that he's gonna turn narcissistic. He seems to know that mom's got some problems, but I still fear that he's going to be narcissistic. If he does, and becomes a father, and tries to hurt his kids, if I hear anything similar to that, I'm gonna rescue them from that situation. No children should go through the literal hell I've been through. Please make a video of the affects of narcissistic mothers on children with special needs. I've reconnected with my birth father, and he has a wife named christine, and I told her what my heart needed, and she didn't hesitate. She said yes to me calling her mom. Prayers for all the warriors of narcissistic family members.
My narcissistic sister would introduce me as, This is my sister and she has got long covid. Since when do we introduce people by their physical or mental disabilities?
Sorry for what you have gone through.
I never understood why I never wanted to run to my mother for comfort, she scared me. Now I don't talk to her.
My sister and I called her: "Mother Dearest" from a really young age. Not to her face.
@@bumblebee_ms at the age of 50 my mother left me bleeding out on the bathroom floor... I called her Mommy Dearest to her face as often as I could after that when I was forced to be in her presence. Lucky for her I went no contact. All those years of abuse to try and win her love, prove she could be proud of me! And I was thrown out like yesterday's garbage as soon as I could no longer do her biding. Sad it took me almost dying on that floor for me to see so clearly what damage she had actually done to my life, my health, my soul...
As far as the competitiveness she made me very envious of others when they had things or looks certain ways I didn’t. For damn near my whole life I was looking at other women who looked different than me thinking I was ugly as shit and that was NEVER the case.
Took me going through two traumatic, narcissistic relationships to realize my attraction to them linked back my mother with narcissistic tendencies
At 64 Years Old I’ve had to go No Contact with My Evil Momster 👺and I’ve never been at such a Level of Peace ☮️ and Happiness!
Same age and had to do the same thing.
@ I wish You all the Wonderful Health and Happiness You can hold 💕🙏
Old video but this is the only video that went into complex nuances of how narcissistic mothers behave and act. Other just gloss over simple scenarios which do not apply many times.
This is described PERFECTLY! I’ve felt all of this.
My mom is just like this. When it comes to emotions, first she lacks it for me... She is into drama, negativity, nagging, criticizing, projecting... Only thing she gave till now is food. Not even clothing or other stuff... But she expects a lot saying she did EVERYTHING for us. She tells how her childhood was miserable due to her parents and how she is better 5han other parents and how we are not as good as other children.... Basically trying to blame, shame guilt every now and then for small small things ....I survived fromher in childhood because she was out from 7.00 am to 7.00 pm and I was all by myself. God was kind to engage her elsewhere... Butshe was expecting me to do all house chores... That helped me to learn and set free from her early. But we had constant arguments about chores and I used to go angry to bed... I realized its effects when I had many issues later in life... It's best not to Engage with such people than engage and explain them. We engage and explain because we care, best go no contact and free yourself. Your explanation is so true. She makes all good things about her and bad things because of others... My mom is a big liar... In small small things she lies. She lied about her birthdays as well when she was 17 and since then she is carrying wrong birth date every where, she will be forced to retire early now because of birth date than she would have been .
My grandmother saved me❤
I called my mother out and lost my whole family , it’s really sad but then I realised I was never part of that family away . We were all conditioned .
My mother is NASTY
Thank you...I can relate
I just found You , and You are extremely Beautiful! Thx for all the Encouragement and Wisdom !
Thank you so much for this video; I needed it a lot. I have two narcisstic parents; I never felt their love and all the words you said in this video are true. I cant go live alone yet so i have to bear their hurtful treatment a couple of more years. It is just that living with them i dont have peace when i try to study i just hear shouting and them screaming most of the day and my neighbors ask me why my parents always shout. And they always say to me that I should be greatful that Iam eating still and that I should work because they are not responsible to feed me anymore. I cant tell anyone or seek help from a professional so i just search on youtube each time I get angry. So your video was helpful.
I am in the same boat as you , I watch Dr. Gabor Mate’s Dr Ramani’s videos too help me a lot to heal.
@@healthylife4eva it gets better i found someone that loves me and we will marry soon. Iam not weak anymore so have hope
Amazing content my dear..
And yes once you realise that the hugs are empty and the love is more of an external facade to the outside world you start connecting the dots of the abuse (everything that’s OVER in the relationship). The example of such mother saying how she is worried sick about you and how you made HER feel while you are the one being sick was on point. Everything has to be about her and around HER emotions I use to think I am heartless (well she def made sure to implement that in my sub conscious) because I refused her way of OVER caring and loving the one moment to totally opposite in the next , I found it always bizar and use to blame myself for it not really understanding what I did wrong , expect some minor things that I saw all my friends doing at their homes with their mothers but it was never that huge of an issue or argument at their household as waking up grumpy sometimes .
Thanks for also pointing out the stages of grieve I should def look into that because I had my fair share of feeling sad and with more knowledge and AHA moments I became mad and now I am at the stage where I want to collect as much info as possible to continue understanding “the narcissistic mother experience “ and as you also mentioned now that you know you can start to heal and it’s a sign you will not be like her and I feel that stage coming up in near future. Thank you again Im going to listen to this video more than once ❤bless your path always 🙏🏼
Your content is real and essential. I love the truth provided here. Thank you so much.
This is a fantastic video, one of the best I have listened to in capturing the impact of a narcisistic mother, It is so relatable to my situation. Thank you
I’m so afraid of becoming like my mother or developing another narcissistic streak due to the trauma
The more aware and educated you are, the less likely is to happen. You will have similar things to your mom and things you’ll have to overcome from your trauma as that’s how you survived and all you know but you have self awareness and a drive to be better which is something your mom didn’t
I don't trust myself ... I was the problem ... Something was wrong with me ...
I was told to get over it as if something was wrong with me ..
All the fucking time
Same here. Not one apology from her ever not once. She once told me she doesn't apologize because she's never wrong.
This video made me want to cry. My mum said “look other children take care of their mums but I take care of you” but also, “if you think other parents are better (I never said that), then go and be their children” “you don’t appreciate everything I’ve done for you”.
I can relate to every single thing that you said in this video. I felt all of this
Thank you! Best life coach ever!!!!!
I Love how you explained this!! Makes so much sense
I did not understand why it was always better for her to make me the most miserably pained child ever lived...I DON'T underdtand it. She was hurting me always and all the time and very intentionally. But the "role" of my father-psychopath I found even worse. I wished I had a good heartful warm father, who would have looked for the best...Thank You!!:))!! You are the eternal Beauty in original, the Nature itself would be really deeply proud of You!!
Really great video and information! Nice orb at 29:46 coming from the lower right corner. Interesting...I would say you have some spirits around you. Perhaps a loved one who has passed letting you know they are still with you.❤❤❤
There is so much gold here, thank you so much ❤️💔🙏
Thank you! This was extremely helpful 😭❤️
THANK YOU! I've watched a lot of videos on narcissistic mothers. This is the BEST one I've seen thus far. Really appreciate it. 🙏 First video I've watched where everything you mentioned rang true. Helped me see through the fog. Appreciate you!
Appreciate your comment so much!
You are a genius! This has helped me beyond words! You get it 100% ❤
So incredibly happy it spoke to you!
Great video, Missy !!
Keep it up, love from Portugal 🇵🇹🇵🇹🇵🇹👍🙏💐
I can't believe i'm just learning that my Mother is narcissistic
Its horrible isnt it but at the same time everything starts to make sense.
Me too. I always knew something was off but I’m starting to realise she is a full blown narcissist and I think she could genuinely be diagnosed and I’m not kidding
@@izzydianaa I totally feel you
This video was SO helpful
This was really good, you really helped me today! I ordered that book too 🙏🏽
What’s the book called ?
My mom is always like “Well don’t make me mad and I won’t get mad” whenever I tell her to stop yelling at me all the time or that it’s a choice to be angry
Thank you so much. Very good video and you covered it all so well. You helped me finally let go and grieve. ❤
Girl! Thanks for sharing, I just downloaded the "emotionally unavailable mother" in audible to dig deeper. The weird thing in my case is that my mom actually has grown a lot as she is going through her own healing journey. On my side, I think somewhere down the road I've set boundaries and our relationship is much better too, but I keep reliving this trauma in other areas now. I find myself getting into jobs with narcissistic female bosses and basically putting myself through the whole experience again! 😵💫😵💫😵💫
Also, you're so beautiful!
Still dealing with this and I am 36.
Same but the good news and the difference this time is that now we know ! I have started my path of healing and knowledge is a big part of it ❤️🙏🏼
And your perspective is amazing.
My mum told me I can starve if I run out of money today. I’m autistic, and have been dealing with chronic health issue and in and out of hospital three times this week. I am recently 23 but she’s been like this since I was young. She said im never allowed back into the family house. All of this stemmed from me admitting im thinking of changing my career path to something creative that aligns with me more and that im unhappy.
The empty hugs. Yup. Invalidated. Empty all my life. I was depressed all my childhood and felt so “serious” and sad. I got bullied at school bc of my serious energy and I acted a lot older. She quickly got me in to get diagnosed with Asperger’s so that she could keep the narrative that I’m the problem, I think.
Did you make one of these for the father wound, when our fathers are narcissis?
I have my daddy issues series but it’s not as depth as this one. Just made me realize I should make a deeper one for you guys! Thank you for the idea!
Thank you, great video 😢❤
You did a great job
scapegoat is the one that they decide not to like.
_"I'm sorry, but...."_ That sums up the relationship between our mother and me. She was "Miss Information, the Queen of Envy", who projected the shame and embarrassment of her own failures onto her children, especially her scapegoats. It was insane living with her, then trying to include her in my own children's lives. Confronting her made things much worse. Eventually, it dawned on me that she resented everyone, everything we tried to do for her, every moment we shared. At 46, I finally walked away.
How about my narcissist mother who was absolutely NOT abused????
If you have a parent that was overly indulged, never told no and enabled that’s a type of neglect. So for the ones that didn’t deal with emotional or physical abuse they were neglected by being enabled
I think you have a really good handle on the narcissistic mother. I'm 58 and just coming to terms with the fact of what she is and what she'll never be for me.
Youre spot on. Thurough and accurate.
Thanks this truly is helpful as I've been healing. As well as it being in alignment with my inner healing. Those that may read this hope this helps them. My older brother was physically abused by our father. I experienced narcissistic abuse from my mother. Until I was early thirties. Til I cut off completely. Then learned she had her own traumatic experiences. With her childhood and my father whom I never knew. In that I also endured and suffered trauma within the womb. When she was pregnant with me father killed my sister (age five) as hostage in front of mom. She then was shot and grazed by bullet. Keep in mind I'm in the womb. Then he shot and killed himself. I also learned later she had a stillborn son as well. It's been a good four years in recovery from a multitude facets of healing. I'm also transitioning Male to Female. Accepting who I am as I continue on my healing journey. I am so grateful to be here and able to heal. In order to share so others can heal as well.
Thank you for this video it's very helpful 🙏🏼
Great video. Thanks
Thank you for your post.
Wow your amazing so much info x
Very nice video ,helpful
I really loved this
Perfectly explained!
Empty hugs maybe better than none? (I mean I got none. Feeling sad :| ) guess not.. perhaps worse being kinda gaslighting . Sucks to have mom like that. Couldn't be greatful to have articulated it with such clarity and for the encouragement to let go, to live life you wish without feeling you owe anything... Thanks a bunch
I'm writing a letter. Good idea, great video
Yes.. Got harassed in school came home and my mom said " it's your fault' she cooked cleaned but..
Yep. Started at 5... I remember it like yesterday. All fits with my narcissist mom..
I'm really sorry you experienced that
@@MissyTheLifeHelper yeah.. But I get it now. It hurt at the time.. And, then I realized she is not capable that's all.. She doesn't know how too. You can't go back in time to fix yourself a mom you wish you had so I'm doing the second best.. I'm accepting she could not love. And that had nothing to do with me because I wasn't born when she learned that.haha.. Impossible. So I accepted it and started to love myself as I always wanted to love myself. And with compassion I let my mother slide on this one. 😉
That's what I like to hear! Great work! Thanks for watching
Great video with many helpful examples as references, however towards the end you said that children of narcissists need to accept that their mother was that way due to "her inability to deal with her trauma" but really it's not her inability but her choice not to deal with her trauma but to rather continue to pass it down another generation and leave the "deal with it" to someone else.
Appreciate your input! That is for parents that have trauma and are not narcissistic that make the choice. Narcissistic parents are so delusional and out of touch with reality that they genuinely can not deal with trauma. They would never be able to heal from lack of taking accountability for their actions as an adult
Well I think my mom is a narcissist and she said my grandma and dad are narcissists and I think I am one too so if you're raised by a bunch of narcissists then I guess I'm one too I'm still trying to figure that out honestly thankfully I didn't have any kids
What’s the book called ?
Thank you
Great video!!!
Don't underestimate the father figure in a little girl's world. He will be her first love, and if she's rejected by him because of narcissism or any other reason, you can trust and believe that's going to be one crushed little girl regardless of mommy issues.
I have found that the only one who can give me peace thru this is the Lord. 🕊️✝️ He loves me like no one else can… 🥰🙌
I have a learning disability and my mom is my guardian and my sister is more of the golden child because my sister has a more of a personality like my mom and my brother and I are have personality like my daddy and that is why she treats me and my brother the same way and I know she loves me but I don’t know how to talk to her because she doesn’t listen to me is there any way I can talk to her or is it the way I have been asking the question or . We both are in therapy but by the time she gets out she goes back into the way she does . How can I talk to her to let her know that she is acting this way with out makin her mad I always say the I FEEL statements
Is there anything that you would suggest I should do ?
This video describes everything spot on. I was the scapegoat child and my sister was the golden child. I was blamed for everything while my sister was given everything. Also my sister is extremely obese (eating disorder) and a narcissist way more severe than anyone. Yeah being raised in this family was abusive on every level.
My mother was raised by an abusive step mother and thus treated me the same way she got treated. I remember calling her " not my real mom" as a child which of course didn't hurt her but made her even angrier. I do understand where she came from but I don't excuse her for not choosing love and healing... She could have let things go but she held on the past and I paid for that... Isn't having kids the best wake-up call to let go of the past ? She just never changed she just never gave love nor support but kept on ghosting criticising abusing me my whole life. I may forgive her but I won't tell her that , she doesn't give a fuck
Hell I sent my narcissistic parent this fucking video
😅
how did they react ?
I’ve had a problem with affection my whole life. I never knew how to process any form of affection. With my mom, it ONLY came after physical abuse. So I didn’t know how to process affection without the abuse.
Is it possible for a Narcissistic Mother to have exhibited a variety of the narcissistic traits? I feel like through time, I have been the golden child, to the escape goat, to the co-dependent.
Yes! I’d highly recommend watching my other videos on narcissistic parents specifically about the sibling relationship
I am not sure how you know my mother this well 😅😂 has there been a camera in our house all along? 😅😅😅😅
Next question: how to form a sense of self when it was never there bc of narcissistic mother?
I have a couple videos that would benefit you on finding yourself but this to start might help!
ruclips.net/video/QtqfA9Wi6GQ/видео.htmlsi=zGzWk33zTmvPd2i-
It comes down to identifying your likes and dislikes, exploring and letting that inner child come out and figure what feels right and what doesn’t
Thank you sm
My mother doesnt give a shit about her image. She isolated us and breaks us mentally to stay home. Believe it or not we are all adults qnd still home with her, she has a way of making you feel guilty leaving the house except for necessary things
What is love bombing exactly?
I thank you! I been trying to heal the wrong way this has truly helped me ❤ love you chick
Ashley V
03/14/2024
1:36 pm CST
New subscriber
Welcome Ashley! Thank you so much and I am So happy you’re here 🤗
I was in a relationship with a man rased like that... :( I soo wanted to help him understand those patterns and I think he did because we both are psychologists... But still he became very deffensive and finally attacked me for taking him away from his mother :( It was such a love/hate relationship, one day he hated her to the bones and the other day worshipped and adored :( It was to much for me :( He did everything with her like a husband and wife and made me feel bad that I don't understand it. He was saying this is cultural because he is half puerto rican... It makes me sad because I still trully love him and I see how hurt little boy he still is. But he doesn't want to change it and instead, changes women to finally find the one who will somehow accept it. And will be very understanding and empathetic towards his mother. But... who's gonna lose own nerves and health to do that? :(
Right off the bat…. My narc mother never experienced child abuse. In fact, her parents, my grandparents, were my only saving grace as a child. I’ve been searching for an answer as to why she is the way she is along with how to heal and not be like my mother to my own child 🤔
Not saying no to a child or overly coddling a child also leads to narcissism. Also the way your grandparents treated you was most likely different to the way they treated their own child. Even so, the whys of why she is the way she is isn’t as important as your goal to break the cycle with your own. When you detect the bad behavior you want to break, you figure an alternative. Good on your for wanting to break the cycle! I’d suggest looking into authoritative parenting and if you haven’t already done so, do some inner healing and trigger work. Good luck!
Found a very good video on a channel called "Resilient Life Therapy". She has a video called The Narcissistic Parent which is very insightful. I Thought you may find it interesting......
Not all Narcissists had a bad childhood can we stop pushing this idea all the time
No they didn’t. The others were neglected by being overly enabled and indulged
@@MissyTheLifeHelper My mother had an unbelievably amazing life and childhood. Even her own mother doesn't understand why she ended up the way she did. She probably was enabled and spoiled too much
Yup 100%. Not being told no or giving boundaries is a type of neglect which is still a type of abuse. Just the opposite end of the abuse spectrum. The parents of the narcissist will claim they had an amazing childhood but really they just let the kid do whatever they wanted which caused them to not respect others, can’t handle being told no, and become overly selfish and entitled aka a narcissist
Hi,
Im also a youtuber focusing on narcissistic relationships. Lets connect
Not available emotionally .. neglect ful ...
🎨🎨🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🖌🖌
Oh! 😂😪 :/ thanks :)❤️
nice hair
You’re not explaining how to heal, you’re explaining how to realize something’s wrong and it will never change. Once you realized, you still have your symptoms to live with. Realizing, understanding and mourning your mother doesn’t heal and remove your symptoms as an adult. I’m desperately searching for a video or website that explains what happens with your symptoms when you’re healing. I find nothing !!!
Im sorry to hear you feel you haven’t found what you’re looking for. Im unsure what you mean by symptoms? If you’re talking about trauma that’s a branch of the mother wound but may need different healing. The mother wound is a wound that keeps an empty void for your whole life. It’s the same way when you lose a loved one. A part of you will always long for a mother. But the healing part is where you understand and mourn over the mom you did have and give the little child what they needed. Maybe you’re seeking self parenting and self love