Biggest mistake I ever made was thinking I could call them out, forgive them, show them kindness and then they would change and become a better person. It only escalated the abuse
Yes they are full bullshit and can come up with all kinds of lies just to please their egos they will say anything to demean you and it happened to me do I didn’t even argue with them! She’s right be careful because around them when saying something because they just use your words to use against you!
That's the first step :) once you know you won't get that apology, forgive them and move on. Forgiveness is for you, not because they deserve it. It's more important than you think because holding on to bitterness is essentially giving them permission to hurt you every day of your life. Forgiving them means letting go of all that.
I hear this all the time, " forgive them." As we know, narcissists will NEVER be accountable and forgiveness comes with accountability and change. For me, I don't forgive them. I forgive myself for whatever it may be, being in a relationship with them or thinking they will change or whatever it may be. Like someone said the forgiveness is for us NOT the narcissist. So I find the statement "forgive them" may sound nice bit doesn't seem realistic. For me I forgive myself I wish them well or at least no harm and I move on with my life.
1. Ignore their antics 2. Show them that you don't need them by actions 3. Ignore 4. Let others witness 5. They will pay with their own actions and karma 6. Sit back and laugh and watch 7. Don't save them 8. Keep laughing
Like so many people, I just want to say thank you Dr. Ramani. Like so many other people, I felt betrayed, lost, powerless, helpless, etc for the longest time thinking what I put in would mean something to this person, that one day they would see the light. Unfortunately I didn't know I was dealing with a narcissist and most if not all of what you are saying makes so much more sense now. You help me see the light that I had prayed for. Thank you for saving me. Thank for doing what you do.
I recently did this with my mom, and she used it ALL against me. Devastating effects, but we have to let it go. They’re dealing with mental illness and want to impose the same feelings into others
If you can afford financially to get out absolutely but unfortunately for a small few that's not possible and please unless you know the exact circumstances you don't know . And they can't get out. Unless they win the lottery it's impossible.
My sister is a fierce narcissist. I avoid her as much as I can. I could never imagine being married to a narcissist. I send so much love to everyone living with a narcissist.
Thank you for sending love. My heart breaks for my 11 year old grandchild who suffers daily abuse of put downs and shaming made to feel he's a bad person because he's so frustrated and hurt he lashes out which only leads to more demeaning of his soul. He's so sad convinced that his mother hates him.and he's not worthy of love. I do my best to let him know how much I love him and what a wonderful caring person he is. The problem is we live a world apart. He's in the UK and I'm in Canada. There is no help for a child under the control of a parent.
Things have calmed down since my malignant narcissist father has been in and out of the hospital. He never speaks anymore willingly on his own. He’s now extremely peaceful. It is very very odd. But he’s suffering from dementia and delirium is what my narcissistic older brother told me. I do not talk to him at all. He makes excuses for why he won’t talk to me on his own. He’s been treating me invisible on purpose to make me submissive and feel inferior and unimportant. They will all crumble around me
It’s difficult to manage this. Because they will always be part of your family. You know, for marriage there is a divorce, but in this case…I have a sister narcissist as well. Keep strong!
Me too me three me four. You're not alone. I'm glad I'm not alone. I used to think I was crazy or mean. My God, how good it feels to know we are NOT the problem. The trick is that she's blood related and we cannot completely avoid her. I also have to control myself to cool down when facing her for my Mom. Dad just passed away and I don't want to cause more grief to my Mom.
I'm the husband of a women who has a narcissistic family that has used her as a punching bag for years. When I came along, they hated me because I spoke plainly and called them out for their abuse. I took my wife away from them and they lost their shit. We rekindled a relationship with them after they apologized and it took years to build trust again. They shattered it by attempting to take control of her again. I have made it clear I'm fully willing to be their punching bag if it means protecting my wife from their narcissist, evil, manipulative behavior. I'm ready for war.
just have to have no contact, brother. no changing them. hopefully your wife is not a covert narc also as it seems often children of narcs also become narcs.
@TheWorldisaLIE2 yeah I have thought about that as well, she's a genuinely kind person and I have more narcissistic Tendencies than her. In my teens and my early twenties I may have even been a certified, narcissist I had a lot of the same behaviors that I'm seeing in her family. I'm still working through that was a well. It's how I saw through their lies from the start, because I used the same tactics. I've come along way but still feel great shame from it.
@@BGDSP1121 good to hear brother, life is a journey meant for self realization and change, most never achieve it and remain stagnant in their same thoughts/views. You and i sound similar as i believe both of my parents are covert narcs and i myself have had some of those tendencies that i try to work on. and my ex wife is also likely one and her father and grandmother definitely are, not just my opinion. her own mother that has worked in the counseling field has even said it. life goes on. I wish you the best. All things are achievable through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Peace be with you brother.
When my daughter was 10 she dealt with my narc mom better than I can even now. My daughter had been down for the weekend (at my moms insistence and my daughter’s resistance - something I stopped after that), and my mom had been on her about her hair ALL WEEKEND. Wanting her to let her cut it. Backstory: my mom had been cutting my daughters hair against my wishes since birth, basically. She even took the first (and in fact ALL) haircut. And my mom would usually cut it herself, and it would be BAD. Sometimes I thought intentionally bad. But my daughter wanted to grow it out. When my sister and daughter and mom were on their way to meet me to drop her back off, I guess my mom started to get desperate, so when they had stopped to eat, my mom started on it again, and this time it escalated to the point that my mom stood up aggressively in a way that suggested she was going to physically assault my daughter. My daughter grabbed my sister (her aunt) for protection, and my sister sharply told my mom stop. Then, my daughter, cool as a cucumber, told my mom, ‘Since my hair upsets you so much, I just won’t come around you.’ Shut my mom up, and she didn’t see her for years after! I’ve never been prouder.
Wow. Your 10 year old daughter beats my 20 year old one, and I guess they both beat us. As I'm in a similar situation - I was raised by a narc mother and I understood fully like 2 yrs ago, in my 40's. A year ago, my daughter resisted to my mum while she was constantly pushing her to sign some antivax petition, and my girl simply told her she's not going to sign it at any cost because she's different opinion. She also suggested to avoid this topic coz there's no point etc. My mum reacted with a typical N rage and told my daughter she hurts her by saying this so she's not going to talk to her at all. My daughter told her that's sad but that she respects her choice. And that's it. Now they're not in contact at all.. I read all the conversation and I must say I'm proud of her because her reaction was very mature, yet adamant. She was able to set her boundaries in her young age better than I was until my 45. And for both our daughters I believe it's a sign that despite what we grew in we were able to raise our kids well and hopefully broke the spell.
@@katkas.4688 I so totally agree with you Well done to those two daughters I reared my own children by doing the total opposite of way's that I grew up Teaching them all how to be assertive lots of activities Wings to fly & roots to come home too There is great solace to be had that despite all the odds, our adult children have successfully managed to not live out the legacy of Narcissim Thank you Dr.Ramini
My Mom died in February of this year. She was married to my Father for almost 69 years. She attempted to leave him for YEARS, since we were kids, but always believed the love bombing and empty promises he'd make and he'd soon discard those promises upon her return. Years of narcissistic abuse caused STRESS daily. I believe it absolutely played a huge role in shortening her life. She had stomach issues. I'd say Mom needs to see a gastroenterologist. Why? He'd ask, "She's had stomach problems all our marriage.". Yeah....she died suddenly from ischemic bowels which led to sepsis, adrenal dysfunction, heart attack and death. I miss her. But she's FREE at last. She used to watch your videos. They helped her. Now I am watching them, gaining more insight on not to allow my Father to use me as his next supply.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Learning is the best way for you to over stand this shit, I just left after 42 years and Yes I've always heard stomach problems too.... Thanks so much for your comment and commitment to heal. My support is here for you Magnificent soul. I'm trying to educate my kids so they don't have to take the abuse....
1. Don’t call them out. Understand the pattern for informed decision making 2. Grey rocking - disengagement, do not take bait, do not go deep. Do not share achievements or pain 3. Fire walling - do not let important or sensitive information in out 4. Have sounding boards and support 5. Radical acceptance of the limits of this relationship (incl. not calling them out) 6. Distraction
However, it is inevitable really. Due to the fact that narcissistic people push you to your limit, you always end up arguing with them. They have close minds and you'll end exhausted with just even a little talk with them. They'll always find fault in you. Respect yourself and just DONT ENGAGE.
@@dontbelongherefromanother Truly exhausting, right? I experienced arguing with a narc at first, then I learned to not engage. You know what, they'll do everything to provoke you and eventually you'll engage. Never ending toxicity coming from them!
@@lezeldeguzman true, some narcs want attention and will do anything to provoke their target if they are ignored by them. It happened to me with my narc neighbor, and it got to the point that I called the police. However, after that, the narc neighbor started engaging in covert tactics to get my attention, like moving things to the side of my property, and going in my mailbox. Mind you, I didn't have proof of him doing these things, but I had no problems with anyone else in my community. With that said, they were ruled out as suspects, and the narc neighbor was the only one with a motive. The only thing I could do was document the incidents and report them to the landlord, that's it. Thanks for your response
I agree with you. They insert their will on you to the point that it can be detrimental to your well being. I don’t have this problem in my personal life because I do not keep them in my life, but at work they will always try to double your workload to lessen theirs or blame you for their screw up. You have to protect yourself from this. I think gray rocking is the best way to handle these types.
I used to think I knew what a narcissist was until I met one. It's like they create a pocket reality and suck people into it. One of the worst experiences of my life.
You're quite right! A narcissist learned very young that there was only one way to get love from their parent, and they lock themselves in that one way from then on in life. They can't handle anything outside that tiny world.
I find I rage more than they do cuz I let it all build up as I learn more and more. I give easily it helps me see all the tricks quick. Then one day I switch suddenly and show my martial arts back ground just so they think they will attack me like these other people they've attacked. At that point they talk to me they know I communicate well and I can also lock down easy (child abuse survivor)
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.andrew_james. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
That sounds like a satire fortune cookie, sometimes you get those- they throw them into circulation for fun. Most fortune cookie companies do it.. there’s really only one big company and they provide 99% of the worlds fortune cookies.
Just agree with them. Let them think what they want to think. They’re delusional and that’s something we have to accept. But it doesn’t mean you have to tolerate, you can walk away.
I’ve tried that. I’ve disagreed, agreed, stayed silent….everything is wrong and I still get in trouble. So the solution is no contact. They are delusional.
It happened to me too. I called him out because I was enraged by his behaviour towards me and other members of the family. I wouldn't tolerate it anymore. But it didn't change anything and even worse he got the attention he wanted. I broke down, lost myself, struggled to pull myself together (still am) and started ignoring him completely. Like he didn't exist. I put a boundery around me. He couldn't get to me anymore. Others did the same. So it was like his oxygen was cut off. He finally left the house and we have found peace.
Do not smear yourself with honey and go into the jungle and lay down for a day. If you do you will get what reality is and blame yourself I hope and not the insects.
@@Slothgoo Ohhhh, I know this one. The most recent narcissist in my life is the Drama Queen type. What I've recently noticed is that her tearful breakdowns about how sad her life is ALWAYS come shortly after she's been caught in one of her frequent lies! Diversion.
He was diminishing me, gaslighting me, minimizing my feelings, and hating me when I was physically unwell with severe allergies and menstrual monthly pain and nausea. When I was diagnosed with Sensory processing disorder and hyperacusis, which made it difficult to find a regular job, he was still saying that I was exaggerating and pretending. No matter what did, I never was good enough. He destroyed my persona and my self-esteem by constantly belittling and attacking who I was. The biggest shock was when he started to blame me for his own insecurities. This is where I realized he would not stop until he destroyed me completely. You know when I had enough? I realized that he made me feel bad about myself and said to him, end of the story for me, we are getting a divorce. Since that day he has been maliciously mean to me (we lived together for a few months) because I was the one who petitioned, he tried to punish me. It's a nightmare not only to be with a narc., but also to leave a highly unhealthy relationship like that. I’m happy I divorced from the narcissist ! ! !
Let me guess… He downplayed, diminished, or even discounted your claims of physical illness until you had proof that was a refutable and he could no longer do that so then he just resented you for it? It's evil
I had a major auto accident, resulting in three breaks in my neck. Went right back to work in my newly opened restaurant so I wouldn't lose the business. Eating pain meds, wearing a cervical collar, but he sneered that I didn't have a broken neck and was lying. My daughter has practiced medicine for 25 years. She had to tell him he was mistaken, but it made no difference, even when I showed him the x-rays. They really can't comprehend pain in others, nor do they care to.
borngreat -4 Life good advice and thank you. Please send a copy to our Head of State who is being rather dim inviting trouble and strife to his Coronation. Charles ignore the Harkles because they are not going to change .
@@gingerrivas5354 Pretending you can ignore them is a false narrative. Parents, spouses, kids .... My biggest one is my niece. Between her "therapist" allows her to say "I think/I feel" on basics !!!! Nooo validation is freakin' awful to say! On 3 different drugs or excuse me "medication" with a Madrid of "excuses" as to why she is this way (called excuses) no! Stop the BS.
Amen! Forgive them for they don’t know what they do , the cross is not excuse to be selfish! It’s a sign to say don’t beat your self up for mistakes, just try to be loving selfishly as humanly possible! Love thy enemy and torture your self to end narcissism to show that love for one another is worth loving yourself!
When I went gray rock on a former friend after figuring out what a narcissist she was, and as she escalated her attempts to get at me only to find she couldn't, you could see the puzzlement on her face as her usual game failed. She told me over and over, "you've changed." I neither agreed nor disagreed with her. Didn't ask what she meant, didn't argue, just looked at her. It was awesome.
Wow, what you described it is exactly what I went through with whom I considered best friend! I put up so much with her behavior, for years.. until I realize her narcissism became dangerous as she turn to straight lying…. right after my wedding. She voted herself my maid of honor, I agreed because I loved her.
Please don’t wait, my brother isn’t here anymore because he waited & gave chances to someone who has no respect or ability to respect a 2nd chance. You Waiting means giving them more power, more time to upscale the abuse & the ability to finish you off- financial stability is no use if you’re not here to benefit from it, Please please put your life value & worth before a narcissists, if you don’t then they have won. Just like a leech they suck the life out of people until there’s nothing left & they move on without any conscience & find another host .
I just left him. No car, no job, I don't even speak the language here fluently. I've got my best friend who's been helping me a lot with my exit plan. But the hardest was to convince myself that he will never change. Took me over a year. I'm 56, not a very physical person and no idea whatsoever about how the system works here. Put your mind into it. Remind yourself everyday of it. Be brave. The difference is like cold dark night and bright sunny day. Hope to see you very soon on this side, sweetheart! ❤🤗
The best way is to let them think they are smart and you are not. And calmly walk away. Get further away until you never return. Always remember who you are, your value and don't take their insults personally.
This is exactly what I did! My parents, even with all my academic achievements, thought I'd never make it on my own in the world. They always thought I was dumb, lazy, inept, and naïve. I let them under-estimate me and waited patiently till they themselves gave me the opportunity to leave, thinking I'm of no use to them. My mother thought I could never do anything without her. They were left totally baffled when I thrived (still am) in another part of the world, far away from them. Never once have I visited them, and I've gone no-contact as well. What freedom! Thank you Universe!
This is what I did. Left and filed for divorce. When he turned nasty and dragged the divorce to three years, I used information that he had given me 7 years prior against him and he lost his career over it. Twenty years of living with that narc taught me to have a poker face.
1.do not call them out. 2.put your energy into understanding what all this is about.take the new found knowledge and use it to your decision making. 3.Grey - rocking . Not sharing your pain , just sticking to superficial topics. Fire walling is another level. The boundaries that keep your intimate knowledge from them. 4. Turn to a social support group or friend. Vent in a space where you are safe. 5. Radical acceptance. Calling it out is potentially harmful. 6. Distractions- pick up a hobbies. Do something else. Watch a show or movie is helpful.
I’m 23 years from letting my mother go and no contact. It’s still the best decision I ever made. If you can find a healthier mother figure in time, it will help with the void that emerges. Someone without her own daughter, that you nurture too. Who will in turn offer you her sage wisdom.
im also in the same situation. Hopefully in two weeks I´ll already be gone. Im leaving my house when she´s not here and I believe I´ll go no contact as well. I´m afraid for my life for the next couple of days. Any suggestions and good wishes will be well received
@put0.666 Please be careful. Your emotional and physical safety are top notch priority. I am mentally sending you a huge congratulatory hug for saving yourself so that later you can be the very best version of who you really are. 😊 Best wishes for a very happy and positive future!
If people create a feeling of sympathy in you, that can create slips, or, I’ve found that to be true at times. We have to keep watching people’s signals as they wash big stories over their small one person shows.
The fact that you quoted part of that scripture from Matthew 7:6 tells me that you did have this info available years ago. Dr. Ramani’s advice so often harmonizes well with what was written in the Bible thousands of years ago. That’s one reason I watch her videos. Practical suggestions from any source are beneficial, but when they share that ring of truth from the Bible, you know you can trust it.
21 years married to a narcissist. Toward the last year, I pretty much ignored him and refused to argue with him even when he got up in my face. I showed no emotion and just stopped caring. Once divorced, it was the most liberating feeling. He still tries to call on occasion but I have blocked his number and it goes to Spam. I don't know why I didn't take my children and get out of there sooner.
Agree! Plus when Dr. Here decided to talk about "can't" do certain things ... Hmm NOOOO mandates are NOT LAWS and fighting for freedom doesn't mean conforming. She, also, loves allowing people to say " I feel/I think" is completely wrong, too. She is a gaslighter herself.
How did you know when to leave? My H has stopped raging in my face for prob more than a year now. He’s gotten so much better with the kids when he saw the damage he did to our now adult daughters although he still says he doesn’t understand why they don’t respect him even though I’ve explained several times. When I told him I went into deep depression last year twice because of his rages - he stopped. But now it’s more quiet subtle but not subtle to me, manipulative jabs, meanness. I’ve learned to intervene with the younger kids to calm him down and then talk to them later to keep their hearts taken care of as much as I can. That helps a lot. But then I have to go in the bedroom and be the wife. I don’t know how to handle this part. I’ve shut down emotionally with him and he knows it mostly but I play it off that I’m just dealing with stuff because I can’t confront him with the “petty” things he does as he has all of the normal narc replies, diversion, etc. I’m finding myself at the point that I don’t know where to go from here. 25 yrs married, a lot of children to think about. I have somewhere to go so that’s not a problem. He’s a great provider so I’m not worried about him taking care of the kids provisionally if I left. He prides himself in that area. Anyway… if you have any suggestions I would appreciate it. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did. And happy you are free of it now. I just started counseling as well.
This was the best decision that I made for myself and my daughter. I don’t know if he’s a psychopath or a narcissist but all I do know is, now I am at peace.
Leave him or her is the best option. Zero contact to you. It's like you disappear in the thin air. As I did. Gosh I was relief and living in a harmony life.
We are already smarter than they are. The key is to not allow what makes us more evolved, our emotional maturity, cause for us to have so much empathy for them that we allow for them to abuse us. Most times, it is this empathy that gets us in trouble. We don’t respond the way we should at the first sign of misconduct because we assume that we are incorrect in our judgment. We are smart enough to know that if someone is damaged they are going to act out and mistreat others. So, we are more patient with them. This is where the problem comes in. Our caring and ability to identify with a person’s pain causes for us to fall victim to their callous behavior. We move the boundary for them because we believe if we do, we can help them. We believe that all they need is love. The problem is, they don’t really want it. They just wanted us to move the boundary. They literally want to see if they can continue to make us do things we not wish to do. They want to see if they can cause a reaction that is out of character. They want to watch us unravel. It makes them feel powerful. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
I don't think u should be spying on them, u don't want to be that person. If u believe ur being cheated on LEAVE. If after u have left u find out they weren't cheating it means ur too insurcure about urself stay single and work on urself. Said with love and compassion
Best rule of thumb I learned: never feel sorry for anybody. It saves you from so much grief. And pity is a useless emotion, anyway. Act with kindness when it is prudent to do so, and avoid the feelings of pity that can derail you ❤
Most narcissists have a sob story and book of excuses and rationale ready for when people call them out. You aren't their first opponent, you won't be their last, and they're practiced and ready. Calling them out will 99% of the time turn into a situation where YOU become the bad guy, no matter how prepared, knowledgeable and right you think you are. Their counter is simple, and will often even have YOU feeling sorry for them. Do not engage directly
Yes this narc pattern canbe eruptive disruptive and corruptive......I wd only call them out/draw a line in the sand and say they are coming from their wounded child, if I was guided by God and if I was around people who I knew knew their narc pattern...and the narc was engaged in some sort of spiritual programme !! And I wd hand the outcome to God.......xxx
U made the Perfect reply.....'it's not abandonment you alienate people'....perfect...Ty...not abandonment, just the only boundary option left to people !!!! u nailed it and simply dismantled the innocent ' I'm just a victim' comment....and 'people leave me, leave me out and avoid me for no reason' ...... There is a reason, they have pissed off everyone for years and never owned their stuff !!!TY again... xxxx
I’ve never been big on telling ppl to walk away from their relationships, but if your dealing with a Narcissist you better WALK THE HELL AWAY! They will make your life a living hell. Literally making you feel like you have no life. I pray deeply for anyone dealing with this and gets the strength the walk away just like I did. 🙏🏽♥️
@@MolotvCocktail566 just do it. No Contact. What's your question? What's the issue as you are feeling it? Maybe we can help you get clearer and protect yourself.
Narcissists are in an endless competition to be better than everyone else. Theirs is an impossibly exhausting life and the only way to survive it is by cutting all ties and learning how to love oneself.
Dr. Ramani, you've let me in on the biggest secret of my life. I have been a narcissist this whole time, and I've been blaming my parents for everything they've done, while ignoring my own actions. Don't get me wrong, they're definitely narcissists, but I think I might be one as well. I was so mad at you when I first realized what you said applied to me, but now I see how helpful you were to me in opening my eyes and allowing room for personal growth.
There's a saying, "lie down with dogs and you'll get up with fleas." Basically saying when you spend all your time with narcissists, you adopt their behavior. I think that being able to see these traits in yourself means you're not narc to your core. Narcs never think they are wrong.
If you have the level of self-awareness and are able to be introspective enough to recognize those traits within yourself, let alone admit them or publicly, then you're not a narcissist. Everybody has narcissistic traits sometimes and the fact that you could recognize similarities between your parents and yourself on your own and work on them, basically prove that you're not a narcissist and I commend you for that
It's been my experience that narcissist will never change they see nothing wrong with themselves or come up with a lame excuse to justify their horrible actions
Don't call them out - No matter how much you believe they might care about how hurt you feel, they will not understand, no matter what. Put your energy into understanding the pattern - Understand the pattern to take your own decision and not for winning an argument with them. Grey rock - Treat them like a customer who is a Karen, you wouldn't want to share anything personal with them nor would you want to engage. Stick to superficial topics. Have a support system - Find someone who understands narcissism, it could be friends, groups or therapy or journal; find a place you can vent and be understood, safe and validated. Radical Acceptance - This person will not change and calling them out is pointless, you will only spiral down with every conversation you have with the Narc. Distract yourself - Change your focus. I'd love to hear your learning from your Narc Healing and Abuse.
I called my husband a controllong narrassist last night. He went into a rage 😳 He doesn't listen to me. It's always my fault, my problem, I'm a menace to society. He never appreciates what I do for our family, and him. It's so defeating. 😪😑
@@Leo-mr1qz And, it only gets worse as they age. They become more devious, the Betrayals are huge including financial, advertising outside the Country for foreign women to have Affairs with, hiding money, stealing your money, and even physical assault. It is Shocking what these sick narcissists are capable of while justifying all of it. Kindness, Forgiveness only gives them more POWER. Find a Way out of the Hell they create.
@@denisedevoto2834 I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope that your daughters come to their senses and realize all the truelove you have for them. That is my fear that he will do the same to me. So, I endure his mental and emotional abuse to keep my relationship with my 3 daughters. They're still young. I've been trying to "grey rock" him forever, but I'm quite isolated, since I stay home with my kids, and work part-time, so he has a lot of control over me, unfortunately. 😑 I lost it last night and called him out because a human being can take SO much. He works graveyards, so at least I don't see him too much.
I live with a narcissistic abuser and don't have the resources to leave. One of my coping methods is to vent through letters to the narcissist that I eventually shred. I get it all out without the conflict. I also make rude hand gestures where she can't see. Yes, it's childish, but it makes me feel better. So does watching these videos, so thank you.
I am also stuck living with the narcissist and I also make hand gestures when they turn away. It's so hard to feel like you have no control of your life. I hope you find hope and relief soon, know that you are strong ❤
Same sister ,your not alone I'm living with him n in relationship,it's very hard to cope up ,same what u doing I make hand gestures too ,when he cannot see it makes me feel better,
😂I love your comment. I learned that I am this person to a certain point a narcissist. Listening to her channel helps me to learn and understand so I can stop doing these things.
Start living a parallel life, create your own life without them, do what you have to do to stabilize them, don’t share, be matter of fact & to the point, take points from these awesome videos and work on your escape.
That is an excellent way of putting it, "empty shell". I understand what the Dr here is saying but I think if you have to walk such a tightrope with someone that you lose yourself, it's no better. I found the best remedy is have a lot of outside activities. Volunteer, join a choir, make it something that gets you away from the narc on a regular basis. Also, be happy. They don't like it unless it's for them.
Great video! This quote came to me after many years of dealing with a narc sibling-“You can never win with a narcissist. But you can’t lose if you don’t play the game”. Appealing to their sense of fairness,humanity,compassion? Forget it. They live on their own planet. They simply don’t care.
Avoiding a feeling of pity is also a great rule of thumb. Don’t let pity suck you in. Act with compassion when prudent to do so, but avoid feeling sorry for anyone.
Worst decision I made was to call them out and tell them what they did was wrong and stuff. They started gas lighting me it escalated into a huge argument. I was crying in tears and of course the narc did not care at all since has no empathy. These videos are so helpful. I am learning a lot about narcissism and how to deal with them. Thanks Dr.Ramani
Been there many times. It's like a character assassination. I just try and shut them down without actually betraying my truth. Things like 'I can see how that would affect you' or 'that must have been terrible for you' work for me. My particular narcissist can't see that I am in fact, just saying it to diffuse them but don't actually believe what I'm saying. It still feels horrible because it looks like you're agreeing and they've won, but like she says, you'll never win! But it stops them.
I used to use my logic.. thinking a logical discussion will make my son meet me half way… wasted years of my life trying to make life easier! No empathy, no respect, and gaslighting made ME go see a psychiatrist!
@@citizenjosie714Are you still in touch with your son? It's well nigh impossible to detach totally ftom your own adult child, especially when they are simultaneously dependent & critical. I feel as if over his 40 years I've been turned inside out, upside down & shaken vigorously. Not much left of me.
@@a.scribe474 I feel the same! Socially it’s difficult to detach 100%..But am making concerted effort to keep my distance, not reacting to his antics, and have learnt to to throw the ball back in his court.. he is now using his son to emotionally blackmail me.. but am staying strong…
It is absolutely devastating to realise that your in a narcissistic relationship. It's like a slow dawning and realisation that things are not quite adding up as they should. Bit by bit, piece by piece and as you gain more knowledge about the subject the haze starts to clear and you see that the person really is. Thank you Dr Ramani for enlightening our lives. Your a absolute treasure!
Agree. It's been 2 years since I first discovered narcissism videos. At first, I thought it was me. As I listened to her and Dr Les Carter, it slowly dawned on me that my husband was gaslighting me. When he'd do it, I'd look at him with bewilderment, actually say, you're nuts. That's not what happened. He couldn't convince me that I was crazy, but he sure tried. I've left him, which shocked him, perhaps because he saw me as helpless - and he was my master.
Worse when you realize that is the Father of your kids and the justice gives him all the power so he can continue abusing you and the children even after divorce. It is hard to keep thinking straight...all I can do is to pray.
This series is so helpful for me. My Narcissistic father is very combative, raised me to be very outspoken and defensive. I am now unlearning this behavior, understanding that I shouldn't have to be in FIGHT mode all the time.
stay strong! This is a great community! Im so sorry you had to deal with that as a child. Would I be able to message you somewhere to get advice because my son is being forced by court to see his narc father who is violent, threatening and has my sons passport and a house in Guatemala. Also never pays a penny in child support
Hugs bc I grew up with a PTSD parent from war who screamed and a mother who had CPTSD. I grew up in screaming fights and we had a screaming Pastor. A BAPTIST. Fun for kids nerves.
I have to say - as a woman with a narcissist in my close circle, and as a psychologically trained professional myself, Dr. Ramani is spot on. Love her videos - thank you Dr for making these videos.
Over 30 years with a narcissist here as well. How ? How can this be? He hid it VERY well,also I've made it a point to fill myself with wisdom and I am sober remaining ever watchful! It's amazing what all you can see through once the fog has lifted! He KNOWS his tricks aren't working with me any longer! It only takes one step to begin your journey forward! To leave the abuse from your narcissistic husband! Slow and steady does it!!!!
It’s so unfortunate how some of us who are so beautiful, smart, intelligent and compassionate like Dr. Ramani had to waste years in these toxic relationships with Narcissists who not only had nothing to offer but siphoned all the good energy from us. It took me years. Thanks to Dr. Ramani’s videos. Truly lifesaving. She I am so grateful🙏
When you have a narcissist as an adult daughter who is an addict and has children it's a nightmare. I want to walk away, my youngest grandaughter is only 11.
@sara john i am glad that your free now the problem now is that narcissist is a buzz word almost and the real victims of the abuse are not being taken as seriously as an individual trauma victim and are being fobbed off with set boundaries and boost your self esteem this woman is amazing isn’t she
women love giving other women compliments they dont deserve. Just stfu with the fake-ery. Women will tell ugly women how beautiful they are, just fking stop being delusional. None of you are smart, either btw
Actually, it's because she/we went through what we did, that we're able to love, support, teach and help others accordingly. Bigger picture is the Lord's and He knows who will do what with all the crosses which become crowns for others and self.
Pleasantly distant and aloof is the way to go. Identify the patterns that trigger them. Don't take it personally, because they can't see you as a real person anyway. Keep the conversations boring and stay quietly focused on your own health and goals until you can part ways.
The “firewalling” was something I learned to do on my own. My husband could care less about anything I had to say but I sure as hell had better be focused on what he had to say. I’d get myself so upset if I was telling him something I found interesting or important and he would only be half listening then at the first distraction he would cut me off and forget I was even talking. So I stopped bolenteering any conversation. I literally became a rock over time. Lost all personality when he was around. Around other people I laughed, joked, and had fun but the second he was around it was time to shut down. It was walking on eggshells and waiting for his wrath. If we had company I’d pray he didn’t embarrass me. Oh except when he wanted sex. Then all the sudden he was nice and flipped the table saying I was a cold fish and had no interest in him. I literally felt crazy!
You just described my life as well. Wants my attention all his waking hours but won't give me any until he wants something. Says I don't tell him things when I did, he just wasn't listening. Can't watch a show or read, my attention needs to be on him. Then he gets mad I walk away. I can't be in the same room unless I'm ready to give him my full attention. He talks at me, not with me.
Unreal!! My therapist that I attained due to being tired of being called a Narcissist and needing to prove to HER I am not a Narcissist, didn’t tell me to avoid telling her that SHE is the Narcissist!! I told her and exactly as explained in this video she DESTROYED ME!!! Impacted me and my children!!! Listen listen listen and DO NOT LET THE NARCISSIST KNOW that YOU KNOW!!!! If you LOVE this Narcissist? Oh lord!!! Will YOU see pain at the very WORST DEGREE!!!! Don’t make this mistake I made!!😭😭😭💔💔
"They aren't going to change" - such a freeing statement. Sometimes we feel like if we adjust our behavior the narc will stop their stuff but no. They are who they are. In a recent video the doc said (paraphrasing) "walking on eggshells means you think something's gonna change. It won't, live your life!" Whew! Thank you doc!
I don’t agree with the eggshell statement. For example, I have to go see my father who has allowed my narc brother to live with him. I have to walk on eggshells to keep the peace. I don’t expect change…just my opinion, my experience…I can see where it applies in SOME situations, but not all. Thanks for sharing💜
I didn't even know there was a term for this, but what Dr. Ramani describes as "grey rocking" or "soul distancing" is what I've been doing for the past few years to keep myself sane when interacting with my parents. I want to share my life openly with them, but every accomplishment I share, they ruin with criticism and invalidation. So I learned to set boundaries, to keep things private and to protect myself emotionally. I felt very guilty at first, especially since they've repeatedly called me out about not sharing anything with them. I don't want to hurt my family, but I can't keep enabling them to hurt me. Watching this makes me feel relieved of that guilt. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
Thank you for sharing. Once you have found comfort with where you are, slight deviations in how you were conditioned to express the truth might be enough to create some safe space in the relationship. In a hypothetical where someone is criticized for eating anything other than vegetables, a lot of clarity can be gained by putting a banana peel where an empty salad bowl would normally go if you don't actually eat the banana or lie about what really happened. 😂😂 This concept works to neutralize unwarranted negativity about anything, but to understand it, you need only the discipline to refrain from exchanging words about all the tomatoes (avoided or perhaps shared together) for however long it takes.
This is a problem with me. I overshare. I feel like I talk too much (I have to learn self control). Thank you for this platform for understanding and advice.
Don't feel bad. It's natural and "normal" for empathic and genuine people. And especially after or in this abuse and relationship situations. We are looking for validation, sanity, clarity, out of the confusion, and cognitive dissonance! Get a therapist!!! It's very NEEDED. You need a safe place to let this out. But talking alone does not heal trauma, make sure you get physical too, to release the negative built up energy. Keep learning and working guys! We deserve it and freedom!!! ❤
I feel compelled to confront him and expose his true nature as a communal narcissist in order to gain closure and move forward with my life. By calling him out, I hope to liberate myself from the emotional hold he has had on me and warn others about his manipulative and toxic behavior. This act of standing up for myself and sharing my truth will be a crucial step in my healing journey, allowing me to break free from the past and embrace a brighter future.
Hi Chronically ill. Get your house in order. What will happen if something happens to you? If you need to be treated/start living in health-service related accommodation? It is then you need help the most. Guess who you can get to deal with? How can you be the best prepared you could be? Best of luck.
I think so. I'm keeping a notebook about childhood trauma from my narcissist sibling. One is she put a vacuum on my head when I was two and it ripped out my hair. My second one is she was swinging a rope with a metal ring on it and it cut my eye. It was my fault because I was following too close. My parents laughed about the first one and didn't do anything but fix me up on the second. I think the worst part was not having a parent who cared.
@@janalu4067 I've been in remission for 9 years. I have a really rare disease called Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome. I live a very healthy lifestyle, which is what you do.
@@McSpaddenator I hope you will continue to be well. It's just I've seen how they come when one gets ill. They come and they rewrite history. Tell everyone how they have always been good and loving (and hint that the problems were the victim's fault). By then the victim is too weak to resist. I hope and pray that doesn't happen to you. I hope you have good people/good person who have been designated as 'next of kin' in terms of healthcare if things go bad.
If calling them out is wrong and acknowledging them is wrong, the only option you have if you’re dealing with a narcissist is to leave asap. It’s way too hard to just sit back and accept what they have done to you and you can’t not even address it with that individual. Just leave quick before something bad really happens and someone ends up in jail. 😮🙏✊
My son cant ever get away from his ex wife, with 4 kids. After 5years divorced, she is still at it - abusing him, manipulating him, opposing him, tearing him down, implementing rules that apply to him but not to her, it never stops. Now she is using the oldest daughter against him to tear down his authority and she exhibits extreme disrespect and even hatred towards him in front of the kids. It is terrible. He cant get a break from it and has lost his self confidence. I cant stand a person treating another person this way.
The worst thing is to find out you have narcissism in your circle.. then as you go no contact, you find out it’s closer than you realized!! There is something so special about us that attracts these people.. We have to work on that part of us. Boundaries, No Contact and Selfcare to regain consciousness!! 😔
It's scary how little people know or even believe about narcissism or alcoholism or addiction. You're right it us no way to live. I'm happy I found you because it is very helpful.
Staying with the narcissist and setting boundaries in an intimate relationship, expecting it to get better, is like trying to believe in Santa Claus again. The more your eyes are opened to them the less there is to admire, and the harder you have to work!!
When I finally started to let my soul pull away he knew it and found someone else to give him what he wanted. He told the kids that I had given up on our marriage and walked away. I lost everything including 27 years of marriage. He was engaged to another woman 2 weeks after he left. It’s been the most devastating 2 years of my life and I’ve been hospitalized twice with atrial fibrillation. Narcissism is a killer. We need to educate our children on its dangers.
Keep at it, Valerie, and pay attention to your own well-being and health issues. I can see down the road, you reclaiming yourself, your inner power and wisdom which you’ve always had but possibly neglected when distracted by others. Good luck becoming yourself and you will!
The children already know the dangers. They've seen what it has done to you. Children are observant and wise. It might be helpful for you to engage in therapy (and your children as well) so that your healing can move along faster. Make yourself healthy again and help your children heal and not repeat what they've witnessed in their own home. Best wishes to you.
@@valeriemontgomery6678 my friend was in a marriage for 44 years. She gave everything and she was the breadwinner. About a year before she got cancer, she noticed valuables missing. When she developed cancer, he told her he wasn't going to take care of her. He stopped paying rent. She was forced to divorce him because he was draining the bank account. When she divorced him, he had already taken the valuables and because she was the breadwinner for all those decades, he got the majority of the social security and she got only a small percentage because that's how the laws work in the united states. You gave 27 years. Imagine giving 44 years. She is 75 years old and lives month to month. Very stressful. She still has to find freelance work to pay the bills. If your husband found another woman in 2 weeks, how would he treat you if you got cancer in old age? In caregiving, I have seen supposed loving children giving their parents lethal doses of morphine at the end, even if they could have lived longer. If even a loving child can become callous, what would a narcissistic spouse do? See all this has sobered me up and allowed me to learn to face life as a single person. Even if I never get married again, I can develop friendships and support systems with friends. Having friendships who support your longevity is better than having a narcissistic "loved" one lord over you and to whom you are at their mercy. I do believe in sticking to a commitment in a marriage. But I also learned that it's essential to become equally yoked before marrying someone. How can a person stay in a marriage if the spouse is trying to kill them? I had a nervous breakdown and broken heart syndrome can kill a person. What I learned is to cut my losses and move on, never allowing emotions to ruin my health. even if I lose everything, I will not allow myself to experience broken heart syndrome again. God is always with you no matter what you lose, so don't be devastated. God bless.
Valarie , I wish I could talk to you and get some valuable information from you. I am convinced my relationship with this lady I gave my everything to is a narcissist. Also I really hope you are recovered and in good health mentally and physically. It is coming to an end. All this lady does is put me down instead of a healthy relationship , just love you. I'm so broken , spiritually , physically and mentally. I was with her for over 4 years . All the best to you , Michael
Did you have to get a no contact order from the court? I assume, since you mentioned having children together, you have to co-parent to a certain degree. I'm in that boat. My ex consistently tries to reopen communication soon after I tell her I want minimal communication. I see your comment is 2 months old, so I apologize for the late question.
How can you do no contact with a child? I'm asking because I have a child with my husband, who is a narcissist. He thankfully moved out now but has made many threats during conversations.
The hardest part is loving yourself more. Is so easy to say it but actually learning how to do that is so hard. Because if you love him more and your kids more and your home you won’t leave!
“Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." Matthew 7:6 I did not fully understand this scripture until living with a narcissist son. When we fail to "guard our heart" (quoted below), the gifts of mercy, forgiveness, and patience we carry will not bring the results we hope for. Now in my 70s after spending years in Christian ministry, it is heartwrenching to distance myself from my own child. The happy news is that someone IS growing and changing - Me!
I have a narcissist dtr who will keep me from seeing the grandchildren who I am very close to, if I dare stand up to her. The when she needs me, she has no problem demanding unreasonable help/ babysitting/housekeeping…
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I could agree more. My ex boyfriend was a malignant narcissist and I still struggle with what happened. He literally is a MONSTER and i am a sick person and he would even take me to the hospital if I was sick. This channel helped me out so much. I am so glad I left a year and a half ago
I'm sorry. I understand what you went through. My husband hates to take me for medical treatment as well. I blacked out and fell down some cement stairs a few years ago, probably cracked my ribs and had cuts down to the bone. I'd sprained my ankle in the fall, and my foot even turned blue. I'd wake up in the night screaming in pain. Luckily, I had some old pain killer from a car accident that got me through it. Even now, I wonder why I blacked out to begin with. Anyway, through it all, he acted like I was making much ado about nothing.
Damn i wonder if we were with the same man. Mine also left me in the middle of a life saving medical treatment then blamed me. I later let him back into my life out of loneliness and doubting myself plus believing the HUGE LOAD of BS about finally realizing blah blah. He left again during the loss of a child and sent messages making fun of me during this time. I barely had the strength to survive mentally. I am so sorry for you and agree he was probably malignant. These people are not human. I grew up around them and never saw them get along with anyone outside of a superficial relationship. Best of luck in your healing
@@user-ge6uo2ry2b oh wow, it sounds like you went through so much and I have a saying there is a special place in hell for people like that! No one should have to go through all of this!
@@novelist99 thank you for the kind words and it was such awful experience and I was very sick and he used my illness against me. Complete strangers were nicer to me than he was. I had to crawl on all fours to get even water. I had no idea what was going on until I found this channel and it all made sense. I literally spent 20 hours a day in a separate bedroom trying to get away from him. He would charge me like a football player would. He would threaten me all the time. He owned the house so even a small argument he would say get out of the house. He would try to make sure I was upset and he would want me to hang on every little word. INSANE what happened to me. I had no idea how much it affected me until now.
My neighbours developed unnecessary hate for me out of jealousy and envy and started to gossip about me in the society and framed a very bad image of me - even after this when I stayed unbothered her behaviour continued to provoke me and see me cry . The best thing is to protect yourself because there’s no use you can make them understand things , they’ve already lost their psychological control of themselves and will try to harm you more .
Same here. Gangstalking, rumors, even vandalism can happen. However, Dr.Ramani's alternatives here, can still be applied in your situation. I would suggest getting a surveillance system, don't tell anyone personal information, and build a strong support system outside of that environment until you can move.
Exactly the same benefit I find in being here. It’s so difficult to have to continue to live under narcissistic abuse and keep one’s own head in reality. These videos remind me that I am not the problem!!
I’m listening to this at about 25 minutes and hearing about the flying monkeys and I’m in tears. This happened to me in a group friendship of over 10 years where the narcissist in the group rallied the flying monkeys against me after i called her out on something. I never could put words to what was happening before. It literally made me sick. For years, I was traumatized. I am so grateful to have found this information because now I’m validated I understand. It still sucks but I know exactly what happened now. ❤ This happened almost 3 years ago and I’m just now getting over it emotionally and physically.
Hey, MAC, I have narcissistic people in my life unfortunately. I learned about flying monkeys when I read books about these impossible folks. 1 that helped me tremendously was "Healing From Hidden Abuse" by Shannon Thomas. Anything from Shahida Arabi is excellent. Good luck, peace to you 🤗
I totally get it as it happened to me as well. I finally stood up to my narcissist sister and the revenge was so severe that I was afraid to show my face in public. But as time heals, I walk with my head up high now. People are beginning to figure out that her stories don't stack up anymore and I am starting to reconnect with people. Like in the Wizard of Oz, the flying monkeys are saying that they didn't really like her anyway. Time will heal.
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy helped me tremendously. My Mum was Borderline. I needed Therapy while I was caring for her in her last 18mths of life. Wish I'd known about it earlier in life.
Funny isn't it? I actually used the term flying monkeys before I knew anything about narcissism. The phrase fits like an old hat if you've ever been a victim... I also refer to a narc as an information broker... as in they tell you that x said y and listen for your response. When they get it, they report that back to x. This way they can drive a wedge between you and another. Then for any exchange, they are the go between. Best response of course, no matter how awkward, is to go to the source. "Sorry to bother you, but narc said you said x. Is this true? If so, what was the context?" Try to keep that conversation low key. It's essentially doing, what they do, but hopefully the way you do it is more truthful. It heads off white anting and also strikes a huge blow at the narcs credibility.
I'm married for 38 years to a narcissist, at times I wish I could die instead, but I learn how to deal with it, he has many good qualities too, the day I realized he will never change and that I have to learn to live with it was the day I have started to protect myself emotionally.
I've been married to one almost two years he's a lies and disrespectful delusional I hate I even meet this person these vedios have been very helpful for me dealing are lately not dealing with him I was very conversational now I ignore completely 🙃
Thank you for sharing... Do not call out a narcissist 2:00 If you choose to stay ,then set boundaries and do not engage 2:15 Understand the pattern 3:05 Grey rock- Don't share your achievements, Don't have invalidating conversations, Don't share your pain. Talk about superficial things. 4:00 Fire walling 4:23 Have some alternative source of support 5:03 Radical acceptance- Managing realistic expectations, setting boundaries, not defending, not engaging , not explaining, not personalising. 5:50 Distraction- Go for a walk, bake, watch a movie etc. As Bhagwad Geeta says ' Do your karma, detach from others and be one with God'
My mother is a narcissist and was emotionally abusive when I was growing up. I wrote her a letter explaining the hurt and asked for a response. I wanted to repair the relationship and have a REAL mom. She refused to accept any accountability whatsoever and bolted out of it life. Looking back, it was the best thing that could have ever happened. She weeded her toxicity right out of my life. I was able to heal, go to therapy (which was intense) and go on to lead a very fulfilling and happy life. At this point it makes me sad that she is missing out on it because her ego was far more important than her ONLY child.
Me too. An only child with a mother who always wanted a son and blamed me for ‘killing my baby brother’ when she had a miscarriage. And that’s one of the ‘kinder’ things she said to me. A mother wound is one of the deepest cuts of all.
@@QueenKesh Here's a tip. When you start disliking yourself for feeling guilty for so long, then you will stop hurting yourself with it and recognize people pay attention to YOU. I just did. You are not your mother's keeper.
This hit the nail on the head. I have literally passed out from being yelled at by my mom & dad. Then it’s text love bombings, but spinning it around and saying, “I’m sorry you don’t test back, we love & miss you”. I feel I’ve gone clinically insane dealing with them. I’ve become the black sheep in the family because I am no contact. It’s exhausting and maddening and so frustrating because it seems like the narcissist doesn’t suffer near as bad as the people they inflict their personality disorder on. Then to top it off, I’m the one who “doesn’t forgive” 😳. I loved what you said about not going to people who don’t understand narcissists. They have no idea the agony and harm.
"...it seems like the narcissist doesn't suffer..." etc. No! True, they don't suffer at all, because they can't feel. At least not the way you can. All they can feel is anger or feeling offended, stuff like that. Do yourself a favour and stay no contact. It's really all you can do, for your own sanity 🤗
I feel you. I always have been the black sheep but my sister became an evil queen and tried turning the entire family against me. I feel sick to my stomach if I see her.
Telling others online that your sister is a narcissist seems like a narcissist behavior, seems like you are trying to justify talking negative about your sister for people that don’t know her can try to agree with your attempt at fishing for appropriate behavior since you are the one talking negative about her.
I felt a huge relief since I learnt my narcissistic husband was never going to change. I had previously put in my whole being into hoping he would change. I was fasting every weekend about my marrige and developed ulcer and high blood pressure in the process but now I'm healing and putting my energy into improving myself
I can relate. My husband has cheated and blamed me for the reason he cheated. My husband gas lights me so much that I began to lose my hair, I went from 210 to 182 in the matter of three weeks, my blood pressure was so high, I now have to take medication to deal with it. I started going to Therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, and Adjustment Disorder. I’m learning now he will never change and things will only get worse and have put myself as the primary focus and then the kids right after. If I’m not good then my children won’t be good. I’m proud of you. I hope we both keep pushing.
So accurate. I know my narcassistic ex husband couldn't handle having the responsibilities of children, house, work, or being a parent. He didn't want to 'look bad' for breaking up the family so pushed me and our children until I was so broken & called an end to the marriage. That was his tactic. He has forced me to do many things I NEVER wanted to do.
I decided to call mine out - but not to call them out, to get them charged for their crimes. I am doing it for the people who may encounter them in the future 🙏
My mother made all family members flying monkeys. I had to turn my back to them all. I gather it's better to be lonely than being made laughing stock, being lied to and being ignored.
@@Affiliate_ep I'm sorry for you too. ❤ She turned a few classmates ( lived very near the school, invited them to come for a coffee during free between hour) and friends against me too. My best friend said in her face to shut the F* up about me. Then my mum tried to befriend her on fb for over 10 years.
@@duintje14 How blessed you are for having a TRUE Best Friend who stood up 4 u..💓 I find much healing in Gratitude. I recently lost my best friend of 50 Years! She's alive, we just no longer Friends. We were so close, we called each other Sisters! In reality, I have only 1 blood sister who i unfortunately, and recently, became aware that she was really a true Narcissist!?! ...it was a hard 4 me to swallow & didn't wanna believe it after ALL the yrs... Anyway, my (so i thought) Best Friend, was turns out to be a flying monkey, i guess! She made all kinds of false accusations about me and ended our friendship telling me that she'd been talking to my (real) sister behind my back. She said she believed all the things my Sister(the narcissist) had told her about me. Obvious lies, in order to turn my friend away from me, i suppose And that's Exactly what happened. I lost (what i Thought to be) my Best Friend. It took a toll on me w/many months of grieving... as of today, I would not even Consider taking her back as a Friend. Even if she were to beg too. True Friends don't turn their backs on Friends! One hard Life lesson learned. You must always treasure that Friend of yours! You are Blessed with a Real True Best Friend! i just 💕Love that!❣ 🥰
Same hun I hear you. It isn't easy but better then fake help, broken promises, being controlled and lied to on a daily. Emotional abuse is not easy to deal with
i hear you. its strong of you that you can go away from it. I did for long time, but since mega crisis in my life some years back , my mum has this hold over me again now, more than ever, and has turned all the family against me by selling herself as some victim. i feel very alone. Wish there is some place to connect with people more likeminded. the narcissist theme has reappeared in many forms throughout my life. your comment gave me some hope. Thank you and wish you happy and well. well done.
Yes, you fix their broken parts. Bottom line: they are and will always be severely DAMAGED. You are free. Free to live on and with someone healthy 👩❤💋👨 that is my wish for all who've endured this 💔
I just finished doin’ time, 19 years to be exact, and it wasn’t in the kind of prison you can see. But now I’m free of it. And what you say is EXACTLY correct. Thanks
I use I kind of analogy, when you get it everything click on place. It felt like going out of prison but if you have long sentence then freedom is very strange for you and you have to learn it again but you know that you just getting back yourself. 24 years with narc from very young age. Paid for that with bi-polar when I snapped. Then my bi-polar was just fuel for my narc and help her to be a constant victim. Even when my doctor was saying I am best of his bi-polar patient. Always on meds 0 alcohol. When I was recovering I was sent by my narc to 3 shift job even she knows that my healthy pattern of sleep is very important. But my bi-polar was kind of gift for me because of my mood stabilazer pills. I became to be harder to trigger by her unending blame and devaluation rages and that was marking her more raging 😅. Triangulated with my adult doughter, recorded smear campaigns. Everything by narc bible.
@@pushparao4819 It's not just the professional training though. Many are "professionally trained." It's the passion...it's the purpose..it's more than the education. Takes one to know one. You have to have a LOVE of your field, people, and know it's pain to purpose. This isn't just book smart.
Correct agree there are some professional people who are not interested in taking this initiative to help the society . You are right madam. We learn so much from her She is a wealth of knowledge and well wishes. Every word. Thank you Dr Ramani. God bless you and your family and one and all
I just left her, I was obsessed with her for so long thinking it could change. I seriously suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder badly, it feels almost impossible to not cave sometimes and reply as I've tried to disconnect and exit before. Seeing people like and reply to my comments helps remind me why I can't be involved with her anymore. You don't even need to know me or her, jus know it was killing me: I barely eat, am barely functional. But I'm out of it and can begin to heal If you have love for any and everyone suffering in a narcissistic abusive relationship, I ask you stranger: PLEASE REPLY AND REMIND ME IT'S NOT WORTH IT! I love you all so much and am so happy for this community and these videos and for everyone trying to get away, IT IS POSSIBLE!
My ex wife of 17 years was a narcissist. I am in such a better relationship at this point in my life. My current wife had narcissistic people in her life and she has been such a blessing in my life and so understanding.
Dr. Ramani, I don't know what I would do without your videos. You are saving people all over the world with the help you provide in dealing with NPD. You're a saint in my book! Thank you!
The insight that narcissistic rage spills out onto others, makes people physically sick and enables them are solid motivations to avoid conflicts with them.
You are so right! Calling them out makes them double down. There are some people I just had to finally eliminate from my life 100%. I went from Grey rocking and disengaging to disowning and total elimination. Honestly it's more peaceful without narcissistic people in my life.
Exactly the same thing happened to me. Best thing is disengage and act like you didn't hear what they said, don't ever let them see you cry, don't act mad, JUST STAY HAPPY it eats them alive because they think they couldn't get to you. Cry or be angry away from them, don't show that it affected you in any way!!!!❤ You will never change them, just keep saying to yourself I LOVE ME!!! over and over again to yourself, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE WORTHY. they are evil and cannot be changed, Don't waste your loving precious energy on them!!!❤❤❤DONT EVER LET THEM KNOW THEY HURT YOU!! THEY DON'T CARE AT ALL. THEY FEEL GREAT WHEN THEY KNOW THEY GOT TO YOU!!! THEY DO NOT HAVE EMPATHY LIKE WE DO!!!THEY NEVER WILL!!!❤
Thank- you, Dr. Ramani. The worst part of 20 years of abuse, was when my ex turned my adult children into flying monkeys.( He is their stepdad.) He bought them cars, gave them money, and gave extravagant gifts. Then, he told my kids I was mentally ill when I finally escaped the relationship. He gloated over his victory when they took his side. I was devastated.
You just have to make your own life. Do your best. And if they eventually realise what hurt they did you, forgive them, give them a smile and a hug and cry together.
The truth is that YOU are the only REAL victor by escaping and by realizing that you are miraculously still mentally stable. Willful DECEPTION to inflict harm is a prominent of characteristic of evil. Although he made it appear that he won (and actually believes that he did), it cannot change reality. I hope you fill your life with souls with similar temperament and spirit as you ours; and get UNdevastated (and stay that way)! P.S. I TOTALLY agree with Delfine.
I am 71 years old and on this day your guidance has equipped me to protect and guard my heart from my mother as sad as that is. Thank you Dr. Ramani. My healing has begun!
@@PrathimmaM my mom is 89 years old. I struggle with my current 7 week no contact but I am both emotionally and physically better equipped to perform both my work and Christian ministries without her judgement and negativity I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. Everyone in my circle has commented about how I am less weary and happier. I have been in her bondage since childhood; never again!
I had a narcissistic roommate who never owned up to her wrongs and when I would call her out on stuff, she would say I was accusing her or lying. Thankfully, she moved out and I am super happy now.
Narcissism left me without a mom for 50 years now and counting 😢 How you come to terms with the reality I will never be nurtured by a mother and an absent father? So far my faith in God is holding me together. I love the father, Son and Holy Spirit. I am alone but not lonely.
So sorry to hear about your pain and loneliness. It is a tremendous hardship but glad you have an eternal source of love and support, one that does not waver or leave you wanting for more. It is an endless source.
I should have learnt this already fourty years ago. ITS eye opening. Life saving Lessons. My life was full of anxiety. I Made desastrous experience with Family members with this personality. They destroy relationships within the Family, discriminate you , blame you for Things they actually do themselves. My sister manipulated my Father her whole life. He enjoyed being Put on the throne by her until at the end of His life He got him to Change His Last will in favor of her children and let him totally alone when He was sick. Not informing me during Times He needed Help. Her satisgaction was to call me telling me: I have Bad News for you. Dad died. I was so naive and stupid telling her in Christmas I would Take Care of our Father No Matter the cost is. The narcist justed wanted to get information in Order to know how to Break your Heart.
DO NOT CALL THEM OUT!!! Best advice ever. Oh... My... God. I wish I had known all this before I called my Narcissistic brother out, 2 years ago. Since that day, my life has been a S#!^ storm and I am very alone, stressed, frustrated, angry, anxious and depressed. Before that day my head was held high to the sky. They will try to destroy you, poison you.
Same.. I called out a narcassist and it was the worst idea ever... And it was my first fight with them and I didn't know they were one. I thought I could talk to a normal person.
Drew, I have a N brother too. It’s tough and when things go his way and you give in ti them, they’re fine but when you stand up and set boundaries, they go nuts. Yet you can’t leave thd relationship per say. Sorry for you. I know your pain.
Biggest mistake I ever made was thinking I could call them out, forgive them, show them kindness and then they would change and become a better person. It only escalated the abuse
Amen what a nightmare
My experience says the same.
Yes they are full bullshit and can come up with all kinds of lies just to please their egos they will say anything to demean you and it happened to me do I didn’t even argue with them! She’s right be careful because around them when saying something because they just use your words to use against you!
I think blocking them was good but then I unblock them because I just feel so disgusted by them
Keep in mind that they are not well, I understand how their provoking language and attitude provokes you, but deep down it’s self hatred 😔
It is so frustrating when the Narc don’t take accountability and will never apologize for what they’ve done.
That's the first step :) once you know you won't get that apology, forgive them and move on. Forgiveness is for you, not because they deserve it.
It's more important than you think because holding on to bitterness is essentially giving them permission to hurt you every day of your life. Forgiving them means letting go of all that.
@@drfill9210 love what you said. So wise. Such a valuable advice.
@@juanwang457 thank you. Good advice is always bought at a dear price. I share what little wisdom I have in the hope that others need not suffer 😇
Accountability? In my experience, they can’t even validate your hurt feelings as a result of their actions.
I hear this all the time, " forgive them." As we know, narcissists will NEVER be accountable and forgiveness comes with accountability and change. For me, I don't forgive them. I forgive myself for whatever it may be, being in a relationship with them or thinking they will change or whatever it may be. Like someone said the forgiveness is for us NOT the narcissist. So I find the statement "forgive them" may sound nice bit doesn't seem realistic. For me I forgive myself I wish them well or at least no harm and I move on with my life.
1. Ignore their antics 2. Show them that you don't need them by actions 3. Ignore 4. Let others witness 5. They will pay with their own actions and karma 6. Sit back and laugh and watch 7. Don't save them 8. Keep laughing
Love this ❤
😂
Thanks for this! ❤
7 is so important and a tough lesson to learn
So true. 😂
A narc is never wrong. It's always you. and they love to keep the argument alive.
And why do they have so many minions? I'll always be the ogre because I see through them but How Dare I Say anything!!
What do you do if they keep bringing up the same argument even after they've been proven wrong? They're raging at this point. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
Like so many people, I just want to say thank you Dr. Ramani. Like so many other people, I felt betrayed, lost, powerless, helpless, etc for the longest time thinking what I put in would mean something to this person, that one day they would see the light. Unfortunately I didn't know I was dealing with a narcissist and most if not all of what you are saying makes so much more sense now. You help me see the light that I had prayed for. Thank you for saving me. Thank for doing what you do.
My ex! Never wrong! Even about trivial things that are proven.
Stay silent that’s what I do.
*Never* tell a narcissist your vulnerabilities.
If you do.. You'll find yourself in a rage
They will emotionally rape you😢
If you do, they will use them against you
So true.
I recently did this with my mom, and she used it ALL against me. Devastating effects, but we have to let it go. They’re dealing with mental illness and want to impose the same feelings into others
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
~ Proverbs 4:23
Thank you!
Thank u for that ♥️
What about Bob is an old movie too with Richard Dreyfuss. Quite hilarious actually but u probably knew that?
@@maggievada4797 yes. 😁👍🏻
i will remember this. thank you.
The Best way to deal with a Narcissist is to not deal with them at all! Remove them from your life and be on your way!
If you can afford financially to get out absolutely but unfortunately for a small few that's not possible and please unless you know the exact circumstances you don't know . And they can't get out. Unless they win the lottery it's impossible.
AMEN!
I did it even with my own son. It is hard but necessary
@@MMP9 I´m doing it with my son, my only child, right now!
Thank you so true
Narcississt is an angel of light in the outside and an angel of darkness in the home .
@toyabdool5127 That's a very fake way of creating their facade if they act all good in false pretense, then become demons outside of the public eye.
absolutely
Yes❤
So true
So true
My sister is a fierce narcissist. I avoid her as much as I can. I could never imagine being married to a narcissist. I send so much love to everyone living with a narcissist.
Thank you for sending love. My heart breaks for my 11 year old grandchild who suffers daily abuse of put downs and shaming made to feel he's a bad person because he's so frustrated and hurt he lashes out which only leads to more demeaning of his soul. He's so sad convinced that his mother hates him.and he's not worthy of love. I do my best to let him know how much I love him and what a wonderful caring person he is. The problem is we live a world apart. He's in the UK and I'm in Canada. There is no help for a child under the control of a parent.
Things have calmed down since my malignant narcissist father has been in and out of the hospital. He never speaks anymore willingly on his own. He’s now extremely peaceful. It is very very odd. But he’s suffering from dementia and delirium is what my narcissistic older brother told me. I do not talk to him at all. He makes excuses for why he won’t talk to me on his own. He’s been treating me invisible on purpose to make me submissive and feel inferior and unimportant.
They will all crumble around me
My sister too I had to mourn my relationship with her 2 years ago 😢 I always use to look up to her 😕
It’s difficult to manage this. Because they will always be part of your family. You know, for marriage there is a divorce, but in this case…I have a sister narcissist as well. Keep strong!
Me too me three me four. You're not alone. I'm glad I'm not alone. I used to think I was crazy or mean. My God, how good it feels to know we are NOT the problem. The trick is that she's blood related and we cannot completely avoid her. I also have to control myself to cool down when facing her for my Mom. Dad just passed away and I don't want to cause more grief to my Mom.
I'm the husband of a women who has a narcissistic family that has used her as a punching bag for years. When I came along, they hated me because I spoke plainly and called them out for their abuse. I took my wife away from them and they lost their shit.
We rekindled a relationship with them after they apologized and it took years to build trust again.
They shattered it by attempting to take control of her again. I have made it clear I'm fully willing to be their punching bag if it means protecting my wife from their narcissist, evil, manipulative behavior. I'm ready for war.
just have to have no contact, brother. no changing them. hopefully your wife is not a covert narc also as it seems often children of narcs also become narcs.
@TheWorldisaLIE2 yeah I have thought about that as well, she's a genuinely kind person and I have more narcissistic Tendencies than her. In my teens and my early twenties I may have even been a certified, narcissist I had a lot of the same behaviors that I'm seeing in her family. I'm still working through that was a well. It's how I saw through their lies from the start, because I used the same tactics. I've come along way but still feel great shame from it.
@@BGDSP1121 good to hear brother, life is a journey meant for self realization and change, most never achieve it and remain stagnant in their same thoughts/views. You and i sound similar as i believe both of my parents are covert narcs and i myself have had some of those tendencies that i try to work on. and my ex wife is also likely one and her father and grandmother definitely are, not just my opinion. her own mother that has worked in the counseling field has even said it. life goes on. I wish you the best. All things are achievable through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Peace be with you brother.
@@BGDSP1121God bless you, nobody is perfect, everyone has a past of some kind and you're growing, that's what counts.
What a blessing you are to and for your wife! God Bless you! ❤️
When my daughter was 10 she dealt with my narc mom better than I can even now. My daughter had been down for the weekend (at my moms insistence and my daughter’s resistance - something I stopped after that), and my mom had been on her about her hair ALL WEEKEND. Wanting her to let her cut it. Backstory: my mom had been cutting my daughters hair against my wishes since birth, basically. She even took the first (and in fact ALL) haircut. And my mom would usually cut it herself, and it would be BAD. Sometimes I thought intentionally bad.
But my daughter wanted to grow it out.
When my sister and daughter and mom were on their way to meet me to drop her back off, I guess my mom started to get desperate, so when they had stopped to eat, my mom started on it again, and this time it escalated to the point that my mom stood up aggressively in a way that suggested she was going to physically assault my daughter. My daughter grabbed my sister (her aunt) for protection, and my sister sharply told my mom stop. Then, my daughter, cool as a cucumber, told my mom, ‘Since my hair upsets you so much, I just won’t come around you.’ Shut my mom up, and she didn’t see her for years after! I’ve never been prouder.
Omg your daughter just straight cracked the code!! 😱 *SO BASED*
Your daughter is smart! I wish I was like her when I was young.
Wow. Your 10 year old daughter beats my 20 year old one, and I guess they both beat us.
As I'm in a similar situation - I was raised by a narc mother and I understood fully like 2 yrs ago, in my 40's. A year ago, my daughter resisted to my mum while she was constantly pushing her to sign some antivax petition, and my girl simply told her she's not going to sign it at any cost because she's different opinion. She also suggested to avoid this topic coz there's no point etc. My mum reacted with a typical N rage and told my daughter she hurts her by saying this so she's not going to talk to her at all. My daughter told her that's sad but that she respects her choice. And that's it. Now they're not in contact at all.. I read all the conversation and I must say I'm proud of her because her reaction was very mature, yet adamant. She was able to set her boundaries in her young age better than I was until my 45. And for both our daughters I believe it's a sign that despite what we grew in we were able to raise our kids well and hopefully broke the spell.
@@katkas.4688 I so totally agree with you
Well done to those two daughters
I reared my own children by doing the total opposite of way's that I grew up
Teaching them all how to be assertive lots of activities
Wings to fly & roots to come home too
There is great solace to be had that despite all the odds, our adult children have successfully managed to not live out the legacy of Narcissim
Thank you Dr.Ramini
@@maevebutler4641 wings to fly and roots to come home, yes that's what I always followed and you named it well 😊
My Mom died in February of this year. She was married to my Father for almost 69 years. She attempted to leave him for YEARS, since we were kids, but always believed the love bombing and empty promises he'd make and he'd soon discard those promises upon her return. Years of narcissistic abuse caused STRESS daily. I believe it absolutely played a huge role in shortening her life. She had stomach issues. I'd say Mom needs to see a gastroenterologist. Why? He'd ask, "She's had stomach problems all our marriage.". Yeah....she died suddenly from ischemic bowels which led to sepsis, adrenal dysfunction, heart attack and death. I miss her. But she's FREE at last.
She used to watch your videos. They helped her. Now I am watching them, gaining more insight on not to allow my Father to use me as his next supply.
Im reading you’re a very strong person. Hold on to self compassion for the strength it takes to deal with it all x
That’s very sad and I am so sorry for your loss. ❤ I’m glad you are getting some clarity and help coping with your father.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Learning is the best way for you to over stand this shit, I just left after 42 years and Yes I've always heard stomach problems too.... Thanks so much for your comment and commitment to heal. My support is here for you Magnificent soul. I'm trying to educate my kids so they don't have to take the abuse....
Please daughter have a very distant contact to such a father. Even though it hurts somehow. Have distance. BE YOURSELF!
I am so sorry i pray you continue to heal from this trauma🙏🏾
1. Don’t call them out. Understand the pattern for informed decision making
2. Grey rocking - disengagement, do not take bait, do not go deep. Do not share achievements or pain
3. Fire walling - do not let important or sensitive information in out
4. Have sounding boards and support
5. Radical acceptance of the limits of this relationship (incl. not calling them out)
6. Distraction
thanks ive scrolled down to see if someone listed it
Thanks for the summary!
Thank you very much for this info!
Thanks for the summary! Turns out that I have been doing pretty much all of these instinctively with my husband for the past one year!
I screenshot this so I DO NOT DO THESE
However, it is inevitable really. Due to the fact that narcissistic people push you to your limit, you always end up arguing with them. They have close minds and you'll end exhausted with just even a little talk with them. They'll always find fault in you. Respect yourself and just DONT ENGAGE.
I don't engage with them because I know what it will lead to
@@dontbelongherefromanother Truly exhausting, right? I experienced arguing with a narc at first, then I learned to not engage. You know what, they'll do everything to provoke you and eventually you'll engage. Never ending toxicity coming from them!
@@lezeldeguzman true, some narcs want attention and will do anything to provoke their target if they are ignored by them. It happened to me with my narc neighbor, and it got to the point that I called the police. However, after that, the narc neighbor started engaging in covert tactics to get my attention, like moving things to the side of my property, and going in my mailbox. Mind you, I didn't have proof of him doing these things, but I had no problems with anyone else in my community. With that said, they were ruled out as suspects, and the narc neighbor was the only one with a motive. The only thing I could do was document the incidents and report them to the landlord, that's it. Thanks for your response
I agree with you. They insert their will on you to the point that it can be detrimental to your well being. I don’t have this problem in my personal life because I do not keep them in my life, but at work they will always try to double your workload to lessen theirs or blame you for their screw up. You have to protect yourself from this. I think gray rocking is the best way to handle these types.
@@dontbelongherefromanother Wow! That happened to me too, new neighbor moved in a bout 2 mos ago!
I used to think I knew what a narcissist was until I met one. It's like they create a pocket reality and suck people into it. One of the worst experiences of my life.
You're quite right! A narcissist learned very young that there was only one way to get love from their parent, and they lock themselves in that one way from then on in life. They can't handle anything outside that tiny world.
I find I rage more than they do cuz I let it all build up as I learn more and more. I give easily it helps me see all the tricks quick. Then one day I switch suddenly and show my martial arts back ground just so they think they will attack me like these other people they've attacked. At that point they talk to me they know I communicate well and I can also lock down easy (child abuse survivor)
SPOT ON
Well said
ditto
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.andrew_james. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.andrew_james
I once got a fortune cookie that said "he loves you as much as he can. He just can't love you very much" Prophetic.
Wow that place gives awesome fortunes. The place by me are hardly ever worth reading.
Exactly
That sounds like a satire fortune cookie, sometimes you get those- they throw them into circulation for fun. Most fortune cookie companies do it.. there’s really only one big company and they provide 99% of the worlds fortune cookies.
And truth is we Love everyone as much as we can.
That's a sign for sure
Just agree with them. Let them think what they want to think. They’re delusional and that’s something we have to accept. But it doesn’t mean you have to tolerate, you can walk away.
Just walking away is easy in theory
Narc Survivor yep 👍 💯
I’ve tried that. I’ve disagreed, agreed, stayed silent….everything is wrong and I still get in trouble. So the solution is no contact. They are delusional.
SO DELUSIONAL
Yeah cater to the bad people. That sounds like a great idea 🙄
This hit me - “if you have a traumatised past and u keep calling the narcicist out, your health may be ruined”. This is what happened to me.
It happened to me too. I called him out because I was enraged by his behaviour towards me and other members of the family. I wouldn't tolerate it anymore. But it didn't change anything and even worse he got the attention he wanted. I broke down, lost myself, struggled to pull myself together (still am) and started ignoring him completely. Like he didn't exist. I put a boundery around me. He couldn't get to me anymore. Others did the same. So it was like his oxygen was cut off. He finally left the house and we have found peace.
This is what happened to me too
Do not smear yourself with honey and go into the jungle and lay down for a day. If you do you will get what reality is and blame yourself I hope and not the insects.
@@Slothgoo Ohhhh, I know this one. The most recent narcissist in my life is the Drama Queen type. What I've recently noticed is that her tearful breakdowns about how sad her life is ALWAYS come shortly after she's been caught in one of her frequent lies! Diversion.
yes i got asthama
He was diminishing me, gaslighting me, minimizing my feelings, and hating me when I was physically unwell with severe allergies and menstrual monthly pain and nausea. When I was diagnosed with Sensory processing disorder and hyperacusis, which made it difficult to find a regular job, he was still saying that I was exaggerating and pretending. No matter what did, I never was good enough. He destroyed my persona and my self-esteem by constantly belittling and attacking who I was. The biggest shock was when he started to blame me for his own insecurities. This is where I realized he would not stop until he destroyed me completely. You know when I had enough? I realized that he made me feel bad about myself and said to him, end of the story for me, we are getting a divorce. Since that day he has been maliciously mean to me (we lived together for a few months) because I was the one who petitioned, he tried to punish me. It's a nightmare not only to be with a narc., but also to leave a highly unhealthy relationship like that.
I’m happy I divorced from the narcissist ! ! !
Let me guess… He downplayed, diminished, or even discounted your claims of physical illness until you had proof that was a refutable and he could no longer do that so then he just resented you for it? It's evil
🎉Congratulations!
I had a major auto accident, resulting in three breaks in my neck. Went right back to work in my newly opened restaurant so I wouldn't lose the business. Eating pain meds, wearing a cervical collar, but he sneered that I didn't have a broken neck and was lying.
My daughter has practiced medicine for 25 years. She had to tell him he was mistaken, but it made no difference, even when I showed him the x-rays.
They really can't comprehend pain in others, nor do they care to.
Rules to live by;
1. Ignore them.
2. Cut every communication with them or with their cohorts.
3. Free yourself from their negativity.
borngreat -4 Life good advice and thank you. Please send a copy to our Head of State who is being rather dim inviting trouble and strife to his Coronation. Charles ignore the Harkles because they are not going to change .
Sometimes you just can't ignore them... For ex my narc is my mom
@@gingerrivas5354 Pretending you can ignore them is a false narrative. Parents, spouses, kids .... My biggest one is my niece. Between her "therapist" allows her to say "I think/I feel" on basics !!!! Nooo validation is freakin' awful to say! On 3 different drugs or excuse me "medication" with a Madrid of "excuses" as to why she is this way (called excuses) no! Stop the BS.
Can't do this at work. Have to learn to sidestep their land mines & and survive in the N jungle.
I have a question, my mother and brother are the same self centered narcissist. You’re advice is to cut all ties?
God…. Deliver us from evil and every oppressive spirit.🙏🏻😇
Amen & AMEN!
Father, St Joseph and Jesus destroy this evil spirit in Narrist in my x. Amen
I’m always delivering 😮evil through prayer 🙏🏼 😂🎉it works! …in Jesus name AMEN 🙏🏼 ❤
Amen! Forgive them for they don’t know what they do , the cross is not excuse to be selfish! It’s a sign to say don’t beat your self up for mistakes, just try to be loving selfishly as humanly possible! Love thy enemy and torture your self to end narcissism to show that love for one another is worth loving yourself!
God bless you:)
When I went gray rock on a former friend after figuring out what a narcissist she was, and as she escalated her attempts to get at me only to find she couldn't, you could see the puzzlement on her face as her usual game failed. She told me over and over, "you've changed." I neither agreed nor disagreed with her. Didn't ask what she meant, didn't argue, just looked at her. It was awesome.
You "rock!" LOL! Seriously, you are awesome!
Wow, what you described it is exactly what I went through with whom I considered best friend! I put up so much with her behavior, for years.. until I realize her narcissism became dangerous as she turn to straight lying…. right after my wedding. She voted herself my maid of honor, I agreed because I loved her.
Yes, mine was my best friend for over 20 years. Then I found she was lying to my face, and stealing from me too. Glad we both got free of them!
Thank you for this. It is such a great explanation of what "grey rock" really is...
That’s exactly what the narcissists I know say to me. They say “ you’ve changed “
Yes, I won’t waste my energy on them and their abuse anymore.
I can't wait until I am strong enough and financially stable enough to leave this relationship - it is so toxic and it's literally draining me
I had that mentality for way too many years. Don't wait, get out right now. You won't regret it.
Don’t wait, you will only slide deeper! Leave and pray, doors will open. Leave now!!!
Please don’t wait, my brother isn’t here anymore because he waited & gave chances to someone who has no respect or ability to respect a 2nd chance. You Waiting means giving them more power, more time to upscale the abuse & the ability to finish you off- financial stability is no use if you’re not here to benefit from it, Please please put your life value & worth before a narcissists, if you don’t then they have won. Just like a leech they suck the life out of people until there’s nothing left & they move on without any conscience & find another host .
me too
I just left him. No car, no job, I don't even speak the language here fluently. I've got my best friend who's been helping me a lot with my exit plan. But the hardest was to convince myself that he will never change. Took me over a year. I'm 56, not a very physical person and no idea whatsoever about how the system works here.
Put your mind into it. Remind yourself everyday of it. Be brave. The difference is like cold dark night and bright sunny day.
Hope to see you very soon on this side, sweetheart! ❤🤗
I have suffered for 10 years with my father. I am leaving this week for the first time, in search for recovery. I wish everyone here the best. :)
Best of luck to you! Your life is about to improve as you shed that abusive dead weight. Be safe and be blessed.✊🏾
I’m reading your comment 6 days after you posted it. How are you doing?
I’m thinking of you and hope you’re feeling great…and free😊
@collywogs2258 the decision to leave was the hardest, but now that I'm out, I feel more mentally and spiritually healthy :)
Good luck , and trust in you , what the parents not give , is given in another way . Son of 2 narcissists , i am a super empath…
@@andykim4065 god has a plan for you 🙏🏽♥️
You do not win with a narc. Do not engage! Ignore them and move on.
The only way to win the narcissist's game is not to play.
@@WithoutNarcissism so true don't engage!
The best way is to let them think they are smart and you are not. And calmly walk away. Get further away until you never return. Always remember who you are, your value and don't take their insults personally.
Selah833. Love this advice! Thank you!
ruclips.net/video/rWj7oWlVtag/видео.html
This is exactly what I did! My parents, even with all my academic achievements, thought I'd never make it on my own in the world. They always thought I was dumb, lazy, inept, and naïve. I let them under-estimate me and waited patiently till they themselves gave me the opportunity to leave, thinking I'm of no use to them. My mother thought I could never do anything without her. They were left totally baffled when I thrived (still am) in another part of the world, far away from them. Never once have I visited them, and I've gone no-contact as well. What freedom! Thank you Universe!
Yep just slowly disengage a step at a time.
This is what I did. Left and filed for divorce. When he turned nasty and dragged the divorce to three years, I used information that he had given me 7 years prior against him and he lost his career over it. Twenty years of living with that narc taught me to have a poker face.
1.do not call them out.
2.put your energy into understanding what all this is about.take the new found knowledge and use it to your decision making.
3.Grey - rocking . Not sharing your pain , just sticking to superficial topics.
Fire walling is another level. The boundaries that keep your intimate knowledge from them.
4. Turn to a social support group or friend. Vent in a space where you are safe.
5. Radical acceptance. Calling it out is potentially harmful.
6. Distractions- pick up a hobbies. Do something else. Watch a show or movie is helpful.
I went no contact with my mother and its been 4 months and I already see I am healing and able to find my purpose in life. Best decision ever.
I’m 23 years from letting my mother go and no contact. It’s still the best decision I ever made. If you can find a healthier mother figure in time, it will help with the void that emerges. Someone without her own daughter, that you nurture too. Who will in turn offer you her sage wisdom.
Wow, I need this encouragement to have a no contact
I really wish you the best, I hope you heal quickly and completely. ❤
im also in the same situation. Hopefully in two weeks I´ll already be gone. Im leaving my house when she´s not here and I believe I´ll go no contact as well. I´m afraid for my life for the next couple of days. Any suggestions and good wishes will be well received
@put0.666 Please be careful. Your emotional and physical safety are top notch priority. I am mentally sending you a huge congratulatory hug for saving yourself so that later you can be the very best version of who you really are. 😊 Best wishes for a very happy and positive future!
Yes, I learned the hard way not to "cast my pearls before the swine." I wish I had had this info and support in my 20s and 30s.
👍👍👍
Never to late ❤
ME TOO!!!!!!!!!
If people create a feeling of sympathy in you, that can create slips, or, I’ve found that to be true at times. We have to keep watching people’s signals as they wash big stories over their small one person shows.
The fact that you quoted part of that scripture from Matthew 7:6 tells me that you did have this info available years ago. Dr. Ramani’s advice so often harmonizes well with what was written in the Bible thousands of years ago. That’s one reason I watch her videos. Practical suggestions from any source are beneficial, but when they share that ring of truth from the Bible, you know you can trust it.
21 years married to a narcissist. Toward the last year, I pretty much ignored him and refused to argue with him even when he got up in my face. I showed no emotion and just stopped caring. Once divorced, it was the most liberating feeling. He still tries to call on occasion but I have blocked his number and it goes to Spam. I don't know why I didn't take my children and get out of there sooner.
Agree! Plus when Dr. Here decided to talk about "can't" do certain things ... Hmm NOOOO mandates are NOT LAWS and fighting for freedom doesn't mean conforming. She, also, loves allowing people to say " I feel/I think" is completely wrong, too. She is a gaslighter herself.
How did you know when to leave? My H has stopped raging in my face for prob more than a year now. He’s gotten so much better with the kids when he saw the damage he did to our now adult daughters although he still says he doesn’t understand why they don’t respect him even though I’ve explained several times. When I told him I went into deep depression last year twice because of his rages - he stopped. But now it’s more quiet subtle but not subtle to me, manipulative jabs, meanness. I’ve learned to intervene with the younger kids to calm him down and then talk to them later to keep their hearts taken care of as much as I can. That helps a lot. But then I have to go in the bedroom and be the wife. I don’t know how to handle this part. I’ve shut down emotionally with him and he knows it mostly but I play it off that I’m just dealing with stuff because I can’t confront him with the “petty” things he does as he has all of the normal narc replies, diversion, etc. I’m finding myself at the point that I don’t know where to go from here. 25 yrs married, a lot of children to think about. I have somewhere to go so that’s not a problem. He’s a great provider so I’m not worried about him taking care of the kids provisionally if I left. He prides himself in that area. Anyway… if you have any suggestions I would appreciate it. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did. And happy you are free of it now. I just started counseling as well.
The important thing is you got out!
This was the best decision that I made for myself and my daughter. I don’t know if he’s a psychopath or a narcissist but all I do know is, now I am at peace.
Leave him or her is the best option. Zero contact to you. It's like you disappear in the thin air. As I did. Gosh I was relief and living in a harmony life.
We are already smarter than they are. The key is to not allow what makes us more evolved, our emotional maturity, cause for us to have so much empathy for them that we allow for them to abuse us. Most times, it is this empathy that gets us in trouble. We don’t respond the way we should at the first sign of misconduct because we assume that we are incorrect in our judgment. We are smart enough to know that if someone is damaged they are going to act out and mistreat others. So, we are more patient with them. This is where the problem comes in. Our caring and ability to identify with a person’s pain causes for us to fall victim to their callous behavior. We move the boundary for them because we believe if we do, we can help them. We believe that all they need is love. The problem is, they don’t really want it. They just wanted us to move the boundary. They literally want to see if they can continue to make us do things we not wish to do. They want to see if they can cause a reaction that is out of character. They want to watch us unravel. It makes them feel powerful. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
I don't think u should be spying on them, u don't want to be that person. If u believe ur being cheated on LEAVE. If after u have left u find out they weren't cheating it means ur too insurcure about urself stay single and work on urself. Said with love and compassion
Best rule of thumb I learned: never feel sorry for anybody. It saves you from so much grief. And pity is a useless emotion, anyway. Act with kindness when it is prudent to do so, and avoid the feelings of pity that can derail you ❤
Most narcissists have a sob story and book of excuses and rationale ready for when people call them out. You aren't their first opponent, you won't be their last, and they're practiced and ready. Calling them out will 99% of the time turn into a situation where YOU become the bad guy, no matter how prepared, knowledgeable and right you think you are. Their counter is simple, and will often even have YOU feeling sorry for them. Do not engage directly
Great comment. Very true.
The sob story rang true for me. I heard it hundreds of times as she regaled anyone who would listen.
So true. Please never engage in therapy with a narcissist. You will leave feeling more gas lit than you ever were.
Yes this narc pattern canbe eruptive disruptive and corruptive......I wd only call them out/draw a line in the sand and say they are coming from their wounded child, if I was guided by God and if I was around people who I knew knew their narc pattern...and the narc was engaged in some sort of spiritual programme !! And I wd hand the outcome to God.......xxx
U made the Perfect reply.....'it's not abandonment you alienate people'....perfect...Ty...not abandonment, just the only boundary option left to people !!!! u nailed it and simply dismantled the innocent ' I'm just a victim' comment....and 'people leave me, leave me out and avoid me for no reason' ...... There is a reason, they have pissed off everyone for years and never owned their stuff !!!TY again... xxxx
I’ve never been big on telling ppl to walk away from their relationships, but if your dealing with a Narcissist you better WALK THE HELL AWAY! They will make your life a living hell. Literally making you feel like you have no life. I pray deeply for anyone dealing with this and gets the strength the walk away just like I did. 🙏🏽♥️
Can't always walk away from hell. Sometimes you have to go deeper to find your way out. It's like our version of the nine circles of hell.
Thank you 💗
How to walk away if it’s your own daughter?!?
@@MolotvCocktail566 just do it. No Contact. What's your question? What's the issue as you are feeling it? Maybe we can help you get clearer and protect yourself.
i never do this but then say do this. Low IQ comment, complete with "praying" which does nothing. PLeb cringe
Narcissists are in an endless competition to be better than everyone else. Theirs is an impossibly exhausting life and the only way to survive it is by cutting all ties and learning how to love oneself.
Agree, because narcs never change
Yes Bruce I cut them all off and will never speak to any of them ever again
It helps when you are fatter then them. Then they are satisfied and feel superior. It's awful for my health, but a relieve for my soul.
True. Even while driving on road they are constantly competing with strangers
@@namamadhuram road rage
Dr. Ramani, you've let me in on the biggest secret of my life. I have been a narcissist this whole time, and I've been blaming my parents for everything they've done, while ignoring my own actions. Don't get me wrong, they're definitely narcissists, but I think I might be one as well. I was so mad at you when I first realized what you said applied to me, but now I see how helpful you were to me in opening my eyes and allowing room for personal growth.
There's a saying, "lie down with dogs and you'll get up with fleas." Basically saying when you spend all your time with narcissists, you adopt their behavior. I think that being able to see these traits in yourself means you're not narc to your core. Narcs never think they are wrong.
But can narcissist change? I've been with one for twenty years and I'm leaving. Over due. No change
If you have the level of self-awareness and are able to be introspective enough to recognize those traits within yourself, let alone admit them or publicly, then you're not a narcissist. Everybody has narcissistic traits sometimes and the fact that you could recognize similarities between your parents and yourself on your own and work on them, basically prove that you're not a narcissist and I commend you for that
It's been my experience that narcissist will never change they see nothing wrong with themselves or come up with a lame excuse to justify their horrible actions
You're not a narc. You possess and act upon your self-awareness.
Don't call them out - No matter how much you believe they might care about how hurt you feel, they will not understand, no matter what.
Put your energy into understanding the pattern - Understand the pattern to take your own decision and not for winning an argument with them.
Grey rock - Treat them like a customer who is a Karen, you wouldn't want to share anything personal with them nor would you want to engage. Stick to superficial topics.
Have a support system - Find someone who understands narcissism, it could be friends, groups or therapy or journal; find a place you can vent and be understood, safe and validated.
Radical Acceptance - This person will not change and calling them out is pointless, you will only spiral down with every conversation you have with the Narc.
Distract yourself - Change your focus.
I'd love to hear your learning from your Narc Healing and Abuse.
I called my husband a controllong narrassist last night. He went into a rage 😳 He doesn't listen to me. It's always my fault, my problem, I'm a menace to society. He never appreciates what I do for our family, and him. It's so defeating. 😪😑
@@Leo-mr1qz And, it only gets worse as they age. They become more devious, the Betrayals are huge including financial, advertising outside the Country for foreign women to have Affairs with, hiding money, stealing your money, and even physical assault. It is Shocking what these sick narcissists are capable of while justifying all of it. Kindness, Forgiveness only gives them more POWER. Find a Way out of the Hell they create.
Yes 👍 Grey Rock 🪨
@@Leo-mr1qz so sorry you have to go through that. I left 4 years ago, after 18 years, but he turned my daughters against me. I wish I had left sooner.
@@denisedevoto2834 I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope that your daughters come to their senses and realize all the truelove you have for them.
That is my fear that he will do the same to me. So, I endure his mental and emotional abuse to keep my relationship with my 3 daughters. They're still young. I've been trying to "grey rock" him forever, but I'm quite isolated, since I stay home with my kids, and work part-time, so he has a lot of control over me, unfortunately. 😑 I lost it last night and called him out because a human being can take SO much. He works graveyards, so at least I don't see him too much.
I live with a narcissistic abuser and don't have the resources to leave. One of my coping methods is to vent through letters to the narcissist that I eventually shred. I get it all out without the conflict. I also make rude hand gestures where she can't see. Yes, it's childish, but it makes me feel better. So does watching these videos, so thank you.
I am also stuck living with the narcissist and I also make hand gestures when they turn away. It's so hard to feel like you have no control of your life. I hope you find hope and relief soon, know that you are strong ❤
Same sister ,your not alone I'm living with him n in relationship,it's very hard to cope up ,same what u doing I make hand gestures too ,when he cannot see it makes me feel better,
😂I love your comment. I learned that I am this person to a certain point a narcissist. Listening to her channel helps me to learn and understand so I can stop doing these things.
Are you working on leaving?
Start living a parallel life, create your own life without them, do what you have to do to stabilize them, don’t share, be matter of fact & to the point, take points from these awesome videos and work on your escape.
You can never do enough for them. You end up an empty shell .
Great information to help people stay safe.
That is an excellent way of putting it, "empty shell". I understand what the Dr here is saying but I think if you have to walk such a tightrope with someone that you lose yourself, it's no better. I found the best remedy is have a lot of outside activities. Volunteer, join a choir, make it something that gets you away from the narc on a regular basis. Also, be happy. They don't like it unless it's for them.
I have just realized . I was dealing with one . Nd I have always felt it was never enough . They drain u of everything
Excellent description 'empty shell' that resonates so much with me.
@@Southernsoul415 yes ,because they give nothing back.
Empty empty empty that’s me
Great video! This quote came to me after many years of dealing with a narc sibling-“You can never win with a narcissist. But you can’t lose if you don’t play the game”. Appealing to their sense of fairness,humanity,compassion? Forget it. They live on their own planet. They simply don’t care.
Not my monkeys, not my circus is a term that has stuck with me and helped me.
Brilliant statement. Thanks for that enlightening quote
Avoiding a feeling of pity is also a great rule of thumb. Don’t let pity suck you in. Act with compassion when prudent to do so, but avoid feeling sorry for anyone.
My counselor told me, "When you go visit them, remember you are an adult." My inner adult can go see them, but my inner child must remain protected...
My new motto.
Yes at 74 years of age I too started to protect myself emotionally, it’s very important because at this age you don’t have any place to hide❤
Send you a big hug. May Jesus Christ heal you and protect you at every moment. You are loved.
♡
Jesus died over 2000 years ago.
I'm 70 and married one 18 months ago still trying to learn to control my reactions to his rages and yelling. So nice to know I'm not alone.
Im 60 and looking for a place to hide....LOL
Worst decision I made was to call them out and tell them what they did was wrong and stuff. They started gas lighting me it escalated into a huge argument. I was crying in tears and of course the narc did not care at all since has no empathy. These videos are so helpful. I am learning a lot about narcissism and how to deal with them. Thanks Dr.Ramani
Been there many times. It's like a character assassination. I just try and shut them down without actually betraying my truth. Things like 'I can see how that would affect you' or 'that must have been terrible for you' work for me. My particular narcissist can't see that I am in fact, just saying it to diffuse them but don't actually believe what I'm saying. It still feels horrible because it looks like you're agreeing and they've won, but like she says, you'll never win! But it stops them.
I used to use my logic.. thinking a logical discussion will make my son meet me half way… wasted years of my life trying to make life easier! No empathy, no respect, and gaslighting made ME go see a psychiatrist!
@@citizenjosie714Are you still in touch with your son? It's well nigh impossible to detach totally ftom your own adult child, especially when they are simultaneously dependent & critical. I feel as if over his 40 years I've been turned inside out, upside down & shaken vigorously. Not much left of me.
@@a.scribe474 I feel the same! Socially it’s difficult to detach 100%..But am making concerted effort to keep my distance, not reacting to his antics, and have learnt to to throw the ball back in his court.. he is now using his son to emotionally blackmail me.. but am staying strong…
It’s worse than that- they actually enjoy seeing their victim cry.
You're making my night Dr. Such a great point on 'not sharing your accomplishments because of expected minimization.'
It is absolutely devastating to realise that your in a narcissistic relationship.
It's like a slow dawning and realisation that things are not quite adding up as they should.
Bit by bit, piece by piece and as you gain more knowledge about the subject the haze starts to clear and you see that the person really is.
Thank you Dr Ramani for enlightening our lives.
Your a absolute treasure!
Agree. It's been 2 years since I first discovered narcissism videos. At first, I thought it was me. As I listened to her and Dr Les Carter, it slowly dawned on me that my husband was gaslighting me. When he'd do it, I'd look at him with bewilderment, actually say, you're nuts. That's not what happened. He couldn't convince me that I was crazy, but he sure tried. I've left him, which shocked him, perhaps because he saw me as helpless - and he was my master.
I've been in an anxiety attack since I recognized it
Worse when you realize that is the Father of your kids and the justice gives him all the power so he can continue abusing you and the children even after divorce. It is hard to keep thinking straight...all I can do is to pray.
@amymorgan1150 my faith and therapy are keeping me sane
You explain the procedure step by step so realistically!! 👌🏾🔥🔥🔥🫱🏻🫲🏿
This series is so helpful for me. My Narcissistic father is very combative, raised me to be very outspoken and defensive. I am now unlearning this behavior, understanding that I shouldn't have to be in FIGHT mode all the time.
Has anyone ever put their hands on you for being disrespectful
Same
stay strong! This is a great community! Im so sorry you had to deal with that as a child. Would I be able to message you somewhere to get advice because my son is being forced by court to see his narc father who is violent, threatening and has my sons passport and a house in Guatemala. Also never pays a penny in child support
I totally relate to this as the daughter of a narcissistic father! Sending many good wishes your way as we navigate this journey together!
Hugs bc I grew up with a PTSD parent from war who screamed and a mother who had CPTSD. I grew up in screaming fights and we had a screaming Pastor. A BAPTIST. Fun for kids nerves.
Nearly cried when I found this. I was literally praying for a direction in dealing with an unavoidable narcissistic person.
Never give up on yourself!!
It’s the same prayer that led me here. I didn’t even fully understand the whole concept of narcissism but I somehow ended up here. Forever thankful❤️
Have subscribed 🙏. 30 years of a family narcissist. To the point that I have been used, both mentally and financially. Thank you for your videos ❤
🤗 may we heal
Beautiful comment. I too was looking for some answers after a recent encounter with a NPD person.
I have to say - as a woman with a narcissist in my close circle, and as a psychologically trained professional myself, Dr. Ramani is spot on. Love her videos - thank you Dr for making these videos.
Healthy relationships are about balance, respect, compassion, and mutual regard.
all the traits a narc doesnt have!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🔥🔥❤️🤝🏾
So true
I just made the mistake of calling out a Narcissist about an hour ago.
Painful experience!
I’ve done this recently but I did win lol I never raised my voice lol
Married 31 years to a rage full narcissist.
Life with this man is like daily Road Rage. I find your Dr Ramani’s advice to be soul saving!
I live with one of those 17yrs iam leaving asap!!
I live with one but so hard to leave with kids
Married 29 years, same story.., 6 kids .,
Learning how to cope with him
Over 30 years with a narcissist here as well. How ? How can this be? He hid it VERY well,also I've made it a point to fill myself with wisdom and I am sober remaining ever watchful! It's amazing what all you can see through once the fog has lifted! He KNOWS his tricks aren't working with me any longer!
It only takes one step to begin your journey forward! To leave the abuse from your narcissistic husband! Slow and steady does it!!!!
Stay safe!
I love you Dr. Ramani!!! How liberating to be validated!
It’s so unfortunate how some of us who are so beautiful, smart, intelligent and compassionate like Dr. Ramani had to waste years in these toxic relationships with Narcissists who not only had nothing to offer but siphoned all the good energy from us. It took me years. Thanks to Dr. Ramani’s videos. Truly lifesaving. She I am so grateful🙏
When you have a narcissist as an adult daughter who is an addict
and has children it's a nightmare. I want to walk away, my youngest grandaughter is only 11.
@sara john i am glad that your free now the problem now is that narcissist is a buzz word almost and the real victims of the abuse are not being taken as seriously as an individual trauma victim and are being fobbed off with set boundaries and boost your self esteem
this woman is amazing isn’t she
@@mareepeters5717 Do not walk away. For the sake of the grandchildren!
women love giving other women compliments they dont deserve. Just stfu with the fake-ery. Women will tell ugly women how beautiful they are, just fking stop being delusional. None of you are smart, either btw
Actually, it's because she/we went through what we did, that we're able to love, support, teach and help others accordingly. Bigger picture is the Lord's and He knows who will do what with all the crosses which become crowns for others and self.
Pleasantly distant and aloof is the way to go. Identify the patterns that trigger them. Don't take it personally, because they can't see you as a real person anyway. Keep the conversations boring and stay quietly focused on your own health and goals until you can part ways.
Yup, I am working with one. And I am keeping my distance as much as I could and when I can't I just uh.huh....😅
The “firewalling” was something I learned to do on my own. My husband could care less about anything I had to say but I sure as hell had better be focused on what he had to say. I’d get myself so upset if I was telling him something I found interesting or important and he would only be half listening then at the first distraction he would cut me off and forget I was even talking. So I stopped bolenteering any conversation. I literally became a rock over time. Lost all personality when he was around. Around other people I laughed, joked, and had fun but the second he was around it was time to shut down. It was walking on eggshells and waiting for his wrath. If we had company I’d pray he didn’t embarrass me. Oh except when he wanted sex. Then all the sudden he was nice and flipped the table saying I was a cold fish and had no interest in him. I literally felt crazy!
Yeah, the slow mind game to making others submissive.:( Glad you're learning to come out if that. :)
That sounds so familiar, it gave me chills. Hope you're living your best life now.
omg, you've just described MY life : (
You just described my life as well. Wants my attention all his waking hours but won't give me any until he wants something. Says I don't tell him things when I did, he just wasn't listening. Can't watch a show or read, my attention needs to be on him. Then he gets mad I walk away. I can't be in the same room unless I'm ready to give him my full attention. He talks at me, not with me.
Sorry you went through that, hope things are much better for you now.
Unreal!! My therapist that I attained due to being tired of being called a Narcissist and needing to prove to HER I am not a Narcissist, didn’t tell me to avoid telling her that SHE is the Narcissist!! I told her and exactly as explained in this video she DESTROYED ME!!! Impacted me and my children!!! Listen listen listen and DO NOT LET THE NARCISSIST KNOW that YOU KNOW!!!! If you LOVE this Narcissist? Oh lord!!! Will YOU see pain at the very WORST DEGREE!!!! Don’t make this mistake I made!!😭😭😭💔💔
"They aren't going to change" - such a freeing statement. Sometimes we feel like if we adjust our behavior the narc will stop their stuff but no. They are who they are. In a recent video the doc said (paraphrasing) "walking on eggshells means you think something's gonna change. It won't, live your life!" Whew! Thank you doc!
Totally agree
I don’t agree with the eggshell statement. For example, I have to go see my father who has allowed my narc brother to live with him. I have to walk on eggshells to keep the peace. I don’t expect change…just my opinion, my experience…I can see where it applies in SOME situations, but not all. Thanks for sharing💜
I didn't even know there was a term for this, but what Dr. Ramani describes as "grey rocking" or "soul distancing" is what I've been doing for the past few years to keep myself sane when interacting with my parents.
I want to share my life openly with them, but every accomplishment I share, they ruin with criticism and invalidation. So I learned to set boundaries, to keep things private and to protect myself emotionally.
I felt very guilty at first, especially since they've repeatedly called me out about not sharing anything with them. I don't want to hurt my family, but I can't keep enabling them to hurt me.
Watching this makes me feel relieved of that guilt. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
exactly, I'm in aww of the break down💯
i was about to say that ,finally i know what was my fault ,why i was going thtough all that
same here with my parents, most of all my mom, I can relate.
Thank you for sharing. Once you have found comfort with where you are, slight deviations in how you were conditioned to express the truth might be enough to create some safe space in the relationship.
In a hypothetical where someone is criticized for eating anything other than vegetables, a lot of clarity can be gained by putting a banana peel where an empty salad bowl would normally go if you don't actually eat the banana or lie about what really happened. 😂😂 This concept works to neutralize unwarranted negativity about anything, but to understand it, you need only the discipline to refrain from exchanging words about all the tomatoes (avoided or perhaps shared together) for however long it takes.
and at age 64 I now have tools to deal with my narcissist stepmum, wow
This is a problem with me. I overshare. I feel like I talk too much (I have to learn self control). Thank you for this platform for understanding and advice.
Same. I just forget 🤷♀️
Transparency to a fault, the story of my life.
Same! I love the feeling of opening up with someone I love. It's so hard to remain guarded without being nervous.
Don't feel bad. It's natural and "normal" for empathic and genuine people. And especially after or in this abuse and relationship situations. We are looking for validation, sanity, clarity, out of the confusion, and cognitive dissonance! Get a therapist!!! It's very NEEDED. You need a safe place to let this out. But talking alone does not heal trauma, make sure you get physical too, to release the negative built up energy. Keep learning and working guys! We deserve it and freedom!!! ❤
Same
I feel compelled to confront him and expose his true nature as a communal narcissist in order to gain closure and move forward with my life. By calling him out, I hope to liberate myself from the emotional hold he has had on me and warn others about his manipulative and toxic behavior. This act of standing up for myself and sharing my truth will be a crucial step in my healing journey, allowing me to break free from the past and embrace a brighter future.
Brace yourself.
I'm chronically ill. I haven't spoke to my Narcissist sibling in two years. It's been amazing.
Did you get the illness from trauma?
Hi Chronically ill. Get your house in order. What will happen if something happens to you? If you need to be treated/start living in health-service related accommodation? It is then you need help the most. Guess who you can get to deal with? How can you be the best prepared you could be? Best of luck.
I think so. I'm keeping a notebook about childhood trauma from my narcissist sibling. One is she put a vacuum on my head when I was two and it ripped out my hair. My second one is she was swinging a rope with a metal ring on it and it cut my eye. It was my fault because I was following too close. My parents laughed about the first one and didn't do anything but fix me up on the second. I think the worst part was not having a parent who cared.
@@janalu4067 I've been in remission for 9 years. I have a really rare disease called Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome. I live a very healthy lifestyle, which is what you do.
@@McSpaddenator I hope you will continue to be well. It's just I've seen how they come when one gets ill. They come and they rewrite history. Tell everyone how they have always been good and loving (and hint that the problems were the victim's fault). By then the victim is too weak to resist. I hope and pray that doesn't happen to you. I hope you have good people/good person who have been designated as 'next of kin' in terms of healthcare if things go bad.
If calling them out is wrong and acknowledging them is wrong, the only option you have if you’re dealing with a narcissist is to leave asap. It’s way too hard to just sit back and accept what they have done to you and you can’t not even address it with that individual. Just leave quick before something bad really happens and someone ends up in jail. 😮🙏✊
Some people don't have that option, especially if the narc has controlled the finances.
And when you can’t leave (at least for the moment)?
My son cant ever get away from his ex wife, with 4 kids. After 5years divorced, she is still at it - abusing him, manipulating him, opposing him, tearing him down, implementing rules that apply to him but not to her, it never stops. Now she is using the oldest daughter against him to tear down his authority and she exhibits extreme disrespect and even hatred towards him in front of the kids. It is terrible. He cant get a break from it and has lost his self confidence. I cant stand a person treating another person this way.
@@jeanniewight8471Pray for your son. God will protect him and you. ❤️🙏🇮🇪
Gray rock
The worst thing is to find out you have narcissism in your circle.. then as you go no contact, you find out it’s closer than you realized!! There is something so special about us that attracts these people.. We have to work on that part of us. Boundaries, No Contact and Selfcare to regain consciousness!! 😔
Just listening to you Dr Rahmani is like a wake up call what’s going on with my life. Thank you
It's scary how little people know or even believe about narcissism or alcoholism or addiction. You're right it us no way to live. I'm happy I found you because it is very helpful.
Staying with the narcissist and setting boundaries in an intimate relationship, expecting it to get better, is like trying to believe in Santa Claus again. The more your eyes are opened to them the less there is to admire, and the harder you have to work!!
This is the point. It's painful setting such boundaries in relationships. Because we actually need someone to be free with to talk about anything .
so very true. The more you see it the sicker you feel knowing how deep this is.
I'm tired of having to alter my authentic self for the goofs. Wtf. Their absolute monsters.
Perfectly lays down! 👏🏾👏🏾
When I finally started to let my soul pull away he knew it and found someone else to give him what he wanted. He told the kids that I had given up on our marriage and walked away. I lost everything including 27 years of marriage. He was engaged to another woman 2 weeks after he left. It’s been the most devastating 2 years of my life and I’ve been hospitalized twice with atrial fibrillation. Narcissism is a killer. We need to educate our children on its dangers.
Keep at it, Valerie, and pay attention to your own well-being and health issues. I can see down the road, you reclaiming yourself, your inner power and wisdom which you’ve always had but possibly neglected when distracted by others. Good luck becoming yourself and you will!
@@oliviacasino8888 Thank you.
The children already know the dangers. They've seen what it has done to you. Children are observant and wise. It might be helpful for you to engage in therapy (and your children as well) so that your healing can move along faster. Make yourself healthy again and help your children heal and not repeat what they've witnessed in their own home. Best wishes to you.
@@valeriemontgomery6678 my friend was in a marriage for 44 years. She gave everything and she was the breadwinner. About a year before she got cancer, she noticed valuables missing. When she developed cancer, he told her he wasn't going to take care of her. He stopped paying rent. She was forced to divorce him because he was draining the bank account. When she divorced him, he had already taken the valuables and because she was the breadwinner for all those decades, he got the majority of the social security and she got only a small percentage because that's how the laws work in the united states. You gave 27 years. Imagine giving 44 years. She is 75 years old and lives month to month. Very stressful. She still has to find freelance work to pay the bills.
If your husband found another woman in 2 weeks, how would he treat you if you got cancer in old age? In caregiving, I have seen supposed loving children giving their parents lethal doses of morphine at the end, even if they could have lived longer. If even a loving child can become callous, what would a narcissistic spouse do? See all this has sobered me up and allowed me to learn to face life as a single person. Even if I never get married again, I can develop friendships and support systems with friends. Having friendships who support your longevity is better than having a narcissistic "loved" one lord over you and to whom you are at their mercy.
I do believe in sticking to a commitment in a marriage. But I also learned that it's essential to become equally yoked before marrying someone. How can a person stay in a marriage if the spouse is trying to kill them?
I had a nervous breakdown and broken heart syndrome can kill a person. What I learned is to cut my losses and move on, never allowing emotions to ruin my health. even if I lose everything, I will not allow myself to experience broken heart syndrome again. God is always with you no matter what you lose, so don't be devastated. God bless.
Valarie , I wish I could talk to you and get some valuable information from you. I am convinced my relationship with this lady I gave my everything to is a narcissist. Also I really hope you are recovered and in good health mentally and physically. It is coming to an end. All this lady does is put me down instead of a healthy relationship , just love you. I'm so broken , spiritually , physically and mentally. I was with her for over 4 years . All the best to you , Michael
No contact was my only solution. Best decision I ever made for my children and myself.
Wow my exact same story literally 💯🙌🏾
Did you have to get a no contact order from the court? I assume, since you mentioned having children together, you have to co-parent to a certain degree. I'm in that boat. My ex consistently tries to reopen communication soon after I tell her I want minimal communication. I see your comment is 2 months old, so I apologize for the late question.
Agreed 💯
fast the drama try it.
How can you do no contact with a child? I'm asking because I have a child with my husband, who is a narcissist. He thankfully moved out now but has made many threats during conversations.
The hardest part is loving yourself more. Is so easy to say it but actually learning how to do that is so hard. Because if you love him more and your kids more and your home you won’t leave!
Tell your narcissist
“If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s probably me”.
LMFAO!
“Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." Matthew 7:6
I did not fully understand this scripture until living with a narcissist son. When we fail to "guard our heart" (quoted below), the gifts of mercy, forgiveness, and patience we carry will not bring the results we hope for. Now in my 70s after spending years in Christian ministry, it is heartwrenching to distance myself from my own child. The happy news is that someone IS growing and changing - Me!
I have a narcissist dtr who will keep me from seeing the grandchildren who I am very close to, if I dare stand up to her. The when she needs me, she has no problem demanding unreasonable help/ babysitting/housekeeping…
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I could agree more. My ex boyfriend was a malignant narcissist and I still struggle with what happened. He literally is a MONSTER and i am a sick person and he would even take me to the hospital if I was sick.
This channel helped me out so much. I am so glad I left a year and a half ago
I'm sorry. I understand what you went through. My husband hates to take me for medical treatment as well. I blacked out and fell down some cement stairs a few years ago, probably cracked my ribs and had cuts down to the bone. I'd sprained my ankle in the fall, and my foot even turned blue. I'd wake up in the night screaming in pain. Luckily, I had some old pain killer from a car accident that got me through it. Even now, I wonder why I blacked out to begin with. Anyway, through it all, he acted like I was making much ado about nothing.
Damn i wonder if we were with the same man. Mine also left me in the middle of a life saving medical treatment then blamed me. I later let him back into my life out of loneliness and doubting myself plus believing the HUGE LOAD of BS about finally realizing blah blah.
He left again during the loss of a child and sent messages making fun of me during this time. I barely had the strength to survive mentally. I am so sorry for you and agree he was probably malignant. These people are not human.
I grew up around them and never saw them get along with anyone outside of a superficial relationship. Best of luck in your healing
@@user-ge6uo2ry2b oh wow, it sounds like you went through so much and I have a saying there is a special place in hell for people like that! No one should have to go through all of this!
@@user-ge6uo2ry2b i also wanted to thank you for the kind words of support.
@@novelist99 thank you for the kind words and it was such awful experience and I was very sick and he used my illness against me. Complete strangers were nicer to me than he was. I had to crawl on all fours to get even water. I had no idea what was going on until I found this channel and it all made sense. I literally spent 20 hours a day in a separate bedroom trying to get away from him. He would charge me like a football player would. He would threaten me all the time. He owned the house so even a small argument he would say get out of the house. He would try to make sure I was upset and he would want me to hang on every little word.
INSANE what happened to me.
I had no idea how much it affected me until now.
My neighbours developed unnecessary hate for me out of jealousy and envy and started to gossip about me in the society and framed a very bad image of me - even after this when I stayed unbothered her behaviour continued to provoke me and see me cry . The best thing is to protect yourself because there’s no use you can make them understand things , they’ve already lost their psychological control of themselves and will try to harm you more .
Same here. Gangstalking, rumors, even vandalism can happen. However, Dr.Ramani's alternatives here, can still be applied in your situation. I would suggest getting a surveillance system, don't tell anyone personal information, and build a strong support system outside of that environment until you can move.
When I'm distressed I listen to you Dr Ramani. Your videos calm me down and help me stay resolved to ignore the gas lighting. Thank you.
Exactly the same benefit I find in being here. It’s so difficult to have to continue to live under narcissistic abuse and keep one’s own head in reality. These videos remind me that I am not the problem!!
I’m listening to this at about 25 minutes and hearing about the flying monkeys and I’m in tears. This happened to me in a group friendship of over 10 years where the narcissist in the group rallied the flying monkeys against me after i called her out on something. I never could put words to what was happening before. It literally made me sick. For years, I was traumatized. I am so grateful to have found this information because now I’m validated I understand. It still sucks but I know exactly what happened now. ❤ This happened almost 3 years ago and I’m just now getting over it emotionally and physically.
Hey, MAC, I have narcissistic people in my life unfortunately. I learned about flying monkeys when I read books about these impossible folks. 1 that helped me tremendously was "Healing From Hidden Abuse" by Shannon Thomas. Anything from Shahida Arabi is excellent. Good luck, peace to you 🤗
I totally get it as it happened to me as well. I finally stood up to my narcissist sister and the revenge was so severe that I was afraid to show my face in public.
But as time heals, I walk with my head up high now. People are beginning to figure out that her stories don't stack up anymore and I am starting to reconnect with people.
Like in the Wizard of Oz, the flying monkeys are saying that they didn't really like her anyway. Time will heal.
@@sheilaabrahams1322 I know as well. Thank you for this.
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy helped me tremendously. My Mum was Borderline. I needed Therapy while I was caring for her in her last 18mths of life. Wish I'd known about it earlier in life.
Funny isn't it? I actually used the term flying monkeys before I knew anything about narcissism. The phrase fits like an old hat if you've ever been a victim... I also refer to a narc as an information broker... as in they tell you that x said y and listen for your response. When they get it, they report that back to x. This way they can drive a wedge between you and another. Then for any exchange, they are the go between.
Best response of course, no matter how awkward, is to go to the source. "Sorry to bother you, but narc said you said x. Is this true? If so, what was the context?" Try to keep that conversation low key. It's essentially doing, what they do, but hopefully the way you do it is more truthful. It heads off white anting and also strikes a huge blow at the narcs credibility.
I'm married for 38 years to a narcissist, at times I wish I could die instead, but I learn how to deal with it, he has many good qualities too, the day I realized he will never change and that I have to learn to live with it was the day I have started to protect myself emotionally.
How did you protect yourself emotionally?
@@ifechiikeh9760 walk away, put music in your ears, pray a lot
I've been married to one almost two years he's a lies and disrespectful delusional I hate I even meet this person these vedios have been very helpful for me dealing are lately not dealing with him I was very conversational now I ignore completely 🙃
Life's to short, for the BS
Thank you for sharing...
Do not call out a narcissist
2:00 If you choose to stay ,then set boundaries and do not engage
2:15 Understand the pattern
3:05 Grey rock- Don't share your achievements, Don't have invalidating conversations, Don't share your pain. Talk about superficial things.
4:00 Fire walling
4:23 Have some alternative source of support
5:03 Radical acceptance- Managing realistic expectations, setting boundaries, not defending, not engaging , not explaining, not personalising.
5:50 Distraction- Go for a walk, bake, watch a movie etc.
As Bhagwad Geeta says ' Do your karma, detach from others and be one with God'
My mother is a narcissist and was emotionally abusive when I was growing up. I wrote her a letter explaining the hurt and asked for a response. I wanted to repair the relationship and have a REAL mom. She refused to accept any accountability whatsoever and bolted out of it life. Looking back, it was the best thing that could have ever happened. She weeded her toxicity right out of my life. I was able to heal, go to therapy (which was intense) and go on to lead a very fulfilling and happy life. At this point it makes me sad that she is missing out on it because her ego was far more important than her ONLY child.
Her leaving was a blessing in disguise.Let her be!
@@Kykylandfarming my thoughts exactly!
I have the exact same story; all the way down to being an only child. Any tips on how to deal with the guilt?
Me too. An only child with a mother who always wanted a son and blamed me for ‘killing my baby brother’ when she had a miscarriage. And that’s one of the ‘kinder’ things she said to me. A mother wound is one of the deepest cuts of all.
@@QueenKesh Here's a tip. When you start disliking yourself for feeling guilty for so long, then you will stop hurting yourself with it and recognize people pay attention to YOU. I just did. You are not your mother's keeper.
Soul distancing......this is life changing! Thank you Dr Ramani!
Yes! Really speaks to me
Isn't it hard to do that if you also want to share it with other friends and family on your social networks? Do we need to block them?
This hit the nail on the head. I have literally passed out from being yelled at by my mom & dad. Then it’s text love bombings, but spinning it around and saying, “I’m sorry you don’t test back, we love & miss you”. I feel I’ve gone clinically insane dealing with them. I’ve become the black sheep in the family because I am no contact. It’s exhausting and maddening and so frustrating because it seems like the narcissist doesn’t suffer near as bad as the people they inflict their personality disorder on. Then to top it off, I’m the one who “doesn’t forgive” 😳.
I loved what you said about not going to people who don’t understand narcissists. They have no idea the agony and harm.
"...it seems like the narcissist doesn't suffer..." etc. No! True, they don't suffer at all, because they can't feel. At least not the way you can. All they can feel is anger or feeling offended, stuff like that. Do yourself a favour and stay no contact. It's really all you can do, for your own sanity 🤗
That’s right! Stay away! Never give them that power again no matter what anyone says!!
I feel you. I always have been the black sheep but my sister became an evil queen and tried turning the entire family against me. I feel sick to my stomach if I see her.
Telling others online that your sister is a narcissist seems like a narcissist behavior, seems like you are trying to justify talking negative about your sister for people that don’t know her can try to agree with your attempt at fishing for appropriate behavior since you are the one talking negative about her.
@@Lalahotwaterwell that’s not nice. Why are YOU in here? You can leave any time. Leave her alone.
I "firewalled" narcissist member of my family for over 20 years. Let them go and stay away from people like this. They are not worth it.
I felt a huge relief since I learnt my narcissistic husband was never going to change. I had previously put in my whole being into hoping he would change. I was fasting every weekend about my marrige and developed ulcer and high blood pressure in the process but now I'm healing and putting my energy into improving myself
I am right there with you. Healing and focusing on me.
Same! I loved my husband, but it was never going to work…and it was emancipating to realize he will never change and to let go.
To God be the glory. Hats off to you guys for realizing that you are not the problem but more importantly, doing something about it!!
I can relate. My husband has cheated and blamed me for the reason he cheated. My husband gas lights me so much that I began to lose my hair, I went from 210 to 182 in the matter of three weeks, my blood pressure was so high, I now have to take medication to deal with it. I started going to Therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, and Adjustment Disorder. I’m learning now he will never change and things will only get worse and have put myself as the primary focus and then the kids right after.
If I’m not good then my children won’t be good. I’m proud of you. I hope we both keep pushing.
Are you still with him maybe?
So accurate. I know my narcassistic ex husband couldn't handle having the responsibilities of children, house, work, or being a parent. He didn't want to 'look bad' for breaking up the family so pushed me and our children until I was so broken & called an end to the marriage. That was his tactic. He has forced me to do many things I NEVER wanted to do.
Exactly! Same tactic here. So sad. He lost his own family, by tearing it down.
Going threw this now
Exactly what I went through with my ex wife. Luckily I am out of it despite the cost but it's worth it
Fkn same.
@@mischelemiller5020 🥺.. oh I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say, so here... Have this..💕.
Sending you strength, peace and clarity also xz
I decided to call mine out - but not to call them out, to get them charged for their crimes. I am doing it for the people who may encounter them in the future 🙏
My mother made all family members flying monkeys. I had to turn my back to them all.
I gather it's better to be lonely than being made laughing stock, being lied to and being ignored.
Same here … sorry you are going through this ❤
@@Affiliate_ep I'm sorry for you too. ❤
She turned a few classmates ( lived very near the school, invited them to come for a coffee during free between hour) and friends against me too. My best friend said in her face to shut the F* up about me.
Then my mum tried to befriend her on fb for over 10 years.
@@duintje14 How blessed you are for having a TRUE Best Friend who stood up 4 u..💓 I find much healing in Gratitude. I recently lost my best friend of 50 Years! She's alive, we just no longer Friends. We were so close, we called each other Sisters! In reality, I have only 1 blood sister who i unfortunately, and recently, became aware that she was really a true Narcissist!?! ...it was a hard 4 me to swallow & didn't wanna believe it after ALL the yrs... Anyway, my (so i thought) Best Friend, was turns out to be a flying monkey, i guess! She made all kinds of false accusations about me and ended our friendship telling me that she'd been talking to my (real) sister behind my back. She said she believed all the things my Sister(the narcissist) had told her about me. Obvious lies, in order to turn my friend away from me, i suppose And that's Exactly what happened. I lost (what i Thought to be) my Best Friend. It took a toll on me w/many months of grieving... as of today, I would not even Consider taking her back as a Friend. Even if she were to beg too. True Friends don't turn their backs on Friends! One hard Life lesson learned. You must always treasure that Friend of yours! You are Blessed with a Real True Best Friend! i just 💕Love that!❣ 🥰
Same hun I hear you. It isn't easy but better then fake help, broken promises, being controlled and lied to on a daily. Emotional abuse is not easy to deal with
i hear you. its strong of you that you can go away from it. I did for long time, but since mega crisis in my life some years back , my mum has this hold over me again now, more than ever, and has turned all the family against me by selling herself as some victim. i feel very alone. Wish there is some place to connect with people more likeminded. the narcissist theme has reappeared in many forms throughout my life. your comment gave me some hope. Thank you and wish you happy and well. well done.
Yes, you fix their broken parts. Bottom line: they are and will always be severely DAMAGED.
You are free. Free to live on and with someone healthy 👩❤💋👨 that is my wish for all who've endured this 💔
I just finished doin’ time, 19 years to be exact, and it wasn’t in the kind of prison you can see. But now I’m free of it. And what you say is EXACTLY correct. Thanks
So happy for you. I daydream that I might enjoy that freedom again.
BRUH!
I use I kind of analogy, when you get it everything click on place. It felt like going out of prison but if you have long sentence then freedom is very strange for you and you have to learn it again but you know that you just getting back yourself. 24 years with narc from very young age. Paid for that with bi-polar when I snapped. Then my bi-polar was just fuel for my narc and help her to be a constant victim. Even when my doctor was saying I am best of his bi-polar patient. Always on meds 0 alcohol. When I was recovering I was sent by my narc to 3 shift job even she knows that my healthy pattern of sleep is very important. But my bi-polar was kind of gift for me because of my mood stabilazer pills. I became to be harder to trigger by her unending blame and devaluation rages and that was marking her more raging 😅. Triangulated with my adult doughter, recorded smear campaigns. Everything by narc bible.
@@2xxu sounds like you are now doing better. This is such hidden and “not tales about “ condition. I pray you will continue in steady path of healing.
@@mabelpayne8933 I pray you will too!!
Dr Ramani is truly an angel. Bless you and your tremendous mission.
Yup professionally trained dr. Sure she is smart
@@pushparao4819 It's not just the professional training though. Many are "professionally trained." It's the passion...it's the purpose..it's more than the education. Takes one to know one. You have to have a LOVE of your field, people, and know it's pain to purpose. This isn't just book smart.
Correct agree there are some professional people who are not interested in taking this initiative to help the society .
You are right madam.
We learn so much from her
She is a wealth of knowledge and well wishes.
Every word.
Thank you Dr Ramani. God bless you and your family and one and all
I just left her, I was obsessed with her for so long thinking it could change. I seriously suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder badly, it feels almost impossible to not cave sometimes and reply as I've tried to disconnect and exit before.
Seeing people like and reply to my comments helps remind me why I can't be involved with her anymore. You don't even need to know me or her, jus know it was killing me: I barely eat, am barely functional. But I'm out of it and can begin to heal
If you have love for any and everyone suffering in a narcissistic abusive relationship, I ask you stranger: PLEASE REPLY AND REMIND ME IT'S NOT WORTH IT!
I love you all so much and am so happy for this community and these videos and for everyone trying to get away, IT IS POSSIBLE!
It’s not worth it 💯
My ex wife of 17 years was a narcissist. I am in such a better relationship at this point in my life. My current wife had narcissistic people in her life and she has been such a blessing in my life and so understanding.
It's wonderful you found such a great person after going through narcissistic abuse! God bless both of you!❤👍
You are fortunate !!
I am so happy for you.
💪🏾
Thank you Dr. RAMANIE,great advice, for saving my soul❤
Dr. Ramani, I don't know what I would do without your videos. You are saving people all over the world with the help you provide in dealing with NPD. You're a saint in my book! Thank you!
She really does hit the nail on the head, when our minds are too congested with stress
@@thorodinloki Yes!
I agree with you one hundred percent amazing how much it is helped me Thank you doctor rowani🦋
The insight that narcissistic rage spills out onto others, makes people physically sick and enables them are solid motivations to avoid conflicts with them.
You are so right! Calling them out makes them double down.
There are some people I just had to finally eliminate from my life 100%. I went from Grey rocking and disengaging to disowning and total elimination. Honestly it's more peaceful without narcissistic people in my life.
Exactly the same thing happened to me. Best thing is disengage and act like you didn't hear what they said, don't ever let them see you cry, don't act mad, JUST STAY HAPPY it eats them alive because they think they couldn't get to you. Cry or be angry away from them, don't show that it affected you in any way!!!!❤ You will never change them, just keep saying to yourself I LOVE ME!!! over and over again to yourself, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE WORTHY. they are evil and cannot be changed, Don't waste your loving precious energy on them!!!❤❤❤DONT EVER LET THEM KNOW THEY HURT YOU!! THEY DON'T CARE AT ALL. THEY FEEL GREAT WHEN THEY KNOW THEY GOT TO YOU!!! THEY DO NOT HAVE EMPATHY LIKE WE DO!!!THEY NEVER WILL!!!❤
Well said. They’re sadistic and love to see they hurt others!
Be careful not to guard yourself so much that you miss a REAL person coming in. Make sure they walk the talk tho.
Thank- you, Dr. Ramani.
The worst part of 20 years of abuse, was when my ex turned my adult children into flying monkeys.( He is their stepdad.)
He bought them cars, gave them money, and gave extravagant gifts. Then, he told my kids I was mentally ill when I finally escaped the relationship. He gloated over his victory when they took his side. I was devastated.
You just have to make your own life. Do your best. And if they eventually realise what hurt they did you, forgive them, give them a smile and a hug and cry together.
The truth is that YOU are the only REAL victor by escaping and by realizing that you are miraculously still mentally stable. Willful DECEPTION to inflict harm is a prominent of characteristic of evil. Although he made it appear that he won (and actually believes that he did), it cannot change reality. I hope you fill your life with souls with similar temperament and spirit as you ours; and get UNdevastated (and stay that way)!
P.S. I TOTALLY agree with Delfine.
This happen to me. Exactly the same situation. I have had to emotionally detach to literally save my sanity. Wishing you happiness in the future.
I'm so sorry this happened to you
My son is raised by the narcisist, and only calls once a year, on his own birthday. No consideration anymore, after yhe traumabond, for me.
Wow. I needed this right now.
Going through this now. Trying to escape 28 years of it. Wish me luck!
I am 71 years old and on this day your guidance has equipped me to protect and guard my heart from my mother as sad as that is. Thank you Dr. Ramani. My healing has begun!
You are doing amazing !!!!!!! ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
How old is your mom?
@@PrathimmaM my mom is 89 years old. I struggle with my current 7 week no contact but I am both emotionally and physically better equipped to perform both my work and Christian ministries without her judgement and negativity I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. Everyone in my circle has commented about how I am less weary and happier. I have been in her bondage since childhood; never again!
I had a narcissistic roommate who never owned up to her wrongs and when I would call her out on stuff, she would say I was accusing her or lying. Thankfully, she moved out and I am super happy now.
I been dealing with this for 3 years never again
Narcissism left me without a mom for 50 years now and counting 😢 How you come to terms with the reality I will never be nurtured by a mother and an absent father? So far my faith in God is holding me together. I love the father, Son and Holy Spirit. I am alone but not lonely.
So sorry to hear about your pain and loneliness. It is a tremendous hardship but glad you have an eternal source of love and support, one that does not waver or leave you wanting for more. It is an endless source.
God will never leave us or forsake us. We are just passing through 😇. Thank God this isn’t our home 🏡
I should have learnt this already fourty years ago. ITS eye opening. Life saving Lessons. My life was full of anxiety. I Made desastrous experience with Family members with this personality. They destroy relationships within the Family, discriminate you , blame you for Things they actually do themselves. My sister manipulated my Father her whole life. He enjoyed being Put on the throne by her until at the end of His life He got him to Change His Last will in favor of her children and let him totally alone when He was sick. Not informing me during Times He needed Help. Her satisgaction was to call me telling me: I have Bad News for you. Dad died.
I was so naive and stupid telling her in Christmas I would Take Care of our Father No Matter the cost is. The narcist justed wanted to get information in Order to know how to Break your Heart.
DO NOT CALL THEM OUT!!! Best advice ever. Oh... My... God. I wish I had known all this before I called my Narcissistic brother out, 2 years ago. Since that day, my life has been a S#!^ storm and I am very alone, stressed, frustrated, angry, anxious and depressed. Before that day my head was held high to the sky. They will try to destroy you, poison you.
Same.. I called out a narcassist and it was the worst idea ever... And it was my first fight with them and I didn't know they were one. I thought I could talk to a normal person.
Drew, I have a N brother too. It’s tough and when things go his way and you give in ti them, they’re fine but when you stand up and set boundaries, they go nuts. Yet you can’t leave thd relationship per say. Sorry for you. I know your pain.