The Problem with Over-Friendly People
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- Опубликовано: 22 янв 2017
- Friendliness is a great virtue. Over-friendliness can be an unexpected problem.
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FURTHER READING
“There is a particularly poignant way to be a social disaster: through over-friendliness, a pattern of behaviour driven by the very best of motives which ends up feeling as irritating as outright rudeness. We meet the over-friendly at the office, laughing at the jokes of the senior management; behind the desk at the hotel, wishing Sir or Madam a highly enjoyable stay and across the table on a first date, lavishly endorsing their would-be partner’s every opinion about recent books and films…”
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I feel like some people are overly nice because of pain they have suffered and don't want people to feel that way
And some are just good people.
Exactly. I'm really friendly because I've seen what the world is like without it; and that's really fucking ugly. This video is just straight horseshit.
Samuel Patchin Not really, (As someone who just got rejected by his favorite person because of my Overfriendliness)
I’ve hit rock bottom before and when i was there, i lost all sight of color in the world. I was a nihilist and i was proud of it, but it was wrong. Whenever i got better i managed to spot a ray of light (her) and it somehow renewed my view of the world and allowed me to see all of it’s potential beauty and kindness and it also made me Overfriendly.
We must take the risk of offending others as everything we say WILL offend someone, and agreeing with everything they say is dumb (unless they are genuinely right about everything).
Confrontation doesn’t need to have a negative outcome, instead, both parties can acquire a higher knowledge from a discussion, before we start discussing though we need to learn how to discuss, but that’s another topic for another day.
Have a nice life guys :)
If you always say yes They Will want everything from you, BUT if you say no they Will BE angry, BUT still Who cares you need to BE strong. And if someone force you to do something say no, no one can FORCE you.
Too real
I came here to hurt my own feelings
Thanks. I had a good laugh with that. It's a ridiculous video!
Dry Academic British accent for effect, but it's all phony broski... don't worry
aNoYinG vOicE 💀💀💀💀damn me too
@@westsidesmitty1 But unfortunately it works, people like being treated like shit, i say treat them the way they want it , women in particular i can't tell you how successful in relationships i am now that i have "embraced evil", act like a jerk, who just doesn't give a flying fuck, and watch as you get surrounded by people, Are they good people? Who knows, they certainly aren't all evil.
Don't fight shadows you won't win instead embrace and co-opt.
aNoYinG vOicE I bet My last Rolo you’re the most nicest person around your friends family and wherever you maybe
"To be praised inaccurately is its own kind of insult" - that feels so true.
I'm Brazilian but I think it's "its"
@@DinoMarcoccia You're right, fixed it
Who says it’s inaccurate? Is it not possible that they think your hair is nice (for example) even if you don’t? And isn’t it nice that they think that, even if you don’t? Hell, isn’t there a chance that someone complimenting you about an aspect you feel insecure about might help lift your spirits and feel better about yourself, eg by telling a girl with weight issues that you think she looks just fine the way she is? This is such a narcissistic, entitled complaint.
@@DinoMarcoccia * I think
@Captain Obvious Thank you, Sir ... you state the obvious; but as poet Alexander Pope put it, what is "often thought, but ne'er so well expressed."
I remember I heard a saying "don't be friends with a nice person be friends with a good person, theres a difference between a nice person and a good person"
Amen.
You’re dead right about that
Is there. I don't get it. I was alwasy told nor trust an overly nice person they are just after some thing. I wish this wasn't drilled into my head, coz now I have no one nice around me just ass holes that have hurt me in one way or another 😕
Yeah nice people suck. Lol. Horrible advice.
@S. O. don’t be nice, people don’t like nice people, people like cool people that are chill and not give a fuck what people say and live how they want.
Your desire to be accepted can wreck your sense of self.
I found this out the hard way and now I trying to put the pieces back together
True.
So true trying to hard to be excepted you lose your true self and become deluded and more uncertain of everything you are, I have learnt in this world some people will except you and some won't no matter what you do, so just be yourself it's the only way 😊
It doesn't matter if the whole world turn against you,the moment you sacrificied your identity to be accepted by others, your value as a person also ceast to be
I don't wanna be accept I go with the flow.
this is why squidward hates spongebob
Bollox Magee lmao your fucking pic is great
yup
Nah, it's cause Spongebob is annoying and straight up dangerous.
lmao
Lmao
3.7k agreeable people disagreed with this video. I'd call that progress
I love this way of thinking
Lol true
Quality of the video.!
@@stedjuba259 well yeah his profile is budda. Budda is peace.
Lol true, but they wouldn't disagree with him telling them these stuff in person.
If someone complimented me, even if it was something i wasn’t “proud of”, I would take it because i can recognize that they are trying to uplift me, and just knowing that uplifting me is their goal is an uplifting thing to know in itself.
Only an incredibly self-centered person would reject a compliment because it’s over something they’re not “proud of”.
I feel the same way, but I've also gotten compliments that just seem to not make sense and it immediately makes me wonder if they're being genuine or just trying to get me to like them, and I think that's fair to think about too.
I see it a bit differently. I might agree with what your opinion with Western culture, as people less often give out compliments and one can tell they are generally sincere with the comments. Then these I would be humble and flattered.
However, I’ve found that in many Asian culture, people give out compliments way too often, where they become somewhat ingenuine. Some you can even hear from the tone, that it’s probably just a regular thing for them to say to others. I wouldn’t reject these, but then I’m aware they’re trying to bring in relationships for other purposes.
In short, I think it’s really a case by case thing. I wouldn’t generalize one that rejects a compliment incredibly self-centred.
@@hangryallthetime in simple terms, why would you reject a positive compliment if indeed you believed the person had good intentions behind the word rather than being snarky or made for humorous purposes?
@@mrpussinboots4252 haha I’m just trying to offer a different perspective. I would happily accept a genuine compliment.
@@hangryallthetime Well I stand corrected however my point still stands. Unless it's done in a sarcastic fashion I would be grateful and accepting of a compliment, that's not to say their isnt examples where people may possibly compliment to manipulate you but that's a whole other topic.
We should keep in mind as well that sometimes this over-friendly people grew up in households where they were not allowed to voice their own opinions or were punished for doing so, until eventually they internalized the idea that disagreement led to a negative experience, whereas agreeing meant they would be left alone or would be shown love, etc. Thus it became a subconscious mechanism for them, a defense mechanism if you will. I think this is a very important point to consider, and it may help to understand the whole picture in a more balanced way.
Yuyi Leal so true omg
Yuyi Leal Wow this is me.
There is truth to your opinion for sure. I think school and peers play a huge part as well. Feeling unaccepted and getting bullies / ignored by everyone does this to a person as well. Busy parents too, divorce, etc. I think all of those factors contributed to my over-friendliness. Plus i havent made a real friend my entire life.
Yuyi Leal That is how I am now that I am in the real world I'm a little of both now nice anytime but still honest when I must
Yuyi Leal thanks for this comment, you caught the real truth behind "overly"friendly people, in reality they are so positive because they feel very sad inside, not having the support they needed from a young age. These people need just some positive energy back and will be some of the best people out there.
Seriously?
You are rude - you hurt people.
You are just a bit unfriendly - you hurt people.
You are absolutely neutral - you hurt people!
You are friendly - you hurt some people too!
You are over-friednlу - you hurt people again!
How the heck do we have to behave nowadays not to irritate anyone?
Andrey Smolyakov Don't eat, sleep, breathe or do anything which constitutes "living", because I wholeheartedly think that anything you, Sir, say or do, will be misconstrued as "hurtful" by other human beings
Otherwise, just dont worry about it because most adults should know better. Some people are just plain smart enough to know that you aren't consciously trying to be rude
your comment hurts.
See? If you do anything that constitutes as "living" you are going to offend someone.
Seems even simple emotions can offend people nowadays.
Honestly just be yourself. Fuck everyone else.
Agreeing on everything is not really related to “friendliness”. One can be friendly while still thinking and having an opinion.
Exactly. What's being adressed in the video is actually agreeablenes, totally different thing and those who watch Jordan Peterson already have a pretty good grasp on it
Please have an opinion and be honest about it. I don’t trust people pleasers. They aren’t honest.
The video is about people "over"ly, intrusively friendly. As who ignore boundaries, nonverbal (and even verbal) stop signals, as to waylay those amid other aims.
@@JudgeJulieLit no
@@egusisoup1826 Yes. Re-read the video title, "The Problem with OVER-friendly People, and again view the video, this time with comprehension.
School of Life depresses me man. You can’t win with this channel. Too nice- that’s a problem. Not nice - that’s a problem. A little bit left of center of nice - yup, that’s an issue as well 😭😭
You're viewing things on a spectrum when really it's not. Be friendly but don't sacrifice your feelings and values to be friendly with someone. Be honest with yourself and others, but in a nice way.
Stop using this channel as your crutch for a lack of social skills. Talk to people and find out for yourself.
@@MickeyCastro Yeah good point. You learn these things from experience and developing your own sense of right and wrong.
I'm willing to bet that most of the people who are misinterpreting the video are American. Nuance escapes a lot of you.
@@Gay-Icon As an American, I can confirm this is true 😂
I believe that overly friendly people are the ones that are some of the most insecure and hurt people. They just don't want others to feel as unloved and unappreciated as they feel. It is not about being fake. They often feel like to be loved and liked by others they must always agree and be pleasant or else no one would care or want to be around them. It is something that you see in young kids and sometimes it just carries on through adulthood. I do understand that too much of anything becomes bad but you must remember that just like people with anger management issues, the lack of expression of anger and confrontation may also come from deep hurt and shame. It is not because people are "fake". That is why they often give complements on things that may seem meaningless like your umbrella. They wouldn't just lie about something they like about you if they don't know you as well but still feel compelled to let you know when they like or appreciate something about you. Not to make themselves look good but to make the other person feel good.
Vanessa Gibbs giving when they need..
Vanessa Gibbs i think the point is that when they compliment random things that have nothing to do with your interest, it makes it look like you care more about being nice than the person you compliment.
very well said there
Vanessa Gibbs Yes, you get it. They were made to feel like they were a burden by a caretaker/parent/family, so they have to constantly please, and be pleasant. The basis of it for me was to make the other person smile/feel good, so I wouldn't feel like such a shameful burden to the human race. It was never to get anyone to like me. When you feel like such a burden you can't even imagine someone genuinely liking you sadly. It's really awful.
I do appreciate this being brought to my attention though from your initial article. I've definitely toned down my friendliness with people I initially encounter. I wouldn't want them to like someone like me/want to be my friend, that's for sure.
Or, they're happy and genuinely friendly. What I've learned is a lot of you are miserable and can't contemplate someone NOT being miserable.
I like naturally overly friendly people. I dislike the fake overly friendliness. You can easily spot the difference.
Yes! And this video is pure cancer by blackmailing ALL good and sweet people. Hope nobody takes this bullcrap seriously.
cool
I completely agree. They should change "over-friendly" to something like "disingenously friendly" or a term that gets across that same message.
Charmaine Espeut Sincerity - you will be liked when you can convincingly pretend to be sincere.
Yeah. I agree
How do we as the shy, and overly nice overcome that? The social anxiety causing us to be overly pleasing generally stems from a history of not being accepted by so many social groups.
You learn to love yourself no matter what. You know your value. You learn that if others don't agree, it's ok. You have self trust, self efficacy, self agency.
Social awkwardness is a result of poor self esteem and disempowerment. It's caring too much what others think and giving them too much power over how you feel, especially about yourself.
Cultivate the traits you admire, have your own back...and root out cognitive distortions, limiting beliefs, those things which create warped lenses about yourself and others. Be ok with what is. You have to accept you, before anyone else will. We attract what we are, how we treat ourselves, what we think we deserve. Often this is very subconscious and goes against what we consciously want. Our subconscious runs most of the show though, and it's programming started in early childhood. You've got to reprogram that, similar to a computer. Neuroplasticity is your friend in this regard, for changing the programs. You have far more power than you can imagine.
If someone thinks I’m ”too friendly” it’s their problem
Agreed
If that's the case then you're the healthy kind of friendly
I had a friend who was overly friendly, this was to the point at which i could no longer be around him as it just made me feel depresses, even angry. If your overly nice about every aspect of a person it comes of as if your being sarcastic, or as if you don't really care about their feelings at all and your just being nice through lack of attention, it can also seem as if your just being kind out of empathy, which usually comes of as honest and in genuine. You should put honesty before kindness, and if your being truly honest you wouldn't be overly kind about and agree with every aspect of a person. This video wasn't attacking anyone, it was just giving your personality through other peoples perspectives.
The Greater British Empire exactly! a polite person ≠ a truly good person and disagreeing with an opinion ≠ being rude or disrespectful
what is described in this video isn’t even being “friendly”. to be friendly is to respect someone enough to be genuine and true with your niceties. when you discard genuine feelings just to be “nice”, you’re not really being nice at all. that’s why i don’t think there is such thing as being “too nice”, rather, disingenuous.
I blame over friendliness on misconception.
We're taught that being nice to people will get you friends, but we aren't taught that not everyone wants to be your friend. This creates a complex and makes the person think they weren't nice enough, or something's wrong with them, leading to the problem getting worse.
Until you have kids, you're not responsible for anyone but yourself. Just accept the fact that out of a majority of people who'll like you, there's a minority that will never attempt to, and honestly, you're way better off without them.
Zenith I couldn’t agree more. Nice point
Yeah I picked up as a kid that you can be the friendliest nicest person in the world but there will still be someone who will just hate you for whatever reason.
thank you. I remember when i was grade 5 i wanted to finally have friends because i was the shy one who didnt have any. So in school i tried making friends but one of them called me very annoying and walked away, it made me so sad that i went to being the lonely girl again
+sora kimbap I'm sorry to hear it :/..You're better now though right?
Being nice to devils in a devils society won't get you friends especially if you don't have a devils mask on. It was the common standard to be nice to one another back when the constitution was made to ensure a healthy society. Nowadays people have challenged authority over and over and over to where new ideologies are created the common good is decreasing as the people accept new ideas however these new ideas aren't pushing society forward at all. Its only dragging us back. Those who believe over-friendliness is the problem are the ones who failed to find those who never once thought of challenging authority. Its sad that those people are mostly extinct and shows this society is a true devils society. Where if you don't suffer you are not accepted into the norm.
Idk I feel like my over-friendliness comes from me being anxious in the moment and feeling the pressure of needing to please people.
Same here.
Good side - you have a clear vision about yourself.
Not like 1000 others egomaniacs here.
You are not pleasing them, as much as you are limiting their initiative and shutting them out sooner.
Teenie! Same
Teenie! Same here ;-;
When I encounter overly friendly people I assume there is an unimaginable rage that they're hiding
As someone with cPTSD, ADHD, ADD, and is Bipolar. Its hell. Its like dont pay attention to reality because the trauma is unfathomable. In order to get to open up to even the gentlest of happiness , we need to face the fear of processing that over whelming memory.
Im a sociopath. I want to die, i dont want to hurt all the friends i made. I lost my girlfriend because she realised i was easily manipulated so it seemed desperate, but in reality i can only imagine and process litteral concepts of love and respect, not feelings. No urges, no empathy. The reason im convinced im not going to ever face it, I believe i can, i also belive i will never be me again. Id have to kill my self and have to re experience all the things i brushed with 0 empathy. I know the feelinng of digesting some of the trauma and for a while haveing feelings like a sense of smell or a conscience.
I think it is two personalities. 20 years i was a maniac that was loved. LOVED by his classmates not out of pity, but because i came off as perfectly competent because i always! ALWAYS never had a negative thought. Intill the girl I loved I relised was lying to me for years
She lied to me because she relised i acted perfect even though my adhd (which I never knew i had till recently ) would impulsively show off my emotion. Like id day something to be modest but my body showed ignorant man child. I only did that recently because ive worked 80 hours a week and spent my 1 day off with my girl and never told her i was saving up to buy real estate, mortgage two homes, live in one and rent out the other.
I had life figured out I thought. I rode my manic “perfect” self image for years and ironically a lie just slapped me with a taste of my own medicine. And its crazy how… she put no effort to lie to me, as if im that worthless, my whole act worthless, if i kill him, would it wash the shame,
manic memories are recorded with euphoria non stop, once I digested some empathy my brain felt repulsed and i had stopped breathing and had i think a seziure. I dont want to confess
Self diagnosed? Im getting almost 10 hours of sleep a week for months, i dont know
Am I questioning my worth, do I believe every excuse i try and convince my self with, am i really just a current only logical conscience that can only manipulate a very hyper focused crumb of life, all wit, all sarcasm, litteracy with absolutely no poetry. All simile no metaphors.
I lied to myself for years, years, that i loved challenges, i took the craziest risk, and pretending i was confident because i had 0 shame and knew just what to not say. Im not worth the effort to even be alive
You're right ....
Based on myself, you are correct…
Yep
@@thatch8537 throw caution to the wind, the past is past. Be authentic from now on, and it'll be fine in the end.
_"...To be praised inaccurately is its own kind of insult"_
And I felt that. 😪
People aren't friendly enough these days, so I don't mind 'over friendly' people.
YaYa Man They're all too busy trying to be cool, to realize that "over friendliness" doesn't exist. They forgot that anyone can suffer from social anxiety in an unfamiliar situation, the pressure of making a strong first impression and being afraid to put your relationships on the line with some of your own personal and controversial opinions. It takes time and patience to get used such scenarios and clearly voice your thoughts and even so you can still find yourself struggling and failing. "over friendliness" is born from the arrogance of our ideals and the denial of our reality.
beware of your wishes, they may come true
YaYa Man
hi there! You're probably are so awesome and nice, you're absolutely perfect! All your ideas are so great that I'm so sure it'll get you to amazing places! You beautiful and you know it^^
I hope you have a spectacular and fabulous day~ 🌼🌼
I think people are mean towards each other for defensive mechanisms or cold towards others. Some people take it to the extreme where they expect people to deal with there bullshit behavior and eventually get close and get along. I don't know that's what I think. I'm tired of that shit though like no I'm not gonna suck it up to get along with you. I'm not gonna "tolerate" bad behavior. If your a bad person your a bad person that's it. People like to play opposite these days.
YaYa Man
I see what you did there... lol
If you're overly friendly and your intent always has been good, don't let this video second guess yourself. I grew up in some Rachel ass part of Miami, I was mean and not well taken care of. When I got adopted, I moved to Japan and the Japanese people were nice as fuck just because it's the right thing to do. I'm now 23 And I've developed those habits, people always say my energy is lovely especially at work, it's amazing how customers don't experience kindness as much any more based on the compliments I get for their pleasant experience with me.
If you're "overly" nice and not the standard American asshole, then don't worry about it. You are who you are.
Strawberry Sunset a new part of industrial America.. Assholes
Strawberry Sunset Well said, people who are not accustomed to kindness as a daily norm and quotidian ethic tend to view it as odd at best occasional.
Strawberry Sunset the fact that you had to insult none overly nice people shows that your "overly niceness" is fake sorry to say..
+Strawberry Sunset Thank you.
I was actually second guessing myself. I have no clue what other people think about me even though my intent is very clear in my head.
Strawberry Sunset I dont think you even remotely understood the point of this video
As a girl this can be dangerous and I hate it. I grew up mostly homeschooled so I don’t have a lot of friends, I work from home so I don’t interact with many people. Thus when I do meet people I perceive as nice I get way too excited and just happy to have friendly interaction. A lot of my hobbies have mainly male demographics so guys often perceive me as flirting, when I am just excited to be conversing with another human. It is really frustrating.
I was homeschooled growing up too and have a lot of challenges from it that I am still struggling with deeply in my late 30s.
I believe this is more on those who put on an act of being overly friendly, like how you expect a Starbucks employee or somebody from corporate praising the company you work for using safe corporate speak. Playing the part insincerely can be just as alienating as just brushing the social interaction off entirely. Being a happy person and genuinely connecting with your friends is healthy and should be practiced. Be true to yourself and live your best life
This isnt being friendly, its being agreeable. There's a big difference
I keep asking myself if I'm really friendly or extremely fake towards others.
Edit: I'm blunt when that's how I feel. I say things because of how I really feel. I meant this as in being PERCEIVED as fake whenever I'm 100% being genuinely friendly/real/nice.
Andrei Asinas I know people around me are 99% like you
i'm more worried about being perceived as being fake than actually being fake. i think the line's drawn between being nice for the sake of being liked or actually wanting others to have a good time in your company for un-selfish reasons.
Friendly and fake.. makes for some creepy unintended friendships! XD hahaha
Welcome to the human race I guess eh?
Andrei Asinas We all know the truth. We are incredibly friendly to people to avoid depressive loneliness.
This is stressing me out. I don’t even know how to act nowadays.. damn.. be friendly but NOT TOO friendly.. just let me live man if I wanna compliment someone I’m gonna
you're disagreeing, so you're in the safe zone
Same here! :
I think you guys missed the point. He never said you couldn't be nice and agreeable but not to do so at the expense at your individuality. People who laugh and agree at things that deep down inside don't coincide with their own views and morals are just playing themselves and in a way inhibiting their own personal growth. Be kind, but be you. It's okay to be on the other side of the fence when someone or something doesn't seem right to you
@Big D Or it can piss them off if they don't like you.
He's not saying you shouldn't smile or say hello or compliment someone. He's saying that you shouldn't overdo it. He's saying that it shouldn't be done at the expense of your own personality. That it's okay to smile or compliment or say hello but when it becomes too much or when it's done at the expense of your individuality or personality, then it's a bad thing. That's all :)
From a Jungian typology perspective, this is introverted feeling misunderstanding extroverted feeling. Introverted feeling is about personal values and authenticity. Extroverted feeling is about group values and egolessness. Extroverted feeling unites the tribe and pays the bills. Introverted feeling gives you a sense of purpose and meaning to your life. Both are necessary and valid.
I am literally being attacked for being nice now 😂 wtf
Now being nice is my prblm
This is a terrible message, only an asshole would like this message, his tone is frickin condescending SMH
It's an upper class English thing. It's them not you.
@@kimkaragiannis848 I totally agree. You are so right and I love your name.
Because they're shitty qualities. Buy a mirror and get over yourself.
He's just trying to say be yourself. Some people will get you, some people won't but at least what you get will be genuine.
F D omg YAS!!!! 💯 I recently learned this. The more I just be myself and not worry so much about the feelings of others, the more I vibe mutually with people. It's a trip. But so glad im free from the burden of taking on others feelings.
An overly friendly person is who I am. I’m quiet at first but when I get comfortable I’m like a mother or an aunt to those around me.
Thank you for saying this
I am overly nice because im too scared to show people who i am, because i think im actually a really bad person
I understood to keep your guard up. Anybody that acts friendly with you, whether someone you do not know or someone you have known awhile is not looking to be your friend. They are looking for someone to victimise. 21st century people are incapable of true friendship. I learned this the hard way. Today, I may have no friends nor a girlfriend. But more importantly, I have nobody trying to victimise me. Being social in an interpersonal way no longer serves a pelurpose in modern society. Stay away from humans. They are not your friends nor do they want to be.
Damned if you DO! Damned if you DONT! I GIVE UP!
TheNessa284 There is something hypocritical about avoiding and scrutinizing overfriendly people just because they don't pander to your level of understanding or perfectly relate to your current situation, even though they still want to engage you at some level. The standards are absurd.
Exactly, it's very hypocritical! The video complains that an 'overly-friendly' person doesn't actually care at all about you, but it's told from the perspective of, 'This person isn't 100% catering to my emotional needs. They're horrible and disingenuous and should be avoided.'
Would you actually expect a stranger or acquaintance to honestly consider you above everything else? From the perspective this video is coming from, they don't even seem to exactly care about the other person either, just themself.
I try to be friendly to people even I don't exactly mesh with them, especially those seen on a day to day basis. Wish them a good morning and good day, hold open a door, help them out if they need it -- all that stuff.
Just because you don't like someone - or maybe you do like them but they're not exactly a person you want to have in your personal life - it doesn't mean that they don't matter and don't deserve to be treated with respect. Life is incredibly stressful and difficult enough without having someone else dump their personal issues or grudges on you!
It's not saying "don't be a nice person". It's just saying "you don't need to give up your self to be nice to everyone all the time, you are valuable and your opinions matter". You're thinking of a false dichotomy (to be nice person all the time or be a mean person all the time). It's more of a spectrum full of choices and should be led by your own needs too.
That's actually not what I was thinking. There is rarely ever a topic regarding communication where everything is simply black or white, and I'm sorry if I phrased my thoughts so it came across as such! In my last comment I only really voiced my opinion on how kindness was perceived as trying too hard to be liked. I hadn't really bothered to mention the avoidance of conflict part as I felt it was redundant to write out what other comments worded much better!
Of course there are definitely instances where you should not agree or be friendly eith a stranger, though those are generally extreme and not quite what the video was covering. The video tries to paint someone being 'overly friendly' who doesn't often disagree in social situations (be it actively or passively) as either being fake and trying too hard to be likable or just unknowledgable and/or refusing to pay attention. However, there are plenty of reasons why someone just won't always engage in a debate, with strangers or friends, some of which being along the lines of:
Is it worth my time and effort?
Do I actually care enough about this topic to push it?
Is it actually my place to say anything, especially if it's a personal matter?
Is this person just having a bad day or a small emotional outburst and just venting poorly?
Is this stranger or topic worth my time, or is the possible outcome worth the potential risk?
Is it worth hurting this friendship over?
Also, seeing as this video seems more aimed at acquaintances being 'overly-friendly' and agreeable, it's also a common trait of the introverted to generally only share their personal life and opinions with those closest to them. Is this topic or person so important to them that they're going to dip into their social reserves?
Of course there are plenty of other reasons why, but just because you don't agree with a topic yet don't pursue conflict, it doesn't mean that you're trying to pander for attention as the video placed it. And as you took from it, someone avoiding conflict doesn't necessarily think their opinion matters, either, but maybe something else matters to them more than the voicing of that opinion!
Sorry, this was very tldr-y!
windfishie i.e.
I am definitely guilty of being overly friendly. It’s easy to be overly happy if you fear loosing someone, which can push them away further.
I'm too friendly I can't stop it 😭😭😭😭 because I've been hurt when I was a kid... And i don't like to hurt others like I was hurt
You’re just like me 😭
@@Matthew-fj6eu it's a struggle 😢
@Pujan Dhungana sure 😊😊😊🌹
How about some compassion for the perceived "overly friendly" people - it is very often my experience that the overly positive upbeat individual - has - to operate in that place in public to be able to endure the extreme harshness of other areas; suffering from depression, possible abuse or PTSD, experienced deep loss or hardship. Perhaps it is the observers of the "overly positive & friendly" that are failing to be genuine and to see them as they really are - they deserve to be treated with kindness and the knowledge that treating others kindly and choosing to be positive is a daily choice - and occasionally a battle. A compliment on an umbrella is an invitation for safe conversation. And the suggestion they have no interests is pretty rude - overly friendly does not immediately equate self-effacement or self-deprecating behavior. Sometimes but not always. Kindness is important and unfortunately our society is becoming fractured - self-insulated and less genuine overall. Friendly people who make eye-contact, ask thoughtful questions and enjoy speaking with you or are glad to learn about a new band, restaurant or book - are just that - choosing - to engage in the day to day in a less-painful way while also sharing the human experience with others. Genuinely.
capnrojos U said it all. Thanks.
Damn. I've never related to anything more in my life. But in my experience I'm always taken advantage of when i'm "over friendly" which is why I've been trying to be a little more reserved.
i also relate to this comment a lot aha.
Thumbs up :D I was surprised how quickly you mentioned the PTSD and abuse, which applies to me.
I think they somehow confused being a suckup (is that what it's called?) and a fake-yes-nodding-person that only wants to network to get what they want, to someone actually considering their feelings and trying to make this persons life better.
I certainly did not recognize myself in the video, but I do recognize most of myself in your comment.
Yes. The video does basically imply that an overly-friendly individual likely has their own problems but lack the confidence in believing that other people would be able to relate/understand them were they to share that aspect of themselves ... Which you'd realize if ... You know ... You actually payed attention to the video...
But I won't blame you. It *IS* a flaw of an overly-friendly individual to lack the ability to _actually_ PAY ATTENTION and UNDERSTAND what a person is saying. 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
The only reason im overly friendly is because i don't have many friends and i don't socialize as much so when i do socialize i think that i always have to be nice because if im not i feel rude and i start thinking about how the other person must hate me and stuff.
Star power I relate to this so badly.
omgg yeeees
Be just hated for who you are than loved for who you're not
Don’t live your life for other people and don’t look at everyone at face value.
Think of simplicity. No joke but try to not think that much and just live, be yourself and don’t think as much about what other people think of you as you do right now
Very true. Over-friendliness brings problems, not friendships. Thank you for this video, I had just one incident because I couldn't say NO to someone, I am so kind and want to please everyone who asks me for help, even I didn't have time to do what she asks me to do and then I was so angry because I was so short with my time, I didn't finish my business, I cut my time for myself to meet her interests and then she even didn't say thank you, so I finally decided that is over with over-friendliness. Be kind to yourself first and do your business.
They don't want to feel abandoned and isolated. If you become a people pleaser then people are going to use you as a door mat and walk all over you. I believe it's better to be respected than to be liked.
So be nice but not too nice
who tf says sth like "owh that credit card is from my fav bank"
You
Admit it and dont lie little duck
Fucking duck
djay T-b an over friendly person
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I’m sorry I had to
friendly robbers
😀
Omg ur comment is my favorite comment😱
It's not about being friendly or otherwise. It's about being honest while being aware of other persons feelings.
Kenneth McCormick, nailed it
Can you be honest if you are aware of others feelings? If you have to sacrifice honesty to save hardship, is it really honesty?
peronkop Yes. One can be honest while being aware of the other persons feelings. One just needs to be intellectually honest & can still choose silence.
In other words overly friendly people come across as being fake and it's difficult liking or trusting someone you don't know
skojo3e and once you get to know them
you’ll know they can be trusted
I think many people confuse nice and kindness, there’s a huge difference.
Is over anything healthy?
There are types of overfriendly :
1. Insecure overfriendly - often wounded
2. Manipulative, devious, abusive overfriendly ..over friendly to begin and then abusive afterwards
3. Won't list all types...but you get an idea..... (add your own here).
Problems can arise when people don't have the skills to see warning signs, are not precautious, dont have their own good boundaries and may be codependant.
I am responsible for me and my actions and behaviour and cannot control who likes me or who doesn't....I will be myself but I will continuously try to better myself.
Who likes me should not be my focus. Rather who do I like and how can I love people...even my enemies. But Love is not a fluffy feeling....It's an action. Sometimes I may not 'feel' like Loving a person but maturity is going beyond this.
Also Love sometimes needs boundaries and all one can do is pray for a person and the most Loving thing could be staying away.
They say you become like those you spend time with. I choose to spend most of my time in prayer with Jesus. And if I am following Him He will guide and protect me, but God has given me a brain and a will and I need to exercise Prudence, Wisdom, reflection etc.
I am learning to imitate Jesus who is love....and in balance...not over anything....so Love is my Guide.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
If I am trying to please God, not man, it's the best way to walk.
I am not religious but I agree with almost everything you’ve said here. This is a very mature way of looking at the world, imo
Honestly the most beautiful comment ever ❤ thank you
I am glad I found you here, sister.
I don't think I am I over friendly but I usually see the bright side of things and then people ask me "but why don't you get angry?" And I am like "would it do any good?"
Dantick09 I'm the same way, and even if I do get angry I'm not going to make a scene about it or take it out on anyone.
Dantick09 I think they're making a distinction between being a positive person and being too friendly. One who is overly friendly is being disingenuous about their positivity and it's only a facade to mask their true feelings. I don't know about you, but I can usually tell the difference between people like that and genuinely happy, positive people!
I know when you asked that you thought there is no way anger could do anything good, but in fact anger is the emotion that caused the biggest changes for the better in the world. dont avoid an emotion, thats worse..
Dantick09 I guess we're just very straightforward people xD being negative is just not productive.
Being emotionally stable person has nothing to do with bein overly friendly.
This was so complex of an auditory essay my brain is feeling like puking trying to understand despite it being relatable.
Feel free to read it as an essay: it's in the link below SHOW MORE
FlawedbyDesign I agree, I think I should have understood it, but not sure if I did
Their also an Episode of Invisabelia that talk mentions this topic. It's talks about why it was so difficult to open a McDonalds in Russia.
My Pineapple Gets WiFi Where can I see this episode?
FlawedbyDesign omg... I do relate exactly how you phrased this.
*i knew someone like this. He was giving a presentation about some genocide in Spanish. The teacher went “can you not be so happy and positive about genocide?.”*
I just don’t want others to hurt like how I’ve been hurt🥺
Don't be rude, don't be fake, don't be overly friendly, don't be awkward, be real, be genuine, be positive. Good grief, no wonder I'd rather be alone. Leave me out of this whole enterprise.
:/
Facts
There's a difference between being friendly and fake friendly. My best friend lies all the time to try to be friendly. Even in just a video game lobby He will pretend to be into things, he really doesn't care about. I've known him for 2 decades, but he has a weird habit of trying to be liked by everyone. Your hobbies are his hobbies, if you feel some way he does too, if he fuxks up somehow he won't speak to you till he thinks you forgot. He follows this videos' mental to a T. I'm not without my own faults, but that comes off as fake.
@@StuntzMcKenzy2D whole comment could be boiled down to don’t fake interests to appease others.
I agree. This idiot is over critical. Why bother! I am not just going to press the not interested button; I am going to press the do not recommend and thumbs down. That will make the asshole who made this excessively happy.
Hi ? Can someone introduce me to these overly friendly people - would love to have a few at work, home the gym ( ok I don't work out but might if such people were there).
I feel left out, happy to hang out with you friendly types- would be a refreshing change!
Ivan Boyraz aye, I agree
BadBoy_____17 wow I don't hear that often, thanks!
Ivan Boyraz That's stupid ..it's like you say 'Want to work out with a black guy because it's refreshing'
Climber what you're saying is nonsence.
Sarah V - and it's probably shameless, thanks, what was I thinking!
The famous misconception is, over friendliness means you are dumb or dont know much.
yeah its so annoying
@@owlani3950 so if Someone too kind. They dumb
It's usually true
@@Nokss87 I disagree. I usually means that they are naive and think others are just as kind as them.
@@owlani3950 What's annoying? Are you guys saying that being overfriendly is dumb or what ? I don't understand?
I am super friendly because that’s genuinely me. I’m just a positive person. I’m always myself. 🤷🏻♀️ I didn’t think that was bad. Honestly still don’t. It’s none of my business how people want to take it
be who you are!! we always need more positive people. if they don’t like your friendliness then you don’t need them.
I didn't realize i was overly friendly until I watched this. I don't think its because of my ego or crave for attention. I just want to have a peaceful relationship with everyone because then it gets awkward. At work, I don't want to have to avoid someone because we got off at a bad start and I accidentally did something they misunderstood as being a bitch.
I do agree a lot. Even on things im not even 100 percent about. I don't know how to say no without being awkward? my social skills are dead. I only ever knew how to be enthusiastic about stupid shit even if I don't even understand whats happening as long is gets me through this conversation alive.
My real reactions are way more dull. I kind of don't care? Unless I am honestly interested in the topic, I have nothing to input. I think I am genuinely nice though. I don't mean to hurt anyone and I like making people feel good as cheesy as it sounds.
I am just afraid that people (my friends mostly) won't like who i am when im not like this. When im tired or stressed my me starts to show, and people ask me why im acting weird or more serious. Or ask if im sad. So i keep it up until im alone. I've never told this to anyone. So thanks for coming to my tedtalk :).
This video is s personal insult to my existence
I identify with every word you typed , kindness is never wrong tho it’s the people that take advantage of it
Nothing wrong with it unless it hurts you. The only thing I could suggest is being more honest with yourself and others so stress or burnout doesn't hit you as hard. You got this!! If people don't like the "new" you, avoid them or drop them.
I feel like I have written all of this. You have described it amazingly. I can feel and relate to the ach of above line.
Why we always see ppl with similarity, only on Internet?
Hey Thanks for being so vulnerable ☺. What you said reminds me so much of my younger self, and I'm not that much older than then! 10 yrs changes things that I've worked on changing. Definitely consider thinking about that and how it might affect you more. Like you said, it gets stressful when your "me" shows. Over time it might build up. Don't worry, you're getting there. Eventually you may come to realize people are going to like you/dislike you any way that you are anyway. And youll decide some time on when making a new friend or aquaintance to try saying whats r eally on your mind just to see...which may feel terribly anxious! But strangly exciting...and you may try it a couple more times over time with varying success but youll figure it out. And then youll do it totally with that one person and youll realize, hey, this is actually wonderful 🙂 But you know what? If you reach your happiness and peace another way, that's awsome too! 😀
Just like how Disney employee's main job to seem overfriendly to visitors has made those seemily 'happy' people the most mistreated and least motivated to do their job.
I recently flew with Emirates Airlines and saw how bad the passengers and their own leaders were treating them. They were overly nice and too young to understand that their attitudes reflects on how people treat you.
I work for Disney and that's not always the case.
I just do it cuz its fun and honestly its the best way to make time fly fast. lol
It's basically the problem with the customer service industry. I personally prefer employees don't smile too much and I don't mind if sometimes they look bored - because they're people who are doing something mostly if not solely because they're being paid to do so. They're not always going to be feeling great and super happy to be there. But I have a feeling that there's a skewed sample of self-selected people who love the "they're always so upbeat!" facade who write comment cards and speak to managers, so companies assume everyone wants that. As someone who's worked in customer service jobs for about 13 years, I can say most of the time I DON'T want to be there, and most of the people I encounter, I honestly couldn't care less if I ever see again, and it's exhausting when I'm forced to pretend to be this unsinkable rubber duck of happiness and optimism I'm actually not because that's what management mistakenly assumes all the customers want.
Also, when men I don't know tell me to smile, it doesn't make me want to smile. It makes me want to punch them. I can manage my own facial expressions, thank you very much. What I choose to do with my face is none of your business, and I don't give a flying rat's ass how you feel about that. I'll smile when I feel like it, and at no other time, and I'm not here to decorate your life, *sir*.
well said
EmileeArsenic fucking thank you
I would love most of those people to get paid 7.25 and to be a bullet proof punching bag.
I've had managers flat out ask why I wasn't displaying a happy demeanor after having my ass reamed for my shift supervisors incompetence
Some people are overly friendly because they are overcompensating for their own sadness.
This leads to people trying to use your feelings towards them as bargaining chips. Good to see who to avoid
I guess there's no pleasing anyone in this world
AtomicLemonade if you be yourself thats all that should matter because people who like you for who you are will be pleasing to them, even if its not everyone, thats okay.
perfect guess
i mean how boring would it be to please everyone
Of course not. Not everyone will like you and not everyone will dislike you.
Some people honestly want to be left alone and go about their day. Having someone around you who is smiley, sunshine and rainbows thinking there is nothing wrong in the world is just as bad as someone who is conniving, bitter and arrogant being just a mule-headed douchebag if you ask me.
AtomicLemonade ye
Im over nice because i have anxiety from being bullied so socializing with people who don’t approach me first puts me on autopilot Im sorry for being over friendly!! Connections are hard
Mikka Get over yourself
Don't be a dick. @@givingup5337
i can relate to yiu so much
I feel you @mikka
You are too pretty for that.
I feel as though this video is indirectly about being genuine.
Not just being superficially kind and friendly but applying it in truly exceptional areas that go beyond the dated "What a lovely home."
Not just paying the generic compliments you feel obligated dish out, but finding truly exceptional and special things to appreciate.
Most over friendly people simply lack self respect and have a desperate need to be liked and validated by others. They think the way to be liked by others is by being over friendly which of course never works.
Be friendly to everyone, trust no one.
Cerii Well said.
No, you don't have to be a friend with people that you do not trust
"trust everyone until the day they outright betray you". Can't remember where I heard it, but i'll never forget it.
"If there is a message I must bring to you, love all and trust a few" - Groundation
Oktay
Why did you say that? He didn't say be a friend he said be friendly.
Oh good. It looks like most people disagree with the viewpoints of over friendliness people in this video. I come now to a realization. Be yourself. Don't let people tell you that your personallity is a wrong one.
It's a good way to start
This video is spot-on. I have always drawn a major distinction between "niceness" and "kindness." I would not consider myself a nice person, but I am very kind.
The distinction I draw between nice and kind is this:
Kindness is when you can be honest with someone else about a shortcoming without being rude about it.
Niceness is when you do not mention the shortcoming because you do not want to be rude.
Kindness allows room for honesty and growth; niceness just wants to keep the status quo.
There are too many nice people in the United States; far too few kind people.
When I first met my husband family his brother girlfriend was so overly friendly but when they wasn’t around she talked about everyone and she couldn’t understand how someone could not think like her
I don't think anyone can be over friendly. I have anxiety and im not very good at socialising. It really helps when I meet a super friendly person. They may not be your type of person but they do get on with other types of people
ScaryMissKippy try mediatation for 10 mins for a week and convince your self that theres no fucking thing that matters and just use "who cares"+ try to find the comedian inside you believe me
this video thinks every thing he says is fact, but it is just his opinion. I agree with you.
I agree too, the reason I go out of my way to be friendly with everyone I meet is because I was such an outsider growing up.
When I see sad broken people I just want them to know it's gonna be ok, or least it might well be, and it'd be a damn sight easier if as least one person can be nice to them.
This video fails to understand how shitty some people's lives might be, and how they might consciously choose optimism to get through it.
But you are using your experiences and insight to act around people, in the video they talked about how a type overly pleasing people is not really listening at all, and sacrifice their own opinions and experiences agreeing with people when they don't really mean it
ScaryMissKippy Then you don't seem to realize that what they're saying is 99% of the time a lie, and that you're in desperate need of attention if you truly want to make yourself the center of everything. It's true that over-friendly people might just want you to like them, but you guys who enjoy being with them are just as, if not more responsible. _You_ are the problem. Living a life like that, one where you must feel good, is pretty sad.
I prefer to just avoid people.
If someone wants to get close to me, they have to earn it now.
I'm sick of being nice for free... They never appreciate it, so, why bother?
I've never thought of it this way before, but being around an overly friendly person can be like having a parent who over praises you. You may think nothing sounds wrong with that, but studies show over praise can lead to a child feeling constantly under pressure to achieve nothing less than perfection. Think of a boss or supervisor who acts as though they worship the very ground you walk on. They try to please you without you ever having to earn it, and as a result ordinary mistakes that inadvertently hinder them begin to feel like unforgivable sins against someone who's shown you nothing but kindness.
wait, so is this what some famous celebrities (*ehem bts*) go through?
@@fresapreso1491yeah they do, they build the resentment inside cuz they can't be real around these people
Overly friendly usually means the opposite in the long run. Its almost always a cover up.
even so... at least they're trying. Even if they may at times be irritating, it's better than not trying.
mienbao exactly
I disagree
They're trying at their expense. I wouldn't want a person to permain in that state, not just because it prevents them from actually recognising themselves as a person, but also because they'd approve/condone the wrong things just out of fear of saying no.
And nobody is criticising genuinely nice people. I fail to see why you bring them into discussion. This is about OVERLY friendly people. As in EXCESSIVELY friendly. TOO friendly. I don't know how clearer can this be put.
I'd rather be around someone who isn't trying. Because even if they aren't trying, it doesn't mean they're going to be a mean or bad person. They'll just be themselves, which is more than can be said about the overly-friendly.
mienbao iii
Im a friendly person because Im actually genuinely caring. If I say "have a wonderful day" its because I want you to have a nice day, not because I want to vomit words. I smile; especially when im miserable. It's been who I since i was a child.
And yet; I gotten/get bullied. People pass up on the opportunity to talk or befriend me. Coworkers avoid me. I only have a handful of close friends.
Etc etc etc
Im not particularly spontaneously extroverted as to where ill borderline corral people and harass them. But even the act of being a naturally positive person can make others distrustful or contemptful.
Its not like my life is any easier. While I don't know the private details of everyone's lives; i know that my own is not without trials and tribulations. I just make the unconscious decision not to be a jerk (intentionally) and to always mean well.
I hate that I used the "i" pronoun so much but I just feel so personally targeted. Now im going to be insecure. Should I scowl more and never compliment people? Am i getting the right message from this video?
People from other countries honestly don't always have as open and friendly always smiling type of whatever culture we have here in the US. Someone from Russia can come here and take it that Americans are either always happy, or always disingenous/dishonest or think they want something from you because they are not used to freindly people. Being overly friendly is just part of some peoples culture or subculture, I know plenty of friendly people who would disagree with someone once they say something negative or if they start acting like a cynical little cunt. He should do a video about the problem with cynical cunts who want to change overly friendly overly optimistic people. Have a nice day!
I'm not going to pass up on the opportunity to befriend you. Let's be friends.
In all seriousness, being yourself is what matters most. You don't need to be hostile to attract people's attention. If people can't accept your positive outlook, just move on. There must be some other people who would appreciate you for who you are. Chances are, if you change yourself for others, you'll feel rather shitty. Not worth it.
"I hate that I used ..." - See? You don't need to be "insecure" just because you used a pronoun to make your point. You've simply shared your personal experience with others.
You look like you like to talk a lot about yourself thats why people probably avoid you.
You could write a novel about how perfect you are and how stupid these people around you for all your life. Hmm.
Christina Wolfle you sound like an empathy, your truly a wonderful person.
i’m 3 years late but i really enjoyed this video. growing up i was very overfriendly and it made me a lot of quick friends ... quickly gained, quickly lost. quickly gained because my friendliness made me pleasant to be around but the second people felt there was nothing else to me therefore saw me as faking the compliments, the laughter and the support they wanted out. i got really depressed in school because i didn’t understand why people seemed to dislike me when i’d never been anything to kind to them, not realizing it was *the* kindness driving them away. now don’t misunderstand i was not being disingenuous but i can see and appreciate now how fake it must’ve seemed and it would certainly drive me bonkers to feel like someone was greasing up my ego for seemingly no reason lol! how i was brought up and several traumas as well as natural shyness were the reasons i developed that personality trait so i don’t really look at it like i made any mistakes in trying to make others feel their best always, but rather it was one of my lessons to be realized and learned in this life. luckily i managed to get the scoop on it more quickly than some people have thanks to a colleague who helped me understand how my social labrador instincts could be seen as deception or even invalidation and once i got over feeling a little sorry for myself and really thought about what he was saying i got help in how to set boundaries, debate and self-confidence. i learned a lot of things like what i was truly passionate about and even discovered new facets in my personality i’d dismissed before ... for example i love intellectual discussions and i love respectful and skillful debate. the more passionate the better. this helped in tremendous ways like finally understanding what i wanted in a partner not struggling to say no to “nice guys” who saw me as as an easy target and being miserable. now when i’m friendly with others it’s perceived exactly as intended which is the best part as i do enjoy spreading joy - and sometimes i’ll feel the old shyness returns and i fall back on old patterns but even trying to add meaning to a seemingly meaningless comment can lessen the feeling of it being fake such as saying “i like your shirt” and then expounding “in my opinion not enough people would be confident enough to wear red but you really pull it off,” can even be a great conversation starter. so fellow overfriendliers, don’t lose hope or feel like you have to turn into a cold and hardened cynic. you can still spread that lovely spirit but there’s more chance of others seeing it as lovely if they feel like you’re not spouting meaningless niceties at them. this last part is going to sound preachy but just know that a bad upbringing doesn’t mean you have to live with those patterns your whole life and learning how to fix these patterns benefits not just those around you but life for you as well. i don’t think a lot of people will see my comment but i loved sharing anyways and really loved the video as well 🤍
This feels like
'the problem of people pleasing; sacrificing one's own self for the sake of external validation' rather than a problem of friendliness
over friendly people please come to my life I need you !!
You need me? I´m there for you ;) I wish there would be more people like you.Everyone is sayin I´m ''too nice''.Idk why this over-friendlyness should be something bad.I'm always optimistic ,but if I have to be real : There are so frkn many egoistic ,selfish ,sad and rude people.I could be their rainbow in their cloudy days.Some people love and appreciate this - other's don't
I00IIpo0oop Heyy 😄
I00IIpo0oop Hiya!!! Hahaha!
WHAT UP? :D
Overfriendliness is not the word that describes what this video is talking about. They're describing someone with a mental disorder. But hey, in England, if you got any kind of warmth or god forbid openly want to become friends with someone after you meet them just once, you're labeled a freak
Some cashiers will act friendly to try to get you store credit, but that will often get you in debt so is not necessarily doing you any favor.
hydrolito dude whos talking about business and customer service staff? Im talking about people you meet at social gatherings and public places where people come to socialise.
What you described isnt a social interaction, its just a service.
Jokes on you other humans - I've been an introvert my entire life with 0 interest in having friends. I certainly don't feel lonely and I'm ok with just my family around me - any more and it feels overcrowded and irritating. I say to heck with all of these overcomplicated, stupid and dramatic social rules everyone seems to get so worried about
Hails
Wow! That's some power
Wait... so I am actually a normal person?
Fair enough.
Look at you
Well aintcha just dandy! You are an ‘outlier’ of social norms. No shade just that overwhelming majority need and want friends.... also talking about over complicated social rules that you so flippantly tossed aside, believe it or not is a skill that needs to be honed and humans SURPRISE SURPRISE 🎉🎊 are a complicated mess.
I saw myself in the person who was too nice. This video actually helped me because it sort of taught me that I dont have to be overly nice and throw out meaningless compliments just to get on someone's good side. It's not a good way to make an authentic friendship. By not being overly nice you are being more human rather than a people pleasing robot. Be kind in your own way. And by being yourself, flaws and all, it encourages people to be themselves as well.
I was that person that was always nice to everyone and it made me feel depressed about myself when bad stuff in my life started happening. Life is so complicated these days.
iamjohnporter67 hope things have turned around for you!
I am helpful, caring, kind but
I have found out the hard way
That so many people are
Manipulators, takers, lying
Charming users. So I pick
My friends very carefully.
If I do something nice for
Someone whether they ask
Or not and they don’t thank
Me - that tells me and all of
You that thankless person
Does not appreciate my
Sweetness and giving nature.’
And I am dealing with a
User and dangerous manipulator.
Stay away sweet people from
Dangerous, charming manipulators. They will
Take everything you have
Even your sanity and self
Esteem. Don’t trust everything
Someone tells you about
Themselves. Do your research
About this person before you
Give them your money, kindness. Get a cat or dog
It’s seems much safer than
Humanoids.
And on the next episode....the problem with those who overthink other people's behaviours
cassandra cleland ... haha... not only over think, but attribute attitudes and motivations, that simply aren't there!
cassandra cleland Brilliant! Thank you.
for all those who follow this channel, made me smile thank you
Me tbh
cassandra cleland No kidding! “Over” agreeing sometimes is a result of being afraid to offend someone. Just treat the super friendly person kindly and help them out if you see people taking advantage of them.
YES. I've been lamenting this more frequently lately, and... naturally, overly negative people are as problematic (interpersonally) as overly friendly people, to me, at least. It almost always feels as though it's an act to compensate for something less pleasant boiling under the surface. Niceties and formalities are... well, fine, *formally* -- as well as, for example, almost perpetually affecting your voice and its inflection to sound sweeter and other psychological tells that someone is hyper-focused on upkeeping an image and being performative. It's become a trite standard in everyday life, but to encounter someone that is this way all the time... well, it's NOT at ALL natural.
Unfortunately, I've met people that are so jaded and desensitized, to how nasty people can be, that they take in this fake persona as being something to boast about in someone else. It's rather upsetting because most people with a decent intuition and introspective personalities can sense the performative flavor almost immediately, but it's hard to paint someone as being phony when it's directed toward an attribute that is glazed over due to the commonly regarded idea that if someone is nice, that's all that ultimately matters, *especially* if they happen to treat *you* well. Bias. It hurts me. :/
This is why I heavily gravitate toward people with genuine... auras, if you will. I've become super happy, as of late especially, with the personality I've cultivated and the reaction people have through praise for being "real". Nothing is better than having that specific compatibility because having an authentic, candid foundation opens up every avenue in a relationship.
/end of rant that I'm sure no one will read hah. This brain food just got me thinkin' :P
Nomzilla maybe we may be friend in fb. send request to ANUP CURIE
I’m always overly nice, that’s why I took a time out and stopped gaining new friends !
These things need healing first !
wow. Way to put down those who are socially awkward and depressed. I often say and behave 'overly friendly' because I feel shit in everyday life and I just want others to feel a bit better about themselves and because I have no idea who to react to many situations due to my social anxiety. I often come home feeling like shit because I know I was socially awkward.
This video only addresses it from the perspective of the person who isn't overly friendly, which kind of makes them out to be a bit of an ass. In fact, in one part of the video they address making the "wrong compliments" is offensive because it's too shallow and doesn't cater to what they care about. I have many friends who are autistic and I see them do things they think are really nice and maybe I don't appreciate it as much as I would something else, but I recognize their effort and know they have difficulty with social interactions so I look completely past it.
There's a difference between putting people down and speaking truth bluntly.
The thing I didn't like about this video was that it was one-sided and put a bad light on people who are overly-friendly rather than addressing other issues such as social pressure, anxiety and depression. How about we twist this to another point of view. People who are offended and annoyed at overly-friendly people are intolerant people who are too self-absorbed and dimwitted to understand that people have different ways of reacting to situations and relating with others.
HeadstrongHarpy I don't know whether you noticed, but I was being sarcastic and mocking the tone of the video. You can do whatever you'd like.
@HeadstrongHarpy Word. If it changes anything, I have anxiety, I've had depression, and so and so. You don't see me crying about it. I understand overly friendly people, I've been one. It's a very shitty defence mechanism/cry for help. The only person who can help you is you. Others can just inspire you, that's all. It's just too easy to victimise yourself when you're an overly friendly person, and that'll only do you wrong in the long run.
I love overly friendly people, as long as it doesnt come across as fake which seems to go hand-in-hand sometimes. Or sometimes it feels like theres nothing to talk about if everything is just positive in our convos
RooFooChoo I don't know why people are so unaccustomed to positivity that when it is encountered more often than not it is viewed as false, deceptive and malicious. Really you just need to learn how to make conversations flow, there is no topic too bright nor too dark for the skilled orator.
Kiyomi Nikuramik
+princessoflife868 You missed the point of that comment... yeah?
***** In my opinion, I'd rather have a friend who tells me about their problems than a friend whom I have no personal connection with. Of course, lines are always crossed and friendship is lost, one way or another. Believe me, I've had my share of complaining friends, I try to be direct, however.
yes, but it gets boring and it can sound fake at times.
Leave ego out of the equation and you'll realise being "over-friendly" is a way to protect yourself from an injured ego.
It's helpful to understand "I can't/don't like everybody I meet so I should accept that not everybody will like me".
Also - they don't have to like you, but they have to respect you. This starts with you respecting yourself too - know your boundaries, yourself, and your self-worth. "Over friendly" or the generic "nice" often leads to being a door mat ... no one, not even the door mat, wants that.
I'd learnt so much from The School Of Life. I can't express how grateful I am for the range of lessons you released!!
Thats me before but when i realise that i need to stop And make a change. to be better version of me, I start to cut all the connections and negativitys From others. then i become happy And see myself the way i want "ME MYSELF AND I" 😊🤗❤
This makes me feel kinda bad since I think I'm very friendly, probably overly friendly. Of course I have my own thoughts and rights and wrongs, but I love to compliment people. I love to make people feel good.
On the topic of compliment, how the heck are we supposed to tell what some random person is "actively" proud of? Are we supposed to be rude to make people happy?? I'm so confused
Just wanna say that if you keep complimenting on someone on things that aren't true or less important (ex: your umbrella is sooo pretty!!! omg your keychain is adorable!! x50 times a day) then your compliments will not only loose meaning but your friend will think you're complimenting them just for your own personal gain. I don't know if you've met a person like this, but they're usually annoying and it feels like they're manipulating you. Be honest but understanding, don't be too brutal but do not compliment someone on everything they have and do. It doesn't feel good in the long run for them or for you.
SAiKA It's a ridiculous premise. It seems to be suggesting to "overly- friendly failures" to keep on serving the needs of more selfish and emotionally-needy people but by becoming co-dependent on their moods or whims...somehow. Nice people are nice because that's what they themselves prefer. And those decisions are more valid for them than this type of "advice," as they should be.
SAiKA I think if you don't understand the topic, you don't have to compliment at all.
SAiKA+ I am introverted and tend to be very quiet and brooding, and sometimes, when I am lost in thought, people assume I am sad or in need of cheering up. When an over-friendly stranger approaches with unsolicited compliments or platitudes to "cheer me up", it usually has the opposite effect of making me happy. I feel like it is presumptuous and condescending, and rather embarrassing at times when they call public attention to me when I'm trying to keep to myself.
This goes for amateur life coaches, pick-up artists, and matchmakers as it does for the overly-friendly. We all have a different scale of happiness, and our own path to walk in life, and it can be very annoying when people insist on peer pressuring others to follow their lead, because who the fuck do THEY think they are? If I was meant to be happy and surrounded by friends, I wouldn't have been born to a dysfunctional family and bullied at school and work unrelentingly. Fuck people, fuck forcing happiness, I just want to read books and die alone somewhere moderately cozy.
I'll tell you what your real problem is... You are needy. You seek friendship because you are desperately lonely. However most people hate needy people... If you continue being needy you'll only suffer. The only way to overcome this is by seeing others in a more negative light, put yourself in higher regard, don't go around ass kissing everybody. Just say to yourself "I don't need anything"
Theres a difference between people who actually want people to feel happy and cared for and persons who kiss ass. I don't like how this was so dissected but I get how confusing they may seem
Talkative people lie alot
There's something really curious about friendship, and it's not about being nice or not. What makes you have more friends is actually confidence. When you don't give a shit about anyone or their opinions, just yours. Why do you think narcissists have fans and people who die to be friends with them? Exactly. Confidence I their principles, morals, etc. Also a big I AM. Narcissists usually have a fashion sense and personality that attracts people because they are sure of who they are. People usually smell insecure people, and they hate it, because the majority of people is insecure and they're looking for secure and confident people to adore. Why celebrities have so many fans?? I haven't seen an insecure celebrity yet.
Nah i hate narcissists, i see the appeal but at the end of the day they're still not nice people lol. Confidence can be faked.
@@misstigerbubbles you hit the nail on the head
"Everyone loves being praised, but to be praised inacurately is it's own kind of insult". I felt that. The result of having overprotective parents; It handicaps you later in life.
To be honest this is the first time I've heard of 'over-friendliness'. I admire how some friendly people can have such bright energy for long periods of time and try to see the positives in people, personally I find it difficult to be chatty most of the time. The video makes too much friendliness look bad, however I would rather be around an 'over-friendly' person than the jerks around.
mikeskybrowser Seriously. And for some of us, our health can't be maintained with a mainly negative, insular, or selfish demeanor. Think depression, stress-related illnesses, digestion, immune system, and such.
I couldn't agree with you more!
I'm going to keep being kind. It's just who I am.
Yes, the planet needs kind people! :-)
kenzie kuhn Yes, please do! I am right here with you.
same .
I want a kind girl like you
being kind and over-freidnly are two very different things
The overly friendly makes me worry about their own happiness! Also, hard to trust. Not judging, I understand they are trying to fit in. We should help however what we can, we never know if they are screaming for help 😔
Watching this channel is like exercising: it's annoying, difficult, done quickly, and overall highly beneficial.
I used to be "aggressively friendly" with people....then person after person abused me, said I was annoying, back stabbed me, talked shit about me to other people, and left me.;...and now.....now I just sit here wondering how it is Im even supposed to make friends....I actually am really accepting of a lot of things its not a facade with me....but I guess people don't like that level of honest acceptance / tollerance so they call me fake.......and in the end i just feel alone.......wondering why its bad to want to be happy and have friends....
As a pretty cynical person internally I generally do over analyze people's speech patterns as well as typing patterns. I do this to protect myself from what I have observed as 'fakers'. I do however have a very good friend who has those moments of constantly agreeing with me and because I know how she normally is, annoys me to no end, but I wouldn't go talking about her poorly behind her back. In my group of friends we do make fun of each other as a way of having fun with each other we never mean for it to hurt in any way and will always let you know. I personally think my bluntness has rubbed off on some of them.
I know I have written a lot here, I just wanted to let you know that if you're being sincere then you have nothing to worry about, and if I knew you personally would never treat you the way your previous 'friends' had, you just gotta find the right people! I do wish you the best of luck, just open up and never be afraid of disapproval, you can never please everyone and should never think you should! Most people wont deserve your time!
Equinauht Aggressive types need to have "nicer" types to be aggressive towards. Other aggressives certainly won't cooperate, lol. The problem is that "nice" doesn't mean "passive" or "weak" or that one is desperate for approval, though there are people like that, of course. "Nice" is fine as long as the person is good to himself or herself, too.
"Love your neighbor as yourself."
If you don't love yourself how can you be expected to love others in a meaningful relationship. So accept yourself first and sooner or later relationships will blossom.
I can relate to this. The Bible says to love others as yourself but I don’t love my self at all.
At 33, I’m still trying to know myself/love myself
If u dont know yourself how can u love your neighbor
I've personally gone through this and I genuinly had to rework my mind because I didn't know who I was after being confronted on my contradictory points of view. For those who haven't dealt with their issues this is really helpful
School of Life nails it every time. I understand myself so much more because of this channel.
Over friendly people helps me get out from my nutshell life and my social anxiety. One patiently taught me how to be in an organization. And one taught me how to perform in stage.
Overly friendly people help saves the world. Help anti social like me to be... able to see the positivity of everything.
Me as an antisocial who doesn't have the courage or interest to do anything social, now becomes better at social shits. If you see me years from now doing youtube videos about guitars or music. It proves that OVERFRIENDLY PEOPLE SAVED MY LIFE
thank you
Or am I the overly friendly person? Who doesnt even care about his own feelings? :(
I start to worry now. Did I lose my heart :(
I don't remember the last time I feel angry. But I'm sad most of the times
I don't know what I want in life and I don't see the point of being with other people, besides of having fun. Music here is my definition of fun.
Here's the thing though.. I'm unsocial, cynical, and I like it. I don't need rescuing! One overly friendly colleague told me she spoke way too much with me, even though I didn't respond in kind, because she "sensed" that I "needed" it to come out of my shell. Well I'll tell where you can go shove your senses.
Trisnoadi Wikantoro I can't lie that sounds like a emotional problem you think needed with others. I don't need anyone to shape me as I am today. You need to figure it out yourself.
Javante nor
I think he figured himself out regardless. That may be what matters.
Javante nor There are different kinds of people in hearth you know? It obviously won't be the same for him or for you.
Different kinds of finding themselves, just because i need someone else to help me doesn't mean i'm weaker than the one that doesn't need.
I hope i made understandable and don't take this as ofensive or anything, just an opinion. :)
Wow, Trisnoadi! I VERY MUCH feel the resonance. I too do music, and I (sometimes) feel like NOTHING is worth it. Because everything "meaningful" is just illusions. For example Christmas eve: Everyone in the family gather around a tree - INSIDE a house, eat together, give/get presents, sing songs... But why? Why every damn year? No one REALLY knows the reason anyway.
But music is something else. When you can share music and connect people, you're doing as much good there is possible for a human being to do.
The world is suffering and all we can do to change that is up to each and every individual. We live in an age of information, people should not become lawyers and bankers, but scientists, musicians, doctors and explorers.
And there over friendly people: God damnit have they changed my life to the better. Yes, they have made me sad. Yes, maybe depressed. But in the end, what I have gained is something incredibly amazing. The information I now have I would never have had if it weren't for my exact path of life ;)
Look at the universe as information, not materialistics. Peace out
Im an over-freindly person because i have social anxiety and i use it as a method for others to like me. And its not about being fake, I see the point of view of everyone because ive lost my own opinions.
No, it means your mind is more evolved. Most opinions are useless and we see that. Less talk, more action, little humans.
But think of it like this. Being able to see the point of view of everyone is itself your point of view. It's a valuable ability, it demonstrates an open and empathetic mind, and the world needs people like you to share your thoughts about why multiple points of view have merit.
Epik Hell Sword it’s different, the Fake people are assholes. The type of people that are nice to you but then talk about you behind your back.
This person is just insecure and scared of being thought of weird or left out.
Fake people talk about me all the time. I’ve even developed depression and social anxiety because I feel so alone and I feel like everyone hates me. I guess my mental issues made me over friendly.
Epik Hell Sword Uh... there's a difference between fake self serving nice and overly friendliness due to social anxiety. it's not like this isn't a common issue with young people to some degree. A lot of people have issues with socializing and they have fears like that, which keep them from acting natural. However some people don't know how to handle it, and want to keep the peace as much as possible causing them to be too extra cause they're scared. Thats not necessarily fake.....
Tete Cortez preacch 👏👏 ignorant people. fukin trash em in your mind but expend as little energy as possible with being cordial or don't talk to them.
I used to be over friendly as a kid when I went to school. I did that because I was somewhat insecure around other people, but also because deep down I knew I didn't actually want a relationship outside school with these people so I just played it safe😛
As someone who can be overly friendly, I mostly blame myself for having a fear of rejection and losing friends.
I sometimes worry and forget what it means to be a good friend.
This made me feel so uncomfortable.........................anyone else?
Meaning it has worked. That is the job of philosophy, revealing us to ourself...which is always confronting and hence uncomfortable.
Randomroutine no. ur awkward.
dj nineseven ya i felt fine watching it
hello over-friendly person
Will you be my friend? I need hugs.
+Randomroutine I TOTALLY COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU
I went on being an over friendly person for a year or two, and at the same time being so miserable on the inside it was extremely difficult to just wake up in the morning. I ‘made’ friends that all only saw my happy shallow self and i wouldnt understand how people that are sometimes negative or not “nice” would have stronger friendships than i had. the friends that i had werent bad people but i lost almost all of them because i wasnt connecting with them by being myself and expressing my real thoughts. i couldnt open up and couldnt have close connection with anyone and i was blaming myself for not being nice enough. it was so draining and i already had that expectation from everyone of being friendly that i couldnt stop it
But the root of all that was just sitting in my self doubt and fear that the real me wasnt interesting or worthy of showing to others. i would often notice that whenever i would be less bothered by pushing people away they would be more attracted but its so tough to implement, the fear just takes over and i turn into this over friendly robot.
the people in the comments sorta confuse what this video is about
awww... HUG @ endearing friendly machine :}
beginning same here. i lost all my closest friend because im such a people pleaser. i guess people hate overly agreeing person. its okay to curse at them or be honest at them. but idk hurting people kinda hurt my feelings too.
For only a year or two ? I been like that for my whole life.
I went on foreign exchange and completely lost myself by being in your exact same situation. So much so, that I completely forgot who I was and I felt like no one knew my true self, especially me. I felt like a pawn, that people would use for their own needs, instead of truly caring about mine. It was hard to escape from and I’m working on it every day. It just felt like I lost my mind for a while, going on auto pilot and I never hated myself so much.
@@Magicalgiraffeofdoom I relate so much to that part about feeling like a pawn. I couldn't express myself so I ended up feeling miserable and lonely and pushing people away. I don't know if I should go back and explain myself and attempt to mend the relationships I burned. Idk if they would understand.
If you trust your critical thinking and are at the same time open, theres no need to fear authenticity! ♡
Moral: accept the risk of getting rejected so that being yourself is no longer a risk.