Do you often make decisions controlled by a fear of loneliness? Let us know in the comments below and be sure to turn on notifications to ensure you don't miss our next film.
The School of Life hello! Do you offer private counselling? And also, have you considered doing a ‘draw my life’ style video? I’d love to know more about your background and personal story so far
Bless you...whoever you are...people ask me all the time If I have a wife and children..the answer is of course no...then they give me their sympathy pat me on my back making themselves "feel" more fortunate than me. But I know that most of them have built their houses on sand and have chosen to live a life that is a lie and are as miserable as they perceive me to be.
Where are the facts, link to a study or anything that can back up your claims? I mean it is true that relationships break and you end might end up hurt emotionally and maybe also financially. But if everyone stops taking chances you probably end up with less people finding someone to live their life with. I know for a fact that lonliness slowly kills you and there is no mention of the risks of being alone which make me think since this is an educational channel.
@@roderickgrayson8743 I don't think it's ever a mistake, "building their houses on sand" since no matter what a facade might be, it is what's needed at any given moment. Meaning, any given situation is always right as a catalyst for further growth. Sometimes the pattern is never realized in short period of time thus it eventually becomes an accumulated lies. Whenever there is invested enough energy and time on certain situation, it is always preferable for the body/mind to keep the persona up than facing the pain of truth.
EXACTLY!! That is one reason why I stopped the game, removed my helmet, walked off the field, and left the stadium LOL Next month that will be 2 years ago. I've been alone ever since and I've never felt better. Living my best life like it's golden!
I’m glad I’m not as simple minded as the first two oh and kripa lol but I know an ex-friend (long story) who is in this exact situation. They Literally straight up told me they were (like I said long story).
I'm 54 and never married, no kids. I live alone, and I have gotten to like the person I live with. I wish I had learned to do this long ago. If you're single, learn to like yourself before you go looking for a partner.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." - Robin Williams
yep, i can relate so much. when you're out for dinner and suddenly you have NOTHING to say to another and you look at other couples to escape the feeling of "how did we come to this, did we go wrong somewhere or was this always bound to end up this way.....". since i ended that relationship, i've been enriching my own solitude so much, it's so worth it.
I guess I was the right one to someone who is currently married. I had to deny my growing feelings for him, because by then I was already told by a friend that he was Married. It hurt so much, like as if I was stabbed in the chest. I know he talked of me to his friends at work, he admitted to them he liked me, and in return they made it known to me. I left Costco, but sometimes I wonder if he still thinks of me like I think of him.
So true. Being an introvert is underrated. When I was growing up, I was pressured to "have more friends." Now, I realize that that advice was terribly wrong and cost me much happiness. The vast majority of people do not care about you. You should be careful whom you consider as friends. Life is not a popularity contest like people in high school think. Only worry about what the people who are important in your life think. Having one or two really good friends is much better than being "popular."
@@CarlJohnson-iv7sn My sympathies. If you don't even *want* a girlfriend then I know exactly which _'deep down'_ part of you is feeling empty. We all crave and need intimacy and our productivity, mood as well as happiness and concentration levels suffer if we don't get it, regardless of whether we realize this or not. We're only human and humans are ultimately machines that all need sustenance - not only nutritional but also emotional and physical.
It's New Year and everyone is out partying and here I am at home, eating and watching videos on YT. Tbh I feel at peace and even finished a really good book.
Same here also was alone. Usually theres always a argument or someone that hurts anothers feeling on New Years eve/night. I'm glaid I missed that aswell. The ammount of energy some people can drain out of me...
Yeah but i also feel like we might be perpetuating habits that make us feel alone with others. Whether its social anxiety or just a lack of skillset. Ive felt alone and comfortable with the same people depending on my own mental state. I think we can have a good time with anyone and social skills are something you can learn. My opinion
As a single person with no “real” friends I find this to be pretty validating and comforting. I think the most important relationship you can have is with yourself.
pleximanic I love being alone because I learn so much via books and disparate thoughts coming together. I’ll take that over feeling alone in a crowd amongst vapid topics.
@@missmarvelous110 not at all. Women are obsessed with being allowed into all male groups or spaces. The same isn't true for men or boys towards female groups or spaces.
Yess made me think about that line and had to be honest about being that person that was afraid, thn I realized why it was always so easy for the other person to skip along an not look back , while I'm stuck🤷🏽♀️
I almost cried when he said there is nothing wrong with being alone. I use to feel like I was a weirdo, unsociable, unlikable person. But turns out being alone is just waiting for someone right to come along. I’m at peace now
I have a severe phobia of ending up alone which makes me vulnerable.every woman I've been with manipulates me and I know it but I can't break the bonds and go free.because of this fear. I know my current crush is toying with me but I can't scream because I will lose my chance being with her. I cant possibly lose my chance to be with someone who cares enough to send me a hello a good morning a nice word during the bad times but still she is so cold and distant and I know she is trying to be the head of this whole thing. I can't be alone since I've never been alone in life. Parents and friend were and are always there for me. Losing them? That will make me lose my mind. And for that I know I have to find love because without love I won't survive. Yeah idk why I wrote this here but that's how I am if anyone reads this thank you for your time
@@trolarastrolaridou3937 i had been facing similar issues of loneliness in a big city and so finally decided to come back to my parents home and live with them. I now work for a less reputable company as i am in my hometown and no big company gave work from home. But i am happy to not be back to a empty home or worse a home with toxic people. I hope you can also do similar if possible and keep searching for a person who gets you instead of going for a person you know is wrong.
I love being alone, for me being with others make me miserable, depressed, angry and stressed to death, but when I'm alone I feel relaxed and much much happier.
That way of thinking suggests that everyone used to be included in the "lonely ones" group. Since no person was forever not lonely, they all ultimately had to "offer their hand too quickly to whomever they encounter" - at least once in their life. I think the truth is that one indeed can be alone, but not lonely and necessarily desperate for company.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." Robin Williams
That wasn't a Robin Williams, that was his character in world's greatest Dad. So that's probably bobcat goldthwait's line. Or whoever the screenwriter was.
You can also feel less supported when you have someone who should support you but hardly ever does it than when you have no-one who should support you and therefore no support whatsoever. Edit: For clarity.
I've learned to be happy alone. Going out to eat, going to a concert, eating cereal or popcorn for dinner. It's nirvana compared to the two miserable marriages I was in. Me and my cat. Happy at last.
@@sayyadinawitch I never felt miserable alone but always when I was in a relationship. I don't want to be a fool who fulfills some unrealistic expectations of women who live in a fantasy.
Romantic relationships aside, you can choose being apart the community. You can join groups, volunteer, travel, take classes, etc The best thing about being single is that the possibilities in life seem unlimited in many ways. When the right person comes along, you will already have a deeper sense of self.
agree so much! there are many kinds of love and connection, romantic and sexual are only one type. Not having a good partner is a pity but it shouldnt mean you are lonely and isolated from the community. We shouldnt discard working on those relationships. Divorce and widowing are super likely, and in those times we will thank the other non-romantic ties we cared for.
Im in a relationship, but I actually travel, I join groups, take classes.. I really don't know what people think that a relationship is. A healthy relationship, I mean. I can say that a healthy relationship have 3 elements: 2 independent people and the relationship. I think it's that you and other people unfortunately didn't have very healthy relationships. Very possessive relationships with a lot of control, and they ended up thinking that's what a relationship is. Whereas in fact it is not.
I enjoy being alone but once in a while, I wish I had someone to laugh with and share pleasant experiences. Someone to bounce ideas around with. I think sometimes I don't want marriage. What I need is a friend for life.
The thing is...that’s what our significant other is supposed to be...our closest friend...the one person u look forward to seeing everyday...the person who knows exactly what kind of day u had by the look on ur face and knows exactly what u need to feel better...to know what it feels like to be loved by another and to know what it feels like to truly love another...but today, relationships r dead in the water at the beginning because of the negativity that surrounds the whole idea...almost like it’s become a ritual to immediately start destroying the other person never giving them the chance to have or do any of it
I find it amazing that people find an empty apartment, clear calendar and Sunday afternoon to do whatever you want a negative.. I treasure this suff as a true introvert, not all people want to be with someone by default.
Wrong choices, deserves solitude, uncompromising attitude, single because of inhibitions, is it unnatural to be yourself, or be by yourself, fear of being alone🚩🆘⛔💲✅
Loneliness hurts, I ve been there and its hard when nobody calls you or text you, but being with the wrong people is even worst. One day I realized that I was surrounded by toxic people so I started to say no to everybody and some days later they stopped calling me to do things. I was afraid if I was doing the wrong thing cause by doing that I knew the price would be loneliness. But later on I started to feel much more relaxed and more campable of focusing on my own things. Those people I was spending my time with were just consuming my energy and when I got rid of them my own self came back and I realized the good and passionate person I am and how lost I was trying to keep those senseless relationships. So you have to be with the people that vibrates like you. Dont be afraid to cut off relationships that dont work, the quicker you do it the better. Your life belongs to you not to them.
@@Andrea-sl8wd You need to take distance to focus on your life and your goals. But I didnt mean to isolate yourself from the outside world, you can even keep those old friendships but not in the way of being their servant. Of course you need human relations to build up things, but this time you must do it respecting yourself and becoming the center of your universe.
Solitude becomes necessary when you’re giving your life purpose. Developing a purpose requires discipline, and discipline requires isolation from society’s mediocrity.
@@yusufy4743 Honestly speaking, being lonely is way better than being in a toxic and abusive relationship, I understand why people who didnot experienced relationship crave for any relationship and that is the point of the video. Some people do it by choice, and others are picky and time pass and feel alone maybe good who still aim for a good relationship and maybe suck for who wants any relationship. With that being said, being lonely until you find a good relationship or if you enjoy being alone, is much way better than being in an abusive relationship.
For so many married couples who feel they are in a self made prison this message will add another brick in their wall of silent misery. It has been ten years since my last relationship. It has not been all sunshine and roses. But this morning, January 1, 2020, I sip my first cup of coffee with my golden retriever at my feet and I am content in this moment and no longer look to someone else to somehow make me happy. Wishing everyone peace and light.
@@millennialpodcast1438 , try this first! Believe me, it works! Self compassion should be taught in schools. This video will be first step to the rest of your life. Namaste! ruclips.net/video/-kfUE41-JFw/видео.html
I was afraid to be alone more than I was afraid of being beat by my husband. I knew I had to change because I was going to die. Now I am in my own place and enjoy the peace and am in no physical/emotional pain. ❤
“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit…It’s like you don’t want to deal with people any more because they drain your energy.” - Jim Carrey
There’s value in being around others: nurturing acquaintances, showing an interest in people and having a sense of community. Being around others ‘resets’ me - however being by myself ‘recharges’ me. I love coming home to an empty and quiet apartment. I love my singleness!
I’ve had roommates my whole life. Never been able to afford a quiet, lonely apartment. When you realize living alone is twice as expensive as living with roommates or a lover, you realize alone is the way to go, because you get what you pay for!
I have such mixed feelings. As someone who has been alone their entire life, I’m learning the value of finding connection. Part of my on-going loneliness was a lack of connection and satisfying relationships. It stings when I read comments who experienced failed or negative relationships and they turn around and say “I’m so happy being alone!” After realizing they made a mistake. For some people loneliness or being alone was not a choice. On the flip side I have seen how a fear of loneliness drives people into bad situations. We’re humans, and as someone who has lived in years of isolation , I would give the world to connect with just one person who I truly felt seen and accepted by before I died. (And gave to them) I don’t feel guilty for saying this, but one could feel this way when everyone is now praising being alone. I think we all need time for ourselves to reflect, recharge, and grow. There are def people who like their solitude, I just hate how much there is this growing dislike for relationships when in reality a lot of people just don’t know how to do relationships. If we could work on being healthier and better in relationships we could feel more connected. I just hope we are no creating an echo chamber of preferring aloneness out of bad relationship experiences, that’s not how one grows.
This is the comment I was looking for, I been alone for my entire life and it's comforting sometimes, sometime not but at some point we need a connection and we have to value them and I realize that relationships require a lot of work in order to function, that's why it takes two to get it going, a relationship isn't easy and finding the perfect one or a good partner takes time but it's always doable with someone opposite to you, communication is key and we have to compromise, we compromise is a necessity because we are not the same exact person of the other.....
Most of them got tired of trying to make it better... People seek to maintain their relationships with the fire they first met with..,it doesn't happen. ..once you settle in things change..and there are more important things than romance...hate me for it but it's the truth...!! To be in a in very loving serious relationship is deeply a necessary but not a sufficient condition but cannot sustain a marriage for example you need alot of more than love issues of how you enter-grate with you mr new family, their acceptance if you, the jealous ones, like establishing life together, building a home for both, planning a family where how ...just a lot more important priorities which are likely to be uncomfortable All these will badly affect the love you felt for one other…lots of things will divide you, distance you…things will push you away…just of opinions of people who don’t even matter… if you are weak- these moments are going to break you down- because they are not very darling and there are what they’re to test to you… the bitterness of it may leave you wishing to be alone for ever….!! Sometimes you may end up feeling like May be love is for the lucky and the strong-Betty Medley After you are together… you just can’t continue persueing a completed project - couples need to Persue a new agenda while enjoying their together ness but for sure it’s going to be different sometimes dear romance will have to enjoy every back seat either we want it or don’t want to...!! This is why they are lots of break ups…, because spouses stops caring and now they seem to have more priorities to care for… !! How do I carter for family, love is a responsibility you got to care..you can’t have a very thing…you get alove, you get them to stay around and provide may be..No not likely sometimes to be provided for May be likely to send one of you soooo far away…for that to happen… then you will have everything provided for but not an emotional presence… Sometimes love is so empty too…!! You just need to understand it and know how to work with it…!!
I LIVE for this comment. This is currently me and has been for all 26 years of my life (well at least since I starting liking guys in middle school lol) Just as I’ve cried sad tears from never being in a romantic relationship, I feel that I’ve experienced beautiful growth in my singleness that has made me who I am today. I would currently say that I’m stuck in a middle ground, but definitely lean towards wanting a life with an awesome significant other because that’s something I’ve always wanted but haven’t yet experienced. I just really want to connect and feel loved by another person and vice versa 💞 It’s going to happen though, I know it 🙏🏾
It's just human evolution. We're not as dependent on each other as we used to be and the fact of the matter is that the world is becoming very unsafe and unkind, so any rational person would naturally want to recuse themselves from that. We simply don't need to be around each other that much anymore and in a few more generations we probably won't even be that concerned about it. Some people may see that as a tragedy but I don't, it's the inevitable march of progress and the well deserved conclusion to the human comedy that's been perpetuating itself for thousands of years. I just hate how people who crave solitude are automatically labeled as defective or ill because they're unwilling to conform to what is and always has been an unrealistic and dehumanizing social system. It's like being gaslighted on a daily basis by a group of fools who can't even figure out their own lives let alone yours.
@@eehyetti.. Being alone for a long time doesn't suck... You get used to being alone and it becomes fun with time... But being in a bad relationship sucks all the time.
I see women in unhappy marriages getting older faster, having poor health (cronic illness), putting on weight and frustrated. And men working extra hours or having mistresses...
I absolutely see this as a motivating factor for so many people’s decisions. After so many observations, one of my fears is mediocrity and complacency and settling down out of desperation. A lot of the most lonely and miserable people are people who are with someone because they felt they had no other choice. THAT prospect has always haunted me. In a world that is so obsessed with using relationship status as metric of success and normalcy, thank you so much for this video. It’s exhausting being constantly gaslit.
@@danielrobert4219 this is such a vague comment. -what’s the metric for “better off” ie “better off” how? -please cite your sources -if your relationship ends, you’re not in a relationship anymore then lol
It is good thaz you started thinking about it. Those social statuses are messing with us. I was afraid of how others will percieve me or what they say. Too much. I came to the point where I really dont care. It took time, and some life events helped me question what I really want ? I choose happines over status.
Actually Neitzsche was referring to gods and monsters as the only ones who can truly thrive in solitude. I suppose that makes me a monster, because I am not a god.
I used to fear being alone but the older I get, the more comfortable I am being alone in my own skin. I guess being an only child probably helps. I do get lonely at times but in my experience, romantic relationships tend to bring mostly drama and stress to my life. Having to only worry about my own happiness is the way to go for me.
@@jaxxie I agree. Often, when I get in one of my "lonely" moods, it's because of outside influence(s). Family or friends trying to set me up with someone, or telling me I just haven't met the right one, etc. When I'm allowed to think on my own without those outside interjections, I find I'm very happy and content alone.
When you are in a relationship you shouldn't have to "worry" about someone else's happiness. It is supposed to come naturally to make that person happy.
We are aways alone, we just realize It too late. Even If you have a companion, like a wife or a kid, they are with you as long as It pleases them, not you. We need to see loneliness as a natural thing, not a bad one.
Some of us remain through both the better and the worse, in sickness and in health. It always requires love, it sometimes requires strength, patience, and a good bit of bravery.
@@yuriguedesneiva only bc you can't imagine to be loved and to love truly doesn't mean it doesn't exist at all - don't put your experience on others, you have a bad attitude
I'm frequently alone - not lonely - this comes from within - it's a mindset I learned about the time I turned 30 - one of my most useful life lessons I was able to learn
Broke up with a long term partner two days before New Years and spent it alone in bed, felt a lot more peaceful and free, I’m excited for growth and finally dialogues with myself and figure out my own thoughts and ambitions
@@barb7124 maybe you can be happy with less. Smaller home, smaller car, maybe no car at all, less shopping for clothes, home cooked food instead of eating out? I find having less means less worries. But of course, I don't know your life, I don't know if this could apply to you.
Barb DeSouza kicked his ass out😂 he was living with me, he was emotionally and physically abusive I understand how difficult it is for you, but you’re not free right now, it won’t get better if you keep relying on him for support
"The constant presence of companions stops us from making friends with our minds and exploring our feelings and ideas in a way only extended stretches of solitude allow"
This is why people should only marry when they mean it. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and it's hard work sometimes. If you can look at the man or woman you wish to marry and picture them sick or old and helpless and unattractive and you still want to hold them close and kiss them and love them, than marry them. If NOT, then wait.
I watched this video a couple months ago and it stayed in my brain. I just ended a 9 year relationship a couple days ago. THIS video was the catalyst. It really called out my inner truth. I am way better than I allowed myself to be treated. Just saying that tells me I don't have as low of an opinion of myself as I convinced myself I did. I am free.
This video hits so close to home. I have tears in my eyes as the truth rises to the surface. My ex and I have been on and off for the past year and I have always been the one chasing. I realize it's only because of my loneliness. I'm searching to find that root of loneliness and why i'm simply not enough for myself. Every time I miss her, I realize I just simply can't be on my own, so I romanticize about the good times and ignore the obvious reasons on why we aren't good for eachother. Today I choose to become comfortable with being alone, even when i'm not.
That is exactly what is happening to me and I said exactly the same the only thing is that she finished the relationship and here I am trying to move on
Living alone has given me so many things to be grateful for. My life is more focused. I take better care of myself, and I'm more peaceful and relaxed. I used to believe I was better off pairing with others because of my fear of going it alone. However the opposite has been true. I cherish my solitude and it's absence of crisis and drama. I know what I like, and I work hard to manifest and protect my space and security. Being alone has been more rewarding than I had feared. I've become more at peace because of it. I'm happier.
But could you do it for rest of your life? I want to be this person that enjoys solitude but i find it too hard i end up making bad associations just so that I'm not alone. I'm a smart well accomplished individual yet the thought of being forever alone scares me
As an extrovert who really craves time with people and feels rejuvenated by it, empty weekends are the WORST. I absolutely appreciate the idea of learning to not feel depressed by having a weekend free of good company, but I personally believe that introverts have a much easier time with this. For me, passing an entire weekend without hearing the sound of my own voice makes me incredibly depressed. I think too much solitude isn't always good for you.
@Muñeca Quitapenas since 1980 True but humans have legitimate needs for social inclusion and belonging and loving relationships, and in fact loneliness is often correlated in studies as a risk factor for a number of health issues, not just mental health. So while what you say is true on a deeper level, it doesn't account for these very real needs that are part of being human.
I learnt this after my last relationship. Since being alone and lowering my social networking I have never felt better. I can’t imagine being in another relationship unless it is healthy and mentally effortless, there’s no void to fill.
hey! good to know we're breaking the mold. from the popculture - movies, books, etc., we learn the protagonists are in a state of emotional bankruptcy or being lost utterly or dejected and on rebound, etc. when they cling to the one who comes along and smhw it turns out right - which is NEVER the case in real life. we choose either from a lack/deficit or fulfilled frame of mind and it makes all the difference.
@@LilXancheX of course, 100% of relationship need effort. Keeping her happy is a never ending work, and once youre tired, you will slow down for a while, and that's when she thinks you don't love her anymore, and boom, you lose her
It's not only fear to lonenliness what drives us, but also the desire to feel emotions.. romantic ones or just sexual emotions... passion and excitement.
I feel like most of the people who actually feel like this don't realize it. They are with you not because they necessarily love you, but because of the incapability of loving and handling themselves being alone. That doesn't mean that they don't love you at all, as those two motives can both be valid. I might have fallen in this category. Being with someone not because I "love" them (whatever love even is) but because the alternative was unappealing. Deep in my mind, being alone means you are weak. Being alone means that no one can understand the real me. Being alone is the most destructive fear of mine. I can't be left alone with my thoughts; therefore I need distractions all the time, I need people to spend time with because I can't handle helping myself. I thought it was love, but I'm really not sure what to call it. The thing I am... is afraid. Afraid of me. Afraid of everything. I don't know what to make of all this, what I should do, where to start. Whenever I'm alone I get this existential dread that I absolutely hate. My mind is a minefield, too dangerous. I get too caught up in my fantasies to come back to living life. It's awful.
@@truther249 I understand you but I am on the opposite spectrum. I love solitude and being on my bed for indefinite period of time is already a luxury to me. I grew up in a volatile environment. It was never really a home where my privacy and boundary were honored therefore, I like living this way. Now for me Money is no longer a priority since I grew up trying to earn it and that was a measure of how good I was as a child. However, I eventually realized that what I experienced in childhood was all perfect in a sense because it made me who I am today. Solitude enables me to know myself deeply. It has become my passion like a puzzle peices I want to put together to get the whole picture of my existence. Insights and realizations give me excitement and wonder. I love to know the answers of why I am what I am. What was your childhood 'marinade'. It is of utmost important to realize the turning point of what made the patterning of your current state if you wish to change it. I honor your honesty. Blessings..
@@truther249 in fact being alone means that you are strong, weak are the people who fear being alone and spend their time with others out of the fear of being alone
@@truther249 and the "demons" in your mind want to tell you something, you should listen and learn about yourself - if it is too much for you, too dangerous like you said, maybe then a therapy would be right for you, you shouldn't run away from it(it could get even worse then), all the best for you
@@jJust_NO_ Yeah, our childhoods do really have the biggest impact on our identity in later years. It's obvious especially when I look back at mine and realise how unloved and scared I felt, always having the sensation that my friends could betray me due to other factors... On the outside though, I keep my poker face. My composure is top notch. I look like I'm doing just fine and I even do it subconsciously now. My guess is that there probably was a trigger in me that determined me to hide my emotions, as they might upset those around me. And upsetting those around me is a death sentence because of my fear of being left alone. This cycle feeds into itself. I've been called dramatic by family and friends by saying stuff like "I'm afraid" when I really can't contain it in me anymore. For them, it seems illogical, because I always seem to them as "fine" and I never complained about anything. It kinda discourages me from opening up and I feel like a locked door. Maybe I am exaggerating with the intensity of my feelings... I don't know... I hope I get better
“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” ~ bell hooks
@Lumpen Simulator PRO EDITION Well, you can learn to be alone without being isolated. (if that's what you did). Nice that you made it out before a major breakdown :)
I’ve always LOVED being alone even as a child. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my friends and hanging out, but I don’t never needed anyone to make me happy. It was usually the other way around. I’m now turning 40 and still happy and not dating. Job, environment., other factors do play a role, but at the end of the day I have just joy of my solitude. I feel bad meeting people are so miserable thinking thinking they will find “joy” though someone or something else. I keep telling them if you’re not happy with yourself you never will be truly happy. Maybe I’m just wired differently. Chemical imbalance that makes me always joyful. Whatever the reason I accept it and am thankful for it. I truly hope anyone reading this finds peace and joy within. People will always be around you. The possibility of joy is always attainable. Just find happiness within and the things you like. Icing on the cake will be if you find that someone to enjoy it with.
Michael Byrd I’m really sorry if that has happened to you. Obviously there is always a chance that you could be right, but not on the Hate part. At the very best sad, but hate is something I never could do during my life. I always forgive and forget. So hate has never have a foothold for me. The knowledge of my truth literally is filling me with Joy right now. I genuinely understand that some people have a hard time understanding this. I know some people may think I’m being cynical. But I’m really not. In this moment I’m sitting at work, looking out the window with the rain falling. I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my body every second. Living in this moment is really the key. Connecting with you even tho we never met is the key. You literally made my day without even trying. So thank you. You made me appreciate myself even more. I truly wish I could let people feel this. Probably a reason why I never did drugs or hardly drink. I’m naturally high. Haha. Anyway, take care and sorry for the long response. I doubt you read it, but if you did. I believe in you and you can make your life whatever you want. I know it’s old/corner rhetoric but it really is true. Take care
i used to be happy being alone. Just like you i enjoy hanging out with friends, but never feels lonely when they're not with me. However, now, the concept of alone terrifies me more than anything. How do i get back to my old self?
@@heyRakazzint Sorry I didn’t know that you had asked a question. I just happen to come back here. Why does the concept of being alone scare you? Can you elaborate a little more? I think if you find out what is terrifying you, and find solutions to prevent of fix it, you should be ok. I’ll try to help you as much as I can. I can only go off my own experiences. But in terms of getting your old self back. I think for me I noticed the older I get the more people annoy me, because it feels like you just see the worst of people. Haha So I just go back to my Personal Truths. I focus on my spiritual growth. (Usually I haven’t feed it awhile) I change up my routine. (If I’m tired of games, I’ll read a book, movie, travel). They say that when you do small tasks, and complete them, it makes you feel more productive, that leads to your old self. But like I said if you elaborate I’ll help as much as I can. Hope your doing well!
When you are young and in your teens and 20's you don't think about this as being an issue, partly because there's a perceived abundance of time and you are also getting to know yourself. I ended an imperfect 5 year relationship and then dove into two others without having time to process and not wanting to be alone. Both were great-they just weren't right. Now I am 37 and wishing I had just adjusted to the loneliness and waited. Patience pays off and your body will tell you when things are right and when it's worth staying.
I've been well aware of just how little time we have since I was a teen, and now I'm 37. I never understood how young people seem to be so oblivious of how fast time goes by...not saying I'm better or something, just that it's something you can't help but notice IMO.
@@audreylayla Perfect to me is honesty, attraction/chemistry, trust, maturity, communication, effort, and enthusiasm. I'm staying single until that happens.
Going out alone is amazing. Silence is golden, when you get lonely just entertain yourself with music or a podcast. Observing the world makes you super aware of others and then those small interactions you get with other strangers become so beautiful.
I often thought there was something wrong with me being alone.. reading alone in the coffee shop, sitting by the lake by myself, coming to an empty room after work, hollow weekends and holidays, watching couples PDA while walking down the street.. honestly, being alone is hard but it makes u really strong, a kind of strong which makes u think that u can now overcome anything.. u stop living for people and trying to please them, u live for urself and what u desire.. This video gives me a really positive perspective towards loneliness which i have just happened to find myself in..
I can’t tell you how much this video has helped me with my biggest fear of being alone. I feel like for the first time at 29 I am figuring who I really want to be. Put in the work y’all!
I just think like that: I have enough time to be alone so I just try to socialize and also accepting that many people are guided by fears helped me liking people.
@@vsatonthebeat4101 That's so true, ever more so these days... it's the product sold most on TV, talk radio, by all networks, making all who consume it afraid, and angry that they are living in fear, and need a scapegoat. Then folks go back to the networks where they are told who to blame, and the cycle continues. There's a part of our brain called the Amygdala, where fear, threats, are processed. The media owners know this, make, market, content to stimulate it. Doing so is good for business.
@@ermanevcil I have always been a loner. I've done my best work in solitude, had my greatest adventures. I still enjoy social interactions when they happen. It took years to learn how to not only be comfortable, but socially successful as well... something I studied... alone.
@@realistic.optimist yea there seems to be some ambiguity at the core of this video. I think most people are with you, that it is not about people who are actually less fortunate, in terms of human contact, or people that really know them well and care, etc.
This video describes exactly how I was during my six year relationship. In retrospect I was alone for most of it, but fooled myself into think at least I was not lonely. The point about eerie Sundays is so true as I had panic attacks for most of the past two Sundays and had to self sooth with alcohol and smoking. This video is a God send and just what I needed on this Sunday
My one of the biggest fears was "being alone forever", but eventually it changed to "being with a wrong person for life". Ow I'm glad I'm a wise person 😁
Wow, as someone who has some issues with this and struggled with this my whole life, I slowly started being more picky and careful, and it's hard, but your video is like a warm blanked that I needed to hear to comfort me and calm me down, thank you!
It's true. When you're born, you're a stranger amongst people who can't relate to your shock, pain and wonder anymore. During your living years you are stuck inside your own world, nobody will completely share or understand you or your experiences. We all dying is a trip to unknown we take alone too, nobody will accompany you, even if you are happily married.
2019 for me was the year of not having anyone to hang out with, mostly spending time in my room, i’ve been focusing on myself, developing skills and i feel so much more at peace, i’m no longer desperate to find friends or a partner i love not being bothered by other people’s bullshit and them wanting to bring me down, not surrounding myself with fake friends anymore and enjoy my own company, moving forward with my goals
Same here, I lost so much time being hurt by other's bullshit, my focus now is also staying strong about it and concentrate on the things I want to do, all the best for you
I love being alone. Guess a natural fit for an Introvert. I've tried relationships, catering to others needs...while forgetting my own. Became stricken with anxiety....which takes a toll on physical health. Now that I'm alone, I'm happy and healthy. Friends and family hate their spouses...yet firmly believe road to happiness takes a partner.....but obviously not "their" partner.
After watching this, I feel loved. I usually forget about all these good things of being alone cos everybody else has either a significant other or companion which deceives us lone wolves. I'd want to believe my S.O will come at the right time at the right moment. Also, I need to recalibrate my mindset to avoid the anxious and depressing feelings I am experiencing... and so do you.
Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. I love being alone, but I do not feel lonely. I have always something to do or I can always find something to do...something to learn...there is so much that this world offers.
I wish I could give this a trillion thumbs up. I wish they would teach this in school. It took me 65 years and five failed marriages because I didn't want to be alone. I settled for mediocrity; and never found the relationship I deserved.
Five failed marriages? Everyone's got their own story, but when I hear a number like that, the most likely thing is this is less of a 'my standards are too low' problem and more of a 'i am difficult to get along with' problem
Seasoned divorce lawyer here. You had five marriages. Did they all end in divorce, or did some of your spouses pass away? I wish you waited for the relationship you deserved. Never settle for mediocre. It never ends well. Never.
@@tonycarboni2002 I don't know what it is, mate. I have a select few people (fewer than 10, I'd say) that I like being around. But, for the most part, being around people is just a stark reminder how much I don't fit into this world's ideology (I know that sounds like I'm trying to be edgy, but I'm really not). I feel most at home when I'm alone - usually looking up at the stars. It's weird that I feel less alone staring into the incomprehensible vastness of space, than I do being around people on earth 🤣
@ Chris. I guess some of us were just meant to be introverts. Judging by this video and the comments, there seems to be a lot of us too. I used to think this was a curse because relationships were taxing. Now, I feel lucky to be this way. Sometimes, I remind myself that the word alone came from the phrase "all one". That was actually one of the highest compliments one could pay a man in the Middle Ages. That makes me feel strong and special. Good luck with your unique journey.
The way this described my marriage - From the misery while traveling, to the loneliness in the relationship. I don't ever want to do that again. So alone it is!
this video is extremely comforting, i love being alone and doing things by myself but society makes me feel like im missing out by being single but i really just wanna be alone
4:10 omggg this is so true. I've felt this happening to myself. i figured out quite early that one of the most important thing i must ensure is to feel complete and fulfilled with my own company. and never to seek out friendships and relationships out of sheer desperation.
Like an answered prayer. Sometimes when I am reading and look up from my book and let my thoughts just wander, I realize this kind of time and space is a true luxury. But, I have seen many happy marriages, parents, sibling, cousins, and admit to envying their closeness and commitment.
Every word of this video is true. I have been through 6 relationships since the time I was 16yo and now 27yo. I have always had this wish of being with that person or soulmate that will complete me, it's not until my last break up when I was forced to endure loneliness and ultimately winning over my weakness of being alone or needing to have a soulmate, in fact I came to a conclusion that soul doesn't need a mate. Now, being alone I feel so free, I feel the real freedom, but before I always felt like something was missing and yes it's true I think I have been using others to compensate for my own weakness. This realization may not come to some, as it didn't come to me before, but once you overcome the fear of being alone the feeling is just another level.
you're complet on your own ... you build something new and sometimes beautiful with a potential partner it's called a relationship which you're an essential part of but you stay complete on your own ...
Your insides were occupied for 11 years so they really deserve 11 years off if you haven’t learned anything thus far. I expect an update when you turn 38. Peace.
I’m surprised by the one-sided positive reviews for this video on the comments section. While it is easy to jump into mediocre relationships due to fear of loneliness, it is also quite easy stay alone fearing the inevitable personal compromises necessary to being in a relationship with anyone (even with the “perfect” one). Both these choices are sub-optimal. How do you know if you’re avoiding making reasonable compromises by choosing a lone wolf life? What if you’re just being arrogant instead of being self-assured and where’s the line? Similarly, when you do make compromises to be in a relationship, how do you know if they are “reasonable”? What if you’re compromising too much and where’s the line? These are the nuances this video completely misses. This is quite unlike many of the other videos from this channel that present more nuanced reasoning of various life phenomena.
Yeah. But it's about the high price we pay for our loneliness so it's supposed to acknowledge one side of what you took notice kind sir/ma'am. We only ever need a few people for lifelong friends and a partner, and I think it's a challenge to figure it out by our age's gathered wisdom. "Maybe I know somewhere, deep in my soul that love never lasts and we've got to find other ways to make it alone, but keep a straight face... and I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now, I had sworn to myself that I'm content, with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk well you are, the only exception." - The Only Exception (Paramore) And of course, we can never truly end up alone if we'd care for other non-human living things
I’ve been struggling with this too as someone who has had very low standards for relationships that have allowed them to mistreat me. Where is the healthy line of compromise vs being alone? What you have to do is write a list of your needs and what you’re looking for in relationships. Then go through and write a BECAUSE. You’re looking for x because of y. Analyze yourself and ask whether this is compromisable for you. Making things explicit will help you know where your boundaries are so much better.
Entering into any relationship with a fear of loneliness will taint your ability to negotiate compromises. Without a fear of loneliness you can be better prepared for finding what you really seek in a partner.
After many years of living with a cruel person, I am finally alone. Much of what was said in the video is relevant. The less time left, the more selective I become. I haven’t found anyone worth giving up this blissful solitude.
Cornelius Dines I have came to the conclusion that I have to end it to find my happiness but with this damn p(l)andenic it's a perpetual lockdown , and I can't even travel anywhere to get my head together , a very bad situation .
I’m a girl from a Muslim country I never had freedom and they don’t want to give it to me and they don’t want me to be independent they see me as property they think they own me and they treat me like object
I love being single. I've spent most of my life searching for love in people that weren't a good match for me, but I stuck with them 😢 I put them first and tried to change myself to suit them. 💩 not any more! Great video Thankyou ❤❤❤
some relationships are more about distractions than attractions! how can anyone be themselves in a relationship when they've not taken time to have a relationship with themselves first? 🤦🏽♀️
18 months ago I got out off a toxic relationship. His ex moved in a week later. I have been healing, been single and I love it, I was actually single for 7 years prior to this relationship. He is right, you do attract wrong people when being single, it’s good to hAve a friend but I let go of everybody I was acquainted to. I got out of a very emotional mess but did it by myself. I don’t see him doing that cause he can’t be alone. He Needs his supply.
I really enjoy being alone. Sometimes it’s a necessity for me :) I’m single by 3 years and I’m happy like I was not when I were with the ex-bf. I know that being in love it’s fantastic but I don’t understand people who choose to be with anyone rather than being alone. We live in a world full of people...when you feel alone you just have to open your eyes.
This video explained my exact thoughts in recent years! I've been single by choice for over 5 years now. I have been thinking how my coupled friends are more limited than i am. Ex: If your partner fixes the washing machine, you never learn that you can do it! I see my sister in a miserable marriage for 25 years. Why? Just because you don't want to be alone? Its sooo much happier than being in a bad marriage/relationship and complaining about it. People always want me to be in a relationship but I am TOO happy by myself, why change that? Thanks for the video, it was validating!
Going home to an empty apartment, gives me the same feeling of getting into an empty elevator, having it all to myself... quickly pressing that close door button
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
Do you often make decisions controlled by a fear of loneliness? Let us know in the comments below and be sure to turn on notifications to ensure you don't miss our next film.
The School of Life hello! Do you offer private counselling?
And also, have you considered doing a ‘draw my life’ style video? I’d love to know more about your background and personal story so far
Bless you...whoever you are...people ask me all the time If I have a wife and children..the answer is of course no...then they give me their sympathy pat me on my back making themselves "feel" more fortunate than me. But I know that most of them have built their houses on sand and have chosen to live a life that is a lie and are as miserable as they perceive me to be.
Where are the facts, link to a study or anything that can back up your claims? I mean it is true that relationships break and you end might end up hurt emotionally and maybe also financially. But if everyone stops taking chances you probably end up with less people finding someone to live their life with. I know for a fact that lonliness slowly kills you and there is no mention of the risks of being alone which make me think since this is an educational channel.
@@roderickgrayson8743 I don't think it's ever a mistake, "building their houses on sand" since no matter what a facade might be, it is what's needed at any given moment. Meaning, any given situation is always right as a catalyst for further growth. Sometimes the pattern is never realized in short period of time thus it eventually becomes an accumulated lies. Whenever there is invested enough energy and time on certain situation, it is always preferable for the body/mind to keep the persona up than facing the pain of truth.
@@Munchausenification It takes time to find a suitable mate...most use superficial criteria
The loneliest I've ever been is when I've been in relationships that weren't working.
EXACTLY!!
That is one reason why I stopped the game, removed my helmet, walked off the field, and left the stadium LOL
Next month that will be 2 years ago. I've been alone ever since and I've never felt better. Living my best life like it's golden!
Joe Caner even though I am alone more, I felt more alone and depressed even I was with my ex
Asim Khan so did I !
Wow
Yeah those kind of relationships wear me out
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
― Mark Twain
Bruh he's a comedian
Twain always nails it with simplicity.
Well sounds good but many of us are far from being comfortable living a lonely life
Leads to sadness and mental health issues
Use pot...
I’m glad I’m not as simple minded as the first two oh and kripa lol but I know an ex-friend (long story) who is in this exact situation. They Literally straight up told me they were (like I said long story).
A lot of people are not looking for love, they are looking for help .......
THIS !
Yess!!
My bf...
hits hard..a deprresed girl mistook my friendship for romance n ruined it for both of us
Boy, you sure got that right.
I'm 54 and never married, no kids. I live alone, and I have gotten to like the person I live with. I wish I had learned to do this long ago. If you're single, learn to like yourself before you go looking for a partner.
You are 100% right. I'm 66 and have a small dog. I do go out and socialize but I don't care to have company in my home.
I needed this today ❤thank you
@@barryrhodes1454same. I don’t even like most people. I love going home and being able to do whatever I want on my time.
Being alone is much better than being with a wrong person!
@@barryrhodes1454 ❤️
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone.
It's not.
The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
- Robin Williams
YES!!!!!!!!!! True so true
Miss Mr. Robin Williams so much :(
May he rest in peace 🙏
It‘s creepy how they release a video on a topic that you‘re experiencing right in that same moment omg
Jonathan Waibel actually these kinds of topics are expected of these times.
Jonathan Waibel there really is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I’m cool with the former. 😎
Creepy or fortunate, Jonathan Waibel?
coreycox2345 Both I guess🤔
maybe it’s because loneliness hits harder on Holidays
The loneliest I ever felt was during the years I was married.
When you’re with the wrong person, you’re not available when the right one comes along.
yep, i can relate so much.
when you're out for dinner and suddenly you have NOTHING to say to another and you look at other couples to escape the feeling of "how did we come to this, did we go wrong somewhere or was this always bound to end up this way.....".
since i ended that relationship, i've been enriching my own solitude so much, it's so worth it.
real fact
I guess I was the right one to someone who is currently married. I had to deny my growing feelings for him, because by then I was already told by a friend that he was Married. It hurt so much, like as if I was stabbed in the chest. I know he talked of me to his friends at work, he admitted to them he liked me, and in return they made it known to me. I left Costco, but sometimes I wonder if he still thinks of me like I think of him.
Love this comment
Wow, well said absolutely agree thank you so true
So true. Being an introvert is underrated. When I was growing up, I was pressured to "have more friends." Now, I realize that that advice was terribly wrong and cost me much happiness. The vast majority of people do not care about you. You should be careful whom you consider as friends. Life is not a popularity contest like people in high school think. Only worry about what the people who are important in your life think. Having one or two really good friends is much better than being "popular."
You can be an extrovert and be single lol. This is who I am.
Well said.
Couldn't agree more.
@@justauser He didn't say you couldn't be an extrovert and single.
@@esteban1487 Thank you. Peace.
Never forget: *It's better to be alone, than in a wrong company.*
Very true...as long as we realize that nobody's perfect and that imperfections don't necessarily mean the wrong company.
true!!!
@@CarlJohnson-iv7sn My sympathies. If you don't even *want* a girlfriend then I know exactly which _'deep down'_ part of you is feeling empty.
We all crave and need intimacy and our productivity, mood as well as happiness and concentration levels suffer if we don't get it, regardless of whether we realize this or not.
We're only human and humans are ultimately machines that all need sustenance - not only nutritional but also emotional and physical.
very true
Well said
It's New Year and everyone is out partying and here I am at home, eating and watching videos on YT.
Tbh I feel at peace and even finished a really good book.
Yes, ...!!!
Good music really helps too.
Same here also was alone. Usually theres always a argument or someone that hurts anothers feeling on New Years eve/night. I'm glaid I missed that aswell. The ammount of energy some people can drain out of me...
It’s best to share your life with someone else... peace and hugs KP
Which book?
Same. Except I haven't even read half of my book lmao.
"It's better to be alone, than to be with someone who makes you feel alone".
Yeah but i also feel like we might be perpetuating habits that make us feel alone with others. Whether its social anxiety or just a lack of skillset. Ive felt alone and comfortable with the same people depending on my own mental state. I think we can have a good time with anyone and social skills are something you can learn. My opinion
777 likes
As a single person with no “real” friends I find this to be pretty validating and comforting. I think the most important relationship you can have is with yourself.
You first have to figure out who you are
Same here. I always thought I needed to have a social group until I saw the power one gets from solitude.
“Be alone, that is the secret of invention; be alone, that is when ideas are born.”
― Nikola Tesla
pleximanic
I love being alone because I learn so much via books and disparate thoughts coming together. I’ll take that over feeling alone in a crowd amongst vapid topics.
@ADEBISI ADEBISI what the fuck yo 😕
@ADEBISI ADEBISI my friend... Open your brain before open your mouth..
Big Tesla fan but this is BS, collective brainstorming ftw
My Nikola Tesla, born in Croatia, really was a mind from the future. Greetings from Croatia.
"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone"-- Blaise Pascal
That's because women invade all of men's spaces and distract them.
Rhys Williamson - vice versa as well
@@missmarvelous110 nope
@@missmarvelous110 not at all. Women are obsessed with being allowed into all male groups or spaces. The same isn't true for men or boys towards female groups or spaces.
So true.
"One is always at the mercy of the one who fears loneliness less"
This line really made me realise some things.
Me too!
Yess made me think about that line and had to be honest about being that person that was afraid, thn I realized why it was always so easy for the other person to skip along an not look back , while I'm stuck🤷🏽♀️
and that is the partner who is aware he is hot or at least exotic.
Me too
That line is so very true......
I almost cried when he said there is nothing wrong with being alone. I use to feel like I was a weirdo, unsociable, unlikable person. But turns out being alone is just waiting for someone right to come along. I’m at peace now
I have a severe phobia of ending up alone which makes me vulnerable.every woman I've been with manipulates me and I know it but I can't break the bonds and go free.because of this fear. I know my current crush is toying with me but I can't scream because I will lose my chance being with her. I cant possibly lose my chance to be with someone who cares enough to send me a hello a good morning a nice word during the bad times but still she is so cold and distant and I know she is trying to be the head of this whole thing. I can't be alone since I've never been alone in life. Parents and friend were and are always there for me. Losing them? That will make me lose my mind. And for that I know I have to find love because without love I won't survive. Yeah idk why I wrote this here but that's how I am if anyone reads this thank you for your time
@Juru Thank you the hardest battle is the one against your weaknesses. Your reply gives me hope be safe!
@@trolarastrolaridou3937 i had been facing similar issues of loneliness in a big city and so finally decided to come back to my parents home and live with them. I now work for a less reputable company as i am in my hometown and no big company gave work from home. But i am happy to not be back to a empty home or worse a home with toxic people.
I hope you can also do similar if possible and keep searching for a person who gets you instead of going for a person you know is wrong.
I love being alone, for me being with others make me miserable, depressed, angry and stressed to death, but when I'm alone I feel relaxed and much much happier.
I’m alone by choice. I hate living with other people.
“The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters” - Friedrich Nietzsche
Very good
That way of thinking suggests that everyone used to be included in the "lonely ones" group. Since no person was forever not lonely, they all ultimately had to "offer their hand too quickly to whomever they encounter" - at least once in their life.
I think the truth is that one indeed can be alone, but not lonely and necessarily desperate for company.
Yes, so desperate for interaction..
I dont .I treat people the way they treat me and love my own. company .
What is " too quickly?" I "quickly offered" my hand to the perdon that is the love of my life. 18 years strong.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
Robin Williams
No. The Worst thing is too look to others for validation.
@@josephwalsh7546 I think Robin was all about approval......
That wasn't a Robin Williams, that was his character in world's greatest Dad. So that's probably bobcat goldthwait's line. Or whoever the screenwriter was.
@will walker Hi Will. do you have any advice for those who do struggle with suicide. Such an important topic.
Well said. I have been far more lonely in the wrong relationship than when alone.
“You can feel more alone with the wrong person than when being single”
Damn that hits deep
Right
You can also feel less supported when you have someone who should support you but hardly ever does it than when you have no-one who should support you and therefore no support whatsoever.
Edit: For clarity.
Some of my loneliest moments were when I was married.
very true
I've learned to be happy alone. Going out to eat, going to a concert, eating cereal or popcorn for dinner. It's nirvana compared to the two miserable marriages I was in. Me and my cat. Happy at last.
Same here, it is as if I wrote those lines. Could not have summarized better myself. Being happy alone was a process for me but I did reach it.
My kitty says Hi to your kitty.
Cozy and unbothered.
Yes!
Two miserable marriages? Guaranteed you are the problem then my friend.
🇬🇧🙋♂️ Other sides of the world,, give a wave babe it shouldnt hurt
@@sayyadinawitch I never felt miserable alone but always when I was in a relationship. I don't want to be a fool who fulfills some unrealistic expectations of women who live in a fantasy.
Romantic relationships aside, you can choose being apart the community. You can join groups, volunteer, travel, take classes, etc The best thing about being single is that the possibilities in life seem unlimited in many ways. When the right person comes along, you will already have a deeper sense of self.
My wife has perfected the Art of Passive Aggression. It’s a soul-crushing attribute.
agree so much! there are many kinds of love and connection, romantic and sexual are only one type. Not having a good partner is a pity but it shouldnt mean you are lonely and isolated from the community. We shouldnt discard working on those relationships. Divorce and widowing are super likely, and in those times we will thank the other non-romantic ties we cared for.
Dude I’ve been trying to volunteer and it’s so hard to find where
The day I got married was the day I sold my soul to the Devil.
Im in a relationship, but I actually travel, I join groups, take classes.. I really don't know what people think that a relationship is. A healthy relationship, I mean. I can say that a healthy relationship have 3 elements: 2 independent people and the relationship. I think it's that you and other people unfortunately didn't have very healthy relationships. Very possessive relationships with a lot of control, and they ended up thinking that's what a relationship is. Whereas in fact it is not.
I enjoy being alone but once in a while, I wish I had someone to laugh with and share pleasant experiences. Someone to bounce ideas around with. I think sometimes I don't want marriage. What I need is a friend for life.
Same here.!!
Exactly
The thing is...that’s what our significant other is supposed to be...our closest friend...the one person u look forward to seeing everyday...the person who knows exactly what kind of day u had by the look on ur face and knows exactly what u need to feel better...to know what it feels like to be loved by another and to know what it feels like to truly love another...but today, relationships r dead in the water at the beginning because of the negativity that surrounds the whole idea...almost like it’s become a ritual to immediately start destroying the other person never giving them the chance to have or do any of it
R.M. M - Well said ❗️
SAME!!!
I find it amazing that people find an empty apartment, clear calendar and Sunday afternoon to do whatever you want a negative.. I treasure this suff as a true introvert, not all people want to be with someone by default.
Yes. As a natural born introvert, It’s quite lovely being able to listen to my own breath …a pleasure. 😅
As an extrovert, even I love this
I am a virgin and I am over 40.I know men who are extremely unhappy with child support and overall with past relationships.Sad indeed.
Wrong choices, deserves solitude, uncompromising attitude, single because of inhibitions, is it unnatural to be yourself, or be by yourself, fear of being alone🚩🆘⛔💲✅
Loneliness hurts, I ve been there and its hard when nobody calls you or text you, but being with the wrong people is even worst. One day I realized that I was surrounded by toxic people so I started to say no to everybody and some days later they stopped calling me to do things. I was afraid if I was doing the wrong thing cause by doing that I knew the price would be loneliness. But later on I started to feel much more relaxed and more campable of focusing on my own things. Those people I was spending my time with were just consuming my energy and when I got rid of them my own self came back and I realized the good and passionate person I am and how lost I was trying to keep those senseless relationships. So you have to be with the people that vibrates like you. Dont be afraid to cut off relationships that dont work, the quicker you do it the better. Your life belongs to you not to them.
WORSE...and apostrophe's are your friend.
@@Andrea-sl8wd no you start interacting with other people rather than being trapped with the wrong ones. its a big effort but is worth doing it
@@Andrea-sl8wd You need to take distance to focus on your life and your goals. But I didnt mean to isolate yourself from the outside world, you can even keep those old friendships but not in the way of being their servant. Of course you need human relations to build up things, but this time you must do it respecting yourself and becoming the center of your universe.
I gotcha!!! I'm on same truck as you!
been there, done that, and I also feel so much better
Solitude becomes necessary when you’re giving your life purpose. Developing a purpose requires discipline, and discipline requires isolation from society’s mediocrity.
Quincy Lee yessss thank you! 🙏🏽
Traveler Trash have an excellent 2020, friend! 😃
Wow,well said.Thanks a lot!
Wow.So true👍
I'll quote you on this one day
It is better to be alone than being in a toxic relationship. The latter will kill you.
Absolutely agreed with your great true advice Thank you
Sometimes it is better to experience toxic relationships so you can handle loneliness.
@@yusufy4743 No, this isn't true at all, toxic relationship whatever friendship, marriage would destroy you.
@@marwaeldiwiny loneliness will also destroy you, unless you know its better for you.
@@yusufy4743 Honestly speaking, being lonely is way better than being in a toxic and abusive relationship, I understand why people who didnot experienced relationship crave for any relationship and that is the point of the video. Some people do it by choice, and others are picky and time pass and feel alone maybe good who still aim for a good relationship and maybe suck for who wants any relationship. With that being said, being lonely until you find a good relationship or if you enjoy being alone, is much way better than being in an abusive relationship.
For so many married couples who feel they are in a self made prison this message will add another brick in their wall of silent misery. It has been ten years since my last relationship. It has not been all sunshine and roses. But this morning, January 1, 2020, I sip my first cup of coffee with my golden retriever at my feet and I am content in this moment and no longer look to someone else to somehow make me happy. Wishing everyone peace and light.
Good for you! Why Kyushu, by the way?
Wow I'm happy for you I'm 22 and live is cold, I just hate myself and always angry lethargic bs. I don't know if I'm strong enough for this live
@@millennialpodcast1438 , try this first! Believe me, it works! Self compassion should be taught in schools. This video will be first step to the rest of your life. Namaste! ruclips.net/video/-kfUE41-JFw/видео.html
ref.: #TheSchoolOfLife
> Self Compassion
writeronthestorm kyushu yeah i mean you’re just back to your childhood state but without your parents... nice
I was afraid to be alone more than I was afraid of being beat by my husband. I knew I had to change because I was going to die. Now I am in my own place and enjoy the peace and am in no physical/emotional pain. ❤
Well done you, Kourtney W, that must have taken lots of courage. x
Hope you're okay now
“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit…It’s like you don’t want to deal with people any more because they drain your energy.” - Jim Carrey
@Blind Squid you should see his art ;)
@Blind Squid What left you with that impression? His goofy roles?
falenangel it’s true tho
I often feel the same way..✌💨🏃
Bitch shut up. Solitude is not dangerous.
when you come across this video on a sunday afternoon
I just thought the same
oh hey damon lol funny to find you here
Saturday afternoon
Lol... Sunny Sunday Afternoon
One week later...but same
Never forget: You have to learn to be happy on your own first in order to be happy with somebody else!
Yep!
Agreed, Love yourself 1st!
Nailed it...all these pu55ies here "I was lonely when I was married/attached/surrounded by people"😢😢
but can you ever really be happy? or is it the illusion of happiness
@@merry_cupcake3598
If you need to ask the question, you'll never understand the answer.
“The worst feeling is not being alone. It’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget”
This really hurts.
highly underrated comment
So prophetic, thank you.
why is it so important for us to be remembered?
@@soda363 good question
There’s value in being around others: nurturing acquaintances, showing an interest in people and having a sense of community. Being around others ‘resets’ me - however being by myself ‘recharges’ me. I love coming home to an empty and quiet apartment. I love my singleness!
I am an introvert and I'm happy for that.
I’ve had roommates my whole life. Never been able to afford a quiet, lonely apartment. When you realize living alone is twice as expensive as living with roommates or a lover, you realize alone is the way to go, because you get what you pay for!
I have such mixed feelings. As someone who has been alone their entire life, I’m learning the value of finding connection. Part of my on-going loneliness was a lack of connection and satisfying relationships. It stings when I read comments who experienced failed or negative relationships and they turn around and say “I’m so happy being alone!” After realizing they made a mistake. For some people loneliness or being alone was not a choice. On the flip side I have seen how a fear of loneliness drives people into bad situations.
We’re humans, and as someone who has lived in years of isolation , I would give the world to connect with just one person who I truly felt seen and accepted by before I died. (And gave to them)
I don’t feel guilty for saying this, but one could feel this way when everyone is now praising being alone.
I think we all need time for ourselves to reflect, recharge, and grow. There are def people who like their solitude, I just hate how much there is this growing dislike for relationships when in reality a lot of people just don’t know how to do relationships. If we could work on being healthier and better in relationships we could feel more connected. I just hope we are no creating an echo chamber of preferring aloneness out of bad relationship experiences, that’s not how one grows.
Well said !
This is the comment I was looking for, I been alone for my entire life and it's comforting sometimes, sometime not but at some point we need a connection and we have to value them and I realize that relationships require a lot of work in order to function, that's why it takes two to get it going, a relationship isn't easy and finding the perfect one or a good partner takes time but it's always doable with someone opposite to you, communication is key and we have to compromise, we compromise is a necessity because we are not the same exact person of the other.....
Most of them got tired of trying to make it better...
People seek to maintain their relationships with the fire they first met with..,it doesn't happen. ..once you settle in things change..and there are more important things than romance...hate me for it but it's the truth...!!
To be in a in very loving serious relationship is deeply a necessary but not a sufficient condition but cannot sustain a marriage for example you need alot of more than love issues of how you enter-grate with you mr new family, their acceptance if you, the jealous ones, like establishing life together, building a home for both, planning a family where how ...just a lot more important priorities which are likely to be uncomfortable
All these will badly affect the love you felt for one other…lots of things will divide you, distance you…things will push you away…just of opinions of people who don’t even matter…
if you are weak- these moments are going to break you down- because they are not very darling and there are what they’re to test to you…
the bitterness of it may leave you wishing to be alone for ever….!!
Sometimes you may end up feeling like May be love is for the lucky and the strong-Betty Medley
After you are together… you just can’t continue persueing a completed project - couples need to Persue a new agenda while enjoying their together ness but for sure it’s going to be different sometimes dear romance will have to enjoy every back seat either we want it or don’t want to...!!
This is why they are lots of break ups…, because spouses stops caring and now they seem to have more priorities to care for… !! How do I carter for family, love is a responsibility you got to care..you can’t have a very thing…you get alove, you get them to stay around and provide may be..No not likely sometimes to be provided for May be likely to send one of you soooo far away…for that to happen… then you will have everything provided for but not an emotional presence…
Sometimes love is so empty too…!! You just need to understand it and know how to work with it…!!
I LIVE for this comment. This is currently me and has been for all 26 years of my life (well at least since I starting liking guys in middle school lol)
Just as I’ve cried sad tears from never being in a romantic relationship, I feel that I’ve experienced beautiful growth in my singleness that has made me who I am today. I would currently say that I’m stuck in a middle ground, but definitely lean towards wanting a life with an awesome significant other because that’s something I’ve always wanted but haven’t yet experienced. I just really want to connect and feel loved by another person and vice versa 💞
It’s going to happen though, I know it 🙏🏾
It's just human evolution. We're not as dependent on each other as we used to be and the fact of the matter is that the world is becoming very unsafe and unkind, so any rational person would naturally want to recuse themselves from that. We simply don't need to be around each other that much anymore and in a few more generations we probably won't even be that concerned about it. Some people may see that as a tragedy but I don't, it's the inevitable march of progress and the well deserved conclusion to the human comedy that's been perpetuating itself for thousands of years. I just hate how people who crave solitude are automatically labeled as defective or ill because they're unwilling to conform to what is and always has been an unrealistic and dehumanizing social system. It's like being gaslighted on a daily basis by a group of fools who can't even figure out their own lives let alone yours.
So many people in unhappy marriages because it’s “better” than being alone.
Yeah.. like my parents
It’s not better but being alone also sucks..
@@eehyetti.. Being alone for a long time doesn't suck... You get used to being alone and it becomes fun with time... But being in a bad relationship sucks all the time.
I see women in unhappy marriages getting older faster, having poor health (cronic illness), putting on weight and frustrated. And men working extra hours or having mistresses...
I was feeling "alone" being single today.
Thank you for putting things in perspective.
I absolutely see this as a motivating factor for so many people’s decisions. After so many observations, one of my fears is mediocrity and complacency and settling down out of desperation. A lot of the most lonely and miserable people are people who are with someone because they felt they had no other choice. THAT prospect has always haunted me. In a world that is so obsessed with using relationship status as metric of success and normalcy, thank you so much for this video. It’s exhausting being constantly gaslit.
actually stats show that people are better off in relationships even if they end
@@danielrobert4219 this is such a vague comment.
-what’s the metric for “better off” ie “better off” how?
-please cite your sources
-if your relationship ends, you’re not in a relationship anymore then lol
It is good thaz you started thinking about it. Those social statuses are messing with us. I was afraid of how others will percieve me or what they say. Too much. I came to the point where I really dont care. It took time, and some life events helped me question what I really want ? I choose happines over status.
"He who delights in solitude is either a wild beast or a god." - Friedrich Nietzsche.
I guess I'm the god😀😁😂
Actually Neitzsche was referring to gods and monsters as the only ones who can truly thrive in solitude. I suppose that makes me a monster, because I am not a god.
Actually who said that was Aristotle...
Celtic Revival / Adfywiad Celtaidd Wild Paga Goddess myself - obvs 😂😂😂✌🏻🏴
Celtic Revival / Adfywiad Celtaidd Wild Pagan Goddess myself - obvs 😂😂😂✌🏻🏴
I used to fear being alone but the older I get, the more comfortable I am being alone in my own skin. I guess being an only child probably helps. I do get lonely at times but in my experience, romantic relationships tend to bring mostly drama and stress to my life.
Having to only worry about my own happiness is the way to go for me.
There's a lot of fear mongering out there. Phrases like "dying alone" are always misused.
Jahz Kahz We all dying alone. People just don’t want to see that fact.
@@jaxxie I agree. Often, when I get in one of my "lonely" moods, it's because of outside influence(s). Family or friends trying to set me up with someone, or telling me I just haven't met the right one, etc.
When I'm allowed to think on my own without those outside interjections, I find I'm very happy and content alone.
Facts im only child too
When you are in a relationship you shouldn't have to "worry" about someone else's happiness.
It is supposed to come naturally to make that person happy.
We are aways alone, we just realize It too late. Even If you have a companion, like a wife or a kid, they are with you as long as It pleases them, not you.
We need to see loneliness as a natural thing, not a bad one.
@Andrew Goering that is not a person, only a dog does that
Some of us remain through both the better and the worse, in sickness and in health. It always requires love, it sometimes requires strength, patience, and a good bit of bravery.
Exactly!
Loneliness is only “natural” in the modern world
@@yuriguedesneiva only bc you can't imagine to be loved and to love truly doesn't mean it doesn't exist at all - don't put your experience on others, you have a bad attitude
I'm frequently alone - not lonely - this comes from within - it's a mindset I learned about the time I turned 30 - one of my most useful life lessons I was able to learn
Broke up with a long term partner two days before New Years and spent it alone in bed, felt a lot more peaceful and free, I’m excited for growth and finally dialogues with myself and figure out my own thoughts and ambitions
How do people like you pay rent. I'm being abused but I can't pay Bill's without him.
Minus the breakup I’m currently going through the same thing. I’m finally being introduced to myself. Make 2020 fruitful!
@@barb7124 maybe you can be happy with less. Smaller home, smaller car, maybe no car at all, less shopping for clothes, home cooked food instead of eating out? I find having less means less worries. But of course, I don't know your life, I don't know if this could apply to you.
Barb DeSouza kicked his ass out😂 he was living with me, he was emotionally and physically abusive I understand how difficult it is for you, but you’re not free right now, it won’t get better if you keep relying on him for support
No way, this happened to me too!!
The most important relationship you'll ever have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself.
Very true.
"The constant presence of companions stops us from making friends with our minds and exploring our feelings and ideas in a way only extended stretches of solitude allow"
is that Nefertiti on your profile pic
@@vibinwpsilocybin1424 yes.
Zainab Al-Habibi nice !
This's actually very accurate based on my own experiences
Agree, i used to reflect myself more when im alone than after i have a boyfriend. I feel i lost my inner peace
Always remember : Better be alone than in a toxic relationship.
That's true
That includes friendship.
But you are so right
I've learnt that lesson
This is why people should only marry when they mean it. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and it's hard work sometimes. If you can look at the man or woman you wish to marry and picture them sick or old and helpless and unattractive and you still want to hold them close and kiss them and love them, than marry them. If NOT, then wait.
I watched this video a couple months ago and it stayed in my brain. I just ended a 9 year relationship a couple days ago. THIS video was the catalyst. It really called out my inner truth. I am way better than I allowed myself to be treated. Just saying that tells me I don't have as low of an opinion of myself as I convinced myself I did. I am free.
Interesting. I'm in a similar situation. How did it go? How do you feel? Do you have kids?
wow that is crazy, i am not sure if ending a relationship is something I can proud of
I ended for a couple of weeks a " friendship " who lasted already 40 years.....
I am proud of you!!
Props brother. It’s great when one realizes ones own true worth…
It seems to me people have more of problem with me being alone than I do myself...
I agree. Lots of people think you're weird if you like being on your own. More fool them.
true
Well, they hate the fact that when you are alone your best fuck might just be in some corner while they have to content with fake orgasms.
Hahahahaha true story.
Indeed!
This video hits so close to home. I have tears in my eyes as the truth rises to the surface. My ex and I have been on and off for the past year and I have always been the one chasing. I realize it's only because of my loneliness. I'm searching to find that root of loneliness and why i'm simply not enough for myself. Every time I miss her, I realize I just simply can't be on my own, so I romanticize about the good times and ignore the obvious reasons on why we aren't good for eachother.
Today I choose to become comfortable with being alone, even when i'm not.
Goodluck
One day at a time....it gets better trust me
That is exactly what is happening to me and I said exactly the same the only thing is that she finished the relationship and here I am trying to move on
How are you today? Doing okay
Living alone has given me so many things to be grateful for. My life is more focused. I take better care of myself, and I'm more peaceful and relaxed. I used to believe I was better off pairing with others because of my fear of going it alone. However the opposite has been true. I cherish my solitude and it's absence of crisis and drama. I know what I like, and I work hard to manifest and protect my space and security. Being alone has been more rewarding than I had feared. I've become more at peace because of it. I'm happier.
I’d rather be completely alone than in some abusive relationship or living with abusive family or friends
"Endure empty weekends" Weekends alone are my happiest times in life.
But could you do it for rest of your life? I want to be this person that enjoys solitude but i find it too hard i end up making bad associations just so that I'm not alone. I'm a smart well accomplished individual yet the thought of being forever alone scares me
I loved my alone time when I was around people constantly. Now that I'm mostly alone, I don't appreciate it as much
Once you discover the drama others bring to your life being alone is a gift
As an extrovert who really craves time with people and feels rejuvenated by it, empty weekends are the WORST. I absolutely appreciate the idea of learning to not feel depressed by having a weekend free of good company, but I personally believe that introverts have a much easier time with this. For me, passing an entire weekend without hearing the sound of my own voice makes me incredibly depressed. I think too much solitude isn't always good for you.
@Muñeca Quitapenas since 1980 True but humans have legitimate needs for social inclusion and belonging and loving relationships, and in fact loneliness is often correlated in studies as a risk factor for a number of health issues, not just mental health. So while what you say is true on a deeper level, it doesn't account for these very real needs that are part of being human.
I learnt this after my last relationship. Since being alone and lowering my social networking I have never felt better. I can’t imagine being in another relationship unless it is healthy and mentally effortless, there’s no void to fill.
Ahh! This brought me peace. Got to see I'm not alone feeling this.
hey! good to know we're breaking the mold. from the popculture - movies, books, etc., we learn the protagonists are in a state of emotional bankruptcy or being lost utterly or dejected and on rebound, etc. when they cling to the one who comes along and smhw it turns out right - which is NEVER the case in real life.
we choose either from a lack/deficit or fulfilled frame of mind and it makes all the difference.
Mentally effortless is a dangerous goal. No relationship will be effortless
@@aidenbull7776 so you’re saying all relationships takes effort?
@@LilXancheX of course, 100% of relationship need effort. Keeping her happy is a never ending work, and once youre tired, you will slow down for a while, and that's when she thinks you don't love her anymore, and boom, you lose her
It's not only fear to lonenliness what drives us, but also the desire to feel emotions.. romantic ones or just sexual emotions... passion and excitement.
True that.
True. And I think that the fact that life is short makes us want to live fully everything that there is to live
How hurtful it is when you realize people/partners/friends don't like or love you, they just don't want to be alone.
I feel like most of the people who actually feel like this don't realize it. They are with you not because they necessarily love you, but because of the incapability of loving and handling themselves being alone. That doesn't mean that they don't love you at all, as those two motives can both be valid.
I might have fallen in this category. Being with someone not because I "love" them (whatever love even is) but because the alternative was unappealing. Deep in my mind, being alone means you are weak. Being alone means that no one can understand the real me. Being alone is the most destructive fear of mine.
I can't be left alone with my thoughts; therefore I need distractions all the time, I need people to spend time with because I can't handle helping myself.
I thought it was love, but I'm really not sure what to call it. The thing I am... is afraid. Afraid of me. Afraid of everything.
I don't know what to make of all this, what I should do, where to start. Whenever I'm alone I get this existential dread that I absolutely hate. My mind is a minefield, too dangerous. I get too caught up in my fantasies to come back to living life. It's awful.
@@truther249 I understand you but I am on the opposite spectrum. I love solitude and being on my bed for indefinite period of time is already a luxury to me. I grew up in a volatile environment. It was never really a home where my privacy and boundary were honored therefore, I like living this way. Now for me Money is no longer a priority since I grew up trying to earn it and that was a measure of how good I was as a child.
However, I eventually realized that what I experienced in childhood was all perfect in a sense because it made me who I am today. Solitude enables me to know myself deeply. It has become my passion like a puzzle peices I want to put together to get the whole picture of my existence. Insights and realizations give me excitement and wonder. I love to know the answers of why I am what I am.
What was your childhood 'marinade'. It is of utmost important to realize the turning point of what made the patterning of your current state if you wish to change it. I honor your honesty. Blessings..
@@truther249 in fact being alone means that you are strong, weak are the people who fear being alone and spend their time with others out of the fear of being alone
@@truther249 and the "demons" in your mind want to tell you something, you should listen and learn about yourself - if it is too much for you, too dangerous like you said, maybe then a therapy would be right for you, you shouldn't run away from it(it could get even worse then), all the best for you
@@jJust_NO_ Yeah, our childhoods do really have the biggest impact on our identity in later years. It's obvious especially when I look back at mine and realise how unloved and scared I felt, always having the sensation that my friends could betray me due to other factors...
On the outside though, I keep my poker face. My composure is top notch. I look like I'm doing just fine and I even do it subconsciously now. My guess is that there probably was a trigger in me that determined me to hide my emotions, as they might upset those around me. And upsetting those around me is a death sentence because of my fear of being left alone.
This cycle feeds into itself.
I've been called dramatic by family and friends by saying stuff like "I'm afraid" when I really can't contain it in me anymore. For them, it seems illogical, because I always seem to them as "fine" and I never complained about anything.
It kinda discourages me from opening up and I feel like a locked door.
Maybe I am exaggerating with the intensity of my feelings... I don't know... I hope I get better
“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” ~ bell hooks
@Lumpen Simulator PRO EDITION Well, you can learn to be alone without being isolated. (if that's what you did). Nice that you made it out before a major breakdown :)
"I live in that solitude that is painful in youth but delightful in the years of maturity." - Albert Einstein
Oh please he was anything but alone. Married two women while fucking the thrid.
Shout out to me who's incredibly terrified of being alone. And facing it everyday all her life. I love you brave young lady.
I'm 27 and I've been single all of my adult life.. This makes me grateful for all the time I've had to be independent & get to know myself 👌🏽🙌🏽
Same and i am 25.
Same here ! Backpacked a good bit of the world on my own 💥
OK... But get out there some!!! There IS value in the RIGHT people for YOU.
32 been there don that.
riding the carousel! I'll see you around perhaps! (I increase bodycounts!)
I’ve always LOVED being alone even as a child. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my friends and hanging out, but I don’t never needed anyone to make me happy. It was usually the other way around. I’m now turning 40 and still happy and not dating. Job, environment., other factors do play a role, but at the end of the day I have just joy of my solitude.
I feel bad meeting people are so miserable thinking thinking they will find “joy” though someone or something else. I keep telling them if you’re not happy with yourself you never will be truly happy. Maybe I’m just wired differently. Chemical imbalance that makes me always joyful. Whatever the reason I accept it and am thankful for it.
I truly hope anyone reading this finds peace and joy within. People will always be around you. The possibility of joy is always attainable. Just find happiness within and the things you like. Icing on the cake will be if you find that someone to enjoy it with.
Michael Byrd I’m really sorry if that has happened to you. Obviously there is always a chance that you could be right, but not on the Hate part. At the very best sad, but hate is something I never could do during my life. I always forgive and forget. So hate has never have a foothold for me. The knowledge of my truth literally is filling me with Joy right now.
I genuinely understand that some people have a hard time understanding this. I know some people may think I’m being cynical. But I’m really not. In this moment I’m sitting at work, looking out the window with the rain falling. I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my body every second. Living in this moment is really the key. Connecting with you even tho we never met is the key. You literally made my day without even trying. So thank you. You made me appreciate myself even more. I truly wish I could let people feel this. Probably a reason why I never did drugs or hardly drink. I’m naturally high. Haha. Anyway, take care and sorry for the long response. I doubt you read it, but if you did. I believe in you and you can make your life whatever you want. I know it’s old/corner rhetoric but it really is true. Take care
i used to be happy being alone. Just like you i enjoy hanging out with friends, but never feels lonely when they're not with me. However, now, the concept of alone terrifies me more than anything. How do i get back to my old self?
@@michaelbyrd7883,
I’m 60, and I love my solitude more than ever. I prefer it, even though I do enjoy the company of the right people as well.
Tqs dear for sharing ur experience...it's really helpful..❤️❤️❤️
@@heyRakazzint Sorry I didn’t know that you had asked a question. I just happen to come back here. Why does the concept of being alone scare you? Can you elaborate a little more? I think if you find out what is terrifying you, and find solutions to prevent of fix it, you should be ok. I’ll try to help you as much as I can. I can only go off my own experiences. But in terms of getting your old self back. I think for me I noticed the older I get the more people annoy me, because it feels like you just see the worst of people. Haha So I just go back to my Personal Truths. I focus on my spiritual growth. (Usually I haven’t feed it awhile) I change up my routine. (If I’m tired of games, I’ll read a book, movie, travel). They say that when you do small tasks, and complete them, it makes you feel more productive, that leads to your old self. But like I said if you elaborate I’ll help as much as I can. Hope your doing well!
When you are young and in your teens and 20's you don't think about this as being an issue, partly because there's a perceived abundance of time and you are also getting to know yourself. I ended an imperfect 5 year relationship and then dove into two others without having time to process and not wanting to be alone. Both were great-they just weren't right. Now I am 37 and wishing I had just adjusted to the loneliness and waited. Patience pays off and your body will tell you when things are right and when it's worth staying.
Cap
Now we are talking. ..
That's being 37....
No 20, 23, oooh 27...!,
I've been well aware of just how little time we have since I was a teen, and now I'm 37. I never understood how young people seem to be so oblivious of how fast time goes by...not saying I'm better or something, just that it's something you can't help but notice IMO.
hey so did you ever end up finding the “perfect” one?
@@audreylayla Perfect to me is honesty, attraction/chemistry, trust, maturity, communication, effort, and enthusiasm. I'm staying single until that happens.
Going out alone is amazing. Silence is golden, when you get lonely just entertain yourself with music or a podcast. Observing the world makes you super aware of others and then those small interactions you get with other strangers become so beautiful.
I often thought there was something wrong with me being alone.. reading alone in the coffee shop, sitting by the lake by myself, coming to an empty room after work, hollow weekends and holidays, watching couples PDA while walking down the street.. honestly, being alone is hard but it makes u really strong, a kind of strong which makes u think that u can now overcome anything.. u stop living for people and trying to please them, u live for urself and what u desire..
This video gives me a really positive perspective towards loneliness which i have just happened to find myself in..
exactlyyy
Maturity is when you realize that your time is more important than most of those folks whom you know.
Mail Jeevas exactly
Stop searching for a cool username yes bro
Divyansh TM, very true, very well put, very mature.
AuberJean 68 thx pal
Divyansh TM gold!
I can’t tell you how much this video has helped me with my biggest fear of being alone. I feel like for the first time at 29 I am figuring who I really want to be. Put in the work y’all!
Nice, same here 26 and enjoying this singlehood ride💃🏾
28 here and I'm new living alone. It's not really bad at all 😁
I'm used to being alone and it's not so bad
being alone is a luxury
Lonely is when you don't like the company.
Solitude is when you do.
This is a Golden saying, Thomas Walz. You might want to get it on a t-shirt and wall plaque before someone else does. Brilliant!
I just think like that: I have enough time to be alone so I just try to socialize and also accepting that many people are guided by fears helped me liking people.
@@vsatonthebeat4101 That's so true, ever more so these days... it's the product sold most on TV, talk radio, by all networks, making all who consume it afraid, and angry that they are living in fear, and need a scapegoat. Then folks go back to the networks where they are told who to blame, and the cycle continues.
There's a part of our brain called the Amygdala, where fear, threats, are processed. The media owners know this, make, market, content to stimulate it. Doing so is good for business.
Hey Thomas, is this a phrase of you ?
@@ermanevcil I have always been a loner. I've done my best work in solitude, had my greatest adventures.
I still enjoy social interactions when they happen. It took years to learn how to not only be comfortable, but socially successful as well... something I studied... alone.
One day you realise 90% of your problems were actually someone else’s .
never a truer word said bro
Well said
Sud I kill myself nowwww.realized this after 20 years.now feeling like shit.probably going to have chips n cake for the rest of my life now.🤦♀️🤦♀️😭😭
That’s a dangerous thought. It may very easily be a way to just ‘blame the other’... rarely, rarely problems are just on one side, rarely.
i think it's the other way around, tbh.
People who do not know how to enjoy being alone suffer from loneliness; those who know how to enjoy being alone appreciate solitude.
isolation is isolation; it's terrible for a human .. even the medical profession has figured that out by now
@@13abcde No one is better than anyone else; we are all special. It took me years to learn to appreciate solitude; and a lot of booze.
@@frentz7 yes but i do not mean solitary confinement just learning to be okay by yourself.
@@realistic.optimist yea there seems to be some ambiguity at the core of this video. I think most people are with you, that it is not about people who are actually less fortunate, in terms of human contact, or people that really know them well and care, etc.
But i think there is still a difference in being sometimes alone or always alone....!
This video describes exactly how I was during my six year relationship. In retrospect I was alone for most of it, but fooled myself into think at least I was not lonely. The point about eerie Sundays is so true as I had panic attacks for most of the past two Sundays and had to self sooth with alcohol and smoking. This video is a God send and just what I needed on this Sunday
"We'll grow used to cozy mediocracy" that is actually one of my biggest fears, that's so well put
It happens so subtly too. The years go by fast if you don't watch out. Life is incredibly short.
My biggest fear and unfortunately also my reality. It just kind of sneaks up on you.
@@JRspeaking me too pal...
My one of the biggest fears was "being alone forever", but eventually it changed to "being with a wrong person for life".
Ow I'm glad I'm a wise person 😁
👏❤️
Nothing is more lonely than being in the wrong company.
Wow, as someone who has some issues with this and struggled with this my whole life, I slowly started being more picky and careful, and it's hard, but your video is like a warm blanked that I needed to hear to comfort me and calm me down, thank you!
"In most cases, we were born alone, we die alone, and some where in between there, we live alone"
Robert all. Dawson i masterbate alone 😆
@Robert all. Dawson STOICISM
It's true. When you're born, you're a stranger amongst people who can't relate to your shock, pain and wonder anymore. During your living years you are stuck inside your own world, nobody will completely share or understand you or your experiences. We all dying is a trip to unknown we take alone too, nobody will accompany you, even if you are happily married.
2019 for me was the year of not having anyone to hang out with, mostly spending time in my room, i’ve been focusing on myself, developing skills and i feel so much more at peace, i’m no longer desperate to find friends or a partner
i love not being bothered by other people’s bullshit and them wanting to bring me down, not surrounding myself with fake friends anymore and enjoy my own company, moving forward with my goals
hear hear!
Wow!! Literally just like me.
Same here, I lost so much time being hurt by other's bullshit, my focus now is also staying strong about it and concentrate on the things I want to do, all the best for you
@@mjj7781 wish you all the best too :)
I love being alone. Guess a natural fit for an Introvert. I've tried relationships, catering to others needs...while forgetting my own. Became stricken with anxiety....which takes a toll on physical health. Now that I'm alone, I'm happy and healthy. Friends and family hate their spouses...yet firmly believe road to happiness takes a partner.....but obviously not "their" partner.
Great comment. You put it down so easily in words, something I always had trouble explaining to others.
The partner that did not exist
2:06 "...Cataclysmic irritation, self disgust, sexual misery, broken finances, excruciating loneliness" - dude just described my life right there
After watching this, I feel loved.
I usually forget about all these good things of being alone cos everybody else has either a significant other or companion which deceives us lone wolves. I'd want to believe my S.O will come at the right time at the right moment.
Also, I need to recalibrate my mindset to avoid the anxious and depressing feelings I am experiencing... and so do you.
Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. I love being alone, but I do not feel lonely. I have always something to do or I can always find something to do...something to learn...there is so much that this world offers.
I wish I could give this a trillion thumbs up. I wish they would teach this in school. It took me 65 years and five failed marriages because I didn't want to be alone. I settled for mediocrity; and never found the relationship I deserved.
Wow! I've had three and I'm pretty disillusioned,
That was somewhat a big gamble...
Five failed marriages? Everyone's got their own story, but when I hear a number like that, the most likely thing is this is less of a 'my standards are too low' problem and more of a 'i am difficult to get along with' problem
The only relationship you need is with yourself
Seasoned divorce lawyer here. You had five marriages. Did they all end in divorce, or did some of your spouses pass away? I wish you waited for the relationship you deserved. Never settle for mediocre. It never ends well. Never.
I never feel more lonely than when I'm surrounded by people.
I feel exactly the same...
ya thats me! thats why i went my own way !
I've been saying almost the exact same thing for almost my whole life. I'm 52 now. It was weird to see it in writing from another person.
@@tonycarboni2002 I don't know what it is, mate. I have a select few people (fewer than 10, I'd say) that I like being around. But, for the most part, being around people is just a stark reminder how much I don't fit into this world's ideology (I know that sounds like I'm trying to be edgy, but I'm really not). I feel most at home when I'm alone - usually looking up at the stars. It's weird that I feel less alone staring into the incomprehensible vastness of space, than I do being around people on earth 🤣
@ Chris. I guess some of us were just meant to be introverts. Judging by this video and the comments, there seems to be a lot of us too. I used to think this was a curse because relationships were taxing. Now, I feel lucky to be this way. Sometimes, I remind myself that the word alone came from the phrase "all one". That was actually one of the highest compliments one could pay a man in the Middle Ages. That makes me feel strong and special. Good luck with your unique journey.
The way this described my marriage - From the misery while traveling, to the loneliness in the relationship. I don't ever want to do that again. So alone it is!
It's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone.
this video is extremely comforting, i love being alone and doing things by myself but society makes me feel like im missing out by being single but i really just wanna be alone
Same here and society makes it much harder for women, that's why we have to keep a strong mind about it, best wishes for you
Society pressures people to be with someone
@@mjj7781 you are totally right, thank god i was born a men
Claire K wow . God bless you sweetheart. Don't go changing unless changing is what you desire. ❤️
@@mjj7781 How is it harder for women?
4:10 omggg this is so true. I've felt this happening to myself. i figured out quite early that one of the most important thing i must ensure is to feel complete and fulfilled with my own company. and never to seek out friendships and relationships out of sheer desperation.
"the empty apartment after work" well at least you got an apartment :/
Very true!
Its hurtful feeling to come to an apartment alone but that's true
@@BrownSkinnedDiva95 Well, if you have the desire to have someone there, I'm sure you will make it happen 😎
@@lloydhudson6463
Of course you can!
How ever what kind of person , a loyal one or someone else that would use & throw you.
@@waterfull2907 Huh?
My god, this described me so well that I almost cried. And I am a grown man. Thank you so much from the bottom of my soul.
Like an answered prayer. Sometimes when I am reading and look up from my book and let my thoughts just wander, I realize this kind of time and space is a true luxury. But,
I have seen many happy marriages, parents, sibling, cousins, and admit to envying their closeness and commitment.
Old crying soy boys aren't grown men they are old crying soy boys.
My favorite aspect of School of Life is that it actually makes me feel enlightened and worse at the same time.
Every word of this video is true. I have been through 6 relationships since the time I was 16yo and now 27yo. I have always had this wish of being with that person or soulmate that will complete me, it's not until my last break up when I was forced to endure loneliness and ultimately winning over my weakness of being alone or needing to have a soulmate, in fact I came to a conclusion that soul doesn't need a mate. Now, being alone I feel so free, I feel the real freedom, but before I always felt like something was missing and yes it's true I think I have been using others to compensate for my own weakness.
This realization may not come to some, as it didn't come to me before, but once you overcome the fear of being alone the feeling is just another level.
you're complet on your own ... you build something new and sometimes beautiful with a potential partner it's called a relationship which you're an essential part of but you stay complete on your own ...
Your insides were occupied for 11 years so they really deserve 11 years off if you haven’t learned anything thus far. I expect an update when you turn 38. Peace.
I’m surprised by the one-sided positive reviews for this video on the comments section. While it is easy to jump into mediocre relationships due to fear of loneliness, it is also quite easy stay alone fearing the inevitable personal compromises necessary to being in a relationship with anyone (even with the “perfect” one). Both these choices are sub-optimal.
How do you know if you’re avoiding making reasonable compromises by choosing a lone wolf life? What if you’re just being arrogant instead of being self-assured and where’s the line?
Similarly, when you do make compromises to be in a relationship, how do you know if they are “reasonable”? What if you’re compromising too much and where’s the line?
These are the nuances this video completely misses. This is quite unlike many of the other videos from this channel that present more nuanced reasoning of various life phenomena.
I feel the same way
Yeah. But it's about the high price we pay for our loneliness so it's supposed to acknowledge one side of what you took notice kind sir/ma'am.
We only ever need a few people for lifelong friends and a partner, and I think it's a challenge to figure it out by our age's gathered wisdom.
"Maybe I know somewhere, deep in my soul that love never lasts and we've got to find other ways to make it alone, but keep a straight face...
and I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now, I had sworn to myself that I'm content, with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk well you are, the only exception."
- The Only Exception (Paramore)
And of course, we can never truly end up alone if we'd care for other non-human living things
I’ve been struggling with this too as someone who has had very low standards for relationships that have allowed them to mistreat me. Where is the healthy line of compromise vs being alone?
What you have to do is write a list of your needs and what you’re looking for in relationships. Then go through and write a BECAUSE. You’re looking for x because of y. Analyze yourself and ask whether this is compromisable for you. Making things explicit will help you know where your boundaries are so much better.
Entering into any relationship with a fear of loneliness will taint your ability to negotiate compromises.
Without a fear of loneliness you can be better prepared for finding what you really seek in a partner.
@@alegriart Ironically, I made this very mistake. Moved on and learned my lesson the hard way. Now I’m single and couldn’t be happier.
After many years of living with a cruel person, I am finally alone. Much of what was said in the video is relevant. The less time left, the more selective I become. I haven’t found anyone worth giving up this blissful solitude.
Truely being alone is when your beside someone who no longer wants you in there life,that's true being alone
This is very acurate
😔
Di Ane You've just described my marriage.
Time to find yourself buddy
Cornelius Dines I have came to the conclusion that I have to end it to find my happiness but with this damn p(l)andenic it's a perpetual lockdown , and I can't even travel anywhere to get my head together , a very bad situation .
Freedom is the most beautiful and the most cherished desire of human consciousness.
I’m a girl from a Muslim country I never had freedom and they don’t want to give it to me and they don’t want me to be independent they see me as property they think they own me and they treat me like object
I love being single. I've spent most of my life searching for love in people that weren't a good match for me, but I stuck with them 😢 I put them first and tried to change myself to suit them. 💩 not any more! Great video Thankyou ❤❤❤
very true, and the saddest thing is, no matter how much we change for other people to love us, they still leave
Guilty of the same thing.. self imprisonment
some relationships are more about distractions than attractions! how can anyone be themselves in a relationship when they've not taken time to have a relationship with themselves first? 🤦🏽♀️
very good point!
18 months ago I got out off a toxic relationship. His ex moved in a week later. I have been healing, been single and I love it, I was actually single for 7 years prior to this relationship. He is right, you do attract wrong people when being single, it’s good to hAve a friend but I let go of everybody I was acquainted to. I got out of a very emotional mess but did it by myself. I don’t see him doing that cause he can’t be alone. He Needs his supply.
So true.
I really enjoy being alone. Sometimes it’s a necessity for me :)
I’m single by 3 years and I’m happy like I was not when I were with the ex-bf. I know that being in love it’s fantastic but I don’t understand people who choose to be with anyone rather than being alone.
We live in a world full of people...when you feel alone you just have to open your eyes.
This video explained my exact thoughts in recent years! I've been single by choice for over 5 years now. I have been thinking how my coupled friends are more limited than i am. Ex: If your partner fixes the washing machine, you never learn that you can do it! I see my sister in a miserable marriage for 25 years. Why? Just because you don't want to be alone? Its sooo much happier than being in a bad marriage/relationship and complaining about it. People always want me to be in a relationship but I am TOO happy by myself, why change that? Thanks for the video, it was validating!
My fear of being in the wrong company is stronger that the fear of being alone.
Going home to an empty apartment, gives me the same feeling of getting into an empty elevator, having it all to myself... quickly pressing that close door button
oohh god exactly my life😥
😁 gosh I never thought it quite like dat 😜
I love it. But I also love to share my bed with someone. What a dilemma?
Oh that.
😆
Straight 🔥Thank you so much for this! Fav quote: “I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.”