The High Price We Pay for Our Fear of Loneliness
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- Опубликовано: 31 дек 2019
- We often make some very peculiar and regrettable choices on the basis of a hidden and unmentioned fear: that of being alone. But once we realise that there isn't, in fact, anything to fear about being on our own, we'll be liberated to make some far healthier decisions.
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“It’s not hard to understand the fear of being alone: the empty apartment after work, the eerieness of Sunday afternoons, the sense of exclusion during the holidays… We know the agonies of being on our own very well.
What is far less well understood, and less eloquently or frequently described, is the enormously high price exacted on the other side of the equation. The fear, or more often simply the phobia, of being alone is perhaps responsible for more unhappy relationships, more throttling of psychological development, more claustrophobia and more pent up misery than almost any other: it is - by any reckoning - one of the single greatest contributors to human misery and the driver of some of our weightiest and most unfortunate decisions. If only we were able to get the costs of what is for the most part a simple misapprehension clear in our minds, we might save ourselves a substantial portion of our lives…”
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The School of Life hello! Do you offer private counselling?
And also, have you considered doing a ‘draw my life’ style video? I’d love to know more about your background and personal story so far
Bless you...whoever you are...people ask me all the time If I have a wife and children..the answer is of course no...then they give me their sympathy pat me on my back making themselves "feel" more fortunate than me. But I know that most of them have built their houses on sand and have chosen to live a life that is a lie and are as miserable as they perceive me to be.
Where are the facts, link to a study or anything that can back up your claims? I mean it is true that relationships break and you end might end up hurt emotionally and maybe also financially. But if everyone stops taking chances you probably end up with less people finding someone to live their life with. I know for a fact that lonliness slowly kills you and there is no mention of the risks of being alone which make me think since this is an educational channel.
@@roderickgrayson8743 I don't think it's ever a mistake, "building their houses on sand" since no matter what a facade might be, it is what's needed at any given moment. Meaning, any given situation is always right as a catalyst for further growth. Sometimes the pattern is never realized in short period of time thus it eventually becomes an accumulated lies. Whenever there is invested enough energy and time on certain situation, it is always preferable for the body/mind to keep the persona up than facing the pain of truth.
@@Munchausenification It takes time to find a suitable mate...most use superficial criteria
The loneliest I've ever been is when I've been in relationships that weren't working.
EXACTLY!!
That is one reason why I stopped the game, removed my helmet, walked off the field, and left the stadium LOL
Next month that will be 2 years ago. I've been alone ever since and I've never felt better. Living my best life like it's golden!
Joe Caner even though I am alone more, I felt more alone and depressed even I was with my ex
Asim Khan so did I !
Wow
Yeah those kind of relationships wear me out
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
― Mark Twain
Bruh he's a comedian
Twain always nails it with simplicity.
Well sounds good but many of us are far from being comfortable living a lonely life
Leads to sadness and mental health issues
Use pot...
I’m glad I’m not as simple minded as the first two oh and kripa lol but I know an ex-friend (long story) who is in this exact situation. They Literally straight up told me they were (like I said long story).
I'm 54 and never married, no kids. I live alone, and I have gotten to like the person I live with. I wish I had learned to do this long ago. If you're single, learn to like yourself before you go looking for a partner.
You are 100% right. I'm 66 and have a small dog. I do go out and socialize but I don't care to have company in my home.
I needed this today ❤thank you
@@barryrhodes1454same. I don’t even like most people. I love going home and being able to do whatever I want on my time.
Being alone is much better than being with a wrong person!
@@barryrhodes1454 ❤️
So true. Being an introvert is underrated. When I was growing up, I was pressured to "have more friends." Now, I realize that that advice was terribly wrong and cost me much happiness. The vast majority of people do not care about you. You should be careful whom you consider as friends. Life is not a popularity contest like people in high school think. Only worry about what the people who are important in your life think. Having one or two really good friends is much better than being "popular."
You can be an extrovert and be single lol. This is who I am.
Well said.
Couldn't agree more.
@@justauser He didn't say you couldn't be an extrovert and single.
@@esteban1487 Thank you. Peace.
Paradoxically, those who build the best relationships are those who don't need them.
When you need a relationship, you ruin it with the pressure you put on yourself and the other person.
This is very true. Placing your happiness on someone else, or blaming another for unhappiness, is a recipe for disaster. I have taken a long time to learn this and am working on being content with myself first before actively seeking a new relationship. At 32 it's pretty scary but I finally know what I want in life and it's good to be at peace with that, my past and present. That's a really important foundation to have.
Omg yes!!
Wow, never thought about it. So true.
This comment needs a love button.
Very true! 👍
Never forget: *It's better to be alone, than in a wrong company.*
Very true...as long as we realize that nobody's perfect and that imperfections don't necessarily mean the wrong company.
true!!!
@@CarlJohnson-iv7sn My sympathies. If you don't even *want* a girlfriend then I know exactly which _'deep down'_ part of you is feeling empty.
We all crave and need intimacy and our productivity, mood as well as happiness and concentration levels suffer if we don't get it, regardless of whether we realize this or not.
We're only human and humans are ultimately machines that all need sustenance - not only nutritional but also emotional and physical.
very true
Well said
I've learned to be happy alone. Going out to eat, going to a concert, eating cereal or popcorn for dinner. It's nirvana compared to the two miserable marriages I was in. Me and my cat. Happy at last.
Same here, it is as if I wrote those lines. Could not have summarized better myself. Being happy alone was a process for me but I did reach it.
My kitty says Hi to your kitty.
Cozy and unbothered.
Yes!
Two miserable marriages? Guaranteed you are the problem then my friend.
🇬🇧🙋♂️ Other sides of the world,, give a wave babe it shouldnt hurt
@@sayyadinawitch I never felt miserable alone but always when I was in a relationship. I don't want to be a fool who fulfills some unrealistic expectations of women who live in a fantasy.
I almost cried when he said there is nothing wrong with being alone. I use to feel like I was a weirdo, unsociable, unlikable person. But turns out being alone is just waiting for someone right to come along. I’m at peace now
I have a severe phobia of ending up alone which makes me vulnerable.every woman I've been with manipulates me and I know it but I can't break the bonds and go free.because of this fear. I know my current crush is toying with me but I can't scream because I will lose my chance being with her. I cant possibly lose my chance to be with someone who cares enough to send me a hello a good morning a nice word during the bad times but still she is so cold and distant and I know she is trying to be the head of this whole thing. I can't be alone since I've never been alone in life. Parents and friend were and are always there for me. Losing them? That will make me lose my mind. And for that I know I have to find love because without love I won't survive. Yeah idk why I wrote this here but that's how I am if anyone reads this thank you for your time
@Juru Thank you the hardest battle is the one against your weaknesses. Your reply gives me hope be safe!
@@trolarastrolaridou3937 i had been facing similar issues of loneliness in a big city and so finally decided to come back to my parents home and live with them. I now work for a less reputable company as i am in my hometown and no big company gave work from home. But i am happy to not be back to a empty home or worse a home with toxic people.
I hope you can also do similar if possible and keep searching for a person who gets you instead of going for a person you know is wrong.
I love being alone, for me being with others make me miserable, depressed, angry and stressed to death, but when I'm alone I feel relaxed and much much happier.
I’m alone by choice. I hate living with other people.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
Robin Williams
No. The Worst thing is too look to others for validation.
@@josephwalsh7546 I think Robin was all about approval......
That wasn't a Robin Williams, that was his character in world's greatest Dad. So that's probably bobcat goldthwait's line. Or whoever the screenwriter was.
@will walker Hi Will. do you have any advice for those who do struggle with suicide. Such an important topic.
Well said. I have been far more lonely in the wrong relationship than when alone.
"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone"-- Blaise Pascal
That's because women invade all of men's spaces and distract them.
Rhys Williamson - vice versa as well
@@missmarvelous110 nope
@@missmarvelous110 not at all. Women are obsessed with being allowed into all male groups or spaces. The same isn't true for men or boys towards female groups or spaces.
So true.
I was afraid to be alone more than I was afraid of being beat by my husband. I knew I had to change because I was going to die. Now I am in my own place and enjoy the peace and am in no physical/emotional pain. ❤
Well done you, Kourtney W, that must have taken lots of courage. x
Hope you're okay now
As a single person with no “real” friends I find this to be pretty validating and comforting. I think the most important relationship you can have is with yourself.
You first have to figure out who you are
Same here. I always thought I needed to have a social group until I saw the power one gets from solitude.
One day you realise 90% of your problems were actually someone else’s .
never a truer word said bro
Well said
Sud I kill myself nowwww.realized this after 20 years.now feeling like shit.probably going to have chips n cake for the rest of my life now.🤦♀️🤦♀️😭😭
That’s a dangerous thought. It may very easily be a way to just ‘blame the other’... rarely, rarely problems are just on one side, rarely.
i think it's the other way around, tbh.
It‘s creepy how they release a video on a topic that you‘re experiencing right in that same moment omg
Jonathan Waibel actually these kinds of topics are expected of these times.
Jonathan Waibel there really is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I’m cool with the former. 😎
Creepy or fortunate, Jonathan Waibel?
coreycox2345 Both I guess🤔
maybe it’s because loneliness hits harder on Holidays
“The worst feeling is not being alone. It’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget”
This really hurts.
highly underrated comment
So prophetic, thank you.
why is it so important for us to be remembered?
@@soda363 good question
Always remember : Better be alone than in a toxic relationship.
That's true
That includes friendship.
But you are so right
I've learnt that lesson
This is why people should only marry when they mean it. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and it's hard work sometimes. If you can look at the man or woman you wish to marry and picture them sick or old and helpless and unattractive and you still want to hold them close and kiss them and love them, than marry them. If NOT, then wait.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone.
It's not.
The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
- Robin Williams
YES!!!!!!!!!! True so true
A lot of people are not looking for love, they are looking for help .......
THIS !
Yess!!
My bf...
hits hard..a deprresed girl mistook my friendship for romance n ruined it for both of us
Boy, you sure got that right.
Loneliness hurts, I ve been there and its hard when nobody calls you or text you, but being with the wrong people is even worst. One day I realized that I was surrounded by toxic people so I started to say no to everybody and some days later they stopped calling me to do things. I was afraid if I was doing the wrong thing cause by doing that I knew the price would be loneliness. But later on I started to feel much more relaxed and more campable of focusing on my own things. Those people I was spending my time with were just consuming my energy and when I got rid of them my own self came back and I realized the good and passionate person I am and how lost I was trying to keep those senseless relationships. So you have to be with the people that vibrates like you. Dont be afraid to cut off relationships that dont work, the quicker you do it the better. Your life belongs to you not to them.
WORSE...and apostrophe's are your friend.
@@Andrea-sl8wd no you start interacting with other people rather than being trapped with the wrong ones. its a big effort but is worth doing it
@@Andrea-sl8wd You need to take distance to focus on your life and your goals. But I didnt mean to isolate yourself from the outside world, you can even keep those old friendships but not in the way of being their servant. Of course you need human relations to build up things, but this time you must do it respecting yourself and becoming the center of your universe.
I gotcha!!! I'm on same truck as you!
been there, done that, and I also feel so much better
It's better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone
The loneliest I ever felt was during the years I was married.
When you’re with the wrong person, you’re not available when the right one comes along.
yep, i can relate so much.
when you're out for dinner and suddenly you have NOTHING to say to another and you look at other couples to escape the feeling of "how did we come to this, did we go wrong somewhere or was this always bound to end up this way.....".
since i ended that relationship, i've been enriching my own solitude so much, it's so worth it.
real fact
I guess I was the right one to someone who is currently married. I had to deny my growing feelings for him, because by then I was already told by a friend that he was Married. It hurt so much, like as if I was stabbed in the chest. I know he talked of me to his friends at work, he admitted to them he liked me, and in return they made it known to me. I left Costco, but sometimes I wonder if he still thinks of me like I think of him.
Love this comment
Wow, well said absolutely agree thank you so true
“The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters” - Friedrich Nietzsche
Very good
That way of thinking suggests that everyone used to be included in the "lonely ones" group. Since no person was forever not lonely, they all ultimately had to "offer their hand too quickly to whomever they encounter" - at least once in their life.
I think the truth is that one indeed can be alone, but not lonely and necessarily desperate for company.
Yes, so desperate for interaction..
I dont .I treat people the way they treat me and love my own. company .
What is " too quickly?" I "quickly offered" my hand to the perdon that is the love of my life. 18 years strong.
being alone is a luxury
It's not only fear to lonenliness what drives us, but also the desire to feel emotions.. romantic ones or just sexual emotions... passion and excitement.
True that.
True. And I think that the fact that life is short makes us want to live fully everything that there is to live
“You can feel more alone with the wrong person than when being single”
Damn that hits deep
Right
You can also feel less supported when you have someone who should support you but hardly ever does it than when you have no-one who should support you and therefore no support whatsoever.
Edit: For clarity.
Some of my loneliest moments were when I was married.
very true
“Be alone, that is the secret of invention; be alone, that is when ideas are born.”
― Nikola Tesla
pleximanic
I love being alone because I learn so much via books and disparate thoughts coming together. I’ll take that over feeling alone in a crowd amongst vapid topics.
@ADEBISI ADEBISI what the fuck yo 😕
@ADEBISI ADEBISI my friend... Open your brain before open your mouth..
Big Tesla fan but this is BS, collective brainstorming ftw
My Nikola Tesla, born in Croatia, really was a mind from the future. Greetings from Croatia.
I never feel more lonely than when I'm surrounded by people.
I feel exactly the same...
ya thats me! thats why i went my own way !
I've been saying almost the exact same thing for almost my whole life. I'm 52 now. It was weird to see it in writing from another person.
@@tonycarboni2002 I don't know what it is, mate. I have a select few people (fewer than 10, I'd say) that I like being around. But, for the most part, being around people is just a stark reminder how much I don't fit into this world's ideology (I know that sounds like I'm trying to be edgy, but I'm really not). I feel most at home when I'm alone - usually looking up at the stars. It's weird that I feel less alone staring into the incomprehensible vastness of space, than I do being around people on earth 🤣
@ Chris. I guess some of us were just meant to be introverts. Judging by this video and the comments, there seems to be a lot of us too. I used to think this was a curse because relationships were taxing. Now, I feel lucky to be this way. Sometimes, I remind myself that the word alone came from the phrase "all one". That was actually one of the highest compliments one could pay a man in the Middle Ages. That makes me feel strong and special. Good luck with your unique journey.
I absolutely see this as a motivating factor for so many people’s decisions. After so many observations, one of my fears is mediocrity and complacency and settling down out of desperation. A lot of the most lonely and miserable people are people who are with someone because they felt they had no other choice. THAT prospect has always haunted me. In a world that is so obsessed with using relationship status as metric of success and normalcy, thank you so much for this video. It’s exhausting being constantly gaslit.
actually stats show that people are better off in relationships even if they end
@@danielrobert4219 this is such a vague comment.
-what’s the metric for “better off” ie “better off” how?
-please cite your sources
-if your relationship ends, you’re not in a relationship anymore then lol
It is good thaz you started thinking about it. Those social statuses are messing with us. I was afraid of how others will percieve me or what they say. Too much. I came to the point where I really dont care. It took time, and some life events helped me question what I really want ? I choose happines over status.
"One is always at the mercy of the one who fears loneliness less"
This line really made me realise some things.
Me too!
Yess made me think about that line and had to be honest about being that person that was afraid, thn I realized why it was always so easy for the other person to skip along an not look back , while I'm stuck🤷🏽♀️
and that is the partner who is aware he is hot or at least exotic.
Me too
That line is so very true......
"It's better to be alone, than to be with someone who makes you feel alone".
Yeah but i also feel like we might be perpetuating habits that make us feel alone with others. Whether its social anxiety or just a lack of skillset. Ive felt alone and comfortable with the same people depending on my own mental state. I think we can have a good time with anyone and social skills are something you can learn. My opinion
777 likes
Living alone has given me so many things to be grateful for. My life is more focused. I take better care of myself, and I'm more peaceful and relaxed. I used to believe I was better off pairing with others because of my fear of going it alone. However the opposite has been true. I cherish my solitude and it's absence of crisis and drama. I know what I like, and I work hard to manifest and protect my space and security. Being alone has been more rewarding than I had feared. I've become more at peace because of it. I'm happier.
2:06 "...Cataclysmic irritation, self disgust, sexual misery, broken finances, excruciating loneliness" - dude just described my life right there
It's New Year and everyone is out partying and here I am at home, eating and watching videos on YT.
Tbh I feel at peace and even finished a really good book.
Yes, ...!!!
Good music really helps too.
Same here also was alone. Usually theres always a argument or someone that hurts anothers feeling on New Years eve/night. I'm glaid I missed that aswell. The ammount of energy some people can drain out of me...
It’s best to share your life with someone else... peace and hugs KP
Which book?
Same. Except I haven't even read half of my book lmao.
“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit…It’s like you don’t want to deal with people any more because they drain your energy.” - Jim Carrey
@Blind Squid you should see his art ;)
@Blind Squid What left you with that impression? His goofy roles?
falenangel it’s true tho
I often feel the same way..✌💨🏃
Bitch shut up. Solitude is not dangerous.
I'm frequently alone - not lonely - this comes from within - it's a mindset I learned about the time I turned 30 - one of my most useful life lessons I was able to learn
"He who delights in solitude is either a wild beast or a god." - Friedrich Nietzsche.
I guess I'm the god😀😁😂
Actually Neitzsche was referring to gods and monsters as the only ones who can truly thrive in solitude. I suppose that makes me a monster, because I am not a god.
Actually who said that was Aristotle...
Celtic Revival / Adfywiad Celtaidd Wild Paga Goddess myself - obvs 😂😂😂✌🏻🏴
Celtic Revival / Adfywiad Celtaidd Wild Pagan Goddess myself - obvs 😂😂😂✌🏻🏴
Never forget: You have to learn to be happy on your own first in order to be happy with somebody else!
Yep!
Agreed, Love yourself 1st!
Nailed it...all these pu55ies here "I was lonely when I was married/attached/surrounded by people"😢😢
but can you ever really be happy? or is it the illusion of happiness
@@merry_cupcake3598
If you need to ask the question, you'll never understand the answer.
Shout out to me who's incredibly terrified of being alone. And facing it everyday all her life. I love you brave young lady.
I’m a introvert so I love being alone
Yes, introverts love being alone. They are usually drained by being around people whereas extroverts get their energy from people.
Yeah, a great Sunday afternoon, for me, is staying in my abode, reading a historical novel or listening to a podcast while sipping on a hot, steamy, cup of coffee or tea. The only sound is perhaps the dishwasher in the background. Pure relaxation, peace, joy, and serenity.
Solitude becomes necessary when you’re giving your life purpose. Developing a purpose requires discipline, and discipline requires isolation from society’s mediocrity.
Quincy Lee yessss thank you! 🙏🏽
Traveler Trash have an excellent 2020, friend! 😃
Wow,well said.Thanks a lot!
Wow.So true👍
I'll quote you on this one day
I think what’s worse is being with the right person and losing them. The loneliness after that without compare.
I agree.
Agreed
I don't agree. Be happy for the time you had, and be sure you are looking into something even better, more right and happier.
I heard that someone said grief is a maintenance of love. It will be hard at first, but later on you will be fond of all the memories you collected together, and it also proves your growth as a better person thorough the years thanks to them ❤️
If you don't pursue love just because you're afraid of loss, I think that kinda life it's not worth living.
I would rather try and loose that, than give up entirely with lots of regrets.
Yes, thank you! I would leave a toxic relationship in a heartbeat, but to lose someone who is a 75% match is devastating, especially if part of what is working is the illogical attraction to a person who, like yourself, is not perfect in all respects.
Many said it before but I'll say it again because it may be the best advices one can get in life. Always learn to be happy with yourself and your own company first. Always be in line with your core values and principles, and on top of all, always make sure to feel gratitude with what you already have. Once that is achieved no one and nothing can break you, you will always feel happy at your core even when the worst things happen to you. It might be difficult to understand at first but once you'll start practicing it, you will.
That's not true. It's impossible to be happy when one is completely alone in the world.
@@user9xyz836 why?
@@user9xyz836 Search for happiness from within. Think for a moment about all the good things you have in your present moment, all the good things you have the power to achieve in the future. Stop thinking that the only way to be happy in life is through social interaction. Have an open mind and find things you are passionate about and I promise, you will be happy.
@@user9xyz836 You can actually. You need alcohol and weed. Jk but you need to give yourself some time without the dopamine. It will come together.
Spot on ! You summed it up beautifully . It is not possible nor right to expect another to make you happy . Only you can with authenticity .
So many people in unhappy marriages because it’s “better” than being alone.
Yeah.. like my parents
It’s not better but being alone also sucks..
@@eehyetti.. Being alone for a long time doesn't suck... You get used to being alone and it becomes fun with time... But being in a bad relationship sucks all the time.
I see women in unhappy marriages getting older faster, having poor health (cronic illness), putting on weight and frustrated. And men working extra hours or having mistresses...
I was feeling "alone" being single today.
Thank you for putting things in perspective.
when you come across this video on a sunday afternoon
I just thought the same
oh hey damon lol funny to find you here
Saturday afternoon
Lol... Sunny Sunday Afternoon
One week later...but same
When I entered into college, I, like most freshmen, was terrified of not having friends. So, I used my social skills and got friends immediately - we did everything together, and it was great. Yet, I knew something was not right. I wasn’t being myself around them. They weren’t a good influence. After much thought, I said goodbye to those friends (in a good way), and I wandered along. It was a lonely few months, but it was also the most rewarding. I met someone who would always be by my side, and I was finally able to meet a new group who treated me fully for who I am. They genuinely loved me, cared for me, gave time to me, and more. And I was inclined to do the same for them. They are still my friends now and I believe brothers for the rest of my life. The fear of loneliness doesn’t go away once you get friends - no, the fear of loneliness only goes away once you are no longer afraid of being lonely.
Not sure what loneliness is, I do miss people when I don’t see them for a while but being alone at home, or on weekends it’s so easy to be entertained, I don’t need anyone to feel happy
We are aways alone, we just realize It too late. Even If you have a companion, like a wife or a kid, they are with you as long as It pleases them, not you.
We need to see loneliness as a natural thing, not a bad one.
@Andrew Goering that is not a person, only a dog does that
Some of us remain through both the better and the worse, in sickness and in health. It always requires love, it sometimes requires strength, patience, and a good bit of bravery.
Exactly!
Loneliness is only “natural” in the modern world
@@yuriguedesneiva only bc you can't imagine to be loved and to love truly doesn't mean it doesn't exist at all - don't put your experience on others, you have a bad attitude
It seems to me people have more of problem with me being alone than I do myself...
I agree. Lots of people think you're weird if you like being on your own. More fool them.
true
Well, they hate the fact that when you are alone your best fuck might just be in some corner while they have to content with fake orgasms.
Hahahahaha true story.
Indeed!
Going out alone is amazing. Silence is golden, when you get lonely just entertain yourself with music or a podcast. Observing the world makes you super aware of others and then those small interactions you get with other strangers become so beautiful.
I am alone, and I bloody love my company.
What worries me in fact is the fear of being unable to share 'my' space with someone else when the day comes.
I completely relate to this😅
I enjoy being alone but once in a while, I wish I had someone to laugh with and share pleasant experiences. Someone to bounce ideas around with. I think sometimes I don't want marriage. What I need is a friend for life.
Same here.!!
Exactly
The thing is...that’s what our significant other is supposed to be...our closest friend...the one person u look forward to seeing everyday...the person who knows exactly what kind of day u had by the look on ur face and knows exactly what u need to feel better...to know what it feels like to be loved by another and to know what it feels like to truly love another...but today, relationships r dead in the water at the beginning because of the negativity that surrounds the whole idea...almost like it’s become a ritual to immediately start destroying the other person never giving them the chance to have or do any of it
R.M. M - Well said ❗️
SAME!!!
The most important relationship you'll ever have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself.
Very true.
As a woman who has lived alone for 5 years I have learnt to value myself enjoy my own company and do only the things I genuinely love. You get the option to decide who you want to hang out with and for how long. It teaches you to not take every piece of bull crap that co,es your way
I find people rarely learn how to choose appropriate partners. Being alone is better and less costly than having a flawed partnership. However, finding a good partner requires skills in addition to luck.
I find it amazing that people find an empty apartment, clear calendar and Sunday afternoon to do whatever you want a negative.. I treasure this suff as a true introvert, not all people want to be with someone by default.
Yes. As a natural born introvert, It’s quite lovely being able to listen to my own breath …a pleasure. 😅
As an extrovert, even I love this
I am a virgin and I am over 40.I know men who are extremely unhappy with child support and overall with past relationships.Sad indeed.
Wrong choices, deserves solitude, uncompromising attitude, single because of inhibitions, is it unnatural to be yourself, or be by yourself, fear of being alone🚩🆘⛔💲✅
For so many married couples who feel they are in a self made prison this message will add another brick in their wall of silent misery. It has been ten years since my last relationship. It has not been all sunshine and roses. But this morning, January 1, 2020, I sip my first cup of coffee with my golden retriever at my feet and I am content in this moment and no longer look to someone else to somehow make me happy. Wishing everyone peace and light.
Good for you! Why Kyushu, by the way?
Wow I'm happy for you I'm 22 and live is cold, I just hate myself and always angry lethargic bs. I don't know if I'm strong enough for this live
@@millennialpodcast1438 , try this first! Believe me, it works! Self compassion should be taught in schools. This video will be first step to the rest of your life. Namaste! ruclips.net/video/-kfUE41-JFw/видео.html
ref.: #TheSchoolOfLife
> Self Compassion
writeronthestorm kyushu yeah i mean you’re just back to your childhood state but without your parents... nice
This is the kind of stuff that should be taught in the classroom, 6 minutes and it helps every human being understand the process of their mind better 👏🔥
riiiiiiight like that's what gen z need, more consumerist individualism and romantic frigidity justified under the banner of 'omg just vibing with myself the world's going to end anyway lol'
I’m almost 70 years old. I grew through my formative years without this advice. And it really fucked up some areas of my life.
"Endure empty weekends" Weekends alone are my happiest times in life.
But could you do it for rest of your life? I want to be this person that enjoys solitude but i find it too hard i end up making bad associations just so that I'm not alone. I'm a smart well accomplished individual yet the thought of being forever alone scares me
I loved my alone time when I was around people constantly. Now that I'm mostly alone, I don't appreciate it as much
Once you discover the drama others bring to your life being alone is a gift
As an extrovert who really craves time with people and feels rejuvenated by it, empty weekends are the WORST. I absolutely appreciate the idea of learning to not feel depressed by having a weekend free of good company, but I personally believe that introverts have a much easier time with this. For me, passing an entire weekend without hearing the sound of my own voice makes me incredibly depressed. I think too much solitude isn't always good for you.
@Muñeca Quitapenas since 1980 True but humans have legitimate needs for social inclusion and belonging and loving relationships, and in fact loneliness is often correlated in studies as a risk factor for a number of health issues, not just mental health. So while what you say is true on a deeper level, it doesn't account for these very real needs that are part of being human.
Lonely is when you don't like the company.
Solitude is when you do.
This is a Golden saying, Thomas Walz. You might want to get it on a t-shirt and wall plaque before someone else does. Brilliant!
I just think like that: I have enough time to be alone so I just try to socialize and also accepting that many people are guided by fears helped me liking people.
@@vsatonthebeat4101 That's so true, ever more so these days... it's the product sold most on TV, talk radio, by all networks, making all who consume it afraid, and angry that they are living in fear, and need a scapegoat. Then folks go back to the networks where they are told who to blame, and the cycle continues.
There's a part of our brain called the Amygdala, where fear, threats, are processed. The media owners know this, make, market, content to stimulate it. Doing so is good for business.
Hey Thomas, is this a phrase of you ?
@@ermanevcil I have always been a loner. I've done my best work in solitude, had my greatest adventures.
I still enjoy social interactions when they happen. It took years to learn how to not only be comfortable, but socially successful as well... something I studied... alone.
It’s better to be alone than pseudo friends
This video explained my exact thoughts in recent years! I've been single by choice for over 5 years now. I have been thinking how my coupled friends are more limited than i am. Ex: If your partner fixes the washing machine, you never learn that you can do it! I see my sister in a miserable marriage for 25 years. Why? Just because you don't want to be alone? Its sooo much happier than being in a bad marriage/relationship and complaining about it. People always want me to be in a relationship but I am TOO happy by myself, why change that? Thanks for the video, it was validating!
"the empty apartment after work" well at least you got an apartment :/
Very true!
Its hurtful feeling to come to an apartment alone but that's true
@@BrownSkinnedDiva95 Well, if you have the desire to have someone there, I'm sure you will make it happen 😎
@@lloydhudson6463
Of course you can!
How ever what kind of person , a loyal one or someone else that would use & throw you.
@@waterfull2907 Huh?
How hurtful it is when you realize people/partners/friends don't like or love you, they just don't want to be alone.
I feel like most of the people who actually feel like this don't realize it. They are with you not because they necessarily love you, but because of the incapability of loving and handling themselves being alone. That doesn't mean that they don't love you at all, as those two motives can both be valid.
I might have fallen in this category. Being with someone not because I "love" them (whatever love even is) but because the alternative was unappealing. Deep in my mind, being alone means you are weak. Being alone means that no one can understand the real me. Being alone is the most destructive fear of mine.
I can't be left alone with my thoughts; therefore I need distractions all the time, I need people to spend time with because I can't handle helping myself.
I thought it was love, but I'm really not sure what to call it. The thing I am... is afraid. Afraid of me. Afraid of everything.
I don't know what to make of all this, what I should do, where to start. Whenever I'm alone I get this existential dread that I absolutely hate. My mind is a minefield, too dangerous. I get too caught up in my fantasies to come back to living life. It's awful.
@@truther249 I understand you but I am on the opposite spectrum. I love solitude and being on my bed for indefinite period of time is already a luxury to me. I grew up in a volatile environment. It was never really a home where my privacy and boundary were honored therefore, I like living this way. Now for me Money is no longer a priority since I grew up trying to earn it and that was a measure of how good I was as a child.
However, I eventually realized that what I experienced in childhood was all perfect in a sense because it made me who I am today. Solitude enables me to know myself deeply. It has become my passion like a puzzle peices I want to put together to get the whole picture of my existence. Insights and realizations give me excitement and wonder. I love to know the answers of why I am what I am.
What was your childhood 'marinade'. It is of utmost important to realize the turning point of what made the patterning of your current state if you wish to change it. I honor your honesty. Blessings..
@@truther249 in fact being alone means that you are strong, weak are the people who fear being alone and spend their time with others out of the fear of being alone
@@truther249 and the "demons" in your mind want to tell you something, you should listen and learn about yourself - if it is too much for you, too dangerous like you said, maybe then a therapy would be right for you, you shouldn't run away from it(it could get even worse then), all the best for you
@@jJust_NO_ Yeah, our childhoods do really have the biggest impact on our identity in later years. It's obvious especially when I look back at mine and realise how unloved and scared I felt, always having the sensation that my friends could betray me due to other factors...
On the outside though, I keep my poker face. My composure is top notch. I look like I'm doing just fine and I even do it subconsciously now. My guess is that there probably was a trigger in me that determined me to hide my emotions, as they might upset those around me. And upsetting those around me is a death sentence because of my fear of being left alone.
This cycle feeds into itself.
I've been called dramatic by family and friends by saying stuff like "I'm afraid" when I really can't contain it in me anymore. For them, it seems illogical, because I always seem to them as "fine" and I never complained about anything.
It kinda discourages me from opening up and I feel like a locked door.
Maybe I am exaggerating with the intensity of my feelings... I don't know... I hope I get better
Just another thing I overcame early in life. People think I'm lonely because I don't have a crowd around me.
I don't get lonely. In fact, I like being alone instead of a crowd. Life is easier to live than living my life to other's standards.
I was sitting on a park bench the other day. I looked over and was happy and at ease to be sitting alone
Maturity is when you realize that your time is more important than most of those folks whom you know.
Mail Jeevas exactly
Stop searching for a cool username yes bro
Divyansh TM, very true, very well put, very mature.
AuberJean 68 thx pal
Divyansh TM gold!
I’d rather be completely alone than in some abusive relationship or living with abusive family or friends
My father is about 50, single and has been for many many years. Yet every time I see him his spirit is always up and he’s doing something he enjoys. I’m 21 and I sometimes get lonely when I have a Saturday to myself… However, Always progressing towards better for myself
Hardcore introvert since birth. I have never been lonely and have no idea what it must feel like.
I envy you, I was also not feeling lonely alone. But the past experiences of my life made me became desperate for people to be with and to have more people come into my life, even it's not good for me anymore.
So mark
You are blessed. Not everyone feels as you.
“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” ~ bell hooks
@Lumpen Simulator PRO EDITION Well, you can learn to be alone without being isolated. (if that's what you did). Nice that you made it out before a major breakdown :)
People need to remember, better to be alone than wishing you were alone 🥺
Lol my mood swings love this
And rem, you can be lonely while with someone.
@@stephenpowstinger733 which would be the worst kind of loneliness.
One of the worse forms of loneliness that I have observed is when you have not found inner love and peace within yourself.
I have such mixed feelings. As someone who has been alone their entire life, I’m learning the value of finding connection. Part of my on-going loneliness was a lack of connection and satisfying relationships. It stings when I read comments who experienced failed or negative relationships and they turn around and say “I’m so happy being alone!” After realizing they made a mistake. For some people loneliness or being alone was not a choice. On the flip side I have seen how a fear of loneliness drives people into bad situations.
We’re humans, and as someone who has lived in years of isolation , I would give the world to connect with just one person who I truly felt seen and accepted by before I died. (And gave to them)
I don’t feel guilty for saying this, but one could feel this way when everyone is now praising being alone.
I think we all need time for ourselves to reflect, recharge, and grow. There are def people who like their solitude, I just hate how much there is this growing dislike for relationships when in reality a lot of people just don’t know how to do relationships. If we could work on being healthier and better in relationships we could feel more connected. I just hope we are no creating an echo chamber of preferring aloneness out of bad relationship experiences, that’s not how one grows.
Well said !
This is the comment I was looking for, I been alone for my entire life and it's comforting sometimes, sometime not but at some point we need a connection and we have to value them and I realize that relationships require a lot of work in order to function, that's why it takes two to get it going, a relationship isn't easy and finding the perfect one or a good partner takes time but it's always doable with someone opposite to you, communication is key and we have to compromise, we compromise is a necessity because we are not the same exact person of the other.....
Most of them got tired of trying to make it better...
People seek to maintain their relationships with the fire they first met with..,it doesn't happen. ..once you settle in things change..and there are more important things than romance...hate me for it but it's the truth...!!
To be in a in very loving serious relationship is deeply a necessary but not a sufficient condition but cannot sustain a marriage for example you need alot of more than love issues of how you enter-grate with you mr new family, their acceptance if you, the jealous ones, like establishing life together, building a home for both, planning a family where how ...just a lot more important priorities which are likely to be uncomfortable
All these will badly affect the love you felt for one other…lots of things will divide you, distance you…things will push you away…just of opinions of people who don’t even matter…
if you are weak- these moments are going to break you down- because they are not very darling and there are what they’re to test to you…
the bitterness of it may leave you wishing to be alone for ever….!!
Sometimes you may end up feeling like May be love is for the lucky and the strong-Betty Medley
After you are together… you just can’t continue persueing a completed project - couples need to Persue a new agenda while enjoying their together ness but for sure it’s going to be different sometimes dear romance will have to enjoy every back seat either we want it or don’t want to...!!
This is why they are lots of break ups…, because spouses stops caring and now they seem to have more priorities to care for… !! How do I carter for family, love is a responsibility you got to care..you can’t have a very thing…you get alove, you get them to stay around and provide may be..No not likely sometimes to be provided for May be likely to send one of you soooo far away…for that to happen… then you will have everything provided for but not an emotional presence…
Sometimes love is so empty too…!! You just need to understand it and know how to work with it…!!
I LIVE for this comment. This is currently me and has been for all 26 years of my life (well at least since I starting liking guys in middle school lol)
Just as I’ve cried sad tears from never being in a romantic relationship, I feel that I’ve experienced beautiful growth in my singleness that has made me who I am today. I would currently say that I’m stuck in a middle ground, but definitely lean towards wanting a life with an awesome significant other because that’s something I’ve always wanted but haven’t yet experienced. I just really want to connect and feel loved by another person and vice versa 💞
It’s going to happen though, I know it 🙏🏾
It's just human evolution. We're not as dependent on each other as we used to be and the fact of the matter is that the world is becoming very unsafe and unkind, so any rational person would naturally want to recuse themselves from that. We simply don't need to be around each other that much anymore and in a few more generations we probably won't even be that concerned about it. Some people may see that as a tragedy but I don't, it's the inevitable march of progress and the well deserved conclusion to the human comedy that's been perpetuating itself for thousands of years. I just hate how people who crave solitude are automatically labeled as defective or ill because they're unwilling to conform to what is and always has been an unrealistic and dehumanizing social system. It's like being gaslighted on a daily basis by a group of fools who can't even figure out their own lives let alone yours.
"The constant presence of companions stops us from making friends with our minds and exploring our feelings and ideas in a way only extended stretches of solitude allow"
is that Nefertiti on your profile pic
@@vibinwpsilocybin1424 yes.
Zainab Al-Habibi nice !
This's actually very accurate based on my own experiences
Agree, i used to reflect myself more when im alone than after i have a boyfriend. I feel i lost my inner peace
Fear of being alone is so real. I never seen people around me who have the same fear. It is comforting to see that other people struggle with same thing.
so true, amen. thats why im a loner
People who do not know how to enjoy being alone suffer from loneliness; those who know how to enjoy being alone appreciate solitude.
isolation is isolation; it's terrible for a human .. even the medical profession has figured that out by now
@@13abcde No one is better than anyone else; we are all special. It took me years to learn to appreciate solitude; and a lot of booze.
@@frentz7 yes but i do not mean solitary confinement just learning to be okay by yourself.
@@realistic.optimist yea there seems to be some ambiguity at the core of this video. I think most people are with you, that it is not about people who are actually less fortunate, in terms of human contact, or people that really know them well and care, etc.
But i think there is still a difference in being sometimes alone or always alone....!
I used to fear being alone but the older I get, the more comfortable I am being alone in my own skin. I guess being an only child probably helps. I do get lonely at times but in my experience, romantic relationships tend to bring mostly drama and stress to my life.
Having to only worry about my own happiness is the way to go for me.
There's a lot of fear mongering out there. Phrases like "dying alone" are always misused.
Jahz Kahz We all dying alone. People just don’t want to see that fact.
@@jaxxie I agree. Often, when I get in one of my "lonely" moods, it's because of outside influence(s). Family or friends trying to set me up with someone, or telling me I just haven't met the right one, etc.
When I'm allowed to think on my own without those outside interjections, I find I'm very happy and content alone.
Facts im only child too
When you are in a relationship you shouldn't have to "worry" about someone else's happiness.
It is supposed to come naturally to make that person happy.
There is an element of truth to this, but also the false idea that a perfect relationship is found someday when you just happen upon it. In fact, you have to create it with someone.
4:10 omggg this is so true. I've felt this happening to myself. i figured out quite early that one of the most important thing i must ensure is to feel complete and fulfilled with my own company. and never to seek out friendships and relationships out of sheer desperation.
"I live in that solitude that is painful in youth but delightful in the years of maturity." - Albert Einstein
Oh please he was anything but alone. Married two women while fucking the thrid.
Nothing is more lonely than being in the wrong company.
I broke up with my 2 years boyfriend a couple of days ago...I cried,blamed and asked myself what was wrong with me,at first I had the fear of being lonely but thenI decided to make a change and make something good out of my broken self...I realize that I am at peace more than when I was in the relationship and am discovering several things I didn't know about myself.I love my own company and fel confident even more.
This video describes exactly how I was during my six year relationship. In retrospect I was alone for most of it, but fooled myself into think at least I was not lonely. The point about eerie Sundays is so true as I had panic attacks for most of the past two Sundays and had to self sooth with alcohol and smoking. This video is a God send and just what I needed on this Sunday
My favorite aspect of School of Life is that it actually makes me feel enlightened and worse at the same time.
"In most cases, we were born alone, we die alone, and some where in between there, we live alone"
Robert all. Dawson i masterbate alone 😆
@Robert all. Dawson STOICISM
It's true. When you're born, you're a stranger amongst people who can't relate to your shock, pain and wonder anymore. During your living years you are stuck inside your own world, nobody will completely share or understand you or your experiences. We all dying is a trip to unknown we take alone too, nobody will accompany you, even if you are happily married.
Every word of this video is true. I have been through 6 relationships since the time I was 16yo and now 27yo. I have always had this wish of being with that person or soulmate that will complete me, it's not until my last break up when I was forced to endure loneliness and ultimately winning over my weakness of being alone or needing to have a soulmate, in fact I came to a conclusion that soul doesn't need a mate. Now, being alone I feel so free, I feel the real freedom, but before I always felt like something was missing and yes it's true I think I have been using others to compensate for my own weakness.
This realization may not come to some, as it didn't come to me before, but once you overcome the fear of being alone the feeling is just another level.
you're complet on your own ... you build something new and sometimes beautiful with a potential partner it's called a relationship which you're an essential part of but you stay complete on your own ...
Your insides were occupied for 11 years so they really deserve 11 years off if you haven’t learned anything thus far. I expect an update when you turn 38. Peace.
I don't feel lonely alone, but I feel most lonely when I'm with a bunch of people and they all ignore me as if I m invisible.
I often thought there was something wrong with me being alone.. reading alone in the coffee shop, sitting by the lake by myself, coming to an empty room after work, hollow weekends and holidays, watching couples PDA while walking down the street.. honestly, being alone is hard but it makes u really strong, a kind of strong which makes u think that u can now overcome anything.. u stop living for people and trying to please them, u live for urself and what u desire..
This video gives me a really positive perspective towards loneliness which i have just happened to find myself in..
exactlyyy
My one of the biggest fears was "being alone forever", but eventually it changed to "being with a wrong person for life".
Ow I'm glad I'm a wise person 😁
👏❤️
Wow, as someone who has some issues with this and struggled with this my whole life, I slowly started being more picky and careful, and it's hard, but your video is like a warm blanked that I needed to hear to comfort me and calm me down, thank you!
I’m surprised by the one-sided positive reviews for this video on the comments section. While it is easy to jump into mediocre relationships due to fear of loneliness, it is also quite easy stay alone fearing the inevitable personal compromises necessary to being in a relationship with anyone (even with the “perfect” one). Both these choices are sub-optimal.
How do you know if you’re avoiding making reasonable compromises by choosing a lone wolf life? What if you’re just being arrogant instead of being self-assured and where’s the line?
Similarly, when you do make compromises to be in a relationship, how do you know if they are “reasonable”? What if you’re compromising too much and where’s the line?
These are the nuances this video completely misses. This is quite unlike many of the other videos from this channel that present more nuanced reasoning of various life phenomena.
I feel the same way
Yeah. But it's about the high price we pay for our loneliness so it's supposed to acknowledge one side of what you took notice kind sir/ma'am.
We only ever need a few people for lifelong friends and a partner, and I think it's a challenge to figure it out by our age's gathered wisdom.
"Maybe I know somewhere, deep in my soul that love never lasts and we've got to find other ways to make it alone, but keep a straight face...
and I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now, I had sworn to myself that I'm content, with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk well you are, the only exception."
- The Only Exception (Paramore)
And of course, we can never truly end up alone if we'd care for other non-human living things
I’ve been struggling with this too as someone who has had very low standards for relationships that have allowed them to mistreat me. Where is the healthy line of compromise vs being alone?
What you have to do is write a list of your needs and what you’re looking for in relationships. Then go through and write a BECAUSE. You’re looking for x because of y. Analyze yourself and ask whether this is compromisable for you. Making things explicit will help you know where your boundaries are so much better.
Entering into any relationship with a fear of loneliness will taint your ability to negotiate compromises.
Without a fear of loneliness you can be better prepared for finding what you really seek in a partner.
@@alegriart Ironically, I made this very mistake. Moved on and learned my lesson the hard way. Now I’m single and couldn’t be happier.
I’ve always LOVED being alone even as a child. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my friends and hanging out, but I don’t never needed anyone to make me happy. It was usually the other way around. I’m now turning 40 and still happy and not dating. Job, environment., other factors do play a role, but at the end of the day I have just joy of my solitude.
I feel bad meeting people are so miserable thinking thinking they will find “joy” though someone or something else. I keep telling them if you’re not happy with yourself you never will be truly happy. Maybe I’m just wired differently. Chemical imbalance that makes me always joyful. Whatever the reason I accept it and am thankful for it.
I truly hope anyone reading this finds peace and joy within. People will always be around you. The possibility of joy is always attainable. Just find happiness within and the things you like. Icing on the cake will be if you find that someone to enjoy it with.
Michael Byrd I’m really sorry if that has happened to you. Obviously there is always a chance that you could be right, but not on the Hate part. At the very best sad, but hate is something I never could do during my life. I always forgive and forget. So hate has never have a foothold for me. The knowledge of my truth literally is filling me with Joy right now.
I genuinely understand that some people have a hard time understanding this. I know some people may think I’m being cynical. But I’m really not. In this moment I’m sitting at work, looking out the window with the rain falling. I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my body every second. Living in this moment is really the key. Connecting with you even tho we never met is the key. You literally made my day without even trying. So thank you. You made me appreciate myself even more. I truly wish I could let people feel this. Probably a reason why I never did drugs or hardly drink. I’m naturally high. Haha. Anyway, take care and sorry for the long response. I doubt you read it, but if you did. I believe in you and you can make your life whatever you want. I know it’s old/corner rhetoric but it really is true. Take care
i used to be happy being alone. Just like you i enjoy hanging out with friends, but never feels lonely when they're not with me. However, now, the concept of alone terrifies me more than anything. How do i get back to my old self?
@@michaelbyrd7883,
I’m 60, and I love my solitude more than ever. I prefer it, even though I do enjoy the company of the right people as well.
Tqs dear for sharing ur experience...it's really helpful..❤️❤️❤️
@@heyRakazzint Sorry I didn’t know that you had asked a question. I just happen to come back here. Why does the concept of being alone scare you? Can you elaborate a little more? I think if you find out what is terrifying you, and find solutions to prevent of fix it, you should be ok. I’ll try to help you as much as I can. I can only go off my own experiences. But in terms of getting your old self back. I think for me I noticed the older I get the more people annoy me, because it feels like you just see the worst of people. Haha So I just go back to my Personal Truths. I focus on my spiritual growth. (Usually I haven’t feed it awhile) I change up my routine. (If I’m tired of games, I’ll read a book, movie, travel). They say that when you do small tasks, and complete them, it makes you feel more productive, that leads to your old self. But like I said if you elaborate I’ll help as much as I can. Hope your doing well!
I love being alone. Happier than I’ve ever been than with someone
Just because one is alone, does not by any means infer that by default they are lonely. Those are two different words with different meanings and they have no correlation. You create your own loneliness just as you create your own reality. By nature, the human experience knows not of this 'need' for romantic relations. We have all the power to live a completely fulfilling life if we fully accept things as they are, no matter the circumstance. Giving up the fight is the first step towards understanding it. Good luck I love you all ❤️🫡.
Going home to an empty apartment, gives me the same feeling of getting into an empty elevator, having it all to myself... quickly pressing that close door button
oohh god exactly my life😥
😁 gosh I never thought it quite like dat 😜
I love it. But I also love to share my bed with someone. What a dilemma?
Oh that.
😆
"We'll grow used to cozy mediocracy" that is actually one of my biggest fears, that's so well put
It happens so subtly too. The years go by fast if you don't watch out. Life is incredibly short.
My biggest fear and unfortunately also my reality. It just kind of sneaks up on you.
@@JRspeaking me too pal...
I have been alone for years and years and it is the greatest ever.