I feel I have a fawn to fight response. I will fawn, and fawn to appease, make others happy.... The toxic person pokes, pokes, pokes.... I stay quiet.... Then after awhile I start to stand up for myself, or totally erupt because I'm tired of being poked.... Then I feel bad for the explosion or "word vomit", aaaaand go back into fawn by apologizing for the angry explosion; even if it was due to Reactive Abuse, aka someone bullies someone until they can't take it anymore and loses their "cool". But yeah.... I tend to apologize for "losing my cool", then go back into fawn mode. Then the toxic person repeats the cycle; poke, poke, poke, POKE..... Until I pop back into fight mode.... I get really defensive and mean in fight mode. Not physically, but in written word or said out loud. I am not proud of it, and feel like total crap about myself afterwards, cause I know I caused harm towards someone..... Even though they were the ones picking on me in the first place.... Ugh.....
This is so interesting, I love it! I can relate so much to the fawn flight type, although I have come along way in my healing and will focus on the positives of this type as you recommend. A moment that stuck with me some months ago after I had a meltdown at my kids in a moment of busy overload and overwhelm, was when my teenage son said I expect him and his sister to behave perfectly all the time but yet I don't. That really got me and I am working hard not to pass my trauma on to them in such ways anymore. Thanks for sharing, this series has truly been amazing!🙏🌟💕
Kim, you are so good at making videos. They always are so polished and well prepared. I enjoy the information and content, very accurate and educational. Plus I appreciate the organization of your channel. You don’t leave anything out, it’s comprehensive. Also, I love how all of your videos are so pretty :) you obviously have an appreciation for visually appealing imagery and prefer an artistic/feminine ambience in your home or office. Plus you always look so beautiful and put together in your RUclipss. You really pour all your heart and soul into this and it shows in the level of quality! 5+ star, thank you! You rock Kim 👏
Fawn freeze - when my boyfriend kissed his ex wife on the lips at new year and ignored me. I sat there, not moving, waiting to be noticed. Fawn flight - when I gave up my job, gave up my apartment and moved to a place near my mother's hospital in order to be with her every day. I spent thousands on gifts and other things for her. All the while she said ,'Go home. Stop coming here.'
What about freeze primary? I think I’m freeze-fawn. Something like “stand still, look pretty”. Not bragging. My appearance is my best self defense but also a barrier whenever I have sought outside help. Under stress, my body goes numb/still and something in my throat makes it hard to talk; I kinda just fall into pose. I don’t seek attention for my looks, quite the opposite; this is all reactive. Idk if truly freeze because my mind is still very active. Looking a certain way has diffused/lulled threats; occasionally someone else might save me (never in response to my asking directly); or just wait for the threat to pass. I can only really access more active responses when the target is someone else but I learned it’s not even worth it for myself… every time I tried to challenge this belief, I’ve only proved it right
I too see myself as being a freeze-fawn type. For me personally I describe it more of being “the pet dog” like if you want me around I’ll be friendly and wag my tail and obey you, but if I have a choice I’m gonna choose to wonder around the yard or lay in the sun. It’s like I avoid people, but then when people in my life want me I can’t say no so I perform and be all happy for them, and then when they don’t need me anymore I can go be by myself again. The pet dog. You’re experience sounds different from mine, but absolutely valid. Trying to fit in is something I use as a way to cope to. I also relate with having a lot in my head while in freeze, so I believe you are still experiencing freeze even if you have a lot going on internally, as I tend to experience that. I do not know if me commenting this on your comment is okay, as it’s very focused on myself as opposed to meeting you where you may be at, but I was hoping to talk about the freeze-fawn hybrid cause no one does, but if you don’t want to talk about that I understand
Fawn-Collapse: "I just want to be loved. I'm doing my best and giving everything to be loved, but I'm still not loved. I'm so tired. Maybe I'm not loved at all. What's the point of everything if I can't be loved? I'm just so exhausted, please let me rest. I want to end everything. Just let me rest."
Thank you very much. I think you point out exactly what I am stuck with, I have a victim attitude, it was formed at my childhood and mostly I make it worse by a addiction ( it is not drug or somethings similar, and I am trying my best to fight this ). I worry at many tiny thing that don't hit me , I think I get so much stress. I think I get sympathy in your video, and the informative content.
over explaination, easy explaination is kiss ass people pleaser because you had to please abusers to keep them from abusing you. It is complete submissive type behavior. like a slave to slave master. Appease abusers, to win over approval, acceptance, and belong. It is different then a supporter personality, a good friend type person who gives a lot to nurture people around them.
As a 50¢ summary, yeah. Addressing the issues and finding the best way to approach and mend the problem takes a bit longer than stating the obvious, my guy.
Wow the place where you say “if I just work harder and love them more and give them what they need it will get better” hit hard with me… 🤯
I feel I have a fawn to fight response. I will fawn, and fawn to appease, make others happy.... The toxic person pokes, pokes, pokes.... I stay quiet.... Then after awhile I start to stand up for myself, or totally erupt because I'm tired of being poked.... Then I feel bad for the explosion or "word vomit", aaaaand go back into fawn by apologizing for the angry explosion; even if it was due to Reactive Abuse, aka someone bullies someone until they can't take it anymore and loses their "cool". But yeah.... I tend to apologize for "losing my cool", then go back into fawn mode. Then the toxic person repeats the cycle; poke, poke, poke, POKE..... Until I pop back into fight mode.... I get really defensive and mean in fight mode. Not physically, but in written word or said out loud. I am not proud of it, and feel like total crap about myself afterwards, cause I know I caused harm towards someone..... Even though they were the ones picking on me in the first place.... Ugh.....
This is so interesting, I love it! I can relate so much to the fawn flight type, although I have come along way in my healing and will focus on the positives of this type as you recommend. A moment that stuck with me some months ago after I had a meltdown at my kids in a moment of busy overload and overwhelm, was when my teenage son said I expect him and his sister to behave perfectly all the time but yet I don't. That really got me and I am working hard not to pass my trauma on to them in such ways anymore. Thanks for sharing, this series has truly been amazing!🙏🌟💕
Kim, you are so good at making videos. They always are so polished and well prepared. I enjoy the information and content, very accurate and educational. Plus I appreciate the organization of your channel. You don’t leave anything out, it’s comprehensive. Also, I love how all of your videos are so pretty :) you obviously have an appreciation for visually appealing imagery and prefer an artistic/feminine ambience in your home or office. Plus you always look so beautiful and put together in your RUclipss. You really pour all your heart and soul into this and it shows in the level of quality! 5+ star, thank you! You rock Kim 👏
Fawn freeze - when my boyfriend kissed his ex wife on the lips at new year and ignored me. I sat there, not moving, waiting to be noticed.
Fawn flight - when I gave up my job, gave up my apartment and moved to a place near my mother's hospital in order to be with her every day. I spent thousands on gifts and other things for her. All the while she said ,'Go home. Stop coming here.'
What about freeze primary?
I think I’m freeze-fawn. Something like “stand still, look pretty”. Not bragging. My appearance is my best self defense but also a barrier whenever I have sought outside help. Under stress, my body goes numb/still and something in my throat makes it hard to talk; I kinda just fall into pose. I don’t seek attention for my looks, quite the opposite; this is all reactive. Idk if truly freeze because my mind is still very active. Looking a certain way has diffused/lulled threats; occasionally someone else might save me (never in response to my asking directly); or just wait for the threat to pass. I can only really access more active responses when the target is someone else but I learned it’s not even worth it for myself… every time I tried to challenge this belief, I’ve only proved it right
I too see myself as being a freeze-fawn type. For me personally I describe it more of being “the pet dog” like if you want me around I’ll be friendly and wag my tail and obey you, but if I have a choice I’m gonna choose to wonder around the yard or lay in the sun. It’s like I avoid people, but then when people in my life want me I can’t say no so I perform and be all happy for them, and then when they don’t need me anymore I can go be by myself again. The pet dog. You’re experience sounds different from mine, but absolutely valid. Trying to fit in is something I use as a way to cope to. I also relate with having a lot in my head while in freeze, so I believe you are still experiencing freeze even if you have a lot going on internally, as I tend to experience that. I do not know if me commenting this on your comment is okay, as it’s very focused on myself as opposed to meeting you where you may be at, but I was hoping to talk about the freeze-fawn hybrid cause no one does, but if you don’t want to talk about that I understand
Fawn-Collapse: "I just want to be loved. I'm doing my best and giving everything to be loved, but I'm still not loved. I'm so tired. Maybe I'm not loved at all. What's the point of everything if I can't be loved? I'm just so exhausted, please let me rest. I want to end everything. Just let me rest."
Did you step inside my mind
Thank you 😊❤
This makes me wonder about so many people that have been diagnosed as having BPD when in a dreadfully abusive relationship with a narcissist.
Thank you very much. I think you point out exactly what I am stuck with, I have a victim attitude, it was formed at my childhood and mostly I make it worse by a addiction ( it is not drug or somethings similar, and I am trying my best to fight this ). I worry at many tiny thing that don't hit me , I think I get so much stress. I think I get sympathy in your video, and the informative content.
I'm super interested in how you're exploring dominant F-secondary F and not just treating them as both Fs equally used (hope that makes sense)!
Thank you, it can still be so painful 😢💫✨🙏🏼
fawn/fight is he real scapegoat the active scapegoat the truth tellers the fawn/freeze is the passive scapegoat who literally just gets blamed
Thank you
What is it if every time I go through this self-esteem book my teeth clench and I get super sleepy?
I’m interested in a reply too…when I get overwhelmed or super stressed I get sleepy 😴
I would guess it’s a stress response. Something might be hitting home
Medication?
over explaination, easy explaination is kiss ass people pleaser because you had to please abusers to keep them from abusing you. It is complete submissive type behavior. like a slave to slave master. Appease abusers, to win over approval, acceptance, and belong. It is different then a supporter personality, a good friend type person who gives a lot to nurture people around them.
As a 50¢ summary, yeah. Addressing the issues and finding the best way to approach and mend the problem takes a bit longer than stating the obvious, my guy.