Thank you for this video. I hadn’t heard of the “Fawn” stress response. Great explanation. Also, I bought your book, and i am enjoying it; it’s a very readable style.
Ty for this video. I was so blessed 💖❤💖 Can you please do a video on Compassion Fatique? I just heard about it and I believe I'm currently suffering from it and trying to understand it. Ty 💖❤💖
Yes, the fawning. I was learned that early… I used to even fawn over everyone as a child and into my 20’s… thanks Kati… gonna look for your book too. 🙏
It's interesting that whenever someone is attacked or assaulted people always ask 'why didn't you run?' Or 'why didn't you fight back?' And I guess it's down to us mainly knowing and acknowledging fight or flight. When a really common response is to fawn or freeze but those response to an assault aren't recognised and victim blaming happens.
After a sexual trauma (where I blamed myself and others blamed, shamed, or questioned me) something a therapist told me really helped me. She said something to the effect of when we watch a movie where someone is being chased/ attacked/ assaulted, etc and in our minds we think "Why doesn't that person RUN?! If I was in that situation I would scream, fight back, etc" but we never truly know how we'll react until/ unless we're in that situation ourselves and therefore shouldn't blame ourselves for not reacting in a way we hope.
@@strugglingmillennial1298 I'm sorry you experienced that. It seems like such a simple concept when you're not actually in the situation. Being told something like that is like being victimized all over again.
In my traumatic experience I freezed and fawned and then blamed myself so hard for not leaving or fighting back, it’s nice to know that those are legitimate responses to trauma
I've recognized for decades that when it comes to others in need of defending my response is fight, especially if it's an underdog. Yet, when it comes to myself, even as an emotionally neglected child, I freeze. Sadly, the freeze is a constant; I know this is how I exist in the world and/but struggle to feel safe, to have compassion for my inner, neglected, child.
Talk about a light bulb moment. I didn't know fawning was a thing but it perfectly explains my stress response and why sometimes helping others becomes such a debilitating thing for me.
My husband has a fifth stress response: Flop. He has a dissociation disorder. In stressful situations he dissociates (goes trance-like) and can collapse and lose consciousness. Understanding the condition has helped to decrease the frequency and intensity of his dissociative episodes.
It feels relieving to here about fawn because it is exactly what I have done my whole life. Yes there's times of the other ones too but when I've done something because of fawn that I really wish I didn't do, it was hard not to just blame myself for not being strong enough. Having a name makes me feel hope to overcome it and less bad from choices I made because of it. I have a fear of abandonment and doing the wrong things making people upset and fawn was my response to anything perceived towards that.
What a great video! I never knew the term “Fawn” until now. It’s exactly what I did throughout my childhood, and probably is the reason I struggle so much with people pleasing nowadays. I definitely need to see a Trauma Specialist. Thank you for all the great content! I’m learning so much. Keep it up!
I have lived my entire life in freeze and fawn state. I spent 5 years in therapy and it still barely touched it. She sent my case in as part of the early DESNOS studies. She really didn't know how to fully help me. I learned to be more functional in my PTSD behavior. The good thing about only having a freeze response under stress and fawn without immediate stress is that others don't recognize the behavior.
My therapist says my nervous system is stuck in the freeze/fawn response. I went through a year of captivity and that is what it stems from. Im just beginning edmr and somatic exercise therapy to hopefully correct that
Wow, the last person you mentioned reminded me of my dad. He would "give you a reason to cry" if he heard you during a whooping. I still cry silently and rarely as a 30-something adult. On the bright side, if you had a similar experience, you're not alone 🥰
I learned to cry silently too, now as an adult, removed my dad I do make noise sometimes when crying but I'm still pretty good at not making noise and keeping it subtle that I'm crying. That's not the right wording being good at staying quiet but u know what I mean. He didn't beat me but I found the things he said to me too horrible, I couldn't handle it
It would be amazing if you could do a video breaking down each response individually, especially fawn. Over the last year I've come to realize that fawning is my trauma response and have been trying to learn more about it. I've been trying to figure out as many coping mechanisms as possible on my own (therapy is too expensive, even with insurance). I love the way you explain things, so I think it would be super helpful for a lot of people!
Honestly its a lot more than just coping mechanisms. I didnt know until I started seeing a trauma specialist recently and realized the underlying issue is the trauma itself and its something your mind needs to overcome. Also trauma specialists help pinpoint what you can work on to overcome something that triggered your trauma. Trust me its worth the money to go to one. You wont regret it
@@MargauxNeedler Insurance helps... Its only $40 for me. Could be less for you. Either way out of pocket shouldn't be that much. If you dont think your health is worth the money, that's on you, Idk what else to say
Wow... I think fawn is what I have been doing all my life. My mom was extremely violent abuser. So my childhood has set me up for this. Truly appreciate your videos.
Katie, my loved one was 302'd a few days ago after a 3 day manic episode of reliving suppressed childhood sexual trauma. You have cleared up so, so much for me. I felt totally alone and unable to articulate what I had witnessed until this video just happened to show up on my news feed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video.
Excellent video. I have c-ptsd and am just processing it at 53. The freeze and fawn totally make sense. I was a total people pleaser. I knew it but didn’t know the term. Thank you for explaining it so well. 🙏🏼❤️
I actually heard about "fawn" during my lessons on how to treat people with mental illnesses/in the psychiatry (as a nurse). But somehow I didn't put it in the same "category" as fight-flight-frezze. So thank you for this new point of view!
Hey Kati! This has nothing 2 do with this video, but i just wanted to leave this comment for you to see... I started therapy after starting 2 watch your videos... I had depression and I had no idea why i was feeling so bad until I watched your videos. I'm feeling much better now, thanks for saving me and helping me through this journey ❤❤
I specialize in flight and fawn. I constantly fawned around my father (emotional abuser, we had to walk on eggshells) and now I do it at work with everyone. As for the flight, well, I suffer from depression and anxiety and when I feel overwhelmed, I just go to bed. I can spend whole days taking naps. This is exhausting.
I am so sorry :( Yes it can be so exhausting.. are you able to find a therapist in your area? Seeing a trauma specialist and working towards healing from the abuse can be life changing :)
@@Katimorton Hi Kati, yes, I have had a psychiatrist for 7 years now, and a CBT psychologist for 3 years. I take Prozac, and Xanax if needed. I've seen a lot of improvment over the years but I still find very difficult to manage my anxiety. For example I have a job interview tomorrow and I already feel nauseous and I want to be thousands of miles from here. Anyway, thanks a lot for your helpful videos :)
My heart stopped when I read your comment. I am the same. It is a very challenging and difficult life. May I just say I'm sorry to hear of your suffering, I do hope you can find peace inside by knowing it is not you but what happened in the past to a child.
I can't stand fawning when I do it, so I often get tempted to go into fight mode even though fight mode is dangerous with people that are stronger than you
as a child i used the fawn skill , i never knew what it was called so thank you kati now i know the name for what i did until i moved to be on my own away from my toxic bio family.
Who hasn’t gone through stuff like this? It seems everyone has been traumatized by someone sometime in their life. What I learned in my life time is abusers are people who were also abused. What we need to teach, the younger the better, is how to recognize the “Red Flags” and where to go to safely seek help or intervention. If not, we grow up thinking that abusive behavior is normal. 😔
Thank you Kati for bringing up "fawn". I believe this is left out quite a bit, and that t needs more attention. I have been told that "fawn" is how I deal with my stress, and have been wanting to know more about it! Thank you for your books as well 👍
when you talked about fawn response i started hysterically laughing, which then turned into hystericall crying, the more you said, about walking on eggshells, anger and pain turning inside you and how your patient said she learned not to cry (my dad would spank me if i was crying, even if i was crying because he spanked me before) everything makes sense now, i always thought i was crazy selfharming just because i was angry, but now i get it, thank you, ill definitely go to therapy when ill be 18 (in 4 years)
Thank you so much for this. I had never heard of "fawning" until my therapist explained it to me this year. I always thought that when I acquiesced I was partially at fault, despite my reasoning being, "I don't want to get punched in the face again." Anyone who doesn't respect multiple "no's" is always the one at fault. Freezing makes me furious though. Can't move, can't talk, literally can't even open my eyes, while being fully aware of what's happening.
I've never heard anyone die find the freeze response. I've had that for YEARS! It started with fear of falling as a kid. I had a very controlling adult in my family. Born with a slight disability involving balance and walking. Never felt the same as others picked on at home and at school. Progressed to agoraphobia and fear of uneven ground and open spaces with nothing to hold on too. Thank you for sharing this today!
What a great educational resource and your book looks stunning. What I tend to notice with fight or flight responses I witness while living with CPTSD. For me: FIGHT: Full knowledge that what is happening is wrong and evil. FREEZE: Indecision, uncertainty, fear FLIGHT: Not knowing the full threat or where it’s coming from exactly. FAWN: Being trapped around abuse/torment I can’t escape and surviving.
This opened my eyes to something I have done my whole life, in attempts to stay safe. The fawn response. I didn't realize it, and just thought it a logical response. I am wondering if the fawn response is related to codependency behaviour? This explains so much! Thank you for sharing your expertise and insight. Looking forward to reading your book! Congratulations, Kati
So I seem to struggle with the fawn and freeze response🤔makes sense now why I tend to abide to people rather than question, stand up to, counter or go against aggressive and grotesque behavior that triggers my ptsd. Thank you for this informational video! It helps me understand why I struggle with that so much and how I can overcome it. I would also like to add that I just started seeing a trauma specialist about a little over a month now and it has really helped a lot. Its extremely challenging and its only the beginning but trust me its worth the money, time, and effort to get your life together and functional. Please seek out a trauma specialist if you are struggling with ptsd like how I am.
Learning about the fawn response has been such a validating experience, and you always manage talk about the right things at the right time. I'm really looking forward to reading your new book Kati. Thanks for all you do :)
Great video. I have experienced the freeze response at the very end of what had become a very emotionally toxic relationship for me. I had operated under such extreme emotional stress for so long (I was already journaling, lying awake in bed, going into the lab I work at 10pm just to cope, etc) that I recieved one rude text and I just froze. Literally lied in my bed for a few hours until she called me and broke up with me, and I couldn't even fight it, just said ok and hung up. I have never experienced a level of stress like that before. The wrong person can really do a number on your emotional health. Thank you for the video. Until now I had never heard of the freeze and fawn, but it helps to know that it was my brain trying to protect me and not just me being weak minded. Your videos have really helped me deal with the fallout from that relationship, thank you.
I just came across you because I bought your book and it has helped me so much I just started reading it, I have a freeze and fawn response. Growing up I was always put down and always made seem like I was to sensitive never felt like I was supported or felt like my mom cared abt me. I always felt like the black sheep and always felt miss understood. I never felt like I was enough to love, I struggle with this today I’m 19 years old. I can’t form friendships I don’t trust anyone not even myself. I have attachment issues as well. My mom never made me feel pretty growing up. Thank you sm U made me realize that I need to seek a therapist.
Finding a new specialized therapist is not easy in person. I am so greatful for counseling Buffet on RUclips. It has been a truly a life saver. Your videos of many has help me more then some of my crappie therapist I seen in person. I only had a small small amount that were great and come and gone. The rest were not that great and damaging. Thank you kati morten for helping more than you will ever know. If it was not for you putting your education video on line I would of not been this far in my healing journey and getting unstuck to freedom. 😺🌞👍💗⛵😀🦆🙏🦋🦋🦋thank you. You ware my 1st counseling RUclips counselor education video in the summer of 2019 I found.
So that's where the PTSD came from !!! Was in a situation where I couldn't fight (fight is my go to threat response) and I couldn't flee ...it's relational and really complicate ... reading Traumatized now. Skipped forward and read the chapter on C-PTSD thanks for explaining in the video the link between people pleasing and the fawn response
I always liked the way you spoke in your videos. You naturally have a conversational flow. I started watched your videos about 4 years ago then took a break. Now I see that you have improved your speaking skills. Clear and concise, with a good pace. Keep making videos, I love your work.
Just heard the term “fawn response” for the first time yesterday. Wow, does that ever describe me. Parents weren’t physically abusive, but were very angry (both had their own traumas as children, and we have a much better relationship now), and responded angrily when I tried to speak up for myself. Fawning has been my standard response all along and I didn’t even know what it was until now.
Training people to fawn is often an unfornate side effect of society. As an adult i would tell my younger self to be even more rebelious that i was being taken advantage of by people especially religious types they just love that fawn response.
Thank you for the thorough explanation. I feel like I never relate or never find myself doing neither the fight nor flight mode. I found that most of the time I either freeze or conform to the situation at hand, changing myself to please the person instead, so that the person can get off me asap. Freeze and fawn is definitely a new thing for me, I'm going to learn more about it!
I'm not sure if this reaction counts as a stress response in the realm of psychology but, I think another one is Faint, Fainting. Kinda similar to Freeze just more extreme. Just wanted to share. Love your vids!
Good info, Kati Good to see you back at it . I can relate to most of your info from experiences through my life from childhood, different things at different times and situations. But the fear of darkness made me remember my fear of water. When I was 8 , I was at a boys camp and I jumped into a pond that was over my head. There was no escape, I didn’t know how to surface and I couldn’t call for help. I was about to drown . I experienced being overwhelmed , alone and isolated , intense fear and no alternatives or , total helplessness. Fortunately , an older boy jumped in when he didn’t see me come up and pulled me to the surface. For many years after I had a paranoia of deep water, and still do when my feet can’t touch the bottom. But I learned to swim afterward and lost most of that fear. The fear is a good thing to keep us from taking chances, like I did , but it can make you freeze. Learning and preparation are best. I like to keep these options : fight, flight and calculate. When your in a crisis , you need to focus and calculate to get out- awareness of your situation, what is possible or impossible, and your capabilities and alternatives. If you calculate beforehand , you may not even enter a crisis at all. Avoidance is the best option.
Thank you so much for this. I never knew about the fawn response in which I do this a lot with my own mother and have done it in other relationships. Your videos are always very helpful. ❤️
I ❤love your video's!! Your sweet voice & calm demeanor has allowed me to listen & apply information without a sense of shame, judgement & negativity. Thank you Kati, you are truly a gift!! 😀
Came across this video and realized I've been stuck in freeze and fawn response for so long when the explanation of the response made me cry cuz I was triggered.
There is a great example of "freeze" in the movie Split. One character sees a stranger approaching their car and stares in horror while the other two have a pleasant conversation, assuming the approaching person is the driver they are waiting for.
Thank you for talking about "fawn". I heard about it from another RUclipsr & realized it has always been my main response, but you don't hear as much about it.
I love your light switch story! I can relate: As a child, my bed was on the other side of my room from the light switch by the door. I used to stand in the doorway for a long time, my fingers on the switch, mustering the strength and courage to flick it off at which point I would leap from the light switch all the way across the room and onto the bed without my feet ever hitting the floor. This was so fast and fluid that there were times I can swear the light wasn't even out yet when I landed in the bed. I probably should have become and Olympic jumper of some sort...whatever. Thank you for this and your many other informative videos!
Wow, never heard of the fawn response before. Had only come across 'tend and befriend' which is supposed to be how women tend to respond to stressors. Would love to hear more and maybe how these two relate!
Thank you for the description of fawn. I went to marriage counseling and she threw this word out there. I didn't know what it meant. I do have C-PTSD. I'm good at using the flight technique but now see fawn also describes me.
Just watched a video about shell shock right before this. Makes me think that shell shock is like a continual cycling in-between fight, flight, freeze.
This was crazy timing. I've been doing alot of research on stress lately because I've been going through a bad dissociative/depressive/anxious state the last couple of months and just started reading about freeze and fawn which made so much sense to how I feel cause I've been freezing since i was a little girl and feel like I've been experiencing alot more of the fawn response as well.
I can't remember where I heard the discussion about learning how to work through an adrenaline rush as opposed to freezing but I remember it being kind of a profound notion. They were saying g how certain careers teach people how to power through events (i.e firefighters, military, emt, etc) ... but on a smaller scale learning how to react in a situation when your scared is something that takes a lot of mental power you can try to develop. I have anxiety but for some reason I tend to research a lot of things that scare me with some hope that if something happens I'll know how to "fight back."....but because I have anxiety I'm literally terrified all the time and can't focus on anything else other than what if and what to do... I need to figure out a better balance on the matter.
Thank you for this video. There’s actually a 5th one though-idk where I read/heard about it but I have experienced it-it’s usually lumped in with “freeze” but it’s actually quite the opposite! It’s called “flop” or “collapse”. I liken freeze to “deer in headlights”, muscles tensed, heart possibly pounding, usually holding your breath for super long periods of time which is a HUGE (inescapable) trauma reaction, and then on the opposite ends of the “freeze spectrum” (just made that term up!) there’s “flop”/“collapse”. THAT is what I call “playing possum”. I have CPTSD and was actually diagnosed with DID in the past week, and I tend toward “freeze” (as I described it) as a first resort, automatic reaction to actual/perceived threat, if that fails, “fawn” comes next for me, “placate the threat/abuser”, and if ALL else fails, and to my knowledge it’s only happened a few times in my adult life, “flop” is my very last (and completely involuntary) resort. Last time it happened outside of trauma therapy (SE) I was going through a very rough time, had just been acutely and actively suicidal and had been begging my “safe Dad” to let me out of the car, and he of course (because he’s really, truly safe) knew exactly what my intentions were and refused to let me out, unlock the door, or stop the car…literally 2 minutes later at most there was a completely unexpected, totally unavoidable BIG trauma trigger that sent me into some kind of non-visual, but emotional/physical flashback, and my entire torso, in the front seat of the car, flopped forward and went completely limp. I somehow was unable to dissociate even though I was probably begging God to let me at that point and I wasn’t holding my breath exactly, but rather breathing super shallowly with like 0.1% lung capacity. There’s an enormous difference between the two. Can you please do a video on that? Thanks!
Thank you so much for this. I have been living this way my whole entire life. I have CPTSD. I have multiple sclerosis and have made it really accelerated because I was constantly living like this. I'm finally getting some answers. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video, as well as all your others! I had never heard of the fawn response but it is me to a T, even to this day. Thank you for helping me better understand myself and why I'm so completely disconnected from my own emotions! All the best 💟
Unfortunately I pretty consistently fawn over my entire mental health team and even some of my supervisors at my job. I overly thank them and always try to be on their good side. My mental health team always tells me to redirect to myself and I think it even makes them uncomfortable. Luckily my job I am fortunate they understand I have a severe mental illness. I don't know how to correct this behavior but I'm going to give my self time. Thank you Katie for your info ongoing.
My go-to response is definitely freeze. My mom did a lot of yelling and screaming. One time, I'm not sure exactly what triggered it, she lost it. I was standing at the top of the stairs, but my mom was blocking them, and my bedroom was downstairs. My sisters were able to escape to their bedrooms down the hall, She started screaming that she wished she'd never gone to be a missionary, she wished she'd gone off to Europe when she had the chance, she wished she'd studied nursing instead of going to Bible college, and she wish she'd never had kids. I froze. I couldn't move or speak, and that seemed to make her even more angry. Hearing all of that just broke me. I became suicidally depressed after that. I think I was 14 or 15 at the time. There were many more yelling/screaming incidents like that, some of which I remember, some of which I blocked out. I never really thought of this as being trauma. It wasn't physical or sexual abuse, although it was definitely emotional and verbal abuse.
Wow! Your explanation of fawning was like you were describing my childhood…ordering your book now. Thank you so much for these videos Kati. You help more people than you know…
I am here bc i can’t find an experienced therapist that takes my insurance. idk if my therapist is lacking or if she’s not experienced enough to make progress. sticking with her until i find someone who is more qualified. that’s how i found this channel 🙂
It's tough navigating the mental health landscape, especially when insurance complicates things. I hope you find a therapist who suits your needs soon!
I was adopted at 5 months and my experiences before that time led me to be a pleaser. (I had an otitis media the first week of my life in the hospital and afterwards was shifted to a temporary home for 5 weeks, then a foster home until 5 months.) Only recently (60’s) did I realize how awful that made my life. I also experienced freezing when I had my first and only teenage rebellion at 15 and was told by my adopted mother; « I can always return you, you know. » My two remaining years of high school were miserable.
Geez this is depressing and I have complex ptsd and do all of these behaviors. I’ve had so much therapy but some things are as Ingrained as my eye color… thank you for helping us understand these things as knowledge is the jumping point for healing.
In 2001, I was a NYPD riot control officer. I first set boots on the ground at Ground Zero on 9/15 where I sifted through what we called "the Pile" for maybe minutes, maybe hours. I don't recall bc I dissociated. That was the onset of my PTSD. I went untreated for 18 years, but am in treatment now. I'm never not in fight or flight. Always angry, always ready for a confrontation if need be. Always scanning for one. My flight response manifests usually in crowded stores where I can get so overwhelmed, I'll walk out, leaving an entire cart of goods behind. When I freeze, I also usually dissociate, and can hear everything around me, but it's like being trapped or buried alive or entombed in my own body and I can't get out. My family knows it's safe to touch me to bring me back safely, but this one is probably most terrifying for me. Thank you sincerely for this video and I wish anyone suffering PTSD peace today.
I have C-PTSD due to childhood upbringing and abuse and I can relate with a lot of what you said. Especially the Dissociation which is 24/7 I hope you find peace with your trauma and thank you for your service on 9/11 I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been.
I’m freeze and fawn most of the time. I feel like chicken little waiting for the sky to fall in. It’s awful. Nonstop panic attacks for 40 years even on meds. 😢
When I found my mom dead from a heart attack I went in to freeze mode..you never know how you would react in certain situations until it happens to you.
Me too. My dad died of a heart attack and my brother woke me up to help him carry his body from the balcony seat. It was like I was mentally and physically gone.
@@MabelRD08 Yeah.. I took a photo and sent to my sister... I hate that I did that but I was in complete shock. If I would've been able to think clearly I obviously wouldn't have taken that pic.
When I was younger and in bad romantic relationships my main response was to fawn and make the other person feel better so as to not make anything worse. When they would get into arguments I would try to leave asap but couldn't. My biggest and most memorable moment of "FREEZE" was when I was with an old boyfriend at his friends house. There were about 8 guys all were high and taking drugs... a lot of drugs mixed with alcohol. Some drug dealers came in yelling for money. I was the only sober person and the only woman in the room. I was frozen until we left. Shortly after I started therapy and it greatly helped me process what had happened.
I call fawn “fainting goat” bc to me it is more about collapse and goats faint often in reaction to stimuli. My people pleasing to exhaustion can lead to a complete depletion of self. I ignore my needs and I breakdown/disconnect physically, mentally and emotionally. .
Extreme people pleasing was partly the cause of my workplace burnout 🤯💥. I’ve had to learn to stick to boundaries and PUT MYSELF FIRST. ❤️. I hope you are also developing these skills.
Hi kati, I'm from brazil but I really enjoy your videos. Can you make a video about how to get over a long term relationship? I was with someone for 6 years and I was too dependent of him, it's being really difficult for me, and I have anxiety. I'm feeling really lost. Thank you and congratulations for the awesome work.
It’s crazy because I always saw fawning as flight but with extra people pleasing stuff. I always ran away from my problems as a child because fleeing was the easiest and not having any sort of emotional intelligence, it was what my brain did I guess. Now with more emotional intelligence that I’ve gained throughout the years, I turned into fawning. Always saying that instead of me coming to the person who hurt me I give them gifts and try to make them happy in hopes that they stop hurting me and have me stop feeling the pain. Especially in relationships. Fawning gave me a sense of false control in everything. It’s almost like purposely creating an eye of a hurricane in your life. The false sense of security and control for the time being until shit happens again. I’m glad it’s finally recognized.
My child hood was not great and never got any professional help. 32 now and at work the other day I was shaking shelving to show my coworkers how dangerous it could be for a kid. The a product fell off which I didn't see, but made a huge noise as it landed. And all the people that saw this were freaked out that I wasn't phased at all. My heart rate never went up and I was just like, see if that was a kid it could have been bad. I know for sure that I rarely use flight or fight, but I know now why. Cause mine is more like the freeze response.
I’ve heard (and do) freeze. Never heard fawn but I totally do that. Specifically with my friends in seat belts, who get annoyed with me when I do it. I’ve been the passenger in 14 car accidents. It all makes sense.
Thank you for this video. I hadn’t heard of the “Fawn” stress response. Great explanation. Also, I bought your book, and i am enjoying it; it’s a very readable style.
I am so glad you enjoyed the video and learned something new :) And SO glad you are enjoying the book!! Yay!! xoxo
I hadn't either, but that sounds like the way the poor battered housewives could be described.
I used to laugh at my mom for fawning all the time until I realized it was an actual survival response now I am just kind of disturbed by it
Ty for this video. I was so blessed 💖❤💖
Can you please do a video on Compassion Fatique? I just heard about it and I believe I'm currently suffering from it and trying to understand it.
Ty 💖❤💖
Yes, the fawning. I was learned that early… I used to even fawn over everyone as a child and into my 20’s… thanks Kati… gonna look for your book too. 🙏
It's interesting that whenever someone is attacked or assaulted people always ask 'why didn't you run?' Or 'why didn't you fight back?' And I guess it's down to us mainly knowing and acknowledging fight or flight. When a really common response is to fawn or freeze but those response to an assault aren't recognised and victim blaming happens.
exactly!
After a sexual trauma (where I blamed myself and others blamed, shamed, or questioned me) something a therapist told me really helped me. She said something to the effect of when we watch a movie where someone is being chased/ attacked/ assaulted, etc and in our minds we think "Why doesn't that person RUN?! If I was in that situation I would scream, fight back, etc" but we never truly know how we'll react until/ unless we're in that situation ourselves and therefore shouldn't blame ourselves for not reacting in a way we hope.
Exactly! People say why didn’t you fight back but I just froze because my brain just couldn’t make sense of what was happening to me
THIS! When I reported my perpetrator, the cop asked why I didn’t run to get help? What?!?!
@@strugglingmillennial1298 I'm sorry you experienced that. It seems like such a simple concept when you're not actually in the situation. Being told something like that is like being victimized all over again.
In my traumatic experience I freezed and fawned and then blamed myself so hard for not leaving or fighting back, it’s nice to know that those are legitimate responses to trauma
I'm 44 years old and had an abusive childhood. Watching this video, helped me realize I've been in the Fawn response for the majority of my life.
Now it's time to go to therapy and fix it so you stop repeating the cycle.
That's got to be a lot to wrap your head around
I'm turning 60 eith similar background. I've froze or yawned. One of the two always😢
I've recognized for decades that when it comes to others in need of defending my response is fight, especially if it's an underdog. Yet, when it comes to myself, even as an emotionally neglected child, I freeze. Sadly, the freeze is a constant; I know this is how I exist in the world and/but struggle to feel safe, to have compassion for my inner, neglected, child.
I freeze often also, it's hard because I feel vulnerable when I freeze
Talk about a light bulb moment. I didn't know fawning was a thing but it perfectly explains my stress response and why sometimes helping others becomes such a debilitating thing for me.
My husband has a fifth stress response: Flop. He has a dissociation disorder. In stressful situations he dissociates (goes trance-like) and can collapse and lose consciousness. Understanding the condition has helped to decrease the frequency and intensity of his dissociative episodes.
I think Kati has mentioned in one of the episodes of her podcast that dissociation is a "subcategory" to the freeze response. 😊
Wonder if what I understand to be yet another category - fold - falls under freeze or if it’s part of fawning.
yep, this would go under freeze, although faint is on the extreme end of the spectrum of freeze.
That’s freeze
That sounds like it goes along with freeze response
It feels relieving to here about fawn because it is exactly what I have done my whole life. Yes there's times of the other ones too but when I've done something because of fawn that I really wish I didn't do, it was hard not to just blame myself for not being strong enough. Having a name makes me feel hope to overcome it and less bad from choices I made because of it. I have a fear of abandonment and doing the wrong things making people upset and fawn was my response to anything perceived towards that.
What a great video! I never knew the term “Fawn” until now. It’s exactly what I did throughout my childhood, and probably is the reason I struggle so much with people pleasing nowadays.
I definitely need to see a Trauma Specialist.
Thank you for all the great content! I’m learning so much. Keep it up!
Yes, & NO THERAPIST ARE AVAILABLE FOR ONE ON ONE INDIVIDUAL THERAPY....
I ASKED FOR A TRAUMA SPECIALIST......
I have lived my entire life in freeze and fawn state. I spent 5 years in therapy and it still barely touched it. She sent my case in as part of the early DESNOS studies. She really didn't know how to fully help me. I learned to be more functional in my PTSD behavior. The good thing about only having a freeze response under stress and fawn without immediate stress is that others don't recognize the behavior.
That's also how it's such a bad thing, too, 😔
My therapist says my nervous system is stuck in the freeze/fawn response. I went through a year of captivity and that is what it stems from. Im just beginning edmr and somatic exercise therapy to hopefully correct that
I hope you are doing well.❤❤
Wow, the last person you mentioned reminded me of my dad. He would "give you a reason to cry" if he heard you during a whooping. I still cry silently and rarely as a 30-something adult.
On the bright side, if you had a similar experience, you're not alone 🥰
I learned to cry silently too, now as an adult, removed my dad I do make noise sometimes when crying but I'm still pretty good at not making noise and keeping it subtle that I'm crying. That's not the right wording being good at staying quiet but u know what I mean. He didn't beat me but I found the things he said to me too horrible, I couldn't handle it
I found out through therapy this year that my threat respons is to “fawn”. No one understood. Thank you for explaining it
It would be amazing if you could do a video breaking down each response individually, especially fawn. Over the last year I've come to realize that fawning is my trauma response and have been trying to learn more about it. I've been trying to figure out as many coping mechanisms as possible on my own (therapy is too expensive, even with insurance). I love the way you explain things, so I think it would be super helpful for a lot of people!
I also would love to learn some strategies to overcome fawn.
Honestly its a lot more than just coping mechanisms. I didnt know until I started seeing a trauma specialist recently and realized the underlying issue is the trauma itself and its something your mind needs to overcome. Also trauma specialists help pinpoint what you can work on to overcome something that triggered your trauma. Trust me its worth the money to go to one. You wont regret it
@@Sp33dgum sure, it's worth the money... if we had money to spare.
@@MargauxNeedler Insurance helps... Its only $40 for me. Could be less for you. Either way out of pocket shouldn't be that much. If you dont think your health is worth the money, that's on you, Idk what else to say
I agree. I would love to know more. I cant afford food right now let alone a therapist. Hence my youtube binging of therapists
Wow... I think fawn is what I have been doing all my life. My mom was extremely violent abuser. So my childhood has set me up for this. Truly appreciate your videos.
Katie, my loved one was 302'd a few days ago after a 3 day manic episode of reliving suppressed childhood sexual trauma. You have cleared up so, so much for me. I felt totally alone and unable to articulate what I had witnessed until this video just happened to show up on my news feed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video.
Excellent video. I have c-ptsd and am just processing it at 53. The freeze and fawn totally make sense. I was a total people pleaser. I knew it but didn’t know the term. Thank you for explaining it so well. 🙏🏼❤️
I actually heard about "fawn" during my lessons on how to treat people with mental illnesses/in the psychiatry (as a nurse). But somehow I didn't put it in the same "category" as fight-flight-frezze. So thank you for this new point of view!
Fawn- I think this deserves a whole vid to itself, maybe even a series because I’ve never heard it talked about but it is a HUGE problem for me.
Hey Kati! This has nothing 2 do with this video, but i just wanted to leave this comment for you to see... I started therapy after starting 2 watch your videos... I had depression and I had no idea why i was feeling so bad until I watched your videos. I'm feeling much better now, thanks for saving me and helping me through this journey ❤❤
I specialize in flight and fawn. I constantly fawned around my father (emotional abuser, we had to walk on eggshells) and now I do it at work with everyone. As for the flight, well, I suffer from depression and anxiety and when I feel overwhelmed, I just go to bed. I can spend whole days taking naps. This is exhausting.
I am so sorry :( Yes it can be so exhausting.. are you able to find a therapist in your area? Seeing a trauma specialist and working towards healing from the abuse can be life changing :)
@@Katimorton Hi Kati, yes, I have had a psychiatrist for 7 years now, and a CBT psychologist for 3 years. I take Prozac, and Xanax if needed. I've seen a lot of improvment over the years but I still find very difficult to manage my anxiety. For example I have a job interview tomorrow and I already feel nauseous and I want to be thousands of miles from here. Anyway, thanks a lot for your helpful videos :)
My heart stopped when I read your comment. I am the same. It is a very challenging and difficult life. May I just say I'm sorry to hear of your suffering, I do hope you can find peace inside by knowing it is not you but what happened in the past to a child.
@@tonymckeown5393 So sorry Tony! Good luck, it will get better for both of us :)
I can't stand fawning when I do it, so I often get tempted to go into fight mode even though fight mode is dangerous with people that are stronger than you
as a child i used the fawn skill , i never knew what it was called so thank you kati now i know the name for what i did until i moved to be on my own away from my toxic bio family.
Who hasn’t gone through stuff like this? It seems everyone has been traumatized by someone sometime in their life.
What I learned in my life time is abusers are people who were also abused.
What we need to teach, the younger the better, is how to recognize the “Red Flags” and where to go to safely seek help or intervention.
If not, we grow up thinking that abusive behavior is normal. 😔
Not sure why but whenever I am having anxiety I click on ANY of your videos and the sound of your voice helps tremendously.... Thanks for what you do
Thank you Kati for bringing up "fawn". I believe this is left out quite a bit, and that t needs more attention. I have been told that "fawn" is how I deal with my stress, and have been wanting to know more about it! Thank you for your books as well 👍
when you talked about fawn response i started hysterically laughing, which then turned into hystericall crying, the more you said, about walking on eggshells, anger and pain turning inside you and how your patient said she learned not to cry (my dad would spank me if i was crying, even if i was crying because he spanked me before) everything makes sense now, i always thought i was crazy selfharming just because i was angry, but now i get it, thank you, ill definitely go to therapy when ill be 18 (in 4 years)
I'm glad you found out, wish you the best, cheers.
Just a passerby
Thank you so much for this. I had never heard of "fawning" until my therapist explained it to me this year. I always thought that when I acquiesced I was partially at fault, despite my reasoning being, "I don't want to get punched in the face again." Anyone who doesn't respect multiple "no's" is always the one at fault. Freezing makes me furious though. Can't move, can't talk, literally can't even open my eyes, while being fully aware of what's happening.
I've never heard anyone die find the freeze response. I've had that for YEARS! It started with fear of falling as a kid. I had a very controlling adult in my family. Born with a slight disability involving balance and walking. Never felt the same as others picked on at home and at school. Progressed to agoraphobia and fear of uneven ground and open spaces with nothing to hold on too. Thank you for sharing this today!
What a great educational resource and your book looks stunning. What I tend to notice with fight or flight responses I witness while living with CPTSD.
For me:
FIGHT: Full knowledge that what is happening is wrong and evil.
FREEZE: Indecision, uncertainty, fear
FLIGHT: Not knowing the full threat or where it’s coming from exactly.
FAWN: Being trapped around abuse/torment I can’t escape and surviving.
As a graduate student in a counseling program I find your content engaging and informative. Thank you for sharing.
This opened my eyes to something I have done my whole life, in attempts to stay safe. The fawn response. I didn't realize it, and just thought it a logical response. I am wondering if the fawn response is related to codependency behaviour? This explains so much! Thank you for sharing your expertise and insight. Looking forward to reading your book! Congratulations, Kati
So I seem to struggle with the fawn and freeze response🤔makes sense now why I tend to abide to people rather than question, stand up to, counter or go against aggressive and grotesque behavior that triggers my ptsd. Thank you for this informational video! It helps me understand why I struggle with that so much and how I can overcome it. I would also like to add that I just started seeing a trauma specialist about a little over a month now and it has really helped a lot. Its extremely challenging and its only the beginning but trust me its worth the money, time, and effort to get your life together and functional. Please seek out a trauma specialist if you are struggling with ptsd like how I am.
Learning about the fawn response has been such a validating experience, and you always manage talk about the right things at the right time. I'm really looking forward to reading your new book Kati. Thanks for all you do :)
Great video. I have experienced the freeze response at the very end of what had become a very emotionally toxic relationship for me. I had operated under such extreme emotional stress for so long (I was already journaling, lying awake in bed, going into the lab I work at 10pm just to cope, etc) that I recieved one rude text and I just froze. Literally lied in my bed for a few hours until she called me and broke up with me, and I couldn't even fight it, just said ok and hung up. I have never experienced a level of stress like that before. The wrong person can really do a number on your emotional health. Thank you for the video. Until now I had never heard of the freeze and fawn, but it helps to know that it was my brain trying to protect me and not just me being weak minded. Your videos have really helped me deal with the fallout from that relationship, thank you.
I just came across you because I bought your book and it has helped me so much I just started reading it, I have a freeze and fawn response. Growing up I was always put down and always made seem like I was to sensitive never felt like I was supported or felt like my mom cared abt me. I always felt like the black sheep and always felt miss understood. I never felt like I was enough to love, I struggle with this today I’m 19 years old. I can’t form friendships I don’t trust anyone not even myself. I have attachment issues as well. My mom never made me feel pretty growing up. Thank you sm U made me realize that I need to seek a therapist.
Finding a new specialized therapist is not easy in person. I am so greatful for counseling Buffet on RUclips. It has been a truly a life saver. Your videos of many has help me more then some of my crappie therapist I seen in person. I only had a small small amount that were great and come and gone. The rest were not that great and damaging. Thank you kati morten for helping more than you will ever know. If it was not for you putting your education video on line I would of not been this far in my healing journey and getting unstuck to freedom. 😺🌞👍💗⛵😀🦆🙏🦋🦋🦋thank you. You ware my 1st counseling RUclips counselor education video in the summer of 2019 I found.
Not only painful as a source for fawn, but just knowing or truly feeling your emotions are neglected in the first place from childhood, only grows...
So that's where the PTSD came from !!! Was in a situation where I couldn't fight (fight is my go to threat response) and I couldn't flee ...it's relational and really complicate ... reading Traumatized now. Skipped forward and read the chapter on C-PTSD thanks for explaining in the video the link between people pleasing and the fawn response
Thank you kati for your help
Of course!!! So glad I could be here for you :) xoxo
I always liked the way you spoke in your videos. You naturally have a conversational flow. I started watched your videos about 4 years ago then took a break. Now I see that you have improved your speaking skills. Clear and concise, with a good pace. Keep making videos, I love your work.
Just heard the term “fawn response” for the first time yesterday. Wow, does that ever describe me. Parents weren’t physically abusive, but were very angry (both had their own traumas as children, and we have a much better relationship now), and responded angrily when I tried to speak up for myself. Fawning has been my standard response all along and I didn’t even know what it was until now.
So glad that I've been curious about what Fawn actually has means. Thank you
Training people to fawn is often an unfornate side effect of society. As an adult i would tell my younger self to be even more rebelious that i was being taken advantage of by people especially religious types they just love that fawn response.
It is so real today. The church is completely under fawn response. I see not evil , speak no evil while the rats are running free!
Thank you for the thorough explanation. I feel like I never relate or never find myself doing neither the fight nor flight mode. I found that most of the time I either freeze or conform to the situation at hand, changing myself to please the person instead, so that the person can get off me asap. Freeze and fawn is definitely a new thing for me, I'm going to learn more about it!
I'm not sure if this reaction counts as a stress response in the realm of psychology but, I think another one is Faint, Fainting. Kinda similar to Freeze just more extreme. Just wanted to share. Love your vids!
You are even saving people with your videos
Big respect
Thank you so much Kati! I love that you had prrsonal examples, it makes the listener more engaged in listening! ❤🥰
Wow, I had to keep pausing this video because just hearing someone talk about stress sets me off. But it’s useful information regardless.
Good info, Kati
Good to see you back at it .
I can relate to most of your info from experiences through my life from childhood, different things at different times and situations.
But the fear of darkness made me remember my fear of water. When I was 8 , I was at a boys camp and I jumped into a pond that was over my head. There was no escape, I didn’t know how to surface and I couldn’t call for help. I was about to drown . I experienced being overwhelmed , alone and isolated , intense fear and no alternatives or , total helplessness.
Fortunately , an older boy jumped in when he didn’t see me come up and pulled me to the surface.
For many years after I had a paranoia of deep water, and still do when my feet can’t touch the bottom.
But I learned to swim afterward and lost most of that fear.
The fear is a good thing to keep us from taking chances, like I did , but it can make you freeze. Learning and preparation are best.
I like to keep these options : fight, flight and calculate.
When your in a crisis , you need to focus and calculate to get out- awareness of your situation, what is possible or impossible, and your capabilities and alternatives.
If you calculate beforehand , you may not even enter a crisis at all. Avoidance is the best option.
Thank you so much for this. I never knew about the fawn response in which I do this a lot with my own mother and have done it in other relationships.
Your videos are always very helpful. ❤️
More on FAWN please Kati.
Especially for those of us that did not have a vulnerable upbringing.
Why do we people please?
I ❤love your video's!! Your sweet voice & calm demeanor has allowed me to listen & apply information without a sense of shame, judgement & negativity. Thank you Kati, you are truly a gift!! 😀
Came across this video and realized I've been stuck in freeze and fawn response for so long when the explanation of the response made me cry cuz I was triggered.
You know what's fun? Watching these and going, "oh... yep, that's me". Never gets old... :(
There is a great example of "freeze" in the movie Split. One character sees a stranger approaching their car and stares in horror while the other two have a pleasant conversation, assuming the approaching person is the driver they are waiting for.
Wow! I did not know that fawning was a stress response categorized with fight, flight, and freeze. Thank you SO much for explaining that to us.
A blooming marvelous video!
Thank you for talking about "fawn". I heard about it from another RUclipsr & realized it has always been my main response, but you don't hear as much about it.
This was so good Kati. Made this so clear.
I love your light switch story! I can relate: As a child, my bed was on the other side of my room from the light switch by the door. I used to stand in the doorway for a long time, my fingers on the switch, mustering the strength and courage to flick it off at which point I would leap from the light switch all the way across the room and onto the bed without my feet ever hitting the floor. This was so fast and fluid that there were times I can swear the light wasn't even out yet when I landed in the bed. I probably should have become and Olympic jumper of some sort...whatever. Thank you for this and your many other informative videos!
Really enjoyed the way you explained this with out making it seem difficult to understand.
Wow, never heard of the fawn response before. Had only come across 'tend and befriend' which is supposed to be how women tend to respond to stressors. Would love to hear more and maybe how these two relate!
Thank you for the description of fawn. I went to marriage counseling and she threw this word out there. I didn't know what it meant. I do have C-PTSD. I'm good at using the flight technique but now see fawn also describes me.
Just watched a video about shell shock right before this. Makes me think that shell shock is like a continual cycling in-between fight, flight, freeze.
This was crazy timing. I've been doing alot of research on stress lately because I've been going through a bad dissociative/depressive/anxious state the last couple of months and just started reading about freeze and fawn which made so much sense to how I feel cause I've been freezing since i was a little girl and feel like I've been experiencing alot more of the fawn response as well.
I can't remember where I heard the discussion about learning how to work through an adrenaline rush as opposed to freezing but I remember it being kind of a profound notion. They were saying g how certain careers teach people how to power through events (i.e firefighters, military, emt, etc) ... but on a smaller scale learning how to react in a situation when your scared is something that takes a lot of mental power you can try to develop. I have anxiety but for some reason I tend to research a lot of things that scare me with some hope that if something happens I'll know how to "fight back."....but because I have anxiety I'm literally terrified all the time and can't focus on anything else other than what if and what to do...
I need to figure out a better balance on the matter.
Thank you for this video. There’s actually a 5th one though-idk where I read/heard about it but I have experienced it-it’s usually lumped in with “freeze” but it’s actually quite the opposite! It’s called “flop” or “collapse”. I liken freeze to “deer in headlights”, muscles tensed, heart possibly pounding, usually holding your breath for super long periods of time which is a HUGE (inescapable) trauma reaction, and then on the opposite ends of the “freeze spectrum” (just made that term up!) there’s “flop”/“collapse”. THAT is what I call “playing possum”. I have CPTSD and was actually diagnosed with DID in the past week, and I tend toward “freeze” (as I described it) as a first resort, automatic reaction to actual/perceived threat, if that fails, “fawn” comes next for me, “placate the threat/abuser”, and if ALL else fails, and to my knowledge it’s only happened a few times in my adult life, “flop” is my very last (and completely involuntary) resort. Last time it happened outside of trauma therapy (SE) I was going through a very rough time, had just been acutely and actively suicidal and had been begging my “safe Dad” to let me out of the car, and he of course (because he’s really, truly safe) knew exactly what my intentions were and refused to let me out, unlock the door, or stop the car…literally 2 minutes later at most there was a completely unexpected, totally unavoidable BIG trauma trigger that sent me into some kind of non-visual, but emotional/physical flashback, and my entire torso, in the front seat of the car, flopped forward and went completely limp. I somehow was unable to dissociate even though I was probably begging God to let me at that point and I wasn’t holding my breath exactly, but rather breathing super shallowly with like 0.1% lung capacity. There’s an enormous difference between the two. Can you please do a video on that? Thanks!
Thank you so much for this. I have been living this way my whole entire life. I have CPTSD. I have multiple sclerosis and have made it really accelerated because I was constantly living like this. I'm finally getting some answers. Thank you.
Thanks for talking about the fawn response! Great video, as always, Kati. 😊
Oh goodness! Makes complete sense why I have ptsd😳
I do all these things!
Thank you so much for this video, as well as all your others! I had never heard of the fawn response but it is me to a T, even to this day. Thank you for helping me better understand myself and why I'm so completely disconnected from my own emotions! All the best 💟
Great lesson!! Thank you!
Thankyou for all your vedios your vedios are helpful for me. Please make vedio on how to treat severe ocd tips .
Unfortunately I pretty consistently fawn over my entire mental health team and even some of my supervisors at my job. I overly thank them and always try to be on their good side. My mental health team always tells me to redirect to myself and I think it even makes them uncomfortable. Luckily my job I am fortunate they understand I have a severe mental illness. I don't know how to correct this behavior but I'm going to give my self time. Thank you Katie for your info ongoing.
My go-to response is definitely freeze. My mom did a lot of yelling and screaming. One time, I'm not sure exactly what triggered it, she lost it. I was standing at the top of the stairs, but my mom was blocking them, and my bedroom was downstairs. My sisters were able to escape to their bedrooms down the hall, She started screaming that she wished she'd never gone to be a missionary, she wished she'd gone off to Europe when she had the chance, she wished she'd studied nursing instead of going to Bible college, and she wish she'd never had kids. I froze. I couldn't move or speak, and that seemed to make her even more angry. Hearing all of that just broke me. I became suicidally depressed after that. I think I was 14 or 15 at the time. There were many more yelling/screaming incidents like that, some of which I remember, some of which I blocked out. I never really thought of this as being trauma. It wasn't physical or sexual abuse, although it was definitely emotional and verbal abuse.
Wow! Your explanation of fawning was like you were describing my childhood…ordering your book now. Thank you so much for these videos Kati. You help more people than you know…
Thank you🙏🏻
I am here bc i can’t find an experienced therapist that takes my insurance. idk if my therapist is lacking or if she’s not experienced enough to make progress. sticking with her until i find someone who is more qualified. that’s how i found this channel 🙂
It's tough navigating the mental health landscape, especially when insurance complicates things. I hope you find a therapist who suits your needs soon!
I was adopted at 5 months and my experiences before that time led me to be a pleaser. (I had an otitis media the first week of my life in the hospital and afterwards was shifted to a temporary home for 5 weeks, then a foster home until 5 months.) Only recently (60’s) did I realize how awful that made my life. I also experienced freezing when I had my first and only teenage rebellion at 15 and was told by my adopted mother; « I can always return you, you know. » My two remaining years of high school were miserable.
Geez this is depressing and I have complex ptsd and do all of these behaviors. I’ve had so much therapy but some things are as Ingrained as my eye color… thank you for helping us understand these things as knowledge is the jumping point for healing.
In 2001, I was a NYPD riot control officer. I first set boots on the ground at Ground Zero on 9/15 where I sifted through what we called "the Pile" for maybe minutes, maybe hours. I don't recall bc I dissociated. That was the onset of my PTSD. I went untreated for 18 years, but am in treatment now. I'm never not in fight or flight. Always angry, always ready for a confrontation if need be. Always scanning for one. My flight response manifests usually in crowded stores where I can get so overwhelmed, I'll walk out, leaving an entire cart of goods behind. When I freeze, I also usually dissociate, and can hear everything around me, but it's like being trapped or buried alive or entombed in my own body and I can't get out. My family knows it's safe to touch me to bring me back safely, but this one is probably most terrifying for me. Thank you sincerely for this video and I wish anyone suffering PTSD peace today.
I have C-PTSD due to childhood upbringing and abuse and I can relate with a lot of what you said. Especially the Dissociation which is 24/7 I hope you find peace with your trauma and thank you for your service on 9/11 I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been.
I wish you good health for the rest of your days💕
You describe the experiences very well. I relate, brother.
wow...freeze and fawn describe my entire personality
Traumatized is one of the best books I know that describe post traumatic stress disorder.
Wow I didn’t know the fawn response was a real thing. Thank you for teaching me this. I have this issue due to severe childhood abuse.
I’m freeze and fawn most of the time. I feel like chicken little waiting for the sky to fall in. It’s awful. Nonstop panic attacks for 40 years even on meds. 😢
I wasn’t allowed to cry when I was being beat. This is intense to think about.
Thank you for the video. Been feeling physically stressed lately and this helped lots!
Kati, this was awesome and revealed what I have done for my entire life. Fawning. What can be done to correct being a "People Pleaser "
When I found my mom dead from a heart attack I went in to freeze mode..you never know how you would react in certain situations until it happens to you.
Me too.
My dad died of a heart attack and my brother woke me up to help him carry his body from the balcony seat. It was like I was mentally and physically gone.
@@MabelRD08 Yeah.. I took a photo and sent to my sister... I hate that I did that but I was in complete shock. If I would've been able to think clearly I obviously wouldn't have taken that pic.
Wow yeah, that was probably the most stress either of u had ever been under, I can't imagine
@heedmydemands It was indeed terribly stressful and traumatic. I can still hear in my head the scream I let out that day.
Listening from Peshawar Pakistan.
Thanks for sharing the information. A safe method to alter personal frequency to face any situation is the *HU* Song. Search how to sing *HU* .
You're so good at this.
When I was younger and in bad romantic relationships my main response was to fawn and make the other person feel better so as to not make anything worse. When they would get into arguments I would try to leave asap but couldn't. My biggest and most memorable moment of "FREEZE" was when I was with an old boyfriend at his friends house. There were about 8 guys all were high and taking drugs... a lot of drugs mixed with alcohol. Some drug dealers came in yelling for money. I was the only sober person and the only woman in the room. I was frozen until we left. Shortly after I started therapy and it greatly helped me process what had happened.
I call fawn “fainting goat” bc to me it is more about collapse and goats faint often in reaction to stimuli. My people pleasing to exhaustion can lead to a complete depletion of self. I ignore my needs and I breakdown/disconnect physically, mentally and emotionally. .
Extreme people pleasing was partly the cause of my workplace burnout 🤯💥.
I’ve had to learn to stick to boundaries and PUT MYSELF FIRST. ❤️.
I hope you are also developing these skills.
Thanks so much fawn happened to me so much as a child and now I Know about it it's just great thanks for the help ✨💖💖
Hi kati, I'm from brazil but I really enjoy your videos. Can you make a video about how to get over a long term relationship? I was with someone for 6 years and I was too dependent of him, it's being really difficult for me, and I have anxiety. I'm feeling really lost. Thank you and congratulations for the awesome work.
It’s crazy because I always saw fawning as flight but with extra people pleasing stuff. I always ran away from my problems as a child because fleeing was the easiest and not having any sort of emotional intelligence, it was what my brain did I guess. Now with more emotional intelligence that I’ve gained throughout the years, I turned into fawning. Always saying that instead of me coming to the person who hurt me I give them gifts and try to make them happy in hopes that they stop hurting me and have me stop feeling the pain. Especially in relationships. Fawning gave me a sense of false control in everything. It’s almost like purposely creating an eye of a hurricane in your life. The false sense of security and control for the time being until shit happens again. I’m glad it’s finally recognized.
My child hood was not great and never got any professional help. 32 now and at work the other day I was shaking shelving to show my coworkers how dangerous it could be for a kid. The a product fell off which I didn't see, but made a huge noise as it landed. And all the people that saw this were freaked out that I wasn't phased at all. My heart rate never went up and I was just like, see if that was a kid it could have been bad. I know for sure that I rarely use flight or fight, but I know now why. Cause mine is more like the freeze response.
I’ve heard (and do) freeze. Never heard fawn but I totally do that. Specifically with my friends in seat belts, who get annoyed with me when I do it. I’ve been the passenger in 14 car accidents. It all makes sense.
Thank you for this video. You just described my life with the 4 F's.