What? This just took a huge load off me -- "If you mess up a relationship, the only way to get it right is to get it right in the next relationship." Thank you so much for this 😭
EVERY relationship end is the start of being better next time, ANY type ANY time. "RELAX" None of this is permanent, we are all holding each other's hand walking each other home.
And just to add - the more you work on the relationship with yourself, the better you and your future partner will be! I learned the hard way. Things take time, all the best!
I read "the subtle art of not giving a f*ck" while in rehab circa June 2022. Changed my life AND explained any success I accidentally had in the past. Thanks Mark 💙
Cheatcodes: 1. Skip the side quests and focus on main goals 2. Go to therapy (if struggling to understand your character) 3. Boundaries (complete ur quests) 4. Focused improvement 5. Find allies, remove enemies
therapy is questionable given the entire field of psychology has been effectively exposed as a fraud. 5 achieves 2 without paying somebody dumber than you and partially refunding their psych degree
1. **Finite vs. Infinite Games**: Video games are finite, with clear goals and endpoints, while life is an infinite game where the objective is to keep playing and growing. 2. **Failures Build Character**: Unlike video games, where success makes you stronger, in life, failures are what help you grow and develop. 3. **Quest Selection**: In life, you don’t get to pick your character but must discover who you are. The key is choosing the right quests that reveal and build your character, rather than getting sidetracked by meaningless side quests. 4. **Focus on Your Own Path**: Avoid being influenced by other people’s goals or letting others impose their quests on you. Instead, focus on your main quest and establish boundaries. 5. **Failure is Key to Progress**: Embrace failure as it builds experience and strength. The more you learn to handle failure, the more unstoppable you become. 6. **Recognizing Allies and Enemies**: In life, not everyone who helps you is a friend, and not everyone who hurts you is an enemy. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships better. 7. **Charity Cheat Code**: Helping others with their quests can, in turn, help you progress in yours. Building alliances and goodwill is crucial to advancing in life. The video emphasizes that life is not about being a hero in your own story but recognizing that we are all each other’s sidekicks, working together to succeed.
@@jayantshitole5585 probably copied transcript, tossed it into ChatGPT and asked for a summary, and then pasted that into here. The **[word]** formatting for boldness which doesn't work in RUclips and the final sentence in that original comment is a big tell that it's from AI.
As an industrial mechanic and introvert gamer, this was possibly the most insightful video I have ever watched, period. With a hilarious closer as well.
For me, the difference between helping people with their own quests while advancing your own, and creating boundaries and letting people do their own quests is challenging.
I feel like a lot of people struggle with (myself included). I think the way to mitigate this is to not help more than what is appropriate considering your relation to the person. If you learn to create boundaries, helping others is a great way to be able to judge a persons' character and whether they should be kept in your life or not. And do not be judgemental about others if they do not reciprocate. Feel empathy if they are a person who uses others, because it is sad when you have to be like that. And then move on and help others instead. Empathy does not mean tolerating or accepting bad behaviour. And be wary of the effects of childhood trauma, which may make you feel really compelled to keep helping difficult people who do not reciprocate, in an attempt to gain their validation. BTW, creating boundaries is easier for me when I have limited time available. When it is more of a decision who you spend your time on, not if you are spending your time doing nothing or helping others. Make lists with your 'quests', break them down like a project in smaller tasks, plan it. It will never work the way you planned but it makes it easier to reserve enough time for your own quests. Also, helping others with the right tasks can acquire valuable skills for you that are useful later on in life, which is great! Want to learn how to work on your own car? Help other people work on theirs!
It's helps to realize you are taking away their joy at discovery and developing skills if you help beyond what it's life and death critical. I don't care more than they do... It's dangerous ground when you actually do care more than they do... But they need to learn to care!
Your videos are like free therapy to me. They are helping me to become more confident and realise not to sweat the small stuff in a fun way. Thanks so much Mark for making these and keep up the amazing work, you're helping so many people!
As someone who enjoys gaming in my down time, I definitely think this is one of the better life advice videos I’ve seen where they compared life to a video game! 👍🏽
I never expected you here, sir! Bro, I've been a fan since 2017, perhaps when I was in 3rd grade. Now I am in High School, and I'm still listening to your music! The music is still fresh, but it'll surely age like wine. In just a couple of more years, your music will be entitled The Legend, gentleman.
Very creative and wonderful analogy on life. I know this was probably not the easiest thing to put together but it was well done. It's going to speak to a lot of people.
Great video! I love how you emphasize the importance of making self-improvement fun and engaging. It’s so true that when we enjoy the process, we stay more motivated and consistent. Your tips on turning everyday activities into learning opportunities really resonated with me. Looking forward to trying out some of these ideas in my routine!
This video really resonated with me. As a therapist, I've seen how important it is to recognize that life is an infinite game, where the goal isn't to win but to grow and build resilience through setbacks. Your perspective on approaching life like a game, with the focus on quests that truly matter, is something that can help so many people. I've been creating content on my channel, Empowerment Psychology, aimed at supporting veterans and others dealing with trauma, PTSD, and other challenges. If you're interested, check it out. Thanks for this insightful video-keep up the great work!
@@dimension9680Exactly. It is all subjective. There are no rules to life. This is just a guide on how to restructure your life so you can life it to the fullest extent
Thank you Mr. Mark! Really helpful! I used to play videogames to avoid life. But this video makes sense because I haven't touched videogames for 2 years. Very insightful!
Also a key lesson from video, don't throw controllers at excessively bouncy couches.... or by getting overly angry at a "loss", you only hurt yourself by doing
You did start weak on the massage on this video and i did want to leave but instead i stayed and im grateful for doing it the last half of the video was pure gold 👍🏽
Holy sh4t you had the bravery to do that? If you don't mind asking, did you stay in the old field by doing soul-searching until you found a new job or did you quit your old one when it became not fun, and figure out what you want to do next later? Thanks!
@@destroyerinazuma96 I guess my best answer to your question is yes, and in hindsight I guess I was being brave but at the time and even now I feel like I am starting over in the wilderness after leaving the village. I was in a place where the job was fun (music) but there were also things that I struggled with. It was a church kind of gig and I made enough money to pay the bills comfortably and have insurance. To me that is “making it” as far as how fortunate I was to be in that position. No I wasn’t touring with Lady Gaga, but I am proud of what I was able to do. There was a year or two where I felt like I was an imposter playing a part. Other things happened that created strife, some things my fault, some not. Got to a point where there was no going back so I left. I jumped into education right after that. Pretty quickly landed a job as a support staff and went back to school. So I guess yeah I toiled in confusion but ultimately cut ties without a real plan and discovered who I wanted to be on the journey.
Mark, I took your advice back in 2014 and loaded up on my college courses back then (25 credits). Here I am a decade later, and you are still delivering value like no one else. Thank you! Wiktor
11:50 "The more you try to help other people win, the more they'll try to help you win." That is not true. People help you because you have something they actively need. The moment you have nothing of interest to them, they're not going to return the favor, no matter how much you helped them in the past.
That is objectively not true, that does not happen that much in my life. Most of the people i help are on my side no matter what, because that’s what i provide them. You get what you give man.
I literally LOL - loved the ending, trust you didn't get too badly hurt! And .... back to your messages - I hadn't thought of peers maybe wanting to pull me down for their benefit. The concept of distractions was brilliant and yes not to compare with others who have succeeded, we don't know at what cost. And enjoyed much more. Thank you very much Mark.
It's the contrast between "Focus on your own path" and "Charity cheat code" that is kinda hard to solve. I've helped a lot of people who were just there to use my skills and emotional support. At the same time I understand how helping others manifests in someone's life, I just feel that you have to be grounded in who you are and what you want to do in life before helping.
Hey there Mark, I guess you can say that I’m a gamer commenting on this video. While you’re not wrong about 1:38 but however this is NOT always the case when it comes to auto racing games. Because with those you do have to fail in order to get better at the racing. Now I know that there’s a few exceptions to this. But that’s what I have experienced beforehand, and hey it can also be the same thing with life too. You definitely have to fail to learn to get better. 👍 Heck, maybe racing games are a genre that’s more real?? Well okay maybe not “real” but in a figure of speech, you get what I mean.
Hey Mark and the team, I know that you don't really like "lifehack" videos, but thank you for putting it into a creative and fun format. I wanted to give you feedback. Myself (and probably some other viewers as well) listen to the video without watching. It would be nice if you could name the actual "cheat codes" out loud, so the video can also work in audio format. P.S. I appreciate and truly enjoy your work
Great script, even better advice. I have to say though, I don't know if it's your editor or you yourself but all the references and memes being topical was really appreciated. It made it a lot more relatable for me
I´ve been producing music (in Finland) for a living for 10 years now and it has gotten me to places I never even thought possible. What I struggle the most with is the last part of the video. I think I´ve been very generous with other people and given my absolute loyalty to them but somehow I usually end up being lonely and (a little) betrayed. Even though that´s been my biggest dream - to achieve things TOGETHER. But the further I get in my career the more lonely I get and even friends become envious. This business is very much about egos and attention so I wonder if it´s just impossible to not be lonely... Where I get the most positive feedback, empathy etc. is other entepreneurs. If I didn´t love music so much I´d probably be doing something else, something healthier.
I own a construction company (in Finland) and have been backstabbed by someone I trusted, as well as one important team member just gave up. But I don't blame them - they just weren't the correct partners for this job. In the end, each person had to take care of themselves first. I don't believe I'll ind a "perfect team" ever, but I hope to find people with similar goals, that allows for easier partnership.
Man I’m in the same boat. I produce psytrance and the scene is so toxic and full of huge ego. It frustrates me trying to get gigs when other djs who are friends with the promoters get on the line up or they just suck so much ass to get on the line up, in fact everyone’s sucking each others ass trying to get to the top when I’m reality I don’t think they wanna see any other dj doing better than them
@@danieldufur7474 Yep, I meant entrepreneurs other than those in the music business. Maybe it´s the same in every field but this is the one I know... I guess it´s the level of insane competition in music nowadays that makes this "law of the jungle" mentality. There´s no room for empathy or altruism.
Very interesting video. However, I have to strongly disagree with your last point. Helping others will not result in them helping you. I always helped people in university and also invited people to social activities. But the vast majority of these people never offered to help me in university and also never invited me to social activities. Therefore, if you decide to help others, be careful whether you have enough resources to do so, because you should not expect them to do anything in return for you
see helpiilnlglp as a gift. dont expect anything in return. if u expect something ur just manipulating the other person. sometimes u dont get anythjing in return and thats okay. and sometimes u get something u know they are soing too much for you. thats how life gives u back. its not 50/50. definitly help yourself first before u help someone else. but dont resent them for not helping you back either. just see them as little gifts u give
I’m not saying this is what you do (how could I possibly know anyway), but your comment does bring this to mind: Helping people and then keeping a “mental ledger” of who “owes” me help will usually result in at least one of the parties feeling resentful and/or guilty. I have a boss who is this way. He does nice things for an employee and will bring them up did down the road when he’s trying to get something out of the employee. That’s business, I guess, but it’s also manipulative. And once I realize his motives for doing “favors”, the goodwill is minimized, if not completely erased. I’d say that helping others simply because you see it is needed is a good way to make the world a better place and an antidote to self-pity. If our primary motive for helping others is to “win” at life or “get ahead” or climb some social ladder, it’s likely going to result in resentment and disappointment.
I don't know if it was Michael Jordan who save this but this quote marked me: "Be true to the game and the game will be true to you" My people, There is a procediment for everything
Have to say this is one of your best pieces of work, and I’m a fan of most of your work already. This encapsulates so much value in such a short clip. Loved it from front to back… passing it in to a few friends who need to see it now. Thanks mark, keep up the great work.
Cheat code 2: or (additionally) journal (our minds suck at recalling how we were, very good tool to self reflect) and/or meditate and know your feelings. Therapy will only work if you are the right patient for the therapist, and it will only do you no good if you ain’t
@@maartenvz noone has written on them what their “problem” is, yet each therapist can only be good at 1-2 particular field. There’s no use visiting a PTSD expert with ASD for instance.
3:56 But there are side quests that can be helpful for your mental health, especially when the main quest is getting difficult to move forward. It helps us feel a sense of encouragement that if we can complete this small task, then you can complete the biggest of baddie of them all :)
Goals and quests are what makes me feel alive. It’s amazing when you stay focused on something how you can prove to yourself you’re capable of more than what you initially expected. Excellent video Mark.
If you take away one thing at all the from the idea that life is a game take this. Games are only addicting because they are designed to be fulfilling. Most people escape their lives because they don't design their own lives to be fulfilling. Ask yourself these questions: How much time do game designers spend making the game fulfilling for gamers? How much time do business owners spend making work fulfilling for their employees? How much time do you spend making your own life fulfilling? The advice you consume is only as good as the systems you build to support it.
What I've learnt is that Life is literally like hardcore Minecraft, it has all the things you said it was. 1) It's an infinite game with literally endless possibilities, and similar to the real world, if you die your world is deleted forever. 2) Every time you lose a world, you gain experience for the next one, and eventually you'll get one that sticks. 3) The side quests (building a gunpowder farm once you get your elytra because you need rockets) can be mundane and boring, but also therapeutic and a fun way to pass your time during the game, depending on your mindset. 4) Everyone has their own opinions on when the end goal is achieved for them (in some cases it's never), and can do whatever they want. You can test your building skills and make an ugly house or a mansion, you can go caving and get diamonds or get blown up by a creeper. 5) You can grind for items like diamonds or netherite and while it's time consuming and repetitive, the end goal and interesting journey motivates you to take the first step and walk the whole mile. 6) You can focus in on any one thing you gel with. Unlike other games where there's a main objective not everyone will enjoy, in minecraft you've got building and pixel art for artistic people, you've got logical and technical redstone for the hardcore gamers and computer scientists, you've got PvP in multiplayer, parkour for people with fine motor skills, speedrunning, puzzles/escape rooms, minigames, etc. Never gets boring! 7) In multiplayer servers, sharing materials and giving farm items divides effort and leads to exponentially more progress.
8:52 I disagree with this. Character traits are created, not given. Usually they are created by what we’re good at but reframing it that way keeps you from immediately giving up on something if you don’t like it from the start.
I would say that if you weren't for example confident person but you managed to become confident through certain actions and change in your mindset, you didn't create the character trait of being confident from thin air, but you found that confidence deep buried within you
I feel video games are a pretty bad analogy for life. The whole idea that we need to win or be a hero creates unnecessary stress. You start by saying we should skip side quests but then explain we should first explore as much as possible to find our talents (so try as many side quests as possible). I feel the most important skills to develop at young age are our emotional maturity (how we handle our own good/bad emotions and those of others) and how to become independent/self reliant (by trial and error gaining confidence that we can learn skills if we practice and commit). It's OK to feel sad, angry, jealous, scared, these are perfectly normal human emotions. How we react to them is where we can gain some control over them: it's not OK to be mean, aggressive, it's far better to accept and talk about these emotions. Sure this makes us vulnerable but I feel this is actually a super power. If we fail and we try again or if we're scared and we try anyway, we develop character/perseverance/bravery. The hardest paradox is balancing self acceptance (I'm OK the way I am with all my flaws) with a growth mind set (I continue to work on refining my skills). If this gets out of balance you can feel insecure (I'm not good enough, I have to get better) or arrogant (I'm already great, why should I listen to others/learn?). Your relationship with yourself is the most important thing in your life as you are with yourself 24 hours a day. I think this is why people crave these "exciting" side quests, to numb the pain of not feeling great about yourself. If we can accept that this pain is a big part of our life (instead of feeling bad that we haven't conquered it yet) while continuing to work on it, I feel we are already in a pretty good place.
Throughout my life I have watched many people compare their lives to others using that as a measurement of attaining their purpose. I discovered that having a relationship with oneself is the most important & to trust your gut, to not allow the ego to steer the ship.
The idea that life is a game doesn't emphasize the need to "win" or "be the hero" in life, but rather to discover our skills and mission. This aligns with the ancient maxim at the core of philosophy: "Know thyself".
hey man, I just want say, thank you for always putting things into good perspective for others to see! You have very creative way of doing it! and it does help someone like me. little stuff like this that may seem obvious, get lost in the chaos of life. It takes a good mind to try to get overhead look at truly how things actually are
This metaphor isn't just old, it's ancient. The problem with it is that video games TELL YOU when you've levelled up. They give you dopamine hits with pretty graphics and music every few seconds, to let you know you're doing the right thing. In real life you can fail 99 times while doing the right thing. No one would ever play that video game.
A good reason for why you should track your progress, in a way where you can see visible results. In a game the "progress system" is already set up for you, but in real life you have to define this as well
I really loved the message of the video! Especially the part where failure makes you stronger and builds who I am. Looking back, I had the biggest growth during a difficult time or after a set back... which was perceived at that time as "the worst thing that happened in my life". Now I see the setbacks as small bumps in a grand scale of things and... more or less a "surprise event" in my mundane life 😁
It's a good video man. I've been going through depression. Need more positive and uplifting stuff on you tube. The video is accurate and i think would be helpful for many. It's always a challenge when you don't really have a "main quest" other than working and paying the bills. Or maybe trying to save up for something or pay off the mortgage. And you're right, success is best shared. That is part of my problem. I live alone so sharing success and happiness is lacking. I guess it is up to the individual to try to make positive change. And yes, there are way too many "side quests"/distractions. So much time is wasted on line and recovering from hang overs and etc. So much doom and gloom on line and yes, we need to try to learn from failure and overcome it. Not dwell on it. It can be easier said than done, but it really is all in the mind. I am trying to train my brain to only think positive thoughts, and to push out negative ones. Otherwise they can be consuming. Anyway, this video did cheer me up a bit. Thanks.
You remind me of how i changed my mindset when hanging out, when I'm with my friends, ' yay im with my friends ' then when it's over and i leave 'yay I'm alone'
You are not alone! Pretty much human instinct. But if any consolation, the first time is always the hardest and it just keeps getting easier every time from there on in.. As MM infers, Dedication will produce fearlessness in time, if that's your goal 😊
4:17 - Your channel is the last place where I'd expect MGSV lmao. I wonder if the "You know who your character is from the first moment" was an intentional nod to the game's plot
Awesome take Mark! I've noticed video game comparisons to life are really insightful. I've taken to heart another video game comparison by the channel "Better Ideas", and together with yours, I am able to get valuable lessons to take with me in this ongoing quest 🙏💯
Makes me think of another "life is like a video game" comparison: if you encounter obstacles and/or enemies, it means you're going in the right direction. Also true for the video game called life: You only notice that you've leveled up when you're farther ahead in the game.
I'm not sure I agree with that one. A counterpoint in Fallout: New Vegas is if you take a left on the road instead of a right - you immediately run into high level giant radscorpions. There is no benefit to successfully chewing through one of them with a baseball bat really, certainly not as enjoyable as hours of gameplay to get the same experience elsewhere. In my experience, when life is heavily resisting you going in a direction, you should find a different path. I don't mean "when the going gets tough, quit", but more like "when you've tried for a year to get a band practice together, that 'band' isn't really band" kinda thing.
All the failures helped me to build my character today. I resonated with what Mark said about not getting distracted with the side quests in the real world. It could waste lots of time. Also, we are on own quests. There is no point in comparing my life with others. As long as I knew I kept improving the quality of my life. We are all unique.
I disagree on real life sidequests being a waste of time. * Networking. * Going to the gym. * Staying in contact with loved ones. * Learning a new language. All technically speaking sidequests, but they can dramatically improve your quality of life. Which is what a good sidequest is supposed to do.
There is no point in learning a language though unless you are going to live in a country that speaks the said language. Also, I've never understood why so many people these days go to the gym. You don't need a gym to stay fit, I suppose it's good for your mental health, but so is going on a walk or a jog.
@@charlieolley1998 You'll be amazed how many business opportunities open up for you if you know more than one language. As for the gym thing, It's more about physical health than mental health, but you're not gonna understand if you don't go yourself. Plenty of my coworkers around my age (33) are in significantly worse health than I am. A jog or walk doesn't have the same impact as lifting does.
@@charlieolley1998 You're not being a very good sidekick. Both those things improve mind and body health. Probably make you better at a bunch of other things in life - a long list I'm not gonna write out here, but maybe you can think of a few.
Great video! Since a while, applying such attitude to life like it's a video-game. Sometimes really helps to cope with anxiety and stress we encounter in life.
Your point on therapy would actually be more convincing if it wasn’t a sponsor of the video. Just makes it seem like therapy is on the list because Better Health is a sponsor.
Bro, I really appreciate you making this video. It puts Life into a different perspective that makes it easier to understand for certain people. Like dor example in the video you said success make your character stronger and failure make your character weaker. But its the complete opposite in Life 🤯. I see now because since this year started, all I've been doing is taking Ls, and it feels like I'm not progressing. I finally understand why.
Reframing failure is such a superpower for the human mind. Great video Mark, this video should be shown to teenagers about to go to college.
💥💯👍
I wish I stumbled upon his website much, much earlier. But that’s life for you.
What? This just took a huge load off me -- "If you mess up a relationship, the only way to get it right is to get it right in the next relationship." Thank you so much for this 😭
Facts
EVERY relationship end is the start of being better next time, ANY type ANY time. "RELAX" None of this is permanent, we are all holding each other's hand walking each other home.
Absolutely. well said. 👍
Now, just gotta mess up that first relationship so I can learn for the next one 😂
And just to add - the more you work on the relationship with yourself, the better you and your future partner will be! I learned the hard way. Things take time, all the best!
Life is actually more like a boxing match ; you don't lose when you fall down , you lose when you don't get back up ...
chill out, Daisaku Kuze
Make me think of Rocky speech in the 6th movie.
Why get back up when you know you'll only get knocked down again?
You can also lose if you get back up?
You also lose if you fall down more than the opponent though
Man I'm a teacher and I'll show this video to my students. Thank you for putting such knowledge in a perfect modern language.
Please don't show the video to your students. You can explain it to them in your own, clean language...but don't expose them to RUclips Mark Manson.
This is probably one of the best videos on how to literally live life ive ever come across.
Boundaries. A big one & so important.
Came here to post this. So much good info in such an easily digested manner
I read "the subtle art of not giving a f*ck" while in rehab circa June 2022. Changed my life AND explained any success I accidentally had in the past. Thanks Mark 💙
The author denounced what he himself wrote as pseudo-intellectual detritus. You need to log off and renew your library card.
Cheatcodes:
1. Skip the side quests and focus on main goals
2. Go to therapy (if struggling to understand your character)
3. Boundaries (complete ur quests)
4. Focused improvement
5. Find allies, remove enemies
Exactly the cheat codes I was looking for. Ty
therapy is questionable given the entire field of psychology has been effectively exposed as a fraud. 5 achieves 2 without paying somebody dumber than you and partially refunding their psych degree
does burning creatures alive count as removing enemies?
You should amend #5.
5. Find allies, *recognize* enemies
@@davestevenson9080 yep we can thank figures like Sigmund 'Fraud' for that
1. **Finite vs. Infinite Games**: Video games are finite, with clear goals and endpoints, while life is an infinite game where the objective is to keep playing and growing.
2. **Failures Build Character**: Unlike video games, where success makes you stronger, in life, failures are what help you grow and develop.
3. **Quest Selection**: In life, you don’t get to pick your character but must discover who you are. The key is choosing the right quests that reveal and build your character, rather than getting sidetracked by meaningless side quests.
4. **Focus on Your Own Path**: Avoid being influenced by other people’s goals or letting others impose their quests on you. Instead, focus on your main quest and establish boundaries.
5. **Failure is Key to Progress**: Embrace failure as it builds experience and strength. The more you learn to handle failure, the more unstoppable you become.
6. **Recognizing Allies and Enemies**: In life, not everyone who helps you is a friend, and not everyone who hurts you is an enemy. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships better.
7. **Charity Cheat Code**: Helping others with their quests can, in turn, help you progress in yours. Building alliances and goodwill is crucial to advancing in life.
The video emphasizes that life is not about being a hero in your own story but recognizing that we are all each other’s sidekicks, working together to succeed.
ChatGPT moment. (Takes one to know one tho lol)
How did you watch a 12 min video uploaded 5 mins ago and summarized it so well?
@@jayantshitole5585 probably copied transcript, tossed it into ChatGPT and asked for a summary, and then pasted that into here.
The **[word]** formatting for boldness which doesn't work in RUclips and the final sentence in that original comment is a big tell that it's from AI.
This dude's on the wrong sidequest. Trying to rack up those meaningless points. Makes sense though since he didn't watch the video.
@@jayantshitole5585magic!
As an industrial mechanic and introvert gamer, this was possibly the most insightful video I have ever watched, period. With a hilarious closer as well.
For me, the difference between helping people with their own quests while advancing your own, and creating boundaries and letting people do their own quests is challenging.
I feel like a lot of people struggle with (myself included). I think the way to mitigate this is to not help more than what is appropriate considering your relation to the person. If you learn to create boundaries, helping others is a great way to be able to judge a persons' character and whether they should be kept in your life or not. And do not be judgemental about others if they do not reciprocate. Feel empathy if they are a person who uses others, because it is sad when you have to be like that. And then move on and help others instead. Empathy does not mean tolerating or accepting bad behaviour. And be wary of the effects of childhood trauma, which may make you feel really compelled to keep helping difficult people who do not reciprocate, in an attempt to gain their validation.
BTW, creating boundaries is easier for me when I have limited time available. When it is more of a decision who you spend your time on, not if you are spending your time doing nothing or helping others. Make lists with your 'quests', break them down like a project in smaller tasks, plan it. It will never work the way you planned but it makes it easier to reserve enough time for your own quests. Also, helping others with the right tasks can acquire valuable skills for you that are useful later on in life, which is great! Want to learn how to work on your own car? Help other people work on theirs!
It's helps to realize you are taking away their joy at discovery and developing skills if you help beyond what it's life and death critical. I don't care more than they do... It's dangerous ground when you actually do care more than they do... But they need to learn to care!
The moment I stopped helping, I lost my circle. Funny how that works. 🤣
Your videos are like free therapy to me. They are helping me to become more confident and realise not to sweat the small stuff in a fun way. Thanks so much Mark for making these and keep up the amazing work, you're helping so many people!
they are great thrapy, I agree
As someone who enjoys gaming in my down time, I definitely think this is one of the better life advice videos I’ve seen where they compared life to a video game! 👍🏽
yep, the point is to regard life as video game and not too seriously so you can play enough to be good at it
@@DrMortezaChalak Not bad said!
Finally a self help video that I understand.
Fr
hey its my favourite EDM artist
yeah simple and to the point. I am glad
I never expected you here, sir! Bro, I've been a fan since 2017, perhaps when I was in 3rd grade. Now I am in High School, and I'm still listening to your music! The music is still fresh, but it'll surely age like wine. In just a couple of more years, your music will be entitled The Legend, gentleman.
Ily fatrat. Psyonix did all the fans dirty taking infinite power out the rocket league start menu 😂
12:26 that haptic feedback is no joke...😅
Amazing format dude! Easy to be understood by everyone, especially the ones that spent most their youth playing games. Keep it up!
Very creative and wonderful analogy on life. I know this was probably not the easiest thing to put together but it was well done. It's going to speak to a lot of people.
Mark Manson, amazing video keep up the good content
Great video! I love how you emphasize the importance of making self-improvement fun and engaging. It’s so true that when we enjoy the process, we stay more motivated and consistent. Your tips on turning everyday activities into learning opportunities really resonated with me. Looking forward to trying out some of these ideas in my routine!
Game on! 🕹️
This video really resonated with me. As a therapist, I've seen how important it is to recognize that life is an infinite game, where the goal isn't to win but to grow and build resilience through setbacks. Your perspective on approaching life like a game, with the focus on quests that truly matter, is something that can help so many people. I've been creating content on my channel, Empowerment Psychology, aimed at supporting veterans and others dealing with trauma, PTSD, and other challenges. If you're interested, check it out. Thanks for this insightful video-keep up the great work!
Who gets to say what truly matters though? Surely it’s what truly matters to you-and maybe that is a dumb side quest for someone else?
@@dimension9680Exactly. It is all subjective. There are no rules to life. This is just a guide on how to restructure your life so you can life it to the fullest extent
Life is NOT an infinite game with infinite lives, you get one life and you die. You DO NOT re-sporn somewhere at a saved point. Life is VERY Finite !
@@ScoreGuru123 Thats true but your life also has infinite possibilities.
The PS5 controller, at the end of the video, showing the ultimate lesson there in an already magnificent video game/life analogy.
Finding your book and RUclips channel was a life changing, thank you.
Right?!!! Same here
mark really is one of us and i love to see it. GREAT VIDEO, actually really helped me tbh.
Thank you Mr. Mark! Really helpful! I used to play videogames to avoid life. But this video makes sense because I haven't touched videogames for 2 years. Very insightful!
Mark Manson, your video is inspiring, keep it up
Best ending ever, instant karma! Thank you for this video. It was inspiring, relatable, and just overall bad a$$.
Agreedio
Well said, Mark. We appreciate what you do for us.
By far your best thumbnail. I can tell you took the time to make the best one possible!
I liked the Mario one
Thank you, Mark, for continuously focusing on Stuff That Really Matters. Your content has been genuinely useful in improving my life
One of the best videos on this here site, and I'm not even exaggerating
Beautifully articulated, Mark! And that gamepad bouncing-off your head, at the end, also tells something about life.
Also a key lesson from video, don't throw controllers at excessively bouncy couches.... or by getting overly angry at a "loss", you only hurt yourself by doing
I'd advise not to throw those expensive controllers at all, lol.
You did start weak on the massage on this video and i did want to leave but instead i stayed and im grateful for doing it the last half of the video was pure gold 👍🏽
12:27 bro made a trickshot about hurting himself💀
Mark gotta admit he was in the FaZe clan back in the days
Instant Karma.
Comparing life to a video game is a great analogy. Keep up the inspiring and creative work Mark!
This was very helpful for me as someone leaving a career and starting a new one.
Holy sh4t you had the bravery to do that? If you don't mind asking, did you stay in the old field by doing soul-searching until you found a new job or did you quit your old one when it became not fun, and figure out what you want to do next later? Thanks!
@@destroyerinazuma96 I guess my best answer to your question is yes, and in hindsight I guess I was being brave but at the time and even now I feel like I am starting over in the wilderness after leaving the village.
I was in a place where the job was fun (music) but there were also things that I struggled with. It was a church kind of gig and I made enough money to pay the bills comfortably and have insurance. To me that is “making it” as far as how fortunate I was to be in that position. No I wasn’t touring with Lady Gaga, but I am proud of what I was able to do.
There was a year or two where I felt like I was an imposter playing a part. Other things happened that created strife, some things my fault, some not. Got to a point where there was no going back so I left.
I jumped into education right after that. Pretty quickly landed a job as a support staff and went back to school. So I guess yeah I toiled in confusion but ultimately cut ties without a real plan and discovered who I wanted to be on the journey.
@@thewrightbros5711 Thank you for sharing! I'm in a lot of doubt myself so it's nice-looking to see there is a way out.
Whohoo you go 🙌🏻
@@destroyerinazuma96 there’s always a way. Best of luck and trust your gut.
Mark, I took your advice back in 2014 and loaded up on my college courses back then (25 credits). Here I am a decade later, and you are still delivering value like no one else. Thank you! Wiktor
11:50 "The more you try to help other people win, the more they'll try to help you win." That is not true. People help you because you have something they actively need. The moment you have nothing of interest to them, they're not going to return the favor, no matter how much you helped them in the past.
That is objectively not true, that does not happen that much in my life. Most of the people i help are on my side no matter what, because that’s what i provide them. You get what you give man.
I literally LOL - loved the ending, trust you didn't get too badly hurt! And .... back to your messages - I hadn't thought of peers maybe wanting to pull me down for their benefit. The concept of distractions was brilliant and yes not to compare with others who have succeeded, we don't know at what cost. And enjoyed much more. Thank you very much Mark.
this just reminded me of something, I completely changed my habits by finding out book called The 21 Former doctor secrets by Rachel Morgan.
thanks for sharing that dude I will check it out!
I know that book, its amazing, all props to dr. Rachel
@@ThomasWht13 Same
Scam
bot
Thanks Mark!!! This content has a HUGE impact. A positive one. We appreciate all U do
8:25 The fact you used Astarion for this makes it 100x better. Loving the BG3 references.
Well done. I always saw this connection between life and games. I just never broke it down this way. You took it to a whole philosophical level.
It's the contrast between "Focus on your own path" and "Charity cheat code" that is kinda hard to solve. I've helped a lot of people who were just there to use my skills and emotional support. At the same time I understand how helping others manifests in someone's life, I just feel that you have to be grounded in who you are and what you want to do in life before helping.
NPCs
perfect timing, needed this. short and sweet and to the point. GAME ON!
Hey there Mark, I guess you can say that I’m a gamer commenting on this video. While you’re not wrong about 1:38 but however this is NOT always the case when it comes to auto racing games. Because with those you do have to fail in order to get better at the racing. Now I know that there’s a few exceptions to this. But that’s what I have experienced beforehand, and hey it can also be the same thing with life too. You definitely have to fail to learn to get better. 👍 Heck, maybe racing games are a genre that’s more real??
Well okay maybe not “real” but in a figure of speech, you get what I mean.
Finding your channel is definitely the single best decision I've made this year. Thank you sir! ❤
Hey Mark and the team,
I know that you don't really like "lifehack" videos, but thank you for putting it into a creative and fun format. I wanted to give you feedback. Myself (and probably some other viewers as well) listen to the video without watching. It would be nice if you could name the actual "cheat codes" out loud, so the video can also work in audio format.
P.S. I appreciate and truly enjoy your work
same, I had it in the background and had to peek often.
Great script, even better advice. I have to say though, I don't know if it's your editor or you yourself but all the references and memes being topical was really appreciated. It made it a lot more relatable for me
I´ve been producing music (in Finland) for a living for 10 years now and it has gotten me to places I never even thought possible. What I struggle the most with is the last part of the video. I think I´ve been very generous with other people and given my absolute loyalty to them but somehow I usually end up being lonely and (a little) betrayed. Even though that´s been my biggest dream - to achieve things TOGETHER. But the further I get in my career the more lonely I get and even friends become envious. This business is very much about egos and attention so I wonder if it´s just impossible to not be lonely... Where I get the most positive feedback, empathy etc. is other entepreneurs.
If I didn´t love music so much I´d probably be doing something else, something healthier.
I own a construction company (in Finland) and have been backstabbed by someone I trusted, as well as one important team member just gave up.
But I don't blame them - they just weren't the correct partners for this job. In the end, each person had to take care of themselves first.
I don't believe I'll ind a "perfect team" ever, but I hope to find people with similar goals, that allows for easier partnership.
Man I’m in the same boat. I produce psytrance and the scene is so toxic and full of huge ego. It frustrates me trying to get gigs when other djs who are friends with the promoters get on the line up or they just suck so much ass to get on the line up, in fact everyone’s sucking each others ass trying to get to the top when I’m reality I don’t think they wanna see any other dj doing better than them
@@thiacari You look at so logically and emotionally unattached. Really great that you are looking at it that way... wise
What did you mean by other entrepreneurs? Other musicians, or people not involved with music starting their own businesses?
@@danieldufur7474 Yep, I meant entrepreneurs other than those in the music business. Maybe it´s the same in every field but this is the one I know... I guess it´s the level of insane competition in music nowadays that makes this "law of the jungle" mentality. There´s no room for empathy or altruism.
I read your book models back in highschool a decade ago, it was a big help.
It's nice to see you're doing well on RUclips, cheers
Very interesting video. However, I have to strongly disagree with your last point. Helping others will not result in them helping you. I always helped people in university and also invited people to social activities. But the vast majority of these people never offered to help me in university and also never invited me to social activities. Therefore, if you decide to help others, be careful whether you have enough resources to do so, because you should not expect them to do anything in return for you
see helpiilnlglp as a gift. dont expect anything in return. if u expect something ur just manipulating the other person. sometimes u dont get anythjing in return and thats okay. and sometimes u get something u know they are soing too much for you. thats how life gives u back. its not 50/50. definitly help yourself first before u help someone else. but dont resent them for not helping you back either. just see them as little gifts u give
I agree with op... Generosity is a second it third level... Not to be done until you have the resources to do it.
I’m not saying this is what you do (how could I possibly know anyway), but your comment does bring this to mind: Helping people and then keeping a “mental ledger” of who “owes” me help will usually result in at least one of the parties feeling resentful and/or guilty.
I have a boss who is this way. He does nice things for an employee and will bring them up did down the road when he’s trying to get something out of the employee.
That’s business, I guess, but it’s also manipulative. And once I realize his motives for doing “favors”, the goodwill is minimized, if not completely erased.
I’d say that helping others simply because you see it is needed is a good way to make the world a better place and an antidote to self-pity.
If our primary motive for helping others is to “win” at life or “get ahead” or climb some social ladder, it’s likely going to result in resentment and disappointment.
@@lvn4x Agree. I was just referring to the video
Never expect anything.
WOW!
This video is MAJESTIC! Yo, thanks Mark for making these! What a great allegory! 🔥
I don't know if it was Michael Jordan who save this but this quote marked me:
"Be true to the game and the game will be true to you"
My people, There is a procediment for everything
Have to say this is one of your best pieces of work, and I’m a fan of most of your work already. This encapsulates so much value in such a short clip. Loved it from front to back… passing it in to a few friends who need to see it now. Thanks mark, keep up the great work.
Cheat code 2: or (additionally) journal (our minds suck at recalling how we were, very good tool to self reflect) and/or meditate and know your feelings.
Therapy will only work if you are the right patient for the therapist, and it will only do you no good if you ain’t
fax, lets you measure your progress, when we can get too short-sighted and not appreciate how much we've done so far.
What do you mean with the "right patient"?
@@maartenvz noone has written on them what their “problem” is, yet each therapist can only be good at 1-2 particular field. There’s no use visiting a PTSD expert with ASD for instance.
Watching and reading Mark Manson for me is like listening to the big brother I always wanted to have ❤
3:56 But there are side quests that can be helpful for your mental health, especially when the main quest is getting difficult to move forward. It helps us feel a sense of encouragement that if we can complete this small task, then you can complete the biggest of baddie of them all :)
If the side quest (taking care of your mental health) is necessary to move the main quest forward, then it IS part of the main quest. Be well.
This is an unbelievably awesome way of explaining this. Great work!
This is absolutely brilliant!! I teach JROTC in HS and sent this link to all of my seniors and past cadets now in college.
As always, SO much value in this. And your humor is impeccable mr manson
True, Honest mistakes reveal the Firmament of Wisdom
Goals and quests are what makes me feel alive. It’s amazing when you stay focused on something how you can prove to yourself you’re capable of more than what you initially expected. Excellent video Mark.
This was one of my favorite articles you wrote back when I first heard of you! Nice to see it was turned into a solid video
Excellent. I have rarely said so of any content on RUclips. You've got it.
If you take away one thing at all the from the idea that life is a game take this.
Games are only addicting because they are designed to be fulfilling.
Most people escape their lives because they don't design their own lives to be fulfilling.
Ask yourself these questions:
How much time do game designers spend making the game fulfilling for gamers?
How much time do business owners spend making work fulfilling for their employees?
How much time do you spend making your own life fulfilling?
The advice you consume is only as good as the systems you build to support it.
Amazing video, eye opening for me, I'll study this in my journal, thank you!
What I've learnt is that Life is literally like hardcore Minecraft, it has all the things you said it was.
1) It's an infinite game with literally endless possibilities, and similar to the real world, if you die your world is deleted forever.
2) Every time you lose a world, you gain experience for the next one, and eventually you'll get one that sticks.
3) The side quests (building a gunpowder farm once you get your elytra because you need rockets) can be mundane and boring, but also therapeutic and a fun way to pass your time during the game, depending on your mindset.
4) Everyone has their own opinions on when the end goal is achieved for them (in some cases it's never), and can do whatever they want. You can test your building skills and make an ugly house or a mansion, you can go caving and get diamonds or get blown up by a creeper.
5) You can grind for items like diamonds or netherite and while it's time consuming and repetitive, the end goal and interesting journey motivates you to take the first step and walk the whole mile.
6) You can focus in on any one thing you gel with. Unlike other games where there's a main objective not everyone will enjoy, in minecraft you've got building and pixel art for artistic people, you've got logical and technical redstone for the hardcore gamers and computer scientists, you've got PvP in multiplayer, parkour for people with fine motor skills, speedrunning, puzzles/escape rooms, minigames, etc. Never gets boring!
7) In multiplayer servers, sharing materials and giving farm items divides effort and leads to exponentially more progress.
That was awesome. Thanks Mark! I will be sharing this as this might be among the best analogy I've ever heard.
He made self improvement relevant with audience nowadays, such creativity! 😂
This is phenomenally laid out. Incredible work and ideas Mark and team.
The retired WCW wrestler Diamond Dallas Page once said, "you can have anything you want if you help enough people get what they want"
Loved The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F. And so glad I stumbled upon your channel! Can’t wait to read another of your works 🤓
Thank you Mark❤️
Great video - Self discovery is a challenge for many either due to lack of opportunity or family pushing you toward a specific path
8:52 I disagree with this. Character traits are created, not given. Usually they are created by what we’re good at but reframing it that way keeps you from immediately giving up on something if you don’t like it from the start.
I would say that if you weren't for example confident person but you managed to become confident through certain actions and change in your mindset, you didn't create the character trait of being confident from thin air, but you found that confidence deep buried within you
Well Done… Good to see you are handling the Game at the Guide level … Thank you Boss!! 🔥🤙🏾
I feel video games are a pretty bad analogy for life. The whole idea that we need to win or be a hero creates unnecessary stress. You start by saying we should skip side quests but then explain we should first explore as much as possible to find our talents (so try as many side quests as possible). I feel the most important skills to develop at young age are our emotional maturity (how we handle our own good/bad emotions and those of others) and how to become independent/self reliant (by trial and error gaining confidence that we can learn skills if we practice and commit). It's OK to feel sad, angry, jealous, scared, these are perfectly normal human emotions. How we react to them is where we can gain some control over them: it's not OK to be mean, aggressive, it's far better to accept and talk about these emotions. Sure this makes us vulnerable but I feel this is actually a super power. If we fail and we try again or if we're scared and we try anyway, we develop character/perseverance/bravery.
The hardest paradox is balancing self acceptance (I'm OK the way I am with all my flaws) with a growth mind set (I continue to work on refining my skills). If this gets out of balance you can feel insecure (I'm not good enough, I have to get better) or arrogant (I'm already great, why should I listen to others/learn?). Your relationship with yourself is the most important thing in your life as you are with yourself 24 hours a day. I think this is why people crave these "exciting" side quests, to numb the pain of not feeling great about yourself. If we can accept that this pain is a big part of our life (instead of feeling bad that we haven't conquered it yet) while continuing to work on it, I feel we are already in a pretty good place.
Throughout my life I have watched many people compare their lives to others using that as a measurement of attaining their purpose. I discovered that having a relationship with oneself is the most important & to trust your gut, to not allow the ego to steer the ship.
The idea that life is a game doesn't emphasize the need to "win" or "be the hero" in life, but rather to discover our skills and mission. This aligns with the ancient maxim at the core of philosophy: "Know thyself".
Mark Manson is my favorie GURU, thank you, Mark for all your good advice - Your favorite word is now MY fvorite word
Downside of life you can have massive debuffs that actually prevent success which you have no idea of until it destroys your health.
hey man, I just want say, thank you for always putting things into good perspective for others to see! You have very creative way of doing it! and it does help someone like me. little stuff like this that may seem obvious, get lost in the chaos of life. It takes a good mind to try to get overhead look at truly how things actually are
This metaphor isn't just old, it's ancient.
The problem with it is that video games TELL YOU when you've levelled up. They give you dopamine hits with pretty graphics and music every few seconds, to let you know you're doing the right thing.
In real life you can fail 99 times while doing the right thing. No one would ever play that video game.
But here we are, brought into this video game by our parents 😄
A good reason for why you should track your progress, in a way where you can see visible results. In a game the "progress system" is already set up for you, but in real life you have to define this as well
Only more than 7 billion playing it non stop
And 'progress' is that you keep trying@@zugrath16
@@kewoshk"spawned"😂
I really loved the message of the video! Especially the part where failure makes you stronger and builds who I am. Looking back, I had the biggest growth during a difficult time or after a set back... which was perceived at that time as "the worst thing that happened in my life". Now I see the setbacks as small bumps in a grand scale of things and... more or less a "surprise event" in my mundane life 😁
the do not be seduced by other people's quest lines was really strong saying it.
Probably one of the best videos I've seen this year, and I watch a lot.
Also, excellent choice of videogame B-roll!
Sometimes something that starts as a side quest becomes your main quest, so if you are young do as many as you can
It's a good video man. I've been going through depression. Need more positive and uplifting stuff on you tube.
The video is accurate and i think would be helpful for many.
It's always a challenge when you don't really have a "main quest" other than working and paying the bills. Or maybe trying to save up for something or pay off the mortgage.
And you're right, success is best shared. That is part of my problem. I live alone so sharing success and happiness is lacking.
I guess it is up to the individual to try to make positive change. And yes, there are way too many "side quests"/distractions.
So much time is wasted on line and recovering from hang overs and etc.
So much doom and gloom on line and yes, we need to try to learn from failure and overcome it. Not dwell on it.
It can be easier said than done, but it really is all in the mind.
I am trying to train my brain to only think positive thoughts, and to push out negative ones. Otherwise they can be consuming.
Anyway, this video did cheer me up a bit. Thanks.
0:48 you ARE that thing in that game lol
Hahaha I had to pause to laugh and saw you comment
You remind me of how i changed my mindset when hanging out, when I'm with my friends, ' yay im with my friends ' then when it's over and i leave 'yay I'm alone'
항상 재밌게 영상 보는 거 같아요! 저도 꼭 유튜브로 100만 구독자가 되어서 부모님에게 효도하는 그날이 빨리 찾아왔으면 좋겠네요!
I loved this video!!! What a great and fun way of explaining truly complex concepts 🎮👾
I always feel scary about the uncertain things...i need to persuade myself every single time.Even it is just an interview😢
You are not alone! Pretty much human instinct. But if any consolation, the first time is always the hardest and it just keeps getting easier every time from there on in.. As MM infers, Dedication will produce fearlessness in time, if that's your goal 😊
One of your best so far! Loved this one 🙏
4:17 - Your channel is the last place where I'd expect MGSV lmao. I wonder if the "You know who your character is from the first moment" was an intentional nod to the game's plot
Awesome take Mark! I've noticed video game comparisons to life are really insightful. I've taken to heart another video game comparison by the channel "Better Ideas", and together with yours, I am able to get valuable lessons to take with me in this ongoing quest 🙏💯
Makes me think of another "life is like a video game" comparison: if you encounter obstacles and/or enemies, it means you're going in the right direction. Also true for the video game called life: You only notice that you've leveled up when you're farther ahead in the game.
👍💯
I'm not sure I agree with that one. A counterpoint in Fallout: New Vegas is if you take a left on the road instead of a right - you immediately run into high level giant radscorpions. There is no benefit to successfully chewing through one of them with a baseball bat really, certainly not as enjoyable as hours of gameplay to get the same experience elsewhere.
In my experience, when life is heavily resisting you going in a direction, you should find a different path. I don't mean "when the going gets tough, quit", but more like "when you've tried for a year to get a band practice together, that 'band' isn't really band" kinda thing.
All the failures helped me to build my character today. I resonated with what Mark said about not getting distracted with the side quests in the real world. It could waste lots of time. Also, we are on own quests. There is no point in comparing my life with others. As long as I knew I kept improving the quality of my life. We are all unique.
I disagree on real life sidequests being a waste of time.
* Networking.
* Going to the gym.
* Staying in contact with loved ones.
* Learning a new language.
All technically speaking sidequests, but they can dramatically improve your quality of life. Which is what a good sidequest is supposed to do.
There is no point in learning a language though unless you are going to live in a country that speaks the said language. Also, I've never understood why so many people these days go to the gym. You don't need a gym to stay fit, I suppose it's good for your mental health, but so is going on a walk or a jog.
I think he calls out pretty much all of those things later as ones that are worth your time because they ultimately help your own main quest.
@@charlieolley1998 men have to lift weights.
@@charlieolley1998 You'll be amazed how many business opportunities open up for you if you know more than one language.
As for the gym thing, It's more about physical health than mental health, but you're not gonna understand if you don't go yourself. Plenty of my coworkers around my age (33) are in significantly worse health than I am. A jog or walk doesn't have the same impact as lifting does.
@@charlieolley1998 You're not being a very good sidekick.
Both those things improve mind and body health. Probably make you better at a bunch of other things in life - a long list I'm not gonna write out here, but maybe you can think of a few.
Great video! Since a while, applying such attitude to life like it's a video-game. Sometimes really helps to cope with anxiety and stress we encounter in life.
Your point on therapy would actually be more convincing if it wasn’t a sponsor of the video. Just makes it seem like therapy is on the list because Better Health is a sponsor.
Just replace with Journaling
Bro, I really appreciate you making this video. It puts Life into a different perspective that makes it easier to understand for certain people.
Like dor example in the video you said success make your character stronger and failure make your character weaker. But its the complete opposite in Life 🤯.
I see now because since this year started, all I've been doing is taking Ls, and it feels like I'm not progressing.
I finally understand why.