Simply brilliant. Brutally honest. So real. Yet, shows sensitivity to both the betrayer and the betrayed. Framed beautifully. Presses all the key buttons. No moral judgment however, I can't think of something more spiritual than this. Recovery is about redemption and reclaiming ones true self. And I can't think of anything more "religious" than this. Thank you.
He is absolutely right about one thing when you have a compulsive sexual addiction it is not about the sex act itself which can be mediocre even boring. Speaking from experience unfortunately the actual high he describes is correct. It's found in the anticipation and the excitement of the search, looking or anticipation.
Thank you for what you do to help others. I am one of the betrayed partners. My entire life was turned upside down 5 months ago when I learned about my husband’s ( now ex-husband) sexual addiction. This is the most informed explanations I have come across in my search for understanding and healing. I will pursue literature you have written to help me on this journey of restoration.
Me too my world is in a hurricane right now 28 years an only just found out . Feel like I never knew the person I married had children with an built a home with . It’s so traumatic for the spose
Intimacy over Intensity. If you want to watch porn (high intensity dopamine release), go for a walk or talk to people (low intensity dopamine release). Try learning a new thing, try going to the library, or the cinema etc. i.e. any small pleasurable activity that releases a small amount of dopamine. We live in an overly sexual age where a very high percentage of people are sex addicts.
Such a validating video. Im the betrayed one. I was the one whom acted crazy. I was traumatized. Betrayed. Pathologically lied to over and over and over again. I was checking phone and the tablets. I seemed nuts - i wasnt nuts i was hurt and devastated.
Hyper-sexuality, anon sex has been so common in the gay culture long before the internet and phone apps.Acting out sexually is a quick and effective way of dealing with feelings of shame temporally. Going on date has always felt so unnatural to me.really enjoyed your talk thank you
As an Asexual, I have always found this strange. I found it really weird that gay men would hook with a stranger, within hours and not even know the person, who could be dangerous. Where were are, we have woodland where the men go cruising for strangers, any person, just for sex. That would freak me out! No sense of personal safety at all because of their sex compulsion. So many gay men have been killed because they have been lured by a mad stranger.
Really fabulous, direct, clear and robust presentation - what is with the audience though ! How can they not be fascinated - I watched the food addiction presentation too where the audience seemed to be necking soda and pushing food around rather than getting involved in the presentation - Great material thanks !
when I stopped doing meth I stopped acting out sexually - I would have had sex with a fire hydrant and asked it to marry me - the drug took what ever dignity I had, and that was pretty thin, now off of meth I now get the humiliation and pictures creeps took while I was out of my mind. it does hurt badly. my dad dying didn't help he was my buddy... I can't tell you what is going to happen but I can tell you if you are sober, you have a shot...it took me so long so long to understand.. then almost any friend I had except a few and my mother (poor thing), stopped inviting me anywhere... I was lured into a vacant building as a kid and molested by a man who said he was going to kill me I was 10 years old, man, who kidnaps a 10 year old boy and does something like that.....I tricked the guy and got away.... we caught him in a month and he was sentenced to 3 years. This event I can say had a terrible impact long term... I'm 56 ha when Sinatra sang "anything goes" boy he was not kidding......then every time, you have to dig your self out of that hole, dust yourself off and face the truth; what ever that may be
THIS HAS TO BE THE MOST INVOLVING, ENGAGING, ENTHRALLING AND ADDICTING ;) TALK ON SEX DEADDICTION EVER.......THANK YOU ROBERT WEISS FOR YOUR SKILL IN DELIVERING IT TO US. THANKS TO THE FARLEY CENTER FOR PUTTING UP THE ENTIRE VIDEO OF 2 HRS PLUS ON YOU TUBE. THIS ARE ACTS THAT TURN STUFF LIKE THE INTERNET INTO VALUABLE TOOLS.💟💟💟
Knowledgeable and experienced therapist who communicates many clinically -sound concepts, principles, and data that inform and educate mental health practitioner s. Presentation also helps patients and clients better understand many aspects of their mental health problems and issues. Worth the time invested.
As an experienced therapist, how do you distinguish between A) individuals who use porn as a crutch to survive acute loneliness because they’re in a sexless marriage (and not wanting or feeling able to end it) and B) married sex addicts? Also, what is the ratio you would say you see between those situations, assuming you distinguish? I would guess many times as many type A, and relatively few, nearly zero type B.
This really is helpful. I've been divorced from my husband of 30 years because I found out he was a sex addict. For more than a year, we tried to deal with it, I tried to stay, but the stress and pain was too much. I was suffering from PTSD. It's been more than two years since we divorced. He's acting out still, but me, and his children try to just not think about that part of his crazy life, so we can get along in some way. But even now, I go through times of feeling confused and am unable to have another relationship. I go back over it again, wondering what is wrong with me that I was with him so long? Or that I married him in the first place? Or did I somehow make him like this? He claims he had the problem way before we met, but I am still confused. I had tried to reach out to therapists who specialized in this, but I live in France and none of them answered me. I wish I'd found someone like this to help me back then.
I don't think what the older generation says about the younger generation "is hogwash" on the issue of face to face communication. It's a real loss to have a generation that doesn't feel the need to have real human contact, but instead only communicate within the digital world. Humans are meant to have the sense of touch with other people.
Of course This guy has great points on the mentality of a someone with sex addiction but his opinions on technology and that casual sex is not a bad thing show his own personal biases
Rob! Im very greatful to listning to you explaining love and sexadicted behaving so I dont mix it vith other difficultes. Im swede so my amercan is limiterad. I got diagnos in May 19. A chock but spot on. For aboth 9 years hade sex with a lot of men, The heart was not there. I didnt listen to my intuition /god. I following you. Thank you for beeng st RUclips for me too. Hugs from Bengt 62 years young man, living in Stockholm.
This problem exist, that is a fact, The naming is The problem, some people feel weird by calling it an addiction, personally i find more sense reffering it as obsessive compulsive behaviour
Going a step further, I was on the fence on whether labeling addiction as a disease but I watched "Pleasure Unwoven" and it really ended the argument for me.
You are definitely right there are very much OCD tendencies to it especially the ritualized nature. I have very mild OCD tendencies (nothing that interferes with my day to day activities thank goodness ) like double checking locks and the stove. Anyway these OCD tendencies definitely can be found in some of my sexual compulsions so my guess is many sex addicts would have OCD tendencies. This was a really insightful and good video. 👍
@@Meadows777 it is a disease. God put medicine in plants that help with addiction. Ginseng a couple herbal mushrooms. The fact that God put medicine in plants that treat and may even cure addiction. means that it is classified as a sickness. Just like how god put medicine in plants that heal Heart failure brain damage repair DNA. there plants that dissolve kidney stones etc. 70 percent of modern medicine is derived from plants. So called primitive people like Indians used plants for medicine. Which means primitive people had 70 percent of modern medicine. except theirs was not a bootlegged version that caused yellow skin and eyes and changes in behavior or thinking. It takes great knowledge thinking and intelligence to create this medicine in plants.
@@cooldude8912 no it appears as if there is a plant for every single disease. It is almost as if the statement that god put medicine in plants is true. 70 percent of new drugs come form mother nature news.mongabay.com/2007/03/70-of-new-drugs-come-from-mother-nature/ Albizia can precisely dial all of your hormones to correct amounts "Weak Shen will lead to a person that is ruled by emotions. They may be angry, sad, depressed, jealous, or filled with worry and anxiety. It is likely that they’ll be driven by the lower needs of food, sex, security," lostempireherbs.com/product/albizia/ These fruits and vegetable repair dna nutritionfacts.org/video/fruits-vegetables-boost-dna-repair/ 17 herbs that can clean toxic blood for example cat claw www.healthyandnaturalworld.com/best-herbs-and-foods-to-cleanse-your-blood/ 14. Cat’s claw "Cat’s claw can help with blood detox by increasing the amount of urine and toxins that are eliminated by the body." I can pull thousands of examples like this.It does appear that there is a plant for nearly all diseases The claim that god put medicine in plants is completely true
Using the fit bit for accountability is a great idea. Read someone found wife cheating when her fit bit kept showing the rise and fall of her pulse during sex. If he takes off the fitbit, you can be sure he is acting out too.
All of the men in my life have been liars, addicts, I am so used to this. No wonder I never married or had kids and have been alone protecting myself from all of this drama. I know this so well. I am not attracted to anything else. Was Narcissistically Abused by everyone in my family. There was no real love, only betrayal.
There is real love! But we have to educate ourselves on these wretches they call men! Not all men are sex addicts! But when we've been victimized we tend to attract evil-doers they think they can control us and that's all sex addiction is self-centered brute-beasts that should be destroyed unless they learn how to respect women, children or any other form of life other than their own need for lust! Lust becomes very greedy and is never satisfied. God calls them dogs, sexually immoral people just go by instinct they're not even human anymore they turn into something out of hell
I struggled with pornography for a few years and especially through covid lockdowns. I came clean to my girlfriend about it because o wanted help. Maybe a lot of men are liars and addicts, but there’s always hope for that one person that will be their most vulnerable self to you. My girlfriend helped me heal and we worked together on it. I’m so sorry you’ve had a hard time with this. It can ruin relationships and most importantly ruins people.
@@raphaelyanez4357 you are so ignorant and full of 💩 You are victim blaming and obviously a porn/sex addict. This is YOUR fault! Not your partner’s. I am super hot and beautiful. I am willing and ready to do whatever my partner wants. My partner is old, fat, ugly and disgusting. He is a porn addict and that is what matters to him. Because it is all novelty. Men do not appreciate women. They objectify women. All “spicing things up” with an addict is doing is making his addiction far worse. He always wants more. There’s nothing women can do to help him no matter what they try.
Funny that as a sex addict.....I feel that his articulation is directed 100%towards me. My ego is definitely getting uncomfortable, by means of my precarious lifestyle!
I hAve sex addiction I was molested by my dad I stared prostitution I've been in the sex field for 7 years and been in strip field as well I use to be drug addict but I stopped got help I use to be in drinking addiction as well got clean sometimes I be having them urges to drink
a good talk. Thank you. I'm struggling with sex addiction and is causing me to cheat even though I love my partner. I hope this gets cured. I'm looking for a rehab center near our area or any theraphist I can talk to.
He says a spouse who goes through their husband's/wife's wallet and searches their computer browsing history is "a crazy person". HUH? That's not crazy; that's smart. Blind trust is for fools, if you ask me. Trust must be proved; trust is not just given out for free. For the same reason employers camera record their employees, you don't just trust your sex partner. They could give you an STD. A trustworthy person will welcome surveillance and transparency because they have nothing to hide.
Yes; and the police should be able to search your house whenever they feel like it. After all, if you've got nothing to hide, what's the big deal? If you feel the need to do this kind of searching, it's only because of your own insecurity. And you're entitled to that, but don't try to claim it's the 'smart' way of doing things. And consenting to surveillance doesnt make you any more or less trustworthy than anyone else.
As a spouse how do you heal when the partner cheated but never came clean after proof was shown? How do you heal from that? It's like sinking in to a suffocating sludge being with someone who will be little and ignore you not notice your being hit on while they are ogling anyone else. It's maddening and depressing and so confusing.
I think that’s ridiculous about the female stripper part. And any therapist/psychologist should know that these women feel completely out of control even if they appear opposite. I was sexually abused when I was young. I was told I owed it to them and it was my duty. I felt completely powerless. When I got older I got with a guy who sensed my abuse because he was a predator. He brainwashed and coerced me into becoming a stripper and I caved because I felt powerless. Like in my younger years, I felt an obligation and was scared to death to say no. Being a stripper wasn’t an empowering feeling, it was a complete nightmare! It caused me so much anxiety and depression.
Me to. I feel like it's going to be the death of me. Watching this video is my first step, i hope. I pray like a hundred times a day for strength when i feel "weak" One thing that has helps me is when i start feeling like I'm going to do something wrong i say this chant over and over again. Serve God Not Lust Serve God Not Lust if you don't believe in God you can find something else to serve like Good Health.
And narcissism phsycopotjy and cheating go hand in hand like histrionic disorder- boredom because actually the cheater is boring and can't stand themselves. .
It really must be talked about, both in women and in men. A lot of men can risk their own lives as well as others to do this disorder. And men working at home, may make this worse, people aren't necessarily keeping an eye on them. For women having sex with these men, being used 'for one thing' is unpleasant and many children and women are being killed if some men are unable to deal with this compulsion
The "evolution" piece to what is going on is disappointing to hear. I think technology is going to make us worse at relating in close relationships. And having good close relationships is possibly the best measure for quality of life; meaning our happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment.
I just started watching !I'm a Virgin and lately I've been battling my porn addiction and the war is no where near the end ! If any one have any steps or methods in can use I'll be pleased to know them! Thnks
It was brought to my Attention tonight that 50 Shades of Gray is about sexual issues and now I heard theres a darker 50 shades of darker gray. Some people get so involved they do use drugs then sex. But what about the ones that want to be officiated until they're out of OXYGEN they end up with ANOXIC BRAIN INJURY. This video is older so is this man still active in replying to this video?
Yeah but where do you draw the line between who the person is and the addiction/compulsion? If it doesn't interfere with daily living is it really a problem? Not saying sexual addiction isnt a really thing but it seems like on a general level it just boils down to everything in moderation.
Brian Stoops absolutely. Because I did. I used to have “cybersex”. It’s hard to deal with. Not because I’m tempted to go back, but it feels hard to make something of myself because of my past. But rest assured, you can truly recover.
Weiss’ assumptions of technology and evolution seem biased to assume that the cultural shifts are for the better which makes me think of Richard Dawkin’s book The Blind Watchmaker which considers how evolution is actually random and arbitrary. With tech there are not necessarily only solutions to our sex and relationship problems, but rather a whole new set of problems and unintended consequences. Unfortunate that there are no secular options mentioned in the treatment. This is definitely a problem for LGBT addicts who have experienced oppression and discrimination from religion, not to mention atheists as well. LifeRing and SMART recovery should be included in the treatment options. Treatment should be an INCLUSIVE proposition. Not biased and discriminatory! You don’t have to have faith in god to be ethical or community minded.
as I watch this video, I pray. I pray for: health, wealth, and love. perfect health. abundant wealth. sacred love. I pray to be radically honest, with everyone, about everything. I pray to be flooded: with bliss and with joy. I pray to attract and receive miracles... I pray for continual healing, on every level, in every way: for myself, and for the entire planet...
Being in a relationship with someone who puts too many limitation and limiting their time and only wanting to see the other person when it's at their convenience when they're done with all their other personal stuff and the only time they want to make time for you is 11:00 on a Saturday night... So they expect you to drop everything and evolve your life around their schedule.. I don't want to compromise also in the same relationship that person don't want to go out and do things together or other base their relationship around just in the bedroom but don't want to actually date and go out and do things together so... When I would have a life and do things with my friends she would gaslight the situation... And through trying to cope with those issues there was drinking partying & pornography because of the lack of a intimacy because everything had to be based around her time schedule so it calls me to have sex addictions.
In my opinion you’re not describing addiction AT ALL. Youre describing very real loneliness because you’re in a relationship with somebody who is not interested in giving empathy, support love or much in the way of trustworthy communication. Very sorry to hear it.
@iridescentsquids Yes you're absolutely right and thank you for your positive comments so much I have come to the realization that I just focus more on work going to church and going to the gym I use those things to replace those issues and don't think about trying to chase a relationship
@@robdangripp9406 I couldn’t agree with that approach more. Definitely don’t bother chasing what’s not there, as much as it hurts to admit. I can relate. It’s so much better to stay true to oneself and build up all the other things that make us happy and whole, and waste as little time as possible on the things/people that take without giving back.
hey i love this video but i can not fully understand because of my bad english, while i really need this video, could u please upload english subtitles for this video? i would be so grateful
The reason why so many talk about “religion” is because we are not just physical and emotional beings, we are also spiritual and if we don’t heal from all three parts we will continue to be broken. Only our Creator can make us whole again.
Begs lots of questions. A high libido person might also, by nature of ease of access to the rush of arousal, more susceptible both to irrational, pleasure-driven “decision making” and flight/fight focused. A healthy relationship to strong physical urges, such as eating, sleep cycles, and sex, are often not automatic (takes time to learn what’s what when it comes to natural cycles, desires etc). Saying the addiction is not about sex makes sense, but the outward appearance of unhealthy obsession with sexual might arise in just about anybody with a robust sex drive and relative uninhibited brain patterns (exactly the category a lot of teens fall in, who masturbate often, and seek out new sexual experiences almost beyond will). In theory, such states could exist in older adults as well, especially if their younger self was that way, and they never felt the need to stand back and assess it. Cultural attitudes toward sex tend not to create healthy high libido dynamics, but subvert the high libido and seek to limit it. Is there such a thing as a healthy high libido, I guess I’m asking. The moment it’s used to sooth, or to build a sense of self beyond stresses, or “takes over” the way desire can, it appears on the surface hard to distinguish from this addictive characterization.
@@willabestorms6059 k. Took a while but I think the salient question I asked was: is there such a thing as a healthy high libido? And if so how is it different from addiction? Assuming people have different libido levels, what is the healthy way for a person to have a high libido when in a relationship with somebody with a low libido? The suggestion here seemed to be (seems) that the high libido relative to others is a symptom of addiction, as opposed to having healthy potential. I’m seeing a stigmatization of high libido. I”m accepting of the idea that negative intimacy and communication dynamics will make coping with libido differences much more difficult. But the stresses of libido differences are much more than just symptoms of unhealthy addiction on the part of the person with higher libido. The stress and strain on fidelity does not just belong to the person who wants a sex life. It’s owned by both people. Or should be. Yet is a challenge of such magnitude that it might cause a couple to agree to part ways even when both have been 100% faithful. That’s a huge challenge to any couple’s communication skills. My point is that culturally we tend to put the blame on the higher libido, and assume true love and good communication will demote the importance of a sex life. Higher libido is seen as a symptom of illness at odds with good communication, as opposed to it simply being an extremely difficult communication problem for any couple, no matter how well they communicate. This is simply because, in such a dynamic, radical honesty by both parties does not resolve the difference. Is there a healthy outcome other than parting ways? Calling the person with higher libido an addict does not seem accurate or healthy to me. In hearing his description of an addict seeking a thrill after a stressful day rather than unwinding at home with the spouse… could it simply be that such a person reacts to stress with an interest in the intimacy of sex, which would be healthy except that their spouse is not into it? Something that has potential to be healthy (sex) turns into an unhealthy “addiction” on a dime. I’m not convinced it’s inherently unhealthy. Only that it manifests in unhealthy ways in the context of the relationship dynamic. Let’s say hypothetically their spouse relished in the opportunity to embrace the stress/sex response of their partner at the end of the day, resulting in a lot more sex as stress levels go up…but also more intimacy and reconnection between the two. Would we call that addiction? I don’t think so. I think we would call it a healthy sex life that works for both people.
@@andrewb8235 If he makes it clear, can you describe it or is that too much to ask? My question is not about high libido in a healthy relationship, but mismatched or otherwise unhealthy relationships acquiring labels of addiction. Maybe I should ask, is there a healthy high libido for a person unhappy with their sex life? If they suffer an obsessive-looking unhappiness that affects self esteem, social behavior… is that addiction? Or might it simply be a person with a high libido struggling to build the healthy sex life they want due to social/marital impasses? I just rewatched the first 15 minutes and I disagree with you. 15.51 he starts to distinguish sex positivity from addiction, and uses an interesting criteria, "if you're happy with it", which is partly where I see the question begging I'm getting at. As an aside, I enjoy open discussion among people who tolerate uncertainty (their own and others). Less than concise communication is sometimes a byproduct of uncertainty which I'm cool with, even if you aren't. As another aside, I would prefer you contribute.
@@andrewb8235 thanks for the awesome summary. That there’s a difference between high libido and libido as part of compulsive behavior with predictable negative consequences is clear. What I’m trying to understand is whether there’s room to define the difference between the latter definition of addiction and other situations that breed repeat bad behavior from people due in part to their libido. I can easily imagine his typical client (married man, repeat fidelity issues) as having a sex addiction by this definition. I can also easily imagine a man who meets this definition very closely, maybe perfectly, but who is not an addict-A man who has not experienced sex positivity (church, family expectations, perhaps a disinterested wife), who tends to be socially isolated and finds limited role models/outlets for his loneliness, yet who still experiences his sex drive as an authentic part of himself that would otherwise be healthy if he were in an environment that identified it as such. Choosing infidelity isn’t just theoretically probable but in my opinion highly probable as an imperfect act at asserting a healthy sexuality in an unsupportive environment that doesn’t offer clear alternatives. The standards for repeat negative consequences in relationships, unlike sugar intake/diabetes, is highly contingent on the complexities of the social dynamics that surround him. What is “negative” to his wife, to his church, etc, and which might destroy his marriage or social bonds, might in other environments either never manifest or be sympathetically fixed with social support or marriage counseling…or run head on into difficult truths like fundamental sexual incompatibility. Which in my opinion is as real as sex addiction. I immediately see substance addiction as contingent on social support as well…how addicts seek to fix their environment in order to remove triggers and remove the compulsive behavior. But I also see a potential harm in refocusing the complicity of relationship/social dynamics on where the fingers point first and most. Addicts are practically defined as deniers, deflectors, etc which makes such distinction even more challenging. And even healthy libido drives repeat behavior. I bring this up not because it’s a theoretical possibility, but seems based on my admittedly limited and unprofessional experience a probability. Listening to interviews of prostitutes who describe common John’s entirely differently than the stigmatized stereotype: lonely men who wants validation, which is tied to their libidos but not “about” that. Men who don’t tell their wives about their sexual behaviors or intimate conversations outside marriage as a calculated effort to preserve the marriage while addressing their own needs that aren’t easily articulated within their family network. We could call this compulsive behavior or simply an inadequate relationship dynamic involving at least two people, but likely whole social constructs that motivate with shame and negativity. That’s just an example. No true Scotsman: we can just say such a man is not a sex addict. But I fear that defining a sex addict as we are might only obscure causality dynamics (maybe even generate actual addicts by closing off alternative solutions) unless we are careful.
This oversexualized wirld and society creates “high libido” people. If someone looks at porn, of course they will be more horny. Duh! Even people with normal libidos. That’s it’s purpose.
I wonder if part of the spouse betrayal issue is simply an issue of how society teaches people relationships and families should be. Often this society looks at the result, but not the cause/source. Television did cause me a lot of isolation as a kid. Porn did the same.
Intimacy is what most people really want. Deep understanding and love.
They know they just want the rush
Simply brilliant. Brutally honest. So real. Yet, shows sensitivity to both the betrayer and the betrayed. Framed beautifully. Presses all the key buttons. No moral judgment however, I can't think of something more spiritual than this. Recovery is about redemption and reclaiming ones true self. And I can't think of anything more "religious" than this. Thank you.
Easily the finest video on RUclips about sex addiction.
As a person who has struggled with addiction for a long time, this is blowing my mind!
You are a Christian, aren't you ?
Thank you for validating the spouses experience. Its tough to be hurt to that degree and worse to have to struggle to manage that "crazy" label
I can't believe I sat through 2 hours listening, Wasn't boring at all, learnt a lotttty.
❤️
What an incredible eye opener! I can literally feel my brain changing from watching this. Love to all the sex adddicts out there: we can beat it!
Onestrangebrain I luv this video
Yes
i am sure no pun intended. "beat it"
Thank u so much 😭❤️ Hugs.
@@traceybrown6056 XD plz I'm gonna die beating it no pun intended about dying
🙂
He is absolutely right about one thing when you have a compulsive sexual addiction it is not about the sex act itself which can be mediocre even boring. Speaking from experience unfortunately the actual high he describes is correct. It's found in the anticipation and the excitement of the search, looking or anticipation.
How is that lost in relationship
chase is greater than the catch
@@jdg2921 I guess until they catch a disease
Endless search and it will go on forever.... it is the search that gives you the dopamine rush... so you keep on searching...
Check this out ruclips.net/video/XSWYH22__BI/видео.html
Thank you for what you do to help others. I am one of the betrayed partners. My entire life was turned upside down 5 months ago when I learned about my husband’s ( now ex-husband) sexual addiction. This is the most informed explanations I have come across in my search for understanding and healing. I will pursue literature you have written to help me on this journey of restoration.
Hope you give the guy a chance
Me too my world is in a hurricane right now 28 years an only just found out . Feel like I never knew the person I married had children with an built a home with . It’s so traumatic for the spose
@Paula Wilkinson how are you doing? My fiance lied about 20k of cc debt on top of it. I have a newborn :( did things work out for u
This was absolutely a wonderful presentation.
Check this out show how this feel in the inside ruclips.net/video/XSWYH22__BI/видео.html
Intimacy over Intensity. If you want to watch porn (high intensity dopamine release), go for a walk or talk to people (low intensity dopamine release). Try learning a new thing, try going to the library, or the cinema etc. i.e. any small pleasurable activity that releases a small amount of dopamine. We live in an overly sexual age where a very high percentage of people are sex addicts.
@Megan Mocaby interesting the way you say this. i wish you all the best!
@Megan Mocaby my only rule is : don't go after/eye others' girlfriends. i.e. don't covet.
Like someone said, get a 'dopamine drip rather than dopamine dump'!!
And there are so many ways of getting a dopamine drip.
@@shashankgeekdon’t go after any woman! Heal first
What a great presentation! Dr. Rice knows his stuff and I have benefited from his work in my own recovery.
Such a validating video. Im the betrayed one. I was the one whom acted crazy. I was traumatized. Betrayed. Pathologically lied to over and over and over again. I was checking phone and the tablets. I seemed nuts - i wasnt nuts i was hurt and devastated.
💐👍
Me too!
Yes it's hard to understand how a man can be a pig
Have he gotten help?
I was too.
Will watch it many more times
That was 7 years ago
How are you now 😐
@@abrahammedsalim5523 lol
I'm watching it at 0.75 speed cos he talks so fast.
Same.. I'll watch it many more times too, probably.
I enjoy this mans approach and personality on this topic. I sense both compassion and boundaries
Hyper-sexuality, anon sex has been so common in the gay culture long before the internet and phone apps.Acting out sexually is a quick and effective way of dealing with feelings of shame temporally. Going on date has always felt so unnatural to me.really enjoyed your talk thank you
7788675309 how can someone break the habit
As an Asexual, I have always found this strange. I found it really weird that gay men would hook with a stranger, within hours and not even know the person, who could be dangerous. Where were are, we have woodland where the men go cruising for strangers, any person, just for sex. That would freak me out! No sense of personal safety at all because of their sex compulsion. So many gay men have been killed because they have been lured by a mad stranger.
@@mickeyrouke Breaking the habit might take therapy a lot of people just grow out of it
After a while it gets boring. After a while a dick looks, tastes and smells the same.
Really fabulous, direct, clear and robust presentation - what is with the audience though ! How can they not be fascinated - I watched the food addiction presentation too where the audience seemed to be necking soda and pushing food around rather than getting involved in the presentation - Great material thanks !
BRISTOL N L P
can you please tell me exactly what you mean ??? Thank you.
This guy should be on the Joe Rogan podcast
when I stopped doing meth I stopped acting out sexually - I would have had sex with a fire hydrant and asked it to marry me - the drug took what ever dignity I had, and that was pretty thin, now off of meth I now get the humiliation and pictures creeps took while I was out of my mind. it does hurt badly. my dad dying didn't help he was my buddy... I can't tell you what is going to happen but I can tell you if you are sober, you have a shot...it took me so long so long to understand.. then almost any friend I had except a few and my mother (poor thing), stopped inviting me anywhere... I was lured into a vacant building as a kid and molested by a man who said he was going to kill me I was 10 years old, man, who kidnaps a 10 year old boy and does something like that.....I tricked the guy and got away.... we caught him in a month and he was sentenced to 3 years. This event I can say had a terrible impact long term... I'm 56 ha when Sinatra sang "anything goes" boy he was not kidding......then every time, you have to dig your self out of that hole, dust yourself off and face the truth; what ever that may be
THIS HAS TO BE THE MOST INVOLVING, ENGAGING, ENTHRALLING AND ADDICTING ;) TALK ON SEX DEADDICTION EVER.......THANK YOU ROBERT WEISS FOR YOUR SKILL IN DELIVERING IT TO US. THANKS TO THE FARLEY CENTER FOR PUTTING UP THE ENTIRE VIDEO OF 2 HRS PLUS ON YOU TUBE. THIS ARE ACTS THAT TURN STUFF LIKE THE INTERNET INTO VALUABLE TOOLS.💟💟💟
Knowledgeable and experienced therapist who communicates many clinically -sound concepts, principles, and data that inform and educate mental health practitioner s. Presentation also helps patients and clients better understand many aspects of their mental health problems and issues. Worth the time invested.
As an experienced therapist, how do you distinguish between A) individuals who use porn as a crutch to survive acute loneliness because they’re in a sexless marriage (and not wanting or feeling able to end it) and B) married sex addicts?
Also, what is the ratio you would say you see between those situations, assuming you distinguish?
I would guess many times as many type A, and relatively few, nearly zero type B.
This really is helpful. I've been divorced from my husband of 30 years because I found out he was a sex addict. For more than a year, we tried to deal with it, I tried to stay, but the stress and pain was too much. I was suffering from PTSD. It's been more than two years since we divorced. He's acting out still, but me, and his children try to just not think about that part of his crazy life, so we can get along in some way. But even now, I go through times of feeling confused and am unable to have another relationship. I go back over it again, wondering what is wrong with me that I was with him so long? Or that I married him in the first place? Or did I somehow make him like this? He claims he had the problem way before we met, but I am still confused. I had tried to reach out to therapists who specialized in this, but I live in France and none of them answered me. I wish I'd found someone like this to help me back then.
Best presentation, I have ever sat through. Very well done
so did it help you recover?
Weird break from 1:05:44 to 1:09:13 , does the original source have this break? Can it be reuploaded?
I don't think what the older generation says about the younger generation "is hogwash" on the issue of face to face communication. It's a real loss to have a generation that doesn't feel the need to have real human contact, but instead only communicate within the digital world. Humans are meant to have the sense of touch with other people.
We screwed up badly when we collectively decided technology was the meaning of life.
Yes, it is weird. You can chat to local people on line, and your neighbours, and when you see them in the village, they don't speak to you at all.
Of course
This guy has great points on the mentality of a someone with sex addiction but his opinions on technology and that casual sex is not a bad thing show his own personal biases
@Lori Did you just say this generation needs face to face communication using the RUclips comment section? Lol 😆
@@certified_boogeyman for sure
I like his down-to-earth approach. He's also a very sharp dresser!
i wonder if in your childhood neglect no love from parents,as a adult you seek that affection,even grave it ,and it becomes an addiction
I think the favoritism layed on siblings have bad effects.
That’s what happened to me 😢
I have a lot of experience with all of this. This is good information - thank you for talking about spouses too.
Rob!
Im very greatful to listning to you explaining love and sexadicted behaving so I dont mix it vith other difficultes. Im swede so my amercan is limiterad. I got diagnos in May 19. A chock but spot on. For aboth 9 years hade sex with a lot of men, The heart was not there. I didnt listen to my intuition /god. I following you. Thank you for beeng st RUclips for me too.
Hugs from Bengt 62 years young man, living in Stockholm.
Great video, thanks for clearing things up, it works for me.
I haven’t decided what sex addiction is yet but I know it hurts immensely.
Especially when he puts it in the wrong hole :)
@@Alexlamb442 or the “right” one 😉
This problem exist, that is a fact, The naming is The problem, some people feel weird by calling it an addiction, personally i find more sense reffering it as obsessive compulsive behaviour
Going a step further, I was on the fence on whether labeling addiction as a disease but I watched "Pleasure Unwoven" and it really ended the argument for me.
You are definitely right there are very much OCD tendencies to it especially the ritualized nature. I have very mild OCD tendencies (nothing that interferes with my day to day activities thank goodness ) like double checking locks and the stove. Anyway these OCD tendencies definitely can be found in some of my sexual compulsions so my guess is many sex addicts would have OCD tendencies. This was a really insightful and good video. 👍
@@Meadows777 it is a disease. God put medicine in plants that help with addiction.
Ginseng
a couple herbal mushrooms.
The fact that God put medicine in plants that treat and may even cure addiction. means that it is classified as a sickness. Just like how god put medicine in plants that heal Heart failure brain damage repair DNA. there plants that dissolve kidney stones etc.
70 percent of modern medicine is derived from plants. So called primitive people like Indians used plants for medicine. Which means primitive people had 70 percent of modern medicine. except theirs was not a bootlegged version that caused yellow skin and eyes and changes in behavior or thinking. It takes great knowledge thinking and intelligence to create this medicine in plants.
@@bjsiko4263 There is no evidence for your God,just unsupported claims. This video doesn't have anything to do with god. Stay on topic,will you.
@@cooldude8912
no it appears as if there is a plant for every single disease. It is almost as if the statement that god put medicine in plants is true.
70 percent of new drugs come form mother nature
news.mongabay.com/2007/03/70-of-new-drugs-come-from-mother-nature/
Albizia can precisely dial all of your hormones to correct amounts
"Weak Shen will lead to a person that is ruled by emotions. They may be angry, sad, depressed, jealous, or filled with worry and anxiety. It is likely that they’ll be driven by the lower needs of food, sex, security,"
lostempireherbs.com/product/albizia/
These fruits and vegetable repair dna
nutritionfacts.org/video/fruits-vegetables-boost-dna-repair/
17 herbs that can clean toxic blood
for example cat claw
www.healthyandnaturalworld.com/best-herbs-and-foods-to-cleanse-your-blood/
14. Cat’s claw
"Cat’s claw can help with blood detox by increasing the amount of urine and toxins that are eliminated by the body."
I can pull thousands of examples like this.It does appear that there is a plant for nearly all diseases
The claim that god put medicine in plants is completely true
Best video I have ever seen on this topic 🙏🏼
Using the fit bit for accountability is a great idea. Read someone found wife cheating when her fit bit kept showing the rise and fall of her pulse during sex. If he takes off the fitbit, you can be sure he is acting out too.
All of the men in my life have been liars, addicts, I am so used to this. No wonder I never married or had kids and have been alone protecting myself from all of this drama. I know this so well. I am not attracted to anything else. Was Narcissistically Abused by everyone in my family. There was no real love, only betrayal.
There is real love! But we have to educate ourselves on these wretches they call men! Not all men are sex addicts! But when we've been victimized we tend to attract evil-doers they think they can control us and that's all sex addiction is self-centered brute-beasts that should be destroyed unless they learn how to respect women, children or any other form of life other than their own need for lust! Lust becomes very greedy and is never satisfied. God calls them dogs, sexually immoral people just go by instinct they're not even human anymore they turn into something out of hell
I struggled with pornography for a few years and especially through covid lockdowns. I came clean to my girlfriend about it because o wanted help. Maybe a lot of men are liars and addicts, but there’s always hope for that one person that will be their most vulnerable self to you. My girlfriend helped me heal and we worked together on it. I’m so sorry you’ve had a hard time with this. It can ruin relationships and most importantly ruins people.
You really sound selfish
I like this guy. Making a lot of sense
Video comes back at 1:09:14 betrayed spouses
Check this out show how this feel in the inside ruclips.net/video/XSWYH22__BI/видео.html
My husband. Choose. Porn over me.been married for 33 years. My heart is broken 💔
Sometimes spicing things up would help gain his attention and some foreplay as well but sometimes not all the time
He didn't chose, he had no choice in his state of mind.
@@raphaelyanez4357 nah. There’s nothing she can do except try and get him into rehab if he’s aware of the problem
Addiction is a choice.
@@raphaelyanez4357 you are so ignorant and full of 💩 You are victim blaming and obviously a porn/sex addict. This is YOUR fault! Not your partner’s. I am super hot and beautiful. I am willing and ready to do whatever my partner wants. My partner is old, fat, ugly and disgusting. He is a porn addict and that is what matters to him. Because it is all novelty. Men do not appreciate women. They objectify women. All “spicing things up” with an addict is doing is making his addiction far worse. He always wants more. There’s nothing women can do to help him no matter what they try.
Fantastic Lecture. Is there a way to get a PDF of the questionnaire?
not a PDF, but the questions are here - select the appropriate case: www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/self-tests/
Funny that as a sex addict.....I feel that his articulation is directed 100%towards me. My ego is definitely getting uncomfortable, by means of my precarious lifestyle!
Thank you, thank you, thank you 🙏🏻
Amazing well thought out and delivered lecture
Women have alot of power in stopping alot of this behavior in men. Self esteem. We are leaders. Help your family's. Stop using your body as objects!
Where's the part on the treatment? It feels like a hr introduction.
Check this out show how this feel in the inside ruclips.net/video/XSWYH22__BI/видео.html
1:08:59 it cuts out here
Will someone explain in Hindi what he is talking as i am unable to understand his language
Yeh been to two 12 step hospitals for 8 weeks . Yet 12 step more abusive and depressive for me. Is there another way to heal
Study IFS
Wonderful 2.03hrs I watched fully..thanks
2.05 hours or 2:03:00 hours
I hAve sex addiction I was molested by my dad I stared prostitution I've been in the sex field for 7 years and been in strip field as well I use to be drug addict but I stopped got help I use to be in drinking addiction as well got clean sometimes I be having them urges to drink
Is there a summary?
a good talk. Thank you. I'm struggling with sex addiction and is causing me to cheat even though I love my partner. I hope this gets cured. I'm looking for a rehab center near our area or any theraphist I can talk to.
He says a spouse who goes through their husband's/wife's wallet and searches their computer browsing history is "a crazy person". HUH? That's not crazy; that's smart. Blind trust is for fools, if you ask me. Trust must be proved; trust is not just given out for free. For the same reason employers camera record their employees, you don't just trust your sex partner. They could give you an STD. A trustworthy person will welcome surveillance and transparency because they have nothing to hide.
Totally agree. Undeserved the truth. I had to find it myself. I wasn’t crazy, I just wanted truth
Disagree. What you are describing is not trust. No, the employer doesn’t trust the employee
Why should you be alive ?
without a handshake of trust? There’s a moral no morality.
Yes; and the police should be able to search your house whenever they feel like it. After all, if you've got nothing to hide, what's the big deal? If you feel the need to do this kind of searching, it's only because of your own insecurity. And you're entitled to that, but don't try to claim it's the 'smart' way of doing things. And consenting to surveillance doesnt make you any more or less trustworthy than anyone else.
The only people who demand privacy are the people who have something to hide.
As a spouse how do you heal when the partner cheated but never came clean after proof was shown? How do you heal from that? It's like sinking in to a suffocating sludge being with someone who will be little and ignore you not notice your being hit on while they are ogling anyone else. It's maddening and depressing and so confusing.
I hate when people use Thier "sex addiction" to try and justify cheating, It's a load of shit.
I think that’s ridiculous about the female stripper part. And any therapist/psychologist should know that these women feel completely out of control even if they appear opposite. I was sexually abused when I was young. I was told I owed it to them and it was my duty. I felt completely powerless. When I got older I got with a guy who sensed my abuse because he was a predator. He brainwashed and coerced me into becoming a stripper and I caved because I felt powerless. Like in my younger years, I felt an obligation and was scared to death to say no. Being a stripper wasn’t an empowering feeling, it was a complete nightmare! It caused me so much anxiety and depression.
How do you get over the addiction. I’m struggling with this and I don’t know how to find my way out
Mickey Black sex addicts anonymous. Find a support group
Mickey Black SAA
Jenny Khol I got a meeting tomorrow
Me to. I feel like it's going to be the death of me. Watching this video is my first step, i hope. I pray like a hundred times a day for strength when i feel "weak"
One thing that has helps me is when i start feeling like I'm going to do something wrong i say this chant over and over again.
Serve God Not Lust
Serve God Not Lust
if you don't believe in God you can find something else to serve like Good Health.
And narcissism phsycopotjy and cheating go hand in hand like histrionic disorder- boredom because actually the cheater is boring and can't stand themselves. .
I have to disagree with your statement
Thank you Rob and the Farley center🙏❤️🔥
It really must be talked about, both in women and in men. A lot of men can risk their own lives as well as others to do this disorder. And men working at home, may make this worse, people aren't necessarily keeping an eye on them. For women having sex with these men, being used 'for one thing' is unpleasant and many children and women are being killed if some men are unable to deal with this compulsion
Wish there was more focus on the treatment... but informative
Eye opening.
Excellent lecture.
Thank you. Very informative.
The "evolution" piece to what is going on is disappointing to hear. I think technology is going to make us worse at relating in close relationships. And having good close relationships is possibly the best measure for quality of life; meaning our happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment.
We cannot stop changes we like it or not.... good or bad...
Great information.thank you
What a great speaker
I just started watching !I'm a Virgin and lately I've been battling my porn addiction and the war is no where near the end ! If any one have any steps or methods in can use I'll be pleased to know them!
Thnks
How are you doing now bro
@@menoswater1032 i've realapsed many times! Its hard ,unbelievably hard ,but i keep fighting it!
I'll report on day 15 wish me luck bro
Nabi junior Same here bro. Do you have Instagram so we can do this together?
@@menoswater1032 i do have a Facebook! Comment ur Facebook name if u have an account
@Nabi junior I don’t have Facebook sorry
It was brought to my Attention tonight that 50 Shades of Gray is about sexual issues and now I heard theres a darker 50 shades of darker gray. Some people get so involved they do use drugs then sex. But what about the ones that want to be officiated until they're out of OXYGEN they end up with ANOXIC BRAIN INJURY.
This video is older so is this man still active in replying to this video?
Great resource. Thank you for posting :)
Thx Robert, u are the great....
Check this out show how this feel in the inside ruclips.net/video/XSWYH22__BI/видео.html
Yeah but where do you draw the line between who the person is and the addiction/compulsion? If it doesn't interfere with daily living is it really a problem? Not saying sexual addiction isnt a really thing but it seems like on a general level it just boils down to everything in moderation.
this guy is awesome. who is he?
George Collins. He wrote a book called breaking the cycle that is incredible. A must read on the topic.
Does a sex addict really fully recover?
Brian Stoops absolutely. Because I did. I used to have “cybersex”. It’s hard to deal with. Not because I’m tempted to go back, but it feels hard to make something of myself because of my past. But rest assured, you can truly recover.
@@chickennoodlesoup2794 what motivated you? Were you in a relationship or single?
Of course they can. Many absolutely fully recover and go on to lead normal lives.
I would say recovery is a present tense verb as in "I am in recovery" yes it's an ongoing daily process more than "Im recovered/cured"
Thank you
Check this out show how this feel in the inside ruclips.net/video/XSWYH22__BI/видео.html
Weiss’ assumptions of technology and evolution seem biased to assume that the cultural shifts are for the better which makes me think of Richard Dawkin’s book The Blind Watchmaker which considers how evolution is actually random and arbitrary. With tech there are not necessarily only solutions to our sex and relationship problems, but rather a whole new set of problems and unintended consequences. Unfortunate that there are no secular options mentioned in the treatment. This is definitely a problem for LGBT addicts who have experienced oppression and discrimination from religion, not to mention atheists as well. LifeRing and SMART recovery should be included in the treatment options. Treatment should be an INCLUSIVE proposition. Not biased and discriminatory! You don’t have to have faith in god to be ethical or community minded.
Great talk thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏
No volume?
as I watch this video,
I pray.
I pray for:
health, wealth, and love.
perfect health.
abundant wealth.
sacred love.
I pray to be
radically honest,
with everyone,
about everything.
I pray to be flooded:
with bliss and with joy.
I pray to attract
and receive miracles...
I pray for continual healing,
on every level,
in every way:
for myself,
and for the entire planet...
Being in a relationship with someone who puts too many limitation and limiting their time and only wanting to see the other person when it's at their convenience when they're done with all their other personal stuff and the only time they want to make time for you is 11:00 on a Saturday night... So they expect you to drop everything and evolve your life around their schedule.. I don't want to compromise also in the same relationship that person don't want to go out and do things together or other base their relationship around just in the bedroom but don't want to actually date and go out and do things together so... When I would have a life and do things with my friends she would gaslight the situation... And through trying to cope with those issues there was drinking partying & pornography because of the lack of a intimacy because everything had to be based around her time schedule so it calls me to have sex addictions.
In my opinion you’re not describing addiction AT ALL. Youre describing very real loneliness because you’re in a relationship with somebody who is not interested in giving empathy, support love or much in the way of trustworthy communication.
Very sorry to hear it.
@iridescentsquids Yes you're absolutely right and thank you for your positive comments so much I have come to the realization that I just focus more on work going to church and going to the gym I use those things to replace those issues and don't think about trying to chase a relationship
@@robdangripp9406 I couldn’t agree with that approach more. Definitely don’t bother chasing what’s not there, as much as it hurts to admit. I can relate. It’s so much better to stay true to oneself and build up all the other things that make us happy and whole, and waste as little time as possible on the things/people that take without giving back.
I like the lecture.
I think I need help 😬
Check this out show how this feel in the inside ruclips.net/video/XSWYH22__BI/видео.html
I wondered why I would catch my husband watching porn , without being sexual🥺
Really great video
hey i love this video but i can not fully understand because of my bad english, while i really need this video, could u please upload english subtitles for this video? i would be so grateful
Thank you for not talking about religion 👊🏼
Right, I'm so thankful too many do
The reason why so many talk about “religion” is because we are not just physical and emotional beings, we are also spiritual and if we don’t heal from all three parts we will continue to be broken. Only our Creator can make us whole again.
@@rosy7937 no.
@@baphomet8620 whether you like or not....it’s true!
@@rosy7937 *No.*
I think the percentages are much higher in both.
how can you be so naive to think porn can't be bad? You have no idea what you're talking about
Just to make sure, if you go to the center for care regarding addiction, you will not be considered to be faking it, right?
On point totally. Who is this person.
Sorry he's off a bit - esp at the end --- Younger people are ADDICTED to their phones and this is NOT healthy on so many levels!
Begs lots of questions. A high libido person might also, by nature of ease of access to the rush of arousal, more susceptible both to irrational, pleasure-driven “decision making” and flight/fight focused. A healthy relationship to strong physical urges, such as eating, sleep cycles, and sex, are often not automatic (takes time to learn what’s what when it comes to natural cycles, desires etc). Saying the addiction is not about sex makes sense, but the outward appearance of unhealthy obsession with sexual might arise in just about anybody with a robust sex drive and relative uninhibited brain patterns (exactly the category a lot of teens fall in, who masturbate often, and seek out new sexual experiences almost beyond will). In theory, such states could exist in older adults as well, especially if their younger self was that way, and they never felt the need to stand back and assess it. Cultural attitudes toward sex tend not to create healthy high libido dynamics, but subvert the high libido and seek to limit it. Is there such a thing as a healthy high libido, I guess I’m asking. The moment it’s used to sooth, or to build a sense of self beyond stresses, or “takes over” the way desire can, it appears on the surface hard to distinguish from this addictive characterization.
You said a lot of words, but did not state a whole lot
@@willabestorms6059 k. Took a while but I think the salient question I asked was: is there such a thing as a healthy high libido? And if so how is it different from addiction?
Assuming people have different libido levels, what is the healthy way for a person to have a high libido when in a relationship with somebody with a low libido? The suggestion here seemed to be (seems) that the high libido relative to others is a symptom of addiction, as opposed to having healthy potential. I’m seeing a stigmatization of high libido.
I”m accepting of the idea that negative intimacy and communication dynamics will make coping with libido differences much more difficult. But the stresses of libido differences are much more than just symptoms of unhealthy addiction on the part of the person with higher libido. The stress and strain on fidelity does not just belong to the person who wants a sex life. It’s owned by both people. Or should be. Yet is a challenge of such magnitude that it might cause a couple to agree to part ways even when both have been 100% faithful.
That’s a huge challenge to any couple’s communication skills.
My point is that culturally we tend to put the blame on the higher libido, and assume true love and good communication will demote the importance of a sex life. Higher libido is seen as a symptom of illness at odds with good communication, as opposed to it simply being an extremely difficult communication problem for any couple, no matter how well they communicate.
This is simply because, in such a dynamic, radical honesty by both parties does not resolve the difference. Is there a healthy outcome other than parting ways? Calling the person with higher libido an addict does not seem accurate or healthy to me.
In hearing his description of an addict seeking a thrill after a stressful day rather than unwinding at home with the spouse… could it simply be that such a person reacts to stress with an interest in the intimacy of sex, which would be healthy except that their spouse is not into it? Something that has potential to be healthy (sex) turns into an unhealthy “addiction” on a dime. I’m not convinced it’s inherently unhealthy. Only that it manifests in unhealthy ways in the context of the relationship dynamic. Let’s say hypothetically their spouse relished in the opportunity to embrace the stress/sex response of their partner at the end of the day, resulting in a lot more sex as stress levels go up…but also more intimacy and reconnection between the two. Would we call that addiction? I don’t think so. I think we would call it a healthy sex life that works for both people.
@@andrewb8235 If he makes it clear, can you describe it or is that too much to ask? My question is not about high libido in a healthy relationship, but mismatched or otherwise unhealthy relationships acquiring labels of addiction. Maybe I should ask, is there a healthy high libido for a person unhappy with their sex life? If they suffer an obsessive-looking unhappiness that affects self esteem, social behavior… is that addiction? Or might it simply be a person with a high libido struggling to build the healthy sex life they want due to social/marital impasses? I just rewatched the first 15 minutes and I disagree with you. 15.51 he starts to distinguish sex positivity from addiction, and uses an interesting criteria, "if you're happy with it", which is partly where I see the question begging I'm getting at.
As an aside, I enjoy open discussion among people who tolerate uncertainty (their own and others). Less than concise communication is sometimes a byproduct of uncertainty which I'm cool with, even if you aren't.
As another aside, I would prefer you contribute.
@@andrewb8235 thanks for the awesome summary. That there’s a difference between high libido and libido as part of compulsive behavior with predictable negative consequences is clear. What I’m trying to understand is whether there’s room to define the difference between the latter definition of addiction and other situations that breed repeat bad behavior from people due in part to their libido. I can easily imagine his typical client (married man, repeat fidelity issues) as having a sex addiction by this definition. I can also easily imagine a man who meets this definition very closely, maybe perfectly, but who is not an addict-A man who has not experienced sex positivity (church, family expectations, perhaps a disinterested wife), who tends to be socially isolated and finds limited role models/outlets for his loneliness, yet who still experiences his sex drive as an authentic part of himself that would otherwise be healthy if he were in an environment that identified it as such.
Choosing infidelity isn’t just theoretically probable but in my opinion highly probable as an imperfect act at asserting a healthy sexuality in an unsupportive environment that doesn’t offer clear alternatives.
The standards for repeat negative consequences in relationships, unlike sugar intake/diabetes, is highly contingent on the complexities of the social dynamics that surround him. What is “negative” to his wife, to his church, etc, and which might destroy his marriage or social bonds, might in other environments either never manifest or be sympathetically fixed with social support or marriage counseling…or run head on into difficult truths like fundamental sexual incompatibility. Which in my opinion is as real as sex addiction.
I immediately see substance addiction as contingent on social support as well…how addicts seek to fix their environment in order to remove triggers and remove the compulsive behavior.
But I also see a potential harm in refocusing the complicity of relationship/social dynamics on where the fingers point first and most. Addicts are practically defined as deniers, deflectors, etc which makes such distinction even more challenging. And even healthy libido drives repeat behavior.
I bring this up not because it’s a theoretical possibility, but seems based on my admittedly limited and unprofessional experience a probability. Listening to interviews of prostitutes who describe common John’s entirely differently than the stigmatized stereotype: lonely men who wants validation, which is tied to their libidos but not “about” that. Men who don’t tell their wives about their sexual behaviors or intimate conversations outside marriage as a calculated effort to preserve the marriage while addressing their own needs that aren’t easily articulated within their family network. We could call this compulsive behavior or simply an inadequate relationship dynamic involving at least two people, but likely whole social constructs that motivate with shame and negativity. That’s just an example. No true Scotsman: we can just say such a man is not a sex addict. But I fear that defining a sex addict as we are might only obscure causality dynamics (maybe even generate actual addicts by closing off alternative solutions) unless we are careful.
This oversexualized wirld and society creates “high libido” people. If someone looks at porn, of course they will be more horny. Duh! Even people with normal libidos. That’s it’s purpose.
thank you🙏🏻
Thank you. This has helped me greatly.
I do not recommend this. But it may be helpful to some. Addictions can have different patterns related to time and occurrences. Patterns are the key.
I wonder if part of the spouse betrayal issue is simply an issue of how society teaches people relationships and families should be. Often this society looks at the result, but not the cause/source.
Television did cause me a lot of isolation as a kid. Porn did the same.
Outstanding
I wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars on Asian massage parlors, and it made me depressed!
Someone can translate that in french please ??
What's his name?
Thank you for this. I can relate