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Why is it Hard to Separate Who we are From What We Make? Filmmaking Chats with Levi
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- Опубликовано: 31 июл 2024
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0:00 - Intro
1:00 - A Secret I've Never Talked About
2:23 - Do You Feel what You Make is Enough?
7:54 - Is it Okay to Be Hard on Yourself?
12:00 - Separating Who we are From How Productive We Are.
14:00 - The Guild that Comes When You're Doing Well.
20:29 - What's Coming on the Channel Next
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What do I do for work? I'm an Adventure Filmmaker
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Thanks much for watching friend! As always, catch ya in the next one.
- Levi
ps. Remember, life's better when you make stuff!
Levi, you are one amazing young man. And I hear in this video the same issues I suffer from as well. I’m a creative, self employed for 43 years now. And I can tell you that this Covid Curse has changed everything. And it’s a situation that we can’t fix, which is beyond frustrating because we, as self driven creators, we thrive on the fact that we can (somehow) fix anything. But reality has changed drastically and we are not in a flow that feels natural. It’s scary because, for you looking at a family emerging before you, you know you are responsible for their well being and yet, for some reason, you’re not doing enough. And the reality. Things are so lopsided and out if sync right now, we’re not even sure ‘how to address any of this”. It’s like a trap and we are kicking every corner of this limiting box, trying to find a way out but things are not responding the way they used to.
This past year and a half, I have filmed for maybe 4 days and produced about 4 minutes of promo material for my client. All the other work I used to do is gone. I used to travel with clients and produce promo pieces for them and record their training programs or the installation if their latest equipment (depending on the client) but all of that work has vanished. I have an a7sIII on my desk that isn’t being used and it’s also killing me.
But, over the past year, I have stepped into s role of caring for my 95 year old father, and I have to recognize that if I was busy and traveling, I wouldn’t of been here to spend this time with my dad. And fortunately, I did spend the past 10 months with my dad, everyday, helping him and getting him through the final months of his life. And we had a fantastic time. It was all a gift that I treasured regardless of the shadow cast from having no work. I had to realize that things are happening for a reason and we need to have faith that it is working out as it needs to and that we are doing ‘enough’.
My Dad passed away towards the end on August. And it has taken several weeks to deal with the paperwork and the steps needed to close off his life and address the legal issues, bank change overs and so forth. And if course during this time, I was redoing our kitchen at home, so that needed to be done, and I’ve not been able to get back to all the work that I had started on my Dad’s house that was halted because of covid. Again, something that is easy to label as a failure, and needs to be addressed immediately. All of these things are on my back and it’s overwhelming and exhausting.. And I’m not 30 anymore, I’m 66 but thinking and planning like a 30 year old. It has all been exhausting and there are numerous things that I can see as failures, things that are not done yet (thankfully, as if today, I think I’m done with the kitchen) but now I need to shift to my Dad’s house and somehow, get enough done to bet it in the market and sold this year. An impossible task but yet again, I have to pull a miracle out of my ass. And I have doubts and fears and I’m exhausted on every level, but this is what needs to happen.
….. so, how do we get through all this stress? The same way we always have… you start. And if we are somewhat the same, there is a mental process to the details. We need to know we’re doing the right things, the right way and it’s got to be done perfect as well. Yeah, no pressure! Do it all, do it now and do it perfect! And we will, but not without a lot of mental and emotional energy and commitment. But we forget that once we’re in, once we commit and start down that journey, it will get done and it will be as great as we can do it and it will get done. The secret is to celebrate every accomplishment, no matter how small. Celebrate then as an accomplishment, and move to the next micro step. And stop thinking ahead about every single detail. Address them when they arrive, and just have faith that you know you work better under pressure. Decisions come easier when there is little time to pondering because you can make an assessment and go with the best option in that moment. And yes, adjust as you go. But flying by the seat of your pants is what you have always done and somehow, it works.
I also work better with some other people around. Covid has killed that connectedness and it becomes a solo endeavour which is OK, but I enjoy the sharing of ideas and perspectives. But it is what it is, the work still needs to get done. (Ironically, I prefer to edit on my own, into the wee hours, immersed into that creative headspace, and then look for reactions from colleagues once I take a break.
Anyway, I could keep writing and sharing my inner thinking but I must get up and start the day.
Levi, you are a brilliant young man and the challenges you are facing are common in regards to a self driven man. You are a “doer” and you feel like s failure if you’re not doing your best 24/7. I get that, but it’s also an unrealistic expectation unless you want to drive yourself into illness and pure exhaustion. I get that as well. I have had a stent put in my heart, I have had shingles, cancer and have carried unimaginable stress on my shoulders and it’s not good. So please, step back and treasure all that you have, enjoy the pleasures that are right in front of you, put on sone good music, kiss that adorable wife if yours, squeeze your children and be grateful first and foremost. And you know the work will arrive, and you’ll do a killer job. You have your courses coming up (i would LOVE to take one someday) and they are a blast I’m sure, and from there, create some peace in your mind. There is lots to do, and you can get it done, one step at a time. These times we are in are not normal, so roll with it and figure out your next step.
I love your work, I admire the research and the devotion you put into everything. You work and judge your work emotionally, because it has to feel right inside. Right now, during a pandemic, its hard to feel right inside. But trust in the fact that in every moment, you’re OK, your family is OK, yku can’t do “everything”, but you can do the next thing that is needed right now… and for me, I need to get up and get the garbage out! Hahahaha It’s collection day and I better get a move on! Lol
Love ya Levi! You are freakin’ amazing!
Always appreciate when people are willing to share!
Keep up the great craftsmanship and hard work my friend. Keep making. God bless. Stay strong.
Thanks for asking the question Levi! I took it to heart and thought about it for a few days. My answer is no, I’m not doing enough (creating that is). I’m doing more than enough thinking about creating. That’s my biggest hurdle. I’ll think and think and think but not follow through. It becomes this cycle of wishing I was doing more while also feeling like I’ve mentally drained energy in the process.
I grew up watching my dad make things, tinker/fix things (cars, house, electronics). It was truly amazing to be there and watch him problem solve and try different ways to achieve his goal. He never did any of it for anyone but himself (well and the family of course), and I think that’s what made him so successful. He wasn’t taking pictures/videos and trying to show everyone how great he was.
Fast forwarding to current day, the struggle to make content while also fulfilling the need to make things (coffee tables, book shelves, etc.) is a heavy cross to bear. Maybe I need to get back to just making things so that there’s a feeling of completion in my life. The content creation may fall into place further down the line.
One thing I picked up from the mixed-media artist Heather Nicole from her creativity workshop - what's your process.
Externalize your creative self into 'your daily process'. What do you need to do, where do you need to be, what tools need to be at hand, what supplies do you need. Get all of that lined up and in place (and you already do).
Then work your daily process.
Give yourself 2-3 hours to work. Then take a coffee break. Maybe have some food. Go for a walk or play with the baby or do laundry with your wife while you talk.
Give yourself some time to reflect on what you need to change / adapt / add. Then give yourself 2-3 hours to make the changes.
Children crave routine. It's reassurance in a weird world. Give yourself the same blanket to wrap around yourself.
And, yeah. This past year and a half. Sometimes you just need to sit there and stare into space and do nothing.
I'll close with what my husband is always saying to me - be gentle with yourself.
- Cathy (&, accidently, Steve), Ottawa/Bytown
These kinds of videos are soooo helpful. I have a few on my channel - one that’s over 45 mins of me working out failing as a screenwriter. They’re helpful for us as creators and they’re helpful to our viewers as they see we’re all going through similar things as ambitious, driven makers. Our vision for our year(s), the optimism we have to get so much done … as the year progresses and we see that we’re behind we can be so hard on ourselves. I’m at peace with knowing that that’s just the reality of life as an artist, a creator, and an artisan entrepreneur.
RUclips, for me, is a way to lean into community, to exorcise my thoughts and feelings on camera but to an audience, to connect and share experiences.
Be present, be in the moment, deploy gratitude and selflessness every chance you can … and lean into your self-awareness to look at yourself and your life objectively so you can be *_proud_* of yourself. You’re doing great, friend. ❤️🤘🏻
3 minutes in and I’m already gettin the feels. These are my favorite kinds of videos.
at over 80, I always feel I don't /have done enough in my efforts in my life/work but in my relationships, how to repair or redo those things that matter, lay heavy on my heart and soul, what have I left behind for those I care about, after watching this to the end, the thoughts and wishes you put out there shows me how much you care and have come in the time I have watched your videos and growth, if I may, you can do at the time your in, is all that you can expect answer for, your trying to be more than you need to be, even when this is a good thing/way to be too, TY for your time and Thoughts, Later
Thank you for sharing. Great video. I'm at a later life-stage, grown kids, parents have been gone for a long time. I have friends who just want to spend their days on the golf course. I'm still building. Some retired friends hear my ToDo project list and ask me "why do you want to do that?" One recent comment from someone watching my productive time commented, "you like working? Don't you? Not all people are like that." If I run out of things to do, I'll be going back to your videos to learn to weld! When your posts were more frequent, I wondered how the heck you managed to produce so much. I'm glad the posts are less frequent. It means you are spending your time where it's important. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are inspiring and what you accomplish is amazing. You are lucky to have the support network you have. At some point, if accomplishing the end result becomes more important than the doing to get there, it is time to hire an assistant. For someone creative, your ideas will always flow faster than you can ever accomplish everything you want to do. I encourage you to make the sacrifice of building the infrastructure of people around you who will help you to build more. Fall and winter can be a great time to make that investment so you will accomplish more of your personal goals next year. The RUclips channel might be an example. An apprentice could learn from you and take some pressure off you at the same time. You would have to let go of some perfectionism, but it could improve your monetization of what you have built and leave you free to create more and stay focused on what is most important to you. For over 30 years I have and continue to struggle all the time with who to hire for what. I still have trouble letting go, but I should have employed more people to help me accomplish more. Can't wait to see what's coming after the sailing trip.
We are our toughest critic's, comparing our work to others always puts us at a disadvantage, if only in our own minds. Best days to you and your family Levi !
Yes, this was a long video and almost podcast-like, but I appreciate it. I appreciate the honesty and heart in this video.
I’ve been struggling with starting to make things again. I’ve recorded the first video I plan to post to my upcoming channel, but I keep making excuses not to edit it.
Feeling not ok is ok, but we have to pick ourselves back up again and keep doing what brings us joy.
I hear you sir… and thank you for putting it out there for those of us that are suffering quietly. I started watching for your incredible creativity… I stay for the soul you share with us.
I like you a lot Levi, you will find it in time, we all will. Just be mindful of the work/life balance and always make sure you're making time for what makes you happy and don't feel bad about that. And believe we're all where we need to be right now.
It all sums up to attitude which is 100%. Stop being attached on all your lacks, you have great talent. Deadline says dead, maybe reprogram yourself to see them as life, Lifeline. Take care Levi. ✌
Hard to not acknowledge lacks when things aren’t getting finished : )
@@Levi_Allen you are to hard on yourself, the flow of a youtuber is like a sea, ups and downs.
Pressure of getting super polished content out must be a nightmare.
Less polished and more natural is what i like in most of the channels i follow.
Go easy on yourself, become a comforting father for yourself.
You are enough everyday you wake up !
art attack. put a mural on a shovel. painted a scene on a massive saw blade. rafted the Holmes river. been a great year!
And yes, constantly on my own case about not getting enough done and not having the results that hard work (revenue/profit, financial security, the freedom that the tool of money can create - to travel, to play, to invest in tools that make life easier, rewarding, more enjoyable).
The fun added pressure I have is time. I’m 43, and although I’m “young” I feel that I am waaaaay behind where I “should” be, especially financially. Mortgage, student loans, a 16 yr old car, a house that needs a lot of work, old computers and film gear, not enough retirement, still not back in payroll after laying myself off my own company due to COVID… The list goes on. But immense pressure, a lot of stress, and a feeling like my ambition and goals and what I want to accomplish in this life - that I’m running out of time.
That's definitely the struggle. Last year I knew ahead of time there was a season where I would have more time to work on projects and it still didn't happen. In fact I made very little last year, but what I did make I was proud of. The best way I heard it put is when Jon Acuff said, "My imagination is bigger than my calendar."
And it's okay. I can only accomplish so much. Was I there for my wife? My kids? Am I doing the things that truly matter, which probably don't revolve around creating? If I'm doing that, than it's enough, and I'll just have to live with not making everything I want to make.
Thanks for the openness, love watching your journey.
The last year was honestly the hardest for me, actually the last 2 years. I had been travelling in a long distance relationship, while I was in Canada Covid hit, I spend all of 2020 in BC away from my wife, got to see her for Christmas as I returned back to Europe, and again I havent seen her for 2021. With all the lockdowns that Ive experienced my entire motivation was sapped. Didnt want to touch a camera or do anything. Now with things starting to look up [Seeing my wife soon, and fall/winter are my favorite times of see] the horizon doesnt seen so bad. I might have "failed" to be creative over the course of this 2 years, but I survived and learned a lot from it, what I actually value going forward.
I watched this twice, couldnt respond on my Ipad, but second I got a keyboard I needed to write something. Thank you for the honesty, showing true human emotion.
So glad your doing well man, I feel it too, it’s super difficult to make stuff and be inspired when these times are dragging on. But your video made me feel a little better.
Thanks for stopping by Chris! Keep up the pursuit of making things
I really appreciate you taking the time to talk about these real struggles that you are going through. As an aspiring maker of sorts, it helps to hear from people that I look up to that it is okay to struggle. I have had my first documentary project get tossed around with everything that has happened in the last 2 years and I have really struggled with accepting the pace that I have had getting it done. Some days I don't even want to think about it, and others it's the only thing I ever want to work on. I tell myself that it will eventually get done and I just need to take it a day at a time. I really hope that the sailing trip is as amazing as I think it is. I cannot wait to get my spot on board in the near future.
Love you! Always dare to share your struggles. It's not easy being a father nor should it be glorified. You are (I'm hoping) doing what you love and earning an income doing it! Please don't stop and know you literally have hundreds of thousands of people supporting you and all hope you are doing well emotionally and physically.
Thank you for sharing your story Levi. I have found my peace in time of my struggle and in this time of not enough in my faith in God. This might not be for everybody but as you honestly and openly shared your journey I wanted to share part of my. Much love and I will keep you in my prayers.
I always forget how astoundingly wise you are. Thanks for the reminder to self-reflect.
Very relatable. Thanks for being real and sharing where you're at.
Woah dude... This was deep and I want to thank you for sharing your struggles. Whether or not we admit it, I think it's common for creators to get caught up and only show the highlights of life but life isn't always great. Life is hard and rough around the edges, and that's okay. That's part of what makes this brief moment we have on earth worth something.
Thanks again and I wish you all the best man.
Thanks for this upload.
A lot of what you shared sounded a lot like my own story over the last year or so. I still work through some of the same questions you asked yourself.
If it helps, and I hope it does, I have always felt the kind of transparency and authenticity you shared here is also what makes your work so great. I have admired and watched your work for a long time now. I feel like the honesty in this upload is also in that work.
I know it wasn’t easy making this video. I bet you have questioned it. I don’t think you should though. I am confident it will be a powerful public service for a lot of people.
I am one of those people.
I love you man!
Since I discovered photography a few years ago, I believe that It helped me find a new lease on life. I am now on a quest for the perfect shot...which may never happen. But, it has helped me find a higher love for life, nature, and those around me. You and I are blessed and sometimes we don't realize the blessings that are all around us.
You and a few others on RUclips have kept me going since Covid-19 turned the world upside down.
I thank you sincerely and wish the best for you and your family.
Great conversation and as always great video! Been watching you for years and as I try to grow my channel I often find myself going back to see how you have put out quality content. Often times it just feels natural and real. Great work.
My work supervisor and I just had this conversation about self talk. It really resonates with me when you speak about your experience with being in a state of melancholy and all the familiar/unfamiliar feelings that go with that. When I am in my lowest of lows, my self talk is so terrible! But at the same time, my self talk is non existent until I hit my lowest point. So to that, I also need to work with self talk. Thank you for sharing!
I enjoyed the authenticity of the vulnerability of this video. I feel like I’m also struggling with something along these lines. These are important conversations and topics to be talked about. Thanks for sharing this with us man!
For what it’s worth, your channel has become my favorite hands down, from all the content creators that I follow, I feel the images and emotions you capture through lenses have very deep emotion to them and are pushed by Passion. The style and how transparent honesty of the video you create (including this one) are some of the key points that I value. Just straight up keeping it real!
Quality over quantity
ADHD is something I’ve re visited this year. And accepting that I too am affected and working towards controlling the “all or nothing” affect that it has on ones self is something Im pushing to get a grip on. Getting burnt out and loosing motivation is nothing new to me. But we’re working on that.
PS: great job on the atomos project, very powerful footage, also pushed me to pull the trigger and add a monitor (shinobi) to my bag
Keep up the great work!
We are fighting the same battles my friend. Our own toughest audiences, critics, judges, whatever you want to call it. When things are great, we can just indulge in greatness but instead skip immediately into contemplation and self-doubt. I’d love to lean into that creatively. If you ever find yourself longing for ideas to execute and create, maybe lean into what is right in front of you - everything you spoke about in this video. It connects with an audience, including myself who is a cinematographer/editor/director and everything in between. I feel you. I hear you. Keep doing you. You’re awesome.
I felt all of this. I don't think we're in exactly the same mental health space at the moment, but over the past few years I've come to understand so much of the truth that you've expressed in this video. I think you may know that several of those truths can be dangerous to understand and try to cope with in this world, and many have chosen to not carry that burden anymore. It seems like you're mostly in a good place with that at the moment, and I hope that you can find and keep a good balance with all of those ideas. You accomplish a lot of good for us when you express these things like you have today.
I’m doing great, have always struggled with what you are talking about, but at some point, you figure out that the stress you put on your self, it’s the stress you need. And, the worry that comes from that is the growth you need. Sucks getting older and growing, but when we look back we are always great full
So glad you are figuring this out Levi, and sharing appears part of the process for you? I've held down a job, kept my family safe, but failed for 18 months to be creative/driven/productive - and I need to make changes.
Thanks for being so honest Levi. Heart wrenching hearing about your gramps and not getting that footage. There seems to be a lot/too much going on? As these projects come to fruition hopefully that will help. And we are so excited. Continue to be you xxx
i can relate to your perspective. this year has been difficult for me and how i have dealt with imposter syndrome. i have made videos about this already but will most likely do another to wrap up my thoughts on the year. thanks for stepping out and sharing this content.
While a year is technically a long time. Year to year we all have our own successes and struggles. Don’t spend too much time looking to the past. They future is in front of you. I think about my grandpa daily. He was a maker and a problem solver. I know he’s with me as I look for clarity in problems I can’t see through.
The memories you didn’t catch on camera on still with you. And you can share those with your little ones as they grow up.
Love your work. I watch your videos and say to myself man it’s time to take action on some of my own dreams and ambitions.
Having a family creates a work life balance. All your planning for the next project will pay off. While the tangible results are not sitting in front of you. I strongly believe the build process and budget will go smoother in the end.
Enjoy your trip. Ever since I watched your first sailing video I told myself one day I will travel to BC and sail up the coast. It’s a bucket list trip for me.
Well said brother. Found channel for some final cut tips and loved the slack life content. Enjoyed watching channel grow. I own a wellness based tech startup , now web and app developers, and gone through all these emotions. These emotions keep you present in life, we are blessed to enjoy this small window of time together on this beautiful planet. 🌎. I found that growing my team one or two people, who are interested in my company and who can grow with me, made a huge difference. Sounds like your company is ready to embrace much needed help. Can start with interns, co owner, employees.. all bring value but can share your vision.
At 4:06, you explain how you often slip into the “I’m not doing enough” mindset, and right after, you settle into your chair more. I just thought that was perfectly subtle and well-timed, whether or not it was intentional.
Thank you for the heart felt vid, you're not alone. A lot to reflect on & be thankful for. Pace yourself & smell the roses. Peace.
this video has brought up topics and feelings i didn’t even know i was avoiding trying to process. i’ve hit replay about 10 times now as i clean up and reorganize my apt. it’s therapeutic to hear another creator verbalize these feelings.
appreciate you letting me know it resonated with you!
As a fellow filmmaker, youtuber and someone who loves to build stuff this video really spoke to me!
what a unique journey it is!
Thanks friend for the conversation and catch up.. I was thinking today where is Levi and Jenelle? How are they doing.. And then here you are full heart wide open.. you have inspired me so many times but no more then today..
At the end of the day the value of a man is determined in the words his wife and children say about him. 😉 way to be a great dad Levi and build a life full of beautiful memories.
The last two years have been brutal for so many many reasons.. my 89 year old friend told me if we never had hard years, we would not know how sweet the good ones are. If we don’t know sorrow we can’t truly know the bliss of joy. Better days are coming I just keep telling myself
Dude, I struggle so hard with the exact battle of trying to keep it short while still saying what I’m thinking.
It’s nice making a highly edited video, but sometimes I just say F it. I know later I will wish I had condensed, and I know most will only watch a few moments, but that’s totally okay. It’s fun doing chats that just keep it real a couple times a year at least.
I'd been in a fairly long depressive episode, and couldn't really figure out the source of it until this video. While it's not exactly the same as your problem, I resonate with the struggle of feeling like I'm not doing enough; so even when I'm relaxing and trying to avoid or recuperate from burnout, I'm stressing out over what I'm not accomplishing. I don't have any management techniques to share, but thank you for sharing your journey and your struggles. I'll do my best to learn from them.
Levi -you are okay and normal. WE've chatted on here in the past but I don't expecting you to remember. I'm now 70 years old and I'm retired from the US Navy and as a rule, you rock my world…you excite me and usually build a fire in my belly when I listen to you. My creativity is being a singer-songwriter actively (sorta) for 25-30 years. I usually go in spurts and in the past this behavior irritates me, but I've realized that this is necessary and here is why. My Navy years were working in the Medical field and I worked insane shifts and just barely survived sometimes because of sleep deprivation. Even though I retired from that life over 23-24 years ago, I still didn't get my "sleeping act" together until about 6 months ago. Sleep is VITAL for good health and I've paid my dues by not getting the sleep I needed. I only bring this up because just like my song-writing, my brain wouldn't let me write until my "muse" was well rested…and I think this is where you are. When everything is where it needs to be, you will soar in your creativity but you need to ensure that you allow yourself a certain amount of down-time, so you can get your muse rested. I had a really good line of thought that just escaped my feeble mind. Love your body and mind…love your wife and children and I think that things will work out for you. Focus on small victories versus massive slam-dunks…no war is won on one battle, it's the culmination of your many small victories that win the war! Peace brother, stay healthy and don't sweat the small stuff! I will keep you and your family and your killer projects in my prayers.
Appreciate you!
I did do enough this year. But in terms of making videos im lacking.
My oldtimer unimog took most of my time this year. I finished it and got it finally on the road. It took me 10+ years to get on this point. So I'm really happy about this years work on the Unimog. I spend 6 nights of sleeping in it this year!
Things lacking this year is exercise.
This weekend I went to an overland show and did my first presentation about my Unimog for 60 people. I did it in English which is a huge goal because im not a native speaker.
I set myself a goal to do a solo overland trip to Norway in spring 2022. So the preparations will combine everything including start running again! And it will make great content for RUclips.
I always enjoy this kind of videos of you. Great to listen while driving a highway truck.
Thanks for the honest raw video 🙌 I feel this on many levels. Much respect 🙌
Yeah, it’s a wild one to separate what we ‘do’ from who we are... Fellow creative here (designer, not a film maker!). I remember a coach asking me something similar at least 6-7 years ago, and I still don’t know if I have a solid answer, but I feel like I’m closer to one... she asked something along the lines of ‘who are you without your work’. Not a small question for people who make a lot and share a lot with the world. For me personally, I have found over the last year or so I’ve sorta been forced to just slow down and breathe a lot more - just inviting a lot more stillness I guess, and that has helped a lot... just letting shit go that isn’t for me anymore ya know.
Love your work, keep doing what you do! 🙏
Woooow, this moved me and i feel you 👏🏻 Awesome to hear legit stuff 👌🏻
You're more than okay. You're a great giver and creator.
I struggle every day with “doing enough” in fact it’s more doing anything. I’ve never talked about this online before but 8 years ago my Dad died and I moved back to family home. Coming through a bout of severe depression I have been trying to get some semblance of a life back. I sway between what is the point to I’m really not doing enough. But I realised I get some joy from trying to create things so I channel the energy I have into that when I can. I think that struggling with ones psyche is life’s biggest battle. Have enjoyed your channel for some time and hope you find that mental calm spot. Enjoyed this vid and looking forward to more tales from the container. Greetings from 🇬🇧
Thank you for being so honest!
I loved this. Thanks for talking honestly and openly. I can relate to so many things in this. I appreciate you brother.
🖤🖤🖤
A very relatable video. Thank you for sharing!
Hey Levi, feeling this in a big way! I'm bummed I didn't get more videos finished this year, while working 40 hrs a week, raising 3 kids and trying to stay healthy! I've gotten better recently at forgiving myself and training the positive self talk. I heard something the other day that gives me peace - an old boodhist expression, "there's no wrong way to do it."
Thank you for sharing this video, it definitely struck a cord with me. I’m a hobby photographer outside of my regular job, and it is extremely important to me to have it as a creative outlet. I find when it’s clicking, I am in a good personal space and it gives me perspective and joy. Unfortunately I’ve found that I have been spinning my wheels the last 18 months, never seeming to get any traction on my personal projects. I’ve broken through a couple of times, creating some images I am proud of, even if they weren’t photographs I would normally take. It’s definitely been a work in progress.
Thank you for this open talk. It is beautifull to know that one is not alone in his troubles. I'm glad that you are managing to find the excitement and peace. The 2020 was a shitload of bad news and overwork for me and I had to stop myself in track to meltdown, but thank god I was able to stop myself in time. As to your question. In time I learned (am learning) to recognize my patterns, triggers and unreal nature of my expectation (I learned that I allways see the potential of things - including me - and not the real boundaries of reality aroud things and that it can lead to a lot of unnecesary flustration and pain.). So, I will fall in to that trap of negative self talk and pain, but I'm usually able to recognize that I'm not a good friend to myself, that I'm expecting too much and I'm able to partially stop, or at least beare the bulshit self whipping episode, like it would be comming from some beloved, but old and mad family member. That helps a lot.
I have to say this is really an amazing vid! As real as it gets!
Thanks for this table side chat. Hardships during these times, can be life threatening and life ending. But on the flip side Hardships feeling low esteem, guilt, remorse, is extremely normal even if others may see your Hardships as minimal they are not walking in your foot steps.
Take the meme of how others are envious about the mode of transportation of others from a Lamborghini down to a man walking and in a wheelchair chair. Each Hardship that each of the people have maybe invisible. Like the coping you mentioned. The guy in the Lamborghini may have worked to much to get it and lost his family. The guy in the wheelchair may not walk but have a super relationship with his family.
So do not minimize your own Hardships. You do not need to finish everything you can take 10 minutes and work on it. Or not start a day plan by time blocking.
I fell off a roof in March 2020, shattered my heel bone and fratured my tail bone. Took just under a year to walk again I still am limping have backpain and go through depression and get angry easily.
I also have a great family daughter and wife. We just got picked up by a producer to do a documentary film Starting a kickstarter campaign, Overlander box van conversion camper build, building websites and social media. Loads of fun too still stressful.
So I totally understand where you are coming from. Acknowledge the stress and how your mind works but then stop and take 10 slow deep breaths each exhale think of one thing that warms your heart and makes you smile. Then stop think of the next inhale and what number it was then exhale think of another great thing and smile. Rinse & repeat.
So amazing to hear your thoughts on this. As an fellow ADHD creator your really kinda hit it on the head for me and got me going emotionally. Would love to chat to you more around how you have dealt with and harness the Greatness of ADHD as a videographer!
Hey bro, I watched the whole thing and to answer your question, I'm not only thinking that I'm not doing enough, I'm also constantly saying to my self that I'm not good enough or that my work is never good enough. And that's really hard because with this mindset I don't think I'll ever be good enough.
I want to get out of this bad habit but don't know how.
Since my high school years I have always thought of my self as an underachiever (20 some years now). The weird thing about that is looking back i feel like I could do more (but I don't beat myself up about it), but in the moment I don't struggle with it anymore. I am blessed with my family, I have a good job that i like, I make videos for Ministry and have a great time, but struggle with procrastination for sure. there was a period of 10 years that I comped with some of these thought with a drink. Praise God I am going on 3 1/2 years clean. Alcohol made me do almost nothing. So I do way more now and am thankful for it even though i know at times I could have done more. Bless you Levi. I love all your videos and I pray you receive peace for things you perceive as failures. quilt and shame are what so many people deal with, but as we believe we are forgiven, we have to forgive ourselves. (since my recovery I have worked with addicts and this is one of the biggest issues. I see it in non addict all the time also, it just manifest in a different ways)
Thanks for taking the time to engage!
Thanks for this video.
I’m always wrestling with feeling like I am not doing enough. Also dealing with an ADHD brain. I usually try to find external motivation to move things along. Collaboration, etc. The trickiest things to get done are the ones that are just simply up to me in terms of timeline. Those things sit on the list for years sometimes
I've stagnated this year. Watching over a family property build locked me into a rut. Limited mobility and space to make has taken a toll. I've been designing my tiny house/workshop which is exciting, but only just now starting to look into gathering materials and making money to pay for it all.
I'm itching to make van life my secondary home instead of primary. It's been 4 years and definitely need space for my creative endeavors and lean into homesteading.
I feel like I've been on a cycle of one month of inexplicable joy and the next of pure self loathing. I've been trying to be consistent in the habits that help get me back on track after a bad month. Running, as much as I hate it, has been the best for keeping me on an even keel.
If I'm really honest with myself though... I just bottle up all my problems till I break, then the relief of working through all my shit feels so good I can be happy for a few weeks.
The part about your grandpa reminded me of my grandpa's shop, and I don#t think I even have pictures of it. I had totally forgotten about that place, and I get goosebumps now thinking about it and trying to remember. It's been years, that place is long gone, and I don't think had digital cameras then so that's probably one reason why there aren't any pictures of it, but man I would love to see that space, or even more him in that space again.
I hardly ever feel like I'm doing enough. Because there's always something that I don't get to do. Which very likely not because I'm not doing enough, but because I'm trying to do so much at once that something just has to fall off to the side. I'm terrible at prioritizing, and this weird reverse-fomo-feeling of stuff not I don't want to miss out on but stuff that I want to see in the world, things I don't want the world around me to miss out on. It's weird, and hard at the same time. And I know it's going to get worse next year, with become a father...
Anyway, thanks for your incredibly honest video 🙏
Great stuff, Levi. Looking forward to the electric motorcycle build :)
I love these reflection videos!
I’m a 100% where you are. Happy with my family life, but the corporate side is so bad compared to how happy I am with my Wife. 2020 did a number on us. I was so happy just being with the wife to going back to the corporate world, which sucks. I hope you’re doing well.❤️
Question: Why do you think you need to be hard on yourself to get things accomplished. It's all in the perspective. It is possible to be kind to yourself and accomplish amazing things. Levi, thank you for your transparency. This video is proof of the amazing things. Staying in the moment and taking focus away from expectation has changed my life and my attitude. You are awesome always, not sometimes. Again, perspective. Hugs to you.
Yeah unfortunately my battle with ADHD requires some amount of stress to complete projects. And a self directed stress is functional in that sense. It would be much better if I could just freely complete things I care about. But when extrinsic motivators are low, being frustrated with myself for not finishing something I care about even as I sit there and stare at it, has been a practical way to then indeed get it done. I’m not suggesting it’s a great method or that I even like it. Unfortunately I didn’t get to chose the tools I’ve been given to work with, just trying to sort out best how, without burning out.
@@Levi_Allen I hear you. A very insightful, talented man you are Levi. I live in White Rock and offroad often. I hope we cross paths one day and get to chat more on this subject. Love your perspectives. Thank you for your content and art.
Never really framed it as “doing enough” before. I always seem to frame it in my head as “wasting time”, on the wrong things or not pushing myself enough or just drifting to much. Interesting to hear your mind wrestling, I feel what your saying.
I struggle with feeling lack of productivity as I switched jobs. My self talk is that this job has different needs and though the volume of work has decreased I am still adding value in the work I have done. In your circumstances, I would remind myself you are more than what you produce. I believe you are a Christian, and God wants us to delight in Him. ⚠️ Caution that Your work could become an idol.
Damn man, I can relate to a lot of what you've shared, but I'm sure it's a whole other level running your own biz vs working for someone else. There's days I drag myself to work because I'd rather be working on one of the millions of projects in my head, but I try to remind myself that I've got it pretty good and the money keeps us fed and housed. Thanks for sharing and I hope you can find the space to give yourself a break here and there.
Appreciate you Jimmy
I LOVE THIS CHANNEL. great video.
When you mentioned creating all of the footage with the A7siii, that really resonated. I have thousands of film photos I've created, processed and scanned and then stopped there. Never to be seen by others. I have a full-time job and have really wanted to share some of my personal work, but have felt paralyzed investing time/mental energy into work that won't create an income. Hopefully we can both work through our challenges this fall!
Make stuff! It’ll be the best thing you ever do. I promise you. It only takes 1 new friend online to enjoy your work for it to seem worth it!
GOD loves you Levi!!
This last year having kids, being a creator, running a production company, and living through the challenges of covid and racism. Some days I feel like a survivor others I feel like I mourn the passing of the last day and the opportunities missed.
What a beautiful way of putting that. Thanks for sharing Shaun! Keep fighting the good fight
❤️ you Levi
Finding this balance is so very hard and I am struggling with it myself. As and engineer and a creator it can be so hard to work a full day and get home and still have drive to produce content as well as cook dinner and also relax a little before starting all over again. I hope to one day be able to do youtube full time and tell stories as well as you do. I really hope you continue to do the sailing trips because ever sinse I heard about them I can't wait for the chance to see what BC and your trip have to offer. Do you have a general price that you would be willing to share here? also thanks for sharing from the heart and not editing it down, This can be so hard.
Levi! Please tell me where you got that chair. I need it for philosophical quandaries!
Great video my man!
I feel like I have the opposite issue I'm constantly over doing. Trying to work on balance.
haha! Heard it a million times during job interviews and it makes me laugh every time.
@@michaela1655 lol you're right that totally does sound like something people say in an interview. Kinda like "My greatness weakness is I work to hard" 🤣
Not very often I see one of my favorite channels in the comments of another one of my favorite channels 😂
@@BenStinnett I guess we both have good taste 😎
You're at a level I strive to be in a few years
Good talk man!
Thanks for being so honest, Levi. I can relate to so many things you mentioned being a solopreneur in the creative field for the last 10ish years myself. I strongly recommend the book "How to be an imperfectionist" by Stephen Guise. He talks about the topic of "not enough" quite a bit and how it can navigate you into pretty dark terretory. I love his idea about "binary thinking" , which actually made me a lot more pragmatic in my creative work. Check it out, it might take at least some pressure off your shoulders.
I felt this
Give yourself some grace. Create on your terms. It will be enough.
Ideally we all know we should not be too harsh on ourselves but at the same time if we're not harsh on ourselves do we really manage to get through with it? I mean, there are very few people that would ever really tell you that you're not doing enough, or something you did is not good enough and I mean important people not the average youtube user who comments on one's videos(including myself). I am in the exact same situation btw, with a very, very smaller youtube channel though. At the moment I'm at 313 subs. I've been uploading for some time, not very consistently, I guess I don't find the time, or I'm not too good at managing both everyday life and a youtube channel but I enjoy making videos. Making vids made me grow to the point that people actually want to hire me to shoot videos for them and that is awesome. But just like you I'm pretty ok with how my life is going at the moment but I wish I did more, I wish I uploaded more, I cared more about my thumbnails, my ctr, view retention, the way my grid looks. I guess the point is to find a balance where you're happy enough with what you got and try to find a way from there. As humans we're always going to want more, the more we have the more we want, we're never going to be satisfied. I actually don't know how to even solve this, at the moment I only have the awareness of it. Hey man, keep making them vids. You're gonna look back on them some day and you're gonna smile. Also it is reassuring to know that even people we look up to and respect have these sort of times and feelings. Life is damn sure better when you make stuff!
❤️
I think the idea of whether or not we are "doing enough" comes from a place of acceptance in society. I've worked through the years always piling on new projects and before I knew it I was completely over loaded with trying to be an over achiever. What I've been wrestling with lately is simply trying to slow down and enjoy the process. I think the saying goes... slow down to speed up.
Honestly, this video feels too long. But... it does that because we are all loop reinforcing the YT algos. It's a relentless treadmill - for both creators and viewers. The whole environment is designed (by us) to make us feel like we have not done or taken-in enough - so we will be motivated to do and take-in more. Now look who's droning on :)
This makes sense - your values are shifting now that you are a dad 💕 - and that must be confusing.
I thought the secret was going to be about how you casually picked the spot where the shadows act as leading lines. Darn.
Failure is only failing to get back up and start over and getting it right. My success is based on the fact I refuse to wallow in self pity and doubt. So what if I didn't succeed I learned from it. Learning from my mistakes IS success. Needing help and asking for it is not failure. It is wisdom that uses it as a tool to aid you in succeeding.
Levi: this was hard for me to watch as we probably have a number of things in common, namely a tendency to complicate and elongate when trying to make my points, where I should really focus on simplifying and making things distinct. What often times bothers us most in others is discovering ourselves--or our problems in others. That being said, I encourage you to put your words down in writing to help U find and focus on what is importing to U & then express it in a distinct way. It will help us follow Ur thought process, resonate w/ your values& struggles and allow u to respect our time.
I struggle w/ the "not enough" issue too, btw. Be at peace.
I love writing
I managed to keep my job and get my work done five days a week, so I'm OK with that. I have wasted a whole lot of time in the last 18 months of pandemic/work-from-home life and I'm not really OK with that.
That’s always a challenging reality. Satisfied to be surviving, annoyed because we know our potential.
Empathize 100% with this. ADHD weaponizes our brains against us, often. Love your vids, please remember to cut yourself some slack now and again :)
I’m realizing ADHD disclaimers are probably helpful early in the videos for all the people who can’t understand the need for stress as a tool to do basic tasks
Weaponizes our brains.... If you ever wondered if this comes from them....wonder no more.
Levi, I appreciate the genuine emotion and self reflection in this type of video. All of your videos about the challenge of content creation remind me that others struggle as well. Like you, I lost my Opa recently and the negative head space that comes with ADHD can be exhausting. Too often urgency is the catalyst that starts the creation process but in the back of your head you know that while it's effective, it's not a healthy form of stress. When the voice of self attack says "you should be doing more" or "it's not enough", I've started asking myself, "If this were a person, would it have anything to show for itself? What has it created? How has it served others? These types of questions have helped me see it for the paper tiger it is. This video you did about the "Realities of Van Life you don't hear about" continues to be one of my favorites from your channel ruclips.net/video/X6Da6t3KjGY/видео.html. Thank you for doing these videos.
I'm not a maker in the sense that you and many of your viewers are. But I'm drawn to this channel. I have yet to figure out why, except I love brilliance and you fascinate me. That said, 2020 held for you, lots of stressors. The death of your beloved grandfather, the border/world shutdown which severely impacted your earning potential, the birth of your daughter, moving, the joy/fright of another coming birth and any other thing happening behind the scenes. Ask any psychologist and they will tell you that's overload. Add to that your perfectionism... I leave you with three scriptures to dwell on... "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength..." Isa 40:31. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Prov 3:5. "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11