6 Weird Things You do When around a Narcissist
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 29 май 2024
- Book Your Seat: Workshop on Heal After Surviving a Narcissistic Parent www.emotionalabuserecovery.co...
CHAPTERS
00:00 introduction
00:24 Clip reaction
01:08 clip discussion
01:33 1.You learn to open & close doors closely quietly
03:10 2.You spend a lot of time with your animals as it calms you
04:56 3.You become afraid of putting on headphones
05:51 4. You learn to dissociate from your emotions
07:28 5. You cannot focus
09:02 6. You learn to procrastinate
Book Your Seat: Workshop on Heal After Surviving a Narcissistic Parent www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/pna
My father killed my cat feb 27th had him for 13 years
That should not be! How could our parents be so cruel!
I wish I could afford the workshop my mom fired me after 38 years of working for
her I just found you ill try to
catch the next one I relate to you 100 % finally found someone that has lived the same kinda life I have nobody around me gets it I thought I was going crazy my family acts like its all my fault for the way I am I'm so different from them
My husband would get jealous of our own children. If your spouse tells you, you pay more attention to your child than you do them.....RUN!
Yes.. My dad was like that..
My husband told me when our firstborn was a month old that he was feeling neglected and jealous bc I was paying so much attention to our baby. I was stunned to know I had married such a self-centered person.
Yup! My narcissistic husband was extremely jealous of our two kids. He would seethe when I helped them with homework, etc. Pathetic excuse for a father!
My sociopath narc husband was jealous of me breastfeeding our children.
@apfelstrudel714 Yes! Same!
No wonder I spent most of my time in my bedroom growing up. I thought the world was against me, that something was wrong with me.
I was bullied at home, in school and wasn't having much friends either.
All these resulted in me being socially anxious.
It's unbelievable how the very people who created you, hate you so much.
Just because they hate themselves.
Sending you so much love. I grew up in the same kind of environment.
Sending you so much love. I grew up in the same kind of environment. It was rough.
I know how it feels.. the very ones who created me calls me a "mistake" and that's the worst thing a parent can say their child.. i hope you are fine. I wish you all the success
@@a.j.walker5729 I see you.
We are not alone.
Let our light shine brighter 🔆
We deserve to be here!
@@aishathanveera5388 I am so sorry to hear that.
It seems like we were born in a war zone and our opponents were/are our family members. It's wild!
My biggest dream, is seeing each and every one of us being so brave and shine so bright by having a life that we truly desire and deserve!
Many people would be shocked to hear about what we have been through.
Thank God for the animals!! Have always been my rock, even to this day. I would not have made it without them especially when i was a kid. The only real true love and acceptance you will ever get. Living in a Narc nightmare they are the only true friends you have!!
Danish's a cat person, I'm a forest technician from Montreal, my place is a wild life sanctuary, just feed them all including my groundhog, man is jealous of animals who can only live in the Garden of Eden hence bent on destroying it!
So true.
Yes 🙌🏼😊
You do all that to calm down and not to stress yourself constantly. You know, at any given time, the narcissist will create something new to upset you.
OMG you are spot on! Now I know why my parents used to remark on how good my hearing was. I was known for bionic hearing. My hearing was overdeveloped by hyper-vigilance.
Yes me also.
It's not super hearing, it's hyper listening.
Explains why I can hear people's phone's vibrating in their pockets or bags but they can't hear them themselves. My narc would even comment that I'm the one who hears when their phone is ringing.
Same, I've always said that I can hear the grass grow. Now I know why
@@IndyghurlAlso I can hear the grass grow😂 a doctor did it say to me
I relate to all of these situations. I think about what I want to do but I can’t get out of my chair.
I am 60.
My NM makes it a sin for myself and my sibling to care for our dogs. The VENOM she shoots to me to judge and criticize that my dog has his own bed is so out of proportion to the perceived crime. I didn't understand that she was jealous.
The doors? OMG!!!! You must have been in my house! Couldn't come in the door without making any noise, so she wouldn't let me go out on weekend nights. She was trying to destroy all my friendships. Because she was jealous.
Procrastination is the Bain of my existence. My house is a mess and I just cannot get in top of it. For 60 years.
At least now I know why. I can start to heal it
Thank you for sharing your experience.
If I shared you a pic of the house clutter I haven’t been able to get rid of - as of this writing-- I wonder if it would traumatize some readers.
That part.... It has become part of me ...I open very quiet and find myself questioning my decision and at times try. So hard to be invisible
My late parents divorced when I just 6 yrs old and then I was raised by my grandmother and a narcissist uncle. I'm still doing those 6 weird things out of habit from this miserable experience of getting raised by a narcissist even after my uncle eventually moved out. Some friends and relatives bullied me because my impression of being a slow, often late, and isolated person. I have some ideas, but despite my experience of working in creative environment, I often feel numb, not knowing where to start and always back to square one, forgetting those bright ideas in the first place and forcing myself to settle for lower ideas... this hyper-vigilance and anxiety made me feel I have no solid working experience, thus no solid self confidence, despite my works were being shown in local TV ads and finally a fully animated 3D movie, screened in national cinemas in my country back in 2020.
I'm still struggling to break free from this cold, rigid, and belittling chains of narcissistic abuse. Once my uncle told me that I couldn't get anything done, that's why I have to be a "superhuman". I wanna fly free and spread my wings as a human.
My husband and his siblings didn’t get love, encouragement, hugs, and kisses from their mother. Years later, my sister in law expressed more about how it affected her and asked why. Mom revealed that Dad would get jealous when his wife showed love and attention to their kids. They all turned out really well however they aren’t very good at expressing or receiving love and affection.
He has a beautiful, smart greyhound dog. I only saw him touch her 2x on the top of her head only using 2 of his fingers for a second or so.. He never showed any affection or praise to her at all, but only barked orders. She was so very lonely. It broke my heart to witness this. When I was around she would never leave my side. If she saw me drive into the property, she perked up and started running hard to welcome me. I loved her very much. Perhaps he was jealous that his dog and I had a better relationship together than he ever did with either of us. Very sad situation for these souls.
Woow I always wondered why the dog at my ex narc's property liked me so much and would jump on me and not want to let go.This comment made me realise I've actually never seen my ex pet the dog.On the other hand I would give the dog attention,pet her,call her name from a distance. When I'd had a long day and didn't have the energy the poor dog would run past my ex and insist on interacting with me.😢I'd nit visit for days and would think the next time I visit she'd have forgotten about me...but hey she remembered me each time and sometimes my ex would have to restrain her just so I can walk into the house without being jumped on.
@@movingsaudade6028 I know, it was strange. She loved warmth, touch, affection, praise and I would always talk to her. I still miss her and always will.
@user-df3eo9qx9p probably the only thing that was comforting when you were around your ex...Strength to you.
Not leaving the house and finding solace in ourselves... very true Danish
Remember trying to walk along the corridor without creaking the floorboards ... a family friend noticed and remarked about it, then got reprimanded for tip-toeing around unnecessarily. Couldn't get anything right at all
SAME HERE
Yep, you knew every floorboard that would or would not creak, or what side one did or did not.
U r 100% correct u r being an angel for so many people I respect you brother 💕
Spot on! I always got notes from teachers sent home saying I was daydreaming/splitting off all the time. I could not concentrate at all. I used to cry and want my mom in 2nd grade. Of course, my Narcissistic father would get ticked off when I would fail math. He would try to teach me with his style which was to make me stand there at the supper table for over an hour until I got a few math problems right. I literally would guess answers because he was so short-tempered. He says WRONG WRONG WRONG ..DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN. I could not process anything. Another note from home said I don't know the "Act of Contrition " it was long to remember. I had to go to my room and write it 100 times!! Then go to him and recite it without looking at my paper. He stared me down face slowly getting red and I was so scared I couldn't remember it all! Needless to say, I failed the 2nd grade. I was humiliated! I had that hanging over my head until the fall not going up the stairs to 3rd grade. I never told my friends I failed! They figured that out in real time that day. This was one of hundreds of times my narc father used to target me with anger and humiliation. When he told me to clean my closet out as a kid I sat there and spaced out for an hour. I was so overwhelmed and felt trapped. I hate starting new jobs because I get triggered and can't absorb them fast. I am paralyzed mentally. I have so many anxieties especially going over certain bridges and fast-paced highways. I feel especially trapped when there are no guard rails and no pull-over space on the shoulder of the road. It's awful! My heart rate goes turbo, dizzy, and sweat. I think I am going to die in that moment. I sat 1 hour on the side of the road and almost called a tow truck up to come to get me!! I was going to say my car broke down. Always a nervous person.
I can totally relate. I used to daydream a lotand got punished for it.
I can't drive on highways because it feels unsafe to me, I am scared to be in big spaces on my own.
I suffer from panick attacks because I never ever felt safe growing up.
Chickens are fine..my dear grandma had six and each had a name,and they knew their names.Sorry you were shamed and bullied for loving them. They are highly intelligent & affectionate.
I can relate to all of these. I'm living no contact 2 states away now for about 8 months. I'm so working on recovering recovering myself. I'm just turning 74 and this is not supposed to happen at this age. Working on it.
God bless you for your strength.
“procrastination when deciding to leave your room”.. that rings so true it got me like 😞 it feels like self torment but at the same time, I have absolutely no energy to even figure out “what next”. Whether it’s what next to do with my day, life, or how to go about honing in/ maintaining a sane and healthy well being, despite feeling like a limp, half dead mouse being played with by cat after cat. Aka toxic family and others who find joy in witnessing my confusion about why I’m treated poorly and they’ve suddenly gone cold. It’s an endless cycle of doing whatever’s next to rediscover my sense of inner peace- cycle after cycle of relearning how to not lose myself in the numb isolation that sinks me further and further into that perpetual “stuck” feeling. I’m honestly a bit sick of repeating the phrase, “this too shall pass”. But it’s kinda the only saying I can really find a sense of grounding in, in efforts not to lose myself to the state of complete hopelessness and bottomless depression
Hyper vigilant for sure. Thanks once again, Danish. ❤
My mom HATED noise and trained me to be as quiet as possible. My narc ex husband gave away my cat one day while I was at work - I came home and she was gone. And I can’t stand headphones for the exact reason that I can’t tell what is going on around me if I wear them. But what I related to the most was dissociation, especially your portrayal of it as staring blankly into the mirror. I even dissociated while you were discussing it in the video! It is how I coped with so much, including $exual abuse.
My narc parents gave away my dog when I was away from the home too. 😮
I’m sorry for your pain. My mother had my piano taken away as I was coming home from school. I was 11. Apparently it was not going to fit anywhere in the new house we were moving to. She married my step-father the day after my birthday, so my birthday was not noticed that year. That was my joy, to be left alone to practice and play. She got me another 2 years later for my birthday. Then would not let me take it or even BUY IT FROM HER! Several years later it was still in her house. Again I offered to buy it, but instead she cavalierly sold it to a neighbor for $600 and split the money 3 ways, 200 each to my good for nothing brothers who never showed an interest. I sent her back the check. She was furious. Bitch. I’m 72 now. I bought a beautiful baby grand in 1984 and no one will take it away from me. Sick people. 😢🙏🏼
Wow!! I am observing all of these behaviors in my husband. He was a victim of an abuse narcissist spouse in his previous marriage. He also suffered in the hands of a narcissistic mother. Danish, Thank you for sharing your knowledge! This is very helpful. I am able to better help my husband with his recovery by educating myself, your videos are very informative! Thanks! 🙏🏽
this vid is pushing tears.
Feel ya. With ya… God will literally turn our tears into laughter when we let Him.
I also grew up with chickens (silkees) - people really need to understand how cute and naughty and cheeky chickens can be. They’re immaculate pets 😂 I loved mine so much.
You’re inspiring me with this information. I kinda had 🐤 on the back burner… Years ago I was shown your exact point by a 3rd grade music student of mine who HAD to have me hold one for a minute. I had baby hamsters at one point but I didn’t ever look into chickens and they seem pretty cool to raise.
@@laurasmith4783 they can be wonderful companions - have you seen the video where the dog and rooster played around the coop and the dog scared the rooster by going the other way? Its so cute when the rooster gets mad and chases the dog again 😂
My God! How can you be so on point? This is what I'm going through
Married to a malignant narc for past 15 years- disassociate is how I spend most of my time. Just checked out seemingly on auto pilot. When he is around the kids and I walk on eggshells trying to be as quiet as possible and kind of hiding together. We are unable to leave the house or talk to friends. If there is any "fun" going on he has to be in the middle of it. If we're having "fun" (aka anything that isn't miserable) without him there is hell to pay. If I bring up any of this all hell breaks loose and the problem is always me. It's no way to live I know that. Working on getting away from him for good but inflation and family court make it next to impossible.
My son and daughter have extremely strong hearing skills. Their father is a Narcissist. I have most of these weird adaptation methods too since i grew up in a Narcissistic family.
When things go wrong I feel like I am going to burst out crying I feel like it can’t get anything right
@Harmony…: So sorry- they WANT you to internalize a feeling of failure & lack ( they project their every internal flaw onto you then loathe you as a surrogate bcs narcs forever refuse to introspect their massive internal flaws & core hollowness. It is NOT you that is the problem- break contact & love yourself again bcs they ( narcs) never will.
Oh, 6:44 mark KITTY!!! So far the "being" quiet & always "listening" I'm doing. I thought I was being courteous towards my annoying roommate/narcissistic husband. Now I'm seeing why I'm so stressed all the time. I can't multitask, have difficulty remembering things, I thought it was because I'm getting older (63 now). And yes I'm always chatting with my old dog & my young cat. Though one of my neighbors has some chickens 🤣
Absolutely spot on, Danish. I've been experiencing exactly the same, especially dissociation, focus and concentration problems, sometimes struggling to find the right word when speaking or writing, also stuttering at times, still coping with CPTSD, OCD and other health issues. Pets are so wonderful and my haven was also gardening. Narcissists are horrible people as they distort the reality making ourselves feel worthless, afraid, frustrated and confused while we're always finding mechanisms to cope with all the mess they create leaving us exhausted and broken in pain deep inside. All we have to do is to keep strong, leave the narcissist, cut off all toxicity, follow the healing path and move on. Thank you so much for helping many people like me to understand and overcome this nightmare 🙏🏻💜
Hell son, I am very introverted. I brought stress to my life trying to fit in. Was not worth it.
Now it’s me and two dogs. The happiest ten years of my life at 64-74. Just encountered covert narcism. So wonderfully easy to go no contact. Amazed at such a disorder. Seeing a mask drop was crazy. An 80 yr old guy to an angry 5 year old. Crazy stuff
I found this channel to help cope with my traumatic breakup with a narcissistic partner. But actually, videos like this help me realize just how profoundly I was affected by my narcissistic father.
My therapist told me the reason why I took as much abuse from my narcissistic ex partner as I did, was because it was so familiar to me as a consequence of having a narcissistic father.
I’m in my mid forties, and it makes me sad that it’s taken me so long to realize just how profoundly I was affected by narcissistic abuse my entire life! I am just now picking up the pieces.
Now I am focused on recovery and healing. I’m praying that I will experience a healthy relationship with someone who isn’t a narcissist and that I will be sufficiently healed by then.
I did all those things, some are still there, even after he left...thank you for showing me that I'm not the only one feeling like this 🙏♥️
I feel same like u
Yes all of rhe above. I. Feel so incredibly vulnerable with headphones that cover the ears.. I can wear the ear bud headphones that you can listen with one ear and they dont completely block the outside sound out. Because you never know what will happen next.
In procesaes of leaving.
B4 my x and I got a dog, I would feel consoled spending time with these indigenous lizards walking around on the windows. I felt like God knew I needed these “helpers” to remind me that kindness exists… And the baby lizards were even cuter!
Wow, I never realized why I open and close doors like a burglar. I've done this my entire life and still do. My parents were always quick to criticize my pets or anything that brought me joy, especially my artwork. I can relate to everything you've said here. I always wished I had eyes in the back of my head.
That's so precious about your chickens. I have more comments, but you struck too many nerves and I just can't...now. Danish, how do explain to stangers/people you want to be friends with about why you are the way you are and want to heal, and what exactly we should say and do after this abuse. I hope this makes sense. I think people think we are just crazy and judge us by our covers ...which can be untrusting, fearful, etc. Etc
I’m always feeling VALIDATED when I see your videos, Doctor Bashir.
OMG that opening/closing door so much resonates! Also I learnt over years to walk without any noise which freaks people out😂 not wanting to leave my room - when my MIL was visiting I was mostly in my room, so so familiar
spot on - so true
As an adult in my forties, I still gravitate towards my bedroom more than my own living room to relax in. My bedroom was somewhere I could escape and feel safe and I haven’t been able to unlearn that hardwired pathway.
I still have issues with making noise and for years everyone would say your paranoid but they didn’t understand how I grew up 😢
Omg yes yes and YES!
You literally nailed it with the last minute of your video. That's been my exact problem for many years and you put it into words for me.
Oh my gosh.. The head phone thing never clicked with me of why I can't stand to wear them.. Yes I seem to have hyper hearing.. I thought it was an autism trait.
Yes on the disassociation. Yes I feel not normal.. I was worried I was a psychopath or something.. Thank you..
Zero focus anymore.
All of them..
My daily quiz :
"What customers did you have today?
What time were you done?
What time did you get home?
What did you do when you got home?
I want to say why don't you just track me?
That literally made me sick to my stomach. .........
You don't live in your real self 😳
😭😭😭😫
Where do I go for help?
I do not trust the system at all anymore . They have only hurt me.
(I have grave physical issues as well )
Around the narc you do the things that you would never do and narc takes it as a proof to hurt you. You can't be a normal person in the presence of a narc.
I relate in all of this...I used to read the bible and remember...but now I hardly remember what I read...I used to close doors quietly not to awaken him...coz if he wakes up no more sleep for me...he'll talk till the morning 😢
Divorced from my narc husband for four years now, and I still find it nearly impossible to just go out for a walk on a beautiful day. I feel too exposed or something. I look at all of the things that need to be done around my house and, I just can’t.
I had no idea these "Ways of being" are a result of abuse. I suffer all of these everyday in every way. I get so frustrated and depressed that it takes so much effort and time to do anything and then not do it or do it badly or give up half way through, which makes it all worse and I start chastising myself and mentally beating myself up for being so shite at everything so easy that everyone else does without even thinking or struggle. I get exhausted so easily.
I'm crying now realising that all of these traits are not my fault and not a stupidity. Thanks Danish, I thought something much worse about myself.
I fright so easily and erupt in screams while shaking and jump high and land in ways that hurt. I go into a weird physical shock pain all over, i feel sick and want to go to sleep. When people realise im easy to fright, it turns into all out war, with them hiding and lurking in wait for me to go past. Oh how they laugh . And i do to hide the internal reaction. Sudden sounds and visuals put me into hypervigilance with a fast heart beat, holding my breath to asses it.
I could sprout personal experiences for everything you have said on this video with ease despite ot being a long list.
Wow Danish!!! This one really hit home for me! I'm still doing most of those things, & in with a narcissistic roommate. I won't have to stay long though.
The only one I have less trouble with is reading, but I was reading at 2nd-year college level as a 7th grader. So I'm still good at it, but cannot concentrate at all if there's any kind of noise.
🤟
Omg I relate to this 100% your the first person that understands a child of a narcissists life I'm subscribing I'm watching all your videos today I'm struggling at the age of 57 I'm learning finally why!!!!😢😮😢
Your explanation of what I have been calling Inertia was so helpful. I became disarmed by. Narcissistic neighbor who I spent time with over a year. Her behavior was so odd that I began typing her actions into search engines to find out why she behaves as she does. Before long I discovered the narcissistic abuse community and my eyes were opened wide and I immediately discarded her going no contact. It’s been six months since I saw her and I am still experiencing inertia. Your explanation totally answered my question and gave advice on how to proceed. Thank you Danish. I watch your videos every day.
Excellent as always Danish 👍👍
Lol the taking the headphones off to listen, the peace with animals and the last one though beyond frustrating did make me laugh at myself spending hours deliberating on whether i should risk leaving my room or not.
I have been through all this.. but thank god I was blessed with wonderful family n friends support.. mainly kids make it easy to cope with all these.. wat u have told is100% true
Wow! Every video you do I see me! I always have only 1 ear bud in wherever I am. I always have to keep the other ear open to what's going on around me. Hypervigilance is a tiring way to live but it's all I know. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us😊
Oh my. I'm in tears. This was me as a child
You're 100% right, Danish, but gone are those days 😅 I now make as much noise as possible.
When his on the phone again, i make as much noise as he does when I'm on the phone.
Yes, I love my animals... they give me unconditional love.
Please give them their own piece of cake.
I m blessed to find your channel Mr Danish ...just one request that pl talk more over solutions if possible..Thanks from bottom.
Sitting on the floor rather than a bench, chair, or couch. You hide under beds, tables or behind high piles of whatever. Day dreaming or telling jokes when you really don't think they're funny. I was the exact opposite of the test things as my tests were used to grade my peers. I had my anger used as a shot of adrenaline so I would clean or do my chores. Bad choices thinking I was needed only to be the slave. I marriage, I was expected to do what was wanted but if I wanted anything it was shamefully shared in public. Now I find I can't stand noises, children fighting or arguing. Sometimes I wonder if I've become the narc, I cringe whenever I have to be the disciplinarian and get even angrier because of it.
Me in a nutshell! 72 and just figuring this out thanks to you and other narcissistic recovery specialists' videos!
This is the first time I saw my experiences explained. Thank you!
I am slightly autistic because of the 63 years of this abuse, went from mom narc to my husband. I have never relaxed.
I will tell u I live in 11floor and one would think if u shut the windows , u won’t hear anything from the road but guess what can be as small as a cycle bell I would hear that . I’m learning to calm my nerves down but yes 😅that’s that
I still prefer Animals over humans ❤😍🤩 the last one definitely me, still to this day.
So good! Thx!
Danish, great video! My Dad never wants to hear the slightest sound be it door, dish, anything, anytime, keep it down. He will slam cabinets, windows, doors, slam pots and pans etc early in the morning to wake everyone up....I've disassociated a couple of times and the last time was a couple of months ago. I want to go back there and not have to come back. It is extremely difficult to concentrate but I find a way to help fight some of this is by learning a lot of new things and keeping my brain busy making new neuropathway connections.
I couldn't stop sobbing! The main problem when you have a narcissist mom is that you can't even detach yourself as she uses even that to make you a villain! You've no rights to put your view or else your insensitive and a bad child. It has come to a point where sometimes i feel no emotions and sometimes become suicidal.
This totally describes me. I am out of the situation now, but still have the effects from it.
I still remove my headphones even though I live alone.
I am still afraid they might come in even though they do not have a key.
So this is why I struggle so much to get things done
Thank you for this video! Definitely me.
I live alone and I never have the TV on; or listen to the radio, the only thing Listen to is RUclips; but I have the sound down because I'm listening for him. I love all animals, I trust them more than humans, and now my sister has met a narcissist, but she doesn't know it yet because I can see him setting the trap. I'm watching her falling in the same trap, I did. I'm a smaller person than I was because I can't read I can't hold a conversation, and I'm so angry with myself that I sometimes hate myself to the point that I want to end it all. I also can't leave the house without permission or having someone tell me that I have to go somewhere!. It's worse now than when I was living with him, and I lived with him for over 30 years, until I was allowed to go for a walk on my own.... I never went back.
Thank you for sharing this information. You give me hope for myself. I clearly have a lot to work on. You know what you’re talking about.
I can relate to everything you have said. Thank you Danish. God bless you ❤
My ex used to get jealous of my giving our dog attention. How pathetic. At one point our dog bit him when he picked him up. Even the dog picked up his jealous energy. I went to the dog ignoring his bite..
It infuriated him. Oh well....❤
One time I walked into a room and he told me to be quiet when I hadn't even spoken a word!
Wow all of this I do....I thought I was weird. Thank you so much for this video 💜
spot on
Heh, growing up with my parents -- I guess I have no trouble with #5 and #6 as I personally developed OCD which kinda puts me in a hyper focused/anti-procrastinate state to "declare order" I suppose.. but I definitely have #3 and the others (5 cats). I can only ever use earbuds with one in, since I can remember. I have always found it weird that I feel absolutely totally uncomfortable putting on headphones. I get this sense of dread if I put them on or both earbuds in. I remember just weeks ago I got a new record and laid down to try to listen to it with my nice headphones I never use.. I took them off about 3-5 times a song to check around.
You are absolutely correct in that - I always take them out to "check" what's going on.. and I do have an increased sense of hearing from what I can tell. I can hear the second water starts boiling from rooms over with music or a movie blasting, and my wife's always confused how I can hear little details like that, or I play guitar and can tell certain pickups apart by ear blindly.
But to hear it's a symptom of being raised in this fashion is rather interesting and spot on.
My husband was very jealous of my cat and one day the cat did something bad and when I told him when he came home, he just stormed, took the cat and left the house. He put the cat behind a place where we used to go eat I had to go and show them a picture that if they ever saw my cat to contact me immediately Six months later I get a call and I got my cat back and the cat had to be the last from fleas and he was mighty angry that I got my pet back! They are jealous of any attention anybody else he was jealous that my kids were in the bed he said too long! He actually said he felt like with each kid he was getting less attention. We have three children. What did he expect the children come first he’s an adult.
My startle reflex is off the charts. I often wear headphones in the house and listen tonpodcasts and audio books so indont have to listen to his negativity and complaining. The headphones bother him immensely, bc its another buffer ive put in place to blunt the verbal abuse
Omggg!!! 😮This is so true!
I remember trying to not cough, I had Whooping Cough and my mother said if I didn’t stop coughing she’d kill me. Pretty sure she meant it. Trying to suppress that degree of coughing was truly horrible.
Yeah absolutely right,or some what except I'm not afraid, only feel like the narcissist have a cheat code or trigger switch inside me keyed to my heart or gas tainted the DNA or nature of my thoughts so much that he/she can activate at will if only just to say to other narcissists yep i got him, made him do it again and tho fully engaged and focused other times I deal with the narcissist on a surface level as a person just doing a job cause really the narcissist means nothing to me so sometimes i can't be bothered to partake in the realms of the fictional universe he/she creates. That however backfires as the narcissist thinks,my normal civility, means I'm fully engaged with them as the Pinocchio on their Jepeto strings, then i feel the need to go out of my way to show the narcissist that while i may have respected or cared when i thought u were a normal , well intentioned person or friend even. I know what u are and what u do is really the anthesis of what i am evening good and morally decent. and my politeness or Christ love of all ppl and positve affirmation and responses of truths spoken by u, often done by u to add credence to lies or misconception u want to spread, should not be interpreted as befriending, falling prey to or brown-nosing, as ur misplaced ego would have them believe. Other times, I'm just living my life and the narcissist approach me and Im so focused on my life or job unconcerned and out of that fictional universe of the narcissist, i don't recognize that im being attacked or engaged, (with the narcissist that's the same, BTW) until after or late during said atrack and have to, remind myself like oh yeah, this is what is going on and this is the character that their playing and suddenly adjust myself, to partake in dialogue and advance the storyline to try to bring closure to that universe of the narcissisti. The biggest hindrance of that goal is that anything said in civility or in my normal polite decency prior to recognizing that I'm dealing with another character of the narcissist is usually viewed by the narcissist as engagement and them, I'm thinking like, Okay!, Damn, here we go again, ( maybe even say or out loud cause that just how i talk, Ok, yeah i say ok alot, it means nothing acknowledgement of anything not affirmation or agreement) more misinterpretations to try and undo, the cycle never ends it seems., "happens everyday," So naturally being peeved and fed up, I decide to not disassociate as u say, but just ignore or don't acknowledge the narcissist hoping that they'll realize. I'm quite contented alone not thinking about them at all. And want nothing to do with them him/her, Another thing is when i recognize or discover other or fellow Victims who are emotionally ot spiritually enslaved by the narcissist and feel a natural solidarity with them, or develop what may be called a trauma bond even, when those ppl or that person "acts out" or do something that hurt me,, out of anger and fear, the narcissist will tell me that person is evil and wicked as if their behavior and actions is not the direct result of years of abuse from the narcissist, which leads me to choose solace just for peace of mind cause I too now see traits of the narcissist in ppl when they intentionally or unintentionally harm or offend me. another thing that happens when u know a group of narcissist is that they communicate with each other using encounters with u as a proxy for flow of information and talking points. Wanting not to be apart of that chain, I choose to not to look at or partake in their discussion. Having realized this they now use issues they think is important to me and likely to get interest so they can engage the enemy
That surprised me.
Well I was born with excellent hearing, inherited from my dad. But as hearing what sounds etc. he would make , I say yes, it was an important part of safety.
For my aging mother and my child also.
And a strange thing, when he
(he was diagnosed with bi-polar, and contracted hep-C before I met him)
would change his attire. When he was what seemed to be regressing he'd wear boots.
Clacking all over the place. And body posture.
And yes I found refuge with my cats.
I still can't say enough to you doctor,
I'm Soo sorry you where so mistreated like this. I can say,, I know what you mean.
It's Soo wonderful that you have used your terrible experience(s) to a positive!!!
Thank you
I became numb emotionally which damaged other relationships
They are wasting their time. I wish them the well.
Procrastination!!!! I pile up work just to avoid her. She's all up in my business
Yes I can relate. My ex-wife would get all agitated when I was in the kitchen doing almost anything, while she was watching tv, would insist that I stop and return to the couch with her. She couldn’t relax or have any piece of mind if I made any kinds of noises.
I relate with that also due to my adhd, but it makes sense
Not anymore! . I will be the best version of myself o will not have them have me down anymore ! .
Very accurate
Yay Danish, chickens! I grew up on a farm and there were chickens. There was a smallish pullet who was somewhat sickly and I sort of “adopted” her, named her Henrietta ( no, I’m not making this up!) She grew up just fine, but would come up to me when the other hens wouldn’t. This is cool, to know you liked chickens, too!
Hi danish.i have a question.i don't know if I'm being paranoid,my narcissistic spouse dropped his mask 2 years ago,I am a cat rescuer for many years,their ages range from 1 year to 14 years.however as soon as his mask dropped and the abuse escalated I've lost around 10 of my rescues.even my plants are dying and have green fingers.well I know I got sick,ptsd,hair loss,ibs,but is there a correlation between narcissistic abuse and pets and plants.sorry I know I sound ridiculous.its a mystery to me or phenomena. Anybody had this experience?
He hasnt hurt them,im certain of that,but the aura surrounding him.
Gosh i sound crazy.
You're not crazy. This is true. They are completely destructive and break down everything about you and that is dear to you. They cannot build, they break.
This episode is excellent Danish 🙂♥️ , I didn't know is has to do with surviving narcissististic abuse but I knew it I have been struggling all my life. My narcissist mom has controlled my life always because she conned my father to fall pregnant with me and I know it's related now Danish 🙂♥️ has highlighted things that I have been surviving because of them. I am worn out , my mind is exhausted , my body is exhausted from fighting for my freedom.