Thank you so much for this! 65 years on the planet and every relationship broken..traumatic life! No one has ever understood including me until your video! 😪
I am so sorry to hear that! I get it! why does everything SUCK!?! seems like nothing works, or very little thats important. Im glad youre still here with us.
Child cptsd ( chronic post traumatic stress disorder which is extreme abuse day in day out for years) victims tend to grow up and seek out - unconsciously - same personality types as their abuser was. Wolves in sheep’s clothing. The wolf knows what he/she is doing but the cptsd victim doesn’t - till it’s to late. It’s all so subconscious (if that’s the word) I’m old now and that’s how my life ran. I stay extremely single now to be safe. So much new information is coming out now and I hope and pray it will save the many who have and will come after me. Great research! Keep up the good work🙏
Yes....a VERY SINGLE life for me also!! If I did "heal" I would have and could develop strong healthy relationships with one or many. But since no great healing......I rather not become the negative in someone elses life!
I agree. The other key component as Van der Kolk and others say is the body! Somatic healing using tools like yoga, Tai Chi, acupuncture, meditation, music, exercise, art, movement, being in nature, etc..!
Yes, trauma is in the body, but releasing that is just the starr of the healing, I think therapy is also a great idea, to release the resentment which goes along with the memory, and gain tools to re program
As a therapist who has worked with trauma survivors for 40 years I certainly agree with the great value of talk therapy in conjunction with an array of body-centered healing options.
Thank you! I realized this too! All my life..65 years...I've been made to feel I never got it right...always messed up. Black sheep...So many broken failed relationships. .too much trauma!
I am having a hard time staying focused enough so I can listen to everything he is saying and I know why. I am dissociating. My mind is trying to protect me from accessing repressed memories.
AWESOME interview to listen to.. .nice to hear someone in the psychological field that DOES understand this "stuff" A childhood (0-6, 6-12, 12-18) of endless HIGH STRESS living (silence to physical,emotional and sexual abuse with bouts of true traumatic events of violence)........leaves a mind, body and spirit to navigate "adulthood" pretty damn challenging!!! His explanation of endless daily state of anger, shame, fear......while trying with all my energy to act and look normal around environments of peoples exhausting .......and noticable
Can bé father too my mother abused me traumatised me I went into another abuser relationship and he brainwashed my kids against me told them I was wrong to do normal things as a mum like get thrn out to school I lost évrrhthing due to child abuse effects from. My mother and x partner it was a horror life
@@reg8297 It's called Parental Alienation or Psychological Splitting where one parent breaks the attachment bond of the child with the other parent. It can cause PTSD in the unfavored parent as well as the child. It is child abuse and is usually, but not always caused by a narcissist personality disorder or borderline personality disordered person.
He should have addressed sooooo much more. Complex pstd, Internal family systems, Aces, etc, etc. He's not showing, talking about, how attachments, in early childhood, where it starts, is crucial, to seek help, bf adulthood Traumas hit.. how it leads to shitty relationship patterns. He is Stating these, but using no words, that are So important. Family members don't get help, I live with mine, with Trauma and I have C~pstd, I get wonderful help, go downstairs and it's craziness. My calm state, is ruined 😒. He should write children's books instead.
@@caronkoss2830 I'm fighting that for 18 years with my children's Father's. The courts suck! Where I live. Not fir mother's. My son's father is a convicted felon on 4, pleaded guilty and has my son. It's sickening. My son hates it. He's Traumatized and I have him doing Trauma Hypnosis, sounds odd, but it works. I do it, as well. I go deep, layer by layer, feel all the emotions all week, but less than "Talk therapy ", where you loop and are re experiencing it every week. 30 years of it. Awful. My son and daughter will say it's Definitely child abuse. I've talked to them in depth about me, very hard, tried to love and give them what I didn't get,etc and they're with 2 criminals. I didn't know, at the time I was with both. I just, after my Son is off to college, got served, again, by his brother in law 🤔, bc I am a nurse, but I can't work, dt my Trauma. Now I feel like it's all happening to me again in a day. Tons of anger and just sick. Narcissistic, sociopaths, doesn't matter. They're scum.
I appreciate that the doctor acknowledged the fact that a spiritual and/or existential traumatic experience goes "way beyond psychology"... I pray one day we can have practical tools to help us heal in that area 🙏
@@christofthedead that's a good question. I see spirtual traumas manifest in forms like purpose & hope, and lack thereof, in ones life. For instance - the rat experiment where they were placed into containers of water, with steep sides so the rat cannot get out. Rats gave up and drowned after 15 minutes of treading.... but if the rat was picked up after 10 minutes, and comforted, then placed back into the water, the rat would last 16-20 HOURS before giving up again... This tells me HOPE is critical in overcoming challenges. It says inner knowing that everything will be ok (ones positive perception of his/her future) dramatically increases ones resilience. This can be perceived as a practical spiritual application for people, but may not have to be. We have alot more to learn about this spiritual "circuit" in humans. 💖
Other resources that may help are: John Bradshaw Gabor Maté Stephen Porges Peter Levine Pete Walker Bessel van der Kolk Sukie Baxter If you're on a spiritual path: Tara Brach Kim Eng Thomas Hübl
Notes and comments; Good basic level intro. PTSD: Oscillation between intrusive and avoidant From other sources CPTSD is PTSD with a few additional symptoms. If this were spot on then either I don't have either. Or it's not as simple: I do not have debilitating intrusions. I have somatic and emotional flashbacks, neither very serious. Big distractions at times. In terms of avoidance I'm less sure. Either I don't do this much, or I am very very very good at it. I have clues as to what happened, but the case they make is very much a house of cards. I have a pile of the marker symptoms of trauma. The low self-esteem, self loathing, body dysmorphia, constent self deprecation, depression, shame (I am broken) self harm tendencies, suicidal ideation (not currently) That said, the more I learn about the official boxes, the less I believe most of us fit in them. Vid doesn't mention hypo-arrousal. In general I tend to desensitive to stress The cost of this is blunted emotion, over intellectualization. Faith: I have none. PTSD: Stab to the heart. CPTSD: Death of a thousand cuts. On painful emotions: I need to clarify something here. I do not experience bad emotions as pain. Once on a canoe trip I dropped a piece of bannock dough onto the griddle. Three edges landed, and squirted a tablespoon of smoking hot lard onto the back of my hand. I teleported into the lake. For the remainder of the trip, I had to steer with that hand at the top end of hte paddle, as it would throb if I brought it down low. Emotions can be unpleasant. But not painful. That other people don't buy this view suggests that I have done some serious rearranging of my mental furniture. I like the spectrum idea. 8:51 Aside from the CSA, which is buried, I don't have memories of "afraid, terrified, overwhelmed, helpless out of control" I do remember "alone, neglected, invisible" I told Misty the other day, that I don't think I wanted love, so much as acceptance., and to be seen. One of the self images of self harm is to cut/abrade in patterns, to become a vessel that has been shattered and badly glued back together. That my parents were intermittently present, caused me to become very self reliant. Distrust: Very much so. I don't think I trust anyone without reservation across all domains right now. There are many domains where I trust because I don't care, or the consequences aren't important enough to get more than mildlly bothered. I'm not sure this is a win. I don't trust even me. Depend emotionally on other people. Not sure I understand this. . What does emotional dependence mean? Googling this gives me a very different feel than this talk. Healing: Minimize stress, and mindfullness. Check. Secure attachment relationships. Right. Let me go down to the pharmacy and pick up a jar. Bowlby is full of crap. Regarding "mind quote" this is why I really like the notion of Parts (See Fisher..) I don't have to be alone in there. In addition to the J word. Avoid "should"
Very helpful interview, encompasses all of the challenges of attachment trauma. It can be overwhelming trying to move forward and to heal. I agree with the self-care recommendations and what other writers encourage - meditation, yoga, mindfulness; whatever calms and eases stress.
This also happening to me until when a friend of mine told me about one genuine hacker on Instagram dullextech he help me to check all what my cheating husband is doing about years now
Trauma. Residual or vestiges of traumatic event. Lack of trust. Depending on the extreme of the events, extremely intense ability to trust. Lack of desire to ever consider trust could be possible. Dislike of certain types of men if it was a woman harmed by a male or vice versa. Anything at all that reminds of a past experience causes emotional triggering. If the person suffered spousal infidelity the effects are very integrated physically. Yes. Cynical, distrust, butter, yes this is exactly it. And spiritually absolutely, yes this becomes repeated throughout life. Extremely traumatic spousal relations contribute to long term grief...yes. The loss of a protector in the large family for a woman is totally shattering. The emotions due to all these events are brought forward. Totally on point. There is never love, never consoling, and yes you lose your sense of self worth. It's a chronic destructive experience to be repeatedly traumatized. Only while in a religious context was a marriage possible, and that was a covert narcissist who likewise did more harm...this is an excellent validation of what I experienced. I study psychology at 67. Thank you.
Thank you for saying that PTSD goes beyond psychiatric disorders. That's far too narrow a context. PTSD affects every system and process in the entire person, from the metabolic to hormonal, endocrine, immune...and yes, it affects the existential as well. Excess stress is a bodily experience from the brain on down...and for an adult to attack a child for natural attachment impulses is the worst kind of trauma. As Dr. Allen alludes, the main source of an embodied sense of security and safety is in early-life attachments being sanctuary for the most vulnerable.
He didn’t say so. He said ptsd is narrow compared to attachment trauma. Ptsd is one trauma usually. Complex trauma is in earlier developments and repeated
52 & never settled down long term, met some lovely girls too but run a mile at the thought of settling down so meet girls that don't want to settle down either & it never works out.. Damn.
I really could relate to the "invisibility' of traumatic experiences. My father was dominating, distant and angry and literally no other person in the family could confront him. He was alway right! As a child I vividly imagined someone from outside will come and challenge my father in his way of treating me as a child. Nobody came and no body challenged. In the hindsight, I doubt any one in that time and social settings understood its long term impact. Even if they did, outsiders hesitate to interfere in family matters. It would have been nice if we had someone within the family who could standup to my father and tell him he wasn't right.
I'm sorry for your experiences. The sad part about the idea that the long-term impacts were unknown, is that it's intuitively obvious. So much for "civilized society". I too wish someone would've stepped in, and the non-protective parent in my family didn't, and as I've come to understand more of what's happened to me, it is devastating to realize that protection wasn't provided. Perhaps," I'm still hoping someone will come along to "save me". Sadly, I know this cannot be the case. I wish you the best, and remember, you were mistreated, and that's not your fault.
Yep lived the same. We had no voice. They don’t realize the damage they cause for life. If your parent was narcissistic though they would have gone into rage or gaslighting. I know for me, nobody stepping in would have changed who he was
I'm very pleased I watched this video. The final words are somehow enigmatic and scary about the capacity of psychotherapy to aliviete trauma "beyong psychotherapy"....Shall I give into meditation, religion? :) Yep, I'm scared.
I watched this in the morning, and it has shaped my entire day, including in group therapy this evening. You have no idea how encouraging this information is. Thank you.
Dr. Allen you explain the feelings and circumstances I have gone through so accurately! how can I con'tact you at your office? I would like to try to get therapy with you.
Thanks for your comment. We're sorry to report that Dr. Allen left Menninger last year. As far as we know, he's only involved in research, not clinical practice. If you're in the Houston area, any of our outpatient providers would be happy to meet with you. Just call 713-275-5178, and schedule an appointment.
Existential-Spiritual Impact list, resembles what I see has happened to a lot of ordinary citizens in America in the last few years (2024). I have been wondering how these attitudes developed, now I see it is trauma that people are experiencing under a government style very foreign to what the standard expectations. Feeling invisible/disregarded is an interesting point. Many peaceful people are so disappointed in the current government system they are darn near suicidal and expressed by hoping greatly for The Rapture as they will not exit voluntarily. It is a very very sad situation, and more understandable having watched this video.
some of this is quite valid but psychotherapy for trauma is not ideal, in can in fact hurt by having the person relive and therefore be retraumatized by the events(s), polyvagal therapy, treating the physical injury of trauma to the nervous system is the new gold standard but is relatively new, becoming better known about in or around 2017
Interesting that Humiliation is included in the opening list. I wonder if being falsely accused of lying falls under the category of Humiliation. I wonder if being falsely accused of doing something bad/taboo falls under Humiliation.
Very eye-opening video. Question…I’m an adult adoptee…I was adopted at 10 days old…my parents already had a biological child then had another biological child 11 months after my adoption. Can each of us children have had different experiences w our parents? Our mother was a very angry parent and often a rager. But then perfectly lovely. My marriage ended but my siblings are still married. Did I have a double trauma by being adopted AND having a physically and verbally avid ice adoptive mother?
Yes think is correct about whether it is more than psychology therapy can handle.....and then it becomes a form of apologetics for human beings and their perverse ways!
17.05 good point. Overall needs to b a positive focus and a clearer link and relevance between the past and present. I think one needs 2 b a lil guarded about entering into, giving oneself completely up to and being completely absorbed in therapyville. Not all therapies/therapists are good. Nor is seeing oneself merely as a NQR box of goods. Traditional therapy settings and business protocols and procedures can b counter productive and alienating. Point being therapy does not necessarily always equate 2 a good experience.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the most effective therapy for PTSD. Particularly if the trauma was rooted in childhood, lasted or recurred often and began very young, the child has not developed the brain connections to even attempt cognitive awareness without traumatic interference undermining it. The "guardian" amygdala and hypervigilance will trump that effort and send the adult trying to get help into a dissociated or emergency state. Flashbacks then run amok as the memory fragments fight to be processed, but cannot find the links...because they never developed in childhood. That is why self care followed by CBT sets the brainwork stage so we'll. The CBT eventually paves new neural pathways for executive functioning that is no longer subterfuged by old and dysfunctional systems like hypervigilance in mild problems, and avoidance of good risks. But this takes 18 months and persistence to become automatic. Between onset of PTSD symptoms and the new automaticity of developed thinking, there us a world if pain and horror to Wade through, see through adult context, connect to feelings, and consolidate for release to long term memory. This happens in spirals of memory. At least this was my journey to recovery. It works! Just know it's a hard road, but better than staying broken.
Not necessarily true Victoria. CBT is very "top-down" - working with the neo-cortex rather than the limbic system. There is incredible work being done with such therapies as EMDR which focus on right brain and limbic system as well as somatic memories. When they works (and they dont always) it is very fast - sometimes in as little as three or four sessions.
Jim Needham Agreed. Body-bassed therapies, such as Somatic Experiencing, lay a foundation of groundedness and safety for the limbic/relational brain to feel safe enough to trust...and for the neocortex to shift thoughts away from the catastrophic to the calm. Top-down therapies don't address the autonomic reactivity that is present with people who have been traumatized -- the need for a basic sense of relative safety, and the need to regulate the metabolic processes (breathing, sleep cycles, heart rate, etc.) enough that a person can begin to soften the terror.
People who were traumatized when they were young. Have to go and get help in the present , a psychiatrist etc. If they have faith in God, that is even better.
So what Bowlby describes sounds nice but consider the benefits of a Peer, a same sex person who has been through similar experiences. It's very difficult to provide. And the expense of therapy is too extreme for people living on low income. So Churches might provide community assistance however the religions are quite dysfunctional in my opinion. Many being headed by narcissistics. Lol. Thanks. My second time listening. Like a breath of fresh air in a stagnant world.
And if you have no "family" or supportive environment? ... animals work wonders, but strictly no anthropomorphization if you know what that means. People often "use" their pets and unwittingly project all their problems onto those poor beings, like little emotional slaves to their "owner".. That's more horrific to me than the traumas the human is trying to deal with... no pets please, only friends 💖
What if your trauma has left you disfigured, or you really do not have any options when it comes to "finding community".. where is my tribe? Humans aren't it. I love dogs 10000% more than humans 💖
I finally found one that had a sliding scale and got in for $25/appointment. Then they worked to be covered by my insurance and now I pay nothing. The best therapists really do try to help.
![Dimension 20: Never Stop Blowing Up Trailer [Dropout Exclusive Series]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xYeXpbHnGEM/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you so much for this! 65 years on the planet and every relationship broken..traumatic life! No one has ever understood including me until your video! 😪
You are not alone 🤗😔We are a lot of broken people on this planet... 💔 But us watching videos like this, is a beginning for healing ❤
@@thegirl555 thank you for being so kind! Yes, simply knowing is a healing beginning. Healing is a journey of the ❤.
I am so sorry to hear that! I get it! why does everything SUCK!?! seems like nothing works, or very little thats important. Im glad youre still here with us.
@@mattlehnardt783 thank you!
Believe me, I empathize. We need to learn to love ourselves and start healing. It's never too late. Sending out much love to you 🤗
Child cptsd ( chronic post traumatic stress disorder which is extreme abuse day in day out for years) victims tend to grow up and seek out - unconsciously - same personality types as their abuser was. Wolves in sheep’s clothing. The wolf knows what he/she is doing but the cptsd victim doesn’t - till it’s to late. It’s all so subconscious (if that’s the word)
I’m old now and that’s how my life ran. I stay extremely single now to be safe.
So much new information is coming out now and I hope and pray it will save the many who have and will come after me. Great research! Keep up the good work🙏
Yes....a VERY SINGLE life for me also!! If I did "heal" I would have and could develop strong healthy relationships with one or many.
But since no great healing......I rather not become the negative in someone elses life!
I really enjoy listening and learning from this man. The lady did a good job asking questions and listening as well. Calm and informative video!
Help from your own family will not help if they are the one who traumatized you, which is mostly the case with attachment Trauma.
💥
Brilliant!
Amen
Yup, family is useless and even a trigger for the vicious cycle. Complex situation.
I agree. The other key component as Van der Kolk and others say is the body! Somatic healing using tools like yoga, Tai Chi, acupuncture, meditation, music, exercise, art, movement, being in nature, etc..!
Yes! Those are great practices
Yes, trauma is in the body, but releasing that is just the starr of the healing, I think therapy is also a great idea, to release the resentment which goes along with the memory, and gain tools to re program
As a therapist who has worked with trauma survivors for 40 years I certainly agree with the great value of talk therapy in conjunction with an array of body-centered healing options.
This is such an informative discussion about how we can get wired for a lifetime of being perpetually triggered for recreating chaos.
My greatest losses and pain in life was never been loved valued respected which led to no loving healthy relationships
This makes sense to me for the first time in 70 years. Thank you.
Wow, this was indeed spot on. I realized by hearing Jon Allen talk about and explain when struggling with Attachment Disorder, that I am not crazy.
Me too. My parents would say I was just imagining things.
Thank you! I realized this too! All my life..65 years...I've been made to feel I never got it right...always messed up. Black sheep...So many broken failed relationships. .too much trauma!
On the contrary, your symptoms are a logic and lifesaving response.
I've always recognized the violence of people's using the word, "just." It was good to hear him recognize and call this out.
I am having a hard time staying focused enough so I can listen to everything he is saying and I know why. I am dissociating. My mind is trying to protect me from accessing repressed memories.
AWESOME interview to listen to..
.nice to hear someone in the psychological field that DOES understand this "stuff"
A childhood (0-6, 6-12, 12-18) of endless HIGH STRESS living (silence to physical,emotional and sexual abuse with bouts of true traumatic events of violence)........leaves a mind, body and spirit to navigate "adulthood" pretty damn challenging!!!
His explanation of endless daily state of anger, shame, fear......while trying with all my energy to act and look normal around environments of peoples exhausting .......and noticable
Very informative and helped me understand what was going on with my ex and I in our relationship. Its so important to teach this to people to heal.
He should have acknowledged that attachment trauma usually originates from the family members, particularly the mother.
Can bé father too my mother abused me traumatised me I went into another abuser relationship and he brainwashed my kids against me told them I was wrong to do normal things as a mum like get thrn out to school I lost évrrhthing due to child abuse effects from. My mother and x partner it was a horror life
@@reg8297 It's called Parental Alienation or Psychological Splitting where one parent breaks the attachment bond of the child with the other parent. It can cause PTSD in the unfavored parent as well as the child. It is child abuse and is usually, but not always caused by a narcissist personality disorder or borderline personality disordered person.
a lot of these “professionals” are years behind cutting edge knowledge
He should have addressed sooooo much more. Complex pstd, Internal family systems, Aces, etc, etc. He's not showing, talking about, how attachments, in early childhood, where it starts, is crucial, to seek help, bf adulthood Traumas hit.. how it leads to shitty relationship patterns. He is Stating these, but using no words, that are So important. Family members don't get help, I live with mine, with Trauma and I have C~pstd, I get wonderful help, go downstairs and it's craziness. My calm state, is ruined 😒. He should write children's books instead.
@@caronkoss2830 I'm fighting that for 18 years with my children's Father's. The courts suck! Where I live. Not fir mother's. My son's father is a convicted felon on 4, pleaded guilty and has my son. It's sickening. My son hates it. He's Traumatized and I have him doing Trauma Hypnosis, sounds odd, but it works. I do it, as well. I go deep, layer by layer, feel all the emotions all week, but less than "Talk therapy ", where you loop and are re experiencing it every week. 30 years of it. Awful. My son and daughter will say it's Definitely child abuse. I've talked to them in depth about me, very hard, tried to love and give them what I didn't get,etc and they're with 2 criminals. I didn't know, at the time I was with both. I just, after my Son is off to college, got served, again, by his brother in law 🤔, bc I am a nurse, but I can't work, dt my Trauma. Now I feel like it's all happening to me again in a day. Tons of anger and just sick. Narcissistic, sociopaths, doesn't matter. They're scum.
I really like how you explain sensitization to stress.
Best lecture on trauma I would say
Thank you for giving me the feeling of being understood
5.44 and 17.30 Existential-spiritual aspect. Cool.
And, on a separate note - this man makes me want to cuddle a teddy bear, his face is so kind.
Amen.
Hahaha! love this
Thank you indeed. The universe is amazing. Greatly appreciated
I appreciate that the doctor acknowledged the fact that a spiritual and/or existential traumatic experience goes "way beyond psychology"... I pray one day we can have practical tools to help us heal in that area 🙏
what would qualify as a spiritual traumatic experience? stuff involving ghosts?
@@christofthedead that's a good question. I see spirtual traumas manifest in forms like purpose & hope, and lack thereof, in ones life.
For instance - the rat experiment where they were placed into containers of water, with steep sides so the rat cannot get out. Rats gave up and drowned after 15 minutes of treading.... but if the rat was picked up after 10 minutes, and comforted, then placed back into the water, the rat would last 16-20 HOURS before giving up again...
This tells me HOPE is critical in overcoming challenges. It says inner knowing that everything will be ok (ones positive perception of his/her future) dramatically increases ones resilience. This can be perceived as a practical spiritual application for people, but may not have to be. We have alot more to learn about this spiritual "circuit" in humans. 💖
@@ThaTurdBurglar well said
What a delightful insightful man. Thank you for acknowledging the spiritual side of life. God bless!
he is spot on
excellent, spot on, from someone who has experianced continuous attatchement trauma fom birth
Yes, right on!! Thank you very much.
The slides are very helpful in identifying patterns. The observed behavior is very relatable.
Very Clear, very didactic and intelligent. bravo and thank you very much!
Thank you very much for uploading
and all the best to you!!
Thank you, THANK YOU...I understand more of why I do what I do because of what I haven't resolved.
Thank you very much for this excellent and informative interview!
Thank you so much ❤️I’m so grateful for this video. So much truth and wisdom.
Fantastic interview, very insightful and helpful. Thank you.
Definitely well said. Therapy in terms of providing a secure base to express yourself is a beautiful thing.
Other resources that may help are:
John Bradshaw
Gabor Maté
Stephen Porges
Peter Levine
Pete Walker
Bessel van der Kolk
Sukie Baxter
If you're on a spiritual path:
Tara Brach
Kim Eng
Thomas Hübl
John Bradshaw is a whacko charlatan idiot.
Great discussion. Thank you.
I would be interested in seeing him expand upon the topic of "making sense of the senseless".
Notes and comments;
Good basic level intro.
PTSD: Oscillation between intrusive and avoidant
From other sources CPTSD is PTSD with a few additional symptoms.
If this were spot on then either I don't have either.
Or it's not as simple:
I do not have debilitating intrusions. I have somatic and emotional flashbacks, neither very serious. Big distractions at times.
In terms of avoidance I'm less sure. Either I don't do this much, or I am very very very good at it. I have clues as to what happened, but the case they make is very much a house of cards.
I have a pile of the marker symptoms of trauma. The low self-esteem, self loathing, body dysmorphia, constent self deprecation, depression, shame (I am broken) self harm tendencies, suicidal ideation (not currently)
That said, the more I learn about the official boxes, the less I believe most of us fit in them.
Vid doesn't mention hypo-arrousal.
In general I tend to desensitive to stress The cost of this is blunted emotion, over intellectualization.
Faith: I have none.
PTSD: Stab to the heart.
CPTSD: Death of a thousand cuts.
On painful emotions: I need to clarify something here. I do not experience bad emotions as pain. Once on a canoe trip I dropped a piece of bannock dough onto the griddle. Three edges landed, and squirted a tablespoon of smoking hot lard onto the back of my hand. I teleported into the lake. For the remainder of the trip, I had to steer with that hand at the top end of hte paddle, as it would throb if I brought it down low.
Emotions can be unpleasant. But not painful.
That other people don't buy this view suggests that I have done some serious rearranging of my mental furniture.
I like the spectrum idea.
8:51 Aside from the CSA, which is buried, I don't have memories of "afraid, terrified, overwhelmed, helpless out of control" I do remember "alone, neglected, invisible" I told Misty the other day, that I don't think I wanted love, so much as acceptance., and to be seen.
One of the self images of self harm is to cut/abrade in patterns, to become a vessel that has been shattered and badly glued back together.
That my parents were intermittently present, caused me to become very self reliant.
Distrust: Very much so. I don't think I trust anyone without reservation across all domains right now. There are many domains where I trust because I don't care, or the consequences aren't important enough to get more than mildlly bothered. I'm not sure this is a win.
I don't trust even me.
Depend emotionally on other people. Not sure I understand this. . What does emotional dependence mean? Googling this gives me a very different feel than this talk.
Healing:
Minimize stress, and mindfullness. Check.
Secure attachment relationships. Right. Let me go down to the pharmacy and pick up a jar.
Bowlby is full of crap.
Regarding "mind quote" this is why I really like the notion of Parts (See Fisher..) I don't have to be alone in there.
In addition to the J word. Avoid "should"
Amazing insights, thankyou for sharing.
Thank you so much for this video. I just sent it to my husband to help him understand a little what I’m going through. Excellent discussion.
Thank you. Currently reading Coping with trauma and it’s proving to be a great read. Thank you.
Very helpful interview, encompasses all of the challenges of attachment trauma. It can be overwhelming trying to move forward and to heal. I agree with the self-care recommendations and what other writers encourage - meditation, yoga, mindfulness; whatever calms and eases stress.
Very good calm and informative video. Thank you.! 🙏
Wonderful, important information.
This was a brilliant watch.
Thank u sharing, this is a great description on the tramatized mind!
This also happening to me until when a friend of mine told me about one genuine hacker on Instagram dullextech he help me to check all what my cheating husband is doing about years now
He explained PTSD so well, both from an objective and subjective point of view.
This guy knows what he is talking about.
@@jmdeking Yes, he definitely gets it.
Wonderful Conversation ❤️❤️❤️
Trauma. Residual or vestiges of traumatic event. Lack of trust. Depending on the extreme of the events, extremely intense ability to trust. Lack of desire to ever consider trust could be possible. Dislike of certain types of men if it was a woman harmed by a male or vice versa. Anything at all that reminds of a past experience causes emotional triggering. If the person suffered spousal infidelity the effects are very integrated physically. Yes. Cynical, distrust, butter, yes this is exactly it. And spiritually absolutely, yes this becomes repeated throughout life. Extremely traumatic spousal relations contribute to long term grief...yes. The loss of a protector in the large family for a woman is totally shattering. The emotions due to all these events are brought forward. Totally on point. There is never love, never consoling, and yes you lose your sense of self worth. It's a chronic destructive experience to be repeatedly traumatized. Only while in a religious context was a marriage possible, and that was a covert narcissist who likewise did more harm...this is an excellent validation of what I experienced. I study psychology at 67. Thank you.
Thank you for saying that PTSD goes beyond psychiatric disorders. That's far too narrow a context. PTSD affects every system and process in the entire person, from the metabolic to hormonal, endocrine, immune...and yes, it affects the existential as well. Excess stress is a bodily experience from the brain on down...and for an adult to attack a child for natural attachment impulses is the worst kind of trauma. As Dr. Allen alludes, the main source of an embodied sense of security and safety is in early-life attachments being sanctuary for the most vulnerable.
Affects the 'wiring' yet can get beyond it
He didn’t say so. He said ptsd is narrow compared to attachment trauma. Ptsd is one trauma usually. Complex trauma is in earlier developments and repeated
My going beyond psychotherapy was allowing God to heal me. He s my true father. I m a child of God
@@stefaniakonstantinidou981 he is mine too.. All praises to the most high.. He there for me for I've no one else that could help me
Thank you so much
This is my life!
52 & never settled down long term, met some lovely girls too but run a mile at the thought of settling down so meet girls that don't want to settle down either & it never works out.. Damn.
There are always answers, hope you’re keeping up the efforts👍
Thank you for info.
I really could relate to the "invisibility' of traumatic experiences. My father was dominating, distant and angry and literally no other person in the family could confront him. He was alway right! As a child I vividly imagined someone from outside will come and challenge my father in his way of treating me as a child. Nobody came and no body challenged. In the hindsight, I doubt any one in that time and social settings understood its long term impact. Even if they did, outsiders hesitate to interfere in family matters. It would have been nice if we had someone within the family who could standup to my father and tell him he wasn't right.
I'm sorry for your experiences. The sad part about the idea that the long-term impacts were unknown, is that it's intuitively obvious. So much for "civilized society". I too wish someone would've stepped in, and the non-protective parent in my family didn't, and as I've come to understand more of what's happened to me, it is devastating to realize that protection wasn't provided. Perhaps," I'm still hoping someone will come along to "save me". Sadly, I know this cannot be the case. I wish you the best, and remember, you were mistreated, and that's not your fault.
Yep lived the same. We had no voice. They don’t realize the damage they cause for life. If your parent was narcissistic though they would have gone into rage or gaslighting. I know for me, nobody stepping in would have changed who he was
@@Eg-jd9zt She raged and he's passive-aggressive. Sorry for you as well. Truly.
@@Eric-tj3tg nothing we can do but try to mend the pieces of our past so it doesn’t affect our future. Sending you hugs
@@Eg-jd9zt Hugs your way also. Thank you.
Thank you 🙏
very very helpful , thanks
Thank you!
You're welcome!
I'm very pleased I watched this video. The final words are somehow enigmatic and scary about the capacity of psychotherapy to aliviete trauma "beyong psychotherapy"....Shall I give into meditation, religion? :) Yep, I'm scared.
Bravo!!!
I watched this in the morning, and it has shaped my entire day, including in group therapy this evening. You have no idea how encouraging this information is. Thank you.
Dr. Allen you explain the feelings and circumstances I have gone through so accurately! how can I con'tact you at your office? I would like to try to get therapy with you.
Thanks for your comment. We're sorry to report that Dr. Allen left Menninger last year. As far as we know, he's only involved in research, not clinical practice. If you're in the Houston area, any of our outpatient providers would be happy to meet with you. Just call 713-275-5178, and schedule an appointment.
Existential-Spiritual Impact list, resembles what I see has happened to a lot of ordinary citizens in America in the last few years (2024). I have been wondering how these attitudes developed, now I see it is trauma that people are experiencing under a government style very foreign to what the standard expectations.
Feeling invisible/disregarded is an interesting point.
Many peaceful people are so disappointed in the current government system they are darn near suicidal and expressed by hoping greatly for The Rapture as they will not exit voluntarily. It is a very very sad situation, and more understandable having watched this video.
Thanks
Wow 90 10.. good way to put it.
I like how he ended his talk the last sentence .
thanks
Invisable Describes it well
some of this is quite valid but psychotherapy for trauma is not ideal, in can in fact hurt by having the person relive and therefore be retraumatized by the events(s), polyvagal therapy, treating the physical injury of trauma to the nervous system is the new gold standard but is relatively new, becoming better known about in or around 2017
Good Points after 17 minutes.
ugh. i didnt get any help from ptsd until i started doing EFT! 12+ years of therapy did not help.
What is EFT?
Interesting that Humiliation is included in the opening list.
I wonder if being falsely accused of lying falls under the category of Humiliation.
I wonder if being falsely accused of doing something bad/taboo falls under Humiliation.
Yes, there's more to it. There's more to it.
My world now makes more sense. Thank you
Your speaking of me.
Very eye-opening video. Question…I’m an adult adoptee…I was adopted at 10 days old…my parents already had a biological child then had another biological child 11 months after my adoption. Can each of us children have had different experiences w our parents? Our mother was a very angry parent and often a rager. But then perfectly lovely. My marriage ended but my siblings are still married. Did I have a double trauma by being adopted AND having a physically and verbally avid ice adoptive mother?
What of people who have no family or partner?
HOW to cultivate secure attachment?
Yes think is correct about whether it is more than psychology therapy can handle.....and then it becomes a form of apologetics for human beings and their perverse ways!
17.05 good point. Overall needs to b a positive focus and a clearer link and relevance between the past and present. I think one needs 2 b a lil guarded about entering into, giving oneself completely up to and being completely absorbed in therapyville. Not all therapies/therapists are good. Nor is seeing oneself merely as a NQR box of goods. Traditional therapy settings and business protocols and procedures can b counter productive and alienating. Point being therapy does not necessarily always equate 2 a good experience.
How do we get better?
Support and education. Have you read Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" yet? If not, I highly recommend starting there.
So you're saying if I had the money I could get bettee?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the most effective therapy for PTSD. Particularly if the trauma was rooted in childhood, lasted or recurred often and began very young, the child has not developed the brain connections to even attempt cognitive awareness without traumatic interference undermining it. The "guardian" amygdala and hypervigilance will trump that effort and send the adult trying to get help into a dissociated or emergency state. Flashbacks then run amok as the memory fragments fight to be processed, but cannot find the links...because they never developed in childhood. That is why self care followed by CBT sets the brainwork stage so we'll. The CBT eventually paves new neural pathways for executive functioning that is no longer subterfuged by old and dysfunctional systems like hypervigilance in mild problems, and avoidance of good risks. But this takes 18 months and persistence to become automatic. Between onset of PTSD symptoms and the new automaticity of developed thinking, there us a world if pain and horror to Wade through, see through adult context, connect to feelings, and consolidate for release to long term memory. This happens in spirals of memory. At least this was my journey to recovery. It works! Just know it's a hard road, but better than staying broken.
Not necessarily true Victoria. CBT is very "top-down" - working with the neo-cortex rather than the limbic system. There is incredible work being done with such therapies as EMDR which focus on right brain and limbic system as well as somatic memories. When they works (and they dont always) it is very fast - sometimes in as little as three or four sessions.
Jim Needham Agreed. Body-bassed therapies, such as Somatic Experiencing, lay a foundation of groundedness and safety for the limbic/relational brain to feel safe enough to trust...and for the neocortex to shift thoughts away from the catastrophic to the calm. Top-down therapies don't address the autonomic reactivity that is present with people who have been traumatized -- the need for a basic sense of relative safety, and the need to regulate the metabolic processes (breathing, sleep cycles, heart rate, etc.) enough that a person can begin to soften the terror.
Not really
Cbt is probably least effective
Thank you for sharing.
To Doctor: pray for me
People who were traumatized when they were young. Have to go and get help in the present , a psychiatrist etc. If they have faith in God, that is even better.
What about CBT?
Little t traumas can add up.
What type of therapy helps with attachment trauma
Wish i knew.
Inter-personal Neurobiology or IPNB. Look it up, it truly is life changing.
Psychotherapy or Cognitive Behavior Therapy (I believe).
A combination of Internal Family Systems, EMDR and sensorymotor therapy
Somatic Experiencing
👍
So what Bowlby describes sounds nice but consider the benefits of a Peer, a same sex person who has been through similar experiences. It's very difficult to provide. And the expense of therapy is too extreme for people living on low income. So Churches might provide community assistance however the religions are quite dysfunctional in my opinion. Many being headed by narcissistics. Lol. Thanks. My second time listening. Like a breath of fresh air in a stagnant world.
Whew
Residual emotional effects, the vestiges of maltreatment...
When I get 9n a school bus it trickers the members of the bad bus aid
I was a clever kid. 🏆
So why doesn't he talk about psychedelics? He's an expert isn't he?
And if you have no "family" or supportive environment? ... animals work wonders, but strictly no anthropomorphization if you know what that means. People often "use" their pets and unwittingly project all their problems onto those poor beings, like little emotional slaves to their "owner".. That's more horrific to me than the traumas the human is trying to deal with... no pets please, only friends 💖
The interviewer looks ridged
What if your trauma has left you disfigured, or you really do not have any options when it comes to "finding community".. where is my tribe? Humans aren't it. I love dogs 10000% more than humans 💖
"Het was allemaal zo erg niet"
I think mine came from pregnancy
Same
I would confront the person who caused you trauma by expressing your anger or rage, so the negative can dissolve from you mind and body.
Ha ha Family?
Why are good therapists so goddamned expensive? Dudes, if you wanted to get rich, you should have been lawyers, not therapists.
I finally found one that had a sliding scale and got in for $25/appointment. Then they worked to be covered by my insurance and now I pay nothing. The best therapists really do try to help.
Good medical care? Not in the USA. You can tell he’s not Working Class.🙄