Living in Denial, lack of self love, lack of self worth, no self esteem, anxiety ,depression, victim mentality. Narcissists don't change, listen to what he is showing you becuase this is truly him. Start working on yourself and leave the trash in the trash and go no contact.
I’m so happy I’m seeing this at a young age before I end up like this . I’ve been doing so good with the no contact and building myself back up thanks 🙏🏾
Lot's of Victim Shaming in the comments. She has a lot of healing to do. She is so caught in the Trauma Bond and can't get out! It's an addiction and it is really hard to leave them. I hope she makes the decision to love herself and heal so she can finally break the bond. :-(
Some of the comments r so harsh, her only mistake that she loved him more than loving herself...but that doesn't make her a bad person. She was blind in love. Wish her the best of luck to her future without him🤞🏼
@@mariem3429 I love my boys more than anything and I’m definitely not loose! Not dropping anything for every guy either. However, thanks for commenting.
I feel for this girl.. I understand how she feels. She knows what needs to happen.. but her heart is so trapped by the emotions she has for this guy.. I wish her the best
He seems really manipulative and doesn’t seem to be happy no matter what decision he makes staying or leaving. You don’t need that unstable wishy washy lack of integrity boy in your life. You’re beautiful and you don’t have time for that!!! Girl come on!!!
Oh honey he knows what he wants He knows that he can have his cake and eat it too That’s what SHE has a hard time defining ,she is confusing his manipulation with potential and change
When are we going to tell people to “Fix yourself!” Instead of telling them to “Let him go!” ? When we cannot let someone go no matter what they do to us and hurt us? We need to start focus on ourselves and figure out why the hell we are doing these to ourselves. We clearly don’t love ourselves enough. Figure how to fix and love yourself is the goal 🥅 here! Once you figure yourself out why you keep abusing yourself and putting yourself in these tumultuous relationships and situationships? And you finally put yourself back together? You won’t even care about those people in the past. When you want someone, make sure you are not just looking at their good part, make sure you take notes on their bad part as well. Most of the time, those bad part of that person will kill you. If he left? He does not love you. He may like you, but sure as hell does not love you. And don’t question “why he doesn’t love me? Why he loves her? What did she have that I don’t?” There is no comparison in love, he just loves her, and doesn’t love you. Him not loving you have nothing to do with your worth. Remember that.
I think as someone who has survived this turmoil of extreme depression caused breakup grief, The number one thing I want in a man is honesty. Be your most authentic self while respecting women in a dating situation is what I strive to want if I want to get back out there and date again. Right now, I need to find myself, focus on my needs in my life, and find independence without having the need to prove to people my worth and my value. I need to get to the point where the judgment of others does not define my self worth. I need to accomplish that before I get back on the dating scene. This is what I found out on my own, I didn't even seek out a therapist because I thought I didn't need one. I believe in the mindset that the most important thing men need to do is don't treat us like you're entitled to us. Respect is, show us who you are, don't try to impress us, and just let us decide if you're someone who we want. If men did that, women would be more empowered and a lot of happy women would respect men the way men wanted to be respected.
Looking back I wouldn’t have gone on the show but being on the show opened my eyes to a lot about myself lol especially watching it back. I realize how stupid and naive I was after listening to my story like WOW that’s really me?!? If seeing me on this show, hearing my story (no matter how it made me look) helps someone else to not be THAT PERSON I USED TO BE, then something really good came out of it. Hate I choose to be the subject but I hope someone else learned from my lesson. Reach one teach one!!
Honestly, as a woman who is going through something like this right now, coming across this video has been a huge blessing for me. God BLESS you Shona, for being a strong woman brave enough to share your story so that it could reach out and help women in need like myself 🫂🫂 thank you. And on another note, since you have your own channel I would love it if we could hear an update from you about how your life went after being on the Mel Robbins show. Did you manage to cut ties off with the ex? Did you become strong and find the love within yourself? Do you have a better relationship now with your twin sister? We are eager to know and hope that you’re now doing okay!
My thoughts.. while close family and friends get hurt too and end up picking up the pieces, its not up to them who their loved ones choose as a partner. They make it about themselves when they fight for and try to control the other persons decisions in that. Saying to "focus on herself" is good advice but translates to "stay alone". She doesn't want that and I don't blame her for not accepting that when everyone saying it is married. Easy for them to say when I can guarantee they've tolerated things in their own relationships she personally wouldn't. She was trying not to end up alone, that was the whole point!! I don't feel she is in a relationship with the chase, I think she genuinely wants HIM in particular and she is staying far too long and is in a world of pain as a result. She's yet to come across the right guy and the moment she does all of this pain will melt away. Until then this is always going to be unresolved for her.
I pray she finds peace and self love she has a beautiful soul, I can image some decisions are hard to make, but they are right ones to make for all involved. God bless her
It was very low, I was very depressed. Two years has brought about so much positive change! I’m sad and embarrassed to say that was me but proud to say I have changed!
He’s a heartless narcissist who not only doesn’t care about how much he’s hurting her but how much this hurts his own children and their siblings. Narcissist are all about their own needs and they NEVER change. She has to close the door and every time he enters her mind, think of that list and all the pain he’s caused her and a life with him isn’t worth all the pain. Time heals all wounds.
Sadly, soo many women make two mistakes when it comes to trying to keep some men 1. You don't have a diamond vajaja (ie you are replacable); 2. He WILL leave you no matter how many children you have by him. Men are so damn overrated. I swear! This girl is beautiful and deserves more than this guy. We need to start thinking out of the box, find men from different countries, races, cultures there are a lot who would honor a black woman who may not necessarily look like us. I know some want their 'own' race but if they're going to treat you like crap keep trying to fix something that's not fixable.
@@adev9764 exactly, The real question is, why are you assuming he's not? My example was used for those for whom it applies. (that's obviously not you, so don't understand your post). .as mentioned, some prefer their own socalled race. I was just mentioning options. No worries. Cheers
You are a Queen rise above beautiful 💗 there is someone special waiting for you 😊 it hurts going through this but it to shall pass 🙏 you are strong 👍 remember that.
Some connections are soul connections - not meant to be in relationship with each other like marriage etc. They come into your life for a purpose and your soul gets the experience of the connection with him/her or he/she acts as a catalyst to assist in the other's spiritual growth. Breathe and cry your eyes out, but look at it as a process you needed to go through. Not try to forget or erase him/her - they've become part of your spiritual dna, embraced them continue to hold on to the love, but accept the reality.
I'm so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me and our kids for another woman. I was so happy to me how he help many people to bring there lover back.,
My ex and I were together from September 2015 to September 2019. I knew the emotional pain he was putting me through but I didn't care. I just dealt with it because I loved him. Then came quarantine, we lost contact, I refused to leave my house, etc, and that need to be near him disappeared after a while. The silver lining of the wuhan covid pandemic...
Here's the point, if you don't give yourself respect, no one else will. The man does not respect her because she does not respect herself enough to walk away from a man who is clearly playing her. When he gets divorce again, he will get her pregnant again. Wake up... Stop living in denial. Oh yeah I am not victim blaming. She is no longer a victim because she let it happen. A victim is someone who does not see a tragedy coming. A victim is someone who is defenseless. She is a mother who needs to take care of her kids. Focus on your kids. Stop living in fantasy. It's been 10 years. Please tell me she saw all this coming. Instead of running away from it, she stood there & took it. Respect yourself & respect will be given to you.
I have been on and off chasing my ex and wanting her back for the past 2 years Iv just recently stopped begging and asking her to be with me but it still hurts cause I do miss her and love her
I know of a powerful man who helps in a situation like this,he will make your ex come back to you, He fixed broken relationship an more of it. WhatsApp him now.
Some people can only give you what they can and you have to face that if the person wanted you they'd work it out not come and go.The fact this man never married her speaks volumes.She is beating up her heart to smithereens
This is some level of desperation, it’s not even funny She keeps leaving the door open and he keeps shutting it in her face How low can you get to allow a man to treat You like garbage How low can you get to let a man emotionally abuse you and YES manipulation is a form of mental abuse Girl, your power is not in his hands , you have the power, you have the control over your life, don’t allow one man to own you like a slave Sadly she is going to end up a statistic, another black woman who confirms the stereotype
So tired of people blaming the women.....The issue is a lack of understanding the behavior of emotional abusers, how to identify the traits and what to do about it.
Would you like to make your ex lover enter into a state of panic and confusion that will have her crazily thinking about being with you, without having to use "dirty techniques" or "cunning lies"? I'd personally 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝗀𝗅 Treitan Mellory's approach. You can certainly take it as far as you desire, so long as you wish.
This could be a good show but it goes for a lot of low hanging fruit. Everything Mel says: Mindless *Clap!Clap!Clap!* Cardboard Puppet role play?? 🤦🏻♀️ What are you doing Mel?!!
Living in Denial, lack of self love, lack of self worth, no self esteem, anxiety ,depression, victim mentality. Narcissists don't change, listen to what he is showing you becuase this is truly him. Start working on yourself and leave the trash in the trash and go no contact.
Right!!
Be strictly platonic and NO sex or lying together!!!
I’m so happy I’m seeing this at a young age before I end up like this . I’ve been doing so good with the no contact and building myself back up thanks 🙏🏾
That is true
I can help you get her back
“If you wanna know how a person really feels, watch what they do.” This advice is GOLD.
YES! Powerful. I was going to write that when I saw that you had posted it.
Lot's of Victim Shaming in the comments. She has a lot of healing to do. She is so caught in the Trauma Bond and can't get out! It's an addiction and it is really hard to leave them. I hope she makes the decision to love herself and heal so she can finally break the bond. :-(
Yes trauma bonded and probably also early life trauma, that makes people cling to the last person they attached themselves to
Exactly. Trauma bonding is real and most people can’t even recognize it.
Some of the comments r so harsh, her only mistake that she loved him more than loving herself...but that doesn't make her a bad person. She was blind in love. Wish her the best of luck to her future without him🤞🏼
@A. A. yes, clearly she made wrong/bad choices but as long as she's still alive it isn't too late to start over😇
heal chilhood traumas, read John Gotman, heal yurself, find a life, hobbies, carrier, meet people. We are looking our parents in the partners
she shouldn't be dropping her drawers for every guy, love her future babies more than him-he doesn't want her because she's loose
@@mariem3429 I love my boys more than anything and I’m definitely not loose! Not dropping anything for every guy either. However, thanks for commenting.
Watch what the man does, not just what the man says!
This is not rocket surgery
@@CikisHelyzet Rocket science....and very true.
I feel for this girl.. I understand how she feels. She knows what needs to happen.. but her heart is so trapped by the emotions she has for this guy.. I wish her the best
She’s in love with his potential when she should be falling in love with herself.
At least she is seeking help and support.
He seems really manipulative and doesn’t seem to be happy no matter what decision he makes staying or leaving. You don’t need that unstable wishy washy lack of integrity boy in your life. You’re beautiful and you don’t have time for that!!! Girl come on!!!
Very true, I have had someone like that in my life. You can never feel secure with them.
Oh honey he knows what he wants
He knows that he can have his cake and eat it too
That’s what SHE has a hard time defining ,she is confusing his manipulation with potential and change
You are beautiful, learn your worth!!!
LADIES - Have a life outside of yourself and even your children. You're a woman first. Judge a man by his ACTIONS & know when to keep in moving.
It's so easy for people to judge her because they have never loved genuinely, it's easy to let go when the person is not the love of your life.
It's either they have never loved genuinely or they are angry. 😕
Amen
That’s not love that’s attraction and the thrill of the chase. Been there done that
When are we going to tell people to “Fix yourself!” Instead of telling them to “Let him go!” ? When we cannot let someone go no matter what they do to us and hurt us? We need to start focus on ourselves and figure out why the hell we are doing these to ourselves. We clearly don’t love ourselves enough. Figure how to fix and love yourself is the goal 🥅 here! Once you figure yourself out why you keep abusing yourself and putting yourself in these tumultuous relationships and situationships? And you finally put yourself back together? You won’t even care about those people in the past. When you want someone, make sure you are not just looking at their good part, make sure you take notes on their bad part as well. Most of the time, those bad part of that person will kill you. If he left? He does not love you. He may like you, but sure as hell does not love you. And don’t question “why he doesn’t love me? Why he loves her? What did she have that I don’t?” There is no comparison in love, he just loves her, and doesn’t love you. Him not loving you have nothing to do with your worth. Remember that.
Thank u
This is not love, it's obsession.
This is her fault. She knows who he is. She can't control what he does but she can control what she does. Take responsibility.
Poor girl, she keeps picking emotionally unavailable men.
She is desperate.
The ex is a narcissist. Shes trauma bonded. Emotionally abused
Naw. He probably just has movie star looks and can rock her world. She's whipped and he's spoiled.
“If you really want to know how someone feels, watch what they do”!
I think as someone who has survived this turmoil of extreme depression caused breakup grief, The number one thing I want in a man is honesty. Be your most authentic self while respecting women in a dating situation is what I strive to want if I want to get back out there and date again.
Right now, I need to find myself, focus on my needs in my life, and find independence without having the need to prove to people my worth and my value. I need to get to the point where the judgment of others does not define my self worth. I need to accomplish that before I get back on the dating scene. This is what I found out on my own, I didn't even seek out a therapist because I thought I didn't need one.
I believe in the mindset that the most important thing men need to do is don't treat us like you're entitled to us. Respect is, show us who you are, don't try to impress us, and just let us decide if you're someone who we want. If men did that, women would be more empowered and a lot of happy women would respect men the way men wanted to be respected.
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
Judge Lynn toller grandmothet said it best when she said* don't let a man tell you twice he don't wont you*.
Looking back I wouldn’t have gone on the show but being on the show opened my eyes to a lot about myself lol especially watching it back. I realize how stupid and naive I was after listening to my story like WOW that’s really me?!?
If seeing me on this show, hearing my story (no matter how it made me look) helps someone else to not be THAT PERSON I USED TO BE, then something really good came out of it. Hate I choose to be the subject but I hope someone else learned from my lesson. Reach one teach one!!
🫂🫂🫂🤗🤗🤗. I’m glad that you’re doing much better than before and I hope you find someone else 1 day. I wish you the best of luck 🍀. Have a good 1.
Honestly, as a woman who is going through something like this right now, coming across this video has been a huge blessing for me. God BLESS you Shona, for being a strong woman brave enough to share your story so that it could reach out and help women in need like myself 🫂🫂 thank you. And on another note, since you have your own channel I would love it if we could hear an update from you about how your life went after being on the Mel Robbins show. Did you manage to cut ties off with the ex? Did you become strong and find the love within yourself? Do you have a better relationship now with your twin sister? We are eager to know and hope that you’re now doing okay!
She needs to be on Iyanla’s Fix my life show...........🤦🏾♀️
The only thing is she is not in love with herself and seeking out love and validation in her ex ...She is pure by heart ..
My thoughts.. while close family and friends get hurt too and end up picking up the pieces, its not up to them who their loved ones choose as a partner. They make it about themselves when they fight for and try to control the other persons decisions in that. Saying to "focus on herself" is good advice but translates to "stay alone". She doesn't want that and I don't blame her for not accepting that when everyone saying it is married. Easy for them to say when I can guarantee they've tolerated things in their own relationships she personally wouldn't. She was trying not to end up alone, that was the whole point!! I don't feel she is in a relationship with the chase, I think she genuinely wants HIM in particular and she is staying far too long and is in a world of pain as a result. She's yet to come across the right guy and the moment she does all of this pain will melt away. Until then this is always going to be unresolved for her.
I pray she finds peace and self love she has a beautiful soul, I can image some decisions are hard to make, but they are right ones to make for all involved. God bless her
They are BEAUTIFUL! Gorgeous girls. Sis will need consistent therapy to help her get beyond + to grow.
Let someone else waste their 5 years
her self esteem is 0! so sad
It was very low, I was very depressed. Two years has brought about so much positive change! I’m sad and embarrassed to say that was me but proud to say I have changed!
@@kbaby9090 that’s wonderful.
He’s a heartless narcissist who not only doesn’t care about how much he’s hurting her but how much this hurts his own children and their siblings.
Narcissist are all about their own needs and they NEVER change.
She has to close the door and every time he enters her mind, think of that list and all the pain he’s caused her and a life with him isn’t worth all the pain.
Time heals all wounds.
Keeping herself open to him...closes her off to meet the one for her.
Well done Shona 👍 that was not easy to do to let someone go that you love but I am glad you realised yourself the best path to follow moving forwards
This woman is too needy. Desperate. No self respect.
Sadly, soo many women make two mistakes when it comes to trying to keep some men 1. You don't have a diamond vajaja (ie you are replacable); 2. He WILL leave you no matter how many children you have by him. Men are so damn overrated. I swear! This girl is beautiful and deserves more than this guy. We need to start thinking out of the box, find men from different countries, races, cultures there are a lot who would honor a black woman who may not necessarily look like us. I know some want their 'own' race but if they're going to treat you like crap keep trying to fix something that's not fixable.
Why are you assuming he is the same background, race or whatever. It has nothing to do with that some people are just no good regardless of race
@@adev9764 exactly, The real question is, why are you assuming he's not? My example was used for those for whom it applies. (that's obviously not you, so don't understand your post). .as mentioned, some prefer their own socalled race. I was just mentioning options. No worries. Cheers
@@adev9764 you know why she thinks he's blk 😂😂😂because blk men in the majority abandon their kids and family
@@adev9764 the kids are black too. If he was a different race, they'd be mixed. Not that hard
OMG the audience claps way too much!!!
lovely stuff
Wow thanks for this😊🙏
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
This is a classic soul tie
You are a Queen rise above beautiful 💗 there is someone special waiting for you 😊 it hurts going through this but it to shall pass 🙏 you are strong 👍 remember that.
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
I CAN'T STAND THE BLOODY APPLAUSES -_- MY EARS MAN
More than likely he won't stay married long to her either!
In this 21st century? Girl, wake up and smell the coffee!!!
Yes, I was thinking it sounds like he might be a narcissist...
Oh boy that girl couldn't let go. Like dam what is he doing so good .more like a jerk
Fantastic episode well done Mel ❤❤❤
I really hurt for her. I’ve been there . My sons donor did that to me for too many years
She is so very pure soul :'(
She reminds me in some ways just the purity
Some connections are soul connections - not meant to be in relationship with each other like marriage etc. They come into your life for a purpose and your soul gets the experience of the connection with him/her or he/she acts as a catalyst to assist in the other's spiritual growth. Breathe and cry your eyes out, but look at it as a process you needed to go through. Not try to forget or erase him/her - they've become part of your spiritual dna, embraced them continue to hold on to the love, but accept the reality.
I'm so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me and our kids for another woman. I was so happy to me how he help many people to bring there lover back.,
Wh'stapp him
†2348077446722⏯
I know feeling of being in so call love and taking the longest to let go. Stay through cheating and all.
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
I
@@geemcgraff8281 I just got my ex with the help of a spell caster
@@geemcgraff8281 Text him on whatsapp
@@geemcgraff8281 +233(81:380:52:195💕💕
it feels good i am not the only one
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
Stop having kids to fix your relationship. Stop having kids at this point period and focus on yourself
My ex and I were together from September 2015 to September 2019. I knew the emotional pain he was putting me through but I didn't care. I just dealt with it because I loved him. Then came quarantine, we lost contact, I refused to leave my house, etc, and that need to be near him disappeared after a while. The silver lining of the wuhan covid pandemic...
Why Didn't MeL Offer Them Some
Counseling & The Couple.
When Mel said , you are wrapping yourself worth in him coming back 🥲
Here's the point, if you don't give yourself respect, no one else will.
The man does not respect her because she does not respect herself enough to walk away from a man who is clearly playing her.
When he gets divorce again, he will get her pregnant again.
Wake up... Stop living in denial.
Oh yeah I am not victim blaming.
She is no longer a victim because she let it happen.
A victim is someone who does not see a tragedy coming.
A victim is someone who is defenseless.
She is a mother who needs to take care of her kids.
Focus on your kids. Stop living in fantasy.
It's been 10 years. Please tell me she saw all this coming.
Instead of running away from it, she stood there & took it.
Respect yourself & respect will be given to you.
The messaging is WRONG. Don’t shame the girl. Teach her about self value. That’ll make her walk away from shitty people. Self Value first!!
So selfish. Leave her alone so she can meet someone else.
I have been on and off chasing my ex and wanting her back for the past 2 years Iv just recently stopped begging and asking her to be with me but it still hurts cause I do miss her and love her
I Know of a powerful man he can help you in any situation,he fix broken relationship,
And more of it.
He helped me without any delay.WhatsApp him now.
+2347049285941...
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
I know of a powerful man who helps in a situation like this,he will make your ex come back to you,
He fixed broken relationship an more of it.
WhatsApp him now.
+2348077142840
X never listens and he has never listened. Ultimate daggers to the heart.
He does this because he knows he can get away with it. He knows she has no self-respect.
I don't condone all the bad things he does, but there is always two sides of the story. Compatibility and all
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
Aww 5 Years of a relationship and he didn't wanna marry her
Some people can only give you what they can and you have to face that if the person wanted you they'd work it out not come and go.The fact this man never married her speaks volumes.She is beating up her heart to smithereens
You're crazy in love, i feel you girl.
She sounds like she is in an traumabonded double-bind relationship
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
This is some level of desperation, it’s not even funny
She keeps leaving the door open and he keeps shutting it in her face
How low can you get to allow a man to treat You like garbage
How low can you get to let a man emotionally abuse you and YES manipulation is a form of mental abuse
Girl, your power is not in his hands , you have the power, you have the control over your life, don’t allow one man to own you like a slave
Sadly she is going to end up a statistic, another black woman who confirms the stereotype
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
So tired of people blaming the women.....The issue is a lack of understanding the behavior of emotional abusers, how to identify the traits and what to do about it.
And now she is a mom with 4 kids, that maybe would make man think twice to date. She is wasting her time
Would you like to make your ex lover enter into a state of panic and confusion that will have her crazily thinking about being with you, without having to use "dirty techniques" or "cunning lies"? I'd personally 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝗀𝗅 Treitan Mellory's approach. You can certainly take it as far as you desire, so long as you wish.
Sorry
Girls need to learn at an early age that tricking a Man by having babies doesn't make him love you...Get married first, stop being so easy!
Give it all to Jesus!
You need to see the movie "closer" w/Natalie Portman, Jude law, Clive Owens and Julia Roberts. You will love the ending. "I don't love you anymore."
Is that the film where she walks in on him in bed with another woman
Us Cristians will go through rejection! Only because jesus went through it
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
This could be a good show but it goes for a lot of low hanging fruit. Everything Mel says: Mindless *Clap!Clap!Clap!*
Cardboard Puppet role play?? 🤦🏻♀️ What are you doing Mel?!!
I wonder if they always dress the same hehe
Why home girl got a mustache
I recommend you to a man who help me fix your relationship back. And help me get my ex back,Whatsapp +,2,3,4,8,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,9,5,,
This is one BORING SHOW