Facts. My son wants to play football and chess. My wife played soccer in HS. If my wife's family started pressuring her to have our son play soccer when we'd originally decided on football, my son wouldn't be around the family any more and my wife and I would have a long talk about her needing a backbone.
Right so from the second update, Sharon ISN'T a "good mother" and that comment from a commenter about her being an overbearing, suffocating presence IS correct
13:50 "Every child needs a good grandma" and that's why you shouldnt let him see Sharon?? Why you let him see her? Bet Sharon's gonna spoil his son and say stuff like "daddy cant buy you this" so that he'll hate you when he comes to live with you. And for the exwife i just feel bad, like yea i guess its dumb to put divorce on the table when you're just "finding a middle ground" but Sharon most likely pressured her into doing that so it's just unlucky. Hope OP will pull thru with her and his son with good co-parenting
That custody arrangement is CRAZY. Stays with mom till 12, then him till 18? That child is going to HATE him when he has to move at 12. Like do people really do that kind of arrangement? I'm flabbergasted
literally??? and as if he doesnt need a father figure BEFORE the age of 12?? i do believe divorce was the only solution considering his ex wife had absolutely grasp of how insane her mom is, but that custody situation is only going to exacerbate the trauma from this particular situation
I get what you're saying, it's far from ideal. But it's also clear OP can't stay in a small town where his wife's family resides. In a small town, you're always going to run into them or people who know them. They have "Church Friends"... people who believe anything they're told, like there's a magic invisible sky-daddy who grants wishes if they wear colorful clothes to a sermon and pot-luck on Sundays. That this is "normal" for them shows the level of crazy in that town is off the charts. MIL is in their little club and has money (which the church will always need), and she is not above using it to manipulate people, so she has an army of minions in addition to her cowardly degenerate thug sons. If OP remains, there would be more drama and they would undermine him at every opportunity. But out of sight is out of mind, if he's not around, they'll be more inclined to back off. The wife's family is a violent storm and right now OP is a lightning rod. His wife is the bad guy. Whether they remained married or divorced is irrelevant at that point, she continues to live in her mother's house and under her thumb. That's unforgivable. She can and should move to be closer to OP and put some distance between herself and her family, for her son's sake. OP is willing to give up everything so his son has a chance at a life free of this drama, but his wife is not willing to do the same. She is contemptibly weak. The only thing she's willing to sacrifice is her child's happiness, all for the sake of not making waves and upsetting mommy. That's who she is. Any rational person in her shoes would have cut them off and left town. She knows her family is in the wrong, but her own fear makes her complicit anyway, and she tries to rationalize and down-play their insane behavior. Trust me, in the end, it's not his father that kid is going to grow up hating. And OP will be taking primary custody right around the age his son will be able to understand the gravity of what happened between his parents. I'm sure that is no coincidence. As a child, I'm sure Grandma can buy his affection in the short term, but as with any kid who becomes spoiled, he will take that for granted and it will hold very little sway over his opinions, especially as he reaches those rebellious teen years. Sometimes you need to play the long game.
Sounds like mom is primary parent rn but the child still visits and regularly sees his father. This isn't all that different from if he just came to see dad on weekends or monthly. Obviously its a little more complicated because there is a lot of travel involved but this guy clearly isn't a dead beat and literally had to leave for his own safety
Its a weird arrangement, but honestly, the only other option is split custody, and with the way OP left, thats just not feasible, unless theyve got the money to ferry him about every so often. Best of the worst case scenarios type moment, but man, this whole thing is shitty. Kid is the one who truly loses no matter the conclusion.
Even if OP says he didn't abandon his son, the child will grow up believing that his father abandoned him, OP made the worst possible decision and will regret it.
That custody agreement is insane. That child is in an awful situation. From the updates it appears the child is being withheld from her family anyways. It’d probably be for the best for the child (and probably the ex as well considering she’s pulling away from her family) to move closer to the op.
Wouldn't be better for op, it'd just be another thing the ex inlaws would blame him for, even though they're not even married anymore. "Oh, he's turned her against us, taken her from us, let's stalk them!" Not to mention having to see the woman he left, still loves, but can't be with for his own good, would probably not be good for his mental health.
@ he’d have his son in his life. That’s automatically better for op. And not to mention her family already blames him. He has no contact with them so they hold no weight on him outside of pressuring ex into making decisions for the kid. But if Ex is trying to distance herself anyways then they truly would hold no weight. And on the last point, they’re in each others lives no matter what. They have a child together. It’s much better to let the child have both parents in their life then some weird 6 year with one parent, rip up his life and then 6 years with another parent they currently have
I do really wonder what’s keeping her from moving closer, maybe not the same city (or even state depending on their location) but just close enough so that they can drive the son back and forth between them and maybe arrange for some more time for OP to see him. My immediate guess is that it would be a higher cost of living in the west coast (or so I’ve heard as an east coast person myself). Perhaps it wouldn’t be feasible for her to just fly over and support herself and the son in her own apartment, and the only choices for other housing arrangements would be OP or OP’s parents which kinda defeats the whole purpose of having space from each other. Of course, she also could have just not wanted to or felt some kinda way about moving but not getting her husband back. Still, it really would be such an improvement for this poor kid
'Every child needs a good grandma' is BS: 1. Sharon is NOT a good grandmother. The fact she forced him to play a sport he doesn't wants proves that she doesn't care for his feelings. 2. Both my grandmothers were alcoholics and I grew up without them in my life. I did just fine.
Everyone is a the AH here. The mother in law is a manipulative, controlling, horrible woman. The wife is spineless. OP abandoned his child and his excuses are BS. The wife offered to move, they didn’t have to get back together to do that. If he really needed to move they could have come with him. Also that child is not safe around the wife’s family, it’s only a matter of time before they start acting up again and this time the child won’t have anyone to protect him. Also making the child switch custody and move across the country at twelve to live with someone he only sees a few times a year is so traumatic for the child.
bro feels guilty for ruining the kid's childhood but is fine with having him establish a life where he lives with his mom only for it to be ripped away one he turns 12? literally insane. he could have moved an hour or two away. or agreed that his wife simply having him full time was better. that kid is going to resent him HARD
The whole "I'll take full custody of my kid when he's 12" is just stupid. Let's just hope he gets a little more clever about that over time and the they manage to live closer. Would be best for the child
him being so far away from his father and op not really having enough custody of him until he was 12 is going to be absolutely detrimental to their relationship. his ex is so weak she'll be back in the fold soon enough, and they'll 100% poison his son against him. good luck bro.
“Im a moderate liberal and she’s a moderate conservative. For example I support the second amendment and she supported gay marriage. Ideologically we are far apart” ok dude interesting examples to use Edit: grammar
@@erin-fi7wj How so? Wouldn't you consider a conservative who supports gay marriage moderate? Or a liberal who supports the second amendment? The other way around doesn't sound moderate to me.
Sharon is a good businesswoman; she has never been a good mother or person. OP was so oblivious to allow his son to be with that crazy family. The ex-wife is a doormat to her abusive financial advisor... i mean, mom. The ex-wife is not a good wife if she heard and saw the beating OP received, and then KEPT nagging at OP to not defend himself. My goodness
‘We’re polar opposites’ and ‘she supports gay marriage’ should not be something you can post in confidence. The Ex and child need to get out of there. Everyone in this story sucks, even OP and the Commenters. It just feels gross
What? Meddling in laws! what the hell is wrong with these meddling mothers in laws and i dont condoles Violence but they did wrong so Screw the Meddling in laws!
Honestly, I get that happy parents are important, but they're important while BEING THERE and raising their child. Dude said he could only be happy or be a parent and that's not the solution he thinks it is. They could have figured something else out.
The commenter who thinks a kid would prefer a father who isn't mentally present and broken has never grown up with that and is making up stuff they don't know anything about.
“I didn’t abandon my son” You literally did? You could’ve had your son live with you because your wife’s family is not stable and growing up in that kind of environment is horrible for a child.
OP isn't even trying to make anything work with his wife and child lol. He just ran away from his problems. Wife isn't even talking to her family and is willing to move to the west coast to help keep her chosen family but to me it sounds like he didn't even want to be there and with her in the first place lol. This is absolutely a salvageable situation, especially with her actually trying.
She's trying? The woman gave him an ultimatum between legally defending himself from a woman who tried to kidnap his child and two men who beat him up, and his family? How is that trying. She could have actually stuck up for him
@@Lala-moonie yea she’s a huge problem but I can see where if there was proper communication with the issues after she realized her wrongs doings, it’s salvageable. You can’t just run away from your problems, especially when you’re married. You have to try. They didn’t even try counseling or anything. He just moved across the country. They both have issues that caused the marriage to get this bad
Wife stoped talking with the family AFTER the divorce already started, I cant see how this is salvageable. After so many issues she kept ignoring OP opinions and full on her family. I agree OP should not have moved because of the child, but the marriage was over, the wife is crap of the family an is only setting apart of them because she is grieving the loss of the husband, but only now, only after everything fell apart.
God, I am so angry at everyone in this post! MIL is manipulative as hell, ex wife was effing spineless and ruined her whole marriage because she fought for the family she currently stopped speaking to, OP should’ve sat down and explained things to his child before making this ultimate decision to move far away from him, that custody agreement is bs, and these commenters piss me off as hell. We likely won’t know the other issues they had and what things they said, but it would’ve been better if OP had arranged a custody agreement so he wouldn’t have to live that far away from his child. He could’ve went with moving to another state with his ex wife and live separately. I know he states that his job had more opportunities where he is, but did he even did a one on one interaction with his son? I understand not wanting to be at a low mental state when being around the kid (f*ck that commenter who said he should bottle it up), because bottling it up will make the child feel the tension and blame himself. But being that far away wasn’t the best choice, and waiting until he’s twelve isn’t good either. Your child needs both parents when he’s young. At the very least live closer.
Most of the decisions were fine but he probably should've just moved out with his wife and try to start over with their marriage where the mother in law can't constantly interfere with everything. He stuck with that decision cuz of mental health but that won't last long and probably isn't good for any of them in the long term
I had the broken and Unhappy dad. His broken and unhappy was due to his upbringing, and later on his own personal choices (addiction) he continued to be broken and unhappy and took it out on everyone else. I would of preferred him to be living far away and happy and seeing him on holidays, and him making visits and calling or emailing, getting the choice when I'm older to live with or split more time with him in a stable situation. That would be LOADS better then having an unhappy parent that is struggling to keep up with the bills.
Am I the only one who is irritationally angry at OP as well? ESH. That disagreement did NOT need to escalate that hard and you do not need to move across the country??? this man needs anger management as well. I understand all the context surrounding it, but that's just not a justification.
she wants to get mad at him because he’s talking about her family but can’t even let her son play the sport he wants because mommy likes football? Christ 😐 they’re both hopeless
It honestly goes to show that the father was right to abandon his kid, because this kid obviously doesn't need this pathetic excuse of a man for a father.
With this arrangement can either party still see there kid at anytime or have scheduled days? They can't take away the child from the wife with cause. He can't make false accusations. The wife is weak against her mother but with this I hope she learned something from it. I also hope in the future he/she would be able to move closer
This is why you should not try and repress yourself in everyone infected world. Leads to sudden outbursts. Everyone needs to learn their lesson and stop being in denial of their true natures.
This is a mess. 😬 Living with mom until 12 and dad until 18 is really stupid. Split years would be better for the kid so he has both parents for part of the year... Summers with dad, school year with mom with alternating holidays and school breaks between them. At 12 kid can decide if he wants to keep what they're doing or switch the schedule around to live with dad for school year and mom for summers with alternating holidays and breaks. Hell, seeing if the mom wants to move to the west coast would even work. Then they can alternate weeks instead of having the kid one place some of the year and another place for the majority.
Dude needs to move his ex to his area and try again. That way, his kid will be away from Sharon's influence. They could try to make things work to help the kid with all this. He's a bit of a dumbass, but you can't help them all.
I disagree with the comments saying that he abandoned his child. I am honestly surprised the way the custody worked out that the child is even with the mother to begin with. I'm a little confused on why that decision was made unless that is just what they agreed on. I don't like the idea of the sun being with the mother and her side of the family, but it seems like she at least is trying to take the steps to become more independent from her family and setting boundaries. I know that one comment comment saying that the kid would rather have a broken unhappy dad then no dad at all is coming from a good place but I think that having a parent that is mentally well and also financially helps a lot. It's like when people stay in an unhappy marriage to keep the family together, but honestly I feel like that does more damage to the kid than people realize. A kid doesn't need to be around parents that very clearly are unhappy and don't really love each other that much. A friend of mine's parents recently got divorced. We are in our 30s now so we're grown people. Her mom basically stayed because she didn't really want to break up the family plus she wasn't financially well-off to leave in the first place. And even though we're grown up and she had both of her parents and didn't have a terrible childhood by any means, she had to go to therapy to help work through the divorce because she started to realize that her dad didn't really care about her and doesn't seem like he does. She also had to work through some resentment that she was feeling towards her mom for staying as long as she did. Obviously that's not the case for everyone but it's a possibility. It's unfortunate that he is literally across the country, but as long as he is talking to him on the phone and visiting him a few times a year I feel like as a kid gets older and kind of starts to understand what actually was happening, it will be for the best. I hope that his ex-wife will stick to her guns and do what's best for her son. There are a lot of nuances in situations like this and we all can be objective and state our opinions on the internet, but we are in these people's shoes and their situations. I think it's important for people to remember that on the internet and realize that there are many different opinions that conflict with your own. All we can do is wish the best(or worse) to those haha
She can’t even advocate for her own child playing the sport he wants. WOW.
Facts. My son wants to play football and chess. My wife played soccer in HS. If my wife's family started pressuring her to have our son play soccer when we'd originally decided on football, my son wouldn't be around the family any more and my wife and I would have a long talk about her needing a backbone.
"I don't anyone is evil in this situation"
Nah. Sharon is a control freak that ruined everything.
Right so from the second update, Sharon ISN'T a "good mother" and that comment from a commenter about her being an overbearing, suffocating presence IS correct
13:50 "Every child needs a good grandma" and that's why you shouldnt let him see Sharon?? Why you let him see her? Bet Sharon's gonna spoil his son and say stuff like "daddy cant buy you this" so that he'll hate you when he comes to live with you.
And for the exwife i just feel bad, like yea i guess its dumb to put divorce on the table when you're just "finding a middle ground" but Sharon most likely pressured her into doing that so it's just unlucky. Hope OP will pull thru with her and his son with good co-parenting
Wow that poor kid has weak willed parents on both sides. That grandmother is going to twist his mind and OP just left him with the abusive family.
That custody arrangement is CRAZY. Stays with mom till 12, then him till 18? That child is going to HATE him when he has to move at 12. Like do people really do that kind of arrangement? I'm flabbergasted
literally??? and as if he doesnt need a father figure BEFORE the age of 12?? i do believe divorce was the only solution considering his ex wife had absolutely grasp of how insane her mom is, but that custody situation is only going to exacerbate the trauma from this particular situation
I get what you're saying, it's far from ideal. But it's also clear OP can't stay in a small town where his wife's family resides. In a small town, you're always going to run into them or people who know them.
They have "Church Friends"... people who believe anything they're told, like there's a magic invisible sky-daddy who grants wishes if they wear colorful clothes to a sermon and pot-luck on Sundays. That this is "normal" for them shows the level of crazy in that town is off the charts. MIL is in their little club and has money (which the church will always need), and she is not above using it to manipulate people, so she has an army of minions in addition to her cowardly degenerate thug sons.
If OP remains, there would be more drama and they would undermine him at every opportunity. But out of sight is out of mind, if he's not around, they'll be more inclined to back off. The wife's family is a violent storm and right now OP is a lightning rod.
His wife is the bad guy. Whether they remained married or divorced is irrelevant at that point, she continues to live in her mother's house and under her thumb. That's unforgivable. She can and should move to be closer to OP and put some distance between herself and her family, for her son's sake. OP is willing to give up everything so his son has a chance at a life free of this drama, but his wife is not willing to do the same. She is contemptibly weak. The only thing she's willing to sacrifice is her child's happiness, all for the sake of not making waves and upsetting mommy. That's who she is. Any rational person in her shoes would have cut them off and left town. She knows her family is in the wrong, but her own fear makes her complicit anyway, and she tries to rationalize and down-play their insane behavior.
Trust me, in the end, it's not his father that kid is going to grow up hating. And OP will be taking primary custody right around the age his son will be able to understand the gravity of what happened between his parents. I'm sure that is no coincidence. As a child, I'm sure Grandma can buy his affection in the short term, but as with any kid who becomes spoiled, he will take that for granted and it will hold very little sway over his opinions, especially as he reaches those rebellious teen years. Sometimes you need to play the long game.
Sounds like mom is primary parent rn but the child still visits and regularly sees his father. This isn't all that different from if he just came to see dad on weekends or monthly. Obviously its a little more complicated because there is a lot of travel involved but this guy clearly isn't a dead beat and literally had to leave for his own safety
@TheZombifiedFairy No. There is clearly not any kind of difference between weekly or monthly and 3 or 4 times a year. Why didn't I think of that?
Its a weird arrangement, but honestly, the only other option is split custody, and with the way OP left, thats just not feasible, unless theyve got the money to ferry him about every so often. Best of the worst case scenarios type moment, but man, this whole thing is shitty. Kid is the one who truly loses no matter the conclusion.
Even if OP says he didn't abandon his son, the child will grow up believing that his father abandoned him, OP made the worst possible decision and will regret it.
That custody agreement is insane. That child is in an awful situation. From the updates it appears the child is being withheld from her family anyways. It’d probably be for the best for the child (and probably the ex as well considering she’s pulling away from her family) to move closer to the op.
Wouldn't be better for op, it'd just be another thing the ex inlaws would blame him for, even though they're not even married anymore. "Oh, he's turned her against us, taken her from us, let's stalk them!" Not to mention having to see the woman he left, still loves, but can't be with for his own good, would probably not be good for his mental health.
@ he’d have his son in his life. That’s automatically better for op. And not to mention her family already blames him. He has no contact with them so they hold no weight on him outside of pressuring ex into making decisions for the kid. But if Ex is trying to distance herself anyways then they truly would hold no weight. And on the last point, they’re in each others lives no matter what. They have a child together. It’s much better to let the child have both parents in their life then some weird 6 year with one parent, rip up his life and then 6 years with another parent they currently have
I do really wonder what’s keeping her from moving closer, maybe not the same city (or even state depending on their location) but just close enough so that they can drive the son back and forth between them and maybe arrange for some more time for OP to see him.
My immediate guess is that it would be a higher cost of living in the west coast (or so I’ve heard as an east coast person myself). Perhaps it wouldn’t be feasible for her to just fly over and support herself and the son in her own apartment, and the only choices for other housing arrangements would be OP or OP’s parents which kinda defeats the whole purpose of having space from each other.
Of course, she also could have just not wanted to or felt some kinda way about moving but not getting her husband back. Still, it really would be such an improvement for this poor kid
Quite literally the worst possible outcome lmfao
'Every child needs a good grandma' is BS:
1. Sharon is NOT a good grandmother. The fact she forced him to play a sport he doesn't wants proves that she doesn't care for his feelings.
2. Both my grandmothers were alcoholics and I grew up without them in my life. I did just fine.
Everyone is a the AH here. The mother in law is a manipulative, controlling, horrible woman. The wife is spineless. OP abandoned his child and his excuses are BS. The wife offered to move, they didn’t have to get back together to do that. If he really needed to move they could have come with him. Also that child is not safe around the wife’s family, it’s only a matter of time before they start acting up again and this time the child won’t have anyone to protect him. Also making the child switch custody and move across the country at twelve to live with someone he only sees a few times a year is so traumatic for the child.
right? i'm not even on anyone's side because they're all so annoying
bro feels guilty for ruining the kid's childhood but is fine with having him establish a life where he lives with his mom only for it to be ripped away one he turns 12? literally insane. he could have moved an hour or two away. or agreed that his wife simply having him full time was better. that kid is going to resent him HARD
The whole "I'll take full custody of my kid when he's 12" is just stupid. Let's just hope he gets a little more clever about that over time and the they manage to live closer. Would be best for the child
This kid is going to grow up resenting this guy like CRAZY
him being so far away from his father and op not really having enough custody of him until he was 12 is going to be absolutely detrimental to their relationship. his ex is so weak she'll be back in the fold soon enough, and they'll 100% poison his son against him. good luck bro.
“Im a moderate liberal and she’s a moderate conservative. For example I support the second amendment and she supported gay marriage. Ideologically we are far apart” ok dude interesting examples to use
Edit: grammar
complete opposite of what he was trying to say lmao. should be the other way around. idk what he's yapping abt
@@erin-fi7wj How so? Wouldn't you consider a conservative who supports gay marriage moderate? Or a liberal who supports the second amendment? The other way around doesn't sound moderate to me.
Sharon is a good businesswoman; she has never been a good mother or person. OP was so oblivious to allow his son to be with that crazy family. The ex-wife is a doormat to her abusive financial advisor... i mean, mom.
The ex-wife is not a good wife if she heard and saw the beating OP received, and then KEPT nagging at OP to not defend himself. My goodness
Its all one big red flag. A good business person is almost NEVER a good person.
‘We’re polar opposites’ and ‘she supports gay marriage’ should not be something you can post in confidence. The Ex and child need to get out of there. Everyone in this story sucks, even OP and the Commenters. It just feels gross
YEAH MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY
"She wanted me to add more context" This... Changes nothing. LMAO. As someone who was moved to the south at 14, i could SMELL it on this post.
last update about his mental health and it's all "my my my"... brother that kid is going to HATE you
The custody arrangement is crazy and they are going tk alienate the son from his dad
What? Meddling in laws! what the hell is wrong with these meddling mothers in laws and i dont condoles Violence but they did wrong so Screw the Meddling in laws!
Honestly, I get that happy parents are important, but they're important while BEING THERE and raising their child. Dude said he could only be happy or be a parent and that's not the solution he thinks it is. They could have figured something else out.
The commenter who thinks a kid would prefer a father who isn't mentally present and broken has never grown up with that and is making up stuff they don't know anything about.
I'm surprised op moved away so far from his kid.
he's a F'ing coward
“I didn’t abandon my son” You literally did? You could’ve had your son live with you because your wife’s family is not stable and growing up in that kind of environment is horrible for a child.
OP isn't even trying to make anything work with his wife and child lol. He just ran away from his problems. Wife isn't even talking to her family and is willing to move to the west coast to help keep her chosen family but to me it sounds like he didn't even want to be there and with her in the first place lol. This is absolutely a salvageable situation, especially with her actually trying.
She's trying? The woman gave him an ultimatum between legally defending himself from a woman who tried to kidnap his child and two men who beat him up, and his family? How is that trying. She could have actually stuck up for him
@ after that, I’m referring to the very last update
@@lynnlove14300and he mentioned that while the family was a problem, they weren't the only problems.
@@Lala-moonie yea she’s a huge problem but I can see where if there was proper communication with the issues after she realized her wrongs doings, it’s salvageable. You can’t just run away from your problems, especially when you’re married. You have to try. They didn’t even try counseling or anything. He just moved across the country. They both have issues that caused the marriage to get this bad
Wife stoped talking with the family AFTER the divorce already started, I cant see how this is salvageable. After so many issues she kept ignoring OP opinions and full on her family.
I agree OP should not have moved because of the child, but the marriage was over, the wife is crap of the family an is only setting apart of them because she is grieving the loss of the husband, but only now, only after everything fell apart.
"I'm not 100% innocent", no, you are. Guy is trying to save face for people he owes nothing to. This guy is a spineless loser.
Im only 2 minutes in, but really? 30 minutes is too far? I drive 40 minutes one way to work every day.
God, I am so angry at everyone in this post! MIL is manipulative as hell, ex wife was effing spineless and ruined her whole marriage because she fought for the family she currently stopped speaking to, OP should’ve sat down and explained things to his child before making this ultimate decision to move far away from him, that custody agreement is bs, and these commenters piss me off as hell.
We likely won’t know the other issues they had and what things they said, but it would’ve been better if OP had arranged a custody agreement so he wouldn’t have to live that far away from his child. He could’ve went with moving to another state with his ex wife and live separately. I know he states that his job had more opportunities where he is, but did he even did a one on one interaction with his son? I understand not wanting to be at a low mental state when being around the kid (f*ck that commenter who said he should bottle it up), because bottling it up will make the child feel the tension and blame himself. But being that far away wasn’t the best choice, and waiting until he’s twelve isn’t good either. Your child needs both parents when he’s young. At the very least live closer.
This is going to get worse.
Ok. We need to see how this develops. I can't wait to hear the update.
Most of the decisions were fine but he probably should've just moved out with his wife and try to start over with their marriage where the mother in law can't constantly interfere with everything. He stuck with that decision cuz of mental health but that won't last long and probably isn't good for any of them in the long term
Exactly, he could have saved his wife and son, but now he ruined them both.
I had the broken and Unhappy dad. His broken and unhappy was due to his upbringing, and later on his own personal choices (addiction) he continued to be broken and unhappy and took it out on everyone else.
I would of preferred him to be living far away and happy and seeing him on holidays, and him making visits and calling or emailing, getting the choice when I'm older to live with or split more time with him in a stable situation. That would be LOADS better then having an unhappy parent that is struggling to keep up with the bills.
Am I the only one who is irritationally angry at OP as well? ESH. That disagreement did NOT need to escalate that hard and you do not need to move across the country??? this man needs anger management as well.
I understand all the context surrounding it, but that's just not a justification.
she wants to get mad at him because he’s talking about her family but can’t even let her son play the sport he wants because mommy likes football? Christ 😐 they’re both hopeless
Wait, so kids don't need father figures before the age of the 12?
It honestly goes to show that the father was right to abandon his kid, because this kid obviously doesn't need this pathetic excuse of a man for a father.
Ah he letted his son with them?
Im so glad i read the comments before even finishing the story or hearing the update
I feel really bad for that kid. This is a mess.
With this arrangement can either party still see there kid at anytime or have scheduled days? They can't take away the child from the wife with cause. He can't make false accusations. The wife is weak against her mother but with this I hope she learned something from it. I also hope in the future he/she would be able to move closer
OP still made a horrible choice moving away from his kid, maybe he should have invited his ex to move with him
when the time comes for the son to live with the dad, that kids going to hate him
This was similar to my ex-wife minus the kid. She always took her parent’s side, finally I gave up and wanted out of the unhappy marriage.
This is why you should not try and repress yourself in everyone infected world.
Leads to sudden outbursts.
Everyone needs to learn their lesson and stop being in denial of their true natures.
This is a mess. 😬 Living with mom until 12 and dad until 18 is really stupid. Split years would be better for the kid so he has both parents for part of the year... Summers with dad, school year with mom with alternating holidays and school breaks between them. At 12 kid can decide if he wants to keep what they're doing or switch the schedule around to live with dad for school year and mom for summers with alternating holidays and breaks. Hell, seeing if the mom wants to move to the west coast would even work. Then they can alternate weeks instead of having the kid one place some of the year and another place for the majority.
EVERYBODY SUCKS
Dude needs to move his ex to his area and try again. That way, his kid will be away from Sharon's influence. They could try to make things work to help the kid with all this. He's a bit of a dumbass, but you can't help them all.
This is the most mature and aware poster i have seen??? Oh my god
I disagree with the comments saying that he abandoned his child. I am honestly surprised the way the custody worked out that the child is even with the mother to begin with. I'm a little confused on why that decision was made unless that is just what they agreed on.
I don't like the idea of the sun being with the mother and her side of the family, but it seems like she at least is trying to take the steps to become more independent from her family and setting boundaries.
I know that one comment comment saying that the kid would rather have a broken unhappy dad then no dad at all is coming from a good place but I think that having a parent that is mentally well and also financially helps a lot. It's like when people stay in an unhappy marriage to keep the family together, but honestly I feel like that does more damage to the kid than people realize.
A kid doesn't need to be around parents that very clearly are unhappy and don't really love each other that much. A friend of mine's parents recently got divorced. We are in our 30s now so we're grown people. Her mom basically stayed because she didn't really want to break up the family plus she wasn't financially well-off to leave in the first place. And even though we're grown up and she had both of her parents and didn't have a terrible childhood by any means, she had to go to therapy to help work through the divorce because she started to realize that her dad didn't really care about her and doesn't seem like he does. She also had to work through some resentment that she was feeling towards her mom for staying as long as she did. Obviously that's not the case for everyone but it's a possibility.
It's unfortunate that he is literally across the country, but as long as he is talking to him on the phone and visiting him a few times a year I feel like as a kid gets older and kind of starts to understand what actually was happening, it will be for the best.
I hope that his ex-wife will stick to her guns and do what's best for her son. There are a lot of nuances in situations like this and we all can be objective and state our opinions on the internet, but we are in these people's shoes and their situations. I think it's important for people to remember that on the internet and realize that there are many different opinions that conflict with your own. All we can do is wish the best(or worse) to those haha
👮👮
Please lose the music.