In my opinion, he was already a red flag before the affair happened. The fact he kept pestering his wife about an open marriage despite her shutting it down multiple times is enough to prove this man was never faithful.
The title alone says everything. Its the guys fault for having an affair. Its his fault for pushing his wife away. And he's reaped the consequences of what he's done. I wish every ounce of karma upon this loser
While I do admire OP for finding it within himself to admit he was a narc POS for ruining his family, I still cannot by any means feel sorry for him at all. I don't know what could have possibly tempted him to cheat on his ex-wife with another woman, but whatever the case, he clearly chose to let it destroy what he used to have. The last bit also heavily bothers me. OP no longer loves his daughters? Even though HE'S the one at fault? Just because you respect your previous children's wish to no longer want anything to do with you, doesn't mean you shouldn't still love them or at least miss them. For OP to say that, that has to mean there wasn't that much affection there for his kids in the first place.
>I don't know what could have possibly tempted him to cheat on his ex-wife with another woman He said why in the video. >OP no longer loves his daughters? Even though HE'S the one at fault? You don't stop loving someone if they do something wrong to you, you stop loving them when you start being indifferent. He's been separated from them for a while, has his mind occupied with his new family, and they haven't wanted any contact with him for a while before that. That's exactly the kind of environment that get's people to move on/stop thinking about past experiences
He never stopped being a narcissist. He didn’t cut off his daughters for their sake - it’s because he couldn’t stand people not wanting to talk to him. He wasn’t cautious about hurting someone in a new relationship - he was cautious because someone new might judge him. He doesn’t love this new woman for her - he loves the idea that she is a second chance to prove he is a good person.
He didn't cut off his daughters, they cut him off and he respected that. If he was worried about someone new judging him, he wouldn't have been upfront about his transgressions. Idk where you're even getting the last bit from
Another problem is that he compared his girlfriend's severe drinking to his cheating and all other gross behaviors. He claimed, "Both of us have done awful things," as if his "awful thing" wasn't something that completely destroyed other people's lives and crushed their hearts and souls. He compared a coping mechanism caused by grief to a conscious choice he made based on nothing other than his selfish desires. He's a disgusting piece of trash imo.
I stopped listening about midway through when he started complaining about being replaced by his ex-wife's new husband. He claims that he knows that he's in the wrong but then everything else he states indicates that he doesn't actually think he did anything wrong. Then to suggest his wife was having an affair before he cheated on her...my goodness. Imagine not realizing that all of your problems are 100% self-inflicted.
>Imagine not realizing that all of your problems are 100% self-inflicted I mean he did, he was saying it the whole video. Plus he already said the wife affair thing doesn't actually matter, since he has no ground to stand on for that.
@nxatie he didn't say he felt indifference. He said he no longer loved his own flesh and blood of his actions. The kids didn't do anything but tell him how they felt. If he was mad, he could love them from afar. But to say he no longer had any feelings for them at all is WILD
@ i dont understand why he would love them...? if someone stops reaching out to you and loving you, why must he love them. Why should he continue to hurt himself over people who probably despise him..
I’m not gonna lie, that last update infuriated the hell out of me. The way he talked about his daughters and how he just doesn’t love them anymore is just insane to me tbh.
@@peridotasadeadbritishmonar7924 i dont think it is, if you have someone you love, constantly telling you they hate you, how would you react? they grouped together and all told him they hated him in a letter my guy LMAO, like does he deserve it? yes. but he also doesnt need to continue to try and love people who refuse to love him, then he's just inflicting more pain upon himself. its called moving on. Alot of people have this weird ass loyalty to family, and i will NEVER understand that, just because they are related love is obligatory? obviously not, since they dont love him anymore they hate him, so why should he have to still love them? its hard for someone with a good relationship to their family to understand, but family isnt everything, alot of family members, especially the more distant you get from immediate relatives, care less and less about you, the only reason you even associate is because you share the same great great grandad. an alot of people let that idea of 'obligatory love' blind them to how manipulated they have been throughout their lives, we've all heard stories of horror parents and even the rare horror kid, so we are we chastising this guy just for moving on when his family wants nothing to do with him? lets say he did still get to spend time with his children and they recovered that love right, youd still be mad since he got a new wife, and has a relationship with his old kids, so i doubt youre mad because you wanted that connection to be salvaged. and youre not happy with him moving on, so what. you want him to be alone and sad forever? LMAO
@@brilymanlook I had a long reply typed out but I’m not gonna dignify your mental gymnastics about me and how I must have a great childhood with wonderful parents (I didn’t) with a reply outside of telling you to learn what the fuck paragraphs are. I had to read your reply like ten times and I still think I missed something you said.
@@brilyman You'd think he'd try to grovel for their forgiveness seeing as he's the one who destroyed their relationship, but this guy *does* have a streak of putting his wants and needs first and foremost lol He's not "moving on", it was already obvious from his previous posts that he doesn't care for them that much as he was essentially saying he wanted them to hurry up and forgive him already without actually doing anything to mend the relationship. He's just bowing out because rebuilding trust is a really difficult thing to do, and he doesn't want to put in the effort. And this is coming from someone who's cut off both parents after trying to communicate with them and salvage the relationship.
In the last update I feel like OP is trying to get back the family he lost through the new woman and daughter. But he sounds too paranoid and pessimistic. And the fact that he himself said that he lost the love he felt for his two daughters, yikes, what can his new family expect then.
Ain't gonna lie during the whole story op was selfish still thinking about himself. Even in the end , he is mad at everyone but himself. He is still selfish bc he doesn't have any care for his daughters from his ex-wife. He now hates them for his own mistake. I hope he doesn't end up treating his son like his daughters, hating him for being the result of his cheating
he never once said he hated them?? did you watch the video? he said he feels detached from them. big difference, and if he is selfish for trying to move on, so is everyone on this planet. he isnt mad at his new family at all, or his old family, he says he's at peace with what happened, he moved on LMAO stop chastising people who are trying to move on with their life after they make a fuckup
It's said relationships like that don't last for a reason. I don't believe it as there are many, including myself, stories of middle and high school romances that work well into elderly age but there's a lot more stories of those that don't work out. And the main reason is usually cheating or feeling like they missed out on life
OP has a mindset of “Yes I made an unfixable mistake, how quickly can I move on?” that shows in how he feels about his daughters at the end there. I would say it’s a good thing he can still feel guilt/shame for his mistakes but those are useless when you don’t actually sit and reflect on those mistakes. Hope it works out for him though.
did we watch the same video? the end is him literally reflecting on how fast he has moved on LMFAO and i quote "this new family is a 2nd chance but what does that say about me? i spent 16 years with my first family and in only 3 i have been able to completely emotionally detach from them" he even starts the damn post by saying "i know im a piece of shit for what ive done" and he also states he doesnt wanna relapse and make the mistake of cheating again like hello?? this whole post is literally him reflecting on everything LMAO
@ im in 3 out of hundreds of comments, but sure lets go with "every" LMFAO and im saying the opposite, people in this thread seem to think hes incapable of changing and all he is doing is thinking of himself, ive stated that i think what he did 3 years after his fuck up, is fine, hes moved on and trying to be a better person to his new family. all i see is people hating him for getting a 2nd chance and thinking he's gonna treat them similarly
OP feeling apathetic for his daughters after 3 years of no contact is crazy. He says he was a devoted SAHD and raised those kids for 16 years, and to suddenly not care about them after 3 years. It's something I can't understand. Love always lingers.
He sure has a lot of anger in him still. I am happy he moved on though from his first family not for his sake but for theirs. They really don't need him and alsonfronhim I'm glad he moved on although I don't know if he's really ready for a new family. I cut off my dad for the same reason many years ago. Haven't spoken to him in more than 20 years. I don't wish bad upon him but it's just a memory from the past that I no longer want in my life.
To OP, even though you admit what you did was messed up by having an affair and getting your affair partner pregnant, no amount of forgiveness would erase the damage you caused to your ex and daughters lives. It makes my blood boil that he stopped loving his daughters just because they want nothing to do with him or his son. I believe that in turn proves the one daughters point that now OP has a son, he doesn't need them anymore. This is just a hunch but I think there wasn't much love for his daughters from the beginning. I never wish ill will on anyone, not even my worse enemy. But I hope from this point in his life, OP makes better choices and doesn't repeat his mistakes with his son.
youre assuming so much LMAO, he says he tried a few times to reach ouut and everytime was met with vitriol, why would he continue to do that to himself? he wanted to maintain a connection but his kids didnt want to at all, so why fight them? he decided to finally move on instead of hoping they would come back to him later on in life. if you have someone you love, doesnt matter who, and they REFUSE to speak to you, and only say they HATE you when you reach out, why in the world would you continue to reach out? youu just wouldnt and thats fine, he deserves to know his family moved on and he means nothing to them now, but he doesnt need to constantly wish he still had them, he moved on. thats all.
>It makes my blood boil that he stopped loving his daughters just because they want nothing to do with him or his son. I believe that in turn proves the one daughters point that now OP has a son, he doesn't need them anymore If that was actually how he felt when it came to his son, then he wouldn't have tried to keep a relationship with them to begin with. I dont have kids so I can't speak to the feelings regarding that, but I do know that long periods of time of separation and being occupied with a new life will make anyone lose feelings for what happen in their past. Plus, is he supposed to suffer forever?
no it isnt LMAO, if you had people constantly saying they hate you and to not reach out, you have no choice but to cut them off emotionally other wise youre going to drive yourself insane. if its fucked up that he doesnt love his kids, its equally as fucked they hate him for what he did, he's still their dad right? they still have to have that UNBREAKABLE bond riiiight?? no cause thats insane, just like forcing yourself to love someone who hates you is insane.
@@friendlyghosthost1830The daughters got a new and better male role model, and he luckily respected their wishes (forget about them and move on with his new family). There's no use in holding onto people you hurt and rightfully want nothing to do with you. If you loved them you'll have to let them go, not for your sake, but theirs.
we're only a minute in and... "she got pregnant on purpose". sir, you were already a grown adult and a father of four. you know where babies come from. there's no allegation that you were assaulted by that secretary half your age - stop telling yourself that you're the victim, because you're not.
Nah that's entirely possible, knowing affair partners will engage in reproductive coercion to try and force the cheater to choose them by locking off any chance with the betrayed partner.
i mean, he's a trashbag but i do believe that this is the best scenario everyone could be. the daughters doesn't want nothing to do with him so why would he insist in something that isn't good for anyone? i'm happy they move on an I hope he truly has learned with his actions.
Usually narcissists are unable to realize they’re narcissists and attempt change without years and years of therapy. Pretty shocked OP came to this conclusion after only 2.
thats because alot of people use the term narcissist when really theyre just a bit of an asshole, narcissism is RARE, and its much worse than what this guy is, he doesnt think people should worship him, he doesnt think hes gods gift to the earth and he understands why his previous family hate him, all things which narcissists wouldnt do. hes also not very manipulative, he accepted what happened and left their lives. point is he probably is someone with narcissistic tendencies at most but not someone with full on NPD.
The fuck is everyone so mad about with him not loving the daughters anymore. They literally told him upfront to never try to be part of their lives again. What moral good is achieved by continuing to love people who consider you already dead and gone? What is so wrong about replacing a family that has completely rejected you, even if it was your own fault they did so? I think people are so mad at this story because it breaks their just world mindset, a cheater eventually was able to move on with their life and build something new, and that doesn't jell with people's blood lust for cheaters, so amgy. ETA: The alternative to OPs mindset is where we get all those stories from people being harassed by parents seeking forgiveness years later. Y'all aren't mad OP moved on, y'all are mad OP was the one posting instead of one of the daughters talking about how she gets to hit him with a restraining order for never having gotten over it and kept trying to get back contact.
Yeah, I think people are not mad at the fact he stopped loving the daughters, but at the fact that he was able to rebuilt his life to some extent, and will continue living on with his life.
They only had 50k in shared savings in their 40s??? After living nearly rent free their whole lives? He is going to be working until he dies. At this point, he needs to buckle down with whatever is left of his "passion project" business and starting over with his son.
Everyone here is chastising him for saying he no longer loves his daughters but what else would happen? They literally told him in a later that they hate him and want nothing to do with them. Was he supposed to remain sad about that forever? Because that's what feeling love for them would bring. You can leave the door open for them to reunite if they wish and not continuously hold a belt to yourself yourself at the same time.
>Was he supposed to remain sad about that forever? Yeah that's essentially what the people in this comment thread want. Nobody likes being cheated on, so seeing other cheater's getting retribution gives a lot of personal catharsis. At the same time, seeing a cheater move on gives a lot of negative emotions, because they don't want the cheater to be anything but just that.
@kilokilo7254 honestly I can totally understand where it comes from but people need to let folks change. I'm not exactly holding my breath for him because of what he did. But, clearly he hates himself and his actions so that helps a little as long as it doesn't leave to too much self pity
@ I agree, I definitely would never forgive him if I were in his previous family, but I'm detached enough from the situation to know that people can change. I think there's a lot of personal projection going on from others here, as in if this dude changes and gets a better life, then the cheaters they've dealt with could too which could be personally unacceptable for them
Yeah an older man with a business and a nice car is approached by a much younger woman who clearly sees a ring on his finger 😂 that will end up good every time. I don’t feel bad for him.
This is growth. You may or may not like it, but guy is doing the best he can while aknowledgning what he messed up in the past. Some people might want that man to suffer for eternity, but that's not what happens in real life. Everybody fucks up, some more than others, but you just have to keep going.
this guy literally has said in some of his comments he wouldn't care if his daughters Ԁіеԁ i get trying to move on but that's way too far especially since the dont talk to him due to HIS actions they're teenagers
@@florabelle4800so because they share genetics he owes them eternal pining? Of course he wouldn't care if they died, they themselves made themselves non existent to him. He won't care because even if it happened he would never be told. Caring for someone who will never care for you back, even if it is your actions that made that so, is just emotional self torment for no real reason other than reddit thinking it should be legal to burn cheaters in the public square.
@@florabelle4800That's far, but in my opinion, expected. He doesn't wish harm on them, but he's so detached he's got to the point where he wouldn't care if any of them passed away, like they were just any other random person on the street. Messed up.
While I'm glad someone decided to give him a second chance, I'm not sorry for this man, no matter how much he preaches he's changed and shaped up (now if only it didn't take him destroying his previous family for it). I'm glad and hope his past continues to haunt him
Unfortunately you can tell OP has not truly improved, he needs serious help and prpbably should not be in a relationship at this stage. His wording in that last update was grim, feels like overcorrecting language for things hes been told to feel but doesnt actually with all the self deprecation.
Ope i forgot to listen to his comments in the post, yeah that basically confirmed it. Also, equating his gf drinking in the wake of her husbands death to his cheating? Disgusting.
He already said he spent 3 years in therapy and realized through that what a horrible person he was being. What else does he need to do to show you hes "truly improved"?
@@kilokilo7254 thats my whole point lol through his words its obvious hes been told why hes horrible but he hasnt internalized any of it. Hes just saying what he knows others think before they get a chance to. He hasnt changed, he just feels like hes "done his time".
@ What about what he's said makes you think that he hasn't internalized any of it? What would he have to do/say to make you think that he actually has changed?
@@kilokilo7254 fair question! A big one is when he says hes "probably" still a bad person, thats a big flag that rather than having processed his issues emotionally he has just accepted logically that most people agree he was/is, and thus repeats that. True acceptance is very hard for narcissists. The detachment from his old family also shows he probably just repressed everything, and his anger and "why cant i be allowed to have a good life now" attitude in responding to comments shows hes still thinking of himself and believing himself to have "atoned for his crimes" instead of seeing himself as actually healed. I dont want this guy to just spend his whole life suffering, but learning and growing from 40+ years of narcissism isnt a short process and i ultimately think hes jumping the gun on this new relationship because hes still ultimately focused on his own wants above all.
(I am not condoning her actions or encouraging them) For the affair partner, she’s such a dumb girl. She should’ve investigated this man further. I mean, if you’re going to pull this horrible act, at least be smart about it. You can’t just get flashed by the first man that has pretty things.
The funny thing is there are guys who are smart on bullshit like she likes to pull and knowingly wear fake wedding rings to bars to attract wannabe other girls. And like, ya can't even call them out on it, because it only works because of how catastrophically shitty the person it works on is for it to be able to work on them.
People are being to hard and unrealistic. He cheated, the ex and kids moved on. He is allowed to do the same. He got his karma, if he actually learned something this won't happen again. I hope he still have a place in his heart for his kids but hes not evil if he dont. He have real feeling too. If they ever want to meet in the future but the kids need to understand and not force anything just like he did. He needs to be open about his feelings with his wife so they can figure it out together and do a little more therapy to help him get over it. Do i believe once a cheater, always a cheater? Depends on the person willingness to fix there behavior and take proactive step not to go down that path again. He clearly know hes not the good person in this and is trying to be better. Cut him some slack and show some compassion. He knows and we know. Giving crap won't change it what happened. If your going to be critical dont be hateful you can separate the 2.
Standing ovation for OP. Anyone can change for the better. He is right to shut out all the self righteous people in his life who don't believe in second chances. Don't throw stones.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
In my opinion, he was already a red flag before the affair happened. The fact he kept pestering his wife about an open marriage despite her shutting it down multiple times is enough to prove this man was never faithful.
The original post has the audience tearing him apart. The OP isn’t a victim, not by a long shot.
Any hope I had for Op died when he said he no longer loves his daughters
Reddit is savage. 😂
@@spoof2062 his daughters clearly indicated they want nothing to do with him.
SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL? and your business was funded by your ex wife? AND YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO CHEAT? LMAOOOO
Exactlyyyy. What a fool.
None of us are save from being cheated on, are we?
The title alone says everything. Its the guys fault for having an affair. Its his fault for pushing his wife away. And he's reaped the consequences of what he's done. I wish every ounce of karma upon this loser
While I do admire OP for finding it within himself to admit he was a narc POS for ruining his family, I still cannot by any means feel sorry for him at all. I don't know what could have possibly tempted him to cheat on his ex-wife with another woman, but whatever the case, he clearly chose to let it destroy what he used to have.
The last bit also heavily bothers me. OP no longer loves his daughters? Even though HE'S the one at fault? Just because you respect your previous children's wish to no longer want anything to do with you, doesn't mean you shouldn't still love them or at least miss them. For OP to say that, that has to mean there wasn't that much affection there for his kids in the first place.
>I don't know what could have possibly tempted him to cheat on his ex-wife with another woman
He said why in the video.
>OP no longer loves his daughters? Even though HE'S the one at fault?
You don't stop loving someone if they do something wrong to you, you stop loving them when you start being indifferent. He's been separated from them for a while, has his mind occupied with his new family, and they haven't wanted any contact with him for a while before that. That's exactly the kind of environment that get's people to move on/stop thinking about past experiences
He never stopped being a narcissist. He didn’t cut off his daughters for their sake - it’s because he couldn’t stand people not wanting to talk to him. He wasn’t cautious about hurting someone in a new relationship - he was cautious because someone new might judge him. He doesn’t love this new woman for her - he loves the idea that she is a second chance to prove he is a good person.
Exactly.
He didn't cut off his daughters, they cut him off and he respected that. If he was worried about someone new judging him, he wouldn't have been upfront about his transgressions. Idk where you're even getting the last bit from
Another problem is that he compared his girlfriend's severe drinking to his cheating and all other gross behaviors. He claimed, "Both of us have done awful things," as if his "awful thing" wasn't something that completely destroyed other people's lives and crushed their hearts and souls. He compared a coping mechanism caused by grief to a conscious choice he made based on nothing other than his selfish desires. He's a disgusting piece of trash imo.
I stopped listening about midway through when he started complaining about being replaced by his ex-wife's new husband. He claims that he knows that he's in the wrong but then everything else he states indicates that he doesn't actually think he did anything wrong. Then to suggest his wife was having an affair before he cheated on her...my goodness. Imagine not realizing that all of your problems are 100% self-inflicted.
>Imagine not realizing that all of your problems are 100% self-inflicted
I mean he did, he was saying it the whole video. Plus he already said the wife affair thing doesn't actually matter, since he has no ground to stand on for that.
How do you stop loving your kids because of the mistakes you made? I can understand leaving them alone but how do you stop loving them
why should he suffer feeling unrequited love his whole life when they are happy.. its just indifference
@@nxatie you know the saying that indifference is the exact opposite of love yadayada? it's even worse than hating them
@nxatie he didn't say he felt indifference. He said he no longer loved his own flesh and blood of his actions. The kids didn't do anything but tell him how they felt. If he was mad, he could love them from afar. But to say he no longer had any feelings for them at all is WILD
They don't love him *shrug*
@ i dont understand why he would love them...? if someone stops reaching out to you and loving you, why must he love them. Why should he continue to hurt himself over people who probably despise him..
I love how op realized what a failure of a husband and dad he was that he is trying his best to not ruin his second chance.
I’m not gonna lie, that last update infuriated the hell out of me. The way he talked about his daughters and how he just doesn’t love them anymore is just insane to me tbh.
@@peridotasadeadbritishmonar7924 im pretty sure most people would become detached or resent thme ot some level after they went no contact for 3 years.
@@peridotasadeadbritishmonar7924 i dont think it is, if you have someone you love, constantly telling you they hate you, how would you react? they grouped together and all told him they hated him in a letter my guy LMAO, like does he deserve it? yes. but he also doesnt need to continue to try and love people who refuse to love him, then he's just inflicting more pain upon himself. its called moving on. Alot of people have this weird ass loyalty to family, and i will NEVER understand that, just because they are related love is obligatory? obviously not, since they dont love him anymore they hate him, so why should he have to still love them? its hard for someone with a good relationship to their family to understand, but family isnt everything, alot of family members, especially the more distant you get from immediate relatives, care less and less about you, the only reason you even associate is because you share the same great great grandad. an alot of people let that idea of 'obligatory love' blind them to how manipulated they have been throughout their lives, we've all heard stories of horror parents and even the rare horror kid, so we are we chastising this guy just for moving on when his family wants nothing to do with him? lets say he did still get to spend time with his children and they recovered that love right, youd still be mad since he got a new wife, and has a relationship with his old kids, so i doubt youre mad because you wanted that connection to be salvaged. and youre not happy with him moving on, so what. you want him to be alone and sad forever? LMAO
@@brilymanlook I had a long reply typed out but I’m not gonna dignify your mental gymnastics about me and how I must have a great childhood with wonderful parents (I didn’t) with a reply outside of telling you to learn what the fuck paragraphs are. I had to read your reply like ten times and I still think I missed something you said.
@@brilyman You'd think he'd try to grovel for their forgiveness seeing as he's the one who destroyed their relationship, but this guy *does* have a streak of putting his wants and needs first and foremost lol He's not "moving on", it was already obvious from his previous posts that he doesn't care for them that much as he was essentially saying he wanted them to hurry up and forgive him already without actually doing anything to mend the relationship. He's just bowing out because rebuilding trust is a really difficult thing to do, and he doesn't want to put in the effort. And this is coming from someone who's cut off both parents after trying to communicate with them and salvage the relationship.
The Random shade at America, coming from a cheater💀
Deadass.. what was that America rant
I mean it do b dystopian over here but sir a simple “I’m not in the us” would suffice, we don’t need all that
What did america do to bro😂
He's just a guy trying to cast shade because his original children hate his guts
This man really equated his new gf almost drinking herself to death to cope with grief to his cheating just because he thought the grass was greener 😭
In the last update I feel like OP is trying to get back the family he lost through the new woman and daughter. But he sounds too paranoid and pessimistic. And the fact that he himself said that he lost the love he felt for his two daughters, yikes, what can his new family expect then.
Ain't gonna lie during the whole story op was selfish still thinking about himself. Even in the end , he is mad at everyone but himself. He is still selfish bc he doesn't have any care for his daughters from his ex-wife. He now hates them for his own mistake. I hope he doesn't end up treating his son like his daughters, hating him for being the result of his cheating
he never once said he hated them?? did you watch the video? he said he feels detached from them. big difference, and if he is selfish for trying to move on, so is everyone on this planet. he isnt mad at his new family at all, or his old family, he says he's at peace with what happened, he moved on LMAO stop chastising people who are trying to move on with their life after they make a fuckup
He never said he hates them? And he's repeatedly said throughout the story how much he realized what he did was wrong. He's clearly mad at himself too
Dating since middle school and STILL cheated?
It's said relationships like that don't last for a reason. I don't believe it as there are many, including myself, stories of middle and high school romances that work well into elderly age but there's a lot more stories of those that don't work out. And the main reason is usually cheating or feeling like they missed out on life
It's likely because they dated since middle school is why he cheated
OP has a mindset of “Yes I made an unfixable mistake, how quickly can I move on?” that shows in how he feels about his daughters at the end there. I would say it’s a good thing he can still feel guilt/shame for his mistakes but those are useless when you don’t actually sit and reflect on those mistakes. Hope it works out for him though.
did we watch the same video? the end is him literally reflecting on how fast he has moved on LMFAO and i quote "this new family is a 2nd chance but what does that say about me? i spent 16 years with my first family and in only 3 i have been able to completely emotionally detach from them" he even starts the damn post by saying "i know im a piece of shit for what ive done" and he also states he doesnt wanna relapse and make the mistake of cheating again like hello?? this whole post is literally him reflecting on everything LMAO
@@brilyman Are you OP? you're in every comment telling people that they aren't allowed to think he's changed.
@ im in 3 out of hundreds of comments, but sure lets go with "every" LMFAO and im saying the opposite, people in this thread seem to think hes incapable of changing and all he is doing is thinking of himself, ive stated that i think what he did 3 years after his fuck up, is fine, hes moved on and trying to be a better person to his new family. all i see is people hating him for getting a 2nd chance and thinking he's gonna treat them similarly
OP feeling apathetic for his daughters after 3 years of no contact is crazy. He says he was a devoted SAHD and raised those kids for 16 years, and to suddenly not care about them after 3 years. It's something I can't understand. Love always lingers.
He sure has a lot of anger in him still. I am happy he moved on though from his first family not for his sake but for theirs. They really don't need him and alsonfronhim I'm glad he moved on although I don't know if he's really ready for a new family.
I cut off my dad for the same reason many years ago. Haven't spoken to him in more than 20 years. I don't wish bad upon him but it's just a memory from the past that I no longer want in my life.
To OP, even though you admit what you did was messed up by having an affair and getting your affair partner pregnant, no amount of forgiveness would erase the damage you caused to your ex and daughters lives. It makes my blood boil that he stopped loving his daughters just because they want nothing to do with him or his son. I believe that in turn proves the one daughters point that now OP has a son, he doesn't need them anymore. This is just a hunch but I think there wasn't much love for his daughters from the beginning. I never wish ill will on anyone, not even my worse enemy. But I hope from this point in his life, OP makes better choices and doesn't repeat his mistakes with his son.
youre assuming so much LMAO, he says he tried a few times to reach ouut and everytime was met with vitriol, why would he continue to do that to himself? he wanted to maintain a connection but his kids didnt want to at all, so why fight them? he decided to finally move on instead of hoping they would come back to him later on in life. if you have someone you love, doesnt matter who, and they REFUSE to speak to you, and only say they HATE you when you reach out, why in the world would you continue to reach out? youu just wouldnt and thats fine, he deserves to know his family moved on and he means nothing to them now, but he doesnt need to constantly wish he still had them, he moved on. thats all.
>It makes my blood boil that he stopped loving his daughters just because they want nothing to do with him or his son. I believe that in turn proves the one daughters point that now OP has a son, he doesn't need them anymore
If that was actually how he felt when it came to his son, then he wouldn't have tried to keep a relationship with them to begin with. I dont have kids so I can't speak to the feelings regarding that, but I do know that long periods of time of separation and being occupied with a new life will make anyone lose feelings for what happen in their past. Plus, is he supposed to suffer forever?
@@kilokilo7254both of you are terrible people
I’m SO glad that OP’s ex and daughters are happy without him 🙏 They deserved so much better and it sounds like they found it 💕
Damn speaking of a true narcissist.. homie forgot all about his other children because they no longer do anything for him.. yikes
i was on board with the update until he said he no longer loved his other kids? idc if they are NC, that's so fucked up
no it isnt LMAO, if you had people constantly saying they hate you and to not reach out, you have no choice but to cut them off emotionally other wise youre going to drive yourself insane. if its fucked up that he doesnt love his kids, its equally as fucked they hate him for what he did, he's still their dad right? they still have to have that UNBREAKABLE bond riiiight?? no cause thats insane, just like forcing yourself to love someone who hates you is insane.
@@brilymanfound op
@@friendlyghosthost1830The daughters got a new and better male role model, and he luckily respected their wishes (forget about them and move on with his new family). There's no use in holding onto people you hurt and rightfully want nothing to do with you.
If you loved them you'll have to let them go, not for your sake, but theirs.
we're only a minute in and... "she got pregnant on purpose". sir, you were already a grown adult and a father of four. you know where babies come from. there's no allegation that you were assaulted by that secretary half your age - stop telling yourself that you're the victim, because you're not.
Nah that's entirely possible, knowing affair partners will engage in reproductive coercion to try and force the cheater to choose them by locking off any chance with the betrayed partner.
maybe he shouldnt have cheated and destroyed his family@reillycurran8508
even in the update he playing the victim lmao
i mean, he's a trashbag but i do believe that this is the best scenario everyone could be. the daughters doesn't want nothing to do with him so why would he insist in something that isn't good for anyone? i'm happy they move on an I hope he truly has learned with his actions.
Usually narcissists are unable to realize they’re narcissists and attempt change without years and years of therapy. Pretty shocked OP came to this conclusion after only 2.
thats because alot of people use the term narcissist when really theyre just a bit of an asshole, narcissism is RARE, and its much worse than what this guy is, he doesnt think people should worship him, he doesnt think hes gods gift to the earth and he understands why his previous family hate him, all things which narcissists wouldnt do. hes also not very manipulative, he accepted what happened and left their lives. point is he probably is someone with narcissistic tendencies at most but not someone with full on NPD.
I've dated a narcissist and its exactly like you said in the first bit, so that's why I don't really think he is one. I just think he's a bad person
@brilyman ok thank you for saying this cuz i thought a huge part of narcissism was the inability to recognize your behavior as harmful to others
@kilokilo7254 ok facts yeah he seemed too reasonable and self aware to be a real narcissist. We throw these words around way too casually these days.
The fuck is everyone so mad about with him not loving the daughters anymore. They literally told him upfront to never try to be part of their lives again. What moral good is achieved by continuing to love people who consider you already dead and gone?
What is so wrong about replacing a family that has completely rejected you, even if it was your own fault they did so? I think people are so mad at this story because it breaks their just world mindset, a cheater eventually was able to move on with their life and build something new, and that doesn't jell with people's blood lust for cheaters, so amgy.
ETA: The alternative to OPs mindset is where we get all those stories from people being harassed by parents seeking forgiveness years later. Y'all aren't mad OP moved on, y'all are mad OP was the one posting instead of one of the daughters talking about how she gets to hit him with a restraining order for never having gotten over it and kept trying to get back contact.
Yeah, I think people are not mad at the fact he stopped loving the daughters, but at the fact that he was able to rebuilt his life to some extent, and will continue living on with his life.
They only had 50k in shared savings in their 40s??? After living nearly rent free their whole lives? He is going to be working until he dies. At this point, he needs to buckle down with whatever is left of his "passion project" business and starting over with his son.
Maybe, the cost of living is not that high where he lives?
The fact he said he doesn’t love his girls anymore when it’s his fault all around. Smh. But i do agree with him on what he said about America thou😭
Everyone here is chastising him for saying he no longer loves his daughters but what else would happen?
They literally told him in a later that they hate him and want nothing to do with them. Was he supposed to remain sad about that forever? Because that's what feeling love for them would bring.
You can leave the door open for them to reunite if they wish and not continuously hold a belt to yourself yourself at the same time.
>Was he supposed to remain sad about that forever?
Yeah that's essentially what the people in this comment thread want. Nobody likes being cheated on, so seeing other cheater's getting retribution gives a lot of personal catharsis. At the same time, seeing a cheater move on gives a lot of negative emotions, because they don't want the cheater to be anything but just that.
@kilokilo7254 honestly I can totally understand where it comes from but people need to let folks change. I'm not exactly holding my breath for him because of what he did. But, clearly he hates himself and his actions so that helps a little as long as it doesn't leave to too much self pity
@ I agree, I definitely would never forgive him if I were in his previous family, but I'm detached enough from the situation to know that people can change. I think there's a lot of personal projection going on from others here, as in if this dude changes and gets a better life, then the cheaters they've dealt with could too which could be personally unacceptable for them
>i lost the love of my life
BROTHER IF YOU LOVED HER YOU WOULDN'T HAVE CHEATED
Yeah an older man with a business and a nice car is approached by a much younger woman who clearly sees a ring on his finger 😂 that will end up good every time. I don’t feel bad for him.
He should not feel “at peace” because he doesn’t love his “former” daughters anymore. He should honestly live in shame
This is growth. You may or may not like it, but guy is doing the best he can while aknowledgning what he messed up in the past. Some people might want that man to suffer for eternity, but that's not what happens in real life. Everybody fucks up, some more than others, but you just have to keep going.
Exactly. People like OP have more of my respect than people who are seemingly perfect at all times.
this guy literally has said in some of his comments he wouldn't care if his daughters Ԁіеԁ i get trying to move on but that's way too far especially since the dont talk to him due to HIS actions they're teenagers
@@florabelle4800so because they share genetics he owes them eternal pining?
Of course he wouldn't care if they died, they themselves made themselves non existent to him. He won't care because even if it happened he would never be told.
Caring for someone who will never care for you back, even if it is your actions that made that so, is just emotional self torment for no real reason other than reddit thinking it should be legal to burn cheaters in the public square.
@@florabelle4800That's far, but in my opinion, expected. He doesn't wish harm on them, but he's so detached he's got to the point where he wouldn't care if any of them passed away, like they were just any other random person on the street. Messed up.
"Me, me, me, my pain, me, my feelings"
While I'm glad someone decided to give him a second chance, I'm not sorry for this man, no matter how much he preaches he's changed and shaped up (now if only it didn't take him destroying his previous family for it). I'm glad and hope his past continues to haunt him
This guy is thanos level evil brooo
Props to OP for realizing his evil gf baby trapped him
I hope one day he can fix this
But I don't like how he plays the victim
What an absolute nightmare of a man. At least he realizes it. Sort of.
Absolutly noone :
This guy : let's have an open relationship
Unfortunately you can tell OP has not truly improved, he needs serious help and prpbably should not be in a relationship at this stage. His wording in that last update was grim, feels like overcorrecting language for things hes been told to feel but doesnt actually with all the self deprecation.
Ope i forgot to listen to his comments in the post, yeah that basically confirmed it. Also, equating his gf drinking in the wake of her husbands death to his cheating? Disgusting.
He already said he spent 3 years in therapy and realized through that what a horrible person he was being. What else does he need to do to show you hes "truly improved"?
@@kilokilo7254 thats my whole point lol through his words its obvious hes been told why hes horrible but he hasnt internalized any of it. Hes just saying what he knows others think before they get a chance to. He hasnt changed, he just feels like hes "done his time".
@ What about what he's said makes you think that he hasn't internalized any of it? What would he have to do/say to make you think that he actually has changed?
@@kilokilo7254 fair question! A big one is when he says hes "probably" still a bad person, thats a big flag that rather than having processed his issues emotionally he has just accepted logically that most people agree he was/is, and thus repeats that. True acceptance is very hard for narcissists. The detachment from his old family also shows he probably just repressed everything, and his anger and "why cant i be allowed to have a good life now" attitude in responding to comments shows hes still thinking of himself and believing himself to have "atoned for his crimes" instead of seeing himself as actually healed. I dont want this guy to just spend his whole life suffering, but learning and growing from 40+ years of narcissism isnt a short process and i ultimately think hes jumping the gun on this new relationship because hes still ultimately focused on his own wants above all.
never said womp womp this many times in 5 minutes
Fella, don't act like a victim here. Cheating was your active decision and your (ex)wife did what she was supposed to.
(I am not condoning her actions or encouraging them)
For the affair partner, she’s such a dumb girl. She should’ve investigated this man further. I mean, if you’re going to pull this horrible act, at least be smart about it. You can’t just get flashed by the first man that has pretty things.
The funny thing is there are guys who are smart on bullshit like she likes to pull and knowingly wear fake wedding rings to bars to attract wannabe other girls.
And like, ya can't even call them out on it, because it only works because of how catastrophically shitty the person it works on is for it to be able to work on them.
150k isn’t a big salary? even in a high cost area that’s an excellent salary
I mean it sounds shitty, but why hate OP for doing just as his daughters ask and move on without them?
People are being to hard and unrealistic. He cheated, the ex and kids moved on. He is allowed to do the same. He got his karma, if he actually learned something this won't happen again. I hope he still have a place in his heart for his kids but hes not evil if he dont. He have real feeling too. If they ever want to meet in the future but the kids need to understand and not force anything just like he did. He needs to be open about his feelings with his wife so they can figure it out together and do a little more therapy to help him get over it. Do i believe once a cheater, always a cheater? Depends on the person willingness to fix there behavior and take proactive step not to go down that path again. He clearly know hes not the good person in this and is trying to be better. Cut him some slack and show some compassion. He knows and we know. Giving crap won't change it what happened. If your going to be critical dont be hateful you can separate the 2.
Oh I have no sympathy for cheaters.
Karma.
hey, at least he seems to have aquired some semblance of self awareness, so uhhhhhh silver linings?
FORMER daughters??????
"Making me lose my wife and kids"..... sir YOU are the reason you lost them...
After the first few minutes i yelled KARMA
Womp womp
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lmao bozo xd
Standing ovation for OP. Anyone can change for the better. He is right to shut out all the self righteous people in his life who don't believe in second chances. Don't throw stones.
He cheated and permanently altered his kids life it’s not self righteous to not wanna forgive that
Not you glorifying a cheater. Maybe you see yourself in him and that's why you're bashing people who (rightfully) don't give cheaters a second chance.
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