The Darkest Mind game Narcissists Play

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  • Опубликовано: 2 янв 2025

Комментарии • 110

  • @awakeningEmpath
    @awakeningEmpath Год назад +11

    my narc mother used to say “ you can’t win, can you?” she set us up to fail , another one was “you’re damned if you do & you’re damned if you don’t” with a smirk on her face, now she is old & alone

  • @brinta19
    @brinta19 2 года назад +41

    The moment you Realize (not just think, or suspect, but Actually Absolutely without a doubt, REALIZE and ACCEPT that Narcs actually do not care about you, do not actually love you), then nothing surprises you anymore. All starts to make sense. Just do not expect love from them, and you will see through all they do from that point onwards.
    Do not expect truth, do not expect love, do not expect normal care for each other, do not expect them to remember the truth, do not expect them to tell others the truth. Do Not Expect. Period. And you will be okay.
    The moment you expect any regular behavior from Narc, you are On Their Rope and then God Save You.

    • @AllahsServant12
      @AllahsServant12 Год назад +3

      Oh how true is this. This is how I’m trying to live now… without any expectations, being indifferent towards them… it has given me some peace but just CANNOT understand how cruel they can just be???

  • @l.5832
    @l.5832 2 года назад +34

    My husband knew I had an abusive mother. He acted completely the opposite to her. And my narc mom openly said she didn't like him (which made me think he was a good choice). Then after we were married, I noticed him saying the very same abusive things that my mother had said many years earlier. Both wanted to dump me when I was sick. When my mother found out he was abusive, she started to like him. I told her he had punched me and her reply was "Well, he never did anything to me....I have nothing against him". Although he presented himself as completely opposite to my narc mom, they were the same person in different bodies.

    • @michelegray5970
      @michelegray5970 2 года назад +7

      It's very sinister how they are. They will take your vulnerability and act like they care to hook you then turn and do it to you. It's awful and I'm sorry you've gone through that.

    • @janejana333
      @janejana333 2 года назад +6

      It is true. My ex knew my father was very strict with me in childhood. He on the other hand was very gentle, caring..until short after wedding..he started to be passive agressive and he literally said: Apparently I have to start to be strict with you like your father was!

    • @betsysorrell1357
      @betsysorrell1357 Год назад +6

      They know you have been abused. They view you as a vulnerable target. Nothing makes them happier.

    • @jennybonker3425
      @jennybonker3425 Год назад +2

      It is deeply spiritual .A principality is attacking you through the people around you (Jezebel Spirit) The devil comes to steal,kill and destroy

  • @southerncatlady
    @southerncatlady Год назад +3

    The moat confusing thing to me was how my ex could twist my words and accuse me of horrific things when I could PROVE them FALSE. I still can't understand how someone could seriously think they could convince me that I did and said things that I could PROVE were false.

  • @terridillon3053
    @terridillon3053 2 года назад +45

    My mothers smirk showed that she was thinking “l’m allowing you to be and live, but I can take it away whenever I want.”Ultimately she did! It almost killed me!
    EVIL exists in families

    • @vascoespañol
      @vascoespañol 2 года назад

      Then she couldnt

    • @Freeminder-tj5us
      @Freeminder-tj5us 2 года назад

      My stbx overt narc mil told her son (my covert narc husband) the similar thing.

  • @aprildawnsunshine4326
    @aprildawnsunshine4326 2 года назад +12

    I think it's most accurate to call this psychological torture, especially when used to manipulate someone with pre-existing mental health problems. Also, anybody else have this turned around on them and accused of it for bringing up real problems: "you just want me to feel guilty about everything" when asking them to maybe put things back in the fridge after cooking or wipe up a spill before it becomes a mess that takes hours to scrub or sand off or close packages so food doesn't mold.

  • @jenniy7557
    @jenniy7557 2 года назад +4

    This is a very helpful video, thank you. Just said goodbye to a new friend who was showing narc signs. He recently texted me a seemingly friendly message with a question. I responded (after researching the question for 20 minutes) with a text and a link. He then sent me a stern text about how he was busy and would not look at the information until much later, sounding as if he was doing me a big favor by looking at it! No thank you or kind words. In the time he spent sending me two texts about my bad timing, he could have read the information I sent (it wasn’t a lot of reading).
    I was furious at his attitude and lack of appreciation. I’ve ended the friendship as there were many red flags!

  • @blondiesgirl1986
    @blondiesgirl1986 2 года назад +17

    This is what broke me this right here! I felt so dirty and disgusting, I couldn’t wash him off of me no matter how much I showered! It’s pure torture.

  • @Lambert7785
    @Lambert7785 2 года назад +8

    (1:55) the most confusing thing was how they could seem to be so normal and "on the right side of things", and then turn around and be completely an agent of some kind of harm, for more and more extended periods of time

  • @degenerate82
    @degenerate82 2 года назад +17

    Another term for the double bind is something called the Hegelian Dialectic. You get two or more false choices, but whichever one you take leads to the same pre-planned or desired outcome.

    • @tarey05
      @tarey05 2 года назад +1

      very good point!

  • @whatsupchannel3047
    @whatsupchannel3047 2 года назад +4

    Choice is taken away , they dangle a carrot constantly to keep you by their side . Very informative.

  • @izawaniek2568
    @izawaniek2568 Год назад +2

    Thank you for another great video. In All relationships with narcisists you are bound to lose because The nature of this relationship is corrupt and evil, it is based on a lie and deceit which is why it can not bear good fruit.

  • @tarey05
    @tarey05 2 года назад +18

    Thank you for this, Danish, for presenting on this difficult and painful topic. Your work is so critical to the healing of so many who have nowhere else to turn! You're deeply appreciated for your expertise and accessibility for many who have suffered. You are an international treasure!! Thank you for all you've done and continue to do for this community! God bless you!

  • @ND-or5so
    @ND-or5so 2 года назад +7

    He never says: You didn't do anything wrong. He doesn't talk to me like in your video saying "please don't blame yourself, you didn't do anything wrong." He has never communicated in that way. That's too nice and reassuring for him to speak that way to me.

  • @QQ-yi6yg
    @QQ-yi6yg Год назад +3

    Survivor of a narcissistic relationship with my mother. Thank you for these videos

  • @corinasaebels9076
    @corinasaebels9076 2 года назад +10

    You are simply amazing!! There has not been one video where I did not connect with what you are talking about. This video is again so bang on, to the way that my husband has been treating me for years!!
    Thank you so much, for opening my eyes, and helping me to realize that I am not imagining things!

    • @betsysorrell1357
      @betsysorrell1357 Год назад

      So encouraging to hear what the narcs agenda of manipulation is and they operate. This has made me more aware.

    • @betsysorrell1357
      @betsysorrell1357 Год назад

      I meant how they operate

  • @svn4889
    @svn4889 Год назад +4

    By far this is one of the ULTRA PRO MAX CONTENT ON NARCISSISM Thank you DANISH 🙏

  • @isabelmarcheselli
    @isabelmarcheselli Год назад +2

    Most insightful, thank you. Amazing video. Please talk more about the double bind in the future.

  • @tarey05
    @tarey05 2 года назад +2

    Thanks!

  • @mjayanthi3425
    @mjayanthi3425 Год назад +1

    You said it right
    Oh my god , you know exactly how victims are suffering
    God bless you

  • @TamekaBuckley-h8e
    @TamekaBuckley-h8e 3 дня назад

    When he acted like he really wanted me when he really hated me.

  • @kennethlapointesongwriter3330
    @kennethlapointesongwriter3330 2 года назад +8

    Yes even before you defined it I thought it's probably like 'you're damned if you do...and damned if you don't. In other words it's set up so you can't win no matter what...it's a lose-lose for you. All rigged up by them. Unfortunately for them I am very strong-minded and strong-cored so the idea they can make me do something I don't want to do, or achieve the outcome they want is almost impossible.

    • @ND-or5so
      @ND-or5so 2 года назад

      @kennethlapointe...:
      Are you with a Narcissist? If so,
      what type of Narcissist is that person?

    • @kennethlapointesongwriter3330
      @kennethlapointesongwriter3330 2 года назад

      @@ND-or5so You could say 'one is in the same environment as me'. What type of narc? Covert, malignant, antisocial, probably sociopathic, maybe psychopathic. Imo.

  • @peggysue22
    @peggysue22 2 года назад +3

    How he could just up and leave with no explanation and just not talk to me anymore

  • @whatgoesaroundcomesaround
    @whatgoesaroundcomesaround 2 года назад +2

    Can you pls talk about the hypocrisy and double standard that are clearly shown that even there own child notices it. He’s a neglectful parent but insist I’m keeping him away. When my child does ever be with his dad in reality it’s not to be with him but bc he wants to play with his fav cousins. When he’s back with me on his own he explains he had a great time playing and stuff but when it comes to his dad it’s a different story. It’s hostile and I see how my son will shift in moods he scared to stand up for himself and looks to him constantly for assurance that he’s doing what he wants him to in almost everything. It saddens me and depressing that I chose him for a father to my big hearted son. If you can pls just give insight in some way to this you have helped me so much

  • @grandmaslifeandstories
    @grandmaslifeandstories 2 года назад +5

    He’d tell me, “I choose you and you alone of all the women in all the world,” and then spend hours satisfying a porn addiction.
    He’d say, “You are the best cook in all the world. You could make even dirt taste good!” He’d tell our kids and friends this about me too, then he’d come home and tell me he’d been stopping on the way home from work to grab chicken sandwiches secretly because he didn’t want me to know. This never made sense. I don’t care if he eats out, I don’t need affirmation that’s so over the top on my cooking. Why say such things and then indicate just the opposite with actions. Why not simply be honest? It would made me feel like something is wrong with me in so many ways. It was so confusing. Yes, it’s way beyond emotional abuse.

    • @KittyKat8946
      @KittyKat8946 2 года назад

      Same here. His porn addiction became so bad that he went so far as to make his own porn with his 1st cousin for years behind my back. They had the studio set up at her house because she lives alone. And then she never invited anyone to her house, except him. I am a baker and he would brag to everyone how great a baker I am. Buy me all the high end professional gadgets and gear. But then would never eat anything I made. But would go to bakeries that sold the same things I would typically make, but theirs were never as good as mine and bring them home and eat those. I was with him for 25 years. Am finally out, now 3 months. Healing is slow, but I am healing.

  • @priyamadappa1
    @priyamadappa1 2 года назад +1

    Most confusing is the on the edge, stuck feeling of not understanding, not knowing what they are, wanted or needed because there was constant highs and lows and never a sense of peace clarity contentment kind of relating with them

  • @aakritiyaanshita
    @aakritiyaanshita 2 года назад +3

    Oh my god...correct ..I felt this I suffered this💔

  • @startingbrandnew3055
    @startingbrandnew3055 2 года назад +4

    I hate politics but still that's the first thing popped in my mind about "double bind". No matter which side "you chose" you're still their slave... Sorry, i just couldn't help it..

  • @patjackson1775
    @patjackson1775 2 года назад +3

    Talk about disrespectful behaviour on the part of my whole family

  • @svn4889
    @svn4889 Год назад +1

    There have been many confusing instances
    My bf said he cant marry anyone as he doesnt want the commitment of marriage. But after sometime he says that we can be friends and we can be "physically connected" and that we could be friends with benefits so both of us could marry anyone we want but we could still hook up.
    After a month this guy says that he has deeply "fallen in love" with me and he wants to "give me a happy life" I asked him then why he saud he wouldn't marry anyone to which he said "dont know what destiny has for me and you" I was like confused he said he cant marry then he says friends with benefits and now it seems he is in deep love. ..its like multiple choice question for which I don't know how to pick the right answer

  • @rnupnorthbrrrsm6123
    @rnupnorthbrrrsm6123 2 года назад +1

    Deeper than explanation !!!!!
    That is exactly what I live with in the aftermath 😢

  • @patjackson1775
    @patjackson1775 2 года назад +2

    Both my son and narcissist husband said they would respect my wish to stay safe a avoid gathering since I have COPD and others risks if I got Covid. In the Firestone days of the pandemic he invited our other son to come right home from New Orleans and isolate here . The other son kept coming over often for coffee. With in days of both promising to respect my wishes even for a few weeks. Then he’s denied that I got long Covid. I was just lazy for two years. The local son fought down and arrested a guy who was taken to hospital with Covid. No one told me this for weeks.

    • @susanparker9877
      @susanparker9877 2 года назад +1

      Dissociation at its finest. Don't get together, but let's get together. Saw lots of that too. Magical thinking.

  • @chrisharris2367
    @chrisharris2367 2 года назад +3

    I really enjoy your videos!

  • @shabanaahmed6631
    @shabanaahmed6631 2 года назад +2

    My question is how is so much theory about narcissist available ? Whatever you are sharing is correct.

  • @narcabusecoach
    @narcabusecoach  2 года назад +1

    Download the Free answer guide To Get Answers to the Top 10
    Questions Every survivor of Narcissistic Abuse Asks: www.emotionalabuserecovery.com

  • @jinypaul3015
    @jinypaul3015 2 года назад +1

    Very helpful and informative ... Thanks🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

  • @starqueenlotus3755
    @starqueenlotus3755 Год назад +2

    Yes then what happens , damn if you do and damn if you dont

  • @southerncatlady
    @southerncatlady Год назад

    Please, forgive me for comment sp@mming... But this is the most validating (albeit painful) video I've seen thus far. Thank you so much, Danish

  • @aladyinthemeads
    @aladyinthemeads 2 года назад +5

    My biggest question now is: do narcissists hurt other people consciously or is it just their illness, unconsciousness? Should we actually blame them for their deliberate, fully sane actions? Or, should we regard them as insane and - somehow - innocent of what they are doing?

    • @christina4018
      @christina4018 2 года назад +6

      I’ve heard another qualified psychologist say absolutely they choose to behave this way and are aware of what they’re doing, it’s just a means to an end.

    • @priyanesan3299
      @priyanesan3299 2 года назад +7

      They know exactly what they’re doing and what the outcome will be from the beginning to the end.

    • @craigspence1673
      @craigspence1673 2 года назад +4

      They are sick people.

    • @AllahsServant12
      @AllahsServant12 Год назад +3

      This is a great question. I often wonder about it too. Here’s my two cents on this topic. I think a great indication that they KNOW what they are doing is when they can switch their personalities between people, that’s when you know they know exactly what they are doing. Or else, they will be abusive to everyone around them now wouldn’t they? But they’re not??!! Why? Because they CHOOSE to abuse some people. Hence, they KNOW that they are doing it but they just simply doesn’t seem to care because they are only focused on “supply”.

    • @aladyinthemeads
      @aladyinthemeads Год назад

      @@AllahsServant12 Wow! To the point! Thank You so much for your contribution and your brilliant description!

  • @timr2007
    @timr2007 2 года назад +2

    I remember in our first or second year of marriage, my wife had a friend visit for maybe two hours. Wife did almost all the talking. I could not understand because it had been years since seeing this her friend. Mostly, I was in the computer room, and I wrote how disappointed I was. Didn't show it at all to anyone. I guess I needed to learn more (on my own).

    • @chimasunday4415
      @chimasunday4415 2 года назад

      That's a funny one

    • @timr2007
      @timr2007 2 года назад

      @@chimasunday4415 Not funny 33 years later. Dead serious.

  • @terridillon3053
    @terridillon3053 2 года назад +2

    This IS TRUTH!

  • @catmomjewett
    @catmomjewett 2 года назад +3

    Maybe I’m immune to cognitive dissonance. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve been pretty quick to resolve apparent disparities in his messaging and actual behavior. Having explained the negative effect his bullying was having and seeing no change in the behavior, I decided that he, in fact, did not love me (whatever that means). It did take a few years. The bullying did not stop, but there was not the confusion. I told him he had a problem and the work I was doing to help myself would not fix it. Then, I learned about narcissism and realized this was a rabid robot situation. I adjusted my attitude and behavior to fit my reality and now he is on an extended quest to get his gig back. Ain’t happenin’. 28 years married. I suspect that my being autistic is an asset. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that.

    • @vascoespañol
      @vascoespañol 2 года назад +1

      Still married???????

    • @ND-or5so
      @ND-or5so 2 года назад +1

      So the Narcissist doesn't do the bad things to you that you've talked to him about? I've explained everything to this Covert Narcissist more than once on what not to do to me, and he still does it anyway.

  • @marcginthe5d
    @marcginthe5d 2 года назад +2

    Great example she got a restraining order after the birth of all 3 children- I took her back after each one on promises & love bombing to never do that again - I’ll never get a restraining order again she said - here I am in more trouble now than ever before for false testimony- this time was the worst & I wasn’t even there for the event in her mind - now I have cptsd

  • @kerrytaggart8206
    @kerrytaggart8206 Год назад

    Wow. Fantastic!

  • @lunamoondrop
    @lunamoondrop 2 года назад +2

    i have no memory of my mom or dad ever saying, “I love you.”

  • @sajitha789
    @sajitha789 2 года назад

    They never change

  • @evilpixiedance
    @evilpixiedance Год назад

    Most confusing thing is how he thought he was smarter than everyone else.

  • @kalkhan816
    @kalkhan816 Год назад

    Dear danish this is really interesting but I don't understand it, please would you do another video but explain a covert narcissist mother and this double bond thing

  • @tasmisa6778
    @tasmisa6778 2 года назад

    I can't think how to react to my dad's unnatural behaviors .... always takes side to his daughter.... sometimes I do think I'm the Mannerless and the other time I just want to destroy everything dear to them even I have to accept the fact that when we're up to destroy something it's own self which gets destroyed first🌧️🌧️🌧️

  • @SupremeAtheist
    @SupremeAtheist 2 года назад +1

    That narc thinks a care about what they see me. I know who they are, that’s more than billions and the power that narc think they have

  • @Earthoceanfire435
    @Earthoceanfire435 2 года назад +5

    He would yell at me every morning if I peed before making coffee.

    • @kennethlapointesongwriter3330
      @kennethlapointesongwriter3330 2 года назад +4

      Sorry for laughing but that made me laugh at how stupid and controlling that is. Can you say 'control FREAK'. Which I would say is definitely another term for narcissist.

    • @susanparker9877
      @susanparker9877 2 года назад +2

      Someone had issues. He should have made his own coffee. Sorry, it's not funny at all. I might have had an accident.....

    • @Earthoceanfire435
      @Earthoceanfire435 2 года назад +3

      @@susanparker9877 I peed first of course and got yelled at.

    • @TheAshesArt
      @TheAshesArt 2 года назад +3

      That is insane.

    • @Earthoceanfire435
      @Earthoceanfire435 2 года назад +2

      @@kennethlapointesongwriter3330 he was extremely controlling.

  • @y.d1272
    @y.d1272 2 года назад +1

    I hope you read this☺️please please
    Do you have a video about this?
    I realyy like to know how to cope with a narcistic parent when they like ask you to do things
    The last time I said no… to a dinner I got ignored for 8months.
    I dont know how just to keep peace and at the same time just have more space between them and from them.
    because after those months I had to explain myself and a lot of drama,
    I dont want that… like for a coffee its ok but not those weird arguments.
    I dont know how to set boundries without all this drama and stress.

  • @Proverbs31woman_786
    @Proverbs31woman_786 Год назад

    U are a very smart man

  • @sudhak86
    @sudhak86 2 года назад +1

    👍🏻 thanks bro

  • @BethElyonOmegaX
    @BethElyonOmegaX 2 года назад +2

    Do you have experience with religious narcissists that condemn you for your inequalities while pointing their finger so that you ignore their inequalities?

  • @LoveSource1111
    @LoveSource1111 2 года назад +1

    He had me dressing acting like a cat. Got me to get a cat when I was allergic. It's humiliating

  • @Margottaful
    @Margottaful 2 года назад

    thank you

  • @jadeg1095
    @jadeg1095 2 года назад +1

    I really don’t know how to get out of it 😢

  • @pepperjonesugoChristian
    @pepperjonesugoChristian 2 года назад

    Assassination especially for a child under care of parent is apparent. 9:44

  • @carmenpeters728
    @carmenpeters728 4 месяца назад

    My narcissist father set me up to be approached by a man he knew. I was married and had 1 child with me.

  • @ND-or5so
    @ND-or5so 2 года назад

    Danish:
    Good video.

  • @jordanfalkowski6924
    @jordanfalkowski6924 Год назад

    This topic seems is the cathedar

  • @ND-or5so
    @ND-or5so 2 года назад

    Danish:
    In the very beginning of your video, I think they are trying to train us and wear us down.

  • @kristinmeyer489
    @kristinmeyer489 2 года назад +1

    EXACTLY

  • @occultexaminer
    @occultexaminer Год назад

    Is that iodine on your palms? Iodine helps protect from radiation 🙂

  • @TheTroutyness
    @TheTroutyness Год назад

    Ugh… this. 😢

  • @patriciajohnson6653
    @patriciajohnson6653 Год назад

    THE BATES MOTEL NEIGHBORS.

  • @ND-or5so
    @ND-or5so 2 года назад +1

    The Covert doesn't recognize how his actions hurt me or that he did wrong when he freaks out on me when I mention something to discuss that wasn't resolved and not explained. The next morning he will ignore me acting as if I am in the wrong when he overreacted and took a tantrum and yelled which blew it way out of proportion. I think he should be apologizing saying that he shouldn't have acted the way he did. Is he that stupid not to see his disturbing behavior made it wrong?

  • @PreetiSharma-yj8rb
    @PreetiSharma-yj8rb 2 года назад

    😢😢

  • @JehudaEwert
    @JehudaEwert Год назад

    The beginners double bind (kiondergarden version taught by femvertising {actual discipline n advertising, let's call it selling out women unsder the pretext enabling to liberate, which is you should send away everyone who's good for you, andreplace it what ever is sold to you e.g. via dating) that beginners double bind is in german called "thte salad method".YOu prepare the salad and coat it with the dressing but then let it stand - only inthe versuion here that salad is supposed to rot afterwards.Teasing and 'ghosting', comes in variation with a languidly gaze from far, presenting a replacement with a fluing monkey who checks if you look, then the gaze somewhere else.That would be acceptable, if indeed simply another partner is found annd the person is happy.But to avoid that impression, there can be staged (mflying monkey checks if you look, then the drama-queen suffers until the ok comes for mission acciomplished).Never a clear word.And post-me-too in the west EVERY reaction or not reaction is possibly used as an argument, that it's the equivalent to a criminal begaiviour or at least stocking (andwhen you change the times to walk the dog, even- if possible-where, soon the person is there and claims that territory).Actually the amount of energy, time effort of organising necessary that person wastes for something, that doesn't objectivly make their life better - is fascinating autodestructive.Instead of organising 'the replacement exponat' staging the flying monkeys (ad probably there had been several unsuccesful runs, you'll be astonished), that energy could be used for having instead of the exponat a partner, instead of flying monkeys friends,(and you can do your own thing).Even a computer is based on accepting the minimum of failure, thus reducing the errors to that minimum.Only a narcissist thinks it's a tool of perfection for perfect controll and toys with the iinevitable system crash.