That female interrogator was awesome, she planted the seed and watched him crumble in minutes. One of my favourite things she said was when he came to take the lie detector. She said to him something like “ because you would have to be very stupid to take this test if you’re guilty” 😂 you could see his mind thinking “ok this is the end for me” .
I would love to see a video... how to respond to someone who always shuts down communication with Any criticism against this tactic is seen as something that other people need to learn.
As a person raised in the system, I always got defensive as a kid but I was also falsely accused of things all the time (because that's toxic family life for you). So sure, getting defensive is a sign of deception, but can also be residue from a traumatic experience.
If someone has ADHD or an anxiety disorder, it might appear that they're being dishonest when they're merely confused, didn't pay attention to a situation or their surroundings, or consistently feel or appear nervous and guarded. They also tend to over or under answer questions and explain things.
I have some clients that are like this. They don't pay attention and they dont understand a question so they don't know how to answer except on a whim getting themselves in trouble. Then after their "whimful" answer and details of questions are more understandable to them as they have cognitive issues, then the real truth comes out. It may take more explaining to those with neurological issues than others.
Totally agree exspecially with the body actions they use as tell real signs I'm so Adhd and I would look so guilty because of nerves and twitching fiddling I'd be locked up so fast even if innocent, this is scarry hope I'm never faced with that senerio
I once had an employment interview where they mentioned one of my references and told me they said this or that about me. Things I knew they'd never have said both because I knew them well and because those weren't things anyone who worked with me would say about me. I ended the interview because I found the idea of going to work for a liar repulsive. I considered the idea that he was just a really stupid interviewer but concluded that wasn't much better than working for a liar.
@@JiihaaS Then what qualifies as passing in that event? Do they want an employee who just humors the liar, or one that confronts them but is still okay with working with them? Like I said, at best stupid of them.
9:31 Here is the problem: "... you are testing their narrative." The examples he brings up are from parenting, friendships and the workplace. If someone is important to you, you do not test their narrative; you accept it. If you profile the people around you or test their narrative, you destroy the "climate". Lies have short legs. Someone may tell you a lie, but he/she might have a reason for it. - So, let it go. Try to see the person, not the words. If "lying" is their problem, they will run out of lies eventually. If "testing the narrative" is their problem, they will run out of trust eventually.
My mother 43 years ago used these tactics on me. 98% of the time I lied. I kept wondering how did she know this! Until one day day she accused me of something that I know I didn’t do and she was busted. All my life I’ve been lied to by every living person I’ve been around. Friends, family, etc. I call it auto lie! That’s all they do. Keeping up with so many lies will trip a person up. And you will eventually find out the truth. But the sooner the better. Great video. I’ll watch it over and over again.
This is Spidey, I've known of him for a long while, he has other channels, I only ever knew him as a magician, a damn good one too, and had no clue about this channel, til I was recommended it yesterday. Really glad I was recommended it. Spidey is a legend.
All the other channels say that I’m a gaslighting narcissist psychopath when I lie to my partner to catch her in a lie. This guy tells me it’s the preferred method. I love this channel.
So my mom tried that last one on me as a teen almost exactly like that.. I of course said yes. She told me she lied and I just counted with "I know, I thought we were both just making stuff up." I still got in trouble for being smart but I remembered the hypocrisy of that moment. I'm not sure using a lie to catch someone in a lie - especially with a kid. That shit gets remembered.
That's what i thought... Always be prepared that they might try to question you like they know what you did, even though they may not know. Take a gamble and call their bluff by sticking to your story. "No, there should be no reason why anyone would have saw me in your office today, since i wasn't there"
I was accused of doing something at work and the supervisor said to me, ‘We are going to check the cameras.’ My response was go ahead because I didn’t do it. Why didn’t she already check the cameras? She later told me who admitted they did what I was accused. I knew I was innocent and her accusation instantly made me not trust her and I looked for another job. Accusing someone is NOT a wise thing to do. If I were seeing someone and they accused me of seeing another, my response would be that we aren’t married. These examples given do not contain wisdom.
"Is there any reason...?" is in itself a deceptive question if it never happened. This is particularly bad with your children because it ultimately destroys trust and teaches that situational lying is ok.
Situational lying IS ok. Would you rather have your kid secretly doing heroin and kill himself, or pull a little white lie to catch him. It is a parents job to cut through their children's lies, because kids often lie. I'm not saying you should lie all the time, but when a parent gets suspicious about something affecting the well-being of their child, it is their duty to outsmart the kid and make sure they have the truth.
I will totally use the first 2 on my 5 year old who is constantly lying about stealing treats and snacks (and refuses to eat the healthy food I made) from his older sisters and the locked pantry that he figured out how to get into.
THANK YOU!!! I had been deceived by somebody from my close circle and I don’t think I wanted to believe this person could violate me so deeply, so I ignored all of the signs and even started to question my own sanity! Then I came across this and you helped me get the truth, piece of mind and comfort knowing I wasn’t losing my mind! Thank you ❤
There's one thing I would like anyone watching this to take into account. The person's prior behavior/record of incidents. As a child I got in a lot of trouble. Admittedly I did a lot of the things I got accused of.... At first. Once you have a certain reputation for being in trouble, you will be blamed or implicated by reputation. Especially if it has to do with children. There were a lot of times I got in trouble because someone had known I had a reputation and would use me as a scape goat. This creates a defensive barrier in the person's mind that, when presented with questions like this, immediately triggers a defensive position, which in turn makes you seem guilty of what you are being questioned about. The first question would be answered by this person exactly like a guilty person would answer, because they're used to the blame falling on them anyways. Second question, no, this person's narrative doesn't crumble but you're almost definitely getting a response driven by anger and anxiety. The third question is the only one I would say has actual ground. I will say this, if you have kids, only use the third one, if they have a reputation for deception to begin with. All three questions are created out of manipulation and can be very damaging to a child. I know, I was the kid getting asked these. The only one that actually works without causing damage in your relationship with someone is the third question. Especially when it comes to kids. Please do not use this on children unless you absolutely have to. To the creator of the video, feel free to contact me and we can collaborate on more constructive and less manipulative ways to get the truth out of children
3 Questions 1) When we find out who did this what should the consequences be? Listen for severity (less= likely guilty), pronouns (I answers=likely guilty) 2) Is there any reason (example) why someone would say they saw you in my office? 3) I heard Jimmy’s parents are doing renovations in the kitchen. Is there a disaster in there? (Used to find truth of where they were..made up renovation question)
I used question #2 on my then-husband regarding his girlfriend and he asking- is there any reason someone would say that they had seen you and she together in the lobby of the hotel?
Question 1 my response would be, "It's not my problem nor is it my job. You get paid to deal with that BS, not me." Ya, these questions may sound intelligent to ask but will not help to identity anything unless you're a psychopath who views those around you as being less intelligent than you. Innocent people will not always suggest the harshest punishments because some people are more civilized than others. Guilty people could equally suggest harsher punishments as well. It's the temperament and character of the individual one must take into consideration when asking those questions. And people come in many characters and temperaments.
@@sebastienbolduc5654 And your reply doesn't answer the question. Which makes you look like you are trying to avoid the question or buy some time and that usually leads to that you are guilty.
My friends and I used to make fun of pathological liars in our school by making up band names and saying "OMG, have you heard Big-Pink-Rat's awesome new song "Two for me" that has been all over the radio? And they would be like "yeah totally. I love that song", and then we would proceed to ask detailed questions about the song and watch them squirm to say vague, generic things about a song they have never heard and doesn't even exist.
The silence technique… When you get an answer you’re not sure about give a blank stare and go silent. If they continue with vague details usually means their first answer was wrong. Now they’ll have to cover the lie with more lies to try to convince you that they weren’t lying with the first answer. I also notice that with a simple yes or no question, and they go into an explanation, that is also a sign of covering a lie with a lie to try and convince you…
When it comes to police interrogations, and other types of investigation related to serious crimes, I can see how these techniques could be helpful for seeking the truth. But in my opinion, these techniques are utterly devastating when applied to personal/intimate relationships. Openness and honesty are key requirements in maintaining a healthy relationship with other people. And #2 and #3 are just flat-out deceptions. When applied, you would either: A. Intentionally lie to an innocent loved one, and when caught, use more deception to save face (making you a malicious person) B. Be called a hypocrite for condemning someone for lying to you, despite you lying back to their face (so what's the point?) In both scenarios, nothing would have been accomplished other than seeding mistrust in your relationship (or unintentionally giving the liar a "free pass" because you just did the same thing to them).
Yep, if you are at this point at work -find a new job. Cant trust your colleagues/boss In a relation - its dead. You dont/cant trust and believe you are lied to. Abusive relationship or control freak ? Kids/Family Small kids: if you cant see when they lie its your fault Young adults: Lying out of fear of stupid consequences?? If they have to lie when they went somewhere, came back late, minor stuff.. what if something really bad happens ? Blame yourself!!
I agree. I think it's better to just trust, because eventually any deception will come out. This shifts the onus to the other person and you will not have lost your peace.
As an Autistic guy who is studying psychology (completed bachelor degree) I feel like some of those questions would be interpreted differently and responded to differently in an Autistic context. It’s possible that I am generalising from my own reaction to them, but I suspect that isn’t the case. While Autistic people generally don’t lie, we are certainly capable of it. I’d be interested to see a video showing differences in body language in Autistic people and what our tells are vs neurotypical folk. It would also be good to address things that are tells of deception in neurotypicals that are not usually related to lying in Autistic people. It’s just something I would find interesting, but it might be too niche. I am really enjoying your videos so far, great work :)
Dude!!!! That’s so amazing!! Anyone on the spectrum studying psychology is so great!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. The rules of lie detection do not apply to the spectrum you’re right because depending on where on the spectrum someone is they may or may not even be capable of lying. As much as I would love to make a video about how we adapt to that situation, it’s not my field of expertise at all. 😞
@@TheBehavioralArts That's fair enough 😁. I appreciate your openness about what is and isn't your area, and I'll just keep it in the back of my mind watching your videos. You've got me interested in learning more about body language, as it will be useful for me in practice and potentially in some research paradigms too. In research I like to use EEG as it's fairly objective but I can see some ways observational data could compliment it. 😊
I'm autistic too and it's extremelley difficult for me to lie. I can't cope with any deception at all. It's difficult for me to live in this world where almost everybody has a fake veneer and often hides the truth. I also don't understand how people literally ghost you or say yes but then don't turn up, just because they can't tell you directly that they can't do or don't know what you're asking of them.
yeah, as an ASD I'd chime in with the renovations-question and lie because I want to mentally support the person that asks the question, not because I want to deceive. I wonder about my body language too, as a life long study of interactions and a superquick thinker I can pass for NT when in conversation. In another video Spidey mentions few people can fake the grieving face but I can operate the right muscles (by feeling grief). I assume I'm doing it wrong as S. was adamant about it. Interesting topic!
I was going to comment about this as well since my partner and my teenager brother I live with both have ADHD. I’m studying psychology and also have ADHD. A lot of the time, some of my special foods or something will be gone and both my partner and brother will say it wasn’t them. My brother has very quick, short responses to everything and he gets very defensive when he believes in the slightest he might be being accused (due to trauma). My partner is a pathological liar which I’ve called out over the years and he says he’s trying to stop, but he’ll tell me what I want to hear for me to believe he’s better than what he thinks he is. I wish there was a way to detect deception in them but they’re both very good at hiding their emotions and most of the time I have to come to no conclusion, have no appropriate punishment, and then feel like I’ve suffered injustice because one of them is lying. It’s very hard with all of us having ADHD but it’s something else when you don’t get an honest answer and have to parent both your partner and your brother
SO enlightening! Wish I had known these detection tips when I had teenagers. But thankfully like other Mums too, when you tell a young child 'Mums know EVERYTHING!' they start to wonder. Usually when they're caught out, they start to think what you really DO know about them. Usually it's Mum's keeping in touch with one another that the kids know nothing about, but the looks on their little faces! Priceless!
Right. I saw right through it, how manipulative and deceptive the questions are. I would've never asked them, nor would I answer them. I would have none of it. I'd say: Well, when you figure it out, shout me a holler then.
Recently had my boss come at me with this line of questioning. Because of my personality type I naturally come off as guilty though I had zero involvement or knowledge of the event in question. I have found that breaking out my own head and being brutally honest but not rude has served me well. These are my two "go-to's". First. I reinforce that "I don't know", either by saying it outright or guiding the questioner to that point. Second it's important to follow that up with a polite "I don't care". This usually happens in the form of, "Listen, I realize this is a(n) important/sensitive issue, but quite frankly I don't care." One removes you from the scenario and the second reminds your inquisitor that the impetus to find the truth is on them, and not something for you to cook up out of thin air. To be clear, the above fits my personality and is used very sparingly.
I was born in Europe, & there is a saying in my country; "" SAY OUT THE EXACT COMPLETE TRUTH, THEY WILL BREAK YOUR HEAD! "" meaning, some times, some pople, don' recognize or appreciate the honest truth, just make hasty quick unfair ( prejudice ) judgements. I feel with you Read more! I really do!
@AYVABTU (OP). First thing, “brutal honesty” that is not “rude”, is just called honesty. Second thing is, your Gotos are less effective than you think. The first one if said outright makes you sound belligerent and possibly have something to hide. It sounds like something a criminal would say. “Leading” someone like you described has the risk of you look manipulative. Your second answer of “I don’t care” reinforces these points. Also, the first part does not remove you from the scenario. And the second, the inquisitor is searching for the truth by asking you questions, if they didn’t, it would require that it be made out of thin air. Your view point on this is exactly backwards from your intentions. You would be better if you appeared more cooperative speaking clearly, concisely and honestly using open postures and language. No need to “lead” people to a conclusion and no need to “remind” them about questioning you does not help lead them to the truth.
@@robertt9342 I take it you find yourself in the "inquisitor" roll more often than you'd like? Your response sounds trained. This leads me to believe that no matter the line of questions and subsequent answers, you'd follow up with more baseless if not outright useless questions, unlit the point you've exhausted all line of questioning or yourself. I'll make the guess that either the line of questioning is exhausted or people just start making things up to satiate your needs but thanks to your tenacity your resolve never wanes. Going back to the training, whether learned or schooled, you're basic approach is to swing a question hammer until you get some answers. And you know what they say about hammers.... Everything looks like a nail. Keep in mind, my view point is from the position of complete innocence, whereas your's is from the view that everyone knows something and is therefore guilty.
@@AYVABTU001 . LOL… you are hilarious. You made a lot of strange and baffling assumptions about me and my life. It’s not only that your assumptions are incorrect but also lack any fundamental basis to establish them, and all this over a critique of your subjectively flawed strategy. Your reply is so strange, it’s like it was taken from some kind of manifesto. I cant really assume too much about you but your reply and original post leaves me thinking that you suffer from some kind complex, maybe a persecution type possibly. I will take one thing you said as compliment, my response sounding “trained”. For something I made up off the top of my head from watching this video and reading you OP, sounding good enough to be “trained” is a reasonable compliment, thank you.
Spy the Lie is a great book. I love the example with OJ where the detectives allow him to get psychologically entrenched by saying “we know you didn’t do it so just tell us where you were” instead of saying “is there any reason why one of your neighbors would say they saw you here that night?” The cognitive load he would have been under at that point if he was guilty would have likely produced a much different criminal interview.
As an added note regarding question #1, couldn't someone who is empathetic and mindful of others possibly appear as guilty even if they are innocent? Just curious as to any methods to help determine a difference with these types of people's reactions.
That's exactly what I questioned, as by nature I'm very empathetic and compassionate towards others, witchery few exceptions. So if asked such questions I'd likely put myself in someone else's place with my answers.
Same thought. Since I was a kid I've tried to see both sides of any situation and tend to assume there must be mitigating factors (for small offenses -- not murder, rape, or child abuse, etc.).
6:52 Just before you said this, I was thinking about the fact I would get angry if a girlfriend said something like that when I certainly hadn't been cheating on her. And while "overly defensive" might be a sign of deception, it doesn't prove it. Someone being falsely accused is going to get "defensive"! Especially when it impugns their character. So if you're going to ask "Is there any reason someone would tell me you're seeing someone else?" and it's a complete ruse, be prepared to deal with the consequences if they weren't, including that person leaving you.
If that person is going to leave you for asking a question, that person has an ego problem. Been teaching the technique for years. I’ve had exactly 0 people tell me anyone left them.
@@TheBehavioralArts Are you kidding? An ego problem? Before I settled down, all my girlfriends were pretty casual based on truly enjoying each other, and I avoided drama, intrigue, and distrust. By casual, I mean I wasn't interviewing for marriage. But my relationships were committed, because I wasn't a pig. So if a girl asked me that, I would naturally ask her who in the world said I was cheating on her. There wouldn't be any "Maybe I saw a social media post", because I don't do Facebook or any of that. It would be very concerning to me that a girlfriend, even a causal one, thought I was cheating when I wasn't. It would dampen our relationship. So I'd want to clear it up. And when she finally admitted she just lied to see what I would say, well, that would be a red flag that she's a conniving and maybe unstable person. It wouldn't have been about my ego, just picking a good partner. I have a hard time believing this had nothing to do with any of your clients' breakups that might have occurred.
I gotta agree, the whole "Is there any reason why... " kinda question easily being read as an accusation, and I don't think it implies an ego problem to feel that way. It just doesn't make sense to me personally why somebody would ask a question like: "Is there any reason somebody would tell me you weren't at home last night?" without the assumption they thought you were lying about being at home, becuase why would it be brought up? I'd say it's more of a veiled accusation, because it's more implied, but an accusation nonetheless. (Not to mention the fact that you would be left in an awkward situation if they were telling the truth, because now you need to explain to them that you were actually just testing them, which circles back to the implicit accusation that they weren't being honest. Or you could go down the "Oh, I was just wondering" route, but that doesn't really answer any questions, and is more likely to leave the person accused with a sour taste in their mouth than fix any underlying issues.)
@@TheBehavioralArts oh wow... No. Just spoke to multiple therapists about this (my own and friends who are therapists) not a single one agrees with you. That is not an ego problem. If you use a lie to trick a partner into confessing something they didn't do, then that partner is immediately going to know that you don't trust them when they are actually trustworthy and that is A BIG PROBLEM. That would absolutely worry me and if anyone did that to you it should worry you too. DO NOT SETTLE FOR A HOSTILE PARTNER, even if they are asking kindly and politely. Nobody deserves that.
No, no, no! The first three ways not to be lied to are: 1) Throw out the TV; 2) Throw out the radio and 3) Cancel the newspaper. Avoiding government interaction is the true #1, but most do that instinctively anyway.
Amazing. I plan on using your techniques to expose a big liar who has been scamming people out of money for quite some time now. Your videos are really helping me.
I am forwarding this to my son. As a parent of two delightful children and a boss, these questions 'cut to the chase' precluding lying AND storytelling. Saves time and energy allowing the questioner to maintain a non combative posture. I remember using a type of these questions when my son was in high school. We told him he could come home for lunch but couldn't bring his friends. One day when I came home a girl had written on the white board, I love your house. When I saw that I casually asked if he had come home for lunch that day. He said no. I invited him to look at the white board. A pained expression crossed his face and he said he had brought the girls to see his home. We have chuckled about this over the years.
I don't understand why a child should not be allowed to bring friends to his home. And why causing pain to the child is funny... Unless you are their boss. But then they might not grow up.
Intresting ideas, thank you. As a (reasonably) honest person, I'm not sure how I would feel about my partner using clever techniques to see whether or not I was being honest with them, rather than asking me openly. There is obviously a breakdown in trust, since Partner A does not trust partner B to give an honest answer to a straight question and is resorting to a clever interrogation technique. I guess if you already have pretty much made up your mind and now you just want final evidence the technique could make sense, but by that stage I'm guessing the relationship's beyond saving anyway.
@@Seth9809 I would say ideally you'd work on getting your own issues resolved rather than giving in to destructive emotions driven by previous experiences. But I realise that's easy to say and hard to do.
@@84homey There is nothing unhealthy about knowing people are capable of something, because you've seen it happen. When someone is murdered, they question the partner first for a reason.
I would say it depends on the connection you have to the other party. If the other party is your new girlfriend/boyfriend, you still cannot know if he or she is trustworthy. Also, this would be fine for work related stuff. And teenagers, too. For spouse or similar case where you have long and close relationship, I think it would be better to be totally direct and tell that you're feeling unsure about this and that because of X. However, only speak about facts you know for sure and your own feelings. If you start to say that the other party has done something when you actually *think* they have done something, you're not telling facts anymore. Saying that *you're afraid* that something has happened is the truth and the other party can then try to make you feel better or explain things in greater detail. And if you *feel* that the other party is not equally direct and honest towards you tell that to them, too.
I very much agree with you. In a sound relationships between grown-ups, I would never use any of these techniques, because preserving trust is much more important than spotting potential deception at any cost. (In some cases the other may even have a "right" to deceive us, like, say, a child obtaining the freedom to do something slightly risky that would just worry their parents needlessly to know.) ----- I would have to be in a very peculiar relationship to make this a sound choice; like, say, a relationship where the other person is somehow prone to pathological lying, which they want to leave behind them, and where we have an explicit deal between the two of us that I will try to assist them in their attempt to overcome this. (So that, even if I should find out they were indeed lying again, I won't judge them.)
I liked questions 2 & 3 from Mark Ruffalo in this video, but question 1 would just paint me as the guilty party, as I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes and I'm too nice and forgiving. I would be like "I, me, personally, tell them off and let it go".
I'm not as nice as you but I would def phrase an answer along the lines of 'perhaps we need to find out why they did this/said this etc to see what the real problem might be with them' - and then everyone would then think I was the guilty one 🤣
Another great channel I can recommend is: The behavior panel",with Greg Hartley, Scott Rouse, Chase Hughes and Mark Bowden. 'Behavioral Art and Behavior Panel some are also together in their videos. Really nice to see them work together😀
Found your channel from the video you did with Chase Hughes and I found his channel from watching the Behavioral Panel. So glad to have all of this expertise at my fingertips.💕
For the presumptive question I might get triggered if someone I was in a relationship with asked if there was any reason they would see me with someone else. Not because I am guilty but because my integrity and character are very important to me and why would you be with me if you need to question me? This shows me the person is extremely insecure and/ or jealous and searching to find something. At this point I would switch roles start interrogating them...lol because if there is not complete trust then you need to go. I just wanted to make the point that getting defensive does not always mean deception.
And even if I completely innocent, that question would leave me wondering if someone was trying to destroy my relationship out of hatred or jealousy, so I would definitely see reasons for someone to say that, despite my innocence.
I agree. If that was asked to me without any merit, I would wonder why they felt the need to ask that. Someone that insecure is not someone I want to have a relationship with.
I agree. Both questions 2 & 3 rubbed me completely the wrong way and I would absolutely react indignantly and even aggressively to anyone who I caught pulling those on me. It is horribly manipulative and doesn’t belong in any good relationship. If your significant other uses 2 or 3 on you, get rid of them.
To be fair, the example in the video is more 'if you're seeing someone new'. If you've been seeing someone for 2 weeks, you might try to find out if they have anything else going on.
Being defensive isn't a sign of deception. Anyone with a a deep sense of pride will get irritated, if not outright angry about roundabout accusing them of something. Also, most of those will only ever work once in the same person.
You can get around the third question by actually going to where you told them you were going first and then going where you want to. That way, it's not a total lie because you were there, just not the whole time. That's what my sister and I did to my mom when we were teens.
Oh yes! My dad and his twin sister were given money to put in the collection plate during Children's Mass. They would walk past the church to the drug store, buy candy and then follow the other kids home when the mass let out. "Yeah sure Mom, I went to church and then walked home with my friends."
1) at 0.25 the Punishment Question. "When we find out...What should the punishment be?" 2) at 3:55 the Presumptive Question "Is there any reason..." 3) at 8:03 the Construction Question (using a small white lie creating a false test detail about the narrative being tested.)
This guy's videos have taught me that I'm an incredibly skilled liar... I had to lie to survive as a child. Very abusive household, I eventually got taken away from them, but the skill remains. I don't think any of the tactics I've seen thus far would have caught me out...
Same. I have been through immense amounts of abuse my whole life and I always say, “I only lie and manipulate for my own protection.” I’m watching these more to see how good I have been at it and in case I end up in horrific situations again. Another thing I have always said, “oh what tangled webs we weave when we practice to deceive,” but for me it had done nothing but help me. I’d never lie to hurt anyone though.
@@folly4671 "I didn't see that" its not even a lie, if you weren't there you didn't see it. Even if it's somewhere obvious you can claim to have not noticed. OFC that can backfire hard if the front door was being fixed and you say you didn't see it, but yeah usually just pretending you were too absorbed in whatever you were supposed to be doing to notice whatever is being verified.
After seeing some of your videos and others on this stuff, I understand what the state trooper was trying to do when he knocked on my door Saturday morning when I was 21 (5 years ago). I was home alone and had never been accused of anything by police before. I was accused of being in a hit and run the day prior. The officer said there was video evidence from the gas station of me doing this. I had drank the previous night at my house (legally mind you) but was pretty sure I passed out in the basement and was scared that I made a stupid decision and drove late that night. I didn't say any of this because I was scared and probably looked guilty because of it. What actually happened: I drove 1 mile down the highway from my boss's small sawmill (just him and I worked there) the day prior to pick up McDonald's for my boss and I on our lunch break. There was a kwik trip across the street and my vehicle was visible. More importantly, the dent on the front left side of my vehicle that I had sustained from hitting a deer 1.5 years earlier was visible. Explaining that the damage was from a deer and showing the picture with its timestamp after that deer hit it, the trooper got in his vehicle and left shortly afterwards.
That's the worst.. when you get questioned about something you didn't do but you know the circumstances line up such that it is plausible that you did do it. Especially when you're a normally insecure person and distrustful of yourself; you'll come off looking guilty just by the anxiety and doubt that builds up inside you.
The person who was with my son when he vanished/ murdered said when i questioned him on what happened to my son "i wouldn't want Jayden dead. i know what it's like to lose a brother." Fake crocodile tears form along with a smirk..that smirk said it all, not his words 😡 i knew from day 1 he was lying.
Since, since at one point in my life, I was a hiring manager, people MUST, have to answer to such questios! Or they are already a suspicious applicant already, even if they got hired?!
Boss: "When we find out who did it, what should the consequence be?" Thief: "Give them a huge raise" Boss: "You passed the severity test. On your way."
Hey, it's well known, that the very best thiefs, burglars & people that out play the law, they can be excellent police officers, security guards, or even body guards or higher?!!
So... I've been thinking, now, how we're learning methods that can help spot other people lying to us... where are the methods to help us spot ourselves lying to ourselves? For instance, when we have an emotionally negative relationship with someone... this can cause us to spot lies that may not really be there, because we feel good in the moment to persecute the person (for whatever reason). Those negative relations may not even come directly from the person in question, but from our own personal experiences in life. - "Sleep on it." may be one tip. In the end.. everything is all patterns. - Tip two (to help us spot ourselves lying to ourselves), is understanding at all times that the tips presented today CAN help spot a lie in general, but CAN NOT spot a lie. Interesting video 👍👍. Good topic.
As someone with an unhealthy addiction to psychology, I thank you for the new channel Spidey! I always loved these kinds of videos when you posted them on the other channel! Also, will Faizel make any appearances on this channel?
This is really helpful. I hope I'm not accused of something because as someone who has an anxiety disorder, I feel I might exhibit guilty behavior even when I've done nothing wrong. I've often heard an innocent person would want to know more details of what happened sometimes. Like in the movie F/X, when the police detective played by Brian Dennehy realizes the agents from the Justice Department are hiding something when they don't ask how the murder victim was killed during questioning. Also on Lie to Me, which I saw you mention in another video, it was mentioned that a person is usually truthful when giving as many particular details as possible, like the exact time something happened or locations, numbers, things like that. I believe on The Mentalist, they even said people telling the truth are even more likely to use contractions.
yeah like Amber Turd can remember fog on the window, dirt on the carpet and the bee that stung her dog, but can't remember abusing the husband she lied about loving. So many details. All lies.
I was once accused of doing something, but I had timed CCTV footage proving that I was somewhere else when the crime happened. They took me to court threatening me with years in prison if I didn't plead guilty. But I knew I didn't do it so I fought it. At one point the prosecution asked me, why would 3 witnesses place you at the scene of the crime. I said, and I remember it exactly, "I have no idea why they would do this, but if you like, I can speculate." They never let me speculate, never asking me any more questions and I won the case. If they had let me speculate I would have framed the witnesses as the true criminals. Sensing I could do more damage they didn't let me speak further.
I very rarely lie, but when I do I use a little bit of acting experience to cover my physical reactions and go through my alibi/cover-story repeatedly in my mind until IT is more real in my memory than the actual event. But as another commenter said, as quite an empathic person I would come up with plenty of reasons a person would do something and I'd (unless it was some violent or despicable offence) want to know more before I got the torches and pitchforks out. These methods would maybe work on the average person but more practiced liars actually love to be asked these questions because even the dumber ones will have heard them before and know the best type of answers to give.
Awesome video! I think you're a great teacher! I only have one request... if possible. When you're done your 'lesson', would it be possible for a quick (maybe bullet point text?) recap? For example in this one, just at the very end before signing off, if you just bullet point the 3 questions you taught us. I am extremely grateful for these videos, and all the time and energy that goes into them... thank you so much!
@@TheBehavioralArts I felt like such a douche after writing that about adding a recap. LOL. Just getting old--short term memory issues already! You're video is perfect the way it is.
As an educator and a public speaker, I would recommend this too. It really helps to repeat your main points in the introduction and the conclusion. It's not even about short-term memory, it's just a lot of information to process and the repetition helps hammer it home. In a debate you would already do this for a 2 minute speech, let alone a 10 minute lesson.
Fantastic! If only I'd remember to utilize these. Daughter is starting to be in the age where the old classic doesn't work anymore. Heard this from my mother-in-law: Back in the days her daughter had been cutting the fur of their dog but she denied it. Her mother had then asked her: "Did the dog bark when you cut the fur?" to which she replied: "No”. Might work on a 7yo. :D
Hi Spidey,I've followed your career since I bought a gilbreath principal routine you had called out of my mind, it's really great that you've expanded your skillset beyond the magic and mentalism world and the videos are excellent, very consise, practical and to to the point, keep up the incredible work brother.✌️
I'd like to share a real good technique for parents to use w/kids. I foster/adopted children and I could usually get the truth by saying, "Alright, whoever did this, just 'fess up' already so we can move on," Like they needed to hear that a confession was an acceptable option. Give it a try!!
Yeah-- next time I hear questions like these I'm automatically going to assume they're habitual liars. You may perhaps get the truth out of someone this way, but only from someone for whom deceit is not a lifestyle.
adek 183, don't be a double standared guy? Somehow, I think, your a better guy than that. Yeah I know from first hand, some times being a good guy, doesn'y payes off, some times, things are being turned against you!
Dang! I watch so many videos because of catchy titles but disappointed with useless content but this was excellent!! I subscribed after hearing one 10 minute video. I only hope deceitful people will not be watching and learning from this as they will be ready for such questions. I can see the guilty purposely answering the punishment question with “He should burn in hell for all eternity with his nads cut off!” The presumptive question with “Nope! No reason.” The constructive question with “Nope! No renovations.” Excellent video!
seriously? the idea that a liar would answer with a simple "no" didn't cross your mind? this question is so simple that no-one needs to come up with a story. no-one's mind is gonna "crumble". no-one's gonna get nervous. unless you're a five-year old.
@@alxlej nice attitude, dude. Throw that question in a conversation. People with things to hide get nervous. Or do you not pick up on such things in your conversations?
@@SomewhereInIndiana1816 i apologize for the attitude. the thought, though, that anyone, really, would all of a sudden try to think of a story or a narrative seems strange to me. it's a yes-or-no question. pretty straight-forward. no need to get nervous. you could also answer this question with, "nothing comes to mind" or "not that i can think of" or something to that effect, which actually leaves some wiggle room.
The best way to detect lies? Tell no lies yourself. Few ever choose this path because it's so hard; they prefer instead to believe in something easier.
Youre the man! The thing is when you choose this path god is giving you a Type of sense so you can sense lies or get a clue through sheer observation and listening.
I just answer a question with another question. Then I keep questioning but in a very sincere way. My boss gets frustrated with me when I do that. She’s a narcissistic boss, the worst I’ve ever had. She gets away with everything by playing the victim and tells everyone I don’t do my job well. Meanwhile our big boss does most of my boss’s work cuz she’s “got too much to deal with & she doesn’t know how to do this stuff.” Everyone can tell she’s threatened by me & she tries her mind games with me. Not anymore!!!
Good, I hope you quit! Working in a hostile environment like yours made me rich! Sued the company as it was against the law for them to do that, and won. Company was fined as it was against state laws to treat their employees like that, and have cameras handy to record. If they can record you, you can record them. Sincerely, retired.
A couple of good points. Ive been interrogated after heavy duress and sleep deprived. I can catch most people in a lie now (if I care if they're lieing or not)by asking them the question I believe they are lying about, then keep asking them the same thing with slight variations, up the speed of your questions, see how fast they reply, may take 5 to 10 minutes but they'll slip up at some point. People who lie have the truth and the lie, it won't take long for them to slip up and mix them up or try going further into the lie which means having to think on the spot of new details to their lie to convince you. Then you know.
This has worked on my gf. She now demands that I don't use that "attitude" . She is a liar but I'm not sure where the limits on her behaviour are. She is a different person with me and I'm different to other people she has been with, so I'm hoping but verifying things. It's exhausting.
@@RussellDeacon I feel for you my friend, I'm a jealous person and I know how many people my now wife has been with, I don't like the number it's not a huge number because I met her when she was 23, that was 13 years ago now but still she would never dare to point out one of her exes to me because she knows that I would probably lose my temper and probably do something that was uncalled for, if you have a girl that you really can't trust my friend you just need to let her go because it will end up in heartache or just constant worry that she is lying to you, that's just my take on it i'm sure we live in different places and different cultures but yeah I couldn't handle that, like knowing and talking to somebody and knowing that they had been with my now wife I just couldn't handle that no way. My evil side would come out...
Re: the 1st Punishment question: I know there are ALWAYS exceptions, but I remember a girl had gone missing, and there was a search party. Eventually she was found, deceased, she had been brutally murdered. They interviewed one man from the neighborhood and they asked him what he thought the punishment should be for the perpetrator, and he went over the top, saying "The death penalty would be too kind, he should be drawn and quartered...." etc. Turns out HE was found guilty of the abduction and murder. That always stuck with me, and makes me wonder if he felt very guilty so that's why he said that, or if he was trying to be so horrified at the crime... Anyway, just found your channel and loving it so far, thank you!
I thought exactly the same.. in my experience, people that are liars usually double down, I would expect them to go bananas with the punishment. This video is dumb.
@@felipe.gtz.b I disagree. He states over and over that there are always exceptions. The case I stated was an exception. Most times they don't do that.
These are great questions to use on kids, especially ages 9 and up. Kids can be great liars with practice but they are unable to deviate from the lie very quickly. It is very important for parent/child relationships that a child believes their parent trusts them. Even when they are not being truthful. And sometimes the truth is vague. The younger the child the easier it it to call them out with simple questions. But becomes much harder as they get older or more practices. Especially in cases where the child is trying to play hooky from school. This is a tricky one because they play on their parents emotions. No parent wants to send their child sick to school. It's a major dilemma. Once a parent has been duped even once, the child will capitalize on it over and over. So, I would love it if you could do a video on finding out the truth in children in the same manner as in this video but geared towards children only. It would be a lifesaver for thousands of parents. Please!!
Love the first two options. But lying to get to the truth makes you a liar. This then makes you yourself less trustworthy and when dealing with children can create a green light for bad habits as well as lessen their respect for you
I have this happen to me one time too where the guy asked me if there was any reason they would see me with someone else. I agree with you about having your trustworthiness being questioned by someone you are with. Because this happened to me before I told them you don't believe me put a camera on my car, you don't believe me photograph me, whatever you need to do to prove to yourself ......not to me that you are insecure with yourself? Then they shut up and left the subject alone.
My dad was a MP then he was a deputy and served 23 years as a Correction’s officer. I always knew that when he asked me a question he already knew the answer. It would just make it worse to lie about it because he always got to the bottom of it. Usually my bottom got lit up like a Christmas tree with a belt. I don’t think that I ever did anything that I got a whopping for twice. I didn’t want to find out what happened if I had and that was the point.
Thankfully abusing children like that is illegal in my country. I get anxiety just thinking about how some children are receiving violence like that in some countries
@@viddeliten big difference between abuse and discipline. I got 3 to 10 hit’s on my butt with a belt. Or I could take grounding for a day or two weeks depending upon what I did. I always picked the spanking you just bent over grabbed your ankles and it was over in seconds. What would bother me was the talking to my dad would give me. I could see disappointment and hurt in his eyes. Like I said I don’t think I ever did anything like it again. I’m a good person because of his and my mom not letting me run wild and disrespect people. I was and am a reflection of them and my actions not only made me look bad but my parents would as well. How many times have you seen the news about kids getting killed at 3 in the morning and say where are the parents. My parents were just doing what was and is right. I have never had to spank my daughter and have only yelled at her once when she was 19. My ex wife has two boys after we divorced. She didn’t discipline them at all and now she visits them in jail. And neither one of them turned 18 yet. And I think they’ve both been arrested 10 times each. It says in the Bible spare the rod spoil the child. It was true then and it’s true now.
First time here. I have had all of these used on me. Taught me to answer as vaguely as I can or not at all, also taught me to only answer once and not to elaborate, or as the questioner would like to say fill in the details. And using a lie to catch someone lying make you no better than them. All that said I liked the info and channel.
Fabulous. From the professional set, lighting, camera angles, speed, focus... and of course to the very well crafted material; this is what all great lecturers should aspire to! I'd already liked and subbed but a read of some of the comments shows, and it seems I have a new playlist of material to view! Every once in a while, the algorithm gets one right! Great stuff!
I really appreciate your videos and the insights they offer into human behavior and psychology. Your approach to truth-seeking is intriguing. However, I wonder how well these "one-size-fits-all" methods can account for the complexities and nuances of individual behavior. For instance, some people may act nervously around authority figures like police officers not because they are hiding something but due to other factors such as past experiences or societal conditioning. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.
So now we know exactly how so many people end up in jail for crimes they didn't commit. The investigators took these 3 'tricks' for the absolute truth !!
@@GUITARTIME2024 Say that to David Milgaard or perhaps Guy Paul Morin. In both cases they were sent to prison for crimes they didn't commit. In both cases the real author of the crime was eventually found.
@@GUITARTIME2024 I think everyone learns more from cases where the prisoner was innocent and found guilty. This video pretty much has a key ingredient ; assuming you so easily can find if somebody is not telling the truth.
This is a great video! I stumbled upon your channel and have become addicted. Thanks for posting these (and for keeping them interesting thru to the end)! I'm curious, what do you suggest as the follow-up approach once you determine if the person in question is being deceitful or honest? Especially if the person is showing all sorts of deception, but there's no concrete proof to pin them)? I feel i encounter this often and am still left only with an accusation. I love that you include real life scenarios for viewers to relate and practice! In addition to workplace scenarios and business or sales techniques, I'd love to hear interpersonal and romantic relationships tied in as well! I studier that's also pretty common to come across. Thanks again for your work!
Thanks so much for the kind words Cynthia! I’m really glad you’re enjoying the channel. This is a terrific question. Spotting deception has one purpose and one alone; your information. That’s it! When A behavior analyst sees deception in an interrogation, we can’t do anything legal with that, can’t use it in court. It allows us to know where we need to dig deeper because the ultimate goal is the confession. So in the real world when you see these signs you can either keep questioning knowing there’s more to this story or just have that edge and knowledge and now you know you can’t trust this person. Never ever confront someone and tell them they’re lying. Not worth it, they will close up and you’ll get nowhere.
Thank you so much for sharing these very interesting tips! I have further questions about spotting lies in two types of situations: 1. How to spot early when someone promises something and does not mean it strongly enough to follow through? Or maybe they even know they are not going to do that. 2. How to spot when someone lies by omission? Especially in scenarios where I might not know what exactly is being omitted.
1. Past record of promises, easier if you know the person's promise-keeping habits with others. if you don't have an idea about their promise-keeping trait then take them up on small things, like meeting at a particular time for something unimportant to them, or storing something of little value and asking for it much later, many people lose it and apologize or delay the item's return unneccerily. Little promises show up in how they will behave with big promises. these would work best if they're comfortable around you, not on guard or trying to please you. 2. This one could be a difficult one to spot. instead of being paranoid and worrying just ask "Is that all?" "is there anything else you'd like to add?" and remain silent after they assure you of it, ignore their efforts to placate you. if anything is amiss they will speak up and spill the beans be observant of unusual behavior and then add" there seems to be something missing" followed up with more silence. They will fill you in on the missing details. Staying calm, perceptive and silence is key. These are some that worked with me, maybe others have better tips that worked for them
For me, I am always emotional and somewhat agressive to any question or a sentence that might sound like an accusation, even if I did not do it, I think this is the norm for super sensetive people, normally if I did somthing that I am guilty of, I keep quietr if someone brought it up, I admit it immedietly and truthfully.
I've just stumbled across this man. He's very good Here's a question , as a single woman again after some years of marriage, I've asked a man. ( this will also work if you're a man asking a woman. Simply reverse the roles.) " is there a Mrs or a Ms or a Miss or any other woman, who, if she knew you were here with me or showing interest in me, would be upset/angry/hostile? Or, would you be upset, anxious, distressed, if you knew another woman would be? See how he answers this. Or even IF he answers this or just dismisses it or evades it. Whatever you do, don't ask something as bland and general as ..."are you seeing anybody at present"?
I love Spy The Lie too! You gave great examples on practical uses. It’s great teaching others the methods to see beyond the distracting words and look for other signs instead. I love baiting with the little white lie, such an easy set up, and like a card trick you are steps ahead of the victim..! Great new channel!
Cool things! Especially liked the white lie concept. Can come in handy for future things. I remember you talking about this in a previous video as well on your other channel
I can see a problem with the "Is there any reason...?" question. Someone who's often been used as the scapegoat for things or had lies told about them before might react in a way that could be taken as guilt.
See...I would kind of turn this around....I would see if someone is asking me questions in this way because they suspect I am untruthful. Then try to probe around for the source of that suspicion. Because the vast majority of the time, I am being honest. It's nearly a compulsion with me. Not quite....I can keep secrets and confidences, but my default is sheer, somettimes brutal, honesty. So that suspicion is stemming from somewhere. And, those times I am not being honest, I would equally want to know. But the majority of the time when I am being as honest as I can be, I would want to know where the insecurity is. So it can be addressed. Especially if it someone I care about. Or even professionally. I put great store by my professional integrity, and wouldn't want that questioned. Maybe I am overthinking? I do that sometimes. But I would not only want to use these things, but recognize when they are being used on me.
Yeah I think in most situations these fly by especially the last one it’s so innocent. The first two I would use In situations where I am questioning someone about something to begin with.
I worked in an office years ago and something happened resulting in an employee being isolated and asked the “is there any reason…” question. That caused a slow war of paranoia and anger that lasted for years with feuds between employees. They ganged up, plotted and undermined the whole business. It’s not always a good thing to ask.
Yeah, I am interested in this sort of thing. I enjoy the thought process, but (as others have said here) I'm not so sure about applying it to your life. I think it might work in specific instances, such as an interrogation, where the parameters assume specific power dynamics and the intent to uncover matters of legality or safety. But I don't think that level of engagement has a place in our day-to-day lives. Especially when you consider trauma or neurodivergence. Like if you asked me about my friend's kitchen being remodeled I would struggle to remember. Partly because I have poor short-term memory for objects, but also, and more prominently because I don't trust my memory. I often second guess my memories in reaction to "white lies", aka gaslighting. I mean at some point I'll part the haze, take a think, and likely come back to you a minute later like "No.. there was no.. not that I recall. Why do you think there was remodeling?" According to this, you would probably read me like I was pretending to try and remember. So you'd take a harder line with me. And at that point, I'd be squinting at you and unlikely to trust you for a long time. Because I do not enjoy playing mind games.
Yep, just posted that if you need those tricks at work,in a relationship or family/kids there is something already really wrong and you will make it worse and seem shifty.
I recently subscribed to your channel, perhaps for different reasons than most. I have few parameters for human behavior because i was isolated and self feeding for most of my first 2 or 3 years. I have a great deal of difficulty lying with intention but my EQ is quite immature and pretending sometimes becomes real. What I am leading up to is that I am grateful to listen to you and learn how to understand people better. My world is black and white and I either believe it all or al fearful to believe anything so tools will help me trust myself to not be endangering myself by believing the wrong person again. And conversely, to perhaps learn to trust someone again. Thank you
My rule of thumb is always trust everyone and anyone but at the same time knowing there are chances they are not honest. It's like 95% trust 5% always questioning what are they saying in your own head. Usually if in doubt of the person's statement I would vaguely ask the details of the information that they don't feel being interogated. If the person is lying, most of the time they will try to avoid it or even gives more vague answers. But nevertheless it's not a proof of the person is lying. It's just for your ownselves to take precautions if this person is trustworthy or not.
The first question is at best a hit and miss thing in my experience. I've personally seen innocent people get punished for shit they didn't do, because some dumb dumb knew about that question. Especially with empathetic people, I've even personally gotten away with some shit to spite people trying it. In fact both the second and third were used once on me and I still got away with it. So yeah, they're neat to use but a guarantee they are not.
There's an excellent example of the first question in the Chris Watts case in his first interview with the detective
Yes!!!!! The first two are used in interrogation all the time
My wife and I were obssesed abput that case when it happened.
and what did Chris say?
That female interrogator was awesome, she planted the seed and watched him crumble in minutes.
One of my favourite things she said was when he came to take the lie detector. She said to him something like “ because you would have to be very stupid to take this test if you’re guilty” 😂 you could see his mind thinking “ok this is the end for me” .
I would love to see a video... how to respond to someone who always shuts down communication with
Any criticism against this tactic is seen as something that other people need to learn.
As a person raised in the system, I always got defensive as a kid but I was also falsely accused of things all the time (because that's toxic family life for you). So sure, getting defensive is a sign of deception, but can also be residue from a traumatic experience.
totally agree
Yes any positive idea is completely beat to hell
As a kid who always got accused, I tried to defend myself but it only made me look more guilty 🫤
Raised in a toxic environment and I agree with this statement
(because that's toxic family life for you) in my experience people who did not have a toxic family are incapable of believing toxic families exist
This is why you demand a lawyer immediately and remain silent.
If someone has ADHD or an anxiety disorder, it might appear that they're being dishonest when they're merely confused, didn't pay attention to a situation or their surroundings, or consistently feel or appear nervous and guarded. They also tend to over or under answer questions and explain things.
I have some clients that are like this. They don't pay attention and they dont understand a question so they don't know how to answer except on a whim getting themselves in trouble. Then after their "whimful" answer and details of questions are more understandable to them as they have cognitive issues, then the real truth comes out. It may take more explaining to those with neurological issues than others.
Totally agree exspecially with the body actions they use as tell real signs I'm so Adhd and I would look so guilty because of nerves and twitching fiddling I'd be locked up so fast even if innocent, this is scarry hope I'm never faced with that senerio
"I wouldn't want such-and-such punishment" can be a compassionate view, rather than indication of personal guilt.
@night fall There are also cultural differences.
I once had an employment interview where they mentioned one of my references and told me they said this or that about me. Things I knew they'd never have said both because I knew them well and because those weren't things anyone who worked with me would say about me. I ended the interview because I found the idea of going to work for a liar repulsive. I considered the idea that he was just a really stupid interviewer but concluded that wasn't much better than working for a liar.
What if they were testing to see how you react to a lie from someone in their position?
@@JiihaaS lol
@@JiihaaS Then what qualifies as passing in that event? Do they want an employee who just humors the liar, or one that confronts them but is still okay with working with them? Like I said, at best stupid of them.
@@kmenzies601 the one who confronts them, which is when they reveal it was just a test, _if_ the interviewee lets them speak and doesn't walk away.
9:31 Here is the problem: "... you are testing their narrative."
The examples he brings up are from parenting, friendships and the workplace. If someone is important to you, you do not test their narrative; you accept it. If you profile the people around you or test their narrative, you destroy the "climate". Lies have short legs. Someone may tell you a lie, but he/she might have a reason for it. - So, let it go.
Try to see the person, not the words.
If "lying" is their problem, they will run out of lies eventually.
If "testing the narrative" is their problem, they will run out of trust eventually.
My mother 43 years ago used these tactics on me. 98% of the time I lied. I kept wondering how did she know this! Until one day day she accused me of something that I know I didn’t do and she was busted. All my life I’ve been lied to by every living person I’ve been around. Friends, family, etc. I call it auto lie! That’s all they do. Keeping up with so many lies will trip a person up. And you will eventually find out the truth. But the sooner the better. Great video. I’ll watch it over and over again.
Who found this guy and can't stop watching him now 🥰
🙋♂️… wait do I count?
@@TheBehavioralArts your amazing!! Thank you for educating us, I wish I knew this 32 yrs ago!
This is Spidey, I've known of him for a long while, he has other channels, I only ever knew him as a magician, a damn good one too, and had no clue about this channel, til I was recommended it yesterday.
Really glad I was recommended it. Spidey is a legend.
Omg!! Right!! Love everything about his videos! They’re so interesting and he’s so professional! The way he explains everything is just 🤯 I’m hooked
I’m assuming if you’re watching all of this guy then you’re also watching Martin De Coder?
All the other channels say that I’m a gaslighting narcissist psychopath when I lie to my partner to catch her in a lie. This guy tells me it’s the preferred method. I love this channel.
Lol!!
😂😂 he’s right. I’ve done this so many times and pretended I knew something when I didn’t to get the truth. It works🙌
I hope you’re with someone who doesn’t lie now.
Lol
Lie and be deceptive to find out if someone is lying or deceiving you. Yeah, that's great advice.
I'm a salesman and a lot of this can be relevant to making money, this lad is worth listening to.
So my mom tried that last one on me as a teen almost exactly like that.. I of course said yes. She told me she lied and I just counted with "I know, I thought we were both just making stuff up."
I still got in trouble for being smart but I remembered the hypocrisy of that moment. I'm not sure using a lie to catch someone in a lie - especially with a kid. That shit gets remembered.
Never trust anyone who lies to you to gain your trust.
Agreed. Lying to my kids in pursuit of the truth is wrong. How can I expect them to be truthful if I am not truthful?
@@M2lsBc Well how are the going to know you haven't been truthful unless you tell them? Don't be a dumb parent.
@@nyrockchicxx are you saying you never found out your parents lied to you?
And
I would know I lied.
@@M2lsBc So you're a guilty person and would be easily broken is taken prisoner.
I have a real problem with being too trusting of certain types of people, so I'm happy to find this channel.
My big takeaway after watching this video: When guilty of a crime, it is critical you lie with confidence when interrogated 🙂
Exactly , it's really a how to lie and get away with course 😂
If your guilty of a crime you stfu. Lol. Alway always always have an attorney present.
Well, that is why we’re all here. Lol.
🤣🤣🤣
That's what i thought...
Always be prepared that they might try to question you like they know what you did, even though they may not know.
Take a gamble and call their bluff by sticking to your story.
"No, there should be no reason why anyone would have saw me in your office today, since i wasn't there"
I was accused of doing something at work and the supervisor said to me, ‘We are going to check the cameras.’ My response was go ahead because I didn’t do it. Why didn’t she already check the cameras? She later told me who admitted they did what I was accused. I knew I was innocent and her accusation instantly made me not trust her and I looked for another job. Accusing someone is NOT a wise thing to do. If I were seeing someone and they accused me of seeing another, my response would be that we aren’t married. These examples given do not contain wisdom.
Yes I'm so grateful for cameras I've been targeted and I'll leave it that but thank God for them
"Is there any reason...?" is in itself a deceptive question if it never happened. This is particularly bad with your children because it ultimately destroys trust and teaches that situational lying is ok.
Well said, totally agree with you.
Situational lying IS ok. Would you rather have your kid secretly doing heroin and kill himself, or pull a little white lie to catch him. It is a parents job to cut through their children's lies, because kids often lie. I'm not saying you should lie all the time, but when a parent gets suspicious about something affecting the well-being of their child, it is their duty to outsmart the kid and make sure they have the truth.
they aren't saying anyone DID see them. they are simply asking if there is any reason someone MIGHT say they saw said person in whatever place.
@@lindseylippincott5803 Great point
I will totally use the first 2 on my 5 year old who is constantly lying about stealing treats and snacks (and refuses to eat the healthy food I made) from his older sisters and the locked pantry that he figured out how to get into.
THANK YOU!!!
I had been deceived by somebody from my close circle and I don’t think I wanted to believe this person could violate me so deeply, so I ignored all of the signs and even started to question my own sanity!
Then I came across this and you helped me get the truth, piece of mind and comfort knowing I wasn’t losing my mind! Thank you ❤
There's one thing I would like anyone watching this to take into account. The person's prior behavior/record of incidents. As a child I got in a lot of trouble. Admittedly I did a lot of the things I got accused of.... At first. Once you have a certain reputation for being in trouble, you will be blamed or implicated by reputation. Especially if it has to do with children. There were a lot of times I got in trouble because someone had known I had a reputation and would use me as a scape goat. This creates a defensive barrier in the person's mind that, when presented with questions like this, immediately triggers a defensive position, which in turn makes you seem guilty of what you are being questioned about. The first question would be answered by this person exactly like a guilty person would answer, because they're used to the blame falling on them anyways. Second question, no, this person's narrative doesn't crumble but you're almost definitely getting a response driven by anger and anxiety. The third question is the only one I would say has actual ground. I will say this, if you have kids, only use the third one, if they have a reputation for deception to begin with. All three questions are created out of manipulation and can be very damaging to a child. I know, I was the kid getting asked these. The only one that actually works without causing damage in your relationship with someone is the third question. Especially when it comes to kids. Please do not use this on children unless you absolutely have to. To the creator of the video, feel free to contact me and we can collaborate on more constructive and less manipulative ways to get the truth out of children
3 Questions
1) When we find out who did this what should the consequences be? Listen for severity (less= likely guilty), pronouns (I answers=likely guilty)
2) Is there any reason (example) why someone would say they saw you in my office?
3) I heard Jimmy’s parents are doing renovations in the kitchen. Is there a disaster in there? (Used to find truth of where they were..made up renovation question)
I used question #2 on my then-husband regarding his girlfriend and he asking- is there any reason someone would say that they had seen you and she together in the lobby of the hotel?
Question 1 my response would be, "It's not my problem nor is it my job. You get paid to deal with that BS, not me."
Ya, these questions may sound intelligent to ask but will not help to identity anything unless you're a psychopath who views those around you as being less intelligent than you. Innocent people will not always suggest the harshest punishments because some people are more civilized than others. Guilty people could equally suggest harsher punishments as well. It's the temperament and character of the individual one must take into consideration when asking those questions. And people come in many characters and temperaments.
Thanks for the questions.
@@sebastienbolduc5654 And your reply doesn't answer the question. Which makes you look like you are trying to avoid the question or buy some time and that usually leads to that you are guilty.
My friends and I used to make fun of pathological liars in our school by making up band names and saying "OMG, have you heard Big-Pink-Rat's awesome new song "Two for me" that has been all over the radio? And they would be like "yeah totally. I love that song", and then we would proceed to ask detailed questions about the song and watch them squirm to say vague, generic things about a song they have never heard and doesn't even exist.
The silence technique…
When you get an answer you’re not sure about give a blank stare and go silent. If they continue with vague details usually means their first answer was wrong. Now they’ll have to cover the lie with more lies to try to convince you that they weren’t lying with the first answer. I also notice that with a simple yes or no question, and they go into an explanation, that is also a sign of covering a lie with a lie to try and convince you…
When it comes to police interrogations, and other types of investigation related to serious crimes, I can see how these techniques could be helpful for seeking the truth.
But in my opinion, these techniques are utterly devastating when applied to personal/intimate relationships. Openness and honesty are key requirements in maintaining a healthy relationship with other people. And #2 and #3 are just flat-out deceptions. When applied, you would either:
A. Intentionally lie to an innocent loved one, and when caught, use more deception to save face (making you a malicious person)
B. Be called a hypocrite for condemning someone for lying to you, despite you lying back to their face (so what's the point?)
In both scenarios, nothing would have been accomplished other than seeding mistrust in your relationship (or unintentionally giving the liar a "free pass" because you just did the same thing to them).
Completely agree.
Yep, if you are at this point
at work
-find a new job. Cant trust your colleagues/boss
In a relation
- its dead. You dont/cant trust and believe you are lied to. Abusive relationship or control freak ?
Kids/Family
Small kids: if you cant see when they lie its your fault
Young adults: Lying out of fear of stupid consequences?? If they have to lie when they went somewhere, came back late, minor stuff.. what if something really bad happens ? Blame yourself!!
I agree. I think it's better to just trust, because eventually any deception will come out. This shifts the onus to the other person and you will not have lost your peace.
Never talk to the police. When they want to talk to you, they are not your friend.
Yeah it’s off putting and uncomfortable
As an Autistic guy who is studying psychology (completed bachelor degree) I feel like some of those questions would be interpreted differently and responded to differently in an Autistic context. It’s possible that I am generalising from my own reaction to them, but I suspect that isn’t the case.
While Autistic people generally don’t lie, we are certainly capable of it. I’d be interested to see a video showing differences in body language in Autistic people and what our tells are vs neurotypical folk. It would also be good to address things that are tells of deception in neurotypicals that are not usually related to lying in Autistic people.
It’s just something I would find interesting, but it might be too niche. I am really enjoying your videos so far, great work :)
Dude!!!! That’s so amazing!! Anyone on the spectrum studying psychology is so great!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻.
The rules of lie detection do not apply to the spectrum you’re right because depending on where on the spectrum someone is they may or may not even be capable of lying.
As much as I would love to make a video about how we adapt to that situation, it’s not my field of expertise at all. 😞
@@TheBehavioralArts That's fair enough 😁. I appreciate your openness about what is and isn't your area, and I'll just keep it in the back of my mind watching your videos.
You've got me interested in learning more about body language, as it will be useful for me in practice and potentially in some research paradigms too. In research I like to use EEG as it's fairly objective but I can see some ways observational data could compliment it. 😊
I'm autistic too and it's extremelley difficult for me to lie. I can't cope with any deception at all. It's difficult for me to live in this world where almost everybody has a fake veneer and often hides the truth. I also don't understand how people literally ghost you or say yes but then don't turn up, just because they can't tell you directly that they can't do or don't know what you're asking of them.
yeah, as an ASD I'd chime in with the renovations-question and lie because I want to mentally support the person that asks the question, not because I want to deceive. I wonder about my body language too, as a life long study of interactions and a superquick thinker I can pass for NT when in conversation. In another video Spidey mentions few people can fake the grieving face but I can operate the right muscles (by feeling grief). I assume I'm doing it wrong as S. was adamant about it. Interesting topic!
I was going to comment about this as well since my partner and my teenager brother I live with both have ADHD. I’m studying psychology and also have ADHD. A lot of the time, some of my special foods or something will be gone and both my partner and brother will say it wasn’t them. My brother has very quick, short responses to everything and he gets very defensive when he believes in the slightest he might be being accused (due to trauma). My partner is a pathological liar which I’ve called out over the years and he says he’s trying to stop, but he’ll tell me what I want to hear for me to believe he’s better than what he thinks he is.
I wish there was a way to detect deception in them but they’re both very good at hiding their emotions and most of the time I have to come to no conclusion, have no appropriate punishment, and then feel like I’ve suffered injustice because one of them is lying. It’s very hard with all of us having ADHD but it’s something else when you don’t get an honest answer and have to parent both your partner and your brother
SO enlightening! Wish I had known these detection tips when I had teenagers.
But thankfully like other Mums too, when you tell a young child 'Mums know EVERYTHING!' they start to wonder. Usually when they're caught out, they start to think what you really DO know about them.
Usually it's Mum's keeping in touch with one another that the kids know nothing about, but the looks on their little faces!
Priceless!
The takeaway from this video:
How to spot a liar? Be deceptive yourself.
😆
We fight fire with fire. God, i love these psychology
Love psychology*
This is why people who are trained in this are told not to use these techniques in their personal lives.
Right. I saw right through it, how manipulative and deceptive the questions are. I would've never asked them, nor would I answer them. I would have none of it. I'd say: Well, when you figure it out, shout me a holler then.
Recently had my boss come at me with this line of questioning. Because of my personality type I naturally come off as guilty though I had zero involvement or knowledge of the event in question. I have found that breaking out my own head and being brutally honest but not rude has served me well. These are my two "go-to's".
First. I reinforce that "I don't know", either by saying it outright or guiding the questioner to that point.
Second it's important to follow that up with a polite "I don't care". This usually happens in the form of, "Listen, I realize this is a(n) important/sensitive issue, but quite frankly I don't care."
One removes you from the scenario and the second reminds your inquisitor that the impetus to find the truth is on them, and not something for you to cook up out of thin air.
To be clear, the above fits my personality and is used very sparingly.
I was born in Europe, & there is a saying in my country; "" SAY OUT THE EXACT COMPLETE TRUTH, THEY WILL BREAK YOUR HEAD! "" meaning, some times, some pople, don' recognize or appreciate the honest truth, just make hasty quick unfair ( prejudice ) judgements. I feel with you Read more! I really do!
@AYVABTU (OP). First thing, “brutal honesty” that is not “rude”, is just called honesty.
Second thing is, your Gotos are less effective than you think. The first one if said outright makes you sound belligerent and possibly have something to hide. It sounds like something a criminal would say. “Leading” someone like you described has the risk of you look manipulative. Your second answer of “I don’t care” reinforces these points.
Also, the first part does not remove you from the scenario. And the second, the inquisitor is searching for the truth by asking you questions, if they didn’t, it would require that it be made out of thin air. Your view point on this is exactly backwards from your intentions.
You would be better if you appeared more cooperative speaking clearly, concisely and honestly using open postures and language. No need to “lead” people to a conclusion and no need to “remind” them about questioning you does not help lead them to the truth.
@@robertt9342 I take it you find yourself in the "inquisitor" roll more often than you'd like? Your response sounds trained. This leads me to believe that no matter the line of questions and subsequent answers, you'd follow up with more baseless if not outright useless questions, unlit the point you've exhausted all line of questioning or yourself. I'll make the guess that either the line of questioning is exhausted or people just start making things up to satiate your needs but thanks to your tenacity your resolve never wanes. Going back to the training, whether learned or schooled, you're basic approach is to swing a question hammer until you get some answers. And you know what they say about hammers.... Everything looks like a nail.
Keep in mind, my view point is from the position of complete innocence, whereas your's is from the view that everyone knows something and is therefore guilty.
@@AYVABTU001 . LOL… you are hilarious. You made a lot of strange and baffling assumptions about me and my life. It’s not only that your assumptions are incorrect but also lack any fundamental basis to establish them, and all this over a critique of your subjectively flawed strategy.
Your reply is so strange, it’s like it was taken from some kind of manifesto. I cant really assume too much about you but your reply and original post leaves me thinking that you suffer from some kind complex, maybe a persecution type possibly.
I will take one thing you said as compliment, my response sounding “trained”. For something I made up off the top of my head from watching this video and reading you OP, sounding good enough to be “trained” is a reasonable compliment, thank you.
@@robertt9342 you pay to much attention to the salad and give no heed to the meat and potatoes.
Spy the Lie is a great book. I love the example with OJ where the detectives allow him to get psychologically entrenched by saying “we know you didn’t do it so just tell us where you were” instead of saying “is there any reason why one of your neighbors would say they saw you here that night?” The cognitive load he would have been under at that point if he was guilty would have likely produced a much different criminal interview.
That question could also get their neighbor killed if theperson being questioned is a psycho, or a mob boss!
Came for the will/ Chris slap analysis stayed for the fascinating content going through your other videos now... Thanks man
Yip me too
Hahaha......I did the same thing! It pulled me right in!
Me too
Same
As an added note regarding question #1, couldn't someone who is empathetic and mindful of others possibly appear as guilty even if they are innocent? Just curious as to any methods to help determine a difference with these types of people's reactions.
Yes this is what I was wondering too. Please clarify if there is an alternative. Upvoted!
I guess I was wise to this as a kid because I always recommended the harshest punishment knowing/hoping they were bluffing.
@@bryanb3352 LOL. My response was always, "Hang 'em, hang 'em high!!" Ask a dumb question, get a dumb answer.
That's exactly what I questioned, as by nature I'm very empathetic and compassionate towards others, witchery few exceptions. So if asked such questions I'd likely put myself in someone else's place with my answers.
Same thought. Since I was a kid I've tried to see both sides of any situation and tend to assume there must be mitigating factors (for small offenses -- not murder, rape, or child abuse, etc.).
I think what this video highlights the most, is how disfunctional your relationships are, if you need "techniques" to "extract" truth out of someone.
This is human nature, go back to wonderland.
This video made me realize my ability to empathize makes me seem guilty 🤣
6:52 Just before you said this, I was thinking about the fact I would get angry if a girlfriend said something like that when I certainly hadn't been cheating on her. And while "overly defensive" might be a sign of deception, it doesn't prove it. Someone being falsely accused is going to get "defensive"! Especially when it impugns their character. So if you're going to ask "Is there any reason someone would tell me you're seeing someone else?" and it's a complete ruse, be prepared to deal with the consequences if they weren't, including that person leaving you.
If that person is going to leave you for asking a question, that person has an ego problem. Been teaching the technique for years. I’ve had exactly 0 people tell me anyone left them.
@@TheBehavioralArts Are you kidding? An ego problem? Before I settled down, all my girlfriends were pretty casual based on truly enjoying each other, and I avoided drama, intrigue, and distrust. By casual, I mean I wasn't interviewing for marriage. But my relationships were committed, because I wasn't a pig. So if a girl asked me that, I would naturally ask her who in the world said I was cheating on her. There wouldn't be any "Maybe I saw a social media post", because I don't do Facebook or any of that. It would be very concerning to me that a girlfriend, even a causal one, thought I was cheating when I wasn't. It would dampen our relationship. So I'd want to clear it up. And when she finally admitted she just lied to see what I would say, well, that would be a red flag that she's a conniving and maybe unstable person. It wouldn't have been about my ego, just picking a good partner. I have a hard time believing this had nothing to do with any of your clients' breakups that might have occurred.
@@TheBehavioralArts I really like your videos, by the way.
I gotta agree, the whole "Is there any reason why... " kinda question easily being read as an accusation, and I don't think it implies an ego problem to feel that way.
It just doesn't make sense to me personally why somebody would ask a question like: "Is there any reason somebody would tell me you weren't at home last night?" without the assumption they thought you were lying about being at home, becuase why would it be brought up? I'd say it's more of a veiled accusation, because it's more implied, but an accusation nonetheless.
(Not to mention the fact that you would be left in an awkward situation if they were telling the truth, because now you need to explain to them that you were actually just testing them, which circles back to the implicit accusation that they weren't being honest.
Or you could go down the "Oh, I was just wondering" route, but that doesn't really answer any questions, and is more likely to leave the person accused with a sour taste in their mouth than fix any underlying issues.)
@@TheBehavioralArts oh wow... No. Just spoke to multiple therapists about this (my own and friends who are therapists) not a single one agrees with you. That is not an ego problem. If you use a lie to trick a partner into confessing something they didn't do, then that partner is immediately going to know that you don't trust them when they are actually trustworthy and that is A BIG PROBLEM. That would absolutely worry me and if anyone did that to you it should worry you too. DO NOT SETTLE FOR A HOSTILE PARTNER, even if they are asking kindly and politely. Nobody deserves that.
No, no, no! The first three ways not to be lied to are: 1) Throw out the TV; 2) Throw out the radio and 3) Cancel the newspaper. Avoiding government interaction is the true #1, but most do that instinctively anyway.
those are good ways to practice finding lies lol
Amazing. I plan on using your techniques to expose a big liar who has been scamming people out of money for quite some time now. Your videos are really helping me.
I am forwarding this to my son. As a parent of two delightful children and a boss, these questions 'cut to the chase' precluding lying AND storytelling. Saves time and energy allowing the questioner to maintain a non combative posture. I remember using a type of these questions when my son was in high school. We told him he could come home for lunch but couldn't bring his friends. One day when I came home a girl had written on the white board, I love your house. When I saw that I casually asked if he had come home for lunch that day. He said no. I invited him to look at the white board. A pained expression crossed his face and he said he had brought the girls to see his home. We have chuckled about this over the years.
I don't understand why a child should not be allowed to bring friends to his home. And why causing pain to the child is funny... Unless you are their boss. But then they might not grow up.
These sound very useful when dealing with known liars.
Intresting ideas, thank you. As a (reasonably) honest person, I'm not sure how I would feel about my partner using clever techniques to see whether or not I was being honest with them, rather than asking me openly. There is obviously a breakdown in trust, since Partner A does not trust partner B to give an honest answer to a straight question and is resorting to a clever interrogation technique. I guess if you already have pretty much made up your mind and now you just want final evidence the technique could make sense, but by that stage I'm guessing the relationship's beyond saving anyway.
What about people who were cheated on before and are scared now?
@@Seth9809 I would say ideally you'd work on getting your own issues resolved rather than giving in to destructive emotions driven by previous experiences. But I realise that's easy to say and hard to do.
@@84homey There is nothing unhealthy about knowing people are capable of something, because you've seen it happen.
When someone is murdered, they question the partner first for a reason.
I would say it depends on the connection you have to the other party. If the other party is your new girlfriend/boyfriend, you still cannot know if he or she is trustworthy. Also, this would be fine for work related stuff. And teenagers, too.
For spouse or similar case where you have long and close relationship, I think it would be better to be totally direct and tell that you're feeling unsure about this and that because of X. However, only speak about facts you know for sure and your own feelings. If you start to say that the other party has done something when you actually *think* they have done something, you're not telling facts anymore. Saying that *you're afraid* that something has happened is the truth and the other party can then try to make you feel better or explain things in greater detail. And if you *feel* that the other party is not equally direct and honest towards you tell that to them, too.
I very much agree with you. In a sound relationships between grown-ups, I would never use any of these techniques, because preserving trust is much more important than spotting potential deception at any cost. (In some cases the other may even have a "right" to deceive us, like, say, a child obtaining the freedom to do something slightly risky that would just worry their parents needlessly to know.) ----- I would have to be in a very peculiar relationship to make this a sound choice; like, say, a relationship where the other person is somehow prone to pathological lying, which they want to leave behind them, and where we have an explicit deal between the two of us that I will try to assist them in their attempt to overcome this. (So that, even if I should find out they were indeed lying again, I won't judge them.)
I liked questions 2 & 3 from Mark Ruffalo in this video, but question 1 would just paint me as the guilty party, as I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes and I'm too nice and forgiving. I would be like "I, me, personally, tell them off and let it go".
will you preside over my murder trial please ?
I'm not as nice as you but I would def phrase an answer along the lines of 'perhaps we need to find out why they did this/said this etc to see what the real problem might be with them' - and then everyone would then think I was the guilty one 🤣
Love how you get straight to the point and all your points make sense. So many channels don't deliver. Yours definitely does. Thank you 😊
Another great channel I can recommend is: The behavior panel",with Greg Hartley, Scott Rouse, Chase Hughes and Mark Bowden. 'Behavioral Art and Behavior Panel some are also together in their videos. Really nice to see them work together😀
Found your channel from the video you did with Chase Hughes and I found his channel from watching the Behavioral Panel. So glad to have all of this expertise at my fingertips.💕
Welcome! I’m so glad you’re enjoying the wonderful world of behavior analysis 🤗
@@TheBehavioralArts Suscribed for about 5days,so far so good, great content.👍🖐️
For the presumptive question I might get triggered if someone I was in a relationship with asked if there was any reason they would see me with someone else. Not because I am guilty but because my integrity and character are very important to me and why would you be with me if you need to question me? This shows me the person is extremely insecure and/ or jealous and searching to find something. At this point I would switch roles start interrogating them...lol because if there is not complete trust then you need to go. I just wanted to make the point that getting defensive does not always mean deception.
And even if I completely innocent, that question would leave me wondering if someone was trying to destroy my relationship out of hatred or jealousy, so I would definitely see reasons for someone to say that, despite my innocence.
I agree. If that was asked to me without any merit, I would wonder why they felt the need to ask that. Someone that insecure is not someone I want to have a relationship with.
I'm starting to believe that many things in psychology are highly situational, context-dependent; there aren't many formulas that always work 100%
I agree. Both questions 2 & 3 rubbed me completely the wrong way and I would absolutely react indignantly and even aggressively to anyone who I caught pulling those on me. It is horribly manipulative and doesn’t belong in any good relationship. If your significant other uses 2 or 3 on you, get rid of them.
To be fair, the example in the video is more 'if you're seeing someone new'. If you've been seeing someone for 2 weeks, you might try to find out if they have anything else going on.
Being defensive isn't a sign of deception. Anyone with a a deep sense of pride will get irritated, if not outright angry about roundabout accusing them of something.
Also, most of those will only ever work once in the same person.
You can get around the third question by actually going to where you told them you were going first and then going where you want to. That way, it's not a total lie because you were there, just not the whole time. That's what my sister and I did to my mom when we were teens.
Oh yes! My dad and his twin sister were given money to put in the collection plate during Children's Mass. They would walk past the church to the drug store, buy candy and then follow the other kids home when the mass let out. "Yeah sure Mom, I went to church and then walked home with my friends."
1) at 0.25 the Punishment Question. "When we find out...What should the punishment be?"
2) at 3:55 the Presumptive Question "Is there any reason..."
3) at 8:03 the Construction Question (using a small white lie creating a false test detail about the narrative being tested.)
This guy's videos have taught me that I'm an incredibly skilled liar... I had to lie to survive as a child. Very abusive household, I eventually got taken away from them, but the skill remains. I don't think any of the tactics I've seen thus far would have caught me out...
Same. I have been through immense amounts of abuse my whole life and I always say, “I only lie and manipulate for my own protection.” I’m watching these more to see how good I have been at it and in case I end up in horrific situations again. Another thing I have always said, “oh what tangled webs we weave when we practice to deceive,” but for me it had done nothing but help me. I’d never lie to hurt anyone though.
how would you answer the last question ?
@@folly4671 "I didn't see that" its not even a lie, if you weren't there you didn't see it. Even if it's somewhere obvious you can claim to have not noticed. OFC that can backfire hard if the front door was being fixed and you say you didn't see it, but yeah usually just pretending you were too absorbed in whatever you were supposed to be doing to notice whatever is being verified.
After seeing some of your videos and others on this stuff, I understand what the state trooper was trying to do when he knocked on my door Saturday morning when I was 21 (5 years ago). I was home alone and had never been accused of anything by police before. I was accused of being in a hit and run the day prior. The officer said there was video evidence from the gas station of me doing this. I had drank the previous night at my house (legally mind you) but was pretty sure I passed out in the basement and was scared that I made a stupid decision and drove late that night. I didn't say any of this because I was scared and probably looked guilty because of it.
What actually happened: I drove 1 mile down the highway from my boss's small sawmill (just him and I worked there) the day prior to pick up McDonald's for my boss and I on our lunch break. There was a kwik trip across the street and my vehicle was visible. More importantly, the dent on the front left side of my vehicle that I had sustained from hitting a deer 1.5 years earlier was visible. Explaining that the damage was from a deer and showing the picture with its timestamp after that deer hit it, the trooper got in his vehicle and left shortly afterwards.
I hope you learned your lesson? Never talk to cops, they are all liars.
That's the worst.. when you get questioned about something you didn't do but you know the circumstances line up such that it is plausible that you did do it. Especially when you're a normally insecure person and distrustful of yourself; you'll come off looking guilty just by the anxiety and doubt that builds up inside you.
The person who was with my son when he vanished/ murdered said when i questioned him on what happened to my son "i wouldn't want Jayden dead. i know what it's like to lose a brother." Fake crocodile tears form along with a smirk..that smirk said it all, not his words 😡 i knew from day 1 he was lying.
I would definitely never presume to tell my boss how they should punish someone, even if they asked regardless of whether I was the guilty party
Since, since at one point in my life, I was a hiring manager, people MUST, have to answer to such questios! Or they are already a suspicious applicant already, even if they got hired?!
Boss: "When we find out who did it, what should the consequence be?"
Thief: "Give them a huge raise"
Boss: "You passed the severity test. On your way."
Hey, it's well known, that the very best thiefs, burglars & people that out play the law, they can be excellent police officers, security guards, or even body guards or higher?!!
So... I've been thinking, now, how we're learning methods that can help spot other people lying to us... where are the methods to help us spot ourselves lying to ourselves? For instance, when we have an emotionally negative relationship with someone... this can cause us to spot lies that may not really be there, because we feel good in the moment to persecute the person (for whatever reason). Those negative relations may not even come directly from the person in question, but from our own personal experiences in life.
- "Sleep on it." may be one tip. In the end.. everything is all patterns.
- Tip two (to help us spot ourselves lying to ourselves), is understanding at all times that the tips presented today CAN help spot a lie in general, but CAN NOT spot a lie.
Interesting video 👍👍. Good topic.
As someone with an unhealthy addiction to psychology, I thank you for the new channel Spidey! I always loved these kinds of videos when you posted them on the other channel! Also, will Faizel make any appearances on this channel?
Hahahaha for sure! The guy has about 800 more signs of deception besides the ones already covered. Glad you’re enjoying this stuff 😊
This is really helpful. I hope I'm not accused of something because as someone who has an anxiety disorder, I feel I might exhibit guilty behavior even when I've done nothing wrong. I've often heard an innocent person would want to know more details of what happened sometimes. Like in the movie F/X, when the police detective played by Brian Dennehy realizes the agents from the Justice Department are hiding something when they don't ask how the murder victim was killed during questioning. Also on Lie to Me, which I saw you mention in another video, it was mentioned that a person is usually truthful when giving as many particular details as possible, like the exact time something happened or locations, numbers, things like that. I believe on The Mentalist, they even said people telling the truth are even more likely to use contractions.
yeah like Amber Turd can remember fog on the window, dirt on the carpet and the bee that stung her dog, but can't remember abusing the husband she lied about loving. So many details. All lies.
I was once accused of doing something, but I had timed CCTV footage proving that I was somewhere else when the crime happened. They took me to court threatening me with years in prison if I didn't plead guilty. But I knew I didn't do it so I fought it. At one point the prosecution asked me, why would 3 witnesses place you at the scene of the crime. I said, and I remember it exactly, "I have no idea why they would do this, but if you like, I can speculate." They never let me speculate, never asking me any more questions and I won the case. If they had let me speculate I would have framed the witnesses as the true criminals. Sensing I could do more damage they didn't let me speak further.
I very rarely lie, but when I do I use a little bit of acting experience to cover my physical reactions and go through my alibi/cover-story repeatedly in my mind until IT is more real in my memory than the actual event. But as another commenter said, as quite an empathic person I would come up with plenty of reasons a person would do something and I'd (unless it was some violent or despicable offence) want to know more before I got the torches and pitchforks out.
These methods would maybe work on the average person but more practiced liars actually love to be asked these questions because even the dumber ones will have heard them before and know the best type of answers to give.
Awesome video! I think you're a great teacher! I only have one request... if possible. When you're done your 'lesson', would it be possible for a quick (maybe bullet point text?) recap? For example in this one, just at the very end before signing off, if you just bullet point the 3 questions you taught us. I am extremely grateful for these videos, and all the time and energy that goes into them... thank you so much!
Thanks 😊 glad you’re enjoying them!
@@TheBehavioralArts I felt like such a douche after writing that about adding a recap. LOL. Just getting old--short term memory issues already! You're video is perfect the way it is.
As an educator and a public speaker, I would recommend this too. It really helps to repeat your main points in the introduction and the conclusion. It's not even about short-term memory, it's just a lot of information to process and the repetition helps hammer it home. In a debate you would already do this for a 2 minute speech, let alone a 10 minute lesson.
Watch it with a notepad
@@manillascissor 😂😂
Fantastic! If only I'd remember to utilize these.
Daughter is starting to be in the age where the old classic doesn't work anymore. Heard this from my mother-in-law: Back in the days her daughter had been cutting the fur of their dog but she denied it. Her mother had then asked her: "Did the dog bark when you cut the fur?" to which she replied: "No”.
Might work on a 7yo. :D
Hi Spidey,I've followed your career since I bought a gilbreath principal routine you had called out of my mind, it's really great that you've expanded your skillset beyond the magic and mentalism world and the videos are excellent, very consise, practical and to to the point, keep up the incredible work brother.✌️
Thanks man!!! Great to hear from an old timer 😊
Great video! Can't wait to try these out
I'd like to share a real good technique for parents to use w/kids. I foster/adopted children and I could usually get the truth by saying, "Alright, whoever did this, just 'fess up' already so we can move on," Like they needed to hear that a confession was an acceptable option. Give it a try!!
Funny how that video taught me both how to lie more effectively and how to get the truth out of someone more easily
Yeah-- next time I hear questions like these I'm automatically going to assume they're habitual liars. You may perhaps get the truth out of someone this way, but only from someone for whom deceit is not a lifestyle.
adek 183, don't be a double standared guy? Somehow, I think, your a better guy than that. Yeah I know from first hand, some times being a good guy, doesn'y payes off, some times, things are being turned against you!
Awesome video spidey. Subscribing was never even a question. I mean magic, mentalism and psychology? Hitting all my interests out of the park!
Dang! I watch so many videos because of catchy titles but disappointed with useless content but this was excellent!! I subscribed after hearing one 10 minute video.
I only hope deceitful people will not be watching and learning from this as they will be ready for such questions. I can see the guilty purposely answering the punishment question with “He should burn in hell for all eternity with his nads cut off!” The presumptive question with “Nope! No reason.” The constructive question with “Nope! No renovations.”
Excellent video!
Best thing about the slap is being introduced to this channel. Loving the content!
Fantastic video!! I love the "is there any reason..." Question! Very helpful and effective! 🙌
seriously? the idea that a liar would answer with a simple "no" didn't cross your mind?
this question is so simple that no-one needs to come up with a story. no-one's mind is gonna "crumble". no-one's gonna get nervous. unless you're a five-year old.
@@alxlej nice attitude, dude. Throw that question in a conversation. People with things to hide get nervous. Or do you not pick up on such things in your conversations?
@@SomewhereInIndiana1816 i apologize for the attitude.
the thought, though, that anyone, really, would all of a sudden try to think of a story or a narrative seems strange to me. it's a yes-or-no question. pretty straight-forward. no need to get nervous. you could also answer this question with, "nothing comes to mind" or "not that i can think of" or something to that effect, which actually leaves some wiggle room.
The best way to detect lies? Tell no lies yourself. Few ever choose this path because it's so hard; they prefer instead to believe in something easier.
Youre the man! The thing is when you choose this path god is giving you a Type of sense so you can sense lies or get a clue through sheer observation and listening.
I just answer a question with another question. Then I keep questioning but in a very sincere way. My boss gets frustrated with me when I do that. She’s a narcissistic boss, the worst I’ve ever had. She gets away with everything by playing the victim and tells everyone I don’t do my job well. Meanwhile our big boss does most of my boss’s work cuz she’s “got too much to deal with & she doesn’t know how to do this stuff.” Everyone can tell she’s threatened by me & she tries her mind games with me. Not anymore!!!
Good, I hope you quit! Working in a hostile environment like yours made me rich! Sued the company as it was against the law for them to do that, and won. Company was fined as it was against state laws to treat their employees like that, and have cameras handy to record. If they can record you, you can record them. Sincerely, retired.
A couple of good points. Ive been interrogated after heavy duress and sleep deprived. I can catch most people in a lie now (if I care if they're lieing or not)by asking them the question I believe they are lying about, then keep asking them the same thing with slight variations, up the speed of your questions, see how fast they reply, may take 5 to 10 minutes but they'll slip up at some point. People who lie have the truth and the lie, it won't take long for them to slip up and mix them up or try going further into the lie which means having to think on the spot of new details to their lie to convince you. Then you know.
Take the fifth and ask for a lawyer.
@@Puzzledrevyeah doesn't work in the military mate.
This has worked on my gf. She now demands that I don't use that "attitude" . She is a liar but I'm not sure where the limits on her behaviour are. She is a different person with me and I'm different to other people she has been with, so I'm hoping but verifying things. It's exhausting.
@@RussellDeacon I feel for you my friend, I'm a jealous person and I know how many people my now wife has been with, I don't like the number it's not a huge number because I met her when she was 23, that was 13 years ago now but still she would never dare to point out one of her exes to me because she knows that I would probably lose my temper and probably do something that was uncalled for, if you have a girl that you really can't trust my friend you just need to let her go because it will end up in heartache or just constant worry that she is lying to you, that's just my take on it i'm sure we live in different places and different cultures but yeah I couldn't handle that, like knowing and talking to somebody and knowing that they had been with my now wife I just couldn't handle that no way. My evil side would come out...
Actually, it does. Military defendants are entitled to representation.
@@MarcGrayTWOOM
Re: the 1st Punishment question: I know there are ALWAYS exceptions, but I remember a girl had gone missing, and there was a search party. Eventually she was found, deceased, she had been brutally murdered. They interviewed one man from the neighborhood and they asked him what he thought the punishment should be for the perpetrator, and he went over the top, saying "The death penalty would be too kind, he should be drawn and quartered...." etc. Turns out HE was found guilty of the abduction and murder. That always stuck with me, and makes me wonder if he felt very guilty so that's why he said that, or if he was trying to be so horrified at the crime... Anyway, just found your channel and loving it so far, thank you!
So how did the drawing and quartering go? It was his idea so they really had no choice.
@@pfistor He did, I believe, get the death penalthy. But yeah...
I thought exactly the same.. in my experience, people that are liars usually double down, I would expect them to go bananas with the punishment.
This video is dumb.
@@felipe.gtz.b I disagree. He states over and over that there are always exceptions. The case I stated was an exception. Most times they don't do that.
@@littledeebee of course there are exceptions, the problem is, this "technique" does not have a way to tell one from the other, therefore is useless.
These are great questions to use on kids, especially ages 9 and up. Kids can be great liars with practice but they are unable to deviate from the lie very quickly. It is very important for parent/child relationships that a child believes their parent trusts them. Even when they are not being truthful. And sometimes the truth is vague. The younger the child the easier it it to call them out with simple questions. But becomes much harder as they get older or more practices. Especially in cases where the child is trying to play hooky from school. This is a tricky one because they play on their parents emotions. No parent wants to send their child sick to school. It's a major dilemma. Once a parent has been duped even once, the child will capitalize on it over and over. So, I would love it if you could do a video on finding out the truth in children in the same manner as in this video but geared towards children only. It would be a lifesaver for thousands of parents. Please!!
Brilliantly communicated, thank-you!!
Love the first two options. But lying to get to the truth makes you a liar. This then makes you yourself less trustworthy and when dealing with children can create a green light for bad habits as well as lessen their respect for you
These are great questions! Wish I had known them when my kids were growing up. I can see how they would be thought provoking on the recipient. 👍
I have this happen to me one time too where the guy asked me if there was any reason they would see me with someone else. I agree with you about having your trustworthiness being questioned by someone you are with. Because this happened to me before I told them you don't believe me put a camera on my car, you don't believe me photograph me, whatever you need to do to prove to yourself ......not to me that you are insecure with yourself? Then they shut up and left the subject alone.
My dad was a MP then he was a deputy and served 23 years as a Correction’s officer. I always knew that when he asked me a question he already knew the answer. It would just make it worse to lie about it because he always got to the bottom of it. Usually my bottom got lit up like a Christmas tree with a belt. I don’t think that I ever did anything that I got a whopping for twice. I didn’t want to find out what happened if I had and that was the point.
Thankfully abusing children like that is illegal in my country. I get anxiety just thinking about how some children are receiving violence like that in some countries
@@viddeliten big difference between abuse and discipline. I got 3 to 10 hit’s on my butt with a belt. Or I could take grounding for a day or two weeks depending upon what I did. I always picked the spanking you just bent over grabbed your ankles and it was over in seconds. What would bother me was the talking to my dad would give me. I could see disappointment and hurt in his eyes. Like I said I don’t think I ever did anything like it again. I’m a good person because of his and my mom not letting me run wild and disrespect people. I was and am a reflection of them and my actions not only made me look bad but my parents would as well. How many times have you seen the news about kids getting killed at 3 in the morning and say where are the parents. My parents were just doing what was and is right. I have never had to spank my daughter and have only yelled at her once when she was 19. My ex wife has two boys after we divorced. She didn’t discipline them at all and now she visits them in jail. And neither one of them turned 18 yet. And I think they’ve both been arrested 10 times each. It says in the Bible spare the rod spoil the child. It was true then and it’s true now.
@@viddeliten its not abuse it’s punishment. trust me, when you get a belt to the ass, you won’t do it again
First time here. I have had all of these used on me. Taught me to answer as vaguely as I can or not at all, also taught me to only answer once and not to elaborate, or as the questioner would like to say fill in the details. And using a lie to catch someone lying make you no better than them.
All that said I liked the info and channel.
Ultimate and impressive.. Their are many many ways to extract the truth from the heap of lies and all are very interesting.
Fabulous. From the professional set, lighting, camera angles, speed, focus... and of course to the very well crafted material; this is what all great lecturers should aspire to!
I'd already liked and subbed but a read of some of the comments shows, and it seems I have a new playlist of material to view!
Every once in a while, the algorithm gets one right! Great stuff!
Well interesting. It does look good no offense. That's sddt you got out of the video.
I really appreciate your videos and the insights they offer into human behavior and psychology. Your approach to truth-seeking is intriguing. However, I wonder how well these "one-size-fits-all" methods can account for the complexities and nuances of individual behavior. For instance, some people may act nervously around authority figures like police officers not because they are hiding something but due to other factors such as past experiences or societal conditioning. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.
I don't exactly know how I got here but I'm hooked 🤷🏾♀️
So now we know exactly how so many people end up in jail for crimes they didn't commit. The investigators took these 3 'tricks' for the absolute truth !!
No, you have to have an actual confession, or strong evidence.
@@GUITARTIME2024 Say that to David Milgaard or perhaps Guy Paul Morin. In both cases they were sent to prison for crimes they didn't commit. In both cases the real author of the crime was eventually found.
@francoisleveille409 cool but generally the evidence is clear or there's a confession. Most prisoners are guilty.
@@GUITARTIME2024 I think everyone learns more from cases where the prisoner was innocent and found guilty. This video pretty much has a key ingredient ; assuming you so easily can find if somebody is not telling the truth.
This is a great video! I stumbled upon your channel and have become addicted. Thanks for posting these (and for keeping them interesting thru to the end)!
I'm curious, what do you suggest as the follow-up approach once you determine if the person in question is being deceitful or honest? Especially if the person is showing all sorts of deception, but there's no concrete proof to pin them)? I feel i encounter this often and am still left only with an accusation.
I love that you include real life scenarios for viewers to relate and practice! In addition to workplace scenarios and business or sales techniques, I'd love to hear interpersonal and romantic relationships tied in as well! I studier that's also pretty common to come across.
Thanks again for your work!
Thanks so much for the kind words Cynthia! I’m really glad you’re enjoying the channel.
This is a terrific question. Spotting deception has one purpose and one alone; your information. That’s it! When A behavior analyst sees deception in an interrogation, we can’t do anything legal with that, can’t use it in court. It allows us to know where we need to dig deeper because the ultimate goal is the confession.
So in the real world when you see these signs you can either keep questioning knowing there’s more to this story or just have that edge and knowledge and now you know you can’t trust this person.
Never ever confront someone and tell them they’re lying. Not worth it, they will close up and you’ll get nowhere.
This is so interesting. I feel like I would just lean into “I don’t know, good question” answers if someone asked me these
Thank you so much for sharing these very interesting tips!
I have further questions about spotting lies in two types of situations:
1. How to spot early when someone promises something and does not mean it strongly enough to follow through? Or maybe they even know they are not going to do that.
2. How to spot when someone lies by omission? Especially in scenarios where I might not know what exactly is being omitted.
1. Past record of promises, easier if you know the person's promise-keeping habits with others. if you don't have an idea about their promise-keeping trait then take them up on small things, like meeting at a particular time for something unimportant to them, or storing something of little value and asking for it much later, many people lose it and apologize or delay the item's return unneccerily. Little promises show up in how they will behave with big promises. these would work best if they're comfortable around you, not on guard or trying to please you.
2. This one could be a difficult one to spot. instead of being paranoid and worrying just ask "Is that all?" "is there anything else you'd like to add?" and remain silent after they assure you of it, ignore their efforts to placate you. if anything is amiss they will speak up and spill the beans be observant of unusual behavior and then add" there seems to be something missing" followed up with more silence. They will fill you in on the missing details.
Staying calm, perceptive and silence is key.
These are some that worked with me, maybe others have better tips that worked for them
2. I always think they are being deceptive when they are vague. I ask for more clarification or details.
For me, I am always emotional and somewhat agressive to any question or a sentence that might sound like an accusation, even if I did not do it, I think this is the norm for super sensetive people, normally if I did somthing that I am guilty of, I keep quietr if someone brought it up, I admit it immedietly and truthfully.
I've just stumbled across this man. He's very good Here's a question , as a single woman again after some years of marriage, I've asked a man. ( this will also work if you're a man asking a woman. Simply reverse the roles.) " is there a Mrs or a Ms or a Miss or any other woman, who, if she knew you were here with me or showing interest in me, would be upset/angry/hostile? Or, would you be upset, anxious, distressed, if you knew another woman would be? See how he answers this. Or even IF he answers this or just dismisses it or evades it. Whatever you do, don't ask something as bland and general as ..."are you seeing anybody at present"?
Love this! Thank you!
I love Spy The Lie too! You gave great examples on practical uses. It’s great teaching others the methods to see beyond the distracting words and look for other signs instead. I love baiting with the little white lie, such an easy set up, and like a card trick you are steps ahead of the victim..!
Great new channel!
I think I would just have the book lying around so people notice it thinking I had read it. Lol
"Is there any reason I can think of? I can imagine many reasons someone would say something untrue."
Cool things! Especially liked the white lie concept. Can come in handy for future things. I remember you talking about this in a previous video as well on your other channel
Yep. I talked about volatile conundrum before 😊 good memory
I can see a problem with the "Is there any reason...?" question. Someone who's often been used as the scapegoat for things or had lies told about them before might react in a way that could be taken as guilt.
That’s fine. You don’t throw them in jail if they stumble you just ask more questions, at the very least you’ll rule out innocent people.
This is a very interesting paradoxical approach of telling lies to get to the truth.
See...I would kind of turn this around....I would see if someone is asking me questions in this way because they suspect I am untruthful. Then try to probe around for the source of that suspicion. Because the vast majority of the time, I am being honest. It's nearly a compulsion with me. Not quite....I can keep secrets and confidences, but my default is sheer, somettimes brutal, honesty. So that suspicion is stemming from somewhere. And, those times I am not being honest, I would equally want to know. But the majority of the time when I am being as honest as I can be, I would want to know where the insecurity is. So it can be addressed. Especially if it someone I care about. Or even professionally. I put great store by my professional integrity, and wouldn't want that questioned. Maybe I am overthinking? I do that sometimes. But I would not only want to use these things, but recognize when they are being used on me.
Yeah I think in most situations these fly by especially the last one it’s so innocent. The first two I would use In situations where I am questioning someone about something to begin with.
Great video looking forward to content on this new channel 😊
Sean!!!! Yes!!!!! This is so exciting lol
⭐️ this guy is honest, I appreciate this content! Must study! Over and over and over!
I worked in an office years ago and something happened resulting in an employee being isolated and asked the “is there any reason…” question. That caused a slow war of paranoia and anger that lasted for years with feuds between employees. They ganged up, plotted and undermined the whole business. It’s not always a good thing to ask.
Yeah, I am interested in this sort of thing. I enjoy the thought process, but (as others have said here) I'm not so sure about applying it to your life. I think it might work in specific instances, such as an interrogation, where the parameters assume specific power dynamics and the intent to uncover matters of legality or safety. But I don't think that level of engagement has a place in our day-to-day lives. Especially when you consider trauma or neurodivergence.
Like if you asked me about my friend's kitchen being remodeled I would struggle to remember. Partly because I have poor short-term memory for objects, but also, and more prominently because I don't trust my memory. I often second guess my memories in reaction to "white lies", aka gaslighting. I mean at some point I'll part the haze, take a think, and likely come back to you a minute later like "No.. there was no.. not that I recall. Why do you think there was remodeling?" According to this, you would probably read me like I was pretending to try and remember. So you'd take a harder line with me. And at that point, I'd be squinting at you and unlikely to trust you for a long time. Because I do not enjoy playing mind games.
Yep, just posted that if you need those tricks at work,in a relationship or family/kids there is something already really wrong and you will make it worse and seem shifty.
Exactly 💯 I struggle with this too.
Me af 😂
Great stuff! Including all of these in my next interrogation. Thanks!
I recently subscribed to your channel, perhaps for different reasons than most. I have few parameters for human behavior because i was isolated and self feeding for most of my first 2 or 3 years. I have a great deal of difficulty lying with intention but my EQ is quite immature and pretending sometimes becomes real. What I am leading up to is that I am grateful to listen to you and learn how to understand people better. My world is black and white and I either believe it all or al fearful to believe anything so tools will help me trust myself to not be endangering myself by believing the wrong person again. And conversely, to perhaps learn to trust someone again.
Thank you
My rule of thumb is always trust everyone and anyone but at the same time knowing there are chances they are not honest. It's like 95% trust 5% always questioning what are they saying in your own head. Usually if in doubt of the person's statement I would vaguely ask the details of the information that they don't feel being interogated. If the person is lying, most of the time they will try to avoid it or even gives more vague answers. But nevertheless it's not a proof of the person is lying. It's just for your ownselves to take precautions if this person is trustworthy or not.
2:10 works great till you get accused yourself because your sister is an expert manipulator even though you did nothing. Happens too often.
Fantastic. Thank you for these tools.
Nice video; succinct and to the point.
The first question is at best a hit and miss thing in my experience. I've personally seen innocent people get punished for shit they didn't do, because some dumb dumb knew about that question. Especially with empathetic people, I've even personally gotten away with some shit to spite people trying it. In fact both the second and third were used once on me and I still got away with it. So yeah, they're neat to use but a guarantee they are not.