Being Friendless in Japan
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- Опубликовано: 11 июл 2024
- In Japan, more and more people feel like they have no friends. Why is it so rising? And what would be the solutions for us?
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■Typo:
9:16s: Because I've 'seen' ~
My apologies for the error.
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■Chapters:
0:00 What's going on?
0:38 Why she has no friends
2:46 Are social media helpful?
3:54 The cause 1
5:29 Loneliness
8:28 The cause 2
10:16 What helped you?
12:50 Final thoughts
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![Why Japanese Are Lonely [ENG CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/SBRm18jIsVE/mqdefault.jpg)
![Why Japanese Are Lonely [ENG CC]](/img/tr.png)
What would be the solutions?
Meditation.
First of all maybe don't talk about "social media", it's reductive. There's always been letter pals. There's always been public bulletins. People's problem is the fact they let it slip what they REALLY think "social" means: it means a-social. It means using your acquaintances as something to consume, "I CONSUME social media", and through that you consume friendship. And it wears your friendhips down as consumables, as perishables, as disposables. Trash.
Acquaintances become something to draw entertainment out of, and that breeds anxiety because you feel imposter syndrome. You feel you haven't entertained your friends in return, like a party clown. It becomes this manzai act, of taking turns to give each other entertainment. That IS no different from watching TV.
Return intimacy to low-proximity relationships. Write a book, read more books trying to connect with the WRITER, and if you need personalized connections, use Marco Polo App or VOD uploads. Do not expect and respect such a high bar to make public statements that you ahve to HIDE behind social media, like people blaming you for thinking too highly of yourself.
And do the things you would be doing with friends. When you know how you do it, offer to show how it's done to somebody else.
Not trying too hard is the best solution. A single friend gained in mutual interest of something in one another, is far more of value and to be appreciated then to, at best have acquaintances under the pretense of them being friends.
Always pray, and you will feel God always to you.
Maintaining communities where people can gather (in-person)
The last girl has the best advice. If you are friendless or lonely - join some groups (not online - in the real world). Take some classes - maybe a language, drawing, photography, or cooking class. Something you are genuinely interested in with classes once or twice a week over several months. Don't focus on meeting people - just focus on the course and you will meet people along the way. This will be a good way to not be overwhelmed since the course has a fixed time and you know you can leave after the class finishes. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to 'be friendly' - just keep pushing yourself out into the world by finding things you enjoy and you will meet like-minded people eventually through shared activities.
Wah, i like this
Completly right. U do not "make" friends you "meet" them. So go out there and meet some new friends by being yourself. And one extra thing: do not think that those who meet and know many people have many friends. In reality you just can have about 10 real friends i think, because if they are real friends you care about them, you ask how they are doing, you are there for them when times are difficult, and so do they for you. You only have a fix amount of time to share with other people, so look for those who are worth of you time and you think you are worth there time.
Find a solid Christian church
I did that. But all the groups I joined had ,Ostia elderly people there.
Unpopular opinion: Regarding those who go to a foreign country, I have like 2 friends who moved abroad, they are earning like 2 times more what they would earn here... but they are friendless there, and they rarely talk and when they do they seem sad, that its hard to make connections, all alone. Why go abroad? Is it really worth it to be miserable to make an extra buck in a richer country? Unless you are actually having a hard time surviving (not being able to eat) why go? My friends and family are so much more important than having a better apartment.
And I know some people want a change in culture or are curious but why not go only temporarily for like 6 months? Or go on a extended vacation? Please for your own hapiness, actually consider if leaving behind all the people you love is actually what would make you happy
It's harder to make friends the older you get in my opinion. Also being introverted and socially awkward is another huge factor
not to mention the economic societal pressure
these days, friend, family, many bad rumors about scammers, people trying to borrow money
makes people feel alerted , cannot open much
ever since in my mid 20's i kinda started to accept that i might live my life alone, it is scary, it never will not be scary, but for someone like me, opening and being hurt again by human relation is kind of scarier than dying alone i guess
It is harder, but I have discovered that the friendships I make in middle age tend to be longer lasting and more sincere than the friendships of my youth.
@@artaizen1613 join a local hobby club like adult sports league, chess club, LAN gaming tournament. whatever interests you, find friends with similar interests.
Me too 😢
That’s a bullshit. Its a loser’s mindset. It’s just in your head, making friends is extremely easy, just get out there and be social, engage in talking to people. Easy. Also what’s the problem to become an extrovert?
One thing that I find greatly ironic is that we are bombarded with fictional stories about the power of friendship and the relationships around us while we struggle to make even one meaningful friend for ourselves.
I constantly doubt the power or strength of friendships. I always experience let downs. Over the years, It has strengthened my belief of this. Lol
struggled with this my whole life, so many lies we are told each day
That is because in real life people are not that trusting or usually do not have the time and energy to cultivate a friendship. Meeting people and making contact can be very easy, but not so when it comes to cultivating a friendship. It also depends on what you mean by "friendship"or "meaningful friend".
I don't think it's ironic at all. It's exactly because people lack that "power of friendship" in real life that they have to go to fictional media to "fill" that need. It's the lonely people that fall victims to parasocial relationships the most, be it a fictional character, a streamer, or an idol.
👍👍👍
Let’s define friend. Many people think they have friends. Most probably they have acquaintances. A true friend is extremely rare. Don’t believe me? Just approach the people who you think are friends if your world crashes and burns. Then you’ll know.
So true! Friends require willingness to honor and sacrifice their time and comfort to be present in another person's life. Most ppl think they have friends just because they feel the presence of others in their own setting (human touch / feeling of friendliness). But really ppl tend to be just vying for their own gain 😊
@@Cococokieful their own gain…….exactly.
@@Cococokieful i just dont want to get walked over.. it's difficult to find an equal relationship that feels fulfilling and not energy draining
👍👍👍
I have only one true friend for 25 years already and I think i am lucky. As I got ill she sent me money. She didn't ask me , just sent as a present. We love each other. She is as my sister to me. We have much in common. We never quarrelled.
If only it was as simple as friendless people befriending each other 😞
A lot of people don’t want to admit they have no friends. So even though two friendless people may need each other, they don’t want to admit that to the themselves
It is not. Being alone for a long time you learn to distrust people, to rely only on yourself.
@@P.90.603 Fk off, that is not true and you know it
@@W4iteFlame That happened to me. Yet I learned that humans can't survive by themselves and I enjoy people's company sometimes after I am satisfied being alone.
@@KhoiruunisaRFi don't have friends and I'm doing just fine. My boardgames collection don't get a lot of playtime though 🤣 😢
I'm 55, and probably haven't had a "friend" since I was about 25.
I've had work friends in the various jobs I've had, but it's never really been friendship outside of work; and once I or they left the company, I never really heard from them again. When I was younger I used to drop into old workplaces to say hi, but there was never really any interest from old workmates, so I gave up.
I think the same thing can happen with other activities outside of work. You can be involved in different types of groups, such as school, sports, hobbies, church, etc, and have lots of "friends". But as soon as you are not involved in that activity any more, you don't really keep in touch. Maybe this is just a normal thing that happens to most people. My parents didn't seem to have friends, other than the occasional old friends that visited once or twice.
Being friends with someone takes more investment than just sharing the same space on a regular basis. At my current workplace a young lady in my group had some troubles in the shared house she was living in. I invited her to stay at my house with my family for several days and we ended up becoming good friends, including outside work. She has recently left the company and moved to another city, but I hope we'll stay in touch. That will obviously require continued investment in our friendship.
I worry about when the kids have moved out of home and I eventually retire. Although I'm comfortable feeling alone, I don't know if it would be easy being isolated for long periods of time. I think the elderly do it really tough in this regard.
Felt the same way. Workmates are just people you know in a common setting (workplace). When you leave that place, you'd become irrelevant to them... Like in football, when you announce you're leaving for another club, most likely you will feel the coldness from other players and be left on the bench for most of the remaining days.
2:53 she looks Mexican, i didn't knew she was half Japanese
Bro You really summarized my situation as well.
I'm 45, haven't had real friends since I was... 17? Good thing I have a brother I work with, otherwise my social skills would completely disappear. Dating and activities I've had along the years helped keep me somewhat connected, but now, specially after the pandemic, my real life social interactions have gone to zero, no dating action either. Even at the gym, I prefer not to talk to anyone. Not sure how I'll "survive" socially moving forward, I'm kind of comfortable having no friends, but also aware that it's not healthy.
“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12 - Jesus, did you?”
― Stephen King, The Body
60 here. Same.
For me I had a really tight group of friends in my youth.
Then we got married etc.
Drifted apart.
Then divorced.
And....yeah.
I live in the USA and it’s hard to build a community if you are not part of a social norm. Like if you don’t drink, smoke weed, play dominoes, cards, or don’t like to gamble, it’s hard in some communities to talk. They find you a weirdo, even more so if you’re asexual or part of the ace spectrum. If you don’t want to have sex or want to save yourself, they bully and peer pressure you.
I seen this happen and had it happen in my community and friends. My mother and grandmother tried to pressure me to drink alcohol on new years because everyone was doing it. I have to constantly say, “ I don’t drink.” In my twenties I had to tell that I don’t drink or smoke weed and had someone ask am I black.
Also, had people put up a front. It’s common in the USA to be fake or social for clout or/and status but be insecure.
I’m in my 30s and still don’t have friends but it doesn’t bother me. I rather live in Japan or a county that’s more introverted tbh.
This is what exactly surprised me when I moved to the US. Why do I have to drink and/or act fake to have fun and be a part of the group who has only a fraction of friendship.
Never accept peer pressure from people against your own ethics not wanting to do drugs get drunk or have sex before marriage you have a higher morale. I would want to meet a woman like this finding one in the US is like finding a unicorn. You can go to a church and meet people with the same beliefs at community gatherings and they have single groups to meet each other and have outings such as hiking, camping music going out to eat. I have had friends female and male met people and found people to date and married. They have made good friends from the church by being involved with people there. I have never done drugs or been interested in getting drunk I can go to a gathering formal party and drink a soda and interact and feel no pressure to drink. Be yourself always move forward and not hold on to the past it cannot be changed only learned from it.
LMAO You think Japan is an introverted country? Weeaboo over here has clearly never lived in Japan before. Drinking is a part of the standard work culture and many people do it for parties or other get togethers as well. I won’t even get into the amount of people who go clubbing or get loud in izakayas.
If you want to come here and avoid them, sure go ahead, but things in Japan are close together so you would be even more exposed unless you’re willing to live in the middle of nowhere.
I don't drink because constitutionally I can't get a buzz, just a headache, vomit, get depressed so I drink non-alcoholic German beer (love the stuff), cranberry with seltzer, or get high on strong coffee. As long as you are cheerful, people don't care. Be careful of introverts, they can be backstabbers, better to know who you're dealing with.
You want to mingle or talk to someone? Just get up and visit any Islamic center, Muslim Community are or even a mosque at your area.
You don't have to be a Muslim or convert to Islam to be there.
They would be gladly to accept you with cookies + coffee/tea and talk anything with you.
Believe me, accepting guest with open arm and being hospitality to other is already embedded in their DNA.
Having no friends doesn't make me lonely or sad. Most of my original friends are living their own lives across the USA and abroad now. I've lost many to war and cancer. Luckily the local community is made up of mostly like minded people and we all get along, no need to be friends just be friendly.
I completely agree with this!!
Yeah in large countries, it really puzzles me how people maintain their friendships. Through social media? No way... you can't be serious.
"no need to be friends just be friendly" that is absolutely right!
"no need to be friends just be friendly"
I think this sumarize things nicely..... you cant force somebody to be your friend, but at least you can be respectful to each another and thats enought...
I can totally understand the feeling of having no friends. I used to have 3-4 friends from my kindergarten days whom i considered the best. We've had so many fun times together, however things changed when we were at junior high school. I was bullied by my classmates and not one of them came to help me. That incident had broken me so badly, at one point i became what the Japanese call a a hikikomori. Ever since then it's been really hard for me to make friends, let alone trust others.
A friend in need is a friend indeed ©
Or being ostracized really plays a huge factor, you try your best to be social like you were as a young kid but as you grew older you see reality and then it changes you.
The same thing happened to me in junior high (in the US): a bully punched me in the throat before gym class one day, and not one of my "friends" from grade school stepped up to help me. He punched me so hard that I couldn't breathe or even see. One of my old "friends" is a cop now-oh, the irony. Looking back on it 40+ years later, I think they were scared and didn't want to become targets, too, by helping me. I never trusted anyone again.
@@blkPhillip This why I kind of want to learn how to train myself despite people offering me help but I refuse it, as long as I am not killed only injured I will not give up mostly.
Being friendless is not that bad, it’s actually better than having fake and untrustworthy friends. I used to have lots of friends but none of them are really sincere, now I cut them off and live independently. I feel so peaceful and happy doing my own things. As long as you don’t care how the society will judge you for having no friend, it’s actually fine. Just live your life.
Best response so far. So true.
A life of actual solitude is depressing....
@@bronxishomenomatterwhereig3149 everyone is different. For me solitude is a blessing and a peace of mind. I also used to have friends, but was never really able to trust anyone because people may wish good things for me BUT NOT BETTER THAN THEM. I had friends who have always seen me as their competition, sometimes betrayed me, talk bad things behind me. A once good friend can also turn into a traitor. Since I chose to cut off these people and stay in solitude with my cats, I feel the happiest and fulfilled like never before. So for me, solitude is a blessing and I never really feel lonely because I always find something new to do by myself. Reading books, painting, cooking, traveling, decorating home, shopping etc. just do it alone.
Fax.
Absolutely agree. I feel much better since I have cut ties with useless friends that always tried to bring me down when I tried to move forward in life.
I'm approaching my 30s and one thing I understood growing up is that you're not going to have many people around you for long. If anything, it's best to keep a friend or two that have the potential to be your bestfriend and it's not bad that you guys can't meet each other for months or even years, but eventually a time will be open or plans will be made for you to spend time together. I honestly ghosted all my friends for a few years or half a decade (which is really long) but I needed a career path to focus on to become independent. I understood that they needed space because they were also in the same mindset. There are times during those periods though where we would contact one another, catch up through text, and make plans to have lunch. So it's perfectly fine to be lonely at a later age, you shouldn't focus on others because it would negatively impact your view of your social status. And honestly my bestfriend moved to another state so I can understand it lonely at the time but one of my life goals was to live in Asia to meet relatives and travel which meant that I am completely voided of any friends and would have to make new friends. I can say now that living in Japan, it is lonely but it doesn't bother me in the slightest, I let my hobbies distract me. Truthfully though, I can't understand those friends I see on social media are able to meet other people on a regular basis but as far as I can assume, they aren't doing well independently, so focus on yourself. Also, it's fine to ask, don't be afraid to ask because what I learned is people aren't afraid to give excuses or say no. If it become too apparent that they don't want to spend time with you just don't bother asking anymore and look for someone else to spend time with or just be more productive, life is short, your young, I'm young, I don't care about my social life, I want to accomplish goals, and getting fluent in Mandarin and Japanese isn't going to happen unless I make it happen.
I try to go to Japan for 3 months every year, I’m Korean American who can’t speak Japanese so I had the challenge of not being able to communicate and blending in too well. I ended up joining a hiking club via meetup app with a mix of expat and local members who can speak English, it was a great way to meet people. I’m a shy introvert but hiking with people who love nature helped me come out of my shell and be more social.
👍👍👍 No tears. Action! 💪
I went to Korea and stayed for 2 months and I’m planning to stay there again for a couple of months. I can’t speak Korean either. I’m Filipino-American. I’m a gay woman and meeting other bi and gay women seems to work for me and they’re open to be friends with other gay women as we shared something irrelevant in Korean society. (Many of them told me that it doesn’t make them feel alone) They’re willing to meet and greet (met them via lesbian dating app and tinder) Quite a few Koreans I’ve met speaks English. Korean youth seems to have quite a few of these (gay and bi women) especially in Hongdae area. It’s about finding your own community wether it’s from the sports, hobbies or lgbt community. That’s where u meet friends in an organic way
I'm an adult and I never had any friends, I don't mind it because I've been alone, living alone for most of my life. I just focus on happy and do things that make me feel happy 😂🎉🎂 sometimes I make sure to visit my mom and grandma, but they are far away 😅😊
That’s the bright side. Having too much friends is a bad thing as well, especially when drama breaks out
Who cares about "friends" a soulmate is what everybody needs !
@Annoying Jewologist yeah. In the end, the people you spend time with goes down to just family.
@CringeCultok that's a bit much. I'm European and we are hardly being taken over by hostile immigrants. I live in a small west European country with 18 million inhabitants. The biggest group that poses a problem more often are Muslims but they don't even number 1 million.
So it's fear mongering that we are being taken over...
@Annoying Jewologist South Korea is even worse !
It has become more of a problem all over the world and I blame it mostly on social media. Back in the day, we used to have the urge to get in touch with our friends to see how they are and catch up with how they are doing and what's going on in their lives. Nowadays, everyone's lives is on display on social media. We don't need to do this anymore.
"Nowadays, everyone's lives is on display on social media. We don't need to do this anymore."
I disagree - it's common knowledge that what people see on social media is a selected window that person allows everyone to see. It was and will always be important, especially today, to personally reach out.
There are no shortcuts to actually talking to people directly and doing stuff together. Watching someone else's self-advertisement is not knowing someone or keeping in touch. Plus, much of that self-advertisement is gross embellishment or outright lies like regular advertisements.
I don't have any ideas for a solution but want to thank you for creating and posting this video. Loneliness is a problem in my country (the US), too; and I think this is a growing problem everywhere. It's important to remember that people post things on social media that make them look like they're happy and have great lives, but more often than not, it's an illusion. Lonely people, myself included, need to find a way to love ourselves.
I wish I could have friends but it’s very difficult with my autism and social anxiety. When I get over stimulated, I shut down and become unresponsive, then everyone misunderstands me as being rude, judgemental, rejecting them etc when I’m not. I just wish I could become close enough to people to explain what is going on so I don’t keep loosing friends….
There's ways to socialize that reduce direct social rules: Do you ever play boardgames or table-top games? You can in effect socialize in an activity where you both concentrate on the activity and share conversation inbetween playing the game, reading up rules. Just remember the Golden Rule: "Ensure all players are having fun ie don't worry if you differ on rules too much and be polite and accept different views".
I never found socializing alone to be rewarding: Some people bring "drama" and find a lot of entertainment that way. It is exhausting. But via a structure or system or activity it is a good way to socialize aka hobbies. It might be something else entirely eg pedal-bikes or history etc...
You can always talk to me if you don't mind we can be friends
Same like me.😊
I'm an introvert, so it does not bother me as much as it would someone more extroverted. But, extroverts are probably more likely to have friends, so that may be a moot point. And, it depends a lot on how you describe "friend". I think I have a lot more "acquaintances" than I do friends.
Same thoughts exactly ❤
I'm also an introvert and I think the same that's right
True friendship is hard to find. Everyone is trying to be responsible and have some concern about career, or some lone duty. Friendship does exist. How to foster and care in a mutual concern by advice and league of comradery.
I used to be super worried about having friends growing up even as an adult but realized that forced friendships never really made me happy. In fact, being with the wrong people made me lonelier. Now I find joy in being alone. I don’t try to do small talks whenever I don’t feel like it. I don’t force myself to interact with people I genuinely don’t like nor try to impress anyone. I am happier and I find myself creating more genuine relationships with people who are quite similar to me. But that’s me. What works for me may not work for others.
a lot of people also seem to think "having friends" means having a LOT of friends, when in reality most "good friend" circles are pretty small in size a lot of the time
This is true
Quality vs Quantity.
Good idea interviewing a Scandinavian person too. In Sweden we have the phenomenon called "Jantelagen" which is basically the same thing Japan has, or at least many Live-to-Work countries. I'm Swedish as well and kind of a hikikomori and technically a NEET, but I don't shame myself for being the latter anymore. I'm mentally ill and burnt out, so I can't keep a job for now, and when I start training to work again, I'll skip IT work and just do something simpler that I like doing, even if the pay is nothing to brag about.
(I'm available for interviews if you want to cover certain topics some time for perspective, Nobita.)
This was really interesting. Even though I am not japanese, I can totally relate with the young woman in this video. I am a 27 year old woman myself and spend most of my days alone. I have one friend who is really busy and has lots of other friends, so we barely meet up and because I have never dated anyone , I feel like I missed out on so many things.
I work with children and I find myself trying to befriend them to compensate for my lonely childhood, which in turn makes me feel even more ashamed.
I'm thinking close friends only exist during childhood, schooling days.
@@P.90.603 How could that be? I thought women like to cuddle with each other, more than guys - which is normally competitive sports or game (to me).
@@P.90.603 You must be a chad. It's not easy being an average or below average guy these days, especially if you have no friends or connections.
Well start dating then! Then you can meet a man who will be both friend and lover, and have kids of your own.
it's a tough situation. years ago I abandoned everything and went into truck driving. I lived in the truck by myself and traveled all over the US. The money was good, but I had to learn to love myself and engross myself in my hobbies. Otherwise I wouldn't have made it. But I did make it. I still don't have any friends, but I enjoy casual conversation when I can get it. And of course being in online groups on discord and etc... But what really saved me was travel. Going to other places, meeting new people, striking up conversations at a bar. The world isn't all bad. There's still some good out there, you might just need to get outside to find it.
What about your parents and siblings? How often you communicate with them?
I really admire Nobita San for being courage addressing the Japanese societal problems that are hidden beneath the perfect surface. I think that Japan is the heaven for people who love being alone. It’s easy to befriend with the nature and own self. But maybe it is the privilege of being an outsider….
"Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community" was a book on this subject written and published in 2001 in the USA: Summary:
"BOWLING ALONE warns Americans that their stock of "social capital", the very fabric of their connections with each other, has been accelerating down. Putnam describes the resulting impoverishment of their lives and communities. Drawing on evidence that includes nearly half a million interviews conducted over a quarter of a century in America, Putnam shows how changes in work, family structure, age, suburban life, television, computers, women's roles and other factors are isolating Americans from each other in a trend whose reflection can clearly be seen in British society. We sign 30 percent fewer petitions than we did ten years ago. Membership in organisations- from the Boy Scouts to political parties and the Church is falling. Ties with friends and relatives are fraying: we're 35 percent less likely to visit our neighbours or have dinner with our families than we were thirty years ago. We watch sport alone instead of with our friends."
Fundamentaly it's about Urbanization, Society Construction eg Work-Life Balance, the meaning of work in life (eg Capitalism and Technocratic Government), Digital Consumption instead of Physical Activities etc.
I doubt it's just Japan but urban-industrial developed nations?
America outside the sprawl is indeed a loner's paradise. All the hermits who move to Alaska, etc...
When you realize you don't need friends everything is good. The worst is that presure you have when you comparing with people that have many friends. But the reality for most of the people is, they only have up to 2 friends or so.
I used to be somebody who would always walk on eggshells around people because I was so scared of being bothersome, until I realized that no matter how courteous or cautious I may be, I will always be bothering someone. After I accepted this, I started making more of an effort to interact with strangers, even if I felt a bit awkward doing it at first. Complimenting their clothes or something they have (like a phone case, charms, jewelry, etc.) Asking questions (even if you already know the answer) and thanking them for their time. Answering them when they ask a question aloud. So on- even if the conversation is brief, it really does lighten the mood. And I’ve often found that when I mustered up the courage to approach someone first, they wanted to talk to me too! So while it might feel scary, do not be afraid to take up space! You deserve to be around just like everyone else :)
I've noticed from talking to some of my Japanese mates, that even if you are 'friends' with someone, it's not really a real 'friend'. It's rare to find friends whom are genuine that you can share your real thoughts or emotions to. Mendokusai is a real thing in Japan.
It's easy to just sit at home and not be bothered by the world.
I'd suggest going out to events that you hobby, go to meet ups or just learn to socialize through practice and trial/error. Even something as simple as having a short conversation to a clerk at the local konbini goes far.
If someone feels they are inadequate about themselves, go explore with someone or by yourself, whether it being domestic or foreign. Exploring new places or culture helps open ones perspective and self.
As I've gotten older, friends have drifted away. It's natural. People start families. People move to other places. If there's one piece of advice I would give, it would be to work hard at maintaining those friendships. Don't get into the game of saying to yourself: I am always the one reaching out, so I'm not going to contact them. They should contact me. Maybe true that they should but do you want to find yourself on your deathbed someday with no one around? I make an effort to not keep score. To just keep taking the initiative and inviting people out when I'm in town. It's well worth it and my pride is just fine.
I have always found that volunteering regularly is a good way to meet good people. Just find something you like, like the animal shelter, your church, or in a community group. Working side by side with people is a good way to make friends and helps your community. 😊
I'm currently living in Japan and being loneliness and no friends usually applied in urban city like Tokyo. Yes it is very hard to make Japanese friends in Tokyo but if you live in out of the big cities than Tokyo or Osaka then it's much more easy to make friends around. The only friends you can make in Tokyo is only foreigners.
Any other prefectures you recommend?
I’m Canadian living in the countryside of Japan for over 12 years. From my experience, making friends is impossible. I do not have a single friend here.
Neither does my sister and she's lived in Japan 5 years now, she lives in the middle of nowhere up a mountain in Kumamoto with her chickens and an abusive husband. When she calls home she cries about her loneliness but isn't willing/able to make new friends there or come home.
Japan is a beautiful, lonely conformist hellscape that I was all too happy to leave and come home! A few weeks was more than enough for me and I was super grateful I brought my best friend with me, otherwise I would have had no one to talk to except my sister for 4 weeks.
Japanese loneliness is brutal.
Wow, this is so informative❤❤ gaijin here from Philippines, for almost 23 years living here, married in a Japanese husband and a mom of a 2nd year junior high musume, the first time i get here culture shock is really something, i live with my in-laws, daily life is a japanese lifestyle, from watching japanese news, japanese food, japanese co-workers, i learned a lot of their culture, manners and belief, i love to lived here, though sometimes i feel lonely, but am also an introvert, i do believe no one escapes loneliness and sadness, but a friendly community is always healthy, Japanese are tend to be shy, for me that is one of reasons they couldn't make friends.
Your presentations are beautiful and so sensitive and universal. Though your focus is Japan (one of my favorite places to visit) you do a great job and service uncovering the universality of issues that matter to all of us no matter where in the world we may be. Thank you, keep up the good work!
Having no REAL friends is a big problem in Japan. Big cities like Tokyo and Osaka are the worst. People are very fake and most have ulterior motives. Don't force yourself to make friends. Join meetups and other groups that share your interest and let friendship slowly grow with time.
Times of the season are a concern, Shibuya park can be a place to meet. Depends on the person and the group of people involved by peer pressure. I studies a brief condition of education influence in the work environment with the Kao Corporation and peer/ mentor conditions of logical objectivity in the market of cosmetics and toiletries (In 1997, Kao Corporation Sumida Laboratories). High school, college, and the work environment all have these customary groups of social influence in Japan. However, forming new groups takes some alpha male inspiration and advocacy, or group of conciliation experts with women leaders who have some wisdom with this issue.
I think it's not exclusive to Japan. Society tend to see those surrounded by people as the "normal" ones. But honestly, the reason we even have the so called "friends" is simply because we are in the same group such as neighbours, schoolmates, friends from uni, and colleagues. Most of us rarely have "friends" outside of these groups. Adding to that being naturally reserved person, you just go with the flow and let the relationship died down gradually, or perhaps the other person let it died down naturally. We crave the friendship we see in the movies, but sadly that's not how things work in real life.
when you learn the value of self independent and self love, you tend to enjoy being alone, but still open to those who respects you and understands you.
Having a dog around that you care for is truly rewarding and can be even be described as better companion than some people. Truly man's best friend - I love and miss you so much Lucky!
I think a sad statement to hear is, “I don’t want to bother the person”. What I’ve learned as a recovering shy person is, when I feel comfortable with myself and recognize my self worth, I don’t feel my wants and needs for friendship as a burden to others. People genuinely want to meet new people, but I think we can get in our own ways for those opportunities for potential friendships.
I feel bad for people that don't want to be lonely. Myself I love it. It's one of the things I really enjoy about Japan. You're surrounded by people, but as an outsider you feel completely alone. I love jogging in rural areas and visiting old shrines. And just admiring the beauty of Japan.
Awesome, going there later this year
There is a difference between lonely and alone. Lonely is feeling down due to you craving companionship. Being alone is just that, not surrounded by people.
I dont know why anyone would love the feeling of loneliness. It sucks!
@@suppaduppa Depression sucks. Loneliness is ok, at least for me. I get all the human contact I could want at work. My off time I avoid everyone.
I truly enjoyed how covid screwed with social events, and people actually tried avoiding others. I'm jealous of those that live in remote areas of the nation.
Nobita-san, thank you for your report. It was very informative. I am from Australia, and it makes me very sad to hear these stories of Japanese people being lonely and I wish I could help. I understand loneliness, but I am an introvert myself, and don’t have friends I meet regularly. I only have old friends who I never see, but I am happy because too much time with others is very tiring for me. But I think we still need some contact even if it is in small amounts, and I think this is the key to help people. Most people think we all must be the same and spend a lot of time with friends. I am now older so for me I think to have a life partner only would be sufficient, even with little contact with friends. It is finding the right balance for yourself and it’s not always the same for everyone. I wish I could make all the lonely people in Japan feel better and be accepted for who they are. Thank you for sharing, you are doing a fantastic job to help.
What works is to take up hobbies/activities and get to know people through those, either in clubs or classes. Social media only helps you feel more cut-off as most people only post their most exciting moments, giving the impression that their lives are like that.
I lost many of my friends about a year ago. I was so used to having them, that I never realized how bad I am at making new ones. It sucks since I wasn't responsible for why they left, but I still have to deal with the aftermath. Since I'm working from home I don't have any opportunities to meet coworkers. I think I can carry a conversation well with people, and I wouldn't say I'm socially awkward, but I can't approach someone if I don't have a good reason to talk to them. Hopefully I can make some friends at the gym or something, or maybe I'll change jobs for one with other people.
When I was a kid, I often approached other kids to play with them. But with time I learned the closer someone gets to you, the more he/she can hurt you. My first betrayal/backstab by a "friend" was when I was 7. Few times I became friends with people I spent time with and after some time (usually 2-5 years) always either got betrayed/backstabbed by them (most cases) or they suddenly stopped being my friends without telling me the reason why (e.g. before summer vacation we're besties, after coming back to school we're just classmates). My last "friendships" ended before I turned 25. Back then social media weren't yet a thing (very few people I knew had a FB account). After some time in solitude (needed to heal my wounds) I tried to make friends at work and by meeting random people (e.g. by playing sports, boardgames) but without success. My "friends" scarred me for life and that's why I feel much better without friends than with "friends" who eventually betray/backstab me. It's not that I don't believe in friendship. It's just not for me, I guess. Maybe I'm just not a fan of beeing hurt by the people I trust the most.
It's also common all over the world. Social media had made life more parasocial. Everything has to be online these days.
The human interaction has becomes less and less and the pandemic had a huge impact as well.
I want to be around friends, but most of them has parted ways (outgrown each other) ,or I just ditched them because they affected my life negatively.
For those who did stick around have either moved, or they are busy with their own lives.
I'm a year younger, but can relate a lot with the first girl. Maybe it's a problem, but it isn't easy for some to reach out and not feel like you're always being bothersome to other people.
If there are 2 people who don't have friends, why can't they just be friend to each other?
Because its not that simple. Some people expect different kind of company/friendship. Some people afraid that they might hurt their friends. Hence, being alone appears to be the best solutions.
Having even 1 great friend is a blessing.
There are no permanent friends, no true enemies, people come and go, and I can't expect other people to always be with me, sometimes I thought being alone makes me stronger.
You sound like you are outlining historical British foreign policy.
I agree with you, friends and partners are momentary, we should cherish them of course, but we should also try not to be dependant on them for our happiness. If they are there, nice and sweet and if not it’s good as well.
Fear.
@@libertyprime7911 yeah,it's a fear of losing someone permanent...with an blink of an eye all are just momentum... all the rest will just be history...
In other words, humans are expendable.
people make a choice to be friendless after being let down and disappointed by people. Friendship gets easily run over by other relationships; it's always easily undervalued. People don't cherish their friends instead they take advantage of them.
Indeed, people often take friendships for granted or put other interest first.
absolutely when it's proven to be the greatest factor in demonstrating happiness throughout life.
@@samaraisnt yes!! You understand the true value of friendship
Something that I've had to point out to a newly-single acquaintance is that, in looking for friendship interaction with cohabitating couples and adults in parents-and-children families, bear in mind that you need them more than they need you - if they actually need you at all. They're already having their human interaction needs met daily in their own home, whereas you have to reach out outside your home to have your own needs met. That's the big difference - and you need to adjust your expectations of such "friends" accordingly and not expect them to reach out to you first.
With technology we're getting farther from each other
Ironic how Digital Age makes everybody connected and yet, millions of people feel more lonely and isolated and to some extent "friendless". I can 100% relate to that.
Living solitary is a choice and for the better not depending on social media is good thing.
Now finding connection with other people is another step.
Thank you for these videos. I really like your content.
I love Japanese culture, and this is such a good way to have a better understanding on how everything really works
"The faker you are, the bigger your circle will be. The more real you are, the smaller your circle will be"
Also theres a huge difference between being real & being a shitty person...
@@nishchayalimbu5946 yup just like you
What a joke! Lol
@@Cococokieful
I feel heartbroken for the first girl, what's more people like her are more common, with little anything to do with contacting people all her life. I wish I could be there for her and be her friend. Loyalty is such a treasure that you don't want to take it for granted. If you can find that friend to chill with you are blessed.
I find the Philippines the most friendly people in the world
if you want a friendly vibe/atmosphere, have a trip to the Philippines .. you will be surprised how friendly people are & how easy to communicate & socialize w/ them.
im a Filipino.. the most simple formula on how to become an instant friend to a stranger or to anybody regardless of status is just a GENUINE SMILE 😁🤣😊... try it and the rest will follow...
I pray we all find friends who will make us feel joy and laughter forever.
Amen😊
Right~ joining photography, cook, pastry, clay, pottery lessons.. book, anime, manga clubs really helps people to meet others with similar interests. 😊
We are connected yet so disconnected. Some of us feel the number of friends garnered on social media validates us, however we don't interact with or meet in person regularly....empty relationships. This phenomenon is worldwide. I am a middle-aged man that is ALONE. It has caused anxiety, depression, and insomnia. I am a friendly person that feels comfortable interacting with strangers, but the mood out there is such people don't seem willing to try. Being a gay male and dating is another element that reinforces loneliness....meeting people on line is like pulling teeth. People rarely want to go beyond texting...even talking on the phone can be such an exercise. I just think social media has put us in self contained silos where we complacent and comfortable , even lonely, but opening the door takes courage. Society has become so servile to social media.
The thing is even people with "friends" can also feel lonely. It happens especially if you are at the extreme end of the socioeconomic class in your social group (either richer or poorer). And also I feel to find "true" friends, people have to go through some sort of ordeal together. In modern adult world, those kind of situations are relatively rare. In school, there are some forced situations where you have to overcome difficulties together with your schoolmates, and in those situations, bonds are made. You know which people will have your back when the going gets tough. Just going into gathering, talking with people, playing nice with each other, while it will satiate our social needs in the short run, it is difficult to satisfy that longing feeling of finding that elusive "true friend".
Moral of the story: Treasure your real friends, people come and go, but there will be few who remains. And those are the rarest treasure on earth.
Also love your page and content. Please keep up the great work.
One of the dark sides of Japan :( my 30s have been quite lonely but I see having very few friends as a blessing. I'm not being asked to go out every weekend, Im saving money, I can discover myself and make the most of the time I have. Today I went to visit a cave which is millions of years old, I was on my own but I didn't care I did something other than staring at my phone. Get out there! :)
Hahaha! Me too H5! Having friends have pros & cons. Pros is that you have human connection, emotional needs may be met. Cons is that with friends come obligations, such as being asked to attend social events (which comes with financial and time cost). It takes away your time which you can spend on things that you want rather than what others want. And often times, friends are also not someone you can depend on and they are forgetful too.
@@Cococokieful They are not true friends. My friend is always by my side. She is as my sister for me. We studied at the same school.
For adults I think all is simple. You have money? You have friends. No money? No friends.
I'd love to have more Japanese friends, if anyone wants an English pen pal who loves your culture & is learning the language, hit me up! I live in a very quiet town, a lot of my friends have all moved apart now so I know what it's like to be lonely... even getting used to it now! Be nice to have more people to chat too other than work collages/ gamer friends xD
Well I'm in Japan currently in Shinjuku so if anyone wants to hang out shoot me a message. We can go to Taito or just walk around or go to a museum or something. 😊
A nice topic! Thank you.
This was a very informative video. Here in America, I too do not have friends. I have acquaintances that were close to me in school but they are not close to me. Everyone has their own mind here where they are fake and are trying to use others to get ahead in life. I separate myself by choice because I do not want to be used for another's gain. I would love to have genuine, friendly relationships with people in Japan. I want to achieve this feat because I want to save the lives of the ones that are struggling spiritually in Japan. I want to show everyone there that they are important and are not failures. All of us are put on this earth for a reason! I hope my words here will reach the masses in Japan that they have someone here that loves them as they are. I want to help the Hikikomori to change their lives and show them that they are important too. Thank you for sharing this video, Nobita.
why do you care more about randos from another country?
@@vivvy_0 because these people are genuine compared to the western world. People in the west are more about finding friends with benefits while the people in Japan are looking for a meaning to their life. They are actually doing some soul searching.
I've been alone for twenty years. I do not enjoy getting drunk, I don't enjoy drugs, I hate large crowds, I hate how so many humans feel the need to constantly talk when they have nothing to actually say, the most annoying thing. I was constantly encountering girls who want to have sex but nobody actually wants to be with me. So I just gave up. Fast forward 20 years and I'm 44 years old. I'm tired, I don't have the energy to socialize. Sometimes I go for a two days without even saying a single word to another human.
Ah, yes!!! Been waiting for this topic!!! Many nihonjin I talk to on a daily basis get super-defensive whenever I steer to this topic. Always so scared to tackle social issues....at least a specific age bracket of their population.
The young lady Ami in the first section broke my heart, I hope she finds happiness!
While I can't say I have no friends, because I do have some great ones, I also can't help but relate. Recently a lot of bad things happened to me and I was in need of good support. I've been in a group of friends with some people who I've known for quite a long time. When I lost loved ones and heard news of my mother being sick with cancer I expected my friends to be there for me. Some were, but I must admit that I expected more. I did have a couple of great friends who did reach out and help me out when I struggle, but I've also had to cut people out of my life because they simply did not care. One of which I've been friends with since as long as I can remember, about thirty years. He's known my mom since we were little and has been our guest innumerable times. It honestly stings.
Making friends in a foreign country is obviously hard and challenging, but if the foreigners make the effort to find common interests with other foreigners and perhaps Japanese, such as a fun activity, this would allow them to meet the same people for that specific activity on reoccurrence, therefore, they can start to bond with these people over a shared interest. That could help with loneliness.
Every time I made friends, they either used me or stabbed me in the back. My enemies had more respect for me.
When there are too many people living together in an area, alienation and isolation are commonplace. Fear is the biggest problem when you feel like you can't trust anyone.
The best thing to do is volunteer your time to try to help someone (anyone) else.
The best thing about being friendless in Japan is that you don't even have to be in Japan to have no friends there.
This problem is worldwide. The best solution is to embrace solitude. Being alone is not all negative and nothing positive. It can be soothing as we observe the world going by.
2:53 she looks Mexican, i didn't knew she was half Japanese
Exactly, this gets talked about way to less. Embracing oneself in the present moment and especially feeling the connection to nature as you wander about can be very wholesome. After such experiences, opening up and feeling more comfortable and at ease in your own skin is much easier, I would say. Look what you can do inside yourself before worrying too much about the outside. After this, many things just come towards you at their own. You will just have to be attentive enough to realise how to deal with what the constant stream of life and conciousness has to offer. This way, everything and everyone will find their universally asigned place by following the way of least resistance.
Community can be more important than friendship. Friends can let you down anyhow even if you have lots of friends doesn’t mean they will meet your expectations in times of needs. But in a community maybe a stranger or neighbour might help even more than a friend.
Unfortunately, most people are social creatures, pack animals.
this problem is not worldwide
The story of my life..
After leaving school, I haven't had any friends.
Society needs to change because, Other than work and school, There's no way to meet anyone..
If you try to talk to someone at a cafe or some other public space they will just think you are completely SUS and 100% hitting on them or want their money/or to sell something to them, When you want nothing of the sort.
Just friendship and a nice chat.. it's so awkward.
And I hate being seen as a person who would go around hitting on people.. Because that's not me!
i'd love to hit people sometimes 😂
I don’t want any friends , I just want to finally find myself
I wish all of these people who were interviewed joined a social club of some sort - Nobita-san, you found each of them, why not bring them all together! All of them seems like kind and considerate people, I’m sure friendships can be developed based on this common situation.
I feel like the reality is that even though they are lonely, they may not enjoy each other’s presence, hobbies, or skills. Speaking from personal experience, the true problem is finding someone you have a spark or connection with.
For example, if you are lonely but spend most of your time playing games, then I may not find time or interest to play games with you when I like to spend my time playing soccer. (Not of this is real but I find it to be accurate no matter the hobby or time-spender).
@@mistercuddlemuffin38 what you wrote is very true. But I feel sad that people would rather give up, than give it a fair chance. Friendship is formed based on so many factors and is complex, but it must start somewhere.
If it helps anyone, I am 40 and have no (real) friends either, I even have no family to really fall back on. Meaning I am truly all alone. Yes, it's lonely to some degree but with so many disappointing experiences with other people I learned to be on my own, deal with everything on my own. Even have problems if there are too many people around me or people are too busy (or too loud). Yes, I once had that idea of marriage, kids, etc. This was all destroyed, never had a opportunity to really get that started. I gave up on even bothering to try to get someone to be interested enough in me for friendship or love. I would love to have that relationship with just 1 special person, I don't need a lot of people around me to feel good. I am somewhat of a hikikomori in a way. Without the the part of locking myself up all the time. I just go into nature where no one else is around me.
To make it clear, I never got past the 2 months dating and don't have kids either. So yes, I am alone and finding that special person will be super difficult. I have been cheated on several times by different women, they made up insane stories to dump me or played games from the very start not taking anything seriously. I want to believe there are women out there that don't act that way, that do wish to have a good relationship and work on that. A woman that wants children and husband that really care for her without the bad boy nonsense. Problem is, all of these women are likely married and have kids already. So they are off-limits. Those that don't fall into that category are likely just like the people in this video scared of trying so nothing will come of it. Which means no luck regardless. And my luck level is already as low as it can be. So it doesn't make me feel better about it or cause me to go out there and try my luck.
I do believe that I might have more luck in Japan for example, or other Asian countries where generally women are more old style and not this modern nonsense that destroys relationships. I do plan on eventually in the first place visit Japan or another country depending on what I can do at that time. Perhaps I get lucky, but I think it will be wise to start from a negative position regardless as I don't enjoy getting hurt every time for no good reason.
not only i Japan....i have no friends and even joing groups dont help...when the events / sessions are over everybody goes home...and there are you lonly and friendless again..
Don't be shy, just say hi!
This stuck with me ever since I heard it.
As an introvert its true really so hard to approach are talking to other people so we actually don't have friends may be so small circle like long time friends only even I don't use social media so much so its so hard but once they got to know about us introverts are pretty enjoyable companions as a fact iam not at all feeling lonely music helps me alot
As an introvert one of many things I've noticed about extroverts is just how temporary and disposable relationships are regardless of history or investment like they just don't matter near as much as they should. I honestly do think some of the extrovert social norms do make it harder for others to form relationships never mind lasting ones then add things like neurodiversity to account and you got a recipe for long lasting loneliness. The shallowness of modern society really does hurt people.
What you said about extroverts is entirely true, not just for friendships but romantic relationships as well. As a fairly introverted person I was recently in a relationship with an extroverted girl, and it was amazing for a few months but then she seemed to just get bored all of a sudden and dumped me over the phone and then immediately moved on to spend time having fun with her many friends in the city. It was a very shocking moment for me, realising just how completely disposable I was. In my experience, it's EXTREMELY rare for an extrovert to value long-lasting relationships like introverts do.
@@EndOfSmallSanctuary97 They always get bored with their "toys" and like children they abandon their old toys without a second thought.
This video reminds me of a quote from Evangelion: "Humans constantly feel pain in their hearts. Because the heart is so sensitive to pain, humans also feel that to live is to suffer. You're so delicate, like glass especially your heart."
awesome video very interesting and well put together
This really has become so common around the world, and it's sad because so many people have so much to offer and can't share it with others. The solutions are not easy to find though, and I think that's because they are different for everyone. For example, I am a single mother in America, 40 years old, and I spend my time at work and home. I do think having a 'third place' could be a possible solution for someone like me because I have always strictly believed that work and home should not be mixed. But then I don't know how to find that 'third place' and my social confidence is too low to ask strangers. The older we get, the more difficult it becomes, I think.
But as another example, it could be like in the show in your clips "Kimi ni todoke". Sawako had to open up to the people around her before she could see changes in friends. I think that show is a really good example of many of the difficulties someone faces when making friends in that way. It wasn't one solution, but many instances with a lot of effort put in on her side, and Sawako had to be incredibly brave to put herself out there like that sometimes.
I wonder if there is a way to create a third space for people who can't find one naturally.
Loneliness is all over the world not just Japan, but mostly it is hidden. Loneliness is the result of normal human behaviour because we are by circumstances naturally suspicious of strangers. Animals can go up to another animal and exchange disposition openly "I like you" or "I don't like you". Humans cannot do that. We have designated places where you can approach someone and there are strict rules, social norms and customs to follow. Not so easy. The effort of beginning, cultivating and maintaining a friendship is time consuming. In the olden days before internet you can have pen pals - friends to write to.
It is a safe and non threatening way to explore friendship. Nowadays nobody wants to write and that makes it difficult - as you have to meet or call or get called upon at anytime. Unless you have a specific social hobbie that involves others, you will be left alone. That is the choice all humans have to make.
hi friend! im a filipino... SMILE, AND THE WORLD WILL ALSO SMILE AT YOU.. 😊
@@junlab2612 You are right - some places like Phillipines people are less suspicious and more friendly. Where I live if you go around smiling people will think you are on drugs or hallucinating. You see, it is so easy to make friends when writing because the physical threat is not there and nothing for us to judge one another.
the problem with westerns is they find it hard to make friends because they themselves were not friendly😵
I feel like the fact that people in Japan often have no hobbies (at least from my experience, quite often we I ask "what are your hobbies?" I get "watching netflix, eating, etc.) and tend to not express their feelings highly reduces the probability of making friends. To make friends here, you must expose yourself to as many social interactions as possible - sports clubs, meetups, etc. First, you need to make yourself an interesting person - and friends will appear. If you're boring and have nothing to discuss/talk about, why would anyone want to make friends with you?
👍👍👍 And sense of humour. It attracts people much. 😊
Practice, activity, hobbies and sense of humour.
This is a very good topic, I myself have trouble making new friends as I got older. I think the covid is the cause as well as im currently wfh and do not have the chance to go out as much as I do before.
I make the effort to socialize but the hardest part is always getting started. While I was in japan, I had no idea what to do. When you have no plan, its hard to take action. Sometimes you can't wing it, you need to research. I want to go back to japan and make friends, but what kind of friends do I want? I want Otakus, video game fans and generally anyone who just won't ghost me like I often get in the hello talk app. So as I watch these videos, I get ideas where to go. I even went to twitter and got great leads. So next time I go, I'll make those plans to go to those places and meet those people. I may not know japanese but I can still communicate with them now that I have technology. I did feel jealous and lonely before after seeing my favorite people have fun trips and do stuff together but venting with them about it is always good to do. I'm told don't give up if you have a plan. I want to move to a new place for a new life and hopefully make new friends cuz' my current friends aren't available often as they used to so I can't keep waiting on them. I will start a new chapter in my life in the future and aim for that better life to enjoy.
I don't know about Japan, but in the U.S. there are many ways to build a community, maybe more easily than in a very structured society like Japan, Korea, Taiwan etc.
For example, church/synagogue: if you attend regularly, and engage in activities that they offer, volunteer and help out, you will eventually meet people and friendships may result. Or, if not good friendships, at least a circle of people that you can talk to and develop strong ties with.
When I was a lonely computer programmer in my late 20s, I discovered social dancing -- folk dancing, square dancing, swing dance, etc. -- and became kind of addicted to the music, the dancing, the parties, etc. It's a whole community of people and many are very warm and fun people to be around. It's almost like a small village unto itself. You know everybody, and of course there are many women there hoping for a male friend and vice versa.
There are so many other things -- astronomy clubs, political action groups, adult education, martial arts classes for adults, garden clubs, ballet class (yes I did take ballet as a 30-year-old man and it was a blast! hard work, though) and on and on.
In Japan, I suppose people have less time for such clubs because work is so demanding. But then, people tend to go out after work with their colleagues; in fact I hear it's almost a requirement in some places. You may not love the people you work with, but at least it's a community of sorts.
Anyway I have no real answers other than the above thoughts. Best of luck to all who are in a lonely situation and the only advice I can give you is -- you are a beautiful and unique person and you should remind yourself of that every morning -- do not blame yourself if you are lonely, but perhaps find the time to get involved in society in some way and at least you will feel less useless and isolated.
Same thing is going on in the U.S. as well.
The US invented it !
they should go to malang, yogyakarya, bali, indonesia. local people there are very friendly and open minded. you will get many friends and not be lonely anymore. Trust me.
When I was in Japan in the mid-'90s, I made friends everywhere. The Japanese community was friendly to me and hospitable.
I'm actually quite grateful that I had enrolled in a boarding school back in my high school days. In boarding school, you basically need to get to know everyone in your grade By this, I am basically forced to change my ways from being an introvert with little to no friends at all, to being friends with basically everyone in my grade. Of course, I had BEST friends but I want to point out that I am generally friends with every single person in my grade, and I remember all of their names just by living together in a boarding school for 5 years
Don't stress folks. There's ALWAYS paid friendship
I think it is nice not to have too many friends. You can concentrate on the things you like. I’ve had many friends at some points in life and I find myself doing what they want at all times. Sometimes you are very busy and have different experiences. This leads you outside the group and soon you find a new group.
Is being friendless really so bad? Ive always wondered this since 2018, when I reached my sophomore year in highschool. I haven't had friends since 2016, but I never understood why is considering bad or even weird.
Not really, however, I think we all want to bond it’s human, so meanwhile having friends to go partying is not important, it is still important to try and bond with people one way or another.
That depends on what type of person you are. A "misfit" who is *able* to connect with people, isn't plagued by insurmountable anxieties regarding informal social contact, but voluntarily chooses not to participate because they prefer being alone can be perfectly healthy. On the other hand, a melancholic, neurotic person who craves connection, but can't get it due to crippling shyness is never happy/healthy.
Friends are someone I care enough about to do most favors for without thinking about it. I only have a handful of true friends. Acquaintance are people I know and associate with but with some reservations. I may turn down an invitation from an acquaintance vs. I would almost never turndown a request/invitation from a friend. I believe our society use the term "Friends" too loosely.
As an european sociologyst I cannot emphasize and praise enough the accurate and serious approach of Japan Reporter of some of the most important and complex social issues in our modern societies and of course particularly in Japanese society.
I don't think this is just exclusive to Japan, or I might be the odd one out in my country. I was born and raised in a South East Asian country, am now in my mid thirties and haven't had any close friends in almost a decade. It doesn't help that I'm not only introverted and generally awkward around people, but I was taken advantage of by several toxic people a few times before, hence making me feel even more hesitant to make new friends despite the loneliness I feel sometimes.
Put that down to experience , dust yourself down and go for it, life ? It ‘s too short, so you go !
@Jack Dearden Thanks, but I have to take things slowly considering that I currently have a health condition and disability to manage as well.