2:50 she moved to another state for a guy she had been only dating 6 months. Add in being engaged 2 times to previously she's acting extremely desperate. She's so desperate to be married she's not recognizing that this guy isn't going to marry her
Any man marrying any woman in 2024 isn’t aware of the current situation with divorce and family law in the western world. I’ll never marry again and there’s 90% of the young men I know under 30 are also well aware of the dangers. I have a folder of screenshots of conversations I have had with friends of mine loosing custody of their children and their now dire financial circumstances I air drop to young men every opportunity I get. Not wanting to get the government involved is a smart move. However it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be with this woman.
I always love that excuse. For them to have the same rights there would need to be power of attorney, a trust, both names on all accounts, a will. Seems like a lot of government involvement, if only there was another option...oh wait there is, MARRIAGE!
@@CE-vd2px. It sounds l8ke she wants to spend an extended amount of time with him for the appearance of being with him as a couple. Making some sort of false impression.
You’ve been going out for a year, you’re not engaged, you’re only boyfriend/girlfriend. You go spend Christmas with your famjly and let him spend Christmas with his and you just return back to Florida after the holidays
@@Katie-j9u yeah after 1 year it COULD be normal to do a holiday together but it definitely isn’t REQUIRED. Especially without an engagement or kids involved.
If he has no urge to celebrate with her family now, he never will. The relationship is not to him what it is to her. Time to move out, if that's where you are at after one year. Why delay the obvious incompatibility? It's a waste of time.
I dont get how couples overcomplicate this. My girlfriend and I sat down in July to figure this out. Ended up with her family on Thanksgiving, mine on Christmas Eve and we split Christmas (brunch with my family, dinner with hers.) We each called our respective families to set expectations on where we would be and when we would be there. Had we travelled for a holiday im sure we would have altered our roadmap. 90% of this problem could be solved in ONE sit down conversation.
Let’s be honest though. Almost everyone would expect the person they love to be fair and decent about such a thing. If the guy cared about her, he would.
He's not that into you! In the beginning of a relationship men will do almost anything for you if they really really like you. He'd want to be with you, meet your family and friends etc. Let him go he's not your guy!
This might be true for simps or men of little value, but men with options (like this man) don’t and won’t sacrifice everything they’ve built for any woman.
@@bmo5082I wouldn't describe this man as a man of value. Yes, he appears to have financial security, a prestigious job, material possessions. But the value of a man is not just in his possessions but his character. This man is lacking integrity. At the beginning of their relationship, she expressed that she would like marriage. If he doesn't want marriage, that is perfectly acceptable. But don't have her living with you and enjoying the benefits of a marriage relationship. He is using her. He is not a man of value.
Thank you for correcting the ridiculous overuse of the word gaslighting Just because somebody says something that you don't like that doesn't mean it's gas lighting. This is just a need for communication. John's right. Just communicate what you want and he communicates what he wants and you determine if it's compatible
I felt bad for her sometimes you just don't get what someone is telling you . The guy that wants you will be all over pleasing you so he can have you . First don't go live with him you are settling. You will find out very quickly how serious he is about you and you won't have to waste anymore time.
Smart guy 😂! He built a business and work through most of his life while she was out partying. I wouldn't want to lose half of my hard earn dedication in a divorce
I hated my ex-husband’s family. They were the worst people to be around. Every holiday was miserable. But I still went because I knew how much he needed me there. It made me hate the holiday season and have an insane amount of anxiety. I can’t say I blame him…
Same. But my ex was part of the problem so eventually I just started refusing to go with him to visit his family. I never tried to stop him, but I refused to go with because of how poorly they all treated me. It was one of those families where the women did all the cooking, all the cleaning, served the men their food and drink, etc, while still holding down a full time job. I was expected to act submissive and serve when I was in their presence, and I would not.
I feel like toxic family and your partner wanting to spend time with toxic family are red flags by themselves. Usually people who are over being treated poorly don't spend time with bad people and definitely won't let them upset their partner
My exes family was so rude to me that I refused to ever see them again. Stupid southerners. They made every effort to exclude me then got mad when I didn't want to be around them. My ex was also a raging psychopath and being home made him ramp up the abuse because he felt comfortable and untouchable. Now if I don't like someone's family I end it immediately. Not even worth entertaining the idea of a relationship with someone who can't cut the cord. @@tiffanyswensen9490
“I don’t want the government in my relationship” is another way of saying, “I don’t want to be married”. He’s telling you without telling you, which is cowardly in my opinion. If being married is important to you, you need to love yourself enough to end the relationship. He’s not compatible. A lot of times we try to force compatibility because we don’t want to be alone. We make excuses as to why our partners aren’t ready. Put your needs first for once. You deserve much better, darling.❤
Getting married is a huge leap of faith. He wants a more predictable life. There is a lot of magic in finding your husband and having him tell you that he can’t see a life without you. Most women want a less rigid guy who willing to take a risk on love and the future. He needs to go find a woman who thinks like him. He will find that is a very small pool. She needs to go find a man who is passionate about her and life.
There’s not a lot of men that would be ready for marriage at only a year into it . A year is too soon for most men to decide if they want to marry someone. That’s what dating is about to see if you want to marry that person , but it can take time .
Hard to believe no ones called you out on your crappy shaming language yet, so I'll be the first. Its not cowardly to say you dont want the government involved. Hes 100% correct in his statement. Men get raped in divorce and family law litigation court. Financial ruin, aleination from kids, child support and alimony. Not to mention the emotional stress men endure during the proceedings. Women initiate 70 - 90% of divorces. So are you saying a man should risk everything in exchange for a 50/50 shot at making it? If it works great, if not prepared to get steamrolled in court and ruined financially for the rest of your life 😬🙄
@@nowandthennn and he’s not going to change his mind any time soon about not wanting the government in his life, thus wasting her time. He’s the selfish one for knowing she wants marriage and that he doesn’t
Yeah, this isn't gaslighting. I was raised by a narcissist. And I know kids dealing with one and they are gaslighted. This is just values that do not allign
Christmas Day is only one-day. It might help for her to see Christmas as a season. Think the 12 Days of Christmas . I know that's not the main issue here, but it's just a broader concept of what the holidays are.
Denying facts or the situation around the victim Telling the victim that others are crazy or lying Convincing the victim that their memories are incorrect Convincing the victim that something is "all in their head"
Giving a boyfriend husband privileges to begin with is the REAL problem. He has nothing left to look forward to because he's gotten everything. And when he said he "doesn't want the government involved," that also means that he's not in it for marriage. She needs to stop trying to turn him into a married family man when he's not and find someone who does want that.
The caller says the guy is really close to his family and everyone on his side has been in stable marriages for decades. In all likelihood if he is saying he doesnt want the government involved in his relationship with the caller, he is saying he has zero interest in marrying her. He probably would have no issue marrying the right lady for him.
@Tim85-y2q no one is arguing against that. Though to be fair theyve been dating for under a year she said? He may be assessing still. However, if he knows he isnt going to then yes he should be upfront
This is why so many relationships, especially in the dating stage, face issues. While spending time with each other's families can be nice, it’s more typical for married couples. In this case, they aren’t even engaged, so why make such a fuss when they’re just dating? They could each attend their own family’s holiday celebrations and meet up later. It seems like he’s not serious about her, while she’s putting in most of the effort in this relationship!
That’s a good compromise while they’re dating, but if she values marriage then they need to talk about a). Will they get married? and b). What will they do when they get married?
@@Mike0PowellThen she needs to work on her mental health. Being married with fix that. Expecting your partner to be a crutch for the brokenness inside you isn't healthy either
The thing is they skipped some steps. She followed him to another state and they are living together but aren't married. They are behaving like a married couple but aren't yet. So I can see both sides. They need to pick a direction. Either go back a few steps to living separately and slowing down. Or get married and be what you are behaving like. Their relationship is on limbo right now.
Lots of dating couples spend holidays apart! When y’all are married & possibly have kids that’s different… but also maybe he just doesn’t want to spend time with your chaotic family & I can’t blame him. However if he did love you I think he should make compromises for you.
My husband and I never had children and didn't spend the major holidays together. It was very freeing not worrying about whether he was enjoying himself with my family. The holidays were even better after our divorce! 😊
@@s.ivainesu well they would both have to make compromises OBVIOUSLY 🙄 this is a situation though that can’t be sustained in a long term relationship for most. Most people want to see their families on holidays & it’s perfectly reasonable to switch back & forth. It could even be one holiday a year, like give her something to work with if you love her!
She falls fast for any guy that shows affection. She needs therapy before having another relationship. It sounds like she doesn't know what its like to be on her own.
“We’ve been together go a whole nine months! When are you gonna propose to me! Why am I wasting my time!” Guy gives her a cheap ring to buy him some time…
The ex-fiances might have seen this Jerry Springer family and run. Seems to have everything - drugs, alchohol, divorce - missing only welfare and someone on parole.
I actually don't think it's unreasonable to _assume_ and _expect_ even without explicitly saying, that if you spent a month with one set of parents, that the partner can spend at the very least these few days with the other family. It's how _serious_ relationships work, you're supposed to have a certain balance and reciprocity. It should go without saying. Second, I'm actually not sure if him saying he wants the government out is really his core value, or an excuse because he's not that serious, considering he comes from a stable family himself. It would be very unusual and inconsistent if he didn't have this deeply internalized need to have one day his own family, that's part of stabilizing life. If you come from such family, it just seems a most proper and natural thing that you do at some point of your life. So I just think he probably doesn't treat her as seriously as she thinks of him.
He sounds like someone who wants the benefits of a live in woman, but not the commitment to compromise that comes with a life partnership. He expects her to fit into his life at his convenience.
maybe he is assuming and expecting his gf not to go to her family since the mum always put husbands beforee her daugther. people are supposed to avoid bad enviroments for their sanity
Agreed. He just want doesn't want to marry her. Now, I will say that just because people have been married for 50 years doesn't mean that those marriages were happy. Maybe he's seeing people staying miserable marriages their entire life. So the idea of marriage is just slavery to him. A bunch of miserable people who should have left but won't leave because of this marriage commitment. That would be a reason to not get married. Because you don't have to honor the commitment of staying together forever even though you're miserable. That might be the reason he is anti marriage. That being said, he will marry the next one in 6 months😂😂😂
Exactly. Honestly when I got married recently I’m very excited to spend the holidays with his family instead. Maybe some years we will stop by my family’s because they are also local but his family is just so much more positive around the holidays and I’d never want to have my husband be uncomfortable at a family event with me every time we get together lol
Also tho does it really matter if your partner doesn't go to your family's? To me personally it has never bothered me I always feel out of place at my husbands family to and I've know them for years it's his family and always will be.
People put ridiculous amounts of unnecessary pressure and expectations around the holidays. Maybe that's why so many folks get depressed this time of year.
EXACTLY!!!!! His family sounds more stable. For example I am baking all my cakes & other things ON Christmas eve because I am making sure that I do NOT visit my boyfriend’s “low class, low effort, always vad news of death & cancer” family on his mother’s side. I’ve been there so many times & put my foot down this year. They’re chaotic, dis-organized, puts ZERO effort into hosting & are basically one step above trailer trash. Last I heard they have roaches since SUMMER!!’🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
To be fair, he cast her in his movie, too. She moved for him. If she stays with him, she will always be playing a role in his life that he refuses to play in hers.
End it. The values are not equal. There is no reciprocity. Tip# Don't move for a random boyfriend, only a husband. Once he said he doesn't want gov in life, he doesn't want marriage. It's over.
Never settle for less, never give up your core values, if marriage and family is important never EVER give up on it , if he can’t do it he ain’t the one. Same for men don’t give up your core values and beliefs. Resentment is brutal, and it’s better to have an agreement on important issues, marriage, religion, children or no children communicate and don’t settle for anything less ♥️
Your values matter, they just don’t matter to him. Move out and find your own life with someone who wants to do life with you instead of piggybacking off someone who isn’t interested in anything more than a situationship.
They are not married and he is certainly under no obligation to go spend time with your family just like you don’t have to go and visit with his and she has been engaged twice already and it sounds like she needs to be happy with herself first and not trying to find it in someone else because that will never work and it sounds like he is probably not interested in marrying her anyway.
I'm not even at 3 minutes and some yellow flags are waving from my girlie here. EDIT: oof I was right and of course Dr. Delony clocked it and got immediately to the root. My heart goes out to her. Of COURSE she wants stability, but that work comes from the internal work not the external things.
I don't think he lied, though. It's hard to be in a relationship with someone who clearly needs therapy but refuses to admit it or get the help they need. Her primary goal in the relationship is to be married so that she won't feel alone. That's messed up
She was also too desperate to hear what she wanted to hear and not look for the signs . She needs to stop getting into relationships until she gets therapy to help her learn how to communicate and learns how to vet potential partners. She also needs to learn how to be happy with herself by herself and not move across the country for someone after 6 months and move right in with them. She gave him husband privileges with only a boyfriend commitment.
She worrying about the holidays but she is not worried about moving in with him and him not proposing. This is the problem. She wants to be married and have kids and he does not. They have to break up mow
Don’t move in unless you’re married. Avoid all these issues. Stop sleeping together and putting the carriage before the horse. It jumbled all your emotions and clarity causing the obvious signs to be ignored.
I can understand her bf not wanting to be around chaotic family members but he's an adult. If he wanted to he could put on his big boy pants and go. She really should have talked this through with him. I don't think they're going to last, their mindsets are too different.
And avoids a permanent connection to La Familia who are a bunch of losers who will probably pressure him for cash, favors, jobs, wintertime in-house visits to the Sunshine State.
Everytime I hear this I'm baffled Like, marriage is not supposed to change the way the relationship is, this "wife benefits" only reveals an intent of changing after marriage, basically a scam
If your significant other doesn’t like your family that’s a big deal. It would be productive to have a conversation about how he felt about meeting her family.
My spouse speaks to his father because he is the only person no longer a drunk. I don't speak to my family at all. Drugs and drinking aren't part of my home. Our families aren't us.
Once I heard the living together part, I pretty much knew what the problem was. Both of them made that dumb move that almost always backfires. When you don't do things properly, which is evidenced by their lack of actual commitment and communication, you will always yield this result. People don't like when I say this when I see people who do this, but essentially they're playing house and this is a fake relationship. To this day, I've not been wrong every time I've made the observation. I said this to my own sister long ago that I thought her "marriage" was on the rocks when I first met her and my brother-in-law. I turned out to be correct. They got divorced after he supposedly cheated on her. She told me after the fact during a family barbecue. I liked the guy, but I didn't believe he was ready for family life and didn't navigate it well.
It's not just the moving in together that was the problem, but she really needs to be single and get therapy. Shes trying to fill a void left by her dysfunctional upbringing with an idea but doesn't know how to love herself.
i wonder if the stat is a little misleading because people who typically don’t live together before having kids are religious and divorce is against their religion. i lived with my wife before marrying her, but we had a plan to be married and a timeline. not super long, about six months in the same apartment. you gotta try it out before you buy
@@gravyyybot28 I understand what you are saying. However, when you really like a person and feels inspired about the future, date long enough to know each other, you know that it is gonna work. You don't need a test drive because if you do, it is because you are not so sure about the relationship. Also, religion gives an extra reason to stay marriage, same beliefs = bigger chances of same values = bigger chances of less conflicts. You can have a religion and get divorced. Only a few ones put that as a big sin...
I lived with my now husband for a few years before we got married. Now we've been happily married for over 10 years. Our love is amazing and grows over time. I never had a "goal" of getting married, but with him it felt right. Both my sister and my brother did the same thing, and they're all still married to their spouses.
Her pain is real. So glad she is wide awake. It is going to be ok, you got this. You will be ok. One foot in front of the other and no looking back. You got this, waking up is the hard part.
This is the dumbest phrase ya'll get from Ramsey. It's low-level, basic thinking. Just like his insistence of not using debt beneficially and paying off mortgages. Believe me, after living in our house (yes you can get all the same documentation/protections) for 12 years, I assure you we are not 'playing'.
She’s a walking red flag. Twice engaged. Chaotic family that have no understanding of the sanctity of marriage. So I get why he’s not going to marry her. But him stringing her along is a scumbag move.
Sounds like he has been honest with her from the start. He even said he isn’t gonna marry her. At what point does a woman take accountability for once? Not everything is the man’s fault. It’s not like he’s stringing her along
@Mral236d He still lacks integrity because he knows what she wants but is only focused on what he wants. My brother doesn't want to get married. He communicates this to whoever he is with. However, if he sees that they want to get married, he ends it. He has integrity.
Man i feel like this is part of my story. My guy waited until after we had a ceremony to say he didnt want to get a marriage license because of the government. My mom is apso similar to hers
I hope you left. Especially if you are having children. Do not allow a man to exploit your domestic labor, your emotional labor, and your womb without the protection that marriage affords. In our society marriage confers 1,000 different benefits. Social security, inheritance tax benefits, just to name a few. Do not commit to a man who will not commit to you. ESPECIALLY if children are involved. Women literally risk death in childbirth birth. You only give the gift of life to a man who has demonstrated a willingness to risk his coins for you. Lastly, he just showed you that he is a liar and can't be trusted. That is the most important issue. He pretended to be what you wanted and then flipped the script. RUN!!!!
For me personally I don't see what government or religion has to do with my personal life. This guy feels uncomfortable because she's forcing him to fulfil that role for her rather than like him for him. We all look for people to fill roles in our lives sure, but there's a difference wanting THAT person to fill the role and just ANYONE to fill it.
Her silence is palpable... she definitely knows she just doesn't want to admit that this relationship is over and she did exactly everything you're saying Dr
You will have unspoken expectations when you are in a toxic relationship, trust me. Because when you express them, you know they will be denied. So we try to be too good to them and hope them to reciprocate. You express or not he is not going to bend for your wishes.
I agree with her. If they had holidays at his parents, next year I’d also expect it would be at my parents. He seems selfish because he doesn’t even care about her feelings or wants for the holidays.
They have only dated 1 year. There is no requirement to switch on and off for holidays at this point. She can go see her family AND he can see his. It’s really that simple.
He’s not married to you and he doesn’t have to spend the holidays with your family. Let him spend the holidays with his own family and you go to your family. A lot people don’t spend every holiday both sides of family
No, she's not. She's literally taking NOTHING and moved across the country to get more of nothing. She's definitely broken and needs to be single for a few years to work on her own issues in order to be marriage material. He's not the one for her and vice versa
I had the same problem. One thanksgiving I went to my family's out of state without him, he didn't want to go. When I got home him and his brother seemed so sad they didn't get a home cooked meal, they did have turkey sandwiches for dinner.😊 I was heart broken and did go again. Why do people make you feel like crap. For sometime now, I enjoy the day to my self or I just watch movies. I don't sit around and feel sorry for my self. It's just a day to be grateful....I don't get all these horror stories but I completely understand, oddly enough.
I feel like sometimes men can like women but feel unsure about if it’s their forever partner. Whereas women won’t even stay with a man unless they see him as being able to be their forever partner. A man can be comfortable with a woman and like her but full well know he doesn’t want to marry her. He will simply justify staying with her as saying “well I’m not sure if she is my wife that’s why I’m dating her to find out.” Then when he finally feels completely disinterested he will cut it off and on to the next. Not all men. Some men do this. And when they do they don’t realize it’s manipulation. And these women they date until they find the one they don’t treat as well as their wife!!!!!!!! Bc they had a love and care for the woman but not that deep in love marriage care. As women we really need to sense this out and go with our gut to avoid this. If his actions don’t match we just should leave.
This poor girl is desperate for stability. This guy she’s with will not be able to provide it. The hardest and scariest part is letting go of what you have and what you’re forcing to happen and having hope the right person will come along.
No other person can "come along' provide her with this, it has to be internal. Otherwise she is depending on another person to act as her emotional compass or weathervane without taking any responsibility for doing it herself. And easy to shift the blame if something happens.
Yeah... I swear the subconscious mind is such a fascinating thing. It's amazing how you can desperately crave stability but you live your life in a manner that doesn't produce stability. It's truly fascinating. At this point, I can look at a person's behavior and tell you what they're running from. The chaos tells the story.
Tik Tok got people way too comfortable in labeling people as gaslighters, narcissists, etc. Just because you don’t get your way doesn’t mean the opposing view is wrong. She’s a big red flag, she doesn’t need to run, he does.
If they were serious enough to LIVE TOGETHER, then they should be serious enough to work out specifics on spending time with each other's families on holidays. To me the problem is, they should have never moved in together, because I'm getting the feeling that he's not really that into her and she's more into him. She seems desperate to get married to someone, anyone, especially given the fact that she's been engaged twice. If she were my friend, I would tell her that this isn't the actions of a guy that loves her or wants to spend the rest of his life with her. If he was, he'd move heaven and earth to make her happy. Stop wasting time with him, call it off, and take the time to find someone who really wants to be with her.
People who truly love and care someone would bend their beliefs and make them feel happy. If the woman you’re in love with says “I miss my family, I’m dying to see them”, will go to make her happy. Yeah maybe it is “unspoken communication” but even to me, this is a no brainer! Who cares if he used to travel for work and no longer wants to. They are 1 year in, if he doesn’t wanna go visit her family now, he never will want to spend a whole month with her family. Ever. Move on babe, you deserve better
She does not want to hang with her family. There is no upside for her. She wants her teddy bear boyfriend to be there so, she has a buffer zone with her bio family. Where on his side. If she does not come with him to see his family. It does not effect him.
Kind of had to put my foot down and say to my boyfriend that we are going to my family’s first for Christmas. Thanksgiving was spent with mostly his family and half of mine left my brothers house by the time we got there. Christmas Eve will be spent with my boyfriends family, so it really needs to be more of a give and take. My family wants us around, too. Not only his. I like his family, I just think it needs more balancing.
Lol I come from a messy family but i want to get married. Idk about yall but i dislike when people somehow want to say something bad and follow it up by saying but i want different dont bring up the past and focus on the future
My mother in law was serially monogamous. It has made my husband be steadfast in commitment (that was appealing to me), but his sister refused to settle until recently (age 58).
Most members of my family live in different parts of the country and return home to Minnesota for a week during Christmas/New Years. My wife stays with her family while we’re home (she spends 2 days with mine, I spend two days with them - we each get the rest of the holiday to chill out and hang with our immediate family and typically meet up for lunch and the mall too 😂. Nothing wrong with that - I don’t think you should expect alternating holidays - do your best to make an appearance and sit down with your in-laws. Then get your butt home to see Mom and Dad & your siblings. It’s one of the only times of year you have that chance for most people 🎄
Sounds like you and your wife have a good plan that has been worked out in advance. Another factor is that no one has to spend all their time with one household. Long visits can become tense and tedious for everyone. This way, people are glad to see you for the time they are around, not breathing a sigh of relief because you stayed too long.
The caller sounds as though she has a lot of issues because she drew a bad lot with her Mom. Anyone who has a revolving door with boyfriends does not have a lot of time for her kids. Not the caller’s fault at all but she is paying the price for her mother’s neediness. Once she can open up and communicate her wishes she will be so much happier. It’s not easy at all but she needs to put that little neglected girl to rest. She deserves so much more. Oh, and he is NOT going to put a ring on your finger
2:50 she moved to another state for a guy she had been only dating 6 months. Add in being engaged 2 times to previously she's acting extremely desperate. She's so desperate to be married she's not recognizing that this guy isn't going to marry her
Actually, she recognized it the minute she booked the show. She knew, and it hurt, and she reached out for help. Good for her.
She's desperate for stability. Did you listen to the whole thing?
@jessm89 yes she equates marriage to stability but she's so desperate she's not seeing the situation clearly
Oh no
No he’s just not going to be forced to do what ever comes to her mind at a moments notice.
"Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentment" finger snaps. Damn i needed to hear that. Let me go call my husband lol
Girl yes, I’m going to work on my communication a lot more 🤣 that hit home for me
That hit me like a bolt of lightning lol
Finger snaps? lol
@donaldjohnson-e8fhow dare she wants to speak to her husband
🫰🫰🫰
“Doesn’t want the government to be involved.” He’s not gonna marry you.
Any man marrying any woman in 2024 isn’t aware of the current situation with divorce and family law in the western world. I’ll never marry again and there’s 90% of the young men I know under 30 are also well aware of the dangers. I have a folder of screenshots of conversations I have had with friends of mine loosing custody of their children and their now dire financial circumstances I air drop to young men every opportunity I get.
Not wanting to get the government involved is a smart move. However it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be with this woman.
I always love that excuse. For them to have the same rights there would need to be power of attorney, a trust, both names on all accounts, a will. Seems like a lot of government involvement, if only there was another option...oh wait there is, MARRIAGE!
@ Not saying what he’s doing is right but women in today’s society are not marriage material, on average.
@@jasonbornne7767Okay. And are you? Marriage material? Who determines that
Guys always lose in marriage. I'm with the dude on this one. She has been engaged twice already
Baby girl that is not your husband. Go see your family for the holidays and let him go see his!!
Who tf would want to be her husband lol
Yes, what’s the big deal?
Why would you marry someone that wont spend the holidays with you?
@@CE-vd2px. It sounds l8ke she wants to spend an extended amount of time with him for the appearance of being with him as a couple. Making some sort of false impression.
Baby girl??
You’ve been going out for a year, you’re not engaged, you’re only boyfriend/girlfriend. You go spend Christmas with your famjly and let him spend Christmas with his and you just return back to Florida after the holidays
This is the answer!!!!
I agree with you
Exactly!
@@Katie-j9u yeah after 1 year it COULD be normal to do a holiday together but it definitely isn’t REQUIRED. Especially without an engagement or kids involved.
If he has no urge to celebrate with her family now, he never will.
The relationship is not to him what it is to her.
Time to move out, if that's where you are at after one year. Why delay the obvious incompatibility? It's a waste of time.
she followed him to Florida and he won’t spend a couple days with her family. He does not want to be with her.
Or he really doesn’t want to be with her family.
I dont see the problem here
Which also doesn't bode well for a long tern relationship.
What if her family is bad breed?
100%! I hope this woman will move on and will find a man who wants to share the same goals as hers
I dont get how couples overcomplicate this. My girlfriend and I sat down in July to figure this out. Ended up with her family on Thanksgiving, mine on Christmas Eve and we split Christmas (brunch with my family, dinner with hers.) We each called our respective families to set expectations on where we would be and when we would be there. Had we travelled for a holiday im sure we would have altered our roadmap. 90% of this problem could be solved in ONE sit down conversation.
GF/BF are not couples. They are two separate people.
Your plan is an easy way to navigate it, with both parties compromising and planning, and being equal partners.
What? @@miketheyunggod2534
@@miketheyunggod2534 The literal definition of a couple is two people who are associated romantically.
She’s too afraid to piss him off
I’m glad that Dr. John pointed out part of the problem wasn’t him gaslighting her but that she wasn’t communicating period.
Yet in the course of this conversation she realizes her man is not going to marry her. Her pain is big.
@@jessiejoseph1093She was the dumb one who moved in with no plans on that.
Let’s be honest though. Almost everyone would expect the person they love to be fair and decent about such a thing. If the guy cared about her, he would.
@@wendytravis6427100%. She may not have been a good communicator but he doesn’t care about her wants or needs.
@@jessiejoseph1093she sounds like the classic codependent pick me.
He's not that into you! In the beginning of a relationship men will do almost anything for you if they really really like you. He'd want to be with you, meet your family and friends etc. Let him go he's not your guy!
I'm a dude. I confirm.
This might be true for simps or men of little value, but men with options (like this man) don’t and won’t sacrifice everything they’ve built for any woman.
@@bmo5082 He'd naturally want to spend the holidays with her if he was truly into her. No sacrifice needed.
@@bmo5082I wouldn't describe this man as a man of value. Yes, he appears to have financial security, a prestigious job, material possessions. But the value of a man is not just in his possessions but his character. This man is lacking integrity. At the beginning of their relationship, she expressed that she would like marriage. If he doesn't want marriage, that is perfectly acceptable. But don't have her living with you and enjoying the benefits of a marriage relationship. He is using her. He is not a man of value.
@@arongabi4822 that’s an oversimplification. High value men tend to keep their value because they know when and how to sacrifice.
Thank you for correcting the ridiculous overuse of the word gaslighting Just because somebody says something that you don't like that doesn't mean it's gas lighting.
This is just a need for communication.
John's right. Just communicate what you want and he communicates what he wants and you determine if it's compatible
It used to be called lying.
@sallytanner4755 lol good point
You are good enough to hang out with and maybe date. But not good enough to marry. So get out of there and find a guy that wants to marry you.
Stop giving wife benefits at girlfriend prices.
Wife and girlfriend benefits are the same lol.
@@eldybellacetin8167 incorrect.
Its been a year, not 10
She might be getting up there in age, just saying, it only gets harder as you get older.
He's not going to marry you..
This! They were talking about Christmas, but completely skipped the part where he says he doesn't want to get married.
and he shouldnt.
He shouldn't. Bail as fast as he can
I felt bad for her sometimes you just don't get what someone is telling you . The guy that wants you will be all over pleasing you so he can have you .
First don't go live with him you are settling. You will find out very quickly how serious he is about you and you won't have to waste anymore time.
Smart guy 😂! He built a business and work through most of his life while she was out partying. I wouldn't want to lose half of my hard earn dedication in a divorce
I hated my ex-husband’s family. They were the worst people to be around. Every holiday was miserable. But I still went because I knew how much he needed me there. It made me hate the holiday season and have an insane amount of anxiety. I can’t say I blame him…
Same. But my ex was part of the problem so eventually I just started refusing to go with him to visit his family. I never tried to stop him, but I refused to go with because of how poorly they all treated me. It was one of those families where the women did all the cooking, all the cleaning, served the men their food and drink, etc, while still holding down a full time job. I was expected to act submissive and serve when I was in their presence, and I would not.
@@tiffanyswensen9490what nationality was he?
I feel like toxic family and your partner wanting to spend time with toxic family are red flags by themselves. Usually people who are over being treated poorly don't spend time with bad people and definitely won't let them upset their partner
Her family doesnt sound like people I want to spend time with
My exes family was so rude to me that I refused to ever see them again. Stupid southerners. They made every effort to exclude me then got mad when I didn't want to be around them. My ex was also a raging psychopath and being home made him ramp up the abuse because he felt comfortable and untouchable. Now if I don't like someone's family I end it immediately. Not even worth entertaining the idea of a relationship with someone who can't cut the cord. @@tiffanyswensen9490
“I don’t want the government in my relationship” is another way of saying, “I don’t want to be married”. He’s telling you without telling you, which is cowardly in my opinion. If being married is important to you, you need to love yourself enough to end the relationship. He’s not compatible. A lot of times we try to force compatibility because we don’t want to be alone. We make excuses as to why our partners aren’t ready. Put your needs first for once. You deserve much better, darling.❤
Getting married is a huge leap of faith. He wants a more predictable life. There is a lot of magic in finding your husband and having him tell you that he can’t see a life without you. Most women want a less rigid guy who willing to take a risk on love and the future. He needs to go find a woman who thinks like him. He will find that is a very small pool. She needs to go find a man who is passionate about her and life.
There’s not a lot of men that would be ready for marriage at only a year into it . A year is too soon for most men to decide if they want to marry someone. That’s what dating is about to see if you want to marry that person , but it can take time .
Hard to believe no ones called you out on your crappy shaming language yet, so I'll be the first.
Its not cowardly to say you dont want the government involved. Hes 100% correct in his statement. Men get raped in divorce and family law litigation court. Financial ruin, aleination from kids, child support and alimony. Not to mention the emotional stress men endure during the proceedings. Women initiate 70 - 90% of divorces. So are you saying a man should risk everything in exchange for a 50/50 shot at making it? If it works great, if not prepared to get steamrolled in court and ruined financially for the rest of your life 😬🙄
@@nowandthennnthey’ve been dating longer, living together has been a year
@@nowandthennn and he’s not going to change his mind any time soon about not wanting the government in his life, thus wasting her time. He’s the selfish one for knowing she wants marriage and that he doesn’t
There needs to be a moratorium on the term “gaslighting,” it’s not only overused but also rarely used correctly.
Yeah, this isn't gaslighting. I was raised by a narcissist. And I know kids dealing with one and they are gaslighted. This is just values that do not allign
Add "narcissist" to that list as well.
Christmas Day is only one-day. It might help for her to see Christmas as a season. Think the 12 Days of Christmas . I know that's not the main issue here, but it's just a broader concept of what the holidays are.
For sure. There is Lots and lots of grey area with this term.
Denying facts or the situation around the victim
Telling the victim that others are crazy or lying
Convincing the victim that their memories are incorrect
Convincing the victim that something is "all in their head"
Run girl. It’s better to be left alone, than to be with someone that doesn’t value you.
He should be the one that's running
He needs to run. Lol
Giving a boyfriend husband privileges to begin with is the REAL problem. He has nothing left to look forward to because he's gotten everything. And when he said he "doesn't want the government involved," that also means that he's not in it for marriage. She needs to stop trying to turn him into a married family man when he's not and find someone who does want that.
Living together to try things one person always get comfortable and marriage becomes less likely
“Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.” I just wrote it down and circled aggressively. 😅
This is quite the quote!
Haha. Good idea… doing the same, for real.
The caller says the guy is really close to his family and everyone on his side has been in stable marriages for decades. In all likelihood if he is saying he doesnt want the government involved in his relationship with the caller, he is saying he has zero interest in marrying her. He probably would have no issue marrying the right lady for him.
Then he needs to do the decent thing and end the relationship.
@Tim85-y2q no one is arguing against that. Though to be fair theyve been dating for under a year she said? He may be assessing still. However, if he knows he isnt going to then yes he should be upfront
Perhaps the long term marriages aren't hunky dory
@@Tim85-y2qWhy can't she just end it if she's unhappy?
@@Tim85-y2q She has full agency and can end the relationship. Why wait for him?
This is why so many relationships, especially in the dating stage, face issues. While spending time with each other's families can be nice, it’s more typical for married couples. In this case, they aren’t even engaged, so why make such a fuss when they’re just dating? They could each attend their own family’s holiday celebrations and meet up later. It seems like he’s not serious about her, while she’s putting in most of the effort in this relationship!
Exactly
That’s a good compromise while they’re dating, but if she values marriage then they need to talk about a). Will they get married? and b). What will they do when they get married?
@@Mike0PowellThen she needs to work on her mental health. Being married with fix that. Expecting your partner to be a crutch for the brokenness inside you isn't healthy either
The thing is they skipped some steps. She followed him to another state and they are living together but aren't married. They are behaving like a married couple but aren't yet. So I can see both sides. They need to pick a direction. Either go back a few steps to living separately and slowing down. Or get married and be what you are behaving like. Their relationship is on limbo right now.
That’s why the female should never make or put his family as a priority women need to learn this
This relationship won't last.
Lots of dating couples spend holidays apart! When y’all are married & possibly have kids that’s different… but also maybe he just doesn’t want to spend time with your chaotic family & I can’t blame him. However if he did love you I think he should make compromises for you.
if her family is toxic why isnt she compromising for him?
He holds the whip hand. She needs to prove to him she’s marriage worthy, therefore she needs to compromise.
@YayaTourney what?
My husband and I never had children and didn't spend the major holidays together. It was very freeing not worrying about whether he was enjoying himself with my family. The holidays were even better after our divorce! 😊
@@s.ivainesu well they would both have to make compromises OBVIOUSLY 🙄 this is a situation though that can’t be sustained in a long term relationship for most. Most people want to see their families on holidays & it’s perfectly reasonable to switch back & forth. It could even be one holiday a year, like give her something to work with if you love her!
She’s been engaged twice already, curious the story behind that
She falls fast for any guy that shows affection. She needs therapy before having another relationship. It sounds like she doesn't know what its like to be on her own.
“We’ve been together go a whole nine months! When are you gonna propose to me! Why am I wasting my time!” Guy gives her a cheap ring to buy him some time…
@wyganter . A sad scenario, but that's how it looks. She's desperate.
She said she spent her 20s doing a lot of "soul searching" we all know what this means lmao, she was banging dudes right and left
The ex-fiances might have seen this Jerry Springer family and run. Seems to have everything - drugs, alchohol, divorce - missing only welfare and someone on parole.
Not compatible as couple
I actually don't think it's unreasonable to _assume_ and _expect_ even without explicitly saying, that if you spent a month with one set of parents, that the partner can spend at the very least these few days with the other family. It's how _serious_ relationships work, you're supposed to have a certain balance and reciprocity. It should go without saying.
Second, I'm actually not sure if him saying he wants the government out is really his core value, or an excuse because he's not that serious, considering he comes from a stable family himself. It would be very unusual and inconsistent if he didn't have this deeply internalized need to have one day his own family, that's part of stabilizing life. If you come from such family, it just seems a most proper and natural thing that you do at some point of your life. So I just think he probably doesn't treat her as seriously as she thinks of him.
He sounds like someone who wants the benefits of a live in woman, but not the commitment to compromise that comes with a life partnership. He expects her to fit into his life at his convenience.
maybe he is assuming and expecting his gf not to go to her family since the mum always put husbands beforee her daugther. people are supposed to avoid bad enviroments for their sanity
He's using her.
@@angelabarton5146 he doesnt want to marry her
Agreed. He just want doesn't want to marry her.
Now, I will say that just because people have been married for 50 years doesn't mean that those marriages were happy. Maybe he's seeing people staying miserable marriages their entire life. So the idea of marriage is just slavery to him. A bunch of miserable people who should have left but won't leave because of this marriage commitment. That would be a reason to not get married. Because you don't have to honor the commitment of staying together forever even though you're miserable.
That might be the reason he is anti marriage. That being said, he will marry the next one in 6 months😂😂😂
I don't blame him. Sometimes, the spouse family is toxic or not welcoming.. who knows.
Exactly. Honestly when I got married recently I’m very excited to spend the holidays with his family instead. Maybe some years we will stop by my family’s because they are also local but his family is just so much more positive around the holidays and I’d never want to have my husband be uncomfortable at a family event with me every time we get together lol
She and her boyfriend are not a family. They can celebrate Christmas separately. Don't expect family obligation when you are not a family.
However, it makes you think, that if he isn't willing now, it may not change if they were married either. It's definitely something to think about.
Right. They are two separate people.
Also tho does it really matter if your partner doesn't go to your family's? To me personally it has never bothered me I always feel out of place at my husbands family to and I've know them for years it's his family and always will be.
@@snowwhite2709lol. That was a dumb statement. Everything changes.
@@snowwhite2709 I agree. Marriage may not be a good idea. Playing marriage is never a good idea.
People put ridiculous amounts of unnecessary pressure and expectations around the holidays. Maybe that's why so many folks get depressed this time of year.
💯
Damn, John is amazing. Hopefully this call helped her with so much insight. Wishing the couple all the best.
It sounds like he doesn’t want to be around her chaotic family.
I think so too
EXACTLY!!!!! His family sounds more stable. For example I am baking all my cakes & other things ON Christmas eve because I am making sure that I do NOT visit my boyfriend’s “low class, low effort, always vad news of death & cancer” family on his mother’s side. I’ve been there so many times & put my foot down this year. They’re chaotic, dis-organized, puts ZERO effort into hosting & are basically one step above trailer trash. Last I heard they have roaches since SUMMER!!’🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Mom was married 5 times and she was engaged twice. Sounds like a recipe for chaos and it seems as though he wants no parts.
Then the loving thing to do would to explain that to her.
Yeah he can want what he wants but the decent thing to do is to be honest about it.
To be fair, he cast her in his movie, too. She moved for him. If she stays with him, she will always be playing a role in his life that he refuses to play in hers.
And she needs to recognize this and cut her losses.
Spend your holidays with your family. If he doesn't want to go, go gy yourself, you don't need him there with you. He's not the one.
This is one of those stories you listen to and realize your life is actually going pretty well hahahaha
End it. The values are not equal. There is no reciprocity.
Tip# Don't move for a random boyfriend, only a husband. Once he said he doesn't want gov in life, he doesn't want marriage. It's over.
Never settle for less, never give up your core values, if marriage and family is important never EVER give up on it , if he can’t do it he ain’t the one. Same for men don’t give up your core values and beliefs. Resentment is brutal, and it’s better to have an agreement on important issues, marriage, religion, children or no children communicate and don’t settle for anything less ♥️
Your values matter, they just don’t matter to him. Move out and find your own life with someone who wants to do life with you instead of piggybacking off someone who isn’t interested in anything more than a situationship.
They are not married and he is certainly under no obligation to go spend time with your family just like you don’t have to go and visit with his and she has been engaged twice already and it sounds like she needs to be happy with herself first and not trying to find it in someone else because that will never work and it sounds like he is probably not interested in marrying her anyway.
I'm not even at 3 minutes and some yellow flags are waving from my girlie here. EDIT: oof I was right and of course Dr. Delony clocked it and got immediately to the root. My heart goes out to her. Of COURSE she wants stability, but that work comes from the internal work not the external things.
He lied to you in the beginning to get you hooked and now his real self is coming out. Run, girl run!
I don't think he lied, though. It's hard to be in a relationship with someone who clearly needs therapy but refuses to admit it or get the help they need. Her primary goal in the relationship is to be married so that she won't feel alone. That's messed up
Bingo!!!!
She was also too desperate to hear what she wanted to hear and not look for the signs . She needs to stop getting into relationships until she gets therapy to help her learn how to communicate and learns how to vet potential partners. She also needs to learn how to be happy with herself by herself and not move across the country for someone after 6 months and move right in with them. She gave him husband privileges with only a boyfriend commitment.
She worrying about the holidays but she is not worried about moving in with him and him not proposing. This is the problem. She wants to be married and have kids and he does not. They have to break up mow
Or she should just simply propose to him
U can have children outside the marriage and she isnt marriage material
Don’t move in unless you’re married. Avoid all these issues. Stop sleeping together and putting the carriage before the horse. It jumbled all your emotions and clarity causing the obvious signs to be ignored.
Yup
I can understand her bf not wanting to be around chaotic family members but he's an adult. If he wanted to he could put on his big boy pants and go. She really should have talked this through with him. I don't think they're going to last, their mindsets are too different.
Agree. She’s a head case and he sounds rationale. Not a good recipe
@@jcmphreekno he sounds like a user
Dude she sounds like a drag. Why would you defend that?
Go visit your family for Christmas. If you don’t you will regret it. He is already telling you what the future will bring.
Why would he marry her? He has all the benefits of being married to her at no cost or investment on his part.
She isnt marriage material good for him
And avoids a permanent connection to La Familia who are a bunch of losers who will probably pressure him for cash, favors, jobs, wintertime in-house visits to the Sunshine State.
Exactly!
Everytime I hear this I'm baffled
Like, marriage is not supposed to change the way the relationship is, this "wife benefits" only reveals an intent of changing after marriage, basically a scam
I love Sr John analysis and advice. Always on point
5:57 😂omg lady he doesnt like you just move on! he doesn't want to marry someone whos family has been divorced and married a hundred times
If your significant other doesn’t like your family that’s a big deal. It would be productive to have a conversation about how he felt about meeting her family.
Why is it a big deal? He’s dating her, not her family.
She probably doesn’t like her own either. It’s understandable.
No way, he's with HER, not her fam. Fam can be dealt with for a few days a year but shouldn't impact the relationship either way.
My spouse speaks to his father because he is the only person no longer a drunk. I don't speak to my family at all. Drugs and drinking aren't part of my home. Our families aren't us.
@@om617yota8 she’s a walking red flag and he knows this already. He’ll be gone soon.
Great consulting John.
Don’t give him 18 years like I did my relationship. Now I’m 66 and out of time.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, regardless of age. Live and enjoy your best life today.
@@JoL-t6k that was your fault ,not the mans
@@courtneyriley185 I don’t see anywhere that I’m blaming him. I said I gave him 18 years. No need to add your ignorant opinion.
What do you mean by out of time? Didn’t you have many happy years?
@@mz8194 who wants to be alone in their last years? Maybe you, but not me!
"Unspoken expectations are pre-meditated resentments." 🔥🔥🔥 YES! Please share the name of the woman who stated that so i can quote her fondly.
Once I heard the living together part, I pretty much knew what the problem was. Both of them made that dumb move that almost always backfires. When you don't do things properly, which is evidenced by their lack of actual commitment and communication, you will always yield this result.
People don't like when I say this when I see people who do this, but essentially they're playing house and this is a fake relationship. To this day, I've not been wrong every time I've made the observation. I said this to my own sister long ago that I thought her "marriage" was on the rocks when I first met her and my brother-in-law. I turned out to be correct. They got divorced after he supposedly cheated on her. She told me after the fact during a family barbecue. I liked the guy, but I didn't believe he was ready for family life and didn't navigate it well.
It's not just the moving in together that was the problem, but she really needs to be single and get therapy. Shes trying to fill a void left by her dysfunctional upbringing with an idea but doesn't know how to love herself.
“Im being gaslit but i also have a bad memory so i could be wrong” 😂😂😂
Do you want to get married and have kids ? Don’t live together before the marriage then…
i wonder if the stat is a little misleading because people who typically don’t live together before having kids are religious and divorce is against their religion.
i lived with my wife before marrying her, but we had a plan to be married and a timeline. not super long, about six months in the same apartment.
you gotta try it out before you buy
@@gravyyybot28 I understand what you are saying. However, when you really like a person and feels inspired about the future, date long enough to know each other, you know that it is gonna work. You don't need a test drive because if you do, it is because you are not so sure about the relationship. Also, religion gives an extra reason to stay marriage, same beliefs = bigger chances of same values = bigger chances of less conflicts. You can have a religion and get divorced. Only a few ones put that as a big sin...
I lived with my now husband for a few years before we got married. Now we've been happily married for over 10 years. Our love is amazing and grows over time. I never had a "goal" of getting married, but with him it felt right. Both my sister and my brother did the same thing, and they're all still married to their spouses.
@@pliniomsannSome people really believe in testing something out before investing in it. Especially if it is something as serious as marriage
@@soulinameatsack29 data shows that this practice increase chances of divorce and infidelity... as we can see daily in this podcast...
Her pain is real. So glad she is wide awake. It is going to be ok, you got this. You will be ok. One foot in front of the other and no looking back. You got this, waking up is the hard part.
Stop playing house.
Stop playing husband with an GF
This is the dumbest phrase ya'll get from Ramsey. It's low-level, basic thinking. Just like his insistence of not using debt beneficially and paying off mortgages. Believe me, after living in our house (yes you can get all the same documentation/protections) for 12 years, I assure you we are not 'playing'.
She’s a walking red flag. Twice engaged. Chaotic family that have no understanding of the sanctity of marriage. So I get why he’s not going to marry her. But him stringing her along is a scumbag move.
Probably right
I agree
Stop judging. She called and he knew she was calling and they communicated about it beforehand. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Sounds like he has been honest with her from the start. He even said he isn’t gonna marry her. At what point does a woman take accountability for once? Not everything is the man’s fault. It’s not like he’s stringing her along
@Mral236d He still lacks integrity because he knows what she wants but is only focused on what he wants. My brother doesn't want to get married. He communicates this to whoever he is with. However, if he sees that they want to get married, he ends it. He has integrity.
Man i feel like this is part of my story. My guy waited until after we had a ceremony to say he didnt want to get a marriage license because of the government. My mom is apso similar to hers
I hope you left. Especially if you are having children. Do not allow a man to exploit your domestic labor, your emotional labor, and your womb without the protection that marriage affords. In our society marriage confers 1,000 different benefits. Social security, inheritance tax benefits, just to name a few.
Do not commit to a man who will not commit to you. ESPECIALLY if children are involved. Women literally risk death in childbirth birth. You only give the gift of life to a man who has demonstrated a willingness to risk his coins for you.
Lastly, he just showed you that he is a liar and can't be trusted. That is the most important issue. He pretended to be what you wanted and then flipped the script. RUN!!!!
Govt in my marriage is a deflection. He isnt sure about you and wants to break with out ending in Divorce
I don't agree with it but I don't think it is crazy for someone to have that view.
For me personally I don't see what government or religion has to do with my personal life. This guy feels uncomfortable because she's forcing him to fulfil that role for her rather than like him for him. We all look for people to fill roles in our lives sure, but there's a difference wanting THAT person to fill the role and just ANYONE to fill it.
“Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.” Mic drop.
Her silence is palpable... she definitely knows she just doesn't want to admit that this relationship is over and she did exactly everything you're saying Dr
It sounds like he's not that into her......
This episode reminds me why I watch your show. You rock
My mom always said to us girls growing up if you give the milk away for free why should they buy the cow
You will have unspoken expectations when you are in a toxic relationship, trust me. Because when you express them, you know they will be denied. So we try to be too good to them and hope them to reciprocate. You express or not he is not going to bend for your wishes.
I didn't go to my wife's families house for a holiday until we were engaged and I don't even think it was Christmas.
Therapy baby, gotta pick men who want to get married already.
Yes!! So true
When my husband and I were dating, we wanted to spend time at the holiday with each other’s family. Sounds like he doesn’t…
I agree with her. If they had holidays at his parents, next year I’d also expect it would be at my parents. He seems selfish because he doesn’t even care about her feelings or wants for the holidays.
They have only dated 1 year. There is no requirement to switch on and off for holidays at this point. She can go see her family AND he can see his. It’s really that simple.
If that dynamic works for both people. It clearly doesn't in this case. She wants something more than he does.
He’s not married to you and he doesn’t have to spend the holidays with your family. Let him spend the holidays with his own family and you go to your family. A lot people don’t spend every holiday both sides of family
This woman is gonna take EVERYTHING
She's a bit special...
No, she's not. She's literally taking NOTHING and moved across the country to get more of nothing. She's definitely broken and needs to be single for a few years to work on her own issues in order to be marriage material. He's not the one for her and vice versa
I had the same problem. One thanksgiving I went to my family's out of state without him, he didn't want to go. When I got home him and his brother seemed so sad they didn't get a home cooked meal, they did have turkey sandwiches for dinner.😊 I was heart broken and did go again. Why do people make you feel like crap. For sometime now, I enjoy the day to my self or I just watch movies. I don't sit around and feel sorry for my self. It's just a day to be grateful....I don't get all these horror stories but I completely understand, oddly enough.
I feel like sometimes men can like women but feel unsure about if it’s their forever partner. Whereas women won’t even stay with a man unless they see him as being able to be their forever partner.
A man can be comfortable with a woman and like her but full well know he doesn’t want to marry her. He will simply justify staying with her as saying “well I’m not sure if she is my wife that’s why I’m dating her to find out.” Then when he finally feels completely disinterested he will cut it off and on to the next. Not all men. Some men do this. And when they do they don’t realize it’s manipulation. And these women they date until they find the one they don’t treat as well as their wife!!!!!!!! Bc they had a love and care for the woman but not that deep in love marriage care. As women we really need to sense this out and go with our gut to avoid this. If his actions don’t match we just should leave.
Yes, I learnt this the hard way. 😢
This poor girl is desperate for stability. This guy she’s with will not be able to provide it. The hardest and scariest part is letting go of what you have and what you’re forcing to happen and having hope the right person will come along.
Lol it may never come good luck
No other person can "come along' provide her with this, it has to be internal. Otherwise she is depending on another person to act as her emotional compass or weathervane without taking any responsibility for doing it herself. And easy to shift the blame if something happens.
@ yeah you’re right she should probably just be single until she’s emotionally healthy and secure. Who knows how long that could take?
Yeah... I swear the subconscious mind is such a fascinating thing. It's amazing how you can desperately crave stability but you live your life in a manner that doesn't produce stability. It's truly fascinating.
At this point, I can look at a person's behavior and tell you what they're running from. The chaos tells the story.
Tik Tok got people way too comfortable in labeling people as gaslighters, narcissists, etc. Just because you don’t get your way doesn’t mean the opposing view is wrong. She’s a big red flag, she doesn’t need to run, he does.
Perhaps he should run. She also needs to run. He's using her.
@ using her for what?
girl go see your family and let him be with his, you only been together a year
The term gaslighting has been so overused to the point that people don’t even know what it really means anymore
How is he going to expect that they never spend the holidays with her family?? That’s not reasonable at all
And he says she's the selfish one.
If they were serious enough to LIVE TOGETHER, then they should be serious enough to work out specifics on spending time with each other's families on holidays. To me the problem is, they should have never moved in together, because I'm getting the feeling that he's not really that into her and she's more into him. She seems desperate to get married to someone, anyone, especially given the fact that she's been engaged twice. If she were my friend, I would tell her that this isn't the actions of a guy that loves her or wants to spend the rest of his life with her. If he was, he'd move heaven and earth to make her happy. Stop wasting time with him, call it off, and take the time to find someone who really wants to be with her.
I’m married and living with her parents and don’t want to spend Christmas with them!!! 😭🤣🤣
Don’t blame you. Anyones families who isn’t your own ain’t fun
People who truly love and care someone would bend their beliefs and make them feel happy. If the woman you’re in love with says “I miss my family, I’m dying to see them”, will go to make her happy. Yeah maybe it is “unspoken communication” but even to me, this is a no brainer! Who cares if he used to travel for work and no longer wants to. They are 1 year in, if he doesn’t wanna go visit her family now, he never will want to spend a whole month with her family. Ever. Move on babe, you deserve better
She does not want to hang with her family. There is no upside for her. She wants her teddy bear boyfriend to be there so, she has a buffer zone with her bio family. Where on his side. If she does not come with him to see his family. It does not effect him.
I was married for 41 years. Then divorced. Our children were all over 35 . Please stop thinking divorce is a failure. It’s a new beginning.
I give it 6 months.
Runs his own business… doesn’t want government involved… she needs to know if he’s even paying his taxes before moving further.
I wish I had known this 18+ years ago.😢 I wish I had never married the man I married.
She sounds like life and men have ran through her. Travelling in her 20s. Multiple engagements. Moved in with this guy immediately…
This goes well beyond the holidays. And omg, her life sounds crazy….
"Mom was married 5 times and ive been engaged twice..."
Kind of had to put my foot down and say to my boyfriend that we are going to my family’s first for Christmas. Thanksgiving was spent with mostly his family and half of mine left my brothers house by the time we got there. Christmas Eve will be spent with my boyfriends family, so it really needs to be more of a give and take. My family wants us around, too. Not only his. I like his family, I just think it needs more balancing.
this man is simply standing up for himself
Expectations are a lesson in disappointments.
That's a word...👍
Huge red flag if he isn't accepting of your family. Been there, done that. Move on, girlll
Spend your holidays apart you havent even been dating for a year probably shouldnt even live with him yet anyways
She was gifted years of therapy w in 10 minutes. Gift of a lifetime.
Lol I come from a messy family but i want to get married. Idk about yall but i dislike when people somehow want to say something bad and follow it up by saying but i want different dont bring up the past and focus on the future
My mother in law was serially monogamous. It has made my husband be steadfast in commitment (that was appealing to me), but his sister refused to settle until recently (age 58).
Shes trying the "act like i'm married so bf finally asks me". Epiphany stage.
Yessss at the “oh no, im not a swifty!” Lmao my girl! *high five* 🎉😂
Most members of my family live in different parts of the country and return home to Minnesota for a week during Christmas/New Years. My wife stays with her family while we’re home (she spends 2 days with mine, I spend two days with them - we each get the rest of the holiday to chill out and hang with our immediate family and typically meet up for lunch and the mall too 😂. Nothing wrong with that - I don’t think you should expect alternating holidays - do your best to make an appearance and sit down with your in-laws. Then get your butt home to see Mom and Dad & your siblings. It’s one of the only times of year you have that chance for most people 🎄
Sounds like you and your wife have a good plan that has been worked out in advance. Another factor is that no one has to spend all their time with one household. Long visits can become tense and tedious for everyone. This way, people are glad to see you for the time they are around, not breathing a sigh of relief because you stayed too long.
@@elainebmack100%…long visits can become tedious
The caller sounds as though she has a lot of issues because she drew a bad lot with her Mom. Anyone who has a revolving door with boyfriends does not have a lot of time for her kids. Not the caller’s fault at all but she is paying the price for her mother’s neediness. Once she can open up and communicate her wishes she will be so much happier. It’s not easy at all but she needs to put that little neglected girl to rest. She deserves so much more. Oh, and he is NOT going to put a ring on your finger