Friendly reminder to have a _happy pride_ 🏳🌈 and that homophobia and general bigotry is not allowed at least until July 1st thank u sorry I don't make the rules
Screw it. "They" keep banging on about how "woke libs" have taken over. I say let Pride just run on all damn year. Got my rainbow Santa costume ready to go. 🌈🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🌈🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Exhibiting my straight, white, male levels of privilege: how the hell does someone else's sexuality negatively impact me? As long as it is how you genuinely feel, go for it. If someone else is forcing you to act a certain way, that's really bad. To anyone on the queer spectrum, I'm an ally and will do what I can to support you however I can.
“You do not become a lesbian when you’re dating a girl, then become straight again when you start dating a man” wow I felt that one. It took me so many years to work out I’m bi because i started out dating a guy and became an auto straight person
@@ShesquatchPiney Ugh, I wouldn't recommend it unless you want a flood of messages about how bisexuals can't experience compulsory heterosexuality because they're attracted to men!
Saying that someone can't be bi because they're in a monogamous relationship makes as much sense as saying that someone can't be straight because they're single.
I'm single and AroAce, so I'm the one you should point to when people say something stupid like that - I'm single because I don't want a relationship, and I'm not straight because I don't get attractied to ANYONE! 🤪 apart from Emma - I have a squish on her because of who she is and her mind, and nothing to do with the fact that she has a beautiful smile
@@edm-london1660 I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't understand your language here. Seduction is about love, and physical sex isn't, because... why? And how does that make someone not in love if they still experience attraction?
I'm AMAB and bisexual. Bierasure has been probably the most toxic thing I've directly experienced in my life. I first came out as bi in art college in the late 90's (which probably makes me one of your older viewers lol). I thought I'd be welcomed, but I was wrong. I was told it was gross, disgusting and that I should 'pick a team'. Word had spread swiftly that I 'liked both', so I lived as a gay man for almost a decade. It really hurt my mental health, because a closet is a closet, even if it's painted in rainbow colours. Thankfully, I had a handful of friends who knew the truth and stood by me. They convinced me to stop living a lie because it was hurting me. So I officially came out again, first at work. Yet I was still 'gay', because if a guy does owt with a guy, he's gay, full stop. Gradually this changed to "are you gay/straight now, then?" whenever I had a date. I even had a bi woman tell me it was gross and unnatural for men, so I should just pick one. It's so frustrating and why I'm so vocal these days - out, proud and loud. I don't want younger people to go through what I did. It's changing, albeit slowly.
Comment coming from a woman who was bi herself seems *very* strange indeed to me. I guess it goes to show that just being queer doesn't mean you stop being weird.
Rereading this due to the comments and just realised I slipped in a colloquialism and that's something I try to avoid when writing, as it seems so fake when written. Guess I was getting a tad emotional for that 'owt' to slip by. In all my years, this is probably the most worried I've ever been. In the 80's it was just how things were, but we've seen better and now we're backsliding and the people leading the way are being vicious and extremely violent. For the unaware, that "owt" is Yorkshire for 'anything'. Eg: Mornin, is t'owt I can do fer ya? That looks so cringeworthy written down 😆
@paulhammond6978 a lot of bi phobia was generated during the aids pandemic. And Why it's especially focused at bi men coming from women. Because aids was seen as a gay mans disease at the time, bi men were viewed as the duplicitous undercover gays. Pretending to be straight in order to get into relationships with women, then sneaking aids into those otherwise "pure" and "clean" hetrosexual relashonships by having secret affairs with gay men. So it got embedded in our collective psyche that bi men are dirty and untrustworthy. Even as the context has been forgotten. There is a really great and eye opening vid by the youtuber verilybitchie about it called Why We Hate Bi Men, very worth watching
"There isn't limited space in the queer community, there is room for everyone." Such a great quote that will drive certain people crazy - and I'm totally good with that.
I hate how some people will make sexuality assumptions. Especially when based on stereotypes. A couple of my colleagues are convinced that another colleague is gay. Eventhough he's in a relationship with a woman. The reason they are sure he's gay? Because he acts (what they perceive as) feminine. When I pointed out that yet another colleague of ours is gay who doesn't act that way, they just kept insisting that acting feminine must mean someone's gay.
They assume trans women are attracted to men... and I can confirm that's not always true. (I'm attracted to women - but as far as anything else matters, I'm ace.)
“Straight passing” is such a wild concept. People accuse asexuals of being “straight passing,” but I found out in my late-20s that basically everyone in my life has assumed I’m a closeted lesbian since I was 12 - even before I chopped off all my hair - simply because I never bothered trying to find myself a man. It seems if you deviate from the hetero/allo norm in the tiniest way, you’ll be branded as some sort of “other,” and often not the right one because nobody bothers to ask.
I’m both “straight passing” and “white passing” and let me tell you it doesn’t take long before either falls apart as a concept. White people sus me out and it isn’t long before I get the dreaded ‘what are you’ question, and my lack of romantic/sexual interest also doesn’t go unnoticed and then you get buried in people trying to set you up with someone so you won’t ‘die alone’ like that’s a guarantee if you are in a relationship.
@@ookamiblade6318 Just because you are staring at somebody doesn't mean you aren't dying alone. EVERYBODY dies alone. But the number of divorced people I know would say that thats definitely not a guarantee. The best guarantee to my mind would be to have a duplex, and rent out the basement or half the place to a family that you know and like for dirt cheap, so they not only like you, but feel somewhat in debt to you, and likely that circle of friends is the best guarantee. Surround yourself with a community. But I think aspergers or some kind of social awkwardness is far more common in society because frankly I can't even IMAGINE asking somebody "so what are you?" That seems an INSANE thing to say to somebody. Maybe its the WASP in me, and maybe we should be 'selling that more' as a plus that we aren't interested in anybodys sex life or sexuality and don't want to hear about it. I think part of the complaints about pride events are just that, "hey, its great if you ARE that, but nobody needs to hear about it".
That kind of reminds me of how things are for straight trans and enby people (yes, they exist). The lgbtq community acts like we have all these amazing privileges, forgetting the moment someone finds out we're trans or gets a "vibe", we can be unalived at worst or get homophobic attacks. But they don't care. Straight trans people went from being the backbone of the community to being seen as "the enemy".
HAPPY PRIDE, EMMA!! I'm pansexual, too! Another facet to the whole thing is trans folks in... well, any relationship. I was married to a bi cis woman once, and I'm a pan trans man, so we looked like a regular ass straight couple together. We got together when I still presented as female, so I got to experience being treated like a queer couple morph into being treated like a straight couple. It was shocking how much safer we slowly started to feel just being out in public together. People don't bat an eye at a straight couple, not even queer people, but all kinds of eyes get batted at a queer couple. This was before things started going south, too.
As a bi man in a closet I dread coming out to my parents. And I may never will as idea of facing discrimination from the closest people I have is terrifying. Fortunately being open about it online is reassuring that my feelings are valid and that I belong. And thanks to you Emma for being what you are, you are my bi icon Im looking up to.
Great video! I think a big part of the reason why there are so few visibly bi men is because back in the '80s (when I first realized that I'm bi and still identified as a man), bi men were wrongfully assumed to be the vector by which AIDS was brought to straight people and demonized as a result. I suspect that a lot of that stigma has remained, even though the reason has faded over time. I stayed in the closet for about 15 years to avoid it, despite having a lot of very queer-friendly social circles from the '90s onward.
I do not identify as queer and being outside of that community I also never understood why Bi Erasure was a thing. Only when you talked about the desire to "horde representation" in this video did it click for me, since me as an Autistic guy often likes to look for and "impose" Autistic representation on characters in media. Thank you for finally explaining the reason behind Bi Erasure in a way I could comprehend! Very educational.
I remember people telling me that I was pansexual because "I date trans people", as if being bi meant I don't like dating trans people, the levels of idioticy and prejudice are incomprehensinle to ke
Hi Emma 😁. I'm bisexual as well and I have to admit, that does get under my skin a bit. People thinking you have to either be gay or straight. Bisexual really isn't that hard of a concept. People who are bisexual are attracted to men and women. That's it! it really isn't that hard
Are there statistics out there? I always assumed that a not-insignificant part of the straights and homos are really bi, just settled for one primary partner and thus lived their daily lives as one or the other, asides from affairs or one-night stands. After all, men and women come in a wide variety from big to small, tender and rough, feminine and masculine, so a clear cut-off - not considering pheromones - seems difficult.
@@JabelldiMarcoaren't real statistics because most of the bisexuals that 'choose a team' won't say there's a possibility of them being bi even under life threat... but there's a few studies around suggesting exactly that. And I'm pretty sure the "everyone experiments in their teens" is a irrefutable proof of everyone being bi within a greater or lesser degree.
I am married to an amazing man, but dated both men and women prior to meeting him. I knew I would marry the person I fell in love with, regardless of gender. I’m queer and that will never change. 🏳️🌈. It’s a love thing, not a confusion thing. Why is this hard for people to understand? 🙄🙄 I knew I was bisexual in fourth grade. I’ve always had crushes on both genders. Happy pride everyone!!!! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
100%, I am the same way. People assume I'm an ally for my ace daughter and not bi because I married a man, but I dated women and men before I got married and could easily have ended up with a wife instead of a husband!
luckily for me my family is very accepting and open about any lgbt topic, so i got told about some boys liking boys and some liking both boys and girls somewhere around second grade. so it was always clear for me i was bi. but it's great to see you explaining these things, as a lot of people don't understand it. lucky for me the closest thing to bi erasure i've experienced irl is my father continuing to insist he's straight, despite saying things like "i mean everyone is at least a little bi" and "there are some guys i wouldn't say no to". p.s. you're the reason i started using pan as a label. your channel was the first place i heard an actual definition of it and i was like "that's exactly how i feel".
Thank you so much for this video! I'm pansexual, but also polyam. I'm married to a man, but I happily have partners of all genders. I feel more love, support, and freedom than I ever did growing up (in the church). That being said, everything you mentioned about erasing the validity of bisexuality, how we are perceived, and how straight presenting couples are seen is so spot on.
Thanks for mentioning us bi fellas! I appreciate that! Also, I'm a metalhead and have a battlevest, and I have a "greedy bisexual" patch, and I love it.
As a in the closet Pansexual/bisexual (not sure but all I know is that I’m attracted to all genders but people keep telling me bi means two so to avoid confusion I go with pan) sixteen male I nearly broke into tears watching this video I never really heard words that expressed how I was feeling before and also helping with my own confusion about my sexuality and just really loved this video it was incredibly heart touching to me with having no real bisexual visibility in the media I consumed just I really loved teddys music but I never knew he was Bi and just the only person in media I ever knew that was Bi later denounced it and became a alt right figure. Just this is gonna be one huge rant really cause just have so much to say maybe venting would be a better word for it but hey ho. Just it’s incredible how many people who I have told numerous times I’m Pan/Bi keep thinking I’m gay or people I allow to see me being gender non conforming who just assume I’m only interested in men this is to the point that other bi people also have to be reminded multiple times I’m not straight nor gay who always put one or the other label on me. And yeah for my long hair (which pisses my parents off to all extremes to the point my mom says she is ashamed of bringing out me outside for my long hair ❤) my parents are always worried I will come out as gay so I always have to hear there hour long homophobic rants (just assume them to be conservatives from the 60s and you’ll be on point, and yes on all topics. I really enjoyed my parents 6 hour long rant about how black people are biologically inferior. I have no clue where they get the energy from to spend their Saturday ranting at me like that) this is all to the point that my mom woke me up a couple times at 1 in the morning so she can calm her heart by ranting at me about how gay people are ruining their bodies and bisexuals aren’t real. I can rant more especially about my parents with them threatening me with homelessness if I come out ❤ and other casual forms of homophobia but I’m sure you’re all aquatinted with it. Probably should discuss this all with my friends and not yelling out into the void but this video hit me straight in the heart. If you read to the end thank you kindly! Have a fortunate and wonderful day ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for this video! I related to so very much of it. At least, as a queer (bi) & autistic man, I get to joke I'm two spectrums for the price of one 😉 Happy Pride everyone! 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
I am Asexual, Aromantic/pan/bi. I have known about my asexuality for 3 years now, but thinking about it now I knew I was *different* in that way since my super religious parents gave me the Abstinence Talk. They really tried to drill that fear of committing a sin if I ever had s3x before marriage, and where I assume teens my age would have a hard time accepting it I just...didn't care. Took me 2 relationships with men to finally realize I was not at all interested in them intimately, and after a talk with my demisexual/ace sister, everything made since. I've had people I came out to tell me "Your missing out" or "You haven't found the right person yet, you'll change your mind". While yes, sexuality/gender is fluid, I don't need people telling me I will change when they don't know what it's like. It's videos like yours that I'm really grateful for, especially when you said how "people think it's something like a phase or trend, it will pass on eventually" I nearly slapped my desk and cheered because that's what my dad said when my younger sister came out as pi/pan. I don't blame him for thinking that, but since all his kids are not straight I really do hope he dives into what it all is, and how it is not a trend. Asexuals, Bisexuals, Pan, Trans...we've all been around, and this is an era of change. Let's show our colors!
In an LGBTQIA+ Hostile country (at least media and government if not majority of population) it's natural to be guarded about who you "let in" socially... It's tough... and many of the haters know this... We desperately need an accepting government and having these damaging roll backs restored.
For real. Like, I'm bisexual, and just because every woman I've ever liked had rejected me and I ended up with a husband instead, doesn't mean I'm straight. I'm just pathetic! 😭 Correction: I forgot. One girl "pity dated" me for, like, a wholeweek, soo.... still not straight tho...
Same thing happened to me! When dating and the other person said they are lesbian and what am I, when I say bi… the person automatically it’s not interested anymore…
I've sort of given up trying to use labels. They are really not needed and just create separatism amongst people; which is generally not a good thing. Depending on where I have been on my journey, I may have been labeled as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersexed, and likely the rest of the alphabet. I found that it really doesn't matter. If you are comfortable with your thoughts, happy with/love your partner, that is all that truly matters. Tell the rest of the world to F-off, as you don't an explanation from you to satisfy even their curiosity. They shouldn't matter to your thoughts/feelings.
14:35 - Freddie Mercury stated he was bisexual. There are still people who state "Well, ACTUALLY, he was gay!". I've rarely understood that. There's different ranges of attraction, that's why the Kinsey Scale is a thing (however flawed it is or isn't, cross information about that and it gets confusing). EDIT: And you brought him up. Perfection!
As someone who is still figuring out my identity, I've found the pressure to identify with a stagnant label quite irritating. I'm excited and happy for all the people who know who they are. However, please remember that not everyone has had the chance to explore their identity. What I hope for is a safe environment in which to explore. Thanks for making this video, Emma! Definitely subscribed!
Seconded! /a 38yo cis guy who met, and was engaged to my (afab) NB spouse before they had a chance at breaking their very bigoted mothers abusive indoctrination. Curiosity is humanitys most valuable asset, always be proud to nurture and express it!😊
Why do you need an identity? Why don't you just exist, what is the point of any label? 🤨 So cringe, idk what is going on with gen z but this is not normal no one was ever like this before 10 years ago.
@@gypsylee333 They're literally just adjectives. If someone is a Catholic, they describe themselves as Catholic. If someone is American, they describe themselves as American. If someone is gay, they describe themselves as gay
@@ninjoshday zoomers are really weird about these labels and communities these days, like it's a requirement to have some gender vision-quest and you must choose which whacky label will get you the most clout.
I'm happy to see that you're explaining this for many people, it's info a lot of us should of had. As a bisexual man myself, I can attest to not knowing or believing I was bi until I was 18 in junior high school. I felt both happy to find out who I was and also stupid for not realizing it. After having multiple relationships with girls, it's hard to fathom you're not straight, especially when no one in your social or academic circle explains information about the lgbtqia+ community. P.S. even after watching certain "spicy content" on certain "spicy sites" and kissing dudes, thought I was straight but exploring. If only I could write a journal on acceptance to my younger problematic self. (@-__-)
I thought coming out as pan was going to lead to more potential partners, but then I realized that I was an out-of-shape man in his mid-30’s 😢 True, I came out rather late, but I’ve literally only had heterosexual relationships.
I'm a bisexual cis man and I've spent _so much_ time discussing these topics with pretty much every other letter of the Alphabet Mafia. From now on I'll just send the link to this video, thanks.
As a middle-aged white cis male, I have wondered about your sexuality but in the end, it was none of my business. You seem happy, and that's enough. I would say you do seem more happy when trashing American evangelicals. Keep up the good work!
I recently found out through another video that historically Ace people were accepted in the Bi community because they were equally attracted to both genders lol and I think that's beautiful. It does suck that people don't understand that it's not about who you date or even who you have sex with, it's about who you're attracted to. Like, you're still bi regardless of who you date. Like if you're a bi woman who only ever dated men, you're still bi, the attraction is still there whether you act on it or not. Love your videos
I remember The Owl House (one of the most gayest Disney channel animation ever made) fandoms start hating on Willow and Hunter togehter just because they're in a hetero relationship, and everyone assumed they're straight (which btw, there's nothing wrong with being straight or queer so the reason for hating them was already not right) but then immediately saying "I was right! I supported them from the start!" when the creator came out and said Hunter is actually bi, and Willow is Pansexual. Sometimes queer people can be hypocrite too. And as a bi person myself, this is the reason why I can't really get into relationship. Queer people saying they're disappointed for not dating a person with the same gender and suddenly assuming I'm straight, and staight people saying "You're straight then, not bi" for being with opposite gender. Literally erasing my sexuality.
I mean, as far as bisexual erasure, I think the best explication of this was given by Lindsay Ellis in her old blog and subsequently commented on in her video Mask Off. For her as a bisexual person, this wasn't a mark of Pride but merely remarking on the fact that, while being in a relationship with a man and not presenting certain other markers, she passed as straight but also was aware of it as a kind of privilege while others were abused. I would liken it to the way that some of my children, all of whom are biracial, can sometimes "pass" as something other than half black while having a very dark-skinned mother and black friends and family. Recognizing that sometimes you personally may not experience biphobia or homophobia isn't saying that other people don't have it that bad because they can pass. It's just being aware of the fact that sometimes you escape detection by the monsters while recognizing that others aren't so lucky.
You've reminded me of a black American composer, whose name I have temporarily forgotten (possibly Florence Price, but don't quote me on that). Whoever it was was biracial, and fairly light skinned, so she "passed" as Mexican when she went to music school because the school didn't admit black American students. Looked it up, it *was* Florence Price who had to do that to get her musical education.
i do love it; constantly being told by my gay friends im not gay enough or i need to "just accept im gay." or my straight friends questioning my queerness when I date someone of the opposite gender. or my favorite, being called a cheater bc all bisexual people cheat. even if youre ace. even if you often express sex repulsion. =....= loooove it.
As a bi man, thank you for mentioning us. That invisibility can (and does) take a toll on our mental health. Also trying to do my part for bi representation in the science fiction story I'm writing.
In all genera's of knowledge outside the norm.. There are those of us who want to be educated and are tired of the confusion. Many of us being those trying to understand our selves and or others better. The rest really don't care, because they think they know enough. Your real audience is your people looking for answers and we are here for you. Thank you for being here for us! Much Love from TX
As a pan-romantic asexual, this video resonates with me so much. Everyone either assumes I’m straight or a lesbian, and I don’t even date people that much because people think I’ll be physical with them and that makes me uncomfortable. I admitted to people that I’ve liked girls and they say “well you’ve mostly liked boys” as if that makes me straight. I’m ace, I date who I like. This who erasure of other orientations is frustrating, and so many people don’t believe we exist…
As a bi man who has never been in same-sex relationship and doesn't want to (it's not like I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man, I just love my gf) my problem with bisexual representation in movies is that I never see people like me, even though that's probably most of bisexuals. Characters never say they are bi, viewers can only tell by seeing who they kiss, have sex or are in relationships with. Because of this I feel even more "straight-passing" and I feel that I don't belong as bisexual and why would I tell anyone, why would anyone care. However, videos like this make me at least a little bit more seen (but having amazing supportive straight gf helps too)
As a bisexual woman who doesn't always conform to gender norms, roles & expectations, I really enjoyed watching this video! It was informative, educational, and lovely. 💗💜💙
Just wanted to say thanks for your activism in using the word "queer." After watching several of your videos over a few months, I decided to don that label myself several months ago, and it just feels right and inclusive. I'm non-binary in what most people would assume is a cishet relationship, but I've never felt like my birth gender, and it's never been able to describe my experience sufficiently. "Queer" does that, and it's given me a family I was always craving.
Wow! People in the community can't think for themselves because some people love being so P.C. and upright and torture themselves into confusion when it comes to labels and identities! So sad and ironic!
Every time ive dated a man since coming out to my father, he says "but i thiught you liked women now." He doesnt grasp you can like both. Its mind boggling to him, i believe he thought i was secretly coming out as a lesbian and only using bi as a jumping off point.
When I tell people I'm ace, some suddenly forget all decorum and want to know all about my sex life, my sexual past, future children, saying I'll change my mind, etc. Pretty sure just saying I'm ace makes me an alien. So here's a little ace poem: I'm here, I'm queer, And I don't want anyone near
This was very watchable, cute, and informative! Being polysexual, I never even thought that I could also fit under the B of our umbrella, and saw myself more squarely under the trans part. Thanks for clearing things up and for being yourself! 💖💖💖
Emma, I'm in my 50s (male) and I always tried to date the coolest girls I knew ( back in the day, in my late 20s/30s) and they always turned out to be 'gay'. Quatation marks are for fear of mis representing. I loved these girls and was gutted. However, they were great because they were not offended at my advances and laid out their boundaries clearly. To be negative, they did set me up with a few dudes and I gave it a go because everything is fluid for them. Not for me to be sure. But not to be creepy again, when I was a youngster/teen...there were never ladies (apologies) as cool and as open as you. This is all sent from place of love and undertsanding.
Love, love LOVE that bit at the end about how there’s space in the community for everyone. We have this idea of exclusivity pushed at us by a hyper-religious world where we’re taught that acceptance is very much conditional, and we drug that ideology into our queer space. But there’s room for everyone!!
My Baphy is gonna go so well with my Emotional Support Demon from The Click ❤ also amazing video as always!! Also I tend to use 'bisexual' and 'polysexual' interchangeably, using the same definition of 'bi' you used in this vid. How do others feel about this?
So, bi has existed for some time as something of an unwanted stepchild. I've know quite a few people who've been somewhere on the bi scale - from happily sleeping with men and women to "a lesbian with a hobby, that hobby's name was Bob." Which is not a Blackadder reference. And I've heard from them that bi takes fire from both sides - some straight and gay people saying "pick a side!" Its the idea that other people define who you are - most commonly seen as "I have to be the manliest man to ever man or people will think I'm not a man." But it rears its ugly head for people whose identity and sexuality are the same thing. And the non-conformity of bi somehow offends that sense of self. How dare you not fit into an easily defined box! That I've defined! To which the answer is simple: as long as it's between consenting adults, and I'm not one of them, it's not my business.
Thanks Emma for your thoughtful, intelligent and timely "rambling." Honestly your adhoc commentary is better structured than what some folks struggle to prepare. I've been dealing with similar issues for years and usually don't feel safe discussing it because of the biases that are very common. You hit all the common "foot in mouth" situations spot on. Many thanks and you're lovely as you authentically are.
I am almost literally you but American: Bi and watching this video like I’m looking in a mirror. A guy I dated told me before we were dating he was checking me out talking with his (trans lesbian) friend like “hey do you think that girl over there is a lesbian?” To which she responded “which one? The one that looks like a lesbian?” We ended up dating for like 2 years, but that story makes me laugh while illustrating exactly what you’re talking about.
as an Autistic Adult,I’m Way Way Too Used to Neurotypical Adults Trying to Erase People Like me From Popular Media,I Still Hate it,&,I Still Advocate Against it Because we Neurodivergent People More Than Deserve Representation The Same Goes For People in The LGBTQIA+ Community,&,The Same Goes For People Who Are in Both Communities Like Myself
Projecting ourselves onto others happens all the time. Humans are a bit tribal, and easy to form in-groups and out-groups. Authoritarians especially take advantage of this and use it in divide-to-rule. But we all have collective power, if we can only stop fighting amongst each other. Unlearn those stereotypes! We all have stereotypes we learned
I only just came out (for the first time) as a Bi/Pan male to all my friends at 38 and even my wife(F) just a few months prior. Long before this i have been asked if I was gay several times before even though i was married to a woman, hell i was asked even by my wife occasionally and having thought I was straight for so long and never accepting what was going through my head I denied it for the entire time. Especially because I had that same thought that "ah everyone is a little bi and are either fully accepting of one side or the other or just indecisive." I was ignorant, and I feel bad about how I acted all those years, and i even still worry about not being accepted, especially by my queer friends. Especially about the "oh you're in a straight relationship" or "it's just you wanting to be part of the bandwagon" bs. Thank you for bringing this up, I appreciate the validation, and you're amazing for being a beacon for us here.
As an asexual i get the "you not queer, you not interested in guys". At 57 (came out at 51) I've never been to a pride event because i don't feel I've had to deal with the same issues others have and therefore don't fit in.
Thank you for saying that you're bi and pan. I have a hard time deciding which label to self-apply. So I'll pick both. And yes, as a bi-man it took me a very long time to come out.
gonna be honest, growing up in a pre-internet time where there were "only 2 genders" makes it very hard to get familiarized with anything else (though I do remember some people arguing that gender isn't only male and female... so it shouldn't be new to me but those people were ridiculed by others then too... and me being a theist back then made it harder to entertain that thought)... I think where I have the biggest difficulties now is differentiating a person's biological appearance with whom they prefer to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with... it's so hard wired in me that if I see someone that has a masculine appearance, I automatically identify them as a man/male/him and if they look feminine, I think they're a woman/female/her... I'm not doing that out of nefariousness, until now I've only had one bad encounter but it was quickly forgiven as I corrected myself... it was in the army and I saluted a high ranking officer, a oberstabsfeldwebel, around the same rank as a sergeant mayor and I was 3 months in I think... was addressing the person with sir... was asked to have a better look, even after a thorough look and double checking their rank, I couldn't figure it out until I was informed that I'm not facing a sir but miss... felt so bad about the mistake, I apologized... I think the same thing would happen if I met someone who identifies themselves as non-binary or is trans (although I think trans men would be happy if I addressed them just as men and trans women simply as women, which I wouldn't mind doing... just a head up would be nice, let's stay honest and kind towards each other)
@@EmmaThorneVideos XD tell me about it... we're all so quick to judge others or things we don't understand and fear... and get so riled up when we're told our viewpoint is wrong... this might be my premature midlife crisis speaking... but alas, we're all just a bunch of put together materials, stuck on one of many gigantic masses of materials hurling around in this ever expanding vacuum and trying to come by :D all we can and should be doing is give it our best and be better (cause although our deeds are insignificant to everything else, it's very significant towards ourselves)... with that said, I hope you and everyone else had/has a nice and peaceful pride month (and hopefully I didn't sour anyone's mood)
I’m bi but it’s very scary to tell people because I did get told to pray it away from a friend :( This made me feel better so thank you for the video ❤️
Tell them you tried and it just made you more bi In all seriousness, I'm sorry you have to put up with that. You deserve friends who accept you unconditionally
Pan demi-sexual present! 💗💛💙 🏳️🌈 💜 I thought I was poly for a while, but two Christmases ago my teenager questioned my identification and let me know that I am actually pan! Yay for educated Gen Zs! 😅
@roger4roger what's with all the adults who are unwilling to realize we've learned more about biology, psychology, and sexuality than generations prior.
I like to think of Bi as the default setting on the spectrum (because of course I would). I am a 42 year old bi man. I am gender nonconforming/gender queer but through no fault of my own present as a 6ft 3in tall, broad shouldered, deep voiced cowboy. You know, im queer. I also happen to be poly and a Texan living in Glasgow these past 6 years. I've only had access to the queer community since moving to Glasgow. The queer community shunned me because I needed to "Pick a team", same reason the straights I came out to shunned me. I was told I should just be happy because I have "Passing Privilege" You can fuck right off with that horse shit. What you call Privilege just means I have to pretend I'm someone I'm not regardless of where I find myself. Thank you so much for this. It speaks directly to my lived experience
It's pretty wild how many queer friend groups I've had that were shocked to find out I wasn't just their ally friend. I've had situations where queer acquaintances have purposefully tried to make me uncomfortable by implying I was being queerphobic somehow to tease me. Curiously, it always stops when I mention liking women as well. Not that falsely accusing straight friends of being queerphobic as a joke is a great thing to do anyway.
I'm a homoflexible guy, so I don't understand why so many gays and lesbians want to erase bisexuals and pansexuals. We need to be more inclusive of them, and we need to understand that they need to feel free to date whoever they want without and to be themselves.
And TIL that there is a meatball that has an insulting name. Thanks for that! Still just gonna call it a meatball, I think, just to avoid it altogether.
Light bulb over my head moment that bisexuality is the most common queer identity because it really is a spectrum! Though as an asexual I'm on another axis.
PRIDE over hate. My GF wears her hair short and you remind me of her. She has been called lesbian many times and it really angers her. I had to tell her that if people aren't trying to learn who you really are then just cut them out of your life. She is happier now after removing some toxic "friends" love your channel, I always try to watch all of your videos :)
You're absolutely right that there's one hell of a lot of biphobia and erasure around bisexual men. Thanks for bringing that one up, Emma! Love your work and Happy Pride! 🏳🌈 PS Of course short haircuts don't make women lesbians... I've always thought it just makes them all the more attractive!
Decent video on some very valid frustrations. However, this topic is complex enough and nuanced enough that I think it would benefit from a revisit with a little more planning and an actual script. I understand that isn't always possible, but even a written list of bullet points to hit roughly in order in your rant helps more than you'd think with presentation. It'll make your arguement more persuasive and making the video shorter, which increases the chances that someone who sees rhe video will have time to watch it through. Anyway, happy belated pride month from a fellow queer.
I've never really properly taken part in the LGBTQ+ community stuff out of fear tbh because somewhere along the way, when I came out as a teenager, I heard that most of the hate comes from gay people and so I've just not been as active as I would have liked. Although I suppose another reason I don't really go to gay bars and stuff is because I like metal and it's all like disco and cheesy pop music. We need more heavy metal gay bars.
I believe that sexuality is such a spectrum! We forget that we can't always assume what gender a person is, let alone thier sexuality! People know best what they are and how they like to present themselves. You don't have to prove yourself to ANYONE. I myself as a bi cis woman, are in a "straight" relationship with my boyfrined, who is also bi. I have been with the same gender before, but he hasn't. Yet I don't invalidate his sexuality just because because of that! It's just something he always knew, just as I did before I slept with a girl. It's so ridiculous how people take offense of something that is so personal and important to our identity... Also I would like to mention that I had a lesbian friend, who was very gay and had only been with women except at one point in her life she fell for a guy, which she then also got kids with. But she wasn't happy in that relationship. She always had the need to be with a woman, and luckily she ended up with a woman in the end. But other queer people, especially other lesbians, invalidated her sexuality and said that "you can't be a lesbian if you have been with a guy before!" which is very dumb to say! People are way more complex than that! We love to put everyone in a category so it gets "easier for us" somehow.. I am not an expert in lesbianism, but haven't many lesbian women been with guys before and that way found out they're actually gay, rather than bi sexual for example? Because in my friends case, this guy was an exception for what she usally went for (women!). And it turned out that the reason for their breakup was that she couldn't be with boys. And this is my point with sexuallity being a spectrum. Just because you identify as a lesbian doesn't mean you can't be attracted to another gender EVER. It's maybe more in a sexual or romantic way more or less.. But in my friends case they didn't last because she wasn't as sexually involved with him even though she liked him as more than a friend. The text got much longer than intended xD But just be YOU and fck what other people say! They know sht about you and what you like! :)
Thanks for the video. And yeah, some people don't understand how erasure can affect one's self. Since I came out as asexual not only have I gone through erasure and the need to explain what I am often, but also got a few "You're lucky that, unlike other LGBT people, the worse you get is erasure." This has really put a damper on me also wanting to share that I'm panromantic. I don't really feel like getting through even more erasure/gatekeeping.
I’m glad you mentioned Aro/Ace as options for sexuality. Both umbrellas tend to be overlooked or erased by the community similarly to bisexuality, so I hope the Queer community will be more accepting of both
I feel seen as someone that is bi so I appreciate this video. It was very well done! I had a discussion a few nights ago with one of my aunts who turns out is LGBT friendly. It ended up coming up that I'm bi and she seemed to assume that it'd make having a relationship difficult, if not impossible, and seemed to imply I was undecided on who I was attracted to. Maybe for her as a straight person it is difficult to wrap her head around it (like me with only being attracted to one sex). Either way enjoy the rest of pride month everyone! And can confirm that homophobia is not allowed until 1 July XD
I appreciate this breakdown. I'm 45 bi guy and new to figuring this out and I've already faced the issue that if your not gay or lesbian than what you are doesn't count. I was talking with a guy, and he told me that I would need to make a decision, either I'm strait or gay, you can't be both. Um, not giving up liking the ladies, for you I'm sorry they look and smell better lol, usually. This disturbed me and I ended up ghosting him lol. And I'm trying to for myself figure out where I fall within that umbrella because I know its not strait forward, the male attraction is not the same as the female attractions. Its confusing and other parts of the community don't make it easy to find your place.
Thank you this gives me so much hope for the next generation I am 39 I am happily married I have three children and I am a raving bisexual the fact that you have managed to succinctly and accurately highlights a lot of the issues that I faced when I was younger makes me a little sad that it is still a thing but also gives me hope that within the next 20 years future people like me will not have such I share your desire for not needing to put a label on myself because they will not be necessary Sorry about the atrocious grammar I am using voice to text as I am dyslexic (which is a whole other issue I hope it won't be a problem in future😅)
For the LONGEST time, I said I was "mostly straight". I only came out, to myself and the rest of the world, in 2019 when I started dating a guy. I finally just admitted to myself that I was bi. It would take three more years to come out as non-binary.
In the end it is still straight passing relationship. In the societies eye thats what we mean when we talk about that. And the privilege you have is as you say in the vid. And the stereotypes is there for a reason cause thats how "most" lesbians look. Like comon. The straight passing "illusion" does not go away even if you are out as you say. Cause most ppl that are not LGBT will still look at you as straight.
The AMOUT OF TIMES iv had to tell people in multiple classes "im aroace, im not gonna date you/your friend" or the times my older relatives telling me "your young you dont know" or "thatll change as your older"
6:49 As a trans non-binary demigirl, who at the time of this writing is still closeted publicly, I was just thinking about this when you mentioned that you have to come out forever as a bisexual. As long as isn't part of a monosexuality or a binary gender (and in the case of the latter doesn't "look" stereotypically binary male or female), you constantly have to not only come out but to explain your gender and/or sexuality. Now, I plan to mostly present myself as feminine once I transition but my gender is also fluid so sometimes I don't want to present feminine. In our society, we are so accustomed to put people in boxes, boxes that are entirely cultural and artificial. People often say "biology is real!" but forget that the way a body is built does not say anything about the gender or sexuality. I mean, why did people allow women to wear trousers after all if that were the case? (And on that note, it's also interesting that women wearing trousers is totally fine while men wearing dresses or any other feminine attire is totally "bad".)
4:00 words and language are unfortunately limiting, but you are highly effective with them, so it feels weird when you call them stupid 😂 thanks for your work
Buttered. My PARSNIPS? ... I love this, and I'm immediately incorporating it into my vocabulary. Thank you for that. AND thank you for talking about Bi-Erasure!
oh my god thank you for this video lol I literally JUST came out as bi at the end of bisexual visibility week this year and I'm currently in a relationship with a straight man (who has been in my corner thru out this whole journey he's da best). everything about this makes me feel so seen💗💜💙
As a genderqueer pan person, I relate so hard to the erasure by and the assumptions of others. When I brought home a woman first the first time, my mom asked me if it was a phase. I was 25. I had been intimate with men and women for years at that point, but had stayed closeted with my family. Then, that same woman, who identified as a lesbian, broke up with me because she said she didn’t feel like she could trust me because of my attraction to men. I wasn’t “gay enough” for her and prior to dumping me she tried countless times to persuade me into “choosing” to be a lesbian. It was very bizarre and incredibly hurtful to feel like I wasn’t good enough solely because of who I found attractive.
Friendly reminder to have a _happy pride_ 🏳🌈 and that homophobia and general bigotry is not allowed at least until July 1st thank u sorry I don't make the rules
London pride is on 1st July so not even then! ❤
Uh oh. Looks like 25 minutes of creeps being creepy to the nicest person on the internet.
🏳️⚧SOLIDARITY🏳️⚧🏳️🌈& LOVE💜💕
Damn, why don't they have an ally version of the pride month t-shirt?
One complaint so far with the video: "Buttered my parsnips"?
Screw it. "They" keep banging on about how "woke libs" have taken over.
I say let Pride just run on all damn year.
Got my rainbow Santa costume ready to go.
🌈🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🌈🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Exhibiting my straight, white, male levels of privilege: how the hell does someone else's sexuality negatively impact me? As long as it is how you genuinely feel, go for it. If someone else is forcing you to act a certain way, that's really bad. To anyone on the queer spectrum, I'm an ally and will do what I can to support you however I can.
“You do not become a lesbian when you’re dating a girl, then become straight again when you start dating a man” wow I felt that one. It took me so many years to work out I’m bi because i started out dating a guy and became an auto straight person
"auto straight" I think the phrase u need is "compulsory heterosexuality" talk about bi-panic.
I bi panicked so hard I just un-bi’d myself haha
@@ShesquatchPiney Ugh, I wouldn't recommend it unless you want a flood of messages about how bisexuals can't experience compulsory heterosexuality because they're attracted to men!
@@KazeTori12 bi women love men and only like women.
@@wkdgrneyesNot true. That would make them heteroromantic and homosexual
Saying that someone can't be bi because they're in a monogamous relationship makes as much sense as saying that someone can't be straight because they're single.
That's a genius gambit ❤❤
See also "You can't be bi unless you've tried both [sic]"
I'm single and AroAce, so I'm the one you should point to when people say something stupid like that - I'm single because I don't want a relationship, and I'm not straight because I don't get attractied to ANYONE! 🤪
apart from Emma - I have a squish on her because of who she is and her mind, and nothing to do with the fact that she has a beautiful smile
@@edm-london1660 I don't think that's how it works
@@edm-london1660 I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't understand your language here. Seduction is about love, and physical sex isn't, because... why? And how does that make someone not in love if they still experience attraction?
I'm AMAB and bisexual. Bierasure has been probably the most toxic thing I've directly experienced in my life.
I first came out as bi in art college in the late 90's (which probably makes me one of your older viewers lol). I thought I'd be welcomed, but I was wrong. I was told it was gross, disgusting and that I should 'pick a team'.
Word had spread swiftly that I 'liked both', so I lived as a gay man for almost a decade. It really hurt my mental health, because a closet is a closet, even if it's painted in rainbow colours.
Thankfully, I had a handful of friends who knew the truth and stood by me. They convinced me to stop living a lie because it was hurting me.
So I officially came out again, first at work. Yet I was still 'gay', because if a guy does owt with a guy, he's gay, full stop. Gradually this changed to "are you gay/straight now, then?" whenever I had a date.
I even had a bi woman tell me it was gross and unnatural for men, so I should just pick one.
It's so frustrating and why I'm so vocal these days - out, proud and loud. I don't want younger people to go through what I did. It's changing, albeit slowly.
Comment coming from a woman who was bi herself seems *very* strange indeed to me. I guess it goes to show that just being queer doesn't mean you stop being weird.
@@paulhammond6978 I mean, queer is also a synonym for weird, so...
Hugs bro
Rereading this due to the comments and just realised I slipped in a colloquialism and that's something I try to avoid when writing, as it seems so fake when written.
Guess I was getting a tad emotional for that 'owt' to slip by. In all my years, this is probably the most worried I've ever been. In the 80's it was just how things were, but we've seen better and now we're backsliding and the people leading the way are being vicious and extremely violent.
For the unaware, that "owt" is Yorkshire for 'anything'. Eg: Mornin, is t'owt I can do fer ya?
That looks so cringeworthy written down 😆
@paulhammond6978 a lot of bi phobia was generated during the aids pandemic. And Why it's especially focused at bi men coming from women. Because aids was seen as a gay mans disease at the time, bi men were viewed as the duplicitous undercover gays. Pretending to be straight in order to get into relationships with women, then sneaking aids into those otherwise "pure" and "clean" hetrosexual relashonships by having secret affairs with gay men. So it got embedded in our collective psyche that bi men are dirty and untrustworthy. Even as the context has been forgotten. There is a really great and eye opening vid by the youtuber verilybitchie about it called Why We Hate Bi Men, very worth watching
"There isn't limited space in the queer community, there is room for everyone." Such a great quote that will drive certain people crazy - and I'm totally good with that.
Indeed. I want that on what I wear for next years Pride week.
This quote this wants me to start knitting or crocheting just to put on a pillow and blanket :)
as a bisexual man, i really appreciate this video. i feel so validated ❤️
imagine being so cucked that you need other people to validate you. could be mental illness, but more likely mental weakness.
Bi men cutest men
Same here. Loved the mention
@@Jackorite sad.
@@roger4roger Who, you?
I hate how some people will make sexuality assumptions. Especially when based on stereotypes. A couple of my colleagues are convinced that another colleague is gay. Eventhough he's in a relationship with a woman. The reason they are sure he's gay? Because he acts (what they perceive as) feminine. When I pointed out that yet another colleague of ours is gay who doesn't act that way, they just kept insisting that acting feminine must mean someone's gay.
They assume trans women are attracted to men... and I can confirm that's not always true. (I'm attracted to women - but as far as anything else matters, I'm ace.)
Stereotypes are there for a reason.
@@Ty-wf6mg To oversimplify things? Because that's what a stereotype is.
@@VolrinSeth The human mind creates patterns for a reason.
@@Ty-wf6mg Yes, the human mind is very adapt at seeing patterns that aren't true for all cases.
“Straight passing” is such a wild concept. People accuse asexuals of being “straight passing,” but I found out in my late-20s that basically everyone in my life has assumed I’m a closeted lesbian since I was 12 - even before I chopped off all my hair - simply because I never bothered trying to find myself a man. It seems if you deviate from the hetero/allo norm in the tiniest way, you’ll be branded as some sort of “other,” and often not the right one because nobody bothers to ask.
I’m both “straight passing” and “white passing” and let me tell you it doesn’t take long before either falls apart as a concept. White people sus me out and it isn’t long before I get the dreaded ‘what are you’ question, and my lack of romantic/sexual interest also doesn’t go unnoticed and then you get buried in people trying to set you up with someone so you won’t ‘die alone’ like that’s a guarantee if you are in a relationship.
@@ookamiblade6318 Just because you are staring at somebody doesn't mean you aren't dying alone. EVERYBODY dies alone. But the number of divorced people I know would say that thats definitely not a guarantee.
The best guarantee to my mind would be to have a duplex, and rent out the basement or half the place to a family that you know and like for dirt cheap, so they not only like you, but feel somewhat in debt to you, and likely that circle of friends is the best guarantee. Surround yourself with a community.
But I think aspergers or some kind of social awkwardness is far more common in society because frankly I can't even IMAGINE asking somebody "so what are you?" That seems an INSANE thing to say to somebody. Maybe its the WASP in me, and maybe we should be 'selling that more' as a plus that we aren't interested in anybodys sex life or sexuality and don't want to hear about it. I think part of the complaints about pride events are just that, "hey, its great if you ARE that, but nobody needs to hear about it".
That kind of reminds me of how things are for straight trans and enby people (yes, they exist). The lgbtq community acts like we have all these amazing privileges, forgetting the moment someone finds out we're trans or gets a "vibe", we can be unalived at worst or get homophobic attacks. But they don't care. Straight trans people went from being the backbone of the community to being seen as "the enemy".
HAPPY PRIDE, EMMA!! I'm pansexual, too!
Another facet to the whole thing is trans folks in... well, any relationship. I was married to a bi cis woman once, and I'm a pan trans man, so we looked like a regular ass straight couple together. We got together when I still presented as female, so I got to experience being treated like a queer couple morph into being treated like a straight couple. It was shocking how much safer we slowly started to feel just being out in public together. People don't bat an eye at a straight couple, not even queer people, but all kinds of eyes get batted at a queer couple. This was before things started going south, too.
As a bi man in a closet I dread coming out to my parents. And I may never will as idea of facing discrimination from the closest people I have is terrifying. Fortunately being open about it online is reassuring that my feelings are valid and that I belong. And thanks to you Emma for being what you are, you are my bi icon Im looking up to.
Great video! I think a big part of the reason why there are so few visibly bi men is because back in the '80s (when I first realized that I'm bi and still identified as a man), bi men were wrongfully assumed to be the vector by which AIDS was brought to straight people and demonized as a result. I suspect that a lot of that stigma has remained, even though the reason has faded over time. I stayed in the closet for about 15 years to avoid it, despite having a lot of very queer-friendly social circles from the '90s onward.
As a bisexual man that is catching feelings for a trans man, I see this video as an absolute win.
@@CheesyChez421 I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my love and care for people.
@@CheesyChez421 Spoken out of ignorance. The world doesn't need your misguided hate.
So are you making any progress?🥰
@@AB-80X We decided it was best to remain friends!! Thanks for asking!
I’m happy you figured out what was best for you both and that you can still be friends :)
Thank you so much. As a bi guy who's not safe to come out irl, you have no idea how much a video like this means to me.
I do not identify as queer and being outside of that community I also never understood why Bi Erasure was a thing. Only when you talked about the desire to "horde representation" in this video did it click for me, since me as an Autistic guy often likes to look for and "impose" Autistic representation on characters in media.
Thank you for finally explaining the reason behind Bi Erasure in a way I could comprehend! Very educational.
Sexuality: Atheist
Religion: Lesbianistic
You are not sexually attracted to deities, and that is totally fine and valid! So's worshipping other women.
I remember people telling me that I was pansexual because "I date trans people", as if being bi meant I don't like dating trans people, the levels of idioticy and prejudice are incomprehensinle to ke
Hi Emma 😁. I'm bisexual as well and I have to admit, that does get under my skin a bit. People thinking you have to either be gay or straight. Bisexual really isn't that hard of a concept. People who are bisexual are attracted to men and women. That's it! it really isn't that hard
But there are only two teams. You MUST choose one or the other! Jk. Do what thou wilt.
Since the definition of Bi changed, being attracted to multiple genders doesn't mean just liking men and women. It can be loads of genders.
Are there statistics out there?
I always assumed that a not-insignificant part of the straights and homos are really bi, just settled for one primary partner and thus lived their daily lives as one or the other, asides from affairs or one-night stands.
After all, men and women come in a wide variety from big to small, tender and rough, feminine and masculine, so a clear cut-off - not considering pheromones - seems difficult.
@@JabelldiMarco I don't know how one would go about getting those statistics but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that's the case
@@JabelldiMarcoaren't real statistics because most of the bisexuals that 'choose a team' won't say there's a possibility of them being bi even under life threat... but there's a few studies around suggesting exactly that.
And I'm pretty sure the "everyone experiments in their teens" is a irrefutable proof of everyone being bi within a greater or lesser degree.
It just makes me sad that there's as much infighting in the lgbt+ community as there is. I'm glad you're talking about it though. And happy pride 🏳️🌈
I am married to an amazing man, but dated both men and women prior to meeting him. I knew I would marry the person I fell in love with, regardless of gender. I’m queer and that will never change. 🏳️🌈. It’s a love thing, not a confusion thing. Why is this hard for people to understand? 🙄🙄 I knew I was bisexual in fourth grade. I’ve always had crushes on both genders. Happy pride everyone!!!! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
100%, I am the same way. People assume I'm an ally for my ace daughter and not bi because I married a man, but I dated women and men before I got married and could easily have ended up with a wife instead of a husband!
Queer in what? What are you representing?
@@jackieslorach8187 bi women love men and only like women. Not many bi's get a wife.
ICONIC entrance! 😍😍
As a fellow bisexual I really appreciate this video! Happy pride everyone 💜
As a Bisexual Trans Woman, this video speaks to me. Thank you so much for making this!
luckily for me my family is very accepting and open about any lgbt topic, so i got told about some boys liking boys and some liking both boys and girls somewhere around second grade. so it was always clear for me i was bi. but it's great to see you explaining these things, as a lot of people don't understand it. lucky for me the closest thing to bi erasure i've experienced irl is my father continuing to insist he's straight, despite saying things like "i mean everyone is at least a little bi" and "there are some guys i wouldn't say no to".
p.s. you're the reason i started using pan as a label. your channel was the first place i heard an actual definition of it and i was like "that's exactly how i feel".
Thank you so much for this video! I'm pansexual, but also polyam. I'm married to a man, but I happily have partners of all genders. I feel more love, support, and freedom than I ever did growing up (in the church). That being said, everything you mentioned about erasing the validity of bisexuality, how we are perceived, and how straight presenting couples are seen is so spot on.
Thanks for mentioning us bi fellas! I appreciate that! Also, I'm a metalhead and have a battlevest, and I have a "greedy bisexual" patch, and I love it.
I'm a male who only likes women, but, you like who you like. Love who you love.
As a in the closet Pansexual/bisexual (not sure but all I know is that I’m attracted to all genders but people keep telling me bi means two so to avoid confusion I go with pan) sixteen male I nearly broke into tears watching this video I never really heard words that expressed how I was feeling before and also helping with my own confusion about my sexuality and just really loved this video it was incredibly heart touching to me with having no real bisexual visibility in the media I consumed just I really loved teddys music but I never knew he was Bi and just the only person in media I ever knew that was Bi later denounced it and became a alt right figure.
Just this is gonna be one huge rant really cause just have so much to say maybe venting would be a better word for it but hey ho. Just it’s incredible how many people who I have told numerous times I’m Pan/Bi keep thinking I’m gay or people I allow to see me being gender non conforming who just assume I’m only interested in men this is to the point that other bi people also have to be reminded multiple times I’m not straight nor gay who always put one or the other label on me.
And yeah for my long hair (which pisses my parents off to all extremes to the point my mom says she is ashamed of bringing out me outside for my long hair ❤) my parents are always worried I will come out as gay so I always have to hear there hour long homophobic rants (just assume them to be conservatives from the 60s and you’ll be on point, and yes on all topics. I really enjoyed my parents 6 hour long rant about how black people are biologically inferior. I have no clue where they get the energy from to spend their Saturday ranting at me like that) this is all to the point that my mom woke me up a couple times at 1 in the morning so she can calm her heart by ranting at me about how gay people are ruining their bodies and bisexuals aren’t real.
I can rant more especially about my parents with them threatening me with homelessness if I come out ❤ and other casual forms of homophobia but I’m sure you’re all aquatinted with it. Probably should discuss this all with my friends and not yelling out into the void but this video hit me straight in the heart.
If you read to the end thank you kindly! Have a fortunate and wonderful day ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for this video! I related to so very much of it.
At least, as a queer (bi) & autistic man, I get to joke I'm two spectrums for the price of one 😉
Happy Pride everyone! 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
If you use rainbow clothes, you'll be 3 spectrums at the price of one... add a few led lights and you got 4... 😉
I am Asexual, Aromantic/pan/bi. I have known about my asexuality for 3 years now, but thinking about it now I knew I was *different* in that way since my super religious parents gave me the Abstinence Talk. They really tried to drill that fear of committing a sin if I ever had s3x before marriage, and where I assume teens my age would have a hard time accepting it I just...didn't care.
Took me 2 relationships with men to finally realize I was not at all interested in them intimately, and after a talk with my demisexual/ace sister, everything made since.
I've had people I came out to tell me "Your missing out" or "You haven't found the right person yet, you'll change your mind". While yes, sexuality/gender is fluid, I don't need people telling me I will change when they don't know what it's like.
It's videos like yours that I'm really grateful for, especially when you said how "people think it's something like a phase or trend, it will pass on eventually" I nearly slapped my desk and cheered because that's what my dad said when my younger sister came out as pi/pan. I don't blame him for thinking that, but since all his kids are not straight I really do hope he dives into what it all is, and how it is not a trend.
Asexuals, Bisexuals, Pan, Trans...we've all been around, and this is an era of change. Let's show our colors!
In an LGBTQIA+ Hostile country (at least media and government if not majority of population) it's natural to be guarded about who you "let in" socially...
It's tough... and many of the haters know this... We desperately need an accepting government and having these damaging roll backs restored.
For real. Like, I'm bisexual, and just because every woman I've ever liked had rejected me and I ended up with a husband instead, doesn't mean I'm straight. I'm just pathetic! 😭
Correction: I forgot. One girl "pity dated" me for, like, a wholeweek, soo.... still not straight tho...
Same thing happened to me! When dating and the other person said they are lesbian and what am I, when I say bi… the person automatically it’s not interested anymore…
@@and9137 bi women love men and only like women.
You helped me figure out that I can be a mixture in bisexuality. Thank you Emma!! 😊
Ancient bisexual garden gnome from Oregon sending love!
Happy Pride 🏳️🌈
This is something I need to see.
Lawn gnome wearing pride clothes
@@sherlockwho5714 we should patent and produce these!
It needs a good pun name...
Something to do with "phegnomenal"? Or "gnomewhere" or "gnomebody"?
I've sort of given up trying to use labels. They are really not needed and just create separatism amongst people; which is generally not a good thing. Depending on where I have been on my journey, I may have been labeled as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersexed, and likely the rest of the alphabet. I found that it really doesn't matter. If you are comfortable with your thoughts, happy with/love your partner, that is all that truly matters. Tell the rest of the world to F-off, as you don't an explanation from you to satisfy even their curiosity. They shouldn't matter to your thoughts/feelings.
the only 2 labels we need are bigots and non-bigots
14:35 - Freddie Mercury stated he was bisexual. There are still people who state "Well, ACTUALLY, he was gay!". I've rarely understood that. There's different ranges of attraction, that's why the Kinsey Scale is a thing (however flawed it is or isn't, cross information about that and it gets confusing).
EDIT: And you brought him up. Perfection!
As someone who is still figuring out my identity, I've found the pressure to identify with a stagnant label quite irritating. I'm excited and happy for all the people who know who they are. However, please remember that not everyone has had the chance to explore their identity. What I hope for is a safe environment in which to explore.
Thanks for making this video, Emma! Definitely subscribed!
Seconded!
/a 38yo cis guy who met, and was engaged to my (afab) NB spouse before they had a chance at breaking their very bigoted mothers abusive indoctrination.
Curiosity is humanitys most valuable asset, always be proud to nurture and express it!😊
Why do you need an identity? Why don't you just exist, what is the point of any label? 🤨 So cringe, idk what is going on with gen z but this is not normal no one was ever like this before 10 years ago.
@@gypsylee333 They're literally just adjectives. If someone is a Catholic, they describe themselves as Catholic. If someone is American, they describe themselves as American. If someone is gay, they describe themselves as gay
@@ninjoshday zoomers are really weird about these labels and communities these days, like it's a requirement to have some gender vision-quest and you must choose which whacky label will get you the most clout.
@@gypsylee333 You literally don't have to though
I'm happy to see that you're explaining this for many people, it's info a lot of us should of had. As a bisexual man myself, I can attest to not knowing or believing I was bi until I was 18 in junior high school. I felt both happy to find out who I was and also stupid for not realizing it. After having multiple relationships with girls, it's hard to fathom you're not straight, especially when no one in your social or academic circle explains information about the lgbtqia+ community.
P.S. even after watching certain "spicy content" on certain "spicy sites" and kissing dudes, thought I was straight but exploring. If only I could write a journal on acceptance to my younger problematic self. (@-__-)
I thought coming out as pan was going to lead to more potential partners, but then I realized that I was an out-of-shape man in his mid-30’s 😢
True, I came out rather late, but I’ve literally only had heterosexual relationships.
I'm a bisexual cis man and I've spent _so much_ time discussing these topics with pretty much every other letter of the Alphabet Mafia. From now on I'll just send the link to this video, thanks.
As a middle-aged white cis male, I have wondered about your sexuality but in the end, it was none of my business. You seem happy, and that's enough.
I would say you do seem more happy when trashing American evangelicals. Keep up the good work!
I don't care about sex, I just Love Emma! 😇
I recently found out through another video that historically Ace people were accepted in the Bi community because they were equally attracted to both genders lol and I think that's beautiful. It does suck that people don't understand that it's not about who you date or even who you have sex with, it's about who you're attracted to. Like, you're still bi regardless of who you date. Like if you're a bi woman who only ever dated men, you're still bi, the attraction is still there whether you act on it or not. Love your videos
I remember The Owl House (one of the most gayest Disney channel animation ever made) fandoms start hating on Willow and Hunter togehter just because they're in a hetero relationship, and everyone assumed they're straight (which btw, there's nothing wrong with being straight or queer so the reason for hating them was already not right) but then immediately saying "I was right! I supported them from the start!" when the creator came out and said Hunter is actually bi, and Willow is Pansexual.
Sometimes queer people can be hypocrite too.
And as a bi person myself, this is the reason why I can't really get into relationship.
Queer people saying they're disappointed for not dating a person with the same gender and suddenly assuming I'm straight, and staight people saying "You're straight then, not bi" for being with opposite gender.
Literally erasing my sexuality.
I mean, as far as bisexual erasure, I think the best explication of this was given by Lindsay Ellis in her old blog and subsequently commented on in her video Mask Off. For her as a bisexual person, this wasn't a mark of Pride but merely remarking on the fact that, while being in a relationship with a man and not presenting certain other markers, she passed as straight but also was aware of it as a kind of privilege while others were abused. I would liken it to the way that some of my children, all of whom are biracial, can sometimes "pass" as something other than half black while having a very dark-skinned mother and black friends and family. Recognizing that sometimes you personally may not experience biphobia or homophobia isn't saying that other people don't have it that bad because they can pass. It's just being aware of the fact that sometimes you escape detection by the monsters while recognizing that others aren't so lucky.
You've reminded me of a black American composer, whose name I have temporarily forgotten (possibly Florence Price, but don't quote me on that). Whoever it was was biracial, and fairly light skinned, so she "passed" as Mexican when she went to music school because the school didn't admit black American students. Looked it up, it *was* Florence Price who had to do that to get her musical education.
i do love it; constantly being told by my gay friends im not gay enough or i need to "just accept im gay." or my straight friends questioning my queerness when I date someone of the opposite gender. or my favorite, being called a cheater bc all bisexual people cheat. even if youre ace. even if you often express sex repulsion. =....= loooove it.
As a bi man, thank you for mentioning us. That invisibility can (and does) take a toll on our mental health.
Also trying to do my part for bi representation in the science fiction story I'm writing.
In all genera's of knowledge outside the norm.. There are those of us who want to be educated and are tired of the confusion. Many of us being those trying to understand our selves and or others better. The rest really don't care, because they think they know enough.
Your real audience is your people looking for answers and we are here for you. Thank you for being here for us! Much Love from TX
As a pan-romantic asexual, this video resonates with me so much. Everyone either assumes I’m straight or a lesbian, and I don’t even date people that much because people think I’ll be physical with them and that makes me uncomfortable. I admitted to people that I’ve liked girls and they say “well you’ve mostly liked boys” as if that makes me straight. I’m ace, I date who I like. This who erasure of other orientations is frustrating, and so many people don’t believe we exist…
love the shirt omfg 😭
There is a really funny variation of that meme that eliminates letters until it just says moth
@@MrCOLBSTAH I like moths
Another version puts a picture of your average friendly pub-goer and makes it say ‘pint’
As a bi man who has never been in same-sex relationship and doesn't want to (it's not like I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man, I just love my gf) my problem with bisexual representation in movies is that I never see people like me, even though that's probably most of bisexuals. Characters never say they are bi, viewers can only tell by seeing who they kiss, have sex or are in relationships with. Because of this I feel even more "straight-passing" and I feel that I don't belong as bisexual and why would I tell anyone, why would anyone care. However, videos like this make me at least a little bit more seen (but having amazing supportive straight gf helps too)
As a bisexual woman who doesn't always conform to gender norms, roles & expectations, I really enjoyed watching this video! It was informative, educational, and lovely. 💗💜💙
Just wanted to say thanks for your activism in using the word "queer." After watching several of your videos over a few months, I decided to don that label myself several months ago, and it just feels right and inclusive. I'm non-binary in what most people would assume is a cishet relationship, but I've never felt like my birth gender, and it's never been able to describe my experience sufficiently. "Queer" does that, and it's given me a family I was always craving.
oh my gosh. How people can't just mind their business.
Wow! People in the community can't think for themselves because some people love being so P.C. and upright and torture themselves into confusion when it comes to labels and identities! So sad and ironic!
Every time ive dated a man since coming out to my father, he says "but i thiught you liked women now." He doesnt grasp you can like both. Its mind boggling to him, i believe he thought i was secretly coming out as a lesbian and only using bi as a jumping off point.
When I tell people I'm ace, some suddenly forget all decorum and want to know all about my sex life, my sexual past, future children, saying I'll change my mind, etc. Pretty sure just saying I'm ace makes me an alien. So here's a little ace poem:
I'm here,
I'm queer,
And I don't want anyone near
This was very watchable, cute, and informative! Being polysexual, I never even thought that I could also fit under the B of our umbrella, and saw myself more squarely under the trans part. Thanks for clearing things up and for being yourself! 💖💖💖
Emma, I'm in my 50s (male) and I always tried to date the coolest girls I knew ( back in the day, in my late 20s/30s) and they always turned out to be 'gay'. Quatation marks are for fear of mis representing. I loved these girls and was gutted. However, they were great because they were not offended at my advances and laid out their boundaries clearly. To be negative, they did set me up with a few dudes and I gave it a go because everything is fluid for them. Not for me to be sure. But not to be creepy again, when I was a youngster/teen...there were never ladies (apologies) as cool and as open as you. This is all sent from place of love and undertsanding.
If I have minrepresented things. It's from ignorance not malice. x
Love, love LOVE that bit at the end about how there’s space in the community for everyone. We have this idea of exclusivity pushed at us by a hyper-religious world where we’re taught that acceptance is very much conditional, and we drug that ideology into our queer space. But there’s room for everyone!!
Fantastic video. Also, as a bi man, thank you *so much* for talking about bi men and bi erasure.
Let's go, bisexual representation! Bi guy here 💖💜💙
My Baphy is gonna go so well with my Emotional Support Demon from The Click ❤ also amazing video as always!!
Also I tend to use 'bisexual' and 'polysexual' interchangeably, using the same definition of 'bi' you used in this vid. How do others feel about this?
Emotional Support Demon. Hilarious. I love reading the comments in her videos. Always so amusing.
So, bi has existed for some time as something of an unwanted stepchild. I've know quite a few people who've been somewhere on the bi scale - from happily sleeping with men and women to "a lesbian with a hobby, that hobby's name was Bob." Which is not a Blackadder reference. And I've heard from them that bi takes fire from both sides - some straight and gay people saying "pick a side!" Its the idea that other people define who you are - most commonly seen as "I have to be the manliest man to ever man or people will think I'm not a man." But it rears its ugly head for people whose identity and sexuality are the same thing. And the non-conformity of bi somehow offends that sense of self. How dare you not fit into an easily defined box! That I've defined!
To which the answer is simple: as long as it's between consenting adults, and I'm not one of them, it's not my business.
Thanks Emma for your thoughtful, intelligent and timely "rambling." Honestly your adhoc commentary is better structured than what some folks struggle to prepare.
I've been dealing with similar issues for years and usually don't feel safe discussing it because of the biases that are very common. You hit all the common "foot in mouth" situations spot on.
Many thanks and you're lovely as you authentically are.
I am almost literally you but American: Bi and watching this video like I’m looking in a mirror. A guy I dated told me before we were dating he was checking me out talking with his (trans lesbian) friend like “hey do you think that girl over there is a lesbian?” To which she responded “which one? The one that looks like a lesbian?” We ended up dating for like 2 years, but that story makes me laugh while illustrating exactly what you’re talking about.
The entire spectrum is tricky. I think I know were I am but open to options if I feel like it.
as an Autistic Adult,I’m Way Way Too Used to Neurotypical Adults Trying to Erase People Like me From Popular Media,I Still Hate it,&,I Still Advocate Against it Because we Neurodivergent People More Than Deserve Representation The Same Goes For People in The LGBTQIA+ Community,&,The Same Goes For People Who Are in Both Communities Like Myself
Projecting ourselves onto others happens all the time. Humans are a bit tribal, and easy to form in-groups and out-groups. Authoritarians especially take advantage of this and use it in divide-to-rule. But we all have collective power, if we can only stop fighting amongst each other. Unlearn those stereotypes! We all have stereotypes we learned
I only just came out (for the first time) as a Bi/Pan male to all my friends at 38 and even my wife(F) just a few months prior. Long before this i have been asked if I was gay several times before even though i was married to a woman, hell i was asked even by my wife occasionally and having thought I was straight for so long and never accepting what was going through my head I denied it for the entire time. Especially because I had that same thought that "ah everyone is a little bi and are either fully accepting of one side or the other or just indecisive." I was ignorant, and I feel bad about how I acted all those years, and i even still worry about not being accepted, especially by my queer friends. Especially about the "oh you're in a straight relationship" or "it's just you wanting to be part of the bandwagon" bs. Thank you for bringing this up, I appreciate the validation, and you're amazing for being a beacon for us here.
As an asexual i get the "you not queer, you not interested in guys". At 57 (came out at 51) I've never been to a pride event because i don't feel I've had to deal with the same issues others have and therefore don't fit in.
Thank you for saying that you're bi and pan. I have a hard time deciding which label to self-apply. So I'll pick both. And yes, as a bi-man it took me a very long time to come out.
gonna be honest, growing up in a pre-internet time where there were "only 2 genders" makes it very hard to get familiarized with anything else (though I do remember some people arguing that gender isn't only male and female... so it shouldn't be new to me but those people were ridiculed by others then too... and me being a theist back then made it harder to entertain that thought)... I think where I have the biggest difficulties now is differentiating a person's biological appearance with whom they prefer to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with... it's so hard wired in me that if I see someone that has a masculine appearance, I automatically identify them as a man/male/him and if they look feminine, I think they're a woman/female/her... I'm not doing that out of nefariousness, until now I've only had one bad encounter but it was quickly forgiven as I corrected myself... it was in the army and I saluted a high ranking officer, a oberstabsfeldwebel, around the same rank as a sergeant mayor and I was 3 months in I think... was addressing the person with sir... was asked to have a better look, even after a thorough look and double checking their rank, I couldn't figure it out until I was informed that I'm not facing a sir but miss... felt so bad about the mistake, I apologized...
I think the same thing would happen if I met someone who identifies themselves as non-binary or is trans (although I think trans men would be happy if I addressed them just as men and trans women simply as women, which I wouldn't mind doing... just a head up would be nice, let's stay honest and kind towards each other)
Everyone has in built prejudices to some degree, knowing that you have them is further than most people go!
@@EmmaThorneVideos XD tell me about it... we're all so quick to judge others or things we don't understand and fear... and get so riled up when we're told our viewpoint is wrong...
this might be my premature midlife crisis speaking... but alas, we're all just a bunch of put together materials, stuck on one of many gigantic masses of materials hurling around in this ever expanding vacuum and trying to come by :D all we can and should be doing is give it our best and be better (cause although our deeds are insignificant to everything else, it's very significant towards ourselves)...
with that said, I hope you and everyone else had/has a nice and peaceful pride month (and hopefully I didn't sour anyone's mood)
I’m bi but it’s very scary to tell people because I did get told to pray it away from a friend :(
This made me feel better so thank you for the video ❤️
Tell them you tried and it just made you more bi
In all seriousness, I'm sorry you have to put up with that. You deserve friends who accept you unconditionally
Pansexual, reporting in!
Here, here! 💗💛💙🌈
Pan demi-sexual present! 💗💛💙 🏳️🌈 💜 I thought I was poly for a while, but two Christmases ago my teenager questioned my identification and let me know that I am actually pan! Yay for educated Gen Zs! 😅
what's with all the adults using nonsensical terms to boost their self esteem?
@@daniellamcgee4251 you're not fit to be a parent.
@roger4roger what's with all the adults who are unwilling to realize we've learned more about biology, psychology, and sexuality than generations prior.
I made a monkey cry
Made a monkey
Mademonkey
Ma demon key
Curios george is satanic
I like to think of Bi as the default setting on the spectrum (because of course I would).
I am a 42 year old bi man. I am gender nonconforming/gender queer but through no fault of my own present as a 6ft 3in tall, broad shouldered, deep voiced cowboy. You know, im queer.
I also happen to be poly and a Texan living in Glasgow these past 6 years.
I've only had access to the queer community since moving to Glasgow. The queer community shunned me because I needed to "Pick a team", same reason the straights I came out to shunned me. I was told I should just be happy because I have "Passing Privilege"
You can fuck right off with that horse shit. What you call Privilege just means I have to pretend I'm someone I'm not regardless of where I find myself.
Thank you so much for this. It speaks directly to my lived experience
It's pretty wild how many queer friend groups I've had that were shocked to find out I wasn't just their ally friend. I've had situations where queer acquaintances have purposefully tried to make me uncomfortable by implying I was being queerphobic somehow to tease me. Curiously, it always stops when I mention liking women as well. Not that falsely accusing straight friends of being queerphobic as a joke is a great thing to do anyway.
I'm a homoflexible guy, so I don't understand why so many gays and lesbians want to erase bisexuals and pansexuals. We need to be more inclusive of them, and we need to understand that they need to feel free to date whoever they want without and to be themselves.
And TIL that there is a meatball that has an insulting name. Thanks for that! Still just gonna call it a meatball, I think, just to avoid it altogether.
Light bulb over my head moment that bisexuality is the most common queer identity because it really is a spectrum! Though as an asexual I'm on another axis.
PRIDE over hate.
My GF wears her hair short and you remind me of her. She has been called lesbian many times and it really angers her. I had to tell her that if people aren't trying to learn who you really are then just cut them out of your life. She is happier now after removing some toxic "friends"
love your channel, I always try to watch all of your videos :)
You're absolutely right that there's one hell of a lot of biphobia and erasure around bisexual men. Thanks for bringing that one up, Emma! Love your work and Happy Pride! 🏳🌈
PS Of course short haircuts don't make women lesbians... I've always thought it just makes them all the more attractive!
Decent video on some very valid frustrations. However, this topic is complex enough and nuanced enough that I think it would benefit from a revisit with a little more planning and an actual script. I understand that isn't always possible, but even a written list of bullet points to hit roughly in order in your rant helps more than you'd think with presentation. It'll make your arguement more persuasive and making the video shorter, which increases the chances that someone who sees rhe video will have time to watch it through. Anyway, happy belated pride month from a fellow queer.
I love being an polyamorous pansexual afab enby married to an asexual bisexual cis man. Its like being an undercover operative for the queer agenda
I've never really properly taken part in the LGBTQ+ community stuff out of fear tbh because somewhere along the way, when I came out as a teenager, I heard that most of the hate comes from gay people and so I've just not been as active as I would have liked. Although I suppose another reason I don't really go to gay bars and stuff is because I like metal and it's all like disco and cheesy pop music. We need more heavy metal gay bars.
I believe that sexuality is such a spectrum! We forget that we can't always assume what gender a person is, let alone thier sexuality! People know best what they are and how they like to present themselves. You don't have to prove yourself to ANYONE. I myself as a bi cis woman, are in a "straight" relationship with my boyfrined, who is also bi. I have been with the same gender before, but he hasn't. Yet I don't invalidate his sexuality just because because of that! It's just something he always knew, just as I did before I slept with a girl.
It's so ridiculous how people take offense of something that is so personal and important to our identity...
Also I would like to mention that I had a lesbian friend, who was very gay and had only been with women except at one point in her life she fell for a guy, which she then also got kids with. But she wasn't happy in that relationship. She always had the need to be with a woman, and luckily she ended up with a woman in the end. But other queer people, especially other lesbians, invalidated her sexuality and said that "you can't be a lesbian if you have been with a guy before!" which is very dumb to say! People are way more complex than that! We love to put everyone in a category so it gets "easier for us" somehow..
I am not an expert in lesbianism, but haven't many lesbian women been with guys before and that way found out they're actually gay, rather than bi sexual for example? Because in my friends case, this guy was an exception for what she usally went for (women!). And it turned out that the reason for their breakup was that she couldn't be with boys.
And this is my point with sexuallity being a spectrum. Just because you identify as a lesbian doesn't mean you can't be attracted to another gender EVER. It's maybe more in a sexual or romantic way more or less.. But in my friends case they didn't last because she wasn't as sexually involved with him even though she liked him as more than a friend.
The text got much longer than intended xD But just be YOU and fck what other people say! They know sht about you and what you like! :)
Thanks for the video. And yeah, some people don't understand how erasure can affect one's self. Since I came out as asexual not only have I gone through erasure and the need to explain what I am often, but also got a few "You're lucky that, unlike other LGBT people, the worse you get is erasure." This has really put a damper on me also wanting to share that I'm panromantic. I don't really feel like getting through even more erasure/gatekeeping.
I’m glad you mentioned Aro/Ace as options for sexuality. Both umbrellas tend to be overlooked or erased by the community similarly to bisexuality, so I hope the Queer community will be more accepting of both
"Political lesbianism" of the 70s/80s has a lot to answer for.
I feel seen as someone that is bi so I appreciate this video. It was very well done! I had a discussion a few nights ago with one of my aunts who turns out is LGBT friendly. It ended up coming up that I'm bi and she seemed to assume that it'd make having a relationship difficult, if not impossible, and seemed to imply I was undecided on who I was attracted to. Maybe for her as a straight person it is difficult to wrap her head around it (like me with only being attracted to one sex). Either way enjoy the rest of pride month everyone! And can confirm that homophobia is not allowed until 1 July XD
I appreciate this breakdown. I'm 45 bi guy and new to figuring this out and I've already faced the issue that if your not gay or lesbian than what you are doesn't count. I was talking with a guy, and he told me that I would need to make a decision, either I'm strait or gay, you can't be both. Um, not giving up liking the ladies, for you I'm sorry they look and smell better lol, usually. This disturbed me and I ended up ghosting him lol. And I'm trying to for myself figure out where I fall within that umbrella because I know its not strait forward, the male attraction is not the same as the female attractions. Its confusing and other parts of the community don't make it easy to find your place.
Thank you this gives me so much hope for the next generation I am 39 I am happily married I have three children and I am a raving bisexual the fact that you have managed to succinctly and accurately highlights a lot of the issues that I faced when I was younger makes me a little sad that it is still a thing but also gives me hope that within the next 20 years future people like me will not have such I share your desire for not needing to put a label on myself because they will not be necessary
Sorry about the atrocious grammar I am using voice to text as I am dyslexic (which is a whole other issue I hope it won't be a problem in future😅)
For the LONGEST time, I said I was "mostly straight". I only came out, to myself and the rest of the world, in 2019 when I started dating a guy. I finally just admitted to myself that I was bi. It would take three more years to come out as non-binary.
In the end it is still straight passing relationship. In the societies eye thats what we mean when we talk about that. And the privilege you have is as you say in the vid. And the stereotypes is there for a reason cause thats how "most" lesbians look. Like comon. The straight passing "illusion" does not go away even if you are out as you say. Cause most ppl that are not LGBT will still look at you as straight.
The AMOUT OF TIMES iv had to tell people in multiple classes "im aroace, im not gonna date you/your friend" or the times my older relatives telling me "your young you dont know" or "thatll change as your older"
6:49 As a trans non-binary demigirl, who at the time of this writing is still closeted publicly, I was just thinking about this when you mentioned that you have to come out forever as a bisexual. As long as isn't part of a monosexuality or a binary gender (and in the case of the latter doesn't "look" stereotypically binary male or female), you constantly have to not only come out but to explain your gender and/or sexuality. Now, I plan to mostly present myself as feminine once I transition but my gender is also fluid so sometimes I don't want to present feminine. In our society, we are so accustomed to put people in boxes, boxes that are entirely cultural and artificial.
People often say "biology is real!" but forget that the way a body is built does not say anything about the gender or sexuality. I mean, why did people allow women to wear trousers after all if that were the case? (And on that note, it's also interesting that women wearing trousers is totally fine while men wearing dresses or any other feminine attire is totally "bad".)
1:07 What an entrance
4:00 words and language are unfortunately limiting, but you are highly effective with them, so it feels weird when you call them stupid 😂 thanks for your work
Buttered. My PARSNIPS?
...
I love this, and I'm immediately incorporating it into my vocabulary. Thank you for that. AND thank you for talking about Bi-Erasure!
oh my god thank you for this video lol I literally JUST came out as bi at the end of bisexual visibility week this year and I'm currently in a relationship with a straight man (who has been in my corner thru out this whole journey he's da best). everything about this makes me feel so seen💗💜💙
As a genderqueer pan person, I relate so hard to the erasure by and the assumptions of others. When I brought home a woman first the first time, my mom asked me if it was a phase. I was 25. I had been intimate with men and women for years at that point, but had stayed closeted with my family. Then, that same woman, who identified as a lesbian, broke up with me because she said she didn’t feel like she could trust me because of my attraction to men. I wasn’t “gay enough” for her and prior to dumping me she tried countless times to persuade me into “choosing” to be a lesbian. It was very bizarre and incredibly hurtful to feel like I wasn’t good enough solely because of who I found attractive.