Have you had a relationship with a narcissist? Whether it's with a spouse, friend, mother, father, sibling, boss, or even a coworker, spotting the signs of narcissistic abuse will help you improve all areas of your life. Access full, exclusive mental health series featuring Dr. Ramani HERE: medcr.cl/kco
Yes, been dealing with it for a long time now, except now I'm lashing out and treating the other person poorly when they treat me poorly. I never used to be like this. I feel as if the other person will use this to make themselves the victim when in reality this has now become my response to years of how they've been treating me. The part Dr. Ramani said about how they basically only know you when they want something is so true. I haven't really told anyone what I've been going through for years because I don't want it to get back to him and then it'll make things worse. :(
My father narcissist I was under his abuse for 18 yrs. This healing process is so hard and I see how far I have come from being in that environment these videos help a lot thanks
I have felt ALL these feelings from a friend narc. I went no contact a year ago but this person enmeshed into my family of origin. My family sees how this destructive Rasputin like person is in my family, but because they feel an obligation to this person AND receive favors, food, and hotel discounts my family can’t give up the goodies. It’s still stressful.
I was watching the video and when you guys said "please post in the comments if youve had a relationship with a narcissist." I wanted to post that I have but I imediately doubted myself and feared that someone would tell me im wrong. Then the first sign was self doubt. Crazy.
Oh yeah- mother, boss, ex-spouse, 2 friends. Went no contact with mother in my 60s, divorced spouse in my 30s and moved away to get away from his hoovering and smear campaigns, quit my last job (retired early) to get away from a new (abusive/narcissistic) boss that was a raging narc and driving her entire team to suffer from panic attacks and depression. I went no contact with the friends once I figured out what was going on- I am embarrassed to admit that it took me about 2 years to figure out that these "friends" were really just manipulators, chronic liars and exploiters with no empathy for anyone. Fortunately, your advice means I figure this stuff out much faster now, and I completely avoid new relationships where my spidey sense tells me these folks may not be what they present themselves to be.
@@SR77736 This used to happen all the time with me and my narcissistic & abusive mother. It’s like they make u feel like u owe them something when in reality u don’t.
I send u my love. I know ur pain. Someone in ur timeline notices you, and values you regardless of wether or not you respond to me. No strings attached, I send you love ❤️💕.
Hope you can now leave that part of pain in the past and heal and strives from this insidious taunting pain of being treated poorly by npd loved or close ones.
The worst thing, after wasting years of your life is when you realised you did not even exist and feel hollowed out, because when you have a relationship with someone with no empathy, it can starve you to death .
That's absolutely the truth. They starve you of any love or empathy. My husband steps up the nastiness and cruelty anytime I am sick or otherwise need him for anything. They kick you when you're down and exploit your vulnerability. My health has gotten bad at an alarming rate and I am just at trying to get strong enough to escape this life. It's like being a prisoner of war and having to endure psychological terror day in day out
Today my husband called me a “dead fish.” I wasn’t like this before we met , and I’ve taught myself to feel less, and to show less so I wouldn’t get as hurt when he for angry, but not I’m just a shell
It’s worse when you have a 1 year old with her and are married to her and she treats everybody else good but you like shit. I’m so sad that she is doing this to my daughter, she doesn’t deserve this behavior.
Do like i did just leave.now my mom is just like him she kicked me out in the coldest day and yesterday the hottest day of this year.but i came back.she 87.shes drove everyone away.my a.c.out on my car.but I'm half packed. She's even wanted to shoot me.just leave.dont tell anyone were you are.find god.pray and studie the bible .ive learned alot on you tube.thks dr.you make me feel better. @@Freedom-25-now
1. Difficulty in making simple decisions 2. Feelings of helplessness 3. Social withdrawal 4. Anxiety specific to the relationship 5. Chronic sense of second guessing & paralysis
@@douglang5568 please do. Or, you'll end up scared and abandon your children. My dad was my life and did it. I have no family. Narrascists target and abuse the kids they have of their own sex. I am 30. She ruins every aspect of my life.
They don't take accountability for their negative actions against you.. they just shut you down, and could care less about your feelings. They lack empathy.
My covert narcissist husband. My 5 signs: 1. You constantly walk on egg shells around him. Always careful what you say or do. 2. He pulls into the driveway after work and you suddenly feel dread or anxious 3. You literally don't believe any word coming out of his mouth. 4. Drained, depressed and anxious all the time. 5. One minute you want him gone the next you don't because you're not sure if you want to be alone and some part of you will still miss him. So you're constantly conflicted
Your signs are closely like mine. I didn’t know what narcissistic tendacies were until I found Dr. Ramani 8 months ago. Some days I do really well ( he’s a pilot ) when he’s gone. Her videos have helped so much! I sneak and listen to them when he’s home so I can cope! Just try and stay true to you! I walk away from him when he tries to gaslight etc! Maybe you could try that! Stay strong!
@@farm2facebeauty514 I have left him, after 24 years of physical and mental abuse I couldn't take it anymore. I became numb and walking shell of my previous self. He tried so hard to poison everyone around me and make me look like I was the one who making him miserable and I was giving him a hard time. He has got married again and I really wonder how he treats her.
This list is on point!!! Things had gotten so bad, my doctor was trying to put me on meds.... that's when I realized I had to break free.... there had been the darkest cloud over me for 8 years. Suddenly, when I left everything thing was 100 times better. It's scary to think of all the sick manipulation I was enduring!
For me, the best way to explain what people with NPD do to victims is two things: 1. Drain your energy/motivation 2. Alienate you You start to lose the notion of yourself, your passions fades your projects start to look bad or not worth to try And then you cannot live fully because it seems you have a facade, you "pretend", that's what narcissist do, so basically they drag you into their world of pretending for external validation
This! so well put together, thank u for making this statement i couldn't vocalize everything you wrote and it's actually comforting to know that that's what's happening. my family has given up on me a long time ago and they keep trying to show as if they actually care but those nights when i was alone, hell, the days i spent alone in that dark room just crying on my pillows nonstop will never come back to me. all that time and potential i couldve actually done something with myself had they just rushed through that door and sat there or lied there with me. i really feel like that's all that needed to happen for me to actually feel like i cant give up on myself despite what he did to me, like all i needed was to have that external validation that my life actually matters to them, how i feel, think, perceive people after what i've been through, that it actually matters. i know it doesn't and that the world dgaf about how you feel. but thank u anyway for i guess externally validating how i feel on the inside.
@@JudgeJulieLit This is necessary to do, it just feels strange because we come from having been pushed by the narcissist. They know how to validate what we need, and they give us the amount of (validation) dose they believe we need in order to control/manipulate us. That should why going back to the real world hurts or becomes so difficult, because they made us dependent on them or their way of living (getting validation from external sources). Loving ourselves goes beyond “feeling the feeling”: it’s now about the QUEST and odyssey of revisiting everything we lived with the narcissist and starting to “resignificate” what those memories/moments were really meant for.
This is happening to me. Also the 5 points they speak. I've been wondering if it's me the one who is narsisistic and abuser. I got speak paralisys and extreme social isolation. Damn.
Too many brainwashed sheep fell for the covid BS and now they KNOW they have us! Their latest test, which we AGAIN failed miserably, was surfside, that was a planned implosion just like the towers! We collectively are nothing but brainwashed fools who don't think for ourselves. I'm madder than hell right now. We COULD have prevented this PLANDEMIC if it weren't for the SHEEP and KARENS. Anyone who took the jab will now have a compromised immune system which will be difficult to survive the upcoming flu season, and it won't be from covid or the fake Delta variant. To those who took this, They are also chipped! This has never been about covid, it's been about genocide and getting us all chipped. We have surpassed one million deaths from the VACCINES!! A verifiable FACT! Catherine Austin Fitts Planet Lockdown,,, type it in just like that. Riveting truth!
I’m glad I stood my ground when I was gaslighted. But boy, did it feel like I’m going insane! I’ve had enough, and left. But turns out, he doesn’t even care if I stayed or not. It’s as if I was FORCED to leave.
You're going to drive yourself crazy wondering why this person who says they love you would treat you so badly. The answer is that they simply didn't love you. It's deception. They say they loved you only to get what they wanted.
Too true, they never loved you in the first place. Love bombing which soon turns into gas lighting. Thankfully I only experienced it for 8 months or so but that was enough, the long term impact is real but every day that passes I’m recovering
That's what I told them. They love me but act in validating and invalidating ways, silent treatment for days, blameshifting, gaslighting, sudden break ups, threats to turn off relationship, no accountability, gaslighting and justifications don't make me feel loved.
Yes, one day my husband was just screaming at me. I stepped back and looked at him screaming in his rage at me. I said, OMG, I married my mother. I was very confused and deeply hurt. I grew up with it and then married the same dynamics of personality. At 21 I left home the married for 21 years. In prison for 42 years and then was freed. I have been divorced 14 years now and still learning and discovering more items of myself needing to heal. Gained a lot still have a lot to heal. But finally love myself at 55.
Yeah I had the same pattern and realizing I was going for people that remind me of my mom made me sick to my stomach. I just gravitated towards emotionally shut and unavailable people. Never again if I ever even date that is
We have to get our minds wrapped around a plan to discard the narc/addict. In my circumstance I had to monitor his phone,make screen shots etc The day I showed him my proof I got his suitcase & sent him to a motel. I vowed he would never be here again. I packed his belongings & put them on the front porch. It was my rightful healing journey. 24 yrs married,recovery,relapse,betrayal,deceit. His lovely social media supply helped me. I hope he wraps his phone around him at night with is new gals & guys. 6 months out divorce papers signed. I’m 72 and fearless on my journey. And he knows it!!!!!!! Life is returning on my terms. I sent a thank you to the narc for my release.
Sign #1. You feel crappy when you’re near them. I dedicate this to all who have been abused. As they say in the movies, “Live long and prosper, and may the force be with you.”
@@thiscommentor2858 If you've felt the abuse long enough, you can spot the next one and their compliments can make you feel dirty. You know they want to consume you and it just makes you want to flee for your life. Or it goes in one ear and out the other. My mother used to get so mad when I would shoosh her when she would try and compliment me. That was my way of letting her know that I didn't need her approval for my decisions.
@@saraho9568 I am not the one on cloud 9. His "object" of desire is someone else. On her own, she is light enough not even to jump a feet but with my husband she can reach cloud 9. Cloud 9 is heaven, she is coming to our home for 10 days, so it is more like hell for me.
Never being sure if your feelings are valid or if you’re being “emotional” or “annoying”. The more distance you make, the more you realize their interactions were not normal and were more cruel than you would and should expect. Stepping into normal relationships feeling so confused. This is the hardest mental health battle I’ve ever faced. 😥
been separated for a little over a year now. Initially I knew it was unhealthy but now the memories are coming back in but under a microscope and i see exactly how unhealthy, literally sickeningly so. I'm having a very difficult time realizing I put up with it
I have been living with a narcissist who was a cheat and was planning on leaving me all the while and i never knew, At first the journey was smooth but it later was hell. He doesn’t eat at home only on few occasions. I felt powerless with him, no gut for me to leave because he made me dependant financially, he wouldn’t let me work. just on this platform i saw an ad about a software expert who can clone partners phones without notice,I doubted the process at first but then my best friend and cousin encouraged me to try it and see, off course I was scammed but then it didn’t matter because it wasn’t alot just a little. I didn’t stop there i wanted closure so i kept searching. My best friend then met another who came highly recommended, i was scared but anyways I decided to try again and God so kind he turned out legit. He helped me get all the closure I needed i was able to see all text conversations, social media, and mails in my husband’s from my husbands phone, we both saw the illicitness in his endeavors, I gathered the proofs and I confronted him but he was defensive and physically abused me. I have sign for a divorce already because I’ve got proofs adding to the fact that he physically abused me. Narcissist don’t deserve some of us. You can just contact him if you have similar issue 👉 chart me on WhatsApp +1 (303) 943‑6132
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Thank you so much for sharing this !! Everything you said is ON point! I cannot believe how these narcissists are like the same person in different bodies. WOW ..I mean how can we all have experienced having the experiences with narcissists. I really think there should be some kind of narcissistic detector when you start dating someone. These people are really really good at hiding their true selves!!
Any communication about questions concerning decision-making together, issues to improve the relationship, your concerns/feelings/sadness will not be addressed. Their defensiveness, stonewalling or outright walking away will slowly destroy you. You'll have material things and gifts especially during hoovering. Your heart, soul and spirit die a slow death. It took me a year of separation, intensive PTSD and relational therapy before I was even ready to rebuild me.
Communication in my house means I listen to HIM talk about HIM. If I speak, if I dare have on opinion, I'm accused of 'starting a fight'. "Why do you ALWAYS want to fight?" If I say something he doesn't like, I'm a liar. I'm coming to understand that anything I say that doesn't conform to HIS reality makes me a liar. Ironic that in order to NOT be accused of telling lies, I have to lie.
@@Kimby28 I wish there was a support group for those of us who are trying to survive this torment. Just knowing someone else is living my hell is a comfort.
I have experienced this. Your mother seems normal at first glance. Friends won’t understand. If you’re fortunate enough to have another parent and siblings who acknowledge the problem (like I am) it helps alleviate the fallout of all the gaslighting she does. People shamed me for years for “abandoning your mother” but time has told me that my mental health is more important that having a persistently damaging relationship with her. It’s something I’m not sure I’ll ever be at peace with. No matter how many times I’ve cautiously expressed my feelings about our relationship to her, it always turns into her playing the victim, name calling me, slandering my siblings and other parents, and a spiral of very personal and painful attacks. I’m sorry if your experience is anything like mine. I hope you learn the power of setting boundaries and never wavering or compromising. You can gain control of your half of the relationship. I encourage you to eliminate situations that have triggered this bad behavior in the past. My mother loves to argue and back me into a corner when I’m in a moving car with her, or we are somewhere without and easy way to leave (vacation, shopping in another city, etc). The common denominator? She knew I couldn’t go anywhere so she could act however she wanted.
@@Nokss87 my mom cursed at my friend because she keeps telling to leave my narcissist husband... i was on the phone and she said "leave my daughter alone bitch", thats when i realized she has no idea how evil my mother is, my mom is MASSIVE narc.
If all your relationships are broken, you need to look within. Not meant to be totally alone. Were they trying to help you or control? Most often people are trying to help.
@@Solidrock-jq6rp Not if they're narcissists. Once you've been abused by a narcissist, it's very hard to trust anyone. Maybe in YOUR life most people are trying to help but not in everyone's life.
I have had realtionships with narcs that were not intimate ones. They toy with your mental health. I am glad that I don't deal with any of them on a daily basis anymore
Never give them money no matter what. Don't give them your time ever. Don't want anything from them. Reject, refuse and deny them at every opportunity.
It took me 17 years to figure out I was married to a narcissist. This stuff should be mandatory teaching in all high schools. I'm embarrassed to admit at 66 years old, I had no idea what I was dealing with.
@@dwilliams7384 My heart hurts for you Diane. It is so unfair to feel like your life has been robbed by your spouse, the one person on this Earth you should be able to rely on. How will the next generation learn of this without having to learn by experience. Hugs and God Bless my friend 🙏
Diane Williams this is the first step in a new journey! it’s so hard to be objective about seeing how much time you invested into a crumby return BUT you have today to take stock of how you can do better in honoring yourself tomorrow & more fully in the future you are currently creating. let yourself feel that grief & let it go when you’re ready. you will feel weird at first but happiness is a learned emotion when you’ve been engaging in learned helplessness muscles. be patient w yourself! good changes take time 💞
Im 55 & although we have been in separate bedrooms for about 3 years I still live with him. We have 2 adult children together. Im disabled now & on a very limited income so I haven't had the money to move out even though that's what I want more than anything in the world right now! So I feel ya hon! But it's not our fault! These people know how to keep us around. They know just what to say & do at the right moment to keep you from leaving! And it has happened many times in the 30+ years we have been together. I feel I should have seen it myself many many moons ago & moved on so that by now my life might be something I could be proud of. But instead Im stuck & no way out! Almost everyday is a day from from hell! I leave to go shopping & don't want to go home cause the minute I walk in the door it starts! I just don't know how Im getting out of this! I feel so trapped! Now our adult children are having problems with life issues & I feel it's my fault for not seeing it sooner & getting out for their sake!
Wow my mom and two sisters do all of what the lady is saying too me I was scared to move far away but it's hitting real different now I'm just gonna do It my 19yr old been wanting to leave. she just said to me yesterday mom when was we the happiest I said when we weren't around any of them but I started missing my mom but I'm about to get on it.
@@iceberg9223 praying for u🙏🏻 I’ve also dealt with a narcissistic mother and left at the age of 17 to then only go back by force and still ended up moving out when I was 19. The best thing to do when dealing with people like this.. is to LEAVE. These people don’t want to change and u can’t keep sacrificing you and your child for them when they aren’t even seeking to change.
I'm a 58-year-old male and in the last year I've come to learn that I was raised by a narcissistic mother. Interestingly, I started a medication for epilepsy a year ago and that really opened to door to understanding what was going on. It's been an amazing year. Thanks to all the doctors and therapists trying to help folks with these situations!
That’s what the person is doing to me. I have been with this person for years and he said he thought I had bpd and I needed help and was the one with mental health issues going on. He is also in the psychology field so I feel like he is slowly brainwashing me and I am getting worse mentally. Like I can’t do anything about it.
@@CameraShii86 same I want to do something about it but I am just too young, I keep my mouth shut even when he hits or curses at me I show no emotion so he doesn't get the satisfaction he craves I am just working on myself and trying to do good to the world and even if he hits me or curses at me I try not to make him upset because I believe in this saying if you throw wood in to a burning fire that fire would just get bigger I hope anyone who is going through my situation or any issue in their life you can do it never lose hope... (sorry for my bad English)
Zac Adam Morrison sign 1) they love gossip 2) they hate others 3) controlling 4) lacks empathy 5) blames you 6) gossips about you 7) irritated you 8) doesn’t have other friends cause they only talk about themself 9) always underestimates you 10) never asks how are you
I just ended a friendship 3 months ago with my now ex bestfriend. I got tired of gaslighting, silent treatments instead of communinacting, one sided friendship, it's always your fault, never admit her mistakes or say sorry. Has no remorse or empathy. Hates me for who I am. Always busy finding faults in me when I'm busy excusing her toxic traits. I'm still going through the trauma bond. But I hope one day, I'll get over this. I can't wait to be healed.
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Additionally, My ex narc managed to never get caught! However , he was “ hiding “ in plain sight! You notice the strange behaviors ( tilting phone screen so you can't see what they're texting , needing privacy for all calls and hanging up quick if you walk near them , telling insignificant lies when there's no need to , etc ) and you just feel a bad vibe! They have all sorts of tricks because they've been doing this stuff for so long! I later found out he was cheating on me with his ( 5th ) ex wife and another girl who worked at a nearby restaurant! through this forensic expert *Metaspyhub@gmail. com* ...
Thanks for this. 10 years coming to the end. Ive never seen her so nasty, vile and pure evil. The threats are getting more and more severe and the rate of threats are becoming more frequent
You are just a suit in their imaginary life. There is nothing you can do to escape their awful script, if you don't say your lines the way they want, it doesn't matter. They will accuse you of saying them anyway.
It couldn’t be more personal. There are people in her life she treats with decency like the man she had an affair( tall handsome “endowed” her words to me) her father ( who spoils her with money as does her new senior citizen husband. All these men get her adoring sweet side and/ or sexual side. I sat alone while dying of cancer. Because I chose to call her out when she lied Since then I’ve been ostracized in every possible manner. Even when I’ve fought for my life. I’ve known violent ex cons , schizophrenia and bipolar sufferers that were infinitely kinder to me.
When you are young and married your mind doesn't go there but as you get older the observations are poignant. My ex always seemed to cut down the way I looked. I was insecure after he finished.
My mom was a narcissist and she gaslighted me so much that when i was in a bipolar mixed episode, I felt I was going actually crazy that I thought I had to kill myself to escape and the psychosis I had just added to the fire. When I was about to hang myself she caught me and she was immediately loving and non manipulative, but when I got stable, she would start again. It was hell. I was losing my mind, but I decided to trust myself and I moved to another country. Best decision of my life.
Wow that takes a lot of courage and spirit. I'm glad you are in the world to tell your story. I almost committed suicide once but when I thought it through, I decided to live instead of die. Things changed for me then.
Something Dr Ramani missed is this: Suspicion of the motives of everyone a person meets once the narcissist has gone. Difficulty in ever trusting again. Development of a thick protective shell that is hard to dismantle and prevents the sensitivity and vulnerability required in being in a new relationship. She was right about withdrawal. Faced with what I have just described, that withdrawal is a refuge. A lonely one. Making a person feel as if they are out of the running, in life. Imagine if some genuine good person approaches you and the first thing that comes to your mind is: What is this person up to? What is their motive? And so relationships can fail before they even start.
You are so right. Especially if you have had a narcissist in your life for a long time. My mother and ex were narcissists I have no idea what a loving relationship is - seems way too much of a risk to even try.
I agree that I stay away from the people around me. Trust issues, same ole crap again, can't love again, and the list goes on. At some point I either have to give up or take a risk that scares the hell out of me
I also had ex and grandmother who was a narcissist. The marriage almost killed me. I didn't have the agency or money to go to therapy. I was left broken and bankrupt. My dad says an alcoholic so went to twelve step for families of alcoholics in desperation. I found out the tools and support they use saved my life. Progressed alcoholism shows up similar to narcissism. Five years later in able to trust, be vulnerable, date, etc. There's hope. Even if you go to therapy or start your own support group. Helping each other understand what we've been through is invaluable. I wish you the best.
Feel the same. I know this is not healthy but dear god I cant risk it to go through this again. I guess you have to get a certain amount of self trust, that youve learned, and all the bull the narc said about you is not true. I speak to myself here when I say, self love and self confidance is needed and needs to be worked on. Giving yourself enough self love and recognition that you will bounce quicker away if anyone mistreats you, and self confidance/ trust, that you know the signs and trust your judgement. So Ive heard, "love is not meant to hurt" yes we are not all perfect, but being more clear on your boundries what you will or will not tolerate, cuz from now on your gonna treat yourself like a 5 star queen, and will not except anything less. I think thats where we go wrong, our good people pleasing hearts that borders into disrespecting our self worth. Figure out what past demons are keeping you there, once you face your past demons one by one, feel the feelings, until the narc has no buttons left to push and you see them for who they are... Im way beggining of this journey, so all Im doing is talking aha. Best of luck. Take back your power at all costs! 💛. Love.
I can really relate to the struggle against the confusing mind games of a narcissist. It's like walking through a maze where the walls keep shifting. Your story resonates deeply because, like you, I felt so isolated, doubting my own reality, as if my confidence was slipping through my fingers.
Something I've noticed is that it carries on to other relationships, especially if you grew up with it. You have no gage for how you should be treated and are thankful that anyone is willing to spend their time on you.
yep, me too. Being overly grateful isn't a great attractive quality, and I do it all the time when someone I like spends any attention on me. Also the over apologising for nearly everything, apologising for just being. The new person in your life doesn't have the same low opinion of you the way the narcissist has, but my filters can't see that. Bollocks to all that now!!!
@@robertgd3429 Ditto. I finally got rid of a 5 year 'relationship" almost 3 months ago BUT it took, and continues to take, a LOT of therapy. I almost fell on the floor when I was handed an exercise on do-dependency-only a handful of the 50 items did NOT apply to me. Now finishing "Co-Dependency No More" by Melody Beattie. Again, it is like she wrote it for ME and with this guy.
When I told my daughters that I was divorcing their narcissistic stepmom, their exact words were " Good! We get our dad back!!" I did not realize how much I had pushed them away!!
awesome! you never pushed them, you were very close to them and children are smart if you let them observe. You made the right decision and your children response is good sign 😃👍👍👏👏
I was worried about my teen daughter when the divorce papers were filed and I asked her how she felt about it. She said she liked it so much better after he moved out because there's no more yelling. There is now peace and quiet, no fear, no oppression. You don't fully realize how much in "fight or flight" mode you were in until there is calm and you forgot what that was like. It's a drama-free zone now ! We celebrate our new freedom while we heal from our wounds. The regret of giving any amount of time to that man, never mind DECADES, is a tough load to bear. Good luck to everyone here. Be kind to yourselves.
I cried when I watched this video…for 15 years I always thought this is not a healthy marriage, but to find out that I was abused for years.. is truly devastating
I cried when I started watching Dr. Ramani's videos as well. Everything finally started to make sense. It also took me 15 years to realize my marriage is like this. I am still married and trying to navigate it, but Dr. Ramani's videos have really helped me. You're definitely in good hands watching her videos. Don't lose hope and I wish the best for you!
It’s normal to cry and feel sad for our selves after this kind of mental abuse. But don’t let it drag for long time. After discovering his true narcissistic mentality, I was hurt even more for a while. I felt back stabbed. but somehow after the puzzle was completed and I saw the clear picture, he cannot hurt me anymore. I became immune to his manipulation. I wish you all the best! Be strong and make the narcissist plans indifferent to you. Look after your self and heal🙂
28 years for me. As a male I wasn't on the receiving end of physical abuse but a mountain of emotional abuse from someone who became a completely different person the day after we got married. All about power and control in a relationship. I wanted a better life and got that even being single, did not want to pass that point where it still wasn't feasible to exit - which I see is really sad considering a relationship should enhance your life, not put you in the depths of depression. It has upset me for the time I wasted and what I accepted when I should not have. 10 years on I have remarried and have a beautiful kind woman as my wife who truly loves and respects me, as do I with her.
It took me 26 years together; 24 married. I left 10 years ago and I'm still suffering from the effects of years of being put down, verbally abused, gaslit, and doing mental gymnastics to try and find just the right way to say something so thatcI wouldn't be automatically accused of attacking him.
I burst into tears when she said the 5th one...that's the stage I'm currently in and I can't explain how horrible it feels to be misunderstood by everyone around me, especially my loved ones. I guess it was validating that I'm not alone or abnormal for struggling like this.
That’s were I am too. It sucks. I’m leaning on Jesus Christ and I think that alone is the only thing from keeping from completely losing my mind. I pray for you and all the other victims of narcissistic abuse.
OMG!!! Me too! I started crying because the paralysis is terrible. I don't trust myself at all and I feel so stuck. I have questioned my intelligence and have wondered what is wrong with me for years. This is definitely the issue. I was raised by narcissists and all my relationships have been with them. I know nothing else and I need to figure out how to function for myself in health.
I’m in the exact same place also! 40 years and just woke up. However I find myself very confused and I just wander around the house without accomplishing anything! So sad because I had such a great childhood and was a very strong person before I met him and I am mad at myself for ending up with a person like this!!? But then I ask “why me”? I usually feel everything has a reason but now I realized that I have been forced to live in the shadow of his shitty childhood.. I’m done!
This must be so hard for y’all to endure. I don’t know what to say except what helped me get through which is: YOU KNOW YOUR TRUTH! Even though no one else may understand, please trust yourself. Again, know your truth, it’s valid and very real. Your feelings are very real and you deserve peace in your heart. Sometimes I felt so alone and in the dark but I had to keep reminding myself that I even if I am the only one who can understand what’s really happening, that’s enough. Hold on tight to your heart and keep watching dr ramini everyday. Best of luck ❤️❤️
That’s why I always act strong because I know people can tell I’ve been through abuse and other narcissists have been attracted to my weakness. People don’t know how much of a warrior you have to be to survive this stuff.
Hopefully, you’re only “faking it till you make it,” because you’re ALSO doing the inner work to ACTUALLY become strong. 💪 As you reconnect w/ yourself by honing your instincts and developing strong, healthy boundaries, you can actually be NONCHALANT (i.e., not overcompensate) because you’ve transformed ENERGETICALLY, and everyone can tell…even narcs, which means that they won’t be hovering around you, like the vultures that they are. Monitor your healing progress by testing or observing how people react to you. I always saw my breakthroughs reflected in who I attracted (or didn’t attract), and how people treated me. My behavior also changed, but it was all organic to who I’d become. Take it all in stride, and CELEBRATE EVERY TEENY, TINY VICTORY! 🎉 You’ve earned it thru blood,sweat & tears, so never minimize anything you’ve worked hard towards, that means anything to you-as a bonus, you know it’ll upset every single narc who’s ever wanted to see you suffer & crumble.! 😂
Unfortunately I think my strength was one thing that attracted my ex covert narc. However he spent the next 7 and 1/2 years convincing me that everything we had was because of him. Therefore for the first two months after our separation I was panicking because I didn't know what I was going to do without him. It's been a little over a year now since our separation and I mentioned this to my daughter the other day and she laughed. I raised her and her brother for 25 years by myself and as she said, there's no one stronger. I just allowed him to make me think otherwise. What I'm saying is just being strong does not repel them. They are attracted to people with the qualities they want and are envious of
@@SLS61959 He USED your strength (and talents) to benefit himself, but he, like all narcs, are tapped into people’s VULNERABILITIES, and he saw that you didn’t know your own worth-no one who does would believe anything a narc says, because all truths are self-evident, and it’s obvious that narcs live in a world that’s comprised only of delusion. Your narc ex wouldn’t be able to convince you that HE was the powerful one, if you already knew the truth. At least you’re coming to realize it now. Life can be amazing, if you understand just how powerful you are-as you heal, any trauma-bonding or codependency will simply slip away from your programming, and you’ll feel REBORN. ✨
@@munterboy1744 You have to make sure the narcissist in your life doesn’t know that you know. I have to play dumb even until this day around my parents. Please have compassion for yourself because Holiday weeks and weekends are particularly hard when you’re experiencing narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse and tactics is really spiritual warfare. You have to battle in the spirit just as much protect yourself physically and mentally. Even if you are an atheist, I genuinely recommend that you go into a safe space today and pray out loud to God. My relationship with God, asking for help to God, and asking Him to heal me and help me survive this is the only reason I’m still alive. He will help save you. Listen to the Bible, don’t be afraid to cry and be honest about your situation - God will find you and make a way. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this. Listen to Lisa A Romano who helped me understand what I was experiencing - she’s on RUclips. It’s really really hard and you have to accept where you are in order to start making changes and getting your strength and energy back. I will pray for you my friend
That feeling applies with other personality disorders. My sister had Borderline Personality Disorder and I never new how she was going to twist my words or actions into something I couldn’t recognize.
I'm still asking the question to my wife who refuses to take any responsibility for her actions towards me, so I've walked away and now filing for a divorce
A narcissist's relationships are conditional and transactional. You serve a purpose. Love requires selflessness, which they cannot understand because everything they do has strings attached.
I had a narcissist dad and recently ended a narcissistic relationship when I realized I was in the same cycle that I was in with my dad growing up and what my mom went through with him. I feel so free now
That's really great! I'm only just realising now that my dad is narcissistic simply because I've now met people who are very similar who really frustrate me. My last boss always made me feel like I was less than I really was in order to keep me down and made him feel more powerful. It reminded me of my dad.
I was married to a narcissist for 3 years, together for 5. I have never been treated so badly by anyone ever... yet I thought it was all my fault. It destroys your sense of self. You become a shell of a person. Hoping that anyone suffering with this can find a way out.
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. What ever you do, don’t attempt to tail your spouse in the hopes of catching him or her cheating. Get a professional to do it for you Metaspyhub@gmail. com Ethical remote App - particularly if you need this evidence to file for divorce and damages.
This explains so much. I'm in my late 30s and while everyone seems to have a kids, marriage, career - I'm plagued with "What should I do in life", questioning what's right, questioning my own likes, etc. Thank you. Narcissistic abuse TRULY destroys your life.
Thats his baby ❤ my white cat is at my side at all times when im home and has to be at my side just like that with that same expression 😂. This is an emotional support human situation lol.
I have been married 47 years to a narcissist that has been abusive to me and our sons. I am ending the relationship this year. I am in legal counsel. Thanks for your help
Good on you... taking your life back, when you finally understand what YOU want, is empowering. 36 years for me, 4 years out, my issue at moment, may not be the same for you... I'm still in litigation but been no contact for 4 years, heaven! ... do lots of research, Richard Grannon is also really good, stay true to yourself (learn to listen to your instincts again), understand they are going to do everything they can to push your buttons and make you look like the crazy one... have patience with yourself, be kind to yourself... and when it feels like you're taking a step back, you're not... because you're learning all the time and you are actually moving forward.
Fight for your peace of mind and don't allow people to penetrate your force field. It will feel so much better that way. And remove yourself even if it's just into another room. Peace.
@@dianecfranich my name is Jess I have to use his yt account. Thank You for reaching out, it really gets overwhelming sometimes and simple things I don't know why I can't think of it on my own sometimes it means alot to hear from someone who isn't in the tornado and can see clearly
Dude, yeah, I freaking feel you Jon. The only reprise I get is after 30 min of meditation, but it’s kinda unfortunate cuz I’d prefer it to feel less breathless ALL the time. I hope you’re hanging in there buddy, and best of luck getting rid of those wackos
Low self worth. You are at first drawn to the person who seems to lift you up, but then they dismantle any self worth you had until you feel or do all these 5 things Dr. Ramani talks about.
My childhood was surrounded by narcissism on my dad's side. Dad, cousins, uncles, aunts, and even Grandma. Gaslighting, triangulation, and I'm just now understanding it all.
I was just engaged to a narcissist. I was with him for 2 years and always knew something wasn’t right and did question if he was a narcissist or had BPD. I finally cut him off 3 weeks ago and I’ve gone no contact. He’s currently out on a smearing campaign, which I was prepared for. I can’t be happier than I finally pulled the plug.
Good for u! congrats! 😊 the smearing campain is painful but u can make it. my ex used to threaten me and than tell his family im threatening him. it hurted than. but now it just shows i will be better without him.
He will never stop trying to get you to respond. After one year, today he left a message again! He is Blocked. I never ever reply. All I have to do is remember his treatment to me a year ago and I press delete!! Be on guard.
How are you coping? I have the same amount of time ...as you since I called him out on all his shit and he inevitably "discarded" me because he avoids looking within.
I couldn't even place my feelings. I felt it was me. I even apologized. Hearing this makes me feel I'm not crazy after all, I have actually been abused!
My adopted grandfather was a narcissist. From age 4-25 he tried to control every aspect of my life. Wasn’t interested in things I actually enjoyed- just wanted to push his own narrative on me. He passed away recently and everyone saw him as such a wonderful person but I believe he’s the reason my dad took his own life (he’s my paternal grandfather) when I was only 4 years old. My whole family is unsupportive of me because I didn’t see my grandfather as a good person and I called them out on social media. It was in the most respectful way possible but they don’t care. You CANNOT see him as a bad person.
If you ever doubt that you are in a narcissistic relationship, distance yourself from them and write down your thoughts on that situation. The more time passes the more you realize how disgusting and manipulative their actions were.
Sometimes it's difficult to identify if that makes sense. In my own situation my mother is definitely NPD, and my first wife ticks the boxes as well. When you've been conditioned to it being brought up you don't realise how wrong it is. Whilst my mother is the classic emotional blackmailer and easy to spot these days the ex wife was a gaslighter, which is sometimes very difficult to negotiate e.g. managed to convince me I was a sub standard person and failure as a husband, neither of which were true, but I went through a period actually believing it and fell into a deep depression as a result. I found that more damaging than anything. With these people it comes down to power and control in the relationship, whether parent child or husband wife. That's what it was with both.
This is what led me to finally leave. I always knew things weren’t right, but it was easy to dismiss each day and just move onto the next. It’s survival mode. But a little over a month ago, something triggered me to start writing things down. I created a secret email and started emailing myself memories. Events. How he behaved. How I behaved. Situations, discussions, every little thing that popped up. The email list grew so long within a few days, that the decision I needed to make was clear. I started looking into narcissism, and realized he is almost word for word a narcissist. Coupled with significant spiritual abuse, I couldn’t stay. Thankfully most of my younger kids wanted to come with me, only one chose to stay with him (though I suspect it’s more work related than dad related). My older kids see his behavior as normal, and I believe that he’s “helping” them realize how “crazy” and “unstable” I am. My daughter is coming around… but the boys…. :( But back to the point, I agree. Write everything down. It feels super petty at first. But that’s what has been drilled into your head. You aren’t allowed to bring up your hurts, because they’re such trivial little things. But their hurts are of epic proportions.
I am an empath and was in a 16 year long relationship with a narcissist. I'm only 32 so it's all I've ever known. I have finally ended the madness and have never felt so much peace now that he's gone. Thank you for your videos, they are helping me heal, to know I was never crazy and I'm not alone.
I'm almost 32 and was in a 16 year relationship that ended last year and it also was all I knew!! I've been single and happy for 1 year and just realizing my ex is a narcissist!
@@paulacrowder7701 I know how you're feeling because I felt the same way. I spent 12 years with a narcissist and finally got out when I was 30. I had to rebuild myself from scratch. I had to figure out who I was and what I liked to do. My advice to you is to figure out who Paula is and what Paula likes. Once you get to know yourself, things will start to get better for you. Hang in there! You're not alone and you will be okay. Stay strong.
my mom is a narcissist; and my first ever relationship was with a narcissist. my entire mom's side of the family is full of narcissists, actually; it's a generational cycle. you have the black sheep who is either shunned out of the cycle or escapes on their own, and everyone else ends up perpetuating it into the next generation. it's incredibly depressing.
In the aftermath of the narcissist abuse, I feel sick when I hear see or feel the narc is nearby. I am an empath and have never felt this repulsed by anyone.
I’m currently having a situation with my family. every time I see them I shut down for a few days. It’s terrible. I would legit get sick to my stomach and have sweats etc. I distanced myself and received horrible guilt messages. I’m contemplating blocking calls next.
i think i was best friends with a narcissist for a couple years that i’ve lost sense of who i am. i doubt everything i do and i now believe i’m a narcissist myself. i have mental breakdowns over this and idek if what i’m feeling is normal :/
Pete Farmer you first must find your spiritual anchor. Mine is Jesus Christ- not the church one, but the Bible Christ. Find a Bible with a good concordance. Focus on how you feel. Find that feeling in the concordance and read every verse until you find the one that resonates with you and meditate on those words. When I first left, the most difficult part was dealing with loneliness and knowing I made a choice to be alone. I found strength from the word of God in the middle of the night I clung to God’s word and the more I did the more peace I found. My whole goal was finding the positive, confident person I was before dealing with the soul snatcher, my narcissist. I got back into school. That really helped boost my confidence when I earned my AS in Communications. There was a time when I first left I did not have the confidence to cut hair and I had the only five star salon in La Jolla on Yelp. The self doubt is hardest to deal with, sometimes paralyzing. And that’s where the studied verses if the Bible saved me. “No weapon formed against me shall prosper.” Steer away from dating until you can fully date yourself- be comfortable in your own skin. No fear in going to an art show, a play with an old friend. We have to fall in love with ourselves again. I really did not like going to therapy They only wanted to fill me with drugs and keep digging into my childhood instead of helping me live today. They only wanted to deal with my mind when my spirit was aching. Be careful of groups, sometimes I found myself absorbing someone’s low energy. My best advice is to get back to nature. Walk on the grass barefoot. Sit at the beach and watch the sunset. Appreciate the little things. Enjoy the wind blowing through your hair, the sun shining on your face. Little children playing in the playground. Taking care of a dog is nice. It’s a lot of work, but caring for life that gives you unconditional love is very healing. Love and respect yourself and God will bring you through. God bless you Pete. It’s not easy, but you can do it. Trust yourself that you can.
Pete Farmer The fact that you used the word “overcome” is our true purpose here on earth. We are all born into some ungodly situation that we did not create, but we must “overcome”. And we do when we tune in to our creator and reconnect our mind, body and spirit. I’m excited for you Pete. YOU WILL OVERCOME!!!
@@imanitrobinson9485 Thank you, as it is super difficult. Changing perspective. Working on it. This will take some time. Really appreciate your understanding. God Bless Everyone
It’s my mother who’s the Narcissist & at 53 I broke down. She’s 85 and your videos are so on point with how she behaves, especially the rage when I don’t do as she demands and lack of empathy, selfishness and entitlement. Your videos have been a huge source of therapy for me.
It's hard because when it's all you know, you have a bond with them and care a lot about them, but they make you feel shitty and even make you feel depressed. It's a vicious circle. I can relate to every single thing the Dr is saying.
@IKA TASYAA BILLAH - if u need a help regarding some question about npd u can message me in instagram @npdawarenessid i am writing my own book too about this as almost all my fam have this disorder
The most difficult hurdle for myself in the beginning was simply regulating my emotions again. The narcissist create such emotional highs and lows, that it truly messes with the chemicals in your brain.
mike pepper facts omg especially if you've been with them for years or all your life so far you almost feel like a new person when you wake up but also so horrible and lost
Omg yes, I just broke up with the narc AGAIN, and yeah I'm trained basically to freak the fuck out because little tiny things have meant disastrous consequences for so long. I haven't relaxed in four years. I've been in fight or flight mode for four years. Hopefully in time it will go away
I'm going threw all these symptoms from a narcissistic best friend ,at times I didn't even feel worthy to eat, witch caused me to lose weight witch made problems worse,I still feel like nothing I ever did was enough ,that I'll never feel back to the way I use to before I met them,I remember my aura was so bright when I walk in a room,now I feel it dim and blinking.I never wish this type of abuse on anybody,the threats,the stealing from me,the constant worry that if I even said something wrong,their would later be consequences,and I was forced to push my feelings down if their ever wqs an issue, ext,and I still miss them the spark of how quickly we became friends and related with each other never really left my heart, I'm not a person who makes friends easily,but the way she started changing shocked me,it hurts my heart. Like a
Although empathic, I'm really grateful for my sense of self and my ability to be honest with myself about my feelings. I used to get so manipulated and call it out right away then gaslighted right after that. And it's such a vicious cycle. Sending hugs to everyone dealing with a narcissist. You aren't imagining it. Yes they're charming but you deserve security and love too.
@@jadewall6745 I am so sorry you are going through this. I pray for you and hugs. It will always be a opportunity for freedom from it. Grab it when it comes and never ever lose yourself
This breaks my heart because i hid from the world, i avoided being around family and friends, I lost any faith in myself ever making a choice that i didnt regret later. I hated being in this body and how alone and pathetic i was standing still and having shame and anger and most of me buried under the carpet…. I always felt like being in this relationship was an everyday reminder of how i was worth so little, and they are the crazy ones for being here with me, and settling for less..
That's exactly how i felt. When I wanted to speak It was like I had an invisible hand over my throat stopping me from saying anything; I would frequently think to myself "it's not even worth it." He also had gnarly ADHD and was medicated, so he would go on actual 20 minute monologues about something, rarely ever asking me my opinion-- a good conversation is my favorite thing in the world, so when I would find the window to chime in after listening to his speech, he would go "yeah", and that was it. He would make me feel like I had nothing of value to offer besides sex, then he would give me attention. I started "choosing peace" over trying to be involved in talking with him, and the times when I would get to say something in context to a topic he would misconstrue what I said and shut me down. So, the way to just pass the time listening to him talk and talk and talk-- he had a german shepard who we truly imprinted on each other and has been the hardest part to get over-- I would just sit with the dog and pet him and get my serotonin from that, while I would just go "mhm" "yup" "totally" feigning agreement with his monologue
@@gabriellerivera7551 you have written exactly how I felt during my 1.5 year relationship with a presumed narcissist. I finally ended it a few days ago after he physically attacked me.
As others, I have discovered that the narcissist makes me behave in a way that is not “me”. That multiplies the issue, and the next thing you know you have been sucked into the narc’s vortex where you can’t tell who started it. It’s actually ingenious in a very sick way, really. That makes it easier for the narc to point the finger at you as the causer of all problems.
Yes! I was constantly over analyzing every little thing I said or did because I knew he’d find a way to turn it back around on me. There were times he would start arguments or fights and I WOULD be the one apologizing, for what I never really knew. I was convinced by him that I was the problem in the relationship and that I was the one who needed to do work when in reality, I was the one constantly trying to set boundaries. He never respected my boundaries. He actually broke up with me because I tried to establish a precedent for healthier communication.
Her videos actually brought tears to my eyes. I just got out of a marriage with a narcissist and I feel so validated. Im so grateful to be out I truly believe that staying would have killed me one way or another.
Appreciate all the comments because speaking for a friend... I'm currently struggling to save my marriage and family but deal with life with someone like this . Everytime I need to talk about how I feel it's "me attacking him" ugh so stuck right now thought I married the love of my life but after 8 years he's managed to break me down emotionally mentally the most and physically twice but he never can admit to his wrongs I shouldn't of said this or I should of listened . I know this post is old but any advice if woman who went through this or anyone will be helpful ❤️🤦♀️💔😥😔
This is my husband's dad. His dad left when he was young and moved far away and remarried. A few years later my husband moved in with his dad. My husband noticed a difference in how his dad treated him and the adopted family. The adopted family was getting all the love and my husband was nothing but a bank, object to treat like shit. He never got any praise, nothing he did made his dad happy. His dad never treated his own grandkids as his own, the adopted family was more important. His dad just passed about a week ago and the flood of comments on Facebook on how loving he was was surreal. Nobody saw the other side of him, that he was not seeing or loving his biological family.
Yes, it's horrible. And you feel so hopeless, lonely & depressed. If I had not become a Christian at age 15, I would not have made it. (I had been contemplating suicide since I was 10.)
The social withdrawal happens because of the smear campaign set up against you. Once smeared, you feel unwelcome by your peers, very standoffish vibe other people give off towards you, which leads you to feel anxious and a need to socially withdraw
And they always befriending them and admiring them. These narcs are so enmeshed in your life everywhere you are they are including in your friendship circle. Then those friends think you are a ingrate because to them your mom is such a sweetheart, heck even better than their mom
My ex boyfriend was a narcissist. Still makes my heart race with anxiety thinking back to the stress the relationship gave me during, and after it ended.
I feel that way too. It's been a year since I ended things and I am revolted by the thought of him, but still woke up this morning remembering a particular time he humiliated me, and then I thought of another time, and another...and even though I didn't have to be up and about for another hour, I just called it and got my coffee so I could just end the cycle in my head. It wasn't a break up where I felt loss. It was the humiliation that kept playing in my head that plagued me.
I left my husband 3 months ago. We are married 41 years. I'm having a difficult time healing. I'm watching your videos to help me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I've been married 46 years and the last time he started yelling and screaming at me broke something in me. I'm going to get counseling and go from there. I cringe when he comes home.
Sharon, I am proud of you for gaining your freedom. You get to start your life over again. You can go where you want and do what you want. Being happy is the best revenge. May peace and prosperity be poured into your soul and life.
@@nana820able the Bible says man is just a breathe in his nostril. Never put someone high upon a pedestal. Especially your spouses, children, in laws, siblings, for they will disappoint you and then that can crush you. Trust only in God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit and The Holy Bible. God is the only one who won’t leave you or forsake you. He is the only one that can save you, Love you, honor you and protect you.
Susan Crook my mom is as well. What’s the type of narc that loves to the play the victim? Always saying what everyone did to her but not what she does to others? I’m in my twenties now and I’m glad that I can figure it out. I’m just mad that I couldn’t completely figure it out sooner. I’m glad that you finally free and hopefully get the healing that you deserve and need.
My "mother" too. I only figured it out when I was 36. It completely shaped my thinking and it's really hard to re-train my mind. But I've been free a year and it's getting better.
My “mother” is a vindictive narc. Went no contact for 15 years, had a no contact relapse and went back,,,, of course the abuse continued... that’s when I found out that she’s a narcissist as well as my sister, who was her golden child and severely codependent on my mother ...and my sister’s daughter as well ...they keep it going from generation to generation ...I only found out my mother is a narcissist at the age of 51
@@youtuber-vb7qi my mum was also malignant covert narcissist, (say my psychologists when I describe her behaviour to them) I only realised what was going on when I was about 45, she died about a year after I got a good understanding of what was going on...I have many psychological issues as a result of a lifetime of targeted yet covert malicious abuse that nearly destroyed me...
I recently turned 60, and am a recovering alcoholic - 16 years sober. It took everything I had to sober up and break a family mold. Much thanks to your videos I have identified my mother's cruelty and narcissistic abuse. At 20 I married the prince of narcissism, which I divorced 25 years ago. For the past month I have been no contact with my mother, and middle child, who has been conditioned to think I am crazy. The head games are exhausting, I am so grateful to you and for my strength.
I love you Pauline. You are SO STRONG GIRL! I feel you and have nothing but heartfelt compassion and empathy for your healing process. Dr. Ramani helps me too. She's a wonderful wonderful human being who truly IS HELPING people's understanding with this mental sickness. NPD is no joke, and it can ruin the lives of the victims. It's really important that we get super clear and strong in OUR understanding of it and how to navigate these folks.
Be careful. We are hard wired to use our opposite sex parents templates for mate seeking. I kept looking for a girl just like the girl who married dear old dad. Yeah, a girl who didn't like me and never would.
My mother is a narcissist and I became a narcissist. I’ve spent the last eight years undoing all the damage from narcissistic abuse. It is an ongoing process but I made it. And it feels amazing.
I was married to this Narcissist for over 12 years. She was really good at it, and I had no idea I was being gaslighted. Nearly lost my sanity, but finally left when I almost lost my spirit. Thank you for all your great information and inspiration, as I now know what this really is. My life is full and happy in a healthy relationship with my new wife of over 22 years!
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John Hartman, glad for you for getting out . I am living with a narc and want to leave, but now suffer from severe depression and anxiety attacks. All my energy is spent just trying to make it through each day with the aid of medication. Been living together for over 20 years and only noticed what was happening about 8 years ago. None of my family or friends know what is happening because she is real charming around others. I feel ashamed to tell anyone. Not sure what to do. I have also developed some physical ailments because of this. I feel like there is no way to turn. I don't expect anything from you or others, just wanted to vent.
My best advice because I care - --- Reach out to Jesus. I could not make it without His love for me and His grace that leads me into peace. No matter what storms come, He is with us and wants us no matter what . Narcissists take from us, but the Lord of my life, Jesus Christ only takes the broken ness and gives me hope, and strength to take one more step each day. He gives us the very air that we breathe and tells us to lay down our burdens , give them to him as his yoke is easy and his burdens are light. I pray that you have better days soon ahead and all blessings to you to overcome and heal.
I cut the narcissist off a year ago July 2019. Today on my blocked messages there was his this morning! I have never returned his calls. Today, he sounded so sweet. “I have a million things to tell you!” All I have to do is remember his horrific treatment to me a year ago and I push Delete!
I haven't blocked him yet, but I do see the messages and I think the same. I actually do talk to him and it reminds me why I kicked him out. It's only been 2 months, but this is the last time in 28 years, I can't waste anymore of my life. After this long, he'll never change for me, and that's all I need to tell myself now.
Crazy how skilled they are at manipulating and charming others under their spell. It tricks the mind into thinking that maybe this time it is different and it can be pleasant. Those times are rare and even when they happen you know it’s going to be super soon before their true ways manifests toxicity right back into your life. That’s why I proud to see you steadfast in your boundaries. It gives me hope.
I kept forgiving over and over til i shut down....it took 2 filings for divorce. First time, 2 daughters decided to get married and I knew he would not show up for the event, blaming me. After divorce, he did not show up for another wedding, "fearing my reaction!" Always, my fault for his deeds-- they were brainwashed, groomed; that is why I am very empathetic with Mallory & Mace--they are in such horrific pain! I ache for them! I hope everyone around them super- love them 24/7!
Only found these videos in the last 10 days. SO grateful. Thank you. I am finally coming to terms with a narc mother and ex husband. 58 years of abuse since conception. I always felt like Cinderella - helper, invisible, truth teller and scapegoat all rolled into one. Now I know I didn't imagine any of it. I finally am able to let go of the hurt and confusion and I have a new clarity and new expectations about life. SO grateful. 🙏
Did He pick You or did You pick Him?...You are Crazy, it's Healthy when You admit that. ""Alice in the Rabbit Hole'..everybody's Crazy Nuts. Your freedom is Owning You! The Standards of living are subjective to Your freedom.
Br8king Tha Silence see I'm worried about that because when you warn other people or family especially the ones you need and want in your life you almost feel guilty for messing up the family more or that it's your fault and then if you try to confront the narc that's tiring just thinking about explaining everything and then you just get confused for real especially if that gaslighting shit starts like in my case I've been going thro it all my life so far so trusting myself and instincts is so tough sometimes you know
TheCreatrixs12 I understand. That happened to me. My family were upset with me. I was the bad one. I was blamed. “How could Simeon leave which a good and Godly man?” You cant explain it, you can’t talk about it.... the gaslighting, the twilight zone experiences.... you will drive yourself crazy. You just stop. You stop and stay or you stop and go. He will continue to try and ruin you..... he will try every way:character smearing, financially, put u in the dig house while he is flaunting all of his acceptance with friends and family.... it will be awful. I experience being dropped or ostracized and literally alone. I kept telling myself “it will be ok”. “It will be ok in the end”. “Everything is always ok. I already get through it”. “I don’t know when it will be ok, but I believe it will be.” I told myself, “if I’m disowned by my family, children, people... that I will find a place I belong. There must be people out there who would be happy to see me when I walk in a room, to be glad I came...... I will be open to that.” And in the process, I showed love and attention to my children and tried to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes it took time to see them again because I felt like their punching bag, being cut ti pieces, one child talking terrible about me to her friends... saying things that are not true.... it kills me. But, I’m told, in time, truth comes out. My other daughter has come around and isn’t so hard on me.... anyway, I could write a book... I’ll stop here.
Michelle Blair wow I don't know what to say but stay strong and maybe try to show them these videos but I understand it's so complicated Shit I was sexually abused by my narc and didn't say anything for years I still live with them and everything I even talked to my Mama and them about it my Mama comforted me and now it has to turned to forgive and forget since I'm the strong one like she says who can handle everything even tho I have shown to be very mentally unstable yet still be there for everyone but and this abuse is so muti layered and My narc barely knew what to say no sorry or nothing and they just went to ramble about themselves and the issue has just magically disappeared but I'm sick in bed for almost 9 months so now I have to come up with a game plan when I'm better thats not gonna rip my family more apart and or myself which is hard and I'm waking up to all of this and realizing the reasons I've been sick and it's just so much for me too imma stop because we both can write best sellers lol
My ex friend was a narcissist. Most of these videos centre on romantic relationships but close friendships with them can be just as devastating and exhausting.
I think my friend may have been married to one. :( Going back through my communication w/their spouse, I realized their spouse *literally* never said a kind thing abt my friend to me. :( It was startling. In the moment, I *never* would have noticed the put downs & dismissals, bc their spouse was a jokester, & a kind of lighthearted playmate at times. But, going back through texts & messages, & seeing it all at once? I nearly threw up. I was like, "How did I not see this year's ago? I'm a fucking narc detector!" ALL of spouses social media posts (on an anonymous platform) were only about THEMSELVES. The worst one I found was when I caught a tender moment between them in a candid shot, tagged both of them in it, & spouse replied w/a *disgusted eye-roll gif.* Holy shit. My friend has been struggling w/depression for years, could never find a reliable antidepressant, & I'm honestly pissed that it never occurred to me, "Something is seriously wrong w/ SPOUSE, not w/my friend."
Yes, these predators( that’s how I call them), are devastating. Doesn’t matter if you have sex with them or not. My advice: No contact at all times.Thanks, bye.
Yes good comments here. I am married 24 years to one and am exhausted. Sadly to make it worse i thought i had found a friend to confide in. Turned out she was also a narc and used me up. At least I could cut off from her. Now i have learnt not to confide too much to anyone and trust noone. At least it has helped my narc detector. Such an incredibly kooky lonely world as its full of them! Even my children struggle more because the next generations are groomed by all media forms to be worse. Also because many are products of dysfunctional families which is also the norm now
The worst thing after being abused by a narcissist is having to watch yourself become one to others because you no longer trust anyone to love anymore.
I grew up with a mother that was an extreme narcissist. My depression began at a very early age and my desire to kill myself started at age 13 and has continued 50 years to current. I did attempt suicide at age 42 and continue to pray for God to take me home. I wanted so badly to be in a happy and healthy marriage/relationship and was married four times to narcissistic men because that’s the personality I knew therefore was drawn to. I suffer from extreme depression (treated for 26 years), extreme anxiety disorder, and CPTSD. It wasn’t until after my most recent husband’s passing that I began doing some self-awareness work that I realized why my relationships never worked. So, now I’m in my early 60s and all alone. I never want to risk being in another relationship! I only want peace and joy in my life, I just don’t believe it will happen this side of heaven! Thank you for your information!
I've been 3 years free of my mother.. and I still can't watch videos like this for more than the first couple minutes without getting intensely triggered and bailing out. And I know I've healed so much since the beginning. I lost my whole family in the process of cutting contact with her. Narcs don't take defeat without taking as much from you as they can. Rather reminds me of the devil; trying to get as many people into hell as he can before he's sent there for good himself.
Keep crying and keep watching. The understanding will kick in and the crying will stop. Now I am able to see how pathetic my mom actually is. They are miserable people. Adios
Hi, how tough it must of been but yes, just because it's our blood relation doesn't mean it's always a great thing sadly. My family too and a best friend of 20 years....I had to break free of those relationships too dear HUGZZZ I feel for ya and hope you feel much better and free and at peace. May God bless you and protect you ~
I have been with a narcissist fiance for over a year and we got married 4 months back. This relationship has taken its toll on my mental and physical health. He has tormented me, mocked me, ridiculed me and even cheated on me. Iam so glad that I found these videos to explain what has been happening to me. I have cried myself to sleep and given so much energy to this relationship in hopes that he would somehow change and find way in his heart to love me. But I now know it was never about me. It was all him. I am going to get out of it.
I had been wondering what was wrong with me for years, decades... and then, a couple of months ago, I figured out I grew up with a narcissistic mother, and that explained so many things.
i have EXACT same feeling since i discovered this last week. its heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. and you dont know what to do, because its your mother, but as a person you were never enough and never will be. Did you sever the bond with your mother?
I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor, the main narcissist being my mom. I'm 33 yo, I've been the only one working and paying for everything for over 5 years now but I've only just escaped. I finally found the strength thanks to 2 things only: 1)me being on an antidepressant for a year and going to therapy, 2)meeting my lovely girlfriend who *actually* helped me to get away - by being there, sympathizing, supporting me, organizing and physically helping with the move. She was the first and the only one to do so. It's been a month after I got away. I still dissociate and can't believe I survived and this is not a bloody dream.
My sibling has strong narc traits. Incapable of admitting wrongdoing, even when it's put right in front of them. Incapable, completely, of apologising or accepting that anything they did was wrong
Same, my sis always makes it about herself. Always wants what she wants no matter what, makes a scenario about herself, never wrong, etc. It’s really exhausting. Makes me feel guilt even when I advocate for myself.
My mother was a neglectful, verbally abusive narcissist. She justified abandoning her three children and letting me raise them as a 10 year old child and constant cheating on my father due to her childhood abuse and trauma. But yet, her own children were treated much worse than she was treated as a child..... After leaving home at 17 and being homeless, I got a full scholarship to college and worked as a waitress to pay the rent on a slum apartment. I graduated from college, got a great job, moved to Philadelphia, and met a medical student on my first day on the train! I dreamed of white picket fences, a stone cottage in an exclusive Philadelphia neighborhood, but I ended up marrying a Narcissist who was also verbally and emotionally abusive, and cheated on me..... He moved me far away from my family and eventually left me to raise three boys completely by myself without any support from my family. He refused to have any visitation, never took them on a vacation, or even bought them Xmas or birthday presents presents ( he said he paid child support and that was enough)....... 14 years later I have reinvented myself, so hope is possible!!! I am 55 years old, have started a You Tube channel to reverse the aging process through proper nutrition and exercise, and am in my best mental, physical, and spiritual shape.... I still encounter narcissists ( as a teacher, I feel like 90% of principals are malignant narcissists!!), but I avoid them like the Plague that they are.... My life story is to encourage people that no matter how bad the abuse, how long the abuse occurred, and how old you are; with therapy, proper nutrition, exercise, time in nature, mediation, journaling, and connecting to your spirituality, recovery is possible. It is hard work, but you can reinvent yourself!!!
I grew up in Philly live minutes away from Philly now and currently married to narcissist and planning my exit. My heart breaks for you sending hugs it’s unbelievable and it saddens me that there’s ppl in this world like this.
I wish to be friends with you. I feel proud of you staying sane and you dare to tell the truth! YES! 90%! Yes, lack of empathy is far more common than it is being recognized in our society! ALL of my love to you!!!
I have had many relationships with narcissists and when I think back, I realise its because I didnt know how to set boundaries with such people. I was apologetic about being myself but not anymore.. Now am happily married and have set boundaries with family where needed :)
@@rnupnorthbrrrsm6123 you learn to set boundaries when you begin to love you, which means knowing your value. This is done with God. He reveals our value. He loves us more than anything. If that’s the case, why allow others to abuse us?
Have you had a relationship with a narcissist? Whether it's with a spouse, friend, mother, father, sibling, boss, or even a coworker, spotting the signs of narcissistic abuse will help you improve all areas of your life.
Access full, exclusive mental health series featuring Dr. Ramani HERE: medcr.cl/kco
Yes, been dealing with it for a long time now, except now I'm lashing out and treating the other person poorly when they treat me poorly. I never used to be like this. I feel as if the other person will use this to make themselves the victim when in reality this has now become my response to years of how they've been treating me. The part Dr. Ramani said about how they basically only know you when they want something is so true. I haven't really told anyone what I've been going through for years because I don't want it to get back to him and then it'll make things worse. :(
My father narcissist I was under his abuse for 18 yrs. This healing process is so hard and I see how far I have come from being in that environment these videos help a lot thanks
I have felt ALL these feelings from a friend narc. I went no contact a year ago but this person enmeshed into my family of origin. My family sees how this destructive Rasputin like person is in my family, but because they feel an obligation to this person AND receive favors, food, and hotel discounts my family can’t give up the goodies. It’s still stressful.
I was watching the video and when you guys said "please post in the comments if youve had a relationship with a narcissist." I wanted to post that I have but I imediately doubted myself and feared that someone would tell me im wrong. Then the first sign was self doubt. Crazy.
Oh yeah- mother, boss, ex-spouse, 2 friends. Went no contact with mother in my 60s, divorced spouse in my 30s and moved away to get away from his hoovering and smear campaigns, quit my last job (retired early) to get away from a new (abusive/narcissistic) boss that was a raging narc and driving her entire team to suffer from panic attacks and depression. I went no contact with the friends once I figured out what was going on- I am embarrassed to admit that it took me about 2 years to figure out that these "friends" were really just manipulators, chronic liars and exploiters with no empathy for anyone. Fortunately, your advice means I figure this stuff out much faster now, and I completely avoid new relationships where my spidey sense tells me these folks may not be what they present themselves to be.
The narcissist takes away a person’s ability to trust their instincts because of the constant lying and gaslighting involved.
Mary Smith And how dare we question them when we catch them in a lie, because they’ll find a way to make it our fault 🙁
Mary Smith i hate them
Mary Smith Yes so true 😞
nail, meet head. My personal favorite is when they play the victim once called-out.
You described my childhood and even things inwas doing to some people that i loved or seemed to have loved.
When you’re hurt by something they said or did but you end up apologizing to them 😑
Yes. I remember doing that at first. Or when they did something hurtful and turned around and blamed me or guilted me to make me feel sorry.
@@SR77736 This used to happen all the time with me and my narcissistic & abusive mother. It’s like they make u feel like u owe them something when in reality u don’t.
This has been a consistent pattern in my marriage. 😕
Oh god, every fucking time
Yessssssss!!!!!!!!!!
Yes,it's brokenness. Like one commenter said. "They don't break your heart, they break your spirit." I'm free from it now, THANK GOD
I send u my love. I know ur pain. Someone in ur timeline notices you, and values you regardless of wether or not you respond to me. No strings attached, I send you love ❤️💕.
🙏🏽
My God ALMIGHTY is over a my Spirit NOT a Freakin narc
I snapped my fingers after reading your comment. Yes yes and yes it's about getting your spirit broken
Hope you can now leave that part of pain in the past and heal and strives from this insidious taunting pain of being treated poorly by npd loved or close ones.
The worst thing, after wasting years of your life is when you realised you did not even exist and feel hollowed out, because when you have a relationship with someone with no empathy, it can starve you to death .
That's absolutely the truth. They starve you of any love or empathy. My husband steps up the nastiness and cruelty anytime I am sick or otherwise need him for anything. They kick you when you're down and exploit your vulnerability. My health has gotten bad at an alarming rate and I am just at trying to get strong enough to escape this life. It's like being a prisoner of war and having to endure psychological terror day in day out
Today my husband called me a “dead fish.” I wasn’t like this before we met , and I’ve taught myself to feel less, and to show less so I wouldn’t get as hurt when he for angry, but not I’m just a shell
It’s worse when you have a 1 year old with her and are married to her and she treats everybody else good but you like shit. I’m so sad that she is doing this to my daughter, she doesn’t deserve this behavior.
Do like i did just leave.now my mom is just like him she kicked me out in the coldest day and yesterday the hottest day of this year.but i came back.she 87.shes drove everyone away.my a.c.out on my car.but I'm half packed. She's even wanted to shoot me.just leave.dont tell anyone were you are.find god.pray and studie the bible .ive learned alot on you tube.thks dr.you make me feel better.
@@Freedom-25-now
How do you heal from it?
1. Difficulty in making simple decisions
2. Feelings of helplessness
3. Social withdrawal
4. Anxiety specific to the relationship
5. Chronic sense of second guessing & paralysis
Damn. I need a divorce
I need a divorce too, but I dunno if divorcing oneself is even a thing...
I'm going through all of these
Haley Lucas wow talk to me because I need someone rn with all this crazy stuff lol
@@douglang5568 please do. Or, you'll end up scared and abandon your children. My dad was my life and did it. I have no family. Narrascists target and abuse the kids they have of their own sex.
I am 30. She ruins every aspect of my life.
They don't take accountability for their negative actions against you.. they just shut you down, and could care less about your feelings. They lack empathy.
they never show remorse they just ghost you and say you are weak
True
I feel helpless and cant cope alot and cant make choices..
@@donnabuckton2800 are you away from them or still stuck with them. try to get away
OMG YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My covert narcissist husband.
My 5 signs:
1. You constantly walk on egg shells around him. Always careful what you say or do.
2. He pulls into the driveway after work and you suddenly feel dread or anxious
3. You literally don't believe any word coming out of his mouth.
4. Drained, depressed and anxious all the time.
5. One minute you want him gone the next you don't because you're not sure if you want to be alone and some part of you will still miss him. So you're constantly conflicted
Very very true. I never want to feel any of that ever again.
@ Jennifer Hall Gosh Reading down the list it's sumed up exactly how I felt and I couldn't explain how I felt. I was so confused.
Your signs are closely like mine. I didn’t know what narcissistic tendacies were until I found Dr. Ramani 8 months ago. Some days I do really well ( he’s a pilot ) when he’s gone. Her videos have helped so much! I sneak and listen to them when he’s home so I can cope! Just try and stay true to you! I walk away from him when he tries to gaslight etc! Maybe you could try that! Stay strong!
@@farm2facebeauty514 I have left him, after 24 years of physical and mental abuse I couldn't take it anymore. I became numb and walking shell of my previous self. He tried so hard to poison everyone around me and make me look like I was the one who making him miserable and I was giving him a hard time. He has got married again and I really wonder how he treats her.
This list is on point!!! Things had gotten so bad, my doctor was trying to put me on meds.... that's when I realized I had to break free.... there had been the darkest cloud over me for 8 years. Suddenly, when I left everything thing was 100 times better. It's scary to think of all the sick manipulation I was enduring!
For me, the best way to explain what people with NPD do to victims is two things:
1. Drain your energy/motivation
2. Alienate you
You start to lose the notion of yourself, your passions fades your projects start to look bad or not worth to try
And then you cannot live fully because it seems you have a facade, you "pretend", that's what narcissist do, so basically they drag you into their world of pretending for external validation
This! so well put together, thank u for making this statement
i couldn't vocalize everything you wrote and it's actually comforting to know that that's what's happening.
my family has given up on me a long time ago and they keep trying to show as if they actually care but those nights when i was alone, hell, the days i spent alone in that dark room just crying on my pillows nonstop will never come back to me. all that time and potential i couldve actually done something with myself had they just rushed through that door and sat there or lied there with me. i really feel like that's all that needed to happen for me to actually feel like i cant give up on myself despite what he did to me, like all i needed was to have that external validation that my life actually matters to them, how i feel, think, perceive people after what i've been through, that it actually matters.
i know it doesn't and that the world dgaf about how you feel. but thank u anyway for i guess externally validating how i feel on the inside.
Brilliantly analyzed and put.
@@shakiid7 You DO matter. Love yourself as a categorical imperative. Develop your talents, create what makes you happy.
@@JudgeJulieLit This is necessary to do, it just feels strange because we come from having been pushed by the narcissist. They know how to validate what we need, and they give us the amount of (validation) dose they believe we need in order to control/manipulate us. That should why going back to the real world hurts or becomes so difficult, because they made us dependent on them or their way of living (getting validation from external sources). Loving ourselves goes beyond “feeling the feeling”: it’s now about the QUEST and odyssey of revisiting everything we lived with the narcissist and starting to “resignificate” what those memories/moments were really meant for.
This is happening to me. Also the 5 points they speak. I've been wondering if it's me the one who is narsisistic and abuser. I got speak paralisys and extreme social isolation. Damn.
It’s never safe to love a narcissist. There is no emotional security. Their verbal abuse is detrimental to your mental and physical health.
Too many brainwashed sheep fell for the covid BS and now they KNOW they have us! Their latest test, which we AGAIN failed miserably, was surfside, that was a planned implosion just like the towers! We collectively are nothing but brainwashed fools who don't think for ourselves. I'm madder than hell right now. We COULD have prevented this PLANDEMIC if it weren't for the SHEEP and KARENS.
Anyone who took the jab will now have a compromised immune system which will be difficult to survive the upcoming flu season, and it won't be from covid or the fake Delta variant. To those who took this, They are also chipped! This has never been about covid, it's been about genocide and getting us all chipped. We have surpassed one million deaths from the VACCINES!! A verifiable FACT! Catherine Austin Fitts Planet Lockdown,,, type it in just like that. Riveting truth!
I’m glad I stood my ground when I was gaslighted. But boy, did it feel like I’m going insane! I’ve had enough, and left. But turns out, he doesn’t even care if I stayed or not. It’s as if I was FORCED to leave.
💯
Omgawd YES!!!😡😡
Agree. No contact is the only way to go
You're going to drive yourself crazy wondering why this person who says they love you would treat you so badly. The answer is that they simply didn't love you. It's deception. They say they loved you only to get what they wanted.
You're so right. I had to accept this truth and walk away from my fiance who I was supposed to marry in a couple of weeks.
Too true, they never loved you in the first place. Love bombing which soon turns into gas lighting. Thankfully I only experienced it for 8 months or so but that was enough, the long term impact is real but every day that passes I’m recovering
That's what I told them. They love me but act in validating and invalidating ways, silent treatment for days, blameshifting, gaslighting, sudden break ups, threats to turn off relationship, no accountability, gaslighting and justifications don't make me feel loved.
:(
This ones hitting today!
Yes, one day my husband was just screaming at me. I stepped back and looked at him screaming in his rage at me. I said, OMG, I married my mother. I was very confused and deeply hurt. I grew up with it and then married the same dynamics of personality. At 21 I left home the married for 21 years. In prison for 42 years and then was freed. I have been divorced 14 years now and still learning and discovering more items of myself needing to heal. Gained a lot still have a lot to heal. But finally love myself at 55.
Yeah I had the same pattern and realizing I was going for people that remind me of my mom made me sick to my stomach. I just gravitated towards emotionally shut and unavailable people. Never again if I ever even date that is
Proud of you! Your strength is inspiring 🙏🏼
I pray God gives me discernment to escape the pattern 🙏♥️
Wow.. God bless you with strength, peace, and happiness ❤🤗🙏
I'm so happy that you've learned to love yourself. That's amazing. All the best xx
We have to get our minds wrapped around a plan to discard the narc/addict. In my circumstance I had to monitor his phone,make screen shots etc
The day I showed him my proof I got his suitcase & sent him to a motel. I vowed he would never be here again. I packed his belongings & put them on the front porch. It was my rightful healing journey. 24 yrs married,recovery,relapse,betrayal,deceit. His lovely social media supply helped me.
I hope he wraps his phone around him at night with is new gals & guys. 6 months out divorce papers signed. I’m 72 and fearless on my journey.
And he knows it!!!!!!! Life is returning on my terms. I sent a thank you to the narc for my release.
1) self doubt - Daily choices . Can’t trust judgement
2) helplessness- nothing works
3) hopeless , depression, irritability
4) social withdrawal - judged, embarrassed, ashamed, afraid to share
5) anxiety , eating, sleeping, overall sense of worry
6) chronic second guessing, paralysed
So how do you heal from it once you’ve left?
The symptoms are their victory signs.
Hi
Spoiler alert
@@joesnelson8287 #DUKOMMSTNIEDRAUF🥹
Sign #1. You feel crappy when you’re near them. I dedicate this to all who have been abused. As they say in the movies, “Live long and prosper, and may the force be with you.”
If a narcissist is giving you attention, they can make u feel on cloud 9.
Exactly
@@thiscommentor2858 If you've felt the abuse long enough, you can spot the next one and their compliments can make you feel dirty. You know they want to consume you and it just makes you want to flee for your life. Or it goes in one ear and out the other. My mother used to get so mad when I would shoosh her when she would try and compliment me. That was my way of letting her know that I didn't need her approval for my decisions.
Yep.Live long and prosper...
@@saraho9568 I am not the one on cloud 9. His "object" of desire is someone else. On her own, she is light enough not even to jump a feet but with my husband she can reach cloud 9. Cloud 9 is heaven, she is coming to our home for 10 days, so it is more like hell for me.
Never being sure if your feelings are valid or if you’re being “emotional” or “annoying”. The more distance you make, the more you realize their interactions were not normal and were more cruel than you would and should expect. Stepping into normal relationships feeling so confused. This is the hardest mental health battle I’ve ever faced. 😥
this comment hits. You are not alone and you are stronger than you know. We will get thru this
This.
been separated for a little over a year now. Initially I knew it was unhealthy but now the memories are coming back in but under a microscope and i see exactly how unhealthy, literally sickeningly so. I'm having a very difficult time realizing I put up with it
🎯
I have been living with a narcissist who was a cheat and was planning on leaving me all the while and i never knew, At first the journey was smooth but it later was hell. He doesn’t eat at home only on few occasions. I felt powerless with him, no gut for me to leave because he made me dependant financially, he wouldn’t let me work. just on this platform i saw an ad about a software expert who can clone partners phones without notice,I doubted the process at first but then my best friend and cousin encouraged me to try it and see, off course I was scammed but then it didn’t matter because it wasn’t alot just a little. I didn’t stop there i wanted closure so i kept searching. My best friend then met another who came highly recommended, i was scared but anyways I decided to try again and God so kind he turned out legit. He helped me get all the closure I needed i was able to see all text conversations, social media, and mails in my husband’s from my husbands phone, we both saw the illicitness in his endeavors, I gathered the proofs and I confronted him but he was defensive and physically abused me. I have sign for a divorce already because I’ve got proofs adding to the fact that he physically abused me. Narcissist don’t deserve some of us. You can just contact him if you have similar issue 👉 chart me on WhatsApp +1 (303) 943‑6132
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Thank you so much for sharing this !! Everything you said is ON point! I cannot believe how these narcissists are like the same person in different bodies. WOW ..I mean how can we all have experienced having the experiences with narcissists. I really think there should be some kind of narcissistic detector when you start dating someone. These people are really really good at hiding their true selves!!
I don’t understand what a cyber specialist does ?
You had me until the whole cyber specialist thing...... that sounds shady? No offense.
Communication=starting a fight because I’m always wrong
Any communication about questions concerning decision-making together, issues to improve the relationship, your concerns/feelings/sadness will not be addressed. Their defensiveness, stonewalling or outright walking away will slowly destroy you. You'll have material things and gifts especially during hoovering. Your heart, soul and spirit die a slow death. It took me a year of separation, intensive PTSD and relational therapy before I was even ready to rebuild me.
Communication in my house means I listen to HIM talk about HIM. If I speak, if I dare have on opinion, I'm accused of 'starting a fight'. "Why do you ALWAYS want to fight?" If I say something he doesn't like, I'm a liar. I'm coming to understand that anything I say that doesn't conform to HIS reality makes me a liar.
Ironic that in order to NOT be accused of telling lies, I have to lie.
@@julianndavis9415 WOW julie you just explained my life
@@Kimby28 I wish there was a support group for those of us who are trying to survive this torment. Just knowing someone else is living my hell is a comfort.
Yes oh good yes
When your mother is a narcissistic you can't even explain the abuse to your friends, which is very subtle unlike physical abuse.
get some other thinking friends too
I have experienced this. Your mother seems normal at first glance. Friends won’t understand. If you’re fortunate enough to have another parent and siblings who acknowledge the problem (like I am) it helps alleviate the fallout of all the gaslighting she does. People shamed me for years for “abandoning your mother” but time has told me that my mental health is more important that having a persistently damaging relationship with her. It’s something I’m not sure I’ll ever be at peace with. No matter how many times I’ve cautiously expressed my feelings about our relationship to her, it always turns into her playing the victim, name calling me, slandering my siblings and other parents, and a spiral of very personal and painful attacks. I’m sorry if your experience is anything like mine. I hope you learn the power of setting boundaries and never wavering or compromising. You can gain control of your half of the relationship. I encourage you to eliminate situations that have triggered this bad behavior in the past. My mother loves to argue and back me into a corner when I’m in a moving car with her, or we are somewhere without and easy way to leave (vacation, shopping in another city, etc). The common denominator? She knew I couldn’t go anywhere so she could act however she wanted.
Yes they'll say you're overreacting
@@Nokss87 my mom cursed at my friend because she keeps telling to leave my narcissist husband... i was on the phone and she said "leave my daughter alone bitch", thats when i realized she has no idea how evil my mother is, my mom is MASSIVE narc.
@@Hi_Its_LP I find out a month after my mother died. She was a pretty messed up person.
Mother. Husband. Friend. Ended all those relationships.
I've learned not to be so empathetic. I've learned to like living alone. It's a lot safer.
Truth.
AMEN Jeanette!
If all your relationships are broken, you need to look within. Not meant to be totally alone. Were they trying to help you or control? Most often people are trying to help.
Yep! I never married and I don't date. I do have a few close friendships though. I'd rather live this way and I have lots of interests and hobbies.
@@Solidrock-jq6rp Not if they're narcissists. Once you've been abused by a narcissist, it's very hard to trust anyone. Maybe in YOUR life most people are trying to help but not in everyone's life.
I have had realtionships with narcs that were not intimate ones. They toy with your mental health. I am glad that I don't deal with any of them on a daily basis anymore
Narcissists definitely leave you scarred ,dealing with.them is so draining and painfiul.
Never give them money no matter what.
Don't give them your time ever.
Don't want anything from them.
Reject, refuse and deny them at every opportunity.
@@Tethloach1 yes Very Good advice. 😛
YESSS DRAININGGGG!
@@elizabetqueen7566 yep ..
yessssssss
It took me 17 years to figure out I was married to a narcissist. This stuff should be mandatory teaching in all high schools. I'm embarrassed to admit at 66 years old, I had no idea what I was dealing with.
@@dwilliams7384 My heart hurts for you Diane. It is so unfair to feel like your life has been robbed by your spouse, the one person on this Earth you should be able to rely on. How will the next generation learn of this without having to learn by experience. Hugs and God Bless my friend 🙏
Diane Williams this is the first step in a new journey! it’s so hard to be objective about seeing how much time you invested into a crumby return BUT you have today to take stock of how you can do better in honoring yourself tomorrow & more fully in the future you are currently creating. let yourself feel that grief & let it go when you’re ready. you will feel weird at first but happiness is a learned emotion when you’ve been engaging in learned helplessness muscles. be patient w yourself! good changes take time 💞
Yes. I agree thousand times. This has to be mandatory teaching at high school.
Im 55 & although we have been in separate bedrooms for about 3 years I still live with him. We have 2 adult children together. Im disabled now & on a very limited income so I haven't had the money to move out even though that's what I want more than anything in the world right now! So I feel ya hon! But it's not our fault! These people know how to keep us around. They know just what to say & do at the right moment to keep you from leaving! And it has happened many times in the 30+ years we have been together. I feel I should have seen it myself many many moons ago & moved on so that by now my life might be something I could be proud of. But instead Im stuck & no way out! Almost everyday is a day from from hell! I leave to go shopping & don't want to go home cause the minute I walk in the door it starts! I just don't know how Im getting out of this! I feel so trapped! Now our adult children are having problems with life issues & I feel it's my fault for not seeing it sooner & getting out for their sake!
Carla Kool don’t be embarrassed, your a warrior and survivor ♥️
A narcissistic mother; stepfather and two narcissistic sisters. I moved to another country! It’s a miracle I’m alive
Wow my mom and two sisters do all of what the lady is saying too me I was scared to move far away but it's hitting real different now I'm just gonna do It my 19yr old been wanting to leave. she just said to me yesterday mom when was we the happiest I said when we weren't around any of them but I started missing my mom but I'm about to get on it.
@@iceberg9223 praying for u🙏🏻 I’ve also dealt with a narcissistic mother and left at the age of 17 to then only go back by force and still ended up moving out when I was 19. The best thing to do when dealing with people like this.. is to LEAVE. These people don’t want to change and u can’t keep sacrificing you and your child for them when they aren’t even seeking to change.
A narc mother and a psychopath father. I know what you are saying.
I'm so glad you got away. Nightmare situation.
That’s what I’m trying to do! Happy for you.
I'm a 58-year-old male and in the last year I've come to learn that I was raised by a narcissistic mother. Interestingly, I started a medication for epilepsy a year ago and that really opened to door to understanding what was going on. It's been an amazing year. Thanks to all the doctors and therapists trying to help folks with these situations!
He made me feel like I was being the narcissistic one. I thought I was going crazy. Keep questioning myself.
Same! When he was accusing me of things it felt like he was describing himself.
Oh my god! Yes! Im going crazy right now!
Yes! If I had a dime for every time she called ME selfish, I'd be rich.. Unfortunately, I started to believe it.
@@JoMama123451234 Omg, yes! I used to get that all the time...
That’s what the person is doing to me. I have been with this person for years and he said he thought I had bpd and I needed help and was the one with mental health issues going on. He is also in the psychology field so I feel like he is slowly brainwashing me and I am getting worse mentally. Like I can’t do anything about it.
- Trouble making decisions
- A feeling of helplessness
- Social withdrawal
- Anxiety
- Chronic sense of second-guessing about bigger issues
Thank u
👋😔
I have all of these
I have all of these!
@@CameraShii86 same I want to do something about it but I am just too young, I keep my mouth shut even when he hits or curses at me I show no emotion so he doesn't get the satisfaction he craves I am just working on myself and trying to do good to the world and even if he hits me or curses at me I try not to make him upset because I believe in this saying if you throw wood in to a burning fire that fire would just get bigger I hope anyone who is going through my situation or any issue in their life you can do it never lose hope... (sorry for my bad English)
I had a narcissistic "best friend" for 3 years. Haven't spoken to him in 9 months and life has become calm and beautiful again
Curious. How is the patterns for a friend? And how he/she slip under the radar?
Zac Adam Morrison sign 1) they love gossip 2) they hate others 3) controlling 4) lacks empathy 5) blames you 6) gossips about you 7) irritated you 8) doesn’t have other friends cause they only talk about themself 9) always underestimates you 10) never asks how are you
Me too
I just ended a friendship 3 months ago with my now ex bestfriend. I got tired of gaslighting, silent treatments instead of communinacting, one sided friendship, it's always your fault, never admit her mistakes or say sorry. Has no remorse or empathy. Hates me for who I am. Always busy finding faults in me when I'm busy excusing her toxic traits.
I'm still going through the trauma bond. But I hope one day, I'll get over this. I can't wait to be healed.
@@sababajwa93 This was an insight man :D
Thanks you :)
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Additionally, My ex narc managed to never get caught! However , he was “ hiding “ in plain sight! You notice the strange behaviors ( tilting phone screen so you can't see what they're texting , needing privacy for all calls and hanging up quick if you walk near them , telling insignificant lies when there's no need to , etc ) and you just feel a bad vibe! They have all sorts of tricks because they've been doing this stuff for so long! I later found out he was cheating on me with his ( 5th ) ex wife and another girl who worked at a nearby restaurant! through this forensic expert *Metaspyhub@gmail. com* ...
Thanks for this. 10 years coming to the end. Ive never seen her so nasty, vile and pure evil. The threats are getting more and more severe and the rate of threats are becoming more frequent
You are just a suit in their imaginary life. There is nothing you can do to escape their awful script, if you don't say your lines the way they want, it doesn't matter. They will accuse you of saying them anyway.
Really appriciate this
It couldn’t be more personal. There are people in her life she treats with decency like the man she had an affair( tall handsome “endowed” her words to me) her father ( who spoils her with money as does her new senior citizen husband. All these men get her adoring sweet side and/ or sexual side. I sat alone while dying of cancer. Because I chose to call her out when she lied Since then I’ve been ostracized in every possible manner. Even when I’ve fought for my life.
I’ve known violent ex cons , schizophrenia and bipolar sufferers that were infinitely kinder to me.
When you are young and married your mind doesn't go there but as you get older the observations are poignant. My ex always seemed to cut down the way I looked. I was insecure after he finished.
My mom was a narcissist and she gaslighted me so much that when i was in a bipolar mixed episode, I felt I was going actually crazy that I thought I had to kill myself to escape and the psychosis I had just added to the fire. When I was about to hang myself she caught me and she was immediately loving and non manipulative, but when I got stable, she would start again. It was hell. I was losing my mind, but I decided to trust myself and I moved to another country. Best decision of my life.
Wow that takes a lot of courage and spirit. I'm glad you are in the world to tell your story. I almost committed suicide once but when I thought it through, I decided to live instead of die. Things changed for me then.
Omg..terrible..glad you got out..and away from her..
Wow I’m glad you didn’t give up on yourself & found peace.
Sending kind healing thoughts your way, it's so horrible when someone you depend on for empathy treats you that way.
Thank God!! Be well!
Something Dr Ramani missed is this: Suspicion of the motives of everyone a person meets once the narcissist has gone. Difficulty in ever trusting again. Development of a thick protective shell that is hard to dismantle and prevents the sensitivity and vulnerability required in being in a new relationship. She was right about withdrawal. Faced with what I have just described, that withdrawal is a refuge. A lonely one. Making a person feel as if they are out of the running, in life. Imagine if some genuine good person approaches you and the first thing that comes to your mind is: What is this person up to? What is their motive? And so relationships can fail before they even start.
You are so right. Especially if you have had a narcissist in your life for a long time. My mother and ex were narcissists I have no idea what a loving relationship is - seems way too much of a risk to even try.
I agree that I stay away from the people around me. Trust issues, same ole crap again, can't love again, and the list goes on. At some point I either have to give up or take a risk that scares the hell out of me
I also had ex and grandmother who was a narcissist. The marriage almost killed me. I didn't have the agency or money to go to therapy. I was left broken and bankrupt. My dad says an alcoholic so went to twelve step for families of alcoholics in desperation. I found out the tools and support they use saved my life. Progressed alcoholism shows up similar to narcissism. Five years later in able to trust, be vulnerable, date, etc. There's hope. Even if you go to therapy or start your own support group. Helping each other understand what we've been through is invaluable. I wish you the best.
@@cinnflowergirl Are you saying go to alnon? Or addict meetings? There are no help groups in my area for narcissium. . for the abused.
Feel the same. I know this is not healthy but dear god I cant risk it to go through this again. I guess you have to get a certain amount of self trust, that youve learned, and all the bull the narc said about you is not true. I speak to myself here when I say, self love and self confidance is needed and needs to be worked on. Giving yourself enough self love and recognition that you will bounce quicker away if anyone mistreats you, and self confidance/ trust, that you know the signs and trust your judgement. So Ive heard, "love is not meant to hurt" yes we are not all perfect, but being more clear on your boundries what you will or will not tolerate, cuz from now on your gonna treat yourself like a 5 star queen, and will not except anything less. I think thats where we go wrong, our good people pleasing hearts that borders into disrespecting our self worth. Figure out what past demons are keeping you there, once you face your past demons one by one, feel the feelings, until the narc has no buttons left to push and you see them for who they are... Im way beggining of this journey, so all Im doing is talking aha. Best of luck. Take back your power at all costs! 💛. Love.
ended a friendship with a narcissist recently and I couldn’t be more grateful
You got this and are definitely on a true path to peace happiness and productivity.
Same here!!!
🤔👌🇬🇧
I can really relate to the struggle against the confusing mind games of a narcissist. It's like walking through a maze where the walls keep shifting. Your story resonates deeply because, like you, I felt so isolated, doubting my own reality, as if my confidence was slipping through my fingers.
I completely agree
Something I've noticed is that it carries on to other relationships, especially if you grew up with it. You have no gage for how you should be treated and are thankful that anyone is willing to spend their time on you.
So true! What’s interesting is how this plays out when validation goes hand in hand with a career.
yep, me too. Being overly grateful isn't a great attractive quality, and I do it all the time when someone I like spends any attention on me. Also the over apologising for nearly everything, apologising for just being. The new person in your life doesn't have the same low opinion of you the way the narcissist has, but my filters can't see that. Bollocks to all that now!!!
@@robertgd3429 thank you for sharing
@@robertgd3429 Ditto. I finally got rid of a 5 year 'relationship" almost 3 months ago BUT it took, and continues to take, a LOT of therapy. I almost fell on the floor when I was handed an exercise on do-dependency-only a handful of the 50 items did NOT apply to me. Now finishing "Co-Dependency No More" by Melody Beattie. Again, it is like she wrote it for ME and with this guy.
Oh gosh that is very true. I feel like I don't have a clue how to be myself.
When I told my daughters that I was divorcing their narcissistic stepmom, their exact words were " Good! We get our dad back!!" I did not realize how much I had pushed them away!!
happy for u man
awesome! you never pushed them, you were very close to them and children are smart if you let them observe. You made the right decision and your children response is good sign 😃👍👍👏👏
I was worried about my teen daughter when the divorce papers were filed and I asked her how she felt about it. She said she liked it so much better after he moved out because there's no more yelling. There is now peace and quiet, no fear, no oppression. You don't fully realize how much in "fight or flight" mode you were in until there is calm and you forgot what that was like. It's a drama-free zone now ! We celebrate our new freedom while we heal from our wounds. The regret of giving any amount of time to that man, never mind DECADES, is a tough load to bear. Good luck to everyone here. Be kind to yourselves.
My daughters said the same when I left after more than 50 years
My father has stayed married to his narcissistic wife its unbelievable
I cried when I watched this video…for 15 years I always thought this is not a healthy marriage, but to find out that I was abused for years.. is truly devastating
I am crying with you.
I cried when I started watching Dr. Ramani's videos as well. Everything finally started to make sense. It also took me 15 years to realize my marriage is like this. I am still married and trying to navigate it, but Dr. Ramani's videos have really helped me. You're definitely in good hands watching her videos. Don't lose hope and I wish the best for you!
It’s normal to cry and feel sad for our selves after this kind of mental abuse. But don’t let it drag for long time. After discovering his true narcissistic mentality, I was hurt even more for a while. I felt back stabbed. but somehow after the puzzle was completed and I saw the clear picture, he cannot hurt me anymore. I became immune to his manipulation.
I wish you all the best! Be strong and make the narcissist plans indifferent to you. Look after your self and heal🙂
28 years for me. As a male I wasn't on the receiving end of physical abuse but a mountain of emotional abuse from someone who became a completely different person the day after we got married. All about power and control in a relationship. I wanted a better life and got that even being single, did not want to pass that point where it still wasn't feasible to exit - which I see is really sad considering a relationship should enhance your life, not put you in the depths of depression. It has upset me for the time I wasted and what I accepted when I should not have. 10 years on I have remarried and have a beautiful kind woman as my wife who truly loves and respects me, as do I with her.
It took me 26 years together; 24 married. I left 10 years ago and I'm still suffering from the effects of years of being put down, verbally abused, gaslit, and doing mental gymnastics to try and find just the right way to say something so thatcI wouldn't be automatically accused of attacking him.
3:28 & 3:50 - This CONSTANT feeling of paralysis is unfortunately incredibly relatable...
I burst into tears when she said the 5th one...that's the stage I'm currently in and I can't explain how horrible it feels to be misunderstood by everyone around me, especially my loved ones. I guess it was validating that I'm not alone or abnormal for struggling like this.
That’s were I am too. It sucks. I’m leaning on Jesus Christ and I think that alone is the only thing from keeping from completely losing my mind. I pray for you and all the other victims of narcissistic abuse.
OMG!!! Me too! I started crying because the paralysis is terrible. I don't trust myself at all and I feel so stuck. I have questioned my intelligence and have wondered what is wrong with me for years. This is definitely the issue. I was raised by narcissists and all my relationships have been with them. I know nothing else and I need to figure out how to function for myself in health.
You and me both, after 4 years with a psychotic psychopath sociopath I’m free but broken!
I’m in the exact same place also! 40 years and just woke up. However I find myself very confused and I just wander around the house without accomplishing anything! So sad because I had such a great childhood and was a very strong person before I met him and I am mad at myself for ending up with a person like this!!? But then I ask “why me”? I usually feel everything has a reason but now I realized that I have been forced to live in the shadow of his shitty childhood.. I’m done!
This must be so hard for y’all to endure. I don’t know what to say except what helped me get through which is: YOU KNOW YOUR TRUTH! Even though no one else may understand, please trust yourself. Again, know your truth, it’s valid and very real. Your feelings are very real and you deserve peace in your heart. Sometimes I felt so alone and in the dark but I had to keep reminding myself that I even if I am the only one who can understand what’s really happening, that’s enough. Hold on tight to your heart and keep watching dr ramini everyday. Best of luck ❤️❤️
That’s why I always act strong because I know people can tell I’ve been through abuse and other narcissists have been attracted to my weakness. People don’t know how much of a warrior you have to be to survive this stuff.
Hopefully, you’re only “faking it till you make it,” because you’re ALSO doing the inner work to ACTUALLY become strong. 💪
As you reconnect w/ yourself by honing your instincts and developing strong, healthy boundaries, you can actually be NONCHALANT (i.e., not overcompensate) because you’ve transformed ENERGETICALLY, and everyone can tell…even narcs, which means that they won’t be hovering around you, like the vultures that they are.
Monitor your healing progress by testing or observing how people react to you. I always saw my breakthroughs reflected in who I attracted (or didn’t attract), and how people treated me. My behavior also changed, but it was all organic to who I’d become.
Take it all in stride, and CELEBRATE EVERY TEENY, TINY VICTORY! 🎉 You’ve earned it thru blood,sweat & tears, so never minimize anything you’ve worked hard towards, that means anything to you-as a bonus, you know it’ll upset every single narc who’s ever wanted to see you suffer & crumble.! 😂
Unfortunately I think my strength was one thing that attracted my ex covert narc. However he spent the next 7 and 1/2 years convincing me that everything we had was because of him. Therefore for the first two months after our separation I was panicking because I didn't know what I was going to do without him. It's been a little over a year now since our separation and I mentioned this to my daughter the other day and she laughed. I raised her and her brother for 25 years by myself and as she said, there's no one stronger. I just allowed him to make me think otherwise. What I'm saying is just being strong does not repel them. They are attracted to people with the qualities they want and are envious of
@@SLS61959 He USED your strength (and talents) to benefit himself, but he, like all narcs, are tapped into people’s VULNERABILITIES, and he saw that you didn’t know your own worth-no one who does would believe anything a narc says, because all truths are self-evident, and it’s obvious that narcs live in a world that’s comprised only of delusion.
Your narc ex wouldn’t be able to convince you that HE was the powerful one, if you already knew the truth. At least you’re coming to realize it now. Life can be amazing, if you understand just how powerful you are-as you heal, any trauma-bonding or codependency will simply slip away from your programming, and you’ll feel REBORN. ✨
Please help me
@@munterboy1744 You have to make sure the narcissist in your life doesn’t know that you know. I have to play dumb even until this day around my parents.
Please have compassion for yourself because Holiday weeks and weekends are particularly hard when you’re experiencing narcissistic abuse.
Narcissistic abuse and tactics is really spiritual warfare. You have to battle in the spirit just as much protect yourself physically and mentally. Even if you are an atheist, I genuinely recommend that you go into a safe space today and pray out loud to God.
My relationship with God, asking for help to God, and asking Him to heal me and help me survive this is the only reason I’m still alive. He will help save you. Listen to the Bible, don’t be afraid to cry and be honest about your situation - God will find you and make a way. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this.
Listen to Lisa A Romano who helped me understand what I was experiencing - she’s on RUclips.
It’s really really hard and you have to accept where you are in order to start making changes and getting your strength and energy back. I will pray for you my friend
1. Walking on eggshells.
oh thats how i realizied it in my relationship!
That feeling applies with other personality disorders. My sister had Borderline Personality Disorder and I never new how she was going to twist my words or actions into something I couldn’t recognize.
Absolutely
Always fearful. Everyday was planned according to how he felt that day
Constantly coddling his wants in needs. Doesn't even seem to know or care who I am, what I wantt
He asks a wonderful question that I’ve had to ask multiple times. “Why would they do that to someone they love?”
I'm still asking the question to my wife who refuses to take any responsibility for her actions towards me, so I've walked away and now filing for a divorce
Because it is not a shared emotion. It's entirely one sided, and not about their partner.
They don't love they just don't want to be lonely .....and don't want to lose a person who deals with their crap
A narcissist's relationships are conditional and transactional. You serve a purpose. Love requires selflessness, which they cannot understand because everything they do has strings attached.
I had a narcissist dad and recently ended a narcissistic relationship when I realized I was in the same cycle that I was in with my dad growing up and what my mom went through with him. I feel so free now
So happy for you!
Thank God
That's really great! I'm only just realising now that my dad is narcissistic simply because I've now met people who are very similar who really frustrate me. My last boss always made me feel like I was less than I really was in order to keep me down and made him feel more powerful. It reminded me of my dad.
That was trauma bonding
Same
Holy crap, I didn't even realize. I was wondering why I struggle so much to make decisions and form my own opinions or have my own dreams.
its cz gaslighting they did to ruin ur brain
Same here
Take my hand. Let's reject humanity and go back to monke
@@abbeyb.4596 I even get PTSD from their horrific abuse , u can only get some sense by talking to a survivor or someone who has been in the same shoes
@SSR Blackbird This is exactly what needs to happen
I was married to a narcissist for 3 years, together for 5. I have never been treated so badly by anyone ever... yet I thought it was all my fault. It destroys your sense of self. You become a shell of a person. Hoping that anyone suffering with this can find a way out.
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. What ever you do, don’t attempt to tail your spouse in the hopes of catching him or her cheating. Get a professional to do it for you Metaspyhub@gmail. com Ethical remote App - particularly if you need this evidence to file for divorce and damages.
Thank you ❤
Thank you so much for this message❤
He made me have low self esteem,anxiety and doubt all the time.
This explains so much. I'm in my late 30s and while everyone seems to have a kids, marriage, career - I'm plagued with "What should I do in life", questioning what's right, questioning my own likes, etc. Thank you. Narcissistic abuse TRULY destroys your life.
Same
Damn. I feel this.
=( same
Same here
Same 😔
Having a dog there is one of the most calming things. Thank u 💖
I wonder if it's Kyle's emotional support animal 🤔
Yes! Who cannot feel better just by the presence of such a doggy? :-)
Thats his baby ❤ my white cat is at my side at all times when im home and has to be at my side just like that with that same expression 😂. This is an emotional support human situation lol.
Fluffy kitties
I was a wreck that he was going to start licking his butt.
after 46 years of marriage with a husband that is a Narcissist, I am divorcing him and getting free, with Jesus on my side
I wish I could find confidence.
How is it going?
@@joannedolan4888 Jesus loves you and will help you.,
Amen!!!
good luck, it took some time but you we're able to break free, never too late to start over
I have been married 47 years to a narcissist that has been abusive to me and our sons. I am ending the relationship this year. I am in legal counsel. Thanks for your help
Good on you... taking your life back, when you finally understand what YOU want, is empowering. 36 years for me, 4 years out, my issue at moment, may not be the same for you... I'm still in litigation but been no contact for 4 years, heaven! ... do lots of research, Richard Grannon is also really good, stay true to yourself (learn to listen to your instincts again), understand they are going to do everything they can to push your buttons and make you look like the crazy one... have patience with yourself, be kind to yourself... and when it feels like you're taking a step back, you're not... because you're learning all the time and you are actually moving forward.
... and stay safe!
Please do
Good luck to you. You will be so happy not to be around that toxic energy
Good for you!!!
I just want to remember that feeling of breathing peacefully
Fight for your peace of mind and don't allow people to penetrate your force field. It will feel so much better that way. And remove yourself even if it's just into another room. Peace.
@@dianecfranich my name is Jess I have to use his yt account. Thank You for reaching out, it really gets overwhelming sometimes and simple things I don't know why I can't think of it on my own sometimes it means alot to hear from someone who isn't in the tornado and can see clearly
@@jontoering7792 ❤
Dude, yeah, I freaking feel you Jon. The only reprise I get is after 30 min of meditation, but it’s kinda unfortunate cuz I’d prefer it to feel less breathless ALL the time. I hope you’re hanging in there buddy, and best of luck getting rid of those wackos
composer same to you Friend GOD Bless
Low self worth. You are at first drawn to the person who seems to lift you up, but then they dismantle any self worth you had until you feel or do all these 5 things Dr. Ramani talks about.
Correct
My childhood was surrounded by narcissism on my dad's side. Dad, cousins, uncles, aunts, and even Grandma. Gaslighting, triangulation, and I'm just now understanding it all.
I think there is a little Narcissist in everyone
My dad too, it hurts to realize that we let them do that to us
I was just engaged to a narcissist. I was with him for 2 years and always knew something wasn’t right and did question if he was a narcissist or had BPD. I finally cut him off 3 weeks ago and I’ve gone no contact. He’s currently out on a smearing campaign, which I was prepared for. I can’t be happier than I finally pulled the plug.
Good for you. And you proved to yourself you were right, an adult would be disappointed but find a way to part respectfully.
Good for u! congrats! 😊 the smearing campain is painful but u can make it. my ex used to threaten me and than tell his family im threatening him. it hurted than. but now it just shows i will be better without him.
He will never stop trying to get you to respond. After one year, today he left a message again! He is Blocked. I never ever reply. All I have to do is remember his treatment to me a year ago and I press delete!! Be on guard.
How are you coping? I have the same amount of time ...as you since I called him out on all his shit and he inevitably "discarded" me because he avoids looking within.
You’re so lucky you had that strength!
The idea of second-guessing really resonates with me: of never validating my own judgment, which turns out to be very good.
I couldn't even place my feelings. I felt it was me. I even apologized. Hearing this makes me feel I'm not crazy after all, I have actually been abused!
I have been questioning my feelings too... When the time is right for you, walk away...
Same awakening I've had one literally been abused and I didn't realise it. Energy vampires man 😐😩
My adopted grandfather was a narcissist. From age 4-25 he tried to control every aspect of my life. Wasn’t interested in things I actually enjoyed- just wanted to push his own narrative on me. He passed away recently and everyone saw him as such a wonderful person but I believe he’s the reason my dad took his own life (he’s my paternal grandfather) when I was only 4 years old. My whole family is unsupportive of me because I didn’t see my grandfather as a good person and I called them out on social media. It was in the most respectful way possible but they don’t care. You CANNOT see him as a bad person.
♥
I relate to this heavily … I lost my father to Narcissistic Abuse
If you ever doubt that you are in a narcissistic relationship, distance yourself from them and write down your thoughts on that situation. The more time passes the more you realize how disgusting and manipulative their actions were.
Sometimes it's difficult to identify if that makes sense. In my own situation my mother is definitely NPD, and my first wife ticks the boxes as well. When you've been conditioned to it being brought up you don't realise how wrong it is. Whilst my mother is the classic emotional blackmailer and easy to spot these days the ex wife was a gaslighter, which is sometimes very difficult to negotiate e.g. managed to convince me I was a sub standard person and failure as a husband, neither of which were true, but I went through a period actually believing it and fell into a deep depression as a result. I found that more damaging than anything. With these people it comes down to power and control in the relationship, whether parent child or husband wife. That's what it was with both.
This is what led me to finally leave. I always knew things weren’t right, but it was easy to dismiss each day and just move onto the next. It’s survival mode.
But a little over a month ago, something triggered me to start writing things down. I created a secret email and started emailing myself memories. Events. How he behaved. How I behaved. Situations, discussions, every little thing that popped up.
The email list grew so long within a few days, that the decision I needed to make was clear. I started looking into narcissism, and realized he is almost word for word a narcissist. Coupled with significant spiritual abuse, I couldn’t stay. Thankfully most of my younger kids wanted to come with me, only one chose to stay with him (though I suspect it’s more work related than dad related). My older kids see his behavior as normal, and I believe that he’s “helping” them realize how “crazy” and “unstable” I am. My daughter is coming around… but the boys…. :(
But back to the point, I agree. Write everything down. It feels super petty at first. But that’s what has been drilled into your head. You aren’t allowed to bring up your hurts, because they’re such trivial little things. But their hurts are of epic proportions.
@@DahliaBrynn
😊❤❤😊
@@DahliaBrynn....oh my Gosh. I had to look at the author of this comment twice because it sounded EXACTLY like my story, even the way I write. Wow
I did this last night. The cons was over 50 the pros was 2 🥴
I am an empath and was in a 16 year long relationship with a narcissist. I'm only 32 so it's all I've ever known. I have finally ended the madness and have never felt so much peace now that he's gone. Thank you for your videos, they are helping me heal, to know I was never crazy and I'm not alone.
❤️❤️I hope you fully heal, and I hope I heal
valentina bustos same here
I'm 48 I feel my life has been wasted...I don't see any future to be honest.
I'm almost 32 and was in a 16 year relationship that ended last year and it also was all I knew!! I've been single and happy for 1 year and just realizing my ex is a narcissist!
@@paulacrowder7701 I know how you're feeling because I felt the same way. I spent 12 years with a narcissist and finally got out when I was 30. I had to rebuild myself from scratch. I had to figure out who I was and what I liked to do. My advice to you is to figure out who Paula is and what Paula likes. Once you get to know yourself, things will start to get better for you. Hang in there! You're not alone and you will be okay. Stay strong.
It’s scary how common this is
I am currently going through a divorce with a narcissist. It's been a hard emotional process but I am staying strong
my mom is a narcissist; and my first ever relationship was with a narcissist. my entire mom's side of the family is full of narcissists, actually; it's a generational cycle. you have the black sheep who is either shunned out of the cycle or escapes on their own, and everyone else ends up perpetuating it into the next generation. it's incredibly depressing.
Same here! :((
Yes!
It’s a toxic cycle 😓
This is literally my story
The whole World is full of narcissists today,why the World is so cold today,the 70’s was such a warm place for me.
In the aftermath of the narcissist abuse, I feel sick when I hear see or feel the narc is nearby. I am an empath and have never felt this repulsed by anyone.
Yes I believe you 🙏
Your not alone 💔❤️
Same here! I ran into an ex bf narc a few years ago and I was shaken up for days.
I’m currently having a situation with my family. every time I see them I shut down for a few days. It’s terrible. I would legit get sick to my stomach and have sweats etc. I distanced myself and received horrible guilt messages. I’m contemplating blocking calls next.
i think i was best friends with a narcissist for a couple years that i’ve lost sense of who i am. i doubt everything i do and i now believe i’m a narcissist myself. i have mental breakdowns over this and idek if what i’m feeling is normal :/
All of these symptoms continue after you leave. Actually that’s when the real work begins.
Yes please, do tell me how to overcome....
Pete Farmer you first must find your spiritual anchor. Mine is Jesus Christ- not the church one, but the Bible Christ. Find a Bible with a good concordance. Focus on how you feel. Find that feeling in the concordance and read every verse until you find the one that resonates with you and meditate on those words.
When I first left, the most difficult part was dealing with loneliness and knowing I made a choice to be alone. I found strength from the word of God in the middle of the night I clung to God’s word and the more I did the more peace I found. My whole goal was finding the positive, confident person I was before dealing with the soul snatcher, my narcissist. I got back into school. That really helped boost my confidence when I earned my AS in Communications. There was a time when I first left I did not have the confidence to cut hair and I had the only five star salon in La Jolla on Yelp. The self doubt is hardest to deal with, sometimes paralyzing. And that’s where the studied verses if the Bible saved me. “No weapon formed against me shall prosper.” Steer away from dating until you can fully date yourself- be comfortable in your own skin. No fear in going to an art show, a play with an old friend.
We have to fall in love with ourselves again. I really did not like going to therapy They only wanted to fill me with drugs and keep digging into my childhood instead of helping me live today. They only wanted to deal with my mind when my spirit was aching. Be careful of groups, sometimes I found myself absorbing someone’s low energy. My best advice is to get back to nature. Walk on the grass barefoot. Sit at the beach and watch the sunset. Appreciate the little things. Enjoy the wind blowing through your hair, the sun shining on your face. Little children playing in the playground. Taking care of a dog is nice. It’s a lot of work, but caring for life that gives you unconditional love is very healing. Love and respect yourself and God will bring you through. God bless you Pete. It’s not easy, but you can do it. Trust yourself that you can.
Pete Farmer The fact that you used the word “overcome” is our true purpose here on earth. We are all born into some ungodly situation that we did not create, but we must “overcome”. And we do when we tune in to our creator and reconnect our mind, body and spirit. I’m excited for you Pete. YOU WILL OVERCOME!!!
@@petefarmer3514 I recently had hypnotherapy, my MY REAL life has finally started 😊
@@imanitrobinson9485
Thank you, as it is super difficult. Changing perspective. Working on it. This will take some time. Really appreciate your understanding.
God Bless Everyone
It’s my mother who’s the Narcissist & at 53 I broke down. She’s 85 and your videos are so on point with how she behaves, especially the rage when I don’t do as she demands and lack of empathy, selfishness and entitlement. Your videos have been a huge source of therapy for me.
It's hard because when it's all you know, you have a bond with them and care a lot about them, but they make you feel shitty and even make you feel depressed. It's a vicious circle. I can relate to every single thing the Dr is saying.
that is why u need to break the trauma bond
@IKA TASYAA BILLAH - kamu indonesian?
@IKA TASYAA BILLAH - ur name like indonesian. Bisa bahasa indo kan?
@IKA TASYAA BILLAH - if u need a help regarding some question about npd u can message me in instagram @npdawarenessid i am writing my own book too about this as almost all my fam have this disorder
Same
3 years and was engaged to her. She left me for my best friend. Best gift god could ever give me. Don’t let them back in
The most difficult hurdle for myself in the beginning was simply regulating my emotions again. The narcissist create such emotional highs and lows, that it truly messes with the chemicals in your brain.
mike pepper facts omg especially if you've been with them for years or all your life so far you almost feel like a new person when you wake up but also so horrible and lost
Omg yes, I just broke up with the narc AGAIN, and yeah I'm trained basically to freak the fuck out because little tiny things have meant disastrous consequences for so long. I haven't relaxed in four years. I've been in fight or flight mode for four years. Hopefully in time it will go away
This is not an easy thing to figure out. If you ever do, it sure is a sign you're a genius.
@@MicsDown2Nonsense The comment section has helped me get over that person.
Same...well put
I'm going threw all these symptoms from a narcissistic best friend ,at times I didn't even feel worthy to eat, witch caused me to lose weight witch made problems worse,I still feel like nothing I ever did was enough ,that I'll never feel back to the way I use to before I met them,I remember my aura was so bright when I walk in a room,now I feel it dim and blinking.I never wish this type of abuse on anybody,the threats,the stealing from me,the constant worry that if I even said something wrong,their would later be consequences,and I was forced to push my feelings down if their ever wqs an issue, ext,and I still miss them the spark of how quickly we became friends and related with each other never really left my heart, I'm not a person who makes friends easily,but the way she started changing shocked me,it hurts my heart. Like a
Although empathic, I'm really grateful for my sense of self and my ability to be honest with myself about my feelings. I used to get so manipulated and call it out right away then gaslighted right after that. And it's such a vicious cycle. Sending hugs to everyone dealing with a narcissist. You aren't imagining it. Yes they're charming but you deserve security and love too.
Yes, I think if I was anyone else the abuse from my narc ex would’ve absolutely devastated. I do feel broken even with my strong sense of self
Hugs back to you as well. Your heart is treasure. Never lose it, guard it, and share it with the right ones
@@jadewall6745 I am so sorry you are going through this. I pray for you and hugs. It will always be a opportunity for freedom from it. Grab it when it comes and never ever lose yourself
They like blaming you for everything....Selflove can save you. Stay healthy inside. Walk away and let go❤️
The narcissist makes it difficult for the significant other to even think.
This breaks my heart because i hid from the world, i avoided being around family and friends, I lost any faith in myself ever making a choice that i didnt regret later. I hated being in this body and how alone and pathetic i was standing still and having shame and anger and most of me buried under the carpet…. I always felt like being in this relationship was an everyday reminder of how i was worth so little, and they are the crazy ones for being here with me, and settling for less..
I relate so much about the paralysis. Sometimes I open my mouth to speak up and I literally become speechless. I can't live like this!!!!
Thank you for your comment. I just recently started to develop stuttering and I never had a problem with speech.
That's exactly how i felt. When I wanted to speak It was like I had an invisible hand over my throat stopping me from saying anything; I would frequently think to myself "it's not even worth it." He also had gnarly ADHD and was medicated, so he would go on actual 20 minute monologues about something, rarely ever asking me my opinion-- a good conversation is my favorite thing in the world, so when I would find the window to chime in after listening to his speech, he would go "yeah", and that was it. He would make me feel like I had nothing of value to offer besides sex, then he would give me attention. I started "choosing peace" over trying to be involved in talking with him, and the times when I would get to say something in context to a topic he would misconstrue what I said and shut me down. So, the way to just pass the time listening to him talk and talk and talk-- he had a german shepard who we truly imprinted on each other and has been the hardest part to get over-- I would just sit with the dog and pet him and get my serotonin from that, while I would just go "mhm" "yup" "totally" feigning agreement with his monologue
@@gabriellerivera7551 you have written exactly how I felt during my 1.5 year relationship with a presumed narcissist. I finally ended it a few days ago after he physically attacked me.
This is what happened to me at my previous workplace.
As others, I have discovered that the narcissist makes me behave in a way that is not “me”. That multiplies the issue, and the next thing you know you have been sucked into the narc’s vortex where you can’t tell who started it. It’s actually ingenious in a very sick way, really. That makes it easier for the narc to point the finger at you as the causer of all problems.
Yes! I was constantly over analyzing every little thing I said or did because I knew he’d find a way to turn it back around on me. There were times he would start arguments or fights and I WOULD be the one apologizing, for what I never really knew. I was convinced by him that I was the problem in the relationship and that I was the one who needed to do work when in reality, I was the one constantly trying to set boundaries. He never respected my boundaries. He actually broke up with me because I tried to establish a precedent for healthier communication.
Yes I feel I've become more of a mean person who wants to fight 😔
Today has been one of my worst with him.. but your comments make me actually see a little light. Maybe it isn’t really me.
@@susanotero6431 me too :/ i lash out at everybody so fast and it’s so humiliating 😞😞😞
I need someone to talk to me about this! This the first comment that's true to my situation and part of what trips me up.
Her videos actually brought tears to my eyes. I just got out of a marriage with a narcissist and I feel so validated. Im so grateful to be out I truly believe that staying would have killed me one way or another.
Girl, same.
Proud of you and inspired by your bravery!!!
I hear you! Same for me!
I've been through this... glad you got out of the relationship...
Appreciate all the comments because speaking for a friend... I'm currently struggling to save my marriage and family but deal with life with someone like this . Everytime I need to talk about how I feel it's "me attacking him" ugh so stuck right now thought I married the love of my life but after 8 years he's managed to break me down emotionally mentally the most and physically twice but he never can admit to his wrongs I shouldn't of said this or I should of listened . I know this post is old but any advice if woman who went through this or anyone will be helpful ❤️🤦♀️💔😥😔
I can listen to Dr Ramani for hours. Also, I’m strangely soothed by the dog’s appreciation for its ears being massaged
social withdrawal is also because no one understands or if they know the narc themselves, just doesn't see them as anything other than a lovely person
Also because of self doubt abd confusion, we lose confidence
This is my husband's dad. His dad left when he was young and moved far away and remarried. A few years later my husband moved in with his dad. My husband noticed a difference in how his dad treated him and the adopted family. The adopted family was getting all the love and my husband was nothing but a bank, object to treat like shit. He never got any praise, nothing he did made his dad happy. His dad never treated his own grandkids as his own, the adopted family was more important. His dad just passed about a week ago and the flood of comments on Facebook on how loving he was was surreal. Nobody saw the other side of him, that he was not seeing or loving his biological family.
Yes, it's horrible. And you feel so hopeless, lonely & depressed. If I had not become a Christian at age 15, I would not have made it. (I had been contemplating suicide since I was 10.)
The social withdrawal happens because of the smear campaign set up against you. Once smeared, you feel unwelcome by your peers, very standoffish vibe other people give off towards you, which leads you to feel anxious and a need to socially withdraw
And they always befriending them and admiring them. These narcs are so enmeshed in your life everywhere you are they are including in your friendship circle. Then those friends think you are a ingrate because to them your mom is such a sweetheart, heck even better than their mom
My ex boyfriend was a narcissist. Still makes my heart race with anxiety thinking back to the stress the relationship gave me during, and after it ended.
Exactly the way I was feeling. The constant anxiety, stress, hopelessness destroys you. So glad you are out❤
How did you leave?
I feel that way too. It's been a year since I ended things and I am revolted by the thought of him, but still woke up this morning remembering a particular time he humiliated me, and then I thought of another time, and another...and even though I didn't have to be up and about for another hour, I just called it and got my coffee so I could just end the cycle in my head. It wasn't a break up where I felt loss. It was the humiliation that kept playing in my head that plagued me.
ruclips.net/video/hkrce02APq0/видео.html
God will intervene for us through prayer really
I left my husband 3 months ago. We are married 41 years. I'm having a difficult time healing. I'm watching your videos to help me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Knowing who and what they are, is our strenth and their weakness, they are are with out a soul. keep strong
I've been married 46 years and the last time he started yelling and screaming at me broke something in me. I'm going to get counseling and go from there. I cringe when he comes home.
Sharon, I am proud of you for gaining your freedom. You get to start your life over again. You can go where you want and do what you want. Being happy is the best revenge. May peace and prosperity be poured into your soul and life.
It really does take time.
@@nana820able the Bible says man is just a breathe in his nostril. Never put someone high upon a pedestal. Especially your spouses, children, in laws, siblings, for they will disappoint you and then that can crush you.
Trust only in God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit and The Holy Bible. God is the only one who won’t leave you or forsake you. He is the only one that can save you, Love you, honor you and protect you.
At the mention of the chronic sense of self doubt...I crumbled. I feel so validated.
My mother was a narcissist. I didn’t have a name for it until I went to a therapist in my 50’s.
Susan Crook my mom is as well. What’s the type of narc that loves to the play the victim? Always saying what everyone did to her but not what she does to others? I’m in my twenties now and I’m glad that I can figure it out. I’m just mad that I couldn’t completely figure it out sooner. I’m glad that you finally free and hopefully get the healing that you deserve and need.
My "mother" too. I only figured it out when I was 36. It completely shaped my thinking and it's really hard to re-train my mind. But I've been free a year and it's getting better.
Same here. It's crazy that it took such a long time to put the puzzle together. Good luck to you!
My “mother” is a vindictive narc. Went no contact for 15 years, had a no contact relapse and went back,,,, of course the abuse continued... that’s when I found out that she’s a narcissist as well as my sister, who was her golden child and severely codependent on my mother ...and my sister’s daughter as well ...they keep it going from generation to generation ...I only found out my mother is a narcissist at the age of 51
@@youtuber-vb7qi my mum was also malignant covert narcissist, (say my psychologists when I describe her behaviour to them) I only realised what was going on when I was about 45, she died about a year after I got a good understanding of what was going on...I have many psychological issues as a result of a lifetime of targeted yet covert malicious abuse that nearly destroyed me...
I recently turned 60, and am a recovering alcoholic - 16 years sober. It took everything I had to sober up and break a family mold. Much thanks to your videos I have identified my mother's cruelty and narcissistic abuse. At 20 I married the prince of narcissism, which I divorced 25 years ago. For the past month I have been no contact with my mother, and middle child, who has been conditioned to think I am crazy. The head games are exhausting, I am so grateful to you and for my strength.
you don't look 50 holy cow!
Great job and congratulations on your sobriety. Good on you to go no contact. You are inspiring.
Stay strong. Trust urself. They play a game of not understanding and have us trying over and over to convince them. You got this Pauline.
I love you Pauline. You are SO STRONG GIRL! I feel you and have nothing but heartfelt compassion and empathy for your healing process. Dr. Ramani helps me too. She's a wonderful wonderful human being who truly IS HELPING people's understanding with this mental sickness. NPD is no joke, and it can ruin the lives of the victims. It's really important that we get super clear and strong in OUR understanding of it and how to navigate these folks.
Please anyone and everyone who has been or is going thru this...this can't be it for us all 😒
Raised by two and married to one. I'm over these people.
Same. Also my sister, brother and now step mom. Grandma, and Aunt.
Theres alot of them..its disgusting..
Wow. I’m sorry , that’s a lot to deal w/ at once. Hopefully you have some great friends to keep you sane.
What's your mental and physical health now? Is there any sickness physically or mentally?
Be careful. We are hard wired to use our opposite sex parents templates for mate seeking. I kept looking for a girl just like the girl who married dear old dad. Yeah, a girl who didn't like me and never would.
My mother is a narcissist and I became a narcissist. I’ve spent the last eight years undoing all the damage from narcissistic abuse. It is an ongoing process but I made it. And it feels amazing.
I was married to this Narcissist for over 12 years. She was really good at it, and I had no idea I was being gaslighted. Nearly lost my sanity, but finally left when I almost lost my spirit. Thank you for all your great information and inspiration, as I now know what this really is. My life is full and happy in a healthy relationship with my new wife of over 22 years!
The last line that my life is happy and healthy gives me so much of hope, For my future
Man, I am at this point now.
Thank you for sharing your experience. That confirms it is possible to recover.
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John Hartman, glad for you for getting out . I am living with a narc and want to leave, but now suffer from severe depression and anxiety attacks. All my energy is spent just trying to make it through each day with the aid of medication. Been living together for over 20 years and only noticed what was happening about 8 years ago. None of my family or friends know what is happening because she is real charming around others. I feel ashamed to tell anyone. Not sure what to do. I have also developed some physical ailments because of this. I feel like there is no way to turn. I don't expect anything from you or others, just wanted to vent.
I feel broken and empty.
And scared of the future.
Just feel so losted.
Thank you doctor you are helping rebuild myself slowly.
Keep up the good work.
Hope
You’re doing well
You are not alone.
My best advice because I care - --- Reach out to Jesus. I could not make it without His love for me and His grace that leads me into peace. No matter what storms come, He is with us and wants us no matter what . Narcissists take from us, but the Lord of my life, Jesus Christ only takes the broken ness and gives me hope, and strength to take one more step each day. He gives us the very air that we breathe and tells us to lay down our burdens , give them to him as his yoke is easy and his burdens are light. I pray that you have better days soon ahead and all blessings to you to overcome and heal.
@@kkforchrist17 thanks for this. I know it wasn't for me but I feel like I'm so lost right now and scared to go on.
Hope you are healing now
I cut the narcissist off a year ago July 2019. Today on my blocked messages there was his this morning! I have never returned his calls. Today, he sounded so sweet. “I have a million things to tell you!” All I have to do is remember his horrific treatment to me a year ago and I push Delete!
That’s how you stay strong
I haven't blocked him yet, but I do see the messages and I think the same. I actually do talk to him and it reminds me why I kicked him out. It's only been 2 months, but this is the last time in 28 years, I can't waste anymore of my life. After this long, he'll never change for me, and that's all I need to tell myself now.
Crazy how skilled they are at manipulating and charming others under their spell. It tricks the mind into thinking that maybe this time it is different and it can be pleasant. Those times are rare and even when they happen you know it’s going to be super soon before their true ways manifests toxicity right back into your life. That’s why I proud to see you steadfast in your boundaries. It gives me hope.
Congratulations, that's the only way to get rid of them and it takes a long time but you will do it!!!
I kept forgiving over and over til i shut down....it took 2 filings for divorce. First time, 2 daughters decided to get married and I knew he would not show up for the event, blaming me. After divorce, he did not show up for another wedding, "fearing my reaction!" Always, my fault for his deeds-- they were brainwashed, groomed; that is why I am very empathetic with Mallory & Mace--they are in such horrific pain! I ache for them! I hope everyone around them super- love them 24/7!
Only found these videos in the last 10 days. SO grateful. Thank you. I am finally coming to terms with a narc mother and ex husband. 58 years of abuse since conception. I always felt like Cinderella - helper, invisible, truth teller and scapegoat all rolled into one. Now I know I didn't imagine any of it. I finally am able to let go of the hurt and confusion and I have a new clarity and new expectations about life. SO grateful. 🙏
He convinced my family, and myself, that I’m crazy... I’m not crazy...
Did He pick You or did You pick Him?...You are Crazy, it's Healthy when You admit that. ""Alice in the Rabbit Hole'..everybody's Crazy Nuts.
Your freedom is Owning You! The Standards of living are subjective to Your freedom.
Br8king Tha Silence see I'm worried about that because when you warn other people or family especially the ones you need and want in your life you almost feel guilty for messing up the family more or that it's your fault and then if you try to confront the narc that's tiring just thinking about explaining everything and then you just get confused for real especially if that gaslighting shit starts like in my case I've been going thro it all my life so far so trusting myself and instincts is so tough sometimes you know
My ex tried that too.
TheCreatrixs12 I understand. That happened to me. My family were upset with me. I was the bad one. I was blamed. “How could Simeon leave which a good and Godly man?” You cant explain it, you can’t talk about it.... the gaslighting, the twilight zone experiences.... you will drive yourself crazy. You just stop. You stop and stay or you stop and go. He will continue to try and ruin you..... he will try every way:character smearing, financially, put u in the dig house while he is flaunting all of his acceptance with friends and family.... it will be awful. I experience being dropped or ostracized and literally alone. I kept telling myself “it will be ok”. “It will be ok in the end”. “Everything is always ok. I already get through it”. “I don’t know when it will be ok, but I believe it will be.”
I told myself, “if I’m disowned by my family, children, people... that I will find a place I belong. There must be people out there who would be happy to see me when I walk in a room, to be glad I came...... I will be open to that.” And in the process, I showed love and attention to my children and tried to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes it took time to see them again because I felt like their punching bag, being cut ti pieces, one child talking terrible about me to her friends... saying things that are not true.... it kills me. But, I’m told, in time, truth comes out. My other daughter has come around and isn’t so hard on me.... anyway, I could write a book... I’ll stop here.
Michelle Blair wow I don't know what to say but stay strong and maybe try to show them these videos but I understand it's so complicated Shit I was sexually abused by my narc and didn't say anything for years I still live with them and everything I even talked to my Mama and them about it my Mama comforted me and now it has to turned to forgive and forget since I'm the strong one like she says who can handle everything even tho I have shown to be very mentally unstable yet still be there for everyone but and this abuse is so muti layered and My narc barely knew what to say no sorry or nothing and they just went to ramble about themselves and the issue has just magically disappeared but I'm sick in bed for almost 9 months so now I have to come up with a game plan when I'm better thats not gonna rip my family more apart and or myself which is hard and I'm waking up to all of this and realizing the reasons I've been sick and it's just so much for me too imma stop because we both can write best sellers lol
My ex friend was a narcissist. Most of these videos centre on romantic relationships but close friendships with them can be just as devastating and exhausting.
I think my friend may have been married to one. :( Going back through my communication w/their spouse, I realized their spouse *literally* never said a kind thing abt my friend to me. :( It was startling. In the moment, I *never* would have noticed the put downs & dismissals, bc their spouse was a jokester, & a kind of lighthearted playmate at times. But, going back through texts & messages, & seeing it all at once? I nearly threw up. I was like, "How did I not see this year's ago? I'm a fucking narc detector!" ALL of spouses social media posts (on an anonymous platform) were only about THEMSELVES. The worst one I found was when I caught a tender moment between them in a candid shot, tagged both of them in it, & spouse replied w/a *disgusted eye-roll gif.*
Holy shit.
My friend has been struggling w/depression for years, could never find a reliable antidepressant, & I'm honestly pissed that it never occurred to me, "Something is seriously wrong w/ SPOUSE, not w/my friend."
Yes, these predators( that’s how I call them), are devastating. Doesn’t matter if you have sex with them or not. My advice: No contact at all times.Thanks, bye.
there is no such thing as a 'close friendship' with a narcissist.
they don't give a damn about anyone.
Yes good comments here. I am married 24 years to one and am exhausted. Sadly to make it worse i thought i had found a friend to confide in. Turned out she was also a narc and used me up. At least I could cut off from her. Now i have learnt not to confide too much to anyone and trust noone. At least it has helped my narc detector. Such an incredibly kooky lonely world as its full of them! Even my children struggle more because the next generations are groomed by all media forms to be worse. Also because many are products of dysfunctional families which is also the norm now
Word! It’s always relationships but it can be close friendships too
The worst thing after being abused by a narcissist is having to watch yourself become one to others because you no longer trust anyone to love anymore.
I grew up with a mother that was an extreme narcissist. My depression began at a very early age and my desire to kill myself started at age 13 and has continued 50 years to current. I did attempt suicide at age 42 and continue to pray for God to take me home. I wanted so badly to be in a happy and healthy marriage/relationship and was married four times to narcissistic men because that’s the personality I knew therefore was drawn to. I suffer from extreme depression (treated for 26 years), extreme anxiety disorder, and CPTSD. It wasn’t until after my most recent husband’s passing that I began doing some self-awareness work that I realized why my relationships never worked. So, now I’m in my early 60s and all alone. I never want to risk being in another relationship! I only want peace and joy in my life, I just don’t believe it will happen this side of heaven! Thank you for your information!
I've been 3 years free of my mother.. and I still can't watch videos like this for more than the first couple minutes without getting intensely triggered and bailing out. And I know I've healed so much since the beginning.
I lost my whole family in the process of cutting contact with her. Narcs don't take defeat without taking as much from you as they can. Rather reminds me of the devil; trying to get as many people into hell as he can before he's sent there for good himself.
Keep crying and keep watching. The understanding will kick in and the crying will stop. Now I am able to see how pathetic my mom actually is. They are miserable people. Adios
You are so strong. Keep fighting for you. God bless you 💗
Hi, how tough it must of been but yes, just because it's our blood relation doesn't mean it's always a great thing sadly. My family too and a best friend of 20 years....I had to break free of those relationships too dear HUGZZZ I feel for ya and hope you feel much better and free and at peace. May God bless you and protect you ~
I have been with a narcissist fiance for over a year and we got married 4 months back. This relationship has taken its toll on my mental and physical health. He has tormented me, mocked me, ridiculed me and even cheated on me. Iam so glad that I found these videos to explain what has been happening to me. I have cried myself to sleep and given so much energy to this relationship in hopes that he would somehow change and find way in his heart to love me. But I now know it was never about me. It was all him. I am going to get out of it.
Get out quietly, stay safe. They do get worse, I had to call the cops for stalking, be prepared.
The tip is to detach and view them like an interesting new species seeking to attach to a juicy host.
I had been wondering what was wrong with me for years, decades... and then, a couple of months ago, I figured out I grew up with a narcissistic mother, and that explained so many things.
i have EXACT same feeling since i discovered this last week. its heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. and you dont know what to do, because its your mother, but as a person you were never enough and never will be. Did you sever the bond with your mother?
I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor, the main narcissist being my mom. I'm 33 yo, I've been the only one working and paying for everything for over 5 years now but I've only just escaped. I finally found the strength thanks to 2 things only: 1)me being on an antidepressant for a year and going to therapy, 2)meeting my lovely girlfriend who *actually* helped me to get away - by being there, sympathizing, supporting me, organizing and physically helping with the move. She was the first and the only one to do so. It's been a month after I got away. I still dissociate and can't believe I survived and this is not a bloody dream.
My sibling has strong narc traits. Incapable of admitting wrongdoing, even when it's put right in front of them. Incapable, completely, of apologising or accepting that anything they did was wrong
Same, my sis always makes it about herself. Always wants what she wants no matter what, makes a scenario about herself, never wrong, etc. It’s really exhausting. Makes me feel guilt even when I advocate for myself.
My sibling is the same. 15 years later, I still feel stunned.
My mother was a neglectful, verbally abusive narcissist. She justified abandoning her three children and letting me raise them as a 10 year old child and constant cheating on my father due to her childhood abuse and trauma. But yet, her own children were treated much worse than she was treated as a child..... After leaving home at 17 and being homeless, I got a full scholarship to college and worked as a waitress to pay the rent on a slum apartment. I graduated from college, got a great job, moved to Philadelphia, and met a medical student on my first day on the train! I dreamed of white picket fences, a stone cottage in an exclusive Philadelphia neighborhood, but I ended up marrying a Narcissist who was also verbally and emotionally abusive, and cheated on me..... He moved me far away from my family and eventually left me to raise three boys completely by myself without any support from my family. He refused to have any visitation, never took them on a vacation, or even bought them Xmas or birthday presents presents ( he said he paid child support and that was enough)....... 14 years later I have reinvented myself, so hope is possible!!! I am 55 years old, have started a You Tube channel to reverse the aging process through proper nutrition and exercise, and am in my best mental, physical, and spiritual shape.... I still encounter narcissists ( as a teacher, I feel like 90% of principals are malignant narcissists!!), but I avoid them like the Plague that they are.... My life story is to encourage people that no matter how bad the abuse, how long the abuse occurred, and how old you are; with therapy, proper nutrition, exercise, time in nature, mediation, journaling, and connecting to your spirituality, recovery is possible. It is hard work, but you can reinvent yourself!!!
Wonderful story of overcoming your hurt and upbringing. Thanks for the inspiration.
I grew up in Philly live minutes away from Philly now and currently married to narcissist and planning my exit. My heart breaks for you sending hugs it’s unbelievable and it saddens me that there’s ppl in this world like this.
You look incredible.
I wish to be friends with you. I feel proud of you staying sane and you dare to tell the truth! YES! 90%! Yes, lack of empathy is far more common than it is being recognized in our society! ALL of my love to you!!!
you/re very resilient. Like me!
I have had many relationships with narcissists and when I think back, I realise its because I didnt know how to set boundaries with such people. I was apologetic about being myself but not anymore.. Now am happily married and have set boundaries with family where needed :)
How did you learn to set those boundaries?
Setting boundaries is key!
@@rnupnorthbrrrsm6123 you learn to set boundaries when you begin to love you, which means knowing your value. This is done with God. He reveals our value. He loves us more than anything. If that’s the case, why allow others to abuse us?
Hey Meghna..😒😔
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