I’m engaged to my fiancé and we’re planning on getting married next year, 2 years ago we were both non-practicing Catholics living in sin for years, since then we have made great strides but continue to fall from time to time. We have to do better with the help of our lord Jesus Christ, but I loved the ending of this video, we go to adoration together every week and it’s some of the most intimate time together, we both love dancing as well and it’s some of my favorite things to do with her, Theology of the body has helped so much, please pray for us and our future marriage 🙏🏾
@@TheologyoftheBodyInstitute God bless you. Actually, dancing should be added to the list of safe intimate activities with the same guardrails mentioned in the video.
Another piece of advice from someone who’s done a lot in previous relationships. Avoid being alone at each others houses. Be with friends or the room mate is home. Maybe a bit extreme for some but it’s way harder to go too far if others are around.
There was one time when I was cuddling with my girlfriend (both waiting till marriage), and we ended up getting into a position on the ground that I started to pitch a tent and I had to tell her: "hey I really like this, but I think I like this a bit too much."
Jesus loves you; Go to confession and start again; never give up; Go to mass every Sunday, Pray your Rosary every day as the Blessed Virgin Mary asked in her apparitions, Read your Bible every day, And fast... These are your weapons and protections. Fight the good fight dear, for the love of Jesus and Mary Sending my prayers ❤️✝️Ⓜ️
People used to know where the boundaries were in premarital affection. The sexual rebellion swept away those boundaries. Makes it difficult for those who want to stay celibate until marriage.
@@Poodle_Gun Mostly impossible. I live in a super liberal state, very few conservative woman who're all taken or too young or too old, let me go ahead and wait until marriage when there have been 20+ men who have taken her through the ringer, naaa.
@@omegaxx7777 very sad indeed. I mean what would you say? Sure, let me wait until marriage for this women when she's been around town? You could also say, we'll you can find someone who is still a virgin. Sure, although living in a state that is all about feminism isn't great. You could also say "maybe your vocation isn't marriage" we'll I can thank God every day, (I do) still doesn't change the fact that we live in a physical world and I will be very sad after a while. But oh well such is life, continue my career and be the best ;)
I read that french kissing before marriage is sinful and a priest also told us this, because it creates a bond that should‘nt be there before marriage. And it is a passionate act.
I was also told it was grave sin. I guess it's safe not to do it (one couple I met that did it while dating was regretful, and decided not to do it anymore untill they married). But I don't think there's a clear doctrine, like in the Cathechism, so maybe she decided to let it for each couple to decide? Maybe they're both a little de-sensibilized and can handle it?
Thank you so much! As a single man looking to get married, this is very important for me to know and practice- I appreciate you so much for putting this out there!!!
This is a great video because it goes into concrete and specific detail without being very uncomfortable. It would have been super helpful to see this video when I was dating. May God bless your ministry.
Wife and I were fortunate to marry as virgins 15 years ago, and if people TRULY understood the profound peace and joy of St. JP2’s theology of the body, and primarily what you said - the true gift of oneself is only fully attainable in sacramental marriage, and the celebration of and renewal of the sacrament through sexual union is: -Free -Total -Faithful & -Fruitful If you truly understood… you would rather DIE than violate the sacrament of marriage.
I don't even expect a guy to do that anymore, and I can get past it, but they don't even give me a chance. When they're ready to settle down, they pick all the raisins out, think they made the good decision, move on, and marry some chick they slept with who has 80k more red flags. They were successful in dating, and now they have their standards unrealistically high to "maximize" their (cough) "options." It's like Trump coming out of Wall Street and naively trusting every "Christian." They think because they're marrying, they can be even pickier with dating partners, and nothing bad will happen, because Jesus and she's wearing a sundress and she hides her Klonopin and curls her hair. As someone who waited until marriage for 32 years, I'm on the other side of this. I'm the woman who nobody saw value in. I saw things for what they actually were. I was circumcised by the Church. Nobody was waiting, I waited, and look up "clitoral atrophy." This is the real reason people hate God. Who can blame them?
This was helpful because it gave concrete criteria to when is “too far.” It’s so personal, and you really have to know yourself, and the other person has to respect you!!
Pray for your current significant other & future spouse daily. Don’t allow yourselves to be alone with eachother unless you are in a public space. Keep dating & engagement short, & agree to draw the hard line in the sand that there will be no kissing on the lips until marriage.
I think it depends but I think in terms of image that others don't think you hanky panky. I was alone with my ex multiple times but we didn't have sex. It can be tempting though.
The problem is we make dating way too long before marriage. Honestly I don't think we were made for that because you saw people engaged and married in the bible, not date. Waiting made me anxious esp cuz us women can get really horny during our period. Just saying. It's hard when it's the time of the month.
This is one of the most helpful, honest and practical videos on physical intimacy before marriage that I’ve ever seen!! Thank you so much. In my past relationship, I was really confused and conflicted about this and I know I confused my poor boyfriend as I tried to figure it out. Wish I’d seen this video a year ago, but I’m so glad I’m seeing it now!
I actually glad i just finished watching this video. Sometimes when i with my boyfriend and we spend time. We talk, laugh and kiss each other. There were moment . There were a time. I wanted to show intimacy in a very passionate way. But not realizing there are other ways we can be intimate without that feeling of fallen into sexual sin.
Thank you. I should have had this when I was 20 years old and a crhristian. But then there was no internet and difficult to find someone with the knowledge to talk to
We're so glad it was helpful @authordivine10 ! Consider following Elizabeth on Instagram @discerningmarriage, she's got tons of practical tips there too
Ever since I left my old life of various addictions and sin, I don’t have to worry about this because I get one hug a week at a meeting unless the only woman that kind of talks to me a little doesn’t show up there. Then I cry for a couple days and struggle with prayer until I get over my selfishness again. So I will stop going there for awhile to see if I’m better without any physical contact at all because the only places it’s available to me is with women on drugs or prostitutes, both are things that lead me to sin that I don’t want in my life but to live as a lepper would live is definitely not the easiest cross to carry.
There's a reason the wedding ceremony culminates with " I now pronounce you husband and wife... you may NOW kiss your bride." It is absolutely ok, and God-honoring, to wait to kiss. Nowadays we don't want to wait for anything, but it wasn't always like this. We didn't always have to "test drive" everything before making a commitment- that's the opposite of God's word. God knew how our bodies would respond to kissing- He designed us that way. There really are other ways to experience physical touch without kissing -and when you take kissing off the table, all those other small gestures- hugging, holding hands, dancing-mean so much. I'm one year into a relationship where we drew those boundaries at the very beginning. Both of us were previously married and made our share of mistakes beforehand, and I wish I'd understood God's plan for relationships years ago!
The only relationship I've ever been in was years ago and I got way more handsy than i should have. I did that when I felt like my relationship with God was at its strongest it had ever been too. Ever since then I've remained single because I know I cant trust myself at all.
Well, staying single and looking at Porn or lusting over women is just as sinful. Paul says it's better to marry than burn with lust. Not saying that's what you're doing , even though it's what almost every single person does lol.
@@thiagoulart I didn't go that far. No articles of clothing were removed in any way. And we actually were engaged before that until she broke it off without an explanation a few weeks later. I can only assume it was because she found out I wasn't actually the gentleman I'd been trying so hard to be. I hope she found someone better who was actually worthy of her.
It almost sounds like you are saying people should practice Chastity. Also, specifically for men, realizing that blood flow is a significant part of arousal, get up and do squats and pushups or, like mentioned, run, jog, something to divert that blood.
I totally agree with this! For the sake of humor though, I will admit that when I first read this comment, I immediately imagined a guy saying to his girlfriend, “this is leading to a climax and we need to stop”, before going to the foot of the couch to start doing pushups 😂💪
@@calebhill9191 lolz! YES! However, imagine the respect this woman would have for him if he did that very thing. Knowing himself at that level and the situation and willing to avoid sin and practice virtue. Also, she now knows how serious he takes virtue and then she has the responsibility to either, assist him in virtue, i.e., follow his lead, or persist in vice, at which point he now knows if he should continue the relationship with someone who would rather persist towards vice.
This channel feels like the only voice in the world talking about this stuff. Very helpful. I’m 51 and still struggling to understand how sexuality was supposed to work according to God’s commandments. Thank you for putting this (and yourself) “out there”. 🙏
Jesus, I love my princess so much. Please, help me to be wise, so I can take good care of both our souls. May my holding her close make her feel safe and protected. She's worth all the love in the world 😢
I love how you were so honest, using proper wording and it was short and sweet and a perfect message! Also I just want to encourage anyone who has fallen into these sexual sins that you have some Saint friends to run to! St Mary Magdalene and St Augustine are some of my faves. Also there’s hope if past relationships have been overly physical. I struggled with this and then with the relationship with my husband we had a beautifully chaste courtship! Thanks be to God!
A major flaw of this video is that it does not define what is meant by "climax" because that could mean simply feeling bodily attractions to the other, which can happen randomly as the body has a mind of its own, if climax was defined as when the body begins to prepare to engage in the marital act, then that would have been very helpful
Excellent video. Excellent breakdown and great examples. Thank you so much. Loved the ability to be able to go to particular sections in the video over and over again. Normally I was sceptical of clicking these videos, but I'm glad God led me to watch this. Be not Afraid. Amen.
I met a couple that avoided being alone in their homes while dating and they didn't kissed either but that only helped them increase the attraction for each other and the trust they were building in their relationship. Thinking back at how I was before I was a Christian it seems so obvious that I the world the hurry to get sexually intimate has ruined many relationships and make them less meaningful.
I appreciate every video of yours, Elizabeth! I listened to you while working out. This time you speeded a bit too much in some instances and had this rushing up-down intonation ;-)
Love the vertical and horizontal fact, it makes a lot of sense. I know this types of topics are hard for Christians but if you ask Jesús for strength he would help you fight the temptation of sexual sin. I talk for experience 🤣
St. Alphonsus’ method of courtship was to avoid any physical forms of intimacy until engagement, and then only forms of physical affection which give an intellectual pleasure and not a carnal one. (So no snuggling, or exchanging saliva via kissing, etc.) Chaste, holy, reliable.
Once I was with a Christian woman who tried to have strict boundaries to physical intimacy. I suffered the tortures of Tantalos! Imagine my surprise when one day she declared she desired intercourse. Little had I known the intense feeling of guilt that this would cause her afterwards. Our relationship spiraled downward from there and a month later she broke up with me. Since then I have only been with non-religious women and that's really best.
I appreciate your heart in making this video, and I think your intentions are excellent. But--and I mean this in all love and gentleness--I found this to be actually more confusing than helpful, because it's explained in a convoluted way. You said "don't engage in activities that lead to climax", but then you proceeded to describe activities that lead to arousal. Arousal and climax are two different things. In fact, many women don't usually climax from intercourse by itself, but we KNOW that intercourse is a sin before marriage. So, at first I was apprehensive, thinking you might say that removal of clothing is okay as long as no direct sexual stimulation is taking place, and I was going to disagree with that. But then, you said no tongue kissing, and I was like "oh, she means don't do things that lead to a high level of arousal, which may vary depending on who you are, and I agree with that advice." However, it may just be me. It seems other people in the comments found this video really clear, which is great. It's possible that I should re-watch it and ruminate more on what's being said in order to understand it better. So thank you for making the video.
I think you're 100% right. The message is basically: Of course you can have some physically "intimacy" as long as it's something that doesn't give you any significant sexual pleasure. There's some bait-and-switch there.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! It's difficult to be nuanced in a short for video. We'd suggest watching some of Elizabeth's other videos to get a more full perspective of where she's coming from.
Bible also says to run from the face of evil… drawing such fine lines such as communicating “this is my limit, I gotta stop” is trusting that you will be able to stop, as if your flesh could be domesticated. Bible says we need to mortify our flesh not play with its limits. Also, even if you are able to domesticate and discipline your flesh in that sense, the other person may not and by being physically intimate you are provoking the other persons’ sexual instinct. Lastly, best case scenario, if you are not provoking the other person’s physical instinct (or yours-which is highly probable too), you are feeding an intention, a thought, an imagination in that persons mind. A desire which you will not be able to fulfill ; that sin is called lust in the Bible. Imagine this couple breaks up, they will have to deal with soul bounds that were created, when they could’ve simply just taken the relationship as a friendship and touched only after marriage. I know it sounds crazy for a lot of people but it’s actually very simple and wise way to guard your heart.Truth is we need to constantly guard our hearts without touching people! But by touching it makes it just harder. It’s like an alcoholic going to a bar. He can get out but his flesh will want the alcohol because our flesh is treacherous.
I worry sometimes that I won’t find someone else who takes this seriously. Even Catholic guys who believe in waiting for marriage can seem to not know where the line is and want to push it.
One thing I regret about my relationship is that I didn’t set physical boundaries at the start of it now realizing that some of those things are not helpful in trying to stay pure it’s to have to do without knowing how good they felt
@@danielmunsaka2051 the devil always makes you think sin is good, but he will always take what is good and turn it to evil,,,you always pay a big price for forbidden pleasures! Stay celibate until you find the right person to marry,,,otherwise you will pay the price! God keep and bless you richly!! ♥️🙏♥️
I don’t think I will be in an intimate relationship anytime soon or probably at all since I don’t think any woman would be interested in me. However these are wise things to know.
@@berengergranier9797 I am aged 28 and single and have an active relationship with Jesus where I have seen and heard him appear to me in dream and visions along with the voice of the Holy Spirit. I am left brokenhearted and afraid to seek love and a relationship with a woman thinking I need money, success, and a career to even be qualified and considered for a relationship. I know I have to be the provider in the relationship as the Bible tells me, so I have trouble overcoming my fear and brokenness to find a woman who wants me for my heart and love as well as God’s despite my challenges and lack of money, job, and stability from life’s suffering and hardships. However from my past I know I need to find a woman who does not instantly ghost me or leave me when I am truthful and honest when these things come up and is willing to help me work things out so that we can end up together. When I am truthful and tell others, they just downplay it as laziness, but my problems are caused by the fact that I am always unable to commit long term to a job from having to move every year or less with the leases since I live with my elderly parents taking care of them from housing rental to housing rental.
@@berengergranier9797That’s just it is I have experienced so much betrayal and hurt that I am left broken and feeling like I won’t be able to find that woman who wants me for who I am despite my current financial difficulties and lack.
@@eduigemary2356 I am age 28 and have an active relationship with Jesus. Yet I have trouble overcoming my fear and brokenness to find a woman who wants me for my heart and love as well as God’s despite my challenges and lack of money, job, and stability from life’s suffering and hardships. Whenever this comes up I age always been ghosted, hurt, or laughed at and betrayed. My financial situation stems from the fact that I am unable to commit to a long term job because I take care of my elderly parents and live with them moving place to place every year of less because of rental housing leases.
The thing is. I love physical intimacy. But. I'm scared of it and scared to do it. I overthink it. Like im not free. And I'm trying yoh fr fr but somehow I just can't. 😭😭
So So True 🙌🏻, thank you for sharing this information! God comes first in my life, and if any male friend is invited in my day of life, for some reason I turn🙏🏼 to Jesus and trust He will keep me safe from any passionate kissing, physical emotional activity, etc.” I have lots of male friends who I help drive, or bring food to, and go on field trips with. Things always go pretty smoothly, except when I let my boyfriend come over once or twice a month. I never stay the night with him and never let him stay overnight with me. “But we still sin, 😔 it even hurts me besides makes me feel good.” We’ve been in a relationship for 15 years and I broke it off for three years and put all my life in Jesus’s hands 🙌🏻 that’s where I’m at now. 🙇🏼♀️ 💕 😊 “Trying to write a book! So I’m better off alone “ 😅
Hello! Elizabeth is implying that in a dating couple, a good rule of thumb would be for one person to always be in a horizontal position. For example, if there are two people on a couch and one of them is laying down, the other one should be in a sitting down position.
If you wouldn't do it with your friend, then it's most likely a no. Holding hands? A friendly quick hug? Sure. I have never kissed a friend. That'd be weird in my culture.
Hi Elizabeth, do you have any materials in the Institute about taking care of intimacy by already married couple, but in context they experience disturbed symptoms in NFP and still need to postpone conception?
Hello! Thank you for your question. You can reach out to Elizabeth directly on Instagram @discerningmarriage but we also recommend reading "Good News About Sex & Marriage" by Christopher West. He get's into nitty gritty details of NFP. You can find it here: shop.corproject.com/products/good-news-about-sex-and-marriage
Same thing works when you are married and both understand that we are not ready for next baby? So what to do when couple want phisical intimacy with climax but are not ready for third child, as i guess we need to remain chaste... Thats so hard to do...
"Now concerning those things you wrote about it is good for a man not to touch a woman." "Nevertheless each one has his own gift, one of this and another of that." "The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord." "In view of the current distress I want to spare you much trouble."
I’m going to spend 21 days with my long distance boyfriend in his house, we will be alone most of the time, any tips? I’m waiting for marriage and have had no sexual experience, he is waiting because he respects my decision (he’s amazing), but has had previous experience with sex
My individual opinion is If we are all altruistic =We are sinner If we are loving people and because of low intelligence and thus take the easier path, platonic! just skip finding our other half ( yeah, leave it for Christ to find her/him for you ) = we are sinner like little mermaid, we are lucky if we strive our best, we will be the bubble. ( see the ‘Fairy’ tale already foretold us ) So we wait until we meet Jesus again, bubbles disappear but then we enter eternity. Life is thus = a fairy tale
Thank you for the honest question @reactionaryreadinglaw8021 We trust in the honest discernment and judgement of the viewers but feel free to reach out to Elizabeth directly on Instagram @discerningmarriage. She loves getting questions from viewers.
1Cor.7 [1] Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. [2] Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. My husband and i didn't hold hands or even kiss until we were married. We courted for 10 months. Always supervised, never alone, never held hands, or hug. It was strictly get to know one another around family in a way that is acceptable to God and see if this is the person god wants you to be with. Grateful to say that there was no physical until marriage and how special it is to not have to compare or wonder or struggle with our past. It's worth the wait.
You know, I appreciate the point you’re trying to make but I think because you spoke about it and roundabout way instead of just coming out right and saying don’t manipulate each other’s genitals or erogenous zones it could be easily misconstrued. Best example I can give is if one of my 20-year-old idiot buddies from the military had heard this I guarantee the first thing they would say is we can edge each other and be fine, and then the joke would be edging for the Lordagain I genuinely appreciate what you’re trying to say, but I had to listen thoroughly to understand what you’re trying to say😂 this is not a dig at you by any means
Hold on babes, I’m confused. Around the 3:00 mark it’s sounding like you can’t have true sex (non-sinful, “fruitful” and God-abiding sex) unless no birth control is used and the goal is childbirth. That doesn’t make much sense to me because does that mean that married Christian couples who use contraceptives because they are not yet ready to have kids are sinning??
This is a Catholic channel, so they would affirm the traditional Catholic view that birth control is a violation of God's design. It's worth noting that many branches of Christianity don't agree with the Catholic view on this matter, leaving it as a matter of discernment and conscience to the individual.
Do know if you’re ready for marriage? Check out Next Step: A Course for Discerning Marriage: tobinstitute.kartra.com/page/...
I’m engaged to my fiancé and we’re planning on getting married next year, 2 years ago we were both non-practicing Catholics living in sin for years, since then we have made great strides but continue to fall from time to time. We have to do better with the help of our lord Jesus Christ, but I loved the ending of this video, we go to adoration together every week and it’s some of the most intimate time together, we both love dancing as well and it’s some of my favorite things to do with her, Theology of the body has helped so much, please pray for us and our future marriage 🙏🏾
Keep fighting the good fight! Praying for your future marriage.
God bless you
Sending my prayers ❤️✝️Ⓜ️
God bless you. Actually, dancing should be added to the list of safe intimate activities with the same guardrails mentioned in the video.
@@TheologyoftheBodyInstitute God bless you. Actually, dancing should be added to the list of safe intimate activities with the same guardrails mentioned in the video.
Stop having sex right now. Period.
"You need to get a hobby" had me 😂
Very true though, intimacy can be through a wide range activities
Need a hobby is not a good input there at all
Another piece of advice from someone who’s done a lot in previous relationships. Avoid being alone at each others houses. Be with friends or the room mate is home. Maybe a bit extreme for some but it’s way harder to go too far if others are around.
Accountability is very important
yep, that's awesome advice! Me and my bf take this one seriously, it does make a difference
There was one time when I was cuddling with my girlfriend (both waiting till marriage), and we ended up getting into a position on the ground that I started to pitch a tent and I had to tell her: "hey I really like this, but I think I like this a bit too much."
how'd you pitch a tent when you have a vagina. cheesis man, God wants you to doink, go be happy and stop nice'ing your way out of your own happiness.
That final message melted my heart. I need His mercy because I have failed, more than once. Thank you for your encouragement.
We all need his mercy! Praying for you!
Jesus loves you;
Go to confession and start again; never give up;
Go to mass every Sunday,
Pray your Rosary every day as the Blessed Virgin Mary asked in her apparitions,
Read your Bible every day,
And fast...
These are your weapons and protections.
Fight the good fight dear, for the love of Jesus and Mary
Sending my prayers ❤️✝️Ⓜ️
People used to know where the boundaries were in premarital affection. The sexual rebellion swept away those boundaries. Makes it difficult for those who want to stay celibate until marriage.
You mean grinding and impossible
@@Poodle_Gun Mostly impossible. I live in a super liberal state, very few conservative woman who're all taken or too young or too old, let me go ahead and wait until marriage when there have been 20+ men who have taken her through the ringer, naaa.
@@467076😢
@@omegaxx7777 very sad indeed. I mean what would you say? Sure, let me wait until marriage for this women when she's been around town? You could also say, we'll you can find someone who is still a virgin. Sure, although living in a state that is all about feminism isn't great. You could also say "maybe your vocation isn't marriage" we'll I can thank God every day, (I do) still doesn't change the fact that we live in a physical world and I will be very sad after a while. But oh well such is life, continue my career and be the best ;)
💯
I read that french kissing before marriage is sinful and a priest also told us this, because it creates a bond that should‘nt be there before marriage. And it is a passionate act.
I was also told it was grave sin. I guess it's safe not to do it (one couple I met that did it while dating was regretful, and decided not to do it anymore untill they married).
But I don't think there's a clear doctrine, like in the Cathechism, so maybe she decided to let it for each couple to decide? Maybe they're both a little de-sensibilized and can handle it?
This was the best video I've seen on this topic my entire LIFE
We're glad it was helpful! Please subscribe and share so that it may bless as many people as possible.
Thank you so much! As a single man looking to get married, this is very important for me to know and practice- I appreciate you so much for putting this out there!!!
You're so welcome! Great singles make great couples.
This is a great video because it goes into concrete and specific detail without being very uncomfortable. It would have been super helpful to see this video when I was dating. May God bless your ministry.
Thank you for watching! God bless you, too!
Wife and I were fortunate to marry as virgins 15 years ago, and if people TRULY understood the profound peace and joy of St. JP2’s theology of the body, and primarily what you said - the true gift of oneself is only fully attainable in sacramental marriage, and the celebration of and renewal of the sacrament through sexual union is:
-Free
-Total
-Faithful
&
-Fruitful
If you truly understood… you would rather DIE than violate the sacrament of marriage.
I don't even expect a guy to do that anymore, and I can get past it, but they don't even give me a chance. When they're ready to settle down, they pick all the raisins out, think they made the good decision, move on, and marry some chick they slept with who has 80k more red flags. They were successful in dating, and now they have their standards unrealistically high to "maximize" their (cough) "options." It's like Trump coming out of Wall Street and naively trusting every "Christian." They think because they're marrying, they can be even pickier with dating partners, and nothing bad will happen, because Jesus and she's wearing a sundress and she hides her Klonopin and curls her hair.
As someone who waited until marriage for 32 years, I'm on the other side of this. I'm the woman who nobody saw value in. I saw things for what they actually were. I was circumcised by the Church. Nobody was waiting, I waited, and look up "clitoral atrophy." This is the real reason people hate God. Who can blame them?
This was helpful because it gave concrete criteria to when is “too far.” It’s so personal, and you really have to know yourself, and the other person has to respect you!!
Pray for your current significant other & future spouse daily. Don’t allow yourselves to be alone with eachother unless you are in a public space. Keep dating & engagement short, & agree to draw the hard line in the sand that there will be no kissing on the lips until marriage.
I think it depends but I think in terms of image that others don't think you hanky panky. I was alone with my ex multiple times but we didn't have sex. It can be tempting though.
The problem is we make dating way too long before marriage. Honestly I don't think we were made for that because you saw people engaged and married in the bible, not date. Waiting made me anxious esp cuz us women can get really horny during our period. Just saying. It's hard when it's the time of the month.
Me taking notes while being single and may be in a middle of a situationship 😢
Leave that situation asap there either interested or not.
@God_chose_us I already did!! Not doing that again. Hopefully.. hahaha
If I hadnt watched this, i wouldnt know whats the deeper meaning of sin. Thank you for this!
You're so welcome! We're glad it was a blessing to you.
This is the best video I've found on this topic. Thank you thank you! 😢😊
Great tips! Love the hobby/activity recommendations. Thank you ❤ 🙏🏽
You are so welcome! Please send a prayer our way.
This is one of the most helpful, honest and practical videos on physical intimacy before marriage that I’ve ever seen!! Thank you so much. In my past relationship, I was really confused and conflicted about this and I know I confused my poor boyfriend as I tried to figure it out. Wish I’d seen this video a year ago, but I’m so glad I’m seeing it now!
We're so glad it was helpful!
I actually glad i just finished watching this video. Sometimes when i with my boyfriend and we spend time. We talk, laugh and kiss each other. There were moment . There were a time. I wanted to show intimacy in a very passionate way. But not realizing there are other ways we can be intimate without that feeling of fallen into sexual sin.
Thank you for sharing your story and watching!
Thank you. I should have had this when I was 20 years old and a crhristian. But then there was no internet and difficult to find someone with the knowledge to talk to
Really appreciate the concrete, specific, and simple explanation.
We're so glad it was helpful @authordivine10 ! Consider following Elizabeth on Instagram @discerningmarriage, she's got tons of practical tips there too
Thank you. This was clear, helpful, and felt like info i could trust.
We're glad it was helpful!
Pretty straight forward, thank you!
🙌
Glad it was helpful! Please pray for us, subscribe and share.
Ever since I left my old life of various addictions and sin, I don’t have to worry about this because I get one hug a week at a meeting unless the only woman that kind of talks to me a little doesn’t show up there. Then I cry for a couple days and struggle with prayer until I get over my selfishness again. So I will stop going there for awhile to see if I’m better without any physical contact at all because the only places it’s available to me is with women on drugs or prostitutes, both are things that lead me to sin that I don’t want in my life but to live as a lepper would live is definitely not the easiest cross to carry.
I hope you find people capable of loving you the way Jesus does.
Perhaps joining more community activities could help! You might meet new people ❤
Intimacy with God is a thing healthy, wholesome and edifying. Strive to pursue God.
There's a reason the wedding ceremony culminates with " I now pronounce you husband and wife... you may NOW kiss your bride." It is absolutely ok, and God-honoring, to wait to kiss. Nowadays we don't want to wait for anything, but it wasn't always like this. We didn't always have to "test drive" everything before making a commitment- that's the opposite of God's word. God knew how our bodies would respond to kissing- He designed us that way. There really are other ways to experience physical touch without kissing -and when you take kissing off the table, all those other small gestures- hugging, holding hands, dancing-mean so much. I'm one year into a relationship where we drew those boundaries at the very beginning. Both of us were previously married and made our share of mistakes beforehand, and I wish I'd understood God's plan for relationships years ago!
That was the most amazing sin explication I've ever seen. Thanks
We're so glad it was helpful! Keep fighting the good fight, brother.
Yep! Same
This was excellent! I appreciate y’all covering this topic.
Glad it was helpful!
The only relationship I've ever been in was years ago and I got way more handsy than i should have.
I did that when I felt like my relationship with God was at its strongest it had ever been too.
Ever since then I've remained single because I know I cant trust myself at all.
Why didn't you marry her?
Well, staying single and looking at Porn or lusting over women is just as sinful. Paul says it's better to marry than burn with lust. Not saying that's what you're doing , even though it's what almost every single person does lol.
@@thiagoulart I didn't go that far. No articles of clothing were removed in any way. And we actually were engaged before that until she broke it off without an explanation a few weeks later. I can only assume it was because she found out I wasn't actually the gentleman I'd been trying so hard to be. I hope she found someone better who was actually worthy of her.
@@KevinNordstrom I agree, but at least being single means I'm not hurting anyone, except maybe myself, but that'd be good if that's the case.
@@TheVonWeasel then it wasn't meant to be, brother. Wait on the Lord, seek first His kingdom and all things shall be added to you. God bless 🙏🏻
Woooooowwww such a great video with practical exemples! I just loved it and found it really helpfull
Thank you for the great feedback!
Good wake-up call. Thank you!
You're so welcome!
Loved this
Thank you for this lovely video: gracious, helpful, and succinct!
Glad it was helpful! Thank you for watching.
Thank you!! I have been looking for this talk for such a long time!
Wish I knew this years ago. I do regret, but I understand now.
God's mercy is eternal!
It almost sounds like you are saying people should practice Chastity. Also, specifically for men, realizing that blood flow is a significant part of arousal, get up and do squats and pushups or, like mentioned, run, jog, something to divert that blood.
I totally agree with this! For the sake of humor though, I will admit that when I first read this comment, I immediately imagined a guy saying to his girlfriend, “this is leading to a climax and we need to stop”, before going to the foot of the couch to start doing pushups 😂💪
@@calebhill9191 lolz! YES! However, imagine the respect this woman would have for him if he did that very thing. Knowing himself at that level and the situation and willing to avoid sin and practice virtue. Also, she now knows how serious he takes virtue and then she has the responsibility to either, assist him in virtue, i.e., follow his lead, or persist in vice, at which point he now knows if he should continue the relationship with someone who would rather persist towards vice.
@@Mercbot7 Exactly! This was definitely a great video, thank you for you comment as well!
This channel feels like the only voice in the world talking about this stuff. Very helpful. I’m 51 and still struggling to understand how sexuality was supposed to work according to God’s commandments. Thank you for putting this (and yourself) “out there”. 🙏
I’m taking notes📝 Thanks for the tips
We're glad it was helpful!!
Jesus, I love my princess so much. Please, help me to be wise, so I can take good care of both our souls. May my holding her close make her feel safe and protected. She's worth all the love in the world 😢
I love how you were so honest, using proper wording and it was short and sweet and a perfect message! Also I just want to encourage anyone who has fallen into these sexual sins that you have some Saint friends to run to! St Mary Magdalene and St Augustine are some of my faves. Also there’s hope if past relationships have been overly physical. I struggled with this and then with the relationship with my husband we had a beautifully chaste courtship! Thanks be to God!
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for this thorough and precise video Elizabeth!
You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful.
A major flaw of this video is that it does not define what is meant by "climax" because that could mean simply feeling bodily attractions to the other, which can happen randomly as the body has a mind of its own, if climax was defined as when the body begins to prepare to engage in the marital act, then that would have been very helpful
Excellent video. Excellent breakdown and great examples. Thank you so much. Loved the ability to be able to go to particular sections in the video over and over again. Normally I was sceptical of clicking these videos, but I'm glad God led me to watch this. Be not Afraid. Amen.
We're so glad it was helpful! Please send a prayer our way.
Wonderful advice! Thanks and God bless you. 😇
Thank you and God bless you too!
The information in this video was great! Thank you!
We're so glad it blessed you! Thank you for being a subscriber.
As a man there is only so much 'baking classes ' a body can stand
I met a couple that avoided being alone in their homes while dating and they didn't kissed either but that only helped them increase the attraction for each other and the trust they were building in their relationship. Thinking back at how I was before I was a Christian it seems so obvious that I the world the hurry to get sexually intimate has ruined many relationships and make them less meaningful.
Lovely to see your video.
Thank you for watching!
Wow. Thank you for this, God bless you 🙏🏾💙
You are so welcome! Thank you for watching.
Thank you, God bless you. I hope this helps many singles looking to get married.
We hope that, too! Pray that it may reach them, please.
Loved this video, thank you!
You're so welcome!
I appreciate every video of yours, Elizabeth! I listened to you while working out. This time you speeded a bit too much in some instances and had this rushing up-down intonation ;-)
Thank you for watching, and thanks for the feedback!
This was so helpful and relevant for me right now! Thank you!!
You're so welcome, glad it was helpful!
Good job at this ! Hopefully more ppl will make it & succeed ‘
Love the vertical and horizontal fact, it makes a lot of sense. I know this types of topics are hard for Christians but if you ask Jesús for strength he would help you fight the temptation of sexual sin. I talk for experience 🤣
St. Alphonsus’ method of courtship was to avoid any physical forms of intimacy until engagement, and then only forms of physical affection which give an intellectual pleasure and not a carnal one. (So no snuggling, or exchanging saliva via kissing, etc.)
Chaste, holy, reliable.
Once I was with a Christian woman who tried to have strict boundaries to physical intimacy. I suffered the tortures of Tantalos! Imagine my surprise when one day she declared she desired intercourse. Little had I known the intense feeling of guilt that this would cause her afterwards. Our relationship spiraled downward from there and a month later she broke up with me.
Since then I have only been with non-religious women and that's really best.
Thinking if we arent married i believe we need to refrain from kisskng hugging cuddling need boundaries!! That will leavw the temptation away
I appreciate your heart in making this video, and I think your intentions are excellent. But--and I mean this in all love and gentleness--I found this to be actually more confusing than helpful, because it's explained in a convoluted way. You said "don't engage in activities that lead to climax", but then you proceeded to describe activities that lead to arousal. Arousal and climax are two different things. In fact, many women don't usually climax from intercourse by itself, but we KNOW that intercourse is a sin before marriage. So, at first I was apprehensive, thinking you might say that removal of clothing is okay as long as no direct sexual stimulation is taking place, and I was going to disagree with that. But then, you said no tongue kissing, and I was like "oh, she means don't do things that lead to a high level of arousal, which may vary depending on who you are, and I agree with that advice." However, it may just be me. It seems other people in the comments found this video really clear, which is great. It's possible that I should re-watch it and ruminate more on what's being said in order to understand it better. So thank you for making the video.
I think you're 100% right. The message is basically: Of course you can have some physically "intimacy" as long as it's something that doesn't give you any significant sexual pleasure. There's some bait-and-switch there.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! It's difficult to be nuanced in a short for video. We'd suggest watching some of Elizabeth's other videos to get a more full perspective of where she's coming from.
Amazon advices!! Thank you for the video! God bless 🙏🙏❤️
You are so welcome! Thank you for watching and God bless you, too.
Really really helpful.
Thank you for watching!
What a great message
Thank you for watching!
❤❤❤❤ great video
We're so glad it blessed you! Please pray for us.
My rules were ....
No clothes off
No touching from neck down
Holding hands on occasion
No kissing deeply or none
Seldom hug
Very helpful, thank you so much
You're very welcome!
300th like!
very practical 👍
Thank you for liking and being a regular viewer!
@@TheologyoftheBodyInstitute 😄 you’re welcome!
Bible also says to run from the face of evil… drawing such fine lines such as communicating “this is my limit, I gotta stop” is trusting that you will be able to stop, as if your flesh could be domesticated. Bible says we need to mortify our flesh not play with its limits. Also, even if you are able to domesticate and discipline your flesh in that sense, the other person may not and by being physically intimate you are provoking the other persons’ sexual instinct. Lastly, best case scenario, if you are not provoking the other person’s physical instinct (or yours-which is highly probable too), you are feeding an intention, a thought, an imagination in that persons mind. A desire which you will not be able to fulfill ; that sin is called lust in the Bible. Imagine this couple breaks up, they will have to deal with soul bounds that were created, when they could’ve simply just taken the relationship as a friendship and touched only after marriage. I know it sounds crazy for a lot of people but it’s actually very simple and wise way to guard your heart.Truth is we need to constantly guard our hearts without touching people! But by touching it makes it just harder. It’s like an alcoholic going to a bar. He can get out but his flesh will want the alcohol because our flesh is treacherous.
thank you for this very helpful
Glad it was helpful!
Good insight and information, but fantastic presentation!
We're so glad it was helpful!
Awesome advice!
Glad it was helpful!
“You need to get a hobby”😂😂😂😂 I had a good laugh
I worry sometimes that I won’t find someone else who takes this seriously. Even Catholic guys who believe in waiting for marriage can seem to not know where the line is and want to push it.
There are great men out there. We meet dozens of them every TOB Institute course we have. Don't give up hope., we're praying for you!
@@TheologyoftheBodyInstitute thank you! Just have to find the right one for me haha
Great video.
Thank you for watching!
There's no way your not deep in the waters of grave matter if tongues are involved 😅
Am so happy I saw this video
there was a pope that said french kissing is always a grave matter
Every Pope is a false prophet, so there's that.
Thank-you this has been very helpful!! God Bless!! ❤🙏❤️
We're glad it was helpful! God bless you, too!
One thing I regret about my relationship is that I didn’t set physical boundaries at the start of it now realizing that some of those things are not helpful in trying to stay pure it’s to have to do without knowing how good they felt
@@danielmunsaka2051 the devil always makes you think sin is good, but he will always take what is good and turn it to evil,,,you always pay a big price for forbidden pleasures!
Stay celibate until you find the right person to marry,,,otherwise you will pay the price!
God keep and bless you richly!! ♥️🙏♥️
God bless you sister
God bless you, too! Thank you for watching.
Good advice
Excellent advice. Thank you. 🙏
We're so glad it blessed you! Please pray for us.
I don’t think I will be in an intimate relationship anytime soon or probably at all since I don’t think any woman would be interested in me. However these are wise things to know.
God created you with many beautiful things, I hope you'll acknowledge them and that a woman will see them and love you for them.
Why?
@@berengergranier9797 I am aged 28 and single and have an active relationship with Jesus where I have seen and heard him appear to me in dream and visions along with the voice of the Holy Spirit. I am left brokenhearted and afraid to seek love and a relationship with a woman thinking I need money, success, and a career to even be qualified and considered for a relationship. I know I have to be the provider in the relationship as the Bible tells me, so I have trouble overcoming my fear and brokenness to find a woman who wants me for my heart and love as well as God’s despite my challenges and lack of money, job, and stability from life’s suffering and hardships.
However from my past I know I need to find a woman who does not instantly ghost me or leave me when I am truthful and honest when these things come up and is willing to help me work things out so that we can end up together. When I am truthful and tell others, they just downplay it as laziness, but my problems are caused by the fact that I am always unable to commit long term to a job from having to move every year or less with the leases since I live with my elderly parents taking care of them from housing rental to housing rental.
@@berengergranier9797That’s just it is I have experienced so much betrayal and hurt that I am left broken and feeling like I won’t be able to find that woman who wants me for who I am despite my current financial difficulties and lack.
@@eduigemary2356 I am age 28 and have an active relationship with Jesus. Yet I have trouble overcoming my fear and brokenness to find a woman who wants me for my heart and love as well as God’s despite my challenges and lack of money, job, and stability from life’s suffering and hardships. Whenever this comes up I age always been ghosted, hurt, or laughed at and betrayed. My financial situation stems from the fact that I am unable to commit to a long term job because I take care of my elderly parents and live with them moving place to place every year of less because of rental housing leases.
great topic
Thank you for watching!
What about Matthew 5:28 where Jesus addresses our hearts and not our actions
The thing is. I love physical intimacy. But. I'm scared of it and scared to do it. I overthink it. Like im not free. And I'm trying yoh fr fr but somehow I just can't. 😭😭
So So True 🙌🏻, thank you for sharing this information! God comes first in my life, and if any male friend is invited in my day of life, for some reason I turn🙏🏼 to Jesus and trust He will keep me safe from any passionate kissing, physical emotional activity, etc.” I have lots of male friends who I help drive, or bring food to, and go on field trips with. Things always go pretty smoothly, except when I let my boyfriend come over once or twice a month. I never stay the night with him and never let him stay overnight with me. “But we still sin, 😔 it even hurts me besides makes me feel good.” We’ve been in a relationship for 15 years and I broke it off for three years and put all my life in Jesus’s hands 🙌🏻 that’s where I’m at now. 🙇🏼♀️ 💕 😊 “Trying to write a book! So I’m better off alone “ 😅
Thank you for sharing and stay close to Jesus!
Such a blessing. Incredibly helpful and so many great tips. DONT FORGET S.P.I.C.E.
Glad it was helpful!
What is S.P.I.C.E ?
But cuddling also produces oxytocine.. thats why its called the cuddle hormone. You even already release it with long eye contact 😃
Please, what did you mean by being vertical and horizontal? Thank you.
Hello! Elizabeth is implying that in a dating couple, a good rule of thumb would be for one person to always be in a horizontal position. For example, if there are two people on a couch and one of them is laying down, the other one should be in a sitting down position.
If you wouldn't do it with your friend, then it's most likely a no. Holding hands? A friendly quick hug? Sure.
I have never kissed a friend. That'd be weird in my culture.
Hi Elizabeth, do you have any materials in the Institute about taking care of intimacy by already married couple, but in context they experience disturbed symptoms in NFP and still need to postpone conception?
Hello! Thank you for your question. You can reach out to Elizabeth directly on Instagram @discerningmarriage but we also recommend reading "Good News About Sex & Marriage" by Christopher West. He get's into nitty gritty details of NFP. You can find it here: shop.corproject.com/products/good-news-about-sex-and-marriage
Thank you!
You're so welcome!
Same thing works when you are married and both understand that we are not ready for next baby?
So what to do when couple want phisical intimacy with climax but are not ready for third child, as i guess we need to remain chaste... Thats so hard to do...
Thank you for your question! This video might help: ruclips.net/video/7NPJVf1Mmkc/видео.html
"Now concerning those things you wrote about it is good for a man not to touch a woman."
"Nevertheless each one has his own gift, one of this and another of that."
"The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord."
"In view of the current distress I want to spare you much trouble."
I’m going to spend 21 days with my long distance boyfriend in his house, we will be alone most of the time, any tips? I’m waiting for marriage and have had no sexual experience, he is waiting because he respects my decision (he’s amazing), but has had previous experience with sex
Thank you for your comment! Feel free to reach out to Elizabeth directly on Instagram @discerningmarriage. She loves getting questions from viewers.
My individual opinion is
If we are all altruistic
=We are sinner
If we are loving people and because of low intelligence and thus take the easier path, platonic! just skip finding our other half ( yeah, leave it for Christ to find her/him for you )
= we are sinner
like little mermaid, we are lucky if we strive our best, we will be the bubble. ( see the ‘Fairy’ tale already foretold us )
So we wait until we meet Jesus again, bubbles disappear but then we enter eternity.
Life is thus = a fairy tale
How do you know that your going climax if you have not climax before?
Thank you for the honest question @reactionaryreadinglaw8021 We trust in the honest discernment and judgement of the viewers but feel free to reach out to Elizabeth directly on Instagram @discerningmarriage. She loves getting questions from viewers.
Great neaaagae ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
1Cor.7
[1] Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
[2] Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
My husband and i didn't hold hands or even kiss until we were married. We courted for 10 months. Always supervised, never alone, never held hands, or hug. It was strictly get to know one another around family in a way that is acceptable to God and see if this is the person god wants you to be with. Grateful to say that there was no physical until marriage and how special it is to not have to compare or wonder or struggle with our past. It's worth the wait.
You know, I appreciate the point you’re trying to make but I think because you spoke about it and roundabout way instead of just coming out right and saying don’t manipulate each other’s genitals or erogenous zones it could be easily misconstrued. Best example I can give is if one of my 20-year-old idiot buddies from the military had heard this I guarantee the first thing they would say is we can edge each other and be fine, and then the joke would be edging for the Lordagain I genuinely appreciate what you’re trying to say, but I had to listen thoroughly to understand what you’re trying to say😂 this is not a dig at you by any means
Hold on babes, I’m confused. Around the 3:00 mark it’s sounding like you can’t have true sex (non-sinful, “fruitful” and God-abiding sex) unless no birth control is used and the goal is childbirth. That doesn’t make much sense to me because does that mean that married Christian couples who use contraceptives because they are not yet ready to have kids are sinning??
Yes, using contraception is always a sin. Natural Family Planning is okay tho so like timing things with the cycles!
Hello! This video might give deeper insight into your concern: ruclips.net/video/zvyPI5OZLUM/видео.html
This is a Catholic channel, so they would affirm the traditional Catholic view that birth control is a violation of God's design. It's worth noting that many branches of Christianity don't agree with the Catholic view on this matter, leaving it as a matter of discernment and conscience to the individual.
so kiss with no tongue w/no arousal can happen?