Sex before marriage was the worst thing I did to my mental health..…here’s why.
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- Опубликовано: 23 авг 2024
- Dating, sex, when to have it, to have it at all, wondering if the person you just started dating is having it, when it it normal to ask to be exclusive or to define the relationship, when does that make you the crazy clingy commitment monster, should sex be saved for marriage, is it healthy to have sex outside of marriage, is sexual liberation healthy? Let's talk...
TikTok: alana.arbucci
INSTAGRAM: @aarbucci
Nobody likes to talk about how painful it is for so many people when they have sex with a person who ghosts or blocks them . I always remember back to when I was in high school a friend of mines came into the bathroom crying hysterically and hyperventilating. I could see that she was extremely distressed. She told me that this guy she liked promised to be in a relationship with her after she gave him her virginity , but instead he started ignoring her immediately after they had sex . It was so sad . That’s when I realized that we shouldn’t be giving ourselves away to men who are not totally committed to us.
"we are taught that sex does not mean anything, then why does it hurt so bad when somebody uses us for sex" FACTS👏
Weird,I thought we can make children during sex…
@@xyeBSex is more than making babies. You must be slow, you don't deserve to be called a human, you think like a monkey. 😂 Well, when the father is evil, the children will be evil. Sex is not just sex, it is important how it happens and who is with. I mean why did the serpent go after a woman, why does the devil always go after women through evil men. Though rapists, aggressive men, etc. Because whatever bad happens to the mother will affect her children, and future generations. So go read the bible, instead of being a prideful, arrogant pig and watching Andrew Tate. 😂🤡 Also stay away from women until you find God. Weirdo.
this is true im so hurt
I'm so sorry ❤@@RankinHalo
Mostly men lose interest after having sex so to save women from betrayal it is recommended to not have
Girrl this is exactly why i am still a virgin at 25!! Who cares what people say. Waiting for the right man in marriage❤
“Those who mock modesty, are the ones who have lost it “
Modesty is a concept born from the shame forced into the minds by religion. Modesty is a concept of being judged by those who've fallen in with a sinister religious sect that would otherwise shame people into living the way the church feels they should live instead of how the individual WANTS to live. Live and let live without judgment. That's something religious people have a problem with.
@@theraweggfilesSTFU
@@theraweggfiles No, normal people have a problem with it. And if you knew anything about what you're talking about you would know that pretty much every culture before Christianity put a value on modesty and chastity, even tribal people who weren't part of organized religion.
Yes, and those people were ignorant. Coming at me with what you claim I do or don't know speaks more about YOU than it does about me. I stated a fact. Morality is not something any one person can judge in someone else, and yet religious, yes, religious people (and tribal people and other ignorant people) live in the most immoral way by judging and shaming others into living how those judging them want them to live. Like I said, live and let live because after all, what right does anyone have to tell others how to live?@@ryanferguson9249
@@theraweggfilesShame is good sometimes.
As a man in his 20s who has believed in no sex before marriage for a while now and even before I became a Christian it is so refreshing to hear other people my age speak out this topic because it is truly important to develop a true connection with someone you care for deeply if you actually want to date for marriage!
Girl, I said no sex before marriage. Let me tell you the trash takes itself out. The guys that can't handle it can go bye bye. And the one that stayed was absolutly worth it. When he truly wants and loves you, he will do the right thing. Facts.
😂😂😂 this comment is so great! Very true
Yes so true. Good ridden to those men!
@thatboy301 Articles say the average vagina is about 3-4 inches deep or 3.5 inches deep unaroused. Aroused it can get up from 4.25in - 4.75in. The clitoris is part of the vulva (external genitalia) and inside the pelvic cavity. It is innervated with many nerve endings. According to Cleveland Clinic,” It’s sole purpose is to enable you to experience sexual pleasure.” Not to mention, from the same article above, the vagina’s g-spot is located a few inches deep and near the front wall of the vagina. Cleveland Clinic states that the g spot may line up with the vestibular bulbs of the clitoris (they engorge with blood during during sexual stimulation) which may make it feel pleasurable. All in all, females can feel pleasure from the inside and out. As long as there is good communication, I’m sure a male with a 5in penis would be able to satisfy their partner.
Citations:
my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22823-clitoris
my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22469-vagina
www.webmd.com/women/features/vagina-size
goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/how-deep-average-vagina-and-does-it-elongate-when-somethings-it/
Amen sister ❤
Easy for to say, let's see how much your husband's gets laid from you once you get what you want
This video confirms how happy I am getting married as a virgin. I’m in an insanely happy marriage now. I have too much pride to let a man touch me like that without a lot of sacrifice and commitment
I cant believe my ears but I am so proud of you for realizing this 👏 We waited and have been married 8 years. We married at 21. One of the best decisions I have ever made. I hope this encourages you.
This was amazing. As a young Christian who struggled with trauma and hurt from men, has now met their person, and will be getting married in September, I can confidently say that saving myself for marriage has been one of the best things I’ve done to protect my heart and keep my mind clear when talking to men. The right man will respect you for the beautiful soul you are and want to honor you and protect you and your heart just as much. They might be rare but they exist, sending love 💗
I’m not religious but I think this is SO true regardless of what you believe spiritually. Such an important message to be aware of what you project and do and the kind of people that will attract
Yes. People laugh at girls who want to say no sex before marriage saying it's just because of religion but they don't understand there are other good reasons for it.
@@ryokohonda4619 I am actually atheist but agree with this mindset. I am 24 and waiting until marriage (or at least engagement). I have no interest in being taken advantage of by someone who isn't serious about me
This is literally what God ingrained in you. You're literally supposed to feel degraded after sleeping with people outside of wedlock, because it's not pure. It's entirely Christian, and on purpose. Applies to men and women.
⚠🔴 In the Quran, God says: "Do not even approach fornication for it is an outrageous act and AN EVIL WAY" (Surah Al-Isra, verse 32). Quran contains interesting surahs (= chapters) like: The Women, Mary, Abraham, The Moon, Noah, The People, The Star, Abraham, etc. If you want a free copy of the Quran, Go-o gle these 4 words: islamhouse quran english pdf
-May God guide you
@@ryokohonda4619 It's mainly other women that laugh at it, me and my friends would never date a girl that's had casual sex and we'd never even marry a girl that's casually kissed a guy
My lovely wife of many decades and I have been happily and playfully married for longer than most people have been living. We both went to the marriage altar as virgins (1st time everything for both of us).
We still visit during meals, flirt at home, and hold hands in public. Our adult children are also in happy lives and visit us often, usually by telephone. The problems that came into our lives were always followed by solutions.
I'm thankful I am not bothered by memories of another woman's body. We're both thankful that we never engaged in the human life creation act BEFORE we entered the bonded, covenant union of marriage. Our brains had migrated above our belts as we entered puberty. Have never looked back. Life is good.
As a 27 Muslim woman who did wait until marriage.. everything you said is very right. Sex takes the focus away from the connection and it blurs the line if genuine interest and sexual attraction. (There definitely should be some sexual attraction in any relationship, but never the center of it)
Love this for you girl ! So excited to see your journey 😘
Oh another muslimah 🧕 Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah
Well said 🥰
@Leandro Aude Guess I’m lucky cause my husband is the best I’ve ever had (out of 4 other partners).
muslim women here too ^^ Assalamu alaykum sister
@Leandro Aude you are aware though that this applies to men too? both are supposed to enter marriage as virgins if you are going by religion. no woman who saved herself for her husbands wants a husband who has slept around
The Bible's directive to save yourself for marriage is not some prudish restraint to keep something good from you. It's for your protection so you can avoid issues like described in the video. Inside marriage it can be wonderful and a bonding expression of love. Outside marriage it can be terribly destructive in so many ways.
Thank you for speaking out about this when it's not a popular mainstream idea to promote. I am also focused on my spiritual journey and have made a commitment to strengthening my relationship with Jesus Christ.
Always remember that Jesus love you and you can have a strong relationship with him no matter what you choose he love's unconditionally. It doesn't diminish your worth if you decide to have sex before marriage everyone makes that choice regardless he still love you.
Amen God has been so good in my life too, even in my trials
The mainstream really doesn’t care
@thatboy301 it's not always about physical attributes!
@thatboy301 size doesn't matter if they know what they are doing! Unfortunately a lot man don't understand a woman's body what is needed to actually please a woman! Every person is different and communicating is important in every way!!
Sex before marriage blinds your eyes from reality. You literally blind yourself from the red flags that are obvious and think things would change. Dating gives you the prerequisite to determine/vet if the person you're seeing is the one for you. Sometimes two people may think they're in love and marriage is in the cards for them but it's not necessarily so. Just because you feel attached, love and care about a person means they're the one for you.
true!
My husband and I got married at 19 and were both virgins when we said our vows. Honestly one of the most beautiful things about our relationship. We developed such a deep, personal connection to each other before ever doing anything intimate. We are both Christians, but we believed there was much more to saving sex for marriage than just the religious aspect. We didn’t need to have sex before marriage to know if we were compatible or not. We have a very strong, healthy relationship that was founded on true love, not physical pleasure. Now our physical pleasure feels so deep and special on a spiritual level. ❤️ Best decision ever.
This! People do not understand this
That's what I wanted for myself but I think many people fall into hookup culture because we don't all meet "Mr. Right" at a young age. But it's nice to know someone people don't go through that.
It's easy to wait for marriage when you're still a teen lol that's why so many religious folk get married young
@@tc7170 True. In Christianity we are taught to wait and encouraged to get married first. And my Christian friends are all married now. But they don't prepare kids to face the reality of possibly being alone for a long time when you get older.
Amen to that
GOOD FOR YOU BABE! I have followed you for years and am currently in medical school trying to get into plastic surgery so that’s how I found your channel and always loved your content but as someone a little more conservative in principle myself I am so proud of you for the spiritual growth you have been making. Even if you’re not a Christian, valuing yourself and what you have to offer as a person and as a woman is so essential to your mental health and yet is very uncommon and undervalued in this era. Best of luck on your journey and may you continue to grow into a healthier, happier, and more congruent version of you 💕😘✨
You don't have to be a Christian to have your common sense and intuition 100% involved in your decision making skills. It's about having personal boundaries and respecting and loving your body as a temple. Especially as a woman in these chaotic times. I've always felt it's ONLY appropriate to have sexual intimacy if you are both in love with each other, AND you want a future with them (ex: You both want to marry each other and are planning an engagement soon). Desiring to have some intimacy is normal, but it doesn't have to be sexual in nature. Hugs and kisses and sharing your past with someone is a very special intimacy that builds a solid foundation for trusting someone. A loving relationship (and friendship) usually grows out of that. Your attraction to that person AS A PERSON grows and your love builds for them. No shade on Christians but in all honesty, this answer here is definitely not just about whether or not your are following the Bible.
No, it's not about common sense. Our culture objectifies women from the moment they're born and grooms them to seek their worth by attracting men. Don't make it into an individual problem when it's systemic. That is the opposite of love and compassion.
@@MsMusicalBeans I never said our culture didn't have anything to do with this. I agree with that, BUT that doesn't mean it alters your innate common sense and intuition as a woman. Women, every single one of us, has been born with intuition. Men lack this and this is a key difference between males and females. Intuition is a woman's best line of defense. You have a choice to pay attention to it or ignore it. You didn't understand my comment at all, obviously. Love and compassion ARE your self respect for your body, and mind and well-being; your intuition is what helps you maintain it, as well as keeping your personal integrity. A Bible isn't going to give you that.
Despite all the closeness and friendship and this and that, when it comes down to it, if two people, however close they are, are not compatible in the bedroom, that is a HUGE part of life they will miss out on, or just "settle" for. There has to be a balance. You CAN have sex before marriage and not let it consume your life.
Im hearing - "innate common sense and intuition." Im hearing - "having personal boundaries and respecting and loving your body as a temple." But when you say; you dont have to be a Christian or follow the bible to have these traits, I think, that seems off... Im not here to preach im here to say that these innate values you are describing are in you for a reason and exist because of God and are established in his word in the Bible, Thats where they come from to begin with. Your "intuition" and "self respect" and "common sense" among other traits, values and morals that you describe did not plant themselves in you from nothing. I strongly encourage you to read Gods word and decide for yourself. With God all things are possible. I also applaud you because it looks like you make very good choices when it comes to being sexually intimate with a partner, something our society definitely needs!
Y'all real❤
I don’t think people give you enough credit for how emotionally intelligent you are. We’re about the same age and I feel like we’ve grown and realized things at the same time but there’s a lot I’ve learned from you too that changed my perspective. Thank you for talking about things that aren’t conventional and popular opinions ❤
I think you have a calling when it comes to learning, sharing testimonials, and teaching women about how to be true to ourselves and our hearts. You have an ability to be super unapologetically vulnerable and it’s so refreshing. I’d love to see more content like this from you!
She definitely does have such a strong influence and if she combines that with her faith in Jesus Christ is going to do amazing things. So happy for this.
@thatboy301 bro what? Don’t come in here spewing nonsense. A large percentage of women can’t have vaginal orgasms it’s more about clitoral stimulation. If you think just penetration is gonna work on a woman no matter what size you are, you’re not gonna be able to please her. So get out of here with that bs and let her make the decision that is best for her.
Ladies, if a guy hasn’t put a ring on it don’t sleep with them. It’s pretty simple.
⚠🔴 In the Quran, God says: "Do not even approach fornication for it is an outrageous act and AN EVIL WAY" (Surah Al-Isra, verse 32). Quran contains interesting surahs (= chapters) like: The Women, Mary, Abraham, The Moon, Noah, The People, The Star, Abraham, etc. If you want a free copy of the Quran, Go-o gle these 4 words: islamhouse quran english pdf
-May God guide you
That is so awesome girl ❤ I am so glad you joined a bible study! I started watching you 4-5 years ago and was in a toxic relationship at the time I started watching your videos. They always made me feel better and encouraged me. I am a Christian also but compromised a lot in that relationship and had sex before marriage when I didn’t want to. We broke up a few years ago and I haven’t had sex since and like you decided I wasn’t going to. The last few months I was unsure if I should continue watching your content because a lot of it was surrounding sex/ your dating life. But I love watching you so much I didn’t stop ❤ I’m so happy that you have decided to also follow Jesus and pursue that in your life. I think it’s so amazing!You also convicted me a lot in this video with dressing more modest. It’s something I’ve always struggled with and how you put it just really resonated with how I’ve felt and further pushed me. I’m going to be going through my wardrobe tonight!
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS ❤ My husband and I waited until we were married! We dated for 1yr, got engaged, and got married 1 yr later. It was the most intimate and beautiful thing, waiting until our wedding night. Then you have the rest of your life to figure it out together 💕
You are spot on!!! I decided to wait til marriage after not waiting, and reverting back to the Catholic faith. There is a reason we were created this way, you’re honoring that by waiting ❤ good for you and don’t let up!! Waiting led me to find my husband- we’re getting married in October and our wedding night will be even MORE amazing and beautiful because we’re waiting!
Beautiful
I'm going through something similar- you have no idea how much I needed to hear this. What you're sharing is so important! Keep going.
The book ‘The Case Against the Sexual Revolution’ was the best sex ed I’ve ever had at the age of 22 😅 I’ve not dated before so thank god I’ve read it before I decide to start dating.
I respect everything you have to say, and I'd like to point out that I don't think it's so much about sex before marriage, but sex before a developed relationship has happened.
Marriage wasn't even about romance until recently. It is a culture concept that has evolved over the years, and there are plenty of people who can have just as fulfilling relationships without marriage as those who do. I think it's important to point out because some people can have the false notion that just because you are married, you are close and can't get tied up in that sex blinded thing, which isn't true! The integrity and substance of the relationship are what matters. That's why my opinion is that if you are interested in someone for more than sex, wait till you've developed a significant relationship before having it.
I also think in regards to hookup culture, you can still hook up, and it is only sex focused but respects someone's safety. I think that's just basic human respect and doesn't have to be any more than that.
Thank you!
Perfectly explained! ✨
This 👌
Hi! I would love to share my perspective on this matter and reply a bit about what you said; Just for anyone interested in sharing ideas and having a safe space for open dialogue.
I have seen that a lot of people think the concept of waiting until marriage is foolhardy because it may encourage some (especially young people) to jump into any marriage just to have sex and eventually end up in divorce. I totally understand how one can come to that conclusion.
The true purpose however is not reflected in those outcomes and endeavors. The right idea, which I'm sure you already know, is that if you go into marriage for the sake of marriage and not for the sake of lust or infatuation, or even as a feat to rid yourself of loneliness--if you don't rush into marriage--then you end up with a very beautiful thing.
We do need to combat that misunderstanding through educating youngsters on the real reasons for waiting until marriage, and not just making it about "desirability" through "status" and often times, the "male satisfaction". Teaching girls this, while forcing a contrasting narrative on boys that places their value in their "sexual achievements", is disturbingly wrong.
I think religion is finally being displayed for what it is: spiritual order with a reason, like chicken soup for the soul.
People have just taken it out of context, abused it as a means of asserting dominance and attaining power. (radical Jews, Christians, and Muslims are all guilty of this), turning people away from the idea and rebelling, understandably. But if one distorts the word of God then they are not following God and they are not a real Jew, Christian, Muslim, etc.. So they do not even deserve the title of a "religious" person. I hope everyone understands this. True religion is between the individual and God.
Some people think that you don't need a legal contract to bind you to that special person, but others feel that is it is a way to say that you are choosing marriage for the sake of marriage;
It is a real commitment; So in a way this concept that everyone gets married for "love" nowadays is sort of missing half the story, at least amongst the servants of God. We see marriage as a service.
If we truly got married for love, we would hop into marriage with the first person who makes our hearts flutter.
In a way, we can still see marriage as a matter of business. It is this concept of choosing a partner carefully and intentionally, without blinding lust or infatuation. If a person expects love to be the only thing that keeps them secure and compatible with another person for an entire lifetime, then they are in for a surprise. That is why committing to someone for the rest for your days should be regarded just as serious as a business matter. One may say it needs to be handled professionally and intellectually, not guided by pure emotion.
That is not to say love an dpositive emotion is void of choosing a partner, but it is a delicate dance between love and business. I am muslim and in Islam, getting married is considered to be "completing" half of your religion, or faith. This is because marriage and living your life in harmony with someone who is meant to raise you in spirituality and help you work righteousness on this earth, is a service to God and the world. I know people from other religious groups having the same outlook. (because all of the Abrahamic religions are connected in a beautiful prophetic manner)
partnership
That said, I believe this outlook differentiates these extremely deliberate and planned commitments from other marriages, and the abstinence before the union is the key to asserting your intention for such a marriage, and finding someone who is looking for the same.
That said though, if one chooses to engage in sexual relations before marriage, then I agree it should come later after a real relationship has developed. Sex should always be with a trusted partner; which is why I think hookup culture can be detrimental.
Of course basic human respect is expected, but we often only find out that respect is lacking after the sex has taken place. Hence the stories Alana shared about the women in her life and the conclusion they came to. Unfortunately, it is a common experience.
I definitely think you sound like a good person with a sound mind, and who treats others kindly. I hope you enjoyed hearing my perspective, and thank you for allowing me to share.
Marriage also isn’t honored anymore and praised. So people are okay with just having a relationship first and then sex. I agree with what you’re saying. To develop that relationship first. But that’s what people should be doing anyways. Maybe you don’t believe in God but Alana does and that’s why she saying what she’s saying
I’m glad I came across this video. I regret I didn’t save myself until marriage. I’ve only had one intimate partner in my life but the chemical bond I have to him, still makes me struggle with letting go and moving on. I’m trying to keep a positive perspective that God is using this pain to help me grow and learn from.
Please don’t regret, it’s just the way letting you get your lessons. Our journey are different. It’s glad to hear you finally realized while others has to struggle in this chaotic time.
Your courage and your grace is extraordinary. You may never know all of the young women you have saved from heartache and pain by sharing this experience......but you will know when you get to heaven. You are now more beautiful not only in looks but in spirit as well as you share this empowering message. God bless you, Alana! 💖💖💖
I’ve been in a relationship for over 5 years and we slept together after 6 month. It was a mutual discussion because we both wanted to. I think it’s important not to do it unless you love that person.
EXACTLY. Love is the key.
How do you know you love someone after only 6months? In the grand scheme of this what Alana is saying is that when women do what you describe (have sex I’m assuming before marriage) they find that there is no love in between the relationship - real love. Not just “I like you you like me let’s live together and have sex”. You know what I mean?
Did you just ignore the Oxytocin evidence and what she said in the video? 😅
People mock God's ways (not having sex before marriage), but it's because He wants the best for us. He doesn't want us to be devalued.
God cannot be mocked.
The more they mock, the more we are firm in our beliefs. ❤
this is the best and most authentic video I've seen on RUclips in a long long time. I'm not Christian and i never understood no sex before marriage but your view on the topic does in a lot of ways coincide with a reality a lot of people don't talk about. Thank you for sharing this, it's very brave .
So much truth in this video. I’m 32 and have been married for 10 years. We waited to sleep together until marriage and it was more acceptable 10 years ago but people still made us feel weird. Getting married was truly so special- we built a relationship that was so genuine and out of love, intrigue and respect for one another. It’s so important to develop that secure and emotional aspect of love before attempting to express it physically and so intimately. I found god through dating my husband… I did a lot of research outside of reading the Bible because I hate the idea of believing something to make me feel better… and my husband never pressured me to become a Christian… ultimately, evidence showed me it would take more faith to be an atheist than a Christian and my relationship with Christ started there when I said I’m going to trust this and follow this and work to know Christ. I am so happy for you on this journey. There are points you feel so lit up from your faith and others where you feel less so- just n ow that’s normal. You’re so young and it’s a long game. I found faith at 21 and it’s been the best decision of my life. And I think you are on your way to find a man you deserve and truly desire. 💛💛
"take more faith to be an atheist than a Christian" complete opposite for me. Reading the bible made me realise these stories are clearly folklore.
So you waited until you were 22 to have sex which isn't really a big deal lol. I'm sure you would have struggled to wait another 10 years ;)
@@ohuntermc9321 Everyones experience is different...😆
This is SO IMPORTANT. Our society LIES ab sex. It is not something that in the long run makes things better before marriage. The fact that we feel as people like we need to abandon the emotional side of sex is so disheartening and unnatural because it is scientifically proven that sex creates FEELINGS and BONDS! When we try to disregard that it is so damaging and emotionally difficult. I really appreciate you talking about this. I have my own experiences, as many of us do, and they line up with what you are saying.
So beautiful to watch, my relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her..
your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my wife of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back.
@@ddirtdid Wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
@@Margart526 her name is MONICA ERLENE MORA, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as a caster and healer
@@ddirtdid Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.
@@Margart526 These things are fake.... better go to therapy or something. Don't fall for their scam.
This is so refreshing, like an honest big sister talk. Thank you for this ❤.
🙌 yes! I was about to comment this too! She’s really helping many women with her vulnerability and willingness to say the truth.
As someone who has experienced a lot of religious trauma, even though I respect your perspective, I can't say that I agree with it, as my experience was quite different. It took me years to undo all the damage the programing I had received in church did to me, and to be able to finally allow myself to explore sexuality and intimacy. After being terrified of sex for so long, and believing that a man would only want me if I was untouched, losing my virginity and realizing I didn't feel used, dirty or ashamed was incredibly empowering for me! It played an essential part in helping me find that my worth was not tied to how obedient, modest, pious, or chaste I was, leaving the church was the best thing I did for my mental health. I'm happy you found something that works for you, and I'm also glad that you seem determined to research and study and not just fall into a faith without due diligence. You have always been one of my favorite RUclipsrs and it brings me so much joy to see you growing and finding happiness, I hope this new lifestyle brings you the type of relationship you're looking for, but I also hope you keep in mind other perspectives and experiences as you go forward! 🥰
i feel you girl keep fighting you got this!
I'm sorry you had to experience that. So many people have come across Christians who don't lead with love as the Bible says. Shaming and making people fearful shouldn't be part of the church. Unfortunately there are many churches that don't teach the right way and the right things. But the church isn't God, you can still have your own personal relationship with Him. Bless you!
As a Christian who grew up in purity culture, I can personally see how you’d feel that way. It’s always directed towards females too, like men don’t have the same responsibility!! Crazy! Lucky I had parents who raised me in a home where it was safe to talk about sex and come with questions. My mom lead me through a bible study and more. I mean the poor woman really would answer ALL my questions. At the end of the day, I hope you can heal and know that God loves you.
@Leandro Aude I think you’re missing what I’m saying. I’m talking about Christian culture. Aka sex outside of marriage is a sin. If a man and woman want to live without participating in that sin that it isn’t just the woman’s responsibility. As they say “takes two to tango”. But a lot of times women don’t have that option as their virginity was taken without consent. So there’s that too. I’d never want a girl to feel less because of that either. Which can be an issue in purity culture.
@Leandro Aude That statement you just said is so harmful. Saying that victims of rape or domestic violence “lack common sense” or “aren’t careful enough” is an incredibly incorrect and horrible thing to say. It is never the victims fault. Ever. You are victim blaming. Any person who harms another person is the one to blame. Never the other way around.
I have never really agreed with this but you do have many interesting points. I think it is totally true that sex and affection get sometimes confused with a true connection and it makes things confusing. The feeling of being used physically is horrible. The problem I have with how a lot of "religious" people go about it is that they shame women that decide to have sex or experiment and that annoys the shit out of me. I think people should be very conscious of it and decide whatever they want and even change their mind if they feel like it but to make it a "rule" and be so unflexible is what bothers me and also what I think steers people away from this mentality. Also, as someone that married a guy that I loved for his personality and not sex or physical attraction that much. I now realize how important that is as well. And if you wait until marriage to know this and turns out sex sucks, it's really hard. Anyway, I think you always have the best insights and do it in a way that is relatable, specially about topics that are controversial. I love it lol
I followed you since your laser hair removal days, so to see where you come from then to now is amazing. I’m not religious and not that I have any plan to be, but I am proud of you and I didn’t want this video to end.
Congrats on the best relationship you will ever have! You’ve grown into an amazing person
being a decent human and using someone for sex are not mutually exclusive. just because you’re seeing someone for sex doesn’t mean you can’t walk someone to an apartment because they feel unsafe…that’s having a moral compass.
People who have sex before marriage casually don't have the Holy Spirit in them meaning they'll never be able to love you like you should be loved. You'll be an idol, something to feel the void in their heart from their absent relationship with Christ. This is a Christians women's perspective so you won't completely understand.
I am so excited for you to start this journey in finding your faith. Opening up my life to God was the greatest decision I have ever made in life. This video rocks and your willingness to share this is so beautiful.
I resonate with the title so much. It’s not even religious it’s just that I’m tired of wasting my time. As women we need to stop giving up ourselves to these men because none of them want to commit anymore because they don’t have to commit to get sex anymore
GIRLLL!!!!! I’ve been praying over you for the past 2ish years because of your sweet heart. I’m so excited for you!!!! Sending you a big hug and cheering you on as you grow in your faith. 🥳
Now this is a true "glowup" 🙌🙏
Girl, SAME!!! I was just about to comment this same thing. Like wow... God is really still in the saving business huh😭😭😭
I have been praying too! Praise God
Me tooooo girl!!!! You go sis, you’re amazing and God loves you so much ❤️
Yes! Waiting til marriage equals self control. It could mean they are less likely to cheat when they wait because they have self control.
For the girls/women in here who aren't going to wait till marriage - for example the story about her friend having sex on the first date JUST DON'T HAVE SEX ON A FIRST DATE or second, or THIRD, wait until you're in a committed relationship, have met his family, you're both invested in each others lives it doesn't have to be marriage necessarily (but if you wanna wait till then that's fine and also for people who have sex on a first date be aware that it might be a one hit wonder lol and if that's what you want as a female that's also okay!)
Nope..
Wait till get married..
@@drowdreyar7402Not everyone wants marriage
The right guy wont care how long or little time it takes. Neither should you. You could just let things happen without overthinking it so much. Again, the right guy wont care! As long as both of you are thuthfull and respectful, your sex life will reflect that
Yep
Yes, I noticed you deleted many videos. I was looking for the one in which you explained how you dealt with the grief of ending a long term relationship sitting casually in your kitchen in orange tshirt. That one was my favourite. I used to watch it whenever I felt weak for ending my toxic relationship.
If you need some advice or to rant to a friend you can email me ❤️ aarbucci001@gmail.com
I love your message, Alana. I see a lot more women embracing this same mentality: our value is far greater than our external appearance. It’s hard to unlearn this, but the more of us who support each other in it, the better ♥️
Thank you so much for sharing and being so encouraging! Thank you for showing me that I don’t have to feel weird for wanting to wait until marriage ❤
It was good to hear your story. I found that people stay in toxic relationships (for years) even if they aren't having sex, due to the the need for validation from their abusive partner. So it's curious to know whether it is sex that's causing people to overlook red flags or maybe just personality factors like low self esteem.
I found this was the case even inchristian communities where saving sex was the norm, people still stayed with and married abusers
I definitely dont think its black and white. I feel there are many different factors as to why people stay in toxic relationships. And self esteem can very much be a reason! It can be many reasons at the same time or just one. I think things like sex before marriage are probably causing these self esteem issues as well
Personally I’ve never related to this concept but it’s only because I’ve never felt like I’ve been attached to anyone due to sex. I’ve just never been that type of person. I’ve had my phases where I’m with a guy just for fun & I genuinely feel nothing for them & have easily left. For me, bonds come from how I feel about the person emotionally regardless if I feel the sex is great or not. When I am in a relationship where I genuinely care about the person, sex is honestly the last thing on my mind. Then again I feel that birth control has lowered my libido a lot so I’m sure that comes into play with how I feel about the topic. With that being said, I feel like I’m the minority in this so I understand where you are coming from.
100% agree
same. sex is not the problem. having lots of casual sex OR abstaining from sex before marriage completely are not the only two options - those are just opposite ends of a spectrum.
i've never done fwbs or one night stands or sex outside of a committed relationship, and i'm golden. this is not about sex before marriage but about the type of men you go for. if you don't improve your people skills and learn to let the right kind of men into your life, to draw boundaries and have enough self-worth not to ignore red flags, things are NOT going to get better just because you're not having sex. you will still fall for the wrong guy and get hurt. you may even allow yourself to end up in a toxic marriage. a man not having sex with you doesn't automatically make him a good person.
looking outward to blame society for the ways you've been hurt only prevents you from looking inside yourself and truly learning those things. you can do better without subscribing to purity culture.
you're saying you were fine ignoring a man's deeply misogynistic views because the d was good... and that is way too deep a can of worms for celibacy to fix.
@@maurapukiki ' a man not having sex with you doesn't automatically make him a good person.' exactly and let's not forget many of them will get it elsewhere for 2yrs then marry you and still keep getting it in both places on top of which sex is fun and makes you feel sexy why should we as women miss out on that just to test someone my god if a man walks away it's really not that big a deal move on
@@maurapukiki thank you for your comment. it truly opens my eyes to my problems with men. you are very wise.
I stayed with an abusive person for 3 years and we never had sex, it was the emotional trauma bond that kept the relo going when it should have ended!
I had goosebumps watching this. Thank you, Alana. For being relatable, for being understanding, for constantly researching, and for always wanting what's best for you and the people around you.
Thank you❤
"i don't want my truth, i want the truth" this is so good!! as a christian who's entered their first serious relationship, this is something I've had so many questions about, like whether it's worth it, whether it really matters, etc. this video was so helpful, thank you!
Please don’t advocate living together before marriage 6:55 🤦🏻♀️ the whole point of the video is why sex before marriage is bad. Anyone even a Christian “claiming” they’re not having sex living together before marriage is a liar. And plus it makes no sense to live together and you’re not even considering to marry? To question about marriage? So playing house together, combing finances, investing in shared furniture isn’t a way of some emotional attachment? Why allow a lifestyle to live with men you’re not married to? Studies behind men who don’t marry or rates behind divorces are actually due to living together before marriage. Why? Because there’s no mystery to you as a boyfriend who lives with his girlfriend for more than a year.. heck even at 5 years. He strings her along until she takes the hint. Believe it or not ladies, men know if they want to marry you after dating for 2-2.5 years. If you’re still his girlfriend at 5 years in your 20’s-30’s. You’re a placeholder. That’s why men immediately marry the next girl after wasting half to a full decade with you. You’re not it. You gave him free house keeping service. Have some dignity and don’t live with boyfriends. If he’s proposed to you, and is actively working on booking a wedding date etc, then consider to move in together. Don’t move in engaged to be engaged. You’re wasting your time.
I’m not advocating for that.
You are so on point with this,
you can get caught in nasty toxic relationship cycles through sex clouding your judgement. It can be like slapping a bandaid on something because even when things are going wrong, you feel “bonded” and temporarily better. The “better” feeling doesn’t last long, it fades and the cycle continues.
My partner and I figured this out a year and a half ago, and have been both working on it, it’s hard but really helpful in every way. We both have things we need to work on. I was surprised to know that men can feel like this too, they also get caught in the rollercoaster feeling. I’m so glad you’re talking about this, because it’s not very common for the young generation, and it’s hard for both parties to be self aware enough to realize it’s the issue and do something about it.
I’m glad we had the epiphany🙏
You're amazing, Alana! And so so indescribably loved by God. I've been listening to you for years now, and no matter what you've posted or shared, trust me, the purity of your heart shines through and everything you just shared is stunningly beautiful, like you! Thank You, Jesus, for loving Alana so well on this journey and bringing her a wonderful and kind husband who sees the treasure she is 💜
Yesss! 💖
As a 35-year-old virgin that doesn’t believe in pre-marital sex, I hope to God other women will listen to you. You are completely right about your observations. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish healing for you as you leave the past behind and embrace the future.💜
Sex is a basic human need, just like sleeping, eating, drinking water and pooping... Problems will arise if you ignore your body's desires...
What kinds of problems?
I didn’t wait until marriage, but I only ever was intimate when I was in a long term relationship and I love you’s were exchanged, and I have zero regrets. Been with my husband 13 years now 💕 the important thing is being able to communicate with your partner about absolutely everything and having respect for each other.
I am a Christian and have been watching your videos for years. Even though in some ways watching your old videos didn't always align with my faith I have always been drawn to you as a person and have continued to watch your videos. Now seeing this video and listening to your testimony, it has really touched me. Like witnessing a close friend find salvation, knowing that you are going to feel overwhelming love from jesus is such a blessing of peace and I pray a blessing on your journey with him.
SAME! I didn’t see this coming and I am praising the Lord! He is so good! There’s a few other RUclipsrs now that I’ve seen this happen to and it’s always shocking and so exciting! ❤ I keep them in my prayers because I know that when you step out in faith in such a big way- broadcasting to hundreds of thousands of people the Jesus is the truth, they’re bound to face persecution! I’m proud of Alana’s boldness and honesty!!!
My husband and I made the same decision, and I still look at it as the wisest thing we did in dating. It gave me the confidence, at the core of our marriage, that when faced with a decision between what is comfortable and what he wants versus what is best for us and our marriage, he will ALWAYS choose what is best for our marriage and what is honoring to the Lord first. Also, on a separate note, I have been watching your videos for years and have prayed for you and seeing that you now know the Lord blesses my soul so deeply
Love this Alana! I have followed you since 2019, and I love seeing you grow along with me. I feel the same way you do and have literally had the SAME conversations with my friend about feeling a weird side effect of being intimate before marriage. I am currently engaged with the only person I have ever been with THAT way, but I still have moments of feeling like I should have waited because of your EXACT example that I don't want intimacy to just be "expected" and thats literally what happens after you've been that way with someone. I also am a christian. I just resonate with you so much in this, thank you for speaking out about something that so many people try to hide. I am never going to judge other people for what they do with their bodies, but my advice will always be to try not being intimate and see the QUALITY of conversations, how they make you feel, the effort they put in WITHOUT intimacy on the table. Love this and LOVE you :)
I came to all the same conclusions from observing people, its why I avoided pre-marital sex in high school & university, so many girls were so broken up or traumatized by sharing themselves with these men that never really loved their hearts or spirits or soul, only their flesh or body... and the worst part is if it actually does work out you're attached & stuck with some dude that doesn't care about you that much for years to decades.
I grew up in very religious community and it affected my self esteem my mental health. The feeling of being not pure, just because I wanted to explore my sexuality, was devastating. By the way, people have different sexual preferences, the variety of it is overwhelming, imagine meeting wonderful person, fall in love and wait for sex till marriage (both). The moment is here and it turns out that Your soulmate like stuff You dont agree with dont feel comfortable with it and never will. Sex is such an important part of relationship, love is amazing but sex is huge part of relationship too. In my personal opinion it is important to get to know each other on that level too 🤔
I agree that sex before marriage is not best if you are dating to seek marriage at anytime in the future. Interestingly, I did not have sex until marriage with my husband but found out after marriage (and then sex) that he doesn’t like sex (which is a huge problem for me) and now I have often wondered if we should of had sex before marriage so that I could have foreseen this issue. BUT, we both had sexual encounters many years ago (before meeting each other) and I believe that has changed his perspective of sex; both of our sexual experiences apart from each other were not ideal by any means.
Just asking works too.
Hey, having a hookup buddy doesn't mean that he shouldn't respect you as a human being. Ok, maybe you're not in a relationship; that doesn't mean that he should treat you badly or not even be concerned for your safety in a dangerous neighborhood. That speaks a lot about a person, it doesn't equal to the fact that being friends with benefits automatically implies dehumanizing someone (and I speak from the point of view of not being 100% in favor of the idea of having a friends with benefits, at least not more than once).
I'm saying this because we tend to asume that having sex with someone without being in a relationship justifies them treating us with direspect, and it DOESN'T. If you want to have a friend with benefits, please notice their behavior, notice if they seem like a decent human being who will treat you as an equal, if not, it's their problem, not yours. They don't have a right to treat you badly for something you're both consenting to do.
100% if that is what his character had shown that early she should’ve just gone home. OxyContin wasn’t running through her veins at that moment so she had an exit window. It’s unfortunate she was emotionally hurt but it’s not just on him.
@@AlejandraElisabet yes, from experience I've learned that, when you're trusting someone with your body, you should also be careful about the red flags, even if you never want to have a relationship with them. He showed a big red flag, and she ignored that
@@Ag.mar. she most definitely did and it’s unfortunate because she didn’t deserve to be treated shitily but she also did allow him to behave that way so that is where I would’ve exited stage left.
@Leandro Aude typical sexist comment. Btw, you'd be surprised to see what ugly, poor men can get away with. It' not a matter of looks, it's a matter of what society teaches men and women that is acceptable.
100% this. A lot of people need to learn to simply respect themselves and take accountability. i hate how black & white everything is. The issue here isn't sex, its that a lot of people ignore red flags but act surprised at the outcome. her friend set expectations up for this guy, he communicated that he wasn't going to do that, and instead of either accepting that or walking away, she proceeded to meet up with him & get her feelings hurt. like he literally told her who he is was in that moment, so that's her fault imo.
I don't even know you and I'm so proud of you. More people, men and women, should try this approach
Porn and social media has effected all us men and women today. Many women do onlyfans today.
I personally do not believe that you should wait until marriage. I think having clear boundaries and waiting awhile for sex is a good idea, but sexual compatibility is so important and I would never want to enter into a legally binding marriage without making sure that aspect of my relationship is solid....
I agree. It’s not the primary part of a relationship but it’s a solid chunk and it needs to be know if it can be worked on, good, or if I have to exit.
@@veronicag4593 It can be, but it often does end LOTS of marriages, you know that right?
@@veronicag4593 Yes it can get better with communication but that’s also assuming your now spouse is willing to work on it. Would definitely suck to get married to someone only to find out they only think about themselves in the bedroom and does not care to change that! 😅
But just like everything else in life, what works for some doesn’t work for others. I also do not think sex before marriage is a big deal, and that’s okay. Some people choose to wait for marriage, and that’s okay too 😊
I did see a Christian couple on RUclips though who talked about their sex life after waiting for marriage and it was sooo hard to watch.. you could tell the guy thought sex was going to be how it is in porn and you could tell she didn’t enjoy it. But now they’re married so good luck lmao 😂
I know some couples who had sex with other people before they met, but once they became Christian and met each other they waited until they were married. They said they wrote other people off in the past early on in dating them, because the sex wasn’t good, and the sex wasn’t because they didn’t talk about sex before having it. If you don’t want to wait for marriage, usually you start dating someone and it comes to that time and you usually have sex without talking about it in detail. You do it without knowing what their boundaries are, what they like, what they hate etc. They said that once they met and decided not to have sex, they were able to be more open with each other in talking about what they liked and what they didn’t, than in any other sexual relationship. It made it incomparable to anything they ever had. Everyone makes their own choices ❤️
Human beings were designed to have sex. I think people make it so much more complicated. Once attraction is established, a couple deep, open and vulnerable conversations about sex will tell you if you’re compatible sexually. Frequency, kinks, boundaries, if they want to please you as much as you want to please them, likes dislikes, etc. You don’t have to have sex to know those things.
I'm happy you're happy. I will say that as someone who was raised Christian and had a purity ring since the age of 11 (something that I asked for as a bday gift, not something that was forced on me) I completely regret the whole purity culture thing and if I could hit the redo button on that I absolutely would.
What do you mean?
@tiona she regrets following the "purity culture" in which she was raised I'm assuming being told to wait until marriage and that type of thing.
@Leandro Aude your wrong and rude. Get mental help that's not how you talk about people. You should've been raised to know that.
@le She said she wasn't forced
I’m so glad you’re talking about this because this just happened to me and it does hurt a lot. You talking about it at least makes it less lonely
I hear you and feel the Same. But please watch out for men that want U just because of purity culture (which is rooted in mysogyny). I'm so excited to hear more about your Journey. Im also in a similar Situation and curious how it Turns Out for you💕✨😘
That’s what I’m concerned about. It’s not my journey but I wish her luck.
While, yes, there will always be predators in every instance, I believe that we attract what we are. I have no doubt that she will attract the right man, not the purity chaser. I've seen her develop. She's no fool. But I get your concern.
Alana, thank you for sharing this with us. I have so much to say about this 😅 But, I want to reassure you. After I had a break up from my first real relationship, I was messed up. I spent a year (my choice) to focus on myself, my health, my spiritual growth and relationship with God. In time, I met my now husband who shared my same values and morals. We did not have sex until marriage, and it was truly a beautiful thing. It wasn’t always easy, but I owed it to myself to respect my own wishes. The fact my husband did too, made me fall in love with him even more. Because, you know that they are your best friend and you love this person for their heart, their mind, and personality. Their looks and sex is just a cherry on top when the time is right. I wouldn’t have done it any other way 💕
I'm a man who has an emotional fear of separation. While I am interested in $ ex... I am purposely waiting for marriage because of my fear of becoming attached to the wrong woman.
Also I am phobic of $ tds
Oh girl 😭😭😭 I started crying when you started talking about joining a Bible study. I recall recently hoping/praying for you to seek God and I think that is so cool.
When I was 12 I made the decision to wait until marriage but that was taken from me when I was 19. I deal with so much trauma and extreme anxiety because of it. It’s never too late to wait again, and God loves you either way.
I have chills hearing you talk about this. I will be praying for you❤️ I’d love if you’d consider maybe doing a virtual meeting with your religious/spiritual followers and we can have our own little virtual Bible study/discussion. 🥹❤️
Sending you love and peace. I also had my virginity taken from me at a young age and also have issues feeling constantly unsafe. I’m still healing. ❤
❤❤❤
@@junemarieweaver974 you are so sweet, thank you.🥺❤️ I’m so sorry that happened to you. sometimes it seems that the healing process never stops, doesn’t it? I am sending you love as well🫶🏼❤️
Thank you for being so vulnerable...Im praying that God gives you strength as you heal.Sending lots of love your way.
This is so so true. I’ve been celibate for 3 years and so far it’s worth it ❤️ I once heard this preacher say “if you can’t give him the code to your phone, why give him your body?” Which really helped me change my mindset
I too made the decision to (re)wait for marriage. My boyfriend and I made that decision together. It is so refreshing to hear you take a stance on this! Thanks for always keeping it real and being such a positive influence for so many girls! 💗
As a married person who didn’t wait, I absolutely despise the “sex before marriage” argument, because it signifies marriage as the ultimate act of love and commitment, which is simply not true. Obviously if you’re wanting a committed relationship, casual sex isn’t for you. Sex with someone who has mutual love and respect for you is.
If you want casual sex and understand that certain dedications (love, relationship expectation, etc) will not be reciprocated, I don’t understand the harm.
Ultimately I hope people understand it really depends on the person. As a former Christian, I believe the abstinence rhetoric is harmful and there is history literally proving it was a control tactic.
yesss thank you
yess it all depends on what you’re looking for
I am someone who wants a committed relationship at this point in my life but has also enjoyed lots of casual sex and I fall somewhere between you and Alana. I respect my libido and my personal sexual desires and I really enjoy sex. I feel lucky to say I feel empowered in my sexuality in a way I feel most women aren’t, which sucks because I know a lot of that has to do with the way women are slut shamed. I am comfortable asking for what I want and don’t want and I am very clear what works for me Etc. Casual sex was a big part of being able to explore my sexuality and discover certain things like that.
But I think I need to counter something you mentioned which is that marriage is definitely often representative of a deeper commitment which can be an act of love. And no, it’s not just a piece of paper. Marriage grants you many responsibilities and also many privileges that unmarried couples cannot have. Why else would the lgbt community have fought so hard for their right to marriage?
It could be true it was and is a control tactic. But I’ve also seen the casual sex mindset of “sex is just sex” used as a control tactic as well. For many people, sex is not just sex. And it’s valid to feel used when you express your wants upfront with someone and they still have sex with you knowing they don’t want the same.
I would suspect the fact that you have strong negative feelings about the sex before marriage argument has to do with your own personal experiences and you are valid in what you feel. But I personally felt that Alana seemed pretty clear that this was about her own journey. And there is research evidence that sex changes the way women feel towards their partners more than with men (on average, obviously there are outliers)
@@sexykoreanchic123 hey! I mentioned that marriage often signifies as the ULTIMATE act of love & I said that’s not true. I’m not denying the legal/logistic privileges that comes a long with it. I’m speaking purely from a commitment perspective.
@@amarisofficial Hi there. Yes I saw what you said but I guess what I was trying to point out didn’t come across. There are some people who put marriage on a pedestal but there are also plenty who do not. I was trying to find the middle ground between what you’re saying and what Alana was saying in which both rhetorics of sexually shaming women or shaming women who want commitment as equally rampant in our society and equally harmful (at least in my experience) Marriage is the biggest legal decision a couple can make. And not all marriages are based in love, sure. A lot of people see them as arrangements. But if you tell a potential romantic interest “hey I’m waiting before marriage” and they dip out, then they sure as hell weren’t going to love you properly anyways. As Alana was saying, sex is fun for her too but she’s willing to sacrifice that if it means actually finding a relationship that can withstand time and be compatible for her long term.
I feel like every year you just make me prouder lol 🥹 I love this journey for you Alana! You’re on the right path 🤍🤍
I respect everyone's believe, but i think in some aspects the problem is the way people go at it. Like yes i don't think people should be intimate right away, yet i think is part of beign with someone, for me you just shoulnd't before you know the person you are dating, so maybe get to know the person first? this means 3 to 6 months, and yes not everyone will and that's were if someone is actually interested will be ok with it, if they don't then they just want sex. If you are doing it for fear they'll leave you, then you are the problem here, if do then they clearly don't want what you want. For what i've heard (which i know is not the whole thing) it seems to me that you keep choosing the same guy. People do choose to ignore red flags, and that's also something maybe the person needs to work on, separating things, instead of blaming distractions like sex, or he gave me flowers, or he took me to a date, etc. these are things people do because they think the person might change, or they like what they have, and it's easier than doing something, leave, or having conflict. To me things aren't just black and white, and people need to work on their decision making, like if you go on an app to find someone, most people there aren't interested in a relationship. You barely know the guy? maybe wait more than a week. They do something that you don't like, let the person go and don't make excuses for them. Sometimes the issue is we as a person need to resolve how we act to atract the right kind of people.
I can’t wait to hear about your spiritual journey!! I’ve followed you for a while now, and this is some of the most exciting news you’ve ever shared. The Lord works in such amazing ways. Cheers to you and your new path!
I think what matters is being conscious about what you do with your body. And learning your own weaknesses to protect yourself from being used. Not only sex can distort your reality, being in love also negatively affects your ability to think rationally.
@@thatboy3015 😝
my point was actually that the no sex approach isn't the only way to protect yourself. And also that you can never fully protect yourself from being used and hurt
The bible is hard to follow because it goes against our flesh! The desires that we naturally have, that honestly won’t benefit us in the future. If you really read the Bible, you’ll understand that everything God is asking us to do at the end is just to protect our heart from getting hurt. Coming from a person that didn’t save herself for marriage, I can definitely see why it’s better to.Even not from a Christian perspective, you’ll know where your relationship stands, and it won’t be based off sex. A lot of people say “ don’t you want to test drive the car before you buy it?” To that I say,if your relationship is based off how good your sex is,it won’t last. Life is full of ups and downs, and you need more than sex to keep a relationship going. Also, to the people that say what if you don’t have great sex, you have your whole marriage to work at it.
Beautifully said
Hi Alana, I am your follower from Turkey🇹🇷 I am watching your channel for several years and recommended to my friends. It’s so amazing that I can feel your sincerity from far away. I have been in a long term relationship then I broke up and I have been dealing with similar problems with you. We all deserve best for ourselves and I believe we will get it. About the topic you mentioned in this video I totally agree with you, in my religion (I am muslim though) also forbidden such things before marriage and when I personally think about it I can see why. Also as a medicine student I am glad to hear and thanking to your detailed explanations about oxytocin hormone that supports the idea. I am so impressed about your energy for growing and also sharing it with us. Lots of love ❤️
Im almost 30 and have refused to have sex again until I get married. And if that doesnt happen Im ok with it too. Ive done so many things in life that I thought were good for me and then realized I had made huge mistakes. Now Im just greatful for everything Gd gives me and my hopes and dreams are in his hands. As long as you have Jesus in your life you will be good no matter what💖
♥️
@thatboy301 Its more than enough. So no worries.
@thatboy301 A quality man is worth more than size.
@thatboy301 there’s toys and other ways to go around that. Also with her ex, 7 inches or whatever he had didn’t keep her around. A big one doesn’t make up for being a selfish lover in bed or a man with poor character. Between character and genitalia, character is the only thing that can hold a woman/man long term.
@thatboy301 Maybe it isnt enough for you. Its enough for the majority of us.
So much wise in this video I totally support you! I have been abstinent for 2 years and it’s help me so much, my
self value is so high and strong that I don’t give access to men that don’t deserved.
❤️❤️❤️ so proud of your growth! Spiritually, mentally and emotionally. You will find what you are looking for, everything you deserve and more!!🤗🤗🤗
If intimacy doesn't make your relationship better it's not the right person, it has nothing to do with marriage
This is such a testimony Alana. Praying for you and really excited for your journey 💖 I prayed for my husband and 2 weeks later, I met him and we got married 4 years later. It doesn’t work that way for everyone, but I truly believe when we ask- He provides an answer ❤️
We were both virgins about 5years ago on our wedding night. We will never forget that. Now we are both Christians and very grateful for the effort we went through to stay virgins. Now we have a daughter and we are not looking back. I regret second guesing my decision to stay PURE and not shouting, "I am a virgin!" with happiness. If i could go back i would own it and be bold about it.
Alana ive been watching you since I was 15 and im 18 now i am sobbing rn ive been praying for you and i had no idea you were going to share your testimony at the end im literally in tears sobbing I am so happy
Thank you for giving me the courage to protect myself in that regard. Sharing your experience is so valuable to me! Specially considering I came out of a 5yr relationship, to know this will make me more catious while dating.
I always tell everyone they should be celibate until marriage! Preferably a virgin but if you mess up to start over, unfortunately I messed up and now I have those feel good hormones and it’s hard to stop 😭 I already liked him a lot before we did it I was celibate for almost 2 years before that, watching this has me wondering if I’m currently blind to any big red flags 🥹 we are currently still dating and he seems genuinely kind but once you know God doesn’t want you to have premarital sex, it’s never the same. thank you for spreading this reminder. We need this as a community, there is too much promotion saying it’s okay to have casual sex and I honestly don’t even recommend with a boyfriend, but especially not hook ups etc.
I’m not religious and don’t like to be so strict as to say no sex at all before marriage. However, I do hate how much of the dating world nowadays is focused on sex, instead of goals and longtime partnership. I have always been selective with whom I share my body with, and even more so in the last 3 years and it has been amazing. I know my value and will not put myself in situations I’m not comfortable with and walk away from things that don’t fit the vision of future I have for myself. I see sex as a very vulnerable and powerful exchange of energy and don’t feel comfortable sharing it with just anyone.
Sex is important, but its not everything. If you treat it like its everything, you will get hurt. Sleeping with different people, sometimes some of those people dont have your best interest and just want the pleasure to gratify themselves. Its a lot of toxicity to your mental health and heart.
There are a lot of things we like to indulge in because it feels good, but it doesnt mean its always good. I love my partner but I dont base my relationship on sex. You both have to feel ready and be at the same level while also having that mutual attraction.
I am glad you are noticing this unhealthy trend nowadays of people having sex with whoever and whatever, not being a good thing. Theres a reason why STD’s and unwanted pregnancies occur. Sex is not a game. Its God’s way of saying take it seriously, protect your heart, guard your heart, have discernment and patience. God bless you Alana, I always appreciate your videos as they are always thought provoking. You are beautiful physically but have a beautiful mind as well. Keep going. You will find the one with God on your side. 😊❤️
Women need to make men wait. Its the ultimate test. If he can't wait, he's no good for you.
I really love your message and this video. I appreciate the end how you talk about showing your body online is destructive. I hate that today we are told that it is empowering and brave. What the heck? No it is not, it is the most shallow thing that you can do on the internet. It has created such a toxic culture that makes people obsessed with appearance, beauty, and impossible standards. There is nothing I hate more about social media than women constantly stripping for the world to see. We need more people to shame this behavior and the harmful affects that it has on society. I am happy that you realized how your actions were affecting not just yourself, but other young women and I admire your honesty and willingness to change.
I love this. Props to you Alana for being brave enough to speak against the narrative. I have always felt a connection to you, and some recent videos left me with some question marks… but this video is very genuine and honest, it’s why I have followed you all these years. Well said.
This is amazing. Thank you for posting this. I wish people talked about this more.
Girl I'm so happy for you! This realization is the beginning of the new way of life!!
May God bless you abundantly and remember He who starts a good work in you is faithful to complete it ♥️
Hey Alana 💝 in terms of the sex before marriage- everyone needs to do whats best for them. What I came to comment on was the second half of the video. First off im so happy and grateful you feel that desire to seek and learn God. Amen! I wish you the best and hope you know God is always with you. 💌 About your past videos (loved them btw), but they all spoke to my outer shell. This video and this mentality speaks and reaches my heart! 💜 I’m proud of you! Many blessings! 👋🏻
I have this view point as well. I’m in a relationship, but if I could go back I would of waited minimum 6 months before having s*x. Not that I think it would of changed us being together, but just being able to see if a person is genuine, putting in the effort, seeing the quality of conversations, or if he would of just gotten tired of me and moved on to the next girl. I do agree oxytocin released during s*x gives you rose colored glasses dismissing the red flags. I feel hookups cause trauma and hurt, when you feel used or sad after. I appreciate you not just following the Bible or what others say, but doing your own research.