In my opinion, no. Ghosting to me is when there's already been some time investment (whether via text, phone calls/FaceTime, in-person) and then they choose to go no-contact without telling you they're going no-contact.
Ghosting is a form of gaslighting. You tell someone you are interested in them either explicitly or through previous actions, AND then you ghost them and tell them that what you were putting out and my interpretation were wrong.
My pet peeve is when the person says one thing and then ghosts. I think people do it because they think it's what you want to hear (i.e. "let's do this again", "I'll text you," etc). I'd prefer they didn't say anything then to say something and then ghost.
Happy Friday! And you made me wonder: is ghosting frequency based off where you live? I've lived mostly in L.A. as an adult so I don't have other data to compare to.
Great video! I'm in a sorta similar situation myself. Haven't been ghosted but gone on three dates with this guy, every time we both text back "great time let's do it again" but no real conversation comes back. He's super nice but awful communicator. He'll ask to hug good night but his body language is super awkward. Like do you like me or not be more clear what you see here lol.
I think there can be a difference between nervous/awkward and being a bad communicator. The nerves or being awkward we can work through and should go down over time, whereas hoping someone wants to work on themselves and communicate better could be futile (still waiting on my dad to work on his communication and it's been uh, 30+ years now? 😒) I've tried lately with my dating to match the effort the other person is giving me and stop chasing if they don't follow through, so we'll see how that goes. Thanks for the comment and all the best with your dating!
Hi there! If I've gone on a first date with someone that I think went well, I ask myself if I'd like to know more about them. If I do, I'll reach out and ask them on another date. I'll usually ask the following day, I don't understand any of the waiting/games that some people seem to follow. Sometimes they say yes and sometimes they say no, but I try my best to not have any expecations and stay curious if there is a second date. Thanks for the question and for watching!
You seem a cute, nice and mature guy it is a shame people still do this, people should just be honest even if they do not want to carry on dating with someone. If you were in the UK, you would be a nice first date. Love the advice videos.
I went on a date last weekend. Went for dinner, then a walk in the woods / great conversation, and then we made out in the parking lot and then in the car for an hour. I thought we had a real connection. We made plans for this weekend, exchanged a couple of texts at the beginning of the week (to which I got short answers), and then nothing. Ghosted. I feel your frustration and agree it would be better to hear "not interested". Just wanted to commiserate .
I'm sorry you were ghosted! I think all we can do is hold ourselves to a higher standard and if the situation was reversed, communicate and respect the other person the way we would want them to treat us. Which can definitely be hard, but I've found I've grown more when I do things that scare me. Sending good vibes to you! ❤️
I've definitely been ghosted mannny times... sometimes even before the first date (just in that initial, messaging-and-getting-to-know-you stage). While on the surface I can understand how someone might find it awkward to say they don't have any real desire to move forward in getting to know someone, I think one of the things that makes ghosting seem so "appropriate" is that too many people see the early levels of interaction (chatting over text, video chatting, and even first dates) as a very small investment. And -- just as you wouldn't drive across town to pick up that dime you dropped on the pavement earlier in the day -- you might not think it's worth it to tell someone you barely know that you're "done getting to know them." That being said, I thought your suggestions for HOW to communicate this instead of ghosting were *very* helpful. I've never ghosted anyone (cue halo + angelic backlighting), but I can honestly say that I know the temptation. The one time I've had to tell someone after a first date that I didn't want to see him anymore, he got VERY emotional and began trying to negotiate. Awkward! But I agree: regardless of the potential for bad reaction, it's the adult and kind thing to do.
I agree that if there hasn't been a lot of investment then it probably feels more "acceptable" to ghost. This just happened to me at the start of the year where we actually planned a date, then the next day I opened the app and he had unmatched. I can only assume he changed his mind (which is totally fine, we change our minds all the time!) but I guess in my preferred world if you're not interested in the person and there's been low invesment, it could save them some confusion if you just sent a short message saying "not interested." Anywho, thanks for the kind words and good luck out there!
What are some ways you've turned someone down and not ghosted them?
No chance fer me to turn someone down or ghost them cause I'm always the one to get dumped. :P
Does ignoring an initial message on grindr count as ghosting?
In my opinion, no. Ghosting to me is when there's already been some time investment (whether via text, phone calls/FaceTime, in-person) and then they choose to go no-contact without telling you they're going no-contact.
Ghosting is a form of gaslighting. You tell someone you are interested in them either explicitly or through previous actions, AND then you ghost them and tell them that what you were putting out and my interpretation were wrong.
My pet peeve is when the person says one thing and then ghosts. I think people do it because they think it's what you want to hear (i.e. "let's do this again", "I'll text you," etc). I'd prefer they didn't say anything then to say something and then ghost.
Hi Scott. happy Friday! FYI, NYC guys like me would never ghost you. ;)
Happy Friday! And you made me wonder: is ghosting frequency based off where you live? I've lived mostly in L.A. as an adult so I don't have other data to compare to.
Great video! I'm in a sorta similar situation myself. Haven't been ghosted but gone on three dates with this guy, every time we both text back "great time let's do it again" but no real conversation comes back. He's super nice but awful communicator. He'll ask to hug good night but his body language is super awkward. Like do you like me or not be more clear what you see here lol.
I think there can be a difference between nervous/awkward and being a bad communicator. The nerves or being awkward we can work through and should go down over time, whereas hoping someone wants to work on themselves and communicate better could be futile (still waiting on my dad to work on his communication and it's been uh, 30+ years now? 😒) I've tried lately with my dating to match the effort the other person is giving me and stop chasing if they don't follow through, so we'll see how that goes. Thanks for the comment and all the best with your dating!
Really good video. What if you like your date, but not sure about how the other feels about you? Do you normally wait?
Hi there! If I've gone on a first date with someone that I think went well, I ask myself if I'd like to know more about them. If I do, I'll reach out and ask them on another date. I'll usually ask the following day, I don't understand any of the waiting/games that some people seem to follow. Sometimes they say yes and sometimes they say no, but I try my best to not have any expecations and stay curious if there is a second date. Thanks for the question and for watching!
@@Sco-Show Thank you for the answer! I guess that's how I tend to follow with the flow. Things work out when it works out.
LOL - you actually make me laugh out loud - I would never ghost you Scott.
Glad I could make you laugh 😊
You seem a cute, nice and mature guy it is a shame people still do this, people should just be honest even if they do not want to carry on dating with someone. If you were in the UK, you would be a nice first date. Love the advice videos.
Thank you for the kind words Darren!
I went on a date last weekend. Went for dinner, then a walk in the woods / great conversation, and then we made out in the parking lot and then in the car for an hour. I thought we had a real connection. We made plans for this weekend, exchanged a couple of texts at the beginning of the week (to which I got short answers), and then nothing. Ghosted. I feel your frustration and agree it would be better to hear "not interested". Just wanted to commiserate .
I'm sorry you were ghosted! I think all we can do is hold ourselves to a higher standard and if the situation was reversed, communicate and respect the other person the way we would want them to treat us. Which can definitely be hard, but I've found I've grown more when I do things that scare me. Sending good vibes to you! ❤️
@@Sco-Show ❤
I've definitely been ghosted mannny times... sometimes even before the first date (just in that initial, messaging-and-getting-to-know-you stage). While on the surface I can understand how someone might find it awkward to say they don't have any real desire to move forward in getting to know someone, I think one of the things that makes ghosting seem so "appropriate" is that too many people see the early levels of interaction (chatting over text, video chatting, and even first dates) as a very small investment. And -- just as you wouldn't drive across town to pick up that dime you dropped on the pavement earlier in the day -- you might not think it's worth it to tell someone you barely know that you're "done getting to know them." That being said, I thought your suggestions for HOW to communicate this instead of ghosting were *very* helpful. I've never ghosted anyone (cue halo + angelic backlighting), but I can honestly say that I know the temptation. The one time I've had to tell someone after a first date that I didn't want to see him anymore, he got VERY emotional and began trying to negotiate. Awkward! But I agree: regardless of the potential for bad reaction, it's the adult and kind thing to do.
I agree that if there hasn't been a lot of investment then it probably feels more "acceptable" to ghost. This just happened to me at the start of the year where we actually planned a date, then the next day I opened the app and he had unmatched. I can only assume he changed his mind (which is totally fine, we change our minds all the time!) but I guess in my preferred world if you're not interested in the person and there's been low invesment, it could save them some confusion if you just sent a short message saying "not interested." Anywho, thanks for the kind words and good luck out there!
Ghosting is good it makes you grow up and move on with life.
I agree. This life was never intended to be a walk in the park.