Abuser’s don’t deserve protection. It’s your story. If your family members become upset I hope they place the blame where it belongs with your abusive grandfather.
‘I am not going to participate in this culture of cover ups anymore .’ What a powerful statement. Matt, you are so brave! Thank you for sharing your story!
Matt briefly dated one of my roommates at BYU and I thought he was such a kind soul back then. Matt, I am so sorry this happened and so proud of you for speaking out!
I’m not LDS nor I’m from UTAH but I did go to Salt Lake City for vacation and noticed the cultish nature of the religion. Everyone was so “happy and nice” which to me is a red Flag. No one is that happy!!! It is also evident the piramidal structure of the church which is repulsive. Also the racism, I went to a chapel just to look and the bishop was rude to me (I’m not white). Anyway it is a cult commune with a lot of secrecy. I guess that secrecy is what makes it a safe environment for predators to be, with no consequences. Disgusting! Matt, thank you for sharing your story with us! I’m so sorry to hear what happened to you and to other innocents in that “church”
@@m.b.d7001 I was raised Babtist in the south. Do you think you only find this in an LDS church? Or as a non white you can walk into an all white church and not feel peculiar. At least years ago. Once as Teen I went I to a black church. The minister was polite but suggested that I find a predominantly white church to join.
@@clydedisney6569I agree - there’s ugly in all religions. The Catholics have had their share with monks - Baptist’s have had incidents with their pastors. I’m LDS and not that thrilled with a few bishops we’ve had. But our religion doest encourage us to sexually abuse anyone! That’s crazy! I have friends from all religions- I married a baptist. My sister married a Catholic who is a total ass - but I don’t hate all Catholics because of him. I respect other religions.
Thank god someone said something.. My family turned their backs on me!!! Huge Mormon family!!!! I had no one after my abuse!!! It took me a long time to get my life together all by myself!!!!
That makes me sad to hear. 😔 I hope you know you are not alone anymore. The community we belong to now is full of genuine, kind, and empathetic people. We are here for you.
Have you noticed that the ones that are honest and go to their bishop and confess are the ones who are punished and are also the ones who ultimately leave the church because they believe in truth. Conversely, those who are praised and advance in the church are those who are dishonest and have no conscience about their actions.
Exactly, I was completely honest with my Bishop and Stake president. Not a good decision, or maybe in hindsight the best decision, as I was not allowed to serve a mission. The spiritual lesson was; Don’t ever touch yourself, not even for a moment, because it is after all THE most grievous sin one can commit, right next to cold blooded murder. Then much later, I find out about missionaries with intimate girl friends, even boyfriends, and a certain missionary that we fed dinner who felt entitled to forcibly feel up my wife, who were all allowed to complete their missions and thus having their sins forgiven.
Case in point Bro/Bishop Murdock from Lehi, people complained so much about him, he was released and very soon after put in Stake High Council .. then caught videoing a woman in Tennessee..it seem Murdock was in cahoots with Stake Pres
Back in the early 90s, I went to Dr. Broadbent for prenatal visits a couple of times. My husband's aunt, who had worked for him as a nurse, found out I was seeing him and told me to get another doctor right away. She said, "I don't want anyone I care about seeing him. I've seen him do bad things to his patients." I switched to another doctor, then Dr. Broadbent actually called me and asked why I wasn't coming to his office anymore! I lied and told him that we moved and the new doctor was a lot closer to the new place. He sounded pretty upset.
@@deebee2603 you are right! This statement is EXTREMELY scary: "I don't want anyone I care about seeing him. I've seen him do bad things to his patients." Wth??!!! That aunt should be investigated as well!
@@firelordplayz I think saying the aunt should be investigated is an overreach. She was vulnerable in this situation and awareness about SA was so different decades ago. I hope I would speak out in her place, but reporting someone who is in a power position in your life is it’s own challenge. I’m sorry for everyone involved with that creeper
It is good you put this out there so it isn't secret. Please post it several times in various videos so the right people might see it. The abuse in secret will never end. Protect yourself and just as important, protect others.
I've learned something in my own life: you can often advise those close to you who trust you, but if you try to tell others you will be ignored or even have people discount anything else you say.
I went to a Dr. Broadbent who I thought was perverted! I went once and felt so uncomfortable- his exams were not like any I’d had at other offices. I never went back - and only talked to my cousin about him back in the 70’s. She’d had a similar experience! Back then you didn’t even say the word bra! So trying to explain what happened with me to any adult wasn’t gonna happen. Plus I kept questioning my thoughts - thinking Maybe I was the crazy person. I was also very shy back then
It appears that, thanks to the courage of Stephanie in this interview, Dr. Broadbent is now being seriously investigated. Thank you for empowering women to come forward with their allegations against this doctor. I’m so sorry you had to go through that horrific experience with him.
Yeah, his mug is still up on the web with his practice, but surrounded by articles on lawsuits and descriptions of his crimes. Why is he not fleeing to retirement or jail. He's been at it for over 50 years from the resume.
That discussion of the teenage years.. It's really scary to hear multiple people having the exact same experience of despair and s-wordial thoughts, and all thinking that we were the only one dealing with it at the time. I'm uplifted and crushed at the same time, but I really appreciate the open discussion of it. Thank you.
the part of this podcast that struck my soul so deeply was matt constantly prefacing how thankful and appreciative he is and how worried he is to hurt his family. as someone who has been SA and emotionally abused/manipulated we are conditioned to believe our trauma is a burden and our stories that are riddled with pain are burdens and that if we share them we are ungrateful for the good in our lives. thank you for sharing these stories. i am not mormon. i grew up in a christian household but endured the trauma from that sector of religion pretty roughly as well. sending all my love to you guys.
Honestly, these experiences only expose family’s true colors and their real intents of their hearts. “The hearts of men will wax cold” couldn’t be any truer. They obviously do not look to Christ for true love for others, but they look for it in themselves, when it fits their own purpose. Your family may have emotionally disowned you, but Jesus has not. I’m not sure if you’re a believer or not, but I know that He loves each and every one of us. People will fail but His love never faileth. People will use their religion to cover up their evil and ulterior desires. They will suffer a HEAVY penalty very soon, even if it’s not in this life.
Plus a lot of his family are most likely "in the closet" victims...... especially the parent that is the child of this pedo grandfather. So common for women to protect their parents....... My mother dropped my sister and I off at her parents for the summer 🤦
I've met Hinckley before and I didn't get a good vibe from him. That is ONLY my opinion. But as young children you are taught that this guy is the closest thing to God you will find on earth. But he is just a man. On top of that, minutes before he came out for the ceremony, the woman who was coordinating our visit told us we had to stand as he entered (ok, that's fine, showing respect) and that we couldn't look at him and we had to keep our eyes down. EEEEEEEERRRRRRCH!!!!!!!!! Say what??? This is a man of God, doing God's work which is love and compassion and helping the poor and healing the sick AND WE CAN'T LOOK AT HIM??!!!???!!! That was one of the biggest clues that something was amiss in the mormon abyss.
Yeah, they got it wrong in a world of wrong-headed people. I'm Agnostic so, of course, my thoughts are going to be pretty far from any religious person but HOLY HELL THAT IS SOME FAR OFF BULLSCHEISSE!!!
@@lynesefalkowski6263…..Yeah, I never met Spencer W. Kimball, but I got a bad impression of him from reading his book; The Miracle Of Forgiveness…..which should have been titled; It’s A Miracle If You Are Forgiven! That was one nasty book! Seems that LDS Leaders have gone back to the Law, and ‘Grace’ is ONLY AFTER ALL YOU CAN DO…..IF, you get any grace at all! You are left wondering! Mmmm, that’s not how it is applied in the Bible.
This is sick. [What the Grandfather did]. My Bishop when I was growing up went to jail for being a paperphile. But awesomely he was able to get re baptized and is now 'Faithful' This kind treatment of former abusers really be little the victims. I was abused on my mission by my companion but nothing really happened to him and I had no counselling at the time. [I have had counselling since leaving the church]. I still suffer today from what happened. Even seeing a missionary or a chapel gives me panic attacks. My apologies if this is too much information.
Hello. And my blessings for you. Your truth is never too much. You needn't apologize. In fact it's very brave to speak up and I commend you. I hope someday you will be able to overcome the fear. I believe that you can in the future. Know you are loved and cared for by others who can relate. Wishing you big healing in Love and Light.
Oh no! You don’t need to apologize! You are owed thousands of apologies and restitution for being a victim who after reporting the abuse was not protected. I am so sorry this happened to you. To the contrary, I think it is brave of you to share your experience. My sincere wishes for a healthy recovery and meaningful future…❤
I really appreciate the story, we were villianized for supporting victims. It isn't viable for this church to allow the continued abuse. Members need to send the message that this will not be tolerated. Remove the children and do not put the in these vulnerable positions. No sexual issues should be discussed with lay clergy! It is a dangerous door leading to abuse.
Every parent who sends a child to any child centered activity should be present often. They should insist on policies being in place that disallow any children being alone with volunteers of ANY age. You MUST keep lines of communication open with your children. Discussing sexuality with your children in age appropriate language is the primary way you can protect your child. Any inappropriate sexual contact must be carefully documented, on paper as soon as you know of it, and reported to LAW ENFORCEMENT, not the church or organization. You can lodge a courtesy notification when you have gone to the police, or follow the directions of police. Anywhere you feel your children are safe, there will be predators. If you were abused by a parent or anyone else, know they will abuse your children and any other children they have access to. Do your work, seek your healing, protect children.
I was abused as a child by 3 different men. I remembered 2 of the abusers but the third didn't come back to me until I was 38 years old. We do what we can to survive, our brain will protect us when things and emotions are too big to deal with.
Thank you all for your kind and respectful discussion. I imagine these conversations are contributing greatly in helping others navigate their own pathways of healing, and change (in & beyond the Mormon community). Mahalo & Best wishes 🙏🏼💞🌺
I grew up a few houses away from Stephanie in Highland. I was friends with her brother Paul. Stephanie was really good friends with my little sister and is a wonderful person. This was great to hear her story and I know how genuine she expressed herself.
I am only in minute 12 and had to srop. It makes me so upset, I grew up with a grand father like that. He abused me and many other kids in my family for decades and adults around him knew it... They knew it but decided not to go to the authorities and give him another chance again and again and again and again....my only question is Why? I as well tried to protect those in my family by no saying his name but that is so wrong so wrong. Thank so much for having the strength to say his name... Thank I know from personal experience how hard that was
I was sexually abused starting at age 7 by my grandfather - I loved him very much before the abuse - feared him after that. I didn't tell my mother tlll I was 40 - and only then because I had a younger sister telling mom that she was afraid of a man in the neighborhood and mom didn't believe there was any way that man would harm her. As my grandfather grew old and weak and was put in a nursing home - I was glad! When he died I was glad; but finally forgave him as I grew older and could understand that people that abuse are usually abused in their childhood.
"I am not going to be a part of the problem anymore!" Thank you. It absolutely takes so much courage to do this, and God will bless you immensely for this. Whatever negative you feel from it is only coming from one place, because Satan does not like these evil deeds brought in the light. It's scary and sad, the possibility of losing the love and support of people you love and care about. But if those people can't understand what happened, and why you had to come forward, that speaks more on them than you. I came forward and lost my entire family and church at 15. It led to me living a horrible life for many years, but I understand now I had to go through all of that to find my true personal relationship with God, which is priceless. At 47, and I'm only now regaining relationships with many of the people I lost back then. May God bring peace and harmony to your spirit, your heart, and your life. 🙏❤
As an ADHDer, this was fun to see. One of my favorite sayings is, "whenever one person or entity tries to control the thoughts of another, great mischief always follows.
I know this particular podcast episode is over a year old. But I felt seriously compelled to chime in here. One point I'll make is the courage it takes for a person to be so open about these topics never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for your openness and bravery. Point two, I did not grow up in the LDS but did grow up in a Penacostal church, and the similarities are astounding. I left the church after I turned 18, was pulled back in a few times etc. But I have lived a happy secular and agnostic life after many years of therapy and issues of my own. Point three (the entire reason for my comment) Pornography being introduced to young children (especially in a highly rigorous religious setting that is heavily influenced by purity culture) can and a lot of times will create an addiction and extremely unhealthy ideas around sex later in life. And can also be extremely detrimental to a marriage and your wife's (or husbands) self worth. I hold no ties to a religious view at this time in my life, and pornography almost ended my marriage a few times. I don't know how marriages thrive while one partner is actively watching porn. It creates unrealistic expectations of sex and women's bodies. Even women who are sexually liberated and confident in their bodies. I just felt it was necessary to mention this point. I don't think porn is always a negative or an addiction, but it often can be. More often then not in my opinion.
hey, not married but i'm a woman in a relationship of over 14 years. not all porn is violent, degrading, gross, etc. some porn is just people filming themselves masturbating or having sex. there is amateur porn or independently produced porn by one or a few people. I agree that most mainstream porn is indeed toxic. But there's nothing intrinsically toxic about watching naked people or sex for sexual stimulation if both partners are comfortable with that.
Yes You were being groomed! I am a Social Worker (40+yrs) and Matt you reacted the same way other children who have been sexually abused! Takes courage! 🕊🕊🙏🏽🕊🕊
Thank you, Matt. I took your grandfather's World Religions class at BYU back in the mid to late 1970's. I also remember him portraying the preacher in the temple film, with Gordon Jump. This is disheartening. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Thank you. It is such a tragedy. I really think my grandpa had some great qualities and helped a lot of people throughout his life. But he clearly had a sinister side.
Martine Smith here: I’m having a tough time keeping up with all the content coming out right now, but never stop John! Caught some of his in the middle but will finish later tonight.
I’ve never been through anything remotely similar but I’m always so taken back and struck when a person who was abused as a child by a “loved one” has difficulty realizing someone who loves you would never hurt you. “If somebody is abusing you they’re not loving you.. So many of us have been wounded someway in our childhoods that we really need to cling to the idea that if someone hurts you they can also be loving you” - bell hooks
I am a never Mo raised in a predominantly Mormon town. I used to resent Mormons because of their "holier than thou" attitude. Today, I just feel sorry for those who still believe and still perform their callings and still pay tithing!!
I think this is such a universally shared feeling. The church makes so many people feel shame so deeply, and it really takes a toll on your mental health. I’ve been out of the church for a few years now, but I still deal with this. I probably always will.
You guys are absolute gems. Thank you both for your courage. Loved this episode. My mates wards bishop was called uncle secrets by the youth he was so bad abusing the young woman. One on one interviews with youth and sexual subject mater needs to stop. I think intuitively we already knew that. Once again guys thanks. These episodes are becoming a form of therapy. Lots of love
I have a similar story but the abuser was my Dad. When he was about 90 years old he told me that he had no idea why he molested me. Very hard to take that answer when I thought for sure he had felt so guilty all those years
Thank you for your courage to share your story! I sincerely appreciate what you have shared and how it has shed light on some of my own experiences in the church.
Mind blowing to hear the teachings of the church. I did not grow up with religion, so it's very bizarre to me. I appreciate his strength to tell his story and I do think it helps others who may have experienced the same thing. Families have a way of shoving shit under the rug. I'm constantly drawn to hear all the mormon stories. Again the public needs to hear the facts about church.
What an AMAZING channel and interview! Hats off to you all! I'm not Mormon or religious, but I couldn't help interpreting Matt's personal story of sexual abuse as a microcosm of the broader (if not far more insidious and convoluted) abuse that occurs at multiple levels across all organized religions. It is remarkable that people can emerge from these debilitating systems of mind (body and soul) control with any sense of self, direction or hope for the future. Matt & Stephanie are wonderful testaments to this (as are all guests on this channel) and I wish them the very best. I have experienced similar attempts to control me by a former employer (currently divorced & tragically hideous), ex friends (some are Jehovah's Witnesses) and family and these videos are a great source of strength & comfort. The insights around women policing their husbands' sexualities and the church's use of shame cycles to foster blind obedience (nevermind psychological trauma) from birth well into the afterlife were hilarious in a sick kind of way and yet really resonated with me. Keep doing what you do so well!
If there's anything this world needs, it's people who are brave enough and have enough personal integrity to stand up, step up, and reveal things that are just not right. SOMEONE needs to be there to take the risks associated with revealing that indeed, the emperor hath no clothing. Too many are either willing to just buckle under and rationalize, condone, deny, or avoid things that are uncomfortable to them or forbidden by their peers.
What a difficult subject to discuss and share openly, what bravery in may ways. As a LDS member and mental health counselor that have worked with many abused families this is a subject that needs to be discussed out loud and changes needed to be made. The unfortunate reality, it is highly likely that he, your grandfather, was abused as a child. I pray that those who have been hurt, abused and betrayed can find healing in Christ.
I loved this interview and the way Matt spoke about the church really resonated with me because that’s exactly how I felt about it, there’s so many people that I love to this day because they’re good kind hearted people that want to do good in the world but that just simply coexists with the bad too
I am not a Mormon but do have fond memories of them as a child, they were so polite and we had them to dinner, they traveled by twos and often rode bikes, that was my knowledge of them. For some reason I've started listening and watching these videos and they fascinate me and also horrify me. Thank God I was not a Mormon although are not the only religious group that I don't agree with. It just breaks my heart that all of the normal feelings are demonized by the church. There is so much suffering and genuine horror at things like sexual feelings which are so normal to have. I know these beliefs are taught growing up but it amazes me that people belief you buy a relationship with God and it can't be lost.
fifteen minutes in and i'm so impressed by Matt's clarity of speech and thought and the resoluteness of his moral impulses. it is so good that in a world that his abusers in it, there are also people like him
It breaks my heart to hear a victim of child abuse explaining himself over and over and being so protective of his family. A family that obviously not protected him…. How deep this pain goes, I can only imagine. I hope this will help Matt and other victims to heal. It’s a big step to open up and make oneself vulnerable especially when there is trauma involved. A big thank you for bringing these subjects to light, cause that will help healing and giving courage to traumatised humans. This „Church“ that tries to suppress everything about sex seems to be one of the greatest oppressors and oversexualisers. It’s not only contraproductive, it’s a doorway to crime, trauma, shame and broken families. The man I associate with Jesus would do what he once did in the temple: he would kick this kind of people out of the temple. In the first place he would have never formed a religious organisation. And he would have not wanted anyone to make money out of his teachings.
Due to ALWAYS following the prophets. Being a stay at home mom.. And losing my house and all that I had due to " active priesthood holders" through the court system. Because I left ab abusive manipulative man.. To save myself and my children.. A man who is wolf in sheeps clothing. I most likely will end up on the streets any day now.. My job I work tiresly at does not pay the bills.And I get/ got nothing from my ex... This is NOT what the Savior lived or taught..
Sadly this is the story of many women. Reading your comment just made me realize again that church leaders want women to stay home so the men can stay in power. Many women are afraid to leave because they don’t have a way to support themselves. It’s tragic. -Steph
Back in the day when I was an undergrad at BYU & I had seen Spencer Palmer a few times randomly on campus, recognizing him from his bit part in the temple movie. One afternoon in 1981 I went to see the sci-fi flick "Outland" in a theater in Provo. Afterwards I went to the bathroom & next to me at the urinal stalls was the man himself. I almost asked him if he enjoyed the movie. It contained nudity/sexual content, profanity & graphic violence & the Church had strongly counseled members against watching R-rated films. I was an adult & thought I could make my own decisions about such stuff but Spencer Palmer was, of all things, a religion professor at the Lord's University & had played the Protestant pastor in the sacred temple endowment movie. I figured he'd be the type who saluted the Brethren & obeyed everything they commanded & advised. Oh well, it's probably the most sinful thing he's ever done, I thought at the time. Seems I was wrong.
@@cleveland20041 Sounds like my dad (who was also a pedophile btw) he was a bishopric member/seminary teacher. And at home he could watch whatever he wanted but the rest of us even my mom couldn't watch anything above a G-Rating. And on Sunday we couldn't watch anything that wasn't church approved.
So glad something woke me up! I’m not Mormon although I went to a Mormon church for a few years with a friend who left for his mission then moved to Utah. I’ve felt terrible sadness and horrible about myself due to some memories of a beloved uncle. Now I’m realizing I wasn’t special,he was grooming me! I though I was a wicked person for even considering I may have been abused.Hopefully now I’ll be able to deal with this and forgive 10yr old me! I’m 66 now.Thankyou all.
These stories break my heart... I met Hinckley's grandson in a NAMI Support Group, the grandson had a nervous breakdown because he wasn't accepted to Dartmouth! The pressure the Church puts on people. How odd Matt said, "My grandfather always put his hands down my pants in front of people!" Matt's family were aware of the abuse yet, didn't do anything about it! WTF??? Very Enlightening Episode!!!
My parents were excommunicated when I was a teen after my father was found to be an abuser. I believe it was because a mandated reporter went to the police. We had an apostle in the family
I’ve just recently encountered Mormon Stories. For a former Mormon (but not excommunicated) whose struggles with the church were always done privately and alone this is a kind of miraculous balm of healing so late in coming. I went to BYU in the late 70’s and this brings so much of my experience flooding back. This episode is riveting for me but I have enjoyed the others greatly as well. I can’t stop watching. Thank you John for your dedication and for sharing your own story. When non-Mormons hear about the shortcomings of the LDS church they are often quick to point out that it is just a cult so what do you expect. The richness and complexity of the Mormon phenomenon is so much more. It is perhaps the most amazing social experiment that has ever been part of the American experience. And there is something so American about it with all its goodness and failures.
I’m 73 and have had 2 children the “natural” way and have NEVER had a rectal exam. If I thought that was a part of sex I would have declined to have sex. You are so brave to tell your story.
Being a nieve Mormon woman who was born in the church (now exmo myself), I relate a lot to how the church conditions you to view pornography. I remember thinking why every General conference it's mentioned, I asked my husband (when we were dating) why that is? He said, "Oh cause every guy does it or has done it before and it's a big problem" I remember saying, "No, that can't be true, so you're saying EVERY guy? Even stake presidents, the prophet, my Dad?" I looked up to my Dad as a righteous person and I put him on a high pedestal, in my eyes he couldn't have done that ever. I just couldn't believe it. Well, I got a rude awakening when one time after leaving the home and moving out on my own after graduating high school, I went into my parents house to print my resume off their computer, and I walked in on my Dad viewing pornography. I called my husband crying 🤣 Partially traumatized because I walked in on my dad, but mostly because my perfect view of my Dad was shattered. I can look back on it now and laugh at the embarrassing moment, but at the time, it was difficult for me 😬
Im a 40 year old male born into the church. I have NEVER deliberately viewed pornography and go out of my way to avoid it. Not all males view ponography.
I saw Stephanie and Matt’s story as a RUclips short and was very interested in hearing more! But it took over 30 minutes to find this video! It sucks that RUclips (or the Mormon Church itself) is suppressing these videos. From episodes 1517 to 1522 are not listed under the channel of Mormon Stories. I know this is not the fault of John or anyone else at Mormon Stories but thought others would like to know, in case they’re trying to find a particular episode too
Only bout half way through this particular cast. Very nice content so far. Seems like yo would be a fascinating couple to sit down and talk with for a few hours.
Matt, you are amazing and such a courageous and admirable soul for sharing your story. I related to your experience with pornography as a teen. Such a terrible time in my life. The church’s view on and policies around sex, masturbation and sexual health are so evil and harmful. Thanks so much again for sharing your story. 🙏🙏
Thank you for sharing your experience! It's so validating for me. I was SA'd as an adolescent and also experienced the feeling of being stuck suffering until God decided to free me from it. I was very suicidal and also fearful that if I took my life, I would be in MORE trouble. It was an extremely miserable time in my life. Many times I wondered why God wanted me to suffer. Hadn't Jesus done that for me? It never made sense.
47:42 dang. powerful. "I am not going to participate in this culture of coverups anymore" well said. and similarly, with regard to the OBGYN... she says that she was trained to be silent. being silent isn't the middle path. it's the path desired by the abusers.
Porn DID ruin my marriage. Very sad. I'm non LDS, my soon to be ex, is an LDS man, who has a double life of porn and sexual behavior disorder, that the church covered up in his first marriage for 33 years. I had no idea. In midst of divorce proceedings. It is totally due to porn. No doubt. It pushed his boundaries and he touched my daughter. Game over. I Loved this couples' conversation. I learned so much. VERY BRAVE!
so so meaningful and helpful to others like me to hear other testimonies like this thanks I am not a Mormon but there are so many systems that are like the Mormon church in the world that talks like this help with congnitive disonance and those of us who are alone and under pressure by the unhealthy systems to minimize the experience, forget the experience, deny the experience, and more nonsense the whole world is so oppressed and hostile and punishing towards the truth especially those close to us and those in the medical profession, employers too, and those from other cultures that I need to listen these talks often right from the horse's mouth thank you youtube and everyone involved
I can’t thank you enough for opening up this very difficult conversation I’m very loyal to the church and always will be but definitely have lived through these horrific and very complex issues
One of the truly sad parts of this story is the strict teachings regarding sexuality leads to inevitable guilt since pretty much everyone is going to follow the natural inclinations of their body as it prepares for sex and reproduction. The guilt can be overwhelming and can lead to truly warped sexuality which leads to the problems of abuse. If you are worthless, twisted, sick for masturbating, the twisting can continue to the horrible issue Matt's grandfather had. I want to say it is sad, but the truth is it is evil.
Family abuse is so tricky. A lot of us do have experiences with this, whether it be family or people that know you/your family and a lot of times these abusers are so good in other ways and it's so difficult especially when that person is raised in religion because religion stress that anything sexual outside marriage is shameful and so someone who doesn't understand will place the shame on themselves and not on the abuser and family tends to protect the abusing family member.
Hahaha The part about Patriarchal blessings and the LGBTQ part of that was so true. I am now currently married to my Husband, but my blessing told me I would marry a women and talk about how I would have kids and their spirits are waiting to come down. Really made it difficult for me to figure out my feelings, especially when I was told I would have a wife and kids when I wasn't having any sort of attraction to women. Caused a lot of hopelessness and depression in my life for quite some time.
When you stop to remember that this goes all the way back to Joseph Smith, who “married” teenagers (the church has finally actually admitted that), it doesn’t seem all that surprising that it’s been going on since then among church leaders. You grow up revering them as true mouthpieces of God, and they touch your soul with their inspiring conference talks, and then you learn that in real life they have two faces and double lives, just like the evil leaders in other churches whom they constantly condemn. For rank-and-file members, it’s a heartbreaking revelation of a whole different kind.
How much of that generosity was an attempt to find other possible victims to groom? I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse by a family member, as well, and also raised in the LDS faith. To this day, I don't know if my abuser ever got effective help or had other victims. I have been terrified for years that my nieces &/or nephews were victims, too. & One of the most damaging things that the LDS religion did to me was to continually tell me that I had chosen to go through that before birth, and still expected me to maintain a relationship with my abuser. (Which I did for years, until he abused me again.)
Me too! I felt like my private life was none of their business- I was a teenager and had done nothing wrong then - and just saying the word Bra was a bad thing! So having A bishop ask g me if I was sexually active with myself or anyone else was degrading actually!
John, even I as a non Mormon questions the second anointing being “secret”. It’s clear to me that all temple ceremonies are secret and “secret”is not a surprise to me.
I agree that abusers should not be protected because of who they are. Matt you are very brave for coming forward. Myself and my twin sister were sexually abused by our biological father and were threatened to not tell anyone. I am not LDS/Mormon. I was raised Catholic (My mother's religion). My father was an atheist.
“I viewed God as someone who wants to punish me. Someone who has impossible expectations and is ready to hit me over the head with a hammer, not if- but when I fail". This is exactly how I felt when I was in the church
Wow This is blowing me away It’s so healing to get this out in the open Time to take a good look at ourselves and the price we pay to keep up appearances We create a false identity that haunts us everywhere we go I have been released from all the horrific conflicts thanks to 12 steps programs in which rigorous honesty is what we need to escape our self imposed prisons and where we don’t have to hide anymore We are actually embraced and supported and everyone is welcome and invited to find a loving and supportive God And we understand that our addictions are an illness to be treated in multiple ways and not a moral issue to be condemned for… It’s in 12 steps that I have come to know about the meaning of compassion…
I'm sorry, but call it out like it is please. Your grandfather was a monster shrouded in an angel's regalia. Even today, there are so many abusers in the church who are "happily" married in the temple with families and are serving in high-level callings like the bishopric or stake presidency. And their victims are suffering mentally, and probably on drugs and are alcoholics.
John, thank you for highlighting that women are left very vulnerable and disadvantaged by the teachings of the church. Options are few. The one prescribed path was marriage and motherhood.
Yes!! There were no other options for me. Not really. One night Matt said, “What if you would have been the most talented brain surgeon in the world had you not been a Mormon?!” It’s crazy to think about. I know there is still time, but it’s much more difficult with 3 little kids in tow. The church is in control of so many of the decisions we make. -Steph
Yes! The culture of the church puts so much pressure on having kids as early as you can and that you are selfish and sinful to hold off having kids until later in life. We wife and I had been married only 9 months when I felt “the spirit” tell me in the temple that I needed to start our family now, not to wait until Graduate school was over. I had eight years of hard, expensive, time consuming school ahead of me and supposedly God told me that we needed to have kids ASAP. If I wouldn’t have had kids early, I wouldn’t have had to join the military to pay for graduate school and I would have been so much more financially independent and my wife could have worked on her own career, education, etc instead of raise kids. We love our children, and she has been the BEST mother possible…but we could have had those same kids later. As a TBM, I never would have thought this mindset would be damaging to my wife and her independence and feeling of self worth. I can’t tell you how many times in the many years we’ve been married she had said “I’m just a mom”. I love her so much and it crushes me when she thinks this way and we have the conditioning of the church to blame. Just one of the myriad of reasons I have to be angry with the church and its effects on our lives. I will teach my sons and daughters to NOT repeat the same mistakes. Families/Children are important, and there is nothing wrong with waiting after you develop your own future to start one.
My parents made me go to a family doctor, who was a man for my pre marriage check. He came in wearing a head lamp and it all felt wrong. But I also ignored my own intuition.
What an amazing story full of bravery and courage. Thank you for sharing in face of horrendous risk of losing both your physical family and your spiritual family. You are not alone.
I felt that Matt felt in his teen years all the way until I was 40. I was still very active in the church when I finally beat my pornography addiction. It wasn't until after that I left.
When he talks about them wanting missionaries to be "Good Soldiers" that reminds me of a story I once read in The New Era where a guy talked about how going on a mission prepared him for military service because the rules were so rigid and strictly enforced that by the time he got home he was used to it. Personally if I'd been able to go on a mission or enlist in the military I would've rathered join the military.
"I am not going to participate in this culture of coverups, anymore!" 👏👏👏👏 I'm hoping to be this courageous someday; but as you said, the price of being this open is steep. I appreciate your willingness to pay the price and demonstrate that there are huge problems in the church that we've been taught not to speak openly about.
You are right where you need to be. It took a long time for me to get to a place where I no longer feared rejection from others. Exposing publicly the raw, ugly parts of my life allows me to see who truly loves and supports me. It’s been fascinating to see all the reactions from people in my life.
This is so important because as you said, your grandfather groomed you and took advantage of his authority and position in the family. He used an innocent child to fulfill his own urges. People who were abused need to know that they were innocent and not in anyway at fault not even for not telling because these pedophiles are master manipulators.
I remember in priesthood and seminary the teachers always touting that God has given mankind technology in this dispensation so that every nation and tongue can hear the truth before the last day. I think it might be working.
My heart goes out to your guests. John, I appreciate your objectiveness. I am an evangelical and are concerned about their salvation after leaving the Mormon faith.
26:00 "Because he did these things in the open, i didn't think it could be bad or wrong." Exactly this! The authority given makes them feel so powerful and unafraid as to do this unashamedly! My own experience, as well. And his "confession" to the bishop was never questioned, no one ever corroborated, investigated, reported or spoke with me/ other victims. He had more power because "I confessed to my bishop and repented. " let it go, it's all taken care of! 😒 20 years later, find out that he admitted to having 1 thought about it. No big deal 🤷🏼 🤬 So bishop patted him on the back for being so strong and nothing was done to help or heal! Talked to his bishop when we found out, he was not allowed to go to temple until "I was ok". GREAT-No coercion, guilt, or pressure- huh? And having to tell a room of men details, be questioned- I quickly lied that I forgave him. All is good! So I could end the torture! More power for dad!
I have a grandmother who introduces strangers to me as "they're not a member of the church but they're a good person" and it made me uncomfortable as a kid and makes me more uncomfortable as an adult. She doesn't know I'm not a church member anymore. But it doesn't make any sense for her to have that introduction. She was an adult convert. She never lived in a Mormon dominant place. Surely she doesn't think that not being a member means they are a bad person by default. Or that her grandkids have that notion. It's just wrong.
I firmly believe that Bishops, and Steak Presidents relay a summary of our sins or struggles to the mission presidents so that they can tailor an experience for you that may appear to be authentically, uniquely meant for us.
Abuser’s don’t deserve protection. It’s your story. If your family members become upset I hope they place the blame where it belongs with your abusive grandfather.
Often the people in families who OPPOSE pedophilia, become the victims by being ostracized by the victims or those who hide/enable the perverts
And Church leaders who failed to use their prophetic gifts to detect a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
@@PureJadeKid😅
‘I am not going to participate in this culture of cover ups anymore .’ What a powerful statement. Matt, you are so brave! Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you for the kind words of support.
Agree powerful statement you are amazing for sharing this.
)】
Matt briefly dated one of my roommates at BYU and I thought he was such a kind soul back then. Matt, I am so sorry this happened and so proud of you for speaking out!
Thank you!! I hope you are well.
I’m not LDS nor I’m from UTAH but I did go to Salt Lake City for vacation and noticed the cultish nature of the religion. Everyone was so “happy and nice” which to me is a red Flag. No one is that happy!!! It is also evident the piramidal structure of the church which is repulsive. Also the racism, I went to a chapel just to look and the bishop was rude to me (I’m not white). Anyway it is a cult commune with a lot of secrecy. I guess that secrecy is what makes it a safe environment for predators to be, with no consequences. Disgusting! Matt, thank you for sharing your story with us! I’m so sorry to hear what happened to you and to other innocents in that “church”
To bad he was not prosecuted!
@@m.b.d7001 I was raised Babtist in the south. Do you think you only find this in an LDS church?
Or as a non white you can walk into an all white church and not feel peculiar. At least years ago.
Once as Teen I went I to a black church. The minister was polite but suggested that I find a predominantly white church to join.
@@clydedisney6569I agree - there’s ugly in all religions. The Catholics have had their share with monks - Baptist’s have had incidents with their pastors. I’m LDS and not that thrilled with a few bishops we’ve had. But our religion doest encourage us to sexually abuse anyone! That’s crazy! I have friends from all religions- I married a baptist. My sister married a Catholic who is a total ass - but I don’t hate all Catholics because of him. I respect other religions.
Thank god someone said something.. My family turned their backs on me!!! Huge Mormon family!!!! I had no one after my abuse!!! It took me a long time to get my life together all by myself!!!!
Sorry that you were treated that way and went through that. Hugs.
That makes me sad to hear. 😔 I hope you know you are not alone anymore. The community we belong to now is full of genuine, kind, and empathetic people. We are here for you.
Sorry that happened to you.
P.s I love your tattoos they're dope.
So sad you got treated this way. Take care.
You were so resilient to make it on your own. You r not alone any longer!! Please be very proud of how well u took care of yourself.
Have you noticed that the ones that are honest and go to their bishop and confess are the ones who are punished and are also the ones who ultimately leave the church because they believe in truth. Conversely, those who are praised and advance in the church are those who are dishonest and have no conscience about their actions.
That’s not my experience
Exactly, I was completely honest with my Bishop and Stake president. Not a good decision, or maybe in hindsight the best decision, as I was not allowed to serve a mission. The spiritual lesson was; Don’t ever touch yourself, not even for a moment, because it is after all THE most grievous sin one can commit, right next to cold blooded murder. Then much later, I find out about missionaries with intimate girl friends, even boyfriends, and a certain missionary that we fed dinner who felt entitled to forcibly feel up my wife, who were all allowed to complete their missions and thus having their sins forgiven.
Case in point Bro/Bishop Murdock from Lehi, people complained so much about him, he was released and very soon after put in Stake High Council .. then caught videoing a woman in Tennessee..it seem Murdock was in cahoots with Stake Pres
Back in the early 90s, I went to Dr. Broadbent for prenatal visits a couple of times. My husband's aunt, who had worked for him as a nurse, found out I was seeing him and told me to get another doctor right away. She said, "I don't want anyone I care about seeing him. I've seen him do bad things to his patients." I switched to another doctor, then Dr. Broadbent actually called me and asked why I wasn't coming to his office anymore! I lied and told him that we moved and the new doctor was a lot closer to the new place. He sounded pretty upset.
@@deebee2603 you are right! This statement is EXTREMELY scary: "I don't want anyone I care about seeing him. I've seen him do bad things to his patients." Wth??!!! That aunt should be investigated as well!
@@firelordplayz I think saying the aunt should be investigated is an overreach. She was vulnerable in this situation and awareness about SA was so different decades ago. I hope I would speak out in her place, but reporting someone who is in a power position in your life is it’s own challenge.
I’m sorry for everyone involved with that creeper
It is good you put this out there so it isn't secret. Please post it several times in various videos so the right people might see it. The abuse in secret will never end. Protect yourself and just as important, protect others.
I've learned something in my own life: you can often advise those close to you who trust you, but if you try to tell others you will be ignored or even have people discount anything else you say.
I went to a Dr. Broadbent who I thought was perverted! I went once and felt so uncomfortable- his exams were not like any I’d had at other offices. I never went back - and only talked to my cousin about him back in the 70’s. She’d had a similar experience! Back then you didn’t even say the word bra! So trying to explain what happened with me to any adult wasn’t gonna happen. Plus I kept questioning my thoughts - thinking Maybe I was the crazy person. I was also very shy back then
It appears that, thanks to the courage of Stephanie in this interview, Dr. Broadbent is now being seriously investigated. Thank you for empowering women to come forward with their allegations against this doctor. I’m so sorry you had to go through that horrific experience with him.
Yeah, his mug is still up on the web with his practice, but surrounded by articles on lawsuits and descriptions of his crimes. Why is he not fleeing to retirement or jail. He's been at it for over 50 years from the resume.
Came to comments to ask if there were updates on him, thank you. 👏
Makes me queasy.
That discussion of the teenage years.. It's really scary to hear multiple people having the exact same experience of despair and s-wordial thoughts, and all thinking that we were the only one dealing with it at the time. I'm uplifted and crushed at the same time, but I really appreciate the open discussion of it. Thank you.
thank-you to all those so brave to speak out. Thank-you Mormon Stories for providing the safe space. Love to you all! keep going!
Telling your story has provided a great service for our society. It will help us find a way to prevent this from happening.
the part of this podcast that struck my soul so deeply was matt constantly prefacing how thankful and appreciative he is and how worried he is to hurt his family. as someone who has been SA and emotionally abused/manipulated we are conditioned to believe our trauma is a burden and our stories that are riddled with pain are burdens and that if we share them we are ungrateful for the good in our lives. thank you for sharing these stories. i am not mormon. i grew up in a christian household but endured the trauma from that sector of religion pretty roughly as well. sending all my love to you guys.
Honestly, these experiences only expose family’s true colors and their real intents of their hearts. “The hearts of men will wax cold” couldn’t be any truer. They obviously do not look to Christ for true love for others, but they look for it in themselves, when it fits their own purpose. Your family may have emotionally disowned you, but Jesus has not. I’m not sure if you’re a believer or not, but I know that He loves each and every one of us. People will fail but His love never faileth. People will use their religion to cover up their evil and ulterior desires. They will suffer a HEAVY penalty very soon, even if it’s not in this life.
Similar to a fawn response also always worried about being grateful and not wanting to seem ungrateful or selfish seems to be a common trauma response
Please have water available for your guests 🧐
Plus a lot of his family are most likely "in the closet" victims...... especially the parent that is the child of this pedo grandfather. So common for women to protect their parents....... My mother dropped my sister and I off at her parents for the summer 🤦
I've met Hinckley before and I didn't get a good vibe from him. That is ONLY my opinion. But as young children you are taught that this guy is the closest thing to God you will find on earth. But he is just a man. On top of that, minutes before he came out for the ceremony, the woman who was coordinating our visit told us we had to stand as he entered (ok, that's fine, showing respect) and that we couldn't look at him and we had to keep our eyes down. EEEEEEEERRRRRRCH!!!!!!!!! Say what??? This is a man of God, doing God's work which is love and compassion and helping the poor and healing the sick AND WE CAN'T LOOK AT HIM??!!!???!!! That was one of the biggest clues that something was amiss in the mormon abyss.
So True! Hinckley came to speak to missionaries while I was serving & I did get a bad vibe from the man. I knew then he was not to be trusted!
I had that same feeling from SWK when I met him in the 70’s. It really affected me spiritually. And not in a good way.
Ok lotf ffffff
Yeah, they got it wrong in a world of wrong-headed people. I'm Agnostic so, of course, my thoughts are going to be pretty far from any religious person but HOLY HELL THAT IS SOME FAR OFF BULLSCHEISSE!!!
@@lynesefalkowski6263…..Yeah, I never met Spencer W. Kimball, but I got a bad impression of him from reading his book; The Miracle Of Forgiveness…..which should have been titled; It’s A Miracle If You Are Forgiven! That was one nasty book! Seems that LDS Leaders have gone back to the Law, and ‘Grace’ is ONLY AFTER ALL YOU CAN DO…..IF, you get any grace at all! You are left wondering! Mmmm, that’s not how it is applied in the Bible.
This is sick. [What the Grandfather did]. My Bishop when I was growing up went to jail for being a paperphile. But awesomely he was able to get re baptized and is now 'Faithful' This kind treatment of former abusers really be little the victims. I was abused on my mission by my companion but nothing really happened to him and I had no counselling at the time. [I have had counselling since leaving the church]. I still suffer today from what happened. Even seeing a missionary or a chapel gives me panic attacks. My apologies if this is too much information.
Hello. And my blessings for you. Your truth is never too much. You needn't apologize. In fact it's very brave to speak up and I commend you. I hope someday you will be able to overcome the fear. I believe that you can in the future.
Know you are loved and cared for by others who can relate.
Wishing you big healing in Love and Light.
Oh no! You don’t need to apologize! You are owed thousands of apologies and restitution for being a victim who after reporting the abuse was not protected. I am so sorry this happened to you. To the contrary, I think it is brave of you to share your experience. My sincere wishes for a healthy recovery and meaningful future…❤
I googled him and Dr, Broadbent is closed. There is also a website for lawsuits against him. Thank you for sharing your story.
I really appreciate the story, we were villianized for supporting victims. It isn't viable for this church to allow the continued abuse. Members need to send the message that this will not be tolerated. Remove the children and do not put the in these vulnerable positions. No sexual issues should be discussed with lay clergy! It is a dangerous door leading to abuse.
Every parent who sends a child to any child centered activity should be present often. They should insist on policies being in place that disallow any children being alone with volunteers of ANY age. You MUST keep lines of communication open with your children. Discussing sexuality with your children in age appropriate language is the primary way you can protect your child. Any inappropriate sexual contact must be carefully documented, on paper as soon as you know of it, and reported to LAW ENFORCEMENT, not the church or organization. You can lodge a courtesy notification when you have gone to the police, or follow the directions of police. Anywhere you feel your children are safe, there will be predators. If you were abused by a parent or anyone else, know they will abuse your children and any other children they have access to. Do your work, seek your healing, protect children.
I was abused as a child by 3 different men. I remembered 2 of the abusers but the third didn't come back to me until I was 38 years old. We do what we can to survive, our brain will protect us when things and emotions are too big to deal with.
I agree with your point. I'm sorry for your experience.
Same.
Were they ever persecuted?
Did you die concerning the abuses?
Thank you all for your kind and respectful discussion. I imagine these conversations are contributing greatly in helping others navigate their own pathways of healing, and change (in & beyond the Mormon community). Mahalo &
Best wishes 🙏🏼💞🌺
I grew up a few houses away from Stephanie in Highland. I was friends with her brother Paul. Stephanie was really good friends with my little sister and is a wonderful person. This was great to hear her story and I know how genuine she expressed herself.
Hey Mark, thanks for your kindness and support. So great to hear from you! -Steph
I am only in minute 12 and had to srop. It makes me so upset, I grew up with a grand father like that. He abused me and many other kids in my family for decades and adults around him knew it... They knew it but decided not to go to the authorities and give him another chance again and again and again and again....my only question is Why? I as well tried to protect those in my family by no saying his name but that is so wrong so wrong. Thank so much for having the strength to say his name... Thank I know from personal experience how hard that was
I’m so so sorry Betty.
I’m so sorry for your pain. 🥺 -Steph
Crazy, I was legit partially raised by Spencer. He’s my Uncle. Shocking to hear this.
I was sexually abused starting at age 7 by my grandfather - I loved him very much before the abuse - feared him after that. I didn't tell my mother tlll I was 40 - and only then because I had a younger sister telling mom that she was afraid of a man in the neighborhood and mom didn't believe there was any way that man would harm her. As my grandfather grew old and weak and was put in a nursing home - I was glad! When he died I was glad; but finally forgave him as I grew older and could understand that people that abuse are usually abused in their childhood.
"I am not going to be a part of the problem anymore!" Thank you. It absolutely takes so much courage to do this, and God will bless you immensely for this. Whatever negative you feel from it is only coming from one place, because Satan does not like these evil deeds brought in the light.
It's scary and sad, the possibility of losing the love and support of people you love and care about. But if those people can't understand what happened, and why you had to come forward, that speaks more on them than you.
I came forward and lost my entire family and church at 15. It led to me living a horrible life for many years, but I understand now I had to go through all of that to find my true personal relationship with God, which is priceless.
At 47, and I'm only now regaining relationships with many of the people I lost back then.
May God bring peace and harmony to your spirit, your heart, and your life. 🙏❤
Thank you for sharing that. While I am saddened to hear about the pain you experienced, I’m glad I’m not alone 👍
As an ADHDer, this was fun to see. One of my favorite sayings is, "whenever one person or entity tries to control the thoughts of another, great mischief always follows.
Thank you Matt for sharing. What a brave person to share. Sharing is so important to prevent future abuse. Thank you!
These episodes get me so fired up! I wish more Mormons who have been abused (and all in general) would come to the same realizations this couple has.
I know this particular podcast episode is over a year old. But I felt seriously compelled to chime in here.
One point I'll make is the courage it takes for a person to be so open about these topics never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for your openness and bravery.
Point two, I did not grow up in the LDS but did grow up in a Penacostal church, and the similarities are astounding. I left the church after I turned 18, was pulled back in a few times etc. But I have lived a happy secular and agnostic life after many years of therapy and issues of my own.
Point three (the entire reason for my comment) Pornography being introduced to young children (especially in a highly rigorous religious setting that is heavily influenced by purity culture) can and a lot of times will create an addiction and extremely unhealthy ideas around sex later in life. And can also be extremely detrimental to a marriage and your wife's (or husbands) self worth.
I hold no ties to a religious view at this time in my life, and pornography almost ended my marriage a few times. I don't know how marriages thrive while one partner is actively watching porn. It creates unrealistic expectations of sex and women's bodies. Even women who are sexually liberated and confident in their bodies.
I just felt it was necessary to mention this point. I don't think porn is always a negative or an addiction, but it often can be. More often then not in my opinion.
hey, not married but i'm a woman in a relationship of over 14 years. not all porn is violent, degrading, gross, etc. some porn is just people filming themselves masturbating or having sex. there is amateur porn or independently produced porn by one or a few people. I agree that most mainstream porn is indeed toxic. But there's nothing intrinsically toxic about watching naked people or sex for sexual stimulation if both partners are comfortable with that.
Sex is addictive in and of itself. It is like an epilective seizure.
Thank you so much for coming forward. Praying for you and your families.
Yes You were being groomed! I am a Social Worker (40+yrs) and Matt you reacted the same way other children who have been sexually abused! Takes courage! 🕊🕊🙏🏽🕊🕊
Thank you for the nice comment. And thank you for the service you provided so many children and family throughout your career. 🙏👏
@@cleveland20041 very welcome 👵🏽👋🏾💚
Thank you, Matt. I took your grandfather's World Religions class at BYU back in the mid to late 1970's. I also remember him portraying the preacher in the temple film, with Gordon Jump. This is disheartening. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Thank you. It is such a tragedy. I really think my grandpa had some great qualities and helped a lot of people throughout his life. But he clearly had a sinister side.
He had a broken side. So sad.
Martine Smith here: I’m having a tough time keeping up with all the content coming out right now, but never stop John! Caught some of his in the middle but will finish later tonight.
I’ve never been through anything remotely similar but I’m always so taken back and struck when a person who was abused as a child by a “loved one” has difficulty realizing someone who loves you would never hurt you.
“If somebody is abusing you they’re not loving you.. So many of us have been wounded someway in our childhoods that we really need to cling to the idea that if someone hurts you they can also be loving you” - bell hooks
I am a never Mo raised in a predominantly Mormon town. I used to resent Mormons because of their "holier than thou" attitude. Today, I just feel sorry for those who still believe and still perform their callings and still pay tithing!!
I think this is such a universally shared feeling. The church makes so many people feel shame so deeply, and it really takes a toll on your mental health. I’ve been out of the church for a few years now, but I still deal with this. I probably always will.
Or... stop . Church is meant to guide ppl, help ppl. For followers, this can be super hard. :(
Thank you Matt for speaking up. You never know who this might help to come forward with their own stories.
You guys are absolute gems. Thank you both for your courage. Loved this episode.
My mates wards bishop was called uncle secrets by the youth he was so bad abusing the young woman. One on one interviews with youth and sexual subject mater needs to stop. I think intuitively we already knew that.
Once again guys thanks. These episodes are becoming a form of therapy. Lots of love
I have a similar story but the abuser was my Dad. When he was about 90 years old he told me that he had no idea why he molested me. Very hard to take that answer when I thought for sure he had felt so guilty all those years
Thank you for your courage to share your story! I sincerely appreciate what you have shared and how it has shed light on some of my own experiences in the church.
Mind blowing to hear the teachings of the church. I did not grow up with religion, so it's very bizarre to me. I appreciate his strength to tell his story and I do think it helps others who may have experienced the same thing. Families have a way of shoving shit under the rug. I'm constantly drawn to hear all the mormon stories. Again the public needs to hear the facts about church.
What an AMAZING channel and interview! Hats off to you all! I'm not Mormon or religious, but I couldn't help interpreting Matt's personal story of sexual abuse as a microcosm of the broader (if not far more insidious and convoluted) abuse that occurs at multiple levels across all organized religions. It is remarkable that people can emerge from these debilitating systems of mind (body and soul) control with any sense of self, direction or hope for the future. Matt & Stephanie are wonderful testaments to this (as are all guests on this channel) and I wish them the very best.
I have experienced similar attempts to control me by a former employer (currently divorced & tragically hideous), ex friends (some are Jehovah's Witnesses) and family and these videos are a great source of strength & comfort. The insights around women policing their husbands' sexualities and the church's use of shame cycles to foster blind obedience (nevermind psychological trauma) from birth well into the afterlife were hilarious in a sick kind of way and yet really resonated with me. Keep doing what you do so well!
If there's anything this world needs, it's people who are brave enough and have enough personal integrity to stand up, step up, and reveal things that are just not right. SOMEONE needs to be there to take the risks associated with revealing that indeed, the emperor hath no clothing. Too many are either willing to just buckle under and rationalize, condone, deny, or avoid things that are uncomfortable to them or forbidden by their peers.
What a difficult subject to discuss and share openly, what bravery in may ways. As a LDS member and mental health counselor that have worked with many abused families this is a subject that needs to be discussed out loud and changes needed to be made. The unfortunate reality, it is highly likely that he, your grandfather, was abused as a child. I pray that those who have been hurt, abused and betrayed can find healing in Christ.
I loved this interview and the way Matt spoke about the church really resonated with me because that’s exactly how I felt about it, there’s so many people that I love to this day because they’re good kind hearted people that want to do good in the world but that just simply coexists with the bad too
I am not a Mormon but do have fond memories of them as a child, they were so polite and we had them to dinner, they traveled by twos and often rode bikes, that was my knowledge of them.
For some reason I've started listening and watching these videos and they fascinate me and also horrify me. Thank God I was not a Mormon although are not the only religious group that I don't agree with. It just breaks my heart that all of the normal feelings are demonized by the church. There is so much suffering and genuine horror at things like sexual feelings which are so normal to have.
I know these beliefs are taught growing up but it amazes me that people belief you buy a relationship with God and it can't be lost.
fifteen minutes in and i'm so impressed by Matt's clarity of speech and thought and the resoluteness of his moral impulses. it is so good that in a world that his abusers in it, there are also people like him
It breaks my heart to hear a victim of child abuse explaining himself over and over and being so protective of his family. A family that obviously not protected him…. How deep this pain goes, I can only imagine.
I hope this will help Matt and other victims to heal. It’s a big step to open up and make oneself vulnerable especially when there is trauma involved.
A big thank you for bringing these subjects to light, cause that will help healing and giving courage to traumatised humans.
This „Church“ that tries to suppress everything about sex seems to be one of the greatest oppressors and oversexualisers. It’s not only contraproductive, it’s a doorway to crime, trauma, shame and broken families.
The man I associate with Jesus would do what he once did in the temple: he would kick this kind of people out of the temple.
In the first place he would have never formed a religious organisation. And he would have not wanted anyone to make money out of his teachings.
This is so powerful. Thank you so much for honestly sharing what you have gone through.
Due to ALWAYS following the prophets. Being a stay at home mom.. And losing my house and all that I had due to " active priesthood holders" through the court system. Because I left ab abusive manipulative man.. To save myself and my children.. A man who is wolf in sheeps clothing. I most likely will end up on the streets any day now.. My job I work tiresly at does not pay the bills.And I get/ got nothing from my ex... This is NOT what the Savior lived or taught..
Sadly this is the story of many women. Reading your comment just made me realize again that church leaders want women to stay home so the men can stay in power. Many women are afraid to leave because they don’t have a way to support themselves. It’s tragic. -Steph
Back in the day when I was an undergrad at BYU & I had seen Spencer Palmer a few times randomly on campus, recognizing him from his bit part in the temple movie. One afternoon in 1981 I went to see the sci-fi flick "Outland" in a theater in Provo. Afterwards I went to the bathroom & next to me at the urinal stalls was the man himself. I almost asked him if he enjoyed the movie. It contained nudity/sexual content, profanity & graphic violence & the Church had strongly counseled members against watching R-rated films. I was an adult & thought I could make my own decisions about such stuff but Spencer Palmer was, of all things, a religion professor at the Lord's University & had played the Protestant pastor in the sacred temple endowment movie. I figured he'd be the type who saluted the Brethren & obeyed everything they commanded & advised. Oh well, it's probably the most sinful thing he's ever done, I thought at the time. Seems I was wrong.
Thank you for sharing!!!
He LOVED his rated R movies.
@@cleveland20041 Sounds like my dad (who was also a pedophile btw) he was a bishopric member/seminary teacher. And at home he could watch whatever he wanted but the rest of us even my mom couldn't watch anything above a G-Rating. And on Sunday we couldn't watch anything that wasn't church approved.
So glad something woke me up! I’m not Mormon although I went to a Mormon church for a few years with a friend who left for his mission then moved to Utah. I’ve felt terrible sadness and horrible about myself due to some memories of a beloved uncle. Now I’m realizing I wasn’t special,he was grooming me! I though I was a wicked person for even considering I may have been abused.Hopefully now I’ll be able to deal with this and forgive 10yr old me! I’m 66 now.Thankyou all.
You have done nothing you need to be forgiven for, believe me.❤️
You didnt deserve that. Im so sorry this uncle did that to you! 😢
So much of this is resonating with me, especially content after your marriage. Thank you for doing this interview!
Matt, keeping it hidden gives it power. Remember knowledge is power. If it helps just a few, you have succeeded. Thanks for your bravery.
Thank you. You are right. We’ve already had other victims reach out to us. We are so glad we told our story.
These stories break my heart...
I met Hinckley's grandson in a NAMI Support Group, the grandson had a nervous breakdown because he wasn't accepted to Dartmouth! The pressure the Church puts on people.
How odd Matt said, "My grandfather always put his hands down my pants in front of people!" Matt's family were aware of the abuse yet, didn't do anything about it! WTF???
Very Enlightening Episode!!!
My parents were excommunicated when I was a teen after my father was found to be an abuser. I believe it was because a mandated reporter went to the police. We had an apostle in the family
I’ve just recently encountered Mormon Stories. For a former Mormon (but not excommunicated) whose struggles with the church were always done privately and alone this is a kind of miraculous balm of healing so late in coming. I went to BYU in the late 70’s and this brings so much of my experience flooding back. This episode is riveting for me but I have enjoyed the others greatly as well. I can’t stop watching. Thank you John for your dedication and for sharing your own story. When non-Mormons hear about the shortcomings of the LDS church they are often quick to point out that it is just a cult so what do you expect. The richness and complexity of the Mormon phenomenon is so much more. It is perhaps the most amazing social experiment that has ever been part of the American experience. And there is something so American about it with all its goodness and failures.
I’m 73 and have had 2 children the “natural” way and have NEVER had a rectal exam. If I thought that was a part of sex I would have declined to have sex. You are so brave to tell your story.
Being a nieve Mormon woman who was born in the church (now exmo myself), I relate a lot to how the church conditions you to view pornography. I remember thinking why every General conference it's mentioned, I asked my husband (when we were dating) why that is? He said, "Oh cause every guy does it or has done it before and it's a big problem" I remember saying, "No, that can't be true, so you're saying EVERY guy? Even stake presidents, the prophet, my Dad?" I looked up to my Dad as a righteous person and I put him on a high pedestal, in my eyes he couldn't have done that ever. I just couldn't believe it. Well, I got a rude awakening when one time after leaving the home and moving out on my own after graduating high school, I went into my parents house to print my resume off their computer, and I walked in on my Dad viewing pornography. I called my husband crying 🤣 Partially traumatized because I walked in on my dad, but mostly because my perfect view of my Dad was shattered. I can look back on it now and laugh at the embarrassing moment, but at the time, it was difficult for me 😬
But people in the world view it too-pretty pervasive-guess we are all perverts and voyeurs
Im a 40 year old male born into the church. I have NEVER deliberately viewed pornography and go out of my way to avoid it.
Not all males view ponography.
Such a fabulous episode, I applaud their bravery and honesty ❤
Holy Shit Matt. Watching this, I’m reminded of so many of my own experiences. I’m sorry you had to go through that. We grew up so similarly…
I saw Stephanie and Matt’s story as a RUclips short and was very interested in hearing more! But it took over 30 minutes to find this video! It sucks that RUclips (or the Mormon Church itself) is suppressing these videos. From episodes 1517 to 1522 are not listed under the channel of Mormon Stories. I know this is not the fault of John or anyone else at Mormon Stories but thought others would like to know, in case they’re trying to find a particular episode too
Only bout half way through this particular cast. Very nice content so far. Seems like yo would be a fascinating couple to sit down and talk with for a few hours.
Matt, you are amazing and such a courageous and admirable soul for sharing your story. I related to your experience with pornography as a teen. Such a terrible time in my life. The church’s view on and policies around sex, masturbation and sexual health are so evil and harmful. Thanks so much again for sharing your story. 🙏🙏
Thank you for the kind note. I’m sorry you had similar sufferings, but I’m glad you have been able to free yourself.
Thank you for sharing your experience! It's so validating for me. I was SA'd as an adolescent and also experienced the feeling of being stuck suffering until God decided to free me from it. I was very suicidal and also fearful that if I took my life, I would be in MORE trouble. It was an extremely miserable time in my life. Many times I wondered why God wanted me to suffer. Hadn't Jesus done that for me? It never made sense.
This is awesome couple! thank you for closed caprions:) I love this stories.. I'll watch part two story.. thanks again :)
47:42
dang. powerful.
"I am not going to participate in this culture of coverups anymore"
well said.
and similarly, with regard to the OBGYN...
she says that she was trained to be silent. being silent isn't the middle path. it's the path desired by the abusers.
Porn DID ruin my marriage. Very sad.
I'm non LDS, my soon to be ex, is an LDS man, who has a double life of porn and sexual behavior disorder, that the church covered up in his first marriage for 33 years.
I had no idea.
In midst of divorce proceedings. It is totally due to porn. No doubt. It pushed his boundaries and he touched my daughter. Game over. I
Loved this couples' conversation. I learned so much. VERY BRAVE!
so so meaningful and helpful to others like me to hear other testimonies like this thanks I am not a Mormon but there are so many systems that are like the Mormon church in the world that talks like this help with congnitive disonance and those of us who are alone and under pressure by the unhealthy systems to minimize the experience, forget the experience, deny the experience, and more nonsense the whole world is so oppressed and hostile and punishing towards the truth especially those close to us and those in the medical profession, employers too, and those from other cultures that I need to listen these talks often right from the horse's mouth thank you youtube and everyone involved
When a church claims to speak on behalf of God, run!
I can’t thank you enough for opening up this very difficult conversation
I’m very loyal to the church and always will be but definitely have lived through these horrific and very complex issues
One of the truly sad parts of this story is the strict teachings regarding sexuality leads to inevitable guilt since pretty much everyone is going to follow the natural inclinations of their body as it prepares for sex and reproduction. The guilt can be overwhelming and can lead to truly warped sexuality which leads to the problems of abuse. If you are worthless, twisted, sick for masturbating, the twisting can continue to the horrible issue Matt's grandfather had. I want to say it is sad, but the truth is it is evil.
Family abuse is so tricky. A lot of us do have experiences with this, whether it be family or people that know you/your family and a lot of times these abusers are so good in other ways and it's so difficult especially when that person is raised in religion because religion stress that anything sexual outside marriage is shameful and so someone who doesn't understand will place the shame on themselves and not on the abuser and family tends to protect the abusing family member.
I appreciate your ability to expose this behavior, l feel it needs to come out. It all has to come tumbling forth for all. Thank you, Kathleen Utah
Hahaha The part about Patriarchal blessings and the LGBTQ part of that was so true. I am now currently married to my Husband, but my blessing told me I would marry a women and talk about how I would have kids and their spirits are waiting to come down. Really made it difficult for me to figure out my feelings, especially when I was told I would have a wife and kids when I wasn't having any sort of attraction to women. Caused a lot of hopelessness and depression in my life for quite some time.
This makes me so damn angry. I hate that you grew up believing you were defective. 😔🤬 Glad to hear you broke free and embraced your true self.
Been in a similar situation. So sorry. Thanks for speaking about this.
I’m so sorry for your pain. Thanks for caring about our story.
When you stop to remember that this goes all the way back to Joseph Smith, who “married” teenagers (the church has finally actually admitted that), it doesn’t seem all that surprising that it’s been going on since then among church leaders. You grow up revering them as true mouthpieces of God, and they touch your soul with their inspiring conference talks, and then you learn that in real life they have two faces and double lives, just like the evil leaders in other churches whom they constantly condemn. For rank-and-file members, it’s a heartbreaking revelation of a whole different kind.
How much of that generosity was an attempt to find other possible victims to groom?
I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse by a family member, as well, and also raised in the LDS faith. To this day, I don't know if my abuser ever got effective help or had other victims. I have been terrified for years that my nieces &/or nephews were victims, too. & One of the most damaging things that the LDS religion did to me was to continually tell me that I had chosen to go through that before birth, and still expected me to maintain a relationship with my abuser. (Which I did for years, until he abused me again.)
I’m so sorry for your pain. 🥺 -Steph
I had a REALLY creepy interview by my bishop about specifics of my sex life as a teenager.
Me too, twice a year. And he knew I was dating his daughter. Awkward!
Me too! I felt like my private life was none of their business- I was a teenager and had done nothing wrong then - and just saying the word Bra was a bad thing! So having A bishop ask g me if I was sexually active with myself or anyone else was degrading actually!
John, even I as a non Mormon questions the second anointing being “secret”. It’s clear to me that all temple ceremonies are secret and “secret”is not a surprise to me.
I agree that abusers should not be protected because of who they are. Matt you are very brave for coming forward. Myself and my twin sister were sexually abused by our biological father and were threatened to not tell anyone. I am not LDS/Mormon. I was raised Catholic (My mother's religion). My father was an atheist.
“I viewed God as someone who wants to punish me. Someone who has impossible expectations and is ready to hit me over the head with a hammer, not if- but when I fail".
This is exactly how I felt when I was in the church
Wow
This is blowing me away
It’s so healing to get this out in the open
Time to take a good look at ourselves and the price we pay to keep up appearances
We create a false identity that haunts us everywhere we go
I have been released from all the horrific conflicts thanks to 12 steps programs in which rigorous honesty is what we need to escape our self imposed prisons and where we don’t have to hide anymore
We are actually embraced and supported and everyone is welcome and invited to find a loving and supportive God
And we understand that our addictions are an illness to be treated in multiple ways and not a moral issue to be condemned for…
It’s in 12 steps that I have come to know about the meaning of compassion…
I'm sorry, but call it out like it is please. Your grandfather was a monster shrouded in an angel's regalia. Even today, there are so many abusers in the church who are "happily" married in the temple with families and are serving in high-level callings like the bishopric or stake presidency. And their victims are suffering mentally, and probably on drugs and are alcoholics.
They will get there! Agree👵🏽👋🏾✨🧡✨🙏🏽
Just looked up this G Hinckley person, and there are glowing tributes to him and quotes of his all over the internet, how sick is that!
John, thank you for highlighting that women are left very vulnerable and disadvantaged by the teachings of the church. Options are few. The one prescribed path was marriage and motherhood.
Yes!! There were no other options for me. Not really. One night Matt said, “What if you would have been the most talented brain surgeon in the world had you not been a Mormon?!” It’s crazy to think about. I know there is still time, but it’s much more difficult with 3 little kids in tow. The church is in control of so many of the decisions we make. -Steph
Yes! The culture of the church puts so much pressure on having kids as early as you can and that you are selfish and sinful to hold off having kids until later in life. We wife and I had been married only 9 months when I felt “the spirit” tell me in the temple that I needed to start our family now, not to wait until Graduate school was over. I had eight years of hard, expensive, time consuming school ahead of me and supposedly God told me that we needed to have kids ASAP. If I wouldn’t have had kids early, I wouldn’t have had to join the military to pay for graduate school and I would have been so much more financially independent and my wife could have worked on her own career, education, etc instead of raise kids. We love our children, and she has been the BEST mother possible…but we could have had those same kids later. As a TBM, I never would have thought this mindset would be damaging to my wife and her independence and feeling of self worth. I can’t tell you how many times in the many years we’ve been married she had said “I’m just a mom”. I love her so much and it crushes me when she thinks this way and we have the conditioning of the church to blame. Just one of the myriad of reasons I have to be angry with the church and its effects on our lives. I will teach my sons and daughters to NOT repeat the same mistakes. Families/Children are important, and there is nothing wrong with waiting after you develop your own future to start one.
My parents made me go to a family doctor, who was a man for my pre marriage check. He came in wearing a head lamp and it all felt wrong. But I also ignored my own intuition.
Pre-marriage check? Dear God, you had to take a virginity test? The hymen, we now know, isn't even a reliable indicator of virginity.
@@RowanWarren78 no not a virginity test. A pap and to get birth control
It's always the one who looks most blameless. I'm so sorry this happened.
What an amazing story full of bravery and courage. Thank you for sharing in face of horrendous risk of losing both your physical family and your spiritual family. You are not alone.
I felt that Matt felt in his teen years all the way until I was 40.
I was still very active in the church when I finally beat my pornography addiction.
It wasn't until after that I left.
When he talks about them wanting missionaries to be "Good Soldiers" that reminds me of a story I once read in The New Era where a guy talked about how going on a mission prepared him for military service because the rules were so rigid and strictly enforced that by the time he got home he was used to it. Personally if I'd been able to go on a mission or enlist in the military I would've rathered join the military.
"I am not going to participate in this culture of coverups, anymore!" 👏👏👏👏 I'm hoping to be this courageous someday; but as you said, the price of being this open is steep. I appreciate your willingness to pay the price and demonstrate that there are huge problems in the church that we've been taught not to speak openly about.
You are right where you need to be. It took a long time for me to get to a place where I no longer feared rejection from others. Exposing publicly the raw, ugly parts of my life allows me to see who truly loves and supports me. It’s been fascinating to see all the reactions from people in my life.
This is so important because as you said, your grandfather groomed you and took advantage of his authority and position in the family. He used an innocent child to fulfill his own urges. People who were abused need to know that they were innocent and not in anyway at fault not even for not telling because these pedophiles are master manipulators.
I remember in priesthood and seminary the teachers always touting that God has given mankind technology in this dispensation so that every nation and tongue can hear the truth before the last day. I think it might be working.
I am so sorry to hear the story about the doctor. She was assaulted.
My heart goes out to your guests. John, I appreciate your objectiveness. I am an evangelical and are concerned about their salvation after leaving the Mormon faith.
Knew Matt as a kid growing up for a little while. Sad to hear what he experienced....
Never give over ur power to any religion, it can lead to abuse and of course its been proved in all religions,
Without indoctrination from birth, all religions would eventually die out, and rightfully so.
It is hard to fathom how a dad doesn't protect, love and cherish his daughter as a result of what his church teaches.
Oh wow a light bulb moment at 59 mins. I thought I was the only one and I carried this hatred of myself for years
26:00 "Because he did these things in the open, i didn't think it could be bad or wrong." Exactly this! The authority given makes them feel so powerful and unafraid as to do this unashamedly! My own experience, as well. And his "confession" to the bishop was never questioned, no one ever corroborated, investigated, reported or spoke with me/ other victims. He had more power because "I confessed to my bishop and repented. " let it go, it's all taken care of! 😒
20 years later, find out that he admitted to having 1 thought about it. No big deal 🤷🏼 🤬 So bishop patted him on the back for being so strong and nothing was done to help or heal!
Talked to his bishop when we found out, he was not allowed to go to temple until "I was ok". GREAT-No coercion, guilt, or pressure- huh? And having to tell a room of men details, be questioned- I quickly lied that I forgave him. All is good! So I could end the torture! More power for dad!
John i can't thank you for emphasizing the disadvantage Mormon women are left at when they find themselves single with children and with no career.
I have a grandmother who introduces strangers to me as "they're not a member of the church but they're a good person" and it made me uncomfortable as a kid and makes me more uncomfortable as an adult. She doesn't know I'm not a church member anymore. But it doesn't make any sense for her to have that introduction. She was an adult convert. She never lived in a Mormon dominant place. Surely she doesn't think that not being a member means they are a bad person by default. Or that her grandkids have that notion. It's just wrong.
I firmly believe that Bishops, and Steak Presidents relay a summary of our sins or struggles to the mission presidents so that they can tailor an experience for you that may appear to be authentically, uniquely meant for us.