You are 100% not overreacting. You’re speaking nothing but facts that a lot of our community really needs to hear. The queer community speaks acceptance and so often displays the opposite.
It's so true. These are the same people at all the equality marches and claim they're activists for anything that paints them to be a good kind-hearted person. They're all hypocrites. They're some of the most toxic and judgey people.
It is really sad and true. There is a lot of hypocrisy and performative justice that goes on when in reality some folx in our community actually deep down think the opposite. It can be really toxic. But, this is not an individual or even a community problem. It is a systemic societal problem. Some of the roots of our problems in our community are not specific to our community but exist in the rest of the world via oppressive structures and forces (systemic racism, mysogany, heteronormaitivity, colonialism, eurocentricity, ableism, and the list goes on). Some of this is taught when we are growing up and some of it is experienced as trauma, which can manifest in toxic behaviours. This is deeply entrenched in society and our community, futher being excaccerbated by the multiple intersecting identities and experiences each one of us deals with on a daily basis, each unique and different. There is no one solution, but education from others in our community and unlearning and relearning within ourselves is a start.
As an bi-Asian American in a hetero-relationship with a sweet straight yt Englishman. I feel this whole video on a frustratingly accurate level. “Yes he knows my sexuality.” “No, he doesn’t care.” “No we don’t want threesomes.” “No, we are not poly. Just cause I’m bi doesn’t mean I want a relationship with both genders at the same time.” “I am no less attracted to women because I am with a man.” “No he doesn’t just like me because I’m Asian and I don’t like him just cause he’s white.” “He didn’t save me/isn’t saving me. He’s been a cheerleader as I’m busy saving my DAMN SELF” Exhausting!
Yeah. People seem to forget that bisexuals can be romantically & sexually monogamous too.😊 One's romantic & sexual orientations have to do with one's internal feelings, desires, & attractions whether or not those are ever acted on IRL.
Some people are so rude, how can they ask such sexual questions that are obviously private and personal!? Also, wow, those racists comments about Ryan and you? He will leave you? White is superior? Really sounds like a bunch of jealous people trying to annoy you because they can't stand that you have someone you love and someone who loves you back. It takes someone who is absolutely rotten inside to say such vile remarks. I really do hope that they reflect on themselves, apologise and work on being better people. Life is too short and beautiful, they shouldn't waste a minute of it on being horrible, rude and mean! What a waste of time!
As a bi white guy in a homosexual relationship I feel fully related to what you were saying. The erasing and constant questioning becomes isolating. I love my boyfriend, and right now that's the only person I want to be with both romantically and physically. If I say I'm bi, no one has to doubt it. That's how I decide to call myself. If I never have sex with a woman in my life, I am still bi...🤦♂️
I feel that! It’s also funny to me that when you don’t mention it everyone assumed you’re straight because they think we have to act feminine, but as soon as you mention it it’s a big deal.
@@mmlas8683 why would that feel disrespectful to you? I'm just curious. Surely you should accept your partner for who they are, and you will never be the sole person they are attracted to
I'm not Asian, but as a bi Black man, there's a TON of weird, hypersexualized stereotypes about us that constantly get on my nerves and make me feel dehumanized. Coming from a relatively conservative part of the country has always made being queer a struggle, but it's doubly hard when the community itself is not welcoming. You hit the nail on the head re: bi erasure too -- as a BIPOC bi person, it can often feel like there's no real space for us. So glad you made this video, let's have the discussion!
Same. I'm a bi male and half Hispanic/ half Asian so I get it from everywhere. Us bis just can't seem to win sadly but it's slowly changing hopefully sooner than later.
This and same. We're treated as nothing but sexual objects by so many people in the community and I'm *tired* honestly. It just feels so dehumanizing, especially because I also grew up in a rather conservative setting. I thought I could finally get out there but the racism and biphobia feels like a big slap, especially when so many people in my community don't even accept. The LGBTQ+ community needs to do BETTER.
Same, it feels like I'd be better off just pretending I'm gay or straight (I wouldn't) just because I feel like most people don't get it and I often feel like I'm a bit dirty and sex obsessed which I'm not and never have been but that's the impression other people seem to have
I can definitely relate. I am legally blind and my husband isn’t. We get a lot of hate because I have a disability and he doesn’t. It’s like, he is with me out of charity because I must be a burden. This may not be the same thing you are going through, but I can relate to the situation.
Wow its sound like people are hating either because they’re stupidly jealous you’re married or stupidly jealous you’re being cared for or he’s caring for you. Its sad some people spin some sort of fault on to you or your husband as if there is a problem when there isn’t one to begin with. I hope the hate is not getting to you guys and if it is know that your guys love for each other is what matters in your relationship and not the opinions of random trash on the internet or irl. I wish for many years of happiness for you both.
What!?! That's crazy! My husband had a different disability (cystic fibrosis) that limits what kinds of gatherings we go to avoid upper respiratory infections, and it takes him hours of daily treatments to stay healthy, and it's very limiting, but it's just normal routine for us. Never experienced hate for that though.
Wow that’s awful that people don’t A. Know how to mind their business and B. Could say/write such rude things about you and your partner. I know this won’t always be the answer but that’s why I think representation is so important for people to be exposed to other ways of being and perspectives so they understand (since they clearly weren’t taught) that just because we’re all different from each other, it doesn’t mean people shouldn’t be treat with respect and compassion. I hope you and your partner are doing well. ❤️
For those who might feel attacked : “Being held accountable might feel like an attack if you’re not ready to acknowledge how your poor decisions impact others. ”
I’m inherently pansexual. However, I do find the obsession with “erasing” and the tendencies of some to blame almost everything on the “gay community” to be tiresome. How about we focus less on identities and sociological fractures and just talk honestly about dimensions of sexuality, fluidity, contradictions, mental health struggles, the gender, sexual, romantic, affection, emotion, commitment spectrum. I feel if we emphasized that instead of placing so much focus on identities and behaviors, it’ll help a lot of fractures, ignorance and insecurities.
@@liteflightify It's a process. Those are 100% all things that should be discussed as well. Part of the problem with erasure is the invalidation it can inflict. Maybe future cultures will “worry” less about labels. I think we're still in the 'semantics stage' of expanding conversation to broader masses. An involved individual might (and probably will) have many beliefs and opinions and epiphanies about labels and their effects (positive or negative). However, the larger society will always be 'behind' on the forefront of modern concepts, as they are playing catch up on what the current terms and phrases even mean. Arming people with well-established, well-understood language helps stimulate wider conversation in greater specificity. It's like teaching physics; It'd be mind-boggling trying to explain bleeding-edge quantum theories without knowing “how it got there.”
I'm Asian too but not white skin and black skin either , in the middle , and I use bi (when ask that kind of sexuality question) as umbrella term cuz I'm still exploring.. so I kinda get what y'all saying.. it's really fucked can't believe Lgbtq community have racist still..
As a white *straight passing* gay person I was never really bullied for my sexuality growing up. I was bullied for many other things though so I definitely didn't escape it. I'm also in a relationship with someone who happens to be Asian so I find your videos very relatable. I admittedly used to follow many of the channels that you called out until I realized how hyper sexualized and *click baiting* they really were and said to myself "Why am I watching this stuff". I'd much rather watch a channel like this that shows real life rather than having to put on an act every week to get views. Keep your chin up guys. I think you're doing a great job!
I was once told by a white guy “you’re hot, too bad I don’t do Asian”. I also got an Asian guy “sorry, no GAM”. And the LGBT community expects the hetero community to don’t judge us. We’re a bunch of hypocrites
I don't know how someone could say something like that to another person. That's straight up racism, the lbgt community is so toxic sometimes. Especially some gay men, who treat their partners like they are objects with no feelings. If you don't wanna be with someone because of some racist reason, at least keep it to yourself, you know. Say you're not interested. I also think that's just a way of depriving yourself from happiness, cause you could find a great person, but you're only focusing on a specific ethnicity, instead of looking for someone who's got a good heart despite of all that. All this bullshit makes me not wanna start investing in my love life.
To be honest I don't really understand how people can comment stuff like that. It's just super disrespectful and embarassing. Like how is your thought process. Btw I love your channel. It's really inspiring and motivates me to also try harder to be a better person.
As a gay Asian man myself, these are things that I've been feeling and talking to my friends about and I am glad that you are bringing it up. Thank you.
Glad you’re calling people out, Joe. I’m a lesbian and in an interracial relationship with another woman (I’m Latina and she’s white) and I feel like society has been a LOT easier on us. So that’s a privilege I will be more cognizant of. I have also fallen into the habit of joking at my own expense too (like “watch out I’m Latina, I’m hotheaded” or whatever) And I think a very “be less shitty” take would be to put and end to micro aggressions even if they come from ourselves.
I think many BIPOC people who make jokes at their own expense have had to do that as a survival tactic; however, realizing how it’s harmful to yourself and the community at large is growth.
Having watched you for several years because you create amazing content, I never cared what your sexuality was, and now that Ryan is in the picture, I've enjoyed your videos even more--mostly because seeing you happy and playful is a great thing to witness. I want to support you because you are fucking rad and Ryan is fucking rad and the two of you together = exponential rad. I'm sorry people are shitty and I'm so glad you are taking about this so we can all do better.
Bruh, I'm so impressed by your communication skills, you are a truly eloquent guy, you rapidly choose accurate words to express your feelings, thoughts and opinions in a very clearly way, I respect you for that!
Hey Joe, I wanted to send a sincere thank you to you for addressing this issue. I happen to be a bisexual asian-canadian woman dating a lady who happens to be white. Thank you for bringing light to these experiences with honesty and class, and thank you for being someone that reminds me of, well, me, on the internet. I really admire how you're dealing with these disgusting comments. No joke, you've really spoken to some of the internalized racism/self-doubt I have against myself still. Anyway, always looking forward to your content, and super hyped for your new clothing brand! EDIT: I just got to the part where Ryan comes in to speak to his experiences, and dude I really appreciate his thoughts as well. Thank you to you both, truly.
One big ass thank you for sharing your thoughts, Joe. I'm a white, bisexual female, and for identifying as such, I feel like I'm hyper-sexualized by men for that particular reason, thinking they can “change me” or “you'll pick one side eventually.” Unfortunately, we’re going to come across many weirdos who won't recognize we’re all human beings. In our LBGT+ community, I'm on your side! No matter the battles, we all stick together. Sending love to you guys ❤️
I am white and when my boyfriend and I first got together with him my friends were shocked that I would go out with a Puerto Rican. I just told them that I really liked him. He's very sweet and handsome. Today is our 28th anniversary. We don't care what anyone else thinks. If they have a problem with our relationship they can get lost.
Joe, your relationship with Ryan is just so so amazing and heartwarming to see. Every time I see y’all together, it’s so wholesome and loving and I can tell you guys love each other dearly. Please don’t let these shitty people bring you down, they’re just immature, closed minded, jealous, and just need to understand boundaries and respect . We love you and Ryan!!
Also Vancouver - we’re basically neighbours. I’m mixed asian-yt and my bf is yt we are gay and we’ve been together for 18 years now. We faced a lot of that early on but now that we’ve been together so long - frankly longer than anyone we know at our age 40-41 it’s not an issue. We both own-run businesses and donate and volunteer in the community which changed the script for us. We keep the bedroom private because when we did discuss that say 10-15 years ago with friends everyone had an opinion and they were not helpful… even hurtful. Much harder for you because you’re basically a public figure, and folks don’t have boundaries. Also bi-erasure is so real and navigating all of this publicly must suck sometimes.
Intresting comment cool sounds lovely as for idiots they can just ve blocked its good to be transparent now whats this yt I keep reading bout in the comments to me that means youtu e do u mean young trans ??
I'm a 74 year old white gay man. When I think of how hard our community has worked to gain a little justice and then to see that same community do this kind of thing, it makes me sad. I'm so proud of you for speaking about this and very sad that you had to.
I am 63 yr old man, Queer, labels are challenging but visibility is important (still). When I was a young gay activist in my undergrad days I learnt a lot from feminists and race activists. My take home was: be careful not to stereotype and generalize. I don't like people putting me in a box, I strive to be who I really am and see others as who they are as individuals. Aspects of our identity are just that - aspects. They are not who we are. I think you are right Joe about commodification. You can't go shopping for people. We are so much more than products of the societies in which we live.
joe- you were spot on about many things. I've experience a lot of similar things being a bi asian myself. Sometimes its having the hard conversations to truly learn about things. When someone comes up to me and says they are interested in me because they have an asian fetish, i just tell them to move along.
I feel for you. I am 57 and have a few extra pounds and have been single 15 years. I realized I have to love myself and those who do not like me just as I am do not matter. I won't lower my standards.
Omg, the way Joe speaks and explains everything too smoothly and like a cute little baby really touches my heart genuinely. I know to keep your relationship in balance you'll face some obstacles like these false assumptions, but keep your trust and believe in each other. you'll get through any barrier beautifully. Cheer up!! Love you guys!!
“It’s just so fucked” 100%. I love your videos and love your point of view on all of your videos. You are doing an amazing job bettering yourself and helping others realize ways to better themselves. Thank you for being so transparent and open about this topic.
I couldn't even believe my eyes when I saw the comments you were talking about, I always forget how messed up some people's minds are. I hope your community will grow to be a more loving and confortable environment for you to be in, I know a lot of people altready are. I just wanted to say that some of us - the majority, I hope - really see you and care about your journey as a human being, without concentrating on your sexuality and other aspects of your private life. Keep up with your great content, don't let this subtle kind of hate get you. Love you guys, greetings from Italy!
Am I the only one who thinks every human nowadays need to watch this video? The way Joe effortlessly talks straight to the point makes me a little bit amazed and speechless.
Agree a 💯 % with your comment, that this video should be watched by all humans, we should not even be needing to discuss this subjects anymore, live and let live, what difference does it make if I ‘m straight, gay or bisexual , there are more important issues out there. I’m in my 22 relationship your with my Thai husband in a same sexe life, and I’ve given up about what others think. Joe Lee just seen your video for the first time, love your « straight (haha) forward speech. Could you do a video about simple healthy cooking, cuz man, it didn’t look tasty at all , lol . Greets from France 🇫🇷
Hi. I'm a straight, in my sixties woman living in Scotland. I love your videos and have no hidden agenda as to why I love your content other than you are entertaining, informative, funny and extremely likable....that's it, its as basic as that 😊
I remember watching an old Q&A video from when you lived alone earlier this year and being shocked by the number of questions asked about your sexuality & dating life. Your life is yours to live, and it is completely your choice what, and how much of it you share online. I am very sorry to hear you have had this experience, Joe. You are a great creator and your positive attitude always shines through in your videos. Take care, Sophia.
Thanks for taking the time, energy and risk to address these important issues so frankly and openly. As a white(ish) guy who is 66 in a relationship with a 20 year old asian guy-- you can imagine the assumptions and assertions people make about us and our motivations. Their small minds can't see the substantial value of our relationships. To me the most resonant comment in your video is when Ryan asks "how many drugs was I addicted to when we met?" It reminds me that love (of all kinds, in all ways) has the power to redeem. My BF is a blessing in my life and it sounds like you, Joe, are a blessing in Ryan's. Keep caring for each other and you will triumph!
The problem with this type of Media is it is Faceless to a larger extend there is a sense of anonymity and security. So it amplifies their opinions never minded how misguided they are. There is a lot malicious, socially inept and narrow-minded people out there who enjoy the power behind the keyboard and never think of the repercussions to the individual or to themselves.
I love that you addressed this, and you hit the nail on the head. When I paused to read the comments that you showed on screen, I think I realized I really internalized that negative conditioning of being disposable in the gay and queer community. I also think one thing that's been holding me back from being in a relationship is the fear of being fetishized again. It really is such a dehumanizing thing to deal with :( thank you for addressing this though, I love watching your videosss. Much love💜💜
This really opened my eyes to my own behavior/thoughts as a gay asian male. I'm reflecting if my sexual preferences are really my own preferences, or just what society and the lgbt community has boxed me in as. Also at times I can act overly sexual around others, and I think that's because gay men are stereotyped as sexually promiscuous and so I do it in order to "fit it" and meet those (incorrect) expectations. And especially in mainstream media, the "token gay" character is merely used as entertainment for cis audiences, and so I use my "gayness' to entertain my straight friends at the expense of myself. Thanks for helping me reflect on how to be less shitty (towards others & myself).
wow, I am speechless. people really don't have anything better to do. I feel like quitting social media altogether. how can people even make such comments and feel like it's okay. And people wonder why I stopped dating completely 11 years ago and went celibate. I just got tired of the racism, fetishization, discrimination and outright narcissistic system our society have created. I love the peace of mind it comes with and my siblings benefited because I got to put all my energy into hustling and putting them in college rather than worrying on how to impress someone else or hope to be of standard to them.
I can relate a lot to this as a guy who identifies as pansexual. The jokes and 'throw away' comments are justified through humour, which I can understand, but it doesn't help, nor support our mental health. Everyone always bangs on about how inclusive the LGBTQ+ community is, yet I have found it the complete opposite; 'you're too fem', 'ah sorry, not into rolls and fats', 'how are girls ever going to like you if you've been with guys' and so on. Complete bullshit. Take it in your stride and continue educating the world. Sick video's Joe (and Ryan) ✌🏼
It was very refreshing to hear someone tell it like it is. We’re supposedly an “inclusive” community, yet, we have the highest of judgment and discrimination…
I think the comments that are rude and segregational are in part coming from bitter people to whom some of these things happened (a partner who was white left the Asian commenter, etc). It isn't considerate to be pressing that trauma onto you, as though you have to expect it. One of the many aspects of your vlog I appreciate is your not reinforcing those segregating or exploitative categories. *YEEEESSS!
As for the societal denigration of some types (and there is misogyny impacting some of that rating of males, too, as if women are more elegant and less assertive naturally....'I'm not, and ain't I a woman?') someone who has a lot in common with your boyfriend, physically and personality wise afaict, I suspect he appreciates your delightful personality--which includes a lot of assertive and skilled and particular-about-standards traits--and your physique choices and fashion along with your naturally stunning physical traits without it being a fetishization.
I can (somewhat) relate to this. I am bi and also asian (fully vietnamese to be specific) and it’s so sad to see how toxic our community is. I have a bunch of friends. We were talking one day and I was like “idk when I will ever get a gf haha.” And they said “oh you cant, you’re too gay for her” and it was frustrating bc it’s true I do have more of feminine side than masculine but I still identify as bi and they didn’t have to say “oh you’re too gay or too feminine to be in a relationship with a girl.” I felt frustrated and I just didn’t feel like talking anymore, like just because I like guys more than girls do not mean I am gay or will only ever like men or I “will pick a side”, that is just straight-up bi-erasure. And saying “white is superior” is so dumb. Like this is not 1860s babe, pls dont do that to yourself. And yes, I am only 16 years old so how I view myself might change once I discover more about myself, I am just sharing what I feel right now. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk hahaha
you are super eloquent. at 16 you are barely there in the dating game anyway so things are bound to change , if you are a little worried about fem traits being slightly more dominant . You needn't , age usually cements masculinity IMO. give it a few years. Attraction is crazy at that age. You will probably find the type of woman and the type of guy you are attracted to have something in common. i knew at 16 i might be bi. and there was no youtube . it was hard . my gaydar is terrible. and i present entirely as straight. it took me well over a decade to get the art of approaching a guy the same way i approach women . with the difference is since i can't communicate gayness i am not believed and i have to prove.
As a black Bi man, this video was necessary. Especially when you were speaking on extremes when dating, your either hypersexualized or seen as trash. I can't express how much truth was spoken 🙏🏿
You're speaking facts! As a Black dude when I dated a white guy I know EXACTLY what you mean about the comments. Some people in the queer community felt it necessary to tell it directly to our face as if they were giving us life guidance. Like wtf??? Always felt like "the community" either viewed me through the DL/BBD/Mandingo fetish lens or viewed me as the lowest of the low, not worthy of any love or affection. Thanks for speaking up
It’s 2021 and it’s sad that you even had to speak on this subject. Everything you said is 100% accurate and you are definitely not overreacting. But thank you for starting the conversation. I hope moving forward, people can...be less shitty
I can’t imagine what it’s like to receive so many negative and intrusive comments online. I applaud you for going against the status quo. Thanks for sharing your life with us and giving us a glimpse into your life and relationship. Your videos educate and inform those in the community that don’t fully understand what being bi is. Please ignore the negative comments and continue to thrive! Best of luck to you and Ryan!
I think its definitely a valid point and its your lived experience, so there's no denying it. My boyfriend and I are in a similar ish dynamic, but opposite? He's Middle Eastern and I'm white so the dynamic we have is he is often viewed as hyper masculine but when they interact with him, he's fairly feminine ... I think content creators like Max and Yos definitely play into this narrative, but I can't tell if it's authentic for them vs how much they play it up for views? either way, its great that you put it out there and hopefully people are more respectful of your relationship now x
Being on social media and a producer of content is a double edge sword. As like most people I tune in to see what you're up to and hear what you have to say on any given subject. This installment covered some real hot botton topics like racial stereotypes, bisexuality, discrimination within the gay community and fetishization of non-whites, As an gay Asian man I've experienced all of these except the issues of being bisexual. It saddens and angers me that some people feel that they can come at you with so much negativity. That's the double edge sword part. Don't be deterred. Stay the course and continue what you are doing in your life. As they say the haters will hate and you can't do anything about that. Keep the positivity and carry on. Continued good luck and take care of each other.
Thank you guys for sharing and addressing all the comments and stereotypes that come with being bi and bringing up some personal things. I'm bi as well and have dealt with many mental health issues in relationships and worry about how dating will be. Thank you guys for just trying to make the world a little less shitty, I seriously live by your motto 🙌 ❤
I recently discovered your channel on RUclips and TikTok and already noticed that you guys are different from most other (queer) couples on social media, you know, because you didn’t sexualize anything in the videos I have watched so far. But don’t get me wrong: I loved it and the way you were putting things just right and the way they are. Watching your videos get like having a comfortable view on your life but you didn’t “destroy” it with any sexual stuff that’s not really about your type of context (which I love). I think it is important to speak up about these issues and it’s great that you two are doing it, because I think many people are too afraid to do it. Great video!!!
In college, I had a former roommate who had an interesting take on some aspects of this. When he first moved into the house with me and 2 other roommates, he kept to himself but was always going out at all hours of the night. When all 4 of us sat down together one day for a meal I cooked for everyone, and the conversation gravitated towards sex, getting laid and dating, etc. he said he was bi and that he had been with 9 people within the first 2 weeks of living with us. He was with 7 guys and 2 girls. We had a few friends over as well on this day, all guys, and so the whole room full of straight guys went silent for a good couple minutes. We all just looked around at eachother, shrugged and said, "hey, more power to you" For me and others, it wasn't so much that he had been with both dudes and chicks, it was more about being with 9 different people in 14 days....i think we were more concerned with how inconsiderate it is to all those other people when it comes to not spreading an std or sti. The confusing aspect reared it's head when about a month after that confession, he was in a relationship with a girl. He would frequently bring her over and have her stay the night etc. She was very young and a very "good traditional Christian girl" who had very strict parents with strong, steadfast opinions... Since it seemed he was getting more serious with this girl, having met her parents and hearing her talk of them moving in together, as it happened, one day me and one of the roommates just casually asked him if he told her that he was bi. His response was interesting, abruptly he said, "well, first off, I don't live with women, and second, I'm straight." Me and the other roommate took a pause and looked at each other and just nodded, saying, "ok, if you say so." The following day we had a guy friend over who was openly bi and tried flirting with the bi roommate, not knowing he wasn't available. The roommate turned him down, saying he had a girlfriend and that even if he was single, the bi friend wasn't his type since he was straight. Later that night me and another roommate confronted him and asked to clarify if he was straight or bi. His answer was, "when I'm in a relationship with a girl, I am straight, but when I'm single I can be bi if I want" 🤷♂️
Bro is changing his sexuality according to the situation lmao. But on a serious note it seems like he is trying to hide himself from judgement of the society 😗
the fact that these people take the time to comment these dumb remarks is just sad. like they should spend their time working on themselves not trying to bring other people down. and it doesn’t even make sense. people love who they want to love regardless of looks( u are very attractive tho) and others should mind their own business.
You are speaking the truth!!!! People are a bunch of haters and they are jealous on what you have. I am really happy you are speaking on topics like this. We have soo many people so hate our community but why are we sooo cruel to each other.
It's pretty sad that so many people are unable to do anything other than hate on others. Right on for addressing it, when you turn the light on an issue it has nowhere to go. Keep on keeping on,
Hi Joe I'm Den From Malaysia, i really love every single of your content and it's really inspiring me become the best version of me and always be positive in any situation.
Found your channel due to RUclips Recommendation.. I found your content very wholesome and real. Keep up the good work, buddy! And ya steer clear of all those negative comments.. you guys rock!
This felt so close to home and I am glad you decided to talk about it because it needed to be said out loud! As a bi man myself and latino, I've heard in different occassions that since I am not feminine then I am either a "confused" straight dude or a gay acting masculine to hide my sexuality!! If we want acceptance from the rest of the world, we need to start respecting our own people first! Btw I love seeing you two together, I dont care if you are asian and your partner is white, I only see a happy couple sharing a piece of your lives with us and I am grateful about it!! Keep rocking
that's so aggravating. people behave and treat others in such dehumanizing ways. being a racialized queer person can definitely feel like double melancholy sometimes. I look up to you and your courage to be a queer poc in the spotlight. shine shine shine you beautiful stunning human.
I’m so grateful that you share your relationship on your videos, it’s become my favourite part seeing you guys together, joking around and doing everyday things. It never crossed my mind that you are different ethnicity - just nice to see such a happy and loving relationship. Never stop because of the haters please! Love you guys
Sorry this happens, honestly this opened my eyes. Personally I’m non-binary and black so I usually deal with the opposite. There’s an assumption that bc Im black and like more feminine individuals I must be extremely masculine and it’s almost not allowed for me to be feminine. (Note I am female). My white non-binary partner as a female is assumed to be more submissive (the whole white women are submissive thing). It’s all fucked honestly. Thanks for sharing your experience honestly. It’s not always easy being yourself when ppl suck but as always you BLS. ✊🏽
@@MementoVivere. nah you're okay, also I'm black and a closeted pan ace( asexual pansexual 😶👉🏽👈🏽👌🏽)....I have ppl here who joke about lgbt, even my damn parent😔 so sometimes I say stuff to blend in. In my country it's highly homophobic ( they even have songs written oml😭)so I don't even say I'm anything else but straight. Although I have a safe place with my close friends who feel like family and they know, sometimes their questions can be weird 💀😭. I dunno why I typed this...maybe I needed to rant or something 💀 But thank YOU for sharing your experience💕 my international friend is non binary but she's having a hard time trying to figure out a neutral name any suggestions for her/ now they them😭 But stay safe please 👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽💕🇧🇧
This is so pathetic :( I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this on a daily basis. Both of you are such talented individuals and you guys inspire me every day! 🥰 Both of you deserve all the love in the world!! Please know that we will always love and support you in anything you do ❤️
It’s true that lgbt+ members can be very forward. My lgbt+ students ALWAYS ask me directly about my sexuality when they see the pride flag in my class. Everyone else apparently spread rumors, so I guess I just can’t win.
Yeah I know that's only me but I love the idea that you are two bi men living in a gay relationship. I'd like that too for myself sometime in the future...
As a 30 yrs old muscular East Asian(Chinese) gay guy who lives in the U.S. I wouldn't say I was ever perceived as "scum of the earth" or "bottom of the gay chain", I also didn't get highly sexualized... But I did have a few encounters with guys that just assumed I am bottom and submissive simply because I am Asian. But most of the time I would say I am getting treated ok. But I think body shape/size has everything to do with it, because my other skinnier smaller Asian friends did receive a bunch of those treatments you mentioned. Although I don't know the situation in Canada, I've only been there once and everywhere I see was written in French and I cried because I forgot it was winter in Canada(I flew from Miami to there) and it was one of the record-breaking winters in Canada... And I was in shorts...... It was around Xmas too.
I remembered this video when people were being extra saucy in your recent video about being a bi couple... Keep being true to yourselves, I love it and wanna support it more and more whenever people are upset. ❤️
Those comments are so saddening. I was definitely sheltered in the sense that I knew how rife racism is particularly in our community, but I didn't realise how brazen and constant it was. Well done Joe for airing your thoughts so honestly and for being very subjective about it; I know if I were on the receiving end of that kind of hate I would feel really insecure and upset. Hopefully the more it is addressed and talked about the more those kinds of people will think twice before posting. I know you're keen to ensure this channel doesn't become a 'relationship vlog', but you two are honestly couple goals for me and for so many others I'm sure. It absolutely warms my heart. I personally would love to know more about both your stories' if you ever wanted to share them, as all I want is to find that kind of love that you can clearly see in each others' eyes. I've got a lot of trust issues and stuff due to negative experiences and a whole load of other issues in the community (maybe I'm always looking in the wrong places) which I know holds me back, but ultimately all I want is a man who looks at me the way Ryan looks at you. So yeah if you fancy posting some tips on how to find 'the one' who only has eyes for me, I'd be very open to that! haha. Love your channel Joe, keep doing you with all the honesty and positivity, let the haters hate x
As a gay Chinese born French guy.... I can relate. How many time have I heard " I don't do Asians ". It hurts.... And being honest it's even worst in France (I have lived many years in the UK and USA, trust me)... In the French gay community, there is so much " racism " against Asian man, it saddens me because I'm already average looking, rather short and not toned, just normal. So it adds even more obstacles for me to find a boyfriend...
I've heard that the racism issue in France is bad. I'm sorry you've experienced it and am currently going through it. Know that there's queer Asians and others around the world who wish you safety and happiness and anyone else in your position
I've got the solution for you: instead of chasing white/european men, why dont you pursue your own race? European men don't owe you their dicks. I'm sorry but the problem with this asian-whoa-is-me-ism is that it's based on gaysians white-worship/internalized racism motives. Gaysians discriminate the most because they won't even pursue their own race let alone blacks or other people of color. So what do you think is the real source of the problem???
Joe, thank you and give my thanks to Ryan for that bit on bi erasure, nearly made me tear up. I really appreciate your videos and how you (both) handle difficult topics while still making us laugh in the end.
I have a difficult time fitting into the LGBTQ+ community… Part of it is social anxiety so not easy to put myself out there… the other is the community at times seems very judge mental unless you fit a certain box, but I know this is not the entire community, but enough to scare someone with social anxiety away… Also not feeling fully accepted by everyone in my own family just keeps be further isolated from the community… But yeah, I see where you are coming from and I am sure as a POC I will eventually need to face those same things once I start dating down the road. Thank you for sharing your experience and I really hope everyone can be less shitty and be more supportive of each other. Help each other grow.
I’m also bi, my boyfriend is Asian, and I’ve gotten ‘offhand’ comments like this before and it’s infuriating. Sorry people feel the need to state their unwanted, unwelcome opinion 🙄
people drop their 2c even when you are not asking. But its true that we are all with the exceptions of a few people we are drenched in unconscious racist thoughts like these. I can remember defaulting the asian bf of a guy i knew from school as the submissive . which wasn't true, really but we are bombarded with images of asian submissiveness it takes a lot of energy to wake up from that coma. i am just thankful i've never harmed anyone
im glad you came forward to talk about these issues that were bothering you instead of just ignoring them bc i feel like theres not enough ppl who address these types of things within their own community! I hate how theres also the "whos the man in the relationship" issue and even in media gay ppl cant get rep without there being a masc lesbian or a fem gay, not saying they dont exist irl but theres different types of relationships. And most of the time the characters are written by straight white ppl which only makes it worse. But again thank you for addressing this and im glad youre not letting it get to you, love you!!!
I think it's better to reflect the issue on ourselves only and not projecting it to other people😊 I also watch the videos of a youtuber whose thumbnail you put on the vid and I think it's not a problem if they want to show themselves as what they're showing to their viewers, it's not that they're making the white-asian couple look bad or something. I think it's good if we stuck with our own principles and not "guilt tripping" others because they're doing their own thing. I don't think "guilt tripping" is a good word to say it but I hope you got what I mean 😊 Thank you for talking about this and discuss it with us🥰
I’m a bisexual women and my husband is also bisexual… the amount of hate or blatant biphobia that me and my husband have dealt with is crazy Thank you for raising awareness
Oof I totally relate to this and am afraid to go back out into the dating scene bc of my insecurities stemming from the community. Thanks for sharing your experience Joe!
one thing people will be is disrespectful. Boundaries will be disrespected and objectification, and many more forms of discrimination, will be exerted. glad you spoke up
Because of bi-erasure, I usually say "queer" instead of gay. I'm in a "queer relationship", etc. Because people tend to assume I'm a lesbian, when I'm *not*.
You are 100% not overreacting. You’re speaking nothing but facts that a lot of our community really needs to hear. The queer community speaks acceptance and so often displays the opposite.
🥰🥰
wow I didn’t even know there was a discrimination problem towards each other in the LGBT community:/
It's so true. These are the same people at all the equality marches and claim they're activists for anything that paints them to be a good kind-hearted person. They're all hypocrites. They're some of the most toxic and judgey people.
It’s so true. Sometimes our community is so toxic and oppose to each other, it’s just kinda sad to watch
It is really sad and true. There is a lot of hypocrisy and performative justice that goes on when in reality some folx in our community actually deep down think the opposite. It can be really toxic. But, this is not an individual or even a community problem. It is a systemic societal problem. Some of the roots of our problems in our community are not specific to our community but exist in the rest of the world via oppressive structures and forces (systemic racism, mysogany, heteronormaitivity, colonialism, eurocentricity, ableism, and the list goes on). Some of this is taught when we are growing up and some of it is experienced as trauma, which can manifest in toxic behaviours. This is deeply entrenched in society and our community, futher being excaccerbated by the multiple intersecting identities and experiences each one of us deals with on a daily basis, each unique and different. There is no one solution, but education from others in our community and unlearning and relearning within ourselves is a start.
As an bi-Asian American in a hetero-relationship with a sweet straight yt Englishman. I feel this whole video on a frustratingly accurate level.
“Yes he knows my sexuality.” “No, he doesn’t care.” “No we don’t want threesomes.” “No, we are not poly. Just cause I’m bi doesn’t mean I want a relationship with both genders at the same time.” “I am no less attracted to women because I am with a man.” “No he doesn’t just like me because I’m Asian and I don’t like him just cause he’s white.” “He didn’t save me/isn’t saving me. He’s been a cheerleader as I’m busy saving my DAMN SELF”
Exhausting!
This!!!!!! ✨✨✨
Peridot
Yeah. People seem to forget that bisexuals can be romantically & sexually monogamous too.😊 One's romantic & sexual orientations have to do with one's internal feelings, desires, & attractions whether or not those are ever acted on IRL.
Thank you! I get so much of these stereotypes and questions as well. 💜
i would kill for a wyt man to -civilize- save me ✨
Some people are so rude, how can they ask such sexual questions that are obviously private and personal!? Also, wow, those racists comments about Ryan and you? He will leave you? White is superior? Really sounds like a bunch of jealous people trying to annoy you because they can't stand that you have someone you love and someone who loves you back. It takes someone who is absolutely rotten inside to say such vile remarks. I really do hope that they reflect on themselves, apologise and work on being better people. Life is too short and beautiful, they shouldn't waste a minute of it on being horrible, rude and mean! What a waste of time!
Preach! I feel like this video is literally speaking my thoughts for me
Tell me about it. I have people coming up to me. Then ask what my ethnic backround is.
"At the end of the day, it's just harassment" TRUTH.
Clearly too many viewers have somehow managed to fail to understand your channel’s three word tagline 😒
As a bi white guy in a homosexual relationship I feel fully related to what you were saying. The erasing and constant questioning becomes isolating. I love my boyfriend, and right now that's the only person I want to be with both romantically and physically. If I say I'm bi, no one has to doubt it. That's how I decide to call myself. If I never have sex with a woman in my life, I am still bi...🤦♂️
Ur comment is enlightening when alot of people have these preconceived notions around bisexual people. Thanks so much
I feel that! It’s also funny to me that when you don’t mention it everyone assumed you’re straight because they think we have to act feminine, but as soon as you mention it it’s a big deal.
I would feel disrespected if I was in a same-sex relationship and my partner was insistent on calling themselves bi. Why bring that up.
@@mmlas8683 why would that feel disrespectful to you? I'm just curious. Surely you should accept your partner for who they are, and you will never be the sole person they are attracted to
This I agree with you 100% I can relate to this on level cuz I'm biromantic ace and have more romantic feelings for men.
I'm not Asian, but as a bi Black man, there's a TON of weird, hypersexualized stereotypes about us that constantly get on my nerves and make me feel dehumanized. Coming from a relatively conservative part of the country has always made being queer a struggle, but it's doubly hard when the community itself is not welcoming. You hit the nail on the head re: bi erasure too -- as a BIPOC bi person, it can often feel like there's no real space for us. So glad you made this video, let's have the discussion!
Same. I'm a bi male and half Hispanic/ half Asian so I get it from everywhere. Us bis just can't seem to win sadly but it's slowly changing hopefully sooner than later.
This and same. We're treated as nothing but sexual objects by so many people in the community and I'm *tired* honestly. It just feels so dehumanizing, especially because I also grew up in a rather conservative setting. I thought I could finally get out there but the racism and biphobia feels like a big slap, especially when so many people in my community don't even accept. The LGBTQ+ community needs to do BETTER.
Same here, i can relate to all that you say, hopefully we'll going to be okay
Same, it feels like I'd be better off just pretending I'm gay or straight (I wouldn't) just because I feel like most people don't get it and I often feel like I'm a bit dirty and sex obsessed which I'm not and never have been but that's the impression other people seem to have
I can definitely relate. I am legally blind and my husband isn’t. We get a lot of hate because I have a disability and he doesn’t. It’s like, he is with me out of charity because I must be a burden. This may not be the same thing you are going through, but I can relate to the situation.
Wow its sound like people are hating either because they’re stupidly jealous you’re married or stupidly jealous you’re being cared for or he’s caring for you. Its sad some people spin some sort of fault on to you or your husband as if there is a problem when there isn’t one to begin with. I hope the hate is not getting to you guys and if it is know that your guys love for each other is what matters in your relationship and not the opinions of random trash on the internet or irl. I wish for many years of happiness for you both.
What!?! That's crazy! My husband had a different disability (cystic fibrosis) that limits what kinds of gatherings we go to avoid upper respiratory infections, and it takes him hours of daily treatments to stay healthy, and it's very limiting, but it's just normal routine for us. Never experienced hate for that though.
Wow that’s awful that people don’t A. Know how to mind their business and B. Could say/write such rude things about you and your partner. I know this won’t always be the answer but that’s why I think representation is so important for people to be exposed to other ways of being and perspectives so they understand (since they clearly weren’t taught) that just because we’re all different from each other, it doesn’t mean people shouldn’t be treat with respect and compassion. I hope you and your partner are doing well. ❤️
I'm sorry, but how did you type this out then ?
UNBELIEVABLE!
For those who might feel attacked : “Being held accountable might feel like an attack if you’re not ready to acknowledge how your poor decisions impact others. ”
Amen!
This!
Preach.
I’m inherently pansexual. However, I do find the obsession with “erasing” and the tendencies of some to blame almost everything on the “gay community” to be tiresome. How about we focus less on identities and sociological fractures and just talk honestly about dimensions of sexuality, fluidity, contradictions, mental health struggles, the gender, sexual, romantic, affection, emotion, commitment spectrum. I feel if we emphasized that instead of placing so much focus on identities and behaviors, it’ll help a lot of fractures, ignorance and insecurities.
@@liteflightify It's a process. Those are 100% all things that should be discussed as well. Part of the problem with erasure is the invalidation it can inflict. Maybe future cultures will “worry” less about labels. I think we're still in the 'semantics stage' of expanding conversation to broader masses. An involved individual might (and probably will) have many beliefs and opinions and epiphanies about labels and their effects (positive or negative). However, the larger society will always be 'behind' on the forefront of modern concepts, as they are playing catch up on what the current terms and phrases even mean. Arming people with well-established, well-understood language helps stimulate wider conversation in greater specificity. It's like teaching physics; It'd be mind-boggling trying to explain bleeding-edge quantum theories without knowing “how it got there.”
The way he looked at you after he said "You literally pulled me from addiction" was amazing. I want someone to look at me like that.
I'm bi and Asian too. I totally get it what y'all are saying.
Hey
It fucking sucks man. I’m so sorry you experience discrimination. Just know there are guys out there that don’t give a shit about that crap
I'm Asian too but not white skin and black skin either , in the middle , and I use bi (when ask that kind of sexuality question) as umbrella term cuz I'm still exploring.. so I kinda get what y'all saying.. it's really fucked can't believe Lgbtq community have racist still..
Bi? Or bottom who can’t accept it lol
@@j6backup626 wat
All those haters are just jealous of your relationship ! Don't waste any thought or time to them ! They are just not worth it !
As a white *straight passing* gay person I was never really bullied for my sexuality growing up. I was bullied for many other things though so I definitely didn't escape it. I'm also in a relationship with someone who happens to be Asian so I find your videos very relatable. I admittedly used to follow many of the channels that you called out until I realized how hyper sexualized and *click baiting* they really were and said to myself "Why am I watching this stuff". I'd much rather watch a channel like this that shows real life rather than having to put on an act every week to get views. Keep your chin up guys. I think you're doing a great job!
Only bi people are straight passing gay people don't
@@ahmedzone7022 you are biphobic
@@killyourdarlings1305 what lol bisexual can straight passing gay people don't
@@ahmedzone7022 maybe theyre not in a relationship or in the closet
I was once told by a white guy “you’re hot, too bad I don’t do Asian”. I also got an Asian guy “sorry, no GAM”. And the LGBT community expects the hetero community to don’t judge us. We’re a bunch of hypocrites
I don't know how someone could say something like that to another person. That's straight up racism, the lbgt community is so toxic sometimes. Especially some gay men, who treat their partners like they are objects with no feelings. If you don't wanna be with someone because of some racist reason, at least keep it to yourself, you know. Say you're not interested. I also think that's just a way of depriving yourself from happiness, cause you could find a great person, but you're only focusing on a specific ethnicity, instead of looking for someone who's got a good heart despite of all that. All this bullshit makes me not wanna start investing in my love life.
To be honest I don't really understand how people can comment stuff like that. It's just super disrespectful and embarassing. Like how is your thought process.
Btw I love your channel. It's really inspiring and motivates me to also try harder to be a better person.
As a gay Asian man myself, these are things that I've been feeling and talking to my friends about and I am glad that you are bringing it up. Thank you.
i loved how ryan talked about how Joe helped him mentally 🥺
I cried. Literally.
@@soberanisfam1323 yeah same.... it would open to mental health discussion and see it as something which need to be considered instead of red flag
Glad you’re calling people out, Joe. I’m a lesbian and in an interracial relationship with another woman (I’m Latina and she’s white) and I feel like society has been a LOT easier on us. So that’s a privilege I will be more cognizant of.
I have also fallen into the habit of joking at my own expense too (like “watch out I’m Latina, I’m hotheaded” or whatever) And I think a very “be less shitty” take would be to put and end to micro aggressions even if they come from ourselves.
That’s a really great point, you made me think about this more deeply
I think many BIPOC people who make jokes at their own expense have had to do that as a survival tactic; however, realizing how it’s harmful to yourself and the community at large is growth.
It also helps that you pass as a yt-passing or white latina......most afro-latinas or indo latinas who are lgbtq+ have very different stories.
Having watched you for several years because you create amazing content, I never cared what your sexuality was, and now that Ryan is in the picture, I've enjoyed your videos even more--mostly because seeing you happy and playful is a great thing to witness. I want to support you because you are fucking rad and Ryan is fucking rad and the two of you together = exponential rad. I'm sorry people are shitty and I'm so glad you are taking about this so we can all do better.
Bruh, I'm so impressed by your communication skills, you are a truly eloquent guy, you rapidly choose accurate words to express your feelings, thoughts and opinions in a very clearly way, I respect you for that!
Hey Joe, I wanted to send a sincere thank you to you for addressing this issue. I happen to be a bisexual asian-canadian woman dating a lady who happens to be white. Thank you for bringing light to these experiences with honesty and class, and thank you for being someone that reminds me of, well, me, on the internet. I really admire how you're dealing with these disgusting comments. No joke, you've really spoken to some of the internalized racism/self-doubt I have against myself still. Anyway, always looking forward to your content, and super hyped for your new clothing brand!
EDIT: I just got to the part where Ryan comes in to speak to his experiences, and dude I really appreciate his thoughts as well. Thank you to you both, truly.
One big ass thank you for sharing your thoughts, Joe. I'm a white, bisexual female, and for identifying as such, I feel like I'm hyper-sexualized by men for that particular reason, thinking they can “change me” or “you'll pick one side eventually.” Unfortunately, we’re going to come across many weirdos who won't recognize we’re all human beings. In our LBGT+ community, I'm on your side! No matter the battles, we all stick together. Sending love to you guys ❤️
I am white and when my boyfriend and I first got together with him my friends were shocked that I would go out with a Puerto Rican. I just told them that I really liked him. He's very sweet and handsome. Today is our 28th anniversary. We don't care what anyone else thinks. If they have a problem with our relationship they can get lost.
Congratulations! 💯🔥👍
👍👋👏
im so happy for you both !! i wish i can have this too
@@nandadevanugrahaa Thank you Nanda. I think most people meet their soulmate when they least expect it.
Congrats u guys sound great
Our anniversary is on the weekend
Thankful the suns coming out to:) been cloudy all morning
Gday yall
The fact that you were emotional, almost crying before your discussion is so heartbreaking. Hugs as a fellow asian man.
Joe, your relationship with Ryan is just so so amazing and heartwarming to see. Every time I see y’all together, it’s so wholesome and loving and I can tell you guys love each other dearly.
Please don’t let these shitty people bring you down, they’re just immature, closed minded, jealous, and just need to understand boundaries and respect .
We love you and Ryan!!
I agree
Also Vancouver - we’re basically neighbours. I’m mixed asian-yt and my bf is yt we are gay and we’ve been together for 18 years now. We faced a lot of that early on but now that we’ve been together so long - frankly longer than anyone we know at our age 40-41 it’s not an issue. We both own-run businesses and donate and volunteer in the community which changed the script for us. We keep the bedroom private because when we did discuss that say 10-15 years ago with friends everyone had an opinion and they were not helpful… even hurtful. Much harder for you because you’re basically a public figure, and folks don’t have boundaries. Also bi-erasure is so real and navigating all of this publicly must suck sometimes.
Intresting comment cool sounds lovely as for idiots they can just ve blocked its good to be transparent now whats this yt I keep reading bout in the comments to me that means youtu e do u mean young trans ??
Joe Speaks up for us LBTQ Asians everything that i really want to point out that i couldn't put to words literally he could deliver it thank you Joe
I'm a 74 year old white gay man. When I think of how hard our community has worked to gain a little justice and then to see that same community do this kind of thing, it makes me sad. I'm so proud of you for speaking about this and very sad that you had to.
I am 63 yr old man, Queer, labels are challenging but visibility is important (still). When I was a young gay activist in my undergrad days I learnt a lot from feminists and race activists. My take home was: be careful not to stereotype and generalize. I don't like people putting me in a box, I strive to be who I really am and see others as who they are as individuals. Aspects of our identity are just that - aspects. They are not who we are.
I think you are right Joe about commodification. You can't go shopping for people. We are so much more than products of the societies in which we live.
Amen and I wish u had videos on ur channel is it new ?? Great comment
joe- you were spot on about many things. I've experience a lot of similar things being a bi asian myself. Sometimes its having the hard conversations to truly learn about things. When someone comes up to me and says they are interested in me because they have an asian fetish, i just tell them to move along.
I feel for you. I am 57 and have a few extra pounds and have been single 15 years. I realized I have to love myself and those who do not like me just as I am do not matter. I won't lower my standards.
Bro
Aww Ryan is always supportive, and Jasper just goes with the flow with you 🤩
Omg, the way Joe speaks and explains everything too smoothly and like a cute little baby really touches my heart genuinely. I know to keep your relationship in balance you'll face some obstacles like these false assumptions, but keep your trust and believe in each other. you'll get through any barrier beautifully. Cheer up!! Love you guys!!
“It’s just so fucked” 100%. I love your videos and love your point of view on all of your videos. You are doing an amazing job bettering yourself and helping others realize ways to better themselves. Thank you for being so transparent and open about this topic.
I couldn't even believe my eyes when I saw the comments you were talking about, I always forget how messed up some people's minds are. I hope your community will grow to be a more loving and confortable environment for you to be in, I know a lot of people altready are. I just wanted to say that some of us - the majority, I hope - really see you and care about your journey as a human being, without concentrating on your sexuality and other aspects of your private life. Keep up with your great content, don't let this subtle kind of hate get you. Love you guys, greetings from Italy!
Am I the only one who thinks every human nowadays need to watch this video? The way Joe effortlessly talks straight to the point makes me a little bit amazed and speechless.
Agree a 💯 % with your comment, that this video should be watched by all humans, we should not even be needing to discuss this subjects anymore, live and let live, what difference does it make if I ‘m straight, gay or bisexual , there are more important issues out there. I’m in my 22 relationship your with my Thai husband in a same sexe life, and I’ve given up about what others think. Joe Lee just seen your video for the first time, love your « straight (haha) forward speech. Could you do a video about simple healthy cooking, cuz man, it didn’t look tasty at all , lol . Greets from France 🇫🇷
Hi. I'm a straight, in my sixties woman living in Scotland. I love your videos and have no hidden agenda as to why I love your content other than you are entertaining, informative, funny and extremely likable....that's it, its as basic as that 😊
I remember watching an old Q&A video from when you lived alone earlier this year and being shocked by the number of questions asked about your sexuality & dating life. Your life is yours to live, and it is completely your choice what, and how much of it you share online. I am very sorry to hear you have had this experience, Joe. You are a great creator and your positive attitude always shines through in your videos. Take care, Sophia.
Damn, them people ain’t shit. Y’all are goals!! I’m sorry this happened to you. You guys are doing great and that’s all that matters. 🙏🏽
Thanks for taking the time, energy and risk to address these important issues so frankly and openly. As a white(ish) guy who is 66 in a relationship with a 20 year old asian guy-- you can imagine the assumptions and assertions people make about us and our motivations. Their small minds can't see the substantial value of our relationships. To me the most resonant comment in your video is when Ryan asks "how many drugs was I addicted to when we met?" It reminds me that love (of all kinds, in all ways) has the power to redeem. My BF is a blessing in my life and it sounds like you, Joe, are a blessing in Ryan's. Keep caring for each other and you will triumph!
Are you 66 years old or 6ft 6 inches???
The problem with this type of Media is it is Faceless to a larger extend there is a sense of anonymity and security. So it amplifies their opinions never minded how misguided they are. There is a lot malicious, socially inept and narrow-minded people out there who enjoy the power behind the keyboard and never think of the repercussions to the individual or to themselves.
I love that you addressed this, and you hit the nail on the head. When I paused to read the comments that you showed on screen, I think I realized I really internalized that negative conditioning of being disposable in the gay and queer community. I also think one thing that's been holding me back from being in a relationship is the fear of being fetishized again. It really is such a dehumanizing thing to deal with :( thank you for addressing this though, I love watching your videosss. Much love💜💜
This really opened my eyes to my own behavior/thoughts as a gay asian male. I'm reflecting if my sexual preferences are really my own preferences, or just what society and the lgbt community has boxed me in as. Also at times I can act overly sexual around others, and I think that's because gay men are stereotyped as sexually promiscuous and so I do it in order to "fit it" and meet those (incorrect) expectations. And especially in mainstream media, the "token gay" character is merely used as entertainment for cis audiences, and so I use my "gayness' to entertain my straight friends at the expense of myself. Thanks for helping me reflect on how to be less shitty (towards others & myself).
wow, I am speechless. people really don't have anything better to do. I feel like quitting social media altogether. how can people even make such comments and feel like it's okay. And people wonder why I stopped dating completely 11 years ago and went celibate. I just got tired of the racism, fetishization, discrimination and outright narcissistic system our society have created. I love the peace of mind it comes with and my siblings benefited because I got to put all my energy into hustling and putting them in college rather than worrying on how to impress someone else or hope to be of standard to them.
I can relate a lot to this as a guy who identifies as pansexual. The jokes and 'throw away' comments are justified through humour, which I can understand, but it doesn't help, nor support our mental health. Everyone always bangs on about how inclusive the LGBTQ+ community is, yet I have found it the complete opposite; 'you're too fem', 'ah sorry, not into rolls and fats', 'how are girls ever going to like you if you've been with guys' and so on. Complete bullshit. Take it in your stride and continue educating the world. Sick video's Joe (and Ryan) ✌🏼
So glad you made this. Too often folks are racist first and queer second. And it’s often seen as victimless because they’ve never experienced it.
😂😂 Jasper being used as a transition: “😐”
It was very refreshing to hear someone tell it like it is. We’re supposedly an “inclusive” community, yet, we have the highest of judgment and discrimination…
Exactly 💯
I think the comments that are rude and segregational are in part coming from bitter people to whom some of these things happened (a partner who was white left the Asian commenter, etc). It isn't considerate to be pressing that trauma onto you, as though you have to expect it. One of the many aspects of your vlog I appreciate is your not reinforcing those segregating or exploitative categories. *YEEEESSS!
As for the societal denigration of some types (and there is misogyny impacting some of that rating of males, too, as if women are more elegant and less assertive naturally....'I'm not, and ain't I a woman?') someone who has a lot in common with your boyfriend, physically and personality wise afaict, I suspect he appreciates your delightful personality--which includes a lot of assertive and skilled and particular-about-standards traits--and your physique choices and fashion along with your naturally stunning physical traits without it being a fetishization.
Duuude I'm so glad youre doing this work. Queer Asians really need these open discussions (I'm one who would've loved that as a teen)
Such a good, and necessary, video Joe. Through showing parts of your life to us always remember there are people who support you, and Ryan. 🤍
I can (somewhat) relate to this. I am bi and also asian (fully vietnamese to be specific) and it’s so sad to see how toxic our community is. I have a bunch of friends. We were talking one day and I was like “idk when I will ever get a gf haha.” And they said “oh you cant, you’re too gay for her” and it was frustrating bc it’s true I do have more of feminine side than masculine but I still identify as bi and they didn’t have to say “oh you’re too gay or too feminine to be in a relationship with a girl.” I felt frustrated and I just didn’t feel like talking anymore, like just because I like guys more than girls do not mean I am gay or will only ever like men or I “will pick a side”, that is just straight-up bi-erasure. And saying “white is superior” is so dumb. Like this is not 1860s babe, pls dont do that to yourself.
And yes, I am only 16 years old so how I view myself might change once I discover more about myself, I am just sharing what I feel right now. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk hahaha
you are super eloquent. at 16 you are barely there in the dating game anyway so things are bound to change , if you are a little worried about fem traits being slightly more dominant . You needn't , age usually cements masculinity IMO. give it a few years. Attraction is crazy at that age. You will probably find the type of woman and the type of guy you are attracted to have something in common.
i knew at 16 i might be bi. and there was no youtube . it was hard . my gaydar is terrible. and i present entirely as straight. it took me well over a decade to get the art of approaching a guy the same way i approach women . with the difference is since i can't communicate gayness i am not believed and i have to prove.
As a black Bi man, this video was necessary. Especially when you were speaking on extremes when dating, your either hypersexualized or seen as trash. I can't express how much truth was spoken 🙏🏿
Seeing those comments at 8:02 broke my heart. So sorry u have to deal with that.
You're speaking facts! As a Black dude when I dated a white guy I know EXACTLY what you mean about the comments. Some people in the queer community felt it necessary to tell it directly to our face as if they were giving us life guidance. Like wtf??? Always felt like "the community" either viewed me through the DL/BBD/Mandingo fetish lens or viewed me as the lowest of the low, not worthy of any love or affection. Thanks for speaking up
It’s 2021 and it’s sad that you even had to speak on this subject. Everything you said is 100% accurate and you are definitely not overreacting. But thank you for starting the conversation. I hope moving forward, people can...be less shitty
I’m bi too, so lovely to see you talk about these issues!!
I can’t imagine what it’s like to receive so many negative and intrusive comments online. I applaud you for going against the status quo. Thanks for sharing your life with us and giving us a glimpse into your life and relationship. Your videos educate and inform those in the community that don’t fully understand what being bi is. Please ignore the negative comments and continue to thrive! Best of luck to you and Ryan!
I think its definitely a valid point and its your lived experience, so there's no denying it. My boyfriend and I are in a similar ish dynamic, but opposite? He's Middle Eastern and I'm white so the dynamic we have is he is often viewed as hyper masculine but when they interact with him, he's fairly feminine ... I think content creators like Max and Yos definitely play into this narrative, but I can't tell if it's authentic for them vs how much they play it up for views? either way, its great that you put it out there and hopefully people are more respectful of your relationship now x
Being on social media and a producer of content is a double edge sword. As like most people I tune in to see what you're up to and hear what you have to say on any given subject. This installment covered some real hot botton topics like racial stereotypes, bisexuality, discrimination within the gay community and fetishization of non-whites, As an gay Asian man I've experienced all of these except the issues of being bisexual. It saddens and angers me that some people feel that they can come at you with so much negativity. That's the double edge sword part. Don't be deterred. Stay the course and continue what you are doing in your life. As they say the haters will hate and you can't do anything about that. Keep the positivity and carry on. Continued good luck and take care of each other.
Thank you guys for sharing and addressing all the comments and stereotypes that come with being bi and bringing up some personal things. I'm bi as well and have dealt with many mental health issues in relationships and worry about how dating will be. Thank you guys for just trying to make the world a little less shitty, I seriously live by your motto 🙌 ❤
I recently discovered your channel on RUclips and TikTok and already noticed that you guys are different from most other (queer) couples on social media, you know, because you didn’t sexualize anything in the videos I have watched so far. But don’t get me wrong: I loved it and the way you were putting things just right and the way they are. Watching your videos get like having a comfortable view on your life but you didn’t “destroy” it with any sexual stuff that’s not really about your type of context (which I love). I think it is important to speak up about these issues and it’s great that you two are doing it, because I think many people are too afraid to do it.
Great video!!!
The German guy and the submissive Asian guy couple on youtube is genuinely scary. 😭 You guy’s relationship is actually so cute though.
In college, I had a former roommate who had an interesting take on some aspects of this. When he first moved into the house with me and 2 other roommates, he kept to himself but was always going out at all hours of the night. When all 4 of us sat down together one day for a meal I cooked for everyone, and the conversation gravitated towards sex, getting laid and dating, etc. he said he was bi and that he had been with 9 people within the first 2 weeks of living with us. He was with 7 guys and 2 girls. We had a few friends over as well on this day, all guys, and so the whole room full of straight guys went silent for a good couple minutes. We all just looked around at eachother, shrugged and said, "hey, more power to you" For me and others, it wasn't so much that he had been with both dudes and chicks, it was more about being with 9 different people in 14 days....i think we were more concerned with how inconsiderate it is to all those other people when it comes to not spreading an std or sti.
The confusing aspect reared it's head when about a month after that confession, he was in a relationship with a girl. He would frequently bring her over and have her stay the night etc. She was very young and a very "good traditional Christian girl" who had very strict parents with strong, steadfast opinions...
Since it seemed he was getting more serious with this girl, having met her parents and hearing her talk of them moving in together, as it happened, one day me and one of the roommates just casually asked him if he told her that he was bi. His response was interesting, abruptly he said, "well, first off, I don't live with women, and second, I'm straight." Me and the other roommate took a pause and looked at each other and just nodded, saying, "ok, if you say so."
The following day we had a guy friend over who was openly bi and tried flirting with the bi roommate, not knowing he wasn't available. The roommate turned him down, saying he had a girlfriend and that even if he was single, the bi friend wasn't his type since he was straight. Later that night me and another roommate confronted him and asked to clarify if he was straight or bi. His answer was, "when I'm in a relationship with a girl, I am straight, but when I'm single I can be bi if I want" 🤷♂️
Enjoying your sexuality with multiple people while protecting yourself is not inconsiderate. Monogamy is not for everyone and that's okay.
Bro is changing his sexuality according to the situation lmao. But on a serious note it seems like he is trying to hide himself from judgement of the society 😗
the fact that these people take the time to comment these dumb remarks is just sad. like they should spend their time working on themselves not trying to bring other people down. and it doesn’t even make sense. people love who they want to love regardless of looks( u are very attractive tho) and others should mind their own business.
You are speaking the truth!!!! People are a bunch of haters and they are jealous on what you have. I am really happy you are speaking on topics like this. We have soo many people so hate our community but why are we sooo cruel to each other.
When people make these type of comments it comes from their own lack of self respect..... you can't show proper respect until it starts within you.
It's pretty sad that so many people are unable to do anything other than hate on others. Right on for addressing it, when you turn the light on an issue it has nowhere to go. Keep on keeping on,
And to that point I'd say sexualizing usually isn't hate or def can be appreciation and adoration
Hi Joe I'm Den From Malaysia, i really love every single of your content and it's really inspiring me become the best version of me and always be positive in any situation.
Found your channel due to RUclips Recommendation.. I found your content very wholesome and real. Keep up the good work, buddy! And ya steer clear of all those negative comments.. you guys rock!
I love how you talked about this. Im an asian queer man too and I completely get you. It’s so stupid how there’s these dehumanizing standards for us
This felt so close to home and I am glad you decided to talk about it because it needed to be said out loud! As a bi man myself and latino, I've heard in different occassions that since I am not feminine then I am either a "confused" straight dude or a gay acting masculine to hide my sexuality!! If we want acceptance from the rest of the world, we need to start respecting our own people first!
Btw I love seeing you two together, I dont care if you are asian and your partner is white, I only see a happy couple sharing a piece of your lives with us and I am grateful about it!! Keep rocking
that's so aggravating. people behave and treat others in such dehumanizing ways. being a racialized queer person can definitely feel like double melancholy sometimes. I look up to you and your courage to be a queer poc in the spotlight. shine shine shine you beautiful stunning human.
I’m so grateful that you share your relationship on your videos, it’s become my favourite part seeing you guys together, joking around and doing everyday things. It never crossed my mind that you are different ethnicity - just nice to see such a happy and loving relationship. Never stop because of the haters please! Love you guys
You helped him be better, addiction is a real problem, I'm dealing with it because I want to be better and not become an statistic
Those comments are awful!! You guys are great together and i wish people werent so rude. Thanks for adressing this!
Sorry this happens, honestly this opened my eyes. Personally I’m non-binary and black so I usually deal with the opposite. There’s an assumption that bc Im black and like more feminine individuals I must be extremely masculine and it’s almost not allowed for me to be feminine. (Note I am female). My white non-binary partner as a female is assumed to be more submissive (the whole white women are submissive thing). It’s all fucked honestly. Thanks for sharing your experience honestly. It’s not always easy being yourself when ppl suck but as always you BLS. ✊🏽
Damn, I said honestly so much I might be lying 😂
@@MementoVivere. nah you're okay, also I'm black and a closeted pan ace( asexual pansexual 😶👉🏽👈🏽👌🏽)....I have ppl here who joke about lgbt, even my damn parent😔 so sometimes I say stuff to blend in.
In my country it's highly homophobic ( they even have songs written oml😭)so I don't even say I'm anything else but straight. Although I have a safe place with my close friends who feel like family and they know, sometimes their questions can be weird 💀😭.
I dunno why I typed this...maybe I needed to rant or something 💀
But thank YOU for sharing your experience💕 my international friend is non binary but she's having a hard time trying to figure out a neutral name any suggestions for her/ now they them😭
But stay safe please 👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽💕🇧🇧
@@kclarke421 Did you actually mean panromantic (not pansexual) ace? Just asking. I'm on the Asexual Spectrum too (biromantic gray-ace).
This is so pathetic :( I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this on a daily basis. Both of you are such talented individuals and you guys inspire me every day! 🥰 Both of you deserve all the love in the world!! Please know that we will always love and support you in anything you do ❤️
It’s true that lgbt+ members can be very forward. My lgbt+ students ALWAYS ask me directly about my sexuality when they see the pride flag in my class. Everyone else apparently spread rumors, so I guess I just can’t win.
Yeah I know that's only me but I love the idea that you are two bi men living in a gay relationship. I'd like that too for myself sometime in the future...
As a 30 yrs old muscular East Asian(Chinese) gay guy who lives in the U.S. I wouldn't say I was ever perceived as "scum of the earth" or "bottom of the gay chain", I also didn't get highly sexualized... But I did have a few encounters with guys that just assumed I am bottom and submissive simply because I am Asian. But most of the time I would say I am getting treated ok. But I think body shape/size has everything to do with it, because my other skinnier smaller Asian friends did receive a bunch of those treatments you mentioned. Although I don't know the situation in Canada, I've only been there once and everywhere I see was written in French and I cried because I forgot it was winter in Canada(I flew from Miami to there) and it was one of the record-breaking winters in Canada... And I was in shorts...... It was around Xmas too.
I remembered this video when people were being extra saucy in your recent video about being a bi couple... Keep being true to yourselves, I love it and wanna support it more and more whenever people are upset. ❤️
Those comments are so saddening. I was definitely sheltered in the sense that I knew how rife racism is particularly in our community, but I didn't realise how brazen and constant it was. Well done Joe for airing your thoughts so honestly and for being very subjective about it; I know if I were on the receiving end of that kind of hate I would feel really insecure and upset. Hopefully the more it is addressed and talked about the more those kinds of people will think twice before posting.
I know you're keen to ensure this channel doesn't become a 'relationship vlog', but you two are honestly couple goals for me and for so many others I'm sure. It absolutely warms my heart. I personally would love to know more about both your stories' if you ever wanted to share them, as all I want is to find that kind of love that you can clearly see in each others' eyes. I've got a lot of trust issues and stuff due to negative experiences and a whole load of other issues in the community (maybe I'm always looking in the wrong places) which I know holds me back, but ultimately all I want is a man who looks at me the way Ryan looks at you. So yeah if you fancy posting some tips on how to find 'the one' who only has eyes for me, I'd be very open to that! haha. Love your channel Joe, keep doing you with all the honesty and positivity, let the haters hate x
As a gay Chinese born French guy.... I can relate. How many time have I heard " I don't do Asians ". It hurts....
And being honest it's even worst in France (I have lived many years in the UK and USA, trust me)... In the French gay community, there is so much " racism " against Asian man, it saddens me because I'm already average looking, rather short and not toned, just normal. So it adds even more obstacles for me to find a boyfriend...
I've heard that the racism issue in France is bad. I'm sorry you've experienced it and am currently going through it. Know that there's queer Asians and others around the world who wish you safety and happiness and anyone else in your position
@@user-uu5dc6wr6h thank you :)
I've got the solution for you: instead of chasing white/european men, why dont you pursue your own race? European men don't owe you their dicks. I'm sorry but the problem with this asian-whoa-is-me-ism is that it's based on gaysians white-worship/internalized racism motives. Gaysians discriminate the most because they won't even pursue their own race let alone blacks or other people of color. So what do you think is the real source of the problem???
Also, I'm glad you are standing up for yourself; and letting us know how we can respect your boundaries.
Thank you for speaking up on this Joe, I really think that some of our community are over sexualized everything.
Joe, thank you and give my thanks to Ryan for that bit on bi erasure, nearly made me tear up. I really appreciate your videos and how you (both) handle difficult topics while still making us laugh in the end.
I can’t believe people are so inept. I think you both are extremely handsome and great for each other. I love your content and keep up the good work.
I have a difficult time fitting into the LGBTQ+ community… Part of it is social anxiety so not easy to put myself out there… the other is the community at times seems very judge mental unless you fit a certain box, but I know this is not the entire community, but enough to scare someone with social anxiety away… Also not feeling fully accepted by everyone in my own family just keeps be further isolated from the community… But yeah, I see where you are coming from and I am sure as a POC I will eventually need to face those same things once I start dating down the road. Thank you for sharing your experience and I really hope everyone can be less shitty and be more supportive of each other. Help each other grow.
I’m also bi, my boyfriend is Asian, and I’ve gotten ‘offhand’ comments like this before and it’s infuriating. Sorry people feel the need to state their unwanted, unwelcome opinion 🙄
people drop their 2c even when you are not asking. But its true that we are all with the exceptions of a few people we are drenched in unconscious racist thoughts like these. I can remember defaulting the asian bf of a guy i knew from school as the submissive . which wasn't true, really but we are bombarded with images of asian submissiveness it takes a lot of energy to wake up from that coma. i am just thankful i've never harmed anyone
This is the first time that I see a couple of two guys where both of them are bi. Eye opening.
im glad you came forward to talk about these issues that were bothering you instead of just ignoring them bc i feel like theres not enough ppl who address these types of things within their own community! I hate how theres also the "whos the man in the relationship" issue and even in media gay ppl cant get rep without there being a masc lesbian or a fem gay, not saying they dont exist irl but theres different types of relationships. And most of the time the characters are written by straight white ppl which only makes it worse. But again thank you for addressing this and im glad youre not letting it get to you, love you!!!
I think it's better to reflect the issue on ourselves only and not projecting it to other people😊
I also watch the videos of a youtuber whose thumbnail you put on the vid and I think it's not a problem if they want to show themselves as what they're showing to their viewers, it's not that they're making the white-asian couple look bad or something.
I think it's good if we stuck with our own principles and not "guilt tripping" others because they're doing their own thing. I don't think "guilt tripping" is a good word to say it but I hope you got what I mean 😊
Thank you for talking about this and discuss it with us🥰
I’m a bisexual women and my husband is also bisexual… the amount of hate or blatant biphobia that me and my husband have dealt with is crazy
Thank you for raising awareness
You're doing so much for the rest of us who have suffered from similar situations but felt too powerless to say anything. THANK YOU 💓
Oof I totally relate to this and am afraid to go back out into the dating scene bc of my insecurities stemming from the community.
Thanks for sharing your experience Joe!
one thing people will be is disrespectful. Boundaries will be disrespected and objectification, and many more forms of discrimination, will be exerted. glad you spoke up
I am black and bi and I felt this whole video. Thanks for sharing!
You had me at ‘Be less shitty’. Subscribing from Melbourne Australia
Because of bi-erasure, I usually say "queer" instead of gay. I'm in a "queer relationship", etc. Because people tend to assume I'm a lesbian, when I'm *not*.
sure jen...