INFJ DOOR SLAM - The Ugly Truth Nobody Talks About
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- Опубликовано: 14 мар 2020
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Today we're talking about the INFJ door slam and pretty much what you can do to never let it get this far. There are so many misconceptions about MY perception of the door slam because I'm against it. It does not mean that you shouldn't do it if it gets that far. It just means that if you have let it get that far, it means that you haven't told people earlier "what's up". You haven't told people what they CAN'T do with you and what they could. You haven't set those boundaries strict enough, so please stay with me because I'm sure you can overcome this and have much more power over how you show up in the world, how you get all your needs fulfilled and how you don't allow people to get that far into your business that you are forced to do the INFJ door slam.
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What are your experiences with the INFJ Door Slam?
Wenzes Yes! I’m very good in that too...
😄😉
I cant open it...and it's my girlfriend of 8 years.......
Once it‘s slammed...it‘s hard to get her to open up again....but maybe it‘s not as bad as you think
@@Wenzes why is it so hard to permanently keep it open. I slam it back on and off.. it's terrible
I am an ifnj, and I strongly believe in the benefit of the doubt; the door slam comes immediately when I no longer have any doubts about the other person. It may seem abrupt, but it isn’t.
Thats actually not the true definition of benefit of the doubt means but..... it works totally 🤣🤣🤣
"Set boundaries"
Good luck with that. The door slam isn't usually the result of a few big, easily identified issues that you can talk about. It's the result of a long accumulation of many minuscule transgressions... each a grain of sand, but cumulatively huge.
If you try to talk it out, you're there talking about a grain here, a grain there... some of them long ago.
Inevitably, they will be like "how trivial! You've been hanging on to that for so long! Etc..."
It will become a referendum on how petty you seem to them, and how your feelings aren't valid, how your grievances aren't "good enough " reasons to end the friendship.
.
.
.
When you hit that limit, you just have to slam that door.
It‘s not about talking it through...it‘s about not getting closer to that person if you feel uncomfortable to begin with...often we don‘t know what it is but once you‘ve doorslam you can identify it the latest and learn that with no person ever will it get that far again because you won‘t let them get close to you in a way where you would care enough to doorslam
Facts, 100%
My solution is Understanding; INFJ should find people (friends or mate) who actually to some level understand them ( or try) if this condition is met the doorslam will in most cases never be an option
Exactly, some people draw the line not long after they find that boudaries are even a thing. Then they can see a long line of NOs they didn't say.
💯
This happened to me yesterday
I sent a 30min voice note explaining to someone all the reasons why I need to end the friendship after almost 7 years of these "minor" transgressions. Next time I won't bother explaining. 🙄
The moral is to avoid relationships with INFJs for this very reason.
My door slams don’t hurt me ever. It preserves me. It hurts them because they get cut off but I will always cut off unhealthy people. I only performed a mean door slam once and I did not feel bad at all. It actually wasn’t mean it was truthful and he needed to know he fools everyone but me. If anything it made him uncomfortable around me because the secret/true self was exposed.
Well-said. I always suddenly cut off negative, psychologically unstable, arrogant and disrespectful people. And, I never ever feel bad, in fact, I feel I have done just the right thinkg, feel great, satisfied and joyful, again. I simply re-gain my light, strength and power. Do not ever put up with the miserable, negative, jealous, empty shells for too long. Recognize your identity and your worth and leave them permanently with no regrets. These are just great life lessons.
Dammmn I feel a lil better about doing it thx to ur comment
I think Infj door slam is different completely from Infj cut off. A door slam happens after long time with people with whom we had close attachment and we communicated our boundaries enough , enough efforts are made by Infjs before door slamming. After door slam there is no good or bad feeling. Infj door slam mainly done to toxic Narcissist or very toxic people. It's liberating.
But yes Infj cut off is always open to reconciliation.
As an INFJ it's important that we understand we do not exist for other people
Bullshit. For some you are the other people.
@@ivaylotsankov7292eh?
I think the door slam is a permanent exit.
"What you're doing is showing everybody that it's okay to neglect yourself!"
When that ONE realization hits you...
The door slam? It’s a permanent exit. No negotiation.
Exactly.
By the time I get to the door slam, the last thing on my mind is how my behavior looks to the abuser.
That’s good because actually no one cares about your precious little doorslam maneuver. We just move on.
Konnectory, don't you ever worry about what they think. They deserved it and they are getting it, whether they like it or not. They have to taste their own medicine at the end as itnis their doom and they are responsible for creating it. Don't ever feel guilty for door slamming right in their face.
@@Dzanarika1 lol get over yourself.
@@billyb4790 Please do share your view and lived experience on this for our benefit.
Don't limit yourself, for someone that would never do the same for you. If you have someone in your life, that keeps crossing boundaries, and reacts badly when you call them on it, then it's time to cut them from your life. Life is too short to keep toxic people in your life. You don't have to attack that person, you can just fade away from them.
When I reach that point, I literally stop caring for them at all. It's like a light switch was flipped. They could die the next day, and I literally wouldn't care. Because once I slam the door, that's it.
Trust, and Respect are the 2 most important things in any relationship. Once they are broken, it will never be whole again. I'll never be able to trust, or respect that person. If I do keep that person in my life, it will be a hazing thing. I'll treat them as if they are a constant liar, and their words will have no weight with me.
Everyone should learn what their boundaries are, and once someone crosses one of those lines, you call them out for it. You judge them based on how they react to being called out. Usually, you'll learn who they are when this happens. Either they will respect you more, because you stood up for yourself, or they will gaslight you, acting like your the one with the problem, not them. Don't let them do that to you.
Issues in a relationship, always start small. Either you deal with them right away, or those issues will mutate and they can become life destroying. If your being put in that position by someone, they never respected you in the first place. They don't see you as equal, and they feel they can treat you anyway they want, because they are just using you for what they want. They are life leeches, and you need to cut them off.
Don't let someone use you, disrespect you, have respect for yourself. You'll feel a lot better when that person isn't around anymore. You might not realize how much of a drain that person was to you, till they are gone from your life, and everything instantly gets better. Slamming the door on them is a great way to rebound from the poison they have been feeding you. Because their words carry no more weight to you, because you've lost all respect for them. Why care about what someone says to you, when you have zero respect for them.
INFJ study other people, we see how people treat other people. You probably have learned the signs, that's how you know how to set up boundaries. Once you know what they are, then you don't let anyone cross them, without standing up for yourself.
Everyone should set boundaries. I see too many relationships, with screwed up power dynamics. How that happens is, one person didn't stand up for themselves. It started small, the other person saw that you let them walk on you, and kept pushing your limits, and you just keep letting them walk on you. You didn't respect yourself enough, so why should they respect someone that lets them do that to them???
Too many people let their Love someone be the reason why they let someone cross boundaries. Love is a 2 way street. If your the only one giving, and you get nothing back, then that person is using you. They don't respect you, so why in the world do you love them. Your love for them, should never be the reason why you stay, if your getting nothing back.
2 people start a relationship as equals, till 1 pushes the boundaries of the other, and the other doesn't stand up for themselves. From that point on, you aren't equals, and that other person has lost a bit of respect for you, and as long as you continue not to stand up, they will continue to lose more, and more respect for you. At that point, it's not a health relationship, and repairing it mostly a lost cause, because you can't really repair something that you didn't do. Someone wronged you, and it's like your apologizing, when you didn't do anything wrong. It's the other person that keep crossing the lines, it's their responsibility to repair the damage they did, and the chance that they are truly apologetic, understanding exactly what they did wrong to you, and that they will never do it again, is just so very unlikely. People don't usually change.
INFJ are just better at understanding where the lines are, and when you cross certain lines, there just isn't coming back from that. You just slam the door, and move on with your life. We aren't going to let someone use us, not if we can do anything about it.
Which means, we might not have many friends, but I see that more, as the fault of other people, not of myself. I don't need fake friends, and just so many people are so fake. They only care about themselves, and what they can get out of you. Learn who these people are, and limit their access to your life.
Start Respecting yourself, enough to stand up when someone crosses one of your lines, and learn what lines should never be crossed, no matter what, and when you find someone so bad, that they actually crossed one of those lines, slam the door on them. It could be within the first minute of meeting that person. If they are crossing those lines, that fast, that person is dangerous to you, and you need to remove them from your life.
You'll learn who someone is, when you stand up for yourself. Either they will respect you, and apologize, or they will gaslight you. They are telling you if they respect you or not. Learn to read the signs, and act accordingly.
Learning to stand up for myself was emotionally hard at times, but it got better. And it was so much worth learning!
👍👍👍
@@Wenzes kit 9mbkujtjkn .o.jnh
I agree with some of the comments below... my door slam comes after a period of unheard communication and yet tolerance on my part. Then the insulting nature of the ongoing situation hits me in the face and I'm done. I've learned over time that I'm the one who needs to leave before it gets to this but do believe that I;ve often been clear... just unheard. Now, if I'm not heard, no more energy goes into it.
I think it's a necessary defense mechanism as it is the last resort emergency button. Door slammed a borderline who knew the boundaries yet would cross, lie then use. It's not something I believe most people would 'want' to do.. but it's more of a must.
Of course...it's a must when it gets that far...still I believe we can all set those boundaries much sooner...it just takes practice
@@Wenzes Boundaries can’t be set with evil. Evil sneaks in with love bombing and smiles. Then begins the slow drip of confusion but is it confusion or your own misunderstandings and so begins the invalidation or the denial of gaslighting all plausible deniability that makes trying to implement boundaries about as successful as walking on quicksand. Coverts are sneaky and abusive. The doorslsm comes the second you realize what they are.
Two pieces of wisdom I've been waiting years to hear:
1) "Find the right outlet to coach people. Make it a conscious choice."
2) "People treat you the way you treat yourself."
Exploding on someone can be a part of the toxic dynamic, but it's not a nessesary ingredient.
You can still have boundaries and be a quite secure person, yet still end up door slamming toxic people.
It's not a part of the parting for everyone.
Spot on thank you. I’ve done the door slam the first marriage after 18 years, the second 24 years. I encourage people to find your dark side, love it, and then you won’t need the door slam.
Thank you for sharing, i think this is very valuable
I am 62 only found out about mbti last year , I am your classic INFJ, ambivert musician poet. Had to a door slam on a 36 year marriage! You are the best, know thy self.
👍😊
@@Wenzes, greetings from merry old England, thank you, I am flattered, to receive your reply. the reason this subject resonates with me is, I have already done a lot of the things you talked about. 🎷JVR🙂
One of my biggest difficulties with the door slam (if I do do it) is that most of the stuff that I want people to stop doing is subliminal, and I don't know how to tell them to stop without it instantaneously becoming an entanglement of them denying it and me having to prove that they in fact are doing the thing, usually with me either not caring enough to actually prove it or not being confident enough to do so in the face of all the slipperiness-partly due to how much I try to just stay focused in my own lane and out of the antics in the first place-so it can end up being unclear, unresolved.
And then if I try to place the boundary, it's hard for me to articulate clearly what I want stopped without it through all the denial evolving into a social gang-up, as people who are either in on the subliminals, either knowingly or unknowingly, or are not aware enough to notice everything that I notice and want to stop, a huge potential for me getting framed to look like some out-of-sync paranoid douche who has a problem with people being nice to him-but [in this case] they're not being nice, they're on some sketchy shit.
So I'll often be very clear and straightforward with most of everything about who I am, but I try to stay out of the endless myriad of mind games and goofy social trend threads that I witness every day, until sometimes what I'll experience is certain people in their gaping neediness and unbeknownst desire for me to fully devote myself to their unbeknownst traumas will get frustrated and start to become problematic, as if I'm there to solve their need, without any of their commitment to understand me, or without any pledge of accountability on their part to protect my interests or goals, when really I'm tired, trying to learn JavaScript, trying to stay consistent on the ups and downs of my regenerative detoxification path, trying to keep working my day job to keep my utility bills paid, and haven't done anything to them except be an upstanding person.
Overall it's not really a huge deal, but it does cause issues, blocks flow, and can be non-optimal socially. Although most of my socialization right now is temporary as I rise, so I plan to be around people with whom I resonate much more after I traverse this phase.
So to summarize, in part: One aspect that I see "needs" filled, and actually a desire of mine to evolve into being able to fill, is to be very clear and solid and clarity-bringing in these situations, but the in the situations that I want to bring clarity to, solve, and place boundaries, it's very difficult for me to articulate exactly what I want others to stop without it becoming a very confrontational psychology class and trauma-healing session (or at least that's how I've experienced it many times without much to the contrary) that I'm often either not interested in doing and don't feel I owe them, or that would just require a lot of energy that I don't really have, so sometimes I'll just stay out of things and focus on my direct tasks at hand, which can sometimes make me seem standoffish and problematic to others who don't have an understanding of their own neediness or a grasp on their own self-reliance and which can escalate until I eventually express the boundary and just stop giving them any attention altogether.
Exactly ! 🙌🙌👏👏 same here . Inside my mind , the language to explain makes sense , but when it comes out to others ,(unless they have similar emotional or mental qualities as I do ) they usually misunderstand. If I’m straight forward and clear , they act like I’m a villain but I’m just being honest because any other way I’ve expressed is taken lightly or misunderstood or not respected . It’s crazy because in writing , it’s easier to explain things to people unless they are a narcissist and just don’t want to understand or accept . But Verbally it’s like I’m dealing with another species . Also it’s like most people don’t set healthy boundaries for themselves , so when I do , they act like it’s wrong or weird to do so . Like it’s weird for me to want my own space or own time of peace and quiet , pretty much most of the time , since they aren’t allowed it themselves. They feel it’s normal to be influenced by others and be bombarded by others issues and dramas all the time . They think that’s just the way it is , they feel more connected that way but at the same time don’t understand why they feel lost and unheard end up in troubles and other things . They lack respect in themselves and find it odd when you express respect for yourself .
>One of my biggest difficulties with the door slam (if I do do it) is that most of the stuff that I want people to stop doing is subliminal<
That subliminal stuff are your boundaries that you've set for yourself, you just haven't realized it yet. That person is crossing your boundaries, but you don't understand yet exactly what they are doing wrong to you. Once you learn, you'll understand those boundaries much better, and you'll be able to react as it's happening to you.
You can fade from that persons life, then come back with your boundaries set, and start anew with them. If they cross your boundaries then, you can call them on it, and it won't be as jarring to them, when you stand up for yourself.
This is very accurate. Really, until they see your strength, and by their own nature they can’t help but find it threatening, I don’t believe they will stop. They can’t help themselves, even when you express clearly your boundaries, they will continually try to talk you out of it, push the envelope, make fun of you, etc., etc., until you snap, because they are delusional about themselves and reality. The problem comes when you are enmeshed with these people due to work relationships, neighbor or community relationships, family relationships. The truth is they don’t respect you and nothing can make them do so, so in order to put distance between the two parties, the INFJ resorts to putting fear into them instead.
Some people don’t respect anybody . It’s not personal. The only thing they understand is fear, unfortunately. Obviously these are dangerous people.
@@Nxyphoenix You are very correct
Yes! I find that I often have to change friend groups because so often people try to take advantage of my kind hearted nature and the only way that anyone actually listens to me is I turn into some sort of bitch and not allow people to mistreat me, bully me or cause me trauma. I'm happy hanging out on my own and it will take a very special person in order for me to want to have company around me.
I door slammed alot of toxic friends in my life and have no respect or regrets. I was way too kind and generous and was taken advantage of many times and it bothered me alot and I got hurt. I finally spoke up and was hated for it. I never took responsibility to focus on myself and it went way too far. They lost out in the end, not me. I am much better off without an unhealthy friendship.
Always, always respect yourself. And, always, ALWAYS love yourself . If you do these 2 important things in your life, you will have a greater chance of finding the like-minded people, and your life will be all worth living, you will experinece life in its full potential.
Never ever put up with disrespectful and arrogant people, simply cut them out of your life. They will have to find another source to suck energy 😉
@@Dzanarika1 Well said! Agree 100%
my door is always open but when it gets too windy i close it...it always can reopen only when its less windy...cheers!!!white suits u
Amazing topic...Fe compels us to open doors to people, and INFJ door slam in my opinion, is our unconscious protecting us from our conscience selves by automatically putting up a boundary.
I agree, INFJs need to learn and practice healthy boundary functions (because it feels alien to our 2nd natural cognitive function).
Maturity is learning when to say "no" and setting healthy boundaries.
Exactly 👍
i'm so happy you are making these videos. There are so many INFJ video glorifying us 1% or emphasizing how hard INFJ gets it in life. It is much more empowering to know we're not some sort of unicorn who would probably be alone for the rest of our life.
Yeaaay!!! That‘s exactly what I am going for
Thank you so much!!
People hyping us up honestly has no idea about our dark side
So much YES!!!
I happen to love the door slam.. it feels like closing a chapter and allowing a fresh clean start for me. I never feel bad about it.. my door slams aren’t dramatic I simply disappear and nothing you and you’ll never hear from me or know about me again
Every time I did it I felt amazing! Save yourself don’t put up with anybody’s bullshit!
THIS one - REALLY spoke to me!! Thank you! **I completely understand what you're talking about. WHY do people seem to think YOU will accept behaviour that THEY would not. This has happened to me - repeatedly - because I am 'forgiving' and kind - but what I have realized is: I ALLOW this to be done - I ALLOW others to mistreat me - and THEN - I don't!!! and that 'freaks' the other person out!! Because when I AIM ....I rarely miss the target! I don't LIKE to fight - but when the fight comes (it would be unwise to bet against me) - BUT, I don't LIKE this side of myself...I don't like how it makes me feel (I don't LIKE HURTING anyone)!!
This 100% percent accurate from top to bottom.. I have door slammed 2 people.. One was a 30yr friendship.
I honestly have been my best self ever since, best thing i ever did.... But, I was able to immediately recognize that I allowed the bad behavior for years.. I should have set healthy boundaries and spoke up years ago... but, to keep the peace and avoid confrontation with a ENTJ who of course thought they knew everything.. Lesson learned.
I now make it a point to reserve my energy and only surround myself with true authentic relationships. I no longer mask for anyone in my circle.. 💜🌻🦋💫🌞
Door Slam actually gives me relief because It's one less person that i have to mask myself around. i love it because it feels like freedom.. i don't owe them a thing anymore. Usually i always walk around with a sense that i owe people my kindness and doorslam frees me from this! And i feel no shame about it because i know why..
Yes! people do treat you the way you treat yourself. Very esoteric and spiritual statement 😁
You really are an inspiration to me Wenzes!!! 💕
You say the truths about the INFJ personality but you tackle them down so we can live better and not keep using them as an excuse. Thats why I love your channel so much!!!✨
Thanks so much Nayeli!!! That's what I am hoping for 💕
I was reminded by one of your videos to express anger in a healthy way and not to hold unto it and also to show our dark side so other people will know the real us. They are so interconnected. I am learning alot Wenze 😊. Salamat from Philippines!
What's the title of the video?
What's the title of the video?
Assertivity? ...never piss off a snake or it will bite the sh!t out of you. 😉
Lord. Don't play games with a INFJ. They can see through people like a childs's pop up book. Lol
Your videos are tackling my problems one by one. I will make sure I watch them all and repeatedly. These are the self-salvation guides I need. Can't thank you more.
Thank you for being true to yourself as a person and a woman. This chat has been a eye opener and life changing for me . anger and resentment will no longer be my “ go to ‘solution’’ “ I’m a 60 year old male INFJ. I’m trading door slams for boundaries. Building boundaries is a lot more pleasurable to live with than walls. INFJ’s as a rule are honorable people, so when we build walls we are actually betraying the very core of our own being. From now on I will set boundaries in place so I can keep my peace of mind and my tranquility. If you prove to me that I can trust you then I will gladly draw those boundaries in so that you can be closer to my heart.
Oh i love this video! You did a great job at explaining this!
Lu
Glad you liked it 😊👍, thanks for your feedback ☺️
I actually felt good for doing that. For the first time I felt in control. I didn’t want to hurt her but it was the only way I could stop her from hurting me. I was devastated having to end our friendship. But I had to protect myself. She didn’t understand that if I’d done what she wanted from me it would have destroyed me.
The fact that you make me aware that I'm not responsible for other people feelings or reactions, but I'm responsible for my feeling and my reactions is just a blow mind for me... Gonna work on it ✨ thank you
I just finally figured out that I'm an INFJ after a few years of assuming my INFP test results on 16personalities was "likely accurate" (although there were things that didn't quite line up, hence the continued research) I'm only 48 seconds into your video so far, and just wanted to make this comment"
"I have been shocked, time and time again throughout my life when people have "crossed my boundaries"....or rather, the way I thought of it is that they "crossed the boundaries of common human decency". It's taken me a lifetime to realize that humans are only as "decent" as we insist they be....and that those whose idea of "human decency" matches mine are not "common" after all.
I love your passion. Thank you for being real with us.
This video is awesome! There are several points that exposed me and I really need to challenge myself on those: at 4 mins always being the shoulder and martyr, at 14 mins neglecting yourself, and towards the end the conversation holding up and communicating the boundaries.
I recently let a friendship struggle slide too far and turned my back to them. I actually knew well before how they had repeatedly hurt me but wanted to tell it to them in person instead of a chat. However, that opportunity never came and in one of our chats I had changed tone and they figured out I had taken a long step back. That triggered them to cut me off but in hindsight, I was already far into an emotional door slam, just not yet closed the door. Need to work on my boundaries and how to communicate them better.
Thanks, Wenzes, for great guidance!
Thank you very much. For expressing your experiences and wisdom. It has help me more than you may know, and I will forever be appreciative of it. You beauty shines bright, and I will work toward shining that same light!!
this helped me so much. i allowed my ex BFF to cross my boundaries so much, i always told myself i was stronger than her, so i HAVE TO TAKE THE ABUSE. I DONT! I WILL NOT! i didn't door slam her, but I am trying to make stricter boundaries. when you said " you take the abuse, because you don't want to hurt them, so that's why you take the abuse" you read my mind. you have a new sub! THANK YOU! I'm going to listen to this every morning!
I love this video omg this has touched everything ive learned about my ptsd and why relationships feel so inauthentic to me. I built so much resentment because I thought I had to be so tolerant even if I shut myself down. I was so inauthentic. I met someone who made me too anxious and forced me to start advocating for myself. It didn't help our relationship and it crushed me. we completely lost our connection and then I obliterated it. I never want to experience that again.
Thanks Wenzes! I really appriciate what you do! Have a blessed week!
Happy it's helpful 😀 thanks for the feedback! Have a blessed week too 😊
Many thanks Wenzes. Your videos are so helpful. I have to request watch/listen to them. I feel like I've finally found my self. I had to do a door slam to get my life back.
Soo great info!! Thanks for sharing everything you've experienced.
I appreciate you so much for letting this all out in this way with us. Your vulnerability is precious!
So happy it's helpful 😀
Beautiful! Right on! Thank You for this reminder WoW! Truths Be Told! Even I am at awe Wenzes! Brilliant! I have door slammed so many people but Boundaries are so important its necessary and healthy. I am so grateful Sister. Thank You So Much. Have a wonderful day today!
Wenzes, you are a GODSEND!! You hit the nail on the head with this one and what you said@ 16:28 was THE TRUTH!! I was listening to you like, " YESSSSSSSS, COME ALL THE WAY THRU, WENZES"!!! THANK YOU!!
Okay! I felt so seen when you said, “I’ve been there letting them hide it.” So freaking true. I’ve done this a lot. I now try not to take those hidden parts on as my problem to fix, meet my own needs, make sure my needs are being met within the connection, and remain conscious of the difference between their stuff and my stuff. Definitely not perfect, but now I’m at least aware.
Well, I'll be watching this again. So much I need to hear and absorb well.
Happy to read that :)
Same here
Wenzes you are awesome! Maybe I am an INFJ. I'm figuring it out at the moment. This video reminded me of putting myself first. I immediately reacted and wrote a message to a friend regarding one topic in order to protect myself. It makes me feel good
Wonderful!
You have really helped me a lot to better understand myself. Thank you.
Thank you 💖 I needed this so much today! You are awesome Wenzes 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💖
Glad I could help 😊
thanks so much for this video
I kinda agree with you, allowing it to reach the point of door slam is the proof of our lack of communication skills. We could have avoided the friendship to reach that point if we had not entertained a non-existent connection via people pleasing.
Door slam for little things that could disturb my peace, or past mistakes speaking the truth,real friends see exactly what I mean. If I cant speak about what I don't want if they want to be my friends they have to not deceive me or sticks in heels. I give so much energy not be forgotten,I m still poor. If you think about having fun when you told me you ll payback or telling things you don t do. I don t accept when I try to help. If they want to stay weak they will always deceive me acting like dumbs they used be surrounded. It s enough for me my boundaries are open against extrem benevolence. For sure stand up for yourself and give energy for real connections or things important for you, never forget yourself for others, I m very selective for friendship. Do the best you can and learn about protecting peace and energy. Just be yourself for real, be the the best of yourself and stay strong, confident, good timing.
Thanks Wenzes for this video! Great content...great reminders! Keep it up! ;)
Yes its true. ..I often give million tyms chances for a certain people and keep holding on to them thinking they r just lyk dat bcoz of wat they've been THRU and wen they pushed me to my limits I honestly lose my respect and trust to them and never look them d same d way I know them bfore ....
It's sad but those who can't take it from me will go away ...dats one of d reason I dont hve friends ...people hate INFJ for being harshly honest and true ....
This video is incredible, I really needed to hear all of this. You're really an INFJ whose got this all figured out, huh?
I can relate to all of the above mentioned.
I have done a fair bit of door slamming, I think people find me too deep.
I'm reclusive by nature.
I really don't enjoy shallow small talk.
I was in a reading group years.
The session was a hour long, I only stuck it for 20 minutes.
I just announced abruptly, that I have had enough, just got up up and left the room.
We read to know we are not alone. Character's in narratives don't hurt us.
Appreciate this video..
Currently feeling guilt for “door slam”
New to this INFJ thing..
A lot of things make more sense the more I understand about it’
Thanks
Thanks! The best. I love you❤
What I noticed about being INFJ is that people violate the most basic things, like the Golden Rule type sh*t. This is stuff I shouldn't ever need to communicate and if I do then they most definitely deserved the door slam.
I'm impressed with your new vids great stuff and big improvement
Glad you like them 😊
Thank you so much for this video...you're so inspirational to me
So glad I can help 😊
I don’t entirely agree with her here. For me there is a distinct differentiation: My ‘door slam’ comes only from intentional betrayal or devious hurt. One incident is all it takes and it is OVER. However is different from the INFJ ‘eruption’ that results from a buildup of irritation from enduring longer periods of stupid manipulation or careless behavior, casual disrespect. The moment of truth can be brutal and damaging but conveys my message loud and clear, but borders on emotional violence. It can be avoided by setting clear warnings or boundaries as the danger approaches
Thank you for sharing this content 🤗😘👍
you're more than welcome :)
entp here, watching the vid to understand how I can prevent the door slam.
It's exactly like this for me too. But when I snap I actually don't feel anything for that person anymore, not even anger and I just don't talk and ignore them. It only gets bad if they insist and don't let me alone.
I can see my fault and I try to change but it harder then it seems because it became something just do.
It's self defence for when things have gone too far and rises out of the need to move forwards and not looking back, not wanting to roll back over old ground already covered. Done it before; it's not good - and although it can be a relief, it's not particularly healthy. I have felt it rising since and actually caught my inner voice saying, 'You don't want to push me that far, coz I won't be back.' Then thought, 'Wait a minute, who am I warning here and how sensible is this?' Then changed tack and headed the person off at the pass, (so to speak), for a much better result. Although I have to say, when I have cut someone out before, and slammed that door, it was really necessary - but then, I shouldn't have put myself in those situations in the first place. Having learned a bit about myself, I now tread the world with eyes and ears open for the warning signs, rather than blundering in completely naively.
👍👍👍
The time for her to shine was when I was there for her, now she messed up it's time for her to deal with the monster she created for herself.
Totally agree, and that's what I'm working in, be mature guys when something hurts you, say it out loud, so the person can get better, face him, discuss it, be honest and don't pressure yourself
No no no. Infjs are too GOOD for all that, didn’t you know? They are above and beyond anyone on the planet and therefore normal things don’t apply to them. Go ahead and slam your precious door, unicorns. It’s only just and righteous.
@@billyb4790 haha, why are we prophets? Angels? Have power people don't have?
As they get wrong, we also do
INFJs are not the greatest sacrificers Fe hero, are better and they wouldn't want recome like infjs,
Wake up girl, we r all human, same body, same needs, the way of thinking and acting, doesn't make u beyond the people, every human has its uniqueness, every type has his points of power.
You have an issue of ego solve it and all the Infjs I can claim the magior of them have the same issue not mature yet
Thanks!
The Door Slam with a taste of blood.
Me: What a nice dinner.
I have not slammed a door in a long time. Only with pushy or invasive or overbearing ppl.I am not aggressive but I don't allow aggressiveness with me.
I am proud of you! Always remember who you are and don't let people mess with your identity and self-worth. Have great respect for yourself and always love yourself. At the end, you will attract the like-minded people who will be worth of your presence. Take care.
No need to slam the door, you can close it gently - that way you don't hurt others so much and you don't feel bad about it. It's an act of self love.
I wish that I could like this video 100 times.
This is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too accurate. 🎯
My door slam happens after I’ve expressed my expectations and the other person didn’t respect my needs.
Can't door slam if you never let em in the door
I think we should put more emphases on learning how to make sure someone can actually come in the door (boundaries) in the first place
Easier said than done but necessary for us to thrive and live out our purpose
You are mistaken.
She was aware of the boundary and crossed it.
End of discussion.
Contrary to the ‘door slam’ title, the door was gently closed but bolted shut.
As an INFJ i have doorslamed 4 narcissist Relationships 1 sister and 2 ex partners and a colleague, I now realise someone just crossing my boundaries isn't worth a door slam just a conversation to let them know it's not acceptable to me ,so simple ,yet so hard to do ,when your emotionally challenged with life .
Came out at a perfect time. I am not so much afraid I will come off as a bad person but I can tell my friend has knowingly crossed my boundaries and also noticed he acts like shit with other people too. I can pretty much throw a lot of hard truth into his face but your video convinced me not to do it. My friend has abused my kindness recently very much and I find it hard to resist the temptation to take revenge.
We live in the same flat on different floors. He is an addict and he openly talked (while intoxicated) about him lying, cheating and stealing at his workplace. He had also yelled at our landlady when she reminded him to pay the 4 missing rents and doesn't allow anyone to tell him anything.
It's rather clear this is a dysfunctional person. I am very mad at myself for not standing up enough for me and ignoring the warning signs. I always tried to see good in this guy and we have been friends for years. My boundary problem has contributed largely to the current situation but I am afraid the door-slam is necessary.
I really enjoy your videos. Keep them coming :)
Glad you like the videos 😊 please don‘t be so strict with yourself. We do as best as we can. When we know better, we do better. It‘s never to late to start setting stricter boundaries. You might be suprised and your friendship could be even saved but with new dynamics and new rules. You have been understanding and forgiving of him...now it‘s time to do that for you...and to put you first 👍
@@Wenzes Thanks a lot for the response. I will try to be more forgiving to myself.
Yes, absolutely!!
The most comical door slam ever did.
A jerk came to my apartment and said he was having a party, within 5 minutes half a dozen of his friends showed up.
2 cockroach bombs, and they were all out of my apartment.
In front of the building throwing up.
He came back a few days later and asked when I'd stop disrespecting him.
I said when you stop acting like a fucking jerk.
I still have cockroach bombs in my apartment just in case I ever have to get rid of people again.
The false economy of playing small. Great video, really helpful insights - thank you.
I love that statement. Gonna be my go to.
You betrayed a peace negotiation.
How do I know if I am on burnout or door slam? I am suddenly emotionally shut down to the point that I just don't care anymore, my feelings are just gone and I don't know how to get it back or if I can get it back...and the more they push to be back at where we were before it the more my mind just shuts down and shuts them out.
Thank you Wenzes.
This is really helping me right now. I have a friend I thought I really like. But I think she just stopped talking to me because I said no to something I couldn’t do at the moment. If that’s the reason we are not talking then her friendship is so shallow and I’m starting to think - good riddance! I’m hurt but I figured if she is that immature then it’s not worth keeping the friendship anyway.
Thank you. Im so guilty with this.
Young INFJ get into codependence, ending up to Door Slam, But as INFJ mature, learn about themselves and others, they become advocates for interdependence
You’re forced to door slam if they don’t change.
If this is about the other video. Do not consider or dwell on it too much. the visual value of asserting such media shows a possible side of your awareness and learning
5:55 yes, they actually left in my situation too. I only confronted one person and it got ugly and I still feel kind of bad about it.
It happened in 6th grade and that girl was lying a lot, even stealing. Or both. She stole a wristwatch from me, showed it to everyone like it was hers and lied when I confronted her. That kind of person. A few years later after that she gossiped about another classmate and when confronted by our teacher she blamed me.
And that was it. I got up and said exactly how she was and what she was doing, lying, stealing. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was like: " But you really are shameless. How could you lie to my face like that!?"
My teacher was watching me with their mouth open because it wasn't something I will do.
She changed schools right away.
My other classmates where somehow relieved ( because she was how I said) but somehow afraid of me. Because it was a part of me they haven't seen.
I felt like a bully.
I never did it again even when I needed to and somehow it lead to other thinking they can say anything and I won't react. It affected my self esteem. I don't let people go that far anymore.
My doorslams are written. Concise, and to the point...and very detailed. Believe me, the one who received it never tries to come back. I ask myself one question, ( will you miss that person at all?) if the answer is NO, then the letter is sent. And that's it there gone! 🧡💜💚❤💙💛
Oh I truly miss some of the door slammed. Family is so hard……
I don’t like feeling like ppl will use my boundaries against me if i tell them but at least I’ll kno they want to cross them if their in place .
As an infj I have learnt to trust my intuition.
Some key people were in my life way too long.
So before I had the strength to leave, they left together.
When people treat you like shit walk away, slam that door and don't look back.
I didn't slam the door but gently closed it and locked it.
What do i do if 'that' person is my own dad?
I have literally STOPPED myself from doing the door slam on him because even then I have thought about little things like,
"Oh, HE is in a good mood so let's NOT say anything."
"Oh, someone in the house is having an important meeting so let's just shut up."
And the most common of all is that " Oh, my younger sibling is at home"
I haven't any problem(except a few little ones which can be easily overcome) with my Mum and Dad 'discovering' who I 'really' am but I don't think my sib has the mental level of understanding all of that and i just can't lose them.
They(it's 1 person) are just a kid and I DAMN scared of how they will react.
Please tell me what to do.