I'm a 2 whose best friend is a 9. And she is just the best really. She's gentle, very giving of her time and such a peaceful presence. We 'do life' together and she's more of a sister to me than a friend at this point. She's not judgemental, very open hearted and has a deep love for people and connection. That thing you said about reminding them that you are on their side during a fight - one of the first things I said to her when I knew she was struggling with mental health was "I'm for you" and that has really coloured our relationship. We're always on each other's side no matter what happens. She's the best. 9's reading this y'all are the best
My late husband was a type 9, and my favorite things about him were that he was so easy to live with, so easy to love, and so accepting of everybody wherever and whoever they were. ❤️ I'm still learning from him all the time!
I’m a type 7 married to a type 9 for over 30 years. The first thing I loved about him was how peaceful of a person he is. Main relationship rule was, let the man have 30 seconds to respond in a conversation…my family is a lot of fast thinking, opinionated types, my Type 9 guy has things to say but he likes thinking it out before he speaks. As a Type 7, he’s my balance…I get him moving forward and he slows me down…❤️❤️
I'm a type 9 and my perfect date is just a relaxing time at home, sitting on a comfy couch, drinking tea and talking. And yes, people always ask me if I'm doing alright when I'm out with friends because I'm more laid back and like to listen--I promise I'm having a great time!! Fantastic video--every point really resonated with me.
I Love, love, love this Abbey! I'm a 9w1 and I feel like you really acknowledged our type and how we function. My ideal date would be close to "Before Sunrise" basically a lot of walking/talking bonding and spontaneous activities. But mostly bonding
Agree 100%! I’m a nine. My husband’s and my first “date” started as a walk around the block one evening and turned into an all night walk/talk, ending with a kiss at sunrise. Bliss.
I love this! My hubby and I are both type 9's. I love how cuddly he is! He loves to snuggle up and watch shows and movies together, which I think is so sweet and cozy.
My hubby is a type 9 and I'm a 7. We love our relationship - he is definitely the rock and I'm the fun. He is one of the most gentle, kind, sincere, and caring people I've ever met. I honestly didn't know such amazing humans existed until I met him. I've never felt so supported in my dreams, loved so well, and understood and heard so much. He is also an incredible dad to our little girl ♥ This video was a good reminder for me to slow down and make him feel just as valued as he makes me feel. I can get so busy and be always on the go that I can neglect to make him feel as cared for so thank you for the reminder!
I love questions. If you want to know how deep the rivers of a type 9 run, start plunging. My typical mistype is a 5, because I have accumulated so much knowledge ( my highest strength in the StrenghtFinder is Input ) and have formed opinions about lots of topics, but I won't bring them up unless you ask or I know I can share without judgement. Also love what you've said about routines. I have always had routines, around getting ready for school, doing homework, etc. The biggest struggle I had when my partner moved in with me was having to adjust ALL of my routines. We've created new routines since then, and I've regained my peace. My advice if you're moving in with a type 9, sit down and talk about their routines and how you may join them or that it's okay for them to continue doing that alone. Allow space for their existing habits, it'll get you so far, so fast!
PARTNERS OF 9s: *"My advice if you're moving in with a type 9, sit down and talk about their routines and how you may join them or that it's okay for them to continue doing that alone. Allow space for their existing habits, it'll get you so far, so fast!"*
I’m a 4 whose little sister is a 9, and she is my rock. Nobody makes me feel as safe and accepted and seen. My best friend is also a 9. If you give them time to think and express themselves and don’t interrupt them, then they will be the best listeners you could ever ask for.
*on a side note, I love that you put the part about fighting in your wedding vows! I've never heard that idea, but it's so healthy and mature to have that agreement, Kudos to y'all 💕
9w1 engaged to a 9w1 here. Yep. 100% on every single one. You absolutely nailed it. This is super validating, thank you. One of my favorite things about my fiancee and our relationship as both 9s is that it's so easy to just _be_ when we're together. We don't need to be doing anything or even really saying anything, just the simple act of being present together is quite lovely.
I love this! One of my sons is a type 9w8... hes a newlywed and his sweet wife is a 1w9... so he is in the thick of chiropractic school..not easy for a 9 to get a doctorate but he loves it. What I sent him for finals (he takes 4 quarters a year..24 credits per quarter with usually a week in between) I got him cbd gummies. I realize now why it has helped him. It helps him sleep and be calmer. As a 9 he needs that inner calm. So crazy
I love this!!! My dream date as a nine would literally be to just hang out and snuggle on a couch eating like ice cream and pizza and watching a movie and talking and stuff. And I loved points four and three A LOT as well. Your videos are just amazing
I loved all of this 🙏 And the sloth description is so important to hear for 9s and makes so much more sense than “a lazy 9”…which I certainly am not lol. Thanks
I've been thinking about this lately and there might not even be 100% accurate, but I feel like it is important to get startef thinking this way for the sake of understanding how Enneagram and MBTI relatr. If Enneagram were to be tied in with MBTI, there might be two types of 9s: Fi/Ti 9 and Fe/Te 9. You always make it very clear what is meant by "sloth" for the 9 (basically fearing that the 9s passions/opinions will somehow break the peace). Knowing this, I feel like this ties in very well with Objective Personality's definitions of the decider functions (feeling and thinking functions). Fi and Ti are going all in on their identity neglecting others and Fe and Te are going all in on others neglecting their identity. Knowing this you could tie in Enneagram with MBTI sort of easily. The first type of nine uses Fe or Te. Fe and Te are functions that are going all in on others, neglecting the self. Because these types feel responsible for providing needs and wants for other people, the self/identity is not a primary focus. This type of nine is going to have trouble even looking into their passions. They feel if they do not do more for others they will break the peace, and they try to do so in a way that does not cause conflict. I am not Fe or Te but I would guess that this type of nine has less trouble sharing their identity, and more trouble simply stepping out of 9 mode to actually develop their identity. The second type of nine uses Fi or Ti and they are going all in on developing their identity. Because they are so focused on carefully constructing their identity, they will try to hide it from others in order to keep it safe (peaceful). They fear that they are either being bothersome with what they care about, or worse, that others will reject them for it. This type of 9 seeks to constantly keep identity separate from others. Like I said before I could be wrong but I really wonder what other people think about this. I think combining the two systems would help make understanding personality come together at a much deeper level, but who knows?
that's really interesting! I am definitely still learning about MBTI so it's helpful to hear about other people's theories on how it may relate to the Enneagram.
Cameron I like your comment! Fi 9 here and yours is a very accurate description of what goes on there, was weird to read even 💀 And I see with other 9’s with heavier Je /De in OPS/ that they seem a much different 9. Even if they’re said to be the “9so” type, I am too! And I don’t think this Je-ness is only enneagrammatic. So, I like this tie :) Would be interested to hear what you think about the growth paths for the De vs Di 9! They both integrate to 3, so maybe for the Di that would look like allowing themselves to share and shine ✨ publicly, and for the De that would mean to hone and shine ✨ in their own unique skills and potential?
i love this so much more than correlating 9s to Se (which makes NO sense and ignores Ne doms who might find peace in mental stimulation). as an ENFP (Ne-Fi), i'm quite focused on my identity which got me mistaken as a 4 initially.
Learning about the Enneagram and the different types has turned into my new obsession in the last couple weeks. I'm a type 1 but with a strong 9 wing, so this still helped me too! While most of the things in the type 1 video hit home for me more (as they should), a few of them here were pretty relatable as well, specifically the routines and keeping things simple. Maybe that's why my primary love language is quality time 🤔
I really love my hubbys willingness to try new things. If I show him through logic that something we are doing isn't working,(theres the 9w1) and I communicate it with a "how about we TRY this?" approach, he is scared of the unfamiliar but he loves me so much he is willing to try it. He has sacrificed so much for my health with no complaints despite how hard it's been for us. The loyalty is so REAL and genuine that I never feel I need to be on guard around. I'm so grateful for him 🥰
I was hoping maybe one of the video's you will do is about how will certain enneagrams couples. For example, my sister is a type 6 and married to a type 9 and she would love vids about them, the things they have in common, their differences and how one can work to help their relationship grow.
it would be such a huge project to undertake, but an entire series about how every possible enneagram couple combo would interact and should know about each other would be incredible
@@KairaisnotaLiopleurodon I understand that. i'm only suggesting. i get if you have other projects you want to focus on more. gotta stay true to what you love even more then what the fans what :). love your work girl, you always bring a smile to my face when i watch your vids
🙋🏾♀️ I identify as a type 9…core fear is loss. I totally identify with loss! It totally takes me out. Can’t stand to lose anything or anyone and I hyper focus at times on how to not ugh! So annoying lol
I think my brother and I both type 9's, maybe that's why we get along so well! He also celebrates half birthdays for his wife and for me and it is very sweet!
O boy! This is on the money! I hope my next woman I meet is caring enough to watch this teaching! And practice it! People just are overwhelming since Covid came! I dream of having a gf/wife that would be ok with me saying I need space! It could be intertwining our legs together and reading different books 📚 at the same time! For me alone time is more important to me than breathing. My time could be 20 minutes or a day or 2 yikes. Since I have found out about MBTI & enneagram it has been easier to understand that I’m not crazy! Thanks Abby for your videos they are great!!!! God Bless You ‼️✝️🎉😎‼️📚
I’m a 4 and I have a date tomorrow with a 9. I hope it goes well! She seems pretty great and very chill which I like. I have enough anxiety of my own. I don’t need more stress. In the past, my relationships have always brought me nothing but stress and heartbreak. A loyal, loving, and thoughtful girlfriend sounds too good to be true. I hope I can keep it under control if I like her because I can come on little strong 😂.
Thank you for this Video, Abbey. I am a 9 who struggles to put my voice out there and am still learning about myself and how to live in healthy ways. Your videos help me so much. Thank you.☺️
any advice for telling someone (partner or friend) that you don't feel heard WITHOUT them immediately feeling like it's their fault? that's not my intention at all. I just want them to know how important it is for me and to make more of an effort to hear me. sometimes I think that maybe my voice is too soft but I don't want to be seen as aggressive/rude by yelling.
#10 when a 9 says "no" sometimes its bc we think a "yes" will lead to conflict, and we are doing it out of sloth/avoidance and doing the 9stress6 thing. Only when you accept our "no" will we be able to see that, if we even can. 7s... learn to stop the campaign for that activity or experience and keep the campaign to engage the 9. We love your energy, but we dont want to feel like the chaperone on your fieldtrip, we want to co-adventure with you. #9 yep! But not netflix and chill. We need to feel deep connection, but mihgy settle bc its what we think you want. Then we grow sad or resentful (of you and ourselves) later #8 Asking for a 9s thoughts on things helps us feel like we actually exist and not at the expense of taking up someone elses space. (I litterally started choking up at this one) #7 you might have triuble identifying this behavior bc it seems like its always happening on some low simmer level. Be keen to a shift in their level of engagement in the moment to know if the dissociation (not disassociation) is current or underlying defense reaponse. One form of being taken advantage of, that people dont usually realize, is when a 9s patience and willingness to listen is hijacked. We feel like we don't exist the way others do and generally accept/enjoy supportive roles in different facets of life, but when someone treats that graviousness as a tool and not a relationship, we feel dehumanized. A way that we can feel ignored, is when we know someone is observing us in a relationship (love you 1s and 5s), maybe even someone we deeply respect and trust to percieve us accurately, but they neglect or avoid discussing it with us, or make a decision or interpretation from our interactions about our inner experience or intentions, without letting us represent ourselves. For this reason the previous 2 and being interrupted hurts a lot: we want desperately to connec, and be known and accepted. But what we know how to do instinctively is how to enhance someone else's internal experience. We naturally forgo our own will. Unchecked, this makes us feel like we dont matter, bc people seem happier when we do it. Even so, we'd rather suffer ourselves than behold/cause others' suffering #6 word #5 holy cow, yes! Fight on the same team as your 9! Make the problem the enemy you fight together! No friendly fire! Dont blame your 9, enlist them! #4 its hard for us 9s to take care of our own needs. Its work that usually dont value bc the benefit goes to us. When you recognize your 9s creation (routine) and gaurd their wellbeing (benefit of that routine), = health for them^⁹ and healthy affection bank deposit into the account they love you from. #3 our internal experience is not cut and dried. And it's often unclear. There are so few hills that we would die on; we love compromises. But when something needs our actual input or is one of those few principled values we hold, we have to go in and organize the "house" to find space to "work" and create the thing (the decision). Its best to not give input because we live in a constant state of empathy - thats why we need space to get alone with our own values. Not gonna edit for typos... yall know what it says 🤗
I'm married to a 1, I say no or give me honest opinion and it clearly isn't the answer he's looking for so he keeps asking...I finally say... what's the answer you are looking for
@@freya7799 My experience in dating a 9 was horrible. They cant handle conflict of any kind, dont respond well when you're straight forward (which i need to be and need them to be, as a 5), and refuse to tell you when somethings wrong until it all builds up and they get passive aggressive.
@@sourgrapes7482 That might have been the case for the 9 you dated, but it's quite a blanket statement to make about all nines. A friend of mine who I'm pretty sure is a 9 has made a couple of remarks that she has learned that she needs to be straightforward with me in order for me to get what she is saying, and she makes a point to do so. And there was a time recently when she took too long to express a boundary with me that she needed to express, but she didn't get passive aggressive. She simply told me that she needed to stop doing something for me that I had come to rely on. It was difficult for both of us, but I thought we both handled it in a really mature way. I'm very proud of us both. We navigated through and came out on the other side.
I'm a 2 whose best friend is a 9. And she is just the best really. She's gentle, very giving of her time and such a peaceful presence. We 'do life' together and she's more of a sister to me than a friend at this point. She's not judgemental, very open hearted and has a deep love for people and connection. That thing you said about reminding them that you are on their side during a fight - one of the first things I said to her when I knew she was struggling with mental health was "I'm for you" and that has really coloured our relationship. We're always on each other's side no matter what happens. She's the best. 9's reading this y'all are the best
"I'm for you" *beautiful*
I’m crying while reading this (,:
(I’m a type 9)
@@niv7966 aw :’) love to u!
My late husband was a type 9, and my favorite things about him were that he was so easy to live with, so easy to love, and so accepting of everybody wherever and whoever they were. ❤️ I'm still learning from him all the time!
love this!!
I’m a type 7 married to a type 9 for over 30 years. The first thing I loved about him was how peaceful of a person he is. Main relationship rule was, let the man have 30 seconds to respond in a conversation…my family is a lot of fast thinking, opinionated types, my Type 9 guy has things to say but he likes thinking it out before he speaks. As a Type 7, he’s my balance…I get him moving forward and he slows me down…❤️❤️
I'm a type 9 and my perfect date is just a relaxing time at home, sitting on a comfy couch, drinking tea and talking. And yes, people always ask me if I'm doing alright when I'm out with friends because I'm more laid back and like to listen--I promise I'm having a great time!! Fantastic video--every point really resonated with me.
Same here. I’m type 9 too
YAY! Glad it resonated. And a relaxing, comfy couch, tea drinking date sounds lovely.
I Love, love, love this Abbey! I'm a 9w1 and I feel like you really acknowledged our type and how we function. My ideal date would be close to "Before Sunrise" basically a lot of walking/talking bonding and spontaneous activities. But mostly bonding
Love this!!! thanks for sharing 💕
Agree 100%! I’m a nine. My husband’s and my first “date” started as a walk around the block one evening and turned into an all night walk/talk, ending with a kiss at sunrise. Bliss.
@@eringeoffrion9159 oh that's so wonderful 💕
I love this! My hubby and I are both type 9's. I love how cuddly he is! He loves to snuggle up and watch shows and movies together, which I think is so sweet and cozy.
9 cuddles are the BEST!!!
My hubby is a type 9 and I'm a 7. We love our relationship - he is definitely the rock and I'm the fun. He is one of the most gentle, kind, sincere, and caring people I've ever met. I honestly didn't know such amazing humans existed until I met him. I've never felt so supported in my dreams, loved so well, and understood and heard so much. He is also an incredible dad to our little girl ♥ This video was a good reminder for me to slow down and make him feel just as valued as he makes me feel. I can get so busy and be always on the go that I can neglect to make him feel as cared for so thank you for the reminder!
I love questions. If you want to know how deep the rivers of a type 9 run, start plunging. My typical mistype is a 5, because I have accumulated so much knowledge ( my highest strength in the StrenghtFinder is Input ) and have formed opinions about lots of topics, but I won't bring them up unless you ask or I know I can share without judgement. Also love what you've said about routines. I have always had routines, around getting ready for school, doing homework, etc. The biggest struggle I had when my partner moved in with me was having to adjust ALL of my routines. We've created new routines since then, and I've regained my peace. My advice if you're moving in with a type 9, sit down and talk about their routines and how you may join them or that it's okay for them to continue doing that alone. Allow space for their existing habits, it'll get you so far, so fast!
PARTNERS OF 9s: *"My advice if you're moving in with a type 9, sit down and talk about their routines and how you may join them or that it's okay for them to continue doing that alone. Allow space for their existing habits, it'll get you so far, so fast!"*
I have my routines but my 8 wing gives me an occasional need for spontaneity.
I’m a 4 whose little sister is a 9, and she is my rock. Nobody makes me feel as safe and accepted and seen. My best friend is also a 9. If you give them time to think and express themselves and don’t interrupt them, then they will be the best listeners you could ever ask for.
*on a side note, I love that you put the part about fighting in your wedding vows! I've never heard that idea, but it's so healthy and mature to have that agreement, Kudos to y'all 💕
it has proved helpful in our first two years of marriage!!
9w1 engaged to a 9w1 here. Yep. 100% on every single one. You absolutely nailed it. This is super validating, thank you.
One of my favorite things about my fiancee and our relationship as both 9s is that it's so easy to just _be_ when we're together. We don't need to be doing anything or even really saying anything, just the simple act of being present together is quite lovely.
I love this! One of my sons is a type 9w8... hes a newlywed and his sweet wife is a 1w9... so he is in the thick of chiropractic school..not easy for a 9 to get a doctorate but he loves it. What I sent him for finals (he takes 4 quarters a year..24 credits per quarter with usually a week in between) I got him cbd gummies. I realize now why it has helped him. It helps him sleep and be calmer. As a 9 he needs that inner calm. So crazy
I love this!!! My dream date as a nine would literally be to just hang out and snuggle on a couch eating like ice cream and pizza and watching a movie and talking and stuff. And I loved points four and three A LOT as well. Your videos are just amazing
My fiancee and I are both 9w1s. We've had dates exactly like that, and they're absolutely phenominal. 10/10 would recommend.
Asking questions is a good idea because their voice does matter :)
Yes!! 👏
I loved all of this 🙏
And the sloth description is so important to hear for 9s and makes so much more sense than “a lazy 9”…which I certainly am not lol.
Thanks
I've been thinking about this lately and there might not even be 100% accurate, but I feel like it is important to get startef thinking this way for the sake of understanding how Enneagram and MBTI relatr. If Enneagram were to be tied in with MBTI, there might be two types of 9s: Fi/Ti 9 and Fe/Te 9. You always make it very clear what is meant by "sloth" for the 9 (basically fearing that the 9s passions/opinions will somehow break the peace). Knowing this, I feel like this ties in very well with Objective Personality's definitions of the decider functions (feeling and thinking functions). Fi and Ti are going all in on their identity neglecting others and Fe and Te are going all in on others neglecting their identity. Knowing this you could tie in Enneagram with MBTI sort of easily.
The first type of nine uses Fe or Te. Fe and Te are functions that are going all in on others, neglecting the self. Because these types feel responsible for providing needs and wants for other people, the self/identity is not a primary focus. This type of nine is going to have trouble even looking into their passions. They feel if they do not do more for others they will break the peace, and they try to do so in a way that does not cause conflict. I am not Fe or Te but I would guess that this type of nine has less trouble sharing their identity, and more trouble simply stepping out of 9 mode to actually develop their identity.
The second type of nine uses Fi or Ti and they are going all in on developing their identity. Because they are so focused on carefully constructing their identity, they will try to hide it from others in order to keep it safe (peaceful). They fear that they are either being bothersome with what they care about, or worse, that others will reject them for it. This type of 9 seeks to constantly keep identity separate from others.
Like I said before I could be wrong but I really wonder what other people think about this. I think combining the two systems would help make understanding personality come together at a much deeper level, but who knows?
that's really interesting! I am definitely still learning about MBTI so it's helpful to hear about other people's theories on how it may relate to the Enneagram.
@@AbbeyHowe Objective Personality has a great channel that looks at MBTI from a scientific angle. I highly recommend you look into them!
Aimee Y also makes great videos about explaining each function in a very concrete way :)
Cameron I like your comment! Fi 9 here and yours is a very accurate description of what goes on there, was weird to read even 💀 And I see with other 9’s with heavier Je /De in OPS/ that they seem a much different 9. Even if they’re said to be the “9so” type, I am too! And I don’t think this Je-ness is only enneagrammatic. So, I like this tie :)
Would be interested to hear what you think about the growth paths for the De vs Di 9! They both integrate to 3, so maybe for the Di that would look like allowing themselves to share and shine ✨ publicly, and for the De that would mean to hone and shine ✨ in their own unique skills and potential?
i love this so much more than correlating 9s to Se (which makes NO sense and ignores Ne doms who might find peace in mental stimulation). as an ENFP (Ne-Fi), i'm quite focused on my identity which got me mistaken as a 4 initially.
Learning about the Enneagram and the different types has turned into my new obsession in the last couple weeks. I'm a type 1 but with a strong 9 wing, so this still helped me too! While most of the things in the type 1 video hit home for me more (as they should), a few of them here were pretty relatable as well, specifically the routines and keeping things simple. Maybe that's why my primary love language is quality time 🤔
I'm a type 9 and I love the idea of celebrating half birthdays! I love birthdays.
I really love my hubbys willingness to try new things. If I show him through logic that something we are doing isn't working,(theres the 9w1) and I communicate it with a "how about we TRY this?" approach, he is scared of the unfamiliar but he loves me so much he is willing to try it. He has sacrificed so much for my health with no complaints despite how hard it's been for us. The loyalty is so REAL and genuine that I never feel I need to be on guard around. I'm so grateful for him 🥰
I was hoping maybe one of the video's you will do is about how will certain enneagrams couples. For example, my sister is a type 6 and married to a type 9 and she would love vids about them, the things they have in common, their differences and how one can work to help their relationship grow.
it would be such a huge project to undertake, but an entire series about how every possible enneagram couple combo would interact and should know about each other would be incredible
@@KairaisnotaLiopleurodon I understand that. i'm only suggesting. i get if you have other projects you want to focus on more. gotta stay true to what you love even more then what the fans what :). love your work girl, you always bring a smile to my face when i watch your vids
Thank you so much! I'm a nine and this makes me understand myself better🥰
this makes me so happy!!!!
🙋🏾♀️ I identify as a type 9…core fear is loss. I totally identify with loss! It totally takes me out. Can’t stand to lose anything or anyone and I hyper focus at times on how to not ugh! So annoying lol
Spot on!! I'm a type 9 and this hit home. Thank you
I think my brother and I both type 9's, maybe that's why we get along so well! He also celebrates half birthdays for his wife and for me and it is very sweet!
O boy! This is on the money! I hope my next woman I meet is caring enough to watch this teaching! And practice it! People just are overwhelming since Covid came! I dream of having a gf/wife that would be ok with me saying I need space! It could be intertwining our legs together and reading different books 📚 at the same time! For me alone time is more important to me than breathing. My time could be 20 minutes or a day or 2 yikes. Since I have found out about MBTI & enneagram it has been easier to understand that I’m not crazy! Thanks Abby for your videos they are great!!!! God Bless You ‼️✝️🎉😎‼️📚
Omg! I'm totally going to celebrate half birthdays now!! What a GREAT idea!!
i cried at #1 :'-), our voice do matter and I'm getting better at letting it hear everyday!
Yes! You voice matters. ♥️
I’m a 4 and I have a date tomorrow with a 9. I hope it goes well! She seems pretty great and very chill which I like. I have enough anxiety of my own. I don’t need more stress. In the past, my relationships have always brought me nothing but stress and heartbreak. A loyal, loving, and thoughtful girlfriend sounds too good to be true. I hope I can keep it under control if I like her because I can come on little strong 😂.
Hey, hope things are going very well for you two 😊
Thank you for this Video, Abbey. I am a 9 who struggles to put my voice out there and am still learning about myself and how to live in healthy ways. Your videos help me so much. Thank you.☺️
OMG!!! I love your color coded books.
any advice for telling someone (partner or friend) that you don't feel heard WITHOUT them immediately feeling like it's their fault? that's not my intention at all. I just want them to know how important it is for me and to make more of an effort to hear me. sometimes I think that maybe my voice is too soft but I don't want to be seen as aggressive/rude by yelling.
I'm a 9 and my girlfriend is a 9 and this describes our relationship perfectly!
Great information! Thank you for sharing!
Good morning if it is morning there, cuz I am drinking my morning coffee and watching you..... thanks for the share , subbed !! a fellow creator....
I watch these videos to learn more about me... yeah you are very much on point
How did you KNOW! Just starting seeing a male 9 (I'm a lady 4w3). THANK YOU!
amazing!!! you're welcome!!
Great work Thank you
You: "What did you do for lunch today?"
Me an 8: "uh? Eat."
Thanks!
thank you!
2:23 THIS
#10 when a 9 says "no" sometimes its bc we think a "yes" will lead to conflict, and we are doing it out of sloth/avoidance and doing the 9stress6 thing. Only when you accept our "no" will we be able to see that, if we even can. 7s... learn to stop the campaign for that activity or experience and keep the campaign to engage the 9. We love your energy, but we dont want to feel like the chaperone on your fieldtrip, we want to co-adventure with you.
#9 yep! But not netflix and chill. We need to feel deep connection, but mihgy settle bc its what we think you want. Then we grow sad or resentful (of you and ourselves) later
#8 Asking for a 9s thoughts on things helps us feel like we actually exist and not at the expense of taking up someone elses space.
(I litterally started choking up at this one)
#7 you might have triuble identifying this behavior bc it seems like its always happening on some low simmer level.
Be keen to a shift in their level of engagement in the moment to know if the dissociation (not disassociation) is current or underlying defense reaponse. One form of being taken advantage of, that people dont usually realize, is when a 9s patience and willingness to listen is hijacked. We feel like we don't exist the way others do and generally accept/enjoy supportive roles in different facets of life, but when someone treats that graviousness as a tool and not a relationship, we feel dehumanized. A way that we can feel ignored, is when we know someone is observing us in a relationship (love you 1s and 5s), maybe even someone we deeply respect and trust to percieve us accurately, but they neglect or avoid discussing it with us, or make a decision or interpretation from our interactions about our inner experience or intentions, without letting us represent ourselves.
For this reason the previous 2 and being interrupted hurts a lot: we want desperately to connec, and be known and accepted. But what we know how to do instinctively is how to enhance someone else's internal experience. We naturally forgo our own will. Unchecked, this makes us feel like we dont matter, bc people seem happier when we do it. Even so, we'd rather suffer ourselves than behold/cause others' suffering
#6 word
#5 holy cow, yes! Fight on the same team as your 9! Make the problem the enemy you fight together! No friendly fire! Dont blame your 9, enlist them!
#4 its hard for us 9s to take care of our own needs. Its work that usually dont value bc the benefit goes to us. When you recognize your 9s creation (routine) and gaurd their wellbeing (benefit of that routine), = health for them^⁹ and healthy affection bank deposit into the account they love you from.
#3 our internal experience is not cut and dried. And it's often unclear. There are so few hills that we would die on; we love compromises. But when something needs our actual input or is one of those few principled values we hold, we have to go in and organize the "house" to find space to "work" and create the thing (the decision). Its best to not give input because we live in a constant state of empathy - thats why we need space to get alone with our own values.
Not gonna edit for typos... yall know what it says 🤗
I'm a 9....lolll 😆 I just randomly stumble upon your video....I got some research to do lol the dissociation...!
1:00
Ask questions
Me a 135 tritype: Starts an interrogation interview to make them feel uncomfortable
Joking. Well almost
I'm married to a 1, I say no or give me honest opinion and it clearly isn't the answer he's looking for so he keeps asking...I finally say... what's the answer you are looking for
i'm a 9 :)
These people are exhausting, neglectful, and spineless let’s get to the real realities of having a partner that is an adult child now 🕛
So rude
My advice is just dont date a 9
Why?
.........this is not it
@@freya7799 My experience in dating a 9 was horrible. They cant handle conflict of any kind, dont respond well when you're straight forward (which i need to be and need them to be, as a 5), and refuse to tell you when somethings wrong until it all builds up and they get passive aggressive.
@@sourgrapes7482 That might have been the case for the 9 you dated, but it's quite a blanket statement to make about all nines.
A friend of mine who I'm pretty sure is a 9 has made a couple of remarks that she has learned that she needs to be straightforward with me in order for me to get what she is saying, and she makes a point to do so.
And there was a time recently when she took too long to express a boundary with me that she needed to express, but she didn't get passive aggressive. She simply told me that she needed to stop doing something for me that I had come to rely on. It was difficult for both of us, but I thought we both handled it in a really mature way. I'm very proud of us both. We navigated through and came out on the other side.
Username checks out lol.