As a type eight one of my biggest suggestions (in any type of relationship with us, not just dating) is to not unnecessarily play the victim. We want to protect people and value the ability to protect people a lot, so finding out that someone doesn’t really need protecting and was only using us is another kind of betrayal entirely.
As an Eight, I started this video ready to be against it-not because I don't like your videos (I love them!), but because that's my starting position 😂But you nailed it!! This was amazing!
“ but because that is my starting position” lol this describes us 8’s perfectly. I’m always ready to disagree and when I agree I just end up happily surprised.
@@EllePlowPlow Yes, to the extent that I sometimes begin disagreeing before I've made up my mind, and I have to backtrack in the middle of my phrase like "HM I'M NOT TOO SURE IF ...actually no you're completely correct, my bad"
I used to believe that I was too much for people. However, with executive coaching with an Enneagram specialist like Abbey, I have learned to "tone down" with people that deserve it i.e. my family and my team at work and to "let it rip" for people that are clearly asking to be chewed and spit out (the coach did NOT say I should do this, but I can't remember if she said this as a rule or a suggestion). So, I have learned how to control my "too much-ness" to maximise the outcome towards what I want. What matters is that I can control my actions. When people say I am "too much", it is because I planned for it to be that way.
Here as a 2, for my 8 husband! Needed to hear ways I can care for him, how to respond to arguments, how to show him the appreciation I have for him and more. Took notes the whole time in my notebook lol, these seem spot on for him!
I LOVE how you understand me (Type 8)! Listen to me. Listen to what I want. I will tell you what we want. Give me space. Direct & honest communication.
Most of this was right on, but I think the acts of service might be an individual thing. A family member once tried to surprise me by doing some work on my house while I was away, but he didn't do it right. This infuriated me and I was steaming the whole time. I had to rip down what he did and re-do it correctly. I know he meant well, but I think this is another common attitude for 8s. If you don't know what you're doing, back off, get out of the way, and let me do it.
This video is so accurate it brought tears to my eyes. Especially the bit about protectors needing protectors. It gets so lonely to shoulder all responsibilities at all times. Having a partner to rely on can be such a blessing.
I'm together with a 8w9 so he's more mellow in our relationship but yeah he's very direct. As a 4 it's a struggle to not read between the lines but at least I'm good at offering him space because I need a lot of space too as a 4w5. Oh and I am very honest. He loves that about me, and I love that about him. I just package my messages a bit more carefully haha
hi! when i started learning about the enneagram i found out that 4 and 8 aren't rly the best types to agree with each other, but in the same way i see now a lot of great traits that this relationship can have, as me and my truly best friend learned more about us, we found out that im a 4w5 and she is a 8w9 and it's rly interesting ✨ and why am i writing this? i was just surprised to find someone with the same numbers as we have ^^
As an eight, one of the things I absolutely detest is to be disappointed. So I am VERY clear in my communication with people as to what I want, need, feel and expect. That way if They let me down, I can be justified at being angry at them because I told them what I was expecting/needing, instead of feeling that disappointment. Immature? Maybe. But I can quickly know who I can and can’t trust.
Abby, as an 8 I love your videos. I’m literally watching as many as I can and sharing them lol. Thanks so much for putting these videos together. You have no idea how much of an impact you’re making! You have a gift!
I *love* acts of service. Delegation is a beautiful thing; initiative is even better. Thanks also for addressing the nagging sensation that we are too much; or overwhelming; or our most confident state is unwanted.
I have dated so many men, where I tell them exactly what I want and need and they ignore it. It was so exhausting. I put it into words to save you the time, how hard is it to do what I told you to do, O M G. It makes me want to throw a car at someone in the face
Hi Abby what's your enneagram? Additional advice from 8 - give a person room to breathe and go off now & again (esp. if wing 7 is involved) attitudes and emotions experienced by 8 as clingy or possessive are oppressive and even repulsive
Thank you! this is fantastic. So true. from a type 8w7. I'm impressed with your ability to read so many different types and express them, even if you are not necessarily an 8!
This was helpfull and pretty much hit the spot. My type eight love of my life is still a fresh relationship and I'm still learning. So far I can tell type eights are awesome partners! The key seems to be you should ever ever ever lie to them. An honest type to be met with total honesty. And yes, behind their strenght they really really want someone to protect them and open up their vuonerable side. Never share it with others tho, if others ask they are tought as hell. At home they will secretly by your most soft and romantic lover ever ❤
This is so completely spot on - I’m a 7/8 or 8/7 depends on the day which one I come up as 🤷♀️ I deeply identify with the motivations for both of them. This is totally accurate for how to love Me!!
This video made me cry. My bf fucked all of this up. He did everything wrong and I had to leave. He's trying to be back with me but I'll never forget how badly he fucked up. 8's are passionate but we're also passionate about being done when we're done.
I'm an infp-t 4w5. I recently met an infp-t 8. I still can't believe its possible to have that combo. People are fascinating sometimes. Yet, not going to lie, I ran. Away from 8.
I agree with everything except acts of service. I definitely appreciate them and like to get them occasionally (though give more than get), but it's next to the last on my love languages list. The last being gifts
My dad was an 8 and he bought me cooking books for 10 year for Christmas. Then finally he realised despite his efforts to make me a traditional woman, I do not cook (partly due to that very reason). It took him a while to realise women can be 8s too.
I am 9/8w, and this is very much it what I perceived as to be me, though the life will tell a full story. I find your videos very much informative and your life like explanations are inspiring and refreshing. Keep up with the great work 🍀😉💌✨
My partner is a 9 and I’m an 8. I asked for a watch, a regular target watch. He gave me an Apple Watch that I never use because it has to be charged. Sorry honey 😕
Im a 4w5 infp and I love type 8s, and I get along with them because I'm usually very direct to, and people tell me I'm rude for it?? 💀 Probably because I'm autistic but whatever lol
I'm going to add this = don't assume something I didn't say or a feeling, it just makes me angry, like I will say what I think or feel directly no need to overthink
I disagree about number 3 to be protecter of the 8) When someone ever tried to protect me i felt very bad and angry, because i thought that i'm seeing as weak and people think i can't deal with situation myself. Strongly not recommend))
EDIT: BIG WISH IN RELATIONSHIP: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF you cannot protect or love anyone else unless you love urself enough to want to improve yourself and eat and sleep properly being the protector for an enneagram 8, yes that would be awsome but don't be that right away. i am a 19 year old woman, and i like men. in society there is this unwritten rule that men gotta protect women and so on. i HATE that. everytime i show vulnerabilty it can be blown off as some genderspecific shit or something like that so no, i would like to be the protector of my partner for a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time before ever letting them protect me. i need to show everyone and myself how absolutely capable and independant I am, and that if i do have a partner its because i want them and not that i need them. the shape that protection from my partner would take would, probably and hopefully be a calm anchor, someone i could come to for advice if i've hurt someone's feeling or something.
I just wanted a poster of Gerard way for Christmas last year and my mom thought it would be funny to get me action figures of the OTHER members from mcr - I cried.
I haven’t made one in this series but I have these two videos about being in relationship with type 6! ruclips.net/video/mVQaohysPS4/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/BcZcWz8Eq2E/видео.html
Hmm... I don't know any free Enneagram books (of the ones I have read) but I do recommend Enneagram books on my Amazon shop! www.amazon.com/shop/abbeyhowe There's kindle versions of them that you can get on your phone for way cheaper than the IRL versions.
☕️ Go the extra mile & support this channel: www.buymeacoffee.com/abbeyhowe ✨ Say hello on Instagram! instagram.com/enneagramwithabbey/ 🎉 Subscribe for more videos every week: ruclips.net/user/abbeyhowe 🎉
As an 8- I wish my loved ones would remember that just because I can and will be responsible for everything doesn’t mean I want to
As a type eight one of my biggest suggestions (in any type of relationship with us, not just dating) is to not unnecessarily play the victim. We want to protect people and value the ability to protect people a lot, so finding out that someone doesn’t really need protecting and was only using us is another kind of betrayal entirely.
Yes 100 % agreed.
As an Eight, I started this video ready to be against it-not because I don't like your videos (I love them!), but because that's my starting position 😂But you nailed it!! This was amazing!
No offense taken!! I totally get it. Winning over Type 8s is my life's ambition.
“ but because that is my starting position” lol this describes us 8’s perfectly. I’m always ready to disagree and when I agree I just end up happily surprised.
So did I- I went in thinking, this is going to be a bunch of LIES. Haha. Eights don’t like to be vulnerable.
@@EllePlowPlow Yes, to the extent that I sometimes begin disagreeing before I've made up my mind, and I have to backtrack in the middle of my phrase like "HM I'M NOT TOO SURE IF ...actually no you're completely correct, my bad"
SAMEE!
I always feel like I'm too much for people, and I'm slowly learning to be ok with overwhelming certain people, and finding others that can handle it!
absolutely! love that attitude. You are not too much.
I used to believe that I was too much for people. However, with executive coaching with an Enneagram specialist like Abbey, I have learned to "tone down" with people that deserve it i.e. my family and my team at work and to "let it rip" for people that are clearly asking to be chewed and spit out (the coach did NOT say I should do this, but I can't remember if she said this as a rule or a suggestion).
So, I have learned how to control my "too much-ness" to maximise the outcome towards what I want. What matters is that I can control my actions. When people say I am "too much", it is because I planned for it to be that way.
I'm an ENTJ in Myerr's Brigs, Type 8 in Enneagram, and D in DISC. I'm also a 5'1" petite woman. Lord help me.
LOL
Ikr
INXJ 8w9 D solo commercial driver not much better here 🙄😫😂
Esfp 8w7 ova hereee
saaaaaame ENTJ 8 female lol
Here as a 2, for my 8 husband! Needed to hear ways I can care for him, how to respond to arguments, how to show him the appreciation I have for him and more. Took notes the whole time in my notebook lol, these seem spot on for him!
I'm an 8 and my hubby is a 2. I like that she brought up acts of service.
I LOVE how you understand me (Type 8)!
Listen to me. Listen to what I want. I will tell you what we want.
Give me space.
Direct & honest communication.
Most of this was right on, but I think the acts of service might be an individual thing. A family member once tried to surprise me by doing some work on my house while I was away, but he didn't do it right. This infuriated me and I was steaming the whole time. I had to rip down what he did and re-do it correctly. I know he meant well, but I think this is another common attitude for 8s. If you don't know what you're doing, back off, get out of the way, and let me do it.
That makes perfect sense! Thanks for sharing Matt.
My love language is act of service- 💯. Although quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch follow closely behind.
hits home. 💯
@@inkerikavantera same!!!
This video is so accurate it brought tears to my eyes. Especially the bit about protectors needing protectors. It gets so lonely to shoulder all responsibilities at all times. Having a partner to rely on can be such a blessing.
So tired of everyone always telling me I am too much...
you are enough!!
When i first heard this from someone i loved i was like??? Isnt it not good”? Like wtf you supposed to be thankful that im too much lol hahaha
You're awesome
It can be exhausting being the protector and guarded. This is great advice.
absolutely. sometimes, you need to be protected.
Omg the end. Stawp I’m blushing
hehehehe
As an 8 I just can’t see how people take soooo long to resolve conflict. Lmao
Sometimes people think we’re too much because unfortunately they don’t want to do enough.
I'm together with a 8w9 so he's more mellow in our relationship but yeah he's very direct. As a 4 it's a struggle to not read between the lines but at least I'm good at offering him space because I need a lot of space too as a 4w5. Oh and I am very honest. He loves that about me, and I love that about him. I just package my messages a bit more carefully haha
hi! when i started learning about the enneagram i found out that 4 and 8 aren't rly the best types to agree with each other, but in the same way i see now a lot of great traits that this relationship can have, as me and my truly best friend learned more about us, we found out that im a 4w5 and she is a 8w9 and it's rly interesting ✨ and why am i writing this? i was just surprised to find someone with the same numbers as we have ^^
This is great information tysm
type 5 here collecting data
“I often need a couple of hours or maybe even an entire day, to come to the table for a conflict resolving conversation.”
100%
3s and emotions...🤷♂️🎈
YEP.
As an 8, I hate when people lie
As an eight, one of the things I absolutely detest is to be disappointed. So I am VERY clear in my communication with people as to what I want, need, feel and expect. That way if They let me down, I can be justified at being angry at them because I told them what I was expecting/needing, instead of feeling that disappointment. Immature? Maybe. But I can quickly know who I can and can’t trust.
I think this is the best video you have done so far :)
I liked how you went deeper in the type based on real people and not just by theory
Thank you Hoshi! I felt really confident about the content and your comment made me feel validated. Thank you!!
I liked the part where you said if they're just messing around they will tell you. 100% accurate
I'm so glad!
Real😂
I’m a type 8 to the core and this is SPOT ON.
YAY!! This makes me so happy
Abby, as an 8 I love your videos. I’m literally watching as many as I can and sharing them lol. Thanks so much for putting these videos together. You have no idea how much of an impact you’re making! You have a gift!
THIS IS SO NICE 😭😭😭😭😭😭
The sharing part👏🏾👏🏾
I come with a manual after all lol
I *love* acts of service. Delegation is a beautiful thing; initiative is even better. Thanks also for addressing the nagging sensation that we are too much; or overwhelming; or our most confident state is unwanted.
I like how you started with the reactive types first, then the logical types and then the positive types.
I have dated so many men, where I tell them
exactly what I want and need and they
ignore it. It was so exhausting. I put it into words to save you the time, how hard is it to do what I told you to do, O M G.
It makes me want to throw a car at someone in the face
Hi Abby what's your enneagram?
Additional advice from 8 - give a person room to breathe and go off now & again (esp. if wing 7 is involved)
attitudes and emotions experienced by 8 as clingy or possessive are oppressive and even repulsive
This video was really nice. Thank you for taking the time to try to understand people.
Thank you! this is fantastic. So true. from a type 8w7. I'm impressed with your ability to read so many different types and express them, even if you are not necessarily an 8!
Oh boy....I think I have a type 8 sister and daughter. And I have the wild parrots here in Orange as well.
They are so loud!! 😂 🦜
@@AbbeyHowe So loud. I've been to outdoor programs at work where the speaker actually had to pause and wait for them to fly off.
@@carolfinn4027 my husband and I have noticed that a HUGE flock always flys over our home around 4:30 so we call it the “4:30 flyover” 😂
@@AbbeyHowe 😂😂
What a great insightful video filled with passion and joy ❤❤❤
Hahahaha! Thanks for filming the manual for my next lover 😘😘
I'm not 100% sure but I think that my girlfriend is an 8 and I can definitely say that I'm very lucky/blessed to have her in my life!
All of these fits me so well - gonna send this to everyone close to me haha
You are AMAZING at what you do. I just started seeing an 8 and what you said helps me so much. Thank u for this!!!!
This was helpfull and pretty much hit the spot. My type eight love of my life is still a fresh relationship and I'm still learning. So far I can tell type eights are awesome partners! The key seems to be you should ever ever ever lie to them. An honest type to be met with total honesty. And yes, behind their strenght they really really want someone to protect them and open up their vuonerable side. Never share it with others tho, if others ask they are tought as hell. At home they will secretly by your most soft and romantic lover ever ❤
I’m an 8 and this whole video is chefs kiss!
This is so completely spot on - I’m a 7/8 or 8/7 depends on the day which one I come up as 🤷♀️ I deeply identify with the motivations for both of them. This is totally accurate for how to love Me!!
Hahaha I’m an ENTP, 8w7 and a 5’2” petite woman. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Soooo satisfying says this 8!!!!!
1:51 , general observation : most of ladies remembers some things and bring them again and again during arguements
Hey Abbey, I watched this one again after seeing the Enneagram types Describe their perfect partner video. Really great advice here, thanks!
Thank you for this video ☺️ from a feisty 8
You are so welcome!
This video of yours is just AMAZING... really. Greetings from México
Glad you enjoyed it Miguel!
This video made me cry. My bf fucked all of this up. He did everything wrong and I had to leave. He's trying to be back with me but I'll never forget how badly he fucked up. 8's are passionate but we're also passionate about being done when we're done.
Now I just need the 7 video!!! 😉
I'm an infp-t 4w5. I recently met an infp-t 8. I still can't believe its possible to have that combo. People are fascinating sometimes. Yet, not going to lie, I ran. Away from 8.
Ha Ha!!! I can relate to your dad as I am married to an #8. Need to listen and stop talking so much.
I'm sure she will appreciate that!
I agree with everything except acts of service. I definitely appreciate them and like to get them occasionally (though give more than get), but it's next to the last on my love languages list. The last being gifts
sally field voice: *you really like me!*
(4-*8*-6)
Spot on i really appreciate this video
My dad was an 8 and he bought me cooking books for 10 year for Christmas. Then finally he realised despite his efforts to make me a traditional woman, I do not cook (partly due to that very reason). It took him a while to realise women can be 8s too.
True.
Cant wait for type 1 video
I REALLY love this video.
I am 9/8w, and this is very much it what I perceived as to be me, though the life will tell a full story. I find your videos very much informative and your life like explanations are inspiring and refreshing.
Keep up with the great work 🍀😉💌✨
My partner is a 9 and I’m an 8. I asked for a watch, a regular target watch. He gave me an Apple Watch that I never use because it has to be charged. Sorry honey 😕
Im a 4w5 infp and I love type 8s, and I get along with them because I'm usually very direct to, and people tell me I'm rude for it?? 💀 Probably because I'm autistic but whatever lol
just wanted to say hi to everyone from the tom fitten updates. hope you learn something about the enneagram 😂😂
HAHAHAH THIS IS THE BEST COMMENT THANK YOU
I'm going to add this = don't assume something I didn't say or a feeling, it just makes me angry, like I will say what I think or feel directly no need to overthink
Be direct and honest, please.
Nailed it
You heard her, considering yourselves lucky. 😉 8w7
You know it!
The acts of service example was a bit too much but fairly great
I disagree about number 3 to be protecter of the 8) When someone ever tried to protect me i felt very bad and angry, because i thought that i'm seeing as weak and people think i can't deal with situation myself. Strongly not recommend))
I'm an 8 and I told the girl I was playing hard to get. Yeah, they left.
EDIT: BIG WISH IN RELATIONSHIP: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF you cannot protect or love anyone else unless you love urself enough to want to improve yourself and eat and sleep properly
being the protector for an enneagram 8, yes that would be awsome but don't be that right away. i am a 19 year old woman, and i like men. in society there is this unwritten rule that men gotta protect women and so on. i HATE that. everytime i show vulnerabilty it can be blown off as some genderspecific shit or something like that so no, i would like to be the protector of my partner for a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time before ever letting them protect me. i need to show everyone and myself how absolutely capable and independant I am, and that if i do have a partner its because i want them and not that i need them. the shape that protection from my partner would take would, probably and hopefully be a calm anchor, someone i could come to for advice if i've hurt someone's feeling or something.
I just wanted a poster of Gerard way for Christmas last year and my mom thought it would be funny to get me action figures of the OTHER members from mcr - I cried.
I’m an 8 and acts of service is pretty much nonexistent on my love language radar.
Should have watched this already.
Have you made a video on Dating a Date Type 6?
I haven’t made one in this series but I have these two videos about being in relationship with type 6! ruclips.net/video/mVQaohysPS4/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/BcZcWz8Eq2E/видео.html
Thank you abbey❤
Can you give me some books titles that are free to download about enneagram 😁
Hmm... I don't know any free Enneagram books (of the ones I have read) but I do recommend Enneagram books on my Amazon shop! www.amazon.com/shop/abbeyhowe There's kindle versions of them that you can get on your phone for way cheaper than the IRL versions.
Libraries!
@@AbbeyHowe thank you❤
Why does this video only have 568 likes? Come on fellow 8’s … click it
does that mean me a 8w7 and another 8 would crash and burn or be understanding?
Most likely!
Looking for Tom Fitton's weekly update & got this instead! What's up with that???????????
I was confused where all these views to this video is coming from today! 😂 can you show me where this was linked??
@@AbbeyHowe It was on the Judicial Watch weekly update, by Tom Fitton, clicked it & got this instead.
Be armed and dangerous.
Austin Texas??? Parrots????
Los Angeles!
☕️ Go the extra mile & support this channel: www.buymeacoffee.com/abbeyhowe
✨ Say hello on Instagram! instagram.com/enneagramwithabbey/
🎉 Subscribe for more videos every week: ruclips.net/user/abbeyhowe 🎉