He Stopped Making Me Orgasm & Other Reasons People Breakup
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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I got over 5,000 submissions from my audience on reasons why they broke up with their partners. Jared and I respond to some of their reasons! In the comment section drop some reasons why your last relationship ended.
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Honestly, every time I watch a Shan video I am absolutely bamboozled how we can have so many productivity gurus on YT and we're only now paying attention to much more important topics like relationships, love and sexuality. Shan should have at least 1 billion subscribers IMO.
Because no one is actually a guru when it comes to love and relationships. Love Shan’s content and while she is very in tune with her sexuality, not sure she would call herself a love guru.
@@TheBohodiva true but much of that also applies to productivity and all that jazz, there is no universal fix-it, otherwise we'd all be doing it.
msz that’s true too
Okay but Shan looks so proud of Jared. Let's be honest here. ♡
I don't blame her!! It is an incredibly sexy thing when you can have an intimate conversation with your man for 1, 2 even MORE So when he has a shared interest and understanding of his own self awareness, 3 has matured to the place of knowing what his love languages are, 4 has a working knowledge/understanding of what your love languages are and has perfected how he speaks them to you!❤️ her reaction was so genuine and I'm glad I wasn't the only person who noticed it :-) so happy for them!!
Agree so in love!!!
Love to see that❤
What was the video when they were talking about loyalty
Can I just say... "Shared Mic" is accidentally brilliant.. Shan+Jared = Sha+red (shared mic)
Ikr
Love that line, "become a student of your partner's pleasure" it takes the edge off and removes whatever ego is attached to possibly "failing" at pleasuring because it's now replaced with exploration and learning.
and the thing is for a lot of women "faking it" feels good. Like it physically feels good for us to moan in the moment, but the climax never reaches its endpoint because the other person isn't the "student of their partner's body". Great video!
These discussions ALWAYS make me self reflect and I love it! As a 24 year old single lady trying to figure out life these thought provoking subjects help me become more self aware which I think will help me now and In future romantic relationships!
same page girl!
All i know is the hair on that baby’s head gonna be phenomenal. Curls on curls 😍
Holy shit I cannot get over how beautiful you two are!! INTELLIGENT, beautiful, emotionally connected, the chemistry is insane ♥️ I just can't get over how perfect you two are 😭😭😭
Is it just me or they glowing and look even more in love than ever before! Love this for them
Great vid👍🏻 To be clear a narcissist is NOT a person with an antisocial personality disorder as stated in the video! And telling people to use diagnostic terms correctly and then doing the exact opposite just adds layers of confusion.... As you said the term narcissist is heavily misused these days hence the need for clarification:)
This was really interesting to watch. I would say my last couple of relationships ended because the guy had an idea of who I was or who they thought they could make me and put me on this pedestal that was unrealistic and not who I wanted to be and I'm too honest. I value honesty but a lot of the time people think honesty is an attack whether or not I'm trying to be nice about it.
It's always frustrating when lovers have such a major misunderstanding of you despite you being forthright and honest about what you are and what you need up front.
The nice and honest one got me🤣🤣 people would often tell me I’m too nice, I rarely speak up, I’m a pushover etc. but I got tired of it a bit. So now when I do speak up I’m brutally honest 😭🤣 sometimes the stuff can come off as a bit rude when I really don’t mean for it to be that way😭
The ones that complain about you being quiet are the ones complaining when you tell the truth 🤣
@@whyaminotoriginal FACTS THO!!🤣😭🔥🔥
Honestly the ones who say that you came off rude probably just don't like the fact that you have asserted yourself and spoken out and enforced your boundaries. I'm someone who's naturally quiet I don't really speak to people unless I have something to say or I'm really good friends with you. Because I'm quiet people assume I'm a pushover until I start speaking and then from there I get told I am mean and how they thought I was nice but clearly they were wrong. TRUTH is that you didn't think I was nice, you thought I was a pushover and bitch you found out that you thought wrong. It's life get over it. One thing I learned is even with me speaking truth and all the diplomacy that I naturally carry it's still going to sound harsh to anyone who does not like the idea of me having boundaries
@@deej5608 exactlyyyy!! People get to used to you being “nice” when in reality, you were e pushover who didn’t know boundaries. As soon as you put up those boundaries “oh, you’ve changed”, “oh, you were nicer a few years ago” stuff like that and i’m like “no, i just have boundaries and respect for myself now.
"The fact that you were attracted to trash, there probably is something in there for you to admit to that's more powerful." -Shan Thank you! Love that!
Jesus, I think this video just helped me get over someone. Like a friggin' switch, gone!
Doesn't really work that way but I think we convince ourselves.
There’s never a video from Shan and Jared where I do not learn something new!
My thoughts EXACTLY!!!
Jared monologue was bomb! Loved this video, and I completely agree that there's always a shift in blame. I've honestly done it and now just really trying to reflect on what I also did to contribute the end of my relationships... self-reflection is the best way to go about it!
I used to say “because he was trash” too but then I really realized I picked a person because I hated myself and they validated everything I already thought about myself. I picked trash, yes, but because I also felt I was trash.
Why did you think that way about yourself? What changed?
Ooop !
I just realized now this video isn't so much making me think of my past relationships, but I'm really focused on how to optimize and improve my current relationship. Because he is worthy of me putting in my 100% and fully understanding the extent of what I'm willing to put in for him to have a healthy relationship with me. Even if it means calling him out for making it hard for me to understand and navigate the difficulties we might face. All I can do is create a safe space for him to be open about anything that doesn't sit well or to just open up to me about anything. So I also think saying communication is key is really vague. Because communication can be subjective too. I need talking, action, listening, touch all those things
Wow, A+ comment 😭 That amount of openness & vulnerability can feel so scary bruh~
BUT IS SO IMPORTANT
What was the video when they were talking about loyalty
Good job to Jared for working towards a personal goal of public speaking and expressing himself more “eloquently”! I find myself really enjoying his style of communication and seeing the growth because it’s definitely one of my goals. He seems super confident in all of his podcasts videos I see him in. I love seeing you both grow from one another and I definitely try to replicate your dynamic in my own relationships. Long story short: keep doing you boos! I love you as a couple, content creators, and parents now. Here’s to manifesting more love and more success for your family!
I also really appreciate the statement: “You can’t be too honest & too nice” paired with “humans are designed to survive, not to be happy....”
there is so much truth in both of these statements. We as humans are designed to think of the worst case scenario. It’s what used to & still does to a certain extent, keep us alive. However, that’s not enough. We have to choose to live, to identify what makes us happy, & to seek out those moments that make us happy. Otherwise we are simply just existing.
The too honest vs too nice analysis was eye opening. Never thought of being too honest in that way.
Sadly there is a thin line between the “nice guy” and the “f*ck boi”. These are the worst ones because they really have you fooled and maybe themselves too.
This should be top comment
The only meaningful difference is whether he's your current lover or your ex
I just want to live inside Shan’s brain lmao she’s so smart. I hope one day to have the knowledge and communicate as effectively as she does!
not me clicking just to see Jared’s fire ass hair lmao
"Enjoyed" this "Shared" information 😅 (Don't block meeeee) Also, the fashion in this video is my vibe and I looooove to see itttt ☺
😂 this is a good one
I personally lose interest in relationships even though I want I meaningful connection to last but without fail every time when things get to a certain point I want nothing more than to escape
How long does it take usually?
That's because you're dating and not in a relationship with your best friend. Either that or you have a love addiction.
Same. I simply just get bored easily.
@@Fatima-kp8hi there's no rule that says we had to be in relationships.
I'm the same way I want a long lasting connection and relationship but I'm not scared to escape when I find it too trapped or hard for them to understand when I'm trying to communicate. I got dumped because I didn't want to stay in the same state all my life I knew I wanted to get out. I wanted to break up with him because I didn't feel the same and I felt deep down I wasn't being myself and he never made me laugh. I don't like fake I couldn't take it. Now I'm in a relationship now we have been friends since college and it has gotten stronger and we have mutual feelings. I'm not scared to express my thoughts and be heard anymore
I was one of those people felt guilty for using my partner to 'expand' myself. Thank you for this video and making me feel more normal. I love my partner and it's not wrong to learn from him in this way.
My last serious relationship failed because when we met I was very skinny. Like too skinny. Like 5'3 95 pounds. So I eventually put on weight and he wasnt attracted to me anymore. He started talking to other girls, and lying all the time. Ge told me he wanted me to loose weight but I couldn't. We lived together for 3 years and things ended because there was no trust at all anymore. All started because of my damn weight gain. Luckily I met my current boyfriend (soulmate) who accepts me fat and all :)
Damn sis! How much weight did you gain? You could have gained 50lbs and still not been fat. You guys needed to be broken up, he sounds like a jerk. I’m glad you’re in a better relationship now.
@@tiphneywaldon6748 thank you i appreciate it :)
Good riddance
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Though I have only been in a “serious” relationship with my husband. I would say previously they fail because we had different intentions/end goals and how this was expressed was not in alignment to our growth as partners.
So I guess you didn't go with Enjoy the Boody 😂,i still like it
Ppl were like uhhhh don’t you already have a joint name? And the truth is I had completely overlooked that
I met my ex and got pregnant after a month of dating. Within 3 months I broke up with him because I realized that we weren't compatible and even though I decided to keep our child, I wasn't going to keep our relationship and fake our way into an unhappy marriage because at the end of the day we both wanted different things. I wanted to grow up and mature for my child. I decided that being a mother was important and to be a mother also meant having the best relationship possible to set the tone for my child's perception of relationships and marriage and my ex was immature and in some ways had abusive thoughts and behaviors. It was hard for my ex to accept and now he's with the woman he actually had feelings for the entire time. We have no contact whatsoever and I have no regrets. I'm happy with my decision. And I think he probably is grateful I didn't lead him on.
I feel really bad for your kid. Your ex was really sad about what exactly? I hope it wasn’t because he wanted to be apart of his child’s life and you refused because you wanted to start all over again with someone else. It was extremely irresponsible of you to get pregnant by someone you barley knew and wasn’t compatible with and decide to keep the child, now the child has to pay the price.
@@kendallxberry2230 You would be wise to not pass judgment and make assumptions on situations you don't have all the facts on. He was sad because no women had ever broken up with him before and explained why. Afterwards he willingly, openly, and very verbally said that he wanted no part of my sons life. He would pay child support if I filed but otherwise he wanted no part of his life. My son needs no pity on him as he's being raised in a loving two parent household with a father that takes absolutely the best care of him. Yes it was irresponsible of me to get pregnant by a man I didn't fully know yet. Yes it was. But I took responsibility for myself and my life and am giving my son an amazing life now. My ex is now with the MARRIED woman he was in love prior to him ever dating me. I actually met him through her. She introduced me and sung his praises to me about him. I never noticed they were actually having an affair until later on which is the main reason I left him. He moved on with his life, I moved on with mine. I met my husband later and my son hasn't been made to suffer from any of this. He has a father that actually wants and loves him unconditionally, something my ex isn't capable of right now.
If he changes and decides to be in my sons life, I wouldn't stop him. He also knows this and still chooses to live as if he never even knew me. Mostly due to his family being stereotypically racist and prejudiced. But I am not letting my son bear any of the pain of this situation.
@@caitcupples damn that's brutal, sorry to hear about it but glad you found a man to love and support you and your son anyway. Did you file for child support?
My relationship is the example of me being overly attached and him not expressing his feeling at all. And this lack of emotions is what actually drives me crazy and make me want more from him at a point that it might become overwhelming for him, but damn, I want that attention and affection. It's a infinite cycle
I think his attachment style is Dismissive Avoidant. If you look it up things might start making more sense. You probably have anxious attachment.
@@user-eo9to7wd2t what she's describing is most relationships between men and women at some point and she will almost definitely lose interest when he finally breaks down and decides to give her what she's been asking for.
@@user-eo9to7wd2t 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 attachment style is EVERYTHING!! And knowing the types you attract is soo important
@@zeeb116 Exactly! Idk what Doom Guy is talking about lol
Damn Shan you look FINEEEE!
Her body bounced back quick
I’ve never been in a relationship and the one time I tried I was in over my head. He wasn’t interested but wasn’t giving me a good vibe. Made me pull away from the whole dating thing
Can we please talk about Jared's hair? Does he do his own wash and gos? Can we get an updated hair tutorial? 👀
I’m too honest and too nice. Honesty doesn’t mean cruelty; just tact. My honesty comes from love, appreciation and my value of interpersonal relationships. Both of honesty and niceness can be true; you don’t have to pick one.
“Fellas...... let’s have a serious talk.” I died. Thank you Jared. Tell em!
I really loved this discussion! Great format and would love to see more collaborations between you two!
I've already turned a bunch of my friends (and some exes lol) onto you. Much love!
The “nice vs. honest” discussion was interesting. I don't think being honest means saying everything that comes to mind-- I'm not even sure that every thought we have represents our true views or feelings. I think honesty means when you do speak and act, you do so with integrity and like Shan mentioned, “discernment.” If someone asks you if their jeans make them look fat, and they do make them look larger, you could say, “hmm, they're not the most flattering. They don't complement your killer curves. Do you have another pair?” lol That's such a low-risk example, but all I'm saying is “delivery” makes a difference. (As a sometimes jarringly blunt person, I'm working on this too. Issa struggle🤷🏾♀️)
I have issues with the idea of people distorting my reality or the thought of me walking around in a deluded state. So in my case, good-intentioned honesty is the nicest thing you can do for me even if you're delivering hurtful information and if you can't offer that, I prefer silence, which isn't inherently dishonest unless your lying by omission.
Niceness and honesty can co-exist, flourish even...
Love the personal growth tidbits and how much I smile while watching. I’m 31 with 3 kids and happily married but your opinions are so well articulated and there’s obviously a lot of expertise I’m captivated. Love it!
I genuinely like you two. I play your videos while I work and you keep me company. It's as if I'm hearing my friends discuss a topic and it kinda sucks that we can't go grab a coffee together and continue the debate 😆
😂
Just watched the clip around the eight minute mark about five times. She is GLOWING. You can literally feel the love and respect between them
I commented that I think my ex likely had NPD not because he was "full of himself" but because he fit the criteria for someone with that disorder. The way that manifested in our relationship left me with a life long disease and emotional scars from the abuse he put me through. I'm likely just sensitive but I was hoping to hear something meaningful but instead felt dismissed.
I don't think Shan has been through a serious NPD relationship. It was just normal toxic relationships.
I also had an ex with NPD. It was too traumatic.
You can be very honest while delivering that honesty in a caring way. That's how a healthy relationship actually flourishes. There's nothing nice about being a liar. Its only a matter of time before you'll begin to get caught up within your web of lies.
The #1 reason was what I submitted. I’m a spiritual practitioner so I take every person, experience as a chance for expansion. I knew I couldn’t stay in the relationship when I saw that he wasn’t growing either. A lot of the issues we had in the beginning of the relationship still was an issue later on. 9:39 He actually used to say the same thing to me & I would ask him to give me specific examples & I’m still not sure what he was referring to either lol. So I had to end it. It wasn’t a heartbreak for me. I don’t think just because we broke up it was a FAILED relationship. We learned a lot about ourselves and about how to be in relationships the next time. It was a success to me.
First thirty seconds. Jared is already speaking facts. 😭👏🏽
This conversation, Shans educated responses and both of your opinions are so interesting and eloquent i watched this twice and really appreciate that you touch on both perspectives of most answers
This video plus your square space website as well as her earlier book laid truthfully, I am an extremely emotionally and mental damaged , I found you after my second unhealthy relationship. I am trying unlearn alot my unhealthy traits and you guys fully provide me with the encouragement and the information to carry on thank you
I'm curious about the breakup over disagreements about religion/children and monogamy. How did the dynamic play out for you two, when Shan didn't want kids?
222 comments ✨. In the Aspect of too honest vs. too nice. I feel like in my personal opinion of self, I’m a very honest person who is nice.. why? Cuz when I place my honesty on someone it’s 98% of the time coming from a caring place to better that person. The quote that goes “ sometimes it doesn’t matter what you say but HOW you say it” takes place. There’s a way of saying things, it may hurt the person regardless, but I feel like it depends on how you want to receive that honesty. If I know you are right & your honesty is trying to better me, I won’t stay stuck on the fact that the truth hurt. I’ll transition my thoughts to, “this will help me grow”.
@19:29 The way this was shot. I was scared at first like "who f***ked up?" And then I died laughing. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
Another amazing video! Definitely shouting ya out Shan on my TikTok.....you are such an inspiration for me. We need to be more reciprocal while respecting our partners and being honest/strong communicators
Absolutely love these couple talks. Love from Cape Town, South Africa
I loooove you two together. so nice and refreshing to watch the two of you interact and bounce off each others comments, and thoughts. a true power couple
I played myself. He don't want kids but everytime it came up he said he would think about it. It has been 5 yrs. We just broke. I played myself and all of my early 20's.
Fooled you once but they’ll never fool you twice. Lesson learned.
Man, you two make me so happy. I’m here for shared entertainment ❤️
I love all of his hairstyles 😍
I’m dyyying at Jared today
Don't know you but gorgeous profile picture Shan
@@maggiekupps tysm!
If there wasn't such a risk of men being violent when they felt insulted, then maybe more women would stop faking it.
The close-up on Jared make me laugh waaaay too hard 🤣🤣 This editing is spectacular 👌🏽
Loyalty is definitely the word of the day for me. People can often use respect + loyalty for manipulation purposes + people misconstrue disrespect for honesty when it’s something real, but they don’t want to hear it. It’s a red flag in my head if the first thing someone looks for is loyalty.
@Lucci Jay r everyone changes the definition to fit their own idea.
Lol, Shan has mommy brains forgetting her train of thought...it happens😄
Love this video and you both look great ❤ Just FYI a narcissist(NPD) isn't the same someone with anti social personality disorder.
HAHAHHA that beginning clip KILLED ME. YES, JARED, YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS
I love y’all’s communication. So good.
I really appreciate the videos with both of your inputs. The way you two discuss scenarios together openly is a breath of fresh air. On an unrelated note- Jared, I love your shirt! lol!
Someone said this video helped them get over someone & no lie, i felt that in my heart. love love the videos.
Man i’ve been watching you guys for a while and I just can’t get enough of how you complement each other
I suffer watching this, because i know i would have so much chemistry with you two and talk about all these so important amazing topics and feel your energy and hugs. Take care!
Another great video from Shan & Jared! 🙏 I'm so grateful for the free content they provide and enjoyed The Game of Desire 💜
Oooo Shared mic, is that like their couple name cuz I’m just realizing. Sharon + Jared = Shared omggggg
*Shannon
Lmao I love the podcast with the guys because they are being honest and it really gives insight into how men think but the ghosting and dealing with f*** boys is so exhausting 😂😂😂😂😂
I wholeheartedly disagree with the idea that you can't be honest and nice. The truth doesn't always have to be overly calloused, and it doesn't need to be sugar coated to not be calloused. If you can't strike a balance in telling the truth without being harsh, I would say that's a sign of emotional immaturity. Nice doesn't mean lying either, I would argue that sugar coating everything is babying and ultimately NOT nice. Nice is genuinely complimenting and lifting up people, carrying yourself with politeness, gratitude, and grace --- that doesn't require lying.
Say what you mean when it's appropriate without tearing people down = honest AND nice
I had to pause the video just to say jared's military comment cracked me up, as a person in the military 😂!! okay, back to the video lol.
This was so goood!!! 1. Jared and his friend telling the fuckboy that he was a fuckboy and disconfirming that behavior. 2. Shan kissing Jared when he articulated a point that she was proud of. 3. Shan’s explanations in general.
This is great, I would add that in regards to the trash comment, some guys are good at pretending, so maybe he initially presented himself as high quality, then later on couldn't keep up the pretense.🤷🏾♀️ xx
Antisocial personality disorder is not a narcassist but they may show some characteristics of one.. Especially apathetic tendencies 😊 but yes they are both personality disorders 😊
Lets be honest..Jared is getting better and better at this...i think even better than Shan... loving Jared hair..
Hello Shan and Jared! Hope you and baby Ryu are having a good day. I had a question for you - I wanted to know if you could do another video or post on the topic of honesty and kindness. Could you expand on your stances on honesty vs. discernment, and where kindness comes into play? I think I’m a little confused by that part, but am super interested in your thoughts and want to understand it better. I reflect on my honesty and my kindness a lot, but haven’t necessarily thought about how I could be more discerning with either trait.
Anyway, hope y’all are staying well during this time and thank you, as always, for your loveliness and authenticity. 🌞
I immediately peeped that anxious vs avoidant attachment style comment
“Goddamn, the fcking military flying all over the place” 😂😂
ShaRed Mic! Get it? Shan. Jared. I love that. Lol my dorkiness is showing, I know.
Jared looks like a Greek God , it's the hair for me 👏👏👏
Today I actually wondered if Shan tied her hair back on purpose so that the female audience can drool over Jared's. Shan, if you see this, I feel attacked by the hair🤦♀️
Let’s talk about how Jared has the hair I want to achieve. I’m in the weird phase of not knowing what to do with my own hair.
19:30 a cinematic masterpiece
Jared is PREACHING 🥺🤎🤎
I wish men just wouldn't ruin good girl / naive girls
Love, love, love this episode! And yes @Jared woman def need to stop faking it! Just be honest and tell him what you like...totally agree with that! Great stuff you guys🙂👏🏽 cant wait for the next video🥳
I loveeed Shan's explaination of anxious and avoidant attachment
Jared's hair is 🔥🔥 today
Shan please don’t loose anymore weight!
You look great as you are 💯💜
I was thinking the same!!
She looks so good the way she is rn ✨
And also like damn mama didn't she just give birth
This was so informative and p.s. y’all look so beautiful❤️
The heart never truly breaks even no matter how mutual it was unfortunately
I disagree on the orgasm part. For me, it's absolutely ok to have sex without orgasming EVERY time - to the extent that sometimes I actually enjoy not having one. We're in a relationship since 12yrs now and always had a healthy appetite for eachother. I'm ok with having sometimes 3 orgasms and other times none
I totally agree. I’m on a medication that makes it really hard for me to reach an orgasm, yet somehow having sex is still fulfilling for me. It’s just another way to connect with my husband that brings us closer and for me that is satisfying. And those feelings of “almost finishing” are still pleasurable, even if you can’t finish every single time.
That’s one hell of a title for this video. I thought it was everyone’s own responsibility to make sure they are pleasured, just like it’s your own responsibility to be happy and nobody else’s.
I think it’s everyone own responsibility to communicate how their partner can pleasure them or help them get to the point of orgasm. It’s a push and pull.
p
i’m and you have
Any chance you could focus on relationship issues of older people like elderly divorce, middle-aged singleness or dealing with dissatisfaction in decades long relationships that are difficult to get out of? Nearly all relationships videos have content only relevant to young people who are single, childless or in single-digit-year-long relationships.
No lie I'm literally going through this right now. God I love you guys. So helpful
In past relationships the men could not handle me telling them what worked or didn't. My ex husband said I was just a freak. My husband now, sex is AMAZING but I actually had a heart attack a few years ago (genetics) at the age of 37 (during sex)...since then I have a non existent sex drive. I am also on a lot of meds due to a shattered L5 & a Cam deformity as well as for my heart. I feel that has a lot to do with it as well. How can I get it back????
Try maca root. Its an herb that balances your hormones and increases your sex drive over time. Consult your doctor tho
@@vlee7217 Thanks for the info, I will definitely check it out 😊
I'm just blessed to have an understanding husband 🤦🏻♀️
I agree with what you said about ppl over using the term but there is a narcissistic personality disorder, there is antisocial personality disorder (psycho/sociopathy) and there is the narcissistic trait.
We dont really think more negative thoughts, they just get more attention! Just wanted to point that out. There is always a way to be honest with kindness imo, but everyone lies, and if they think they dont, they are already lying to themselves.