Probably one of the most fascinating experts I’ve ever had the honour of speaking to is back in today’s episode - safe to say my mind was blown once again. If you enjoyed this conversation could you do us a favour and HIT that like button on the video! Helps us a lot ❤ share your favourite part of the convo below 👇🏾
Hey Steven I send you love. Iam a highly senstive female. I love gabor mate. Thanks for having gabor mate on the show again I love your podcast. I do have a question for you Steven did you delete the RUclips video of your Podcast with Russell brand I can't find the full video of your Podcast with Russell brand anywhere. I do love how honest and vulnerable gabor mate is.
@@LauraG1 hello Laura I send you love I am from Australia.iam a Senstive person I don't really care for the royal family that sounds Disgusting to me that people had to buy Prince Harry's book to hear the conversation. On a human level I know that he lost his mum in a tragic way. But I love gabor mate.
You have some good guest Steven, (thank you) Gabor Mate is my all time greatest human being. Saved my life this man, I share his knowledge to others, buy GM books for friends....thank you.
I grew up hearing ‘you’re too sensitive’ and my feelings were not valid. At nearly 60, I’m now valuing my deeply sensitive nature. Being empathetic is a gift! So for all the ‘overly sensitives’ out there- embrace it!
When I grew up my mother used to say children should been seen but not heard. Ugh. It has taken me most of my 74 years to speak up for myself. Thank you for your compassion.
British by any chance? I've heard this too... It seems the British culture has learned the behaviours that cause trauma as actual positives. Stiff upper lip for example.
I met him going through rehab in 2018 and he also interviewed us at the women's recovery house a few months later. I have read his book "In the realm of hungry ghosts" prior and that was the very beginning of my spiritual journey of recovery and self-love. Been clean and solid for 4 years now.
God bless you. I'm a 51 yr old guy and my demon is pills. I'm trying hard but it's not easy. I'm glad you did it. Maybe I will too one day. Hello from Toronto
Love his point about men looking for a mother, and then leaving women who finally stand up for themselves, to find a woman who hasn't learned to stand up for herself yet. What a great point.
They look for a mother or turn the woman into their mother and then eventually dislike them because they are their mother. And the woman/mother eventually does not want to be with their a son.
This has also happened to me multiple times. Ex boyfriend wanted a mother, I became it (and resented it) and then he cheated on me. Same. Exact. Story. With my ex husband. This is the inevitable outcome - any mother would resent caring for an overgrown child fully capable of taking care of themselves. And only a sick child wants to screw their mom. And then the cycle repeats…
Dr. Mate is the only man I've ever heard admit that most men want their women to accommodate to them, to be the only one who changes in the relationship, instead of taking responsibility for their own emotional development. Thank you! Thank you!! THANK YOU!!!
Sheesh - how comments get used out of context. He talked about a time in their relationship where he wasn’t getting what he wanted and felt he hated her, until he realized it wasn’t up to her to meet that need in him. More nuanced I think then stating ‘he hates his wife’…..
Thank you, Dr. Mate, for explaining about animals naturally licking and stroking their infants. I am a volunteer baby cuddler at a hospital. I hold and rock newborns in the intensive care unit whose parents are not there for whatever reason. The babies are swaddled without much exposed skin. After listening to you, I will be sure that I always stroke their little heads and hold their little hands while I am talking to them. Even if they are not consciously aware of it, I know that they are biologically aware that I am giving them love.
In the animal world, mothers lick the face of their babies. In medical history, saliva is seen as healing and is represented by the snake as seen in the cadusis. Thats the symbol of the medical profession with the staff twined by the two snakes. I would love to see a study of the effect of kissing the face of babies up to adults around the temples and forehead. The effect might be the same as extra grooming that leads to more status in tribal animals.
I'm terrified of being alone, I freeze, stop eating and numb with alcohol. I'm getting therapy now to work on trauma. I was sent to boarding school very early and left alone in my cot often before then. I stayed in an abusive marriage for years because being alone scared me more than his violence did. Until eventually he scared me more than being alone did. So I'm on my own now. I'm praying this therapist can help me.
@@cloudberry27You are not alone. There are millions of people, feeling like you, going through the same things, the same suffering, the same pain, the same fear. But all of us feel alone because they made us feel alone. They did that, not you. Feeling left alone is the most frightening thing a child can experience. Being abandoned means death for a child. It is the fear of death that is triggered when you fear being alone. I don't say this to frighten you even more but to make you understand that your fear is normal. Justified. It is not too much because something is wrong with you. It is too much because death is too much. I felt the same. Abusive family ... I'm 59 now, I fought my whole life against them, the imprints they left on my soul, the fears they cemented in my brain. I could not face those fears directly, I needed to circle them, inspect them, understand what they are, again and again. In movies, in books, in games, I used everything that triggered those fears to see them from a safe distance. To be able to face them from a safe place. To get used to the feeling, reducing the stress. And to understand that it is not my own fear, but theirs. To reject it, one bit at a time. To heal it, one bit at a time, until I could escape their grip. I needed to understand to let those feelings go forever. Let THEM go forever. Not looking back, not letting the memories of an abusive family trigger the fear again and again. You made the first and most important step. It will be a long way, but please, don't give up. You can heal, too. Take every help you can get, but only you can truly heal yourself, no one else can do that. As long as you don't allow yourself to heal nobody else can. You can do that. You are not alone. Others did that before and healed themselves. Never give up hope, no matter how dark the world seems. There will be a sun again for you. You are strong, you escaped. You can overcome this fear and turn it into strength. I promise. It is possible. You are so much stronger than those people who imprinted their own fears into you. They are the cowards. One day you will realize that, and from that day on it will be so much easier for you. I discovered a technique recently I would have needed a long time ago. It is quite simple, but it has unbelievable effects. It's called Ho'oponopono, and it helps you to disconnect your self from the "other" that is so frightening, and pull your energy, your feelings back into yourself. Using a simple candle. A simple candle could have done what I did for decades, one agonizing step after step. It might be too early for you to try it, it sounds as if you are trapped in fear, not open to anything, paralyzed. But if you feel like exploring possibilities, maybe you can try it. It can do wonders if you let it. And there are no risks involved to watching a candle burn. The worst thing that can happen is nothing. No money needed, just a candle and a video that shows how to do it. That's all.
@@Mako-L82I'm sorry, but that is not lol. Lol is cruel. Be thankful that you are not one of these people, do not humour them. You don't know what they went through.
As a women of 48 years, who is struggling 😢 and can not afford even poor therapy. To you both, You have done so much for me in terms of how to help myself. It's so incredibly hard. So I thank you sirs, both from my ❤
Breath while walking barefoot on a soothing natural earth surface like grass or sand . Earthing. I’m starting to mark out a labyrinth in my yard for fun and letting go of thoughts. A place to pause and melt into the air I’m breathing.
I'm 80 years old and this video above just drastically changed my life!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I could write a thousand thank you's here I would, right now! Only recently by watching youtube videos about adhd, I've learned that I"ve had all the symptoms all my life and have carried tons of guilt because I never could "fit in" with "normal" people even though I tried so hard to. Suddenly you explained that not ever being hugged as a child, and being ignored by my parents as I grew up, and hearing the cruel arguing my parents hurt each other with, caused me to learn how to "zone out" under any stressful circumstances, and so hyperfocusing on favorite subjects also takes me away from facing head on with any perceived difficulties. I won't take time to mention all the other ADHD symptoms. Suddenly, I completely understand why I am the way I am, and that it's NOT MY FAULT! What a shock and at the same time, what a relief! Now at last I can begin healing. Whew!
Your reply brought tears to my eyes. We don’t realize it but there are millions of children like you (us) in the US and the world. Much happiness and live to you in your remaining years on earth ((hug))💕
@@lj9524 trauma most people have traumas it is impossible not to have some kind of trauma so we have to learn to live with trauma is not ones fault but we must take steps to make life easier with trauma.. .... in Harries case well he is just one of many millions of people with trauma I do not feel sorry for him at all ... he has it all
same here as an adult I learned about Bipolarism and understood I why I had a certain pattern of behavior in my earlier days. I finally connected the dots.
I think I should add that when I put all this information together with all the other things I've learned over the years studying the human brain and how heridity and environment sculpt so many people, I no longer can judge anyone. I don't have their dna and I don't have their life experiences and I don't have their brain wiring. I may not approve of some things folks do, but I still care as I wonder what happened to make them that a way. For the first time I can understand God's unconditional love for us all .
True and in another perspective is you and you only can look inside and find the real issues with out prejudic or labeling the underlying issue with a text book set approach to someone elses problem or perhaps problems making the resolve more complex. That with an understanding that the cause of the problem or ailment is sometimes more simple to resolve then they may think. Even motiviation or using empowering words and thoughts can change anything. You cannot change the past but you can change the future. Good point.
This session won my subscription. I had a surgery 3 months back. Immediately after my surgery, I read and listened to Gabor Mate's "When the Body Says No". I cried so deeply because his book struck my core. I understood immediately what caused my current state of being. After a time of reflection and a deep desire to heal and recuperate, I made a difficult decision to leave my work and cut down losses in my relationships. It is a deeply scary move but I felt lighter and at peace as a result.
I don't believe you cut down on your relationships, I believe you focused your time on those that matter. You don't have to respond to this comment since your time is precious. Have a beautiful day!
@@michaelluu915 in a way you are right. i decided to honour my introvert self and not try so hard to be an extrovert anymore. I focus on genuine telationships and not try so hard to please others. its difficult at first but once i gave myself permission i really honour my time and my needs. Thanks for your comment.
It's also about genetics, My mother was related to the Hatfields and McCoys, the McCoys had von Hipple lindow syndrome, My mother died from cancer, my uncle died from lung cancer, my aunt died from breast cancer I have two cousins that never smoke that have both had double mastectomies, I have adrenal insufficiency All the records can be found at Vanderbilt University in Tennessee. The Hatfields and McCoys have been in this country for over 300 years.
My mother was a very kind woman who lived to a healthy old age. She was also strong and capable of expressing her anger. She was also rational and well educated and used anger to put a stop to stupid, mean or unjust behavior or to get a problem out in the open so it could be resolved. For instance, she once burst into the office of the President of her huge corporation, looked right in the eye, and said, "You cheap bastard." He was startled but had the sense to ask, "What's the matter?" They had a civil rational conversation regarding the policy announced that day that a person's years of part time work would not count towards the company's pension. After their conversation there was an announcement the next day that part time work would count towards the company's pension.
Your Mom was lucky she was not given a shovel or fired. But yes good for her and her people. Most I've had the privlage of working with in that model have been cand or worked and fired...like a cop can find any reason to cuff you..if they feel unsafe❤
It's terrible how every bit of your action in public is perceived as a performance that's expected to be perfect and appeasing. There's no acceptance of mistakes even though everyone makes mistakes all the time, rehearsed or not. Individuality has faded; it's all a mass behavior
Thank you for a fascinating conversation. Emotionally, physically and sexually abused by a parent with RAD and who was a sociopath, I am a non-smoker who at 65 was diagnosed with NSCL cancer, stage 4. The discussion and reference to NSCL cancer cancertoday rang all of my bells. I am still a “pleaser” but I have found my “voice.” And, when my date of anticipated death was pronounced by excellent oncologists, God made a way. Two ORAL medications inactivated the cancer. In May, I will have survived SIX years, instead of the few months I was given in 2018.
It has taken me many years to even realize how minimized I felt in my family, and to step away from that toxicity. As to your question, I can't really say. But these days I am relating to the word - Validation. No matter how many there are, take time to see, hear, validate, and love each one. When there are conflicts, validate each point of view, and teach them how to see and cherish the truth in each point of view. Teach them to listen with love, how to apologize, and how to forgive. Growing up in 9 was a good experience in many ways. But my parents were WWII generation. They didn't talk about feelings, at all. They taught us how to share, to 'get along', to go along, to sit down and be quiet. I still have difficulty knowing what I want, and making decisions. Best wishes to you, and your family. @@E.Cerulean
I am last of 9 siblings, we do feel invisible; not heard & lost in the crowd. Just another mouth to feed. Exhausted parents. All just surviving, constant stress... less is best. I have one daughter, love her dearly.
this man always hits the nail. Not knowing to say NO has gotten me into so much trouble. I learned to say NO when I got sick and started caring for myself.
Good for you and remember, it's ok to put ourselves first thus say no when it doesn't feel right because if we're not good to ourselves how can we be good to anyone else. God bless! 🙏🏽
I believe higher beings watch over you closely, and you have been guided to care for yourself, to give you care you deserve and didn’t get your deserved portion of earlier. Our journeys have only just begun. This is but a short diversion to the next adventure. That’s what I believe anyway. ☘️
“Trauma is not just a personal issue. It’s very much a social, collective, and historical issue.” Dr. Mate, here spitting the truth. 👏 When we benefit at the expense of our sisters & brothers, they suffer and we suffer. Here’s to healing 💕🕊️
This is so spot on, when I started to say no and stop people pleasing I thrived, I stopped getting sick all the time, and what is very interesting my StepFather died of ALS and he always dropped everything to help people and please people. This was so mind blowing to watch, when I started to think about me and what I need and stopped worrying about being liked my life honestly changed, Thank you Dr Gabor you have made me think about more growth I have todo.
@@forevergraceful6160I'm still working on it. I have the knowledge that I need to forgive myself... what I need more of is the ability and self compassion to do so...much more often than I am able. 😢
Reading list spontaneously mentioned by Gabor on trauma recovery • Richard Schwartz - No Bad Parts • Bessel van der Kolk - The Body Keeps the Score • Peter Levine - Waking the Tiger • Bruce D. Perry und Oprah Winfrey - What Happend to You? • Bruce D. Perry - The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog • Gabor Maté - When The Body Says No • Gabor Maté - The Myth of Normal
Gabor Maté is the most profound example of a wounded healer i've ever seen. I am extremely grateful that he's been all over the place lately. His knowledge is part of what this world needs in order to be able to heal. I can warmly recommend his book "The Myth of Normal" and i am spreading copies wherever i can. Edit: I love his wife Rae, too. She who said "Truth is sexy." Now ain't that one sexy truth! :-D
@@indabackyardwithzoemachunga Hi dear, i replied earlier but that reply "mysteriously" disappeared. I've sent you a bunch of universal love and wished i could send you the book, too. Please check it out, maybe you could afford to buy it, maybe together with a friend, or a few friends? Big hug!
This is so true. i got really sick with pneumonia in December 2023, and it took 2 months to fully recover. after setting boundaries with work and relationship and being able to say no, my health has been so much better i feel so great within myself. Being sick was my body way of telling me to slow down and to take care of myself
I love that Gabor, somebody revered for having the answers and enlightened clarity on humans deepest, most hidden issues can openly say he's just figuring life out too. Humbling, reassuring.
When asked how are you doing, your answer images what most of us are going through. We are up, we are down. Although we enjoy the UPS. We must learn to cope with the downside.❤
For a therapist, it’s very unprofessional and self absorbed to enter his private examples into every clinical situation and explain everything through the lense of his personal experience. It’s actually very narcissistic. Some people work very hard and can handle fame. For others fame becomes their Achilles heel. I think he is the latter. I find his work important, but his persona tedious and self absorbed.
@@Isragirl10 he's not doing therapy in interviews ... why the strong judgement? His transparency has helped me a lot, and other as well, that it's ok to be human. If you don't like it, you can just look away.
Dr Mate is the ultimate world wide shaman. His gentle approach, honesty and compassion in his work is healing the intergenerational trauma and social ignorance of child rearing. Most of us are traumatised by parents listening to social norms thinking they’re doing the right thing. It’s great to have someone directing us to a better path.
This is so true! A few years ago I went through a very tough year where our family suffered from lots of stressful events and I tried to be kind and calm and keep everyone together with a smile on my face but inside I felt very overwhelmed. I didn't know who to talk to so I kept everything bottled up and then I suddenly got very sick, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (psoriatic arthritis) told that it was very aggressive and that the only treatment was to take very harmful drugs to suppress my immune system. I was very ill, I started taking the methotrexate 2 days a week, my fingers were so disfigured and painful that I could barely use them and I'm an artist so that was even more difficult and then I realised that this was all caused by my mind. I started to meditate, I became a vegan, and one evening I was talking to my husband and suddenly found myself crying and told him that I was afraid he would leave me if I was sick (my dad left my mom when she was sick when I was very small). I remember saying "I'm scared you won't want me if I'm not useful" and he laughed and gave me a big hug and said "Who said you've ever been useful? I don't love you because you're useful I love you for you" and then a miracle happened. I never realised that I was trying to be helpful and kind and useful all the time because I was afraid of being left and in that moment it felt like a festering splinter that had been there all my life was finally pulled out and I felt light and free. It's been five years, I am living the most amazing life, I feel free, I am 100% healthy. My husband and I are having an amazing adventure together, this year we moved half way across the world and every day feels exciting and new. Thank you both for this brilliant video life is beautiful xxx
@user-uf4op2en4u YOU NEED TO SHARE YOUR STORY on some of the HEALING CHANNELS! I truly believe 90 percent of illness is emotion/mind caused. Blessings to you on going deep to heal.
Thank you very much for sharing your experience so expressively. It teally resonated with me and will help me in the future, I feel sure. My best to you always....
I went to the event he said he did not do his best. It was one of the best event I ever been to, I was in tears. Honestly, I will always remember of that evening and what he and his wife said. 😊❤
I realized that the reason I couldn't truly be myself was because I was afraid of being judged by others. I came to understand that I always sought attachment over authenticity, which prevented me from becoming my true self. Dr. Mate's insight is remarkable.
I've done that. Always accommodated the other person in relationships but in it my wants and needs never hel got furillrd. Always worried about keeping the other person hwppy. I have always been happier single because I lose myself in relationships.
I’ve done the work .. 2 decades of healing work ( from childhood trauma) while I lived everyday life … I only have 1 life, I’m responsible for learning, grieving & healing.. ❤ It seems hard at times, but working through this stuff is SO liberating - FREEDOM ❤️🩹 to 💝 = 💪🎉
What an intelligent, kind, exceptional human being and doctor! I wish that more of the doctors would be like him. So compassionate and truthful! I love your mind and soul, Dr. Mate!
Spot on regarding auto immune diseases. I always put everyone’s needs first and programmed to help humanity at the expense of my own needs. I had chronic fatigue for many years but now I’m more balanced but it felt like selfishness at the start, putting my needs before others still feels uncomfortable.
I agree, it's such an accurate observation. I was diagnosed with RA at the age of 32, and I used to be that quiet person my whole life, who rarely expressed anger, rarely cussed, was conflict avoidant and just wanted peace at all costs. And it felt scary and awkward to start showing my dissatisfaction, but to my surprise, most of those situations I thought would end up in a conflict, got resolved without as much as an argument. Seeing that helped me to express myself more openly instead of suppressing everything inside
I had to take a nap halfway through this, but not because I was bored. It's wonderful hearing someone confirm that you are on the right path. I've been working on myself nonstop, and someone else understands. It's overwhelming
The moment when this great and unbelievably wise man asks ‘am I talking too much’ is so endearing. Fantastic episode. Dr Mate is an international treasure ❤
Gabor talks about the compulsion to keep picking up the phone to see if there was anyone who needed him... is so real. Thank you for being authentic as you always are.
"am I talking too much, sorry I just get so passionate" was the most relatable and validating thing I've heard from someone I deeply respect in so long
Anyone notice him ask if he was talking too much? Cause Steven was listening so contently as he always does that Gabor wasn't sure if he was out of line! Steven has a keen ability to allow his guests to be authentic as he listens and asks questions that continue to level up these incredible podcast! ❤❤❤
Gabor is brilliant. I am on a journey to self-enlighten after being diagnosed with Bipolar, ADHD and other Disorders at 36. The biggest change was applying some of what Gabor said, letting go of my emotions, being self-aware, learning, focusing on my mental and physical health. I turn 41 next month and listening to podcasts like this gives me hope.
Have you looked into Daniel Amen? He has also appeared on this podcast. He is the pioneer of linking active brain-scans to mental health. He also has a lot of useful advice about how to protect your brain and actively help your most important organ to be healthy.
This MAN !!! Is just too big for words ! His raw honesty and authenticity is off the charts and how can he publicly be so naked about his own issues. Bow down! Love you Gabor!❤️🙏
Me too, and trying to communicate that to a domineering husband is impossible. How dare I have needs or wants… He thinks my only purpose is to make his life pleasant.
@@katherinewhite3858 I asked my husband, straight up, that question, I think it shocked him. Another thing, I was working on my computer, I could hear him calling me from the garage to come help him with something, but I needed to finish up what I was doing and yelled back that I’d be there in a minute. Apparently, it wasn’t fast enough for him. He walked in and stood there, angrily talking to me through his teeth with this contorted look on his face. I said, “go look at your face in the mirror, and see how you look when you talk to me, your face is all twisted” He asked me if I were going to help him, I said yes, he said when, and I said, next week. First time I spoke up for myself, but not the last.
I literally visited an educational enter to have my own in tested before applying for university because I was referred to as the dummy growing u...Truth be told I was memorizing my dads work number at 1 a day a half years of age...but I made it official...that I was intelligent enough to go forward....Abusive and neglectful parents and siblings can ,and do,destroy...others...
I can listen and listen and listen to Gabor. There is the peace of selfreflection and compassion in his voice. Deep bow and thank you so so much. I healed a lot through the teachings of Eckhart Tolle and my willing. What Gabor is talking about is like I deepen my healing and peace for myself and others. Thank you for your conversations. Blessed be
gabor mate worked so hard on this interview. he really poured his mind and heart into every answer and paced his responses and prompts so well and its nice to see that the interviewer treated him with the respect he deserves which likely ultimately brought out his best work
Did you notice him ask if he was talking too much? Cause Steven was listening so contently as he always does that Gabor wasn't sure if he was out of line! Steven has a keen ability to listen and ask questions that continue to level up these incredible podcast! ❤❤❤
My mother was bipolar and i was 6 weeks in an incubator. Never liked her. But here I am at 70 and all the abandonment and bullying issues I've had has lead me to embrace the life of a mystic. I couldn't have asked for more. I am so lucky to have met the right teachers. Like the crucifixion, a right of passage. Dr. Gabor is excellent. A example of a great human being. The wisdom of the survivor. 🎉
i do too and i’m hopeful we will all have access to support and tools to do so. we develop in relationship with others and it takes relationships with others to heal. for too long access to therapeutic relationships especially non mainstream that recognizes somatic and trauma and the like has been completely out of financial reach for those who need it most. i’m hopeful this is changing.
5 minutes in and I am already loving his vulnerability and honesty. Gabor Mate inspires people to heal and connect to their hearts. This is what I want to do for the world. Showcasing all the messiness of a human so we all see that we are all just humans. Most of us act out of our wounds. But we can choose to look within, fave our emotions, heal ourselves, and be more connected to our hearts. And we can pass this skill down to our children. This is the only way to improve this world.
I was shamed by my father for being an overly sensitive child. I was abused physically and mentally through neglect and verbal abuse. UNTIL I learned through reading about psychology and self help, that my sensitivity is a gift. I think it is very important for women to familiarize themselves with terms such as 'condesention' 'shaming' 'undermining' 'gaslighting' 'standover tactics' 'dismissive' 'loaded language' 'belittling' etc, in order to challenge the attitudes and behaviors of others towards them so that they can then hold to account what is wrong in a situation, but also challenge their own internal dialogue.
yes they want to demonize your individuality. Your light scares THEIR darkness. that's all. They KNOW your light and dont want u to shine it...YOUR perception is all that matters, no one, especially family should be put on a pedestal. They're only meant to stay in our lives long enough to teach us BIG lessons, then our true soul tribe shows up as we raise our frequencies...focusing on self love allows for increased trust in our intuition/angels/Higher Self, etc. We are powerful sovereign light beings.. families represent the institutions, govt/media/education etc that we will encounter as tests to learn to see thru the manipulations/coercion/illusions that we survived in childhood.
In my case it was my Mother, now I feel sorry for Her because she grew up in a time where this kind of Help was not an option, it also Help me to get rid of the resentment❤ it's nice to feel connected to people when I read the comments❤
I had to pause this video SO.MANY.TIMES just to give myself a moment to process SO.MUCH.TRUTH. I feel such gratitude both to you and for you that I can hardly express it! Thank you!!
If you believe that you need to change your mindset. This type of thinking is a symptom of 1st world abundance. Stop navel gazing at start finding purpose in your daily life and look forward, not inward or backward. Do you think Gabor looks well? His constant inward gazing is a sign he’s mentally unwell too.
As a person who suffered childhood trauma in different ways, I now have health conditions that came out of that. Severe crohn’s disease, ibs, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis and many many more. I’m a walking definition of Gabor Mate. I have multiple autoimmune disorders and diseases that will never heal or go away. That I mentally carry trauma that stays with me. And after these diagnoses mental and physical, and life long medications that dictate what I eat or wear or regular medical appointments and then as an adult I experience another level of trauma. The grandmother who raised me, instilled values, morals, self respect, kindness and to be open about feelings, was diagnosed with MND. Also known as ALS. I became a carer at 28 and spent 2 full years supporting her willingly because of it was the least I could do. But I was fresh out of major bowel surgery, not healed yet, and jumped straight into caring for her. And it took a toll on me physically carrying and lifting her and developing ways to be able to understand her needs without her being able to communicate no longer. In her 3rd and last year of the disease that took her body away from her and left her brain imprisoned within itself, I needed help, machines to move her. I lost her. The person who saved me from harm as a child and nurtured me with love and care was gone. That was 2021 and I’ve never been the same. Something important I need to note that helps explain Gabor’s message about the bowels… the gut is the second brain of the body, and for someone like me who suffered lifelong mentally affected me eventually in the bowels. So both the main center of thinking and reason , the brain, and the gut is sick and because of the internal struggle I have the diseases/disorders that I have. And that attack to my brain and gut, the 2 brains of the human body, that constant suffering makes autoimmune response the human immune system that protects us from illness end up attacking itself. And that is autoimmune disease and shows symptoms through skin, pain, hair, etc. The constant active disease leads to metastasis of cells leading to cancer. But because I have a constant thinking brain, thirst for knowledge, and trauma response and suffering internally in the head and gut leads to lifelong medication and a medical team of supports in all facets to assist because it’s not able to be managed without. Childhood and adult trauma to the degree Gabor describes constantly and in this interview like self blame, decisions made when we were too young to make, and constantly having to shut off who we are because of others that are usually family and then the external world second end up consuming a child in a negative way. And constant fight flight mode, mental torment and physical disease = a Harder shorter, more difficult, disabled life. Hope me using myself as an example helps tie into Gabor’s lifelong work and the accuracies in his findings. I wish everyone well.
So sorry to hear about your health struggles. I also have Crohn's which I manage with the Specific Carbohydrate Diet or SCD. There's a dedicated website (all free) and FB page called Breaking the Vicious cycle. This is not a plug for anything, it's helped me manage without meds.
I went from 31 meds to just 2. Things can get better.. I made health Affirmations daily.. which changed the way I thought of my diseases and decided that they were not “mine“ they did not belong to me. For example, instead of high blood pressure medicines, I started eating garlic cloves. and little by little, I have less appointments, less medicines, less specialist and testing. Took a whole life style change and inner dialogue change. I also have been diagnosed with incurable illnesses. I’m telling you it’s possible. I’ve been near death many times, my inner dialogue is what saved me. Of course it’s not that simple but that is where it all began for me.
my husband has crohns and had childhood trauma as well. i knew intrinsically it was linked to stress. Like his body was shocked from it still, and his body overreacts to every stressor.
@@heathersmith394appreciate that. I’m on the low fodmap diet with high protein but ultimately when you have category 3 severe crohns and active for long periods you are a high risk of bowel/colorectal cancers. Prebiotics, probiotics, turmeric/curcumin and all that isn’t enough at this stage. Will see how things go in time. I think I’m the only millennial without social media haha. RUclips doesn’t count 😂
@@lovelymayhem888 i agree that it does start in the mind but there’s genetic and other complications of the disease that take over no matter how hard my affirmations or beliefs I practice can do for me. But everyday is a new day and another chance to keep on fighting.
What a brain! Exceptional human being! I was in tears by the end of this interview. Brought so much to the surface, my childhood, relationships, worklife, and health. Now I realise that the solution is trying to accept, leave behind, and find my inner peace. It's not going to be easy, but I will try.
💗THE BEST episode I have ever seen in a long time. The humility and modesty of Gabor is mind blowing. Admitting he needed help, passing on the message that also great minds like him sometimes cannot do it alone and need to ask for help when needed, this was a great message for the audience. Such an amazing soul, his eyes speaks a thousand words, somehow I feel so much pain through his eyes but his light is brighter than darkness. THANK YOU Steven for being wonderful as always and for guiding the conversation impeccably❣
I love when Dr. Mate shows his vulnerable self, he is so willing and able to connect with us all when he does that...he is truly authentic and a blessing to us in this time when we desperately need to understand.
I had a stroke in Sept 2008; and went through the same thing with my husband. except for me, it was "I want to take care of you, not need you to take care of me" [they told us I would never walk again] he just laughed and said "me, too, but I made a promise, for better or for worse, and I'll keep it", and he has!, I am walking, with a cane, and just use a chair for long distances but I'll take it I just ordered all of his books and can't wait for them to get here!, I'm even intrigued by Harry's book now, not much of a royal watcher before, but would like to see the interview he talked about, poor kid[Charles always struck me as a cold fish, what little I saw of him], but that sounded incredibly heartless
@@dianathompson8794 Really? WOW! We have an expert talking for nearly two hours and...the only comment you managed to make is about his voice? Did you pay any attention to what he's talking about? 🤦🏻♂🤷♂
This has really, in a way, forced me to accept myself and my faults as completely human and "normal." 😅 To hear a man whom you admire for his wisdom and strength, to hear him say he struggles with the things I do, is such a comfort and validation for self-acceptance. The amount of accountability from this human is soul shaking. You are heard and seen, Dr. Mate 😊🙌✨️💛
As a mother with a 40 yr old son who has been through so much abuse from his father, I have been ridiculed for supporting him where he needed support. I have stood by him and will do so to the end.
Abuse had not broken you. You are a good person, this is what it shows. Ignore people judging you. Always listen to your gut feelings. Your son may be broken, try to get help for him, if you can.
Supporting him is not the same as keeping the umbilical cord to a grown ass man. Using your adult child as an attachment replacement for the abuse you suffered isnt doing anything for him but you're doing it for yourself. You crippled your child and turned him into a surrogate husband so he never leaves you so he would always be there for you. I know too many men who had mothers like you. They are broken beyong repair because they are still emotionally laying in bed with their own mother. Disgusting behavior.
I look at this man and I see a face that has heard many tragedies. His intentions are good and he paid his dues. He needs to find peace now, for himself and not hear so much suffering from other people. It is draining.....He is very honest and feels compelled to explain about his personal issues as well, as what he does in his work. Respect and best of luck to him.
Gabor is one of the quintessential teachers of our time. Both due to his profound intellectual knowledge and professional experience, but perhaps most importantly, from his ability to humbly and succinctly model and communicate the subtleties of what healing looks and feels like from the inside out. Thank you Gabor!
If you are too disagreeable you become psychopath or narcissist. If you are too agreeable people abuse you. I think what every psychologist will agree is that we need to keep things in balance.
Great but to be fair that's the easy bit. The problem is the how. It's about how to resolve the problems and blocking patterns that are unconscious and are actually bad for you both physically and psychologically. As Mate says, this is not about mind control or about directing your life in only a logical way, rather it's about integrating with the intuition or 'gut feelings'.
I love the comment sections of this channels videos. Always so many opinions and insights from all over the world, and, it's really nice and refreshing to hear healthy, fun, caring debating, caring opinions, and caring towards one another in general. But I do wonder though, why is it so much easier (for me anyway and many others I've observed too, over the years) to, write how I (we) feel? And sometimes, to write passionately, to a person, or people, strangers and/or ppl I (we) know, without reservations and with love and compassion in my (our) heart's.... yet, if I'm standing in front of those SAME ppl, I might have a sudden fear of speaking those same words I could so easily and eloquently write..... What's that about?
@@dan44zzt231 agreeable people sometimes don't serve others as well as they think they do, being progressive and health minded in our own life's creates more interesting and productive lives for us which others can appreciate, there are many ways to provide for others, being too agreeable can mean not progressing ourselves and bringing others along. It can be harder for others to feel secure around the agreeable as they often won't challenge others to grow when they need, they can tolerate others being stuck in misery while they provide niceness rather than progressive wisdom
Emotional self-regulation is the most important life skill. I taught myself the life skills I didn't learn in school. I had to also do a lot of unlea4ning. So I know what you mean in your comment!
Our academic institutions have churned out two generations of doctors who lack insight into the human condition, who have poor attitudes to complex trauma survivors (specifically caused by child sexual abuse), who lack empathy and basic respect, and who willingly subscribe to the doctrines and indoctrination of Big Pharma. This has created an extremely unsafe society in general. I am a Survivor. I speak from personal experience here
This is all lies lol common sense dictates that ppl that are promoting themselves on TV, s0cial media etc n trying to sell you something ..books..lectures..typically are the least credible..they're just trying to make money off of u...these ppl are manipulative oppurtunists trying to make money from you by lying and are damaging ppls minds with their manipulation..n the guy that runs this channel is just a sc*mb@g doing the exact same ...this guy constantly have bad ppl n liars on your channel does he do no research or just have no morals n only care about making £££ I think I know the answer
That is exactly what I am thinking 😀🥰 ...but not only for MD's, also for Teachers, Politicians ...for anybody... there is so much to unlearn and relearn in all areas for all of us
I have to admit I didn’t think much of him because of how his therapy session with Harry was handled, but he is an amazing man. One can only hope Harry will take the advice offered, or take it further because the poor guy is in trouble. We all have problems , myself included. I’m working on it and now I’ll work on it better!
My father told me I was damaged goods, years ago, boy did that stick like shit! It’s good to hear that no one is damaged goods, but that we are sufferers of trauma.
Any parent that says that to their child are evil period. People are not goods to be damaged. Only monsters think that way because they don’t see people, they see a resource to be exploited. I hope you find the clarity in your heart and soul to know you matter.
My father told me if I didn’t stop snorting (I had severe allergies as. kid) and loose some weight, no one would ever want to marry me. I was 10. Then he ignored me till he died eight years later. That stuff really does stick. It’s the most vivid memory I have of him. Just crazy a parent could be so out of touch.
My Dad abused me and I had very little contact with him, but over a year ago my Mum became severely disabled after a stroke and we had to be in regular contact again. Every time I spoke to him it would be very upsetting and take me back to childhood, but I would push back and try not to let him walk all over me for my sanity. However, he wasn’t treating my Mum well, so I decided I had to ‘play nice’ in order to try to persuade him to get her what she needed. This is when the migraines started. They would come on almost immediately after hearing his voice on the phone. So I’m taking a break now as I’m doing IVF and it was too much, but it was the migraines that made me realise I had to take a break. I don’t know what the long term solution is as I want to help my Mum, but I REALLY don’t want to be in contact with him.
My Mum was not able to care for me emotionally. She's now 91 and still able to create havoc for me. I have to work hard to distance myself so she doesn't make me sick again.
For myself who had a similar situation with my biological dad.... I had to learn to peacefully detach myself from him but to forgive also.... I was confused for a long time that if I forgave him I would need to have him in my life.... But I have learned that to forgive does not mean that.... Peace and healing to all readers🌱
Stephen is a King when it comes to the art of asking questions, gets better every episode. As for Gabor, his growth is also palpable, deeply valuable and endlessly heartwarming. Thank you both ❣
you're definitely not a failiure....we are all learninga long the way and doing the best we can with the current level of awareness we have. Just try and learn from any mistakes (mistakes are the way we grow). You are loved ❤
Dr. Gabor's soft spoken manner is very comforting & his manner of disecting, breakdown & explain scientific facts & etc is so very helpful. Its all related to the pysche. Padre God continue to Bless & help this man, his so important child, to balance his own life. Paz be with us all 🙏. "Isa"
Dr. Mate said there is a correlation between “niceness” and cancer NOT kindness and cancer. These are 2 very very different things. One can be both nice and kind at the same time but nice is just how others perceive someone. Kind is a quality of character.
I've always hated the word 'nice' it always felt like a slur, or a dig...maybe it was being nice(masking) that made me so ill...I'd rather be kind than nice anyway. Words are a minefield...
Gabor is so generous sharing in such detail everything, holding nothing back, breaking it down into easy to understand. So much he says is true in my experience. He’s a genius.
I read scattered minds. It was a revelation for me. I alson had therapy and my wife and I are so much happier for it. Admitting that you might be wrong isn't easy. But it changes things often for the better. Thanks Gabor!
This man is such a masterful communicator, I will never tire of listening to the compassionate and humanising manner he has of conveying his thoughts and feelings. His public persona (which for the sake of this comment is all that really matters) is truly an inspiration and I consider him quite a role model in that regard.
couldn't agree more, except on the guilt part; I try to hang on to the belief that we are all doing the very best we can for our kids, and I'm sure you did as well, and as for the touch part, my kids never went more than thirty minutes without a" yummy" or tickle "attack" ]where I'd chase them around the house throw them on the nearest horizontal surface and tickle and blow bubbles on their tummies until they begged me to stop it still makes them giggle to hear those words and they are twenty-nine and thirty-one now, and my daughter's getting her PhD in chemistry, while my son has one in psychiatry, so proud od them!
I developed an ovarian tumour from living in a toxic marriage! I knew intuitively that is the cause of my tumour! When that tumor was taken out of my body, I had a clarity that I never had before! I learned to say No
I loved hearing Gabor say that the difference he has made is he helps people see themselves… how beautiful that his medicine is the thing that he himself struggles with so much, to feel seen. That’s just beautiful on so many levels😮
I love listening to Dr Gabor, he is the only person who helps me. You Mr CEO appear to have such wisdom and understanding, and allowing your guests to take the floor without interruption. I stumbled across your podcasts & am really enjoying you & your guests
Out of all the people on RUclips, Gabor is the person I can listen to the longest and never get bored. He is my favorite guest you've had and wrote my favorite book (that is useful for anyone and everyone to read and I enjoy gifting it to unbelievably kind, yet emotionally repressed friends) - When the Body Says No. So happy to see that you've invited him for a second interview.
I watch his video for hours. I love his delivery. His tone is very soothing & the information he gives is enlightening. I always take the time out to reflect after watching his videos to see what changes I need to make in my life
I love how he said “am I talking to much”. I love listening to this Man and his voice is very soothing too. We need great doctors like this in the world ❤
As a Therapist with Trauma Recovery Services of AZ. I love these videos and appreciate them. We are Indigenous, female owned and purposefully reach out to marginalized populations. We are working to find money, resources, etc. To provide accessible care. One thing I do for clients, is share resources like these discussions, books, etc. Most of our team is EMDR trained. It's our hope that awareness is spreading and more care professionals are continuing with their learning.
Hi. I just read your interesting reply. In it you shared that you’re “working to find money and resources.” So my question to you is, does your does Trauma Recovery Services have a website or link where where I and perhaps others could contribute to your cause. Love and Light too you and your team. 🙏
This is so true. I have an autoimmune disease and I'm a chronic people pleaser and self abandoner. I don't know if I can change. I wish Gabor would make an exercise book for chronic people pleasers to help them overcome this tendency.
I can say that the first step in any change is awareness, and you've already achieved that. Recognizing that you have a tendency to self-abandon in favor of pleasing others is crucial. From here, you can start to explore why you do this and what steps you can take to prioritize yourself more often. It's never too late to change. Even small steps can lead to significant improvements over time. You're not alone in this, so feel free to reach out to people of people who are going through similar emotions so... hope I have contributed with some good.
Or read Facing Codependence by Pia Melody. I found it very helpful in explaining the routes of Codependence and how to go about changing it. There is also a workbook to go with it.
Crappy Childhood Fairy is good I agree:) Although I do think that ideally the kind, caring and generous people who put community to the first place (and not themselves) should NOT change cos this is what made humanity survive. CULTURE should change which has put false values in the centre (confidence, always winning attitude, abuser admiration, ability to keep others in fear). It is a shame people only know the history of humans in the last few thousands years although we are here for much much longer time. And humans didnt always fight - at least not like this, didnt always think nature is only an asset men can exploit, didnt always think women are a secondary sex. Caring for others, thinking in unity, equality, expressing emotions of pain are generally and socially considered weak and as attributes of a woman however these traits have never ever caused ANY harm on Earth. Society needs changing meaning male abusers and psychopaths should not be let forward to rule. Women have to get back to their power so everyone can live in relative peace and in harmony with nature again. In schools and in family you could not have heard a single word about personal borders and how to defend them. They train you a robot. In history lesson you couldnt have heard a single word about how sick it is to learn 2billion war dates but NOtHINg about women…or kids.. because they literally HAD NO RIGHTS. They teach it like it was evident. And now we live in an unbalanced ONLY MALE-formed society (happened mostly in the last 2-3000yrs) where the kind have to learn how to be more “cruel” in order not to fall ill. Basic rights as “rights to my body” if you re a woman are questioned daily by sick religions, sick traditions.
As a critical care Rn for 35 years ...I truely care for others...even as child..I now deal with soriatoc severe arthritis ... Thankyou for your thoughtfulness..
Probably one of the most fascinating experts I’ve ever had the honour of speaking to is back in today’s episode - safe to say my mind was blown once again. If you enjoyed this conversation could you do us a favour and HIT that like button on the video! Helps us a lot ❤ share your favourite part of the convo below 👇🏾
Hey Steven I send you love. Iam a highly senstive female. I love gabor mate. Thanks for having gabor mate on the show again I love your podcast. I do have a question for you Steven did you delete the RUclips video of your Podcast with Russell brand I can't find the full video of your Podcast with Russell brand anywhere. I do love how honest and vulnerable gabor mate is.
@@LauraG1 hello Laura I send you love I am from Australia.iam a Senstive person I don't really care for the royal family that sounds Disgusting to me that people had to buy Prince Harry's book to hear the conversation. On a human level I know that he lost his mum in a tragic way. But I love gabor mate.
You have some good guest Steven, (thank you) Gabor Mate is my all time greatest human being.
Saved my life this man, I share his knowledge to others, buy GM books for friends....thank you.
This is your best yet
Great interview! The insta link in the info box leads to Tim Spector though 🙃
I grew up hearing ‘you’re too sensitive’ and my feelings were not valid. At nearly 60, I’m now valuing my deeply sensitive nature. Being empathetic is a gift! So for all the ‘overly sensitives’ out there- embrace it!
Love your comment, thank you!
I'm in your club.❤
When I grew up my mother used to say children should been seen but not heard. Ugh. It has taken me most of my 74 years to speak up for myself. Thank you for your compassion.
same here
Same..66 yrs old but what I will say is, judging by the people I know, we are better parents than our parents were.
Me too!
Claudia …. I hear you :) ❤ hugs
British by any chance? I've heard this too... It seems the British culture has learned the behaviours that cause trauma as actual positives. Stiff upper lip for example.
I met him going through rehab in 2018 and he also interviewed us at the women's recovery house a few months later. I have read his book "In the realm of hungry ghosts" prior and that was the very beginning of my spiritual journey of recovery and self-love. Been clean and solid for 4 years now.
Great advance! Thank you for sharing
Good for you!
Congratulations on your recovery journey ❤.
God bless you. I'm a 51 yr old guy and my demon is pills. I'm trying hard but it's not easy. I'm glad you did it. Maybe I will too one day. Hello from Toronto
@@tomikola1864🙏🏼😘
Love his point about men looking for a mother, and then leaving women who finally stand up for themselves, to find a woman who hasn't learned to stand up for herself yet. What a great point.
Awesome dialogues
My ex-husband....
Yes! We have know this since birth, but for some reason listening to a man say that is a great relief.
They look for a mother or turn the woman into their mother and then eventually dislike them because they are their mother. And the woman/mother eventually does not want to be with their a son.
This has also happened to me multiple times. Ex boyfriend wanted a mother, I became it (and resented it) and then he cheated on me. Same. Exact. Story. With my ex husband. This is the inevitable outcome - any mother would resent caring for an overgrown child fully capable of taking care of themselves. And only a sick child wants to screw their mom. And then the cycle repeats…
Dr. Mate is the only man I've ever heard admit that most men want their women to accommodate to them, to be the only one who changes in the relationship, instead of taking responsibility for their own emotional development. Thank you! Thank you!! THANK YOU!!!
He also stated how much he hates his wife sooooooooo
Yeah.. women change or leave because men don't change
Sheesh - how comments get used out of context. He talked about a time in their relationship where he wasn’t getting what he wanted and felt he hated her, until he realized it wasn’t up to her to meet that need in him. More nuanced I think then stating ‘he hates his wife’…..
@@81mandragora we don't know if he hates her everyday. .. yr not there at his house
J’aime cet interview et mieux comprendre Harry….Merci au Dr Gabor
He also eludes to that the patriarchy is basically giving women cancer. 😂
Thank you, Dr. Mate, for explaining about animals naturally licking and stroking their infants. I am a volunteer baby cuddler at a hospital. I hold and rock newborns in the intensive care unit whose parents are not there for whatever reason. The babies are swaddled without much exposed skin. After listening to you, I will be sure that I always stroke their little heads and hold their little hands while I am talking to them. Even if they are not consciously aware of it, I know that they are biologically aware that I am giving them love.
Wow I didn't know that was something you could do, or a service that was needed.
This is beautiful. Thank you for your light and service.
Thank you for your time and love.
What a wonderful job…
In the animal world, mothers lick the face of their babies.
In medical history, saliva is seen as healing and is represented by the snake as seen in the cadusis.
Thats the symbol of the medical profession with the staff twined by the two snakes. I would love to see a study of the effect of kissing the face of babies up to adults around the temples and forehead. The effect might be the same as extra grooming that leads to more status in tribal animals.
Learning to say "no" unapologetically has been the most freeing life-changing thing ever. I have my husband to thank for this.
" we cant form healthy relationships until we have learned to be alone " so true
I'm terrified of being alone, I freeze, stop eating and numb with alcohol. I'm getting therapy now to work on trauma. I was sent to boarding school very early and left alone in my cot often before then.
I stayed in an abusive marriage for years because being alone scared me more than his violence did. Until eventually he scared me more than being alone did. So I'm on my own now.
I'm praying this therapist can help me.
@@Mako-L82I get it.. I feel the same. I’m most comfortable in my own skin alone. Don’t get me wrong I like people but love the quiet times.
Actually I find it so much easier to be alone.
@@cloudberry27You are not alone. There are millions of people, feeling like you, going through the same things, the same suffering, the same pain, the same fear. But all of us feel alone because they made us feel alone. They did that, not you.
Feeling left alone is the most frightening thing a child can experience. Being abandoned means death for a child. It is the fear of death that is triggered when you fear being alone.
I don't say this to frighten you even more but to make you understand that your fear is normal. Justified. It is not too much because something is wrong with you. It is too much because death is too much. I felt the same. Abusive family ...
I'm 59 now, I fought my whole life against them, the imprints they left on my soul, the fears they cemented in my brain.
I could not face those fears directly, I needed to circle them, inspect them, understand what they are, again and again. In movies, in books, in games, I used everything that triggered those fears to see them from a safe distance. To be able to face them from a safe place. To get used to the feeling, reducing the stress. And to understand that it is not my own fear, but theirs. To reject it, one bit at a time. To heal it, one bit at a time, until I could escape their grip.
I needed to understand to let those feelings go forever. Let THEM go forever. Not looking back, not letting the memories of an abusive family trigger the fear again and again.
You made the first and most important step. It will be a long way, but please, don't give up. You can heal, too. Take every help you can get, but only you can truly heal yourself, no one else can do that. As long as you don't allow yourself to heal nobody else can.
You can do that. You are not alone. Others did that before and healed themselves. Never give up hope, no matter how dark the world seems. There will be a sun again for you. You are strong, you escaped. You can overcome this fear and turn it into strength. I promise. It is possible. You are so much stronger than those people who imprinted their own fears into you.
They are the cowards. One day you will realize that, and from that day on it will be so much easier for you.
I discovered a technique recently I would have needed a long time ago. It is quite simple, but it has unbelievable effects. It's called Ho'oponopono, and it helps you to disconnect your self from the "other" that is so frightening, and pull your energy, your feelings back into yourself. Using a simple candle. A simple candle could have done what I did for decades, one agonizing step after step.
It might be too early for you to try it, it sounds as if you are trapped in fear, not open to anything, paralyzed. But if you feel like exploring possibilities, maybe you can try it. It can do wonders if you let it. And there are no risks involved to watching a candle burn.
The worst thing that can happen is nothing. No money needed, just a candle and a video that shows how to do it. That's all.
@@Mako-L82I'm sorry, but that is not lol. Lol is cruel. Be thankful that you are not one of these people, do not humour them. You don't know what they went through.
As a women of 48 years, who is struggling 😢 and can not afford even poor therapy. To you both, You have done so much for me in terms of how to help myself. It's so incredibly hard. So I thank you sirs, both from my ❤
Watch more of his videos. It literally free therapy especially for childhood trauma 🙌🏾
What you said.
Breath while walking barefoot on a soothing natural earth surface like grass or sand . Earthing. I’m starting to mark out a labyrinth in my yard for fun and letting go of thoughts. A place to pause and melt into the air I’m breathing.
chat gpt
Tim Fletcher on RUclips is incredibly helpful, too!
First time I saw him, I thought he looked really tired, but then I realized he was 80 years old and I was like wow! He looks 20 years younger. 😮
Really???
I always thought the same.
Thanks for letting us know....
He does look really tired.😂
He also went through a lot
This man understands trauma ❤
I think he looks 79.
He looks 80 and so tried but understandable.
I'm 80 years old and this video above just drastically changed my life!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I could write a thousand thank you's here I would, right now! Only recently by watching youtube videos about adhd, I've learned that I"ve had all the symptoms all my life and have carried tons of guilt because I never could "fit in" with "normal" people even though I tried so hard to. Suddenly you explained that not ever being hugged as a child, and being ignored by my parents as I grew up, and hearing the cruel arguing my parents hurt each other with, caused me to learn how to "zone out" under any stressful circumstances, and so hyperfocusing on favorite subjects also takes me away from facing head on with any perceived difficulties. I won't take time to mention all the other ADHD symptoms. Suddenly, I completely understand why I am the way I am, and that it's NOT MY FAULT! What a shock and at the same time, what a relief! Now at last I can begin healing. Whew!
Your reply brought tears to my eyes. We don’t realize it but there are millions of children like you (us) in the US and the world. Much happiness and live to you in your remaining years on earth ((hug))💕
@@lj9524 trauma most people have traumas it is impossible not to have some kind of trauma so we have to learn to live with trauma
is not ones fault but we must take steps to make life easier with trauma.. .... in Harries case well he is just
one of many millions of people with trauma I do not feel sorry for him at all ... he has it all
Yes u can...
same here as an adult I learned about Bipolarism and understood I why I had a certain pattern of behavior in my earlier days. I finally connected the dots.
I think I should add that when I put all this information together with all the other things I've learned over the years studying the human brain and how heridity and environment sculpt so many people, I no longer can judge anyone. I don't have their dna and I don't have their life experiences and I don't have their brain wiring. I may not approve of some things folks do, but I still care as I wonder what happened to make them that a way. For the first time I can understand God's unconditional love for us all .
There will never be another Gabor Mate. Appreciate everything about him while you can.
He has helped me with my issues with my terrible addiction to opiates & cocaine( & 3 rehabs❤)
@@sheribrougham4863 god forbid...I wouldn't miss him!
@@andreaeady8000 how has he helped you? Pls, I want to know.
Truth! If you can’t afford therapy, educate yourself, empower yourself. No one else will.
That's for sure...
True and in another perspective is you and you only can look inside and find the real issues with out prejudic or labeling the underlying issue with a text book set approach to someone elses problem or perhaps problems making the resolve more complex. That with an understanding that the cause of the problem or ailment is sometimes more simple to resolve then they may think. Even motiviation or using empowering words and thoughts can change anything. You cannot change the past but you can change the future.
Good point.
@@robynhope219
The fact some people can afford and others can't, creates a divided dynamic from society.
Does Gabor cover that cause that covers a lot of people.
I found an old ICS matchbook and did my own lobotomy, if I hadn't have puked and passed out I would be a much better person today 😅
This session won my subscription. I had a surgery 3 months back. Immediately after my surgery, I read and listened to Gabor Mate's "When the Body Says No". I cried so deeply because his book struck my core. I understood immediately what caused my current state of being. After a time of reflection and a deep desire to heal and recuperate, I made a difficult decision to leave my work and cut down losses in my relationships. It is a deeply scary move but I felt lighter and at peace as a result.
I’m so happy for you that you’ve been able to make those changes! I know from experience that it’s hard to make the move to cut friends who drain you
Difficult choices but absolutely necessary! Good for you!!!
I don't believe you cut down on your relationships, I believe you focused your time on those that matter. You don't have to respond to this comment since your time is precious. Have a beautiful day!
Self care ❤
@@michaelluu915 in a way you are right. i decided to honour my introvert self and not try so hard to be an extrovert anymore. I focus on genuine telationships and not try so hard to please others. its difficult at first but once i gave myself permission i really honour my time and my needs. Thanks for your comment.
If you don’t make time for wellness, you’ll be forced to make time for illness. Big part of wellness is setting boundaries.
This is a spectacular statement ❤ May I quote you (and give you credit)?
I recently obtained my massage license, and I seek to solve for why massage is out of reach as a treatment option.
It's also about genetics, My mother was related to the Hatfields and McCoys, the McCoys had von Hipple lindow syndrome, My mother died from cancer, my uncle died from lung cancer, my aunt died from breast cancer I have two cousins that never smoke that have both had double mastectomies, I have adrenal insufficiency All the records can be found at Vanderbilt University in Tennessee. The Hatfields and McCoys have been in this country for over 300 years.
:3 :p Nice. Fellow Jewish brother, Gabor Maté, that I've been a big fan of for several months. 😅🤝🤝🤝 Yes! Corrupt, and plastic (pun intended) society.
❤
Authenticity and honesty are such rare commodities these days. Thank you, Gabor.
My mother was a very kind woman who lived to a healthy old age. She was also strong and capable of expressing her anger. She was also rational and well educated and used anger to put a stop to stupid, mean or unjust behavior or to get a problem out in the open so it could be resolved. For instance, she once burst into the office of the President of her huge corporation, looked right in the eye, and said, "You cheap bastard." He was startled but had the sense to ask, "What's the matter?" They had a civil rational conversation regarding the policy announced that day that a person's years of part time work would not count towards the company's pension. After their conversation there was an announcement the next day that part time work would count towards the company's pension.
Your mom sounds wonderful, I wish I’d had more role models like her
As a lifelong equestrian, I call this action the “chain across the nose and 2 sharp jerks” to get the attention of a recalcitrant stallion.😁😉
I want to hear more about that woman!
Ur mum is amazing
Your Mom was lucky she was not given a shovel or fired. But yes good for her and her people.
Most I've had the privlage of working with in that model have been cand or worked and fired...like a cop can find any reason to cuff you..if they feel unsafe❤
It struck me to see how humble and honest Gabor is when he talks about his own mistakes. Wow !!
that's called maturity, it's very rare and that's why it's amazing to see
It´s called a well trodden performance.
Exact thoughts!! Right from the start
but talking about people in a public forum who did not consent to it, who he probally never met or does not personally know, is unprofessional imo.
It's terrible how every bit of your action in public is perceived as a performance that's expected to be perfect and appeasing. There's no acceptance of mistakes even though everyone makes mistakes all the time, rehearsed or not. Individuality has faded; it's all a mass behavior
Dr. Gabor Mate, is a human being, his humanness is raw, honest and sincere.
Thank you for a fascinating conversation. Emotionally, physically and sexually abused by a parent with RAD and who was a sociopath, I am a non-smoker who at 65 was diagnosed with NSCL cancer, stage 4. The discussion and reference to NSCL cancer cancertoday rang all of my bells. I am still a “pleaser” but I have found my “voice.” And, when my date of anticipated death was pronounced by excellent oncologists, God made a way. Two ORAL medications inactivated the cancer. In May, I will have survived SIX years, instead of the few months I was given in 2018.
God bless you 🙏🏼🤗
Thankyou Jesus 🙏
Wow a new beginning for you. May God bless you and keep you xx
Lovely.Thanks for sharing .Keep flourishing. Beauty all around you.
Good for you...not just for surviving...but for thriving. ❤
I am the 4 th of nine children. I felt, and still feel, invisible in my family. At age 72. This is really speaking to me.
Wow ! I hope you felt visible with someone else.
Do you think it's better to have less children in this day and age?? I wanted 6 but I'm reconsidering
I was 5th of 6 kids. I can relate.
It has taken me many years to even realize how minimized I felt in my family, and to step away from that toxicity. As to your question, I can't really say. But these days I am relating to the word - Validation. No matter how many there are, take time to see, hear, validate, and love each one. When there are conflicts, validate each point of view, and teach them how to see and cherish the truth in each point of view. Teach them to listen with love, how to apologize, and how to forgive. Growing up in 9 was a good experience in many ways. But my parents were WWII generation. They didn't talk about feelings, at all. They taught us how to share, to 'get along', to go along, to sit down and be quiet. I still have difficulty knowing what I want, and making decisions. Best wishes to you, and your family. @@E.Cerulean
I am last of 9 siblings, we do feel invisible; not heard & lost in the crowd. Just another mouth to feed. Exhausted parents. All just surviving, constant stress... less is best. I have one daughter, love her dearly.
I was 4th of 5 and definitely can understand what you mean.
Can this guy get a noble peace prize please! just the fact that he makes us seem understood is tremendously healing....
So many Nobel winners... And I have the feeling this is going to be a busy year for a LOOOOT of us.
❤
no they give those to presidents who bomb and kill the most women and children!
Can we nominate him?
No ok😅😮
this man always hits the nail. Not knowing to say NO has gotten me into so much trouble. I learned to say NO when I got sick and started caring for myself.
Good for you and remember, it's ok to put ourselves first thus say no when it doesn't feel right because if we're not good to ourselves how can we be good to anyone else. God bless! 🙏🏽
I believe higher beings watch over you closely, and you have been guided to care for yourself, to give you care you deserve and didn’t get your deserved portion of earlier. Our journeys have only just begun. This is but a short diversion to the next adventure. That’s what I believe anyway. ☘️
Same Here
It took me 38 yrs but yes...same here
Taking into account the murders the doctors statements can only be correct
“Trauma is not just a personal issue. It’s very much a social, collective, and historical issue.” Dr. Mate, here spitting the truth. 👏 When we benefit at the expense of our sisters & brothers, they suffer and we suffer. Here’s to healing 💕🕊️
This is so spot on, when I started to say no and stop people pleasing I thrived, I stopped getting sick all the time, and what is very interesting my StepFather died of ALS and he always dropped everything to help people and please people. This was so mind blowing to watch, when I started to think about me and what I need and stopped worrying about being liked my life honestly changed, Thank you Dr Gabor you have made me think about more growth I have todo.
Really happy to hear this one resonated with you! Thank you for sharing with us. Team DOAC 🙏
❤
100% of people will die. So if I say that people who are selfish will die I will also be proven correct, 100% of the time. Is this science now?
yeah, me too! I started my thrive mode the moment I decide to think how to take care and love myself, first and foremost!!
@@forevergraceful6160I'm still working on it. I have the knowledge that I need to forgive myself...
what I need more of is the ability and self compassion to do so...much more often than I am able. 😢
Reading list spontaneously mentioned by Gabor on trauma recovery
• Richard Schwartz - No Bad Parts
• Bessel van der Kolk - The Body Keeps the Score
• Peter Levine - Waking the Tiger
• Bruce D. Perry und Oprah Winfrey - What Happend to You?
• Bruce D. Perry - The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog
• Gabor Maté - When The Body Says No
• Gabor Maté - The Myth of Normal
Thank you for this!
Yes thank you! 😊
Thank you!
Thank you 🙏
One other GREAT book, I have all these above and feel it has a place in the list. What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. Dr. Shad Helmstetter.
Gabor Maté is the most profound example of a wounded healer i've ever seen. I am extremely grateful that he's been all over the place lately. His knowledge is part of what this world needs in order to be able to heal. I can warmly recommend his book "The Myth of Normal" and i am spreading copies wherever i can.
Edit: I love his wife Rae, too. She who said "Truth is sexy." Now ain't that one sexy truth! :-D
Spread the love to me. I wish I could get the book, too.
Me too. So glad I was introduced to this non last year
@@indabackyardwithzoemachunga Hi dear, i replied earlier but that reply "mysteriously" disappeared. I've sent you a bunch of universal love and wished i could send you the book, too. Please check it out, maybe you could afford to buy it, maybe together with a friend, or a few friends? Big hug!
Rae is also a fabulous artist. We have a few of her very joyful and whimsical prints.
Would love to have one!
This is so true. i got really sick with pneumonia in December 2023, and it took 2 months to fully recover. after setting boundaries with work and relationship and being able to say no, my health has been so much better i feel so great within myself. Being sick was my body way of telling me to slow down and to take care of myself
I love that Gabor, somebody revered for having the answers and enlightened clarity on humans deepest, most hidden issues can openly say he's just figuring life out too. Humbling, reassuring.
👍😊
Super reassuring! ❤
I agree. It means so much more to me that he's honest about his humanity.
When asked how are you doing, your answer images what most of us are going through. We are up, we are down. Although we enjoy the UPS. We must learn to cope with the downside.❤
Add to this that you NEVER "figure out life," you just get better at it as you become aware of yourself... your true, authentic self.
Mister Mate is so humble. To be so wise and yet still be able to admit own faults, that is the true mastery worth following!
Don't you admit faults? It's not unusual for people to share poor decisions...
@@edelgyn2699 You live in a nice reality if you presume this is a standard, congratz! :)
I agree. I’m encouraged.
Dr.
@@007nadineL I agree. He earned the title Doctor and it is his title, Doctor Mate, and not Mister.
I LOVE Gabor’s transparency and examples from his own life.
For a therapist, it’s very unprofessional and self absorbed to enter his private examples into every clinical situation and explain everything through the lense of his personal experience. It’s actually very narcissistic. Some people work very hard and can handle fame. For others fame becomes their Achilles heel. I think he is the latter. I find his work important, but his persona tedious and self absorbed.
@@Isragirl10 he's not doing therapy in interviews ... why the strong judgement?
His transparency has helped me a lot, and other as well, that it's ok to be human. If you don't like it, you can just look away.
@@Isragirl10that applies to a therapy session. He is not being a therapist here. Also he is a medical doctor, not a therapist!
@@Isragirl10girl i’m autistic as hell and his comparison really helped me, he’s being interviewed it’s not that serious
Transparency is called honesty?
Dr Mate is the ultimate world wide shaman. His gentle approach, honesty and compassion in his work is healing the intergenerational trauma and social ignorance of child rearing. Most of us are traumatised by parents listening to social norms thinking they’re doing the right thing. It’s great to have someone directing us to a better path.
This is so true! A few years ago I went through a very tough year where our family suffered from lots of stressful events and I tried to be kind and calm and keep everyone together with a smile on my face but inside I felt very overwhelmed. I didn't know who to talk to so I kept everything bottled up and then I suddenly got very sick, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (psoriatic arthritis) told that it was very aggressive and that the only treatment was to take very harmful drugs to suppress my immune system. I was very ill, I started taking the methotrexate 2 days a week, my fingers were so disfigured and painful that I could barely use them and I'm an artist so that was even more difficult and then I realised that this was all caused by my mind. I started to meditate, I became a vegan, and one evening I was talking to my husband and suddenly found myself crying and told him that I was afraid he would leave me if I was sick (my dad left my mom when she was sick when I was very small). I remember saying "I'm scared you won't want me if I'm not useful" and he laughed and gave me a big hug and said "Who said you've ever been useful? I don't love you because you're useful I love you for you" and then a miracle happened. I never realised that I was trying to be helpful and kind and useful all the time because I was afraid of being left and in that moment it felt like a festering splinter that had been there all my life was finally pulled out and I felt light and free. It's been five years, I am living the most amazing life, I feel free, I am 100% healthy. My husband and I are having an amazing adventure together, this year we moved half way across the world and every day feels exciting and new. Thank you both for this brilliant video life is beautiful xxx
@user-uf4op2en4u YOU NEED TO SHARE YOUR STORY on some of the HEALING CHANNELS! I truly believe 90 percent of illness is emotion/mind caused. Blessings to you on going deep to heal.
That is really good to hear, thank you and bless you. ❤️❤️👍🏻
cool
@@sallymander7863 lol no
0p
Thank you very much for sharing your experience so expressively. It teally resonated with me and will help me in the future, I feel sure. My best to you always....
I went to the event he said he did not do his best. It was one of the best event I ever been to, I was in tears. Honestly, I will always remember of that evening and what he and his wife said. 😊❤
Now this is a comment under a YT video i'm sure he would love to read!
Try to convey it to him❤
He is so humble but also too hard on himself. The world almost doesn't deserve him! 💖
I realized that the reason I couldn't truly be myself was because I was afraid of being judged by others. I came to understand that I always sought attachment over authenticity, which prevented me from becoming my true self. Dr. Mate's insight is remarkable.
I've done that. Always accommodated the other person in relationships but in it my wants and needs never hel got furillrd. Always worried about keeping the other person hwppy. I have always been happier single because I lose myself in relationships.
YES! Recognizing trauma is not an excuse to continue the behavior, but to overcome it
can be hard to face, but its so true! ❤
I’ve done the work .. 2 decades of healing work ( from childhood trauma) while I lived everyday life … I only have 1 life, I’m responsible for learning, grieving & healing.. ❤ It seems hard at times, but working through this stuff is SO liberating - FREEDOM ❤️🩹 to 💝 = 💪🎉
Amen
Well said!👍🏼
Absolutely!
What an intelligent, kind, exceptional human being and doctor! I wish that more of the doctors would be like him. So compassionate and truthful! I love your mind and soul, Dr. Mate!
Spot on regarding auto immune diseases. I always put everyone’s needs first and programmed to help humanity at the expense of my own needs. I had chronic fatigue for many years but now I’m more balanced but it felt like selfishness at the start, putting my needs before others still feels uncomfortable.
I agree, it's such an accurate observation. I was diagnosed with RA at the age of 32, and I used to be that quiet person my whole life, who rarely expressed anger, rarely cussed, was conflict avoidant and just wanted peace at all costs. And it felt scary and awkward to start showing my dissatisfaction, but to my surprise, most of those situations I thought would end up in a conflict, got resolved without as much as an argument. Seeing that helped me to express myself more openly instead of suppressing everything inside
For me too. Feels unnatural. But if I don't do my best then nobody else will. 💪
I am happy to hear that you are feeling more balanced. Best of luck in your continued healing ❤
@@1epcut good for you! hope your health improves, as well!
@@24get24give Thank you, that's very kind ☺
I had to take a nap halfway through this, but not because I was bored. It's wonderful hearing someone confirm that you are on the right path. I've been working on myself nonstop, and someone else understands. It's overwhelming
Not saying no has a lot to do with the fear of abandonment.
It is always a pleasure to listen to Gabor and to learn from him.
The moment when this great and unbelievably wise man asks ‘am I talking too much’ is so endearing. Fantastic episode. Dr Mate is an international treasure ❤
Gabor talks about the compulsion to keep picking up the phone to see if there was anyone who needed him... is so real. Thank you for being authentic as you always are.
"am I talking too much, sorry I just get so passionate" was the most relatable and validating thing I've heard from someone I deeply respect in so long
Anyone notice him ask if he was talking too much? Cause Steven was listening so contently as he always does that Gabor wasn't sure if he was out of line! Steven has a keen ability to allow his guests to be authentic as he listens and asks questions that continue to level up these incredible podcast! ❤❤❤
… listening so intently 👈🏿
Compassionate listening - it's a 'thing some of us do'
🫂
Gabor is brilliant. I am on a journey to self-enlighten after being diagnosed with Bipolar, ADHD and other Disorders at 36. The biggest change was applying some of what Gabor said, letting go of my emotions, being self-aware, learning, focusing on my mental and physical health. I turn 41 next month and listening to podcasts like this gives me hope.
Don’t just let go of the emotions but observe them passing through you & you’re on your way to discovering the power within ❤
Best wishes on your journey. The world is not kind to those of us with executive dysfunctions. Be kind to yourself when others are not.
Have you looked into Daniel Amen? He has also appeared on this podcast. He is the pioneer of linking active brain-scans to mental health. He also has a lot of useful advice about how to protect your brain and actively help your most important organ to be healthy.
This MAN !!! Is just too big for words ! His raw honesty and authenticity is off the charts and how can he publicly be so naked about his own issues. Bow down! Love you Gabor!❤️🙏
I'm doing same! I was diagnosed emotional disorder caused by substances, with psychotic symptoms. Working on myself with meditation and self awareness
I love the vulnerability and honesty of his human experience. ❤️
Gabor Mate is truly a gift to humanity. He is a humanitarian gift. 🙏
Some children never become aware that they have needs. I didn’t realize it until I was in my 50’s. It suddenly dawned on me - “what about my needs”
Me too, and trying to communicate that to a domineering husband is impossible. How dare I have needs or wants… He thinks my only purpose is to make his life pleasant.
@@katherinewhite3858 I asked my husband, straight up, that question, I think it shocked him. Another thing, I was working on my computer, I could hear him calling me from the garage to come help him with something, but I needed to finish up what I was doing and yelled back that I’d be there in a minute. Apparently, it wasn’t fast enough for him. He walked in and stood there, angrily talking to me through his teeth with this contorted look on his face. I said, “go look at your face in the mirror, and see how you look when you talk to me, your face is all twisted” He asked me if I were going to help him, I said yes, he said when, and I said, next week. First time I spoke up for myself, but not the last.
Adrian and Katherine, you might want to check out Glennon Doyle Melton and Elizabeth Gilbert’s work.
@@heathergonzalez6890 thank you
I literally visited an educational enter to have my own in tested before applying for university because I was referred to as the dummy growing u...Truth be told I was memorizing my dads work number at 1 a day a half years of age...but I made it official...that I was intelligent enough to go forward....Abusive and neglectful parents and siblings can ,and do,destroy...others...
I cannot give enough likes for Gabor Maté, this man is a genius!!!
What a wonderful man and not afraid to express his fallibility! He's human like all of us! Top notch!
Gabor Maté is the Trauma Shaman of our time. ✨🙏
@@marthamagee2055 Exactly! A Shaman with the archetype of the Wounded Healer. I am so grateful he is out here a lot now!
I can listen and listen and listen to Gabor. There is the peace of selfreflection and compassion in his voice. Deep bow and thank you so so much. I healed a lot through the teachings of Eckhart Tolle and my willing. What Gabor is talking about is like I deepen my healing and peace for myself and others. Thank you for your conversations. Blessed be
gabor mate worked so hard on this interview. he really poured his mind and heart into every answer and paced his responses and prompts so well and its nice to see that the interviewer treated him with the respect he deserves which likely ultimately brought out his best work
Did you notice him ask if he was talking too much? Cause Steven was listening so contently as he always does that Gabor wasn't sure if he was out of line! Steven has a keen ability to listen and ask questions that continue to level up these incredible podcast! ❤❤❤
My mother was bipolar and i was 6 weeks in an incubator. Never liked her. But here I am at 70 and all the abandonment and bullying issues I've had has lead me to embrace the life of a mystic. I couldn't have asked for more. I am so lucky to have met the right teachers. Like the crucifixion, a right of passage. Dr. Gabor is excellent. A example of a great human being. The wisdom of the survivor. 🎉
God Bless you. Glad you found G.M.
Great spoken very interesting intervieuw!!!
Can relate - connect. Being not alone is a blessing, isn't it? Let's keep growing, keep stretching, exploring our beauty, feeling the feelings... 💔❤🌈
Hello . I just turned 67 and i am sharing some benefits. Let me know if you are interested . I'm just helping the few I can
😮😅😮😅u😅
I loved the message that nobody is broken, that we can all recover our genuine self 💯
i do too and i’m hopeful we will all have access to support and tools to do so. we develop in relationship with others and it takes relationships with others to heal. for too long access to therapeutic relationships especially non mainstream that recognizes somatic and trauma and the like has been completely out of financial reach for those who need it most. i’m hopeful this is changing.
That was my favorite part.
Yes I also learned that our dearest body works day and night to support us and we do not respect it and often offend it...
5 minutes in and I am already loving his vulnerability and honesty. Gabor Mate inspires people to heal and connect to their hearts.
This is what I want to do for the world. Showcasing all the messiness of a human so we all see that we are all just humans. Most of us act out of our wounds. But we can choose to look within, fave our emotions, heal ourselves, and be more connected to our hearts. And we can pass this skill down to our children. This is the only way to improve this world.
I was shamed by my father for being an overly sensitive child. I was abused physically and mentally through neglect and verbal abuse. UNTIL I learned through reading about psychology and self help, that my sensitivity is a gift. I think it is very important for women to familiarize themselves with terms such as 'condesention' 'shaming' 'undermining' 'gaslighting' 'standover tactics' 'dismissive' 'loaded language' 'belittling' etc, in order to challenge the attitudes and behaviors of others towards them so that they can then hold to account what is wrong in a situation, but also challenge their own internal dialogue.
Is there a book you can recommend? I haven’t read any of his books, but sure to look out for them
yes they want to demonize your individuality. Your light scares THEIR darkness. that's all. They KNOW your light and dont want u to shine it...YOUR perception is all that matters, no one, especially family should be put on a pedestal. They're only meant to stay in our lives long enough to teach us BIG lessons, then our true soul tribe shows up as we raise our frequencies...focusing on self love allows for increased trust in our intuition/angels/Higher Self, etc. We are powerful sovereign light beings.. families represent the institutions, govt/media/education etc that we will encounter as tests to learn to see thru the manipulations/coercion/illusions that we survived in childhood.
In my case it was my Mother, now I feel sorry for Her because she grew up in a time where this kind of Help was not an option, it also Help me to get rid of the resentment❤ it's nice to feel connected to people when I read the comments❤
Elaine Aron - Talks about Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) helped me tremendously.
Same here, I finally understood that if I learned to Chanel it Properly it can become a sort of super power
I had to pause this video SO.MANY.TIMES just to give myself a moment to process SO.MUCH.TRUTH. I feel such gratitude both to you and for you that I can hardly express it! Thank you!!
He is just simply Authentication God bless him
Same here.
Same!
Same!
Same
We must remember that we all carry not only our own pain but the memories and experiences of all our ancestors ..thank you Gabor and Steven.
If you believe that you need to change your mindset. This type of thinking is a symptom of 1st world abundance. Stop navel gazing at start finding purpose in your daily life and look forward, not inward or backward. Do you think Gabor looks well? His constant inward gazing is a sign he’s mentally unwell too.
Hello . I just turned 67 and i am sharing some benefits. Let me know if you are interested . I'm just helping the few I can
As a person who suffered childhood trauma in different ways, I now have health conditions that came out of that. Severe crohn’s disease, ibs, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis and many many more. I’m a walking definition of Gabor Mate. I have multiple autoimmune disorders and diseases that will never heal or go away. That I mentally carry trauma that stays with me. And after these diagnoses mental and physical, and life long medications that dictate what I eat or wear or regular medical appointments and then as an adult I experience another level of trauma. The grandmother who raised me, instilled values, morals, self respect, kindness and to be open about feelings, was diagnosed with MND. Also known as ALS. I became a carer at 28 and spent 2 full years supporting her willingly because of it was the least I could do. But I was fresh out of major bowel surgery, not healed yet, and jumped straight into caring for her. And it took a toll on me physically carrying and lifting her and developing ways to be able to understand her needs without her being able to communicate no longer. In her 3rd and last year of the disease that took her body away from her and left her brain imprisoned within itself, I needed help, machines to move her. I lost her. The person who saved me from harm as a child and nurtured me with love and care was gone. That was 2021 and I’ve never been the same. Something important I need to note that helps explain Gabor’s message about the bowels… the gut is the second brain of the body, and for someone like me who suffered lifelong mentally affected me eventually in the bowels. So both the main center of thinking and reason , the brain, and the gut is sick and because of the internal struggle I have the diseases/disorders that I have. And that attack to my brain and gut, the 2 brains of the human body, that constant suffering makes autoimmune response the human immune system that protects us from illness end up attacking itself. And that is autoimmune disease and shows symptoms through skin, pain, hair, etc. The constant active disease leads to metastasis of cells leading to cancer. But because I have a constant thinking brain, thirst for knowledge, and trauma response and suffering internally in the head and gut leads to lifelong medication and a medical team of supports in all facets to assist because it’s not able to be managed without. Childhood and adult trauma to the degree Gabor describes constantly and in this interview like self blame, decisions made when we were too young to make, and constantly having to shut off who we are because of others that are usually family and then the external world second end up consuming a child in a negative way. And constant fight flight mode, mental torment and physical disease = a
Harder shorter, more difficult, disabled life. Hope me using myself as an example helps tie into Gabor’s lifelong work and the accuracies in his findings.
I wish everyone well.
So sorry to hear about your health struggles. I also have Crohn's which I manage with the Specific Carbohydrate Diet or SCD. There's a dedicated website (all free) and FB page called Breaking the Vicious cycle. This is not a plug for anything, it's helped me manage without meds.
I went from 31 meds to just 2.
Things can get better.. I made health Affirmations daily.. which changed the way I thought of my diseases and decided that they were not “mine“ they did not belong to me. For example, instead of high blood pressure medicines, I started eating garlic cloves. and little by little, I have less appointments, less medicines, less specialist and testing. Took a whole life style change and inner dialogue change. I also have been diagnosed with incurable illnesses. I’m telling you it’s possible.
I’ve been near death many times, my inner dialogue is what saved me. Of course it’s not that simple but that is where it all began for me.
my husband has crohns and had childhood trauma as well. i knew intrinsically it was linked to stress. Like his body was shocked from it still, and his body overreacts to every stressor.
@@heathersmith394appreciate that. I’m on the low fodmap diet with high protein but ultimately when you have category 3 severe crohns and active for long periods you are a high risk of bowel/colorectal cancers.
Prebiotics, probiotics, turmeric/curcumin and all that isn’t enough at this stage. Will see how things go in time. I think I’m the only millennial without social media haha. RUclips doesn’t count 😂
@@lovelymayhem888 i agree that it does start in the mind but there’s genetic and other complications of the disease that take over no matter how hard my affirmations or beliefs I practice can do for me. But everyday is a new day and another chance to keep on fighting.
What a brain! Exceptional human being! I was in tears by the end of this interview. Brought so much to the surface, my childhood, relationships, worklife, and health. Now I realise that the solution is trying to accept, leave behind, and find my inner peace. It's not going to be easy, but I will try.
I could listen to Dr. Gabor Maté endlessly. He is a genuine treasure in our world ❤️
💗THE BEST episode I have ever seen in a long time. The humility and modesty of Gabor is mind blowing. Admitting he needed help, passing on the message that also great minds like him sometimes cannot do it alone and need to ask for help when needed, this was a great message for the audience. Such an amazing soul, his eyes speaks a thousand words, somehow I feel so much pain through his eyes but his light is brighter than darkness. THANK YOU Steven for being wonderful as always and for guiding the conversation impeccably❣
Yes,,,his eyes...I agree
Well stated 👍
Bingo!
I agree 100%
I love this man. Plain and simple.
I love when Dr. Mate shows his vulnerable self, he is so willing and able to connect with us all when he does that...he is truly authentic and a blessing to us in this time when we desperately need to understand.
Gabor's voice is so touching, soothing, and his words are so authentic I often find myself teary by his raw stories and attitude. Thank YOU Gabor!
I had a stroke in Sept 2008; and went through the same thing with my husband. except for me, it was "I want to take care of you, not need you to take care of me" [they told us I would never walk again] he just laughed and said "me, too, but I made a promise, for better or for worse, and I'll keep it", and he has!, I am walking, with a cane, and just use a chair for long distances but I'll take it I just ordered all of his books and can't wait for them to get here!, I'm even intrigued by Harry's book now, not much of a royal watcher before, but would like to see the interview he talked about, poor kid[Charles always struck me as a cold fish, what little I saw of him], but that sounded incredibly heartless
I find his voice a monotone drone....awful.
So true...You should also listen to Sadia Khan's, immensely soothing🤗😊
Absolutely. His voice itself is so therapeutic
@@dianathompson8794 Really?
WOW! We have an expert talking for nearly two hours and...the only comment you managed to make is about his voice?
Did you pay any attention to what he's talking about? 🤦🏻♂🤷♂
Gabor mate is the light we need in this world. His compassionate work has changed my life and I am forever grateful for his presence and work.
Gabore is a GIFT to humanity ❤
Thank you for this excellent opportunity to interview him.🙏❤
This has really, in a way, forced me to accept myself and my faults as completely human and "normal." 😅 To hear a man whom you admire for his wisdom and strength, to hear him say he struggles with the things I do, is such a comfort and validation for self-acceptance. The amount of accountability from this human is soul shaking. You are heard and seen, Dr. Mate 😊🙌✨️💛
Well said!
As a mother with a 40 yr old son who has been through so much abuse from his father, I have been ridiculed for supporting him where he needed support. I have stood by him and will do so to the end.
Abuse had not broken you. You are a good person, this is what it shows. Ignore people judging you. Always listen to your gut feelings. Your son may be broken, try to get help for him, if you can.
Supporting him is not the same as keeping the umbilical cord to a grown ass man.
Using your adult child as an attachment replacement for the abuse you suffered isnt doing anything for him but you're doing it for yourself. You crippled your child and turned him into a surrogate husband so he never leaves you so he would always be there for you.
I know too many men who had mothers like you. They are broken beyong repair because they are still emotionally laying in bed with their own mother. Disgusting behavior.
Good for you Good parents always care for their children age does not matter
He got so deep till he asked "Am I talking too much?" Doctor is passionate and knows his stuff.... Amazing guy.
I look at this man and I see a face that has heard many tragedies. His intentions are good and he paid his dues. He needs to find peace now, for himself and not hear so much suffering from other people. It is draining.....He is very honest and feels compelled to explain about his personal issues as well, as what he does in his work. Respect and best of luck to him.
What an absolutely wonderful very wise kind man thankyou Dr Gaber
Gabor is one of the quintessential teachers of our time. Both due to his profound intellectual knowledge and professional experience, but perhaps most importantly, from his ability to humbly and succinctly model and communicate the subtleties of what healing looks and feels like from the inside out. Thank you Gabor!
If you are too disagreeable you become psychopath or narcissist. If you are too agreeable people abuse you. I think what every psychologist will agree is that we need to keep things in balance.
We don't need to but balance is nice. Some people don't and can't resolve their imbalance, that's not to say their experience is invalid
If your naturally agreeable learning to be assertive is very important. Something I have struggled with immensely.
Great but to be fair that's the easy bit. The problem is the how. It's about how to resolve the problems and blocking patterns that are unconscious and are actually bad for you both physically and psychologically. As Mate says, this is not about mind control or about directing your life in only a logical way, rather it's about integrating with the intuition or 'gut feelings'.
I love the comment sections of this channels videos.
Always so many opinions and insights from all over the world, and, it's really nice and refreshing to hear healthy, fun, caring debating, caring opinions, and caring towards one another in general.
But I do wonder though, why is it so much easier (for me anyway and many others I've observed too, over the years) to, write how I (we) feel? And sometimes, to write passionately, to a person, or people, strangers and/or ppl I (we) know, without reservations and with love and compassion in my (our) heart's.... yet, if I'm standing in front of those SAME ppl, I might have a sudden fear of speaking those same words I could so easily and eloquently write.....
What's that about?
@@dan44zzt231 agreeable people sometimes don't serve others as well as they think they do, being progressive and health minded in our own life's creates more interesting and productive lives for us which others can appreciate, there are many ways to provide for others, being too agreeable can mean not progressing ourselves and bringing others along. It can be harder for others to feel secure around the agreeable as they often won't challenge others to grow when they need, they can tolerate others being stuck in misery while they provide niceness rather than progressive wisdom
His teachings should be mandatory for any academic curriculum of aspiring MDs. He’s amazing ❤❤. Thank you for this conversation.
Emotional self-regulation is the most important life skill. I taught myself the life skills I didn't learn in school. I had to also do a lot of unlea4ning. So I know what you mean in your comment!
Our academic institutions have churned out two generations of doctors who lack insight into the human condition, who have poor attitudes to complex trauma survivors (specifically caused by child sexual abuse), who lack empathy and basic respect, and who willingly subscribe to the doctrines and indoctrination of Big Pharma. This has created an extremely unsafe society in general.
I am a Survivor. I speak from personal experience here
Yes!!!!!!!!
This is all lies lol common sense dictates that ppl that are promoting themselves on TV, s0cial media etc n trying to sell you something ..books..lectures..typically are the least credible..they're just trying to make money off of u...these ppl are manipulative oppurtunists trying to make money from you by lying and are damaging ppls minds with their manipulation..n the guy that runs this channel is just a sc*mb@g doing the exact same ...this guy constantly have bad ppl n liars on your channel does he do no research or just have no morals n only care about making £££ I think I know the answer
That is exactly what I am thinking 😀🥰 ...but not only for MD's, also for Teachers, Politicians ...for anybody... there is so much to unlearn and relearn in all areas for all of us
I'm so happy to see in these comments that people love Dr Mate as much as I do! What a great human. Thank you 🤍
I have to admit I didn’t think much of him because of how his therapy session with Harry was handled, but he is an amazing man. One can only hope Harry will take the advice offered, or take it further because the poor guy is in trouble.
We all have problems , myself included. I’m working on it and now I’ll work on it better!
Gabor is a gift to humanity.
Gabor IS a gift to humanity, and being able to hear this interview is a gift to me.
Cannot get enough of Gabor. Everytime I listen to him I feel like another veil is lifted and I can see clearer.
My father told me I was damaged goods, years ago, boy did that stick like shit! It’s good to hear that no one is damaged goods, but that we are sufferers of trauma.
Any parent that says that to their child are evil period. People are not goods to be damaged. Only monsters think that way because they don’t see people, they see a resource to be exploited. I hope you find the clarity in your heart and soul to know you matter.
My father told me if I didn’t stop snorting (I had severe allergies as. kid) and loose some weight, no one would ever want to marry me. I was 10. Then he ignored me till he died eight years later. That stuff really does stick. It’s the most vivid memory I have of him. Just crazy a parent could be so out of touch.
Carl Jung said the cure to mental health is doing the next thing -- keep doing the next thing don't get frozen
😢
That is the same as saying there is something wrong with you, or you are bad. Few things are as destructive as this.
He is between the best people in this crazy world. DR Mate please see this in yourself ❤
My Dad abused me and I had very little contact with him, but over a year ago my Mum became severely disabled after a stroke and we had to be in regular contact again. Every time I spoke to him it would be very upsetting and take me back to childhood, but I would push back and try not to let him walk all over me for my sanity.
However, he wasn’t treating my Mum well, so I decided I had to ‘play nice’ in order to try to persuade him to get her what she needed. This is when the migraines started. They would come on almost immediately after hearing his voice on the phone. So I’m taking a break now as I’m doing IVF and it was too much, but it was the migraines that made me realise I had to take a break. I don’t know what the long term solution is as I want to help my Mum, but I REALLY don’t want to be in contact with him.
❤
❤
My Mum was not able to care for me emotionally. She's now 91 and still able to create havoc for me. I have to work hard to distance myself so she doesn't make me sick again.
For myself who had a similar situation with my biological dad....
I had to learn to peacefully detach myself from him but to forgive also....
I was confused for a long time that if I forgave him I would need to have him in my life....
But I have learned that to forgive does not mean that....
Peace and healing to all readers🌱
Stephen is a King when it comes to the art of asking questions, gets better every episode. As for Gabor, his growth is also palpable, deeply valuable and endlessly heartwarming. Thank you both ❣
And he is also an interviewer who lets his ‚other‘ talk. So rare these days!
Nice comment. ❤
I love how he never interrupts anyone ,ever.
agree, his interviewing technique is great
Stephen is a King...I see what you did there.
I’m really grateful for Dr Mate’s honesty and humility. Makes me not feel quite such a failure.
Keep failing up 🙌
I truly think that Dr. Mate is a gift to humanity to help us understand our traumas...especially in today’s stressful times! He’s soooo humble!
you're definitely not a failiure....we are all learninga long the way and doing the best we can with the current level of awareness we have. Just try and learn from any mistakes (mistakes are the way we grow). You are loved ❤
Dr. Gabor's soft spoken manner is very comforting & his manner of disecting, breakdown & explain scientific facts & etc is so very helpful. Its all related to the pysche. Padre God continue to Bless & help this man, his so important child, to balance his own life. Paz be with us all 🙏. "Isa"
Dr. Mate said there is a correlation between “niceness” and cancer NOT kindness and cancer. These are 2 very very different things. One can be both nice and kind at the same time but nice is just how others perceive someone. Kind is a quality of character.
My goodness i was thinking the same thing.
Words are facinating,they have hidden meanings,i have discovered a whole new world studying words🖖🏼
I've always hated the word 'nice' it always felt like a slur, or a dig...maybe it was being nice(masking) that made me so ill...I'd rather be kind than nice anyway. Words are a minefield...
As someone who is in recovery, once I stopped all of the addictions and paid that money for therapy instead it changed my life.
12 step programs work and are free
Well done, you're on the road to recovery, trust God also you'll be amazed how He can help. ❤❤❤❤❤
BRAVO!!!
CONGRATULATIONS ON BETTING ON YOURSELF! 👍🙏
Oh wow, thank you everyone for such kind words. It's been a long spiritual journey.
Gabor is so generous sharing in such detail everything, holding nothing back, breaking it down into easy to understand. So much he says is true in my experience. He’s a genius.
I read scattered minds. It was a revelation for me. I alson had therapy and my wife and I are so much happier for it. Admitting that you might be wrong isn't easy. But it changes things often for the better. Thanks Gabor!
This man is such a masterful communicator, I will never tire of listening to the compassionate and humanising manner he has of conveying his thoughts and feelings. His public persona (which for the sake of this comment is all that really matters) is truly an inspiration and I consider him quite a role model in that regard.
couldn't agree more, except on the guilt part; I try to hang on to the belief that we are all doing the very best we can for our kids, and I'm sure you did as well, and as for the touch part, my kids never went more than thirty minutes without a" yummy" or tickle "attack" ]where I'd chase them around the house throw them on the nearest horizontal surface and tickle and blow bubbles on their tummies until they begged me to stop it still makes them giggle to hear those words and they are twenty-nine and thirty-one now, and my daughter's getting her PhD in chemistry, while my son has one in psychiatry, so proud od them!
Agreed! 🤝🏻
Exactly, I agree
I developed an ovarian tumour from living in a toxic marriage! I knew intuitively that is the cause of my tumour! When that tumor was taken out of my body, I had a clarity that I never had before! I learned to say No
When people don't know how to say no, the body will say no for them. That niceness is a repression of healthy anger. -Dr. Gabor Mate
I loved hearing Gabor say that the difference he has made is he helps people see themselves… how beautiful that his medicine is the thing that he himself struggles with so much, to feel seen. That’s just beautiful on so many levels😮
I love listening to Dr Gabor, he is the only person who helps me. You Mr CEO appear to have such wisdom and understanding, and allowing your guests to take the floor without interruption. I stumbled across your podcasts & am really enjoying you & your guests
Out of all the people on RUclips, Gabor is the person I can listen to the longest and never get bored. He is my favorite guest you've had and wrote my favorite book (that is useful for anyone and everyone to read and I enjoy gifting it to unbelievably kind, yet emotionally repressed friends) - When the Body Says No. So happy to see that you've invited him for a second interview.
He is an amazing soul ❤
I need to buy that book!
Fancy seeing you here! You are quite the beautiful healer yourself ❤@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
Me too.
I watch his video for hours. I love his delivery. His tone is very soothing & the information he gives is enlightening. I always take the time out to reflect after watching his videos to see what changes I need to make in my life
I love how he said “am I talking to much”. I love listening to this Man and his voice is very soothing too. We need great doctors like this in the world ❤
Yes! I burst out laughing like a hyena when he said that!
Yes his voice sometimes makes me sleepy but I see that as a good thing!
The best podcast ever.
As a Therapist with Trauma Recovery Services of AZ. I love these videos and appreciate them. We are Indigenous, female owned and purposefully reach out to marginalized populations. We are working to find money, resources, etc. To provide accessible care. One thing I do for clients, is share resources like these discussions, books, etc. Most of our team is EMDR trained. It's our hope that awareness is spreading and more care professionals are continuing with their learning.
That's amazing! What a blessing to those communities
🥇🏆🥇👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
That’s a lot of words to say exactly nothing. What do you actually DO?
Hi. I just read your interesting reply. In it you shared that you’re “working to find money and resources.” So my question to you is, does your does Trauma Recovery Services have a website or link where where I and perhaps others could contribute to your cause.
Love and Light too you and your team. 🙏
Yes! EMDR changed so much, and almost too easily! Just an fyi to you, Michele Lynn. Keep doing the good work. May u be blessed.
I just love listening to the wisdom of Dr. Gabor Mate. I've been listening for over 10 years and it never gets old.
This is so true. I have an autoimmune disease and I'm a chronic people pleaser and self abandoner. I don't know if I can change. I wish Gabor would make an exercise book for chronic people pleasers to help them overcome this tendency.
I can say that the first step in any change is awareness, and you've already achieved that. Recognizing that you have a tendency to self-abandon in favor of pleasing others is crucial. From here, you can start to explore why you do this and what steps you can take to prioritize yourself more often.
It's never too late to change. Even small steps can lead to significant improvements over time. You're not alone in this, so feel free to reach out to people of people who are going through similar emotions so... hope I have contributed with some good.
Read codependent no more by melony beattie if that helps,it's a profound book
Or read Facing Codependence by Pia Melody. I found it very helpful in explaining the routes of Codependence and how to go about changing it. There is also a workbook to go with it.
Crappy Childhood Fairy here on RUclips has some great videos that help with this and lots of other elements of it.
Crappy Childhood Fairy is good I agree:)
Although I do think that ideally the kind, caring and generous people who put community to the first place (and not themselves) should NOT change cos this is what made humanity survive. CULTURE should change which has put false values in the centre (confidence, always winning attitude, abuser admiration, ability to keep others in fear).
It is a shame people only know the history of humans in the last few thousands years although we are here for much much longer time. And humans didnt always fight - at least not like this, didnt always think nature is only an asset men can exploit, didnt always think women are a secondary sex.
Caring for others, thinking in unity, equality, expressing emotions of pain are generally and socially considered weak and as attributes of a woman however these traits have never ever caused ANY harm on Earth.
Society needs changing meaning male abusers and psychopaths should not be let forward to rule. Women have to get back to their power so everyone can live in relative peace and in harmony with nature again.
In schools and in family you could not have heard a single word about personal borders and how to defend them. They train you a robot. In history lesson you couldnt have heard a single word about how sick it is to learn 2billion war dates but NOtHINg about women…or kids.. because they literally HAD NO RIGHTS.
They teach it like it was evident.
And now we live in an unbalanced ONLY MALE-formed society (happened mostly in the last 2-3000yrs) where the kind have to learn how to be more “cruel” in order not to fall ill. Basic rights as “rights to my body” if you re a woman are questioned daily by sick religions, sick traditions.
As a critical care Rn for 35 years ...I truely care for others...even as child..I now deal with soriatoc severe arthritis ...
Thankyou for your thoughtfulness..