Young man this is sheer gold Jerry! I think my kids will appreciate me taking their allowance away so I can put money into this so I can be part of your program and actually put my Creative Writing University major to the test. “Oh this letter babe? Read it and burn it. You deserve to know how I’ve changed ….but I don’t need your approval to keep doing it …happy to be your eye candy from a distance **shurugs*”
I just stumbled upon this video having just written two such emails (although much shorter than the one outlined here) to my estranged partner, not knowing this was even a thing. although it is early days. The results in my case have been transformational in terms of her response. I focused on behaviours of mine which lacked insight and awareness and explained how through deep reflection I had begun to understand and empathise with how this had impacted on her and consequently how she felt. I explained how in the same situation I would have done the same as her. As a result she says she feels deeply heard on a kind of cellular level. And it is clear her level of trust in me has changed dramatically. Just to say I started by saying that I hoped she was healing and beginning to see a new way forward in her life’s journey . My instinct was to emphasise her autonomy and freedom of choice. This way she feels no pressure or neediness on my part. The email focuses solely on developing insight and taking responsibility for my shortcomings. I finished by saying no reply was necessary. Hope this helps?
Bravo! 🤜🏾🤛🏼 that is super encouraging and that she really felt loved and heard by you on paper is utterly a superpower. On your side as I fight thru 3 weeks separation
Josh, you are an absolute magician with this stuff. I've been implementing your advice in my separation through my wife and I believe I had my first breakthrough yesterday! All because I took charge in a situation she wanted to control and displayed absolute confidence in doing so. I could hear the suprise and change in her voice(in a good way). From watching this, I have realised I have pretty much doing verbal CLC reports with her. However I am going to try it in letter form also. Thanks for the help!
The concept of this CLC Letter / Report is intriguing, but it is horribly written. If I wrote a letter at that level it would look like my 12 year old nephew wrote it and her intelligence would be insulted. It doesn't need to be written by a Harvard English Lit major, but it should contain some better verbiage than the content of what this example shows. I would also say to avoid immediate negative feedback, do not email it. Write it or type it and print it out and mail it. A snail mail letter is such a personal gesture and very well-received.
Thanks for the snail mail tip, i will also send photos of our memories printed along with it that she'll appreciate. ( We are still friends, she is just hurt and bitter and doesn't trust me coz i was so toxic)
Shoot man…I will give it a try. Honestly I feel lately that I been okay even without her but I have learned to appreciate her as a woman. Feels different, but I feel she is worth the fight. Josh has been on point with his tips so here we go.
If my wife is saying the marriage is 100 percent over and most likely won’t care what I will say I will do in the future because she gives me the response is “that can be done better for the next women” how do I get through to her. She is saying the marriage is done and there is no chance but I still live with her and she hasn’t filed for divorce yet but has threatened multiple times that she is and it seems like it might be soon that she does…
I’ve been right where you are for some time now gtpro700. I watch Josh’s videos religiously myself and apply his advice wherever possible. What I can say is even though she’s said the over and over I’ve notice she now calls me all the time where initially she wanted the space and would not call or text. She’s asked me to spend nights together (we are keeping separate bed rooms) and even come to just lay down in my bed. I take her words (we are still not a couple) as a challenge. I thing Josh and his team would tell me what she’s saying is “I still don’t fully trust you”. Well that’s okay. I spent 10+ years being emotionally absent, this is not something I can overcome in a couple weeks or even months. What’s important is she sees the changes in me and she’s curious. Hang in there and keep working on yourself gtpro700! Have faith and know that no matter what in the end you are going to be the best version of yourself that you can be!
I'll tell you that it's not over until it's over. Women change their mind more times in their head than they will admit to their spouses. The reason they are seeking the separation or pursuing a course toward divorce is they no longer see their spouse as the person they married or they expected to experience growth with them and their future vision of them has changed. They feel entitled to having a certain future and have forced themselves to accept the future can't be given to them or shared with them based upon their spouse's current behavior or behaviors leading up to this point. Changing her mind is not an option. Influencing her to change her own mind is what you seek. And keep in mind that as we get older, staying in a marriage that has been mostly good for it's duration is much better because you have a strong foundation and the small improvements get things on a much healthier track. If you leave, you're just going out into a world where women have stacked body counts, are less attractive and have more baggage than a dozen airlines put together. Put some work into your marriage. Unless there's been abuse or serial infidelity, the majority of women will be influenced by a committed action plan where several rounds of results have been made in areas where their spouse had previously failed. But there's only one second chance. Use it wisely..
Simple answer is to focus on yourself more. Tell her you love her And want her and know you're the best for her but won't force her to do anything. You are going to focus on you
If she cheated send her on her way, if she hasn’t it still seems like there is hope. Crazy thought but ask her if she can share her pain with you or if you can help her heal. But as others said work on yourself, find happiness with in yourself, make yourself the world, do not revolve around her, don’t try to get emotional stability from her, don’t kiss butt, start going to the gym even if you have never done it, it will improve your mood overtime. Basically you have to make changes to become an improved version of yourself. You need independence from her, from her emotions and she needs you to stop being needy. If you are chasing her you are pushing her away. Currently trying to salvage my own marriage/relationship of 18 years. It’s a brutal road to navigate but if you improve yourself the road is easier to handle. Best of luck to you!
Hi Josh, Should I still do this if my wife had an affair? I'm on the fence if I want to save the marriage or not. At first she completely wanted out and now she's on the fence. If not this letter, what do you recommend to perhaps lead to the start of reconciliation?
You have to take the time to figure out do you want to work this out with her or not. If it is yes, then you have your answer, yes you do this and take extreme ownership for your behaviors, your actions and do not point fingers at all towards her. Josh has said it many times as the men we lead the relationship. We take ownership first and foremost.
That’s rough, be truthful with yourself, will she cheat again? Too me that is the biggest question, do you want to go down this road a second time. Good luck!
To clarify, you are implying that men have to change and convey those changes properly to their wife and wives don't have to change a thing. GUYS, If she doesn't want to meet you half way, dump her. We need less to be happy than they do.
May I ask why the man bears the entire burden of trying to reconcile and most importantly, change? What if he has been the victim of her abuse (women who are abusive quickly learn which men will take the physical abuse and show maximum restraint which she will then take full advantage of), and she is the one who has routinely been out of control and says the most evil things to purposefully stab you in the heart (like I wish you would die or you were only a "provider"...ATM Machine...the past few years, etc.)? I just want her (my wife) to get professional help but she stubbornly refuses to get it, and instead attempts to put all the blame for the damaged relationship on my shoulders. When I watch your videos, it seems that you are putting ALL the emphasis on the MEN trying to restore the relationship, assuming they were the reason their partner has left. I am trying to be the peacemaker, but taking all the responsibility for the mess our marriage is in (we are currently separated because I left a 2nd time...once last year for about 3 months...due to the abuse) will only kick that can, of her taking ownership of HER FAULTS, down the road, and perpetuate the problem.
Wow...I've watched several of your videos, and was at one time thinking you know what you're talking about. I know your licensed, but so are many buffoons acting like therapists. This idea is the most hare brained I've ever encountered. Put yourself in you spouse's shoes, or better yet, act like YOUR the one wanting a divorce. Would you really care to take the time to read a letter from the person you want to break away from? A letter that reeks of desperation and neediness. Just reading the example letter makes the writer look like an insecure person looking for validation and approval. Not gonna watch any more of your videos. All the best.
How are we supposed to take this channel seriously? When the title of the episode is messed up. Does anyone proofread your content before you put it out to the public?
Young man this is sheer gold Jerry! I think my kids will appreciate me taking their allowance away so I can put money into this so I can be part of your program and actually put my Creative Writing University major to the test. “Oh this letter babe? Read it and burn it. You deserve to know how I’ve changed ….but I don’t need your approval to keep doing it …happy to be your eye candy from a distance **shurugs*”
I just stumbled upon this video having just written two such emails (although much shorter than the one outlined here) to my estranged partner, not knowing this was even a thing. although it is early days. The results in my case have been transformational in terms of her response. I focused on behaviours of mine which lacked insight and awareness and explained how through deep reflection I had begun to understand and empathise with how this had impacted on her and consequently how she felt. I explained how in the same situation I would have done the same as her. As a result she says she feels deeply heard on a kind of cellular level. And it is clear her level of trust in me has changed dramatically. Just to say I started by saying that I hoped she was healing and beginning to see a new way forward in her life’s journey . My instinct was to emphasise her autonomy and freedom of choice. This way she feels no pressure or neediness on my part. The email focuses solely on developing insight and taking responsibility for my shortcomings. I finished by saying no reply was necessary. Hope this helps?
Bravo! 🤜🏾🤛🏼 that is super encouraging and that she really felt loved and heard by you on paper is utterly a superpower. On your side as I fight thru 3 weeks separation
I also just screenshot this response it’s so good.
Josh, you are an absolute magician with this stuff. I've been implementing your advice in my separation through my wife and I believe I had my first breakthrough yesterday! All because I took charge in a situation she wanted to control and displayed absolute confidence in doing so. I could hear the suprise and change in her voice(in a good way). From watching this, I have realised I have pretty much doing verbal CLC reports with her. However I am going to try it in letter form also. Thanks for the help!
Good luck. Make sure you run it by someone before sending to her and MOST IMPORTANT
DONT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN
"CLOSED LOOP"
@@marriagereset thanks legend!
The concept of this CLC Letter / Report is intriguing, but it is horribly written. If I wrote a letter at that level it would look like my 12 year old nephew wrote it and her intelligence would be insulted. It doesn't need to be written by a Harvard English Lit major, but it should contain some better verbiage than the content of what this example shows. I would also say to avoid immediate negative feedback, do not email it. Write it or type it and print it out and mail it. A snail mail letter is such a personal gesture and very well-received.
Thanks for the snail mail tip, i will also send photos of our memories printed along with it that she'll appreciate.
( We are still friends, she is just hurt and bitter and doesn't trust me coz i was so toxic)
@@GodPilledZen That's a great idea. I like it.
18:40 Hey Josh, stopping by to review how to re-connect after 12 weeks no contact. Yep.
This is great stuff! A step I think I’ve missed out on, but one that I fully intend to take on with urgency!
Make sure you are in a calm and confident state when writing. It makes a difference
Shoot man…I will give it a try. Honestly I feel lately that I been okay even without her but I have learned to appreciate her as a woman. Feels different, but I feel she is worth the fight.
Josh has been on point with his tips so here we go.
Cheers. And BTW that is a great insight/realization to have
Thank you so much Josh you're awesome brother
Please leave this video up, permanently.
Also, bring back Marriage Mastery Light!
I finished Marriage Mastery Lite a few months ago. Hugely beneficial to me. If it’s not available anymore that’s too bad.
It's not gone??
@@marriagereset
Oh. I had heard that it was. That’s what I get for trusting the grapevine.
Thank you. You’re brilliant.
If my wife is saying the marriage is 100 percent over and most likely won’t care what I will say I will do in the future because she gives me the response is “that can be done better for the next women” how do I get through to her. She is saying the marriage is done and there is no chance but I still live with her and she hasn’t filed for divorce yet but has threatened multiple times that she is and it seems like it might be soon that she does…
Checkout Cass Morrow. He is great. I haven’t started his program but have started his morrowmomentum free program and it’s amazing!
I’ve been right where you are for some time now gtpro700. I watch Josh’s videos religiously myself and apply his advice wherever possible.
What I can say is even though she’s said the over and over I’ve notice she now calls me all the time where initially she wanted the space and would not call or text. She’s asked me to spend nights together (we are keeping separate bed rooms) and even come to just lay down in my bed. I take her words (we are still not a couple) as a challenge. I thing Josh and his team would tell me what she’s saying is “I still don’t fully trust you”. Well that’s okay. I spent 10+ years being emotionally absent, this is not something I can overcome in a couple weeks or even months. What’s important is she sees the changes in me and she’s curious.
Hang in there and keep working on yourself gtpro700! Have faith and know that no matter what in the end you are going to be the best version of yourself that you can be!
I'll tell you that it's not over until it's over. Women change their mind more times in their head than they will admit to their spouses. The reason they are seeking the separation or pursuing a course toward divorce is they no longer see their spouse as the person they married or they expected to experience growth with them and their future vision of them has changed. They feel entitled to having a certain future and have forced themselves to accept the future can't be given to them or shared with them based upon their spouse's current behavior or behaviors leading up to this point. Changing her mind is not an option. Influencing her to change her own mind is what you seek. And keep in mind that as we get older, staying in a marriage that has been mostly good for it's duration is much better because you have a strong foundation and the small improvements get things on a much healthier track. If you leave, you're just going out into a world where women have stacked body counts, are less attractive and have more baggage than a dozen airlines put together. Put some work into your marriage. Unless there's been abuse or serial infidelity, the majority of women will be influenced by a committed action plan where several rounds of results have been made in areas where their spouse had previously failed. But there's only one second chance. Use it wisely..
Simple answer is to focus on yourself more. Tell her you love her And want her and know you're the best for her but won't force her to do anything. You are going to focus on you
If she cheated send her on her way, if she hasn’t it still seems like there is hope. Crazy thought but ask her if she can share her pain with you or if you can help her heal. But as others said work on yourself, find happiness with in yourself, make yourself the world, do not revolve around her, don’t try to get emotional stability from her, don’t kiss butt, start going to the gym even if you have never done it, it will improve your mood overtime. Basically you have to make changes to become an improved version of yourself. You need independence from her, from her emotions and she needs you to stop being needy. If you are chasing her you are pushing her away. Currently trying to salvage my own marriage/relationship of 18 years. It’s a brutal road to navigate but if you improve yourself the road is easier to handle. Best of luck to you!
What if you write the letters and change show growth and yet still she is not moved. Is it time to go?
This is the sauce!!!
Hmmmm I might have to get the posh pen and paper out…
What if she doesn’t see a future with you?
Emotions can change with time. Focus on improving yourself first
This letter is loaded with “I” over and over and over again.
❤ thank you
Hi Josh, Should I still do this if my wife had an affair? I'm on the fence if I want to save the marriage or not. At first she completely wanted out and now she's on the fence.
If not this letter, what do you recommend to perhaps lead to the start of reconciliation?
Step One: 100% commit to what you want or it will ruin you
You have to take the time to figure out do you want to work this out with her or not. If it is yes, then you have your answer, yes you do this and take extreme ownership for your behaviors, your actions and do not point fingers at all towards her. Josh has said it many times as the men we lead the relationship. We take ownership first and foremost.
@@mattsauber1223 thank you... Taking ownership for her affair feels like I have to put my self-respect to the side 🫤
That’s rough, be truthful with yourself, will she cheat again? Too me that is the biggest question, do you want to go down this road a second time. Good luck!
Does this not go against "no contact" though?
To clarify, you are implying that men have to change and convey those changes properly to their wife and wives don't have to change a thing. GUYS, If she doesn't want to meet you half way, dump her. We need less to be happy than they do.
These letters sound hokey and if I was to write one it would make me look like a simp caving in and make things worse
Lento por favor
May I ask why the man bears the entire burden of trying to reconcile and most importantly, change? What if he has been the victim of her abuse (women who are abusive quickly learn which men will take the physical abuse and show maximum restraint which she will then take full advantage of), and she is the one who has routinely been out of control and says the most evil things to purposefully stab you in the heart (like I wish you would die or you were only a "provider"...ATM Machine...the past few years, etc.)? I just want her (my wife) to get professional help but she stubbornly refuses to get it, and instead attempts to put all the blame for the damaged relationship on my shoulders.
When I watch your videos, it seems that you are putting ALL the emphasis on the MEN trying to restore the relationship, assuming they were the reason their partner has left. I am trying to be the peacemaker, but taking all the responsibility for the mess our marriage is in (we are currently separated because I left a 2nd time...once last year for about 3 months...due to the abuse) will only kick that can, of her taking ownership of HER FAULTS, down the road, and perpetuate the problem.
Mr . Josh , make your accent more clear, make clear pronunciation make it understandable ..
Not only English people are watching your videos ..
Great info! Please speak slower!!
Wow...I've watched several of your videos, and was at one time thinking you know what you're talking about. I know your licensed, but so are many buffoons acting like therapists. This idea is the most hare brained I've ever encountered. Put yourself in you spouse's shoes, or better yet, act like YOUR the one wanting a divorce. Would you really care to take the time to read a letter from the person you want to break away from? A letter that reeks of desperation and neediness. Just reading the example letter makes the writer look like an insecure person looking for validation and approval. Not gonna watch any more of your videos. All the best.
How are we supposed to take this channel seriously? When the title of the episode is messed up. Does anyone proofread your content before you put it out to the public?
What’s wrong with the title
❤❤