As an older lesbian, I am horrified at what is happening in the younger LGBT community. Thank you Alexis for once again being the voice of reason in this crazy world.
@@heatnicoleherAnd today those bars can’t exist without letting men in. Did you see that lesbian only dating app that then let trans women in and banned women for not wanting to date them
Unfortunately the trans movement is actually turning very neutral people against trans women which is really sad as I truly believe that generally most of society don't care less what others do with their lives. It is becoming so extreme almost making it a them and us situation when there is absolutely no need for it to be that way. Everybody knows that CIS is used directly to make the statement that there are different types of women trans and CIS and neither are more of a women than the other and prefixing them both balance's them up, we don't ask for a caffeinated coffee because that is just a coffee so we don't need to say CIS woman or man because they are just women or men that haven't been altered the same as caffeinated coffee hasn't been altered, trans women have been altered and see themselves as women which is fine but you can't remove facts and the truth, also nobody can force people in general to see you as whatever you want them too. People will accept what they feel is right, it is not even really a choice, you either think something is okay or you don't even if laws are made it will never change what people honestly feel or think. The ignorance of the extremists pushing this agender are driving a wedge not only between trans and strait but also between themselves, by not accepting that very unconvincing trans women that totally look like a man in a dress upsets women in their safe areas is a one of the big concerns also denying that there are predatory men that are going to find it very easy to throw a dress on and say that they identify as a women to enter these spaces and will inevitability be a serious threat to women and young girls. I know that these are not true trans women but allowing trans women into these spaces opens this avenue for these monsters to operate in. Then there is sports and the denial of obvious advantage 0.2 - 0.5% of competitors represented in the top 5-10% of athletes at a rate of 500-600% above the normal rate is not coincidence , how many trans women athletes are represented in the bottom 5-10% , the answer is none. Denying these things and arguing for them to be implemented by laws and force removes all credibility, empathy and understanding to their cause.
I agree 100%. They respect me. I will respect them and I'm sorry I will not. I refuse to use pronouns for any. One that is not their name. They will be called what they were born as, and they will be called by the name given at birth. I'm not going to bend. 2 a protected species. You are human 9 times out of 10. You're a human adult I am not ASI am a woman that's it. Do not call me Sis. Because if you do we gonna have a problem, a lot of us, do not like it, just like you don't like to be misgendered. Or not use pronouns. It's not respectful I should not have to ask what is your pronounce. I don't ask your name, I call you, ma'am. Or sir of what you are at ninety nine point 999 percent of the time, I can tell when it's a man or a woman, and I call it what it is
As an older gay man I remember when the fight was for not be murderer, not lose our jobs for being gay, marry ( not the religious kind just so we don’t die and our family take everything we build with our partners ) and mainly to be left alone, the goal was to be left alone in our private lives and be part of society on everything else , the goal wasn’t to confirm anyone self idealisations, you do you and I do me here, not need feel obligated to praise me, nowadays the focus is no longer blend in but stand out, get extra special treatment in the name of the suffering that my generation and prior deal with , the problem is that the ones demanding and cry crocodile tears of victimhood never lived those days of real oppression, some of them were still children when civil union was created , so when I hear they feel “unsafe” because of different opinions , and micro aggressions etc it really blows my mind as I was the receiving end of gay bashing and had my face stitched back together, so aggression is aggression, if words make you feel unsafe you clearly still living with mommy and daddy and should only start to form an opinion once you pay rent and have a job, these guys are using what once were powerful words and make them meaningless, so don’t count on me to refer anyone as pumpkin spice , demon , demon self , some people don’t need pronouns need therapy
Interesting how it seems that my opinion feels more opressed now than it ever did back then as a younger lesbian. Like you said, the right to be left alone.
its not the words... its the words being used as a lable and that label being used to discriminate... where you can pee... what activities your allowed to participate... and yes old gay man... people are still being killed for being lgbt
Ive been misgendered for years . The doctors kept calling me by my old name. It really didn't bother me. Why? those people aren't in my everyday life. I actually find it funny. I still get bills ect with both my new name and old name mixed together. I learnt that people are people and it happens and You either get uptight continually about it or just shrug it off. How you decide to react to it is your choice. The people who mean a lot to me call me by my chosen name. Anyone else outside of my family I don't give much thought to if they get it wrong. As for the pronouns thing . People have a lot going on in their lives and people having tantrums because you misgendered them really need to get out of their bubble and realise that actually no one really cares what you want to call yourself. You do You and stop demanding the world stop to satisfy whatever needs you have. Its tiring.
That's kinda what I don't get. Like if these people are out there actually living as their true, authentic selves then an honest mistake made by a total stranger shouldn't be enough for them completely implode. Should it really be so fragile?
I think it is offensive to ask anyone their pronouns especially when they clearly look like the gender they are or the gender they transitioned to. It's like excuse me I have always been called Ma'am or referred to as she and suddenly there is confusion if I am a "she". Like Alexis said the amount of effort it took to look like a woman to then be asked what are your pronouns is so rude.
I agree, it is (while probably out of good intentions) pretty ignorant for a majority of trans people and their struggles. It may be a different matter for non-binary people, but for binary trans people like myself I want to be assumed my gender 😭
I agree as well. I think it is perfectly okay for the person who has "preferred pronouns" to say that straight away, similarly to telling folks one's preferred name when it is not the same as their given name. Clearly, I realize the 2 situations are completely different levels, I am only stating how it can be handled upon meetings in a similar way. I hope I worded that okay lol😊
And it’s just so damn unnecessary. The vein, self absorbed, petty nature of trying to make a practice like that normal is simply exhausting. If you have that much leftover energy in your mind or extra time in your week then you need to get to work or get a hobby. Either these people have no real problems so they have to create some, or they have so many problems they have to create a diversion in order to avoid dealing with them. In either case, it’s beyond obnoxious.
I try to respect peoples pronouns but I have a co-worker who changes them depending how they feel for the day. They have a bracelet that changes depending on what pronouns they want using. I'm too busy and overwhelmed to always notice a bracelet and remember what mood this person maybe in. I'm an old lady who has been part of the lgbt movement for 50 years but this makes me sometimes question everything too
I'm in the same camp with the elder lgbt lady. I'm a 52 year old transsexual woman and I'm personally done with all this. I want nothing to do with the community and the direction it's taking. I'm passing and 90% I'm fine. Now when I'm trans does come out its an awesome or "one of those " reaction. As far I'm concerned being a Canadian we had marriage rights and health care rights that should have been enough. There are always going to be haters and I say Grow A thicker skin.
I would love to see Alexis / Blaire White podcast crossover. Where they talk about common ground and their differences as transwomen in their respective countries.
do you believe "trans" should be forced on those not born in their biological category? as Cis is - denoting or relating to a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex registered for them at birth...... how does that offend you? In what kind of conversation.. would that even come up...?
@@Jasminestealth1I think the issue is we are being forced to accept cis while being told not to use trans. It also seems to be used frequently as an insult ot attack now, cis is almost used as a synonym for transphobic. It also often preceeds someone making a point and implying the person they labelled cisgender couldn't possibly understand or shouldn't comment.
@@Jasminestealth1 Aside from commentary videos, where I've seen it come up in "real life" is on HR related conversations at work or when someone is going to start getting preachy about how they are or aren't this or that. Both are annoying...
@@amyme4066 well other then blair white and buck angle trans people are not slandering other trans so my guess is to let people know its non-trans aka cis - not slur.. just signifier
@@Jasminestealth1again, why then is it trans women are women but women are cis women? The double standard in that is very irksome and I've seen cis used as an attempt to belittle an opponent in televised debates so I disagree about it only being in certain comments sections. The distinction is that trans women are trans women and women are women. As Alexis and many others have said, both have their own unique experiences and should be acknowledged as such.
You handled the deadname situation with class and dignity. It was an uncomfortable situation for you but you didn’t make it into a huge thing. You discussed it calmly and it was fixed.
Also alexis not wanting the person who misgendered them to feel bad,you are an amazing person and your boyfriend is lucky:).Always you seem so positve happy and kind to everyone
I have another thing to say. Alexis, you have made a choice to be happy, kind, and all around wonderful person. You try not to hurt other people, like the time you didn’t want to make the nurse uncomfortable at rhe clinic for calling you Mr. Alexis, and the way you chose to fix it with grace…you are truly a person that so many people during these crazy times, whether they be straight, homosexual, transgender…SO SO many people should strive to be like you. Your channel is a great example for everyone.
It's odd because most of the time 3rd person pronouns aren't used in the presence of a person they are only used when talking about someone not part of the conversation I'd they are present people use we and you
@@kath6720 I run meetings a lot and sometimes mentioning someone in the 3rd person (who is present) does happen. I agree with others though, where most normally default to the name. But if referencing the same person a second or third time in the same conversation segment, it'd be odd to refer to the said person by name over and over... thus why we have pro-nouns.
I love level-headed you are around these topics, and how calmly and respectfully you express your opinions. Just think you're fab and a wonderful ambassador for sensible LGBTQ people.
That last video was Flame Monroe. She's a trans woman who is a comedian and is from the same generation as Buck Angel. She sometimes pops in on Bucks live streams. That clip of her is peak trans wisdom.
I used to argue "trans women are women" but I've thought about it a lot recently. I feel in some ways it actually erases trans women amd identities. I mean, being a trans woman (or man) should be a valid, acknowledged and respected identity in its own right. Trans men and women are courageous in the extreme with what they endure to become who they are. Be proud of being a "trans woman". Being a trans woman (or man) is a 100% positive identity. Hope that makes sense and isn't hurtful.
That makes sense, but then if you do that, you can end up with a world where being trans is unequal. The black community, rightfully, grew up with their own culture and pride on t who they were, but they also I think want to be treated as human. With trans women the problem is with the trans in front, there is a not small group of women out there who say if you are a trans woman, you aren't a woman, you are a freak or inferior, the same way society made being black inferior. It isn't you are wrong or I am right, it is just with the trans label you can end up with gender Jim Crow. Trans should be a point of pride, the way being of a certain origin or whatever is. As long as trans is a modifier and isn't used to segregate ppl into ' 1st or 2nd class', it is fine imo.
Yeah, absolutely. Trans people have had different life experiences to people who grew up as their preferred gender, and by claiming that category as a positive thing, I think there's a lot of understanding and kinship to be found. People bond over shared experiences after all. And socially, the way you interact closely with a trans vs a cis person is just different. Like as a biological female, I honestly feel more comfortable around trans people compared to cis men, because they each understand what it's like to be a woman to an extent. It's different to what your lived experience would be like as a cis person, and I think it's quite a positive thing being able to understand both genders in that way.
@@MangoPanic Trans woman do have a different experience than a woman born that way. In a sense trans women have to fight for things women kind of pick up naturally, the way they socialize, the stages of development. A trans woman kind of has to reverse engineer the whole thing, learn by doing things I believe women pick up naturally. A woman takes decades to develop, a trans woman kind of does that in a couple of years..Some of it is awkward , trans women often go through an awkward period they seem to be going for extremes of clothing and makeup and so forth. Some women see that as it being a fetish, that outside the Kardashians no women do that. What they forget I think is what being a young woman is like, when they are going from being a girl to a woman, and the kind of cringe worthy things women can do during that time. Transwomen are doing that as adults and esp with the internet it is what is visible ( yes, there are trans women who never grow out of that, like there are women born that way that Don't, ie real housewives of x, the Kardashians or RUclips 'influencers' who are older and dress like a Kardashian .
@@njlauren thank you , you put things in a new perspective for me. I will give people a few years then and see how they are from you know when they first come out to how they are and you know four years if they’re still at it, yup growth and teenage years and yeah, that’s probably what they’re in all that can’t wait for it to happen and wishing and everything is their preteen years, where we all start to wish and want and start with hormones and then you know a few years later you you know act and behave like a woman you know after four or five years, but they’re not giving night grace. We could have more people explain that that would be really good. That would help a lot of people.
9:27 The world is going to hell in a lot of ways. If the response to being deadnamed is to cry, yer screwed. You are not going to be hard enough or strong enough to survive.
I loved what Flame(?) said, if women stopped having babies, what would happen? The sad thing is, some trans people will genuinely believe that they can do it instead.
I'd just like to say, as a Natural born Woman, A Big Thank You, to You for Having The Understanding of Not just your own Personal Experiences, But, Also, Having The Understanding towards Natural Born Women. I Hate The Pronoun being used, SIS Woman. I'm NOT A SIS Any Thing, I'm Woman. I enjoy your Chanel Greatly, Please, Continue to enlighten us with Your life Experiences, as, I find you so, so Respectful & Real in your outlook on life. X
I understand that Alexis.... I'm a woman and have been for 63 yrs..I'm not a CIS anything, if you don't want me to offend you, don't start off by offending me first!! I like that you are, and remain honest and call yourself trans-woman and I'm happy to call you she/her... the only time I'd have to ask what do you like to be called, would be when they have confused mish-mash of both male and female looks and you know you're going to offend them just by opening your mouth... but if they look he or she, thats what I'll call them unless they correct me "politely" as I certainly would Not be trying to offend I'd be trying to be descreet!!! As for the weeping offended person Collecting Their Medication.... Medication Must be issued to the correct person, so if she/he wants their new name, they need to change it Legally and then get their name changed on all their paperwork to match. As a nurse, it is our legal duty to deliver the correct medication to the correct person!!!
As an older (British) gay guy I don't like, or identify with, the word queer. And neither do any of my peer group. But in so many situations (media, pride organisations etc) its like 'gay' , or even 'LGBT+' is being replaced by Queer as a default label. Queer activists claim it the word is inclusive, but really its not, as it excludes all the millions of people who don't identify with it and who dont fall in line with the activists agenda.
I’m 21 yrs and lesbian I HATE the word queer growing up queer in my house and family was used to mean being sick or not right I am not queer I am a lesbian or gay whatever I completely agree with you it’s not inclusive at all and anytime I say this I get called homophobic even tho I’m literally gay mad world we live in
@@Rosepaku it's sad that at 21 you feel like that, it's not just us 'oldies'. Back in the 80s and 90s 'gay' was an umbrella term for both gay men and lesbians. 'Gay Pride' events were inclusive of all LGBT+ people, whatever their sexuality, gender or race. The one rainbow flag (of all colours) included everyone. And there wasn't a need to created dozens of different identities each with their own flag, because the whole point of 'gay pride' was to accept yourself and for society at large to accept you as you are.
I've never met a "queer" person who was remotely gay. It's exactly the same as when straight people used to latch onto the word bisexual to make themselves seem interesting at the expense of actual bisexuals, except this time they've latched onto a slur at the expense of all of us. I'm quite sick of them and I'm not an older gay person.
I just want to point out that on the prescription, They have to verify the name and birthday on the prescription. It doesn't matter that you've told them your new name. So I don't think they're really being misgendered so much as the pharmacist is trying to verify their identity to their prescription.
Something that's very important, and really all that needs to be done is changing the name at the doctor's office who wrote up the prescription. Many of the ones I know require an updated photo ID for legal reasons either brought in person or email a photo of into the practice manager. Name changes happen all the time, doctors are used to it, and when it's actually important and not for clicks, people make the time.
When I had my son, my mom flew 8 hours across the country for the birth (gave birth a week early and she missed the birth by a few hours). I had asked how soon I could leave and they said the next day if everything checks out. Everything checked out and the hospital staff started acting weird, long story short, they put me in a room with a social worker. I was beyond confused. They kept asking me if I was pressured to leave, etc. ??? They asked a bunch of questions said something about how young I was…I was 21 almost 22…the second I said that the social worker apologized and said that was the age she had her first child, they were told I was 14-15…..not only were my records at the hospital, I was wearing a bracelet with my fucking birth date! (I was treated like a victim and all my loved ones did wrong) My point……hospitals get shit wrong all the time, whether they have the info/ you tell them / you’re wearing a bracelet confirming shit….in my opinion, your dead name/ pronouns should be the least of your concern for doctors getting things wrong.
Not long ago, I was asked to state my pronouns in the reception of my medical clinic. I was both confused and offended. I've been attending the same clinic for about 19 years. If they haven't figured out my gender by now, I think we're all in trouble. I asked why they felt the need to ask. (They've treated both me and my children, and I'm clearly female in my presentation.) They told me that they now have to ask every patient this question to meet their government accreditation. It's getting a little over the top out there. Edit: Yes, I absolutely feel that they should respect people's pronouns if they request a change. Yes, we should scrap the word cis.
As a trans man, one of the first things I sat down with is finding male/men role models. From friends, from my brother and other men in my life and that was super important to me with my transition. It was disheartening when I told other trans folk they would say, "Oh just be YOURSELF" and don't fall into the toxic masculinity. I thought at the time it didn't feel right them expressing something they thought was negative to them but was super important to me. They aren't much in my life now in days.
This is a roller coaster for me. First I was like, Ugh. This is stupid. But I have empathy and I don't want to hurt people, so I rethought it and said I would try. They/them is very hard for me. Now I'm kind of at a point where if you're in my life then I will really make a strong effort. But if you're a random person I just don't think this should be focused on. If I make a mistake, get over it. Think of all those people whose name is mispronounced. A name is important. It is a large part of your identity and it IS noticed when it's said wrong. But no one makes a big deal of it. I am obese and since I got that way I notice a difference in how people treat me. But I don't know them and I get over it. As a society we can do better with having empathy and respect for each other. But I feel like some communities are really stepping on people and disregarding everyone but themselves.
I can understand why the woman who regrets fighting for gay rights feels as she does. She totally gets what many folks these days completely miss. When fighting for the rights of individual minority groups, not only is that group simply asking to be treated the same-no better or no worse- as everyone else, but they are also hoping to set a precedent so that other people, countries, etc. will understand the importance of their advocacy for equality and follow suit. Sadly, when things get taken to an unreasonable and, frankly, confusing and fantastical extreme, it becomes virtually impossible to set this precedent. Think about it; countries like Russia are watching what’s going on with genders and pronouns in the USA and they are using it to bolster support for their antiquated homophobic political ideologies. They point to us and say, “See, it’s outrageous. It’s not about equal rights for everyone, it’s about supporting and accepting a reality where people can identify as seasons or animals or mythological creatures and then be protected. It’s taking advantage of social security and taking financial support from the people who really need it. Do folks not see how the US and like minded nations appear to more traditional cultures…cultures where gay, lesbians, bi, and trans people are undoubtedly stsuffering from antiquated laws and intolerance. Instead of helping these cultures recognize the importance of equality by setting an example, we are giving them fodder to become even less inclusive. And if you’re the kind of person who believes we should only focus on our own people, then understand that this thinking also applies to our neighbors and communities who are still on the fence about equality for these groups. We are making their arguments for them!
I'm a straight white guy, for me videos like yours are so important to understand that were not all mad here... I feel like without sane perspectives like yours, whatever these activists are doing by vilifying people like me, would eventually anger the population enough turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. they scream for oppression the loudest, while being the biggest bigots themselves. Thank you for the courage and speaking your opinion!
I understand the hurt and frustration when being called the wrong name in the doctor’s office. I can give a bit of information in regard to maybe why it happens sometimes. 🤔 I work in a medical office (in Canada) and I can just recommend making sure to change your medical information because if your medical card/insurance cards still have your dead name. A lot of offices have to have that name as your name in your profile to bill your provincial/medical insurance. The programs we use quite often don’t have an option for “preferred name”. So sometimes it is hard for us to keep track of name changes. It’s very rarely something we mistake on purpose. If we are doing the injection for you there is a charge to insurance or government to have that injection administered in office covered as well and we can’t bill without having the exact information that is on your card. Same goes for when you get married or if you’re someone who goes by a middle name. We have to bill to the name on your cards/insurances or it won’t be covered. 😣 The people behind the counter are really just trying their best with what they have and sometimes mistakes happen. ❤️
Thank you so much Alexis. I appreciate everything that you do, with such kindness, respect and class to everyone. Huge respect and admiration for you. I’m a huge fan. 👏🏻🦋 PS - Your hair blowout looks beautiful!
If someone asked me my pronouns I'd be so confused. I'd be looking down my top to check if my boobs are still there 🤣 I'd prefer people just ask my name. If people don't know pronouns do what we used to do. Don't call them male or female. It worked and it was so much easier
A couple of years ago, I was at the doctor, filling out my paperwork, the nurse took a look over my forms and then asked me what my pronouns are… that’s the first time in 44 years of living that I’d ever been asked and I was so confused and did exactly what you said, I looked down myself and wondering if it really suddenly wasn’t obvious?! 😂🤔
Asked my pronouns when I attended my Dr’s for my cervical smear. They sent me my appointment addressed to Mrs …………. I’m 65 and have to have regular checks for previous health issues. Having given birth to two children and living in a small village where everyone knows everyone else. I found this really weird and told the receptionist (who I have known since she was six and became friends with my youngest) that this is ridiculous her answers we have to do this now as a ‘welfare check’ we could offend by getting it wrong. 🤷🏼♀️
@@Sofasurfa so to save someone from being insulted you treat everyone the same and end up insulting even more women as a result? Yep that soooo makes sense 🤦🏻♀️
Your story reminded me once if getting called by the nurse in the waiting room. I get near him and the SHOCK in his eyes had me totally stressed out... what? Turns out being in a room of very old people (cardiologist) in your early 20's, he misread my birth year has a full fifty years OLDER.... so he was startled by a baby-faced 23 year old, not 73 year old, coming up. 😆 I wouldn't say I found it hilarious in the moment, especially since it's terrifying to be needing a heart doctor that young, but I always try hard to find a sense of humor in my difference.
I have been watching you for a bit, and want to thank you for putting yourself out here. You have a good head on your shoulders. I feel you are honest and try to be true to who you are no matter where you are at in life. The inner strength of character shines through as well. I feel that through things you may have not always felt that way but from the limited things I have seen you have. Also, it is refreshing to get your perspective on where we are right now societally. I will admit that I have lived through a few centuries now, so have seen some big changes in the lgbt community. Honestly, in the past I never spent too much time thinking on the people of this community beyond they deserve basic rights that all people should have and let them be who they want to be and love who they want to love. Currently, though I find myself more vested in things purely for the fact that it now directly affects my life, often in basic ways. I feel often now certain people are demanding respect without earning it and often not showing it to the people around them in return. I am a biological woman who has lived her life as a woman fully. I am offended by the term cis and yet I have been called it even after stating I do not like to be referred to it. Did they stop? No. Here is the thing, I continue the conversation til I was able to excuse myself and moved on. I didn’t let their perception and opinion impact me beyond the superficial. At the end of the day how I feel about myself is most important, the people who are family and close friends matter to me. Not stranger. Being a Gen Xer may impact my “feelings” resistance, lol, but society has become much too reliant on validation from outside forces that can’t fill the void of introspect and getting comfortable with who you are. Which is a constantly evolving thing as we move through life and experiences. Anyhow, thanks for being here. Keep up the fantastic work. I wish you the very best and continued success in all you do.
Here's my take as a trans man who passes and is mostly stealth offline. I'm not offended by being asked about pronouns, but it's an unrealistic expectation outside of spaces specifically for transgender people. I also think that the word cisgender should only be used in our spaces, because that's really the only time when a distinction is needed. Trans men and biological men are different and vice versa. I'm not at all saying that trans men are women or vice versa. I'm saying that trans men are only men in the social sense of how we live or are trying to live our lives, but when we're in spaces, such as dating, hooking up, medical spaces, etc we need to label ourselves as trans men instead of men. We aren't biologically male and never will be.
Alexis, you have such a logical way of looking at this. I have decided that if someone asked my pronouns, I would just say it is obvious by looking at me. I am a 70 year old grandma, and so obviously a she that it IS irritating for someone to ask.
That last video with the trans woman… flippin fantastic! I’m a trans man and have been in transition for 8 years. I hate what a lot of the community has turned into. I don’t want to stand out, I just want to live as me, with kindness, gentleness and respect - I don’t want to be loud or be part of some trend! It worries me for the future as I can imagine that detransition rates will rise too in years to come due to the chaos that’s going on right now. Being trans is not a trend, it’s not edgy, it’s incredibly serious and can be (in my experience and I’m sure many others agree) completely debilitating, it’s a cruel thing to live with. One thing that’s driving me mad a lot is that there’s a whole movement of people who say “you don’t need to have dysphoria to be trans”… Dysphoria IS the symptom of being trans! Transition is a way of alleviating the symptom of dysphoria, so in my opinion (and this is only my opinion, I don’t claim to be correct in everything I say) if you transition and you don’t have dysphoria then you’re simply just making a CHOICE, if you do NOT have the discomfort and disconnect between the gender you were assigned as at birth and the gender you identify with then you are simply making a choice. I love the words at the end about trans women being trans women and trans men being trans men, I will be using this from now on - it makes so much sense and clarity when it’s explained in that way! I do hate what’s going on in the community at this current point and I’ve told some people who are close friends of mine how much I have distanced myself from the community because it’s actually made me feel more scared to be “found out” because of the associations now linked to trans people that effects all of us as a whole. I’ve also had to spend time working in a place for multiple years (that happened to be within the NHS) where there was a lot of transphobia and I was constantly scared of someone finding out etc. is a horrible feeling. Alexis you are my favourite person on RUclips when it comes to anything like this and I’m so so glad you exist on the platform, it’s so lovely to know there are other trans people out there that share these same feelings and experiences. Thank you to both you and your partner for the work you put into education, making the videos and just being lovely, honest and kind people!
Totally agree, cis-woman is a slur, if trans women need to distinguish they can call themselves trans women, also why do you even need to know somebody's pronouns? The people I know or meet I just call by their name - it may come out in conversation later that somebody is gay, lesbian, trans or non-binary but I don't see why we should have to tippy toe around this whole issue of pronouns. Treat all people with respect, just call people by their name - problem solved! Love your work Alexis 😍
OMG Alexis you are such a good raconteur, you had me in stitches with your doctors surgery tale. I'm so glad you took it all in your stride and in such good spirits and turned it into an amusing anecdote. And Liam is absolutely hilarious, when he looked to camera and said 'it's a phase you'll get over it' I spat my drink out. Such a wonderful couple.
This is just a joke. My atheist friend Bob claims he's now a woman and wants me to call him Barbara. I said okay Bob. If you want me to believe you are a woman and call you Barbara. When I tell you God exists you must believe me then. She agreed. And we came to terms. Things worked out better than anticipated... We're getting married next June. It's amazing how things can work out. If we'd only give them a chance 😁
The older trans woman in that clip has such a grounded, compassionate, candid take on this issue. Clearly a beautiful soul who loves herself and knows her own worth without needing to take it at the expense of women. Much love to her, and to you Alexis!♥️
I love your videos! You’re so kind in the way you talk about these issues. It’s clear you do your best to be respectful while also being honest. I just want to say that I actually do see trans women, (the real ones, not the trenders) as women, we’re just different types of women. Same goes for trans men. A rose and an orchid are both flowers. Both lovely and smell nice, but they need different things, are grown in different environments and yield different physical qualities. I wish people cared more about others and acted with love and empathy in mind rather than selfishness. Anyway, you’re beautiful inside and out! Keep up the great work ❤️
ALEXIS you are so wonderful. You are an educator and a true example of what transitioning to a women really means. You are a women and a beautiful one. I wish the circus of this generation who just want attention would stop. Thank you for being so honest and real, and you intelegeance about this subject. Much love ♥️
Super valid point that maybe people can introduce their own pronouns if they expect other people to respect and use their pronouns? I think thats fair 🤷♀️
Acknowledging and feeling gratitude for the sacrifices earlier generations made for people to live better lives now(regardless of race and gender,just compare the average job today to one 100 years ago)is a reason why older people 'lean conservative' sometimes,and a lot of young people right now dont understand how much progress has been made,and they are anxious and angry most of the time
I love that….if a woman is a social construct and we’re trying to emulate women, does that make us social construction workers? That was so good. And everything she said was so kind.
You are a remarkable person, Alexis, an eminently sensible, smart, fair warm, strong, sensitive, courageous, compassionate, kind, gentle, unassuming South Yorkshire lass, beautiful inside and out and your opinions are always so well thought out, reasoned and considered. I always look forward to your videos. As a bisexual man in my late fifties, raised in a glorious working class South Yorkshire family in which my Mother worked and my Dad was the homemaker, cooking, cleaning, shopping and even making clothes for my Mother, I didn't really subscribe to any kind of traditional gender roles. At Uni in Manchester in the 80s, I was the only guy in a group of amazing Radical Feminist lesbians who bestowed on me the extraordinary honours of "honorary woman" and "honorary lesbian," - which touched me very deeply and still does - and we fought damn hard for LGBT rights in the dark days of the Thatcher reign of terror. Something that always bothered me at the time was the amount of woman-hating seething away in the LGBT community and the fact that gay male misogyny was never challenged. I was always mouthy and could never let anti-women comments pass - I still can't - and that made life difficult. Sadly, I feel that misogyny is just as disgustingly rife Today, as are so many other forms of prejudice and conflict. You never fail to acknowledge the strong and loving women who have inspired you and your adoration for them is so palpable and heartwarming. You are often very humble regarding yourself - which is lovely - but I do hope you realise what an incredible inspiration you are to all of us who love your videos, regardless of our gender or sexuality. You are very human and very humane and, whenever I start to despair at the seemingly endless and constantly increasing divisions between people, I watch one of your videos and invariably hear a voice of reason. Liam and yourself are very lucky to have each other and we are all very lucky to have you. Thank you, Alexis x.
That last video actually made me tear up. It’s so hard no to get respect as a bio woman from the lgbt nonsense community so it’s always beautiful hearing these amazing and beautiful trans women (like yourself) standing up for bio women. ❤❤❤❤ Thank you love!
Alexis, I have a question/suggestion. I am a late middle aged woman and I subscribe to you because you are informative, funny, based and interesting. My interest in trans issues was piqued when Kellie Jay Keen came to nz and was treated so appallingly. I had never heard of her, wondered who this ‘Nazi’ (as she was described by our press) was, looked into it and found that while she’s very blunt, the issues of infringing upon women’s rights to safety and privacy she speaks about very real and I agree with almost everything she says. So then I started reading books, watching videos etc and finding out about this entire world that I had been kind of oblivious too. Because of my demographic and the algorithms, I get a lot of content under my nose defending traditional rights. I’m not a right wing person but suddenly I’m being exposed to their viewpoints because of my interest in this one matter. My question is this. I have seen a LOT of videos of crying over deadnaming and pronouns, and the more ridiculous takes on it, people reacting to obvious set ups where an activist goes out looking to video their own misgendering. But what about real hate crimes towards trans? What are your real struggles? Or is it all mostly this language and definition differences? I have been told over and over that trans people are the most victimised group of us all. What is the truth in that? Is it that a lot of trans people do end up in ‘segs’ work and it’s a risk of that game? What are the real risks and prejudices you actually experience? Everyone talks about it and the whole idea is to ensure equal rights and protections, but I have never been exposed to what those real threats are. Back in my days of clubbing I can remember ‘gay bashing’ being an issue and standing up against that. I remember the drag queens and transsexuals in the loos and we all got along fine. I thought we won that fight. Is it something like that which is still a major everyday threat to trans people today? I see a million examples of trans people showing us that they believe language is violence. I don’t believe that what they are calling violent actually is. An example: I say that biology is real and people cannot change segs (sorry for silly spelling but you know why!). I also say I have no issue with trans folk doing whatever, dress how you like snd you’re welcome, but I draw the line at agreeing that ‘trans women are women’ because it’s not true. So I get called transphobic and bigoted even though I have zero issues with and a lot of sympathy for trans people in general, as I do anyone who is not socially typical (I am an odd bod myself.) so from where I stand, a ‘transphobe’ is someone who disagrees with the Great Lie behind all of this confusion- which comes back to the slogan ‘trans women are women’ and the inference that people can literally and easily switch segs (I’m using that word because ‘gender’ seems to mean anything except biology these days.) that Lie is what is endangering and confusing our children because they will believe it if taught it, thinking that it’s like changing a costume, and now ten years in and we are seeing the younger detransitioners and regretters with ruined bodies and shortened lives and destroyed/missing body parts, people who are sterile, unable to function at all in terms of intimate enjoyment. Children who made life altering decisions based upon a lie. I have concern for them and since the Cass Report has confirmed our fears, I believe minors should not be medically treated with these drugs which we don’t know are safe, or have drastic, irreversible surgery. Am I transphobic for following the science to the obvious truth? Even though I wholeheartedly support trans rights as much as any other minority? My only skin in this game is to protect children from irreparable harm, and women from the sort of men that are seeming to infiltrate the trans community and impersonate trans in order to hurt women. The ones that take advantage of self id to suddenly conveniently transition before they are given life in a male prison where they belong, for example. But is that the extent of being a qualified transphobe? Misgendering because of not buying into the lie? (Having said that I will use preferred pronouns, because I don’t want to hurt feelings and in cases like yourself and people who obviously pass, it feels natural, but if I don’t know and if the person is ambiguous to look at it outright not putting any effort in at all, if I muck it up it’s not through hate. I can also see the reasons why some don’t use them.) If not, then what actually defines one? Is real hatred, vilification, oppression, exploitation etc a big problem? Is ‘transphobia’ ever actually really a ‘phobia’?
Transphobia is a phobia when you deny it is real. It is one thing to question things like self id laws like the UK has, it is okay to question some of way they are handling trans kids , that well meaning but off the wall ppl are pushing kids. But for example, saying science says biology is all that matters is a code word for saying that trans ppl aren't real, it is what right wing trans haters use to justify discrimination. In the US states are refusing to allow changing gender on a driver's license or a birth certificate.,saying they are what they are born. Your bc is one of the prime ways of proving who you are, you can't get a job without showing that in the US. Drivers licenses are used as id to fly. Try going through TSA dressed as a woman when your driver's license says 'm'. That biology is also being used to keep trans women from using a restroom when they need to go. I am not talking about a person self id'ing or a non binary person , talking about a woman who is trans who is presenting as a woman, likely living as one, and needs to go. Use the men's room? A trans woman is in as much or more danger than a woman going in there. Like I said, there are legitimate issues, like trans men getting terms like mother and women wiped out of existence. But a lot of what you are watching is right wing propaganda, as if being trans was a new thing, it isn't. Bigots still accuse gay ppl of ' grooming' children, as it they can be converted. Want to know something? Most trans or gay ppl would rather their own or other kids were not, bc they know how hard it is. Those promoting helping trans kids aren't grooming, they are genuinely trying to help but are doing some wrong things.
Talking sense as always Alexis. Another great video. Looking fabulous too. I totally agree, if anyone asked me my pronouns I'd be offended. Why is that even the start of a conversation? we don't open a conversation with asking people other personal things, why that? It's a weird one indeed
Thank you for respecting that not all biological women are ok with being called cis! As the trans woman in the last clip said, there were previously all sorts of insulting names people used for trans women, and I would not personally use any of those words either. I care about if my words and actions hurt other people. But if the other people don't care about hurting me, it wears down my compassion pretty quickly.
The pharmacy story with using the wrong name, many doctors offices will use the name on your paperwork, which has to match the name on your insurance. I got stuck with a previous name for nearly three years after I got married because there was a mess up on the insurance end of things and my name change had to be submitted multiple times before they finally got it right. And if the name change isn't even legal yet? Or there's no documentation to support a preferred name? Don't even get me started... I am sadly not surprised, and this is not just an issue for trans folks. It's an issue for a lot of folks who get their name changed for any reason, especially for people on state insurance in some states. And speaking of that... air con? I wish! When I lived in the South every house had it as a default, but here in the North? I can get myself a couple window units, but those are so expensive to run we avoid it until it's unbearable. You're not the only one who will be wilting in the heat here soon!
You look great! Honestly, in my opinion, this is the best hairstyle I've seen on you! Keep doing you, you are such a necessary voice of reason in these insane times
As a gay approaching middle age (almost 30 - young enough to have been on Tumblr in 2013, old enough to be tired of the Clock App Queers), I don't really associate with the wider LGBT community. A lot of my friends are gay or trans, but that has more to do with many of my interests attracting other gays and less to do with me seeking them out. I'm very thankful that I had people in my late teens that challenged my Tumblrized beliefs before they got out of hand, and I'm thankful that I had the common sense to listen, learn that it's important to hear out all sides, and form your own opinions outside of an echo chamber. My ex wasn't so lucky. They spent our entire relationship convincing me I was responsible for their suicide attempt, telling me my ideations weren't valid and that I "wasn't that depressed", and making fun of me for my alcohol tolerance when I can't drink due to a medical condition. No matter how many times I brought up these things being actual issues, I was in the wrong and they were the victim. I broke it off, but tried to stay friends, which was probably a bad decision on my part. They moved to LA and have spent every moment since e-begging (while refusing to get a job), making themselves the victim, and complaining about the "struggles" of being "trans" when they aren't transgender and use neopronouns. It's terrifying to think that I could have become that if not for my friends and family, because my ex is absolutely miserable and I'm actually living my best life.
Alexis, the woke mob reasoning is simple. To say that “𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨-𝙬𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣,” would mean us women need to be shunted off the chair (𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘴!). So now, we are now “𝘤𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯” whilst trans-women claim the throne as just “𝙬𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣.” No pre-fix needed. You can't have two Queens on the throne, but society is finally standing up and saying “We want Coca-Cola....𝙏𝙝𝙖𝙩'𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜!”
if your having a conversation to segregate people... even if it is in conversion ... how do you have that... if you do not have defining terms.... transsexual women are women... just like any other identifying.. however... society is pushing a narrative.. that those that take that journey are "less" then.... like saying the black woman... or the blond woman... or the tall woman.... those are descriptors... but to call someone a "trans" woman.. although it is a descriptor.. its negative or less then... the sad part is the amount of struggle.. the financial burden... the medical recovery.. the challenges those people have to overcome... in order to even achieve "woman" as an identifier.. but tall woman... blond woman... and yet through all those struggles if someone refers to a person enough to describe as a "trans" its not empathy... its not understanding.. its used to lessen.. and that is sad
I wish people would stop using such divisive language like 'woke mob,' it does nothing to create an open dialogue or polite discourse. People disagree all the time, just because a person does not share your point of view doesn't mean they are any better or worse than you, they just have a difference of opinion. That's why even though some of her audience might consider me 'woke' I still appreciate Alexis's videos, she shares her view in an unjudgmental and respectful manner. No trans woman I know is interested in replacing women, they don't want your seat at the table. They just want a seat at the table.
@@cruel_brittania Seems like it would be a better idea to let things go than address them and be tied up in knots all the time. I read tons of things that offend me but I don't usually say anything because it's not like it's going to change their mind and, going back and forth with them isn't going to change my own opinion. I think you and I appreciate Alexis for her take on things as I can agree with how she delivers her feelings with others - she is very respectful even when disagreeing. I think it's the extremist activist that ruin things for the transgender community - just like they do for any other group. Like Westboro Baptist church supporters ruin things for Christians. Most Christians I know aren't like that.
@@cruel_brittaniait is NOT a "difference of opinion" when violence and threats are used to silence women. It is NOT a "difference of opinion" when society is forced to change to accommodate the feelings of some men over the safety of all women. It is NOT a "difference of opinion" when these violent thugs (because that's what these so-called "activists" ARE) are only intent on SCREAMING in people's faces. These thugs DO NOT WANT discourse, they only want CONTROL. And that, my dear person, makes them a MOB.
@@harmonymiller1211 Well you've given me hope that maybe more people do realise that it is the extremists and they are just the quiet ones, every trans person I have known have been very similar to Alexis. They just want a chair at the table and to exist in their own truth.
I find myself agreeing so much with what you're saying Alexis, I remember those times where being trans was viewed so differently to today which is why I struggled hiding the real me away for so many years, now I feel those rights are being taken away because of the so called trans activists moaning about life, all I wanted is to be accepted and get on with my life, what the hell is this pronoun thing and cis thing FFS!! x
Alexis you have such a lovely soul. We are so blessed that you share your thoughts and life with us. You are so balanced and fair and open to change your mind if new information comes forward. Keep being you hun 🩷
As someone who was BOOTS on the ground in Berkley protesting for Gay rights.. I 100% feel what the second lady said. I didn't "get it" then when the crazy conservatives were like.. this is opening a door. Yeah.. .it did open the door.
To the one with the prescription, I don’t know the exact context but coming from the medical field (and this goes for anyone changing their name, not just a trans person), just telling us that you’ve changed your name isn’t enough for it to be changed, even if it’s a legal change the legal documentation needs to be provided. It can be added as a preferred name in the meantime, but the dead name would still appear on the medial record during that time. Part of it has to do with insurance, too, so if this person updated their name with their doctor’s office but didn’t update with their insurance company it can cause all sorts of issues. I’ve seen a name get changed back because it doesn’t match what the insurance company has.
Once I held the door open for what I thought was a young Trans Girl and said "There you go Miss" and was scolded because he or she said she was non-binary. I said I'm sorry but it didn't matter. You can't win with some of these people.
It’s a huge slap in the face. If someone wanted to put me in a box I’d fit somewhere but I don’t care about hitting anywhere. I don’t understand what happened to tmi! The whole ass year where people were locked up at home because of Covid went to the camera and posted their feelings and troubles and it got used as a therapeutic outlet but I wish that didn’t happen. Keep your business to yourself live happy
Not sure why but I can't find the subscribe button. I still seaerg for yours and watch them. I've said this before but you are beautiful and classy and serve as an example For both trans and non trans. You are so genuine and respectful and are surely helping many to either understand trans or to help those that are wanting to change . What a great sourse of the correct and classy way to help trans women transform as easily as possible. ❤
when someone asks me my pronouns, im going to ask them what they think i am. it makes me uncomfortable as a slightly effeminate male to be asked my pronouns. im still male. i still present as male. idk its frustrating i dont really want to have to tell people that i am the gender i was born as.
Alexis, in this flog you say, "It just so politically correct, irritating sorry." English people I find use sorry a lot, when making a statement. What I am saying is this. I totally agree with what you are saying. I never use the word sorry in a sentence, a statement. I am right at the beginning of my Transition from Male to Female. That person you showed here asking for pronouns, I has an Aussie bloke, would tell him to "F , O and none of your business." Love your Vlogs Alexis. I take on board your wonderful advice at the beginning of my going from Male to Female. I would love to meet you and Liam one day.
Hey Alexis, love your videos. I did have a video request though... I was wondering if you could make a video on transspecies people/Otherkin. They are basically people who believe they were born in the wrong body (wrong body = human) and live as the species/creature they believe they truly are. Example: dog, cat, rat, fairy, goblin, rock, etc. People in this community compare themselves a lot to transgender people and some even consider it almost equal and just as valid. And I would like to hear your POV as a transperson.
I was a part of the community. I remember when the community was loving and caring and they didn’t sugar coat anything. I loved that because I could always go to them for advice and I know I would always get the truth. Now people would just get awful advice
Look I a a female from birth. But on the phone or in drive thru . I always get misgenedered. To me I just say i am a female not a male. That's it they say sorry and we forget it. Also on phone calls. These ppl just need to STOP.
Asking someone’s pronouns is pretty straightforward- I’ll give him that but it’s unfathomably complex to have to unpick your understanding of language and use them
You’re not alone with medical people misgendering…my Dad who’s in his 70s was misgendered by a hospital consultant on his records last year as a women. My Dad is definitely a he/ him and although he’s run a charity race in drag once he’s not a trans women! Bit worrying when NHS Drs cannot tell difference between a 70year old man or women;-)!
"Cis" has become a slur among the trans ideologists. I think you are a person beyond your years. You think and you're respectful of how other people think and feel. Brava!
That third video, if that person’s deadname was their legal name on their prescription, then I can totally see why the pharmacist would ask about that name. Pharmacists and doctors ask your name to confirm identity so they know they are talking to/giving medication to the correct person
I've just subscribed to your channel.... compliment time... love the channel also I find you present yourself a very classy and delicate trans woman 😊.
I don't know who that person is surrounded by, but no doubt obvious women who use they/them or they/he, or zi/zer, or even obvious men using those pronouns. Best to not ask at all, because it's insulting to everyone else. Believe me, if their pronouns are important to them, THEY WILL TELL YOU.
You are beautiful and smart. I appreciate you being you! I am an ally. I appreciate you also saying that we should not use cis gender to refer to biological women and men. Great content and keep up the good work.
yk i think we should be fighting for the rights of lgbt people in countries where they are persecuted because we are really privelidged in the countries we live in and people defo are taking it too far.
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As an older lesbian, I am horrified at what is happening in the younger LGBT community. Thank you Alexis for once again being the voice of reason in this crazy world.
Lesbian bars were shutting down decades ago due to economics and assimilation. But I've heard it used as an example of anti-lgb arguments.
@@heatnicoleherAnd today those bars can’t exist without letting men in. Did you see that lesbian only dating app that then let trans women in and banned women for not wanting to date them
I don't know what older means to you, but I am soon to be 37 and I am so outraged about what is happening in this community!!!
I'm a 46 year old bisexual and I feel the same. Makes me want to climb back in the closet and slam the door.
Unfortunately the trans movement is actually turning very neutral people against trans women which is really sad as I truly believe that generally most of society don't care less what others do with their lives. It is becoming so extreme almost making it a them and us situation when there is absolutely no need for it to be that way.
Everybody knows that CIS is used directly to make the statement that there are different types of women trans and CIS and neither are more of a women than the other and prefixing them both balance's them up, we don't ask for a caffeinated coffee because that is just a coffee so we don't need to say CIS woman or man because they are just women or men that haven't been altered the same as caffeinated coffee hasn't been altered, trans women have been altered and see themselves as women which is fine but you can't remove facts and the truth, also nobody can force people in general to see you as whatever you want them too. People will accept what they feel is right, it is not even really a choice, you either think something is okay or you don't even if laws are made it will never change what people honestly feel or think.
The ignorance of the extremists pushing this agender are driving a wedge not only between trans and strait but also between themselves, by not accepting that very unconvincing trans women that totally look like a man in a dress upsets women in their safe areas is a one of the big concerns also denying that there are predatory men that are going to find it very easy to throw a dress on and say that they identify as a women to enter these spaces and will inevitability be a serious threat to women and young girls. I know that these are not true trans women but allowing trans women into these spaces opens this avenue for these monsters to operate in.
Then there is sports and the denial of obvious advantage 0.2 - 0.5% of competitors represented in the top 5-10% of athletes at a rate of 500-600% above the normal rate is not coincidence , how many trans women athletes are represented in the bottom 5-10% , the answer is none.
Denying these things and arguing for them to be implemented by laws and force removes all credibility, empathy and understanding to their cause.
You know what makes kids feel unsafe? Being sexualized by adults.
I think so many people have forgotten that the first step to getting respect is being respectful.
I agree 100%. They respect me. I will respect them and I'm sorry I will not. I refuse to use pronouns for any. One that is not their name. They will be called what they were born as, and they will be called by the name given at birth.
I'm not going to bend. 2 a protected species. You are human 9 times out of 10. You're a human adult I am not ASI am a woman that's it. Do not call me Sis. Because if you do we gonna have a problem, a lot of us, do not like it, just like you don't like to be misgendered. Or not use pronouns. It's not respectful I should not have to ask what is your pronounce. I don't ask your name, I call you, ma'am. Or sir of what you are at ninety nine point 999 percent of the time, I can tell when it's a man or a woman, and I call it what it is
As an older gay man I remember when the fight was for not be murderer, not lose our jobs for being gay, marry ( not the religious kind just so we don’t die and our family take everything we build with our partners ) and mainly to be left alone, the goal was to be left alone in our private lives and be part of society on everything else , the goal wasn’t to confirm anyone self idealisations, you do you and I do me here, not need feel obligated to praise me, nowadays the focus is no longer blend in but stand out, get extra special treatment in the name of the suffering that my generation and prior deal with , the problem is that the ones demanding and cry crocodile tears of victimhood never lived those days of real oppression, some of them were still children when civil union was created , so when I hear they feel “unsafe” because of different opinions , and micro aggressions etc it really blows my mind as I was the receiving end of gay bashing and had my face stitched back together, so aggression is aggression, if words make you feel unsafe you clearly still living with mommy and daddy and should only start to form an opinion once you pay rent and have a job, these guys are using what once were powerful words and make them meaningless, so don’t count on me to refer anyone as pumpkin spice , demon , demon self , some people don’t need pronouns need therapy
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Interesting how it seems that my opinion feels more opressed now than it ever did back then as a younger lesbian.
Like you said, the right to be left alone.
👏🏻 Thank you ❤
its not the words... its the words being used as a lable and that label being used to discriminate... where you can pee... what activities your allowed to participate... and yes old gay man... people are still being killed for being lgbt
I still don’t understand why or how gender idiology has taken over the LGB community, completely lost its purpose
Ive been misgendered for years . The doctors kept calling me by my old name. It really didn't bother me. Why? those people aren't in my everyday life. I actually find it funny. I still get bills ect with both my new name and old name mixed together. I learnt that people are people and it happens and You either get uptight continually about it or just shrug it off. How you decide to react to it is your choice. The people who mean a lot to me call me by my chosen name. Anyone else outside of my family I don't give much thought to if they get it wrong. As for the pronouns thing . People have a lot going on in their lives and people having tantrums because you misgendered them really need to get out of their bubble and realise that actually no one really cares what you want to call yourself. You do You and stop demanding the world stop to satisfy whatever needs you have. Its tiring.
That's kinda what I don't get. Like if these people are out there actually living as their true, authentic selves then an honest mistake made by a total stranger shouldn't be enough for them completely implode. Should it really be so fragile?
I think it is offensive to ask anyone their pronouns especially when they clearly look like the gender they are or the gender they transitioned to. It's like excuse me I have always been called Ma'am or referred to as she and suddenly there is confusion if I am a "she". Like Alexis said the amount of effort it took to look like a woman to then be asked what are your pronouns is so rude.
I agree, it is (while probably out of good intentions) pretty ignorant for a majority of trans people and their struggles.
It may be a different matter for non-binary people, but for binary trans people like myself I want to be assumed my gender 😭
Agreed. When I meet a clear transwoman (regardless of prettiness or passing), I use she/her.
Absolutely right
I agree as well. I think it is perfectly okay for the person who has "preferred pronouns" to say that straight away, similarly to telling folks one's preferred name when it is not the same as their given name. Clearly, I realize the 2 situations are completely different levels, I am only stating how it can be handled upon meetings in a similar way. I hope I worded that okay lol😊
And it’s just so damn unnecessary. The vein, self absorbed, petty nature of trying to make a practice like that normal is simply exhausting. If you have that much leftover energy in your mind or extra time in your week then you need to get to work or get a hobby. Either these people have no real problems so they have to create some, or they have so many problems they have to create a diversion in order to avoid dealing with them. In either case, it’s beyond obnoxious.
I try to respect peoples pronouns but I have a co-worker who changes them depending how they feel for the day. They have a bracelet that changes depending on what pronouns they want using. I'm too busy and overwhelmed to always notice a bracelet and remember what mood this person maybe in. I'm an old lady who has been part of the lgbt movement for 50 years but this makes me sometimes question everything too
I'm in the same camp with the elder lgbt lady. I'm a 52 year old transsexual woman and I'm personally done with all this. I want nothing to do with the community and the direction it's taking. I'm passing and 90% I'm fine. Now when I'm trans does come out its an awesome or "one of those " reaction. As far I'm concerned being a Canadian we had marriage rights and health care rights that should have been enough. There are always going to be haters and I say Grow A thicker skin.
I would love to see Alexis / Blaire White podcast crossover. Where they talk about common ground and their differences as transwomen in their respective countries.
Alexis would get an education on some of her "opinions" that's for sure!
I'd also like to see an Alexis/Buck podcast.Both sides covered, plus different age experiences.
@@wendydonnelly1881in what way?
I don't accept CIS. I would literally turn around and leave.
do you believe "trans" should be forced on those not born in their biological category? as Cis is - denoting or relating to a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex registered for them at birth...... how does that offend you? In what kind of conversation.. would that even come up...?
@@Jasminestealth1I think the issue is we are being forced to accept cis while being told not to use trans. It also seems to be used frequently as an insult ot attack now, cis is almost used as a synonym for transphobic. It also often preceeds someone making a point and implying the person they labelled cisgender couldn't possibly understand or shouldn't comment.
@@Jasminestealth1 Aside from commentary videos, where I've seen it come up in "real life" is on HR related conversations at work or when someone is going to start getting preachy about how they are or aren't this or that. Both are annoying...
@@amyme4066 well other then blair white and buck angle trans people are not slandering other trans so my guess is to let people know its non-trans aka cis - not slur.. just signifier
@@Jasminestealth1again, why then is it trans women are women but women are cis women? The double standard in that is very irksome and I've seen cis used as an attempt to belittle an opponent in televised debates so I disagree about it only being in certain comments sections. The distinction is that trans women are trans women and women are women. As Alexis and many others have said, both have their own unique experiences and should be acknowledged as such.
Imagine being a teacher and having to remember 300 to 600 kids pronouns a year. It's not a reasonable expectation of anyone.
Surely the whole point of transitioning is to not have to ask for pronouns?! Love you Alexis ❤
You handled the deadname situation with class and dignity. It was an uncomfortable situation for you but you didn’t make it into a huge thing. You discussed it calmly and it was fixed.
Also alexis not wanting the person who misgendered them to feel bad,you are an amazing person and your boyfriend is lucky:).Always you seem so positve happy and kind to everyone
I have another thing to say. Alexis, you have made a choice to be happy, kind, and all around wonderful person. You try not to hurt other people, like the time you didn’t want to make the nurse uncomfortable at rhe clinic for calling you Mr. Alexis, and the way you chose to fix it with grace…you are truly a person that so many people during these crazy times, whether they be straight, homosexual, transgender…SO SO many people should strive to be like you. Your channel is a great example for everyone.
I personally prefer using peoples NAMES, that would just be the NORMAL THING TO DO
Its ridiculous. How about call them by their name.
Agreed 😊
It's odd because most of the time 3rd person pronouns aren't used in the presence of a person they are only used when talking about someone not part of the conversation I'd they are present people use we and you
Exactly. Who uses pronouns when speaking to people?
@@kath6720 I run meetings a lot and sometimes mentioning someone in the 3rd person (who is present) does happen. I agree with others though, where most normally default to the name. But if referencing the same person a second or third time in the same conversation segment, it'd be odd to refer to the said person by name over and over... thus why we have pro-nouns.
I love level-headed you are around these topics, and how calmly and respectfully you express your opinions. Just think you're fab and a wonderful ambassador for sensible LGBTQ people.
That last video was Flame Monroe. She's a trans woman who is a comedian and is from the same generation as Buck Angel. She sometimes pops in on Bucks live streams. That clip of her is peak trans wisdom.
I used to argue "trans women are women" but I've thought about it a lot recently. I feel in some ways it actually erases trans women amd identities. I mean, being a trans woman (or man) should be a valid, acknowledged and respected identity in its own right. Trans men and women are courageous in the extreme with what they endure to become who they are. Be proud of being a "trans woman". Being a trans woman (or man) is a 100% positive identity. Hope that makes sense and isn't hurtful.
That makes sense, but then if you do that, you can end up with a world where being trans is unequal. The black community, rightfully, grew up with their own culture and pride on t who they were, but they also I think want to be treated as human. With trans women the problem is with the trans in front, there is a not small group of women out there who say if you are a trans woman, you aren't a woman, you are a freak or inferior, the same way society made being black inferior.
It isn't you are wrong or I am right, it is just with the trans label you can end up with gender Jim Crow. Trans should be a point of pride, the way being of a certain origin or whatever is. As long as trans is a modifier and isn't used to segregate ppl into ' 1st or 2nd class', it is fine imo.
🩷🩷🩷🩷
Yeah, absolutely. Trans people have had different life experiences to people who grew up as their preferred gender, and by claiming that category as a positive thing, I think there's a lot of understanding and kinship to be found. People bond over shared experiences after all.
And socially, the way you interact closely with a trans vs a cis person is just different. Like as a biological female, I honestly feel more comfortable around trans people compared to cis men, because they each understand what it's like to be a woman to an extent. It's different to what your lived experience would be like as a cis person, and I think it's quite a positive thing being able to understand both genders in that way.
@@MangoPanic
Trans woman do have a different experience than a woman born that way. In a sense trans women have to fight for things women kind of pick up naturally, the way they socialize, the stages of development. A trans woman kind of has to reverse engineer the whole thing, learn by doing things I believe women pick up naturally. A woman takes decades to develop, a trans woman kind of does that in a couple of years..Some of it is awkward , trans women often go through an awkward period they seem to be going for extremes of clothing and makeup and so forth. Some women see that as it being a fetish, that outside the Kardashians no women do that. What they forget I think is what being a young woman is like, when they are going from being a girl to a woman, and the kind of cringe worthy things women can do during that time. Transwomen are doing that as adults and esp with the internet it is what is visible ( yes, there are trans women who never grow out of that, like there are women born that way that
Don't, ie real housewives of x, the Kardashians or RUclips 'influencers' who are older and dress like a Kardashian .
@@njlauren thank you , you put things in a new perspective for me. I will give people a few years then and see how they are from you know when they first come out to how they are and you know four years if they’re still at it, yup growth and teenage years and yeah, that’s probably what they’re in all that can’t wait for it to happen and wishing and everything is their preteen years, where we all start to wish and want and start with hormones and then you know a few years later you you know act and behave like a woman you know after four or five years, but they’re not giving night grace. We could have more people explain that that would be really good. That would help a lot of people.
9:27 The world is going to hell in a lot of ways. If the response to being deadnamed is to cry, yer screwed. You are not going to be hard enough or strong enough to survive.
I loved what Flame(?) said, if women stopped having babies, what would happen? The sad thing is, some trans people will genuinely believe that they can do it instead.
Apparently LGBTQ people have gotten her kicked off of panels and disinvited from events for speaking out for biological women.
I'd just like to say, as a Natural born Woman, A Big Thank You, to You for Having The Understanding of Not just your own Personal Experiences, But, Also, Having The Understanding towards Natural Born Women.
I Hate The Pronoun being used, SIS Woman.
I'm NOT A SIS Any Thing, I'm Woman.
I enjoy your Chanel Greatly, Please, Continue to enlighten us with Your life Experiences, as, I find you so, so Respectful & Real in your outlook on life.
X
I understand that Alexis.... I'm a woman and have been for 63 yrs..I'm not a CIS anything, if you don't want me to offend you, don't start off by offending me first!! I like that you are, and remain honest and call yourself trans-woman and I'm happy to call you she/her... the only time I'd have to ask what do you like to be called, would be when they have confused mish-mash of both male and female looks and you know you're going to offend them just by opening your mouth... but if they look he or she, thats what I'll call them unless they correct me "politely" as I certainly would Not be trying to offend I'd be trying to be descreet!!! As for the weeping offended person Collecting Their Medication.... Medication Must be issued to the correct person, so if she/he wants their new name, they need to change it Legally and then get their name changed on all their paperwork to match. As a nurse, it is our legal duty to deliver the correct medication to the correct person!!!
As an older (British) gay guy I don't like, or identify with, the word queer. And neither do any of my peer group. But in so many situations (media, pride organisations etc) its like 'gay' , or even 'LGBT+' is being replaced by Queer as a default label. Queer activists claim it the word is inclusive, but really its not, as it excludes all the millions of people who don't identify with it and who dont fall in line with the activists agenda.
I’m 21 yrs and lesbian I HATE the word queer growing up queer in my house and family was used to mean being sick or not right I am not queer I am a lesbian or gay whatever I completely agree with you it’s not inclusive at all and anytime I say this I get called homophobic even tho I’m literally gay mad world we live in
@@Rosepaku it's sad that at 21 you feel like that, it's not just us 'oldies'. Back in the 80s and 90s 'gay' was an umbrella term for both gay men and lesbians. 'Gay Pride' events were inclusive of all LGBT+ people, whatever their sexuality, gender or race. The one rainbow flag (of all colours) included everyone. And there wasn't a need to created dozens of different identities each with their own flag, because the whole point of 'gay pride' was to accept yourself and for society at large to accept you as you are.
I've never met a "queer" person who was remotely gay. It's exactly the same as when straight people used to latch onto the word bisexual to make themselves seem interesting at the expense of actual bisexuals, except this time they've latched onto a slur at the expense of all of us. I'm quite sick of them and I'm not an older gay person.
I just want to point out that on the prescription, They have to verify the name and birthday on the prescription. It doesn't matter that you've told them your new name. So I don't think they're really being misgendered so much as the pharmacist is trying to verify their identity to their prescription.
Something that's very important, and really all that needs to be done is changing the name at the doctor's office who wrote up the prescription. Many of the ones I know require an updated photo ID for legal reasons either brought in person or email a photo of into the practice manager. Name changes happen all the time, doctors are used to it, and when it's actually important and not for clicks, people make the time.
When I had my son, my mom flew 8 hours across the country for the birth (gave birth a week early and she missed the birth by a few hours). I had asked how soon I could leave and they said the next day if everything checks out. Everything checked out and the hospital staff started acting weird, long story short, they put me in a room with a social worker. I was beyond confused. They kept asking me if I was pressured to leave, etc. ??? They asked a bunch of questions said something about how young I was…I was 21 almost 22…the second I said that the social worker apologized and said that was the age she had her first child, they were told I was 14-15…..not only were my records at the hospital, I was wearing a bracelet with my fucking birth date!
(I was treated like a victim and all my loved ones did wrong)
My point……hospitals get shit wrong all the time, whether they have the info/ you tell them / you’re wearing a bracelet confirming shit….in my opinion, your dead name/ pronouns should be the least of your concern for doctors getting things wrong.
Not long ago, I was asked to state my pronouns in the reception of my medical clinic. I was both confused and offended. I've been attending the same clinic for about 19 years. If they haven't figured out my gender by now, I think we're all in trouble. I asked why they felt the need to ask. (They've treated both me and my children, and I'm clearly female in my presentation.) They told me that they now have to ask every patient this question to meet their government accreditation. It's getting a little over the top out there.
Edit: Yes, I absolutely feel that they should respect people's pronouns if they request a change.
Yes, we should scrap the word cis.
As a trans man, one of the first things I sat down with is finding male/men role models. From friends, from my brother and other men in my life and that was super important to me with my transition. It was disheartening when I told other trans folk they would say, "Oh just be YOURSELF" and don't fall into the toxic masculinity. I thought at the time it didn't feel right them expressing something they thought was negative to them but was super important to me. They aren't much in my life now in days.
This is a roller coaster for me. First I was like, Ugh. This is stupid. But I have empathy and I don't want to hurt people, so I rethought it and said I would try. They/them is very hard for me. Now I'm kind of at a point where if you're in my life then I will really make a strong effort. But if you're a random person I just don't think this should be focused on. If I make a mistake, get over it. Think of all those people whose name is mispronounced. A name is important. It is a large part of your identity and it IS noticed when it's said wrong. But no one makes a big deal of it. I am obese and since I got that way I notice a difference in how people treat me. But I don't know them and I get over it. As a society we can do better with having empathy and respect for each other. But I feel like some communities are really stepping on people and disregarding everyone but themselves.
I can understand why the woman who regrets fighting for gay rights feels as she does. She totally gets what many folks these days completely miss. When fighting for the rights of individual minority groups, not only is that group simply asking to be treated the same-no better or no worse- as everyone else, but they are also hoping to set a precedent so that other people, countries, etc. will understand the importance of their advocacy for equality and follow suit. Sadly, when things get taken to an unreasonable and, frankly, confusing and fantastical extreme, it becomes virtually impossible to set this precedent.
Think about it; countries like Russia are watching what’s going on with genders and pronouns in the USA and they are using it to bolster support for their antiquated homophobic political ideologies. They point to us and say, “See, it’s outrageous. It’s not about equal rights for everyone, it’s about supporting and accepting a reality where people can identify as seasons or animals or mythological creatures and then be protected. It’s taking advantage of social security and taking financial support from the people who really need it. Do folks not see how the US and like minded nations appear to more traditional cultures…cultures where gay, lesbians, bi, and trans people are undoubtedly stsuffering from antiquated laws and intolerance. Instead of helping these cultures recognize the importance of equality by setting an example, we are giving them fodder to become even less inclusive. And if you’re the kind of person who believes we should only focus on our own people, then understand that this thinking also applies to our neighbors and communities who are still on the fence about equality for these groups. We are making their arguments for them!
I'm a straight white guy, for me videos like yours are so important to understand that were not all mad here...
I feel like without sane perspectives like yours, whatever these activists are doing by vilifying people like me, would eventually anger the population enough turn into a self fulfilling prophecy.
they scream for oppression the loudest, while being the biggest bigots themselves.
Thank you for the courage and speaking your opinion!
I understand the hurt and frustration when being called the wrong name in the doctor’s office. I can give a bit of information in regard to maybe why it happens sometimes. 🤔
I work in a medical office (in Canada) and I can just recommend making sure to change your medical information because if your medical card/insurance cards still have your dead name. A lot of offices have to have that name as your name in your profile to bill your provincial/medical insurance. The programs we use quite often don’t have an option for “preferred name”. So sometimes it is hard for us to keep track of name changes. It’s very rarely something we mistake on purpose. If we are doing the injection for you there is a charge to insurance or government to have that injection administered in office covered as well and we can’t bill without having the exact information that is on your card. Same goes for when you get married or if you’re someone who goes by a middle name. We have to bill to the name on your cards/insurances or it won’t be covered. 😣 The people behind the counter are really just trying their best with what they have and sometimes mistakes happen. ❤️
Thank you so much Alexis. I appreciate everything that you do, with such kindness, respect and class to everyone. Huge respect and admiration for you. I’m a huge fan. 👏🏻🦋 PS - Your hair blowout looks beautiful!
If someone asked me my pronouns I'd be so confused. I'd be looking down my top to check if my boobs are still there 🤣 I'd prefer people just ask my name. If people don't know pronouns do what we used to do. Don't call them male or female. It worked and it was so much easier
A couple of years ago, I was at the doctor, filling out my paperwork, the nurse took a look over my forms and then asked me what my pronouns are… that’s the first time in 44 years of living that I’d ever been asked and I was so confused and did exactly what you said, I looked down myself and wondering if it really suddenly wasn’t obvious?! 😂🤔
I was asked my pronouns on a form at 50. I put Mum, and left it at that.😊
@@chrisjampolski5019 love it 🤣🤣🤣
Asked my pronouns when I attended my Dr’s for my cervical smear. They sent me my appointment addressed to Mrs …………. I’m 65 and have to have regular checks for previous health issues. Having given birth to two children and living in a small village where everyone knows everyone else. I found this really weird and told the receptionist (who I have known since she was six and became friends with my youngest) that this is ridiculous her answers we have to do this now as a ‘welfare check’ we could offend by getting it wrong. 🤷🏼♀️
@@Sofasurfa so to save someone from being insulted you treat everyone the same and end up insulting even more women as a result? Yep that soooo makes sense 🤦🏻♀️
Your story reminded me once if getting called by the nurse in the waiting room. I get near him and the SHOCK in his eyes had me totally stressed out... what? Turns out being in a room of very old people (cardiologist) in your early 20's, he misread my birth year has a full fifty years OLDER.... so he was startled by a baby-faced 23 year old, not 73 year old, coming up. 😆 I wouldn't say I found it hilarious in the moment, especially since it's terrifying to be needing a heart doctor that young, but I always try hard to find a sense of humor in my difference.
I have been watching you for a bit, and want to thank you for putting yourself out here. You have a good head on your shoulders. I feel you are honest and try to be true to who you are no matter where you are at in life. The inner strength of character shines through as well. I feel that through things you may have not always felt that way but from the limited things I have seen you have. Also, it is refreshing to get your perspective on where we are right now societally. I will admit that I have lived through a few centuries now, so have seen some big changes in the lgbt community. Honestly, in the past I never spent too much time thinking on the people of this community beyond they deserve basic rights that all people should have and let them be who they want to be and love who they want to love. Currently, though I find myself more vested in things purely for the fact that it now directly affects my life, often in basic ways. I feel often now certain people are demanding respect without earning it and often not showing it to the people around them in return.
I am a biological woman who has lived her life as a woman fully. I am offended by the term cis and yet I have been called it even after stating I do not like to be referred to it. Did they stop? No. Here is the thing, I continue the conversation til I was able to excuse myself and moved on. I didn’t let their perception and opinion impact me beyond the superficial. At the end of the day how I feel about myself is most important, the people who are family and close friends matter to me. Not stranger. Being a Gen Xer may impact my “feelings” resistance, lol, but society has become much too reliant on validation from outside forces that can’t fill the void of introspect and getting comfortable with who you are. Which is a constantly evolving thing as we move through life and experiences. Anyhow, thanks for being here. Keep up the fantastic work. I wish you the very best and continued success in all you do.
Here's my take as a trans man who passes and is mostly stealth offline. I'm not offended by being asked about pronouns, but it's an unrealistic expectation outside of spaces specifically for transgender people. I also think that the word cisgender should only be used in our spaces, because that's really the only time when a distinction is needed. Trans men and biological men are different and vice versa. I'm not at all saying that trans men are women or vice versa. I'm saying that trans men are only men in the social sense of how we live or are trying to live our lives, but when we're in spaces, such as dating, hooking up, medical spaces, etc we need to label ourselves as trans men instead of men. We aren't biologically male and never will be.
Alexis, you have such a logical way of looking at this. I have decided that if someone asked my pronouns, I would just say it is obvious by looking at me. I am a 70 year old grandma, and so obviously a she that it IS irritating for someone to ask.
That last video with the trans woman… flippin fantastic! I’m a trans man and have been in transition for 8 years. I hate what a lot of the community has turned into. I don’t want to stand out, I just want to live as me, with kindness, gentleness and respect - I don’t want to be loud or be part of some trend! It worries me for the future as I can imagine that detransition rates will rise too in years to come due to the chaos that’s going on right now.
Being trans is not a trend, it’s not edgy, it’s incredibly serious and can be (in my experience and I’m sure many others agree) completely debilitating, it’s a cruel thing to live with.
One thing that’s driving me mad a lot is that there’s a whole movement of people who say “you don’t need to have dysphoria to be trans”… Dysphoria IS the symptom of being trans! Transition is a way of alleviating the symptom of dysphoria, so in my opinion (and this is only my opinion, I don’t claim to be correct in everything I say) if you transition and you don’t have dysphoria then you’re simply just making a CHOICE, if you do NOT have the discomfort and disconnect between the gender you were assigned as at birth and the gender you identify with then you are simply making a choice.
I love the words at the end about trans women being trans women and trans men being trans men, I will be using this from now on - it makes so much sense and clarity when it’s explained in that way!
I do hate what’s going on in the community at this current point and I’ve told some people who are close friends of mine how much I have distanced myself from the community because it’s actually made me feel more scared to be “found out” because of the associations now linked to trans people that effects all of us as a whole. I’ve also had to spend time working in a place for multiple years (that happened to be within the NHS) where there was a lot of transphobia and I was constantly scared of someone finding out etc. is a horrible feeling.
Alexis you are my favourite person on RUclips when it comes to anything like this and I’m so so glad you exist on the platform, it’s so lovely to know there are other trans people out there that share these same feelings and experiences. Thank you to both you and your partner for the work you put into education, making the videos and just being lovely, honest and kind people!
You are absolutely full of grace!! ❤️❤️
Totally agree, cis-woman is a slur, if trans women need to distinguish they can call themselves trans women, also why do you even need to know somebody's pronouns? The people I know or meet I just call by their name - it may come out in conversation later that somebody is gay, lesbian, trans or non-binary but I don't see why we should have to tippy toe around this whole issue of pronouns. Treat all people with respect, just call people by their name - problem solved! Love your work Alexis 😍
OMG Alexis you are such a good raconteur, you had me in stitches with your doctors surgery tale. I'm so glad you took it all in your stride and in such good spirits and turned it into an amusing anecdote. And Liam is absolutely hilarious, when he looked to camera and said 'it's a phase you'll get over it' I spat my drink out. Such a wonderful couple.
This is just a joke. My atheist friend Bob claims he's now a woman and wants me to call him Barbara. I said okay Bob. If you want me to believe you are a woman and call you Barbara. When I tell you God exists you must believe me then. She agreed. And we came to terms. Things worked out better than anticipated... We're getting married next June. It's amazing how things can work out. If we'd only give them a chance 😁
The older trans woman in that clip has such a grounded, compassionate, candid take on this issue. Clearly a beautiful soul who loves herself and knows her own worth without needing to take it at the expense of women. Much love to her, and to you Alexis!♥️
I love your videos! You’re so kind in the way you talk about these issues. It’s clear you do your best to be respectful while also being honest. I just want to say that I actually do see trans women, (the real ones, not the trenders) as women, we’re just different types of women. Same goes for trans men. A rose and an orchid are both flowers. Both lovely and smell nice, but they need different things, are grown in different environments and yield different physical qualities. I wish people cared more about others and acted with love and empathy in mind rather than selfishness. Anyway, you’re beautiful inside and out! Keep up the great work ❤️
Awww thank you so much for this hun that’s so sweet. Rose and an Orchid are both flowers. Love that saying! ❤️
ALEXIS you are so wonderful.
You are an educator and a true example of what transitioning to a women really means.
You are a women and a beautiful one.
I wish the circus of this generation who just want attention would stop.
Thank you for being so honest and real, and you intelegeance about this subject.
Much love ♥️
Super valid point that maybe people can introduce their own pronouns if they expect other people to respect and use their pronouns? I think thats fair 🤷♀️
Acknowledging and feeling gratitude for the sacrifices earlier generations made for people to live better lives now(regardless of race and gender,just compare the average job today to one 100 years ago)is a reason why older people 'lean conservative' sometimes,and a lot of young people right now dont understand how much progress has been made,and they are anxious and angry most of the time
Loved your insights, Alexis, as always
I love that….if a woman is a social construct and we’re trying to emulate women, does that make us social construction workers? That was so good. And everything she said was so kind.
You are a remarkable person, Alexis, an eminently sensible, smart, fair warm, strong, sensitive, courageous, compassionate, kind, gentle, unassuming South Yorkshire lass, beautiful inside and out and your opinions are always so well thought out, reasoned and considered. I always look forward to your videos.
As a bisexual man in my late fifties, raised in a glorious working class South Yorkshire family in which my Mother worked and my Dad was the homemaker, cooking, cleaning, shopping and even making clothes for my Mother, I didn't really subscribe to any kind of traditional gender roles. At Uni in Manchester in the 80s, I was the only guy in a group of amazing Radical Feminist lesbians who bestowed on me the extraordinary honours of "honorary woman" and "honorary lesbian," - which touched me very deeply and still does - and we fought damn hard for LGBT rights in the dark days of the Thatcher reign of terror.
Something that always bothered me at the time was the amount of woman-hating seething away in the LGBT community and the fact that gay male misogyny was never challenged. I was always mouthy and could never let anti-women comments pass - I still can't - and that made life difficult. Sadly, I feel that misogyny is just as disgustingly rife Today, as are so many other forms of prejudice and conflict.
You never fail to acknowledge the strong and loving women who have inspired you and your adoration for them is so palpable and heartwarming. You are often very humble regarding yourself - which is lovely - but I do hope you realise what an incredible inspiration you are to all of us who love your videos, regardless of our gender or sexuality. You are very human and very humane and, whenever I start to despair at the seemingly endless and constantly increasing divisions between people, I watch one of your videos and invariably hear a voice of reason. Liam and yourself are very lucky to have each other and we are all very lucky to have you. Thank you, Alexis x.
Love your channel Alexis, and your level head when discussing topics!
That last video actually made me tear up. It’s so hard no to get respect as a bio woman from the lgbt nonsense community so it’s always beautiful hearing these amazing and beautiful trans women (like yourself) standing up for bio women. ❤❤❤❤ Thank you love!
Love your level headed takes as usual, you're a lovely breath of fresh air 💕
Alexis, I have a question/suggestion. I am a late middle aged woman and I subscribe to you because you are informative, funny, based and interesting.
My interest in trans issues was piqued when Kellie Jay Keen came to nz and was treated so appallingly. I had never heard of her, wondered who this ‘Nazi’ (as she was described by our press) was, looked into it and found that while she’s very blunt, the issues of infringing upon women’s rights to safety and privacy she speaks about very real and I agree with almost everything she says. So then I started reading books, watching videos etc and finding out about this entire world that I had been kind of oblivious too.
Because of my demographic and the algorithms, I get a lot of content under my nose defending traditional rights. I’m not a right wing person but suddenly I’m being exposed to their viewpoints because of my interest in this one matter.
My question is this. I have seen a LOT of videos of crying over deadnaming and pronouns, and the more ridiculous takes on it, people reacting to obvious set ups where an activist goes out looking to video their own misgendering. But what about real hate crimes towards trans? What are your real struggles? Or is it all mostly this language and definition differences?
I have been told over and over that trans people are the most victimised group of us all. What is the truth in that? Is it that a lot of trans people do end up in ‘segs’ work and it’s a risk of that game? What are the real risks and prejudices you actually experience? Everyone talks about it and the whole idea is to ensure equal rights and protections, but I have never been exposed to what those real threats are. Back in my days of clubbing I can remember ‘gay bashing’ being an issue and standing up against that. I remember the drag queens and transsexuals in the loos and we all got along fine. I thought we won that fight. Is it something like that which is still a major everyday threat to trans people today?
I see a million examples of trans people showing us that they believe language is violence. I don’t believe that what they are calling violent actually is. An example: I say that biology is real and people cannot change segs (sorry for silly spelling but you know why!). I also say I have no issue with trans folk doing whatever, dress how you like snd you’re welcome, but I draw the line at agreeing that ‘trans women are women’ because it’s not true. So I get called transphobic and bigoted even though I have zero issues with and a lot of sympathy for trans people in general, as I do anyone who is not socially typical (I am an odd bod myself.)
so from where I stand, a ‘transphobe’ is someone who disagrees with the Great Lie behind all of this confusion-
which comes back to the slogan ‘trans women are women’ and the inference that people can literally and easily switch segs (I’m using that word because ‘gender’ seems to mean anything except biology these days.) that Lie is what is endangering and confusing our children because they will believe it if taught it, thinking that it’s like changing a costume, and now ten years in and we are seeing the younger detransitioners and regretters with ruined bodies and shortened lives and destroyed/missing body parts, people who are sterile, unable to function at all in terms of intimate enjoyment. Children who made life altering decisions based upon a lie. I have concern for them and since the Cass Report has confirmed our fears, I believe minors should not be medically treated with these drugs which we don’t know are safe, or have drastic, irreversible surgery.
Am I transphobic for following the science to the obvious truth? Even though I wholeheartedly support trans rights as much as any other minority?
My only skin in this game is to protect children from irreparable harm, and women from the sort of men that are seeming to infiltrate the trans community and impersonate trans in order to hurt women. The ones that take advantage of self id to suddenly conveniently transition before they are given life in a male prison where they belong, for example.
But is that the extent of being a qualified transphobe? Misgendering because of not buying into the lie? (Having said that I will use preferred pronouns, because I don’t want to hurt feelings and in cases like yourself and people who obviously pass, it feels natural, but if I don’t know and if the person is ambiguous to look at it outright not putting any effort in at all, if I muck it up it’s not through hate. I can also see the reasons why some don’t use them.)
If not, then what actually defines one? Is real hatred, vilification, oppression, exploitation etc a big problem? Is ‘transphobia’ ever actually really a ‘phobia’?
Transphobia is a phobia when you deny it is real. It is one thing to question things like self id laws like the UK has, it is okay to question some of way they are handling trans kids , that well meaning but off the wall ppl are pushing kids.
But for example, saying science says biology is all that matters is a code word for saying that trans ppl aren't real, it is what right wing trans haters use to justify discrimination. In the US states are refusing to allow changing gender on a driver's license or a birth certificate.,saying they are what they are born. Your bc is one of the prime ways of proving who you are, you can't get a job without showing that in the US. Drivers licenses are used as id to fly. Try going through TSA dressed as a woman when your driver's license says 'm'.
That biology is also being used to keep trans women from using a restroom when they need to go. I am not talking about a person self id'ing or a non binary person , talking about a woman who is trans who is presenting as a woman, likely living as one, and needs to go. Use the men's room? A trans woman is in as much or more danger than a woman going in there.
Like I said, there are legitimate issues, like trans men getting terms like mother and women wiped out of existence. But a lot of what you are watching is right wing propaganda, as if being trans was a new thing, it isn't.
Bigots still accuse gay ppl of ' grooming' children, as it they can be converted. Want to know something? Most trans or gay ppl would rather their own or other kids were not, bc they know how hard it is. Those promoting helping trans kids aren't grooming, they are genuinely trying to help but are doing some wrong things.
Talking sense as always Alexis. Another great video. Looking fabulous too. I totally agree, if anyone asked me my pronouns I'd be offended. Why is that even the start of a conversation? we don't open a conversation with asking people other personal things, why that? It's a weird one indeed
Thank you for respecting that not all biological women are ok with being called cis! As the trans woman in the last clip said, there were previously all sorts of insulting names people used for trans women, and I would not personally use any of those words either. I care about if my words and actions hurt other people. But if the other people don't care about hurting me, it wears down my compassion pretty quickly.
The pharmacy story with using the wrong name, many doctors offices will use the name on your paperwork, which has to match the name on your insurance. I got stuck with a previous name for nearly three years after I got married because there was a mess up on the insurance end of things and my name change had to be submitted multiple times before they finally got it right. And if the name change isn't even legal yet? Or there's no documentation to support a preferred name? Don't even get me started... I am sadly not surprised, and this is not just an issue for trans folks. It's an issue for a lot of folks who get their name changed for any reason, especially for people on state insurance in some states.
And speaking of that... air con? I wish! When I lived in the South every house had it as a default, but here in the North? I can get myself a couple window units, but those are so expensive to run we avoid it until it's unbearable. You're not the only one who will be wilting in the heat here soon!
I loved the last video, I think I saw another one of his saying the same thing, and it gets me every time, it's so simple and so true.
The last video, I forgot their name, but I LOVE that video. She speaks such sense, and it is something people need to hear.
You look great!
Honestly, in my opinion, this is the best hairstyle I've seen on you!
Keep doing you, you are such a necessary voice of reason in these insane times
As a gay approaching middle age (almost 30 - young enough to have been on Tumblr in 2013, old enough to be tired of the Clock App Queers), I don't really associate with the wider LGBT community. A lot of my friends are gay or trans, but that has more to do with many of my interests attracting other gays and less to do with me seeking them out. I'm very thankful that I had people in my late teens that challenged my Tumblrized beliefs before they got out of hand, and I'm thankful that I had the common sense to listen, learn that it's important to hear out all sides, and form your own opinions outside of an echo chamber.
My ex wasn't so lucky. They spent our entire relationship convincing me I was responsible for their suicide attempt, telling me my ideations weren't valid and that I "wasn't that depressed", and making fun of me for my alcohol tolerance when I can't drink due to a medical condition. No matter how many times I brought up these things being actual issues, I was in the wrong and they were the victim. I broke it off, but tried to stay friends, which was probably a bad decision on my part. They moved to LA and have spent every moment since e-begging (while refusing to get a job), making themselves the victim, and complaining about the "struggles" of being "trans" when they aren't transgender and use neopronouns. It's terrifying to think that I could have become that if not for my friends and family, because my ex is absolutely miserable and I'm actually living my best life.
Alexis, the woke mob reasoning is simple. To say that “𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨-𝙬𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣,” would mean us women need to be shunted off the chair (𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘴!). So now, we are now “𝘤𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯” whilst trans-women claim the throne as just “𝙬𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣.” No pre-fix needed.
You can't have two Queens on the throne, but society is finally standing up and saying “We want Coca-Cola....𝙏𝙝𝙖𝙩'𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜!”
if your having a conversation to segregate people... even if it is in conversion ... how do you have that... if you do not have defining terms.... transsexual women are women... just like any other identifying.. however... society is pushing a narrative.. that those that take that journey are "less" then.... like saying the black woman... or the blond woman... or the tall woman.... those are descriptors... but to call someone a "trans" woman.. although it is a descriptor.. its negative or less then... the sad part is the amount of struggle.. the financial burden... the medical recovery.. the challenges those people have to overcome... in order to even achieve "woman" as an identifier.. but tall woman... blond woman... and yet through all those struggles if someone refers to a person enough to describe as a "trans" its not empathy... its not understanding.. its used to lessen.. and that is sad
I wish people would stop using such divisive language like 'woke mob,' it does nothing to create an open dialogue or polite discourse. People disagree all the time, just because a person does not share your point of view doesn't mean they are any better or worse than you, they just have a difference of opinion. That's why even though some of her audience might consider me 'woke' I still appreciate Alexis's videos, she shares her view in an unjudgmental and respectful manner. No trans woman I know is interested in replacing women, they don't want your seat at the table. They just want a seat at the table.
@@cruel_brittania Seems like it would be a better idea to let things go than address them and be tied up in knots all the time. I read tons of things that offend me but I don't usually say anything because it's not like it's going to change their mind and, going back and forth with them isn't going to change my own opinion. I think you and I appreciate Alexis for her take on things as I can agree with how she delivers her feelings with others - she is very respectful even when disagreeing. I think it's the extremist activist that ruin things for the transgender community - just like they do for any other group. Like Westboro Baptist church supporters ruin things for Christians. Most Christians I know aren't like that.
@@cruel_brittaniait is NOT a "difference of opinion" when violence and threats are used to silence women. It is NOT a "difference of opinion" when society is forced to change to accommodate the feelings of some men over the safety of all women. It is NOT a "difference of opinion" when these violent thugs (because that's what these so-called "activists" ARE) are only intent on SCREAMING in people's faces. These thugs DO NOT WANT discourse, they only want CONTROL. And that, my dear person, makes them a MOB.
@@harmonymiller1211 Well you've given me hope that maybe more people do realise that it is the extremists and they are just the quiet ones, every trans person I have known have been very similar to Alexis. They just want a chair at the table and to exist in their own truth.
I find myself agreeing so much with what you're saying Alexis, I remember those times where being trans was viewed so differently to today which is why I struggled hiding the real me away for so many years, now I feel those rights are being taken away because of the so called trans activists moaning about life, all I wanted is to be accepted and get on with my life, what the hell is this pronoun thing and cis thing FFS!! x
Alexis, you are such a voice of reason, as well as so lovely and compassionate. ❤
Alexis you have such a lovely soul. We are so blessed that you share your thoughts and life with us. You are so balanced and fair and open to change your mind if new information comes forward. Keep being you hun 🩷
I appreciate your take on this issue and your sensible discussion on the topic of communicating.
the hair is looking great girl don’t stress, flows super nicely ❤
As someone who was BOOTS on the ground in Berkley protesting for Gay rights.. I 100% feel what the second lady said. I didn't "get it" then when the crazy conservatives were like.. this is opening a door. Yeah.. .it did open the door.
To the one with the prescription, I don’t know the exact context but coming from the medical field (and this goes for anyone changing their name, not just a trans person), just telling us that you’ve changed your name isn’t enough for it to be changed, even if it’s a legal change the legal documentation needs to be provided. It can be added as a preferred name in the meantime, but the dead name would still appear on the medial record during that time. Part of it has to do with insurance, too, so if this person updated their name with their doctor’s office but didn’t update with their insurance company it can cause all sorts of issues. I’ve seen a name get changed back because it doesn’t match what the insurance company has.
Once I held the door open for what I thought was a young Trans Girl and said "There you go Miss" and was scolded because he or she said she was non-binary. I said I'm sorry but it didn't matter. You can't win with some of these people.
You should have just said, "Nice to meet you non-binary I'm mitchpalmer5116" and walked off. No need to apologise.
It’s a huge slap in the face. If someone wanted to put me in a box I’d fit somewhere but I don’t care about hitting anywhere. I don’t understand what happened to tmi! The whole ass year where people were locked up at home because of Covid went to the camera and posted their feelings and troubles and it got used as a therapeutic outlet but I wish that didn’t happen. Keep your business to yourself live happy
Not sure why but I can't find the subscribe button. I still seaerg for yours and watch them. I've said this before but you are beautiful and classy and serve as an example
For both trans and non trans. You are so genuine and respectful and are surely helping many to either understand trans or to help those that are wanting to change . What a great sourse of the correct and classy way to help trans women transform as easily as possible. ❤
You’re so sweet and kind and fair! That’s so cool 😎
Thank you for sharing the last video especially. That old auntie was speaking facts!
Alexis, you are a breath of fresh air. Such a positive role model for trans women and women.
when someone asks me my pronouns, im going to ask them what they think i am. it makes me uncomfortable as a slightly effeminate male to be asked my pronouns. im still male. i still present as male. idk its frustrating i dont really want to have to tell people that i am the gender i was born as.
Alexis, in this flog you say, "It just so politically correct, irritating sorry." English people I find use sorry a lot, when making a statement. What I am saying is this. I totally agree with what you are saying. I never use the word sorry in a sentence, a statement. I am right at the beginning of my Transition from Male to Female. That person you showed here asking for pronouns, I has an Aussie bloke, would tell him to "F , O and none of your business." Love your Vlogs Alexis. I take on board your wonderful advice at the beginning of my going from Male to Female. I would love to meet you and Liam one day.
Hey Alexis, love your videos. I did have a video request though... I was wondering if you could make a video on transspecies people/Otherkin. They are basically people who believe they were born in the wrong body (wrong body = human) and live as the species/creature they believe they truly are. Example: dog, cat, rat, fairy, goblin, rock, etc. People in this community compare themselves a lot to transgender people and some even consider it almost equal and just as valid. And I would like to hear your POV as a transperson.
I was a part of the community. I remember when the community was loving and caring and they didn’t sugar coat anything. I loved that because I could always go to them for advice and I know I would always get the truth. Now people would just get awful advice
Always the voice of reason and balanced discussion.
Nobody knows what irony or ironic means anymore due to Alanis Morissette 😂😂😂
Look I a a female from birth. But on the phone or in drive thru . I always get misgenedered. To me I just say i am a female not a male. That's it they say sorry and we forget it. Also on phone calls. These ppl just need to STOP.
Alexis, I love your videos! I agree with everything you say, I think your view on these subjects make so much sense. Thank you lovely xx
I just love you and the way you cover this topic.
You are a beautiful young lady. 😊
Asking someone’s pronouns is pretty straightforward- I’ll give him that but it’s unfathomably complex to have to unpick your understanding of language and use them
You’re not alone with medical people misgendering…my Dad who’s in his 70s was misgendered by a hospital consultant on his records last year as a women. My Dad is definitely a he/ him and although he’s run a charity race in drag once he’s not a trans women! Bit worrying when NHS Drs cannot tell difference between a 70year old man or women;-)!
"Cis" has become a slur among the trans ideologists. I think you are a person beyond your years. You think and you're respectful of how other people think and feel. Brava!
At the 5 min mark, God as a straight woman, I totally agree!!!! People have just taken it too far!!!!
I would be so,offended if I was asked my pronouns and I’m offended by being labeled a cis woman 😡
Side note: Alexis, I absolutely LOVE your top today!!! Stunning!! 🩷🩷🩷😍
When I speak to people I will use 'you' to refer to them. I don't use she or he as that is the past tense.
That third video, if that person’s deadname was their legal name on their prescription, then I can totally see why the pharmacist would ask about that name. Pharmacists and doctors ask your name to confirm identity so they know they are talking to/giving medication to the correct person
Alexis you make so much sense!
You need to do a collab with Blaire White and Buck Angel. I would love to see the 3 of you together on a video
Also Cara!
@@PuertoRicanqueen90 I'm not sure who that is
I've just subscribed to your channel.... compliment time... love the channel also I find you present yourself a very classy and delicate trans woman 😊.
amazing video, i love your takes on these topics
I don't know who that person is surrounded by, but no doubt obvious women who use they/them or they/he, or zi/zer, or even obvious men using those pronouns. Best to not ask at all, because it's insulting to everyone else. Believe me, if their pronouns are important to them, THEY WILL TELL YOU.
This! All day, everyday! Love you Alexis
You are beautiful and smart. I appreciate you being you! I am an ally. I appreciate you also saying that we should not use cis gender to refer to biological women and men. Great content and keep up the good work.
yk i think we should be fighting for the rights of lgbt people in countries where they are persecuted because we are really privelidged in the countries we live in and people defo are taking it too far.